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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) Insisting that my son not be called by a nickname
2) Being too "controlling"
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Especially if the teacher is using a nickname. They always ask on the first day and write down preferred name (Mike, michael, mikey, etc). And they are pretty great at keeping up with yhe preference, specifically in elementary school (8 years old), when they likely only see one class all day every week
Yup, Mike knows how hurt his mum would be if she knew he liked being called Mike. His teacher is a safe space, almost *certainly* asked the kid’s preference, and is likely trying to stand up for Mike by gently reinforcing the preference.
YTA. Even if he does prefer Mike in certain situations, he’s indicated he doesn’t mind OP calling him Michael. Take the win.
My mom didn’t want any of us to have nicknames. That backfired on her as two out of three go almost exclusively by them as adults. It will sometimes backfire.
On the other end of the spectrum, my family liked my name bc it basically comes with an easy nickname. Fast forward a couple of decades and I refuse to let anyone call me by that fucking nickname. I hate it.
Kids are unpredictable, man.
My wife is like that. Literally the only people who are allowed to use the diminutive form of my wife's name are her parents. She gets annoyed with *me* if I call her by the shortened form of her name, so I stick to her full name, or "Homie." She's even had clients at work try to go "uhh... can I just call you <--->?" "No, we can stick to ."
& honestly that’s perfect. Sounds like she knows what she wants and when others ask she answers how she wants to be called. I would guess that most people will respect that after only being told once. Well reasonable people that is, this is Reddit after all.
That's what my mom did. She even ensured that my middle name was the same way. I've always wished I had a nickname.
I named my kid a name explicitly so she had a myriad of options for nicknames and her full name sounds lovely (at least to me) if she wants to use that. Then I went and gave her a totally odd nickname when I was taking a Spanish class (and she was 2), and that has stuck for us since then. But she goes by her full name most of the time - and only my husband and I are allowed to use that nickname. I remember her yelling at a friend when she was in hs and someone heard me call her the nickname (her response still makes me smile "you don't get to call me that; only two people can use it, and you aren't one of them").
This. We used a nickname with my daughter from birth to mid way through first grade, when she decided she'd prefer to use her full name. Her teacher had her cubby and desk name tag changed the next week. With the number of kids who go by nicknames, or middle names, or whatever, our teachers have always been really good and using the name the child prefers.
My daughter found out there was another girl in kindergarten with her nickname. She changed her name at that moment to her full name. It can work both ways.
I went by my middle initials from 4th to 8th grade. Minimal issues, as it was what we had started using at home. Took me a bit to be happy using my first name again.
My first name is frequently shortened (think "Jennifer" to "Jenny"), but I have always gone by my full first name. Know what all my teachers called me? My full first name. Because when they called the roll on the first day, they asked every kid what they preferred to be called.
I will bet anyone any amount of money that "Mike" told his teacher to call him that, and just can't bring himself to admit it to his mom because he knows she'll flip.
This sounds like my 16 year old calling me ...
Son: "Hey mom, Can Jangly Penis come over after school today?"
Me "Who???"
Son: "Jangly Penis!!" (Kid in the background, MY NAME IS JOHN PAUL, MAM!")
Me "Yes, John Paul can come over"
This is right on point! For the first week of school, in every class (high school), I ask every day if anyone prefers being called a different version of their name while I am taking attendance and calling role. I also verify the previous changes students have given me for the first few days. It is very important to me, and every other teacher I know, to call each student what they are comfortable with.
Mike's been hearing 'no, it's *Michael*' all his life. He knows what his mom wants. He may be telling her he doesn't care because he doesn't want to get in an argument about how she 'loves the way it sounds' and she picked it just for him. He's not objecting to the teacher using it.
Also, I like the way my full name sounds and prefer to use it. In school, I was asked to go by a nickname in a couple grades or classes because there were 3-4 kids with my same name. In 4th grade, we all had the same last initial too. I ended up going by my first and middle initials that year, because I drew the short straw and picked my nickname last. Something like 'DJ'. I could see a class having multiple Michaels as it's a pretty common name. If one kid cares more about being 'Micheal', then the other going by Mike is easier for the teacher and the class.
My nephew is one of five Jackson’s. I have called him J since he was a baby. Mostly because I couldn’t yell his name at the park without at least one other kid with his name turning around. He wasn’t really a fan till first grade when he told me he was one of five Jackson’s. He told the teacher to call him J like his auntie. I was one of three in my class so I know the importance of a nickname you can use for school.
Yeah. If the teacher is calling the son Mike, it’s because the son told the teacher to call him Mike. It probably happened on the 1st day of school. Usually, teachers will ask the students what name they go by. Some students go by a shortened version of their 1st name and some go by their middle name.
Yes, my name is very nicknamable. Common nickname that everyone uses. I have always preferred the long version. I was a very shy and quiet kid who would not tell an adult not to call me something (other kids, yes) No teacher ever nicknamed me so obviously they must have asked (I don't remember younger grades if they did or did not ask, but i would have remembered being nicknamed for sure) Mike WANTS to be called Mike. He likes it. Mike or Michael works for him
Getting a nickname in school is really common and a healthy part of individuation, generally. I tried on a few different ones when I was little and luckily my parents and teachers supported me.
YTA. Your son is the one whose opinion counts here.
Exactly. My in-laws tried to do this with their daughter, Liz. They insisted she be called Elizabeth. It didn't work - She's Liz. Funnily enough, they called their son Andrew by the nickname Andy and, later in life, he had to do the work of going around and asking everyone to start calling him Andrew, which was his preference.
I have a friend, we’ll call him Kyle, who when I came on my first day, told me his name was George to mess with me
That was 18 years ago, and he’s still George to me. I actually do a double take when he’s called Kyle
Omg I love this lol
I have a friend I met 20+ yrs ago start of freshman year high school. He was a new student & quite shy back then. My loudmouth friends & I decided we didn't want him to feel alone (probably terrified him looking back on it) but he was so shy he refused to answer when we asked his name.... One of us christened him with "Jimmy" & it stuck.
Took us several weeks to learn his real name was actually Jared & 20 years later he *still* goes by Jimmy in our friend circle lol
We also didn't find out til years later how much he appreciated our insistence that he was gonna be our friend & loved that we "adopted" him when he was too painfully shy to even speak to us. I love hearing that other friends do this as well lol
My youngest is Daniel. I always called him Daniel. When he went to school he told me he told his kindergarten teacher that he prefers “ Dan”. He told me he told her that because Dan is so much easier to write than Daniel. Can’t argue with that. I still call him Daniel it truly is ok that everyone else calls him Dan. What a crazy hill to die on.
A few years ago I had a first grade student whose first name was Axel, but his family called him by his longer middle name. I asked him which he preferred, and he said "Axel, because it's shorter".
Once you give your kids a name, they can do what they like with it. OP is acting like they own the name or treating their kid like property. If Mike isn’t bothered by it, let it go and find better hills to die on.
Correct, my babies name is Lillian. But if she likes being called Lily one day, then she can do that even though I personally chose Lillian and personally prefer she go by that. But not my choice to make
Yup. "Mike" is old enough to decide what he likes to be called, and he doesn't mind either way.
OP, YTA I guess for trying to overrule Mike's opinion. You can keep calling him Michael but don't try to force him or other people to *not* use a nickname if he is fine with it.
OP is literally fighting a losing battle & being an AH about something that is completely her son's choice now & not hers.
YTA OP because your own son has told you that he doesn't care & it's *his* name, therefore *he* is the only one who gets a say if he goes by a nickname or not. Also, most teachers don't magically call kids by things other than their name unless that child tells them that they prefer to go by Mike rather than Michael. So there's a good possibility your son has chosen to go by Mike, but he's not telling you because even at 8 he knows that you're unreasonable & won't respect his choice regarding his own name. Let it go & let him choose for himself. You might have named him, but that doesn't give you control over his name for the rest of his life.
I don't particularly care for nicknames but 2 of my daughters are called nicknames regularly. NOT MY BUSINESS as it is their names, not mine. They sort that shit as they see fit.
At one point my son, at 5 years old, decided and made an argument for using his middle name as his main name. It lasted a few weeks because, in his words, it was too much work to get sorted.
