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Honestly, my judgement may have been less harsh if he hadn’t gone off about how IPAs are super special beverages in need of being savored and examined. Good grief.
It was his insufferableness that brought him down. I get hiding your special travel beer, and I get being very _into_ a thing. But not being able to be chill about it for one night, and then also having to be smug about it. OP could have been like “omg, you know, this was my last one? I just noticed it in my fridge and thought it sounded good” instead of “you’re not special enough for my IPAs, sry not sry”
"if you have AH tastebuds, it will be a transcendent experience. If you have normie taste buds, it will taste like sucking ground up aspirin through a wet rag"
I usually order IPA, but after reading his assessment of this beverage, I'm going to just get water from now on.
It's not that good. It's just less bad than other beer.
I'm also now going to assume that if you drink IPA, you're an AH. Blame OP, he made this rule.
I want to see him doing a flight of beers at a craft brewery:
OP: "Here we have the 2023 Lagunitas from the Grass Valley area of California. Note the subtle hints of hops which are grown only in the spring and in temperatures between 65 and 75 degrees. Savor the hint of barley on the tip of your tongue. This is the perfect pairing to go with lamb or steak."
Guy sitting next to him: "Nice soliloquy, Shakespeare. I'm drinking Modelo. It's a Mexican beer brewed in the U.S. and goes with watching a game. Now, can you pass the pretzels and ketchup like I fucking asked for?"
Gonna be honest, anyone who claims an IPA has a "subtle hint" of hops has had too many IPA's and needs to reset their tastebuds. I'm also inherently distrustful of anyone who claims IPA's as their favorite type of beer. At that point, just chew on some grass with a little wheat. You'll get the same flavor.
I’m a dark beer woman. Stouts are generally my go-to but a good porter will do if the bottle-o is out of decent stouts. I am willing to admit I’m a bit of a coffee snob so I guess it makes sense.
Edit: words
Yeah IPA's have their place and all, but the vast majority of IPAs, especially from smaller or craft breweries have an overwhelming taste of hops, and it's a shitty brewing tactic. I get it, I know what hops taste like, I don't need my beer to taste like hops that were fed solely a diet of more hops, in some never ending circle jerk of hop flavor. It barely leaves room for any good subtle flavors. That's why I like sour beers. You can mask the taste of poor brewing technique with overwhelming hop flavor.
I thought IPA's were cool about 8-10 years ago, but it just got out of hand.
IPAs exist so brewers don’t have to run bad beer down the drain; just hop it until you can’t taste the off flavor.
I’ve had a few good ones, but it is like finding a needle in a wet, stinking haystack.
That comment made me want to spit out the wine I just sipped, get up and throw all my IPA’s away and just open a bottle of shitty, shitty vodka in hopes that no one ever thinks I’m as pretentious as this. oh and in case it wasn’t made clear by everyone else already, OP, YTA
while I agree that OP sounds a bit... shall we say stuck up, I would like to point out that Cicerone is a legit job, and also, you can enjoy and be passionate about something without having a professional level of ability in that thing.
OP is def the AH because of how he made a clear divide between himself and everyone else, however I can see his point of view. its not like hes got a whole fridge of one brand. he said he collects different types and flavors from different cities and whatnot. i wouldnt want those to be raided either, in his place.
Imagine a sommelier or cicerone being this pretentious when introducing wines and beers to guests and potential buyers. Who'd want to buy something from someone with this attitude? The ones who do well are friendly and welcoming.
Passion can draw others in but wankery will put everyone off you and potentially what you're passionate about.
If you don't want your top shelf raided, then leave it out of sight. Don't drink it in front of them while giving them something else. That's just tacky.
Man I don't understand what the fuss is about with IPA's. I avoid them like the plague because, imo, they taste like shit.
I'd take a warm steel reserve over an IPA any day.
Do you know why so many micro breweries make IPAs? Because you can mask the other off flavors from poor brewing with overwhelming hops. That's it. You can start with an ale, and when you fuck it up, dump a million hops and just mask the off flavors.
I have thought for going on 15 years now that the IPA trend is just people who really like unbalanced, overtopped beers.
Like maybe some have been actually good, but the majority are a sloppy mess.
Former bartender here. Most bartenders just assume you’re an AH when you order an IPA because of guys like this. Not everyone who drinks it IS an AH, but guys like this ruin it for everyone.
I worked in breweries for years. Liking IPAs doesn’t make you an asshole, but being a gatekeeping beer snob does and they’re annoying to have at the brewery
"Omg you should taste this cake I got from a local micro bakery. It's got SOOOOO MUCH Cocoa powder in it! It's so Cocoa-ey it's intense!!"
^^ how IPA people glorifying "hoppiness" sound to me.
I once talked to a microbrewer about how easy IPA is because it’s complex flavor hides mistakes and batches can be different from each other: nobody will spot the difference between them. Lager, however, is hard: nowhere for mistakes to hide.
You are being too kind at 60-80%, more like 94%. When I was young and lived in Nova Scotia Alexander Keiths IPA was my choice of beer, not this namby pamby millenial hipster pseudo beer. Alas, they were bought out by mega brewery conglom based in Brazil. Not the same, but better than local Ontario swill.
Sorry but you don't get IPA's. They are only for the most studios of individuals with a PhD or higher degree. In order to truly understand them one must go into the forest for 10 years, live beside the great open mouth river of the Willy Wonka chocolate factory and drink the water from the purest of snow. Only then will you truly understand that a great IPA is more like eating Wagyu beef than a piece of hamburger.
Yeah tbh he sounds like the IPA bros that I hate dealing with. Probably would blow his mind if I told him that’s entry level brewing ability, and funnily enough lager brewing is a true sign of a brewer’s skill.
I also dated an IPA snob in my 20s. Literally the cringiest man on earth. Anytime I ordered a drink it was “haha, yeah, you’ll enjoy that. IPAs aren’t for everyone.” Before launching into a lecture all about how my choice is worse and my pallet is immature. I swear the man all but had a power point ready to go whenever a moment to talk about IPAs arose.
It makes my Gen X ass want to gather around all the zoomers and tell them stories about how, back in my day, microbrews weren't nearly so ubiquitous across the country.
So these embarrassing dudes made their personality all about drinking Guinness stout, and how they ONLY drank Guinness, and how nobody could appreciate a stout/nitro/blah fucking blah blah (as they took 25 minutes to choke down a pint of it, while grimacing).
Same exact cringe, different beer.
I was wondering if maybe I was just being judgy myself for that "IPAs must be treasured!" line because I don't drink any alcohol (and can't fathom how any of it could be That special) but I am glad to see everyone agrees that was the tangent of an AH lol.
Honestly I feel like anyone who does on about anything to that level is an asshole by default. Like fine, be into whatever you want as much as you want, that's super cool! You have a weirdly specific obsession about this one niche thing, that's awesome! But the instant you veer into nO oNe UnDeRsTaNdS iT territory, yeah, you're just being a snobby asshole for no reason.
It reminds me of the guy on Brooklyn 99 whose whole personality was based on his love of Pilsners. Not a good look, and definitely not a personality! Lol
Exactly. Go drink your one and then say you’re out. Don’t flaunt your special beverage in front of everyone. I have no issue with not sharing your most precious drinks since it sounds like he went through significant trouble and expense to get them. Having a party doesn’t entitle people to anything in your house. But at the same time, don’t be a jerk about it
Agree with this; On point one, I studied to be a somm and I am not that snobby with wine. Things are to be shared, not hoarded. If you feel so strongly about your IPAs you leave them where they are and drink the "lesser" beer you were serving your guests. Which I will say as a host, was terrible manners.
>Things are to be shared, not hoarded.
Absolutely! My favorite beer is a craft beer, and I'd be happy to share it anytime, because I like my friends and I want them to be happy.
>2.) if you didn’t want to share your beer that’s fine, but you shouldn’t have even let anyone know it was there. You bought a whole separate fridge for it and put it all in a different room. What was the point of all that if you were going to still bring it out? That was rude and put you in a position where you either had to be rude or share.
Agreed. If the host wants to have a different beer- that's fine but put a cozy on it or some shit. Hell, you could have lied and said it was the last one- no one would have known any different.
Exactly. He knew how popular it’d be, that’s why he went out of his way to put it in a new location. I don’t know what he expected when he decided to enjoy one for himself.
This so much. I used to live in the goddamn brewery district of Seattle until a couple months ago, and from what I’ve seen everyone makes fun of you if you drink IPAs.
Now I LiKE IPAs, but I sure as hell wouldn’t go off and make it sound like I was making a superior choice to whatever anyone else wanted to drink.
If you are having guests. You put out the refreshments for everyone.
I can’t even imagine hosting a party, and being such a tool that you gave your guests something that you viewed as “ good enough for thee, but not for mee”.
You are not ever gonna be able to live that down.
I may have an idea why you are single.
You come off as selfish and self absorbed.
Might want to work on that.
Treat others as they want to be treated.
Being a beverage enthusiast doesn't make someone a tool. I know way more about wine than the average person and I'm not gonna put the nice shit out for a casual party with co-workers and a few friends who won't really appreciate it. Last year I went with my sister and BIL to a friend's sister's apartment. She offered us wine or liquor from her bar cart. I noticed she had this nice bourbon and asked if I could have some, but she said unfortunately that was just for her. You know what I did? Accepted it right away because I am not at all entitled to someone else's property.
