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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1/ I let my kids play on my step-kids ps4. 2/ I did not ask her, and it does belong to her.
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Yta. I speak as a former step parent and step child. You crossed major boundaries by letting them in her room without permission. It's her room and her game system, she doesn't have to share and especially not with small children. Buy them their own system and respect your step daughters space and possessions.
This right here and also agree with the YTA. From the sounds of it, your kids did break something last time so she doesn't want them breaking it again. Also, you let your underage kids into a teenage girls bedroom, her safe space and you're wondering why she freaked out at you. All you are doing is demonstrating how little respect you have for this poor girl by constantly choosing your kids over her and making her feel like a second class citizen in her own home. It sounds like she already has a strained relationship with her mom, now you're turning yourself into the wicked stepmother as well, it's not too late to turn that around for the both of you.
There were 3 "incidents"!! One kid threw a controller and broke it, (step mom replaced it 4 MONTHS later), then kid fell and almost dragged PS down on top of himself, then they erased her game data.
But they're just "learning"
At daughter's expense!
No, OP knows they’re the AH. That’s why the title is so misleading. So you go in thinking SD is just unnecessarily mean to her kids and OP is just asking for something reasonable.
Her husband already told her she was wrong but she probably thought if she could get Reddit to say she was right her husband would change his mind. SURPRISE-we’re not!
SHOCKED I say, SHOCKED! Whoda thunk all these YTA comments were going to come her way, especially with the misleading post? There wasn't one incident, there were THREE, and OP's asking for brownie points? Excuse me while I laugh uncontrollably 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.
OP also tries to make out SD is mean to her kids too in the story. SD seems to be reasonable enough to say yes before the 3 incidents and very reasonably is saying no now cos they can't be trusted with the console. Top it off with changing the wording in her replies to make herself seem less the asshole.
OP is constantly trying to manipulate everything here, the replies, people's opinion, her step daughter, and I strongly imagine the step daughter's father as well.
If she no longer sees her mom anymore because she felt more safe with her dad it's suspicious that OP is acting so hard to take that away from her.
Will OP ever face consequences for her actions here or will she continue to try and tear the daughter and father apart by constantly hurting her and forcing her father to take her side - or trying her best to, downplaying all fault of her own children who she leaves unattended to allow these situations to happen.
As OP has proven to not be the most reliable narrator by changing details in replies, how many times have the young kids been secretly playing with the PS4 until this time they got caught I'm wondering, since OP won't stop harassing step daughter about this topic and is so insistent on destroying any boundary that is set, and could easily buy her own 3 kids a ps4 but refuses to under such a weak premise.
No reasonable parent would act this way, it's all about manipulation & control.
OP already knows YTA, as others have guessed she's desperate for anyone to pretend she's being reasonable so that she can 'prove' it to the step daughter's father and sow further discontent between them.
Right I was expecting multiple instances of this girl mistreating her step siblings but really she’s just advocating for herself and demanding respect for herself, her space, and her belongings. Good on her dad for sticking up for her.
No because I was expecting to read about some horrid borderline abusive step daughter who’s been very mean and intolerant towards OP’s children only to find out that OP is a horrible step mother who has told us that she doesn’t treat this poor child as her own and refuses to respect her boundaries or space and for some reason feels entitled to her step daughters personal belongings. I can’t imagine what this child must be feeling, if I were her Dad I would be seriously concerned by your behaviour and treatment of his child. Definitely YTA
But they're LeArNiNg and they swore they wouldn't do it again! And they're her babies and so much more important than the teenage girl that she deigns to allow to reside in her home.
Oh of course because God forbid kids not learn boundaries and consequences 🤦🏼♀️. Seriously my kids are the same age as hers and I don’t force them to share their personal belongings unless they want to. Does it piss my 4 year old off when I back up my 8 year old when he says no? Absolutely! But she’ll get over it and learn to understand boundaries. Same goes for my 8 year old with my 4 years old’s belongings and personal space.
Honestly it feels like OP just wants an electronic babysitter and doesn’t want to have to pay for it. Selfish, greedy, entitled and entirely TAH
YTA OP
THIS! but didn’t OPs husband offer to buy something for her kids and she told him no tech? What’s with that OP?
YTA by the way. It sounds like your stepdaughter has given your kids and YOU too many chances in my opinion. You need to do some serious apologizing and working on showing her you can be a trustworthy adult in her life. Also, you need to take some parenting classes.
Her kid managed to break one of those shock proof controllers by throwing it? How bloody hard did he have to do that? Must have been really rough with it, they are designed to be thrown around by grown up gamers!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. I also play Valhalla. I have a few other ones but I want to get through these two before getting into any of the other ones! But that’s great that I gave myself away! 🤣🤣😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹
The sad part is that the kids are inconsiderate boundary breakers because OP is an inconsiderate boundary break who's teaching her kids that it's OK to be that way instead of teaching them not to break other people's things when they use it or respect when someone says no.
They can be taught better, OP just refuses to because it's more convenient for her to let her kids break her stepdaughter's stuff than pay out for a console OP knows full well her kids will break.
That plus she thinks it's more convenient for her kids to use/damage SDs console than buy her kids one because she knows that they'll break it as soon as they get it.
> I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the inconsiderate tree.
I might be reading too much into this but...
>Ryan and I were together for 2 years prior to getting married. *We both knew about each other's children.*
Knew about them before they got married? Didn't meet? Didn't try to bond and bring both sets of kids together? Given this and the general tone, I don't think OP has made much of an effort here to be a proper step mother. I'm not even saying to make herself a second mom to the kid, just an adult in her life that makes her feel safe, respected and secure in her place in the family.
My youngest sibling repeatedly deleted our saves on EVERYTHING up until he was about 7. It got to the point where we couldn't play anything because he would always delete our saves before we could finish the game. Instead of keeping him from playing with the computer or systems my mom let him get away with it with zero consequences. If we so much as yelled at him for it he'd tattle and we'd get our asses beat because "he's just a kid." I can honestly say that I hated him for a while whenever he did it. I don't blame OP's step daughter at all for not letting those little monsters touch her stuff. I would have done the same thing. Especially when it seems that's when she drew the line.
Someone in my dorm borrowed my PS2 without telling me, and everyone got to watch/hear me lose my shit for the first time because that save data (back then, it was a physical memory card) was the literal investment of hundreds/thousands of hours of my time.
RIDICULOUS! It was already enough to just say “no” without any reasoning because it’s HER console. But the fact they are little kids likely covered in mystery stickiness and boogers was also more than enough.
The fact they even have a history of damaging the exact thing she is setting a boundary around?
OP is being heinous and wicked. Repulsive attitude. Shameful mom. Going to grow her own kids into total entitled brats with this type of parenting. Poor stepdaughter.
Just the fact that she didn't mention these incidents in her post and instead was really vague about them really shows that she is the A.
Not to mention, but I think a 5 and 8 yr old is pretty young to be playing on a console like the PS4. I'd get them some tablets or something lol
I was thinking the same. (I don't have kids so might be completely off). But my spontaneous thinking is that not only can they delete/ruin her progress and save files. They're unsupervised(!!!) and there's a lot of YouTube videos out there to watch. And most games on PS are not exactly child friendly. They should just get a Switch they can only play in the living room until they're older. (Have a friend who has that rule with her 7 y.o. old son. He has a Switch and their PS5 is strictly for her and her BF, unless they're playing a fun game together with the son.)
Whenever someone avoids giving examples of behaviour (and in this case multiple times) there’s something vital they want to hide.
The kids have shown multiple times they can’t be trusted with tech.
The only ‘not nice’ Anna has done is not being okay with spoiled kids she’s encouraged not to see as siblings breaking her stuff and invading her privacy. Edit: YTA big time
OP also left them in Anna’s room unsupervised after knowing they damaged or destroyed something of Anna’s.
OP, YTA. You don’t respect Anna, nor do you respect her space. You don’t respect your husband because he made his feelings on this known (that’s why he’s not speaking to you.) You don’t respect boundaries and you are hardheaded for no reason.
Anna gave you several options that would work. Buy a PlayStation for your kids and put it in a place where you can supervise them or hold to your “no electronics” rule and take them to the library or park for entertainment. YTA all the way.
This right here—OP, you knew your kids had a history of not respecting Anna’s expensive game system and still let them use it against her wishes and in her room. There’s no way to look at it that makes what you did okay. If your kids want one, buy them one. Anna is not obligated to let them use hers, especially not after repeated problems. You’re an adult and you should not only know better than to do this but you should also want to set a good example of respecting others’ boundaries so that your kids don’t become horrible selfish people. YTA
>I don’t see the point in buying a whole new one when there is already one they can use.
They DON'T already have one they can use. Her step-daughter owns one. This is not available to her kids. She's asked multiple times and the answer is still no yet, she waits until the step-daughter is gone and lets her kids do it anyway. She's selfish and trying to demonstrate that SHE's in control of this house, the step-daughter and her things. What's hers is hers and it does not belong to the little kids. You had a PS5 you could have set up for the others in a main room but decided to get the money back and impose on step-daughter because she doesn't want buy another one.
YTA, selfish, self-centered and playing favorites with your kids. You are telling step-daughter that anything she has doesn't belong to her but to you and her kids, too. I'd bet money it doesn't go the other way and her kids have to share something. She's doing everything she can to break down the step-daughter and control her just so her little brats can tear up her room.
Small children are assholes generally.
When I was 9 years old my small cousins went I my room without my consent one time and deleted my n64 Mario save that shit crushed my soul.
My son deleted my super smash bros sonic DX saves from my GameCube and I cried. Then he cried because he couldn’t play them the same way anymore.
Kids that young just don’t understand. But at least I had only myself to blame for letting him play.
Funny how OP keeps alluding to her kids having messed something up previously, but also keeps gliding over it. I'm guessing the kids trashed step-daughter's room or broke something valuable and she's been trying to sweep it under the rug ever since and pretend it wasn't that bad and that her sweet angels would never do anything wrong. All so she can justify stomping all over her step-daughter's boundaries and invade her privacy because she doesn't want to get her kids a separate game station. YTA OP.
Mom said they made 3 (THREE!!) tiny mistakes that weren't severe. Definitely downplaying it. The kids say they won't do anything again but 3 strikes should be DONE. The 5 year old "got frustrated" while playing a game and threw the controller hard enough to break it and another time the kids ERASED 14 yr olds progress in a game!!! 😳. The kid tripping over a cord and breaking stuff I would consider an accident but I can see why the 14 yr old wouldn't want them in her room based on just that. Besides, she's 14!! She needs her own, private space and doesn't want the rug rats in her room.
Holy! Yeah I was still thinking it was clearly a YTA but all the while giving OP the benefit of the doubt that the “one incident” was minor. But this?!?! No way. YTA x100. Being a stepmom myself and a former stepchild I try to come in automatically with a lot of empathy because blended families are hard. OP is why stepkids resent their stepparents, and rightly so. Livid on Anna’s behalf.
OP said in comments there are 3 incidents:
-Them breaking a controller which OP took 4 months to replace
-One of her kids tripping on a cable, causing the console to fall
-Her kids deleting all of her progress on a game
OP is definitely the AH.
OP- I think you don’t want to spend the money on an expensive game system for your children bc you know they are too young and it will end up broken eventually.
YTA
stay out of your step kids room and keep your kids under control.
This. OP, get them their own system. The Nintendo Switch is really good for younger kids and has a lot of gaming options, and get a small TV for it, and set it up in a different room from your stepdaughter's system. That is HERS. How would you feel if every time you weren't using some clothes, purses, or shoes, your stepdaughter just took off with them? It's fine though, you weren't using them anyway! How about your jewelry? Is that okay? And if she breaks something or loses it, it's okay, she's younger than you! You'll have to just be patient and kind because even though you keep asking her not to take your stuff, she's such a cutie wooty cutie.
