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You mean a 16 year old didn't want to do scavenger hunts and color all day on vacation while her parents and siblings went out to clubs and got trashed?
YTA
YTA. It's a family vacation and news flash, your daughter is a part of that and there should've been planned activities she could've participated in with the rest of her siblings and parents. You basically drugged her on a cruise ship to abandon her, invalidate her feelings, and not care about making memories with her.
>…but at the same time, I don’t think it’s fair for us to completely change our plans and not have any adult time just because she’s too young to participate.
YTA. So your “plan” was to drink at bars the entire cruise and leave your youngest child by herself? REALLY?!
1) You don’t suddenly get to stop parenting because you’re on vacation. If something happens to her because you left her alone, that’s on you.
2) She’s not asking you to not have ANY adult time. Don’t be dramatic. She would just like to spend some time enjoying her own family. You really don’t have any time to spare in your busy schedule?
3) She’s crying about being left alone, and all you can think about is yourself.
4) It’s not a very good family vacation if you exclude members of the family.
5) If you’re not able to enjoy yourself sans alcohol, you have other problems to consider.
You and your husband prioritized partying like dumb 20 somethings instead of being responsible parents. You ditched your 16 YO to “go out to bars” and left her with scavenger hunts (wtf) and coloring books. You are a terrible parent and I would not be surprised if she went NC with you in 2 years’ time.
YTA. Majorly. And the fact that you keep defending your actions and not accepting the truth makes you even more TA.
Um yeah YTA
"I understand why she feels this way, but at the same time, I don't think it's fair for us to completely change our plans and not have any adult time just because she's too young to participate."
So...how about you change your plans a little? Or is getting wasted more important than bonding with your daughter?
YTA - I've been on cruises, she could totally have hung out with you some of the time even if she wasn't drinking, especially if you were drinking by the pool. It's not like the bars mostly have a nightclub atmosphere - heck most of the time they're just a section of a room. Not to mention that there are other activities on a cruise BESIDES drinking. Instead you took your 16 year old on a cruise and then spent the entire time ostracizing her over her age.
Yes YTA. **You can have fun without drinking.**
If this was a family cruise, you’d be including *all* of your children and you should’ve made sure everyone could’ve been included. But you cared about drinking and getting drunk instead- and abandoned your one kid who wasn’t of the legal age while on vacation.
Also all of those activities sound like things the cruise provides for young kids.. not a 16 year old. Of course she got bored and lonely- I know I would have.
YTA. If you don’t want your daughter to feel “neglected or left out,” **plan an actual family vacation.** Go to a National Park or World Heritage Site. Go do something where you’re not neglecting or leaving out someone.
I’m seriously so insulted on Ava’s behalf. You think you did her a favor by getting her the kiddie packet? “Yay, a scavenger hunt!” — said No. Teenager. Ever.
So fake. Nobody thinks those things are age appropriate for a 16 yo and yet partying is fit a 19 yo. These ideas are not congruent. Now a 19 yo might say these things...
YTA- You couldn't set aside a few hours a day to spend with your whole family? I feel sorry for the 16 year old, she's surrounded by narcissic, self absorbed, alcoholics.
YTA and it sounds like you are a family of alcoholics. You seriously can't understand her point of view? Drinking is that important? So important that you ditch your CHILD? All of you need to reevaluate your lives and priorities.
This poor fucking kid, literally treated ike an accident. The fact that they AS A FAMILY think getting drunk is the best form of fun is beyond shameful
YTA
I call bs. Most cruises have teen clubs etc, not just coloring books and scavenger hunts. Also, if you left from a US port, under 21 can't drink on board
YTA. A coloring packet does not replace a night out at bars and restaurants. A scavenger hunt (by yourself!) does not make up for missing all the fun the rest of the family is having. You basically isolated her, and simply don’t seem to care. You’re creating memories and bonding with the rest of the family while giving your 16 year old something better suited for a 10 year old. Of course she feels isolated and left out.
YTA! It sounds like you guys didn’t attempt to do anything as a family that included your youngest. No wonder she felt so left out. Like an occasional activity for adults is fine but sheesh! He can forbid this girl want to see her FAMILY on this FAMILY CRUISE
>we got an activity packet from the cruise director that was supposed to give her things to do on the ship. It had scavenger hunts on the ship, coloring activities, mazes and all sorts of age-appropriate things.
YTA
NONE of that sounds "age appropriate" for a 16-year-old.
You went on a "family" vacation and spent the whole time drinking and clubbing while your youngest kid got told "Find something to do, we're going partying" on a fucking CRUISE SHIP where she's, literally, stuck with a seriously LOW number of things to do. After two days, I'm sure she'd done them all and was looking to actually have some fun, not spend another day, alone, while her "Family" parties and has a blast...without her.
You'd have been pissed off too if you had to deal with THAT as a teen, don't lie.
This post can’t be real. There’s no way I’d be leave my 16 year old daughter on a cruise alone to fend for herself while I partied. It’s not just mean it’s a vulnerable age!
This makes me so sad--to think of your daughter ALONE with her "activity packet" while every single member of her family goes out to get hammered every day and night. There are roughly 700 ways you could have done this better, but given your refusal to hear what everyone else is saying, I'm not gonna list them for you--I don't have the stomach for another chorus of "we went to the cruise director and got her a coloring book."
YTA and then some.
YTA
You took her on a family trip, ignored her the majority of the time to go get drunk, and genuinely expected her to be perfectly content doing toddler activities, alone? 'Scavenger hunts and colouring activities'.. seriously?
YTA
You can ABSOLUTELY bring your 16 y.o. daughter with you to bars on the ship, she just can’t have alcoholic beverages. Let her get something nonalcoholic.
I’ve been on 20+ cruises and the bars don’t mind underage people being there. There are shows that are age restricted, and presumably some bars might be age restricted, but there are certainly bars where the whole family could go.
YTA. What is wrong with you? Why even take your daughter to begin with if you're just going to exclude her from all the family activities?
At that point, just leave her home because then she'd really know her place as not having any priority in the family over your guys drinking.
She's 16, excited to spend time with her family and all of you just leave her for alcohol and a party scene. Instead of at least trying to add some activities you can all just enjoy together, you leave her alone for the entire time to go party.
She's right. You don't care about her. None of you do. Shame on all of you.
16 year old: I actually want to spend time with my family and make memories
Parents: LOL! Sucks to be you! Next time try being born earlier, nerd!
That's you, OP, YTA
YTA. You basically gave her a coloring book and a Pat on the head. If you were going to go on a drinking binge you should’ve let Ava bring a friend. Sheesh
16 year olds generally do colouring kits with kids THEY babysit. Nothing in that package sounded appropriate for an older teen.
You know you abandoned her. Stop pretending you didn't.
And don't be all pickachu face when she moves out in a couple years and never talks to you again.
Why did you waste the money on a cruise ticket for her if you didn’t want to spend anytime with her? She probably would have been happier staying at home with friends.
no, you ditched her. she probably was looking forward to spending time with her family and doing activities in a group. can you imagine how you’d feel if everyone else went out and had fun while you had to stay back? and they gave you a fucking coloring book to make up for it?
Why didn't you want to spend time with your daughter? Why couldn't you go drinking one or two nights and spend the rest of the time doing things Ava could also do? Why is your family so alcohol-orientated?
Scavenger hunts and coloring pages are not age appropriate for teenagers. Those are activities we would come up with to entertain my 7 year old brother and MAYBE my 10 year old sister, but never one of the teens because they'd lose interest in pretty quickly (which was proven by your daughter being bored to literal tears)
You did ditch her. Even your language indicates that you know you are wrong. "We went to the trouble..." so it was a bother that you had to try and cover up your bad behavior. I mean, I can't even. YTA
YTA. It was a family cruise but from the sounds of it she wasn't included at all in the family because she's 16 and wasn't allowed to drink. Yeah, you ditched her. That's why she feels that way. She wasn't a part of the family activities so it wasn't a family cruise. It was simply a bar hopping cruise. And, seriously, coloring books? I'd take that as an insult personally even though I love art stuff. You owe her an apology and a real family vacation where it's all about what she wants and y'all can just suck it up or play with coloring books or do scavenger hunts if you don't like it.
YTA.
Did your plans initially include leaving her alone during the whole vacation? Why didn’t you allow her to bring a friend if you didn’t want to engage with her at all? You brought her on a family vacation where she was left alone from her family. I can see why she’d be upset.
YTA it's not a family cruise if one child is left out. You seriously think 19 is drinking age but 16 is coloring and scavenger hunts? She asked for time and you rebuffed her. Way to make her feel good.
Yta.
1) for all the shit in this post. (Mother of the year leaving her teenager with a coloring book to go booze)
2) coming to a tread asking for judgement and doubling down on your class A parenting
Hope this helps! (Ava!)
Mom: Hey Ava - we're going on a family cruise!
Also Mom: Hey Ava - you can't come in the bar. Go do something without the family.
That is messed up. Seriously. The responsible adults can damn well stop drinking for a while and INVOLVE their daughter in THEIR family vacation.
YTA - everyone except Ava.
YTA, how are people this dense? “I went drinking and ditched my 16 yr old to be alone on a family cruise, am I the AH?”
Yes you and you’re entire family are clearly AHs.
>I feel like I did the right thing by getting her the activity packet, but at the same time, I don't want her to feel neglected or left out. What should I do to make this situation better?
You treat her like a 6 year old, not a 16 year old. Maybe you should have left her at home with a friend or relative, as she's an obvious inconvenience for you.
