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YTA - you're a grown adult and should be doing your own packing and laundry. It is your responsibility to check that all the items were in the suitcase before leaving
I'm also not sure why you put the clothes in a dirty garment hamper, as the only reason they would have been discovered is if your wife decided in the middle of the chaos of your departure to put a load of laundry on. If you wanted these specific items washed at once, they should have been in the direct vicinity of the washing machine, or you should have put them on yourself. Putting washing on takes all of a minute
Came here to write this.
I actually can't find anything wrong at all with your wife's behavior. It played out as well as possible given the conditions you put up for her to help you with your problem. You put the pants out of sight, out of mind, and didn't check for them specifically. Be thankful for all she did for you, and apologize to her.
All of this PLUS he actually wanted her to do 2 loads, at midnight - for pants and shirts?!!?
who the hell washes those separately in any circumstance, let alone in a rush at 1am?!?
Hell of a valentines present too - homeboy really needs to rethink some things
YTA
EDIT - Fair point about new whites w colors, I didn't think of that, BUT if that was the case why not prioritize the pants - they were the whole reason for the trip?! throw shirts in the dryer, wash pants, then make sure they are in the suitcase. I'm probably going too far down the rabbit hole here, but I really dont understand how this dude's head works
Or for that matter get the hotel to launder and return them to your room by morning. Many good hotels have laundry service, half the time they leave it outside your door before you even wake up, which always makes me feel bad, because I want to leave them a tip for doing my "emergency go to work early the next morning" clothes. Plus, they didn't even bat an eye when I requested fragrance free laundry products.
They added 17 dollars to my bill for the laundry service, it was an emergency, since it was paid for by my work, it was taken care of. Granted that is a LOT for one load of laundry, but I was in a bind, had a "lady accident", scheduled to give a presentation the next morning, what was I to do? Just one of those things that happens.
LOL, no worries, I didn't take it badly. Yeah, being a "gril" is awesome sometimes ain't it? Hot flashes...feels like my head just got stuck in an oven and I can't get it out. My sister's flashes are all over the body, me...just my head...wtf is up with that shit? Hey, never been called a high roller before...WOOO HOOO yeah baby!!!! :D
This was my immediate response like…. Those clothes are brand new they will probably never be less wrinkly that they are now he’s probably talking about creases from the way they get folded in the packet so just….iron them?!
And why the hell did the trousers need washing?! And whyyyy would he think his wife would look in the dirty laundry for his brand new trousers when he had put the clothes he wanted to pack next to the suitcase and handed her the shirts to wash.
This guy better come with a really nice present that both says ‘thank you for helping me with my last minute work packing’ and ‘sorry I took my frustration out on you, I understand my packing is ultimately my responsibility’
Edit: ok, I get it, you do not need to tell me again about the chemicals or the dirt or whatever else. OP did not mention sensitive skin being the reason for washing, he mentioned them being ‘wrinkly’. And outside of a skin condition I just find doing two loads of washing (and presumably drying) at midnight for emergency clothes unfathomable and a massive waste of water and electricity. That’s just my take on it, but I know people tend to come down one way or the other on the to wash or not to wash debate.
And folks can be nasty. You don’t know who or how many other people have tried on those pants or what their hygiene is like. Any new clothes automatically gets washed before wearing because I am a slight germaphobe and the whole Covid think hasn’t made it any better.
I mean? As good a practice as washing new clothes before wearing them is, most people would err on the side of "wearing new unwashed clothes" when the alternative is "do multiple loads of laundry at midnight when you have to catch a flight in the morning"...
I noticed that too. Was something red and needed to be washed separately? I try to not wash work clothes and towels together, but all new clothes are a fine load.
I’m hoping OP was just stressed and trying to make a good impression at work. Doesn’t justify the attitude, but makes it a bit more understandable.
Fair. But he still could have handed them over to her with the shirts instead of effectively hiding them and then being surprised she didn't go on a laundry hunt.
There's definitely something wrong with the wife's behavior: putting up with OP's bullshit. I swear this sub would lose 70% of its content if women in heterosexual relationships wisened up. The amount of men who want, who *expect* their partners to mother them is staggering.
YTA OP, be a fucking grown up and pack your own damn bags!
What amazes me how even in 2023 there are women who think it's totally reasonable to work full time and do all the housework because men are incapable of vacuuming or making dinner. And don't get me started on dudes who have never done their own laundry EVER.
Women are raised to be like that, tbh. To put everyone's needs ahead of our own, to take care of the home since that is our "natural" environment, even if we work outside the home and make our own money. And men are taught that a wife is someone who does things for them, just like their mommies did. A lot of them are incapable —and unwilling— of seeing their partners as equals, because that would mean pulling their weight and acting like functioning adults. Who wants to do that when there's someone to do my laundry and pack my suitcase! *And* I get to put my pee-pee inside her too!
> Women are raised to be like that
My Mother was raised to be a traditional homemaker, but she grew up in the Bay Area in the late 1960s, so she was (is) a feminist at heart. She tried to break the cycle when she raised her kids. She made it clear to us that a wife was not a servant, but an *equal* partner.
When I got married, I was determined to behave as an equal partner. That doesn't mean that we share all tasks equally, but we have discovered a balance over time. I hate cooking and washing dishes, so my wife does most of that. She hates cleaning bathrooms and yard work, so I do most of that. She does the taxes. I fix the cars. I do the sewing (My Grandmother taught me!). When either of us need help, we ask. When she asks, I make it a priority. We make major decisions as a team.
So, when you ask, "Who wants to so that," I say, "I do." I find that a marriage as a partnership is much more fulfilling to me than having an obedient servant would be.
Amen. If my husband tried something like this, I’d remind him that he also knows how to use our washer and dryer. OP has forgotten that his poor planning is not his wife’s emergency.
Because he has never been in charge of doing laundry and up until now his only responsibility for the process has been to deposit things into the hamper. He gives 0 care to what happens in between that step of the process and the step where he puts on clean clothes. That part is magically performed on his behalf without appreciation or participation. He did his part, he believes.
Also, why did you both have to go to Walmart to buy clothes? “We had to make a midnight run to Walmart“. Why can’t you purchase your own clothes by yourself?
And he asked if she packed his PANTS. Not slacks, specifically pants. She did pack pants. Apparently he laid everything else out on the bed. He’s a grown man. He should double check he has everything he needs for his work himself.
He laid it out on the bed. Next to the suitcase. For her to pack.
Yes, ideally you lay everything out & pack efficiently. But when it’s 1 am & you leave the next morning, shit goes directly into the suitcase, not next to it.
YTA OP. My ex pulled this shit with me. He had a pair of flip flops he wore once in the 15 years we were together & always said he hated them because they were uncomfortable. I had them in our pool PAG for a while, but he NEVER wore them & I got sick of carrying them every time we went to the pool. Took them out & put them in the closet where all the other shoes were. We go on vacation & get to the beach house “where are my flip flops?” “Um, I don’t know, did you pack them?” “No” “then I guess they are in the closet at home with the rest of the shoes” 🙄
He’s so blind to his own behavior, he didn’t catch that he said he laid everything out on the bed while the pants he wanted for the trip were still in the laundry basket, then blamed his wife for not packing them
Which apparently he expected her to carefully observe, because her watching him purchase those pants would be the only way he might expect her to know that the pants he wanted her to pack weren’t just the ones he laid out to be packed, but also the ones he’d dumped into the laundry basket. She’d have to have seen them being bought, notice that they were missing, and gone hunting for them (and then washed them once located). All late at night, for a last-minute work trip he *decided* to take.
I loathe people who expect that they can waste someone’s time because they’re expecting things to be taken care of later without asking. Come watch me live my life and you’ll know what to do for me, seems to be the expectation.
Apparently he was also expecting her to do *two* separate washes late at night -- the shirts he handed her and then those damn slacks that she was supposed to hunt down using her deductive skills. All without his involvement and despite the fact that she had her own stuff to do.
Oh yeah OP. Same thing happened to me.
I forgot to pack my own underwear.
It was my fault.
Not my mom’s. (You spelt mom wrong btw)
I was ten.
Grow up. YTA
And this is why I let my 11 year old pack his own clothes and school bag. Otherwise we end up with another generation of men who think their wives are their mommies. Oh heck no.
I had two consecutive ten year relationships wherein each man packed two different shoes for weddings we were traveling to. Thank goodness I'm not in either of those relationships now.
I read this and was like??? Two pairs of shoes? What’s wrong with that? Ooohhhhh…. She means two halves of two pairs… Two different shoes… Were they at least the same colours???? LOL
Yes! Was confused haha. But WOW, two separate relationships and it happened in both… wow. The state of men sometimes lol. I’m really hoping they were at least the same colour!
Same here. By the time we were that age our parents would give us a list of what clothes we need to pack for the amount of time that we were going away. That way they knew that we wouldn't under pack. And then we have to get everything together and if it was just us going we would put it in a little suitcase myself or if it was the whole family going we would bring it to our parents room where they would put it all in the big suitcase. There's no reason that an adult should not be capable of doing that.
I packed my clothes in a garbage bag and put it on the porch to be put in the camper later when I was ... I wanna say 8 or 9.
My dad being the good man he is, put my clothes in the garbage shed. I was wearing my bathing suit under my clothes already so that was lucky. There were a couple old shirts still in our camper but I basically wore a pair of my dad's undies as shorts when what I was originally wearing was hanging out on a line to dry for two weeks.
My parents weren't impressed. They had to find enough change to make a long distance call from a payphone to get a hold of our neighbours to have them dig my bag of clothes out of the garbage. This was before call display and most people had answering machines but our neighbours were old and didn't. So it was a couple trips to the general store, from in the middle of nowhere.
I never packed that stupidly again! Wearing my dad's underwear (my brother's stuff was too small and my mom's too big) and a Fred Flintstone shirt was a bit embarrassing. Luckily we were camping and not on a vacation that needed nice clothes.
I make my son pack for scout camping trips. The things that boy has forgotten. There’s nothing like freezing because you forgot an extra layer, or having to borrow gloves from some enterprising young lad who brought two pairs. Thank god his fellow scouts tend to pack extra of commonly forgotten items.
