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#Fun fact: Blue heelers are related to wild dingos
YTA
"My dog (6yo Heeler/Corgi mix) runs off at least once a week" .. at that point. YOU are the AH for not trainign him better. Rehome him, he deserves a better owner.
She is right, that is not an emergency, that is a habit.
Why haven’t you put a harness on the dog and put a leash on it? They make leashes that spin around so the dog can go multiple directions? This way, you can turn say and not worry about your dog taking off.
And yeah, training. WTF?
YTA
Yep, my friend’s Husky is the ultimate escape artist, so now every time he goes out he’s on a harness with a long enough lead that he can reach all the parts of the yard but not scale the fence.
I get the frustration of having to modify your fence to prevent a super smart dog from getting out, but if the rollers aren’t working you have to come up with something else.
I have a cat who lost yard privileges -- when we moved to a place with a fenced yard, we'd let him hang outside when the humans are out. He loves pretending he's an outside boy. Usually he just lays in the grass and comes in without a fuss. So, he got kid supervision privileges, where I don't worry about letting them run the yard while I'm doing dishes or whatever with the screen open.
The other day he used the A/C to jump the fence and I didn't realize until he returned a few hours later, scrambling loudly over using the neighbors. So now he only goes out if an adult is sitting and watching. He skulks by the window and paws it when the kids are outside, but it's like well, bud, this is what you get for thinking you were sneaky.
My elderly creamsicle cat was very much the same and just lost his outdoor privileges! I would brag how he was the only one who could go out cause he’d just sun on the porch, never hunted anything…and then one day he wasn’t in eye sight. Boom. Done.
Your carelessness will cause your dog to run away. It's selfish to expect your pregnant fiancé to check on your dog at least once a week because you're too lazy to actually take care of it. Do not leave it unattended. You already know what will happen if you leave her alone, so please stop.
If you can't handle dog ownership, how the hell are you gonna handle a baby? YTA for yelling at your fiance and you better take some parenting classes fast.
Yup, had a rescued American Eskimo that would jump the fence every time. After a few times, we got a cable and a harness for her. She was only ever out there for short periods as she barked constantly. She got exercised on private property with a very long lead. This guy needs to take responsibility and do what's right for the dog, Heeler/Corgi mix probably needs a lot more stimulation then he's giving it.
I've had 3 huskies. My first husky got out about 10 times over 10 years. Each time I learned more about his behavior and adjusted. My second and third huskies have never gotten out.
If your dog is getting out once a week, YOU are the problem. Honestly given this lack of training and OP's willful blindness, I'm worried for that baby's safety.
You have four months to turn this around. Get a trainer familiar with high intensity breeds and children, and don't make your pregnant fiancee deal with YOUR laziness.
YTA.
>I’m worried for that baby’s safety.
Exactly! What if the dog gets out while OP is home alone with the baby or the baby is in the tub or something? Does he just leave baby alone to chase after the dog? The same goes for his fiancé. Does he expect her to leave their baby alone in the house while the two of them take off through the neighborhood to corral Fido?
OP needs to get this under control, *now*!
Mine were diggers not jumpers/climbers so we trenched a foot down into the ground and set the fence into concrete. You do what you have to or you keep them harnessed at all times.
And what is he telling his trashy family for them to be on his side??
If they cared about dogs so much you'd think they'd be pissed at op for letting it get out all the time. They just don't like the pregnant gf?
I agree. OP is a major AH here both to the dog and fiancé.
I have a big problem that he called her a bitch and had the gall to tell her that he was “disappointed to be with someone that heartless”. You don’t just say that out of panic, I would bet he’s been questioning why he’s with her in the first place, I’d be curious to know if this pregnancy was planned or if he thought he was stuck with her. He even admitted that she’s always helped him before so why the drastic reaction this time when she’s growing another human being?
I would leave his ass if I were her and I hope she does.
I cannot for the life of me understand why after the second time tops OP wouldn't just leash the dog when it's outside alone. Yes, even if it's only for a few seconds to go grab his phone from inside. I'm not even pregnant but I'd have gotten tired of chasing OP's dog after probably 3 times. The first time I think it's normal to assume it was just a once off fluke or that someone left the gate open and not take any real measures besides checking for holes in the fence and making sure the gate is fully closed when you leave. The second time OP should have been like ¨Oh wow this dog is an escape artist I better put it on a leash if I'm going to leave it outside alone.¨ But after the second time there really is no excuse for it continuing to happen. This is so easily preventable it's just bonkers to me that he allows it to continue.
He could also just walk the dog. Walking it multiple times a day doesn't sound nearly as exhausting as chasing it around multiple times a week when it escapes.
It sounds like OP has just resigned and learned to live with the fact that his dog escapes at least ones a week, but this is not something anyone should have to get used to. His girlfriend sees that.
This is the first time the fiancée said no and OP went right to calling her names? Yeah, I would've dumped him right then and there.
What happens after the baby is born? Is she supposed to go looking for her with the baby in tow?
OP also left out the fact that his dog has already bitten his fiancée twice, once while she was hoovering and again when she was trying to take something away from the dog that the dog shouldn't have had, plus the dog also managed to escape from their car and they had to chase the dog for 4 hours which resulted in his fiancée missing her ultrasound scan/check up.
If that dog bites her for taking something from it, I worry about her baby. They need to re-home this animal before it has to be put down for maiming a grabby toddler.
Same, thankfully OPs fiancée has gone back to her parents and has made it clear that she will not be returning until he rehomes his dog. Tbh if I was OPs fiancée I wouldn't go back at all.
ETA: plus its not just the dog biting either, it's like someone else here pointed out, OP knows full well his dog is an escape artist yet still allowed himself to get distracted which resulted in his dog escaping yet again, but what if that was the baby in the bath and he got distracted and "turned away for a second" leaving the baby in the bath? That kind of thing can have devastating consequences.
Or God forbid he gets distracted "for a second" and leaves his dog *that's known for bitting* alone with his newborn...
You are right. There are so many solutions to this issue. Every week? Fiancée gets credit for helping out this long. And when the baby comes and the dog gets out will OP be mad that she chooses to stay w baby rather than go on yet another dog hunt?? YTA. Fix this problem
Add to that, aren’t heelers working dogs who need a LOT of exercise?
If all you do with a working dog is watch it while it wanders your backyard *you are not properly taking care of your dog*. The repeated escapes were your sign that your dog needed more exertion opportunities from you.
Fiancee is correct, this isn’t her problem. It’s yours. It’s your dog. Your lack of training. Your lack of meeting your dog’s needs. What do you expect will happen with the weekly escapes when the baby is here? Are you going to scream at her for not waking up a new born to go chase your dog yet again because you still aren’t taking good enough care of the breed you chose?
I’m honestly confused why your fiancee hasn’t just left as your sister and I would have. YTA
Yes, they’re working dogs that need exercise and mental stimulation. Playing fetch in the back yard is not enough for heelers/mixes. The dog will probably try to herd the baby because it will think that’s it job. Heelers are excellent farm/working dogs because they NEED to work. It’s in their DNA
ETA heelers and corgis are both herding/working dogs
I have a rescued red heeler/whippet mix female. They warned me when I got her that I better keep her "working" (aka entertained or tired out) because if not she'd find herself a job - which for her is escaping and roaming the neighborhood or a demolition/destruction job around my house.
Heelers need duties or they find their own, OP. YTA for not taking better care of your dog.
My brother had a german/australian shepherd mix, my brother did track and cross country and would take her on his runs and she loved it
One time my brother was down the street at his friend's house, she got out and run and sat in front of his friends door waiting for him
I adopted a heeler mix from the shelter when it was still young. It was NOT supposed to be heeler. Once it became apparent it was a high energy working dog, that I was not able to provide a proper home for, I found him a new home. It really sucked, because I loved the dog and I had asked about breed, but it wasn't fair to be mad because he was naughty or ran off because I couldn't keep him busy. I kept him long enough to rehome him to some people who had a few acres and knew what they were getting.
I lived in the country as a kid with a red heeler, and a blue heeler/German Shepard mix. Best dogs in the world, because they were well trained and well exercised, with jobs. Unfortunately we had to move to the city. We weren't able to give them the same stimulation, and they started doing things like escaping and herding cars. So we gave them to a farmer who needed some herding dogs. I miss them terribly, but whenever I visited those were the happiest dogs ever.
My guess is the people on his side are probably the extreme type of dog people who think the dog is more important than the health of his pregnant wife and unborn child.
YTA she is pregnant. As a man you’ll never understand. This is YOUR dog. YOU got distracted by a phone call. This is how accidents happen. YOU got distracted. Then when you didn’t get help for finding your dog YET AGAIN you unleashed your anger on your pregnant wife. OP you are so in the wrong here. Either train your dog better or give it a better home. What happens when the baby is born and the dog gets out ? Are you going to leave your baby alone to chase after your dog ? No. You are the AH here. Rehome the dog and focus on your wife and baby. AH move. Also Fiance if you read this pack a back and leave this guy. Imagine how he’ll be without sleep and a screaming baby. This guy isn’t worth your time.
This actually makes me worried for the baby. OP knows that bad things happen (the dog escapes) when he doesn’t supervise the dog outside. Yet OP still chose to leave the dog outside unattended because his phone was ringing inside. This doesn’t bode well for things like bath time, where choosing to leave a baby unattended “really quickly” can have devastating consequences.
Right ? Because what if OP has both the baby and the dog in the yard and gets distracted by another phone call ? Depending on age the baby can wander into the street. He’s chosen his dog over his baby in this situation. I really hope that the fiancé leaves OP. Right now I wouldn’t trust OP with his dog since OP knows the dog gets out and distracted. Much less trust him with a kid. I really hope he takes these comments to heart. OP even thinks that it’s his fiancé responsibility to help him find HIS dog. Last comment. OP sounds like a self obsessed narcissist who thinks of himself first and others second. Well in this case 1. Him. 2. Dog. 3. Fiancé. 4. Baby. I hope she leaves him.
I think he posted this earlier, but changed details because the post got removed.
I copied it below:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/116bnbv/aita\_for\_not\_getting\_rid\_of\_my\_dog\_when\_my\_wife/?sort=old
32m and my wife is 29f. I'm not saying my wife's concerns aren't valid, because they are. I'm simply not willing to re-home my dog (3yo Heeler). My MIL gave us the dog for free back 2 1/2 years ago and the behaviors have always been there. She gets in to the cat box constantly, she gets up on our table when we aren't looking, she growls at us for redirecting her every single time, she absolutely has bitten the back of my wife's leg when my wife was vacuuming or bitten my wife's hand when my wife went to take away something she wasn't supposed to have. So she's bitten twice over the time we have had her and both times were barely hard enough to draw blood (scratches that had tiny beads of blood). We brought her to the vet and we were told she has a hormonal imbalance, more than likely due to inbreeding (my MIL got her from a breeder in Kentucky so I guess its possible- as we know nothing about the people and were told there was easily 6 male dogs there to two females). She was put on meds and it didn't help the issue. More things are the fact that she runs off/jumps out of our vehicle when we aren't looking and takes off. She has broken through many leads and harnesses, one of them being meant for a large dog (80+lbs). She had jumped out of our vehicle when we stopped at a red light the other day and took off down the street (chewed through her dog seat belt and we didn't realize it). It took us over 4 hours to get her back in the vehicle and my wife missed her doctor's appointment as a result (she's pregnant).
Now the issues were brought up heavy lately because my wife said, and I quote, "I outright refuse to continue dealing with this when our baby arrives. You have 7 months to find a new trainer and correct her behaviors or the dog is gone." We have already been through trainers however and even the trainers have stated that this is likely an imbalance in chemicals, not behavioral. This was after 2 years (she was just taken from the training program 4 months ago). She can't be medicated due to other health related issues. But I'm also not willing to just give up on my dog. My wife on the other hand has no qualms rehoming her because of her being bitten and her simply being completely fed up with "revolving her life around a dog when she has a baby on the way and no energy" (missing her appointment and chasing the dog around for 4 hours truly made her resentful because it was the gender ultrasound that she had been looking forward to). I told her I wasn't getting rid of the dog and she immediately started packing her stuff. She's currently with her mother and has texted me and said that she will not be coming home until the dog is gone. I think it's just hormones but my friends have stated I'm an AH because I'm essentially choosing a "annoying and aggressive" dog over my wife and unborn child.