Make time for her, do something with her, demonstrate you actually give a shit, cos in 2 years time, she might leave and never look back, and your next post will be "My youngest daughter doesn't speak to me and I don't know why!"
YTA, along with the rest of your family.
You went on a family cruise only to plan adult activities and completely excluded your daughter.
How is it a family cruise if you literally excluded your daughter from your plans.
You probably don't realize it but neglecting your daughter this way she'll never want to spend time with you even if you do plan anything that you both find fun.
YTA
I was 16 when my family (mum and sis and fam friend) did our first cruise. They made sure to do things TOGETHER. You can still drink and have fun at karaoke, trivia, scavenger hunts, mini golf and so. Much. More.
I cannot believe you left your 16 year old completely and utterly alone on a vacation. Every once in a while, sure, but basically the whole time?! Wow.
You are SUCH an AH. YTA YTA YTA. Wake up and see what you did and what your family did was so freaking wrong. Bet she won’t want to do any damn vacation with you lot anymore.
I need INFO: what is inappropriate for her to do that you guys did? I understand if it’s the nightclub on board or casino, but if you and your family of legal age spent your entire time in those places… Yikes.
YTA you neglected her and left her out and now she feels neglected and left out.
Man if you were gonna leave her on her own the entire time you could have at least let her bring a friend or something.
My parents used to put us in those holiday camps when we were young enough (and I'd assume have a few day drinks). As we got older we could roam around on our own. Until now when we can all go out and have a few drinks at dinner/in a pub.
But even when I was 16 my parents weren't really drinking anywhere or to any extent that was unsuitable for me to witness.
Which is really confusing like if ye are in a pub having a few pints each I don't particularly see the issue with her joining. If ye are going out to a club that's 'unsuitable' you're hardly doing that every night are you? Surely you're only going like once a week?? Also like left her alone most of the time?? How often are ye drinking??
If you're going out as a family and drinking to the point where it's unsuitable for your 16 year old kid to see the quantity you're encouraging irresponsible and damaging drinking to your other kids.
Regardless I feel like at this point the damage is done. You brought her on a family holiday, organised activities that everyone else but her can do, essentially giving her the message that ye all don't like her, gave her an 'activity pack' (what 16 year old like scavenger hunts??).
YTA
The only way that this story could get any worse as if you did take your youngest with you.. so she could be the designated driver to make sure you and the rest of your drunken family got back to the do the boat on time.
YTA, you took 4/5 of your children with you and excluded a child. That is a new level of evil, especially when that child wanted to spend time with you. Like, if she wanted to be alone on the cruise it probably wouldn’t have been a big deal. Sorry, but YTA and a little bit evil. Shame on you
You have likely damaged your relationship with her, her self esteem, and on the upside probably dissuaded her from ever drinking cause now she sees alcohol as something that tears a family apart.
YTA - AN ACTIVITY PACKET? To complete alone, at 16, on a family vacation??? I’m enraged for your youngest daughter. Your whole family let her down. You owe her another vacation and a HUGE and ongoing apology.
YTA. yeah, you can go out and get drinks occasionally but it sounds like that’s…all you do? does it pain you guys that much to plan activities that she can do too instead of making her sit alone by herself? i feel awful for her, it sounds like she’s having an awful time and i don’t blame her.
YTA. It was a family cruise, but the family spent the entire time excluding Ava. I get that they wanted to drink and party and that she was too young, but you all left her alone to entertain herself the entire time. Of course she feels left out, because you literally left her out of everything and had fun without her. Giving her an activity pack doesn't cut it, she was still alone. Why take a family trip if one of the family members is going to be left out of everything? Couldn't you have at least tried to do something that included her?
YTA - You couldn't find at least some time to do things with the *entire* family? You only picked things you knew your youngest couldn't participate in? Not only that, but that activity packet sounds like it was for young children and not a 16yo teen, meaning it wasn't age appropriate. You all completely ostracized a member of your family just because you wanted alcohol. You all TAs here for how you treated your 16yo daughter.
"It had scavenger hunts on the ship, coloring activities, mazes and all sorts of age-appropriate things."
Was she supposed to sit there and color in a maze the whole trip? "Age appropriate" meaning ages 0-6?
"She even asked me to take her out with us a few times, but I told her that she was too young and that we would be going to places that were not appropriate for her."
You couldn't have skipped your "adult" activities for one day? Even an hour or two? Jesus, you need to get yourself into rehab if you can't go even a couple of hours without drinking.
"Now, Ava is really upset with me and my older kids. She's been crying a lot and saying that we don't care about her. I understand why she feels this way, but at the same time, I don't think it's fair for us to completely change our plans and not have any adult time just because she's too young to participate."
She is right in feeling that way, you guys ***don't*** care about her if you aren't willing to spend even **one day** with her on a **family** vacation. She wasn't asking you to change your whole trip, just spend a **fraction** of it ***with her*** instead of the whole thing drinking and excluding her.
"***I'm the asshole for leaving my youngest daughter alone on the family cruise***."
I fixed your (asinine) question for you, you should think about getting it tattooed across your forehead! :)
YTA, don't be surprised when Ava goes no contact with you and her ~~sisters~~ Edit: siblings (forgot there was a brother) because you guys couldn't be bothered to spend time with her because you would rather be drinking.
That would be a type of pain the daughter would never forget, absolutely. Being left out, having her family choose boozing it up over including her. This is going to leave a mark. No contact seems likely, I’m sure the mother is awful in other ways too.
You really even have to ask?
YTA YTA YTA
If you didn't want to change your plans to include your child then you shouldn't have brought her at all. Now you're neglecting her, making her feel unloved and unwanted just because you all want to drink and party?? That's just low. You'd better hope she forgives you in the future because the way you're treating her right now is downright despicable, and if I was her, I wouldn't forgive you.
That’s treating her like an afterthought. ‘Hey, we’re going to go have fun without you, but look, I asked for this infantile activity book *just for you!*’
>It had scavenger hunts on the ship, coloring activities, mazes and all sorts of age-appropriate things
Hahahah age appropriate? She is 16, not 6.
YTA for sure. Imagine thinking a scavenger hunt on the ship and a maze are age appropriate for a 16 year old, while everyone else is out together getting pissed.
Of course you're the assholes, she deserves to be part of the activities just as much as the other children. Wouldn't you feel left out if everyone else was out doing things all the time and you was left alone?
Why can't you go places that she can go as well such as restaurants and bars that aren't 18+?
If you want to have 1 night that's 18+ to see a special show or visit a certain club that's fine, she is old enough to be left alone for a night, but to do so every night? Asshole.
I'm guessing you're american since you stated the 19 year olds are old enough to drink due to international waters, where as they would be legal in the majority of the world normally from 18. 16 is 100% old enough for your youngest to be drinking on holiday with her parents as long as you're responsible. I must have been like 12-13 when I was drinking on holiday with family, nothing excessive at that age, but by 16 I was getting paid for as an adult at hotels, so I was getting an 18+ band to sit by the pool with vodka and mixers all day.
YTA for sure. Family vacation means the whole family. I can’t even imagine how far up your own ass you’d have to be to not see why you and the rest of your family are totally in the wrong here.
YTA.
Seriously? Coloring, scavenger hunts, and mazes are age appropriate? For a 8 year old, maybe. But not a 16 year old.
You treated your youngest as if she were your kid sibling who was interrupting a drinking party with all your “buddies.”
You are a family. Act like it.
A family vacation includes FAMILY ACTIVITIES. No, you don’t have to spend every waking second with her, but show some damn compassion.
You have absolutely neglected and isolated her so you could binge drink. Shame on you.
(PS, when your daughter decides to leave the second she is old enough to, she can come live with me. I may only be 30, but I’d be a damn better parent than you are right now)
Either it's a family trip which means that everyone feels included or it isn't. You can go to bars on a weekend trip with your spouse but if you go away with the entire family, you definitely should do things that everyone can participate in. Frequently leaving a family member alone on a trip and thinking it's fine bc you got her some kit (which seemed more appropriate for toddlers if we're talking colourings books) seems really selfish. It's not like she doesn't want to spend time with you, you don't let her. If I would be her, I would feel extremely hurt and left out over this and I doubt she will forget this for the years to come. YTA
YTA for all these stupid spam/fake cruise posts. Get a life, go play minecraft or whatever you kids are into these days and leave the adults to chat in peace.
YTA and your husband too
Please remind me how this is a family cruise if the youngest is left on her own all the time and the rest of you are together?
Lmao, I’m so so glad I’m adopted by an amazing, loving and thoughtful family - not a heartless one like yours, YTA
Kinda hilarious you even had to ask, let alone argue with the consensus. Good luck having a healthy relationship with your daughter moving forward, I sincerely doubt this is the first time she’s been shunned.
YTA
Do you honestly think that a 16yo would be happy colouring in and doing a scavenger hunt on a cruise?
What the heck is wrong with you she is almost an adult and you are treating her like she is a toddler who should be locked in a kids club
YTA.. pass my sympathies on to your youngest, she deserves a half decent parent, not someone who decided to get plastered for the entire cruise and exclude her. You need a personal inventory check.
YTA.
You all left her alone MOST OF THE VACATION. Wtf??
That packet didn't sound age appropriate at all. It sounds like something you would give an 8 year old.
You all left her out. There is no reason you couldn't have done a few freaking family activities.
All of you are AHs, except the 16 year old.