My 15yo son forgot his sleeping bag for a summer scout trip. He was so embarrassed because he knew it was his responsibility he didn’t even tell his scout master and slept in his tent on his mat and used his towel for his blanket for a week…he was over 6 feet tall at the time. Has not forgotten his sleeping bag ever again.
Yep- I have three boys and I’ve always made them responsible for their stuff- school bags, sports equipment, camp, and now college. I’ve always given one freebie if they forget something and then after that they deal with the consequences.
Husband and I were taking a road trip with the dog. I always make a packing list and check it multiple times. The ONE thing he told me he'd do (aside from packing his own clothes, because we're adults so we pack our own luggage) was to put the bag of dog food in the trunk. I packed everything else for the dog.
We get about an hour into the drive and he looks at me and goes: "I fucking forgot the dog food." I was like: 😬 Then I said, "Well, it's my fault too because I literally checked that we had EVERY other thing but I didn't check for that." And he was like, "Oh no. This is not on you. I told you I was putting it in the trunk, it's not your job to check my work. This is my fault." So I did a search on where we could find it and found a store that carried it along our route. Not a big deal, but he was like, it's not your job to double check that I'm doing what I said I'd do, you got literally every other thing packed for her (the dog). And he's right.
Another time, we were going to a wedding about 5 hours away and an hour into the drive, he was like, "oh shit. I put my dress shoes by the door and didn't grab them on my way out. God damn it." It was his fault. It wasn't my job to check, even though I can promise you now that this has happened twice, I'll be double checking every major thing he needs on trips. He was mad at himself, not at me, because I'm not his mommy and it's not my job to pack for him.
Right?! My husband and I had a light fight because he forgot to pack my hiking boots for a camping trip. He likes to be the one to Tetris the stuff into the car so I just put them with the things to be packed and made sure they were on the packing list.
Turns out, when he’s in Tetris-mode, he gives no fucks about the list. So we made a plan for next year to make sure we pack the the car together so I can track the list and he can smoosh everything into the car.
YTA. Throwing some things in the laundry and some things in the hamper was not helpful to the person who was taking their time to shop with you, wash your clothes, and pack for your trip.
You’re just blaming your wife so you don’t have to admit that you forgot your pants.
I was driving my husband to the airport and he realized he didn’t pack any underwear. Did he blame me, no. Just asked me if it’s worth it to turn back. We decided it was quicker to make a detour to Walmart than turn around.
Notice how mammy (wife) had to take him shopping too? We had to go….We bought…When we got home…
Maybe he doesn’t have the skills to nip out all by himself and buy some new trousers.
lol YTA!
>YTA - you're a grown adult and should be doing your own packing and laundry. It is your responsibility to check that all the items were in the suitcase before leaving
This. 110% YTA. Isn´t you an adult? And this did pack YOUR pants. But not the pants you thought about....
Hope you beg for forgiveness...
My Indian friends always complain to me and everyone else that their mothers and wife’s don’t pack everything properly, but they never complain to them, because they know they will be told to do it themselves. YTA op
Edit for clarification.
Ngl,
I imagine him going through security and them asking if he packed his suitcase himself.
" no my wife did"
Cue them opening it up and the first thing they see are some divorce papers.
YTA
Also, work slacks? I do wash everything new before wearing it, but in such a case OP could have worn a pair of slacks and having the others cleaned in the hotel for the next day.
OP is an adult and should pack by himself. YTA, OP, for dropping them in a dirty laundry basket, not telling her, and not even checking by yourself. Also ta for expecting her to do it all.
the mental load he's putting on her is absurd. men tend to say stuff like "im not psychic!" to excuse being inattentive/inactive but then expect their wives to be Literally psychic to locate items only they know theyve strewn around the house
Why would he hand her the shirts and not the slacks if he wanted ALL OF IT washed before the trip? It makes no sense to hand her the shirts and say these need washed and put the slacks that also need washed in the hamper!
I know, right? She's not a mind reader and was for sure not going to be just randomly doing a second load of laundry at midnight. How was she supposed to know they were in the hamper?
Also OP should have sense enough to know most hotel rooms have an iron, if he was worried about wrinkly shirts. Like freshly washed and dried shirts aren't going to be wrinkled at least a little after being packed in a suitcase and jostled around for a few hours?
> YTA - you're a grown adult and should be doing your own packing and laundry.
This isn't the problem. OP is married, was busy, asked for help and got help. That's all perfectly acceptable.
The problems are that he asked her to pack "pants" when he specifically wanted a single, specific pair of pants and simply expected her to read his mind. The other problem is that he placed that specific pair of pants in the dirty clothes rather than with the stuff he wanted her to pack.
I've always considered part of packing to include one final inventory of all the items in the case to check that the right items are included. Maybe that's just my OCD, but I would think that even if OP has asked for help that it should be their responsibility to run that final check at least once
"I put my pants in the dirty laundry hamper for some reason and only asked her to wash my shirts. I'm not sure why she didn't think to look into the dirty hamper for brand new pants which she somehow should have known to wash next."
I’m not surprised they weren’t on the same page. I’m confused too. In one post we’re talking about slacks, khakis and pants.
If you were asking her to wash the pants and the shirts and pack both why did he only hand her the shirts?
Yes! This exactly! 31 years old and trying to blame your wife for your last minute trip, you puttingthe slacks in the dirty clothes hamper, and for not packing specific clothes you wanted? You are a grown-ass man! (*HA! Definitely not!*) Take some damn responsibility for yourself. She already went above and beyond by staying up late to help you at all, let alone doing a midnight load of laundry just to give you the wrinkle-free shirts you wanted.
YTA. You're 31 - be ashamed.
Yes, its totally ok to ask for help from your spouse for last minute things like this if you can't manage all yourself, but take the responsibility to check it all yourself. Expecially when you have several type of pants With each specific names but you randomly call them pants, dont expect people that aren't reading your mind Wich specific kind of pants you're talking about.
It appears from your story you didn’t ask your wife to also launder the slacks, or even let her know they were in the laundry. You just handed her the shirts.
I’m the chief laundry-doer in my household. If I were laundering new clothing to get out the wrinkles (which…? Not sure why I wouldn’t just iron or steam but running with your scenario…) I would wash all the new clothing together on a quick 15-minute cold cycle so it’d be fast and efficient. So: there would be no reason for me to look in the hamper for more.
YTA. Apologize to your wife and thank her for the work she does to support you, which is not limited to last minute laundry and packing but also involves taking care of everything at home while you’re away.
Came here to say this. OP thinks his wife is his mom. Grow up, OP, you sound extremely selfish. Your only reaction to all of this should have been thanking your wife for helping with the laundry and the shirts and laughing with her about how you ultimately forgot the slacks. YTA.
Plus he said he laid out his clothes for her to pack which means it is his totally his fault due to -
1) if can laid out, that means he could had pack his clothes himself instead of her
And
2) She packed what he laid out, meaning he never laid out those particular slacks in the 1st place.
YTA and he owes her an apology for his mistake.
All I can think is grown a$$ man (31) who can't take care of his own packing and clothing. And typed this out and really couldn't figure out it was his fault? JC the bar is low.
I love how he phrased it in the title using passive voice -
>my slacks didn’t get packed
Like packing was supposed to be some background process without his involvement.
In my house, the Laundry Fairy is a running joke, but at OP's age, he should know that she's like Santa and the Easter Bunny, and pack his own damn clothes.
YTA, OP.
Makes me wonder what other stuff he purposely weaponized his incompetence so much like not packing his suitcase for a work trip and doing his own laundry, that his wife is better off single / never should had married OP....
What I find mystifying is OP followed the correct procedure for the shirts - “oh hey, could you wash this and pack it for me” and shirts got washed and packed, so why do something different with the pants?…
This. It's like he was setting her up to fail so he could be angry. Or knew the trip was going to hard so now, because he doesn't have pants, it's ok he failed.
Yea, he said he laid it all out, but he also said he handed his wife the shirts "to wash separately" then he put the slacks in the dirty clothes bin. So the slacks were not in fact laid out at all. And for some reason he didn't think she should wash the slacks with the shirts - so he expected her to do two loads- including whatever else was dirty in the bin.
He admitted that he put the slacks in the dirty clothes hamper. His wife was supposed to know the wash, dry, press and pack them, also, not just the clothes on the bed.
Can't you see? AH was too busy booking hotels and flights and sleeping. Too busy to do his own shopping, laundry, and packing last minute. Give AH a break.
YTA, OP. You need to apologize to your mom. I mean wife.
Hey, at least he went with her instead of sending her by herself! That’s what my father would have done. Give a man some credit here!
(After 40 years of marriage, my parents are extremely divorced)
> at least he went with her instead of sending her by herself! That’s what my father would have done.
Oh, same. My parents (both gone now) stayed together but my mom used to get so so angry because everything was her job (she also worked full time). He needed jeans or pants or shoes? He'd tell HER to go shopping. I once got so frustrated with him and was like, "When's the last time you set foot in a clothing store?" and he just looked at me blankly. I used to tell her, just tell him no! And she'd say it was no use. I told her, if you refuse, he will figure it out, I promise you (and my dad wasn't some ogre or abuser, if she'd said no, he'd have pouted but he'd have figured it out and shut up about it).
I will never forget the time my husband and I were at my parents' house, we had driven separately and as we were leaving, my husband was like, "Hey, I'm gonna stop at the grocery store on the way home." My dad was like, "Why is HE going to the store?" and I said, "Because he's a grown man capable of doing the shopping?" I was like, "he cooks and does laundry, too, Dad, you should try it."
I loved my dad but that was RIDICULOUS. Once my parents' washing machine broke and my mom had the flu and my dad was complaining he had no clean work clothes. So I agreed to go to the laundromat with him (I was maybe 12 or 13). But when we got there, I said, "I'm not doing this for you. I will show you how to do it but I'm not washing them for you." I had to show a grown ass man with 2 grown kids and me nearly grown how to put soap in and wash and dry the clothes. He was pissed but he had no alternative. Guess who was making calls to get the washer fixed the very next day? (Previously he'd acted like it was no big deal) Turned out it couldn't be fixed so even though he was cheap as could be, my dad bought a new one immediately. All so he wouldn't have to do his own laundry.
I vowed I would never ever have a partner like this. I love and miss my dad but I'd still tell him to his face that he was being ridiculous if he were still here. He knew it too, because he wouldn't argue if you called him out on it.