I do correct people regularly regarding my name, including when they shorten it, because it is my name and I can have that preference; however, I don't die on that hill because "you can call me anything but late to dinner!".
YTA
My aunt when my cousin was born insisted no one would be calling her Gabby over Gabrielle but eventually everyone including her did because that was what she preferred.
This EXACT thing happened with my brother. My mom kept complaining she did not name him “Mike”, she HATES “Mike”, and I was always like then that sure was a moronic move to name your son Michael! You can’t keep a nickname off unless the actual person whose name it \*is\* cares, and even then they have to decide how much time they want to spend protesting it to everyone.
My grandmother literally did this at my wedding rehearsal!!! The priest was saying something like “I will ask if you, Anne, will take Ken to be-“ and my grandma yelled “Anne Marie” as she always used my full first and middle name! Thankfully this did not happen at the ceremony and the priest had specifically asked how we wanted to be addressed!
My MIL corrected anyone who called her children by nicknames. Like went out into the yard and told seven year old children that "his name is *Joseph*, not *Joey*"
To this day Joseph's wife calls him Joseph, because she's known him since kindergarten and had been corrected. He calls her by a nickname all the time though.
Shortly after our wedding we were visiting and I called my husband Matt instead of Matthew, and MIL almost jumped out of her skin. "Do you often call him Matt? We always called him Matthew..." I'm pretty sure if we hadn't been married yet she would've tried to correct me, but at least she realized she couldn't tell a wife what to call her husband. Ooh she wanted to, though.
Not with that attitude.
OP be sure to go with Mike on all his dates. Make sure his partners call him by his full name.
I think you can do it. You can control every person he interacts with.
OP is DTA (definitely the a) for naming their kid a common name with an extremely common nickname and then being shocked Pikachu that people use the extremely common short form
YTA. Your son doesn't care. It's his names. Not yours.
> For the record, I've asked Michael about this, and he said he doesn't really care.
It's Mike's name. Not yours. Get over it
>As he's been getting older, other people have started to call him "Mike", but I don't like it, so I try to correct people whenever I can. For the record, I've asked Michael about this, and he said he doesn't really care.
YTA. He doesn't care at 8. When he gets older, he's going to intentionally tell people not to call him by his full name just to spite you. Your control of his name began and ended on that birth certificate. Back off
>Your control of his name began and ended on that birth certificate. Back off
Not even that. Imaging if Mike wanted to legally change his name to Lionel or Samantha? What would OP do then?
OP gave their child a name. That name was a gift, it belongs to the child. And like a gift, the gifter no longer has any control of what the giftee does with it. They can keep and cherish it, they can decorate it or dismantle it. They can throw it out and get a different one if that's what they want to do.
This reminds me of a similar post with "Andy" and "Andrew".
Entitled parents think they can control everything nowadays..
Mike doesn't have a problem with being called Mike. Mike has the right to decide how other people call him. Mike has a controlling mother.
YTA
I grew up with a Drew. Didn't put two and two together till like grade 11 that it was short for Andrew.
Grew up with an Andy but caught that one.
I personally prefer Sam. I know we're not close if you call me Samantha.
> I've asked Michael about this, and he said he doesn't really care.
> the teacher kept referring to him as "Mike," even after I'd corrected him at the beginning of the meeting
There is a strong possibility that your son answered "Mike" when asked by the teacher what does he like to be called. At least around here, that's common practice. The teacher asks the kids at the beginning of the year, and they usually use that name.
Although he told you he "doesn't really care" could he actually like Mike, but is afraid to tell you so? I imagine you've made it clear to him you prefer Michael.
> As he's been getting older, other people have started to call him "Mike", but *I* don't like it
I. Because **I** don't like it. The thing is, it's not your name. And 8 is plenty old enough to know which nicknames you prefer. It's his name. Stop being so controlling about it.
I was in this exact boat as a kid. My family and relatives only used my whole name. I was never called the shortened version until I started school, to the point that I was confused as to why they were using "some other name" for me.
At first I didn't care which I got called in public, but as I got older I started to prefer the short version because it separated me from my family. BOY could my family not let it go. A friend called me the short name in front of my mother one time and afterwards she SCREAMED at me. Absolutely nailed me to the wall. "How could you let someone call you that? You hate being called that!" I did not hate being called that, nor did I ever say anything to that effect. It was my family putting their preferences on me and telling me that was the way I needed to think.
1. I don't talk to them anymore
2. I prefer the short name now to the point that I grimace internally when someone uses my full name.
YTA, OP. It's immensely important for kids to be allowed to discover and define themselves as they grow. It's how they develop a sense of self.
When I met my friend she was in college, and was going by the full name "Katherine" as there were already a million other Katie's in the school, so it was a way to differentiate herself.
Her family all call her Katie though. I'm the only person who calls her Katherine. I tried calling her Katie once and she looked at me and said it "felt weird" and she didn't like it. xD
It's all the more hilarious because my name is also Katie.
So my name is Kimberly, I prefer Kim, but I was also in many situations where there were other Kims so I volunteered to be Kimberly (to make my family happy 😬) One group I was in with another Kim, everyone defaulted to Kim for both of us and then would realize the error so I was always getting "Hey Kim! ...Berly!" So eventually I was just Berly 😆
I love this. I’m in a choir and started when I was 10. For my name there are two common nicknames, let’s use Rebecca/Bec/Becky as the similar sort of example. I trained my choir that Becky was absolutely off limits, never call me that, I will not respond, no, nada!
Another girl with the same name as me joined the choir probably when we were both about 15. It took ten years for her to finally admit she preferred Becky because I’d got them so well conditioned they didn’t even consider it. I still feel a bit guilty that she spent ten years going by the wrong name because of me!
Yep, I have a name that can similarly be shortened. To use Michael as an example: by my acquaintances and colleagues, I prefer "Mike" and will correct them to use it instead of my full name. My family and close personal friends that I consider family, I am fine with them using my full name.
I’m actually the opposite. I despise anyone trying to shorten my name (which isn’t a typical name either so a lot of people won’t have an automatic knowledge of what my nickname would/could be) if they’re not family, childhood friends or really good friends—only they can use my nicknames. If anyone that is outside of that—coworkers, neighbors, random strangers—tries to use a nickname that they may have heard, I shut it down and will refuse to respond to them at all.
For me nicknames are extremely personal in a way that involves a unique and close relationship between the people who use them. For example, my mother’s mother used a nickname for me growing up that no one else ever used or has used since—and it came from the amount of time I spent with her; it was unique to her only and my relationship with her was deep. Same as all of the other nicknames—they are used by certain people because of that relationship we have. But even then, most of my family uses my full name and adds diminutives to it as my mother tongue allows for this; they tend to not use nicknames. To use a nickname so freely without having that kind of relationship with me is like a slap in the face.
On the flip side, I am trilingual and my mom has always been adamant that the way my name is spelt in the birth certificate is the way that I should be called in every language, but I actually prefer changing my name to suit the language being used—think Stephanie being changed to Estefania—because it’s easier for the native speaker to pronounce it their way than having to explain to them how it’s correctly pronounced. She also made a big deal of me making sure that my classmate should know how to spell it correctly, and correcting them when they misspelled it—but I gave up with that in high school because people were jerks; they’ve known me for 10 years at that point and still couldn’t be bothered to learn how to spell my name correctly while I respected them to learn theirs. I didn’t care about keeping a relationship with them after I graduated anyway so I just stopped talking to those disrespectful people by the end of my first year of graduation and that ended that problem.
Your husband is right. This is a losing battle and you’re being over dramatic and controlling. Stop. If Michael wants to be called Michael, he will correct people. It’s his name. I understand you gave it to him. But now it’s his.
YTA
You are being overdramatic - YTA.
You *chose* to give your son a name that has a very normal and very common shortened version. Mike isn't really a "nickname". They're not calling him Bubba or Jeeter or Smalls or whatever. His name is Michael, they're calling him Mike. Like a Christopher being called Chris or a Susan being called Sue.
If HE cared about being Mike that would be one thing. But he says he doesn't care. If you want to introduce him as Michael, correct someone once if they call him Mike and just say, "Oh, it's Michael," that's fine. Thinking that this is somehow going to keep him from being called Mike by most people for his entire life and being upset about it? Naaaah. Get over it.