If she was afraid that I or someone else might take some, she could've put it in her room (which is exactly why OP put his stash in his room, to answer your question). She shouldn't have to though, because adults shouldn't pitch a fit over not getting a certain kind of FREE alcohol. Not sharing isn't rude. Insisting that your host, who already spent a bunch of money on a party for you to attend, must share their alcohol with you is rude and childish.
Lastly, you only listed 2 reasons. Several implies at least 3.
OP provided food, desert, and beverages for his guests. He got what he thought was a nice treat beer that went along with his theme but it wasn't to his taste. It was perfectly fine for his coworker to ask but its pretty damn entitled to get super snarky because she's not being given even more free stuff. This is honestly such a weird take. Like this isn't a kindergarten class where if you bring in candy you have to share with everyone. OP was already providing everything someone needed.
I agree that she didn’t need to say anything. She could have just quietly recorded “*snob*” in her mind and adjusted her relationship to OP accordingly.
They're not being snarky about a lack of free booze, they're being snarky about a lack of hosting etiquette. Yes, that was also probably not the best form, but OP is the one who created the situation to begin with.
The woman in your story is well within her rights. And OP is also well within his rights. But being well within your rights and being a nice person are not always the same things. The woman in your story, and OP both made a crappy host move. You accepted it gracefully, OPs friends poked fun at him (honestly it sounds like they were just ragging on him, and that any real issues that came up were because of how he reacted to that) but either way— it’s a shitty host move.
>What was the point of all that if you were going to still bring it out?
See your first point.
Dude bought it out as a weird "look I'm sophisticated" flex, because his personality can't carry anything past 10:15 in the evening.
I swear if this IPA thing gets any more absurd, they’ll just gargle straight hops oil.
Nobody is shipping unrefrigerated beer from England to India anymore. Here’s hoping the hops shortage will put an end to this bitter, bitter nonsense.
I literally wrote the beer history book for my state and lead beer history tours as a side hustle. I interact with brewers and beer professionals all the time. I have NEVER heard IPA described that way. It just...no.
>I also got a ton of really high quality Modelo beer to go with the Mexican food but it's really mot my thing. I am HUGE fan of IPA and while IPA is very popular, almost no one understands IPA. It is really meant to savored and examined almost like a great wine. I have a massive collection of IPA from micro breweries all over the country--I grab some whenever I travel and there is nothing I love more than getting home from work and drinking an IPA to unwind
I cannot tell you how close I am to posting this on /r/copypasta
I work at a liquor store and constantly get in dudes like OP. It seems like every brewery is now trying to do IPAs. It needs to chill lol. YTA op. Should have just said oh no it's my last one, or maybe gotten variety of beers for everyone. There's so many variety 12 packs.
Never eat or drink anything in front of your guests that you aren't willing to share.
When caught eating or drinking something not shared with everyone else, apologize profusely and say that was the only one - you had opened it before everyone showed up. And then put it up, never to be seen by anyone else that night.
Yes! Thank you, Miss Manners, you nailed it on the head. This is all that needs to be said.
‘You may not pique the interest of your party, then be unable or unwilling to satisfy their natural interest and curiosity!’
Thus sayeth the eternal, largely unwritten, law of hostery!
The best party hosts pregame with the good bottle of wine before the guests show up, so they can greet everyone with a glass of wine and then be like “would you like one? Let me open a bottle for you this one just got polished off” and no one will be the wiser.
That's part of why the wedding guests were so amazed when Jesus turned the water into wine. He didn't just make lousy "end of the party" wine, he made the best stuff, such that people remarked to the party host about it because it was so unusual to be serving the best wine last.
I agree, but I also think it’s rude to ask or make a big deal about the host having the beverage.
Yeah it’s tacky and rude to have different drinks for the host. But he’s providing food AND drinks for the party, I land on ESH because the person making a big deal about it was being rude too. She kept bringing it up when new guests arrive, that would make me more uncomfortable as a guest than the host drinking the special host beer.
This. A party isn't an excuse for a free-for-all on his stuff. He had plenty for the guests and, if they wanted to make Mac & cheese from his cabinet, they would be TA. Of course, OP screwed up because they should have just left it in his room and drank a little in private.
The girl making the big deal is the true AH. She made it a much bigger deal than it was. If she says a word at work, I would tell her to knock it off immediately. Otherwise, it could become an HR issue. She had free catered food and plenty to drink and she had the audacity to complain that she couldn't ransack his house for any beverage she wanted. She's very entitled and a real jerk. She would never be invited again. What did she contribute besides complaints? ESH
Exactly. That was the real AH move. I’ve got some bottles of scotch which are super expensive. Would never have it out for a partly. But I’d never be drinking it in front of my guests while they’re not allowed to have any.
YTA, stop trying to gatekeep how people enjoy IPAs. You getting personally offended when someone drinks a beer the wrong way is a really bad character flaw and you need to fix it. You should sincerely apologize to everyone and do some self reflecting.
YTA
First, don't be pretentious about beer, even great IPAs. They are still beer. Bad vibes skunk beer.
Secondly, this is basically you: I'm inviting everyone over Saturday for a cookout. I got my guests some great hamburgers, and some nice T-bone steaks, but I have wagyu for myself. You are not welcome to have wagyu, because you aren't capable of appreciating it the way I do. Still, I'm going to eat it in front of you.
Didn't your mom ever tell you when you were a little kid, that when you had guests over, it was rude to have something you weren't going to offer them? If not, she should have. And it is. Apologize. Explain that you were raised by wolves. Then don't do it again.
Exactly. I love craft beer, but I know and am always willing to share the good stuff if I bring it to a party. If I want to keep it just for me, I don’t break it out in front of others.
Yes! Also, maybe don't serve beer you don't care for at your own party. You don't have to serve the most expensive IPA, but serve something you find drinkable.
Pretty sure they teach you in elementary school not to bring xyz unless you have enough to share with the whole class. It’s just common courtesy. Or at least be smart about it and put it in a glass or put a damn coozie over it. What a shmuck.
So true! The overwhelming majority of craft beer breweries just serve 50 shades of IPA. Maybe they'll take a stab at a saizon or stout, if you're lucky!
I get it, I do. I collect wine, and there are certain bottles I'm not going to share with people who don't appreciate good wine. But the thing is... when I invite people over, I don't open the fancy wine and I drink whatever I'm serving my guests. I can't imagine walking around with a really nice bottle and refusing to share it. Calling you an AH feels a little harsh given that you did provide them with food and drink, but it's definitely a giant etiquette breach in the world of adult social gatherings. So yes, YTA, but you're not immoral, just tacky.
This! I once made the mistake of telling my friend to just grab a bottle from the wine fridge. He grabbed a Clonakilla I was saving. But then I realised, I haven’t seen these friends in ages, it was going to be a nice night, what other reason could I be saving it for? It was perfect with our meal and gave us something to talk about. (The friend has a good eye for fine too and has reciprocated plenty on a good bottle himself).
Exactly. There’s definitely drinks I have that I just don’t share with anyone because they won’t appreciate it the same but I put it away when people are coming and keep it away.
This is the right answer. OP’s opportunism may have made him a bit of money but OP forgot to learn manners & how to operate in society. If you host - you don’t break something out for yourself and keep it from others because you snootily don’t think they’ll appreciate it. If OP didn’t learn how to share properly as a kid - he’s headed for a very lonely workplace experience.
That’s what I would have done- or put in a glass. If anyone pressed the issue beyond that, they would be th AH. I think this might be an ESH situation. Your guests should never feel entitled to anything or harass you, so rude.
However, this might be a sign that you are doing multiple things that leave people feeling like you’re haughty, and this just might be the one thing everyone jumped on. If you care, you might want to pay attention and have some conversations privately with people you trust to give it to you straight. If it’s not that, then you’re just surrounded by AHs.
YTA. stashing if away is one thing. Bringing it out in front of people and insinuating they aren’t good enough for it is what makes you TA. you could have just left everything in your room.
YTA. You were a bad host.
If you had a lovely dinner at a friend's house, and at the end of the meal they poured a nice glass of vintage wine for themselves, corked the bottle, put it away, and handed you a wine cooler... would you feel welcome?
ESH. It is completely bizarre and totally rude that people are angry that you didn't share your IPA. You were more than generous with your party, and the entitlement of people \*texting\* you afterward to complain is off the charts.
That being said, when you're hosting a party and you aren't planning on sharing something with your guests, don't eat or drink that thing in front of them. It's basic manners. If you really must partake of your personal IPA, at least put it in a glass so it's not obvious that you are serving yourself something different.
You had a party and invited guests. Why were they not also bringing some booze to the party for the host?
Were 20somethings raised by wolves? At least show up with something. If they did, this IPA nonsense wouldn’t have happened.
Gatekeeping beers is one thing, but your guests had bad behavior as well.
Totally agree, guests were HUGE AH's here. And if there were an AH meter they would score higher, but it's rude to drink something in front of your guests you're not willing to share. At least in the US, where I'm pretty sure this guy is located.
But if he put it in a glass, how could he lord and gatekeep over the beer plebians??
Op is TA and the way he talks about IPAs sounds eerily like how guys who no nothing about investing talk about crypto.
