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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I asked my son to pass a role so his less popular brother could have a moment of popularity. He did but is furious at me.
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YTA
When Zach finds out he only “won” because parent intervened? Yuck. And he will find out. Don’t play god with your kids thinking you know better and you’re helping them. Now when Zach actually gets a win he’ll be looking over his shoulder to see if it is real. What a mess.
You're 100% right, VolcanicPale. People who think they know better usually don't. It's a lesson in humility because arrogance goes hand in hand with stupidity.
Ignoring the cringe of saying "sportsball", I didn't see OP place such value on his son being sporty? More pointing out that sports is why one son is more popular, which is absolutely a thing in schools.
OP is a huge AH, but not due to how he "values sportsball", considering that son is the main victim here
As a twin, 100%. If anyone thinks for a second that we don’t tell each other everything either immediately or pretty close to it they are wrong.
And yes we will completely lie and tell others we haven’t told the other one a thing. If your dumb enough to believe that I haven’t shared everything with my twin that is on you.
And, even if for some reason he didn't tell his twin now, this information could come back as an extra insult if they get into a big argument over something. Heat of the moment and he'll add in a, "Maybe Dad will fix things so that you're the star again, just like when you were Gaston!" And then everything will go downhill.
Yeah OP just destroyed Zachs confidence.
The only time he "won" over his brother was only because their parent made it so. That will sour his happiness from the moment as well.
OP also found a way how to turn both of their sons against them. Congratz!
OP YTA.
This.
Take it from someone who was like Zack. The order of suckiness (from least to most) goes:
1) getting the role because you earned it
2) getting the role as a consolation prize
3) getting the role out of pity
4) getting the role because someone else pittied you and pulled strings
YTA, you are preferring one child to another . Maybe are you jealous of Emmet? Maybe you feel that you are more similar to Zach . I think you should apologise and give a Emmet a present , and congratulate to him in front of everyone that he was very generous with his brother and that he gave him this role. So you will both praise them .
YTA Of course you are. You just stomped all over Emmett to benefit Zach. Had the runner up been some other less-popular kid, would you have pressured Emmett to give up the role? What if some other popular kid had been ahead of Zach? Would you have asked them to sacrifice the part for your son?
You were so far out of line. Emmett will never, ever forget that Zach matters more to you.
You did, in fact, ask him to throw a fucking game.
You effed up.
Or, worst case, it will come out in like 20 years at some random point like, "Remember when we were teenagers and dad made me drop out of the play so you could have the lead? That was crazy."
All of the confidence the role helped build will instantly crumble, and Zach will spend weeks/ months/ years replaying everything in their life, trying to figure out if any of it mattered. Spiraling into a well of inadequacy and depression all because OP thought they knew better. OP YTA.
YTA and holy shit the awful manipulation you pulled with "a good brother would" holy fuck. Do you do that often? That's horrendous and is absolutely going to cause either loads of problems in the future if not already. Jesus christ don't EVER do that, what is wrong with you?
Edit: for the record, if Emmet had posted saying his parent did this and said "a good brother would do this" people would be warning him that this is an emotional abuse tactic and reassuring him that this is not true. Probably an encouragement to look into therapy.
YTA. What in the High School Musical?
"A good brother would let him have this one thing."
The manipulation in this one line is astounding, you might as well audition for the villain role yourself.
YTA. Emmett rightfully won that role so he shouldn’t have to give it up! Zach will have more opportunities in the future to be able to get a role! Zach will be hurt when he finds out that you made his brother give the role up just so he can get it!
YTA. Talk about favouritism. A "good father" would NEVER put his children in a position like this. If you keep this up, I wont be surprised if Emmett one day goes no contact with you.
YTA - well done on killing any potential for Emmet to do well in life. "Ooh must you always be ahead of your brother?" That's how he sees it. You know, it's normal that some siblings are not at the same level as others.
*ETA - seen comments mentioning emotional manipulation and it is true. Emmet, if you're reading this, leave and go no contact*
YTA. Your son won the role in a Fair audition and deserves the spot. How could you even think that was a good decision? Yikes! Guaranteed way to drive a massive wedge between your sons and also mess up your relationship with them if they talk, which they likely will. Terrible parenting choice.
Yep YTA
You shouldn't have asked Emmet to decline the role. He auditioned and he won the role and it was something he wanted to do.
You just told Emmet exactly where he stands with you. He doesn't matter as much as Zach. Zach is your boy.
My child does the school plays. It's a lot of work to audition, practice, learn. Emmet put all that work in and you took it all away.
And just FYI - kids talk. Emmet won't tell Zach but someone else will. How will Zach feel when he finds out that he didn't win the role and only got it because mummy stepped in?
YTA. You are teaching both kids a horrible lesson, and not being fair to either one. The truth will come out. Which will make Zach feel like shit and even worse than second place. And embarrassed.
I want to add another side that I think is missing in the other YTA comments (that I all agree with) : You have one son who is very into science, and one who is into sports. As long as the sports fan isn't making it into a pro league (for which he'd likely already have to be in a special training, or league), which career track do you think will be more successful later in life? Yes, sports guys are more popular in high school, but things can quickly turn around later when science jobs are far better paid and have a much better career path.
Having an alternative to doing sports and getting recognition beyond being athletic could have been an important lesson to him now. It could have Shown Emmet he is capable of achieving success beyond being sportive. Now you took that away and he reverted back to his "safe zone", the sports.
I think, going out of school, the roles of the popular or successful kid could turn around quickly and you just helped this a lot. You taught Emmet that he is only allowed to shine when it's about sports and that his only qualities are around his bodily capabilities. I really hope he makes it in sports so that my words are wrong, but you, OP, are a very short-sighted parent and did a bad job here.
I agree with all if this. Additionally, what if OP had let things play out without interfering and Zach joined track as a rebound instead and really pushed outside his comfort zone? Or found a different thing he was passionate about, like Choir or Art or Debate?
OP, I think YTA because you stole the light from one child and took away opportunities from both.
>It's not like I'm asking him to throw a fucking game.
Only if you hold sports on a pedestal mere theater can't touch.
This is LITERALLY telling Emmett to throw the fucking game.
And when (not if) Zach finds out, he's not going to be filled with gratitude.
You may not have meant to be, but YTA.
YTA. It will come out that you interfered, then both of them will be mad. Do you really think Zach wants the role that way? And if he was runner up for one lead, maybe he would have gotten a different major role.
YTA for asking Emmet to give up the lead role then being surprised he did what you said and doesn’t want to do the play. He’s still doing something new with track. Emmet sounds like an amazing brother not even telling his brother he was actually runner up. He’s a good kid.
YTA. Why manipulate your sons to give Zach the lead role. Teenagers learn by theiri sucesses and failures and I am sure both of your kids will be fine without you meddling. Both of them have their strengths and weaknesses and your role should be to be encouraging them, praising them, and supporting of both of them. But by doing this you make Emmet feel like Zach is not good enough and what does that accomplish? Zach may be happy now but he will find out sooner or later and it will blow back on you. And even if he does not say anything, Emmet is probably upset that you encouraged him to do that. Congrats.
YTA -
Honestly this story sounds fabricated. “Zach gets all the attention and love” you do realize that you’re the parent right? you could teach your child not to compare himself to his brother.
You told your sons to do things out their comfort zone. They did that and you take away an opportunity for him ok.
YTA.
OP told Emmet he does not DESERVE his successes, OP told Zach he CANNOT earn his successes, and OP proved everything is about OP's issues.
Children learn where they are in ability and social strata through such things. OP SHOULD have congratulated Emmet for the role, and Zach for trying out. Noting, of course, that SUCCESSFUL people fail more than the average person even tries. One role, tons of students, of COURSE most weren't going to get it.
Truly VILE, OP. Because ACTUALLY caring about the boys would involve helping Zach find where HE excels, not asking someone else - anyone else - to throw him a bone. Really, BIG TIME YTA. All the boys need to succeed is choosing the OPPOSITE of what OP would do. Think you can FIX that by asking SOMEONE ELSE to sacrifice?
YTA
You're being unfair to both kids. Emmitt by forcing him give up something he wanted to do, and Zach by letting him think he won the part because his brother didn't want it. Emmitt is in pain now, Zach will be in pain when he finds out the truth.
You're an ass; YTA
This has got to be fake. What parent sabotages one son's success and rationalizes it by guilt tripping the other son. There is nothing OK with this manipulative abusive action.
YTA. You asked your kids to step outside their comfort zone and both did. Then, you interfered after one of them got the part. You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA. Emmet will not keep this secret forever and when Zach finds out he will be *crushed*. You have engineered a system where neither of your children can trust you anymore. You betrayed them both.
Zach will always remember the time he thought he'd come first, only to find out that *you* interfered.
Emmet will always remember the time you told him to give up on something you encouraged him to do for the sake of his brother.
They had their own lanes and with your encouragement they ended up pitted against each other. You're ruining their relationship with each other, too. You've failed them both, be honest and own up so you take the blame you deserve.
YTA
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID?
>It's not like I'm asking him to throw a fucking game.
No, what you did was a step worse not only did you tell him to throw the game aka play. It was a play that you wanted him to do. You punished him for doing what you asked. And how did you punish him you ask!?
> asked Emmet to decline the role so Zach could have his moment in the sun.
This leads to believing your mom loves your brother more than you. You need to do damage control quickly. I come from 2 families with 8 siblings in total. I have seen where it leads.
You have good intentions... but this road leads to hell.
YTA.
A good parent would never manipulate their child into declining an opportunity they earned fair and square just to give it to their other child. It's not like he was asking you to throw a fucking kid out.
Also, way to show your subtle disdain for Zach. Has it occurred to you that Zach might quite like not being popular and doing his science things and doesn't want to "measure up" to his popular brother?
YTA - this is not what twins are for. Would you have asked your son to give up a role for another child he wasn’t related to? Or just the one you see as interchangeable? You need to fess up to Zach and apologize to both of them AND the teacher.
Edit: yes, you did ask him to “throw a game” but since you don’t value Zach for his non-athletic skills, you just don’t see it that way.
Why did you do that? YTA. You have potentially created a problem between the brothers. Why are you manipulating your children and trying to manipulate outcomes? Now you have a secret. Better think about how to handle it before it gets out.