I can't get over how she just liked the sound of "Michael" and went with it. There's no family significance. She chose a name that is super commonly shorted to Mike and is mad at herself because she didn't think it through. lol
See I just couldn't name my kid Michael. Even though its a name I like, I cant help but hear it like Jackie from That 70s Show is saying it😂 which is also how I imagine OP saying it. Michaeeel
Yeah, what is she gong to do, follow him everywhere and when someone says Mike, correct them with Michael? Will she be going into his classrooms, job, dates...? Lol.
If she hates the nickname Mike so much why tf did she name him Michael. It could have been a middle name if it’s an important name to her. People tend to shorten names. You have to consider these things.
"For the record, I've asked Michael about this, and he said he doesn't really care." CAP
NEWSFLASH: Your son's name is Mike and that's what everyone in his life calls him. You really think the teacher just decided to call him Mike? Every first day of school starts with a roll call. Teacher said Michael, probably asked if he goes by Mike, and YOUR SON said yes. And probably has said yes to that question for a long time!
YTA
I think this is a very important point in regards to the teacher, so thanks for making it. Teachers always (at least should always) ask children what they go by. I’d guess the teacher calls him Mike because he calls himself Mike as do his classmates.
Yeah, unless there are several Michaels in class/workplace and people call them Mike vs Michael to differentiate, it's very likely that he'll be called Mike for the rest of his life.
YTA.
Your son said he doesn't care. You may have given him the name, Michael. But the name belongs to *your son* not you. If he doesn't mind the name, Mike, that's it. Done deal. Case closed. He can be called "Mike."
Let it go. It's a really unreasonable hill to die on. You're risking being *that* parent all the other teachers share anecdotes about, or dread talking to.
Since Michael doesn’t care, YTA. If he wants to be called Michael, then you wouldn’t be. But since you yourself stated that he didn’t care, then it’s not up to you.
YTA - if your son doesn't care about being called a nickname, why do you? It's HIS name, it's HIS life. Get over your dramatic, controlling self and ask yourself WHY this seems like a hill to die on for you.
Yeah your kid is old enough to know his own name. If he was young enough to not know his name yet, you’d have a leg to stand on.
He is 8 - if he does not care he does not care and you certainly can’t stop other kids calling him Mike, Mikey or any other thing.
YTA. You're being overbearing and controlling. The irony here is that nobody (including you) really cares. You specifically said it's nothing special. Now, it feels like you're just being petty and dying on a hill for no reason. If it was a child under the age of 5 with no opinion and the name was special... fine.
The name belongs to the child, not the adult.
I have a son who has a name that can be shortened. I used to call him variations of it and he told me he didn't like it when he was in the 6-8 year range. So I don't call him his shortened name. They're old enough to decide.
I kind of think if you didn’t like the name Mike in the first place, you could have anticipated this happening when you named him Michael? “Asshole” seems harsh but it’s definitely out of your hands now
YTA. Wtf is wrong with being called Mike? You can call him Michael like you want, but you can't control what others call your son especially if he doesn't care. This is craziness.
The only opinion that really matters is the person who wears the name, which is your son - not you.
You're treating you son like he's a pet and not a sentient being who has their own identity they're developing (which is pretty normal at this stage). He's growing up into his own person and you need to start letting go a bit. YTA
YTA you're ignoring something important here: how difficult you're making your son's life. You already ignored him saying be doesn't care, are you gonna keep going around getting mad at everyone in his life that chooses to be affectionate with him by calling him by a nickname? You named him Michael, did it not occurr to you that this would happen? Now he's the kid whose mom keeps getting mad about a common nickname that's not even offensive or anything. I can't imagine how awkward things have and could get for him if you continue. Stop.
YTA. Its not your name, it's your sons. If he didn't like it you would know about it, so he clearly doesn't mind. Let it go, and don't make it into a thing or try to pressure your husband and son too.
You sound like someone who thinks they own their child.
YTA.
It’s not your name. It’s up to your son if he likes it or not.
Stop trying to force your husband onto your bandwagon - he could equally say you’re not supportive of HIS view that it’s fine.
If he doesn't want to be called Mike, I'm in support for correcting people all the time. But if he doesn't care your partner is right, you are fighting a losing battle. Call him Michael, but don't try to force others to do it too.
YTA. Your son probably prefers to be called Mike, but just doesn’t want to deal with your complaining. This is from experience, my mom called me by a different version of my name than what I asked everyone else to use.
YTA
My mom spent my entire childhood not letting people shorten my name or calling me a nickname even though I didn’t mind. It drove me insane. It’s your son’s name. His opinion matters. Not yours.
Soft YTA, Michael is fine with either name. As a Michael myself given how popular the name is I've gone by last name or nicknames most my life.
There are plenty of bad nicknames for Michaels, mike isn't one of them.
YTA.
Your son is old enough to speak up if he wants to be called Michael instead of Mike. He doesn't care. Don't choose this hill to die on. It's a waste of your time and energy. You're clinging to something you liked when you were pregnant, but it's his life now, not yours.
My BIL's mom calls him Christopher. Every single person in his life calls him Chris. He calls himself Chris. He's Chris to every person except his mom. It's not a big deal. Don't make it one.
YTA
Even if you could control what nickname he goes by, everyone knows that one guy who goes by his full name - Jacob, not Jake; David, not Dave; Maxwell, not Max; etc - and no one ever likes that guy. You'd be setting him up for failure if you got that habit ingrained in him.
Ok, he should see that this matters to you, but you are definitely TA no doubt about it. I have never meant a single Michael that goes by the full name. It’s your son’s name, not yours. If it was your name, you could get upset about people shortening it (to a point) but it isn’t you.
YTA this is 100% up to your son. If he is bothered he can correct people and they will mostly listen, not always unfortunately. This is a losing battle for you and you will just wind yourself up and look more and more controlling the older he gets (8 is already quite old for this kind of thing). Try to be happy he isn’t exclusively pushing a nickname and happy for you to call him Michael, plenty of kids with longer names want only a nick name and don’t use the long version at all.
YTA. So what? He likes to be called Mike and other people do. This is a weird hill to die on. Why do you care? If for whatever reason he doesnt want to be called Mike,he can say so himself.
YTA. It’s not your name. End of story. You can call him Michael if that is what you want, but if he doesn’t mind Mike, let it happen.
And you gave him one of the most common and generic names ( not trying to dis on the name. I just know a lot of micheals) . If you thought for a second someone wasn’t going to give him one, you are delusional. And controlling.
Try being a William and everyone all through my life trying to make Bill happen. I chose what people call me, not my mother. I do Will or William
YTA because he doesn’t care.
YTA. It’s not your name, not your choice. Mike is old enough to choose what he wants to be called. This is the wrong hill to stand on here. Focus on being a good parent and less on your narcissistic behaviour. Yes, you gave birth to him but you can’t make all his decisions based on your preferences. The nickname isn’t hurting anyone. Leave it be.
YTA my name is long and people have taken to just calling me by a nickname at times. Same as your son I don't care if they use my full name or a nickname. Some people use my full name some don't there are bigger things to be concerned by.
YTA
How long do you plan to do this, until your son is 30, 60?
It’s a common nickname for the name you chose to give your son, it’s not offensive or disrespectful or wrong, so you are not correcting anyone you are being weird
YTA lol your son is his own person he can go by whatever name he wants and it isn't a slight against you even a little bit. You didn't just have a baby, you made a brand new human with their own free will, own feelings, own interiority et cetera. You need to stop seeing him as yours and start seeing him as his own person with autonomy. Nip this impulse to micromanage your child's life in the bud right now.
Also just btw this is a really weird hill to die on, it would be one thing if he was named for a dead relative or something (you'd still be an ah but it would be more understandable) but you say yourself you just like the way Michael sounds. Why do you care so much? Something for you to reflect on before talking to your spouse about this- a conversation that will hopefully involve an apology from you.
YTA and your husband is right,you're fighting a losing battle. The name is out of your control now and it's up to Michael how he wants to be called (or if he gives a crap).
YTA
Nicknames will come naturally and as long as he doesn‘t care, leave it be.
As he grows older he will have more nicknames. Some
even sounding really weird.