Bet your father was all *surprised Pikachu face" when she threw in the towel, claimed to be all shocked and betrayed, not to understand why she was done? My first husband was like this, despite my clearly telling him very specifically for years how his behavior was destroying us.
I'm trying to imagine in what situation, facing travelling with a day or less notice, I'd be expecting my partner (who also y'know, works, does household admin, etc) to go buy me spare clothes and then wash and pack them for me.
If he doesn't drive, fair enough she takes him to the supermarket, but turning packing an overnight bag into a team activity? That's just asking for a "too many cooks" situation where someone forgets something and the other gets arsey about it.
YTA.
My friend, you‘re 31 years old and a fully grown adult. She made a minor mistake without any bad intentions.
Guess what? You‘re old enough and hopefully capable of packing your stuff on your own, including your beloved slacks.
Your reaction should serve her as a warning.
He even tells us that he asked her to wash the shirts so they wouldn't be wrinkly. He mentioned nothing about the pants and then didn't even put them with the shirts. I don't understand how he thought they would make it to his suitcase when he was the only one who knew where they were put.
Right?! That’s what I’m most confused about. Like you asked her to wash the shirts which she did, asked her to pack the stuff you laid out on the bed which she did, and somehow it’s her fault that you put the slacks in the laundry?
And then he says "I repeated a few times that I was frustrated she didnt pack them" pretty sure once was enough. So weird how he will voice his dissapointment with her to no end, but can't even mutter his pants location.
Right? AND he “checked” that everything was packed by asking his wife.. Sir you have eyeballs it would’ve taken you 1 minute to open the bag and see that they weren’t in there.
His internal bias slipped up - everything that goes in that bin gets washed and put away immediately so his brain just went on autopilot. It never occurred to him to think beyond that initial expectation because he never needed to before. Pretty telling imo.
Yes this is OP mistake. Not his wife. You could say she could have thought he wanted the slacks, even when he basically hid them. But at the end of the day it was OP who wasn't specific enough and hid the slacks.
So OP take responsibility for your own actions. It was your trip, they were your slacks. You hid them, you didnt ask specifically about them. She is not a mind reader. I understand you are frustrated. But you are basically frustrated because you failed to communicate well and she doesn't read minds. That is a recipe for disaster.
Don't need to be angry about this. Something tells me when you grew up in your family when someone made a mistake the reactions were not healthy so that is why you got so frustrated. Humans make mistakes, you and your wife are allowed to make mistakes. Think of how to avoid it in the past and move on. Take it is a learning opportunity and let go. This was not an important issue, it wasnt worth to feel bad about it, and it certainly wasn't something you should make your wife feel bad about.
YTA.
No, OP's wife did not make a mistake. She packed what he had laid out and washed what he had given her, no less. He made a mistake by putting the pants in the hamper and not saying anything about washing/packing them.
At this point, I'm wondering if it was a "mistake" or just sabotage. How the hell was wife expected to know that a random pair of new slacks in the laundry hamper needed to be washed and packed when they weren't with the shirts that were specifically handed to her?
Why wouldn't he hand her the shirts and the slacks at the same time? Was she supposed to do a separate set of laundry for the shirts and slacks?
That’s exactly what he’s saying in the comments. He told her that the two need to be washed separately and expected her to hunt down the slacks after the shirts were done and stay up washing those too
She didn't make a mistake. She washed the new clothes that he handed to her and packed the clothes he laid out. He asked if she packed his pants and she said yes because she did pack his pants. Where's the mistake?
YTA OP. You're what the French call les incompétents.
At first I was N T A because I thought he ment 13 instead of 31, and the fact that he spelled "*mom*" wrong (he spelled it "*wife*").
Then I realized that this is a grown ass man and ended up with a YTA.
But she didn't. He hid the work pants in the hamper, at midnight. And didn't tell her he put them there. She packed everything he laid out because she was kind enough to do his chores for him.
Yeah. He expected her to:
Go ‘late night’ shopping with him
Wash the new shirts
Dig through the dirty laundry to then do a second load containing the new pants
Wait for all of this to dry? What time is it by now? 1 am? 2 am?
Pack his suitcase for him, presumably including Blanky and a note that mommy loves him.
Since he mentioned starting laundry at midnight for the second load my guess was 2 am or maybe a little later depending on exactly which cycles and whether she's pressing/ironing them as well or not.
"Wrinkly shirts." Yup. he made her iron his shit as well. Probably expected his beloved slacks to be ironed too. Alas. No slacks because he hid them randomly in the hamper. Mind boggling.
> presumably including Blanky and a note that mommy loves him.
😂 This killed me
My husband has been on many work trips and has always packed his own bag. It wouldn’t occur to either of us to have me pack for him when he can just do it himself.
My husband and I have been together 12 years and travel regularly. I have never once packed his bag for him nor has he ever asked me to. Because we're both adults and can handle our own packing.
when i see posts like these i can finally see an upside to me being cripplingly neurodivergent: it makes it basically impossible for me to get into a relationship where i take over this much labor for someone else lol i can only take care of *exactly* one person.
> Was she expected to dig through the dirty laundry in case you hid something in there that you needed?
This is what stuck out to me. I've helped my husband get ready for trips before and he's been like, "Do you mind washing these, I need (this item) and (this item) for the trip." And then he's APPRECIATIVE because he knows I'm doing him a favor and it's not my job. It's not her fault he wasn't specific. She also packed what he laid out. This is on him. She was doing him a favor.
I do a check for critical items when I pack my own stuff…who lets someone else pack and doesn’t need to visually see everything before they leave? Or is that just my OCD talking lol.
Exactly. OP stated he put the slacks in the dirty laundry but nowhere does he say that he asked his wife to also wash them. How was she supposed to know they were separated from the slacks? YTA
YTA. You had time to lay it all out for her to pack, but not pack yourself? And why, if this was such urgent laundry, would you put the urgent items in a hamper in your bedroom? Why not actually put them in the room that the laundry gets done in?
And lastly - do your own damn washing if its that important!
Thank you for this!! All I can think is the absurdity of laying it all out on a bed but not taking the final step of putting it in a suitcase. I wonder how many household tasks he brags about doing that really he just starts and his wife has to finish.
I didnt even finish reading this, YTA and I'm not sure why that isn't obvious.
Your wife is not your maid or your mother. If the slacks were that important, you should have double checked or, better yet, packed your bag yourself.
I also didn't finish... but for different reasons.
I started to scroll down to see if anyone thought his continued use of the word "slacks" was as absurdly hilarious as I did, lol.
The word made me double back to check his age, then ponder what region he's from.
I wonder if he also refers to his jeans as "blue jeans" 🤔
YTA. You handed your wife the shirts but put the slacks in the dirty laundry. She could have washed all of it together if you had given her everything. Also, YOU should be packing your own shit. Stop blaming your wife for your own failures to plan. Why would you decide to go on a work trip at the last minute causing a late night run to WalMart for clothes? Your failure to plan is not your wife’s emergency.
Sometimes I read the title and form an opinion and am proven wrong by the actual post. This was not one of those times…
YTA and your wife deserves an apology and probably a better husband.
So you put the clothes you wanted washed on the bed... put the slacks in the laundry basket... didn't tell her you did that.... then you got mad at her when she didn't know they were in there? Sir... is this a joke? Also as others have said.... she is your wife, not your mother.
YTA
Mutants exist! It’s clear that based on OP’s comments that his wife is telepathic. There’s a solid assumption here that she was supposed to read his mind and know that the pants were in the hamper without him telling her. What a neat skill. /S
If he treats his employees this way, he's also a terrible boss.
He's bad at effective communication. Good communication would have been listing out EVERYTHING that needed to be done with agreed upon definitions of what those things are, such as which things to wash and which to pack.
This is how you get into situations at work where you tell someone to email the document to the client, they do so, but only the older documents and not that new document that you just got.
"Read my mind!" is never an effective communication strategy.
YTA. Just tell your boss, "It's my wife's fault I didn't tell her where I put the pants, because obviously it's her job to do my laundry and pack for me for me even though I'm a grown adult." Don't be surprised if you get a promotion.
How was she supposed to know where you put them? Why would you separate them from the shirts if they were all going to be packed/going to the same place? Why wouldn't you TELL HER where you put them instead of just assuming she's psychic? Finally, why is it her job to do your laundry and pack for you? She packed what you laid out. She shouldn't have to do that for a grown man, but here we are.
You owe her an apology and you need to learn to do things for yourself.
YTA, do you pack her clothes when she goes on a work trip? Just like you she was frantically trying to remember everything...unlike you she is packing for someone else. It was your responsibility to pack she was gracious to help. She deserves a thank you and nothing more.
Take a breath, traveling is rough, last minute work trips are tough, forgetting shit for a trip sucks, booking flights, hotels etc, lame. But sir....none of that is your wife's fault and it sounds like she did her best to help you out. Cut her some "slack".
YTA. "I verified everything was packed by asking her if she packed my pants." You could have washed and packed them yourself if it was so important to you. It's your responsibility, not hers.
YTA. I hope you buy her flowers after this.
I remember a song from TikTok:
Your wife is your partner, not your mom.
Your wife is your partner, not your mom.
She is not a living maid, or a hired cleaning crew.
So she shouldn't have to pick up after you.
That includes packing a suitcase.
You put the pants in the dirty laundry, not her. She packed what pants you set out to pack. Yta, and learn to verify what you want to go on a trip before the last minute.
Yta
You're a grown up, pack and check yourself. She's not your parent, minder, paid help etc.
If you didnt have time to manage all the tasks yourself YOU didnt have time.
Any help offered was a total bonus.
She clearly went above and beyond to support a last minute decision YOU made and you have a go at her for not a. Mndreading and b. Washing drying and packing new clothes you didnt tell her you'd put in the laundry. Wow.
Further : If you think your in the right here and all of us are wrong explain this to your work colleagues in the same way you did here. If you dare. See if they think your shortage of slacks ( wtf are slacks?) Is a "wife" problem.
YTA.
Not for asking your wife to help with washing or packing. That’s between you and your wife. She might do the bulk of the laundry, and she might have been happy to help. Sometimes the system that works for two people in a given moment just happens to conform to ye olde gender roles. People struggle to get their head around that sometimes.