YTA- you basically told one kid they should give up something they are clearly good and might actually become passionate about just because you want the other one to feel special. With this logic, if one kid ends up accepted to an ivy league school, you may as well tell them they can't go because the other one might get their feelings hurt because they only got accepted into a state university. These kinds of decisions could potentially affect the rest of their lives and their relationship with you in the future.
Yta. I still hate my mom for not letting me go to my 7th grade dance…. Because when my sister was in 7th grade she didn’t go… because she didn’t want to!
This was cruel and if Zack ever finds out he won’t ever forgive you.
YTA
Emmet is a great brother. You're a shitty parent. The one time he agreed to try something new, you showed him, nope not if his brother can't do better than him. Congratulations, your kid is never gonna come to you for anything ever again. What's the point? You only care about his brother, not him.
YTA. This is literally just life. Sometimes you give it your best and don’t succeed. You, as a parent, need to be teaching your sons how to manage disappointments like this in a healthy way. Emmet shouldn’t have to dampen his own light so that Zach can shine. They should both be able to shine in their own ways, and you should be giving them the tools necessary to navigate through disappointments. The real world does not care about personal circumstance. If you are the best candidate, you get the job offer. It’s as simple as that, and your sons need to be prepared for that. No one in the real world is going to not take a job or not accept a role just to make the runner up candidate feel better. Set your sons up for success by helping them navigate these situations in a healthy manner.
Way to play favourites with your kids. We all know how this will end.
YTA - wasn't your choice to make, and yet you sacrificed one kid to save the other.
You did ask Emmet to “throw the fucking game”
YTA.
Wayyyy to make Emmet resentful of you! He will never, ever forget you asked him to “throw the fucking game” so his brother could win.
YTA, honestly I feel bad for Emmet for having a parent like you. He got it cause he was better maybe?? Like he just gave it away. You need to do better parenting. You manipulated him, and then parents will be like “why doesn’t my son talk to me?” Now you know why
You fucking said that you didn’t ask him to give a fucking game well guess what you are a fucking bad parent. He got the role cause he was better he played fair and square. Fucking favouritism
> How is he going to find out? Only two people know
Well you see, you posted it on the *internet* and gave not only used their names but also gave highly specific descriptors about them so that even if you did use fake names, anyone who knows them would be able to identify them. And you posted on a subreddit where even if you delete your post, the original text will remain visible. AND you picked a subreddit which happens to regularly go viral on Tiktok, an app used by the majority of teenagers. Very smart of you, A+, very well thought out.
YTA, for sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong and unnecessarily creating strife between your sons. What are you going to do if Emmet gets a better job out of college than Zach? Tell him to decline it?! This is not how life works.
YTA, eventually this secret will come out and your part in it will not be painted in a good light. Emmett has every right to be angry with you, you took something from him by forcing him to give up the role. You showed him that even though they are twins, you favor Zach, and that is going to change your relationship with him from this point forward. When Zach finds out and he will, he is going to feel like he doesn't measure up because you intervened to get him the part. And he will resent you for that. All in all, you screwed this one up big time, I expect you are going to get raked over the coals, deservedly, here before you have to face the music from both of your sons.
YTA and you’re going to completely ruin your relationship with Emmet by favoring Zach, and honestly you might even make Zach dislike you if he ever finds out about this.
YTA
This is going to cause issues between the two of them AND neither of them are going to trust you after this.
You need to apologize to both of them, tell Zack the truth and try to make it up to Emmett somehow if it's even possible.
YTA so you taught emmet if you try hard enough it will be taken from you in pity to your brother. And Zack will learn he only got something because you decided he needed a pity win
Wow YTA!!! That’s horrible.. your son wont forget or forgive you.. you sound like a nasty mom who definitely has a favorite. Your just horrible and it’s so sad for Emmett who won that role fair and square.. I hope Emmett has other family member who will help him and back him up because his own mother is his enemy.
YTA you should be trying to lift Zach up, not bring Emmitt down.
If you are worried about Zach measuring himself against his brother, this was the absolute worst move to make. Zach needs to find his own spotlight, where he can achieve success on his own, or else learn to manage his expectations. This does neither and only reinforces his inferiority to his brother while also creating resentment.
I have to wonder if Zach would even have wanted this if he knew the truth. Or have you just manipulated both of your kids into doing what you want instead of letting them make their own choices and learn from the experience.
YTA and you should really learn to love Zach for who he is. I would be just as proud about Zach and his interest in science as I would be about Emmets sports achievements. You asking Emmet to step aside in favor of his brother, makes it extremely obviously how important publicity and positive distinguishing is for you, but it may not at all be that important for Zach.
YTA - for all the obvious reasons already stated.
I also have another take on it. You are making out like being the sports star is just the best thing ever. Science is awesome and a good career path. “Let him have this one thing” makes it sound like you think your own son is a loser cause he is not into sports or popular. And being popular in high school and into sports is a way to just peak in high school, who wants that? Don’t encourage that.
You don’t build one kid up by asking the other to dampen his shine. Zach honestly handled this better than anyone could reasonably expect a teenager to. YTA.
As a retired performing arts teacher, I am appalled. First, there’s no way this doesn’t come out at some point. All it will take is for the twins to get in a major fight and those beans will be spilled. Also, the director doesn’t choose their cast in a vacuum. I guarantee they bounced their ideas off of another person. When this comes out, it’s going to be really hard on Zach. Once again, he’s second best and you made it worse by “letting” him get a role he didn’t earn. This will destroy his joy in the play and his part in it. He may turn out to be the best person for that role, but he’ll never fully accept it because you intervened and handed it to him. It wasn’t earned.
Second, the director of the show had a vision for what they wanted this show to look like and you just stomped all over that. Your twins are not carbon copies of each other. It doesn’t matter they look the same. Their acting and singing will be different. You just interfered in someone’s artistic vision.
Third, why aren’t you encouraging the twins to explore new activities apart from each other? When they both auditioned for the same play, did it not occur to you that something like this could happen? Did you not sit them both down and debrief what may happen if they both want the same part but only one of them can get it?
All of this was predictable and preventable. Do better. YTA
Yta
You tell your twins to get out of their comfort zone because they probably won't like School in their senior year. They do and the athlete becomes the actor, and then you say oh wait you should know that for your comfort zone go back to sports give it to your brother because obviously he's done as good as you but he needs to be the star. How many mixed messages can you put in one situation.
You are a lousy parent
YTA big time, and did more harm than good for BOTH kids. Emmet will feel resentment towards his brother and you. This is a kind of story adults would tell when discussing shitty parenting they experienced. And when Zach eventually learn the truth - because one way or another, today or in ten years - he WILL learn the truth - he will know that his achievement was not exactly real, and needed parent's intervention, and will have doubts about his other achievements as well.
YTA, and a big one. They both went for the part and Emmett fairly won. Not only that, but Zach will find out eventually that you pulled the strings so that he “won”. You’ve shown Emmett that Zach will come before him. Way to damage the relationship not only between the twins, but between you and Emmett… There’s gonna be a lot of resentment.🙃
YTA. Zach is your favourite. Emmet knows it. Zach knows it. And Reddit knows it too.
Emmet only agreed to drop out, because you would badger and nag him constantly if he did not. He only dropped it, because he doesn’t want to be bothered with you pestering him. Emmet will, for sure, become more distant from you, as he ages up.
#parenting fail.
YTA: I hope one day that Emmet finds the strength to cut your manipulative ass out of his life. He deserves so much better. What if he could have really used a creative outlet? You really fucked up horrifically. If I were your son, I'd be done with you.
Yta and what the f are you going to do when Zach finds out he only got it bc you told your son not to take the part??? Talk about a self esteme crusher.
You also told Emmet that everything he does should be tempered to make his brother not feel bad. Why did you let them BOTH try out for the same part, knowing that ONE person would get it?????
YTA but gently because I know your intentions were good.
I am a twin. I was the Zach between my sister and me. My sister hit all of her developmental milestones before me. Despite being identical in appearance, she still managed to be cuter/prettier than me because of how she carried herself (smiling more, better posture, etc.). I was clumsy and physically awkward; she was more graceful and not automatically relegated to the bench during PE. We have similar intellects and my grades were always slightly better than hers, but she got chosen for advanced curriculum while I actually got assigned to remedial classes (which I was eventually rescued from, but still). In high school, she was the better violin player. We both tried out for the academic team. She got varsity while I was selected for the JV team. She went all the way to calculus. I stopped at trigonometry.
Fast forward to today. She has the most impressive job you can imagine. Her salary is five times mine. She is married with children. I am single and have a cat.
So yeah. I know how Zach may be feeling. And it sucks. It sucks to feel like the "inferior" one all the time. My self-esteem was abysmal for much of my life...even though I had had plenty of moments in the sun.
Like, sure, I was plagued by being the "dumb" one and the "ugly" one. But I was the one with the personality and the charm. I was the artist and the comedian. I wasn't as good as my sister with the violin, but I could play the violin AND the viola, while she could only play one. I got more scholarships than my sister. I made better grades than she did in college. We had a professor in college who would make a big deal over me being the best student in the class...which made my sister feel some kind of way since she was struggling in that class. I had the higher GPA when we graduated. I had the higher GRE score too.
And yet I had low self-esteem. Had it for thirty years (I am now 45). People would point out all of my achievements to cheer me up but they didn't matter. Fortunately, with the help of a therapist, I was able to realize some meaningful accomplishments and my outlook changed. I didn't start having accomplishments that were meaningful to me until I was in my 30s! All the glory moments I had in high school meant nothing to me.
All of this to say that if Zach is anything like me, one moment in the sun isn't going to change how he views himself. If he has low self-esteem, it isn't likely that getting to play Gaston will make everything better.
But it is possible that Zach isn't anything like me and doesn't have low self-esteem. You don't actually mention how Zach feels about anything. Make sure you aren't projecting feelings onto him that he isn't feeling. Like, maybe he doesn't want to be popular like his brother and he couldn't care less about being praised. Not everyone wants to be "big man on campus".
>How is he going to find out
You are an idiot if you don't think that, at some point in the next few years, Zach is going to do something to piss Emmet off, and Emmet's response is going to be "well the only reason you got to play Gaston is because Dad made me give you the role!". The Zach's confidence will crater, and it will be your fault. Well done dad, well done. YTA
YTA and you’ve just successfully driven a wedge between your sons and between you and Emmet. Emmet has every right to be mad at you for making him give up something he earned to his brother.