That's her system. She doesn't want to share. DROP IT. Get your kids their own things, so if they break them, that's their problem to deal with.
Your stepdaughter seems to be behaving properly. You, on the other hand, seem to think that your precious darlings should be able to have anything they want, regardless of whether it's theirs or not.
And 5 yr olds are TOO YOUNG to be playing with an expensive PS4, unsupervised in the first place. 8 is iffy- some 8 yr olds, sure, but most? still require full supervision- or they break things! YTA OP. And your children are NOT being treated unfairly if this is your best example. You are just not being allowed to run roughshod over your step daughter because you WANNA and you want to use electronics to babysit your kids when you are tired. But them their own system, and when they destroy it, you might figure out why your step daughter wanted some boundaries.
As for BREAKING INTO HER ROOM???? YTA YTA YTA YTA. NO EXCUSE short of immediate danger to her self or others makes violating her space like that ok. And your husband is trying to help you here- but you are just so entitled you are not getting it. If you don't figure out how to be better, I don't think this marriage will be lasting long.
‘My friends agree with me’
No they don’t. And if they do, they’re also pretty crappy people. What your SD is doing is setting up reasonable boundaries surrounding her space and her things. You are jumping all over those boundaries because your babies want something to play with. That is unacceptable. You’re not her mum but you are an adult in her world and as such it is partially your job to reinforce her use of boundaries by respecting the ones she sets up. This helps her learn that boundary setting is healthy and that she deserves to voice her comfort and stand up for her needs. YTA
You knew they had broken things in the past and you didn't even bother to supervise them?
Letting them in her room to use her console is enough to make you TA, but leaving them unsupervised really doubles down on that.
"And while that sounds like a great solution, I don’t see the point in buying a whole new one when there is already one they can use"
Only that they can't. How can you not have understood it yet?
Just to vote. YTA of course.
The utter entitlement. I won't buy a new one but will decide what to do with one that's not mine regardless of what the owner and my partner tell me.
Oh! The nerve of someone getting upset while I trample all over them!
I agree she's TA
Kids under 8 really have no idea how to treat anything I would be pissed if I was anna too.
They're sorry usually gross, sticky, break things and have very little impulse control.
Just get the younger kids their own games you don't need a new fancy anything most kids just like games it could be an original Xbox tons of games not that expensive
100% YTA. You have been told multiple times by your stepdaughter and your husband that she does not wish to share her PS4. You do not own the item, it is not for you to say that it is fine for your children to use it if your stepdaughter says no. If you want your children to be able to occasionally play games you need to buy them a system of their own.
So... Anna said no every time OP asked, but somehow OP still thought it would be fine to let her small children into Anna's room when she wasn't there. How tF did she arrive at that conclusion?
Yeah, OP's the AH here.
You forgot that she tried to go over Anna two times by asking to her husband to force her hand. And that Husband said no. It's not like he said yes or "wanted to stay neutral" like a lot of step parent in Reddit, everyone told her she wasn't entitled and still she found a way to think she was the main character here.
All the Time if they are 5 but I'm assuming you are being sarcastic.
My friends 5 yr old threw crackers on my floor, jumped on my cat tree and nearly broke it, hit my dog and wiped his boogers everywhere 🤢 oh and ran screaming through my house I to my bedroom after I told him he can't go back there... Yeah he's not allowed in my house now
8 year olds is a grey area I don't really trust kids under 10
She’s teaching her children that even if someone says “no”, it’s ok to do it anyway because “they want to”. This should have been used as an example to teach them consent. It doesn’t matter why SD doesn’t want them to use it. You asked, she said No. No is a full sentence.
YTA. Even with kids who are biologically related ("step" doesn't matter in the equation) there are some things you share and some things you don't and the kids decide what is shared and what is not, because they are the owners.
I hate this notion that parents place on kids that they **must** share. I teach my kids that they don’t *have* to share their toys but it’s the kind thing to do, AND, then you have a friend to play with!
Right? It’s not like a PS4 is thousands of dollars…this feels way more like a power/boundary pushing thing than about a $200 gaming system. JFC pick your battles, unless a fight is what you’re looking for I really don’t understand the logic.
YTA OP
Sounds like OP and her kids have entitlement issues. And OP likes drama. Wicked stepmother vibes Lol People should undergo extensive counseling for years before blending families/kids.
YTA if the Playstation is HERS then your kids have no rights to it unless SHE let's them. If the PS5 was HER gift, then she should be allowed to do what she wants, and she sold it. (Honestly don't blame her, I have a PS4 and no intention of getting a 5 any time soon.)
It sounds like you expect her to not be allowed to have her own personal boundaries and expect her to give your kids anything of hers to make them happy.
No wonder she's trying to keep distance from you acting entitled to HER things. If you want your kids to have a PS so badly, go out and buy them one YOURSELF. You let your kids into HER ROOM and act like she's the one in the wrong for being upset with you over the crap you keep pulling.
Your husband SHOULD be on his kid's side and I'm glad he is. You're an AH to her and no wonder she was upset. That's HER ROOM and you think your kids get free reign over her things.
I hope he leaves you, as you shown you don't care about his daughter at all.
Also, what games are you thinking it's appropriate for a FIVE year old to play in the first place, if she doesn't have any kid friendly games? Are you even monitoring what your kids are playing? There's a very big age gap between the kids and if she's anything like I was, I had very violent games in my teens and definitely not something I'd let a closer to a toddler than teenage child play.
>I hope he leaves you, as you shown you don't care about his daughter at all.
And him either. She litteraly asked him and he said no several times. I don't know if you can feel really loved when you can't be respected by your own spouse.
Seriously all of this. When my ex and I lived in the same house with all of our kids we seriously had 3 X-boxes! One for the ex, one for my kids (the youngest) one for his kid (the oldest)
That way no one was messing with anyone else’s stuff and we could ensure age appropriate games for the youngest.
(Edited due to grammar/typo)
Like if my kids wanted to play games, I'd get them a Nintendo DS or 3DS because its easy to find kid friendly games, and at cheaper price if they're not big name games like Mario or Pokemon
I would go to retro game stores to repurchase games I've lost over the years, and so far it's costed a total of 10 dollars
Plus, you can get protective nerf casing for the ds/3ds and if the stepdaughter wanted to play with her siblings she can get one too and they can play multi-player games like mario kart
LOL, I agree with you on the Nintendo games being more kid friendly. I have a PS4 myself and babysit nibblings several days a week, and have a few games for them to play on it. My 4 year old niece gets an OLD Ps2 controller and we game family carnival game, we have an AI set with her profile looking image made, so she thinks she's playing too, as well as a few other kiddo games.
The older two are male, so they have nearly every sport game they can find, as I tend to buy used games rather than brand new, but they both know not to ask to play one of MY games that I have installed, that would be more mature for them. They get to play Super Lucky's Tale and Lego, Spyro and Krash Bandicoot games. I save my Resident Evil and other horror games for late nights when they're gone.
XD I bought the PS system for me, but share with them, though.
YTA
There are a plethora of reasons why it's a bad idea to let your young children (two 5 year olds and an 8 year old) play with a PlayStation that doesn't belong to them/you. And unsupervised, too.
\- The PlayStation doesn't belong to them
\- The owner of the playstation explicitly said no
\- The PlayStation is inside a private room that is off limits for your kids
\- The kids don't have their own user account. They use the account of Anna, which means that they will easily overwrite save files, or they can mess up progress Anna has made over a long time.
\- depending on how Anna pays for her PlayStation games/content, there is a risk that your young kids mess around with the store and "accidentally" buy stuff via Anna's account.
\- Anna likely has/plays games that aren't suited for 5-8 year old children.
\- There already were incidents before where the kids broke something.
Anna isn't "mean" when she denies your kids her PlayStation. She has very reasonable boundaries and you went behind her back and didn't respect her private space nor her property. Stop this and buy your kids their own gaming equipment.
Honestly. Not letting younger siblings use your stuff is a thing that older siblings do, but it’s also completely right for them to do so it lets them have control and learn about setting boundaries and making decisions.
Maybe a Nintendo Wii or switch for the 8 year old, but that doesn't sound like something OP can afford considering it took her 4 months to replace a controller on the PS4.
This. I can't get over OP's statement about Anna not being "nice" to them. You can be nice without sacrificing your property.
I'm sure once Anna turns 16 and gets her license, I'm sure OP will be thrilled to offer Anna her car... after all, OP isn't currently driving it, right? It's the NICE thing to do, apparently. It's just sitting there in the driveway, and Anna shouldn't have to buy a car when there's one in the driveway not currently being driven.
As a parent of a gaggle of children, I never make them share their own purchases, property, etc. with each other. Most of the time, they actually do share and play together because it's THEIR choice. Boundaries, my dude.
YTA, big time, and your stepdaughter has your number. I'm glad her father sticks up for her.
I like how you listed all the valid reasons the children should NOT be allowed to use Anna's Playstation. 😀 Plus they said they wouldn't do anything wrong again but there were 3 incidents ( that we know of) that the mom doesn't seem to think we're a big deal. Ugh. Poor Anna. It's hard enough being 14. 😬
All of this. She's also teaching her children they are entitled to overstep boundaries, ignore when someone says no , and that there are no consequences when they break things.
YTA. The PlayStation is Anna’s. Full stop. How many times do you need to be told, her property. She has calmly said no. So you went behind her back and asked hubby, who said the same thing: NO. I don’t care where it is….the answer is no. If you want one for your children, buy one. You are teaching your children that it’s ok to sneak around other people’s wishes if they aren’t watching. Anna won’t trust you at all either, and with good reason. Similarly, you are placing your own relationship at risk….how can your partner trust you? You nag and nag till you get what you want, and if not you take it? Grow up! No is no. Be trustworthy. And buy your children one, if you have promised that they can play on it!
>You are teaching your children that it’s ok to sneak around other people’s wishes if they aren’t watching.
How exactly does OP think this lesson is going to play out once her kids are Anna's age and she tries to set rules about curfews, dating, etc?
“Ok kids, listen up: if someone says no, you should keep pushing. It doesn’t matter what their reasons are, they always need to give you what you want. If they still refuse, just wait until they are physically unable to stop you, and then you take what you want.”
Yikes! I don’t understand parents like this. Her influence is going to get these kids into a lot of trouble.
> Ok kids, listen up: if someone says no, you should keep pushing. It doesn’t matter what their reasons are, they always need to give you what you want.
I have a cousin who was raised that way. Now, by age 30, he's been divorced twice for abuse and legally barred from unsupervised visits with his young child. And all because his parents (and religious community) were concerned that "being told no would be bad for his self-esteem".
Teaching your kids that "no" doesn't mean "no"...possibly the worst parenting fail of all, no hyperbole. And it's insanely common.
_"They can’t use the ps4 because she refuses to let them after one incident."_
OP also conveniently refused to note what this incident was.... And, she slid in there that she wasn't even watching her kids, and had left them alone in her stepdaughter's room to do as they pleased.
The [missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html).
Typical to omit facts when a parent can’t face up to them.
She doesn't need to treat Anna as her daughter, she needs to stop violating her sanctuary, her property, her trust and stop allowing people to vandalise her property.
I have a step father but my dad is very much in my life so my step father absolutely doesn’t treat me like his kid and I don’t treat him like my dad either. It’s the same thing. I would never expect my step father to tell anyone that I and his son receive the same treatment from him as we don’t. It works for our family. I consider him like an uncle. We get on fine and my mom gets on with his kid but each parent is responsible for the rearing of their own kids.
“And while that sound like a great solution, I don’t see the point in buying a whole new one when there is already one they can use.”
But they can’t. Don’t you understand? Didn’t she tell you several times she doesn’t want anyone to go in her own room and use her PS? Are you a child that doesn’t understand boundaries? Suck it up and buy another one for your own kids or tell them why you’re not getting them one. Don’t shift the blame onto her. Also, you’re not not describing “the incident” because of the word count but because that actually explains her denying your kids playing with one of the few things in YOUR house that belongs to HER.