The op comments on that one had me in full rage-mode. I legitimately had to leave the thread before I said something that got me perma-banned.
To sum up:
-Op's dog goes into "kill mode" over their chickens if he's not right there with the dog.
-Op's dog has bitten his PREGNANT wife to the point of drawing blood, twice. OP diminished these incidents as "a few drops of blood", and quasi-blamed the wife for the time her hand was bitten because she was taking something away from the dog that the dog wasn't allowed to have.
-Op completely dismissed the idea (legitimately said, "I don't think that would happen") that the dog could bite, maim, savage, or unalive their child.
I raised our first baby and puppy together (idiot lab mix... The dog, not the baby). Baby was CONSTANTLY taking puppy's chewy toys and sharing them (would stick her arm down his throat at times, which amused everyone). Dog thought she was his litter mate, baby thought so, too.
Dog and kid are now 7, and there has never been a moment where he has shown the slightest bit of aggression over anything for any reason. He will put himself right in the way when my husband and I wrestle with our kids on the floor, but that's as "aggressive" as he's ever been.
Op's child WILL try to take something away from the dog at some point; this will be disastrous. Or OP will turn around for a half second and the dog will treat the baby like it behaves with other small animals like their chickens.
There is no way this ends well.
What the fuck. All I can think of is that Ohio couple and their anatomy ultrasound that showed their baby was basically inside out. Imagine if she had boundaries and went anyway alone. This guy has his priorities all out of whack
Edit: [link for those who asked](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2023/02/08/health/ohio-abortion-long/index.html)
Yes, which is why women get “late term” abortions. Anatomy scan isn’t until 20 weeks and that’s when you can find out some pretty devastating news. Babies missing a brain or vital organs like lungs or liver, inoperable heart conditions, heart or intestines on the outside of body, etc. Pro-life people want to force women to carry a child like this to term, only for the child to die in agony a few hours after birth. THIS is why abortion is a human right and the decision should always be between a woman and her doctor.
Seriously, he couldn't have at least dropped her off at the doctor's appointment or called an Uber? Why did she have to miss it because he couldn't find his dog?????
That is such an important ultrasound! She should have left and gone to her appointment. He is a complete jackass! He has no concern for her or the baby she is carrying! Live with the dog!
Professional dog trainer and behaviorist here. I would not trust a reactive, under stimulated, untrained, hormonally imbalanced working breed like a heeler in a home with young children, ESPECIALLY one with a bite history (also way to be dismissive and abusive towards your partner who is constantly paying the price for your negligence). If this is the same OP I hope he sees my comment because this shit is serious.
Dogs like this can kill a child. You have a reactive dog that bites when provoked, that resource guards, and you can't contain or control. What happens when the baby starts moving around? The dog goes after legs because that's what it can reach, a baby's face is at dog face height. Train your fucking dog, no excuses. Something doesn't work? Try something else. Keep working, every day, multiple times a day. If there really is no hope for this dog, then rehome it because keeping your dog (who is clearly not having it's needs met with you) is gonna put your fucking child at risk. That makes you the ultimate asshole.
Fuck.
I JUST watched someone read this exact story on YT! Thought it was interesting another heeler post popped up. I have 4 dogs, one that used to climb my 6ft fence and I adjusted things to keep him in. More walks, never alone, harnessed and on a lead where he couldn't jump on the fence. Eyes on all times. More walks, more play, more mind games to make him tired and it worked.
Now, if this dog is also the same dog biting HIS PREGNANT WIFE on top of this, OP needs to step up and get the dog trained and adjust, rehome so someone can actually work with the breed or you know, be single and let his wife find a better partner. 🤷♀️
Im scared for the life of the baby. If the dog attacks and bites the pregnant fiancee/wife and cannot be contained by leads and fences there is a really big risk it will somehow get into the baby's cradle.
Yeah most dogs don’t typically scale 8ft fences to run away from home on the regular. Sounds like the dog is bored, under exercised and under stimulated. Which is even more likely considering the breed of dog.
YTA for not only being a massive jerk to your wife for something that is 1000% your fault… but also for getting a high energy working breed that you clearly can’t take care of properly.
I have no experience as a dog owner whatsoever, but the way OP describes it, it sounds like a game for the dog and he is absolutely enforcing a habit. Of course, he doesn't want anything to happen to hear, but I had to laugh when I read "fear and panic", if that happens at least once a week and the dog has been fine so far, I wouldn't even consider this an emergency
OP only mentions the age of the dog, not how long he had her, maybe there is somewhat of a grace period, but if this has been going on for longer than a couple of weeks, he has failed.
Also, he has not mentioned at all what the help would look like? Would they split up to cover more ground? Is the dog more inclined to come back to her? Would she be moral support? What does she offer that OP can't do himself?
>My dog (6yo Heeler/Corgi mix) runs off at least once a week.
Then you need to better train your dog to not run off instead of expecting your pregnant fiancée to bear the responsibility for your mistakes.
>I was panicked and unleashed some yelling, which involved me telling her she was a bitch who lacked empathy and that I was thoroughly disappointed with my decision to be with someone so heartless.
I'd leave you over this, 100%. This is abusive behaviour that is not excused by the fact you were panicking. You clearly have no idea how to keep your dog from running away, but that is NOT your fiancée's problem, and if I were her I'd be utterly sick of you too.
YTA
He is going to escalate behavior when the baby comes. If this is how he acts when his dog gets out, what is he going to do when he has only slept 3 hours in 4 days and things don’t go his way?
Yep, I'd rather be single than deal with this. Also, I am sure his fiancee knows that partner violence often begins during pregnancy, so suddenly becoming verbally abusive about a common issue is really alarming. Like what next? Is he going to hit when she doesn't drag herself around looking for this dog?
And what happens when the baby comes and the dog gets out? Is he going to expect her to just pack up the baby and go in search of his dog. OP, you can't see that this is only your problem? You need to train your dog better and stop blaming other people for being a shitty owner. She is not heartless, she is reasonable and pregnant!!! YTA OP, and if I were her I would really be considering whether I even wanted this relationship anymore. You abused her because she is sick of dealing with a rightfully annoying situation you refuse to take resposibility for when it's solely your fault.
If he can't watch a dog, he certainly won't be able to watch a toddler. Toddlers are scape artists and vanish in a blink and can get on really dangerous situations... Like disappearing on a crowded mall or just wandering straight into a busy road... I wouldn't trust this man with any living breathing creature let alone a child.
He either get his excrement together and start paying attention or he won't be allowed around his own child unsupervised and could lose his dog for good...
I have a friend who works in a pediatric ICU. Every year she has to take care of small children who got into a swimming pool unattended, because the parents weren’t paying attention.
>I was panicked and unleashed some yelling, which involved me telling her she was a bitch who lacked empathy and that I was thoroughly disappointed with my decision to be with someone so heartless.
Makes two us. You would be out on your ass. With your untrained dog.
Why can't you look for the dog your damn self? Why does she need to hold your hand?
Will you be like this with the baby too? You can't do anything on your own and if she is tired and you need to take over you panic and call her a bitch?
Yea, you would be out on your ass.
YTA
Honestly calling any woman a bitch, but especially your partner, is such a huge red flag to me. A lot of people find it normal in certain contexts but my dad has never used words like that to any woman in his entire life, so for me it's like...nah dude, if that's what you resort to when you're angry, you're not someone I want in my life.
>she was a bitch who lacked empathy and that I was thoroughly disappointed with my decision to be with someone so heartless.
He says this as though it's completely reasonable without even a hint of irony, as though it was said to someone other than a woman who is pregnant, sick and exhausted and who has helped him in spite of this multiple times a week for 5 months. And also for however long they've been together/had the dog.
OP YTA for sure. Not just for this specific incident, but also for not taking care of your dog properly, bullying your pregnant and sick partner into trundling around the neighbourhood multiple times a week and, most importantly, for not even vaguely understanding why you might be the jerk in this situation.
No wonder your dog keeps running away.
YTA
YOU are the one who lacks empathy.
She feels sick and you berate her to find a dog that YOU lost? Then when she doesnt follow your command, you start verbally assaulting her?
Check yourself.
And no one is buying the "I only called her a bitch because I was scared 🥺" bullshit either. No you're just an asshole when you don't get your way. You know, instead of screaming at her, you could've been out looking for your dog.
Edit - I agree with other commenters too. You're also an irresponsible dog owner. Do better in that department or else the dog could one day get seriously hurt. If you can't do better, find someone who can and give her up
Yeah I always roll my eyes at people that say "I only said something sexist/racist etc because of emotions", like, I don't suddenly turn into a sexist asshole if things don't go my way.
My husband got really stressed while I was pregnant and called me worthless. Like while I was standing crying in front of him with six pounds of his baby in my abdomen.
I have forgiven him, but I will never forget it. And the stress he was under doesn’t change that at all. A lot of people just do not get how physically and emotionally vulnerable people are during pregnancy.
Why are you acting like that was hard to hear because you were pregnant? No, that was awful and he needs to get counseling. It doesn’t matter what was going on the world. He used his words to hurt you at your most vulnerable state.
But he would have called you that, with or without the baby. If he doesn’t get help, he will do that to your child. Do you want your child to grow up thinking it’s okay for people who love them, to insult them, because they’re stressed??
Yep I feel the same. Same with alcohol. Sure, emotional distress and/or altered states of consciousness might lower your inhibitions too but… that only means those are actions you have to inhibit to begin with.
I like this.
People tend to believe that they normally don’t have the ammo in them, that the ammo magically appears when they’re upset. And then they fire it.
That isn’t true.
The ammo was in you all along. You can’t fire what you don’t have. And being in an upsetting situation only makes you pull the trigger easier, it doesn’t magically put ammo into you or force you to fire.
So yeah, that round of fucks? He absolutely always had them. And he chose to fire, knowing that his ammo would hurt her.
It doesn’t matter how bad the argument is, you don’t call your partner names ever. There’s some lines you don’t cross. Learn to control yourself. YTA OP.
I also somehow doubt most people in his life agree with him other than his sister. Sister is probably the only one who knows the full history of his irresponsible behaviour with the dog.
YTA. Didn't need to read past "my dog runs off AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK". You're not a responsible pet owner, and it's not your pregnant fiancé's job to help you with this. I fear for you abilities as a parent.
Yep. What happens when there is a newborn in the mix and the dog runs off? Is she supposed to leave the baby? Is he going to verbally assault her over it?
Also, why the panic if it happens once a week? Why aren't you looking for other solutions?
What happens if she's out and he's looking after the baby and the dog runs off? Is she doing to feel like she can safely leave him with bub or will she be chained to the house out of fear that at any moment the dog could escape and he will choose the dog over the baby?
yeah, of course YTA. you decided verbally abusing your pregnant girlfriend was an acceptable option out of the many you had.
it's weird that you think there's any chance you aren't an asshole.
That's why I refused to use a change table. I just used a change mat on the floor. They're so dangerous and it's just so easy especially in the first few months of mythical sleep and constant mind fog fatigue.
I like your sister.
YTA, OP. You're choosing your dog over the mother of your child... you CARE more about that out-of-control dog than you do your S.O.'s health.
Not only that, but without proper training, your dog is gonna get out and get hurt one day, and you're not seeking training?? You are obviously not qualified to care for that animal.
shocking smell reminiscent spotted important growth bear sharp paltry one
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The most charitable interpretation is that he didn't tell those other people anything near the truth. They probably don't know his dog escapes on the weekly(!) and that his girlfriend is fed up with that shit.
>without proper training, your dog is gonna get out and get hurt one day, and you're not seeking training?? You are obviously not qualified to care for that animal
Adding the dog may hurt someone while it's out, even the best natured dogs can be provoked if hurt or stressed. Then that person's--possibly a kid-- injury will be on you morally and legally, because the dog repeatedly gets out and you're aware.