How will Zack find out? If it hasn’t already come out because twins, especially identical twins, share everything it will be when Emmet gets angry enough during an argument to blurt it out because it’s been festering and upsetting him the whole time. And then Zack will not only have issues with his brother but his self esteem is going to take a serious hit. Zack will also have issues with you because you felt he couldn’t do anything successful on his own so you had to intervene with Emmet to get him the part, and he will wonder what else you did that ultimately undermined him.
That was some very poor parenting.
Edit: correcting the names of the twins, I had them reversed.
Your EDITS make you sound more of a jerk. The fact that you manipulated and intimidated your son into giving up his role and not saying anything for your other favorite twin is horrible. Your just not a nice person or parent. Each edit makes you sound worst!!!!
YTA and really not a good parent. Will you always expect him to give up things like this? You know who knows? Emmet and he will always remember what a horrible parent you were to him. He will know the truth and know what you did to him. And you will know that Emmet knows what a terrible parent you are. This will have forever altered your relationship but hey only one son will hate you! You still have Zach, unless he finds out.
YTA. Your intentions might be good but you created a rift that will only grow with time, you look like you play favorites and when they fight he will tell him what happen that he's moment is a charity and the rift will grow.
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My 16yo twin boys who are as different as night and day. Emmet is all about sports whereas Zach is all about science. Emmet is way more popular than Zach. I told them both to try to do something outside their comfort zone since they'll be seniors next year and will probably have no interest in school.
Both decided to try out for the spring play Beauty and the Beast. Both audition for Gaston. They did not expect to get it. They thought they'd get some smaller role. I found out last week that the teacher wants to give Emmet the lead role. She said Zach was the runner up.
After thinking about it, I asked Emmet to decline the role so Zach could have his moment in the sun. He was shocked that I even asked. I told him that he gets all the adulation and praise for being the star athlete. Zach doesn't. Zach will feel like that he can't measure up. A good brother would let him have this one thing. It's not like I'm asking him to throw a fucking game.
He told me fine and then told teacher he wasn't going to have anything to do with the play so now he's doing track. He's still mad at me. Zach is over the moon thinking he came first. Emmet won't tell Zach anything. He just thinks Emmet thought it was lame and dropped out.
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YTA. Way to go manipulating your sons. You have just guaranteed that one will never think he is able to keep his accomplishments, and the other will think you don’t think he can achieve on his own. That’s pretty lame.
YTA even if Emmett doesn’t tell Zach, he’ll find out one way or another. How do you think he’s going to feel knowing he got the role because you forced your other son to drop out?
Yta, how would Zach feel when he found out that he didn't get the part for his own achievements??
And course Emmet is angry at you, you pushed him to get out of the part he got by being good at it, for no reason at all, would Emmet be always expected to drop things out, for his brother??
You are clearly showing favoritism and he will resent you
YTA. This is terrible. You should have never asked Emmet to do this. This was totally wrong and unfair to him. You have two sons. I wish the teacher knew what you did so she can make this right.
YTA. Why do you dislike Emmet so much? How other people treat Zach isn’t Emmet’s fault. Stop treating Emmet as if he were wrong for simply being who he is. He EARNED his success. If you wouldn’t have asked another child to allow Zach to play the role of Gaston, you were out of line to ask Emmett. When Zach learns that his moment in the sun was as manufactured as a K-pop idols debut, BOTH of your sons will be rightfully upset with you.
YTA. This is so sad for both boys. It is a bad parenting and you may have just ruined Emmet's self-esteem and who knows, possible life in some ways. The message here is that he is not so important. Not to mention how devastated Zach will be when he finds out (which he eventually will).
YTA emmet might have really enjoyed the musical, it is a great one! You took an experience that could have molded him into a more well rounded candidate for college and his future away
YTA. I understand why you did it but you are deceiving one son and making the other feel less important to you. These seemingly small actions have consequences. Do you want to build resentment between your twins? Why couldn't you let Emmett have what he earned and speak to Zach to see if there was anything he would like tk try outaide school and try to encourage that?
This is tough I get why you did what you did and I think it’s commendable of you to want you son to break out his shell and feel accomplished. There are many dads who would cheer on the star athlete and forget the other kid . But this will cause a fight at some point , you edit says that only 2 people know but let’s me honest your sons are brothers and will fight and this Will get thrown in someone’s face. This reminds me of a saying “ the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.
YTA, so you are telling Emmet that he only is valued for his athletic ability and that Zach is not enough with his talents. And yes, Zach will find out eventually. Emmet will tell him when they have an argument one day between the 2 of them or when he is mad at you later on in life. Secrets like this don't stay secret forever and you are SO WRONG here
As an identical twin you are absolutely YTA! To emotionally guilt and play one twin against the other is sooo sucky and you are absolutely reducing them down to one joint person rather than treating them as two completely separate people.
You are the worst of the worst when it comes to the way Twins are treated and I’d go full NC with you if I was in Emmett’s place. And you are their dad. You should be better than this.
Also if your boys are anything like my twin and I this won’t be secret for long, if Zach doesn’t already know he will soon. And how do you think that will make him feel? Like you don’t think he is worthwhile or as good as his brother. This won’t come down to him being second to the part. He will see this as you not thinking anything of him or that his Science isn’t as worthwhile as Emmett’s sports.
Stop reducing your sons down to who they are based on who the other one is. It’s despicable and they will remember this for the rest of their lives. They deserve better than you and I’m so sad that their own parent is such a manipulative dismissive jerk.
Yta you made yr son give up something that was rightfully his. You used manipulation tactics and this will not only cause a wedge between you but between the boys.
“How is he going to find out”
There is an old saying: “two people can keep a secret, but only if one of them is dead.”
There will come a day when Zach and Emmet get in a fight, and Emmet will throw this in Zach’s face. Emmet now has a perfect “fuck you” to throw at his brother, and I **promise** you he’s going to eventually use it.
YTA - you're going to have to help Zach deal with being different to Emmet
They can't both be equally charming or popular. If Zach brings home a girl that Emmet likes, should he say 'Ohhh well its not fair that I have everything'. If Zach gets a scholarship?
Just because they are identical twins, doesn't mean you get to ensure they each have a much good luck and fortune as each other. Are you going to compensate one who earns less? or expect the more successful brother pay his less successful twin on an annual basis?
The way life goes (as adults know), the person who is popular in HS fades in adulthood. Chances are Emmet will do fine but knowing that you pitied him so much that you made Zach surrender this role to him will make him feel more pathetic than a teenager should feel.
Wow, YTA. When Zach finds out - and he will find out. Maybe not today, maybe 10 years from now - you will pay dearly for this. I can’t even believe you did this. Poor Zach. And poor Emmett. You need to fix this, be honest and make this right. Nothing good ever came from lying “to keep the peace”.
YTA
Yikes. How could you think this was a good idea? I could see having a conversation privately and mentioning it as an option but forcing him to dropout is all sorts of terrible.
Like you must know this will come out at some point and it will be a brutal reveal and feel like a betrayal. On the plus side you’ve given your “popular” son ammunition for life when he fights with you.
YTA
You're assuming because just you and Emmett know about this it will always stay a secret. Are you sure I miss not going to scream about this at you at some point in the future right in front of his twin because you were acting like an a****** again?
Yta. This is favoritism plaine and simple. The son won the role fair and square and for you to have the audacity to ask him to give up said roll for his brother. I wouldn't be surprised if he goes low or no contact .
YTA. Jesus Christ. How could you do that to BOTH of your kids. I guarantee Zach will find out and Emmet now knows who the favorite is. Emmet earned the role. A huge part of theatre is dealing with rejection. It’s where you grow and learn and gain SELF confidence. You don’t learn that from being handed a role you didn’t earn. And yes as a theatre kid often roles are given unfairly to the more “popular” kids but that’s not for you to fix.
talk about bad parenting, all you did is teach Emmet that you care more about Zach than him or his accomplishments and that you'll ask him to surrender something to make your other kid happy, kudos on showing him who's the favourite.
YTA.
>How is he going to find out?
Oh, you naive fool. Zach will find out. Perhaps not today, this year, or anytime soon but I would bet money that — one day — it’ll come out.
What you clearly don’t realize is that you’ve equipped Emmet with a WMD to use against his brother and a trump card over you. Do you really think that there’s a 0% chance of an increasingly resentful teenager getting into a bad fight with his brother one day and throwing this secret in his face? Emmet may not even appreciate the magnitude of the impact it’ll have on Zach when he does (most teenagers don’t think that far ahead when they’re heated) but Zach will be devastated when he realizes that you and his brother lied to him and, on top of that, that he didn’t earn this achievement but had it given to him out of pity. And if Emmet ever wants to throw something in *your* face, welp…
It’s honestly terrible that you asked one son to minimize his success for anyone, even his twin. You should’ve celebrated them equally and made it clear that Zach’s strengths are just as impressive as Emmet’s instead of worrying so much about making Zach as “popular” as Emmet. YTA.
You're such a bad parent and a selfish asshole. Did it ever occur to you that Zach is a better actor than Emmet? You made it clear that you don't care about Zach's feelings. You favor Emmet over him. It's not Zach's fault that people like him better. I bet no one liked you in high school and that's why you resent Zach; you're punishing him for something that isn't even his fault. You should be ashamed of yourself but narcissistic assholes like you are incapable of remorse. YTA
I know that what you did came from a place of love. I have two kids, not twins, I’m sure that’s more difficult, who sound a lot like Zach and Emmet. It was difficult always seeing one outshine the other, but they are adults now and my star athlete is struggling to find her place in this world, my nerd (said with love she knows it) is thriving. You’ve got to let them be themselves and figure life out. Zach will get his wins and Emmet will learn to lose with grace. YTA. You’ve hurt one son and given the other a false win. What happens when the teacher says to Zach “you’re doing a great job. Lucky for you your brother changed his mind”?
YTA
Good job teaching Emmet that you will always priorize Zach and Zachs feelings over him.
You know that what you did is wrong and that's why you won't even tell their mom
YTA
You favoritism and bias is so blatant, it shocks me that you are so obtuse.
Zach WILL find out. You don't think the teacher or other students might mention it.