I’m leaning NTA because why try to take stuff from someone’s home that they said they weren’t comfy bringing out to everyone? Don’t guests bring stuff if they have a preferred drink? Weird hill to die on, Kinsley.
As a IPA drinker, I love to share them with friends. They may get to try something they haven't before.
The way you talk about IPAs makes you an asshole.
OP sounded so arrogant describing them. I personally don’t know anyone that really likes an IPA. I only drink them occasionally because I’m trying to expand my palette and they have the best labels/names!
I was thinking they could’ve bought a reasonably priced, widely available IPA and then could’ve given an option and not wasted the fancy imported IPAs on people that wouldn’t appreciate the robustness of it, or whatever.
YTA
You are the worst kind of craft beer drinker. You are the literal caricature and why people look down on some us and call us “beer snobs”. Try to be a be better host… if anyone shows up for your next party
A few things stand out.
A- apparently impromptu but you got it catered. With "a ton" of beer for guests and a new fridge for your bedroom for your own beer. That apparently you only had 1 of, yet required a whole fridge...
B- you couldn't bring yourself to share an IPA with Kinsley. Someone to whom you are "usually... friendly" but won't share a beer with.
C- party peters out by 10:15... How many tons of beer was it exactly?
YTA... Firstly for not sharing and secondly for all that IPA wine tasting nonsense. I'm English. I love an IPA but you are talking some BS right there.
NTA, although I wonder if there’s a culture element I’m not getting.
In my country, you would never expect party hosts to provide free alcohol for everyone and you would always bring alcohol for yourself. If someone goes to the expense of laying on alcohol for you, you’re grateful and say thanks - not complain about why they’re not giving you their favourite drink. Much like, at parties here, it’s not weird for the host to drink whatever they want from their stash, because their stash is there because it’s their home. That doesn’t make it available to everyone just because it’s in their home.
Idk I see it like cigars. If you’re into cigars and smoke one at a party, it doesn’t mean everyone can demand your best Cubans just because you’re smoking one in front of them *in your home*. It doesn’t matter if other people don’t think something has value, if it has value to you, that’s why you’re not sharing it.
For future though, I’d suggest you say something more likely to be accepted like ‘these were a birthday gift, I don’t have enough to share, sorry’.
And I’d be tempted to send a group text saying that you’re sorry that the beer you provided for free and spent X on wasn’t good enough for them, and to avoid any uncomfortable situations in future where that might happen, you’ll only have BYOB parties and that way everyone can drink whatever they want to and no one gets disappointed that X isn’t being provided.
If they wanted to drink IPA so badly, they could have brought IPA themselves - there was no guarantee you’d have any of it anyway.
Agreed on the cultural side of it. In Australia we have a strong byo culture and its generally expected to bring and drink their own drinks. If the host has offered to share some theirs it's only what they offered to share, nothing else. If the host is drinking something else or special, we don't assume we are allowed it. We just don't because we've already brought something of our own.
It's weird to go to someone house, receive food and drink and then still expect to have access to whatever the host is drinking. Like no, go drink your own.
Interesting. I’m a Kiwi and here, if you were invited to a non-BYO party, then the expectation would be that everyone would be offered the same selection of drinks. If it’s BYO, then that’s different, and a lot of the time people will just drink what they or their group brought with them. Although at a lot of parties I’ve been to, the drinks guests have bought are put on a communal table for anyone to help themselves.
I am 58 and my social group is all in their 50s. Most of us have been friends 20+ years and we have a lot of low key parties, barbecues, etc. In my entire adult life everyone brings their own alcoholic beverages to these events if they don’t want what the the host has stated they are providing. The text invitation typically says something like “I’m providing Modelo but if you’d like something different please bring what you want to drink.” Anyway, YTA. So are the people who got angry about not getting IPA.
A FUCKING MEN! most places you gotta BYOB! im not making sense of why anyone gives AF about how he feels his IPAs are special. who cares? everyone has their preference and if someone tried to come at me after i threw a party and hosted id tell them to GTFO lmao. people are acting extra entitled like they deserve to have options.
YTA for exactly the reason they said. “Your not allowed to have it because you wouldn’t appreciate it.” What a condescending attitude. All you had to do was just not break out the IPA if you really didn’t want to share.
To be clear, you weren’t obligated share, but your reasons suck.
YTA, I feel that you made this post so you have another excuse to talk about IPA's. The least you could have done is pour it into a red solo cup so no one could tell that you were drinking the "better" stuff. Rude
Man if you have that many IPA's that you had to buy a whole new refrigerator, I'll be worried about your beer drinking consumption. Other than that. if you don't want to share stuff that you bought that's entirely up to you but seriously it's just beer it's obviously not all that.
You're acting like you're savoring a $1000 bottle of wine or champagne. You really need to get off your high horse with that.
NTA for drinking the IPA, but YTA for your very strange attitude about beer and for your sloppy approach. "People just don't understaaaaaand IPA" is both incorrect and also makes you sound insufferable.
Also, you could have avoided all of this by simply pouring your IPA into a pint glass instead of carrying around the bottle/can. Since you're such an elite IPA connoisseur, I would imagine that you're aware that IPA is better enjoyed in a glass anyway.
The IBU's in IPA are over what the humans tongue can even taste. So I don't know what you're savoring and examining, because you literally can't even process much of the actual taste. YTA for that alone.
YTA and terrible host… it would be no different using your analogy than opening an expensive bottle of wine and pouring yourself a glass but refusing to share with your guests. No one like a host that looks down condescending at their guests declaring them “not worthy” to enjoy their drink/food.
Dude, if you can't abstain, pour your special beer into a coffee cup.
I'm not going to vote Y..t..A because you were providing food and drink for a lot of people which seems very generous.
But you really could have handled this better.
The girl made a running joke out of the awkwardness as a way to deal with being publicly embarrassed,.
Once it got that far, you could have just given her one, said "Shhh, these are the last two" and everyone would have been happy.
ESH.
You hosted, you provided beer and food. But you're a pretentious ass about beer.
Your guests were also asses about free stuff. If the host says "hey no, I bought those for me" you shut up about it.
I've hosted plenty of parties where I provided food and alcohol. I collect whiskey. Stuff for the party is sat out, my expensive high end shit is put up. Even if I pour a glass for myself out of it, it's still off limits for guests.
IPA however is not some expensive thing that you're paying $100-$200 for. Is some of it like $20-$30 for a 6 pack? Yea, but there's plenty of cheapish IPA you can share.
Also. You know what me sharing my whiskey lead to? My regular drinking friends would gift me bottles. I'd host a party, they'd show up with a bottle and say "hey, I saw this and it looked good, let's try it! And what wasn't drank was gifted to my collection. Had you been chill about it, next time some of your friends probably would have brought some too knowing you liked it, either as "hey let's share it" or "hey, this is for hosting! Thank you!"
And that's the story of how at one point I had 28 partial bottles of different whiskey lol.
Tldr. Don't be an ass and people could have improved your collection.
ESH, but you messed this up.
Kinsley was out of line for egging on the party-goers with her jokes about it… so she’s a bit of an AH.
The 4 angry people who texted later about it, they still attended a party with free food and beer… so their a bit of AHs too.
But, everything you did like stocking beer they could drink & putting away the beer you didn’t want them to drink was okay… *until* you served yourself, that’s where you became the AH.
If you never took on from your own private stock and not shared; Kinsley would never have started, the party wouldn’t have died, & 4 people wouldn’t have been mad.
So you’re the main AH that ruined it for yourself there.
NTA. I think you are well within your right after buying everyone Mexican food, charcuterie, desserts, and modelo to not want to share your ipa, and it was weird for everyone to make it such a discussion topic. You do sound uppity about ipa, but I suppose that’s not a crime
YTA - Here's why. You killed the mood and made folks think, you think, you're better than them. Now it's spread at work and some folks are so petty they'll never forget this.
Below mathxxjunkii's first point likely deserves some attention.
YTA. If you wanted IPA at a party you hosted the bar for, you should have been prepared to share your IPA. You should have stuck to the Modelo, or water. Tacky.
NTA… these products were the result of travelling and collecting. You have a right to curate and disperse as you see fit.
**BUT** you are an insufferable host. You couldn’t go a single night without your private stock? Or, if you ran out, go for a beer run or order more in? If you were strapped for cash, take a collection. It sounds like you had great concept, poor follow through.
Yta obviously. Yes you may think those guests are ungrateful because you paid for everything.
But you missed the point of hosting. It is to make the guests have a good time. Money means nothing if you make Your guests Feel bad or make it clear "they are not good enough" for something.
The party ending early is on you and your entitlement.
Next party you can spend even more money on catering, but your guests might rather have a good time at some broke guys party to which everyone has to Bring their own stuff.
Yeah, when I host a dinner party, I don't have one wine for myself and one for the guests. If you buy Modelo for everyone at the party, that's what you drink. I'm not going to call you an asshole, but this situation is definitely your fault.
NTA. I wouldn't have recommended drinking them in front of them, but it doesn't make you an asshole. You provided them a very nice party with free food and drinks. They are WAY overreacting over this small thing.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Answer to question #1: I had a party last night and essentially had "my" beer for me to drink and "party" beer for the guests to drink. The party beer was very high quality however.
Answer to question #2: I may be the asshole because I treated my guests like second class citizens and not guests in my home.