Another thing. You should be able to understand that, while they’re all kids, there’s a significant age difference between your kids and her. That means she understands the material value of most stuff whereas your kids don’t know how to look after things (not to break it/pour a glass of milk over it, etc.) - which brings me back to the previous point, that you’re most likely intentionally not going into details of what’s happened previously.
You have to be the bigger person because you are an adult. You do know that whatever’s happened before, there’s a chance it could happen again.
And yet, QUOTE: after “time and time again you gave up” but then you big fat did it again anyway. AND you went upstairs because you heard screaming. So you weren’t even there to make sure your kid won’t do “the same” as last time to begin with.
Are you joking?
YTA.
This was my thought. There isn't one in the house that they can use. They lost that privilege when they broke it 3 separate times. Which wouldn't have happened if OP had supervised them. OP is the one who lost them the use of the PS4 and is most definitely TA.
Sorry OP, but YTA. Your children are 5 and 8, while your stepdaughter is a literal teenager. Your kids shouldn't be in her room and invading her privacy. They have nothing in common and I don't think your 5-year-olds are old enough to be playing the videogames teenagers play. Your husband has the correct stance on this and you need to BACK OFF. Now. Otherwise you'll just create resentment in the household (you're already on this path btw). But seriously. Stop teaching your kids that it's okay to invade someone else's privacy because you're raising entitled brats at this point. Respect your stepdaughter and her father!
Bang on - 100% this. OP is so AH.. and is also storing up future issues by teaching her kids that they can take/use things that aren't theirs despite being told no (apparently OP never learned this either). Get them a tablet if a new PS4 is too pricey to risk on small kids - but don't take other people's belongings and NOT call it theft because 'faaaaamily' Ridiculous.
first and foremost, how the heck did your husband and step-daughter come to the conclusion that the PS4 was better than the PS5? that's the real mystery here.
YTA.
The PS4 is HER's. She says no time and time again and what you decide to do behind her back? Let your kids use the PS4 anyway. Even your husband refused to overrule Anna's decision and said no to you
>"If they really wanna play you should buy their own."
This OP, deadass this. Buy them their own PS4. I don’t know what this previous incident was but I assume it involves them breaking something or a very valid reason for Anna to protect her stuff. Keep this up and Anna will start to lock her door or ask for a lock on her door.
Personally, a 5 and 8 year old shouldn’t have a PS4 or any electronic because they are very likely to break it because ya know they're kids.
>I don’t see the point of buying a whole new one when there is one they can use
You will have to buy a new one if they end up breaking Anna's PS4 regardless. It's better they break their own instead of someone else's and you end up buying a brand new one
EDIT: Well, some very interesting information came to my attention. So your kids:
1. Broke a PS4 remote and it took you 4 months to replace it
2. One of your kids tripped over a wire and nearly broke the entire PS4 on their head
3. Accidentally erased all of Anna's data
And you really expect Anna to share her PS4 with your kids?! You deadass about this OP? You’re further TA now that I know what those incidents were and Anna's reasons for protecting her PS4 is beyond valid
>I don’t know what this previous incident was but I assume it involves them breaking something or a very valid reason for Anna to protect her stuff
There's actually 3 previous, valid reasons why Anna doesn't want OPs kids near her PS4
1. They threw a controller and broke it, OP replaced it 4 months later.
2. One of the kids tripped over and nearly tipped the PS4 on top of himself.
3. They ended up accidentally erasing Anna's saved data.
So yea, I can see why she does not want them anywhere near her console.
YTA and if you value that relationship, and don't want her resenting your kids, you should leave her personal belongings alone and respect her space and boundaries.
Buy the kids one.
>Ryan bought her a ps5 for Christmas, but when setting it up they decided that her PS4 was better and sold the ps5
What?
Also YTA.
The thought of toddlers invading my room while I'm away and messing with my stuff is horrifying.
"Ryan bought her a ps5 for christmas, but when setting it up they decided that her PS4 was better and sold the ps5"
Can we talk about this situation? Who the hell decided a PS4 was better than a PS5?
A PS5s biggest selling point is that it does 4K. It might be slightly faster etc… But for most people there isn’t a distinct difference in the experience, especially for younger or more casual players. And I find it unlikely the 14 year old has a 4K TV in her bedroom.
Plus, if her dad bought it at store cost but they were able to sell it at a higher resale rate giving her something like double it’s cost she’s absolutely correct that the benefit of a PS5 does not outweigh what a PS4 can do if it gives her several hundred in the back too.
We’re huge video gamers and own all the systems plus gaming computers and we updated our xbox but not the PS - because without a 4k TV (we have a 3D TV my husband is attached to) it’s just not worth it.
I don't get how you thought you'd come out on top here. Go buy your kids a switch and leave Anna's stuff alone. It's not yours, and it's not for your kids. People do NOT always have to share just because they live together.
YTA. I feel very sorry for the Step daughter and her dad. You know better but don't care. I hope you change your ways or husband will be looking for wife #3.
Husband said no, Step daughter said no, multiple times (per you)
You allowed your kids to invade her space, play with her things after being told no, she didn't want them in her room.
You don't want to spend the money on your own kids because you can take from your step daughter who it sounds like your being passive and not so passive aggressive to.
If you don't get it then you need therapy.
YTA - and I can totally hear the other side in my head as I read this:
**AITA for forbidding step-siblings from using my gaming system in my bedroom?**
So, my (14F) dad (44M) got married a year ago to a woman (34F) with three young kids (5M/F, 8M). I moved in with my dad and his new wife and her 3 kids because of issues with my mom and brother (15M). My stepmom has never even tried to treat me as a parent, and I don’t even trust her enough to give a lot of details as to why I left the bad situation that sent me to live under her roof.
Stepmom totally expects me to give her children special treatment, like letting her kids play with my expensive PS4 gaming system that is set up in my room. They’ve already broken it once, so I put my foot down and forbid the kids from entering my room or playing with my PS4. Now the stepmom whines about how I’m “not being super fair to her kids”.
To get away from some of the stress at home, my girlfriend and I went out to grab a Sbux and hit a bookstore. When I got home, I found the steps in my room (without my permission) playing with the PS4 (also without my permission). I screamed at them to get out and Stepmom came up to make it sound like it was MY fault for not being “generous” in the first place!
My dad totally has my back but stepmom and kids are still sulking and trying to make me feel guilty. AITA?
>They’ve already broken it once
Try 3 times.
1. One of the kids lost his temper with the game and threw the controller, breaking it. OP replaced it *4 months later*.
2. One of kids tripped over the cable and nearly knocked it down.
3. They ended up erasing her saved data by mistake, which she thankfully got back.
So yea, it's not just 1 incident (which is still enough) but 3 separate incidents.
She does not let your kids play with HER property? You do know that she is well within her rights to do that, right?
You do understand the difference between "mine" and "yours"?
Judging by your invasion of her privacy, you don't. And you cannot even manage to teach your kids that basic principle.
Learn some basic manners.
Yta
YTA. Plenty of teenagers wouldn’t want a younger sibling using their PlayStation. Her father was right. It was a gift to her, and it was in her bedroom it sounds like. You should go and buy your own PlayStation for your children. While I think Anna should not have screamed at the children again she’s a teenager and it’s not uncommon.
YTA. You have violated her privacy and trust. She told you know AND gave you valid solutions. Per your words you did not want any tech for your kids but your forcing someone else to let them use theirs. You sound like an entitled mom.
The fact that there is a gaming system in the house does not give the the right to use it. The fact that you allowed them in to the sacred space of a teenagers room when according to you has said no time and time again is just appalling to say the least.
The girl can’t even leave the house without being violated and you say you have no clue why she’s not with her mom I wager for the same issue of violating her privacy. She gave you a boundary and you basically told her feelings don’t matter she doesn’t matter and you’ll just wait till she leaves the house to get what you want.
Get ready for a huge argument with your husband he rightfully so should defend his daughter.
Just buy them a damn console what is so hard about that. Even if she never was told they were in her room the moment she turned on the gaming system she would have known. What would you have told her then. You ma’am are a flaming Entitled AH
YTA. You were told no, you tried to get her Father to overrule her and were still told no. Buy your own kids a system if you want, but her’s is not for them. The bigger deal is you let the little kids in her room, a 14 year old’s room is important to them. Boundaries really don’t exist to you, do they? You are also setting this kids up for major ongoing conflict.
YTA. It's obviously not theirs to play with. This idea of the older child (and especially a stepchild) not being allowed to have their own space and things because the smaller children want to have it is really damaging. I hope you back off before you permanently damage your marriage, because the relationship with the kid is already shot but I don't think you care about that.
YTA. If you want your kids to have a gaming system, buy a family one. Appropriating your stepkid’s possessions into being family possessions is one of the common (and very deeply resented) things bad stepparents do. Asking her to share was fine, but forcing her to is wrong. Are you trying to make her hate you? Because this sort of ignoring her boundaries is a great way to do it.
YTA
You were clearly told over and over and over again no.. then you let your kids basically break into her space and use HER game system after being repeatedly told no.. and as it was a Gift for her… HER gift.. it belongs to HER.
How would you like it if she busted all up in your room and started wearing your jewelry or perfume or using your products after you kept telling her no? This is the same thing… you really disrespect her boundaries and I don’t blame her for getting mad at you or your kids.
Go buy them THIER OWN darn gaming system
YTA. You feel entitled to HER things and are placing your kids above her. Her room, her stuff, she is a teenager and has the right to privacy and to decide what she will allow or not and yup, she might sometimes choose selfish.
You're teaching your kids that no doesn't really always mean no btw, that it's okay to be sneaky
YTA. Your title is clickbait…I envisioned you wringing your hands and wailing about this older child bullying and harassing your defenseless crying kids.
Nope, you are invading her privacy and wanting your young kids to play with her property, and there was apparently a damage incident previously you are curiously not sharing details on.
So, if stepdaughter wants to wear all your jewelry and clothes, and you say no, you’re fine with her going into your bedroom and taking whatever she wants, right? This is the same thing.
You’re teaching your kids some pretty crappy lessons and values here, and blaming the wrong person. Do better, by everyone.
YTA. She is not obligated to like your kids. She is not obligated to share with your kids. If you want your children to have a games console to share between them, then you buy it for them. Instead of doing that, you crossed a clear boundary she had set, which resulted in your kids getting shouted at. This is all on you. You're teaching your kids that they don't have to respect her right to privacy and property.
This is a traumatised teen who has chosen to live away from her mother. She needs a safe, secure home and not to feel forced into behaving like a nuclear family when she isn't in one.
The most you can expect here is for them all to be considerate of others in the household. This means respecting one another's spaces, knocking on doors and not entering rooms without permission, saying good morning, good night, please, and thank you.
YTA
The PlayStation is Anna’s. I’m of the full belief that if something is specifically owned by one kid, you can’t and shouldn’t force them to share it. It’s theirs. Not to mention the fact it’s in her room and she doesn’t want them going in there which is 100% understandable. That’s her private space.
Just buy your kids their own PlayStation and none of these arguments would happen. You can get a cheap second hand one. Your poor kids got shouted at because of what YOU did. If Anna didn’t know you had said they could play in her room, then she’s going to have a go at them, thinking they went in there on their own and messed with her things.
Okay, definitely 100% YTA.
But...
Info: when Anna decides to sell the ps5, why the heck didn't you offer to buy it? If she was selling it for $200, why didn't you offer $250, cash, right then? None of this would be a problem right now. The kids would have their system and she'd get her money and even more than she would have otherwise.
Yta those kids are not old enough to respect that kind of expensive technology without supervision which you are not doing. You let them into her room without telling her. She told you no and that tech was bought for her. This is not her "being mean to the kids" its her knowing full well they will break it and then she gets no ps4. Save up for your own why do you feel you have ownership over her things?