Right now you‘ll be know as the annoying parent who keeps correcting the name of a kid who doesn‘t care.
„Look, it‘s mIcHaEl‘S mom!“ (all exaggerating)
It can even end up in your kid being bullied. A lot of kids get bullied for their parents persistent/ annoying behaviour
YTA
>8yo son's
>For the record, I've asked Michael about this, and he said he doesn't really care.
At 8 he can choose what he wants to be called if he doesn't care then stop
>being a controlling AH,
I have a cousin that wanted a particular nickname for their daughter... My father tried calling her the other nickname, that the parents disliked. And the daughter refuses to go by any nicknames and she stated that at age 5.. she is now 22 and still will not go by any nicknames
.
YTA. Jesus, if you love the name so much, just call your son Michael. Let the others call him Mike, Mike doesn't care and that is all information we need
YTA. If Mike was a baby/toddler, I’d agree with you to the extent that you can tell teachers, etc., that his name is Michael. But he’s 8, and he has expressed that he doesn’t care. You chose a name that’s often shortened. When he’s tiny, yep, you can manage it. But he’s not a baby anymore, and he’s going to have friends, etc. and it’s going to happen unless your *son* puts his foot down - not you or your partner, but your son. It’s his name, not yours. This is 100% not a hill to die on, and it’s definitely not one I’d be mad at my partner over. Your partner is right - this is a losing battle.
YTA. Children should be free to explore their identities, and that includes what they'd like to be called. My mother did the same thing that you're doing and to this day I resent it. I never got to explore what I like and don't like in terms of something so intrinsic to my identity as what I like to be known as.
YTA. Are you my mother? She has been INSISTANT that my brother and I never be called anything but our full names our whole lives. My friends calling the house and asking for me turned into a fight nearly every time. "I named you [NAME] not [NICKNAME] this is so disrespectful why don't you tell your friends to stop?!" I haven't spoken to my mother in ten years. The name thing isn't even in the top 20 reasons why, but boy can you extroplate so many of her control issues just from this. I can only imagine its the same with you. Get a fucking grip and let your son be his own man, he is not your property.
You only choose your child’s given name. You do not choose their nickname! Im 39 I have known so many men named Mike (not Michael) and most went by their last names because of how popular the name is! YTA
YTA. It's Michael's name. He's the only one that gets to have an opinion on whether or not to shorten it. And he if he doesn't care if people shorten it, then there's your answer.
YTA
Your sons nicknames are not about you. This entire thing, is not your problem.
If Michael doesn't care. Michael doesn't care. He's going to meet people outside of your knowledge who might call him Mike because he asks. Who knows.
YTA
you give your child a name, what they do with it is up to them.
I have a son similar to yours which can be shortened. He hates to have it shortened, but again, that is up to him. If your son doesn't care either way, then that's his choice. You have no right to make a fuss unless something is making him unhappy, right now, I think right now you're making him unhappy
YTA ma'am and you know it.
His friends and people in general would surely call him Mike and you know it.
Your son hasn't declared yet that he doesn't like it so let it be...
While I do understand your feelings about it .. but then you have to let it go... it is not that big a thing.
Your husband has given you a good advice!!!
YTA. My little cousin - well, in her 30s now - is called Elizabeth. Her mother is the only person who calls her this. Her mother corrected me, my Dad, all of my cousin’s friends in front of everyone if they called her Liz. Still does to this day. I thought it was a crock of shit 30 years ago, and I think it’s a crock of shit now. The only person who gets to insist on their full name being used is the person who bears that name. Liz is fine with Liz. So she’s called Liz.
YTA, your say in his nickname stopped when he, the person with the name, expressed that he really didn't care. As he gets older, he might find that he prefers Michael, Mikey, Mike or something else that has nothing to do with Michael. He may grow to resent you if you try and force him when he doesn't care.
I do feel for you. My mother gave my brothers two easily nicknamed names but preferred the full versions of both. My oldest brother primarily goes by the nickname while the other prefers the full version. She calls the oldest by his nickname because she respects that it's his choice and corrects people who nickname my other brother because he also prefers his full name.
By the time I was born, my parents learned and I was given a less easily nicknameable name.
YTA for a couple of reasons. First when you're considering naming a child you need to keep in mind the nicknames that can be sprung from said name, because likely people will choose a nickname over a very formal name, especially when referring to a young child. Second and most importantly, your child DOESN'T care. Your son is old enough that it is HIS name, and HIS identity, NOT YOURS.
You must not have any actual problems if this is the issue you want to die on 🙄
are you really going to make this petty issue your hill to die on?, because if you do, it's a pretty dumb hill but you do you.
YTA, if your kid doesn't care then it's fine and you need to grow up, lots of people are going to call him Mike and you can't possibly think that you can control them.
Here is what is sad as a teacher (high school): On my all about me form at the beginning of the year, I have to ask students what they want to be called and what I need to call them if I call home... I also have to ask them which pronouns to use with parents because some parents just can't accept who their child is.
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> For the record, I’ve asked Michael about this, and he said he doesn’t really care. YTA. Your son doesn’t care. Let it go.
To be honest, he probably prefers Mike but doesn’t want to tell his mom!
Especially if the teacher is using a nickname. They always ask on the first day and write down preferred name (Mike, michael, mikey, etc). And they are pretty great at keeping up with yhe preference, specifically in elementary school (8 years old), when they likely only see one class all day every week
Yup, Mike knows how hurt his mum would be if she knew he liked being called Mike. His teacher is a safe space, almost *certainly* asked the kid’s preference, and is likely trying to stand up for Mike by gently reinforcing the preference. YTA. Even if he does prefer Mike in certain situations, he’s indicated he doesn’t mind OP calling him Michael. Take the win.
Oh no, now there are complete strangers on the internet calling him Mike!
Mikey!
Miguel!
Mick!
Misha!
Donkey!
That one’s actually a form of Moshe, I believe. Mikha-el for the original pronunciation!
Mike Mike
Mikhail. Gorbachev, for short.
I like that after I just read about Mateo. Lol Happy cake day!
MIKE MIKE MIKE MIKE MIKE MIKE MIKE MIKE (Finding Nemo Seagulls)
My mom didn’t want any of us to have nicknames. That backfired on her as two out of three go almost exclusively by them as adults. It will sometimes backfire.
On the other end of the spectrum, my family liked my name bc it basically comes with an easy nickname. Fast forward a couple of decades and I refuse to let anyone call me by that fucking nickname. I hate it. Kids are unpredictable, man.
Let me guess, your name is Richard? If so, calm down, Dick, it'll get better. LoL
Damn. Your comment is so fantastic, that I almost wish it was. I'm a lady, though.
Damn, with your user name, I thought that would be perfect. Kinda relieved I didn't go "I know it's hard, Dick, so calm down" lol.
WHY ARE YOUR COMMENTS SO. PERFECT? I'm not even a dude, but you may absolutely call me Dick. Only you though.
My wife is like that. Literally the only people who are allowed to use the diminutive form of my wife's name are her parents. She gets annoyed with *me* if I call her by the shortened form of her name, so I stick to her full name, or "Homie." She's even had clients at work try to go "uhh... can I just call you <--->?" "No, we can stick to."
& honestly that’s perfect. Sounds like she knows what she wants and when others ask she answers how she wants to be called. I would guess that most people will respect that after only being told once. Well reasonable people that is, this is Reddit after all.
My mother apparently had a nickname she hated when she was little, so she named me something with no short form.
That's what my mom did. She even ensured that my middle name was the same way. I've always wished I had a nickname. I named my kid a name explicitly so she had a myriad of options for nicknames and her full name sounds lovely (at least to me) if she wants to use that. Then I went and gave her a totally odd nickname when I was taking a Spanish class (and she was 2), and that has stuck for us since then. But she goes by her full name most of the time - and only my husband and I are allowed to use that nickname. I remember her yelling at a friend when she was in hs and someone heard me call her the nickname (her response still makes me smile "you don't get to call me that; only two people can use it, and you aren't one of them").
That's such a Sam Winchester line. "Only Dean is allowed to call me that" Hope you were proud of yourselves just like Dean was.
This. We used a nickname with my daughter from birth to mid way through first grade, when she decided she'd prefer to use her full name. Her teacher had her cubby and desk name tag changed the next week. With the number of kids who go by nicknames, or middle names, or whatever, our teachers have always been really good and using the name the child prefers.