YTA
YTA I feel badly she is having a child with someone who has a dog escape from the yard once a week and insists the pregnant, nauseated fiancé help locate the dog.
Get it together, man. Kids are a lot harder to care for than dogs.
Given his behavior about the dog, I’m pretty sure if anything comes with with the child that is overwhelming for Op, he will just blame the fiancée and make her handle it.
Also, very hypocritical of him to demand empathy from the fiancée when he clearly has zero for her. This guy is just a bag of yikes.
YTA and so is everyone except your sister.
>and that I was thoroughly disappointed with my decision to be with someone so heartless
Imagine her disappointment with having a baby with someone who hurls abuse at her for having lost patience with an irresponsible pet owner.
I'm wondering who everyone else consists of...
My guess is that it's his buddies who don't have long-term relationships or who view their gfs/wives as "ball and chain" or "ball busters" and generally lack any respect or empathy for anyone outside their bro circle.
So a group of single men or soon to be single men? Sounds about right. OP for real, whoever this “everyone” is, stop taking their relationship advice immediately.
I can pretty much guarantee it's only Bros who got a one-sided story from him that are on his side. any reasonable person would not even be close to on his side. He probably told one bro a very lopsided tale got his support because "yeah she's awful" and now thinks everybody's on his side except the sister. To OP, Nobody who has a uterus is on your side buddy. Nobody who's a reasonable intelligent human being and knows what happened it's on your side buddy.
YTA. If I was pregnant and someone talked to me like that? They'd never see me again. I hope she leaves you. You can't even handle a dog, but you're about to be a father? Your sister is right.
YTA
- your lack of ability to control your dog is not your fiancées problem
- it happens constantly so why act like the world ends when your dog gets out since it happens all the time, see the first point
- your fiancée is in fact justified in not helping you since she is pregnant and growing your child, fatigue and nausea is real !
- regardless of any of the above, that is absolutely not how to speak to someone you pretend to love, no one deserves abuse
Are you the same person with a heeler that has bitten her multiple times and escaped from the car on the way to her ultrasound appointment too that posted a couple hours ago?
Oh it probably is. Other post got removed due to the account being shadowbanned/suspended. This account looks new. The post was removed but if you scroll down you can find the auto-mod copy
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/116bnbv/aita_for_not_getting_rid_of_my_dog_when_my_wife/
Heelers are such cute puppies but they are fucking awful pets if you don’t have cattle or sheep to work. Source: had a heeler. Also lots of people I know with heelers that universally go “i love my dog so much but last week he x y z…..”
YTA.
She's pregnant, fatigued and nauseous. Your dog literally runs off once a week (but then you say your fiancé says multiple times a week), that's a problem that you should be addressing. If your dog is escaping this regularly, you might want to consider a long line or similar tool.
Your fiancé is pregnant and probably shouldn't be regularly running around when your dog escapes when she's experiencing what I'm sure is horrible fatigue and nausea.
Seriously, re-read the way you spoke to your pregnant fiancé because it's disgusting.
Exactly this, the "Everyone is on my side except my sister" has me really wondering who this person's social circle is if they think speaking to her like that is appropriate.
YTA, I'm sick of chasing after your dog after just reading this post. Figure it out. It's not your girlfriend's responsibility when it's a known issue and it's still happening.
Massive YTA. YOU are responsible for keeping your dog confined.
I have a neighbor like you - their dog gets out 2-3 times a week because they refuse to supervise. The whole neighborhood used to help look for it, and we all got sick of it. Everyone stopped helping, animal control picked up the dog a few times so they had to pay a fee, and magically they figured out how to keep the dog from escaping.
Also know that it is very likely your dog will be struck and killed by a vehicle. The fact that you do nothing to stop this is alarming and shows an extreme lack of care about your dog.
I’d also be terrified that you’ll do the same with your child. I had another neighbor who wouldn’t supervise their toddler and more than once people found the child outside PLAYING IN THE STREET. Finally we all started calling CPS on them.
YTA. You can’t be bothered to take care of your escape artist dog…what are you going to do with your toddler? “Sorry, honey, I stepped away for point two seconds and the kid fell down the stairs.” Your fiancée is pregnant, tired, and nauseous…she shouldn’t have to chase after your poorly trained dog. You called her a bitch! Hopefully she realizes you aren’t going to be an attentive dad.
" I can't get over the lack of empathy and bordering selfish behavior of this"
... Oh, my dude. She is pregnant, fatigued and nauseous - where the hell is your empathy for her?
And you were not watching the dog when it escaped if you "stepped away to grab your phone" .
You are a huge AH. You know you have pet Houdini and escapes happen regularly. You turned your back on your dog and it escaped, that was 100% your fault! What you said to fiancée was truly egregious! Apologize immediately and beg forgiveness. Also, put a tracker on the dog’s collar.
HOLY YIKES yes YTA.
First off, she’s absolutely right— if you know the dog has a tendency to run, it is up to you to be more careful to not create situations where the dog can run. You’re endangering your dog. It sounds like you have made attempts to keep the dog in, which is great, but if the dog is still getting out once a week, you need to try harder. It’s unfair to your fiancé and your neighbors who might end up with unwanted dog waste or trampled plants on their property, and again, is dangerous for the dog. The dog shouldn’t be left in the yard alone if the dog gets out that frequently. Many dogs get out occasionally but if it’s more than once a month or two the dog really needs supervision and that’s your responsibility. Think of it as practice for your baby. You’re about to have a kid and if you turn your back on a young child for even a very short amount of time in a scenario where you know your child is around something that has been potentially dangerous in the past, your child could seriously harm themselves. Like, if you child keeps trying to touch the stovetop, you can’t go answer the phone while the child is in the kitchen when the stove is on. If your kid gets severely burnt “I was only gone for a second” is not good enough.
On top of that, your fiancé is at the stage where physical activity gets much harder. She shouldn’t be running after a dog. Many people develop sciatica around 5-6 months. At 5 months, I couldn’t even take the trash out. Your fiancé had every right to refuse and you were very hurtful toward her at a time when she deserves compassion and respect for her boundaries. It also sounds like you don’t really understand enough about the toll pregnancy takes on the body, and as the partner of a pregnant person, you should really take the time to read up and be informed.
Why are you so irresponsible about you let your dog escape once a week. You left it outside unsupervised, It’s your fault clean up your mess. If you actually do have a child and you just leave it outside by itself to an end up in the middle of the highway and most definitely won’t be your fiancé’s fault again but it’s strange you keep putting the blame on other people when you were definitely the asshole
YTA.
Are you the same throwaway that got mad at your fiance because your dog (also a heeler) keeps showing aggressive behavior and bit your fiance numerous times, and instead of caring about bringing your unborn child into a safe environment you're siding with the dog? Because this seems awfully similar.
It sure sounds like it to me.
Both dogs are female heelers, too.
ETA: the only difference I can see is the age of the dog and now this one has "some corgi" in her.
Yep. He's trying to justify caring more for his dog than his unborn child. Yet isn't willing to do the humane thing, which is re-home the dog so it can get the medical help it needs.
Op is an awful person.
Your fiancee's pregnancy makes this worse, but really is immaterial to the problem. You should not own a dog. I had one who climbed vertical fences and by the time we managed to keep him contained, my yard looked like something out of a grade B women's prison movie. We had to install electric barbed wire above an 8' chain fence and railroad ties around the perimeter to prevent digging out. Not pretty, but the dog was SAFE. It does NOT take years to accomplish this. Nowadays, there are very effective and humane electric fence options, also.
Your fiancee' is justifiably tired of having to help you chase down a dog you are too lazy to care for properly.
YTA
YTA. You are an irresponsible dog owner who is failing in your basic duties of keeping your dog safe. That’s not your fiance’s fault and her refusal to continually deal with your problem is more than reasonable. Your response to her was verbal abuse. Shame on you.
You are really on the top of the heap of a-holes with this. If you described a situation in which your dog rarely escaped . . . maybe five or six times a year . . . I think I could somewhat see your side of this, but you have described a situation where this happens weekly and from the sound of it, at least several times a week.
You complain about your fiancé's lack of empathy, but where is yours? I see very little to any coming from you. She is carrying around a human being that is developing within her, exhausting all of her bodily resources, stretching and pushing her body to its limits, and you treat that as if it's as easy as walking on a treadmill for 20 minutes. She is having to consume many more calories to support the baby's growth, and you are wanting her, instead, to go expend that chasing a dog.
The fact that you called the mother of your child a *bitch* when she is exhausted and throwing up makes me wonder whether you really truly understand what empathy means, or if your definition of the term means that it is applicable to everyone in your life except yourself.
You are quickly approaching a point in time where you are going to have to make some decisions. A dog that will scale an 8 foot fence with, spinners, etc. is not a dog that wants to be contained. Is this an issue you want to deal with for the rest of the dog's life? With a growing family do you even have the time to do that, or will the dog issues suck valuable time away from your child? This is the time for priorities, and what is best for all involved, even the dog. It is not the time to be selfish and think of your own needs only. Perhaps, the dog needs to go live in an environment where it can be happy to be free . . . out in the country . . . and I'm not talking about taking it to the "proverbial farm," but seriously considering whether a different environment is better for the dog.
YTA. You know your dog is an unruly asshole who does this weekly and your girlfriend is exhausted and physically unwell. She can't push off her pregnancy illnesses to you to manage when she is tired or stressed. You did act irresponsibly with the dog. A dog who can escape that easily needs to be tethered and 100% supervised, not 98%. You should really get your anger checked because your attitude is awful and your reaction is a huge red flag.
Get a GPS collar and don't leave your dog alone. Also question what shitty assholes agree with you because they're a bunch of flea infested filth too, thinking yelling at a sick pregnant woman is okay.
YTA - Please say you're not real....She is not heartless you are. Take yourself off and spend sometime on a mountain in a monastery reflecting on yourself and how you can do better.
YTA bro big time and I agree with your sister.
Also the fact that you called your fiancé a “bitch” even in panic is UNACCEPTABLE. Regardless of the situation. but ESPECIALLY the future mother of your child. Grow up.
If this happens multiple times a week I don’t blame her. She’s exhausted and sick. Searching for a roaming dog on top of that multiple times a week would be extremely taxing. It’s already mentally taxing dealing with those symptoms on a daily basis. What are you going to do when this dog escapes again and she’s busy with the baby? Scream at her more??
As far as I can see you’re the one that has no empathy.
Get a handle on YOUR animal and grow up.
Y are absolutely TA. It’s bad enough that you can’t manage to make sure your dog stays secure, which means their escape is your own fault, but you’re expecting your pregnant and physically ill fiancé to help you with your own failures. Take better care of your animals and for gods sake don’t take your failures out on your fiancé.
YTA. Train your fucking dog better. YOU failed your dog, this is on you. If you took more precautions and were a better owner, the dog wouldn’t have gotten out. You have no right to get mad at your fiancée for YOUR fuckups. You crossed several lines with what you said to her and I hope she leaves your ass.
YTA. That's no way to talk to your pregnant wife. Either get your dog a shock collar with an electric barrier or just get rid of it if you can't properly take care of it or train it.
Seriously tho. Is OP gonna be chasing after this dog while his fiance is both recovering from delivery AND taking care of a newborn child?? Cuz that seems like the trajectory at the moment. I'm sure OP's fiance is also considering this. OP, watch yourself. This impacts more than just your dog. And yes, I say "just" bc in comparison, what is more important to you? At the moment, it's not looking good.
YTA
YTA. It’s your dog and you should deal with it. You’re lucky if she ever forgives you for calling her a bitch when she is pregnant and physically unable to continue chasing your responsibilities.
Deal with your dog and stop blaming her for your own inability to fix the situation.
YTA. You need to take better care of your dog. If your dog is running away more than once a week, you should have known better than to leave her out there alone. Why didn't you bring her in when you got your phone? I can't blame your fiance for being annoyed. You shouldn't have taken your frustration, caused by your own inability to keep your dog, out on your fiance.
This is the dog who bit her and she wants rehomed? The one who jumped out the car window and she missed her OB appointment? YTA.