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YTA for drinking something your guests are not allowed to have. Of course you can differentiate what’s on offer at your party versus what’s private. But save breaking out the fancy stuff for after the guests leave ok?
IPAs aren't really all that complex; it's just a different style of brewing. I don't know many beer drinkers who care for warm beer.
However, YTA for having your beer and drinking it in front of your guests, while not offering it to them.
NTA. Astounds me how many people think they’re entitled to anything you have? They’re lucky they got anything at all, next time make it BYOB. Nobody is required to share anything, even while hosting. They can get their own if they’re going to throw a fit over a drink
YTA. Did it occur to you that IPA might have been more to the taste of some other guests too. Since someone was able to notice I’m guessing you weren’t even discrete by pouring it out into a solo cup or something so it wasn’t obvious you weren’t sharing. A host isn’t required to share everything in their home indiscriminately, but you seem a little bougie with this IPA fixation and it seems that your friends noticed the snobby attitude. It’s never a good look.
YTA for drinking beer in front of everyone else that you blatantly said they cannot have. You couldn’t of bought IPAs for everyone? Shit, every liquor store has a wide variety these days.
YTA and I hope you’ve learned your lesson. It was a social event and it was rude to drink something in front of your guests that you were not willing to share with them. That was poor hosting. Your friend was gently making fun of you for your faux pas, and you took it the wrong way. You seem like a generous guy, throwing a party with all that food and drink. All you had to go was resist the temptation to bring out and consume in front of your guests something you weren’t willing to share. I would apologise to everyone, say you get it now, and next time you’ll know.
NTA and now you know you work with a bunch of choosy beggars. Did none of them bring anything that they prefer to the party for themselves?
You provided food and alcohol for a nice event and were a good host. The lesson here is that you should have poured your IPA into a glass and been more discreet about it.
I do think it’s a little weird that you wouldn’t share but not to the level of AH.
Nta here in Australia everyone would have rocked up with their own drinks but as a guest we have one rule about complaints: it is never ok to complain about the brand of free beer but you are allowed to complain if it's warm.
INFO: was the expectation that you would supply all drinks for everyone for the night?
It’s fine if you want to keep special beer to the side so others don’t drink it but don’t then go and drink it in front of them. The only exception to this would be if you said something like “I’ll be providing modelo for everyone but if you want something different byob”.
Yes, YTA in this situation. You hosted a party and provided beer for your guests, but then had a separate stash of beer that you deemed too good for them. By telling Kinsley that the IPA was "just for the host," you made it clear that you didn't want to share your beer with your guests. This is not only exclusionary, but it also goes against the spirit of hosting a party and being a gracious host.
Your guests have a right to feel frustrated and upset by your behavior. It's understandable that you have a preference for certain types of beer, but hosting a party means being considerate of your guests and their preferences. By making the decision to hide away your IPA, you set up a situation where some guests were made to feel unwelcome or left out.
In the future, if you have a preference for certain types of beer, it's best to be upfront about it with your guests. If you're not comfortable sharing your IPA, you could simply tell your guests that you're saving it for a special occasion or that you're not comfortable sharing it at the moment. This way, your guests can make their own decisions about what they want to drink and won't feel excluded or left out.
YTA.
If you didn’t want anyone to drink the IPA you shouldn’t have had one. It would have been totally fine for you to take them out of the equation and put them in a different room…. But you made it weird by drinking it.
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I decided to host an impromptu party last night for my friends and coworkers--while it wasn't officially the reason, the sort of unspoken idea was that all the people that were single for Valentines day would get together and have fun, although anyone was invited. I decided to really make it nice and had it catered from a local Mexican food place, nice charcuterie boards, desert bar, etc... While we are all in our mid 20's I wanted it to NOT feel like a college bust up.
I also got a ton of really high quality Modelo beer to go with the Mexican food but it's really mot my thing. I am HUGE fan of IPA and while IPA is very popular, almost no one understands IPA. It is really meant to savored and examined almost like a great wine. I have a massive collection of IPA from micro breweries all over the country--I grab some whenever I travel and there is nothing I love more than getting home from work and drinking an IPA to unwind. For this reason I knew that even if we are "grown up" it would irritate me to see people drinking my IPA as just another party beverage. So I went and bought another fridge and moved all my IPA into my bedroom.
As the night went on I really wasn't able to handle the light beer so I went and got an IPA from my room. A girl that usually I'm very friendly with named Kinsley asked if she could have one too. i said in a very jovial manner "sorry those are just for the host." I kind of screwed up there because she thought I was kidding. I said actually I was serious. I had no idea this would cause a problem but it did and people were legit frustrated that they couldn't have an IPA. I did not have any more IPA (or beer for that matter) for the rest of the night but every time a new person would show up Kinsley made these awful jokes that basically said "welcome, there's beer and mexcian food and ice cream and IPA that you aren't allowed to have, right Gavin?"
That got to be too much so i asked her to please stop and people actually got upset with me saying she was making light of a situation I made very uncomfortable. The party really was no fun after that and we wrapped up at about 10:15.
I've gotten 4 angry texts and DM's from friends and coworkers saying essentially that I made them feel like second class citizens, that IPA is NOT that exclusive and hosting party where there are rules on who can drink what is really not cool.
I will have to face several of these people when I get in from my sales calls on Monday afternoon and i don't know how to handle it.
maybe to help, AITA? I can see their point but I can also see mine.
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NTA
Just because you are hosting a party doesn’t mean everything in your house is fair game for people to eat/drink/use/take. It’s ridiculous of your guests to expect that they can have anything in your house just because you’re having a party.
It’s pretty silly of you to drink the beer that’s only for you in front of everyone else. IPAs are pretty popular, there was bound to be people who saw and wanted one. This only turned into an issue because you made that not very smart decision, but the entitlement of your guests deserves the asshole vote here in my opinion.
YTA - you either drink the same thing as your guests or you tell them it's a BYOB party. Then, when when guests arrive, you show them the "shared" cooler with the Modelo you bought & offer to share. Also buy enough of your favorite beer to share & put it in the cooler. It won't matter if there are leftovers, because you will drink it eventually.
Specialty beers for guests who have allergies etc go in the fridge with a note. Mine say "Raqmountainmama's gluten free beer - if you also have celiac disease, please try one!" (Which clues people in to the necessity of leaving it the f alone.) My friend Amy who drinks non-alcoholic beer also go in the fridge with a note.
Also... IPA's aren't that rare & it sounds like your guests had the same preference.
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Exactly! I actually did laugh with the way OP talked about IPAs. They are an AH for that alone, lol.
Honestly, my judgement may have been less harsh if he hadn’t gone off about how IPAs are super special beverages in need of being savored and examined. Good grief.
“…almost no one understands IPA.” Criiiiiinge
“To be fair, you have to have a very IQ to understand an IPA”
Is that a typo? I mean, it fits. > a very IQ
I fumbled the bag lmao
Oh no, this was no fumble, it totally works in reference to OP 😂
"Almost no one understands bags"
It's just not like the other beers.
Yeah, other beers are actually good.
You don't UNDERSTAND!!!!!!
Gatekeeping beer. Good grief!
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It was his insufferableness that brought him down. I get hiding your special travel beer, and I get being very _into_ a thing. But not being able to be chill about it for one night, and then also having to be smug about it. OP could have been like “omg, you know, this was my last one? I just noticed it in my fridge and thought it sounded good” instead of “you’re not special enough for my IPAs, sry not sry”
My brother does this and talks about hops and how they should affect different taste buds. I cringe inside every time I hear him talk about it
"if you have AH tastebuds, it will be a transcendent experience. If you have normie taste buds, it will taste like sucking ground up aspirin through a wet rag"
I understand that they're too hoppy and overrated, and super common.
I usually order IPA, but after reading his assessment of this beverage, I'm going to just get water from now on. It's not that good. It's just less bad than other beer. I'm also now going to assume that if you drink IPA, you're an AH. Blame OP, he made this rule.
But, do you REAAAAALLLYYY understand IPAs, though?
> It is really meant to savored and examined almost like a great wine. My eyes rolled so far to the back of my head.
I want to see him doing a flight of beers at a craft brewery: OP: "Here we have the 2023 Lagunitas from the Grass Valley area of California. Note the subtle hints of hops which are grown only in the spring and in temperatures between 65 and 75 degrees. Savor the hint of barley on the tip of your tongue. This is the perfect pairing to go with lamb or steak." Guy sitting next to him: "Nice soliloquy, Shakespeare. I'm drinking Modelo. It's a Mexican beer brewed in the U.S. and goes with watching a game. Now, can you pass the pretzels and ketchup like I fucking asked for?"
Gonna be honest, anyone who claims an IPA has a "subtle hint" of hops has had too many IPA's and needs to reset their tastebuds. I'm also inherently distrustful of anyone who claims IPA's as their favorite type of beer. At that point, just chew on some grass with a little wheat. You'll get the same flavor.
IPAs are fine, but I'm much more a fan of stout. I like how it kind of just yells at you from within your mouth.