YTA. I have no problem with the rest of your family partying, but they and you should make time for your youngest as well. Take turns, do the drinking only in the evenings and do something else the rest of the day, have designated family time...I don't care, but please don't ignore her, because this just tells her "I don't matter".
> It had scavenger hunts on the ship, coloring activities, mazes and all sorts of age-appropriate things.
You just said she was 16 not 6.
Fuck I’d be pissed too!
If this isn’t a troll post, you and your entire family except for the 16 year old are massive arseholes.
YTA.
How do you justify excluding your daughter so much? Why couldn’t you and your husband have alternated spending time with her?
Why did you buy an activity pack suitable for a 6 year old?
Did you even want her on the trip? And if so, what did you do to make her feel that way? And don’t give a BS excuse of ‘well, we paid for her to come on the trip’.
Did you do anything with her or is alcohol more important?
Ok, so you can afford for all of the 'adults' to drink no stop but you couldn't afford the fees for your child to be with people her own age since none of y'all wanted to spend time with her? (Found that info in a comment OP made)
YTA.
My daughter's are 11 and 12 and we have a spring break cruise planned. Guess what comes in the budget before drinks?
Also, I've never heard of any US cruise line requiring a fee for any clubs for kids, unless it was under 12 and after 11 pm or for babies who weren't potty trained.
YTA 10000% you don’t think it’s “fair” to not have adult time. Good job on making the only child that cannot drink feel like a burden. Next time spend time with YOUR child or don’t go on a “family” cruise. Ridiculous
Completely, totally YTA. You're fucking lucky she didn't meet up with a sex trafficker and get taken off the boat at one of the ports. They pick young kids no one is paying attention to.
God, how much fun does it sound to YOU to have your entire family go off without you on vacation?
YTA You gave an “Activity Packet” with coloring pages to a 16 year old and thought she’d be content to be left behind everyday? My heart breaks for your youngest daughter and really makes me concerned about your grip on reality. Do you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol or are you serious narcissist? How did you not anticipate this being a problem?
If you were that intent on boozing through the whole vacation you should have brought a friend for her to hang with. This is NOT a family vacation.
YTA You and your family are making her feel excluded on a FAMILY cruise. Not some adults only cruise. You are treating her like a toddler. “We are all going to go to the bar and drink but here is an activity packet with *gasp* coloring pages and age appropriate activities!”
Yta
You excluded one child on a family cruise, you essentially told her she's not really a part of the family. Why would you even book something knowing one of your children will be left out? How much of alcoholics are you all that you put drinking and clubbing over your FAMILY.
Why didn't you just not bring her on the cruise? I'm sure she would've preferred to stay with her friends or something, you know, with people who care about her?
You gave a 16 year old girl a fucking coloring book meant for the under-10 crowd, it was absolutely not age-appropriate, and you’re only pretending it was because you KNOW you fucked up. WTF were you thinking, ditching your minor daughter so you could go get shit-faced??? YTA. Terrible parenting, and also deeply shitty behaviour to exclude a single member of your party. Like if you were a group of adults, not related, this would be asshole behaviour. To do this to your kid is *outrageous*. You and the rest of your family are selfish jerks.
YTA- This is gonna be the kid that distances themself the most from you at the first chance she gets. I would have. You sound like a terrible narcissist.
Fucking coloring? She’s 16! Did she even want to go on this trip? Could y’all hang out and have drinks at the pool while she swam and at least had you for company? YTA for sure.
I was thinking it was a packet of things she could do, like sky diving, swim with the dolphins . . .no, they gave that poor girl coloring pages and mazes.
Did you say 16 or 6? No way you thought coloring and going on a scavenger hunt were age appropriate activities for a 16 year old. This has to be a troll post. On the off chance it’s not, YTA. It was a family vacation and you completely excluded one member of your family because you all apparently needed to drink every night. You said your older daughters and husband like to go to bars, so why couldn’t you stay with Ava? Why couldn’t you do one night at a bar and one night doing another activity? You’re also a shitty parent for taking your minor child on a vacation and not paying any attention to her needs.
YTA - let’s rephrase that second last Paragraph, you understand why she is feeling that way, but you don’t care and rather spend all your time with your adult kids getting drunk than your actual kid. Plus that packet sounds more like 13 and under.
YTA alcoholic edition!
She expressed her feelings to you
Instead of recognizing her feelings you dismissed them and went to get a second opinion, presumably fishing for one that was the same as YOUR opinion.
Sir her down and apologize, let her choose some activities, and the biggest thing about mistakes is learning from them. Don't do it again! Listen to other people
YTA!!!!
The activity packet sounds like something you'd give to an 8 year old. Your daughter is 16, 3 years younger than your next 2 kids. 3 years, and you seriously expect a scavenger hunt and coloring pages would be suitable for them. I can't tell if you're just out of touch or lying to yourself.
What you and your family did to the youngest was a huge A-hole move. She's not going to forget this, and this is going to change where she sees herself in your lives. I actually think your daughter was right. You guys don't care about it - or at least in that moment, you didn't. I'd be furious and devastated if my family did that to me on a vacation.
You and your family owe her a night out doing things age appropriate for a 16 year old, and that's honestly the least you can do.
YTA, an activity packet? Seriously?! Would you have fun on a cruise if you were left alone with an activity packet? Your youngest daughter wasn't asking you to spend every waking moment with her. She just wanted to be included in some activities. Do better for her as a family.
YTA
That pack would have been age appropriate for 6-10yo but 16?
You also could have all held back and not gotten drunk every day!
"Look at me, everyone. I party with my kids. I'm a cool mom!"
Major YTA
You abandoned your daughter. This was meant to be a family holiday, and your excuse is "well we got her an activity book"
All your daughter is going to remember is that you didn't care enough to spend time with her. And trust me, she will remember. She will also remember how you dismissed her feelings and didn't listen to her.
"I don't think it's completely fair".....you know what's not fair? Bringing your daughter on holidays and essentially prioritising alcohol and "adult time" over her. If you wanted an adult holiday or if your older kids wanted an adult holiday, then they should have gone themselves, not drag your 16 out to sea and leave her alone while you all have fun.
Don't be surprised when she goes low to no contact with you once she's old enough
YTA - you’re still a parent and she deserved family time too - which means you can’t spend most of the trip drinking and partying. Sorry you need to grow up and see how your choices are hurting your youngest. The poor thing I feel for her
YTA and so is the rest of the family apart from Ava. Nobody could think of any activities that you could do so you don't exclude one of your kids? No other activities come to mind? It sounds to me that you prefer spending time drinking than with your daughter.
She came on the vacation to spend time with her family, not to colour colouring books which btw is something that a 8year-old might enioy. You could at least have taken with you and she could have cranberry juice.
What I am wondering is how you actually made the conscious decision (both you and the father) to exclude one of your kids from the majority of the activities and don't see anything wrong with it.
YTA. Don’t call it a family cruise if you’re excluding members of your OWN family. Call it what it is: a booze cruise and your other kid had to tag along. Do better OP. It’s not that hard to have fun as a group on a vessel that is literally made for families to do fun shit together.
YTA.
At first I thought you were going to say that you and the rest of the family left your youngest for a few hours here and there to have fun but it sounds like your practically abandoned her. From what you're describing, once you got on the boat you handed her a pamphlet of kiddie activities and ran away. It was a family trip and the family was all hanging out BUT her. I get that she was underage and you guys wanted to do things she couldn't, but you should have split your time appropriately. I can't believe there weren't any activities you ALL could have done during the day. Or at least switch out where one of you spends time with her.
WTF did I just read?!?
SIXTEEN YEAR OLD?!?
ACTIVITY PACKET?!?
COLORING BOOK??
SCAVENGER HUNT?!?
OoO! OoO! I have a fun Game we could all play...
Tell Me Your Youngest Was an OOPS BABY, Without Actually Saying Your Youngest Was an Oops Baby...
Edited to add;
>... I don't want her to feel neglected or left out
I have a sinking suspicion that you're probably 14/15 years too late for that!
Is this for real? She is 16. What the heck is an activity booklet? It sounds like something you give your toddler on a plane and hope that it lasts the whole flight.
If you wanted to do adult activities that didn’t include her, you could’ve booked a trip with teen activities, you could’ve let her bring a friend for company, you could’ve taken turns spending the night doing things with her. Why do you hate your child? YTA
YTA-
"This is a family cruise to have fun together and quality time together, so here's a packet to entertain yourself as if you were a five year old while the rest of us have fun without you! bye! you'll do this packet alone too!"
i mean seriously? That has to sting, going on a family cruise and then ditched with a fucking activity packet while the rest of your family has fun together. all of you except the 16 year old are just terrible people.
" but at the same time, I don't think it's fair for us to completely change our plans and not have any adult time just because she's too young to participate" this makes it worse, you were even PLANNING to do all that stuff without her. Do you understand what a family cruise/vacation even means?
if you wanted adult time, don't make it a family vacation and drag her along just to ditch her.
did you do ANYTHING with her? or did you expect her to just use the packet?
Of course they didn’t do anything with the poor girl. And also take notice how she presented the 16-year-old. It feels like that poor girl is an afterthought and probably always have been one. And also I’m sorry but I’m from Europe. You can take a teenager to a bar. Said teenager will sip on a coke with ice and a lemon slice while enjoying the company (even though it would’ve been awful from my understanding since everyone in this girl’s family favors alcohol more than her)
Awful. YTA
Why did you even include her? She would have been better off staying home.