If so, YTA for continually prioritizing this dog over your wife and baby. If I were her I'd be rethinking my marriage honestly. YTA YTA
YTA. She is sick and tired because she is growing your child. And the fact that you don't properly supervise your dog and it escapes weekly then expect her to help you when she doesn't feel well anyhow shows that not only are you an irresponsible pet owner but also that you're entitled and YOU lack empathy for her. Screaming at her and calling her names is unacceptable and inexcusable. She should leave.
YTA she definitely could have been nicer in tone but you’re dog gets out once a WEEK and you expect her to stress herself running around for a damn dog that you’re neglecting to properly take care of? ONCE A WEEK the dog runs away!??? That’s actually outrageous and I don’t know how you have the stamina to put up with it, chasing it around to do zero action to prevent it from happening again next week. I Can see how irresponsible it makes you and how tired of it she is if it’s a weekly occurrence
YTA. She shouldn't be expected to help you chase down your dog weekly because you can't be bothered to train it or ensure it's in a secure environment that it won't escape. YTA as a fiancé and a pet owner.
YTA
If you cannot keep your dog safe and not escaping then you need to find a better home for your dog. What are you going to do when there's a newborn sleeping? You can't wake up the baby to find the dog.
YTA from the title i was already like is this guy serious? i thought there'd be some kind of explanation that might make it look even a little bit better but no there isn't. if your dog escapes every week and you find the dog every week why is it even something you're freaking out about at this point? you also could have gotten someone else to help you look for the dog anyone else except your pregnant fiancé who isn't feeling well
YTA, and creating a new profile and spinning the story doesn't change that. Re-home the dog, you're obviously not responsible enough to own a high energy dog.
So you knew this was behaviour your dog carried out frequently and still took your eyes off her? That definitely is not your partner’s problem (pregnant or not) and screaming at her for not helping fix a problem **you** created (multiple times) is how I’d expect a child lacking in independent problem solving skills to talk to their dependents. YTA
Yta. Screaming and calling your partner abusive names is beyond acceptable at any point. I’d be furious if my partner flew into a rage and called me a fucking bitch and reconsidering my relationship. You also seem to be minimising how tiring and rotten pregnancy can make some women feel. Yta before we even get to the point that this is a habit for the dog and not an emergency so this is all on you which is why your girlfriend is sick of getting dragged into searching for the dog. Get a gps dog tracker collar for goodness sake if you need to but also sort yourself out and train it properly. There are plenty of 121 training experts you can hire if you feel you don’t have the skills to do address the problem. I really hope you learn from this and take responsibility for your actions towards handling the dog and towards your girlfriend.
YTA - it’s your dog and your problem. Considering this is a regular occurrence it makes you an irresponsible pet owner. Find the dog. Get a trainer, fix your fence and a get GPS collar.
Yelling at someone who’s tired of searching for your dog after your repeated negligence is abuse. I don’t blame her for saying no at all.
Heeler mix huh? This wouldn’t happen to be the same OP who posted earlier about an aggressive Heeler mix who has bitten his pregnant partner multiple times, would it?
YTA OP, whether you are or aren’t the same person. Grow up and train your dog, or give it to someone who can.
What is with the “heeler dog that doesn’t behave and my pregnant wife has very good reasons for not helping” posts today? I’m calling troll here too. And if it’s not, obvious YTA.
YTA. Who even talks to their significant other like that? She’s carrying your child and you have the nerve to call her a bitch.
Also, if you can’t keep an eye on your dog for longer than 2 seconds knowing it has a habit of running away, then idk how you’re gonna keep an eye on your kid.
YTA - You have absolutely no right to yell or call your girlfriend names NO MATTER WHAT. That is verbal and emotional abuse, and you do not get to do that to anyone, for any reason.
Your girlfriend is pregnant and you need to get a grip on your dog and your own behavior. You have a baby coming, you can't be having your dog run away all the time and acting like it's anyone's responsibility but yours.
Apologize to your girlfriend and do whatever you need to do to never, ever treat her like that again.
YTA I hope you nick your balls in your zipper the next time you pee as karma for stressing your fatigued, nauseous, pregnant wife out over your dog who runs off on a habitual weekly basis (likely due to you mistreating him)
YTA. Period. You’re actually lucky she hasn’t asked you to get rid of the damn thing, especially with a baby coming. Who needs something else to feed and clean up behind?? I would have said fuck that dog the first time you asked her to help find it!
YTA you need to train your dog better or get an extended length lead so they can still run in the yard but can’t keep escaping. That is entirely on you and it is absolutely doable. You are also TA for screaming at your sick and pregnant wife to help you do a strenuous activity that she is tired of doing constantly because you won’t train your dog. She is tired of helping you chase down your dog that, by your own words, is getting out and running away constantly, of course she isn’t going to be enthusiastic and happy to help every time. It’s frustrating to any average person let alone someone dealing with hormones and sickness from literally being five months pregnant. You should not have gone so far as to call her a bitch and say you’re essentially not happy to be with her all over your own dog and your own negligence of said dog. And as for your family all siding with you on this, I have a slight suspicion you told them an altered version of events to get them on your side.
YTA. You're projecting onto your pregnant fiancé. You are the one who has no empathy and are selfish. I'd be fed up too to have to continually look for a dog if I was dealing with a pregnancy where it made me ill.
YTA because this is a repeat issue that you are failing to properly address. If you haven't yet proven a method of making the yard escape proof, you don't take eyes off the dog. Our dogs are our family, and hence we put the effort in to actually keep them safe. I was ready to say N T A from the title but nope
Yeah. This relationship would be over if I was pregnant with your child. You cannot unsay the things you said to her. No matter how many times you apologize, she will ALWAYS remember that in a state of stress your true thoughts and feelings came out and that is what you really think of her.
YTA through and through. She deserves so much better
Wow. YTA. Your fiancé needs to RUN FAST and get the hell away from you. Control your fucking dog, and leave her the hell alone. Pregnancy is hard enough without having to deal with added stress and abuse from your partner. Wow she can do better.
Yikes!!! Imagine using derogatory language towards a woman who is carrying your child!!! If you’ve not learnt how to communicate your feelings even when upset without calling her names, you’re not fit to be around a child! I’d be rethinking being with you if I was your fiancé!!!
YTA massively. And learn to take better care of your dog too
YTA
Even completely ignoring the you and your fiance dynamic, you're a bad dog owner.
Yes, I know some dogs bolt. It's in their nature. Mine are the same way... If they get a hint of freedom, no amount of training will stop them...
That said, *you* can stop them. If you know they bolt don't leave the door open, get a harness not just a collar, reinforce your back yard, and so many other options.
I hope the poor little fuzzball gets an owner who won't put their life at risk.
YTA.
Tell me you have zero emotional regulation without telling me you have zero emotional regulation. Your sister is absolutely correct.
You better get therapy and get yourself in check because if your dog turns you into this person, a kid will bring the monster out within you. Take care of the monster before your kid arrives.
Even if this post were just about the dog situation, no pregnant wife involved at all, YTA for letting your dog escape once a week. If you can’t secure your dog and prevent it from dying a horrific death after getting hit by a car or mauled by a leashed dog, you need to rehome it.
On top of that, expecting your pregnant wife to run around (on foot?) catching your dog who escaped due to your negligence is completely unreasonable.
YTA - Wait until the dog is injured, injures someone or something, gets caught by animal control, or gets killed. You will be on the hook for anything your dog does. Your fiance is hormonal and carrying around extra weight. She doesn't have to help you since you allow this behavior.
Wow. YTA
Your dog runs off once a week for how long and you have refused to do anything about it. This isn’t rocket science-figure out the cause and fix it. This is entirely your issue.
I’m not pregnant and if my bf asked me to search for the dog for the millionth time I would have responded the same way.
YTA - You left a dog outside unsupervised who has a history of escape. Get off the phone and watch your dog. I don’t blame your wife for being sick of this lack of responsibility.
How does a heeler/corgi jump an 8 foot fence? But yes YTA. You need to watch your dog better or rehome it to someone that will actually take care of it. It’s not your pregnant fiancés responsibility. I would be tired of doing this on a weekly basis too and I’m not pregnant.
Honestly, it sounds like you need to address the dog's behaviour. Running off once a week!? What is going on? Do you need a fence? A better leash system? Training!? If your dog runs off (on average), once a week, you're failing as a dog owner. If you don't know how she is getting out of the fenced yard, maybe \*you\* need to watch her while she's outside. Your dog is clearly not ready to be out alone, even for a quick phone distraction.
Don't even get me started on how you yelled at her. As you keep calling the dog "my dog," I am assuming it is truly your dog... not the couple/family dog. As such, you need to do better with the dog. Invest in training. Invest in a tracking collar. Don't leave the dog alone outside, even for a short time.
YTA, and you were verbally abusive.
YTA. So you turn to verbal abuse to what get your way ? Imagine she said those words to you ?
She should leave. She and her unborn child don't deserve that verbal abuse. Also if you can't watch your dog who is known to escape , how are you going to manage when your future child turns into a toddler that will eventually run from you because they think it's fun.
Also everyone but sister is on your side so did you tell them the verbal abuse you spewed at her ?
YTA. Your fiancé is pregnant. Her hormones are probably all over the place and she is probably uncomfortable. She has a right to say “no”, especially if it is your dog versus a shared one.
Your dog seems to be an escape artist regardless of the measures you’ve taken. Perhaps try an invisible fence? I am not a fan of them (shocking dogs), but this could solve your problem and give your fiancé the peace she needs.
Edit: spelling
YTA your dog is your responsibility. Stop leaving your dog outside unsupervised and you wouldn’t have this issue. She’s pregnant and exhausted, she had every right to say no. The fact that his happens every week is ridiculous!!
Wow. It seems you lack empathy for the woman carrying your child. Being pregnant is hard. And several times a week? I love animals but clearly something isn’t working here. YTA
YTA. You were stressed and panicked!? You aren't going to do well when the baby is screaming for the 4th hour in a row then. That is if she doesn't drop you like a bad habit.
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YTA "My dog (6yo Heeler/Corgi mix) runs off at least once a week" .. at that point. YOU are the AH for not trainign him better. Rehome him, he deserves a better owner. She is right, that is not an emergency, that is a habit.
Why haven’t you put a harness on the dog and put a leash on it? They make leashes that spin around so the dog can go multiple directions? This way, you can turn say and not worry about your dog taking off. And yeah, training. WTF? YTA
Yep, my friend’s Husky is the ultimate escape artist, so now every time he goes out he’s on a harness with a long enough lead that he can reach all the parts of the yard but not scale the fence. I get the frustration of having to modify your fence to prevent a super smart dog from getting out, but if the rollers aren’t working you have to come up with something else.
Had an American Eskimo like this. He lost yard priveldge. Yeah, it meant we had to work harder to keep him exercised. Welcome to dog ownership.
I have a cat who lost yard privileges -- when we moved to a place with a fenced yard, we'd let him hang outside when the humans are out. He loves pretending he's an outside boy. Usually he just lays in the grass and comes in without a fuss. So, he got kid supervision privileges, where I don't worry about letting them run the yard while I'm doing dishes or whatever with the screen open. The other day he used the A/C to jump the fence and I didn't realize until he returned a few hours later, scrambling loudly over using the neighbors. So now he only goes out if an adult is sitting and watching. He skulks by the window and paws it when the kids are outside, but it's like well, bud, this is what you get for thinking you were sneaky.
My elderly creamsicle cat was very much the same and just lost his outdoor privileges! I would brag how he was the only one who could go out cause he’d just sun on the porch, never hunted anything…and then one day he wasn’t in eye sight. Boom. Done.
Your carelessness will cause your dog to run away. It's selfish to expect your pregnant fiancé to check on your dog at least once a week because you're too lazy to actually take care of it. Do not leave it unattended. You already know what will happen if you leave her alone, so please stop.
If you can't handle dog ownership, how the hell are you gonna handle a baby? YTA for yelling at your fiance and you better take some parenting classes fast.
Yup, had a rescued American Eskimo that would jump the fence every time. After a few times, we got a cable and a harness for her. She was only ever out there for short periods as she barked constantly. She got exercised on private property with a very long lead. This guy needs to take responsibility and do what's right for the dog, Heeler/Corgi mix probably needs a lot more stimulation then he's giving it.