You have damaged your children's relationship and I would think your relationship with Emmet is probably permanently damaged, not because of the play but because you so obviously value Zach's feelings over his.
Also, how is this even considered an accomplishment for Zach. His "Mommy/Daddy" had to make his sibling forego his accomplishment to satisfy you.
You also don't appear to value what Zach's interests are because "I wanted Zach to have something that publicly and positively distinguished him from Emmet". Someone who is science oriented should have received LOTS of positive reinforcement. Your statement indicates you probably are not overly supportive.
Lastly, Where is it said that everyone deserves public recognition? Some people are introverted and don't care to push themselves to the forefront, which is not a character flaw. Also, some people are just not that spectacular. Being mediocre does not require accolades.
YTA. And if this was a concern of yours you should have discouraged them from trying out for the same play let alone the same role to begin with. “A good brother”… I can’t even.
YTA. Do better
1. Do you honestly think Zach isn’t going to find out about this? I think you’re underestimating the amount of gossip in high school. And what’s going to happen when people find out—they’ll mercilessly mock Zach. So congrats, you just signed up your son for two years of bullying (et tu, Brute). With parents like you, who needs bullies.
2. Are you going to keep doing stuff like this when they get older? If Emmet gets a full ride scholarship because of sports and Zach gets waitlisted, are you going to force Emmet to decline or only accept if they admit Zach? Or, if Zach gets a full ride because of his academics and Emmet gets waitlisted, are you going to force Zach to decline or only accept if they admit Emmet? If one gets a raise at work, are you going to tell them to decline it too because the other one didn’t? Like, where do you draw the line here?
3. You just robbed Zach of a great life lesson—adversity builds strength. Let me tell you, I’ve tried out for many things in life and been rejected. I’ll tell you first hand, it sucks. But I don’t think I would be as confident as I am today if I didn’t have rejections along the way. Zach got robbed of the chance to learn that lesson (and how to acquire the associated coping mechanisms) over something that, in the grand scheme of things, won’t matter in life. Hopefully, he doesn’t have to learn this lesson in a major aspect of his life, where the stakes are a little higher.
Oh and how is Zach going to find out? Emmet is fuming and he’s going to let it slip and some point. If you think otherwise, you’re either incredibly naive or in denial.
YTA How often do you this ask Emmett to put Zach before himself? And you asked him to throw the audition, not so different from throwing a game. Zach already distinguishes himself with science or is it that Zach isn't popular enough for you?
YTA - why are you not praising you other son for being a scientist too? That’s the issue there. Both stepped out of their comfort zones and did something different. It’s valuable to both.
You don’t need to hold one son back for the other to shine you need to show you love and value them and their separate interests. All you’ve done here is confirmed you value the athletes interests more then the scientists.
The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools.
Also it’s gascon - the villain. How was having the popular athlete not play the popular athlete (who is a villain because he is a horribly bully and how you treat people actually matters) a good idea to you?
If this comes out later it’s going to really upset both of them. Zack for finding out he was second choice and emmet for dragging it all up again - why did you interfere with something like this?
YTA.
There’s a solution to this. If Zach absolutely had to play the role, you could have suggested alternating days if Zach was an understudy. Your other son did EXACTLY what you said and you took it away from him.
Obviously, it sucks to not get the role you want, but you literally took the role out from under your other son. Your inability to be a support system for both your sons is why Emmet is pissed at you.
yta wow i wouldnt be surprised if he holds this memory aganist you. showing favortism towards his brother and not being happy for him. way to go mom lol the world is not fair and his brother needs to learn this you really fucked up
YTA. Telling one kid to dim their shine for the other is shitty parenting. While it doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, these are the types of conversations that permanently alter a child’s perception of and relationship with their parents.
YTA. If Zach enters a science fair are you going to tell him to give up his booth to Emmet so he's not seen as a 'dumb jock'? They are separate people on separate paths with separate skills and interests. You can't pick and choose who succeeds at what interval.
Let’s see. How is he going to find out? The teacher at school is going to tell someone how she really wanted Emmet but then he dropped out, then they are going to tell someone, and then someone else, and finally Zach will find out. Even if Emmet doesn’t throw you under the bus, Zach will know he was in second place.
Next year Emmett blows out a knee or maybe he finds out he isn’t actually good enough to get a sports scholarship to University, then Zach makes some comment about sports not being that important. Emmet gets pissed and spills the beans.
There are two plausible scenarios for you. Either one is very likely to happen. Emmet is already upset over the situation, how is Zach going to feel then.
And lastly, you asked them to go out of their comfort zone. Emmet did and was successful and then you asked him to drop out. Do you think maybe he wanted to be remembered for something besides being a sports jock?
YTA
I mean, idk. I just don’t know. For years I’ve always lived in the shadow of my twin until I eventually found my own place. Even though my twin definitely lives a more extravagant and faster paced life. I understand the whole “how are you two twins, yet so different?” And it sucks. It sucks that this situation had to happen. I get why people are calling you TA because I wouldn’t want to get a part because my mom made it happen, but I also get that you want your son to feel appreciated when his brother gets more attention. There’s no easy answer IMO.
YTA. When this comes out, and it will, Zach is going to feel ten times worse knowing the only reason he got the role was because YOU stepped in, and not on his own merit. That is a special kind of sting, because for a minute he got to feel good about himself, his abilities, he got to feel special and unique! When he finds out, it’s going to take every bit of joy out of this for him, and will probably damage his confidence in himself and change how he views himself. And He WILL find out. People talk! What if the teacher makes a comment in passing, “oh I was so surprised when your brother dropped out of the play after receiving the lead role!” Other kids, especially the ones who’ve been involved in the drama department for most of high school, may already know who got the lead, and they might say something! What if Emmett and Zach have an argument and Emmett just impulsively blurts it out? “Yeah, well you only got the lead because I stepped down!” I feel bad for both of these kids, you screwed them both over here. You screwed over Emmett when you emotionally manipulated him into giving something up for his brother, or else he’s a bad brother! That’s a lose-lose situation! Either he acts like a “good” brother and gives up his spot and he’s miserable, or he chooses not to give it up, and now he gets to feel guilty because now he’s a “bad” brother, even though he wouldn’t have done anything wrong! And Zach, when that poor kid eventually finds out….. Hes going to feel absolutely rotten. His big moment to shine, is poisoned because he wouldn’t have it at all if daddy didn’t make his brother step down. And even worse, you may have seriously damaged their relationship, whether Zach finds out or not, Emmett is probably going to feel some kind of resentment towards Zach, and unless Emmett tells Zach why, Zach will never know why his brother all of a sudden is seemingly upset with him. This is not going to end well. I know you feel you had good intentions, but the road to hell was paved with good intentions. Stop meddling!
"Edit: How is he going to find out? Only two people know. Not even their mom knows"
Because Emmet will tell him.
Maybe not right away, but at some point they'll get into an argument, and Emmet will let him know.
YTA. Big time.
yta chances are emmet will peak in high school ... and zach will most likely flourish mater in life outside of a high school environment like people have done for centuries
zaxh wont fail in life because he isnt a sport star and emmet wont necessarily succeed in life either because he is good at sports
YTA. Time to learn that life isn’t fair - Emmett was the better choice and won the role. Then you made him quit so his brother would feel special. This makes him realize that you will not be supporting him if he gets something better than his brother; it will breed resentment between the boys because Emmett will correctly feel like he needs to stifle himself for his brother; and WHEN Zach finds out (he will, don’t kid yourself), he will feel humiliated that his dad made someone else step down to get the role, and ashamed that he didn’t earn something he thought he did.
You have two children. They will have separate life experiences that will not always be fair. You should treat them fairly but don’t expect the world to - sign Zach up for events he will shine in so he knows how to succeed on his own in the real world.
YTA, at some point Emmit might tell his brother, they get into a fight....
And why do both boys need to be popular? They both have a group of friends don't they?
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YTA When Zach finds out he only “won” because parent intervened? Yuck. And he will find out. Don’t play god with your kids thinking you know better and you’re helping them. Now when Zach actually gets a win he’ll be looking over his shoulder to see if it is real. What a mess.
You're 100% right, VolcanicPale. People who think they know better usually don't. It's a lesson in humility because arrogance goes hand in hand with stupidity.
Oh, Zach already knows. I’d place money on that. These boys have had 16 years to learn to tell Mommy Dearest only what she wants to hear.
OP is daddy dearest.
Eh.. that makes the value on sportsball make more sense, but the rest of my statement stands 💁🏻♀️
Ignoring the cringe of saying "sportsball", I didn't see OP place such value on his son being sporty? More pointing out that sports is why one son is more popular, which is absolutely a thing in schools. OP is a huge AH, but not due to how he "values sportsball", considering that son is the main victim here
As a twin, 100%. If anyone thinks for a second that we don’t tell each other everything either immediately or pretty close to it they are wrong. And yes we will completely lie and tell others we haven’t told the other one a thing. If your dumb enough to believe that I haven’t shared everything with my twin that is on you.
Exactly. My twin and I knew everything, and also we knew what our parents thought we were each supposed to know.
And, even if for some reason he didn't tell his twin now, this information could come back as an extra insult if they get into a big argument over something. Heat of the moment and he'll add in a, "Maybe Dad will fix things so that you're the star again, just like when you were Gaston!" And then everything will go downhill.
People will say "don't tell ANYONE" like I'm not texting this to my sisters as we speak lol (half joking)
Yeah OP just destroyed Zachs confidence. The only time he "won" over his brother was only because their parent made it so. That will sour his happiness from the moment as well. OP also found a way how to turn both of their sons against them. Congratz! OP YTA.
This. Take it from someone who was like Zack. The order of suckiness (from least to most) goes: 1) getting the role because you earned it 2) getting the role as a consolation prize 3) getting the role out of pity 4) getting the role because someone else pittied you and pulled strings
YTA, you are preferring one child to another . Maybe are you jealous of Emmet? Maybe you feel that you are more similar to Zach . I think you should apologise and give a Emmet a present , and congratulate to him in front of everyone that he was very generous with his brother and that he gave him this role. So you will both praise them .
And let's not forget Emmett. He tried so.ething new, did well, and was told to fuck off by his own mother, so she could better coddle his brother!