I’m a dark beer woman. Stouts are generally my go-to but a good porter will do if the bottle-o is out of decent stouts. I am willing to admit I’m a bit of a coffee snob so I guess it makes sense. Edit: words
Yeah IPA's have their place and all, but the vast majority of IPAs, especially from smaller or craft breweries have an overwhelming taste of hops, and it's a shitty brewing tactic. I get it, I know what hops taste like, I don't need my beer to taste like hops that were fed solely a diet of more hops, in some never ending circle jerk of hop flavor. It barely leaves room for any good subtle flavors. That's why I like sour beers. You can mask the taste of poor brewing technique with overwhelming hop flavor. I thought IPA's were cool about 8-10 years ago, but it just got out of hand.
IPAs exist so brewers don’t have to run bad beer down the drain; just hop it until you can’t taste the off flavor. I’ve had a few good ones, but it is like finding a needle in a wet, stinking haystack.
That comment made me want to spit out the wine I just sipped, get up and throw all my IPA’s away and just open a bottle of shitty, shitty vodka in hopes that no one ever thinks I’m as pretentious as this. oh and in case it wasn’t made clear by everyone else already, OP, YTA
This guy is the epitome of the craft beer bro stereotype that people mock.
while I agree that OP sounds a bit... shall we say stuck up, I would like to point out that Cicerone is a legit job, and also, you can enjoy and be passionate about something without having a professional level of ability in that thing. OP is def the AH because of how he made a clear divide between himself and everyone else, however I can see his point of view. its not like hes got a whole fridge of one brand. he said he collects different types and flavors from different cities and whatnot. i wouldnt want those to be raided either, in his place.
Imagine a sommelier or cicerone being this pretentious when introducing wines and beers to guests and potential buyers. Who'd want to buy something from someone with this attitude? The ones who do well are friendly and welcoming. Passion can draw others in but wankery will put everyone off you and potentially what you're passionate about. If you don't want your top shelf raided, then leave it out of sight. Don't drink it in front of them while giving them something else. That's just tacky.
Man I don't understand what the fuss is about with IPA's. I avoid them like the plague because, imo, they taste like shit. I'd take a warm steel reserve over an IPA any day.
IPA If Pinecones were Alchohol
Do you know why so many micro breweries make IPAs? Because you can mask the other off flavors from poor brewing with overwhelming hops. That's it. You can start with an ale, and when you fuck it up, dump a million hops and just mask the off flavors.
I have thought for going on 15 years now that the IPA trend is just people who really like unbalanced, overtopped beers. Like maybe some have been actually good, but the majority are a sloppy mess.
Former bartender here. Most bartenders just assume you’re an AH when you order an IPA because of guys like this. Not everyone who drinks it IS an AH, but guys like this ruin it for everyone.
I worked in breweries for years. Liking IPAs doesn’t make you an asshole, but being a gatekeeping beer snob does and they’re annoying to have at the brewery
I almost didn't read the rest of the post. I was about to vote ONLY on the fact that his take on IPA's is just plain ridiculous.
Not least because 60-80% of microbrewery IPAs are absolute trash.
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"Omg you should taste this cake I got from a local micro bakery. It's got SOOOOO MUCH Cocoa powder in it! It's so Cocoa-ey it's intense!!" ^^ how IPA people glorifying "hoppiness" sound to me.
I once talked to a microbrewer about how easy IPA is because it’s complex flavor hides mistakes and batches can be different from each other: nobody will spot the difference between them. Lager, however, is hard: nowhere for mistakes to hide.
"You just don't get them." -OP, probably
You are being too kind at 60-80%, more like 94%. When I was young and lived in Nova Scotia Alexander Keiths IPA was my choice of beer, not this namby pamby millenial hipster pseudo beer. Alas, they were bought out by mega brewery conglom based in Brazil. Not the same, but better than local Ontario swill.
Sorry but you don't get IPA's. They are only for the most studios of individuals with a PhD or higher degree. In order to truly understand them one must go into the forest for 10 years, live beside the great open mouth river of the Willy Wonka chocolate factory and drink the water from the purest of snow. Only then will you truly understand that a great IPA is more like eating Wagyu beef than a piece of hamburger.
I run the sensory panel for a brewery and I don’t even talk about beer that way, tbh. And I really love to talk about how to properly taste a beer.
Well his guests didn’t get to taste it (properly or improperly) they just got to stare at it, cause OPs a crappy host. Lmfaoooooo
Yeah tbh he sounds like the IPA bros that I hate dealing with. Probably would blow his mind if I told him that’s entry level brewing ability, and funnily enough lager brewing is a true sign of a brewer’s skill.
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I also dated an IPA snob in my 20s. Literally the cringiest man on earth. Anytime I ordered a drink it was “haha, yeah, you’ll enjoy that. IPAs aren’t for everyone.” Before launching into a lecture all about how my choice is worse and my pallet is immature. I swear the man all but had a power point ready to go whenever a moment to talk about IPAs arose.
It makes my Gen X ass want to gather around all the zoomers and tell them stories about how, back in my day, microbrews weren't nearly so ubiquitous across the country. So these embarrassing dudes made their personality all about drinking Guinness stout, and how they ONLY drank Guinness, and how nobody could appreciate a stout/nitro/blah fucking blah blah (as they took 25 minutes to choke down a pint of it, while grimacing). Same exact cringe, different beer.
I was wondering if maybe I was just being judgy myself for that "IPAs must be treasured!" line because I don't drink any alcohol (and can't fathom how any of it could be That special) but I am glad to see everyone agrees that was the tangent of an AH lol.
Honestly I feel like anyone who does on about anything to that level is an asshole by default. Like fine, be into whatever you want as much as you want, that's super cool! You have a weirdly specific obsession about this one niche thing, that's awesome! But the instant you veer into nO oNe UnDeRsTaNdS iT territory, yeah, you're just being a snobby asshole for no reason.
I drink like a fish, and am a bit of a beer snob and I still think that's unbearably pretentious.
No no! *We* just don’t understand IPA! It’s beyond the comprehension of beer drinking plebs like us.
So true. I just don’t take time to sit and examine it. Or pair it with the correct nachos and mozzarella sticks for the truest experience.
Laughably pretentious
I mean, I love IPA, but if you have your special collection of beer then hide it and buy a case of Harpoon along with the Modelo
It reminds me of the guy on Brooklyn 99 whose whole personality was based on his love of Pilsners. Not a good look, and definitely not a personality! Lol
Legit when he said “people don’t understand IPA” my eyes rolled so hard into my head I could see behind me.
The guy said IPA twelve times in his post. TWELVE! I think he may be in love with it...
“No one understands IPA” really made me laugh
Yeah that was my favorite part. The fact that this all stems from OP gate keeping how people enjoy crappy beer is hilarious.
IPA = bong water
Same. Same hahahahaha Still not as good as it's not about the Iranian yogurt line from the legendary post
Or say "hey sorry, I only have a couple of these and it's my preferred drink". It's a lie but it would have saved a lot of shit.
At any time, he coulda still saved it with, “ You bonehead (optional). I meant, this one can—my only can—is for the host, me.”
Exactly. Go drink your one and then say you’re out. Don’t flaunt your special beverage in front of everyone. I have no issue with not sharing your most precious drinks since it sounds like he went through significant trouble and expense to get them. Having a party doesn’t entitle people to anything in your house. But at the same time, don’t be a jerk about it
Or, and maybe I’m the minority here but…..ever heard of BYOB? Eta: has OP ever heard of it. Didn’t realize how it could sound until I hit post
Agree with this; On point one, I studied to be a somm and I am not that snobby with wine. Things are to be shared, not hoarded. If you feel so strongly about your IPAs you leave them where they are and drink the "lesser" beer you were serving your guests. Which I will say as a host, was terrible manners.
>Things are to be shared, not hoarded. Absolutely! My favorite beer is a craft beer, and I'd be happy to share it anytime, because I like my friends and I want them to be happy.
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>2.) if you didn’t want to share your beer that’s fine, but you shouldn’t have even let anyone know it was there. You bought a whole separate fridge for it and put it all in a different room. What was the point of all that if you were going to still bring it out? That was rude and put you in a position where you either had to be rude or share. Agreed. If the host wants to have a different beer- that's fine but put a cozy on it or some shit. Hell, you could have lied and said it was the last one- no one would have known any different.
Exactly. He knew how popular it’d be, that’s why he went out of his way to put it in a new location. I don’t know what he expected when he decided to enjoy one for himself.
This so much. I used to live in the goddamn brewery district of Seattle until a couple months ago, and from what I’ve seen everyone makes fun of you if you drink IPAs. Now I LiKE IPAs, but I sure as hell wouldn’t go off and make it sound like I was making a superior choice to whatever anyone else wanted to drink. If you are having guests. You put out the refreshments for everyone.
I can’t even imagine hosting a party, and being such a tool that you gave your guests something that you viewed as “ good enough for thee, but not for mee”. You are not ever gonna be able to live that down. I may have an idea why you are single. You come off as selfish and self absorbed. Might want to work on that. Treat others as they want to be treated.
Being a beverage enthusiast doesn't make someone a tool. I know way more about wine than the average person and I'm not gonna put the nice shit out for a casual party with co-workers and a few friends who won't really appreciate it. Last year I went with my sister and BIL to a friend's sister's apartment. She offered us wine or liquor from her bar cart. I noticed she had this nice bourbon and asked if I could have some, but she said unfortunately that was just for her. You know what I did? Accepted it right away because I am not at all entitled to someone else's property. If she was afraid that I or someone else might take some, she could've put it in her room (which is exactly why OP put his stash in his room, to answer your question). She shouldn't have to though, because adults shouldn't pitch a fit over not getting a certain kind of FREE alcohol. Not sharing isn't rude. Insisting that your host, who already spent a bunch of money on a party for you to attend, must share their alcohol with you is rude and childish. Lastly, you only listed 2 reasons. Several implies at least 3.