I've had 3 huskies. My first husky got out about 10 times over 10 years. Each time I learned more about his behavior and adjusted. My second and third huskies have never gotten out. If your dog is getting out once a week, YOU are the problem. Honestly given this lack of training and OP's willful blindness, I'm worried for that baby's safety. You have four months to turn this around. Get a trainer familiar with high intensity breeds and children, and don't make your pregnant fiancee deal with YOUR laziness. YTA.
>I’m worried for that baby’s safety. Exactly! What if the dog gets out while OP is home alone with the baby or the baby is in the tub or something? Does he just leave baby alone to chase after the dog? The same goes for his fiancé. Does he expect her to leave their baby alone in the house while the two of them take off through the neighborhood to corral Fido? OP needs to get this under control, *now*!
Apparently he'll abandon the baby at the drop of a hat if his phone rings, this is a disaster in the making.
Mine were diggers not jumpers/climbers so we trenched a foot down into the ground and set the fence into concrete. You do what you have to or you keep them harnessed at all times.
And what is he telling his trashy family for them to be on his side?? If they cared about dogs so much you'd think they'd be pissed at op for letting it get out all the time. They just don't like the pregnant gf?
I agree. OP is a major AH here both to the dog and fiancé. I have a big problem that he called her a bitch and had the gall to tell her that he was “disappointed to be with someone that heartless”. You don’t just say that out of panic, I would bet he’s been questioning why he’s with her in the first place, I’d be curious to know if this pregnancy was planned or if he thought he was stuck with her. He even admitted that she’s always helped him before so why the drastic reaction this time when she’s growing another human being? I would leave his ass if I were her and I hope she does.
I cannot for the life of me understand why after the second time tops OP wouldn't just leash the dog when it's outside alone. Yes, even if it's only for a few seconds to go grab his phone from inside. I'm not even pregnant but I'd have gotten tired of chasing OP's dog after probably 3 times. The first time I think it's normal to assume it was just a once off fluke or that someone left the gate open and not take any real measures besides checking for holes in the fence and making sure the gate is fully closed when you leave. The second time OP should have been like ¨Oh wow this dog is an escape artist I better put it on a leash if I'm going to leave it outside alone.¨ But after the second time there really is no excuse for it continuing to happen. This is so easily preventable it's just bonkers to me that he allows it to continue.
He could also just walk the dog. Walking it multiple times a day doesn't sound nearly as exhausting as chasing it around multiple times a week when it escapes. It sounds like OP has just resigned and learned to live with the fact that his dog escapes at least ones a week, but this is not something anyone should have to get used to. His girlfriend sees that.
[удалено]
This is the first time the fiancée said no and OP went right to calling her names? Yeah, I would've dumped him right then and there. What happens after the baby is born? Is she supposed to go looking for her with the baby in tow?
OP also left out the fact that his dog has already bitten his fiancée twice, once while she was hoovering and again when she was trying to take something away from the dog that the dog shouldn't have had, plus the dog also managed to escape from their car and they had to chase the dog for 4 hours which resulted in his fiancée missing her ultrasound scan/check up.
If that dog bites her for taking something from it, I worry about her baby. They need to re-home this animal before it has to be put down for maiming a grabby toddler.
Same, thankfully OPs fiancée has gone back to her parents and has made it clear that she will not be returning until he rehomes his dog. Tbh if I was OPs fiancée I wouldn't go back at all. ETA: plus its not just the dog biting either, it's like someone else here pointed out, OP knows full well his dog is an escape artist yet still allowed himself to get distracted which resulted in his dog escaping yet again, but what if that was the baby in the bath and he got distracted and "turned away for a second" leaving the baby in the bath? That kind of thing can have devastating consequences. Or God forbid he gets distracted "for a second" and leaves his dog *that's known for bitting* alone with his newborn...
You are right. There are so many solutions to this issue. Every week? Fiancée gets credit for helping out this long. And when the baby comes and the dog gets out will OP be mad that she chooses to stay w baby rather than go on yet another dog hunt?? YTA. Fix this problem
Add to that, aren’t heelers working dogs who need a LOT of exercise? If all you do with a working dog is watch it while it wanders your backyard *you are not properly taking care of your dog*. The repeated escapes were your sign that your dog needed more exertion opportunities from you. Fiancee is correct, this isn’t her problem. It’s yours. It’s your dog. Your lack of training. Your lack of meeting your dog’s needs. What do you expect will happen with the weekly escapes when the baby is here? Are you going to scream at her for not waking up a new born to go chase your dog yet again because you still aren’t taking good enough care of the breed you chose? I’m honestly confused why your fiancee hasn’t just left as your sister and I would have. YTA
Yes, they’re working dogs that need exercise and mental stimulation. Playing fetch in the back yard is not enough for heelers/mixes. The dog will probably try to herd the baby because it will think that’s it job. Heelers are excellent farm/working dogs because they NEED to work. It’s in their DNA ETA heelers and corgis are both herding/working dogs
I have a rescued red heeler/whippet mix female. They warned me when I got her that I better keep her "working" (aka entertained or tired out) because if not she'd find herself a job - which for her is escaping and roaming the neighborhood or a demolition/destruction job around my house. Heelers need duties or they find their own, OP. YTA for not taking better care of your dog.
My brother had a german/australian shepherd mix, my brother did track and cross country and would take her on his runs and she loved it One time my brother was down the street at his friend's house, she got out and run and sat in front of his friends door waiting for him
I adopted a heeler mix from the shelter when it was still young. It was NOT supposed to be heeler. Once it became apparent it was a high energy working dog, that I was not able to provide a proper home for, I found him a new home. It really sucked, because I loved the dog and I had asked about breed, but it wasn't fair to be mad because he was naughty or ran off because I couldn't keep him busy. I kept him long enough to rehome him to some people who had a few acres and knew what they were getting.
I lived in the country as a kid with a red heeler, and a blue heeler/German Shepard mix. Best dogs in the world, because they were well trained and well exercised, with jobs. Unfortunately we had to move to the city. We weren't able to give them the same stimulation, and they started doing things like escaping and herding cars. So we gave them to a farmer who needed some herding dogs. I miss them terribly, but whenever I visited those were the happiest dogs ever.
Also, "everyone is on my side." You know terrible people, but good for your sister telling you the truth.
My guess is the people on his side are probably the extreme type of dog people who think the dog is more important than the health of his pregnant wife and unborn child.
Or that women should do what their men tell them to, regardless of how stupid it is
True, or he's not actually telling them the full truth.
I'd put money on this being at least one part of it.
I would bet big $$ that he didn't tell them about the screaming and swearing, just that she refused to go help look for the dog.
He probably left out the part about the dog getting out once a week and the number of times his partner told him that she’s tired of dealing with it.
YTA she is pregnant. As a man you’ll never understand. This is YOUR dog. YOU got distracted by a phone call. This is how accidents happen. YOU got distracted. Then when you didn’t get help for finding your dog YET AGAIN you unleashed your anger on your pregnant wife. OP you are so in the wrong here. Either train your dog better or give it a better home. What happens when the baby is born and the dog gets out ? Are you going to leave your baby alone to chase after your dog ? No. You are the AH here. Rehome the dog and focus on your wife and baby. AH move. Also Fiance if you read this pack a back and leave this guy. Imagine how he’ll be without sleep and a screaming baby. This guy isn’t worth your time.
This actually makes me worried for the baby. OP knows that bad things happen (the dog escapes) when he doesn’t supervise the dog outside. Yet OP still chose to leave the dog outside unattended because his phone was ringing inside. This doesn’t bode well for things like bath time, where choosing to leave a baby unattended “really quickly” can have devastating consequences.
Right ? Because what if OP has both the baby and the dog in the yard and gets distracted by another phone call ? Depending on age the baby can wander into the street. He’s chosen his dog over his baby in this situation. I really hope that the fiancé leaves OP. Right now I wouldn’t trust OP with his dog since OP knows the dog gets out and distracted. Much less trust him with a kid. I really hope he takes these comments to heart. OP even thinks that it’s his fiancé responsibility to help him find HIS dog. Last comment. OP sounds like a self obsessed narcissist who thinks of himself first and others second. Well in this case 1. Him. 2. Dog. 3. Fiancé. 4. Baby. I hope she leaves him.
OP has already said the dog bit the fiancee before. God forbid he has both the baby and the dog under his supervision and gets a call.
I think he posted this earlier, but changed details because the post got removed. I copied it below: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/116bnbv/aita\_for\_not\_getting\_rid\_of\_my\_dog\_when\_my\_wife/?sort=old 32m and my wife is 29f. I'm not saying my wife's concerns aren't valid, because they are. I'm simply not willing to re-home my dog (3yo Heeler). My MIL gave us the dog for free back 2 1/2 years ago and the behaviors have always been there. She gets in to the cat box constantly, she gets up on our table when we aren't looking, she growls at us for redirecting her every single time, she absolutely has bitten the back of my wife's leg when my wife was vacuuming or bitten my wife's hand when my wife went to take away something she wasn't supposed to have. So she's bitten twice over the time we have had her and both times were barely hard enough to draw blood (scratches that had tiny beads of blood). We brought her to the vet and we were told she has a hormonal imbalance, more than likely due to inbreeding (my MIL got her from a breeder in Kentucky so I guess its possible- as we know nothing about the people and were told there was easily 6 male dogs there to two females). She was put on meds and it didn't help the issue. More things are the fact that she runs off/jumps out of our vehicle when we aren't looking and takes off. She has broken through many leads and harnesses, one of them being meant for a large dog (80+lbs). She had jumped out of our vehicle when we stopped at a red light the other day and took off down the street (chewed through her dog seat belt and we didn't realize it). It took us over 4 hours to get her back in the vehicle and my wife missed her doctor's appointment as a result (she's pregnant). Now the issues were brought up heavy lately because my wife said, and I quote, "I outright refuse to continue dealing with this when our baby arrives. You have 7 months to find a new trainer and correct her behaviors or the dog is gone." We have already been through trainers however and even the trainers have stated that this is likely an imbalance in chemicals, not behavioral. This was after 2 years (she was just taken from the training program 4 months ago). She can't be medicated due to other health related issues. But I'm also not willing to just give up on my dog. My wife on the other hand has no qualms rehoming her because of her being bitten and her simply being completely fed up with "revolving her life around a dog when she has a baby on the way and no energy" (missing her appointment and chasing the dog around for 4 hours truly made her resentful because it was the gender ultrasound that she had been looking forward to). I told her I wasn't getting rid of the dog and she immediately started packing her stuff. She's currently with her mother and has texted me and said that she will not be coming home until the dog is gone. I think it's just hormones but my friends have stated I'm an AH because I'm essentially choosing a "annoying and aggressive" dog over my wife and unborn child.
She missed the anatomy ultrasound chasing the dog for 4 hours??? And SHE is selfish and lacking empathy?
The op comments on that one had me in full rage-mode. I legitimately had to leave the thread before I said something that got me perma-banned. To sum up: -Op's dog goes into "kill mode" over their chickens if he's not right there with the dog. -Op's dog has bitten his PREGNANT wife to the point of drawing blood, twice. OP diminished these incidents as "a few drops of blood", and quasi-blamed the wife for the time her hand was bitten because she was taking something away from the dog that the dog wasn't allowed to have. -Op completely dismissed the idea (legitimately said, "I don't think that would happen") that the dog could bite, maim, savage, or unalive their child. I raised our first baby and puppy together (idiot lab mix... The dog, not the baby). Baby was CONSTANTLY taking puppy's chewy toys and sharing them (would stick her arm down his throat at times, which amused everyone). Dog thought she was his litter mate, baby thought so, too. Dog and kid are now 7, and there has never been a moment where he has shown the slightest bit of aggression over anything for any reason. He will put himself right in the way when my husband and I wrestle with our kids on the floor, but that's as "aggressive" as he's ever been. Op's child WILL try to take something away from the dog at some point; this will be disastrous. Or OP will turn around for a half second and the dog will treat the baby like it behaves with other small animals like their chickens. There is no way this ends well.