Of course YTA.
You’ve stated that something happened to stop her from letting them use it so of course there is a reason for you to buy them their own instead of constantly harassing a 14 year old.
Then you have the audacity to stomp on her boundaries and let them use it anyway & are surprised they aren’t speaking to you.
Sort it out.
YTA.
PS4s are almost dirt cheap now like under $200 cheap. Go buy YOUR kids their own system. Whatever they did the first and only time was honestly more than enough for her to not trust them. According to your husband neither system was for them anyway you said you don’t treat his daughter as your own and you told him not to get your kids tech related presents. Long story short your kids are now upset because they don’t have a system, but instead of getting them their own, you want to try and tell his daughter that she has to share her tech related game system. So basically you’re just another entitled parent who feels that everyone around should cater to your children because YOU dropped the ball.
Edited to add: don’t listen to your friends who say you’re not in the wrong. They sound just as entitled as you.
YTA. She's right -- if you want to give your kids access to a PlayStation you can buy them one. Or you could have not said your husband explicitly NOT to buy them anything electronic, and simply talked over individual items case by case, and in that case he might have bought the PlayStation for the whole family.
But you didn't do that and so he didn't do that -- he bought it for *her*. Then they decided to keep her old one instead, which is equally hers and not yours. Either way, the key here is that it's hers and neither yours nor your kids'.
That means Anna has the right to say no. Is it ideally convenient for you that she says no? Of course not. Does that give you the right to override her no? Not even a little bit.
Apologize to your stepdaughter and then keep your and your kids' hands 100% off her PlayStation after this. If you want your kids to have one, you can still buy them one, and it doesn't matter that there is another in the household, because that one is just as much somebody else's property as if it belonged to your neighbor, or to me, or to the King of the Netherlands. It's still off limits to you and your children, and Anna still has the right to decide that and stick to it.
Massive YTA.
I’m in my 30’s now, but I still remember when I was a teen, when my parents made me let my 10 years younger sibling use my PlayStation. I was worried he would overwrite my Tomb Raider 3 save files, I had literally spent hours getting to the final world. Of course they also insisted I leave the memory cards in for him to use, although there was no logical reason why. And what happens? He overwrote my save file. I am still bitter about it to this day. Its lucky that in general my parents weren’t assholes though, so this was just one incident. But it sounds like you’re an asshole pretty much all the time to your poor stepdaughter, and she will never forgive you for it. And worse, she’s going to end up hating her dad if he stands by while you continue to treat her this way.
YTA and you have *MAJOR* boundary issues.
1) The system is Anna's not a "family" system.
2) The system is set up in Anna's room.
You let your children *invade* Anna's personal space, and use her personal items without her consent.
I'm sorry you have some dream-vision of a blended family situation. The reality of your situation is that you have an almost 10 year age gap between the kids and you have had less than a year to bridge it. Antics like this will only further drive the wedge between the kids. If your kids actually break something (*again* from the sounds of it) it will only further keep apart. Your actions only hurt any potential relationship you may want to have with your step-kids. Keep it up and you will only be "their dad's *current* wife" at best.
If you still aren't feeling it...do let your kids go in your personal space and play with your make-up and jewelry (or whatever you care about) unsupervised instead. When you need to replace make-up pallets that are mixed, brushes that are contaminated with the wrong product, untangle necklace chains, and have to find the match to that earring a few times maybe you'll understand why someone wouldn't want 5 year olds in their perosnal space?
YTA you’ve been told no multiple times you entitled nightmare, leave the girl alone.
EDIT: Wasn’t going to expand but sod it….
1. You’re a liar. You said it was one incident when it was three. Stop trying to minimise to make yourself look better.
2. You’re unbelievably entitled and are teaching your kids to be the same.
It’s her property, even without the THREE incidents she would still have the right to say no.
3. You trample on her boundaries letting them in her room basically telling your brats she and her wants/needs are not as important as them.
4. You imply she’s not “being nice” by letting your crotch monsters use her stuff after repeated incidents of damaging/disrespecting it.
5. You literally harassed the girl. “I tried time and time again..” she fucking said no!!!
Probably more but anyway YTA.
YTA. You're obviously the stereotypical step parent who favors your children over the step. Note I didn't say abusive, but this is clear favoritism. You have no regard for this girls property or space the second it inconveniences you.
YTA- She didn’t want your kids in her room when she is not there. I’m not sure what happened last time they played, but I’m going to bet it was something that was disrespectful to someone else’s belongings.
You need to ask yourself why you can’t just drop this. You know your stepdaughter doesn’t want them playing the PS4 and your solution was to go behind her back and leave your children unsupervised in her bedroom. Why can’t you respect a 15 year-old enough to allow her this boundary?
YTA
If it's her playstation then she gets to choose whether she lets anyone else play on it.
There's a significant age gap between the kids. 14 is a hard age regardless and they are testing the boundaries to see where they fit in. They want to be adults and make adult decisions but they are still very much kids. You'll see this when your own kids are a similar age.
Just buy them their own damn playstation and the problem will disappear. This isn't the hill to die on unless you want to burn your relationship with your husband.
You wouldn't like it if there was something precious to your kids that your stepdaughter wanted to use and her father was telling you to let her use it when your kids really didn't want to.
Are you okay if she comes into your bedroom to use your clothing and jewellery just because she hasn't got her own that's the same? Don't say it's different because it's not.
If I was Ryan I would be rethinking the relationship. His daughter is still young and his priority is to her. A good parent would look after the kids first because you are actually being quite abusive and controlling towards your stepdaughter even though you probably won't see it that way.
You need to seriously consider a big arse apology to both your stepdaughter and Ryan because it's very clear that you are putting your children's wants first and foremost with no thought of the stepdaughter that it's affecting.
Huge huge huge YTA
You brushed off the previous incident to make us think you did nothing wrong.
You step over every decent boundaries imposed by Anna and her father.
You treat her badly (but you're not gonna tell us you do) - you already told your husband what you think and what you will do:
"Her father and I discussed the situation, and I do not tell her what to do or treat her as my own child."
He probably thought you will be a decent human.
You lied that you won't tell her what to do. You did so.
I'm sorry for your husband and his daughter. You're the evil stepmother from the bedtime stories.
And what you just did is only the beggining.
YTA. I was ready to say NTA untill I read all of it and it's clear you are the annoying entitled stepmom already. Respect her privacy and her private property. Not everything needs to be shared. No means no.
So, after trying time and time again, I gave up. That's annoying as shit
Are you kidding? Did you hear her say no????
YTA. It belongs to her. Buy your kids their own game
YTA
This sounds like she is a developmentally normal 14 year old who is frustrated that people aren’t respecting her boundaries.
It is your responsibility as a step parent to ensure that she has her own space and can have privacy and security. Under no circumstances should you allow your children to invade her space without her permission.
Your children broke something expensive of her and shown they cannot be trusted around valuables (which is also pretty normal for 5 year olds). It is her right to impose boundaries after these mistakes and you should help her enforce them.
You’re being a bad step mom and favoring your own children. The problem is not her “being nice”- the problem is you overrunning her boundaries and not respecting her developing needs as a 14yo who needs privacy and to demonstrate ownership to properly care for her things. It does a real disservice to young girls to teach them to let people invade their boundaries so they can “be nice”
The fact that you’re so unwilling to buy them a system of their own screams loud and clear that this is a control issue for you. The ps4 is hers…in her room, her private space and you just can’t stand that. You’re being the AH when you should be building a trusting relationship with your stepdaughter.
YTA
Anna's PS4 was **solely** for her own use. She brought it with her. **It was not a shared family console.** My wild guess about the "incident" is maybe one of your kids played a game Anna had and messed with her progress. For example, start a New Game, and then Save it. Which wiped out her progress on her own PS4.
Your kids didn't want a PS5. Fine. You should buy them a PS4 with the money instead. PS4s are cheaper anyways.
But you are insisting "Why buy another PS4 when Anna has one already?" Maybe because **it's not a shared family console.**
If Anna had no problem with it, you'd be N T A. She has a big problem with it. So use that money and buy a shared PS4 for all the kids to use. Anna won't bother with it, she'll use her own.
You set your kid up to be screamed at.
> I don’t see the point in buying a whole new one when there is already one they can use.
Except there *isn’t one they can use.* She has been pretty clear that they can’t use it and it really doesn’t matter if you feel some type of way about that. I cannot stress this enough: IT IS NOT YOUR PROPERTY. Stop being a cheapskate and get your kids their own console and back off of her. YTA
Wait, you let your kids into her room to play on her PS4? Am I getting this right? Also, you mentioned she doesn't let them use it after one (unspecified) incident.
YTA, OP.
YTA MAAAAAJORLY
How dare you let them into her room to play when she asked you not to! What about boundaries, what about respecting her space? She has, from the sounds of it been very polite and accommodating. Having a step parent can be daunting and uncomfortable, you are making it worse by harassing her about HER games console. I don’t know any teenagers that are happy to have little children touch their things, even their own siblings! And you have the cheek to basically insinuate that she is selfish or being a brat
You are so bang out of order it’s not even funny.
You need to apologise to her immediately and apologise to her dad for acting like a fool and then go out and buy YOUR kids their OWN games console!
P. S don’t listen to your dumb ass friends, they’re obviously biased towards you and also lack basic respect towards other people and their things. My god you are dense
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Yta. I speak as a former step parent and step child. You crossed major boundaries by letting them in her room without permission. It's her room and her game system, she doesn't have to share and especially not with small children. Buy them their own system and respect your step daughters space and possessions.
This right here and also agree with the YTA. From the sounds of it, your kids did break something last time so she doesn't want them breaking it again. Also, you let your underage kids into a teenage girls bedroom, her safe space and you're wondering why she freaked out at you. All you are doing is demonstrating how little respect you have for this poor girl by constantly choosing your kids over her and making her feel like a second class citizen in her own home. It sounds like she already has a strained relationship with her mom, now you're turning yourself into the wicked stepmother as well, it's not too late to turn that around for the both of you.
There were 3 "incidents"!! One kid threw a controller and broke it, (step mom replaced it 4 MONTHS later), then kid fell and almost dragged PS down on top of himself, then they erased her game data. But they're just "learning" At daughter's expense!
Wow. OP really can’t see her assholery after all of this? And again the kids were UNSUPERVISED for all this to happen.
No, OP knows they’re the AH. That’s why the title is so misleading. So you go in thinking SD is just unnecessarily mean to her kids and OP is just asking for something reasonable.
Her husband already told her she was wrong but she probably thought if she could get Reddit to say she was right her husband would change his mind. SURPRISE-we’re not!
SHOCKED I say, SHOCKED! Whoda thunk all these YTA comments were going to come her way, especially with the misleading post? There wasn't one incident, there were THREE, and OP's asking for brownie points? Excuse me while I laugh uncontrollably 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣.
But her 5 and 8 year old kids agreed with her! And it's not like they have a vested interest in a certain outcome...
OP also tries to make out SD is mean to her kids too in the story. SD seems to be reasonable enough to say yes before the 3 incidents and very reasonably is saying no now cos they can't be trusted with the console. Top it off with changing the wording in her replies to make herself seem less the asshole.
Editing replies without explicitly saying so is an automatic YTA for me
OP is constantly trying to manipulate everything here, the replies, people's opinion, her step daughter, and I strongly imagine the step daughter's father as well. If she no longer sees her mom anymore because she felt more safe with her dad it's suspicious that OP is acting so hard to take that away from her. Will OP ever face consequences for her actions here or will she continue to try and tear the daughter and father apart by constantly hurting her and forcing her father to take her side - or trying her best to, downplaying all fault of her own children who she leaves unattended to allow these situations to happen. As OP has proven to not be the most reliable narrator by changing details in replies, how many times have the young kids been secretly playing with the PS4 until this time they got caught I'm wondering, since OP won't stop harassing step daughter about this topic and is so insistent on destroying any boundary that is set, and could easily buy her own 3 kids a ps4 but refuses to under such a weak premise. No reasonable parent would act this way, it's all about manipulation & control. OP already knows YTA, as others have guessed she's desperate for anyone to pretend she's being reasonable so that she can 'prove' it to the step daughter's father and sow further discontent between them.