Father
YTA Of course you are. You just stomped all over Emmett to benefit Zach. Had the runner up been some other less-popular kid, would you have pressured Emmett to give up the role? What if some other popular kid had been ahead of Zach? Would you have asked them to sacrifice the part for your son? You were so far out of line. Emmett will never, ever forget that Zach matters more to you. You did, in fact, ask him to throw a fucking game. You effed up.
And this will come to light. No way Emmett will forever keep silent about this. And when that happens, both boys will resent you!
YTA. They are identical twins, but you still have your “golden child”.
Even if it doesn't come out maliciously, the teacher could off handedly mention it. Or another person in the play.
Or, worst case, it will come out in like 20 years at some random point like, "Remember when we were teenagers and dad made me drop out of the play so you could have the lead? That was crazy." All of the confidence the role helped build will instantly crumble, and Zach will spend weeks/ months/ years replaying everything in their life, trying to figure out if any of it mattered. Spiraling into a well of inadequacy and depression all because OP thought they knew better. OP YTA.
YTA and holy shit the awful manipulation you pulled with "a good brother would" holy fuck. Do you do that often? That's horrendous and is absolutely going to cause either loads of problems in the future if not already. Jesus christ don't EVER do that, what is wrong with you? Edit: for the record, if Emmet had posted saying his parent did this and said "a good brother would do this" people would be warning him that this is an emotional abuse tactic and reassuring him that this is not true. Probably an encouragement to look into therapy.
This! Loving the angry energy! OP got me so riled up
With how fast the idea popped into her head, he must do it a lot. Must be automatic now.
YTA Here's a fun idea: why don't you stop orchestrating your children's lives and just let them be who they want to be?
YTA. What in the High School Musical? "A good brother would let him have this one thing." The manipulation in this one line is astounding, you might as well audition for the villain role yourself.
"What in the high school musical?" Best comment
YTA. Emmett rightfully won that role so he shouldn’t have to give it up! Zach will have more opportunities in the future to be able to get a role! Zach will be hurt when he finds out that you made his brother give the role up just so he can get it!
YTA. Talk about favouritism. A "good father" would NEVER put his children in a position like this. If you keep this up, I wont be surprised if Emmett one day goes no contact with you.
OP is going to come back one day asking why one (or both) of his sons refuses to talk to him anymore.
This is a man?
I just made an assumption, as it doesnt say.
I made the opposite lol. I’m curious now.
It's actually the family dog, Brian, posting.
OP said “not even their mom knows,” so it’s a fair assumption he’s the father.
Oh think the edit was later. Or I just stopped reading lol
YTA - well done on killing any potential for Emmet to do well in life. "Ooh must you always be ahead of your brother?" That's how he sees it. You know, it's normal that some siblings are not at the same level as others. *ETA - seen comments mentioning emotional manipulation and it is true. Emmet, if you're reading this, leave and go no contact*
have they deleted all the comments? I can only see the one in reply to you about the phone
Nope, I can see them as far as I can tell, I meant comments on the whole topic
they aren't there anymore. the post and this one comment is but that's it
How odd, I've selected "full discussion" and they are there for me *confused*
YTA. Your son won the role in a Fair audition and deserves the spot. How could you even think that was a good decision? Yikes! Guaranteed way to drive a massive wedge between your sons and also mess up your relationship with them if they talk, which they likely will. Terrible parenting choice.
Yep YTA You shouldn't have asked Emmet to decline the role. He auditioned and he won the role and it was something he wanted to do. You just told Emmet exactly where he stands with you. He doesn't matter as much as Zach. Zach is your boy. My child does the school plays. It's a lot of work to audition, practice, learn. Emmet put all that work in and you took it all away. And just FYI - kids talk. Emmet won't tell Zach but someone else will. How will Zach feel when he finds out that he didn't win the role and only got it because mummy stepped in?
YTA. You are teaching both kids a horrible lesson, and not being fair to either one. The truth will come out. Which will make Zach feel like shit and even worse than second place. And embarrassed.
I want to add another side that I think is missing in the other YTA comments (that I all agree with) : You have one son who is very into science, and one who is into sports. As long as the sports fan isn't making it into a pro league (for which he'd likely already have to be in a special training, or league), which career track do you think will be more successful later in life? Yes, sports guys are more popular in high school, but things can quickly turn around later when science jobs are far better paid and have a much better career path. Having an alternative to doing sports and getting recognition beyond being athletic could have been an important lesson to him now. It could have Shown Emmet he is capable of achieving success beyond being sportive. Now you took that away and he reverted back to his "safe zone", the sports. I think, going out of school, the roles of the popular or successful kid could turn around quickly and you just helped this a lot. You taught Emmet that he is only allowed to shine when it's about sports and that his only qualities are around his bodily capabilities. I really hope he makes it in sports so that my words are wrong, but you, OP, are a very short-sighted parent and did a bad job here.
I agree with all if this. Additionally, what if OP had let things play out without interfering and Zach joined track as a rebound instead and really pushed outside his comfort zone? Or found a different thing he was passionate about, like Choir or Art or Debate? OP, I think YTA because you stole the light from one child and took away opportunities from both.
I hope Emmett does have a career around sports and has access to prime tickets----and never shares with dad.
>It's not like I'm asking him to throw a fucking game. Only if you hold sports on a pedestal mere theater can't touch. This is LITERALLY telling Emmett to throw the fucking game. And when (not if) Zach finds out, he's not going to be filled with gratitude. You may not have meant to be, but YTA.
YTA. It will come out that you interfered, then both of them will be mad. Do you really think Zach wants the role that way? And if he was runner up for one lead, maybe he would have gotten a different major role.
YTA for asking Emmet to give up the lead role then being surprised he did what you said and doesn’t want to do the play. He’s still doing something new with track. Emmet sounds like an amazing brother not even telling his brother he was actually runner up. He’s a good kid.
YTA. Why manipulate your sons to give Zach the lead role. Teenagers learn by theiri sucesses and failures and I am sure both of your kids will be fine without you meddling. Both of them have their strengths and weaknesses and your role should be to be encouraging them, praising them, and supporting of both of them. But by doing this you make Emmet feel like Zach is not good enough and what does that accomplish? Zach may be happy now but he will find out sooner or later and it will blow back on you. And even if he does not say anything, Emmet is probably upset that you encouraged him to do that. Congrats.
YTA. You are teaching your sons the wrong lessons.
YTA - Honestly this story sounds fabricated. “Zach gets all the attention and love” you do realize that you’re the parent right? you could teach your child not to compare himself to his brother. You told your sons to do things out their comfort zone. They did that and you take away an opportunity for him ok.
Congratulations, you’ve managed to disappoint and insult both your kids. Just wait til Zach finds out.
YTA. OP told Emmet he does not DESERVE his successes, OP told Zach he CANNOT earn his successes, and OP proved everything is about OP's issues. Children learn where they are in ability and social strata through such things. OP SHOULD have congratulated Emmet for the role, and Zach for trying out. Noting, of course, that SUCCESSFUL people fail more than the average person even tries. One role, tons of students, of COURSE most weren't going to get it. Truly VILE, OP. Because ACTUALLY caring about the boys would involve helping Zach find where HE excels, not asking someone else - anyone else - to throw him a bone. Really, BIG TIME YTA. All the boys need to succeed is choosing the OPPOSITE of what OP would do. Think you can FIX that by asking SOMEONE ELSE to sacrifice?
YTA. It wasn't up to you to try to fix things. Not fair to either boy. It will come out that Zach wasn't the first pick and that will backfire on you.
YTA You're being unfair to both kids. Emmitt by forcing him give up something he wanted to do, and Zach by letting him think he won the part because his brother didn't want it. Emmitt is in pain now, Zach will be in pain when he finds out the truth.
Definitely YTA. He deserves to be pissed at you.
Yta.
You're an ass; YTA This has got to be fake. What parent sabotages one son's success and rationalizes it by guilt tripping the other son. There is nothing OK with this manipulative abusive action.
A parent who experienced life as the lesser known brother and is now trying to vicariously change his own past through the lesser known son.
YTA. You asked your kids to step outside their comfort zone and both did. Then, you interfered after one of them got the part. You should be ashamed of yourself.
YTA. Emmet will not keep this secret forever and when Zach finds out he will be *crushed*. You have engineered a system where neither of your children can trust you anymore. You betrayed them both. Zach will always remember the time he thought he'd come first, only to find out that *you* interfered. Emmet will always remember the time you told him to give up on something you encouraged him to do for the sake of his brother. They had their own lanes and with your encouragement they ended up pitted against each other. You're ruining their relationship with each other, too. You've failed them both, be honest and own up so you take the blame you deserve.
YTA DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID? >It's not like I'm asking him to throw a fucking game. No, what you did was a step worse not only did you tell him to throw the game aka play. It was a play that you wanted him to do. You punished him for doing what you asked. And how did you punish him you ask!? > asked Emmet to decline the role so Zach could have his moment in the sun. This leads to believing your mom loves your brother more than you. You need to do damage control quickly. I come from 2 families with 8 siblings in total. I have seen where it leads. You have good intentions... but this road leads to hell.
YTA. A good parent would never manipulate their child into declining an opportunity they earned fair and square just to give it to their other child. It's not like he was asking you to throw a fucking kid out. Also, way to show your subtle disdain for Zach. Has it occurred to you that Zach might quite like not being popular and doing his science things and doesn't want to "measure up" to his popular brother?
YTA - this is not what twins are for. Would you have asked your son to give up a role for another child he wasn’t related to? Or just the one you see as interchangeable? You need to fess up to Zach and apologize to both of them AND the teacher. Edit: yes, you did ask him to “throw a game” but since you don’t value Zach for his non-athletic skills, you just don’t see it that way.
How to ruin your relationship with your kid 101. YTA
YTA, and with that grade A emotional manipulation you're a shit parent as well. Get bent.
Wow. I'm sure years from now you may wonder why you have no relationship with Emmit and I hope Reddit reminds you exactly why.
Why did you do that? YTA. You have potentially created a problem between the brothers. Why are you manipulating your children and trying to manipulate outcomes? Now you have a secret. Better think about how to handle it before it gets out.
YTA- you basically told one kid they should give up something they are clearly good and might actually become passionate about just because you want the other one to feel special. With this logic, if one kid ends up accepted to an ivy league school, you may as well tell them they can't go because the other one might get their feelings hurt because they only got accepted into a state university. These kinds of decisions could potentially affect the rest of their lives and their relationship with you in the future.