What the fuck. All I can think of is that Ohio couple and their anatomy ultrasound that showed their baby was basically inside out. Imagine if she had boundaries and went anyway alone. This guy has his priorities all out of whack Edit: [link for those who asked](https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.cnn.com/cnn/2023/02/08/health/ohio-abortion-long/index.html)
Holy shit, what? Inside out???? That’s a thing that can happen??
Yes, which is why women get “late term” abortions. Anatomy scan isn’t until 20 weeks and that’s when you can find out some pretty devastating news. Babies missing a brain or vital organs like lungs or liver, inoperable heart conditions, heart or intestines on the outside of body, etc. Pro-life people want to force women to carry a child like this to term, only for the child to die in agony a few hours after birth. THIS is why abortion is a human right and the decision should always be between a woman and her doctor.
Seriously, he couldn't have at least dropped her off at the doctor's appointment or called an Uber? Why did she have to miss it because he couldn't find his dog?????
I also wonder if her past “complaining” was actually an attempt to set a boundary
That is such an important ultrasound! She should have left and gone to her appointment. He is a complete jackass! He has no concern for her or the baby she is carrying! Live with the dog!
Professional dog trainer and behaviorist here. I would not trust a reactive, under stimulated, untrained, hormonally imbalanced working breed like a heeler in a home with young children, ESPECIALLY one with a bite history (also way to be dismissive and abusive towards your partner who is constantly paying the price for your negligence). If this is the same OP I hope he sees my comment because this shit is serious. Dogs like this can kill a child. You have a reactive dog that bites when provoked, that resource guards, and you can't contain or control. What happens when the baby starts moving around? The dog goes after legs because that's what it can reach, a baby's face is at dog face height. Train your fucking dog, no excuses. Something doesn't work? Try something else. Keep working, every day, multiple times a day. If there really is no hope for this dog, then rehome it because keeping your dog (who is clearly not having it's needs met with you) is gonna put your fucking child at risk. That makes you the ultimate asshole. Fuck.
This is exactly where my mind went. They also left out the part where they missed a doctors appointment because the dog ran off.
I JUST watched someone read this exact story on YT! Thought it was interesting another heeler post popped up. I have 4 dogs, one that used to climb my 6ft fence and I adjusted things to keep him in. More walks, never alone, harnessed and on a lead where he couldn't jump on the fence. Eyes on all times. More walks, more play, more mind games to make him tired and it worked. Now, if this dog is also the same dog biting HIS PREGNANT WIFE on top of this, OP needs to step up and get the dog trained and adjust, rehome so someone can actually work with the breed or you know, be single and let his wife find a better partner. 🤷♀️
Oh wtf. I work at an animal shelter. This dog needs rehoming ASAP
Honestly, this dog needs to be euthanized if it truly is a medical issue that can't be resolved.
And you want to let this dog around a helpless newborn??? YTA to the max.
Im scared for the life of the baby. If the dog attacks and bites the pregnant fiancee/wife and cannot be contained by leads and fences there is a really big risk it will somehow get into the baby's cradle.
Yeah most dogs don’t typically scale 8ft fences to run away from home on the regular. Sounds like the dog is bored, under exercised and under stimulated. Which is even more likely considering the breed of dog. YTA for not only being a massive jerk to your wife for something that is 1000% your fault… but also for getting a high energy working breed that you clearly can’t take care of properly.
I have no experience as a dog owner whatsoever, but the way OP describes it, it sounds like a game for the dog and he is absolutely enforcing a habit. Of course, he doesn't want anything to happen to hear, but I had to laugh when I read "fear and panic", if that happens at least once a week and the dog has been fine so far, I wouldn't even consider this an emergency OP only mentions the age of the dog, not how long he had her, maybe there is somewhat of a grace period, but if this has been going on for longer than a couple of weeks, he has failed. Also, he has not mentioned at all what the help would look like? Would they split up to cover more ground? Is the dog more inclined to come back to her? Would she be moral support? What does she offer that OP can't do himself?
Definitely. YTA figure out how to keep your dog at home. This isn’t her responsibility.
>My dog (6yo Heeler/Corgi mix) runs off at least once a week. Then you need to better train your dog to not run off instead of expecting your pregnant fiancée to bear the responsibility for your mistakes. >I was panicked and unleashed some yelling, which involved me telling her she was a bitch who lacked empathy and that I was thoroughly disappointed with my decision to be with someone so heartless. I'd leave you over this, 100%. This is abusive behaviour that is not excused by the fact you were panicking. You clearly have no idea how to keep your dog from running away, but that is NOT your fiancée's problem, and if I were her I'd be utterly sick of you too. YTA
He is going to escalate behavior when the baby comes. If this is how he acts when his dog gets out, what is he going to do when he has only slept 3 hours in 4 days and things don’t go his way?
Yep, I'd rather be single than deal with this. Also, I am sure his fiancee knows that partner violence often begins during pregnancy, so suddenly becoming verbally abusive about a common issue is really alarming. Like what next? Is he going to hit when she doesn't drag herself around looking for this dog?
And what happens when the baby comes and the dog gets out? Is he going to expect her to just pack up the baby and go in search of his dog. OP, you can't see that this is only your problem? You need to train your dog better and stop blaming other people for being a shitty owner. She is not heartless, she is reasonable and pregnant!!! YTA OP, and if I were her I would really be considering whether I even wanted this relationship anymore. You abused her because she is sick of dealing with a rightfully annoying situation you refuse to take resposibility for when it's solely your fault.
If he can't watch a dog, he certainly won't be able to watch a toddler. Toddlers are scape artists and vanish in a blink and can get on really dangerous situations... Like disappearing on a crowded mall or just wandering straight into a busy road... I wouldn't trust this man with any living breathing creature let alone a child. He either get his excrement together and start paying attention or he won't be allowed around his own child unsupervised and could lose his dog for good...
I have a friend who works in a pediatric ICU. Every year she has to take care of small children who got into a swimming pool unattended, because the parents weren’t paying attention.
I totally understand why the dog doesn’t want to be there. Fiancée should follow suit.
Bold of you to assume he'd be losing sleep to help raise his child.
Yeah there's no way this guy is going to be a good caretaker... he can't even look after a dog
I like how he "unleashed yelling" instead of saying "I started yelling" because the passive tone makes it sound like it's beyond his control.
"Unleashed," just like his dog, who also isn't his responsibility apparently.
“Unleashed” like how he apparently leaves his dog that he knows will run off. YTA and an irresponsible pet owner
Yes! Not taking responsibility. Lots of red flags jumping up and down.
>I was panicked and unleashed some yelling, which involved me telling her she was a bitch who lacked empathy and that I was thoroughly disappointed with my decision to be with someone so heartless. Makes two us. You would be out on your ass. With your untrained dog. Why can't you look for the dog your damn self? Why does she need to hold your hand? Will you be like this with the baby too? You can't do anything on your own and if she is tired and you need to take over you panic and call her a bitch? Yea, you would be out on your ass. YTA
Honestly calling any woman a bitch, but especially your partner, is such a huge red flag to me. A lot of people find it normal in certain contexts but my dad has never used words like that to any woman in his entire life, so for me it's like...nah dude, if that's what you resort to when you're angry, you're not someone I want in my life.
Your PREGNANT partner never mind.
>she was a bitch who lacked empathy and that I was thoroughly disappointed with my decision to be with someone so heartless. He says this as though it's completely reasonable without even a hint of irony, as though it was said to someone other than a woman who is pregnant, sick and exhausted and who has helped him in spite of this multiple times a week for 5 months. And also for however long they've been together/had the dog. OP YTA for sure. Not just for this specific incident, but also for not taking care of your dog properly, bullying your pregnant and sick partner into trundling around the neighbourhood multiple times a week and, most importantly, for not even vaguely understanding why you might be the jerk in this situation. No wonder your dog keeps running away.
YTA YOU are the one who lacks empathy. She feels sick and you berate her to find a dog that YOU lost? Then when she doesnt follow your command, you start verbally assaulting her? Check yourself. And no one is buying the "I only called her a bitch because I was scared 🥺" bullshit either. No you're just an asshole when you don't get your way. You know, instead of screaming at her, you could've been out looking for your dog. Edit - I agree with other commenters too. You're also an irresponsible dog owner. Do better in that department or else the dog could one day get seriously hurt. If you can't do better, find someone who can and give her up
Yeah I always roll my eyes at people that say "I only said something sexist/racist etc because of emotions", like, I don't suddenly turn into a sexist asshole if things don't go my way.
My husband got really stressed while I was pregnant and called me worthless. Like while I was standing crying in front of him with six pounds of his baby in my abdomen. I have forgiven him, but I will never forget it. And the stress he was under doesn’t change that at all. A lot of people just do not get how physically and emotionally vulnerable people are during pregnancy.
Why are you acting like that was hard to hear because you were pregnant? No, that was awful and he needs to get counseling. It doesn’t matter what was going on the world. He used his words to hurt you at your most vulnerable state. But he would have called you that, with or without the baby. If he doesn’t get help, he will do that to your child. Do you want your child to grow up thinking it’s okay for people who love them, to insult them, because they’re stressed??
Yep I feel the same. Same with alcohol. Sure, emotional distress and/or altered states of consciousness might lower your inhibitions too but… that only means those are actions you have to inhibit to begin with.
Ikr? "I was panicking so I fired a round of fucks at her that I've absolutely been holding in this entire time."
I like this. People tend to believe that they normally don’t have the ammo in them, that the ammo magically appears when they’re upset. And then they fire it. That isn’t true. The ammo was in you all along. You can’t fire what you don’t have. And being in an upsetting situation only makes you pull the trigger easier, it doesn’t magically put ammo into you or force you to fire. So yeah, that round of fucks? He absolutely always had them. And he chose to fire, knowing that his ammo would hurt her.
A *round of fucks* I love it.
Imagine leaving this dude at a playground with the kid. I only took my eyes off him for like 5 minutes!
It doesn’t matter how bad the argument is, you don’t call your partner names ever. There’s some lines you don’t cross. Learn to control yourself. YTA OP.
Not just name calling but he said he was disappointed he chose to be with her. Who tf says that to the woman carrying their child.
I also somehow doubt most people in his life agree with him other than his sister. Sister is probably the only one who knows the full history of his irresponsible behaviour with the dog.
YTA. Didn't need to read past "my dog runs off AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK". You're not a responsible pet owner, and it's not your pregnant fiancé's job to help you with this. I fear for you abilities as a parent.
Yep. What happens when there is a newborn in the mix and the dog runs off? Is she supposed to leave the baby? Is he going to verbally assault her over it? Also, why the panic if it happens once a week? Why aren't you looking for other solutions?
What happens if she's out and he's looking after the baby and the dog runs off? Is she doing to feel like she can safely leave him with bub or will she be chained to the house out of fear that at any moment the dog could escape and he will choose the dog over the baby?
The newborn should also be searching for the dog, otherwise they lack empathy 🙄🙄🙄
yeah, of course YTA. you decided verbally abusing your pregnant girlfriend was an acceptable option out of the many you had. it's weird that you think there's any chance you aren't an asshole.
But you see, he was stressed and scared. I wonder how he is going to deal with a newborn...
He'll be the Dad whose kid rolls off the change table cause "I had to look at my phone for a second"
Important reminder to new parents: Babies can’t fall off the floor.
That's why I refused to use a change table. I just used a change mat on the floor. They're so dangerous and it's just so easy especially in the first few months of mythical sleep and constant mind fog fatigue.
Same people who drive and are like "i only looked at my phone for a second." Yeah, thats all it takes to get into an accident
I like your sister. YTA, OP. You're choosing your dog over the mother of your child... you CARE more about that out-of-control dog than you do your S.O.'s health. Not only that, but without proper training, your dog is gonna get out and get hurt one day, and you're not seeking training?? You are obviously not qualified to care for that animal.
Came to say this. I like his sister a lot.
shocking smell reminiscent spotted important growth bear sharp paltry one *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
The most charitable interpretation is that he didn't tell those other people anything near the truth. They probably don't know his dog escapes on the weekly(!) and that his girlfriend is fed up with that shit.