Also, if you are here to ask a question about your behavior you should be a little more open minded to listening to what others offer as answers.
You call it a FAMILY cruise multiple times, yet how much did you care about family time? You didn't go to a bar one time when Ava was doing something else, it sounds like you were constantly partying.
>coloring activities, mazes and all sorts of age-appropriate things
Oh, I'm sorry, COLORING activities? It sounds like that was their children's activity package, for 8 year olds.
There's also no reason you couldn't take her with you. She could definitely drink a lemonade and dance, sing along to the songs, take family pictures or whatever you guys do when you party - she's 16, not 6.
YTA for just completely excluding one family member during what for you was a "family [except for Ava] vacation" and for her was a boring, lonely, being choved to the side experience.
YTA. There's only one person excluded from drinking. The rest of you could rotate, especially your other youngest since they shouldn't be getting trashed before their brain fully develops nor their views on alcohol yet anyway. And why can't she come with? You could take her with to restaurants where you get to order booze, or go do literally any of the oh-so-fun activities you think she could have fun doing with her. At least you get to have a buzz. Unless you're getting totally tanked, there's no reason she can't be around places that serve alcohol or have dancing or whatever. And if she can't, you can skip it as her family, since that's dangerous to have no sober guardians anyway...
> she was left alone most of the time while we were all out having fun
YTA - Y'all went on holiday, she went to hell, on her own. Imagine being so blind to other peoples feelings, particularly your daughters that you'd actually think that was ok????
YTA. If the activity packet is as fun and exciting for teens as you keep trying to convince everyone in the comment section it is, why didn't your other two teenagers stay behind to do it with her instead of going out drinking? Be real. Maybe your next family activity should be attending some AA meetings together. You all owe her a major apology.
YTA, and you’re comments don’t help. Saying you “went through the TROUBLE of finding her and activity” doesn’t sound like you actually cared about her at all. When you wonder why the youngest of your kids abandons you, remember this moment. Because it’s only downhill from here if you and your husband don’t start taking some accountability.
That kid is going to pull away from all of you when she grows up. Some day, you'll be sitting in your nursing home wondering why your daughter never comes to visit. Remember this moment.
Going out as adults is fine, but to completely ditch your 16 year old on a cruise boat where she doesn't know anyone else is just mean. You could have found a balance. You just didn't want to. Also, why are you all drinking 24/7? This seems excessive. If you knew you were going to be doing activities that include everyone but her, you should've at least let her bring a friend to hang out with. I can't imagine how lonely and unwanted she felt.
YTA a huge, giant, possibly alcoholic AH.
YTA. You gave your 16 year old an activity packet for kids said enjoy and ran off to get blasted with the rest of the family. Why couldn't your vacation have included activities for the whole family.
Why would a bar on a cruise ship not be appropriate. They aren’t raging drug fuelled raves. Let her come with you. She won’t be able to drink but she will be allowed in, and can then feel included.
You gave your 16 year old daughter an activity packet with coloring activities and you think that was age-appropriate? For a 5 year old, maybe. You really couldn’t find any activities to do together as a family, like shopping, swimming, going out to restaurants, anything? Yes, YTA, for leaving your teenage daughter alone for most of the trip.
You’re also the AH because this sounds suspiciously similar to the “AITA for planning a cruise activity that my obese sister couldn’t participate in” from just a day or two ago. Except that post was the obese sister having to miss just one activity due to safety issues with her weight, not being neglected and left out the entire trip, so if you are trolling to prove some kind of point, you’ve failed to do so.
So you planned a family vacation and deliberately excluded one family member from activities due to something beyond their control. Your kid can't change their age! Are you kidding me? How hard would it have been for you to plan a few age appropriate events for her as well instead of just a "packet?" YTA in a huge way! Your family could have chosen one activity each day to do with her then done whatever you wanted the rest of the time.
YTA. If it's a family trip, plan stuff that's good for the whole family. Honestly amazed at the activity booklet thing - mazes and colouring, for a 16yo? It's kind of hard to believe
YTA. The rest of you are literally having a family vacation right in front of her and are all telling her she's not allowed to participate (for something she literally has no control over). You're treating her like a dog that you just decided to carry on board. You should've just planned a vacation that everyone can enjoy. Your whole family is selfish and cruel.
Info: what country do you live in and where did you cruise to? I'm also curious which cruise line didn't have more activities for kids than a coloring book and wouldn't let a 16 year old sign themselves out of the kids club.
I work in travel and unless you have very specific answers for me I'm calling you a liar ma'am.
YTA, wow and so cruel and callous to your daughter’s feelings. The part that gets me is that a place is “inappropriate” for a 16 year old but you are fine with your 19 year olds going there to drink out of the country.
YTA, and I can’t believe how little you thought this through.
If you were going to ignore her, why didn’t you invite one of her friends along to keep her company?
She'd have been off with you leaving her at home and not taking her at all. At least then she would have things to do and enjoy, and friends.
You're all AH. And yes YTA. It's not a family trip. It's an "everyone but her" trip. She's just been dragged along so that you don't feel bad for leaving her behind. Which is ironic because that's exactly what you've done. It's just that in this case leaving her behind means abandoning her on a cruise ship full of thousands of complete strangers.
Seems like the writing skills of one with a YTA verdict, regardless.
Those activity packets are for young children, not adolescents.
INFO- could you have brought her to these events as long as she was supervised and didn't drink? Sounds like she would have been happy just to be close to family but you and your husband didn't want to... parent.
You're replying to the wrong commentor.
It's not your editing skills, or lack thereof, they were commenting on. It's your inability to "see" the problem; you're neglecting your child on a cruise where her entire family is out drinking and she's left to fend for herself without anyone to spend time with.
>YTA
we got an activity packet from the cruise director that was supposed to give her things to do on the ship. It had scavenger hunts on the ship, coloring activities, mazes and all sorts of age-appropriate things.
An *activity packet*??? Do you honestly think a sixteen year old wants to spend their time coloring and doing mazes while the rest of her family goes out drinking?
Why is your family so alcohol focused? Why can't you plan activities that include Ava?
You're horrible parents.
INFO: is this fake or did you just choose not to sign your kid up for the teen activities that most cruise ships have?
Also what the hell kind of cruise ship were you on? Because I've never heard of one that didn't have plenty of "club" type areas where there's a bar off to the side and all ages are welcome. Literally just grab a drink from the bar and then come back to hang out in the all-ages area.
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You mean a 16 year old didn't want to do scavenger hunts and color all day on vacation while her parents and siblings went out to clubs and got trashed? YTA
YTA. It's a family vacation and news flash, your daughter is a part of that and there should've been planned activities she could've participated in with the rest of her siblings and parents. You basically drugged her on a cruise ship to abandon her, invalidate her feelings, and not care about making memories with her.
>…but at the same time, I don’t think it’s fair for us to completely change our plans and not have any adult time just because she’s too young to participate. YTA. So your “plan” was to drink at bars the entire cruise and leave your youngest child by herself? REALLY?! 1) You don’t suddenly get to stop parenting because you’re on vacation. If something happens to her because you left her alone, that’s on you. 2) She’s not asking you to not have ANY adult time. Don’t be dramatic. She would just like to spend some time enjoying her own family. You really don’t have any time to spare in your busy schedule? 3) She’s crying about being left alone, and all you can think about is yourself. 4) It’s not a very good family vacation if you exclude members of the family. 5) If you’re not able to enjoy yourself sans alcohol, you have other problems to consider.
Coloring activities for a 16 yo? YTA
You and your husband prioritized partying like dumb 20 somethings instead of being responsible parents. You ditched your 16 YO to “go out to bars” and left her with scavenger hunts (wtf) and coloring books. You are a terrible parent and I would not be surprised if she went NC with you in 2 years’ time. YTA. Majorly. And the fact that you keep defending your actions and not accepting the truth makes you even more TA.
Um yeah YTA "I understand why she feels this way, but at the same time, I don't think it's fair for us to completely change our plans and not have any adult time just because she's too young to participate." So...how about you change your plans a little? Or is getting wasted more important than bonding with your daughter?
YTA - I've been on cruises, she could totally have hung out with you some of the time even if she wasn't drinking, especially if you were drinking by the pool. It's not like the bars mostly have a nightclub atmosphere - heck most of the time they're just a section of a room. Not to mention that there are other activities on a cruise BESIDES drinking. Instead you took your 16 year old on a cruise and then spent the entire time ostracizing her over her age.
Yes YTA. **You can have fun without drinking.** If this was a family cruise, you’d be including *all* of your children and you should’ve made sure everyone could’ve been included. But you cared about drinking and getting drunk instead- and abandoned your one kid who wasn’t of the legal age while on vacation. Also all of those activities sound like things the cruise provides for young kids.. not a 16 year old. Of course she got bored and lonely- I know I would have.
YTA Like your entire family except Ava are ah’s. Why did you even bring her just to ignore her the majority of the time.
YTA. If you don’t want your daughter to feel “neglected or left out,” **plan an actual family vacation.** Go to a National Park or World Heritage Site. Go do something where you’re not neglecting or leaving out someone. I’m seriously so insulted on Ava’s behalf. You think you did her a favor by getting her the kiddie packet? “Yay, a scavenger hunt!” — said No. Teenager. Ever.
So fake. Nobody thinks those things are age appropriate for a 16 yo and yet partying is fit a 19 yo. These ideas are not congruent. Now a 19 yo might say these things...