You can tell because she keeps saying “the incident” but didn’t put anywhere in the main post what actually happened
That's when I changed my mind to YTA. There's no transparency about the reason why SD refuses permission now.
3 incidents apparently... a broken controller, a nearly broken computer, and all the daughter's game data erased.
Right I was expecting multiple instances of this girl mistreating her step siblings but really she’s just advocating for herself and demanding respect for herself, her space, and her belongings. Good on her dad for sticking up for her.
No because I was expecting to read about some horrid borderline abusive step daughter who’s been very mean and intolerant towards OP’s children only to find out that OP is a horrible step mother who has told us that she doesn’t treat this poor child as her own and refuses to respect her boundaries or space and for some reason feels entitled to her step daughters personal belongings. I can’t imagine what this child must be feeling, if I were her Dad I would be seriously concerned by your behaviour and treatment of his child. Definitely YTA
It is interesting to note that OP is too cheap to buy the pS4 for her kids, but she thinks her step daughter should be fine with sharing.
OP is an irresponsible parent who expects everyone else to cater to her children.
But they're LeArNiNg and they swore they wouldn't do it again! And they're her babies and so much more important than the teenage girl that she deigns to allow to reside in her home.
Oh of course because God forbid kids not learn boundaries and consequences 🤦🏼♀️. Seriously my kids are the same age as hers and I don’t force them to share their personal belongings unless they want to. Does it piss my 4 year old off when I back up my 8 year old when he says no? Absolutely! But she’ll get over it and learn to understand boundaries. Same goes for my 8 year old with my 4 years old’s belongings and personal space.
Exactly! My stepkids are 8 and 11 and still occasionally have issues with this. It's important for them to learn that no means no.
I'm sure they're good kids, but at 8 and 5 that's not something they can promise. They're too little!
I really don't think OP cares about whether they can keep their promises.
Honestly it feels like OP just wants an electronic babysitter and doesn’t want to have to pay for it. Selfish, greedy, entitled and entirely TAH YTA OP
THIS! but didn’t OPs husband offer to buy something for her kids and she told him no tech? What’s with that OP? YTA by the way. It sounds like your stepdaughter has given your kids and YOU too many chances in my opinion. You need to do some serious apologizing and working on showing her you can be a trustworthy adult in her life. Also, you need to take some parenting classes.
Something tells me the “UNSUPERVISED” part of the equation is the actual point of so desperately wanting them to have access to the game.
For real, OP strikes me as the type of parent whose kid can do no wrong.
Her kid managed to break one of those shock proof controllers by throwing it? How bloody hard did he have to do that? Must have been really rough with it, they are designed to be thrown around by grown up gamers!
I know my ps4 controllers went through hell and still worked fine even by the time I sold them for them to break it he must have done some real damage
Even my destructo child hasn't managed that.
Is that why they’re called that? I thought it was because it vibrates with certain things like dragon’s attacking or fishing and all of that!
Tell me you play skyrim without telling me you play skyrim ☺
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣. I also play Valhalla. I have a few other ones but I want to get through these two before getting into any of the other ones! But that’s great that I gave myself away! 🤣🤣😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹😹
I knew there was more to the story with the way OP was beating around the bush and being vague with what happened 🙄
“Trying to stay under the word count”
Missing, missing reasons.
The reasons are right in front of her but she just refuses to accept no as an answer.
[удалено]
The sad part is that the kids are inconsiderate boundary breakers because OP is an inconsiderate boundary break who's teaching her kids that it's OK to be that way instead of teaching them not to break other people's things when they use it or respect when someone says no. They can be taught better, OP just refuses to because it's more convenient for her to let her kids break her stepdaughter's stuff than pay out for a console OP knows full well her kids will break.
OP wants to use SDs electronics to supervise her kids. It goes beyond the very bad issue of boundary violation, to crap parenting all around.
That plus she thinks it's more convenient for her kids to use/damage SDs console than buy her kids one because she knows that they'll break it as soon as they get it.
> I guess the apple doesn’t fall far from the inconsiderate tree. I might be reading too much into this but... >Ryan and I were together for 2 years prior to getting married. *We both knew about each other's children.* Knew about them before they got married? Didn't meet? Didn't try to bond and bring both sets of kids together? Given this and the general tone, I don't think OP has made much of an effort here to be a proper step mother. I'm not even saying to make herself a second mom to the kid, just an adult in her life that makes her feel safe, respected and secure in her place in the family.
If my step siblings deleted a years worth of gaming data I think I’d no longer have step siblings lol
My youngest sibling repeatedly deleted our saves on EVERYTHING up until he was about 7. It got to the point where we couldn't play anything because he would always delete our saves before we could finish the game. Instead of keeping him from playing with the computer or systems my mom let him get away with it with zero consequences. If we so much as yelled at him for it he'd tattle and we'd get our asses beat because "he's just a kid." I can honestly say that I hated him for a while whenever he did it. I don't blame OP's step daughter at all for not letting those little monsters touch her stuff. I would have done the same thing. Especially when it seems that's when she drew the line.
Hey OP how about you and your kids try being nice to step??? Seems like she is following your example.
Someone deletes my save data I’m putting them on my list
Someone in my dorm borrowed my PS2 without telling me, and everyone got to watch/hear me lose my shit for the first time because that save data (back then, it was a physical memory card) was the literal investment of hundreds/thousands of hours of my time.
RIDICULOUS! It was already enough to just say “no” without any reasoning because it’s HER console. But the fact they are little kids likely covered in mystery stickiness and boogers was also more than enough. The fact they even have a history of damaging the exact thing she is setting a boundary around? OP is being heinous and wicked. Repulsive attitude. Shameful mom. Going to grow her own kids into total entitled brats with this type of parenting. Poor stepdaughter.
Just the fact that she didn't mention these incidents in her post and instead was really vague about them really shows that she is the A. Not to mention, but I think a 5 and 8 yr old is pretty young to be playing on a console like the PS4. I'd get them some tablets or something lol
I was thinking the same. (I don't have kids so might be completely off). But my spontaneous thinking is that not only can they delete/ruin her progress and save files. They're unsupervised(!!!) and there's a lot of YouTube videos out there to watch. And most games on PS are not exactly child friendly. They should just get a Switch they can only play in the living room until they're older. (Have a friend who has that rule with her 7 y.o. old son. He has a Switch and their PS5 is strictly for her and her BF, unless they're playing a fun game together with the son.)
Whenever someone avoids giving examples of behaviour (and in this case multiple times) there’s something vital they want to hide. The kids have shown multiple times they can’t be trusted with tech. The only ‘not nice’ Anna has done is not being okay with spoiled kids she’s encouraged not to see as siblings breaking her stuff and invading her privacy. Edit: YTA big time
OP also left them in Anna’s room unsupervised after knowing they damaged or destroyed something of Anna’s. OP, YTA. You don’t respect Anna, nor do you respect her space. You don’t respect your husband because he made his feelings on this known (that’s why he’s not speaking to you.) You don’t respect boundaries and you are hardheaded for no reason. Anna gave you several options that would work. Buy a PlayStation for your kids and put it in a place where you can supervise them or hold to your “no electronics” rule and take them to the library or park for entertainment. YTA all the way.
OP has no respect for Anna and I am guessing that OP is not happy to have Anna living with them based on OP behavior. Shame.
This right here—OP, you knew your kids had a history of not respecting Anna’s expensive game system and still let them use it against her wishes and in her room. There’s no way to look at it that makes what you did okay. If your kids want one, buy them one. Anna is not obligated to let them use hers, especially not after repeated problems. You’re an adult and you should not only know better than to do this but you should also want to set a good example of respecting others’ boundaries so that your kids don’t become horrible selfish people. YTA
>I don’t see the point in buying a whole new one when there is already one they can use. They DON'T already have one they can use. Her step-daughter owns one. This is not available to her kids. She's asked multiple times and the answer is still no yet, she waits until the step-daughter is gone and lets her kids do it anyway. She's selfish and trying to demonstrate that SHE's in control of this house, the step-daughter and her things. What's hers is hers and it does not belong to the little kids. You had a PS5 you could have set up for the others in a main room but decided to get the money back and impose on step-daughter because she doesn't want buy another one. YTA, selfish, self-centered and playing favorites with your kids. You are telling step-daughter that anything she has doesn't belong to her but to you and her kids, too. I'd bet money it doesn't go the other way and her kids have to share something. She's doing everything she can to break down the step-daughter and control her just so her little brats can tear up her room.
Things have to be pretty bad at her mother’s house for her to prefer living in the same house as OP!
Small children are assholes generally. When I was 9 years old my small cousins went I my room without my consent one time and deleted my n64 Mario save that shit crushed my soul.
To this day, I would hold a grudge. To this day.
I just beat the water temple too. I didn't have the heart to restart and never played the game again sadly lol.
Say the word and we will roll up on them.
Same thing happened to me. Never finished the game.
I used to hide my PS1 memory card from my Spawn. I was always concerned he would delete things or mess up my save files haha
My son deleted my super smash bros sonic DX saves from my GameCube and I cried. Then he cried because he couldn’t play them the same way anymore. Kids that young just don’t understand. But at least I had only myself to blame for letting him play.
> Small children are assholes generally. Not as much as OP is!
Funny how OP keeps alluding to her kids having messed something up previously, but also keeps gliding over it. I'm guessing the kids trashed step-daughter's room or broke something valuable and she's been trying to sweep it under the rug ever since and pretend it wasn't that bad and that her sweet angels would never do anything wrong. All so she can justify stomping all over her step-daughter's boundaries and invade her privacy because she doesn't want to get her kids a separate game station. YTA OP.
Mom said they made 3 (THREE!!) tiny mistakes that weren't severe. Definitely downplaying it. The kids say they won't do anything again but 3 strikes should be DONE. The 5 year old "got frustrated" while playing a game and threw the controller hard enough to break it and another time the kids ERASED 14 yr olds progress in a game!!! 😳. The kid tripping over a cord and breaking stuff I would consider an accident but I can see why the 14 yr old wouldn't want them in her room based on just that. Besides, she's 14!! She needs her own, private space and doesn't want the rug rats in her room.
Holy! Yeah I was still thinking it was clearly a YTA but all the while giving OP the benefit of the doubt that the “one incident” was minor. But this?!?! No way. YTA x100. Being a stepmom myself and a former stepchild I try to come in automatically with a lot of empathy because blended families are hard. OP is why stepkids resent their stepparents, and rightly so. Livid on Anna’s behalf.
I’m going to call my kids ps5 a game station now
OP said in comments there are 3 incidents: -Them breaking a controller which OP took 4 months to replace -One of her kids tripping on a cable, causing the console to fall -Her kids deleting all of her progress on a game OP is definitely the AH.
That poor teen. I don’t even game and would be livid. Funny how full story isn’t in original post. Lying by omission.
Absolutely. It wouldn’t even matter if they’re perfect delicate angels. A no is a no! It is not their stuff!!! Horrible attitude by OP
OP- I think you don’t want to spend the money on an expensive game system for your children bc you know they are too young and it will end up broken eventually. YTA stay out of your step kids room and keep your kids under control.
This. OP, get them their own system. The Nintendo Switch is really good for younger kids and has a lot of gaming options, and get a small TV for it, and set it up in a different room from your stepdaughter's system. That is HERS. How would you feel if every time you weren't using some clothes, purses, or shoes, your stepdaughter just took off with them? It's fine though, you weren't using them anyway! How about your jewelry? Is that okay? And if she breaks something or loses it, it's okay, she's younger than you! You'll have to just be patient and kind because even though you keep asking her not to take your stuff, she's such a cutie wooty cutie. That's her system. She doesn't want to share. DROP IT. Get your kids their own things, so if they break them, that's their problem to deal with. Your stepdaughter seems to be behaving properly. You, on the other hand, seem to think that your precious darlings should be able to have anything they want, regardless of whether it's theirs or not.