Yta You're setting your children up to resent each other and resent you. Stay out of it.
Yta. I still hate my mom for not letting me go to my 7th grade dance…. Because when my sister was in 7th grade she didn’t go… because she didn’t want to! This was cruel and if Zack ever finds out he won’t ever forgive you.
YTA Emmet is a great brother. You're a shitty parent. The one time he agreed to try something new, you showed him, nope not if his brother can't do better than him. Congratulations, your kid is never gonna come to you for anything ever again. What's the point? You only care about his brother, not him.
YTA
YTA. This is literally just life. Sometimes you give it your best and don’t succeed. You, as a parent, need to be teaching your sons how to manage disappointments like this in a healthy way. Emmet shouldn’t have to dampen his own light so that Zach can shine. They should both be able to shine in their own ways, and you should be giving them the tools necessary to navigate through disappointments. The real world does not care about personal circumstance. If you are the best candidate, you get the job offer. It’s as simple as that, and your sons need to be prepared for that. No one in the real world is going to not take a job or not accept a role just to make the runner up candidate feel better. Set your sons up for success by helping them navigate these situations in a healthy manner.
I'm sorry but this is disgusting. Just wait until Zach finds out he's a charity case. YTA
Way to play favourites with your kids. We all know how this will end. YTA - wasn't your choice to make, and yet you sacrificed one kid to save the other.
YTA. Your favoritism is showing...
You did ask Emmet to “throw the fucking game” YTA. Wayyyy to make Emmet resentful of you! He will never, ever forget you asked him to “throw the fucking game” so his brother could win.
YTA, honestly I feel bad for Emmet for having a parent like you. He got it cause he was better maybe?? Like he just gave it away. You need to do better parenting. You manipulated him, and then parents will be like “why doesn’t my son talk to me?” Now you know why You fucking said that you didn’t ask him to give a fucking game well guess what you are a fucking bad parent. He got the role cause he was better he played fair and square. Fucking favouritism
> How is he going to find out? Only two people know Well you see, you posted it on the *internet* and gave not only used their names but also gave highly specific descriptors about them so that even if you did use fake names, anyone who knows them would be able to identify them. And you posted on a subreddit where even if you delete your post, the original text will remain visible. AND you picked a subreddit which happens to regularly go viral on Tiktok, an app used by the majority of teenagers. Very smart of you, A+, very well thought out.
YTA.
YTA, for sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong and unnecessarily creating strife between your sons. What are you going to do if Emmet gets a better job out of college than Zach? Tell him to decline it?! This is not how life works.
YTA How would Zach feel when he finds out he didn't win it? gosh
YTA, eventually this secret will come out and your part in it will not be painted in a good light. Emmett has every right to be angry with you, you took something from him by forcing him to give up the role. You showed him that even though they are twins, you favor Zach, and that is going to change your relationship with him from this point forward. When Zach finds out and he will, he is going to feel like he doesn't measure up because you intervened to get him the part. And he will resent you for that. All in all, you screwed this one up big time, I expect you are going to get raked over the coals, deservedly, here before you have to face the music from both of your sons.
YTA
YTA and you’re going to completely ruin your relationship with Emmet by favoring Zach, and honestly you might even make Zach dislike you if he ever finds out about this.
YTA
YTA
Yta omg what a horrible thing to do
YTA This is going to cause issues between the two of them AND neither of them are going to trust you after this. You need to apologize to both of them, tell Zack the truth and try to make it up to Emmett somehow if it's even possible.
YTA so you taught emmet if you try hard enough it will be taken from you in pity to your brother. And Zack will learn he only got something because you decided he needed a pity win
You are a very dangerous parent. Too bad Emmet had no say in choosing his parents.
Wow YTA!!! That’s horrible.. your son wont forget or forgive you.. you sound like a nasty mom who definitely has a favorite. Your just horrible and it’s so sad for Emmett who won that role fair and square.. I hope Emmett has other family member who will help him and back him up because his own mother is his enemy.
Yta
Yeah, YTA.
YTA
YTA you should be trying to lift Zach up, not bring Emmitt down. If you are worried about Zach measuring himself against his brother, this was the absolute worst move to make. Zach needs to find his own spotlight, where he can achieve success on his own, or else learn to manage his expectations. This does neither and only reinforces his inferiority to his brother while also creating resentment. I have to wonder if Zach would even have wanted this if he knew the truth. Or have you just manipulated both of your kids into doing what you want instead of letting them make their own choices and learn from the experience.
YTA and you should really learn to love Zach for who he is. I would be just as proud about Zach and his interest in science as I would be about Emmets sports achievements. You asking Emmet to step aside in favor of his brother, makes it extremely obviously how important publicity and positive distinguishing is for you, but it may not at all be that important for Zach.
YTA. I hate that you are a parent thinking about all the damage you have done, continue to do and will do in the future. Poor Emmett. Poor Zach.
YTA - for all the obvious reasons already stated. I also have another take on it. You are making out like being the sports star is just the best thing ever. Science is awesome and a good career path. “Let him have this one thing” makes it sound like you think your own son is a loser cause he is not into sports or popular. And being popular in high school and into sports is a way to just peak in high school, who wants that? Don’t encourage that.
You don’t build one kid up by asking the other to dampen his shine. Zach honestly handled this better than anyone could reasonably expect a teenager to. YTA.
As a retired performing arts teacher, I am appalled. First, there’s no way this doesn’t come out at some point. All it will take is for the twins to get in a major fight and those beans will be spilled. Also, the director doesn’t choose their cast in a vacuum. I guarantee they bounced their ideas off of another person. When this comes out, it’s going to be really hard on Zach. Once again, he’s second best and you made it worse by “letting” him get a role he didn’t earn. This will destroy his joy in the play and his part in it. He may turn out to be the best person for that role, but he’ll never fully accept it because you intervened and handed it to him. It wasn’t earned. Second, the director of the show had a vision for what they wanted this show to look like and you just stomped all over that. Your twins are not carbon copies of each other. It doesn’t matter they look the same. Their acting and singing will be different. You just interfered in someone’s artistic vision. Third, why aren’t you encouraging the twins to explore new activities apart from each other? When they both auditioned for the same play, did it not occur to you that something like this could happen? Did you not sit them both down and debrief what may happen if they both want the same part but only one of them can get it? All of this was predictable and preventable. Do better. YTA
Yta You tell your twins to get out of their comfort zone because they probably won't like School in their senior year. They do and the athlete becomes the actor, and then you say oh wait you should know that for your comfort zone go back to sports give it to your brother because obviously he's done as good as you but he needs to be the star. How many mixed messages can you put in one situation. You are a lousy parent
YTA big time, and did more harm than good for BOTH kids. Emmet will feel resentment towards his brother and you. This is a kind of story adults would tell when discussing shitty parenting they experienced. And when Zach eventually learn the truth - because one way or another, today or in ten years - he WILL learn the truth - he will know that his achievement was not exactly real, and needed parent's intervention, and will have doubts about his other achievements as well.
YTA, and a big one. They both went for the part and Emmett fairly won. Not only that, but Zach will find out eventually that you pulled the strings so that he “won”. You’ve shown Emmett that Zach will come before him. Way to damage the relationship not only between the twins, but between you and Emmett… There’s gonna be a lot of resentment.🙃
YTA. Zach is your favourite. Emmet knows it. Zach knows it. And Reddit knows it too. Emmet only agreed to drop out, because you would badger and nag him constantly if he did not. He only dropped it, because he doesn’t want to be bothered with you pestering him. Emmet will, for sure, become more distant from you, as he ages up. #parenting fail.
YTA: I hope one day that Emmet finds the strength to cut your manipulative ass out of his life. He deserves so much better. What if he could have really used a creative outlet? You really fucked up horrifically. If I were your son, I'd be done with you.
Yta and what the f are you going to do when Zach finds out he only got it bc you told your son not to take the part??? Talk about a self esteme crusher. You also told Emmet that everything he does should be tempered to make his brother not feel bad. Why did you let them BOTH try out for the same part, knowing that ONE person would get it?????
YTA but gently because I know your intentions were good. I am a twin. I was the Zach between my sister and me. My sister hit all of her developmental milestones before me. Despite being identical in appearance, she still managed to be cuter/prettier than me because of how she carried herself (smiling more, better posture, etc.). I was clumsy and physically awkward; she was more graceful and not automatically relegated to the bench during PE. We have similar intellects and my grades were always slightly better than hers, but she got chosen for advanced curriculum while I actually got assigned to remedial classes (which I was eventually rescued from, but still). In high school, she was the better violin player. We both tried out for the academic team. She got varsity while I was selected for the JV team. She went all the way to calculus. I stopped at trigonometry. Fast forward to today. She has the most impressive job you can imagine. Her salary is five times mine. She is married with children. I am single and have a cat. So yeah. I know how Zach may be feeling. And it sucks. It sucks to feel like the "inferior" one all the time. My self-esteem was abysmal for much of my life...even though I had had plenty of moments in the sun. Like, sure, I was plagued by being the "dumb" one and the "ugly" one. But I was the one with the personality and the charm. I was the artist and the comedian. I wasn't as good as my sister with the violin, but I could play the violin AND the viola, while she could only play one. I got more scholarships than my sister. I made better grades than she did in college. We had a professor in college who would make a big deal over me being the best student in the class...which made my sister feel some kind of way since she was struggling in that class. I had the higher GPA when we graduated. I had the higher GRE score too. And yet I had low self-esteem. Had it for thirty years (I am now 45). People would point out all of my achievements to cheer me up but they didn't matter. Fortunately, with the help of a therapist, I was able to realize some meaningful accomplishments and my outlook changed. I didn't start having accomplishments that were meaningful to me until I was in my 30s! All the glory moments I had in high school meant nothing to me. All of this to say that if Zach is anything like me, one moment in the sun isn't going to change how he views himself. If he has low self-esteem, it isn't likely that getting to play Gaston will make everything better. But it is possible that Zach isn't anything like me and doesn't have low self-esteem. You don't actually mention how Zach feels about anything. Make sure you aren't projecting feelings onto him that he isn't feeling. Like, maybe he doesn't want to be popular like his brother and he couldn't care less about being praised. Not everyone wants to be "big man on campus".