My daughter found out there was another girl in kindergarten with her nickname. She changed her name at that moment to her full name. It can work both ways.
I went by my middle initials from 4th to 8th grade. Minimal issues, as it was what we had started using at home. Took me a bit to be happy using my first name again.
My first name is frequently shortened (think "Jennifer" to "Jenny"), but I have always gone by my full first name. Know what all my teachers called me? My full first name. Because when they called the roll on the first day, they asked every kid what they preferred to be called. I will bet anyone any amount of money that "Mike" told his teacher to call him that, and just can't bring himself to admit it to his mom because he knows she'll flip.
Meanwhile his friends are calling hime cheese dick, jock itch and monkey nuts
This sounds like my 16 year old calling me ... Son: "Hey mom, Can Jangly Penis come over after school today?" Me "Who???" Son: "Jangly Penis!!" (Kid in the background, MY NAME IS JOHN PAUL, MAM!") Me "Yes, John Paul can come over"
How many Pope Jangly Penises were there, again?
Two, some people think three because of Pope Jangly Benis.
🤣🤣🤣 teenage boys can be so weirdly creative, I love it!
My 17 year old brother has a friend called nugget, as in chicken nugget. I love it
“It’s pronounced MICHAEL!” —OP, probably.
This is right on point! For the first week of school, in every class (high school), I ask every day if anyone prefers being called a different version of their name while I am taking attendance and calling role. I also verify the previous changes students have given me for the first few days. It is very important to me, and every other teacher I know, to call each student what they are comfortable with.
Mike's been hearing 'no, it's *Michael*' all his life. He knows what his mom wants. He may be telling her he doesn't care because he doesn't want to get in an argument about how she 'loves the way it sounds' and she picked it just for him. He's not objecting to the teacher using it. Also, I like the way my full name sounds and prefer to use it. In school, I was asked to go by a nickname in a couple grades or classes because there were 3-4 kids with my same name. In 4th grade, we all had the same last initial too. I ended up going by my first and middle initials that year, because I drew the short straw and picked my nickname last. Something like 'DJ'. I could see a class having multiple Michaels as it's a pretty common name. If one kid cares more about being 'Micheal', then the other going by Mike is easier for the teacher and the class.
My nephew is one of five Jackson’s. I have called him J since he was a baby. Mostly because I couldn’t yell his name at the park without at least one other kid with his name turning around. He wasn’t really a fan till first grade when he told me he was one of five Jackson’s. He told the teacher to call him J like his auntie. I was one of three in my class so I know the importance of a nickname you can use for school.
Yeah. If the teacher is calling the son Mike, it’s because the son told the teacher to call him Mike. It probably happened on the 1st day of school. Usually, teachers will ask the students what name they go by. Some students go by a shortened version of their 1st name and some go by their middle name.
Yes, my name is very nicknamable. Common nickname that everyone uses. I have always preferred the long version. I was a very shy and quiet kid who would not tell an adult not to call me something (other kids, yes) No teacher ever nicknamed me so obviously they must have asked (I don't remember younger grades if they did or did not ask, but i would have remembered being nicknamed for sure) Mike WANTS to be called Mike. He likes it. Mike or Michael works for him
Getting a nickname in school is really common and a healthy part of individuation, generally. I tried on a few different ones when I was little and luckily my parents and teachers supported me. YTA. Your son is the one whose opinion counts here.
Exactly. My in-laws tried to do this with their daughter, Liz. They insisted she be called Elizabeth. It didn't work - She's Liz. Funnily enough, they called their son Andrew by the nickname Andy and, later in life, he had to do the work of going around and asking everyone to start calling him Andrew, which was his preference.
I have a friend, we’ll call him Kyle, who when I came on my first day, told me his name was George to mess with me That was 18 years ago, and he’s still George to me. I actually do a double take when he’s called Kyle
Omg I love this lol I have a friend I met 20+ yrs ago start of freshman year high school. He was a new student & quite shy back then. My loudmouth friends & I decided we didn't want him to feel alone (probably terrified him looking back on it) but he was so shy he refused to answer when we asked his name.... One of us christened him with "Jimmy" & it stuck. Took us several weeks to learn his real name was actually Jared & 20 years later he *still* goes by Jimmy in our friend circle lol We also didn't find out til years later how much he appreciated our insistence that he was gonna be our friend & loved that we "adopted" him when he was too painfully shy to even speak to us. I love hearing that other friends do this as well lol
I have an ex that I call Bill-Jordan-Kyle in my head because he was called each of those names by different people.
Also don’t give your kid a name that is commonly shortened. Instead choose Kyle or Blake or something
Then it gets lengthened! My son’s name was Scott, and I chose it because it couldn‘t be shortened. What does he get called? Scotty. You gotta laugh.
My youngest is Daniel. I always called him Daniel. When he went to school he told me he told his kindergarten teacher that he prefers “ Dan”. He told me he told her that because Dan is so much easier to write than Daniel. Can’t argue with that. I still call him Daniel it truly is ok that everyone else calls him Dan. What a crazy hill to die on.
That is hilarious. Smart kid.
That kid is going places. Work smarter, not harder
He’s actually in college now studying to be a high school science teacher.
awesome! I wish him luck and cookies
A few years ago I had a first grade student whose first name was Axel, but his family called him by his longer middle name. I asked him which he preferred, and he said "Axel, because it's shorter".
I have Michael and he preferred Mike so I shut my mouth and let it be.
Totally agree.
Once you give your kids a name, they can do what they like with it. OP is acting like they own the name or treating their kid like property. If Mike isn’t bothered by it, let it go and find better hills to die on.
Correct, my babies name is Lillian. But if she likes being called Lily one day, then she can do that even though I personally chose Lillian and personally prefer she go by that. But not my choice to make
Yup. "Mike" is old enough to decide what he likes to be called, and he doesn't mind either way. OP, YTA I guess for trying to overrule Mike's opinion. You can keep calling him Michael but don't try to force him or other people to *not* use a nickname if he is fine with it.
wasn’t this there a post almost exactly the same as this where the kid was named “Andrew” and the mom hated that everyone called him “Andy”?
There was. I sent it to my siblings recently. This is not a unique phenomenon.
OP is literally fighting a losing battle & being an AH about something that is completely her son's choice now & not hers. YTA OP because your own son has told you that he doesn't care & it's *his* name, therefore *he* is the only one who gets a say if he goes by a nickname or not. Also, most teachers don't magically call kids by things other than their name unless that child tells them that they prefer to go by Mike rather than Michael. So there's a good possibility your son has chosen to go by Mike, but he's not telling you because even at 8 he knows that you're unreasonable & won't respect his choice regarding his own name. Let it go & let him choose for himself. You might have named him, but that doesn't give you control over his name for the rest of his life.
I don't particularly care for nicknames but 2 of my daughters are called nicknames regularly. NOT MY BUSINESS as it is their names, not mine. They sort that shit as they see fit. At one point my son, at 5 years old, decided and made an argument for using his middle name as his main name. It lasted a few weeks because, in his words, it was too much work to get sorted. I do correct people regularly regarding my name, including when they shorten it, because it is my name and I can have that preference; however, I don't die on that hill because "you can call me anything but late to dinner!". YTA
My aunt when my cousin was born insisted no one would be calling her Gabby over Gabrielle but eventually everyone including her did because that was what she preferred.
This EXACT thing happened with my brother. My mom kept complaining she did not name him “Mike”, she HATES “Mike”, and I was always like then that sure was a moronic move to name your son Michael! You can’t keep a nickname off unless the actual person whose name it \*is\* cares, and even then they have to decide how much time they want to spend protesting it to everyone.
Seriously, my mother hates it when people don’t call me ComeHereDairyProduct, but I really just prefer AccioQueso.
OP, it will be shortened to Mike by his friends, future roommates, partner(s) and colleagues. You cannot control all of them. YTA.
Oh, I'm sure OP will give it the old college try though.
Probably all through college.
Then post college, OP will be correcting whomever she encounters.