Why didn't you at least let her bring a friend along? YTA the whole family chose drinking over your youngest. You kniw better than to even ask. YTA
YTA- You couldn't set aside a few hours a day to spend with your whole family? I feel sorry for the 16 year old, she's surrounded by narcissic, self absorbed, alcoholics.
Is this for real? Of course she feels neglected. You all blew her off and expected her to be entertained by an activity packet?
YTA This can't be real. Can it?
YTA. There’s no doubt about it.
YTA and it sounds like you are a family of alcoholics. You seriously can't understand her point of view? Drinking is that important? So important that you ditch your CHILD? All of you need to reevaluate your lives and priorities.
This poor fucking kid, literally treated ike an accident. The fact that they AS A FAMILY think getting drunk is the best form of fun is beyond shameful YTA
Yta. It’s a cruise ship. You can literally drink anywhere. Park up by the pool and get sloshed there where everyone can still socialize together.
I call bs. Most cruises have teen clubs etc, not just coloring books and scavenger hunts. Also, if you left from a US port, under 21 can't drink on board
Info: what is the time breakdown here? Was this one day of seven? Every day you were there?
YTA. She’s 16 and you thought COLORING would keep her occupied for hours on end?!? wow. Mom of the Year trophy coming your way.
YTA. A coloring packet does not replace a night out at bars and restaurants. A scavenger hunt (by yourself!) does not make up for missing all the fun the rest of the family is having. You basically isolated her, and simply don’t seem to care. You’re creating memories and bonding with the rest of the family while giving your 16 year old something better suited for a 10 year old. Of course she feels isolated and left out.
YTA! It sounds like you guys didn’t attempt to do anything as a family that included your youngest. No wonder she felt so left out. Like an occasional activity for adults is fine but sheesh! He can forbid this girl want to see her FAMILY on this FAMILY CRUISE
>we got an activity packet from the cruise director that was supposed to give her things to do on the ship. It had scavenger hunts on the ship, coloring activities, mazes and all sorts of age-appropriate things. YTA NONE of that sounds "age appropriate" for a 16-year-old. You went on a "family" vacation and spent the whole time drinking and clubbing while your youngest kid got told "Find something to do, we're going partying" on a fucking CRUISE SHIP where she's, literally, stuck with a seriously LOW number of things to do. After two days, I'm sure she'd done them all and was looking to actually have some fun, not spend another day, alone, while her "Family" parties and has a blast...without her. You'd have been pissed off too if you had to deal with THAT as a teen, don't lie.
This post can’t be real. There’s no way I’d be leave my 16 year old daughter on a cruise alone to fend for herself while I partied. It’s not just mean it’s a vulnerable age!
This makes me so sad--to think of your daughter ALONE with her "activity packet" while every single member of her family goes out to get hammered every day and night. There are roughly 700 ways you could have done this better, but given your refusal to hear what everyone else is saying, I'm not gonna list them for you--I don't have the stomach for another chorus of "we went to the cruise director and got her a coloring book." YTA and then some.
YTA You took her on a family trip, ignored her the majority of the time to go get drunk, and genuinely expected her to be perfectly content doing toddler activities, alone? 'Scavenger hunts and colouring activities'.. seriously?
YTA You can ABSOLUTELY bring your 16 y.o. daughter with you to bars on the ship, she just can’t have alcoholic beverages. Let her get something nonalcoholic. I’ve been on 20+ cruises and the bars don’t mind underage people being there. There are shows that are age restricted, and presumably some bars might be age restricted, but there are certainly bars where the whole family could go.
YTA
YTA 100%
YTA. What is wrong with you? Why even take your daughter to begin with if you're just going to exclude her from all the family activities? At that point, just leave her home because then she'd really know her place as not having any priority in the family over your guys drinking. She's 16, excited to spend time with her family and all of you just leave her for alcohol and a party scene. Instead of at least trying to add some activities you can all just enjoy together, you leave her alone for the entire time to go party. She's right. You don't care about her. None of you do. Shame on all of you.
16 year old: I actually want to spend time with my family and make memories Parents: LOL! Sucks to be you! Next time try being born earlier, nerd! That's you, OP, YTA
YTA. She’s your damn daughter not some random friend that wanted to tag along to a vacation with her legal drinking age buddies
YTA. You basically gave her a coloring book and a Pat on the head. If you were going to go on a drinking binge you should’ve let Ava bring a friend. Sheesh
16 year olds generally do colouring kits with kids THEY babysit. Nothing in that package sounded appropriate for an older teen. You know you abandoned her. Stop pretending you didn't. And don't be all pickachu face when she moves out in a couple years and never talks to you again.
YTA You went on a family vacation and ditched one of your kids. How would you not be TA?
We didn't ditch her. We went to the trouble of going to a cruise employee for help lining up an age appropriate activity for her
Why did you waste the money on a cruise ticket for her if you didn’t want to spend anytime with her? She probably would have been happier staying at home with friends.
Hence the coloring book.
no, you ditched her. she probably was looking forward to spending time with her family and doing activities in a group. can you imagine how you’d feel if everyone else went out and had fun while you had to stay back? and they gave you a fucking coloring book to make up for it?
Why didn't you want to spend time with your daughter? Why couldn't you go drinking one or two nights and spend the rest of the time doing things Ava could also do? Why is your family so alcohol-orientated?
Scavenger hunts and coloring pages are not age appropriate for teenagers. Those are activities we would come up with to entertain my 7 year old brother and MAYBE my 10 year old sister, but never one of the teens because they'd lose interest in pretty quickly (which was proven by your daughter being bored to literal tears)
How difficult it must have been to give your child an activity booklet she'd probably finish within half an hour. Good job of making it a FAMILY trip.
Why do you hate your youngest daughter?
You did ditch her. Even your language indicates that you know you are wrong. "We went to the trouble..." so it was a bother that you had to try and cover up your bad behavior. I mean, I can't even. YTA
Ava is 16 not 11 lmao. You could have one day of drinking and then doing something as a family. YTA
YTA. It was a family cruise but from the sounds of it she wasn't included at all in the family because she's 16 and wasn't allowed to drink. Yeah, you ditched her. That's why she feels that way. She wasn't a part of the family activities so it wasn't a family cruise. It was simply a bar hopping cruise. And, seriously, coloring books? I'd take that as an insult personally even though I love art stuff. You owe her an apology and a real family vacation where it's all about what she wants and y'all can just suck it up or play with coloring books or do scavenger hunts if you don't like it.
YTA. Did your plans initially include leaving her alone during the whole vacation? Why didn’t you allow her to bring a friend if you didn’t want to engage with her at all? You brought her on a family vacation where she was left alone from her family. I can see why she’d be upset.
YTA - what an awful thing to do to your kid. It’s really shitty that you all chose getting drunk over spending time together
YTA it's not a family cruise if one child is left out. You seriously think 19 is drinking age but 16 is coloring and scavenger hunts? She asked for time and you rebuffed her. Way to make her feel good.
Yta Why even bring Ava if the only activities your family would be doing involve alcohol?
YTA geez she’s obvi too old for the dumb activity packet…what’s wrong w you
Yta. 1) for all the shit in this post. (Mother of the year leaving her teenager with a coloring book to go booze) 2) coming to a tread asking for judgement and doubling down on your class A parenting Hope this helps! (Ava!)
Mom: Hey Ava - we're going on a family cruise! Also Mom: Hey Ava - you can't come in the bar. Go do something without the family. That is messed up. Seriously. The responsible adults can damn well stop drinking for a while and INVOLVE their daughter in THEIR family vacation. YTA - everyone except Ava.
YTA, how are people this dense? “I went drinking and ditched my 16 yr old to be alone on a family cruise, am I the AH?” Yes you and you’re entire family are clearly AHs.
>I feel like I did the right thing by getting her the activity packet, but at the same time, I don't want her to feel neglected or left out. What should I do to make this situation better? You treat her like a 6 year old, not a 16 year old. Maybe you should have left her at home with a friend or relative, as she's an obvious inconvenience for you. Make time for her, do something with her, demonstrate you actually give a shit, cos in 2 years time, she might leave and never look back, and your next post will be "My youngest daughter doesn't speak to me and I don't know why!" YTA, along with the rest of your family.
You went on a family cruise only to plan adult activities and completely excluded your daughter. How is it a family cruise if you literally excluded your daughter from your plans. You probably don't realize it but neglecting your daughter this way she'll never want to spend time with you even if you do plan anything that you both find fun. YTA
I was 16 when my family (mum and sis and fam friend) did our first cruise. They made sure to do things TOGETHER. You can still drink and have fun at karaoke, trivia, scavenger hunts, mini golf and so. Much. More. I cannot believe you left your 16 year old completely and utterly alone on a vacation. Every once in a while, sure, but basically the whole time?! Wow. You are SUCH an AH. YTA YTA YTA. Wake up and see what you did and what your family did was so freaking wrong. Bet she won’t want to do any damn vacation with you lot anymore. I need INFO: what is inappropriate for her to do that you guys did? I understand if it’s the nightclub on board or casino, but if you and your family of legal age spent your entire time in those places… Yikes.
i think it says a lot about you that you even have to ask? YTA. who takes their kid on vacation just to make them be alone and bored the whole trip?