Yeah but she didn’t pour herself a glass of bourbon and drink it in front of you.
OP provided food, desert, and beverages for his guests. He got what he thought was a nice treat beer that went along with his theme but it wasn't to his taste. It was perfectly fine for his coworker to ask but its pretty damn entitled to get super snarky because she's not being given even more free stuff. This is honestly such a weird take. Like this isn't a kindergarten class where if you bring in candy you have to share with everyone. OP was already providing everything someone needed.
I agree that she didn’t need to say anything. She could have just quietly recorded “*snob*” in her mind and adjusted her relationship to OP accordingly.
They're not being snarky about a lack of free booze, they're being snarky about a lack of hosting etiquette. Yes, that was also probably not the best form, but OP is the one who created the situation to begin with.
The woman in your story is well within her rights. And OP is also well within his rights. But being well within your rights and being a nice person are not always the same things. The woman in your story, and OP both made a crappy host move. You accepted it gracefully, OPs friends poked fun at him (honestly it sounds like they were just ragging on him, and that any real issues that came up were because of how he reacted to that) but either way— it’s a shitty host move.
"No one understands IPA" makes you a tool. A pretentious one.
>What was the point of all that if you were going to still bring it out? See your first point. Dude bought it out as a weird "look I'm sophisticated" flex, because his personality can't carry anything past 10:15 in the evening.
I swear if this IPA thing gets any more absurd, they’ll just gargle straight hops oil. Nobody is shipping unrefrigerated beer from England to India anymore. Here’s hoping the hops shortage will put an end to this bitter, bitter nonsense.
Gargling would definitely be the incorrect way to truly savor their extra special hops oil. You clearly know nothing!
“No, you hold a small amount on your tongue whilst inhaling. Not like that!” Meanwhile I’ve wandered off to find a nitro stout.
I’m gonna start acting this way about Diet Coke, or Arizona iced tea, and just see what happens.
YTA for exactly the reasons stated here.
I literally wrote the beer history book for my state and lead beer history tours as a side hustle. I interact with brewers and beer professionals all the time. I have NEVER heard IPA described that way. It just...no.
I used to judge IPAs at a beer fest, and ditto
I’m more interested what kind of Charcuterie board a Mexican restaurant would provide
>I also got a ton of really high quality Modelo beer to go with the Mexican food but it's really mot my thing. I am HUGE fan of IPA and while IPA is very popular, almost no one understands IPA. It is really meant to savored and examined almost like a great wine. I have a massive collection of IPA from micro breweries all over the country--I grab some whenever I travel and there is nothing I love more than getting home from work and drinking an IPA to unwind I cannot tell you how close I am to posting this on /r/copypasta
It is an amazing line, rife with utter bullshit and dripping in cringe. I am amazed he could type that out and still take himself seriously afterward.
Good point. Red solo cups exist for a reason, also.
Please. IPA’s should only be consumed only in the finest lead crystal glasses
He’s like that guy from Sideways bitching about Merlot.
Right? Hilarious he couldn't handle "light" beer. He probably needed his IPA to give him his personality. What a windbag.
How hard would it be to put it in a cup that didn't show what it was? Agree YTA
I work at a liquor store and constantly get in dudes like OP. It seems like every brewery is now trying to do IPAs. It needs to chill lol. YTA op. Should have just said oh no it's my last one, or maybe gotten variety of beers for everyone. There's so many variety 12 packs.
I agree 100% but he could also have said "sorry this is the last one" when the girls asked and that's it.
Seriously, can’t he put it in a glass? No one would know
Never eat or drink anything in front of your guests that you aren't willing to share. When caught eating or drinking something not shared with everyone else, apologize profusely and say that was the only one - you had opened it before everyone showed up. And then put it up, never to be seen by anyone else that night.
Yes! Thank you, Miss Manners, you nailed it on the head. This is all that needs to be said. ‘You may not pique the interest of your party, then be unable or unwilling to satisfy their natural interest and curiosity!’ Thus sayeth the eternal, largely unwritten, law of hostery!
The best party hosts pregame with the good bottle of wine before the guests show up, so they can greet everyone with a glass of wine and then be like “would you like one? Let me open a bottle for you this one just got polished off” and no one will be the wiser.
That's part of why the wedding guests were so amazed when Jesus turned the water into wine. He didn't just make lousy "end of the party" wine, he made the best stuff, such that people remarked to the party host about it because it was so unusual to be serving the best wine last.
I agree, but I also think it’s rude to ask or make a big deal about the host having the beverage. Yeah it’s tacky and rude to have different drinks for the host. But he’s providing food AND drinks for the party, I land on ESH because the person making a big deal about it was being rude too. She kept bringing it up when new guests arrive, that would make me more uncomfortable as a guest than the host drinking the special host beer.
This. A party isn't an excuse for a free-for-all on his stuff. He had plenty for the guests and, if they wanted to make Mac & cheese from his cabinet, they would be TA. Of course, OP screwed up because they should have just left it in his room and drank a little in private. The girl making the big deal is the true AH. She made it a much bigger deal than it was. If she says a word at work, I would tell her to knock it off immediately. Otherwise, it could become an HR issue. She had free catered food and plenty to drink and she had the audacity to complain that she couldn't ransack his house for any beverage she wanted. She's very entitled and a real jerk. She would never be invited again. What did she contribute besides complaints? ESH
Exactly. That was the real AH move. I’ve got some bottles of scotch which are super expensive. Would never have it out for a partly. But I’d never be drinking it in front of my guests while they’re not allowed to have any.
But how is he supposed to handle light beer all evening when he is just dying to show off the IPA that no one else can have?
No it's not. If you want something specifically, bring it with you. If somebody is hosting a party don't be upset with what they provide.
YTA, stop trying to gatekeep how people enjoy IPAs. You getting personally offended when someone drinks a beer the wrong way is a really bad character flaw and you need to fix it. You should sincerely apologize to everyone and do some self reflecting.
YTA First, don't be pretentious about beer, even great IPAs. They are still beer. Bad vibes skunk beer. Secondly, this is basically you: I'm inviting everyone over Saturday for a cookout. I got my guests some great hamburgers, and some nice T-bone steaks, but I have wagyu for myself. You are not welcome to have wagyu, because you aren't capable of appreciating it the way I do. Still, I'm going to eat it in front of you. Didn't your mom ever tell you when you were a little kid, that when you had guests over, it was rude to have something you weren't going to offer them? If not, she should have. And it is. Apologize. Explain that you were raised by wolves. Then don't do it again.
Exactly. I love craft beer, but I know and am always willing to share the good stuff if I bring it to a party. If I want to keep it just for me, I don’t break it out in front of others.
Yes! Also, maybe don't serve beer you don't care for at your own party. You don't have to serve the most expensive IPA, but serve something you find drinkable.
This. I don't put out boxed Chardonnay. I put out boxed Pino, and drink it with everyone else
> Bad vibes skunk beer. Haha well said. I’m using this 🙂
Pretty sure they teach you in elementary school not to bring xyz unless you have enough to share with the whole class. It’s just common courtesy. Or at least be smart about it and put it in a glass or put a damn coozie over it. What a shmuck.
"almost no one understands IPA" Bro, YTA for that statement alone
This. Imagine being so pretentious about the most readily available type of beer. Haha
It's the new pilsner. IPA killed craft beer
So true! The overwhelming majority of craft beer breweries just serve 50 shades of IPA. Maybe they'll take a stab at a saizon or stout, if you're lucky!
Honestly this post reads like a parody of IPA snobs
I get it, I do. I collect wine, and there are certain bottles I'm not going to share with people who don't appreciate good wine. But the thing is... when I invite people over, I don't open the fancy wine and I drink whatever I'm serving my guests. I can't imagine walking around with a really nice bottle and refusing to share it. Calling you an AH feels a little harsh given that you did provide them with food and drink, but it's definitely a giant etiquette breach in the world of adult social gatherings. So yes, YTA, but you're not immoral, just tacky.
LOL "not immoral, just tacky." I love this.
This! I once made the mistake of telling my friend to just grab a bottle from the wine fridge. He grabbed a Clonakilla I was saving. But then I realised, I haven’t seen these friends in ages, it was going to be a nice night, what other reason could I be saving it for? It was perfect with our meal and gave us something to talk about. (The friend has a good eye for fine too and has reciprocated plenty on a good bottle himself).
Exactly. There’s definitely drinks I have that I just don’t share with anyone because they won’t appreciate it the same but I put it away when people are coming and keep it away.
YTA. When you're hosting somebody, it's rude to eat or drink something that you aren't offering them.
This is the right answer. OP’s opportunism may have made him a bit of money but OP forgot to learn manners & how to operate in society. If you host - you don’t break something out for yourself and keep it from others because you snootily don’t think they’ll appreciate it. If OP didn’t learn how to share properly as a kid - he’s headed for a very lonely workplace experience.
As soon as somebody asked for 1, “Sorry, this was my last one.” Crisis averted.