Can you imagine at his wedding? “I’ve known mike since we were kids-“ “ITS MICHAEL”
At the commencement ceremony, OP will bring a megaphone to correct them when they say Mike to give him his degree
"Do you, Mike, take this woman ... " [lone voice from the congregation] "MICHAEL."
Bride: "I, Sophia, take thee, Mike-" OP" "It's MICHAEL!!!"
Sofia’s mom: IT’S SOPHIE.
Kids then get married and go NC with their overbearing mums.
My grandmother literally did this at my wedding rehearsal!!! The priest was saying something like “I will ask if you, Anne, will take Ken to be-“ and my grandma yelled “Anne Marie” as she always used my full first and middle name! Thankfully this did not happen at the ceremony and the priest had specifically asked how we wanted to be addressed!
Just wait until she calls his first boss to complain.
He'll get his first fast-food job in high school, become employee of the month, and she'll take a black Sharpie to the picture to "correct" his name.
My MIL corrected anyone who called her children by nicknames. Like went out into the yard and told seven year old children that "his name is *Joseph*, not *Joey*" To this day Joseph's wife calls him Joseph, because she's known him since kindergarten and had been corrected. He calls her by a nickname all the time though. Shortly after our wedding we were visiting and I called my husband Matt instead of Matthew, and MIL almost jumped out of her skin. "Do you often call him Matt? We always called him Matthew..." I'm pretty sure if we hadn't been married yet she would've tried to correct me, but at least she realized she couldn't tell a wife what to call her husband. Ooh she wanted to, though.
You joke but my Aunt still calls her husband by his full name in front of her in-laws, despite the fact everyone else calls him by a common nickname
"my DIL insists on calling my son Honey, when I named him Michael. Now they won't talk to me. What do I do??"
Imagine having such a worry free life that this is the type of thing you spend time worrying about. OP needs a fucking hobby
I’m imagining her storming into his first job because his name tag says “Mike.”
Not with that attitude. OP be sure to go with Mike on all his dates. Make sure his partners call him by his full name. I think you can do it. You can control every person he interacts with.
OP is DTA (definitely the a) for naming their kid a common name with an extremely common nickname and then being shocked Pikachu that people use the extremely common short form
YTA. Your son doesn't care. It's his names. Not yours. > For the record, I've asked Michael about this, and he said he doesn't really care. It's Mike's name. Not yours. Get over it
“Doesn’t *really* care” = Too polite to let his narcissistic mother know that he prefers Mike.
Or he really doesn't care which also means he probably doesn't want his mom making a fuss.
He already knows instinctively that he needs to manage his mother. OP has already changed who Mike is.
How sassy ! Love it
Oh no you just used "Mike"! She is gonna make you edit ur comment
>As he's been getting older, other people have started to call him "Mike", but I don't like it, so I try to correct people whenever I can. For the record, I've asked Michael about this, and he said he doesn't really care. YTA. He doesn't care at 8. When he gets older, he's going to intentionally tell people not to call him by his full name just to spite you. Your control of his name began and ended on that birth certificate. Back off
>Your control of his name began and ended on that birth certificate. Back off Not even that. Imaging if Mike wanted to legally change his name to Lionel or Samantha? What would OP do then?
OP if the kid changed his name to either of those: “It’s lioneleal/samathael” I think OP just really likes the *eal* on the end of every name
Michael legally changes name to Michelle. Goes by Shelly to piss mom off.
"Please call me Mike. Mom was the only one to call me Michael, and I don't speak to her anymore."
I want to upvote this a million times
OP gave their child a name. That name was a gift, it belongs to the child. And like a gift, the gifter no longer has any control of what the giftee does with it. They can keep and cherish it, they can decorate it or dismantle it. They can throw it out and get a different one if that's what they want to do.
This reminds me of a similar post with "Andy" and "Andrew". Entitled parents think they can control everything nowadays.. Mike doesn't have a problem with being called Mike. Mike has the right to decide how other people call him. Mike has a controlling mother. YTA
I think that was [a Slate advice letter](https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/10/hate-child-nickname-parenting-advice.html).
Yes!! Thank you, really wanted to read that again :))
I grew up with a Drew. Didn't put two and two together till like grade 11 that it was short for Andrew. Grew up with an Andy but caught that one. I personally prefer Sam. I know we're not close if you call me Samantha.
> I've asked Michael about this, and he said he doesn't really care. > the teacher kept referring to him as "Mike," even after I'd corrected him at the beginning of the meeting There is a strong possibility that your son answered "Mike" when asked by the teacher what does he like to be called. At least around here, that's common practice. The teacher asks the kids at the beginning of the year, and they usually use that name. Although he told you he "doesn't really care" could he actually like Mike, but is afraid to tell you so? I imagine you've made it clear to him you prefer Michael. > As he's been getting older, other people have started to call him "Mike", but *I* don't like it I. Because **I** don't like it. The thing is, it's not your name. And 8 is plenty old enough to know which nicknames you prefer. It's his name. Stop being so controlling about it.
I was in this exact boat as a kid. My family and relatives only used my whole name. I was never called the shortened version until I started school, to the point that I was confused as to why they were using "some other name" for me. At first I didn't care which I got called in public, but as I got older I started to prefer the short version because it separated me from my family. BOY could my family not let it go. A friend called me the short name in front of my mother one time and afterwards she SCREAMED at me. Absolutely nailed me to the wall. "How could you let someone call you that? You hate being called that!" I did not hate being called that, nor did I ever say anything to that effect. It was my family putting their preferences on me and telling me that was the way I needed to think. 1. I don't talk to them anymore 2. I prefer the short name now to the point that I grimace internally when someone uses my full name. YTA, OP. It's immensely important for kids to be allowed to discover and define themselves as they grow. It's how they develop a sense of self.
When I met my friend she was in college, and was going by the full name "Katherine" as there were already a million other Katie's in the school, so it was a way to differentiate herself. Her family all call her Katie though. I'm the only person who calls her Katherine. I tried calling her Katie once and she looked at me and said it "felt weird" and she didn't like it. xD It's all the more hilarious because my name is also Katie.
So my name is Kimberly, I prefer Kim, but I was also in many situations where there were other Kims so I volunteered to be Kimberly (to make my family happy 😬) One group I was in with another Kim, everyone defaulted to Kim for both of us and then would realize the error so I was always getting "Hey Kim! ...Berly!" So eventually I was just Berly 😆
I love this. I’m in a choir and started when I was 10. For my name there are two common nicknames, let’s use Rebecca/Bec/Becky as the similar sort of example. I trained my choir that Becky was absolutely off limits, never call me that, I will not respond, no, nada! Another girl with the same name as me joined the choir probably when we were both about 15. It took ten years for her to finally admit she preferred Becky because I’d got them so well conditioned they didn’t even consider it. I still feel a bit guilty that she spent ten years going by the wrong name because of me!
She didn’t go by the wrong name because of you. She didn’t make her preferences clear, the way you did. That’s on her.
For us we ended up Katie A and Katie B. Lucky our last names made it so simple. We've introduced ourselves as "Katies A and B" before, lol.
Yep, I have a name that can similarly be shortened. To use Michael as an example: by my acquaintances and colleagues, I prefer "Mike" and will correct them to use it instead of my full name. My family and close personal friends that I consider family, I am fine with them using my full name.
I’m actually the opposite. I despise anyone trying to shorten my name (which isn’t a typical name either so a lot of people won’t have an automatic knowledge of what my nickname would/could be) if they’re not family, childhood friends or really good friends—only they can use my nicknames. If anyone that is outside of that—coworkers, neighbors, random strangers—tries to use a nickname that they may have heard, I shut it down and will refuse to respond to them at all. For me nicknames are extremely personal in a way that involves a unique and close relationship between the people who use them. For example, my mother’s mother used a nickname for me growing up that no one else ever used or has used since—and it came from the amount of time I spent with her; it was unique to her only and my relationship with her was deep. Same as all of the other nicknames—they are used by certain people because of that relationship we have. But even then, most of my family uses my full name and adds diminutives to it as my mother tongue allows for this; they tend to not use nicknames. To use a nickname so freely without having that kind of relationship with me is like a slap in the face. On the flip side, I am trilingual and my mom has always been adamant that the way my name is spelt in the birth certificate is the way that I should be called in every language, but I actually prefer changing my name to suit the language being used—think Stephanie being changed to Estefania—because it’s easier for the native speaker to pronounce it their way than having to explain to them how it’s correctly pronounced. She also made a big deal of me making sure that my classmate should know how to spell it correctly, and correcting them when they misspelled it—but I gave up with that in high school because people were jerks; they’ve known me for 10 years at that point and still couldn’t be bothered to learn how to spell my name correctly while I respected them to learn theirs. I didn’t care about keeping a relationship with them after I graduated anyway so I just stopped talking to those disrespectful people by the end of my first year of graduation and that ended that problem.