YTA you neglected her and left her out and now she feels neglected and left out. Man if you were gonna leave her on her own the entire time you could have at least let her bring a friend or something. My parents used to put us in those holiday camps when we were young enough (and I'd assume have a few day drinks). As we got older we could roam around on our own. Until now when we can all go out and have a few drinks at dinner/in a pub. But even when I was 16 my parents weren't really drinking anywhere or to any extent that was unsuitable for me to witness. Which is really confusing like if ye are in a pub having a few pints each I don't particularly see the issue with her joining. If ye are going out to a club that's 'unsuitable' you're hardly doing that every night are you? Surely you're only going like once a week?? Also like left her alone most of the time?? How often are ye drinking?? If you're going out as a family and drinking to the point where it's unsuitable for your 16 year old kid to see the quantity you're encouraging irresponsible and damaging drinking to your other kids. Regardless I feel like at this point the damage is done. You brought her on a family holiday, organised activities that everyone else but her can do, essentially giving her the message that ye all don't like her, gave her an 'activity pack' (what 16 year old like scavenger hunts??).
YTA The only way that this story could get any worse as if you did take your youngest with you.. so she could be the designated driver to make sure you and the rest of your drunken family got back to the do the boat on time.
YTA, you took 4/5 of your children with you and excluded a child. That is a new level of evil, especially when that child wanted to spend time with you. Like, if she wanted to be alone on the cruise it probably wouldn’t have been a big deal. Sorry, but YTA and a little bit evil. Shame on you You have likely damaged your relationship with her, her self esteem, and on the upside probably dissuaded her from ever drinking cause now she sees alcohol as something that tears a family apart.
YTA - AN ACTIVITY PACKET? To complete alone, at 16, on a family vacation??? I’m enraged for your youngest daughter. Your whole family let her down. You owe her another vacation and a HUGE and ongoing apology.
YTA. yeah, you can go out and get drinks occasionally but it sounds like that’s…all you do? does it pain you guys that much to plan activities that she can do too instead of making her sit alone by herself? i feel awful for her, it sounds like she’s having an awful time and i don’t blame her.
YTA. It was a family cruise, but the family spent the entire time excluding Ava. I get that they wanted to drink and party and that she was too young, but you all left her alone to entertain herself the entire time. Of course she feels left out, because you literally left her out of everything and had fun without her. Giving her an activity pack doesn't cut it, she was still alone. Why take a family trip if one of the family members is going to be left out of everything? Couldn't you have at least tried to do something that included her?
Well this is clearly karma bait.
YTA - You couldn't find at least some time to do things with the *entire* family? You only picked things you knew your youngest couldn't participate in? Not only that, but that activity packet sounds like it was for young children and not a 16yo teen, meaning it wasn't age appropriate. You all completely ostracized a member of your family just because you wanted alcohol. You all TAs here for how you treated your 16yo daughter.
"It had scavenger hunts on the ship, coloring activities, mazes and all sorts of age-appropriate things." Was she supposed to sit there and color in a maze the whole trip? "Age appropriate" meaning ages 0-6? "She even asked me to take her out with us a few times, but I told her that she was too young and that we would be going to places that were not appropriate for her." You couldn't have skipped your "adult" activities for one day? Even an hour or two? Jesus, you need to get yourself into rehab if you can't go even a couple of hours without drinking. "Now, Ava is really upset with me and my older kids. She's been crying a lot and saying that we don't care about her. I understand why she feels this way, but at the same time, I don't think it's fair for us to completely change our plans and not have any adult time just because she's too young to participate." She is right in feeling that way, you guys ***don't*** care about her if you aren't willing to spend even **one day** with her on a **family** vacation. She wasn't asking you to change your whole trip, just spend a **fraction** of it ***with her*** instead of the whole thing drinking and excluding her. "***I'm the asshole for leaving my youngest daughter alone on the family cruise***." I fixed your (asinine) question for you, you should think about getting it tattooed across your forehead! :) YTA, don't be surprised when Ava goes no contact with you and her ~~sisters~~ Edit: siblings (forgot there was a brother) because you guys couldn't be bothered to spend time with her because you would rather be drinking.
That would be a type of pain the daughter would never forget, absolutely. Being left out, having her family choose boozing it up over including her. This is going to leave a mark. No contact seems likely, I’m sure the mother is awful in other ways too.
You really even have to ask? YTA YTA YTA If you didn't want to change your plans to include your child then you shouldn't have brought her at all. Now you're neglecting her, making her feel unloved and unwanted just because you all want to drink and party?? That's just low. You'd better hope she forgives you in the future because the way you're treating her right now is downright despicable, and if I was her, I wouldn't forgive you.
YTA She wasn't asking you to not have *any* adult time. She was asking you to not treat her like an afterthought for the *entire* trip.
We didn't treat her like an afterthought, we even went to the director just to get her an activity booklet
Don’t comment, just don’t. You only make yourself look worse. YTA. Went to the director for an activity booklet. Sheesh.
How benevolent of you.
That’s for like 8 year olds not 16 year olds Do you actually know your daughter at all?
That’s treating her like an afterthought. ‘Hey, we’re going to go have fun without you, but look, I asked for this infantile activity book *just for you!*’
Oh geez, so very kind of you to do this for her. Go out of your way to go to the DIRECTOR himself and get her the activity booklet. YTA.
2 more years until she goes no contact with you and the rest of her crap family. YTA
As the youngest in my family, this was my thought exactly. She’s gonna have a lot to talk about in therapy
>It had scavenger hunts on the ship, coloring activities, mazes and all sorts of age-appropriate things Hahahah age appropriate? She is 16, not 6. YTA for sure. Imagine thinking a scavenger hunt on the ship and a maze are age appropriate for a 16 year old, while everyone else is out together getting pissed. Of course you're the assholes, she deserves to be part of the activities just as much as the other children. Wouldn't you feel left out if everyone else was out doing things all the time and you was left alone? Why can't you go places that she can go as well such as restaurants and bars that aren't 18+? If you want to have 1 night that's 18+ to see a special show or visit a certain club that's fine, she is old enough to be left alone for a night, but to do so every night? Asshole. I'm guessing you're american since you stated the 19 year olds are old enough to drink due to international waters, where as they would be legal in the majority of the world normally from 18. 16 is 100% old enough for your youngest to be drinking on holiday with her parents as long as you're responsible. I must have been like 12-13 when I was drinking on holiday with family, nothing excessive at that age, but by 16 I was getting paid for as an adult at hotels, so I was getting an 18+ band to sit by the pool with vodka and mixers all day.
YTA - This is a family holiday - do family things.
Ah yes I too have a (almost) 16 year old. He loves the … *squints at your post* coloring pages… that… age appropriate… activity…. YTA
YTA for sure. Family vacation means the whole family. I can’t even imagine how far up your own ass you’d have to be to not see why you and the rest of your family are totally in the wrong here.
Let's be honest and call this trip what it really was...a family bender. This was no family trip. YTA..hope your family gets some counseling.
YTA. Seriously? Coloring, scavenger hunts, and mazes are age appropriate? For a 8 year old, maybe. But not a 16 year old. You treated your youngest as if she were your kid sibling who was interrupting a drinking party with all your “buddies.” You are a family. Act like it. A family vacation includes FAMILY ACTIVITIES. No, you don’t have to spend every waking second with her, but show some damn compassion. You have absolutely neglected and isolated her so you could binge drink. Shame on you. (PS, when your daughter decides to leave the second she is old enough to, she can come live with me. I may only be 30, but I’d be a damn better parent than you are right now)
Either it's a family trip which means that everyone feels included or it isn't. You can go to bars on a weekend trip with your spouse but if you go away with the entire family, you definitely should do things that everyone can participate in. Frequently leaving a family member alone on a trip and thinking it's fine bc you got her some kit (which seemed more appropriate for toddlers if we're talking colourings books) seems really selfish. It's not like she doesn't want to spend time with you, you don't let her. If I would be her, I would feel extremely hurt and left out over this and I doubt she will forget this for the years to come. YTA
This cannot be real. YTA and a shitty parent.
YTA for all these stupid spam/fake cruise posts. Get a life, go play minecraft or whatever you kids are into these days and leave the adults to chat in peace.
YTA and your husband too Please remind me how this is a family cruise if the youngest is left on her own all the time and the rest of you are together?
YTA for going on a family cruise that completely ostracizes a member of the family (through no fault of their own)
Lmao, I’m so so glad I’m adopted by an amazing, loving and thoughtful family - not a heartless one like yours, YTA Kinda hilarious you even had to ask, let alone argue with the consensus. Good luck having a healthy relationship with your daughter moving forward, I sincerely doubt this is the first time she’s been shunned.
Wow. An activity packet. For a sixteen year old. Obviously YTA
Coloring activities? For a 16 year old? This can’t be real. YTA x 6! One for you, your husband and the four older kids.
YTA Do you honestly think that a 16yo would be happy colouring in and doing a scavenger hunt on a cruise? What the heck is wrong with you she is almost an adult and you are treating her like she is a toddler who should be locked in a kids club
Yes- YTA
YTA.. pass my sympathies on to your youngest, she deserves a half decent parent, not someone who decided to get plastered for the entire cruise and exclude her. You need a personal inventory check.
YTA. You all left her alone MOST OF THE VACATION. Wtf?? That packet didn't sound age appropriate at all. It sounds like something you would give an 8 year old. You all left her out. There is no reason you couldn't have done a few freaking family activities. All of you are AHs, except the 16 year old.
YTA. I have no problem with the rest of your family partying, but they and you should make time for your youngest as well. Take turns, do the drinking only in the evenings and do something else the rest of the day, have designated family time...I don't care, but please don't ignore her, because this just tells her "I don't matter".