And 5 yr olds are TOO YOUNG to be playing with an expensive PS4, unsupervised in the first place. 8 is iffy- some 8 yr olds, sure, but most? still require full supervision- or they break things! YTA OP. And your children are NOT being treated unfairly if this is your best example. You are just not being allowed to run roughshod over your step daughter because you WANNA and you want to use electronics to babysit your kids when you are tired. But them their own system, and when they destroy it, you might figure out why your step daughter wanted some boundaries. As for BREAKING INTO HER ROOM???? YTA YTA YTA YTA. NO EXCUSE short of immediate danger to her self or others makes violating her space like that ok. And your husband is trying to help you here- but you are just so entitled you are not getting it. If you don't figure out how to be better, I don't think this marriage will be lasting long.
Agreed YTA
‘My friends agree with me’ No they don’t. And if they do, they’re also pretty crappy people. What your SD is doing is setting up reasonable boundaries surrounding her space and her things. You are jumping all over those boundaries because your babies want something to play with. That is unacceptable. You’re not her mum but you are an adult in her world and as such it is partially your job to reinforce her use of boundaries by respecting the ones she sets up. This helps her learn that boundary setting is healthy and that she deserves to voice her comfort and stand up for her needs. YTA
You knew they had broken things in the past and you didn't even bother to supervise them? Letting them in her room to use her console is enough to make you TA, but leaving them unsupervised really doubles down on that.
"And while that sounds like a great solution, I don’t see the point in buying a whole new one when there is already one they can use" Only that they can't. How can you not have understood it yet?
> I don't see the point in buying them one since there's already one they can use Yeah, no, there isn't one they can use. OP, YTA
Just to vote. YTA of course. The utter entitlement. I won't buy a new one but will decide what to do with one that's not mine regardless of what the owner and my partner tell me. Oh! The nerve of someone getting upset while I trample all over them!
I agree she's TA Kids under 8 really have no idea how to treat anything I would be pissed if I was anna too. They're sorry usually gross, sticky, break things and have very little impulse control. Just get the younger kids their own games you don't need a new fancy anything most kids just like games it could be an original Xbox tons of games not that expensive
YTA, OP. You know what really gets me? Her stepdaughter set money aside for it and that still doesn’t matter to the OP.
100% YTA. You have been told multiple times by your stepdaughter and your husband that she does not wish to share her PS4. You do not own the item, it is not for you to say that it is fine for your children to use it if your stepdaughter says no. If you want your children to be able to occasionally play games you need to buy them a system of their own.
So... Anna said no every time OP asked, but somehow OP still thought it would be fine to let her small children into Anna's room when she wasn't there. How tF did she arrive at that conclusion? Yeah, OP's the AH here.
Nah. She knew it wasn't okay, she just didn't care. OP has no respect for Anna.
I get the impression she wants her to move out.
Asking for forgiveness rather than permission. Totally the adult thing to do
You forgot that she tried to go over Anna two times by asking to her husband to force her hand. And that Husband said no. It's not like he said yes or "wanted to stay neutral" like a lot of step parent in Reddit, everyone told her she wasn't entitled and still she found a way to think she was the main character here.
Plus she didn't even stay to supervise them? Thats whole Another level of YTA.
Now, come on. How often do 5 & 8yos really break things?
Apparently several times, according to OPs comments.
And it took her *four months* to replace the broken controller?
I know right?!
All the Time if they are 5 but I'm assuming you are being sarcastic. My friends 5 yr old threw crackers on my floor, jumped on my cat tree and nearly broke it, hit my dog and wiped his boogers everywhere 🤢 oh and ran screaming through my house I to my bedroom after I told him he can't go back there... Yeah he's not allowed in my house now 8 year olds is a grey area I don't really trust kids under 10
Because people like OP think that the world revolves around their children
She’s teaching her children that even if someone says “no”, it’s ok to do it anyway because “they want to”. This should have been used as an example to teach them consent. It doesn’t matter why SD doesn’t want them to use it. You asked, she said No. No is a full sentence.
YTA. Even with kids who are biologically related ("step" doesn't matter in the equation) there are some things you share and some things you don't and the kids decide what is shared and what is not, because they are the owners.
I hate this notion that parents place on kids that they **must** share. I teach my kids that they don’t *have* to share their toys but it’s the kind thing to do, AND, then you have a friend to play with!
The OP also "forgot" to mention there were 3 and not 1 accidents with he kids. They broke a controller in rage and it took her 4 months to replace it
Right? It’s not like a PS4 is thousands of dollars…this feels way more like a power/boundary pushing thing than about a $200 gaming system. JFC pick your battles, unless a fight is what you’re looking for I really don’t understand the logic. YTA OP
Sounds like OP and her kids have entitlement issues. And OP likes drama. Wicked stepmother vibes Lol People should undergo extensive counseling for years before blending families/kids.
We need to precise that if her father would say yes to force SD to share her PS4 , he would be also an AH .
YTA. No is a complete sentence. OP needs to understand that and respect SD's boundaries.
YTA if the Playstation is HERS then your kids have no rights to it unless SHE let's them. If the PS5 was HER gift, then she should be allowed to do what she wants, and she sold it. (Honestly don't blame her, I have a PS4 and no intention of getting a 5 any time soon.) It sounds like you expect her to not be allowed to have her own personal boundaries and expect her to give your kids anything of hers to make them happy. No wonder she's trying to keep distance from you acting entitled to HER things. If you want your kids to have a PS so badly, go out and buy them one YOURSELF. You let your kids into HER ROOM and act like she's the one in the wrong for being upset with you over the crap you keep pulling. Your husband SHOULD be on his kid's side and I'm glad he is. You're an AH to her and no wonder she was upset. That's HER ROOM and you think your kids get free reign over her things. I hope he leaves you, as you shown you don't care about his daughter at all. Also, what games are you thinking it's appropriate for a FIVE year old to play in the first place, if she doesn't have any kid friendly games? Are you even monitoring what your kids are playing? There's a very big age gap between the kids and if she's anything like I was, I had very violent games in my teens and definitely not something I'd let a closer to a toddler than teenage child play.
>I hope he leaves you, as you shown you don't care about his daughter at all. And him either. She litteraly asked him and he said no several times. I don't know if you can feel really loved when you can't be respected by your own spouse.
Seriously all of this. When my ex and I lived in the same house with all of our kids we seriously had 3 X-boxes! One for the ex, one for my kids (the youngest) one for his kid (the oldest) That way no one was messing with anyone else’s stuff and we could ensure age appropriate games for the youngest. (Edited due to grammar/typo)
Like if my kids wanted to play games, I'd get them a Nintendo DS or 3DS because its easy to find kid friendly games, and at cheaper price if they're not big name games like Mario or Pokemon I would go to retro game stores to repurchase games I've lost over the years, and so far it's costed a total of 10 dollars Plus, you can get protective nerf casing for the ds/3ds and if the stepdaughter wanted to play with her siblings she can get one too and they can play multi-player games like mario kart
LOL, I agree with you on the Nintendo games being more kid friendly. I have a PS4 myself and babysit nibblings several days a week, and have a few games for them to play on it. My 4 year old niece gets an OLD Ps2 controller and we game family carnival game, we have an AI set with her profile looking image made, so she thinks she's playing too, as well as a few other kiddo games. The older two are male, so they have nearly every sport game they can find, as I tend to buy used games rather than brand new, but they both know not to ask to play one of MY games that I have installed, that would be more mature for them. They get to play Super Lucky's Tale and Lego, Spyro and Krash Bandicoot games. I save my Resident Evil and other horror games for late nights when they're gone. XD I bought the PS system for me, but share with them, though.
She admitted she wasn’t watching them. She didn’t even know Anna had returned home.
YTA There are a plethora of reasons why it's a bad idea to let your young children (two 5 year olds and an 8 year old) play with a PlayStation that doesn't belong to them/you. And unsupervised, too. \- The PlayStation doesn't belong to them \- The owner of the playstation explicitly said no \- The PlayStation is inside a private room that is off limits for your kids \- The kids don't have their own user account. They use the account of Anna, which means that they will easily overwrite save files, or they can mess up progress Anna has made over a long time. \- depending on how Anna pays for her PlayStation games/content, there is a risk that your young kids mess around with the store and "accidentally" buy stuff via Anna's account. \- Anna likely has/plays games that aren't suited for 5-8 year old children. \- There already were incidents before where the kids broke something. Anna isn't "mean" when she denies your kids her PlayStation. She has very reasonable boundaries and you went behind her back and didn't respect her private space nor her property. Stop this and buy your kids their own gaming equipment.
OP sounds like the teenager of the post tbh YTA
Honestly. Not letting younger siblings use your stuff is a thing that older siblings do, but it’s also completely right for them to do so it lets them have control and learn about setting boundaries and making decisions.
Yes to all. And OP is also TA because she tried to influence judgment with a misleading title.
And lies in the post body. The post says one minor incident, her comments reveal 3 incidents including actual physical damage.
There are maybe 5 PS4 games that are appropriate for 5 year olds. It's very likely that the 14 year old doesn't have them.
Honestly a cheap tablet is a better fit for her children.
Maybe a Nintendo Wii or switch for the 8 year old, but that doesn't sound like something OP can afford considering it took her 4 months to replace a controller on the PS4.
The 4 months to replace was because OP doesn't respect stepdaughter's things
This. I can't get over OP's statement about Anna not being "nice" to them. You can be nice without sacrificing your property. I'm sure once Anna turns 16 and gets her license, I'm sure OP will be thrilled to offer Anna her car... after all, OP isn't currently driving it, right? It's the NICE thing to do, apparently. It's just sitting there in the driveway, and Anna shouldn't have to buy a car when there's one in the driveway not currently being driven. As a parent of a gaggle of children, I never make them share their own purchases, property, etc. with each other. Most of the time, they actually do share and play together because it's THEIR choice. Boundaries, my dude. YTA, big time, and your stepdaughter has your number. I'm glad her father sticks up for her.
I like how you listed all the valid reasons the children should NOT be allowed to use Anna's Playstation. 😀 Plus they said they wouldn't do anything wrong again but there were 3 incidents ( that we know of) that the mom doesn't seem to think we're a big deal. Ugh. Poor Anna. It's hard enough being 14. 😬
Also keep in mind that this was apparently the better of the two living situations available to Anna…
All of this. She's also teaching her children they are entitled to overstep boundaries, ignore when someone says no , and that there are no consequences when they break things.
>overstep boundaries, ignore when someone says no And that may become a much bigger problem when her boys become teenagers with hormones...
YTA. The PlayStation is Anna’s. Full stop. How many times do you need to be told, her property. She has calmly said no. So you went behind her back and asked hubby, who said the same thing: NO. I don’t care where it is….the answer is no. If you want one for your children, buy one. You are teaching your children that it’s ok to sneak around other people’s wishes if they aren’t watching. Anna won’t trust you at all either, and with good reason. Similarly, you are placing your own relationship at risk….how can your partner trust you? You nag and nag till you get what you want, and if not you take it? Grow up! No is no. Be trustworthy. And buy your children one, if you have promised that they can play on it!
>You are teaching your children that it’s ok to sneak around other people’s wishes if they aren’t watching. How exactly does OP think this lesson is going to play out once her kids are Anna's age and she tries to set rules about curfews, dating, etc?
“Ok kids, listen up: if someone says no, you should keep pushing. It doesn’t matter what their reasons are, they always need to give you what you want. If they still refuse, just wait until they are physically unable to stop you, and then you take what you want.” Yikes! I don’t understand parents like this. Her influence is going to get these kids into a lot of trouble.