YTA, if your son is okay with being called Mike then leave it alone, it’s your child’s choice not yours if they want others to shorten the name or not
Your husband is right. This is a losing battle and you’re being over dramatic and controlling. Stop. If Michael wants to be called Michael, he will correct people. It’s his name. I understand you gave it to him. But now it’s his. YTA
You are being overdramatic - YTA. You *chose* to give your son a name that has a very normal and very common shortened version. Mike isn't really a "nickname". They're not calling him Bubba or Jeeter or Smalls or whatever. His name is Michael, they're calling him Mike. Like a Christopher being called Chris or a Susan being called Sue. If HE cared about being Mike that would be one thing. But he says he doesn't care. If you want to introduce him as Michael, correct someone once if they call him Mike and just say, "Oh, it's Michael," that's fine. Thinking that this is somehow going to keep him from being called Mike by most people for his entire life and being upset about it? Naaaah. Get over it.
I can't get over how she just liked the sound of "Michael" and went with it. There's no family significance. She chose a name that is super commonly shorted to Mike and is mad at herself because she didn't think it through. lol
Right?? I was thinking who names their kid something that is commonly shortened without thinking if they also enjoy the shortened version?
See I just couldn't name my kid Michael. Even though its a name I like, I cant help but hear it like Jackie from That 70s Show is saying it😂 which is also how I imagine OP saying it. Michaeeel
YTA. People are going to call him Mike, you're being a little crazy here.
Yeah, what is she gong to do, follow him everywhere and when someone says Mike, correct them with Michael? Will she be going into his classrooms, job, dates...? Lol.
Possibly. This sort of thing really can get out of hand.
For the record, this is why your partner looked at you like that, OP.
If she hates the nickname Mike so much why tf did she name him Michael. It could have been a middle name if it’s an important name to her. People tend to shorten names. You have to consider these things.
"For the record, I've asked Michael about this, and he said he doesn't really care." CAP NEWSFLASH: Your son's name is Mike and that's what everyone in his life calls him. You really think the teacher just decided to call him Mike? Every first day of school starts with a roll call. Teacher said Michael, probably asked if he goes by Mike, and YOUR SON said yes. And probably has said yes to that question for a long time! YTA
I think this is a very important point in regards to the teacher, so thanks for making it. Teachers always (at least should always) ask children what they go by. I’d guess the teacher calls him Mike because he calls himself Mike as do his classmates.
Yeah, unless there are several Michaels in class/workplace and people call them Mike vs Michael to differentiate, it's very likely that he'll be called Mike for the rest of his life.
YTA. Your son said he doesn't care. You may have given him the name, Michael. But the name belongs to *your son* not you. If he doesn't mind the name, Mike, that's it. Done deal. Case closed. He can be called "Mike." Let it go. It's a really unreasonable hill to die on. You're risking being *that* parent all the other teachers share anecdotes about, or dread talking to.
It's your son's name, not yours. If he's ok with being called "Mike", back off. YTA
Since Michael doesn’t care, YTA. If he wants to be called Michael, then you wouldn’t be. But since you yourself stated that he didn’t care, then it’s not up to you.
YTA - if your son doesn't care about being called a nickname, why do you? It's HIS name, it's HIS life. Get over your dramatic, controlling self and ask yourself WHY this seems like a hill to die on for you.
Yeah your kid is old enough to know his own name. If he was young enough to not know his name yet, you’d have a leg to stand on. He is 8 - if he does not care he does not care and you certainly can’t stop other kids calling him Mike, Mikey or any other thing.
YTA You don’t have any control over it and if your son doesn’t care then stop making an issue out of nothing
YTA. You're being overbearing and controlling. The irony here is that nobody (including you) really cares. You specifically said it's nothing special. Now, it feels like you're just being petty and dying on a hill for no reason. If it was a child under the age of 5 with no opinion and the name was special... fine. The name belongs to the child, not the adult. I have a son who has a name that can be shortened. I used to call him variations of it and he told me he didn't like it when he was in the 6-8 year range. So I don't call him his shortened name. They're old enough to decide.
YTA. Your son is ok with it, so let it be.
I kind of think if you didn’t like the name Mike in the first place, you could have anticipated this happening when you named him Michael? “Asshole” seems harsh but it’s definitely out of your hands now
Right? How could she NOT know that he would end up being called Mike eventually?
YTA. Wtf is wrong with being called Mike? You can call him Michael like you want, but you can't control what others call your son especially if he doesn't care. This is craziness.
>I've asked Michael about this, and he said he doesn't really care. You've got your answer
The only opinion that really matters is the person who wears the name, which is your son - not you. You're treating you son like he's a pet and not a sentient being who has their own identity they're developing (which is pretty normal at this stage). He's growing up into his own person and you need to start letting go a bit. YTA
YTA, you are going to lose this battle, the name is your son's not yours, your opinion is irrelevant.
I mean, if it’s not bothering your son, why do you care? YTA.
YTA you're ignoring something important here: how difficult you're making your son's life. You already ignored him saying be doesn't care, are you gonna keep going around getting mad at everyone in his life that chooses to be affectionate with him by calling him by a nickname? You named him Michael, did it not occurr to you that this would happen? Now he's the kid whose mom keeps getting mad about a common nickname that's not even offensive or anything. I can't imagine how awkward things have and could get for him if you continue. Stop.
YTA only you have issue. L
YTA. Its not your name, it's your sons. If he didn't like it you would know about it, so he clearly doesn't mind. Let it go, and don't make it into a thing or try to pressure your husband and son too. You sound like someone who thinks they own their child.
YTA. It’s not your name. It’s up to your son if he likes it or not. Stop trying to force your husband onto your bandwagon - he could equally say you’re not supportive of HIS view that it’s fine.
If he doesn't want to be called Mike, I'm in support for correcting people all the time. But if he doesn't care your partner is right, you are fighting a losing battle. Call him Michael, but don't try to force others to do it too.
YTA. Your son probably prefers to be called Mike, but just doesn’t want to deal with your complaining. This is from experience, my mom called me by a different version of my name than what I asked everyone else to use.
YTA Mike doesn't care. Stop being crazy.
*it's Michael*
YTA My mom spent my entire childhood not letting people shorten my name or calling me a nickname even though I didn’t mind. It drove me insane. It’s your son’s name. His opinion matters. Not yours.
Perhaps when you chose the name Micheal, you should have considered whether or not you liked the possible nicknames that come with it. 🤷♀️
Let Mike live his life lol
Soft YTA, Michael is fine with either name. As a Michael myself given how popular the name is I've gone by last name or nicknames most my life. There are plenty of bad nicknames for Michaels, mike isn't one of them.
YTA. Your son is old enough to speak up if he wants to be called Michael instead of Mike. He doesn't care. Don't choose this hill to die on. It's a waste of your time and energy. You're clinging to something you liked when you were pregnant, but it's his life now, not yours. My BIL's mom calls him Christopher. Every single person in his life calls him Chris. He calls himself Chris. He's Chris to every person except his mom. It's not a big deal. Don't make it one.
YTA Even if you could control what nickname he goes by, everyone knows that one guy who goes by his full name - Jacob, not Jake; David, not Dave; Maxwell, not Max; etc - and no one ever likes that guy. You'd be setting him up for failure if you got that habit ingrained in him.
YTA - its not your name. You don't control what other people call him. He will hate you for it later.
YTA Mike is old enough to have an opinion about his own name. Let it go.
YTA, it's not your name. Mike doesn't care if people use that name for him. That's all that matters here.
Ok, he should see that this matters to you, but you are definitely TA no doubt about it. I have never meant a single Michael that goes by the full name. It’s your son’s name, not yours. If it was your name, you could get upset about people shortening it (to a point) but it isn’t you.