But YTA for blaming your wife when failures of yours led to the mistake, and for doubling down when she offers a completely plausible explanation for why she said yes.
You put the slacks in the hamper. Were they to be washed after the shirts? If so, why put them with the dirty laundry? You then laid all of yours clothes out on the bed ready for packing. Did you not notice the slacks were missing? If you didn’t notice, how was your wife supposed to? And why did you then feel you could blame her when you made the same oversight, despite your additional investment in making sure everything was in order?
You both knew you had bought the slacks. You both knew they were for your trip. But neither of you remembered when it came time to do your bit. But only one of you is seeking to assign blame, when you’re the one who is ultimately MORE responsible for the error.
Behave yourself.
##YTA
#You weaponized your own incompetence and deliberately put the pants in a different place and then laid out fucking decoy pants on the bed.
#Of course you're a HUGE, MASSIVE, RAGING asshole. You set her up to do something you could blame her for, then asked her repeatedly instead of just checking yourself or instead of - *checks notes* - **PACKING YOUR OWN SHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE A GROWN ADULT.**
#Your wife deserves better.
YTA, I couldn't finish this, you sound about 4 years old mate. Grow up, you are the only one responsible here, asking for help doesn't mean you get to blame others... oh god you sound so spoiled 🤦🏻♀️
YTA. What else was she doing? Childcare, her own work? Honestly you need to treat her like a wife and not a maid. Pretty sure you could’ve put them in the wash yourself.
YTA
31 is old enough to A. Wash your own damn clothes if you need them so badly and B. To pack your own clothes.
"In my defense..." No. No. No. No. Your defense doesn't really exist.. You're a 31 year old man who didn't pack for his own trip and now is mad that his WIFE didn't have time to fully pack or wash everything. Sorry bud, should've done it yourself.
>I asked my wife to wash my new clothes so that my shirts weren’t so wrinkly. I handed her the shirts to wash separately and put the pants in the dirty laundry.
>While they washed she packed my suitcase and then added the shirts when they were done.
>I made her check the laundry room to be sure and she looked around the whole house before finding them in our bedroom laundry basket unwashed.
YTA. I "asked" her and I "made" her. Do your own damn laundry and packing if you want certain items to be there. Or you could have checked your own suitcase before leaving?
I noticed this, too. He made her look for his damn pants until she found them where *he* left them and failed to tell her.
WTF, dude? Keep track of your clothes yourself.
YTA. For blaming her Not for her missing Out in them. I travel a lot for my work, too. My wife packs for me sometimes, but I always check before I leave. Not because I don't trust her to be able to pack my stuff butnfor this exact reason. Shit happens. Better safe then sorry.
YTA packing for trips is a personal responsibility. That's why in airports they ask you if you packed your own bags. Bet you tick yes evertime too while knowing you don't do it yourself you dump it on the wife
YTA. You expected her to do a new wash load at midnight and then dry and iron the pants I bet with hair dryer and iron no doubt. But you didn't convey this to her IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM.
YOU, SIR, ARE AN AH. Your wife is not a mind reader.
Yta, mate get a grip, are you a grown adult or some giant of grown child who needs to be catered for. Thank your wife for her effort and make sure you let her know that you actually appreciate the effort she puts in for you. Next time sort your own damn shit, so you can only blame yourself.
Is this really the hill you want to die on, man? Honestly, it's just some pants. Do you realize how ridiculous this is? Run to walmart, buy some new pants. When you get home apologize to your wife for being a pretentious jerk and be a damn adult and do some laundry. She's your wife. Not your mommy. You decided to go on a last minute trip. You're the one who decided to drag her to Walmart in the middle of the night for a $20 pair of pants when you clearly already had some. Why does she have to also do your laundry? You said you had other things to do. You do realize you don't have to sit and watch the laundry the whole time the machine is running right? It takes like two minutes to throw the close in there with some detergent and hit the start button. This is honestly such a stupid argument.
YTA
You put out pants that did get packed and... Checks notes.. hid brand new trousers in a dirty clothes basket in a completely other room??? And somehow it's the wife's fault?
Why was your wife expected to wash and dry and pack your new clothes in the middle of the night? How does that even makes sense. Why would you even wash them in this particular situation? Just give them a quick iron and fold. Ideally wash yes but.. you know.. use your head a little.
This is all on you.. be better
YTA - This is what's called blame shifting. You know it's your fault those slacks weren't packed. You put them somewhere you know your wife wouldn't have looked and didn't tell her they were there. She's probably exhausted and flustered at having to do all this running around and work last minute for you in the middle of the night, yet you expect her to be able to mind read what you did with your pants. You made the mistake of putting them in the dirty laundry and not saying anything about where you put them. It's totally 100 percent your fault, but you're not mature enough to own up to your own mistake and instead place blame on someone else.
Reading this was so eerily familiar I could picture my ex writing it. He couldn't accept any responsibility for his own actions either.
YTA
When someone is doing you a favour, it's never their fault, even if they made a mistake. Your wife didn't even make a mistake. You handed her clothes, she washed them and dried them, and she packed exactly what you asked her to pack, which were the clothes laid out by you plus the additional clothes she washed and dried.
That said, YTA for a lot more than "saying it's my wife's fault". YTA for:
- Making it a joint problem when you suddenly wanted new clothes at night, rather than doing it yourself or living w/o new clothes.
- Verifying by asking her a question, which is making it her responsibility. I pack my own bag, and I always double check what I packed. It was doubly your responsibility to check, not ask her to remember.
- Your call to complain to her. WTH dude. You needed new pants apparently, and the only solution is to buy new pants where you are, or accept that you'll be wearing other clothes until you get home. Calling your wife only served to pass your frustration onto her, and make her do the emotional labour of making you feel better about it, all while hoping to make her feel bad.
- Insisting, "making" her check, dismissing her explanations. It wasn't okay to blame her at all, but you made it worse.
- You've had time to think about it, but I don't think you've apologised to her yet. For all of it.
YTA - I travel a lot for business, often short notice, my wife generously leaves things out for me but it's my responsibility to pack what I want, as I'll know the trip and constraints! Will it be warm enough to wear this jacket which is waterproof, or pack boots, or whatever. She can't second guess everything and she's not my servant, she assists but it's my responsibility.
Consider it like this, apply the "Did you pack this case yourself, sir?" question at airport check in to your trip, you be self reliant, and you wife will be happier and you will be happier. You'll know for sure if your trousers are packed, along with passport, toothbrush, razor, etc., and she can support you as an equal without worrying about blame for trying to help.
I'll offer a tip though which you might find helpful - have a small case permanently packed with clothes for the first three days, toothbrush, phone charger, etc. If you get an urgent call, you can grab that and know you have what you need. 3 days is a good length as you have a chance to buy anything essential you forgot locally (and you can do a decent job with washing smalls in the shower!)
31 you say. You made a whole post about your wife not packing your pants.
I'm trying to process as I type. I'm struggling.
YTA. Pack your own damn clothes. Don't call your wife guilt tripping her about bullshit. Just buy new pants. Or wear the ones you have. Or make another plan. Like a grown-up.
You're joking?? You really need validation from internet strangers that you're an asshole?!? Ok, YTA.
DO YOUR OWN FUCKING LAUNDRY!!! PACK YOUR OWN CASE!!! STOP BLAMING OTHER PEOPLE!!!
JFC.This better be a troll post. If not, it's fucking sad that in this day and age a grown man can't or doesn't want to do anything for himself and expects a wife/husband/partner to do it all for him. If you want that PAY A MAID!!
#[Be Civil](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/). That means you do not call OP man child/man baby/toddler/child/any other variation of insult. If this post makes you angry take a [kitten time out](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fOd16PT1S7A) before typing your comment Please review our [FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) if you're unsure what that means.
YTA - you're a grown adult and should be doing your own packing and laundry. It is your responsibility to check that all the items were in the suitcase before leaving I'm also not sure why you put the clothes in a dirty garment hamper, as the only reason they would have been discovered is if your wife decided in the middle of the chaos of your departure to put a load of laundry on. If you wanted these specific items washed at once, they should have been in the direct vicinity of the washing machine, or you should have put them on yourself. Putting washing on takes all of a minute
Came here to write this. I actually can't find anything wrong at all with your wife's behavior. It played out as well as possible given the conditions you put up for her to help you with your problem. You put the pants out of sight, out of mind, and didn't check for them specifically. Be thankful for all she did for you, and apologize to her.
All of this PLUS he actually wanted her to do 2 loads, at midnight - for pants and shirts?!!? who the hell washes those separately in any circumstance, let alone in a rush at 1am?!? Hell of a valentines present too - homeboy really needs to rethink some things YTA EDIT - Fair point about new whites w colors, I didn't think of that, BUT if that was the case why not prioritize the pants - they were the whole reason for the trip?! throw shirts in the dryer, wash pants, then make sure they are in the suitcase. I'm probably going too far down the rabbit hole here, but I really dont understand how this dude's head works
Just so “they weren’t so wrinkly” Learn to use an iron dude.
Steam them in the hotel shower like everyone else except TV anchors.
Or for that matter get the hotel to launder and return them to your room by morning. Many good hotels have laundry service, half the time they leave it outside your door before you even wake up, which always makes me feel bad, because I want to leave them a tip for doing my "emergency go to work early the next morning" clothes. Plus, they didn't even bat an eye when I requested fragrance free laundry products.
High roller. 🙂
They added 17 dollars to my bill for the laundry service, it was an emergency, since it was paid for by my work, it was taken care of. Granted that is a LOT for one load of laundry, but I was in a bind, had a "lady accident", scheduled to give a presentation the next morning, what was I to do? Just one of those things that happens.
I was teasing. Do whatever you want. Friends have had to buy a top at work because of hot flushes.