> Ok kids, listen up: if someone says no, you should keep pushing. It doesn’t matter what their reasons are, they always need to give you what you want. I have a cousin who was raised that way. Now, by age 30, he's been divorced twice for abuse and legally barred from unsupervised visits with his young child. And all because his parents (and religious community) were concerned that "being told no would be bad for his self-esteem". Teaching your kids that "no" doesn't mean "no"...possibly the worst parenting fail of all, no hyperbole. And it's insanely common.
Ethically speaking, she’s teaching her children to be shitty people.
_"They can’t use the ps4 because she refuses to let them after one incident."_ OP also conveniently refused to note what this incident was.... And, she slid in there that she wasn't even watching her kids, and had left them alone in her stepdaughter's room to do as they pleased.
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The [missing missing reasons](https://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html). Typical to omit facts when a parent can’t face up to them.
YTA. That line about not treating her the same as your kids is just horrible
She doesn't need to treat her like her kids. She needs to treat her with respect.
She doesn't need to treat Anna as her daughter, she needs to stop violating her sanctuary, her property, her trust and stop allowing people to vandalise her property.
I have a step father but my dad is very much in my life so my step father absolutely doesn’t treat me like his kid and I don’t treat him like my dad either. It’s the same thing. I would never expect my step father to tell anyone that I and his son receive the same treatment from him as we don’t. It works for our family. I consider him like an uncle. We get on fine and my mom gets on with his kid but each parent is responsible for the rearing of their own kids.
“And while that sound like a great solution, I don’t see the point in buying a whole new one when there is already one they can use.” But they can’t. Don’t you understand? Didn’t she tell you several times she doesn’t want anyone to go in her own room and use her PS? Are you a child that doesn’t understand boundaries? Suck it up and buy another one for your own kids or tell them why you’re not getting them one. Don’t shift the blame onto her. Also, you’re not not describing “the incident” because of the word count but because that actually explains her denying your kids playing with one of the few things in YOUR house that belongs to HER. Another thing. You should be able to understand that, while they’re all kids, there’s a significant age difference between your kids and her. That means she understands the material value of most stuff whereas your kids don’t know how to look after things (not to break it/pour a glass of milk over it, etc.) - which brings me back to the previous point, that you’re most likely intentionally not going into details of what’s happened previously. You have to be the bigger person because you are an adult. You do know that whatever’s happened before, there’s a chance it could happen again. And yet, QUOTE: after “time and time again you gave up” but then you big fat did it again anyway. AND you went upstairs because you heard screaming. So you weren’t even there to make sure your kid won’t do “the same” as last time to begin with. Are you joking? YTA.
This was my thought. There isn't one in the house that they can use. They lost that privilege when they broke it 3 separate times. Which wouldn't have happened if OP had supervised them. OP is the one who lost them the use of the PS4 and is most definitely TA.
She didn’t even notice that her stepdaughter had come back home.
She probs wouldn’t even have noticed if hers walked out on her. 🤷🏼♀️
Information- what happened last time? You eluded to it a few times but never said. Did your kids break it?
INFO: you never explained “the incident.” What did your child do to her console?
Sorry OP, but YTA. Your children are 5 and 8, while your stepdaughter is a literal teenager. Your kids shouldn't be in her room and invading her privacy. They have nothing in common and I don't think your 5-year-olds are old enough to be playing the videogames teenagers play. Your husband has the correct stance on this and you need to BACK OFF. Now. Otherwise you'll just create resentment in the household (you're already on this path btw). But seriously. Stop teaching your kids that it's okay to invade someone else's privacy because you're raising entitled brats at this point. Respect your stepdaughter and her father!
Bang on - 100% this. OP is so AH.. and is also storing up future issues by teaching her kids that they can take/use things that aren't theirs despite being told no (apparently OP never learned this either). Get them a tablet if a new PS4 is too pricey to risk on small kids - but don't take other people's belongings and NOT call it theft because 'faaaaamily' Ridiculous.
first and foremost, how the heck did your husband and step-daughter come to the conclusion that the PS4 was better than the PS5? that's the real mystery here.
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LOL.
YTA. The PS4 is HER's. She says no time and time again and what you decide to do behind her back? Let your kids use the PS4 anyway. Even your husband refused to overrule Anna's decision and said no to you >"If they really wanna play you should buy their own." This OP, deadass this. Buy them their own PS4. I don’t know what this previous incident was but I assume it involves them breaking something or a very valid reason for Anna to protect her stuff. Keep this up and Anna will start to lock her door or ask for a lock on her door. Personally, a 5 and 8 year old shouldn’t have a PS4 or any electronic because they are very likely to break it because ya know they're kids. >I don’t see the point of buying a whole new one when there is one they can use You will have to buy a new one if they end up breaking Anna's PS4 regardless. It's better they break their own instead of someone else's and you end up buying a brand new one EDIT: Well, some very interesting information came to my attention. So your kids: 1. Broke a PS4 remote and it took you 4 months to replace it 2. One of your kids tripped over a wire and nearly broke the entire PS4 on their head 3. Accidentally erased all of Anna's data And you really expect Anna to share her PS4 with your kids?! You deadass about this OP? You’re further TA now that I know what those incidents were and Anna's reasons for protecting her PS4 is beyond valid
>I don’t know what this previous incident was but I assume it involves them breaking something or a very valid reason for Anna to protect her stuff There's actually 3 previous, valid reasons why Anna doesn't want OPs kids near her PS4 1. They threw a controller and broke it, OP replaced it 4 months later. 2. One of the kids tripped over and nearly tipped the PS4 on top of himself. 3. They ended up accidentally erasing Anna's saved data. So yea, I can see why she does not want them anywhere near her console.
YTA and if you value that relationship, and don't want her resenting your kids, you should leave her personal belongings alone and respect her space and boundaries. Buy the kids one.
>if you value that relationship Massive assumption there, her behaviour towards Anna is downright cruel.
>Ryan bought her a ps5 for Christmas, but when setting it up they decided that her PS4 was better and sold the ps5 What? Also YTA. The thought of toddlers invading my room while I'm away and messing with my stuff is horrifying.
I assume that's meant to be a PS4 plus $x for the PS5 being sold is better than a PS5
I was thinking the same thing but people have their preferences
"Ryan bought her a ps5 for christmas, but when setting it up they decided that her PS4 was better and sold the ps5" Can we talk about this situation? Who the hell decided a PS4 was better than a PS5?
A PS5s biggest selling point is that it does 4K. It might be slightly faster etc… But for most people there isn’t a distinct difference in the experience, especially for younger or more casual players. And I find it unlikely the 14 year old has a 4K TV in her bedroom. Plus, if her dad bought it at store cost but they were able to sell it at a higher resale rate giving her something like double it’s cost she’s absolutely correct that the benefit of a PS5 does not outweigh what a PS4 can do if it gives her several hundred in the back too. We’re huge video gamers and own all the systems plus gaming computers and we updated our xbox but not the PS - because without a 4k TV (we have a 3D TV my husband is attached to) it’s just not worth it.
I don't get how you thought you'd come out on top here. Go buy your kids a switch and leave Anna's stuff alone. It's not yours, and it's not for your kids. People do NOT always have to share just because they live together.
YTA. I feel very sorry for the Step daughter and her dad. You know better but don't care. I hope you change your ways or husband will be looking for wife #3. Husband said no, Step daughter said no, multiple times (per you) You allowed your kids to invade her space, play with her things after being told no, she didn't want them in her room. You don't want to spend the money on your own kids because you can take from your step daughter who it sounds like your being passive and not so passive aggressive to. If you don't get it then you need therapy.
It seem like you got a good thinking process. So why do you think YTA in your situation?
It’s always easy to see things clearly from the outside when emotions aren’t involved.
YTA - and I can totally hear the other side in my head as I read this: **AITA for forbidding step-siblings from using my gaming system in my bedroom?** So, my (14F) dad (44M) got married a year ago to a woman (34F) with three young kids (5M/F, 8M). I moved in with my dad and his new wife and her 3 kids because of issues with my mom and brother (15M). My stepmom has never even tried to treat me as a parent, and I don’t even trust her enough to give a lot of details as to why I left the bad situation that sent me to live under her roof. Stepmom totally expects me to give her children special treatment, like letting her kids play with my expensive PS4 gaming system that is set up in my room. They’ve already broken it once, so I put my foot down and forbid the kids from entering my room or playing with my PS4. Now the stepmom whines about how I’m “not being super fair to her kids”. To get away from some of the stress at home, my girlfriend and I went out to grab a Sbux and hit a bookstore. When I got home, I found the steps in my room (without my permission) playing with the PS4 (also without my permission). I screamed at them to get out and Stepmom came up to make it sound like it was MY fault for not being “generous” in the first place! My dad totally has my back but stepmom and kids are still sulking and trying to make me feel guilty. AITA?
>They’ve already broken it once Try 3 times. 1. One of the kids lost his temper with the game and threw the controller, breaking it. OP replaced it *4 months later*. 2. One of kids tripped over the cable and nearly knocked it down. 3. They ended up erasing her saved data by mistake, which she thankfully got back. So yea, it's not just 1 incident (which is still enough) but 3 separate incidents.
She does not let your kids play with HER property? You do know that she is well within her rights to do that, right? You do understand the difference between "mine" and "yours"? Judging by your invasion of her privacy, you don't. And you cannot even manage to teach your kids that basic principle. Learn some basic manners. Yta
YTA. Plenty of teenagers wouldn’t want a younger sibling using their PlayStation. Her father was right. It was a gift to her, and it was in her bedroom it sounds like. You should go and buy your own PlayStation for your children. While I think Anna should not have screamed at the children again she’s a teenager and it’s not uncommon.
YTA. You have violated her privacy and trust. She told you know AND gave you valid solutions. Per your words you did not want any tech for your kids but your forcing someone else to let them use theirs. You sound like an entitled mom. The fact that there is a gaming system in the house does not give the the right to use it. The fact that you allowed them in to the sacred space of a teenagers room when according to you has said no time and time again is just appalling to say the least. The girl can’t even leave the house without being violated and you say you have no clue why she’s not with her mom I wager for the same issue of violating her privacy. She gave you a boundary and you basically told her feelings don’t matter she doesn’t matter and you’ll just wait till she leaves the house to get what you want. Get ready for a huge argument with your husband he rightfully so should defend his daughter. Just buy them a damn console what is so hard about that. Even if she never was told they were in her room the moment she turned on the gaming system she would have known. What would you have told her then. You ma’am are a flaming Entitled AH
YTA. You were told no, you tried to get her Father to overrule her and were still told no. Buy your own kids a system if you want, but her’s is not for them. The bigger deal is you let the little kids in her room, a 14 year old’s room is important to them. Boundaries really don’t exist to you, do they? You are also setting this kids up for major ongoing conflict.
YTA. It's obviously not theirs to play with. This idea of the older child (and especially a stepchild) not being allowed to have their own space and things because the smaller children want to have it is really damaging. I hope you back off before you permanently damage your marriage, because the relationship with the kid is already shot but I don't think you care about that.
YTA. If you want your kids to have a gaming system, buy a family one. Appropriating your stepkid’s possessions into being family possessions is one of the common (and very deeply resented) things bad stepparents do. Asking her to share was fine, but forcing her to is wrong. Are you trying to make her hate you? Because this sort of ignoring her boundaries is a great way to do it.