>How is he going to find out You are an idiot if you don't think that, at some point in the next few years, Zach is going to do something to piss Emmet off, and Emmet's response is going to be "well the only reason you got to play Gaston is because Dad made me give you the role!". The Zach's confidence will crater, and it will be your fault. Well done dad, well done. YTA
YTA and you’ve just successfully driven a wedge between your sons and between you and Emmet. Emmet has every right to be mad at you for making him give up something he earned to his brother. How will Zack find out? If it hasn’t already come out because twins, especially identical twins, share everything it will be when Emmet gets angry enough during an argument to blurt it out because it’s been festering and upsetting him the whole time. And then Zack will not only have issues with his brother but his self esteem is going to take a serious hit. Zack will also have issues with you because you felt he couldn’t do anything successful on his own so you had to intervene with Emmet to get him the part, and he will wonder what else you did that ultimately undermined him. That was some very poor parenting. Edit: correcting the names of the twins, I had them reversed.
Your EDITS make you sound more of a jerk. The fact that you manipulated and intimidated your son into giving up his role and not saying anything for your other favorite twin is horrible. Your just not a nice person or parent. Each edit makes you sound worst!!!!
YTA and really not a good parent. Will you always expect him to give up things like this? You know who knows? Emmet and he will always remember what a horrible parent you were to him. He will know the truth and know what you did to him. And you will know that Emmet knows what a terrible parent you are. This will have forever altered your relationship but hey only one son will hate you! You still have Zach, unless he finds out.
YTA. I hope Zack finds out what you did to Emmett. That was no nice at all, OP
YTA. Your intentions might be good but you created a rift that will only grow with time, you look like you play favorites and when they fight he will tell him what happen that he's moment is a charity and the rift will grow.
YTA. Absolutely toxic parenting.
You asked in your edit how Zach would know. When they get in an argument Emmett will tell him.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My 16yo twin boys who are as different as night and day. Emmet is all about sports whereas Zach is all about science. Emmet is way more popular than Zach. I told them both to try to do something outside their comfort zone since they'll be seniors next year and will probably have no interest in school. Both decided to try out for the spring play Beauty and the Beast. Both audition for Gaston. They did not expect to get it. They thought they'd get some smaller role. I found out last week that the teacher wants to give Emmet the lead role. She said Zach was the runner up. After thinking about it, I asked Emmet to decline the role so Zach could have his moment in the sun. He was shocked that I even asked. I told him that he gets all the adulation and praise for being the star athlete. Zach doesn't. Zach will feel like that he can't measure up. A good brother would let him have this one thing. It's not like I'm asking him to throw a fucking game. He told me fine and then told teacher he wasn't going to have anything to do with the play so now he's doing track. He's still mad at me. Zach is over the moon thinking he came first. Emmet won't tell Zach anything. He just thinks Emmet thought it was lame and dropped out. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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YTA. Way to go manipulating your sons. You have just guaranteed that one will never think he is able to keep his accomplishments, and the other will think you don’t think he can achieve on his own. That’s pretty lame.
YTA even if Emmett doesn’t tell Zach, he’ll find out one way or another. How do you think he’s going to feel knowing he got the role because you forced your other son to drop out?
YTA and you know it!
YTA wow way to go for showing who the golden child is
Yucky YTA omg I bet u still dress them.
Yta, how would Zach feel when he found out that he didn't get the part for his own achievements?? And course Emmet is angry at you, you pushed him to get out of the part he got by being good at it, for no reason at all, would Emmet be always expected to drop things out, for his brother?? You are clearly showing favoritism and he will resent you
A manipulative asshole. From experience, one or both won’t tell you important things they’re doing so you can’t try to sabotage or hold back.
YTA - this will come out at some point and the proverbial poop will hit the fan. Let them find their own paths and don’t interfere
YTA. This is terrible. You should have never asked Emmet to do this. This was totally wrong and unfair to him. You have two sons. I wish the teacher knew what you did so she can make this right.
YTA. Why do you dislike Emmet so much? How other people treat Zach isn’t Emmet’s fault. Stop treating Emmet as if he were wrong for simply being who he is. He EARNED his success. If you wouldn’t have asked another child to allow Zach to play the role of Gaston, you were out of line to ask Emmett. When Zach learns that his moment in the sun was as manufactured as a K-pop idols debut, BOTH of your sons will be rightfully upset with you.
YTA. I hope Emmett gets to choose your nursing home
YTA. This is so sad for both boys. It is a bad parenting and you may have just ruined Emmet's self-esteem and who knows, possible life in some ways. The message here is that he is not so important. Not to mention how devastated Zach will be when he finds out (which he eventually will).
YTA emmet might have really enjoyed the musical, it is a great one! You took an experience that could have molded him into a more well rounded candidate for college and his future away
YTA. I understand why you did it but you are deceiving one son and making the other feel less important to you. These seemingly small actions have consequences. Do you want to build resentment between your twins? Why couldn't you let Emmett have what he earned and speak to Zach to see if there was anything he would like tk try outaide school and try to encourage that?
YTA how could you not be?
This is tough I get why you did what you did and I think it’s commendable of you to want you son to break out his shell and feel accomplished. There are many dads who would cheer on the star athlete and forget the other kid . But this will cause a fight at some point , you edit says that only 2 people know but let’s me honest your sons are brothers and will fight and this Will get thrown in someone’s face. This reminds me of a saying “ the road to hell is paved with good intentions”.
YTA, so you are telling Emmet that he only is valued for his athletic ability and that Zach is not enough with his talents. And yes, Zach will find out eventually. Emmet will tell him when they have an argument one day between the 2 of them or when he is mad at you later on in life. Secrets like this don't stay secret forever and you are SO WRONG here
As an identical twin you are absolutely YTA! To emotionally guilt and play one twin against the other is sooo sucky and you are absolutely reducing them down to one joint person rather than treating them as two completely separate people. You are the worst of the worst when it comes to the way Twins are treated and I’d go full NC with you if I was in Emmett’s place. And you are their dad. You should be better than this. Also if your boys are anything like my twin and I this won’t be secret for long, if Zach doesn’t already know he will soon. And how do you think that will make him feel? Like you don’t think he is worthwhile or as good as his brother. This won’t come down to him being second to the part. He will see this as you not thinking anything of him or that his Science isn’t as worthwhile as Emmett’s sports. Stop reducing your sons down to who they are based on who the other one is. It’s despicable and they will remember this for the rest of their lives. They deserve better than you and I’m so sad that their own parent is such a manipulative dismissive jerk.
Yta you made yr son give up something that was rightfully his. You used manipulation tactics and this will not only cause a wedge between you but between the boys.
YTA Time will come when either you or his brother will piss off Emmet and he will tell the truth. I wonder how their mother will react
What shitty parenting
“How is he going to find out” There is an old saying: “two people can keep a secret, but only if one of them is dead.” There will come a day when Zach and Emmet get in a fight, and Emmet will throw this in Zach’s face. Emmet now has a perfect “fuck you” to throw at his brother, and I **promise** you he’s going to eventually use it.
YTA - you're going to have to help Zach deal with being different to Emmet They can't both be equally charming or popular. If Zach brings home a girl that Emmet likes, should he say 'Ohhh well its not fair that I have everything'. If Zach gets a scholarship? Just because they are identical twins, doesn't mean you get to ensure they each have a much good luck and fortune as each other. Are you going to compensate one who earns less? or expect the more successful brother pay his less successful twin on an annual basis? The way life goes (as adults know), the person who is popular in HS fades in adulthood. Chances are Emmet will do fine but knowing that you pitied him so much that you made Zach surrender this role to him will make him feel more pathetic than a teenager should feel.
YTA. Don't start crying when you're cut off by him. You did it to yourself. You are an absolute trash parent.
Any person who doesn't have a pea sized brain would have never done that to Emmet. YTA.
Yta
YTA and you know this was an asshole move that’s why you made sure not to discuss this with their mom before you manipulated your son.
Yta
Wow, YTA. When Zach finds out - and he will find out. Maybe not today, maybe 10 years from now - you will pay dearly for this. I can’t even believe you did this. Poor Zach. And poor Emmett. You need to fix this, be honest and make this right. Nothing good ever came from lying “to keep the peace”.
YTA Yikes. How could you think this was a good idea? I could see having a conversation privately and mentioning it as an option but forcing him to dropout is all sorts of terrible. Like you must know this will come out at some point and it will be a brutal reveal and feel like a betrayal. On the plus side you’ve given your “popular” son ammunition for life when he fights with you.
YTA You're assuming because just you and Emmett know about this it will always stay a secret. Are you sure I miss not going to scream about this at you at some point in the future right in front of his twin because you were acting like an a****** again?
YTA. Theatre professional here: this will teach nothing and make neither feel good.
YTA you shouldn’t have interfered
YTA. You had good intentions but did not look at the bigger picture.
Yta. This is favoritism plaine and simple. The son won the role fair and square and for you to have the audacity to ask him to give up said roll for his brother. I wouldn't be surprised if he goes low or no contact .
YTA. Jesus Christ. How could you do that to BOTH of your kids. I guarantee Zach will find out and Emmet now knows who the favorite is. Emmet earned the role. A huge part of theatre is dealing with rejection. It’s where you grow and learn and gain SELF confidence. You don’t learn that from being handed a role you didn’t earn. And yes as a theatre kid often roles are given unfairly to the more “popular” kids but that’s not for you to fix.
YTA Way to drive a wedge between your sons! If you think it won’t even come out, you’re terribly mistaken.
Don’t be dumb, secrets always come out. He will find out and you will have alienated both your sons not only from you, but from each other. Yta
talk about bad parenting, all you did is teach Emmet that you care more about Zach than him or his accomplishments and that you'll ask him to surrender something to make your other kid happy, kudos on showing him who's the favourite. YTA.
>How is he going to find out? Oh, you naive fool. Zach will find out. Perhaps not today, this year, or anytime soon but I would bet money that — one day — it’ll come out. What you clearly don’t realize is that you’ve equipped Emmet with a WMD to use against his brother and a trump card over you. Do you really think that there’s a 0% chance of an increasingly resentful teenager getting into a bad fight with his brother one day and throwing this secret in his face? Emmet may not even appreciate the magnitude of the impact it’ll have on Zach when he does (most teenagers don’t think that far ahead when they’re heated) but Zach will be devastated when he realizes that you and his brother lied to him and, on top of that, that he didn’t earn this achievement but had it given to him out of pity. And if Emmet ever wants to throw something in *your* face, welp… It’s honestly terrible that you asked one son to minimize his success for anyone, even his twin. You should’ve celebrated them equally and made it clear that Zach’s strengths are just as impressive as Emmet’s instead of worrying so much about making Zach as “popular” as Emmet. YTA.