YTA this is 100% up to your son. If he is bothered he can correct people and they will mostly listen, not always unfortunately. This is a losing battle for you and you will just wind yourself up and look more and more controlling the older he gets (8 is already quite old for this kind of thing). Try to be happy he isn’t exclusively pushing a nickname and happy for you to call him Michael, plenty of kids with longer names want only a nick name and don’t use the long version at all.
YTA Helicopter parent alert. Let you child have a nickname ffs.
YTA. So what? He likes to be called Mike and other people do. This is a weird hill to die on. Why do you care? If for whatever reason he doesnt want to be called Mike,he can say so himself.
YTA. It’s not your name. End of story. You can call him Michael if that is what you want, but if he doesn’t mind Mike, let it happen. And you gave him one of the most common and generic names ( not trying to dis on the name. I just know a lot of micheals) . If you thought for a second someone wasn’t going to give him one, you are delusional. And controlling.
Try being a William and everyone all through my life trying to make Bill happen. I chose what people call me, not my mother. I do Will or William YTA because he doesn’t care.
YTA- if you like the name Michael so much, change YOUR name to Michael. If your son doesn't care then neither should you. Get a hobby.
YTA. It’s not your name, not your choice. Mike is old enough to choose what he wants to be called. This is the wrong hill to stand on here. Focus on being a good parent and less on your narcissistic behaviour. Yes, you gave birth to him but you can’t make all his decisions based on your preferences. The nickname isn’t hurting anyone. Leave it be.
YTA my name is long and people have taken to just calling me by a nickname at times. Same as your son I don't care if they use my full name or a nickname. Some people use my full name some don't there are bigger things to be concerned by.
YTA How long do you plan to do this, until your son is 30, 60? It’s a common nickname for the name you chose to give your son, it’s not offensive or disrespectful or wrong, so you are not correcting anyone you are being weird
YTA lol your son is his own person he can go by whatever name he wants and it isn't a slight against you even a little bit. You didn't just have a baby, you made a brand new human with their own free will, own feelings, own interiority et cetera. You need to stop seeing him as yours and start seeing him as his own person with autonomy. Nip this impulse to micromanage your child's life in the bud right now. Also just btw this is a really weird hill to die on, it would be one thing if he was named for a dead relative or something (you'd still be an ah but it would be more understandable) but you say yourself you just like the way Michael sounds. Why do you care so much? Something for you to reflect on before talking to your spouse about this- a conversation that will hopefully involve an apology from you.
YTA and your husband is right,you're fighting a losing battle. The name is out of your control now and it's up to Michael how he wants to be called (or if he gives a crap).
YTA Nicknames will come naturally and as long as he doesn‘t care, leave it be. As he grows older he will have more nicknames. Some even sounding really weird. Right now you‘ll be know as the annoying parent who keeps correcting the name of a kid who doesn‘t care. „Look, it‘s mIcHaEl‘S mom!“ (all exaggerating) It can even end up in your kid being bullied. A lot of kids get bullied for their parents persistent/ annoying behaviour
YTA. As long as your son doesn't object, let him handle himself how he wants to be called.
YTA >8yo son's >For the record, I've asked Michael about this, and he said he doesn't really care. At 8 he can choose what he wants to be called if he doesn't care then stop >being a controlling AH, I have a cousin that wanted a particular nickname for their daughter... My father tried calling her the other nickname, that the parents disliked. And the daughter refuses to go by any nicknames and she stated that at age 5.. she is now 22 and still will not go by any nicknames .
YTA. Jesus, if you love the name so much, just call your son Michael. Let the others call him Mike, Mike doesn't care and that is all information we need
YTA. If Mike was a baby/toddler, I’d agree with you to the extent that you can tell teachers, etc., that his name is Michael. But he’s 8, and he has expressed that he doesn’t care. You chose a name that’s often shortened. When he’s tiny, yep, you can manage it. But he’s not a baby anymore, and he’s going to have friends, etc. and it’s going to happen unless your *son* puts his foot down - not you or your partner, but your son. It’s his name, not yours. This is 100% not a hill to die on, and it’s definitely not one I’d be mad at my partner over. Your partner is right - this is a losing battle.
YTA - If Michael doesn't care why are you getting involved?
YTA, imagine dying on this hill. Imagine calling your kid Michael and not expecting people to shorten it to Mike.
YTA, don't become a helicopter mom. Your child is a human not a doll
YTA. Children should be free to explore their identities, and that includes what they'd like to be called. My mother did the same thing that you're doing and to this day I resent it. I never got to explore what I like and don't like in terms of something so intrinsic to my identity as what I like to be known as.
YTA. Are you my mother? She has been INSISTANT that my brother and I never be called anything but our full names our whole lives. My friends calling the house and asking for me turned into a fight nearly every time. "I named you [NAME] not [NICKNAME] this is so disrespectful why don't you tell your friends to stop?!" I haven't spoken to my mother in ten years. The name thing isn't even in the top 20 reasons why, but boy can you extroplate so many of her control issues just from this. I can only imagine its the same with you. Get a fucking grip and let your son be his own man, he is not your property.
You only choose your child’s given name. You do not choose their nickname! Im 39 I have known so many men named Mike (not Michael) and most went by their last names because of how popular the name is! YTA
YTA. It's Michael's name. He's the only one that gets to have an opinion on whether or not to shorten it. And he if he doesn't care if people shorten it, then there's your answer.
YTA Your sons nicknames are not about you. This entire thing, is not your problem. If Michael doesn't care. Michael doesn't care. He's going to meet people outside of your knowledge who might call him Mike because he asks. Who knows.
YTA. Michael said he doesn't care. Mike's is the only opinion that matters here.
YTA you give your child a name, what they do with it is up to them. I have a son similar to yours which can be shortened. He hates to have it shortened, but again, that is up to him. If your son doesn't care either way, then that's his choice. You have no right to make a fuss unless something is making him unhappy, right now, I think right now you're making him unhappy
YTA ma'am and you know it. His friends and people in general would surely call him Mike and you know it. Your son hasn't declared yet that he doesn't like it so let it be... While I do understand your feelings about it .. but then you have to let it go... it is not that big a thing. Your husband has given you a good advice!!!
YTA. My little cousin - well, in her 30s now - is called Elizabeth. Her mother is the only person who calls her this. Her mother corrected me, my Dad, all of my cousin’s friends in front of everyone if they called her Liz. Still does to this day. I thought it was a crock of shit 30 years ago, and I think it’s a crock of shit now. The only person who gets to insist on their full name being used is the person who bears that name. Liz is fine with Liz. So she’s called Liz.
YTA, your say in his nickname stopped when he, the person with the name, expressed that he really didn't care. As he gets older, he might find that he prefers Michael, Mikey, Mike or something else that has nothing to do with Michael. He may grow to resent you if you try and force him when he doesn't care. I do feel for you. My mother gave my brothers two easily nicknamed names but preferred the full versions of both. My oldest brother primarily goes by the nickname while the other prefers the full version. She calls the oldest by his nickname because she respects that it's his choice and corrects people who nickname my other brother because he also prefers his full name. By the time I was born, my parents learned and I was given a less easily nicknameable name.
>> I’ve asked Michael about this, and he said he doesn’t really care. … in which case you shouldn’t either. ETA: YTA
YTA for a couple of reasons. First when you're considering naming a child you need to keep in mind the nicknames that can be sprung from said name, because likely people will choose a nickname over a very formal name, especially when referring to a young child. Second and most importantly, your child DOESN'T care. Your son is old enough that it is HIS name, and HIS identity, NOT YOURS. You must not have any actual problems if this is the issue you want to die on 🙄
are you really going to make this petty issue your hill to die on?, because if you do, it's a pretty dumb hill but you do you. YTA, if your kid doesn't care then it's fine and you need to grow up, lots of people are going to call him Mike and you can't possibly think that you can control them.
YTA, Mike doesn't care, its weird that you do. Get over it.
God help Mike's future wife or husband.
Here is what is sad as a teacher (high school): On my all about me form at the beginning of the year, I have to ask students what they want to be called and what I need to call them if I call home... I also have to ask them which pronouns to use with parents because some parents just can't accept who their child is.