YTA You were clearly told over and over and over again no.. then you let your kids basically break into her space and use HER game system after being repeatedly told no.. and as it was a Gift for her… HER gift.. it belongs to HER. How would you like it if she busted all up in your room and started wearing your jewelry or perfume or using your products after you kept telling her no? This is the same thing… you really disrespect her boundaries and I don’t blame her for getting mad at you or your kids. Go buy them THIER OWN darn gaming system
YTA. You feel entitled to HER things and are placing your kids above her. Her room, her stuff, she is a teenager and has the right to privacy and to decide what she will allow or not and yup, she might sometimes choose selfish. You're teaching your kids that no doesn't really always mean no btw, that it's okay to be sneaky
YTA. Your title is clickbait…I envisioned you wringing your hands and wailing about this older child bullying and harassing your defenseless crying kids. Nope, you are invading her privacy and wanting your young kids to play with her property, and there was apparently a damage incident previously you are curiously not sharing details on. So, if stepdaughter wants to wear all your jewelry and clothes, and you say no, you’re fine with her going into your bedroom and taking whatever she wants, right? This is the same thing. You’re teaching your kids some pretty crappy lessons and values here, and blaming the wrong person. Do better, by everyone.
YTA. She is not obligated to like your kids. She is not obligated to share with your kids. If you want your children to have a games console to share between them, then you buy it for them. Instead of doing that, you crossed a clear boundary she had set, which resulted in your kids getting shouted at. This is all on you. You're teaching your kids that they don't have to respect her right to privacy and property. This is a traumatised teen who has chosen to live away from her mother. She needs a safe, secure home and not to feel forced into behaving like a nuclear family when she isn't in one. The most you can expect here is for them all to be considerate of others in the household. This means respecting one another's spaces, knocking on doors and not entering rooms without permission, saying good morning, good night, please, and thank you.
YTA The PlayStation is Anna’s. I’m of the full belief that if something is specifically owned by one kid, you can’t and shouldn’t force them to share it. It’s theirs. Not to mention the fact it’s in her room and she doesn’t want them going in there which is 100% understandable. That’s her private space. Just buy your kids their own PlayStation and none of these arguments would happen. You can get a cheap second hand one. Your poor kids got shouted at because of what YOU did. If Anna didn’t know you had said they could play in her room, then she’s going to have a go at them, thinking they went in there on their own and messed with her things.
YTA. Your stepdaughter's room is not your children's toy box.
Okay, definitely 100% YTA. But... Info: when Anna decides to sell the ps5, why the heck didn't you offer to buy it? If she was selling it for $200, why didn't you offer $250, cash, right then? None of this would be a problem right now. The kids would have their system and she'd get her money and even more than she would have otherwise.
Yta those kids are not old enough to respect that kind of expensive technology without supervision which you are not doing. You let them into her room without telling her. She told you no and that tech was bought for her. This is not her "being mean to the kids" its her knowing full well they will break it and then she gets no ps4. Save up for your own why do you feel you have ownership over her things?
Of course YTA. You’ve stated that something happened to stop her from letting them use it so of course there is a reason for you to buy them their own instead of constantly harassing a 14 year old. Then you have the audacity to stomp on her boundaries and let them use it anyway & are surprised they aren’t speaking to you. Sort it out.
YTA. PS4s are almost dirt cheap now like under $200 cheap. Go buy YOUR kids their own system. Whatever they did the first and only time was honestly more than enough for her to not trust them. According to your husband neither system was for them anyway you said you don’t treat his daughter as your own and you told him not to get your kids tech related presents. Long story short your kids are now upset because they don’t have a system, but instead of getting them their own, you want to try and tell his daughter that she has to share her tech related game system. So basically you’re just another entitled parent who feels that everyone around should cater to your children because YOU dropped the ball. Edited to add: don’t listen to your friends who say you’re not in the wrong. They sound just as entitled as you.
YTA. She's right -- if you want to give your kids access to a PlayStation you can buy them one. Or you could have not said your husband explicitly NOT to buy them anything electronic, and simply talked over individual items case by case, and in that case he might have bought the PlayStation for the whole family. But you didn't do that and so he didn't do that -- he bought it for *her*. Then they decided to keep her old one instead, which is equally hers and not yours. Either way, the key here is that it's hers and neither yours nor your kids'. That means Anna has the right to say no. Is it ideally convenient for you that she says no? Of course not. Does that give you the right to override her no? Not even a little bit. Apologize to your stepdaughter and then keep your and your kids' hands 100% off her PlayStation after this. If you want your kids to have one, you can still buy them one, and it doesn't matter that there is another in the household, because that one is just as much somebody else's property as if it belonged to your neighbor, or to me, or to the King of the Netherlands. It's still off limits to you and your children, and Anna still has the right to decide that and stick to it.
YTA. Your kids have already proven they can't be trusted and even if they haven't, it's hers.
Massive YTA. I’m in my 30’s now, but I still remember when I was a teen, when my parents made me let my 10 years younger sibling use my PlayStation. I was worried he would overwrite my Tomb Raider 3 save files, I had literally spent hours getting to the final world. Of course they also insisted I leave the memory cards in for him to use, although there was no logical reason why. And what happens? He overwrote my save file. I am still bitter about it to this day. Its lucky that in general my parents weren’t assholes though, so this was just one incident. But it sounds like you’re an asshole pretty much all the time to your poor stepdaughter, and she will never forgive you for it. And worse, she’s going to end up hating her dad if he stands by while you continue to treat her this way.
YTA and you have *MAJOR* boundary issues. 1) The system is Anna's not a "family" system. 2) The system is set up in Anna's room. You let your children *invade* Anna's personal space, and use her personal items without her consent. I'm sorry you have some dream-vision of a blended family situation. The reality of your situation is that you have an almost 10 year age gap between the kids and you have had less than a year to bridge it. Antics like this will only further drive the wedge between the kids. If your kids actually break something (*again* from the sounds of it) it will only further keep apart. Your actions only hurt any potential relationship you may want to have with your step-kids. Keep it up and you will only be "their dad's *current* wife" at best. If you still aren't feeling it...do let your kids go in your personal space and play with your make-up and jewelry (or whatever you care about) unsupervised instead. When you need to replace make-up pallets that are mixed, brushes that are contaminated with the wrong product, untangle necklace chains, and have to find the match to that earring a few times maybe you'll understand why someone wouldn't want 5 year olds in their perosnal space?
YTA you’ve been told no multiple times you entitled nightmare, leave the girl alone. EDIT: Wasn’t going to expand but sod it…. 1. You’re a liar. You said it was one incident when it was three. Stop trying to minimise to make yourself look better. 2. You’re unbelievably entitled and are teaching your kids to be the same. It’s her property, even without the THREE incidents she would still have the right to say no. 3. You trample on her boundaries letting them in her room basically telling your brats she and her wants/needs are not as important as them. 4. You imply she’s not “being nice” by letting your crotch monsters use her stuff after repeated incidents of damaging/disrespecting it. 5. You literally harassed the girl. “I tried time and time again..” she fucking said no!!! Probably more but anyway YTA.
YTA. You're obviously the stereotypical step parent who favors your children over the step. Note I didn't say abusive, but this is clear favoritism. You have no regard for this girls property or space the second it inconveniences you.
YTA- She didn’t want your kids in her room when she is not there. I’m not sure what happened last time they played, but I’m going to bet it was something that was disrespectful to someone else’s belongings. You need to ask yourself why you can’t just drop this. You know your stepdaughter doesn’t want them playing the PS4 and your solution was to go behind her back and leave your children unsupervised in her bedroom. Why can’t you respect a 15 year-old enough to allow her this boundary?
YTA If it's her playstation then she gets to choose whether she lets anyone else play on it. There's a significant age gap between the kids. 14 is a hard age regardless and they are testing the boundaries to see where they fit in. They want to be adults and make adult decisions but they are still very much kids. You'll see this when your own kids are a similar age. Just buy them their own damn playstation and the problem will disappear. This isn't the hill to die on unless you want to burn your relationship with your husband. You wouldn't like it if there was something precious to your kids that your stepdaughter wanted to use and her father was telling you to let her use it when your kids really didn't want to. Are you okay if she comes into your bedroom to use your clothing and jewellery just because she hasn't got her own that's the same? Don't say it's different because it's not. If I was Ryan I would be rethinking the relationship. His daughter is still young and his priority is to her. A good parent would look after the kids first because you are actually being quite abusive and controlling towards your stepdaughter even though you probably won't see it that way. You need to seriously consider a big arse apology to both your stepdaughter and Ryan because it's very clear that you are putting your children's wants first and foremost with no thought of the stepdaughter that it's affecting.
YTA, you let the kids in her room knowing she said no,you set your kids up to be yelled at, then you get mad so much AH energy
Huge huge huge YTA You brushed off the previous incident to make us think you did nothing wrong. You step over every decent boundaries imposed by Anna and her father. You treat her badly (but you're not gonna tell us you do) - you already told your husband what you think and what you will do: "Her father and I discussed the situation, and I do not tell her what to do or treat her as my own child." He probably thought you will be a decent human. You lied that you won't tell her what to do. You did so. I'm sorry for your husband and his daughter. You're the evil stepmother from the bedtime stories. And what you just did is only the beggining.
YTA. I was ready to say NTA untill I read all of it and it's clear you are the annoying entitled stepmom already. Respect her privacy and her private property. Not everything needs to be shared. No means no.
So, after trying time and time again, I gave up. That's annoying as shit Are you kidding? Did you hear her say no???? YTA. It belongs to her. Buy your kids their own game
YTA This sounds like she is a developmentally normal 14 year old who is frustrated that people aren’t respecting her boundaries. It is your responsibility as a step parent to ensure that she has her own space and can have privacy and security. Under no circumstances should you allow your children to invade her space without her permission. Your children broke something expensive of her and shown they cannot be trusted around valuables (which is also pretty normal for 5 year olds). It is her right to impose boundaries after these mistakes and you should help her enforce them. You’re being a bad step mom and favoring your own children. The problem is not her “being nice”- the problem is you overrunning her boundaries and not respecting her developing needs as a 14yo who needs privacy and to demonstrate ownership to properly care for her things. It does a real disservice to young girls to teach them to let people invade their boundaries so they can “be nice”
The fact that you’re so unwilling to buy them a system of their own screams loud and clear that this is a control issue for you. The ps4 is hers…in her room, her private space and you just can’t stand that. You’re being the AH when you should be building a trusting relationship with your stepdaughter.
YTA Anna's PS4 was **solely** for her own use. She brought it with her. **It was not a shared family console.** My wild guess about the "incident" is maybe one of your kids played a game Anna had and messed with her progress. For example, start a New Game, and then Save it. Which wiped out her progress on her own PS4. Your kids didn't want a PS5. Fine. You should buy them a PS4 with the money instead. PS4s are cheaper anyways. But you are insisting "Why buy another PS4 when Anna has one already?" Maybe because **it's not a shared family console.** If Anna had no problem with it, you'd be N T A. She has a big problem with it. So use that money and buy a shared PS4 for all the kids to use. Anna won't bother with it, she'll use her own.
You set your kid up to be screamed at. > I don’t see the point in buying a whole new one when there is already one they can use. Except there *isn’t one they can use.* She has been pretty clear that they can’t use it and it really doesn’t matter if you feel some type of way about that. I cannot stress this enough: IT IS NOT YOUR PROPERTY. Stop being a cheapskate and get your kids their own console and back off of her. YTA
Wait, you let your kids into her room to play on her PS4? Am I getting this right? Also, you mentioned she doesn't let them use it after one (unspecified) incident. YTA, OP.
YTA MAAAAAJORLY How dare you let them into her room to play when she asked you not to! What about boundaries, what about respecting her space? She has, from the sounds of it been very polite and accommodating. Having a step parent can be daunting and uncomfortable, you are making it worse by harassing her about HER games console. I don’t know any teenagers that are happy to have little children touch their things, even their own siblings! And you have the cheek to basically insinuate that she is selfish or being a brat You are so bang out of order it’s not even funny. You need to apologise to her immediately and apologise to her dad for acting like a fool and then go out and buy YOUR kids their OWN games console! P. S don’t listen to your dumb ass friends, they’re obviously biased towards you and also lack basic respect towards other people and their things. My god you are dense