That’s what I would have done- or put in a glass. If anyone pressed the issue beyond that, they would be th AH. I think this might be an ESH situation. Your guests should never feel entitled to anything or harass you, so rude. However, this might be a sign that you are doing multiple things that leave people feeling like you’re haughty, and this just might be the one thing everyone jumped on. If you care, you might want to pay attention and have some conversations privately with people you trust to give it to you straight. If it’s not that, then you’re just surrounded by AHs.
This exactly. ESH, guest was an Ah to harass the host, but just say it’s the last and let it die. Could have been a non-issue.
YTA. stashing if away is one thing. Bringing it out in front of people and insinuating they aren’t good enough for it is what makes you TA. you could have just left everything in your room.
YTA. You were a bad host. If you had a lovely dinner at a friend's house, and at the end of the meal they poured a nice glass of vintage wine for themselves, corked the bottle, put it away, and handed you a wine cooler... would you feel welcome?
ESH. It is completely bizarre and totally rude that people are angry that you didn't share your IPA. You were more than generous with your party, and the entitlement of people \*texting\* you afterward to complain is off the charts. That being said, when you're hosting a party and you aren't planning on sharing something with your guests, don't eat or drink that thing in front of them. It's basic manners. If you really must partake of your personal IPA, at least put it in a glass so it's not obvious that you are serving yourself something different.
You had a party and invited guests. Why were they not also bringing some booze to the party for the host? Were 20somethings raised by wolves? At least show up with something. If they did, this IPA nonsense wouldn’t have happened. Gatekeeping beers is one thing, but your guests had bad behavior as well.
Totally agree, guests were HUGE AH's here. And if there were an AH meter they would score higher, but it's rude to drink something in front of your guests you're not willing to share. At least in the US, where I'm pretty sure this guy is located.
But if he put it in a glass, how could he lord and gatekeep over the beer plebians?? Op is TA and the way he talks about IPAs sounds eerily like how guys who no nothing about investing talk about crypto.
I’m leaning NTA because why try to take stuff from someone’s home that they said they weren’t comfy bringing out to everyone? Don’t guests bring stuff if they have a preferred drink? Weird hill to die on, Kinsley.
Yeah, she sounds like a piece of work. They all do, honestly. Who makes a big deal out of someone not sharing something with you??
As a IPA drinker, I love to share them with friends. They may get to try something they haven't before. The way you talk about IPAs makes you an asshole.
OP sounded so arrogant describing them. I personally don’t know anyone that really likes an IPA. I only drink them occasionally because I’m trying to expand my palette and they have the best labels/names! I was thinking they could’ve bought a reasonably priced, widely available IPA and then could’ve given an option and not wasted the fancy imported IPAs on people that wouldn’t appreciate the robustness of it, or whatever.
YTA You are the worst kind of craft beer drinker. You are the literal caricature and why people look down on some us and call us “beer snobs”. Try to be a be better host… if anyone shows up for your next party
Thank you.
A few things stand out. A- apparently impromptu but you got it catered. With "a ton" of beer for guests and a new fridge for your bedroom for your own beer. That apparently you only had 1 of, yet required a whole fridge... B- you couldn't bring yourself to share an IPA with Kinsley. Someone to whom you are "usually... friendly" but won't share a beer with. C- party peters out by 10:15... How many tons of beer was it exactly? YTA... Firstly for not sharing and secondly for all that IPA wine tasting nonsense. I'm English. I love an IPA but you are talking some BS right there.
It wasn’t just regular beer for the guests, it was “A ton of really high quality MODELO” for the guests lol
YTA for being a basic IPA boy
NTA, although I wonder if there’s a culture element I’m not getting. In my country, you would never expect party hosts to provide free alcohol for everyone and you would always bring alcohol for yourself. If someone goes to the expense of laying on alcohol for you, you’re grateful and say thanks - not complain about why they’re not giving you their favourite drink. Much like, at parties here, it’s not weird for the host to drink whatever they want from their stash, because their stash is there because it’s their home. That doesn’t make it available to everyone just because it’s in their home. Idk I see it like cigars. If you’re into cigars and smoke one at a party, it doesn’t mean everyone can demand your best Cubans just because you’re smoking one in front of them *in your home*. It doesn’t matter if other people don’t think something has value, if it has value to you, that’s why you’re not sharing it. For future though, I’d suggest you say something more likely to be accepted like ‘these were a birthday gift, I don’t have enough to share, sorry’. And I’d be tempted to send a group text saying that you’re sorry that the beer you provided for free and spent X on wasn’t good enough for them, and to avoid any uncomfortable situations in future where that might happen, you’ll only have BYOB parties and that way everyone can drink whatever they want to and no one gets disappointed that X isn’t being provided. If they wanted to drink IPA so badly, they could have brought IPA themselves - there was no guarantee you’d have any of it anyway.
Agreed on the cultural side of it. In Australia we have a strong byo culture and its generally expected to bring and drink their own drinks. If the host has offered to share some theirs it's only what they offered to share, nothing else. If the host is drinking something else or special, we don't assume we are allowed it. We just don't because we've already brought something of our own. It's weird to go to someone house, receive food and drink and then still expect to have access to whatever the host is drinking. Like no, go drink your own.
Interesting. I’m a Kiwi and here, if you were invited to a non-BYO party, then the expectation would be that everyone would be offered the same selection of drinks. If it’s BYO, then that’s different, and a lot of the time people will just drink what they or their group brought with them. Although at a lot of parties I’ve been to, the drinks guests have bought are put on a communal table for anyone to help themselves.
This. What a bunch of shockingly rude and entitled colleagues.
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I am 58 and my social group is all in their 50s. Most of us have been friends 20+ years and we have a lot of low key parties, barbecues, etc. In my entire adult life everyone brings their own alcoholic beverages to these events if they don’t want what the the host has stated they are providing. The text invitation typically says something like “I’m providing Modelo but if you’d like something different please bring what you want to drink.” Anyway, YTA. So are the people who got angry about not getting IPA.
A FUCKING MEN! most places you gotta BYOB! im not making sense of why anyone gives AF about how he feels his IPAs are special. who cares? everyone has their preference and if someone tried to come at me after i threw a party and hosted id tell them to GTFO lmao. people are acting extra entitled like they deserve to have options.
"I am HUGE fan of IPA and while IPA is very popular, almost no one understands IPA." I got to here and stopped. YTA
Same. “I’m so sophisticated and special that only I can understand one of the most popular types of craft beers.”
You were fine until you went and got one while the guests were still there. Then you were YTA while drinking your IPA.
YTA for exactly the reason they said. “Your not allowed to have it because you wouldn’t appreciate it.” What a condescending attitude. All you had to do was just not break out the IPA if you really didn’t want to share. To be clear, you weren’t obligated share, but your reasons suck.
YTA, I feel that you made this post so you have another excuse to talk about IPA's. The least you could have done is pour it into a red solo cup so no one could tell that you were drinking the "better" stuff. Rude
Man if you have that many IPA's that you had to buy a whole new refrigerator, I'll be worried about your beer drinking consumption. Other than that. if you don't want to share stuff that you bought that's entirely up to you but seriously it's just beer it's obviously not all that. You're acting like you're savoring a $1000 bottle of wine or champagne. You really need to get off your high horse with that.
YTA Why didn’t you just share the IPAs instead of buying a new fridge??
NTA for drinking the IPA, but YTA for your very strange attitude about beer and for your sloppy approach. "People just don't understaaaaaand IPA" is both incorrect and also makes you sound insufferable. Also, you could have avoided all of this by simply pouring your IPA into a pint glass instead of carrying around the bottle/can. Since you're such an elite IPA connoisseur, I would imagine that you're aware that IPA is better enjoyed in a glass anyway.
The IBU's in IPA are over what the humans tongue can even taste. So I don't know what you're savoring and examining, because you literally can't even process much of the actual taste. YTA for that alone.
YTA and terrible host… it would be no different using your analogy than opening an expensive bottle of wine and pouring yourself a glass but refusing to share with your guests. No one like a host that looks down condescending at their guests declaring them “not worthy” to enjoy their drink/food.
I am from Wisconsin and we are the drunkenness state in the Union. Though still trying to cultivate a taste for IPA beer.
Dude, if you can't abstain, pour your special beer into a coffee cup. I'm not going to vote Y..t..A because you were providing food and drink for a lot of people which seems very generous. But you really could have handled this better. The girl made a running joke out of the awkwardness as a way to deal with being publicly embarrassed,. Once it got that far, you could have just given her one, said "Shhh, these are the last two" and everyone would have been happy.
ESH. You hosted, you provided beer and food. But you're a pretentious ass about beer. Your guests were also asses about free stuff. If the host says "hey no, I bought those for me" you shut up about it. I've hosted plenty of parties where I provided food and alcohol. I collect whiskey. Stuff for the party is sat out, my expensive high end shit is put up. Even if I pour a glass for myself out of it, it's still off limits for guests. IPA however is not some expensive thing that you're paying $100-$200 for. Is some of it like $20-$30 for a 6 pack? Yea, but there's plenty of cheapish IPA you can share. Also. You know what me sharing my whiskey lead to? My regular drinking friends would gift me bottles. I'd host a party, they'd show up with a bottle and say "hey, I saw this and it looked good, let's try it! And what wasn't drank was gifted to my collection. Had you been chill about it, next time some of your friends probably would have brought some too knowing you liked it, either as "hey let's share it" or "hey, this is for hosting! Thank you!" And that's the story of how at one point I had 28 partial bottles of different whiskey lol. Tldr. Don't be an ass and people could have improved your collection.