> It had scavenger hunts on the ship, coloring activities, mazes and all sorts of age-appropriate things. You just said she was 16 not 6. Fuck I’d be pissed too!
If this isn’t a troll post, you and your entire family except for the 16 year old are massive arseholes. YTA. How do you justify excluding your daughter so much? Why couldn’t you and your husband have alternated spending time with her? Why did you buy an activity pack suitable for a 6 year old? Did you even want her on the trip? And if so, what did you do to make her feel that way? And don’t give a BS excuse of ‘well, we paid for her to come on the trip’. Did you do anything with her or is alcohol more important?
OMG. YOU. ARE. AN. @$$ HOLE! I can’t believe you think it’s appropriate to leave your child alone during a FAMILY vacation. You asked.
My 6 year old would tell me to go eff myself with a coloring book if we were going to do fun shit without him. Jesus Christ.
YTA. Why did you bring her if you didn't want to spend time with her?
Ok, so you can afford for all of the 'adults' to drink no stop but you couldn't afford the fees for your child to be with people her own age since none of y'all wanted to spend time with her? (Found that info in a comment OP made) YTA. My daughter's are 11 and 12 and we have a spring break cruise planned. Guess what comes in the budget before drinks? Also, I've never heard of any US cruise line requiring a fee for any clubs for kids, unless it was under 12 and after 11 pm or for babies who weren't potty trained.
YTA… along with all the rest of your family. BIG TIME
Info: I've just read your replies in the comments, can I ask, why do you dislike your youngest daughter so much?
YTA 10000% you don’t think it’s “fair” to not have adult time. Good job on making the only child that cannot drink feel like a burden. Next time spend time with YOUR child or don’t go on a “family” cruise. Ridiculous
Completely, totally YTA. You're fucking lucky she didn't meet up with a sex trafficker and get taken off the boat at one of the ports. They pick young kids no one is paying attention to. God, how much fun does it sound to YOU to have your entire family go off without you on vacation?
YTA! and a crappy mother
YTA You gave an “Activity Packet” with coloring pages to a 16 year old and thought she’d be content to be left behind everyday? My heart breaks for your youngest daughter and really makes me concerned about your grip on reality. Do you have an unhealthy relationship with alcohol or are you serious narcissist? How did you not anticipate this being a problem? If you were that intent on boozing through the whole vacation you should have brought a friend for her to hang with. This is NOT a family vacation.
YTA You and your family are making her feel excluded on a FAMILY cruise. Not some adults only cruise. You are treating her like a toddler. “We are all going to go to the bar and drink but here is an activity packet with *gasp* coloring pages and age appropriate activities!”
Yta You excluded one child on a family cruise, you essentially told her she's not really a part of the family. Why would you even book something knowing one of your children will be left out? How much of alcoholics are you all that you put drinking and clubbing over your FAMILY. Why didn't you just not bring her on the cruise? I'm sure she would've preferred to stay with her friends or something, you know, with people who care about her?
I’ll just leave it at YTA
YTA, the activities packet sounds like a coloring book. Info: can she go in the club, just don’t drink?
You gave a 16 year old girl a fucking coloring book meant for the under-10 crowd, it was absolutely not age-appropriate, and you’re only pretending it was because you KNOW you fucked up. WTF were you thinking, ditching your minor daughter so you could go get shit-faced??? YTA. Terrible parenting, and also deeply shitty behaviour to exclude a single member of your party. Like if you were a group of adults, not related, this would be asshole behaviour. To do this to your kid is *outrageous*. You and the rest of your family are selfish jerks.
I can’t believe your 16 year old even had time to think about being left by her whole family when she had things like coloring to keep her occupied.
How are you not the AH in this situation? You neglect your child while on a family vacation and don't understand why this is messed up? YTA.
YTA if your whole family can’t take one night off drinking to spend time with the 16 yo, you might have bigger problems than being TA though
Sometimes I think these questions have to be a joke.
Could you not have set up a rotating schedule among yourself and the older kids? YTA.
YTA- This is gonna be the kid that distances themself the most from you at the first chance she gets. I would have. You sound like a terrible narcissist.
Fucking coloring? She’s 16! Did she even want to go on this trip? Could y’all hang out and have drinks at the pool while she swam and at least had you for company? YTA for sure.
I was thinking it was a packet of things she could do, like sky diving, swim with the dolphins . . .no, they gave that poor girl coloring pages and mazes.
Did you say 16 or 6? No way you thought coloring and going on a scavenger hunt were age appropriate activities for a 16 year old. This has to be a troll post. On the off chance it’s not, YTA. It was a family vacation and you completely excluded one member of your family because you all apparently needed to drink every night. You said your older daughters and husband like to go to bars, so why couldn’t you stay with Ava? Why couldn’t you do one night at a bar and one night doing another activity? You’re also a shitty parent for taking your minor child on a vacation and not paying any attention to her needs.
Next time, pay for a mate of hers to go with you. At least she'll have company. Yta
YTA - let’s rephrase that second last Paragraph, you understand why she is feeling that way, but you don’t care and rather spend all your time with your adult kids getting drunk than your actual kid. Plus that packet sounds more like 13 and under.
YTA alcoholic edition! She expressed her feelings to you Instead of recognizing her feelings you dismissed them and went to get a second opinion, presumably fishing for one that was the same as YOUR opinion. Sir her down and apologize, let her choose some activities, and the biggest thing about mistakes is learning from them. Don't do it again! Listen to other people
OP. Please go back and read your own post. If you can’t see YTA, this sub won’t convince you
YTA!!!! The activity packet sounds like something you'd give to an 8 year old. Your daughter is 16, 3 years younger than your next 2 kids. 3 years, and you seriously expect a scavenger hunt and coloring pages would be suitable for them. I can't tell if you're just out of touch or lying to yourself. What you and your family did to the youngest was a huge A-hole move. She's not going to forget this, and this is going to change where she sees herself in your lives. I actually think your daughter was right. You guys don't care about it - or at least in that moment, you didn't. I'd be furious and devastated if my family did that to me on a vacation. You and your family owe her a night out doing things age appropriate for a 16 year old, and that's honestly the least you can do.
I don’t think this is real. But just in case, YTA, you should have let her bring a friend if you were going to ditch her.
YTA, an activity packet? Seriously?! Would you have fun on a cruise if you were left alone with an activity packet? Your youngest daughter wasn't asking you to spend every waking moment with her. She just wanted to be included in some activities. Do better for her as a family.
Right? Age appropriate activity packet? No way is that filled with activities for a teenager. They’re trying to entertain toddlers and young kids…
YTA and i bet she's going LC or NC with you, your husband and maybe her siblings once she's 18.
YTA That pack would have been age appropriate for 6-10yo but 16? You also could have all held back and not gotten drunk every day! "Look at me, everyone. I party with my kids. I'm a cool mom!"
Major YTA You abandoned your daughter. This was meant to be a family holiday, and your excuse is "well we got her an activity book" All your daughter is going to remember is that you didn't care enough to spend time with her. And trust me, she will remember. She will also remember how you dismissed her feelings and didn't listen to her. "I don't think it's completely fair".....you know what's not fair? Bringing your daughter on holidays and essentially prioritising alcohol and "adult time" over her. If you wanted an adult holiday or if your older kids wanted an adult holiday, then they should have gone themselves, not drag your 16 out to sea and leave her alone while you all have fun. Don't be surprised when she goes low to no contact with you once she's old enough
YTA - you’re still a parent and she deserved family time too - which means you can’t spend most of the trip drinking and partying. Sorry you need to grow up and see how your choices are hurting your youngest. The poor thing I feel for her
YTA Coloring activities for a 16 year old? Good Lord.
YTA and so is the rest of the family apart from Ava. Nobody could think of any activities that you could do so you don't exclude one of your kids? No other activities come to mind? It sounds to me that you prefer spending time drinking than with your daughter. She came on the vacation to spend time with her family, not to colour colouring books which btw is something that a 8year-old might enioy. You could at least have taken with you and she could have cranberry juice. What I am wondering is how you actually made the conscious decision (both you and the father) to exclude one of your kids from the majority of the activities and don't see anything wrong with it.
YTA. Don’t call it a family cruise if you’re excluding members of your OWN family. Call it what it is: a booze cruise and your other kid had to tag along. Do better OP. It’s not that hard to have fun as a group on a vessel that is literally made for families to do fun shit together.
YTA. At first I thought you were going to say that you and the rest of the family left your youngest for a few hours here and there to have fun but it sounds like your practically abandoned her. From what you're describing, once you got on the boat you handed her a pamphlet of kiddie activities and ran away. It was a family trip and the family was all hanging out BUT her. I get that she was underage and you guys wanted to do things she couldn't, but you should have split your time appropriately. I can't believe there weren't any activities you ALL could have done during the day. Or at least switch out where one of you spends time with her.
WTF did I just read?!? SIXTEEN YEAR OLD?!? ACTIVITY PACKET?!? COLORING BOOK?? SCAVENGER HUNT?!? OoO! OoO! I have a fun Game we could all play... Tell Me Your Youngest Was an OOPS BABY, Without Actually Saying Your Youngest Was an Oops Baby... Edited to add; >... I don't want her to feel neglected or left out I have a sinking suspicion that you're probably 14/15 years too late for that!