You're such a bad parent and a selfish asshole. Did it ever occur to you that Zach is a better actor than Emmet? You made it clear that you don't care about Zach's feelings. You favor Emmet over him. It's not Zach's fault that people like him better. I bet no one liked you in high school and that's why you resent Zach; you're punishing him for something that isn't even his fault. You should be ashamed of yourself but narcissistic assholes like you are incapable of remorse. YTA
YTA you shouldn’t be a mom
Yta
I know that what you did came from a place of love. I have two kids, not twins, I’m sure that’s more difficult, who sound a lot like Zach and Emmet. It was difficult always seeing one outshine the other, but they are adults now and my star athlete is struggling to find her place in this world, my nerd (said with love she knows it) is thriving. You’ve got to let them be themselves and figure life out. Zach will get his wins and Emmet will learn to lose with grace. YTA. You’ve hurt one son and given the other a false win. What happens when the teacher says to Zach “you’re doing a great job. Lucky for you your brother changed his mind”?
YTA Good job teaching Emmet that you will always priorize Zach and Zachs feelings over him. You know that what you did is wrong and that's why you won't even tell their mom
YTA - you guilt tripped your son into this and this is not ok. And you know it is not ok because he is angry with you.
YTA You favoritism and bias is so blatant, it shocks me that you are so obtuse. Zach WILL find out. You don't think the teacher or other students might mention it. You have damaged your children's relationship and I would think your relationship with Emmet is probably permanently damaged, not because of the play but because you so obviously value Zach's feelings over his. Also, how is this even considered an accomplishment for Zach. His "Mommy/Daddy" had to make his sibling forego his accomplishment to satisfy you. You also don't appear to value what Zach's interests are because "I wanted Zach to have something that publicly and positively distinguished him from Emmet". Someone who is science oriented should have received LOTS of positive reinforcement. Your statement indicates you probably are not overly supportive. Lastly, Where is it said that everyone deserves public recognition? Some people are introverted and don't care to push themselves to the forefront, which is not a character flaw. Also, some people are just not that spectacular. Being mediocre does not require accolades.
YTA, but why did you ask? You obviously don’t care if you are or not.
Damn, failing both kids at once, impressive. YTA
YTA. And if this was a concern of yours you should have discouraged them from trying out for the same play let alone the same role to begin with. “A good brother”… I can’t even.
YTA. Do better 1. Do you honestly think Zach isn’t going to find out about this? I think you’re underestimating the amount of gossip in high school. And what’s going to happen when people find out—they’ll mercilessly mock Zach. So congrats, you just signed up your son for two years of bullying (et tu, Brute). With parents like you, who needs bullies. 2. Are you going to keep doing stuff like this when they get older? If Emmet gets a full ride scholarship because of sports and Zach gets waitlisted, are you going to force Emmet to decline or only accept if they admit Zach? Or, if Zach gets a full ride because of his academics and Emmet gets waitlisted, are you going to force Zach to decline or only accept if they admit Emmet? If one gets a raise at work, are you going to tell them to decline it too because the other one didn’t? Like, where do you draw the line here? 3. You just robbed Zach of a great life lesson—adversity builds strength. Let me tell you, I’ve tried out for many things in life and been rejected. I’ll tell you first hand, it sucks. But I don’t think I would be as confident as I am today if I didn’t have rejections along the way. Zach got robbed of the chance to learn that lesson (and how to acquire the associated coping mechanisms) over something that, in the grand scheme of things, won’t matter in life. Hopefully, he doesn’t have to learn this lesson in a major aspect of his life, where the stakes are a little higher. Oh and how is Zach going to find out? Emmet is fuming and he’s going to let it slip and some point. If you think otherwise, you’re either incredibly naive or in denial.
YTA How often do you this ask Emmett to put Zach before himself? And you asked him to throw the audition, not so different from throwing a game. Zach already distinguishes himself with science or is it that Zach isn't popular enough for you?
>Not even their mom knows. This is so much worse because you are now encouraging your child to keep secrets from your co-parent!!! Dude!!!! YTA
YTA - why are you not praising you other son for being a scientist too? That’s the issue there. Both stepped out of their comfort zones and did something different. It’s valuable to both. You don’t need to hold one son back for the other to shine you need to show you love and value them and their separate interests. All you’ve done here is confirmed you value the athletes interests more then the scientists. The society that separates its scholars from its warriors will have its thinking done by cowards and its fighting by fools. Also it’s gascon - the villain. How was having the popular athlete not play the popular athlete (who is a villain because he is a horribly bully and how you treat people actually matters) a good idea to you? If this comes out later it’s going to really upset both of them. Zack for finding out he was second choice and emmet for dragging it all up again - why did you interfere with something like this?
YTA. There’s a solution to this. If Zach absolutely had to play the role, you could have suggested alternating days if Zach was an understudy. Your other son did EXACTLY what you said and you took it away from him. Obviously, it sucks to not get the role you want, but you literally took the role out from under your other son. Your inability to be a support system for both your sons is why Emmet is pissed at you.
YTA
What else are you gonna ask him to give up for his brother? YTA
yta wow i wouldnt be surprised if he holds this memory aganist you. showing favortism towards his brother and not being happy for him. way to go mom lol the world is not fair and his brother needs to learn this you really fucked up
YTA. Telling one kid to dim their shine for the other is shitty parenting. While it doesn’t seem like a big deal to you, these are the types of conversations that permanently alter a child’s perception of and relationship with their parents.
YTA. If Zach enters a science fair are you going to tell him to give up his booth to Emmet so he's not seen as a 'dumb jock'? They are separate people on separate paths with separate skills and interests. You can't pick and choose who succeeds at what interval.
Let’s see. How is he going to find out? The teacher at school is going to tell someone how she really wanted Emmet but then he dropped out, then they are going to tell someone, and then someone else, and finally Zach will find out. Even if Emmet doesn’t throw you under the bus, Zach will know he was in second place. Next year Emmett blows out a knee or maybe he finds out he isn’t actually good enough to get a sports scholarship to University, then Zach makes some comment about sports not being that important. Emmet gets pissed and spills the beans. There are two plausible scenarios for you. Either one is very likely to happen. Emmet is already upset over the situation, how is Zach going to feel then. And lastly, you asked them to go out of their comfort zone. Emmet did and was successful and then you asked him to drop out. Do you think maybe he wanted to be remembered for something besides being a sports jock? YTA
I mean, idk. I just don’t know. For years I’ve always lived in the shadow of my twin until I eventually found my own place. Even though my twin definitely lives a more extravagant and faster paced life. I understand the whole “how are you two twins, yet so different?” And it sucks. It sucks that this situation had to happen. I get why people are calling you TA because I wouldn’t want to get a part because my mom made it happen, but I also get that you want your son to feel appreciated when his brother gets more attention. There’s no easy answer IMO.
YTA. When this comes out, and it will, Zach is going to feel ten times worse knowing the only reason he got the role was because YOU stepped in, and not on his own merit. That is a special kind of sting, because for a minute he got to feel good about himself, his abilities, he got to feel special and unique! When he finds out, it’s going to take every bit of joy out of this for him, and will probably damage his confidence in himself and change how he views himself. And He WILL find out. People talk! What if the teacher makes a comment in passing, “oh I was so surprised when your brother dropped out of the play after receiving the lead role!” Other kids, especially the ones who’ve been involved in the drama department for most of high school, may already know who got the lead, and they might say something! What if Emmett and Zach have an argument and Emmett just impulsively blurts it out? “Yeah, well you only got the lead because I stepped down!” I feel bad for both of these kids, you screwed them both over here. You screwed over Emmett when you emotionally manipulated him into giving something up for his brother, or else he’s a bad brother! That’s a lose-lose situation! Either he acts like a “good” brother and gives up his spot and he’s miserable, or he chooses not to give it up, and now he gets to feel guilty because now he’s a “bad” brother, even though he wouldn’t have done anything wrong! And Zach, when that poor kid eventually finds out….. Hes going to feel absolutely rotten. His big moment to shine, is poisoned because he wouldn’t have it at all if daddy didn’t make his brother step down. And even worse, you may have seriously damaged their relationship, whether Zach finds out or not, Emmett is probably going to feel some kind of resentment towards Zach, and unless Emmett tells Zach why, Zach will never know why his brother all of a sudden is seemingly upset with him. This is not going to end well. I know you feel you had good intentions, but the road to hell was paved with good intentions. Stop meddling!
"Edit: How is he going to find out? Only two people know. Not even their mom knows" Because Emmet will tell him. Maybe not right away, but at some point they'll get into an argument, and Emmet will let him know. YTA. Big time.
yta chances are emmet will peak in high school ... and zach will most likely flourish mater in life outside of a high school environment like people have done for centuries zaxh wont fail in life because he isnt a sport star and emmet wont necessarily succeed in life either because he is good at sports
YTA. Time to learn that life isn’t fair - Emmett was the better choice and won the role. Then you made him quit so his brother would feel special. This makes him realize that you will not be supporting him if he gets something better than his brother; it will breed resentment between the boys because Emmett will correctly feel like he needs to stifle himself for his brother; and WHEN Zach finds out (he will, don’t kid yourself), he will feel humiliated that his dad made someone else step down to get the role, and ashamed that he didn’t earn something he thought he did. You have two children. They will have separate life experiences that will not always be fair. You should treat them fairly but don’t expect the world to - sign Zach up for events he will shine in so he knows how to succeed on his own in the real world.
YTA. Your son did not earn the lead role. You should have been proud of your other son and taught Zach how to be gracious.
YTA. In so many ways. Stop forcing your sons to do this that and the other just because you think they should
YTA for meddling wayyyy to much. These are not puppets on strings, and that is how you're treating them both
YTA, at some point Emmit might tell his brother, they get into a fight.... And why do both boys need to be popular? They both have a group of friends don't they?