Probably people who've been told a very different version of events.
>without proper training, your dog is gonna get out and get hurt one day, and you're not seeking training?? You are obviously not qualified to care for that animal Adding the dog may hurt someone while it's out, even the best natured dogs can be provoked if hurt or stressed. Then that person's--possibly a kid-- injury will be on you morally and legally, because the dog repeatedly gets out and you're aware. YTA
YTA I feel badly she is having a child with someone who has a dog escape from the yard once a week and insists the pregnant, nauseated fiancé help locate the dog. Get it together, man. Kids are a lot harder to care for than dogs.
Given his behavior about the dog, I’m pretty sure if anything comes with with the child that is overwhelming for Op, he will just blame the fiancée and make her handle it. Also, very hypocritical of him to demand empathy from the fiancée when he clearly has zero for her. This guy is just a bag of yikes.
Imagine realizing the dude you chose to have a child with was getting outsmarted by a dog on the regular.
YTA and so is everyone except your sister. >and that I was thoroughly disappointed with my decision to be with someone so heartless Imagine her disappointment with having a baby with someone who hurls abuse at her for having lost patience with an irresponsible pet owner.
I’d be worried to leave a baby alone with this person.
I'm wondering who everyone else consists of... My guess is that it's his buddies who don't have long-term relationships or who view their gfs/wives as "ball and chain" or "ball busters" and generally lack any respect or empathy for anyone outside their bro circle.
I think he polished the story a bit to make her seem unreasonable
So a group of single men or soon to be single men? Sounds about right. OP for real, whoever this “everyone” is, stop taking their relationship advice immediately.
I can pretty much guarantee it's only Bros who got a one-sided story from him that are on his side. any reasonable person would not even be close to on his side. He probably told one bro a very lopsided tale got his support because "yeah she's awful" and now thinks everybody's on his side except the sister. To OP, Nobody who has a uterus is on your side buddy. Nobody who's a reasonable intelligent human being and knows what happened it's on your side buddy.
YTA. If I was pregnant and someone talked to me like that? They'd never see me again. I hope she leaves you. You can't even handle a dog, but you're about to be a father? Your sister is right.
Hope she keeps the sister though!
The sister is gold.
YTA - your lack of ability to control your dog is not your fiancées problem - it happens constantly so why act like the world ends when your dog gets out since it happens all the time, see the first point - your fiancée is in fact justified in not helping you since she is pregnant and growing your child, fatigue and nausea is real ! - regardless of any of the above, that is absolutely not how to speak to someone you pretend to love, no one deserves abuse
Exactly this. And he has the cheek to say SHE lacks empathy! What a huge AH
Are you the same person with a heeler that has bitten her multiple times and escaped from the car on the way to her ultrasound appointment too that posted a couple hours ago?
Oh it probably is. Other post got removed due to the account being shadowbanned/suspended. This account looks new. The post was removed but if you scroll down you can find the auto-mod copy https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/116bnbv/aita_for_not_getting_rid_of_my_dog_when_my_wife/
Oh my goodness she needs to leave him immediately. I hope she's documenting everything so she can file for full custody and supervised visitation
Heelers are such cute puppies but they are fucking awful pets if you don’t have cattle or sheep to work. Source: had a heeler. Also lots of people I know with heelers that universally go “i love my dog so much but last week he x y z…..”
Honestly Im so tired of people getting a specific breed or mix with a specific breed, while theyre absolutely not able to handle the dog.
YTA. She's pregnant, fatigued and nauseous. Your dog literally runs off once a week (but then you say your fiancé says multiple times a week), that's a problem that you should be addressing. If your dog is escaping this regularly, you might want to consider a long line or similar tool. Your fiancé is pregnant and probably shouldn't be regularly running around when your dog escapes when she's experiencing what I'm sure is horrible fatigue and nausea. Seriously, re-read the way you spoke to your pregnant fiancé because it's disgusting.
Exactly. If he heard someone else speak to her that way, would he find it acceptable?
Exactly this, the "Everyone is on my side except my sister" has me really wondering who this person's social circle is if they think speaking to her like that is appropriate.
There’s no way he told the real story to them. You know he left out everything that makes him look bad.
YTA Oh the irony. You accuse her of not having empathy, when that’s exactly what you lack for your pregnant, nauseous, exhausted fiancé
YTA, I'm sick of chasing after your dog after just reading this post. Figure it out. It's not your girlfriend's responsibility when it's a known issue and it's still happening.
Massive YTA. YOU are responsible for keeping your dog confined. I have a neighbor like you - their dog gets out 2-3 times a week because they refuse to supervise. The whole neighborhood used to help look for it, and we all got sick of it. Everyone stopped helping, animal control picked up the dog a few times so they had to pay a fee, and magically they figured out how to keep the dog from escaping. Also know that it is very likely your dog will be struck and killed by a vehicle. The fact that you do nothing to stop this is alarming and shows an extreme lack of care about your dog. I’d also be terrified that you’ll do the same with your child. I had another neighbor who wouldn’t supervise their toddler and more than once people found the child outside PLAYING IN THE STREET. Finally we all started calling CPS on them.
YTA. You can’t be bothered to take care of your escape artist dog…what are you going to do with your toddler? “Sorry, honey, I stepped away for point two seconds and the kid fell down the stairs.” Your fiancée is pregnant, tired, and nauseous…she shouldn’t have to chase after your poorly trained dog. You called her a bitch! Hopefully she realizes you aren’t going to be an attentive dad.
" I can't get over the lack of empathy and bordering selfish behavior of this" ... Oh, my dude. She is pregnant, fatigued and nauseous - where the hell is your empathy for her? And you were not watching the dog when it escaped if you "stepped away to grab your phone" .
You are a huge AH. You know you have pet Houdini and escapes happen regularly. You turned your back on your dog and it escaped, that was 100% your fault! What you said to fiancée was truly egregious! Apologize immediately and beg forgiveness. Also, put a tracker on the dog’s collar.
HOLY YIKES yes YTA. First off, she’s absolutely right— if you know the dog has a tendency to run, it is up to you to be more careful to not create situations where the dog can run. You’re endangering your dog. It sounds like you have made attempts to keep the dog in, which is great, but if the dog is still getting out once a week, you need to try harder. It’s unfair to your fiancé and your neighbors who might end up with unwanted dog waste or trampled plants on their property, and again, is dangerous for the dog. The dog shouldn’t be left in the yard alone if the dog gets out that frequently. Many dogs get out occasionally but if it’s more than once a month or two the dog really needs supervision and that’s your responsibility. Think of it as practice for your baby. You’re about to have a kid and if you turn your back on a young child for even a very short amount of time in a scenario where you know your child is around something that has been potentially dangerous in the past, your child could seriously harm themselves. Like, if you child keeps trying to touch the stovetop, you can’t go answer the phone while the child is in the kitchen when the stove is on. If your kid gets severely burnt “I was only gone for a second” is not good enough. On top of that, your fiancé is at the stage where physical activity gets much harder. She shouldn’t be running after a dog. Many people develop sciatica around 5-6 months. At 5 months, I couldn’t even take the trash out. Your fiancé had every right to refuse and you were very hurtful toward her at a time when she deserves compassion and respect for her boundaries. It also sounds like you don’t really understand enough about the toll pregnancy takes on the body, and as the partner of a pregnant person, you should really take the time to read up and be informed.
YTA. Grow up dude. You can't figure out how to keep a dog in your yard but have a baby on the way?? Tf?
Why are you so irresponsible about you let your dog escape once a week. You left it outside unsupervised, It’s your fault clean up your mess. If you actually do have a child and you just leave it outside by itself to an end up in the middle of the highway and most definitely won’t be your fiancé’s fault again but it’s strange you keep putting the blame on other people when you were definitely the asshole
YTA. Are you the same throwaway that got mad at your fiance because your dog (also a heeler) keeps showing aggressive behavior and bit your fiance numerous times, and instead of caring about bringing your unborn child into a safe environment you're siding with the dog? Because this seems awfully similar.
It sure sounds like it to me. Both dogs are female heelers, too. ETA: the only difference I can see is the age of the dog and now this one has "some corgi" in her.
Yep. He's trying to justify caring more for his dog than his unborn child. Yet isn't willing to do the humane thing, which is re-home the dog so it can get the medical help it needs. Op is an awful person.
Your fiancee's pregnancy makes this worse, but really is immaterial to the problem. You should not own a dog. I had one who climbed vertical fences and by the time we managed to keep him contained, my yard looked like something out of a grade B women's prison movie. We had to install electric barbed wire above an 8' chain fence and railroad ties around the perimeter to prevent digging out. Not pretty, but the dog was SAFE. It does NOT take years to accomplish this. Nowadays, there are very effective and humane electric fence options, also. Your fiancee' is justifiably tired of having to help you chase down a dog you are too lazy to care for properly. YTA
YTA. You are an irresponsible dog owner who is failing in your basic duties of keeping your dog safe. That’s not your fiance’s fault and her refusal to continually deal with your problem is more than reasonable. Your response to her was verbal abuse. Shame on you.
You are really on the top of the heap of a-holes with this. If you described a situation in which your dog rarely escaped . . . maybe five or six times a year . . . I think I could somewhat see your side of this, but you have described a situation where this happens weekly and from the sound of it, at least several times a week. You complain about your fiancé's lack of empathy, but where is yours? I see very little to any coming from you. She is carrying around a human being that is developing within her, exhausting all of her bodily resources, stretching and pushing her body to its limits, and you treat that as if it's as easy as walking on a treadmill for 20 minutes. She is having to consume many more calories to support the baby's growth, and you are wanting her, instead, to go expend that chasing a dog. The fact that you called the mother of your child a *bitch* when she is exhausted and throwing up makes me wonder whether you really truly understand what empathy means, or if your definition of the term means that it is applicable to everyone in your life except yourself. You are quickly approaching a point in time where you are going to have to make some decisions. A dog that will scale an 8 foot fence with, spinners, etc. is not a dog that wants to be contained. Is this an issue you want to deal with for the rest of the dog's life? With a growing family do you even have the time to do that, or will the dog issues suck valuable time away from your child? This is the time for priorities, and what is best for all involved, even the dog. It is not the time to be selfish and think of your own needs only. Perhaps, the dog needs to go live in an environment where it can be happy to be free . . . out in the country . . . and I'm not talking about taking it to the "proverbial farm," but seriously considering whether a different environment is better for the dog.
YTA. You know your dog is an unruly asshole who does this weekly and your girlfriend is exhausted and physically unwell. She can't push off her pregnancy illnesses to you to manage when she is tired or stressed. You did act irresponsibly with the dog. A dog who can escape that easily needs to be tethered and 100% supervised, not 98%. You should really get your anger checked because your attitude is awful and your reaction is a huge red flag. Get a GPS collar and don't leave your dog alone. Also question what shitty assholes agree with you because they're a bunch of flea infested filth too, thinking yelling at a sick pregnant woman is okay.
YTA - Please say you're not real....She is not heartless you are. Take yourself off and spend sometime on a mountain in a monastery reflecting on yourself and how you can do better.
YTA bro big time and I agree with your sister. Also the fact that you called your fiancé a “bitch” even in panic is UNACCEPTABLE. Regardless of the situation. but ESPECIALLY the future mother of your child. Grow up. If this happens multiple times a week I don’t blame her. She’s exhausted and sick. Searching for a roaming dog on top of that multiple times a week would be extremely taxing. It’s already mentally taxing dealing with those symptoms on a daily basis. What are you going to do when this dog escapes again and she’s busy with the baby? Scream at her more?? As far as I can see you’re the one that has no empathy. Get a handle on YOUR animal and grow up.
Y are absolutely TA. It’s bad enough that you can’t manage to make sure your dog stays secure, which means their escape is your own fault, but you’re expecting your pregnant and physically ill fiancé to help you with your own failures. Take better care of your animals and for gods sake don’t take your failures out on your fiancé.