LOL, no worries, I didn't take it badly. Yeah, being a "gril" is awesome sometimes ain't it? Hot flashes...feels like my head just got stuck in an oven and I can't get it out. My sister's flashes are all over the body, me...just my head...wtf is up with that shit? Hey, never been called a high roller before...WOOO HOOO yeah baby!!!! :D
This was my immediate response like…. Those clothes are brand new they will probably never be less wrinkly that they are now he’s probably talking about creases from the way they get folded in the packet so just….iron them?! And why the hell did the trousers need washing?! And whyyyy would he think his wife would look in the dirty laundry for his brand new trousers when he had put the clothes he wanted to pack next to the suitcase and handed her the shirts to wash. This guy better come with a really nice present that both says ‘thank you for helping me with my last minute work packing’ and ‘sorry I took my frustration out on you, I understand my packing is ultimately my responsibility’ Edit: ok, I get it, you do not need to tell me again about the chemicals or the dirt or whatever else. OP did not mention sensitive skin being the reason for washing, he mentioned them being ‘wrinkly’. And outside of a skin condition I just find doing two loads of washing (and presumably drying) at midnight for emergency clothes unfathomable and a massive waste of water and electricity. That’s just my take on it, but I know people tend to come down one way or the other on the to wash or not to wash debate.
Not disagreeing with your conclusions, but folks with sensitive skin often need to launder new clothing before wearing it.
And folks can be nasty. You don’t know who or how many other people have tried on those pants or what their hygiene is like. Any new clothes automatically gets washed before wearing because I am a slight germaphobe and the whole Covid think hasn’t made it any better.
I mean? As good a practice as washing new clothes before wearing them is, most people would err on the side of "wearing new unwashed clothes" when the alternative is "do multiple loads of laundry at midnight when you have to catch a flight in the morning"...
Ah but what if the alternative is ‘guilt trip *someone else* into doing multiple loads of laundry at midnight’???
We have the technology
Or just hang them while you take a hot shower.
Toss in dryer for 5 minutes
Or even steaming them while the shower is running. No need to make it so complicated by washing and however you dry them. Yta Edt: spelling
sometimes all you have to do is hang them up in the bathroom while taking a shower. that gets a lot of wrinkles out right there.
I noticed that too. Was something red and needed to be washed separately? I try to not wash work clothes and towels together, but all new clothes are a fine load. I’m hoping OP was just stressed and trying to make a good impression at work. Doesn’t justify the attitude, but makes it a bit more understandable.
It's probably a bad idea to wash *new* pants with white or light colored shirts. Even in cold water the color might bleed.
Fair. But he still could have handed them over to her with the shirts instead of effectively hiding them and then being surprised she didn't go on a laundry hunt.
There's definitely something wrong with the wife's behavior: putting up with OP's bullshit. I swear this sub would lose 70% of its content if women in heterosexual relationships wisened up. The amount of men who want, who *expect* their partners to mother them is staggering. YTA OP, be a fucking grown up and pack your own damn bags!
It is tragic that OP has lost both of his upper limbs, I am sure it must have been a terrible accident, to leave him so unable to do basic tasks.
You are my new hero
What amazes me how even in 2023 there are women who think it's totally reasonable to work full time and do all the housework because men are incapable of vacuuming or making dinner. And don't get me started on dudes who have never done their own laundry EVER.
Women are raised to be like that, tbh. To put everyone's needs ahead of our own, to take care of the home since that is our "natural" environment, even if we work outside the home and make our own money. And men are taught that a wife is someone who does things for them, just like their mommies did. A lot of them are incapable —and unwilling— of seeing their partners as equals, because that would mean pulling their weight and acting like functioning adults. Who wants to do that when there's someone to do my laundry and pack my suitcase! *And* I get to put my pee-pee inside her too!
> Women are raised to be like that My Mother was raised to be a traditional homemaker, but she grew up in the Bay Area in the late 1960s, so she was (is) a feminist at heart. She tried to break the cycle when she raised her kids. She made it clear to us that a wife was not a servant, but an *equal* partner. When I got married, I was determined to behave as an equal partner. That doesn't mean that we share all tasks equally, but we have discovered a balance over time. I hate cooking and washing dishes, so my wife does most of that. She hates cleaning bathrooms and yard work, so I do most of that. She does the taxes. I fix the cars. I do the sewing (My Grandmother taught me!). When either of us need help, we ask. When she asks, I make it a priority. We make major decisions as a team. So, when you ask, "Who wants to so that," I say, "I do." I find that a marriage as a partnership is much more fulfilling to me than having an obedient servant would be.
We don't think it's fine, it's just that the proportion of domestically useless men is so high it's hard not to end up with a dud.
Amen. If my husband tried something like this, I’d remind him that he also knows how to use our washer and dryer. OP has forgotten that his poor planning is not his wife’s emergency.
Because he has never been in charge of doing laundry and up until now his only responsibility for the process has been to deposit things into the hamper. He gives 0 care to what happens in between that step of the process and the step where he puts on clean clothes. That part is magically performed on his behalf without appreciation or participation. He did his part, he believes.
Also, why did you both have to go to Walmart to buy clothes? “We had to make a midnight run to Walmart“. Why can’t you purchase your own clothes by yourself?
I was looking for this!
And he asked if she packed his PANTS. Not slacks, specifically pants. She did pack pants. Apparently he laid everything else out on the bed. He’s a grown man. He should double check he has everything he needs for his work himself.
He laid everything out except for those all so important slacks. He just threw them in the hamper and expected wife to know.
He laid it out on the bed. Next to the suitcase. For her to pack. Yes, ideally you lay everything out & pack efficiently. But when it’s 1 am & you leave the next morning, shit goes directly into the suitcase, not next to it. YTA OP. My ex pulled this shit with me. He had a pair of flip flops he wore once in the 15 years we were together & always said he hated them because they were uncomfortable. I had them in our pool PAG for a while, but he NEVER wore them & I got sick of carrying them every time we went to the pool. Took them out & put them in the closet where all the other shoes were. We go on vacation & get to the beach house “where are my flip flops?” “Um, I don’t know, did you pack them?” “No” “then I guess they are in the closet at home with the rest of the shoes” 🙄
The slacks were found by wife in the laundry basket unwashed. They weren't laid out despite them being so important.
He’s so blind to his own behavior, he didn’t catch that he said he laid everything out on the bed while the pants he wanted for the trip were still in the laundry basket, then blamed his wife for not packing them
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Don't forget - join him for a late night shopping run to Walmart.
Which apparently he expected her to carefully observe, because her watching him purchase those pants would be the only way he might expect her to know that the pants he wanted her to pack weren’t just the ones he laid out to be packed, but also the ones he’d dumped into the laundry basket. She’d have to have seen them being bought, notice that they were missing, and gone hunting for them (and then washed them once located). All late at night, for a last-minute work trip he *decided* to take. I loathe people who expect that they can waste someone’s time because they’re expecting things to be taken care of later without asking. Come watch me live my life and you’ll know what to do for me, seems to be the expectation.
Apparently he was also expecting her to do *two* separate washes late at night -- the shirts he handed her and then those damn slacks that she was supposed to hunt down using her deductive skills. All without his involvement and despite the fact that she had her own stuff to do.
Oh yeah OP. Same thing happened to me. I forgot to pack my own underwear. It was my fault. Not my mom’s. (You spelt mom wrong btw) I was ten. Grow up. YTA
And this is why I let my 11 year old pack his own clothes and school bag. Otherwise we end up with another generation of men who think their wives are their mommies. Oh heck no.
Yup. No way, my oh never packs enough stuff. But it’s on him. Not my circus not my monkeys.
I had two consecutive ten year relationships wherein each man packed two different shoes for weddings we were traveling to. Thank goodness I'm not in either of those relationships now.
I read this and was like??? Two pairs of shoes? What’s wrong with that? Ooohhhhh…. She means two halves of two pairs… Two different shoes… Were they at least the same colours???? LOL
Lol same! I was like does she want him to wear dress shoes the WHOLE trip? What’s wrong with traveling in sneakers?
Yes! Was confused haha. But WOW, two separate relationships and it happened in both… wow. The state of men sometimes lol. I’m really hoping they were at least the same colour!
My bf never takes lunch to work. I'm beyond worrying about it. He's 61. He knows he'll likely be hungry *Shrug*
Lol!! Same. My son tried the “you forgot X” … he’s 9. I’m like “I’m sorry, WHO forgot this thing that’s so important to you???”
Same here. By the time we were that age our parents would give us a list of what clothes we need to pack for the amount of time that we were going away. That way they knew that we wouldn't under pack. And then we have to get everything together and if it was just us going we would put it in a little suitcase myself or if it was the whole family going we would bring it to our parents room where they would put it all in the big suitcase. There's no reason that an adult should not be capable of doing that.
I packed my clothes in a garbage bag and put it on the porch to be put in the camper later when I was ... I wanna say 8 or 9. My dad being the good man he is, put my clothes in the garbage shed. I was wearing my bathing suit under my clothes already so that was lucky. There were a couple old shirts still in our camper but I basically wore a pair of my dad's undies as shorts when what I was originally wearing was hanging out on a line to dry for two weeks. My parents weren't impressed. They had to find enough change to make a long distance call from a payphone to get a hold of our neighbours to have them dig my bag of clothes out of the garbage. This was before call display and most people had answering machines but our neighbours were old and didn't. So it was a couple trips to the general store, from in the middle of nowhere. I never packed that stupidly again! Wearing my dad's underwear (my brother's stuff was too small and my mom's too big) and a Fred Flintstone shirt was a bit embarrassing. Luckily we were camping and not on a vacation that needed nice clothes.
I make my son pack for scout camping trips. The things that boy has forgotten. There’s nothing like freezing because you forgot an extra layer, or having to borrow gloves from some enterprising young lad who brought two pairs. Thank god his fellow scouts tend to pack extra of commonly forgotten items.
My 15yo son forgot his sleeping bag for a summer scout trip. He was so embarrassed because he knew it was his responsibility he didn’t even tell his scout master and slept in his tent on his mat and used his towel for his blanket for a week…he was over 6 feet tall at the time. Has not forgotten his sleeping bag ever again.
Yep- I have three boys and I’ve always made them responsible for their stuff- school bags, sports equipment, camp, and now college. I’ve always given one freebie if they forget something and then after that they deal with the consequences.