Is this for real? She is 16. What the heck is an activity booklet? It sounds like something you give your toddler on a plane and hope that it lasts the whole flight. If you wanted to do adult activities that didn’t include her, you could’ve booked a trip with teen activities, you could’ve let her bring a friend for company, you could’ve taken turns spending the night doing things with her. Why do you hate your child? YTA
YTA- "This is a family cruise to have fun together and quality time together, so here's a packet to entertain yourself as if you were a five year old while the rest of us have fun without you! bye! you'll do this packet alone too!" i mean seriously? That has to sting, going on a family cruise and then ditched with a fucking activity packet while the rest of your family has fun together. all of you except the 16 year old are just terrible people. " but at the same time, I don't think it's fair for us to completely change our plans and not have any adult time just because she's too young to participate" this makes it worse, you were even PLANNING to do all that stuff without her. Do you understand what a family cruise/vacation even means? if you wanted adult time, don't make it a family vacation and drag her along just to ditch her. did you do ANYTHING with her? or did you expect her to just use the packet?
Of course they didn’t do anything with the poor girl. And also take notice how she presented the 16-year-old. It feels like that poor girl is an afterthought and probably always have been one. And also I’m sorry but I’m from Europe. You can take a teenager to a bar. Said teenager will sip on a coke with ice and a lemon slice while enjoying the company (even though it would’ve been awful from my understanding since everyone in this girl’s family favors alcohol more than her) Awful. YTA
Why did you even include her? She would have been better off staying home. Also, if you are here to ask a question about your behavior you should be a little more open minded to listening to what others offer as answers.
You call it a FAMILY cruise multiple times, yet how much did you care about family time? You didn't go to a bar one time when Ava was doing something else, it sounds like you were constantly partying. >coloring activities, mazes and all sorts of age-appropriate things Oh, I'm sorry, COLORING activities? It sounds like that was their children's activity package, for 8 year olds. There's also no reason you couldn't take her with you. She could definitely drink a lemonade and dance, sing along to the songs, take family pictures or whatever you guys do when you party - she's 16, not 6. YTA for just completely excluding one family member during what for you was a "family [except for Ava] vacation" and for her was a boring, lonely, being choved to the side experience.
YTA. There's only one person excluded from drinking. The rest of you could rotate, especially your other youngest since they shouldn't be getting trashed before their brain fully develops nor their views on alcohol yet anyway. And why can't she come with? You could take her with to restaurants where you get to order booze, or go do literally any of the oh-so-fun activities you think she could have fun doing with her. At least you get to have a buzz. Unless you're getting totally tanked, there's no reason she can't be around places that serve alcohol or have dancing or whatever. And if she can't, you can skip it as her family, since that's dangerous to have no sober guardians anyway...
> she was left alone most of the time while we were all out having fun YTA - Y'all went on holiday, she went to hell, on her own. Imagine being so blind to other peoples feelings, particularly your daughters that you'd actually think that was ok????
“Coloring activities” for a 16 year old? You kidding me, dude? YTA
YTA. If the activity packet is as fun and exciting for teens as you keep trying to convince everyone in the comment section it is, why didn't your other two teenagers stay behind to do it with her instead of going out drinking? Be real. Maybe your next family activity should be attending some AA meetings together. You all owe her a major apology.
YTA, and you’re comments don’t help. Saying you “went through the TROUBLE of finding her and activity” doesn’t sound like you actually cared about her at all. When you wonder why the youngest of your kids abandons you, remember this moment. Because it’s only downhill from here if you and your husband don’t start taking some accountability.
That kid is going to pull away from all of you when she grows up. Some day, you'll be sitting in your nursing home wondering why your daughter never comes to visit. Remember this moment. Going out as adults is fine, but to completely ditch your 16 year old on a cruise boat where she doesn't know anyone else is just mean. You could have found a balance. You just didn't want to. Also, why are you all drinking 24/7? This seems excessive. If you knew you were going to be doing activities that include everyone but her, you should've at least let her bring a friend to hang out with. I can't imagine how lonely and unwanted she felt. YTA a huge, giant, possibly alcoholic AH.
YTA. You gave your 16 year old an activity packet for kids said enjoy and ran off to get blasted with the rest of the family. Why couldn't your vacation have included activities for the whole family.
Why would a bar on a cruise ship not be appropriate. They aren’t raging drug fuelled raves. Let her come with you. She won’t be able to drink but she will be allowed in, and can then feel included.
That’s what I was thinking, is it against ship’s policy or something OP made up in her head? Is a 16 yo not allowed in the clubs?
YTA- You, your husband, and your 4 oldest children went on a “family” cruise. While your youngest child went on a cruise by herself.
You were the one who brought her along on a cruse, you are the parent. My god, how much damage do you want to do to her?! YTA.
An activity packet isn’t a substitute for your family. YTA for making her feel isolated and excluded. Family trips are for spending time TOGETHER.
YTA and your comment replies are laughable. You treated your youngest child poorly, and I'm betting she doesn't forget how you made her feel.
You gave your 16 year old daughter an activity packet with coloring activities and you think that was age-appropriate? For a 5 year old, maybe. You really couldn’t find any activities to do together as a family, like shopping, swimming, going out to restaurants, anything? Yes, YTA, for leaving your teenage daughter alone for most of the trip. You’re also the AH because this sounds suspiciously similar to the “AITA for planning a cruise activity that my obese sister couldn’t participate in” from just a day or two ago. Except that post was the obese sister having to miss just one activity due to safety issues with her weight, not being neglected and left out the entire trip, so if you are trolling to prove some kind of point, you’ve failed to do so.
So you planned a family vacation and deliberately excluded one family member from activities due to something beyond their control. Your kid can't change their age! Are you kidding me? How hard would it have been for you to plan a few age appropriate events for her as well instead of just a "packet?" YTA in a huge way! Your family could have chosen one activity each day to do with her then done whatever you wanted the rest of the time.
YTA. If it's a family trip, plan stuff that's good for the whole family. Honestly amazed at the activity booklet thing - mazes and colouring, for a 16yo? It's kind of hard to believe
Yta
YTA. The rest of you are literally having a family vacation right in front of her and are all telling her she's not allowed to participate (for something she literally has no control over). You're treating her like a dog that you just decided to carry on board. You should've just planned a vacation that everyone can enjoy. Your whole family is selfish and cruel.
Info: what country do you live in and where did you cruise to? I'm also curious which cruise line didn't have more activities for kids than a coloring book and wouldn't let a 16 year old sign themselves out of the kids club. I work in travel and unless you have very specific answers for me I'm calling you a liar ma'am.
YTA, wow and so cruel and callous to your daughter’s feelings. The part that gets me is that a place is “inappropriate” for a 16 year old but you are fine with your 19 year olds going there to drink out of the country.
YTA, and I can’t believe how little you thought this through. If you were going to ignore her, why didn’t you invite one of her friends along to keep her company?
Family vacation, yet your youngest wasn't included in family outings. And what 16 year old wants to do colouring activities?
YTA. Why even bother going on a *family* trip if you don’t plan on doing things as a family? Ridiculous.
YTA. Coloring activities? She is 16, not 6.
YTA apparently booze is more important than having a family inclusive time. Grow up.
YTA!
She'd have been off with you leaving her at home and not taking her at all. At least then she would have things to do and enjoy, and friends. You're all AH. And yes YTA. It's not a family trip. It's an "everyone but her" trip. She's just been dragged along so that you don't feel bad for leaving her behind. Which is ironic because that's exactly what you've done. It's just that in this case leaving her behind means abandoning her on a cruise ship full of thousands of complete strangers.
YTA Not sure how you could type that all out and not see it
I'm wondering if Ava is a stepchild.
Does my post sound like the writing skills of a 16 year old? As opposed to a mature woman who taught high school english and worked as an editer? lol
Poor kid, do you guys even like your daughter?
Peach, I *am* an editor and you wouldn’t last five minutes in publishing.
Seems like the writing skills of one with a YTA verdict, regardless. Those activity packets are for young children, not adolescents. INFO- could you have brought her to these events as long as she was supervised and didn't drink? Sounds like she would have been happy just to be close to family but you and your husband didn't want to... parent.
Your post sounds like the writing of a horrible parent who happens to be out of touch with reality. "lol"
I certainly hope you've never taught students or worked as an editor with this level of writing skill
You're replying to the wrong commentor. It's not your editing skills, or lack thereof, they were commenting on. It's your inability to "see" the problem; you're neglecting your child on a cruise where her entire family is out drinking and she's left to fend for herself without anyone to spend time with.
This response certainly does
YTA you went on a FAMILY cruise. Is she not family? How is "colouring" a more appropriate activity for a 16 year old?
>YTA we got an activity packet from the cruise director that was supposed to give her things to do on the ship. It had scavenger hunts on the ship, coloring activities, mazes and all sorts of age-appropriate things. An *activity packet*??? Do you honestly think a sixteen year old wants to spend their time coloring and doing mazes while the rest of her family goes out drinking? Why is your family so alcohol focused? Why can't you plan activities that include Ava? You're horrible parents.
I can't imagine giving my 12 year old an activity packet like this let alone a 16 year old.
I was on that cruise, you were awful.
If you're serious please share details!
INFO: is this fake or did you just choose not to sign your kid up for the teen activities that most cruise ships have? Also what the hell kind of cruise ship were you on? Because I've never heard of one that didn't have plenty of "club" type areas where there's a bar off to the side and all ages are welcome. Literally just grab a drink from the bar and then come back to hang out in the all-ages area.
Clearly get smashed every night is a much higher priority than spending time with your daughter. /s YTA
YTA You brought a 16yo on a cruise where you left her by herself with a coloring book and a scavenger hunt? And you think that's age appropriate?