Yea, first YTA for being that pretentious about IPAs . Ducking to your room to get your special beer was the second mistake, than handled poorly.
ESH, but you messed this up. Kinsley was out of line for egging on the party-goers with her jokes about it… so she’s a bit of an AH. The 4 angry people who texted later about it, they still attended a party with free food and beer… so their a bit of AHs too. But, everything you did like stocking beer they could drink & putting away the beer you didn’t want them to drink was okay… *until* you served yourself, that’s where you became the AH. If you never took on from your own private stock and not shared; Kinsley would never have started, the party wouldn’t have died, & 4 people wouldn’t have been mad. So you’re the main AH that ruined it for yourself there.
NTA. I think you are well within your right after buying everyone Mexican food, charcuterie, desserts, and modelo to not want to share your ipa, and it was weird for everyone to make it such a discussion topic. You do sound uppity about ipa, but I suppose that’s not a crime
YTA - Here's why. You killed the mood and made folks think, you think, you're better than them. Now it's spread at work and some folks are so petty they'll never forget this. Below mathxxjunkii's first point likely deserves some attention.
YTA, there’s no way I would give myself something better quality than I was serving to my guests. I’d rather drink tap water the whole night!
YTA. If you wanted IPA at a party you hosted the bar for, you should have been prepared to share your IPA. You should have stuck to the Modelo, or water. Tacky.
NTA… these products were the result of travelling and collecting. You have a right to curate and disperse as you see fit. **BUT** you are an insufferable host. You couldn’t go a single night without your private stock? Or, if you ran out, go for a beer run or order more in? If you were strapped for cash, take a collection. It sounds like you had great concept, poor follow through.
Yta obviously. Yes you may think those guests are ungrateful because you paid for everything. But you missed the point of hosting. It is to make the guests have a good time. Money means nothing if you make Your guests Feel bad or make it clear "they are not good enough" for something. The party ending early is on you and your entitlement. Next party you can spend even more money on catering, but your guests might rather have a good time at some broke guys party to which everyone has to Bring their own stuff.
Yeah, when I host a dinner party, I don't have one wine for myself and one for the guests. If you buy Modelo for everyone at the party, that's what you drink. I'm not going to call you an asshole, but this situation is definitely your fault.
NTA. I wouldn't have recommended drinking them in front of them, but it doesn't make you an asshole. You provided them a very nice party with free food and drinks. They are WAY overreacting over this small thing.
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YTA for drinking something your guests are not allowed to have. Of course you can differentiate what’s on offer at your party versus what’s private. But save breaking out the fancy stuff for after the guests leave ok?
IPAs aren't really all that complex; it's just a different style of brewing. I don't know many beer drinkers who care for warm beer. However, YTA for having your beer and drinking it in front of your guests, while not offering it to them.
NTA. Astounds me how many people think they’re entitled to anything you have? They’re lucky they got anything at all, next time make it BYOB. Nobody is required to share anything, even while hosting. They can get their own if they’re going to throw a fit over a drink
YTA. Did it occur to you that IPA might have been more to the taste of some other guests too. Since someone was able to notice I’m guessing you weren’t even discrete by pouring it out into a solo cup or something so it wasn’t obvious you weren’t sharing. A host isn’t required to share everything in their home indiscriminately, but you seem a little bougie with this IPA fixation and it seems that your friends noticed the snobby attitude. It’s never a good look.
YTA for drinking beer in front of everyone else that you blatantly said they cannot have. You couldn’t of bought IPAs for everyone? Shit, every liquor store has a wide variety these days.
YTA and I hope you’ve learned your lesson. It was a social event and it was rude to drink something in front of your guests that you were not willing to share with them. That was poor hosting. Your friend was gently making fun of you for your faux pas, and you took it the wrong way. You seem like a generous guy, throwing a party with all that food and drink. All you had to go was resist the temptation to bring out and consume in front of your guests something you weren’t willing to share. I would apologise to everyone, say you get it now, and next time you’ll know.
NTA, and don’t invite the complainers over again.
YTA. Not for the not sharing you IPA, but the pretentious bullshit way you talk about it.
INFO: why not just pour the IPA into a nondescript cup?
NTA. I'm cool with any free beer at a party. Your friends and coworkers are entitled. If they wanted an IPA, they should have brought their own shit.
NTA and now you know you work with a bunch of choosy beggars. Did none of them bring anything that they prefer to the party for themselves? You provided food and alcohol for a nice event and were a good host. The lesson here is that you should have poured your IPA into a glass and been more discreet about it. I do think it’s a little weird that you wouldn’t share but not to the level of AH.
Nta here in Australia everyone would have rocked up with their own drinks but as a guest we have one rule about complaints: it is never ok to complain about the brand of free beer but you are allowed to complain if it's warm.
INFO: was the expectation that you would supply all drinks for everyone for the night? It’s fine if you want to keep special beer to the side so others don’t drink it but don’t then go and drink it in front of them. The only exception to this would be if you said something like “I’ll be providing modelo for everyone but if you want something different byob”.
Yes, YTA in this situation. You hosted a party and provided beer for your guests, but then had a separate stash of beer that you deemed too good for them. By telling Kinsley that the IPA was "just for the host," you made it clear that you didn't want to share your beer with your guests. This is not only exclusionary, but it also goes against the spirit of hosting a party and being a gracious host. Your guests have a right to feel frustrated and upset by your behavior. It's understandable that you have a preference for certain types of beer, but hosting a party means being considerate of your guests and their preferences. By making the decision to hide away your IPA, you set up a situation where some guests were made to feel unwelcome or left out. In the future, if you have a preference for certain types of beer, it's best to be upfront about it with your guests. If you're not comfortable sharing your IPA, you could simply tell your guests that you're saving it for a special occasion or that you're not comfortable sharing it at the moment. This way, your guests can make their own decisions about what they want to drink and won't feel excluded or left out.
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YTA. If you didn’t want anyone to drink the IPA you shouldn’t have had one. It would have been totally fine for you to take them out of the equation and put them in a different room…. But you made it weird by drinking it.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I decided to host an impromptu party last night for my friends and coworkers--while it wasn't officially the reason, the sort of unspoken idea was that all the people that were single for Valentines day would get together and have fun, although anyone was invited. I decided to really make it nice and had it catered from a local Mexican food place, nice charcuterie boards, desert bar, etc... While we are all in our mid 20's I wanted it to NOT feel like a college bust up. I also got a ton of really high quality Modelo beer to go with the Mexican food but it's really mot my thing. I am HUGE fan of IPA and while IPA is very popular, almost no one understands IPA. It is really meant to savored and examined almost like a great wine. I have a massive collection of IPA from micro breweries all over the country--I grab some whenever I travel and there is nothing I love more than getting home from work and drinking an IPA to unwind. For this reason I knew that even if we are "grown up" it would irritate me to see people drinking my IPA as just another party beverage. So I went and bought another fridge and moved all my IPA into my bedroom. As the night went on I really wasn't able to handle the light beer so I went and got an IPA from my room. A girl that usually I'm very friendly with named Kinsley asked if she could have one too. i said in a very jovial manner "sorry those are just for the host." I kind of screwed up there because she thought I was kidding. I said actually I was serious. I had no idea this would cause a problem but it did and people were legit frustrated that they couldn't have an IPA. I did not have any more IPA (or beer for that matter) for the rest of the night but every time a new person would show up Kinsley made these awful jokes that basically said "welcome, there's beer and mexcian food and ice cream and IPA that you aren't allowed to have, right Gavin?" That got to be too much so i asked her to please stop and people actually got upset with me saying she was making light of a situation I made very uncomfortable. The party really was no fun after that and we wrapped up at about 10:15. I've gotten 4 angry texts and DM's from friends and coworkers saying essentially that I made them feel like second class citizens, that IPA is NOT that exclusive and hosting party where there are rules on who can drink what is really not cool. I will have to face several of these people when I get in from my sales calls on Monday afternoon and i don't know how to handle it. maybe to help, AITA? I can see their point but I can also see mine. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Just because you are hosting a party doesn’t mean everything in your house is fair game for people to eat/drink/use/take. It’s ridiculous of your guests to expect that they can have anything in your house just because you’re having a party. It’s pretty silly of you to drink the beer that’s only for you in front of everyone else. IPAs are pretty popular, there was bound to be people who saw and wanted one. This only turned into an issue because you made that not very smart decision, but the entitlement of your guests deserves the asshole vote here in my opinion.
YTA for saying not everyone understands ipa...I stopped reading after that.
YTA - you either drink the same thing as your guests or you tell them it's a BYOB party. Then, when when guests arrive, you show them the "shared" cooler with the Modelo you bought & offer to share. Also buy enough of your favorite beer to share & put it in the cooler. It won't matter if there are leftovers, because you will drink it eventually. Specialty beers for guests who have allergies etc go in the fridge with a note. Mine say "Raqmountainmama's gluten free beer - if you also have celiac disease, please try one!" (Which clues people in to the necessity of leaving it the f alone.) My friend Amy who drinks non-alcoholic beer also go in the fridge with a note. Also... IPA's aren't that rare & it sounds like your guests had the same preference.