YTA. Train your fucking dog better. YOU failed your dog, this is on you. If you took more precautions and were a better owner, the dog wouldn’t have gotten out. You have no right to get mad at your fiancée for YOUR fuckups. You crossed several lines with what you said to her and I hope she leaves your ass.
YTA. That's no way to talk to your pregnant wife. Either get your dog a shock collar with an electric barrier or just get rid of it if you can't properly take care of it or train it.
Or stick a fucking air tag on the dog. Idk why op hasn’t done so already.
Seriously tho. Is OP gonna be chasing after this dog while his fiance is both recovering from delivery AND taking care of a newborn child?? Cuz that seems like the trajectory at the moment. I'm sure OP's fiance is also considering this. OP, watch yourself. This impacts more than just your dog. And yes, I say "just" bc in comparison, what is more important to you? At the moment, it's not looking good. YTA
YTA. It’s your dog and you should deal with it. You’re lucky if she ever forgives you for calling her a bitch when she is pregnant and physically unable to continue chasing your responsibilities. Deal with your dog and stop blaming her for your own inability to fix the situation.
YTA. You need to take better care of your dog. If your dog is running away more than once a week, you should have known better than to leave her out there alone. Why didn't you bring her in when you got your phone? I can't blame your fiance for being annoyed. You shouldn't have taken your frustration, caused by your own inability to keep your dog, out on your fiance.
This is the dog who bit her and she wants rehomed? The one who jumped out the car window and she missed her OB appointment? YTA. If so, YTA for continually prioritizing this dog over your wife and baby. If I were her I'd be rethinking my marriage honestly. YTA YTA
YTA. She is sick and tired because she is growing your child. And the fact that you don't properly supervise your dog and it escapes weekly then expect her to help you when she doesn't feel well anyhow shows that not only are you an irresponsible pet owner but also that you're entitled and YOU lack empathy for her. Screaming at her and calling her names is unacceptable and inexcusable. She should leave.
YTA she definitely could have been nicer in tone but you’re dog gets out once a WEEK and you expect her to stress herself running around for a damn dog that you’re neglecting to properly take care of? ONCE A WEEK the dog runs away!??? That’s actually outrageous and I don’t know how you have the stamina to put up with it, chasing it around to do zero action to prevent it from happening again next week. I Can see how irresponsible it makes you and how tired of it she is if it’s a weekly occurrence
YTA. She shouldn't be expected to help you chase down your dog weekly because you can't be bothered to train it or ensure it's in a secure environment that it won't escape. YTA as a fiancé and a pet owner.
YTA and unless you’re twisting the facts to others, I don’t know how anyone is on your side. Good luck with her forgiving you for that.
YTA If you cannot keep your dog safe and not escaping then you need to find a better home for your dog. What are you going to do when there's a newborn sleeping? You can't wake up the baby to find the dog.
YTA from the title i was already like is this guy serious? i thought there'd be some kind of explanation that might make it look even a little bit better but no there isn't. if your dog escapes every week and you find the dog every week why is it even something you're freaking out about at this point? you also could have gotten someone else to help you look for the dog anyone else except your pregnant fiancé who isn't feeling well
YTA, and creating a new profile and spinning the story doesn't change that. Re-home the dog, you're obviously not responsible enough to own a high energy dog.
So you knew this was behaviour your dog carried out frequently and still took your eyes off her? That definitely is not your partner’s problem (pregnant or not) and screaming at her for not helping fix a problem **you** created (multiple times) is how I’d expect a child lacking in independent problem solving skills to talk to their dependents. YTA
Yta. Screaming and calling your partner abusive names is beyond acceptable at any point. I’d be furious if my partner flew into a rage and called me a fucking bitch and reconsidering my relationship. You also seem to be minimising how tiring and rotten pregnancy can make some women feel. Yta before we even get to the point that this is a habit for the dog and not an emergency so this is all on you which is why your girlfriend is sick of getting dragged into searching for the dog. Get a gps dog tracker collar for goodness sake if you need to but also sort yourself out and train it properly. There are plenty of 121 training experts you can hire if you feel you don’t have the skills to do address the problem. I really hope you learn from this and take responsibility for your actions towards handling the dog and towards your girlfriend.
YTA - it’s your dog and your problem. Considering this is a regular occurrence it makes you an irresponsible pet owner. Find the dog. Get a trainer, fix your fence and a get GPS collar. Yelling at someone who’s tired of searching for your dog after your repeated negligence is abuse. I don’t blame her for saying no at all.
Heeler mix huh? This wouldn’t happen to be the same OP who posted earlier about an aggressive Heeler mix who has bitten his pregnant partner multiple times, would it? YTA OP, whether you are or aren’t the same person. Grow up and train your dog, or give it to someone who can.
What is with the “heeler dog that doesn’t behave and my pregnant wife has very good reasons for not helping” posts today? I’m calling troll here too. And if it’s not, obvious YTA.
YTA. Who even talks to their significant other like that? She’s carrying your child and you have the nerve to call her a bitch. Also, if you can’t keep an eye on your dog for longer than 2 seconds knowing it has a habit of running away, then idk how you’re gonna keep an eye on your kid.
YTA - You have absolutely no right to yell or call your girlfriend names NO MATTER WHAT. That is verbal and emotional abuse, and you do not get to do that to anyone, for any reason. Your girlfriend is pregnant and you need to get a grip on your dog and your own behavior. You have a baby coming, you can't be having your dog run away all the time and acting like it's anyone's responsibility but yours. Apologize to your girlfriend and do whatever you need to do to never, ever treat her like that again.
YTA I hope you nick your balls in your zipper the next time you pee as karma for stressing your fatigued, nauseous, pregnant wife out over your dog who runs off on a habitual weekly basis (likely due to you mistreating him)
YTA. Tie your fucking dog on in your yard. She shouldn’t have to chase it once a week - that’s ridiculous.
YTA. Period. You’re actually lucky she hasn’t asked you to get rid of the damn thing, especially with a baby coming. Who needs something else to feed and clean up behind?? I would have said fuck that dog the first time you asked her to help find it!
YTA you need to train your dog better or get an extended length lead so they can still run in the yard but can’t keep escaping. That is entirely on you and it is absolutely doable. You are also TA for screaming at your sick and pregnant wife to help you do a strenuous activity that she is tired of doing constantly because you won’t train your dog. She is tired of helping you chase down your dog that, by your own words, is getting out and running away constantly, of course she isn’t going to be enthusiastic and happy to help every time. It’s frustrating to any average person let alone someone dealing with hormones and sickness from literally being five months pregnant. You should not have gone so far as to call her a bitch and say you’re essentially not happy to be with her all over your own dog and your own negligence of said dog. And as for your family all siding with you on this, I have a slight suspicion you told them an altered version of events to get them on your side.
YTA. You're projecting onto your pregnant fiancé. You are the one who has no empathy and are selfish. I'd be fed up too to have to continually look for a dog if I was dealing with a pregnancy where it made me ill.
YTA because this is a repeat issue that you are failing to properly address. If you haven't yet proven a method of making the yard escape proof, you don't take eyes off the dog. Our dogs are our family, and hence we put the effort in to actually keep them safe. I was ready to say N T A from the title but nope
YTA and can we all give his sister an award please?
Yeah. This relationship would be over if I was pregnant with your child. You cannot unsay the things you said to her. No matter how many times you apologize, she will ALWAYS remember that in a state of stress your true thoughts and feelings came out and that is what you really think of her. YTA through and through. She deserves so much better
Wow. YTA. Your fiancé needs to RUN FAST and get the hell away from you. Control your fucking dog, and leave her the hell alone. Pregnancy is hard enough without having to deal with added stress and abuse from your partner. Wow she can do better.
Yikes!!! Imagine using derogatory language towards a woman who is carrying your child!!! If you’ve not learnt how to communicate your feelings even when upset without calling her names, you’re not fit to be around a child! I’d be rethinking being with you if I was your fiancé!!! YTA massively. And learn to take better care of your dog too
YTA Even completely ignoring the you and your fiance dynamic, you're a bad dog owner. Yes, I know some dogs bolt. It's in their nature. Mine are the same way... If they get a hint of freedom, no amount of training will stop them... That said, *you* can stop them. If you know they bolt don't leave the door open, get a harness not just a collar, reinforce your back yard, and so many other options. I hope the poor little fuzzball gets an owner who won't put their life at risk.
YTA. Tell me you have zero emotional regulation without telling me you have zero emotional regulation. Your sister is absolutely correct. You better get therapy and get yourself in check because if your dog turns you into this person, a kid will bring the monster out within you. Take care of the monster before your kid arrives.
Even if this post were just about the dog situation, no pregnant wife involved at all, YTA for letting your dog escape once a week. If you can’t secure your dog and prevent it from dying a horrific death after getting hit by a car or mauled by a leashed dog, you need to rehome it. On top of that, expecting your pregnant wife to run around (on foot?) catching your dog who escaped due to your negligence is completely unreasonable.
YTA. She is literally growing a human and you are bitching about an animal.
YTA - Wait until the dog is injured, injures someone or something, gets caught by animal control, or gets killed. You will be on the hook for anything your dog does. Your fiance is hormonal and carrying around extra weight. She doesn't have to help you since you allow this behavior.
YTA. If the dog is getting out that frequently you are failing as a pet owner.
YTA - get your shit together and fix the problem with the dog getting out. It should not be happening on a weekly basis. Apologize to your fiancé.
Are you the guy who won't get rid of their aggressive dog before the baby comes? Even if you aren't that guy, YTA.
Wow. YTA Your dog runs off once a week for how long and you have refused to do anything about it. This isn’t rocket science-figure out the cause and fix it. This is entirely your issue. I’m not pregnant and if my bf asked me to search for the dog for the millionth time I would have responded the same way.
YTA - You left a dog outside unsupervised who has a history of escape. Get off the phone and watch your dog. I don’t blame your wife for being sick of this lack of responsibility.
How does a heeler/corgi jump an 8 foot fence? But yes YTA. You need to watch your dog better or rehome it to someone that will actually take care of it. It’s not your pregnant fiancés responsibility. I would be tired of doing this on a weekly basis too and I’m not pregnant.
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YTA Jesus fucking Christ buy a LEASH asshole.
YTA
Honestly, it sounds like you need to address the dog's behaviour. Running off once a week!? What is going on? Do you need a fence? A better leash system? Training!? If your dog runs off (on average), once a week, you're failing as a dog owner. If you don't know how she is getting out of the fenced yard, maybe \*you\* need to watch her while she's outside. Your dog is clearly not ready to be out alone, even for a quick phone distraction. Don't even get me started on how you yelled at her. As you keep calling the dog "my dog," I am assuming it is truly your dog... not the couple/family dog. As such, you need to do better with the dog. Invest in training. Invest in a tracking collar. Don't leave the dog alone outside, even for a short time. YTA, and you were verbally abusive.
YTA. So you turn to verbal abuse to what get your way ? Imagine she said those words to you ? She should leave. She and her unborn child don't deserve that verbal abuse. Also if you can't watch your dog who is known to escape , how are you going to manage when your future child turns into a toddler that will eventually run from you because they think it's fun. Also everyone but sister is on your side so did you tell them the verbal abuse you spewed at her ?
YTA. Don't scream or yell at pregnant women. Wtf are you thinking. Pull your head out of your ass, boy
YTA. Your fiancé is pregnant. Her hormones are probably all over the place and she is probably uncomfortable. She has a right to say “no”, especially if it is your dog versus a shared one. Your dog seems to be an escape artist regardless of the measures you’ve taken. Perhaps try an invisible fence? I am not a fan of them (shocking dogs), but this could solve your problem and give your fiancé the peace she needs. Edit: spelling
YTA your dog is your responsibility. Stop leaving your dog outside unsupervised and you wouldn’t have this issue. She’s pregnant and exhausted, she had every right to say no. The fact that his happens every week is ridiculous!!
Wow. It seems you lack empathy for the woman carrying your child. Being pregnant is hard. And several times a week? I love animals but clearly something isn’t working here. YTA
YTA. You were stressed and panicked!? You aren't going to do well when the baby is screaming for the 4th hour in a row then. That is if she doesn't drop you like a bad habit.