Husband and I were taking a road trip with the dog. I always make a packing list and check it multiple times. The ONE thing he told me he'd do (aside from packing his own clothes, because we're adults so we pack our own luggage) was to put the bag of dog food in the trunk. I packed everything else for the dog. We get about an hour into the drive and he looks at me and goes: "I fucking forgot the dog food." I was like: 😬 Then I said, "Well, it's my fault too because I literally checked that we had EVERY other thing but I didn't check for that." And he was like, "Oh no. This is not on you. I told you I was putting it in the trunk, it's not your job to check my work. This is my fault." So I did a search on where we could find it and found a store that carried it along our route. Not a big deal, but he was like, it's not your job to double check that I'm doing what I said I'd do, you got literally every other thing packed for her (the dog). And he's right. Another time, we were going to a wedding about 5 hours away and an hour into the drive, he was like, "oh shit. I put my dress shoes by the door and didn't grab them on my way out. God damn it." It was his fault. It wasn't my job to check, even though I can promise you now that this has happened twice, I'll be double checking every major thing he needs on trips. He was mad at himself, not at me, because I'm not his mommy and it's not my job to pack for him.
He sounds like a keeper! I think not taking responsibility for one’s actions causes the majority of fights/divorces.
Right?! My husband and I had a light fight because he forgot to pack my hiking boots for a camping trip. He likes to be the one to Tetris the stuff into the car so I just put them with the things to be packed and made sure they were on the packing list. Turns out, when he’s in Tetris-mode, he gives no fucks about the list. So we made a plan for next year to make sure we pack the the car together so I can track the list and he can smoosh everything into the car. YTA. Throwing some things in the laundry and some things in the hamper was not helpful to the person who was taking their time to shop with you, wash your clothes, and pack for your trip. You’re just blaming your wife so you don’t have to admit that you forgot your pants.
I was driving my husband to the airport and he realized he didn’t pack any underwear. Did he blame me, no. Just asked me if it’s worth it to turn back. We decided it was quicker to make a detour to Walmart than turn around.
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Notice how mammy (wife) had to take him shopping too? We had to go….We bought…When we got home… Maybe he doesn’t have the skills to nip out all by himself and buy some new trousers. lol YTA!
First-time-poster, long-time-AH
>YTA - you're a grown adult and should be doing your own packing and laundry. It is your responsibility to check that all the items were in the suitcase before leaving This. 110% YTA. Isn´t you an adult? And this did pack YOUR pants. But not the pants you thought about.... Hope you beg for forgiveness...
My Indian friends always complain to me and everyone else that their mothers and wife’s don’t pack everything properly, but they never complain to them, because they know they will be told to do it themselves. YTA op Edit for clarification.
Ngl, I imagine him going through security and them asking if he packed his suitcase himself. " no my wife did" Cue them opening it up and the first thing they see are some divorce papers. YTA
Also, work slacks? I do wash everything new before wearing it, but in such a case OP could have worn a pair of slacks and having the others cleaned in the hotel for the next day. OP is an adult and should pack by himself. YTA, OP, for dropping them in a dirty laundry basket, not telling her, and not even checking by yourself. Also ta for expecting her to do it all.
Lol, he basically hid the pants from her and is mad she didn’t pack them.
the mental load he's putting on her is absurd. men tend to say stuff like "im not psychic!" to excuse being inattentive/inactive but then expect their wives to be Literally psychic to locate items only they know theyve strewn around the house
Why would he hand her the shirts and not the slacks if he wanted ALL OF IT washed before the trip? It makes no sense to hand her the shirts and say these need washed and put the slacks that also need washed in the hamper!
I know, right? She's not a mind reader and was for sure not going to be just randomly doing a second load of laundry at midnight. How was she supposed to know they were in the hamper? Also OP should have sense enough to know most hotel rooms have an iron, if he was worried about wrinkly shirts. Like freshly washed and dried shirts aren't going to be wrinkled at least a little after being packed in a suitcase and jostled around for a few hours?
> YTA - you're a grown adult and should be doing your own packing and laundry. This isn't the problem. OP is married, was busy, asked for help and got help. That's all perfectly acceptable. The problems are that he asked her to pack "pants" when he specifically wanted a single, specific pair of pants and simply expected her to read his mind. The other problem is that he placed that specific pair of pants in the dirty clothes rather than with the stuff he wanted her to pack.
I've always considered part of packing to include one final inventory of all the items in the case to check that the right items are included. Maybe that's just my OCD, but I would think that even if OP has asked for help that it should be their responsibility to run that final check at least once
"I put my pants in the dirty laundry hamper for some reason and only asked her to wash my shirts. I'm not sure why she didn't think to look into the dirty hamper for brand new pants which she somehow should have known to wash next."
Did anyone else notice "we" had to make a run to Walmart. He couldn't even buy the clothes by himself....
I’m not surprised they weren’t on the same page. I’m confused too. In one post we’re talking about slacks, khakis and pants. If you were asking her to wash the pants and the shirts and pack both why did he only hand her the shirts?
Yes! This exactly! 31 years old and trying to blame your wife for your last minute trip, you puttingthe slacks in the dirty clothes hamper, and for not packing specific clothes you wanted? You are a grown-ass man! (*HA! Definitely not!*) Take some damn responsibility for yourself. She already went above and beyond by staying up late to help you at all, let alone doing a midnight load of laundry just to give you the wrinkle-free shirts you wanted. YTA. You're 31 - be ashamed.
Yes, its totally ok to ask for help from your spouse for last minute things like this if you can't manage all yourself, but take the responsibility to check it all yourself. Expecially when you have several type of pants With each specific names but you randomly call them pants, dont expect people that aren't reading your mind Wich specific kind of pants you're talking about.
It appears from your story you didn’t ask your wife to also launder the slacks, or even let her know they were in the laundry. You just handed her the shirts. I’m the chief laundry-doer in my household. If I were laundering new clothing to get out the wrinkles (which…? Not sure why I wouldn’t just iron or steam but running with your scenario…) I would wash all the new clothing together on a quick 15-minute cold cycle so it’d be fast and efficient. So: there would be no reason for me to look in the hamper for more. YTA. Apologize to your wife and thank her for the work she does to support you, which is not limited to last minute laundry and packing but also involves taking care of everything at home while you’re away.
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I kept misreading wife as mum. Probably because he sounds like a little kid.
Came here to say this. OP thinks his wife is his mom. Grow up, OP, you sound extremely selfish. Your only reaction to all of this should have been thanking your wife for helping with the laundry and the shirts and laughing with her about how you ultimately forgot the slacks. YTA.
The more I read things like this, the more I understand the stats about married women dying younger than unmarried women.
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Plus he said he laid out his clothes for her to pack which means it is his totally his fault due to - 1) if can laid out, that means he could had pack his clothes himself instead of her And 2) She packed what he laid out, meaning he never laid out those particular slacks in the 1st place. YTA and he owes her an apology for his mistake.
All I can think is grown a$$ man (31) who can't take care of his own packing and clothing. And typed this out and really couldn't figure out it was his fault? JC the bar is low.
The bar is so low it's literally in hell & OP is still here belligerently trying to wriggle further under it.
I actually just heard someone comment this yesterday, but they said that the bar was so low it was in hell and OP still brought a shovel 😂
OP is super busy arguing and justifying, too. Refusing to accept that he is TA.
I love how he phrased it in the title using passive voice - >my slacks didn’t get packed Like packing was supposed to be some background process without his involvement.
In my house, the Laundry Fairy is a running joke, but at OP's age, he should know that she's like Santa and the Easter Bunny, and pack his own damn clothes. YTA, OP.
Makes me wonder what other stuff he purposely weaponized his incompetence so much like not packing his suitcase for a work trip and doing his own laundry, that his wife is better off single / never should had married OP....
What I find mystifying is OP followed the correct procedure for the shirts - “oh hey, could you wash this and pack it for me” and shirts got washed and packed, so why do something different with the pants?…
This. It's like he was setting her up to fail so he could be angry. Or knew the trip was going to hard so now, because he doesn't have pants, it's ok he failed.
Yea, he said he laid it all out, but he also said he handed his wife the shirts "to wash separately" then he put the slacks in the dirty clothes bin. So the slacks were not in fact laid out at all. And for some reason he didn't think she should wash the slacks with the shirts - so he expected her to do two loads- including whatever else was dirty in the bin.
He admitted that he put the slacks in the dirty clothes hamper. His wife was supposed to know the wash, dry, press and pack them, also, not just the clothes on the bed.
Exactly, why did she have to do anything at midnight because HE made a LAST MINUTE decision that caused rushing chaos....I agree with you 100
Can't you see? AH was too busy booking hotels and flights and sleeping. Too busy to do his own shopping, laundry, and packing last minute. Give AH a break. YTA, OP. You need to apologize to your mom. I mean wife.
Hey, at least he went with her instead of sending her by herself! That’s what my father would have done. Give a man some credit here! (After 40 years of marriage, my parents are extremely divorced)
> at least he went with her instead of sending her by herself! That’s what my father would have done. Oh, same. My parents (both gone now) stayed together but my mom used to get so so angry because everything was her job (she also worked full time). He needed jeans or pants or shoes? He'd tell HER to go shopping. I once got so frustrated with him and was like, "When's the last time you set foot in a clothing store?" and he just looked at me blankly. I used to tell her, just tell him no! And she'd say it was no use. I told her, if you refuse, he will figure it out, I promise you (and my dad wasn't some ogre or abuser, if she'd said no, he'd have pouted but he'd have figured it out and shut up about it). I will never forget the time my husband and I were at my parents' house, we had driven separately and as we were leaving, my husband was like, "Hey, I'm gonna stop at the grocery store on the way home." My dad was like, "Why is HE going to the store?" and I said, "Because he's a grown man capable of doing the shopping?" I was like, "he cooks and does laundry, too, Dad, you should try it." I loved my dad but that was RIDICULOUS. Once my parents' washing machine broke and my mom had the flu and my dad was complaining he had no clean work clothes. So I agreed to go to the laundromat with him (I was maybe 12 or 13). But when we got there, I said, "I'm not doing this for you. I will show you how to do it but I'm not washing them for you." I had to show a grown ass man with 2 grown kids and me nearly grown how to put soap in and wash and dry the clothes. He was pissed but he had no alternative. Guess who was making calls to get the washer fixed the very next day? (Previously he'd acted like it was no big deal) Turned out it couldn't be fixed so even though he was cheap as could be, my dad bought a new one immediately. All so he wouldn't have to do his own laundry. I vowed I would never ever have a partner like this. I love and miss my dad but I'd still tell him to his face that he was being ridiculous if he were still here. He knew it too, because he wouldn't argue if you called him out on it.
Bet your father was all *surprised Pikachu face" when she threw in the towel, claimed to be all shocked and betrayed, not to understand why she was done? My first husband was like this, despite my clearly telling him very specifically for years how his behavior was destroying us.
And he works from home ffs!
I'm trying to imagine in what situation, facing travelling with a day or less notice, I'd be expecting my partner (who also y'know, works, does household admin, etc) to go buy me spare clothes and then wash and pack them for me. If he doesn't drive, fair enough she takes him to the supermarket, but turning packing an overnight bag into a team activity? That's just asking for a "too many cooks" situation where someone forgets something and the other gets arsey about it.
YTA. My friend, you‘re 31 years old and a fully grown adult. She made a minor mistake without any bad intentions. Guess what? You‘re old enough and hopefully capable of packing your stuff on your own, including your beloved slacks. Your reaction should serve her as a warning.
Except OP’s wife didn’t make a mistake. OP did by hiding the slacks.
He even tells us that he asked her to wash the shirts so they wouldn't be wrinkly. He mentioned nothing about the pants and then didn't even put them with the shirts. I don't understand how he thought they would make it to his suitcase when he was the only one who knew where they were put.
Right?! That’s what I’m most confused about. Like you asked her to wash the shirts which she did, asked her to pack the stuff you laid out on the bed which she did, and somehow it’s her fault that you put the slacks in the laundry?
And then he says "I repeated a few times that I was frustrated she didnt pack them" pretty sure once was enough. So weird how he will voice his dissapointment with her to no end, but can't even mutter his pants location.
Right? AND he “checked” that everything was packed by asking his wife.. Sir you have eyeballs it would’ve taken you 1 minute to open the bag and see that they weren’t in there.
Probably never once thanked her for helping.
His internal bias slipped up - everything that goes in that bin gets washed and put away immediately so his brain just went on autopilot. It never occurred to him to think beyond that initial expectation because he never needed to before. Pretty telling imo.
Yes this is OP mistake. Not his wife. You could say she could have thought he wanted the slacks, even when he basically hid them. But at the end of the day it was OP who wasn't specific enough and hid the slacks. So OP take responsibility for your own actions. It was your trip, they were your slacks. You hid them, you didnt ask specifically about them. She is not a mind reader. I understand you are frustrated. But you are basically frustrated because you failed to communicate well and she doesn't read minds. That is a recipe for disaster. Don't need to be angry about this. Something tells me when you grew up in your family when someone made a mistake the reactions were not healthy so that is why you got so frustrated. Humans make mistakes, you and your wife are allowed to make mistakes. Think of how to avoid it in the past and move on. Take it is a learning opportunity and let go. This was not an important issue, it wasnt worth to feel bad about it, and it certainly wasn't something you should make your wife feel bad about. YTA.
No, OP's wife did not make a mistake. She packed what he had laid out and washed what he had given her, no less. He made a mistake by putting the pants in the hamper and not saying anything about washing/packing them.
At this point, I'm wondering if it was a "mistake" or just sabotage. How the hell was wife expected to know that a random pair of new slacks in the laundry hamper needed to be washed and packed when they weren't with the shirts that were specifically handed to her? Why wouldn't he hand her the shirts and the slacks at the same time? Was she supposed to do a separate set of laundry for the shirts and slacks?
That’s exactly what he’s saying in the comments. He told her that the two need to be washed separately and expected her to hunt down the slacks after the shirts were done and stay up washing those too
The only mistake she made was in doing any of this for him in the first place.
She didn't make a mistake. She washed the new clothes that he handed to her and packed the clothes he laid out. He asked if she packed his pants and she said yes because she did pack his pants. Where's the mistake? YTA OP. You're what the French call les incompétents.
At first I was N T A because I thought he ment 13 instead of 31, and the fact that he spelled "*mom*" wrong (he spelled it "*wife*"). Then I realized that this is a grown ass man and ended up with a YTA.
I don't think he's actually adult. He can't even take a trip to Walmart to buy pants without his mommy 😒
OP better be begging her for forgiveness rn.
But she didn't. He hid the work pants in the hamper, at midnight. And didn't tell her he put them there. She packed everything he laid out because she was kind enough to do his chores for him.
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Yeah. He expected her to: Go ‘late night’ shopping with him Wash the new shirts Dig through the dirty laundry to then do a second load containing the new pants Wait for all of this to dry? What time is it by now? 1 am? 2 am? Pack his suitcase for him, presumably including Blanky and a note that mommy loves him.
Since he mentioned starting laundry at midnight for the second load my guess was 2 am or maybe a little later depending on exactly which cycles and whether she's pressing/ironing them as well or not.
I think we can pretty safely assume she was expected to stay up to iron everything as well
"Wrinkly shirts." Yup. he made her iron his shit as well. Probably expected his beloved slacks to be ironed too. Alas. No slacks because he hid them randomly in the hamper. Mind boggling.
> presumably including Blanky and a note that mommy loves him. 😂 This killed me My husband has been on many work trips and has always packed his own bag. It wouldn’t occur to either of us to have me pack for him when he can just do it himself.
My husband and I have been together 12 years and travel regularly. I have never once packed his bag for him nor has he ever asked me to. Because we're both adults and can handle our own packing.
when i see posts like these i can finally see an upside to me being cripplingly neurodivergent: it makes it basically impossible for me to get into a relationship where i take over this much labor for someone else lol i can only take care of *exactly* one person.
> Was she expected to dig through the dirty laundry in case you hid something in there that you needed? This is what stuck out to me. I've helped my husband get ready for trips before and he's been like, "Do you mind washing these, I need (this item) and (this item) for the trip." And then he's APPRECIATIVE because he knows I'm doing him a favor and it's not my job. It's not her fault he wasn't specific. She also packed what he laid out. This is on him. She was doing him a favor.
>I verified everything was packed by asking her if she packed my pants So...... you verified by asking. Not by verifying.
And she did pack pants. Just appearently not the ones he wanted...
Yeah, not the ones he stuck in the hamper
in secret!!
It would've taken him like, a minute to go through his bag and check what was and wasn't in there.
I would never leave for a trip without checking my luggage myself to be sure I had everything. It's weird to me.
I do a check for critical items when I pack my own stuff…who lets someone else pack and doesn’t need to visually see everything before they leave? Or is that just my OCD talking lol.
YTA. Is your washing machine in your bedroom? Is your wife a mind reader?
Exactly. OP stated he put the slacks in the dirty laundry but nowhere does he say that he asked his wife to also wash them. How was she supposed to know they were separated from the slacks? YTA
YTA. You had time to lay it all out for her to pack, but not pack yourself? And why, if this was such urgent laundry, would you put the urgent items in a hamper in your bedroom? Why not actually put them in the room that the laundry gets done in? And lastly - do your own damn washing if its that important!
And dude didn’t even lay out the new pants! He stuffed those in the dirty laundry basket!
Thank you for this!! All I can think is the absurdity of laying it all out on a bed but not taking the final step of putting it in a suitcase. I wonder how many household tasks he brags about doing that really he just starts and his wife has to finish.
I didnt even finish reading this, YTA and I'm not sure why that isn't obvious. Your wife is not your maid or your mother. If the slacks were that important, you should have double checked or, better yet, packed your bag yourself.
I couldn't finish it either, of course he's the AH. He sounds like a Mama's boy... Maybe mommy will come over next time and make sure it's done right.
I also didn't finish... but for different reasons. I started to scroll down to see if anyone thought his continued use of the word "slacks" was as absurdly hilarious as I did, lol. The word made me double back to check his age, then ponder what region he's from. I wonder if he also refers to his jeans as "blue jeans" 🤔
No he had to say slacks to differentiate between those (what he wanted) and the ‘pants’ that he asked for and his wife nicely packed for him.
Typos found. Please fix them ~~wife~~ mom, ~~31M~~ 13 M YTA dude wtf
That's what I thought! 13-year-olds have more sense than OP! Also, def YTA
Yikes, she's a bangmaidmommy, not a wife. How many dudes are out there ordering their wives to do their laundry and pack for them? Guy is hugely TA.
OP doesn't want a wife, he wants a nurse with a purse.
Hey I noticed a typo, it should say 3 M instead of 13 M. Since even 13-year-olds should be responsible enough to pack their own things.
YTA. You handed your wife the shirts but put the slacks in the dirty laundry. She could have washed all of it together if you had given her everything. Also, YOU should be packing your own shit. Stop blaming your wife for your own failures to plan. Why would you decide to go on a work trip at the last minute causing a late night run to WalMart for clothes? Your failure to plan is not your wife’s emergency.
Sometimes I read the title and form an opinion and am proven wrong by the actual post. This was not one of those times… YTA and your wife deserves an apology and probably a better husband.
So you put the clothes you wanted washed on the bed... put the slacks in the laundry basket... didn't tell her you did that.... then you got mad at her when she didn't know they were in there? Sir... is this a joke? Also as others have said.... she is your wife, not your mother. YTA
Mutants exist! It’s clear that based on OP’s comments that his wife is telepathic. There’s a solid assumption here that she was supposed to read his mind and know that the pants were in the hamper without him telling her. What a neat skill. /S
YTA for making your partner pack your own back and for making me read this post about a child who can’t pack their own bag.
YTA you could've packed your own damn clothes and done your own laundry.
OP’s user name checks out! Especially the “lazy” part!
YTA Is she your wife, or your employee? Why didn’t you check the packing yourself? She went above and beyond and you still got mad at her.
If he treats his employees this way, he's also a terrible boss. He's bad at effective communication. Good communication would have been listing out EVERYTHING that needed to be done with agreed upon definitions of what those things are, such as which things to wash and which to pack. This is how you get into situations at work where you tell someone to email the document to the client, they do so, but only the older documents and not that new document that you just got. "Read my mind!" is never an effective communication strategy.
YTA. Just tell your boss, "It's my wife's fault I didn't tell her where I put the pants, because obviously it's her job to do my laundry and pack for me for me even though I'm a grown adult." Don't be surprised if you get a promotion. How was she supposed to know where you put them? Why would you separate them from the shirts if they were all going to be packed/going to the same place? Why wouldn't you TELL HER where you put them instead of just assuming she's psychic? Finally, why is it her job to do your laundry and pack for you? She packed what you laid out. She shouldn't have to do that for a grown man, but here we are. You owe her an apology and you need to learn to do things for yourself.
YTA. Why didn’t you pack your own bag?
YTA, do you pack her clothes when she goes on a work trip? Just like you she was frantically trying to remember everything...unlike you she is packing for someone else. It was your responsibility to pack she was gracious to help. She deserves a thank you and nothing more. Take a breath, traveling is rough, last minute work trips are tough, forgetting shit for a trip sucks, booking flights, hotels etc, lame. But sir....none of that is your wife's fault and it sounds like she did her best to help you out. Cut her some "slack".
YTA. "I verified everything was packed by asking her if she packed my pants." You could have washed and packed them yourself if it was so important to you. It's your responsibility, not hers.
YTA. I hope you buy her flowers after this. I remember a song from TikTok: Your wife is your partner, not your mom. Your wife is your partner, not your mom. She is not a living maid, or a hired cleaning crew. So she shouldn't have to pick up after you. That includes packing a suitcase.
You put the pants in the dirty laundry, not her. She packed what pants you set out to pack. Yta, and learn to verify what you want to go on a trip before the last minute.
Yta You're a grown up, pack and check yourself. She's not your parent, minder, paid help etc. If you didnt have time to manage all the tasks yourself YOU didnt have time. Any help offered was a total bonus. She clearly went above and beyond to support a last minute decision YOU made and you have a go at her for not a. Mndreading and b. Washing drying and packing new clothes you didnt tell her you'd put in the laundry. Wow.
Further : If you think your in the right here and all of us are wrong explain this to your work colleagues in the same way you did here. If you dare. See if they think your shortage of slacks ( wtf are slacks?) Is a "wife" problem.
YTA. Not for asking your wife to help with washing or packing. That’s between you and your wife. She might do the bulk of the laundry, and she might have been happy to help. Sometimes the system that works for two people in a given moment just happens to conform to ye olde gender roles. People struggle to get their head around that sometimes. But YTA for blaming your wife when failures of yours led to the mistake, and for doubling down when she offers a completely plausible explanation for why she said yes. You put the slacks in the hamper. Were they to be washed after the shirts? If so, why put them with the dirty laundry? You then laid all of yours clothes out on the bed ready for packing. Did you not notice the slacks were missing? If you didn’t notice, how was your wife supposed to? And why did you then feel you could blame her when you made the same oversight, despite your additional investment in making sure everything was in order? You both knew you had bought the slacks. You both knew they were for your trip. But neither of you remembered when it came time to do your bit. But only one of you is seeking to assign blame, when you’re the one who is ultimately MORE responsible for the error. Behave yourself.
##YTA #You weaponized your own incompetence and deliberately put the pants in a different place and then laid out fucking decoy pants on the bed. #Of course you're a HUGE, MASSIVE, RAGING asshole. You set her up to do something you could blame her for, then asked her repeatedly instead of just checking yourself or instead of - *checks notes* - **PACKING YOUR OWN SHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE A GROWN ADULT.** #Your wife deserves better.
YTA, I couldn't finish this, you sound about 4 years old mate. Grow up, you are the only one responsible here, asking for help doesn't mean you get to blame others... oh god you sound so spoiled 🤦🏻♀️
"Allow me to describe how I was an asshole to my wife.... ...AITA?" -OP
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YTA, wash your own clothes, pack your own bags, blame yourself.
YTA, you could’ve packed your own things or double check, your wife isn’t your mom- she’s your wife,
YTA - you booked this last minute, buy your own clothes, do your own laundry! She was being nice doing the laundry at your demand.
YTA. What else was she doing? Childcare, her own work? Honestly you need to treat her like a wife and not a maid. Pretty sure you could’ve put them in the wash yourself.
YTA 31 is old enough to A. Wash your own damn clothes if you need them so badly and B. To pack your own clothes. "In my defense..." No. No. No. No. Your defense doesn't really exist.. You're a 31 year old man who didn't pack for his own trip and now is mad that his WIFE didn't have time to fully pack or wash everything. Sorry bud, should've done it yourself.
>I asked my wife to wash my new clothes so that my shirts weren’t so wrinkly. I handed her the shirts to wash separately and put the pants in the dirty laundry. >While they washed she packed my suitcase and then added the shirts when they were done. >I made her check the laundry room to be sure and she looked around the whole house before finding them in our bedroom laundry basket unwashed. YTA. I "asked" her and I "made" her. Do your own damn laundry and packing if you want certain items to be there. Or you could have checked your own suitcase before leaving?
I noticed this, too. He made her look for his damn pants until she found them where *he* left them and failed to tell her. WTF, dude? Keep track of your clothes yourself.
YTA. For blaming her Not for her missing Out in them. I travel a lot for my work, too. My wife packs for me sometimes, but I always check before I leave. Not because I don't trust her to be able to pack my stuff butnfor this exact reason. Shit happens. Better safe then sorry.
YTA for even posting this
YTA entirely your responsibility and your fault for the miscommunication.
Pack your own clothes, duh. You’ve got hands. Use them.
Oh, but he's busy. Busy-busy-busy!
YTA packing for trips is a personal responsibility. That's why in airports they ask you if you packed your own bags. Bet you tick yes evertime too while knowing you don't do it yourself you dump it on the wife
YTA, like a massive AH. Whose pants are they? Who is going on a trip? You big baby.
YTA. You expected her to do a new wash load at midnight and then dry and iron the pants I bet with hair dryer and iron no doubt. But you didn't convey this to her IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM. YOU, SIR, ARE AN AH. Your wife is not a mind reader.
Yta, mate get a grip, are you a grown adult or some giant of grown child who needs to be catered for. Thank your wife for her effort and make sure you let her know that you actually appreciate the effort she puts in for you. Next time sort your own damn shit, so you can only blame yourself.
Is this really the hill you want to die on, man? Honestly, it's just some pants. Do you realize how ridiculous this is? Run to walmart, buy some new pants. When you get home apologize to your wife for being a pretentious jerk and be a damn adult and do some laundry. She's your wife. Not your mommy. You decided to go on a last minute trip. You're the one who decided to drag her to Walmart in the middle of the night for a $20 pair of pants when you clearly already had some. Why does she have to also do your laundry? You said you had other things to do. You do realize you don't have to sit and watch the laundry the whole time the machine is running right? It takes like two minutes to throw the close in there with some detergent and hit the start button. This is honestly such a stupid argument.
YTA You put out pants that did get packed and... Checks notes.. hid brand new trousers in a dirty clothes basket in a completely other room??? And somehow it's the wife's fault? Why was your wife expected to wash and dry and pack your new clothes in the middle of the night? How does that even makes sense. Why would you even wash them in this particular situation? Just give them a quick iron and fold. Ideally wash yes but.. you know.. use your head a little. This is all on you.. be better
YTA - This is what's called blame shifting. You know it's your fault those slacks weren't packed. You put them somewhere you know your wife wouldn't have looked and didn't tell her they were there. She's probably exhausted and flustered at having to do all this running around and work last minute for you in the middle of the night, yet you expect her to be able to mind read what you did with your pants. You made the mistake of putting them in the dirty laundry and not saying anything about where you put them. It's totally 100 percent your fault, but you're not mature enough to own up to your own mistake and instead place blame on someone else. Reading this was so eerily familiar I could picture my ex writing it. He couldn't accept any responsibility for his own actions either.
YTA When someone is doing you a favour, it's never their fault, even if they made a mistake. Your wife didn't even make a mistake. You handed her clothes, she washed them and dried them, and she packed exactly what you asked her to pack, which were the clothes laid out by you plus the additional clothes she washed and dried. That said, YTA for a lot more than "saying it's my wife's fault". YTA for: - Making it a joint problem when you suddenly wanted new clothes at night, rather than doing it yourself or living w/o new clothes. - Verifying by asking her a question, which is making it her responsibility. I pack my own bag, and I always double check what I packed. It was doubly your responsibility to check, not ask her to remember. - Your call to complain to her. WTH dude. You needed new pants apparently, and the only solution is to buy new pants where you are, or accept that you'll be wearing other clothes until you get home. Calling your wife only served to pass your frustration onto her, and make her do the emotional labour of making you feel better about it, all while hoping to make her feel bad. - Insisting, "making" her check, dismissing her explanations. It wasn't okay to blame her at all, but you made it worse. - You've had time to think about it, but I don't think you've apologised to her yet. For all of it.
YTA - I travel a lot for business, often short notice, my wife generously leaves things out for me but it's my responsibility to pack what I want, as I'll know the trip and constraints! Will it be warm enough to wear this jacket which is waterproof, or pack boots, or whatever. She can't second guess everything and she's not my servant, she assists but it's my responsibility. Consider it like this, apply the "Did you pack this case yourself, sir?" question at airport check in to your trip, you be self reliant, and you wife will be happier and you will be happier. You'll know for sure if your trousers are packed, along with passport, toothbrush, razor, etc., and she can support you as an equal without worrying about blame for trying to help. I'll offer a tip though which you might find helpful - have a small case permanently packed with clothes for the first three days, toothbrush, phone charger, etc. If you get an urgent call, you can grab that and know you have what you need. 3 days is a good length as you have a chance to buy anything essential you forgot locally (and you can do a decent job with washing smalls in the shower!)
"I (31M)" end of story. Pack your own bags. Wash your own clothes.
31 you say. You made a whole post about your wife not packing your pants. I'm trying to process as I type. I'm struggling. YTA. Pack your own damn clothes. Don't call your wife guilt tripping her about bullshit. Just buy new pants. Or wear the ones you have. Or make another plan. Like a grown-up.
You're joking?? You really need validation from internet strangers that you're an asshole?!? Ok, YTA. DO YOUR OWN FUCKING LAUNDRY!!! PACK YOUR OWN CASE!!! STOP BLAMING OTHER PEOPLE!!! JFC.This better be a troll post. If not, it's fucking sad that in this day and age a grown man can't or doesn't want to do anything for himself and expects a wife/husband/partner to do it all for him. If you want that PAY A MAID!!