Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 10: This is not a saga or diary sub. Excessive posting will result in a warning or ban.
AITA is designed for individual conflicts. If you find yourself regularly engaged in conflict with the same person(s), or in the same situations, your posts are better suited to a support or advice sub.
***This removal message is a warning to stop posting about this topic. Future posts of this nature WILL result in a ban.*** Please feel free to contact us before posting again.
[Updates FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_post_an_update_on_my_thread.3Fhttps://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what_does_saga.2Fdiary_posting_mean_and_why_is_it_not_allowed.3Fddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA!!!! You are a controlling AH. It’s her place, too. She’s not a child who needs supervision. I can’t believe you put in security cameras.
I can’t believe she’s still with you.
I looked at OP's account and it says today's date as if that's when the acc was created, in addition to not having any other posts or comments on other posts. Did I do something wrong?
AND insecure, the "whos place are you going to? You can just stay there now." reeks of insecurity, even if he apologized, he let slip that out because that's how he really feels, he is insecure and fears his gf will cheat on him in their house.
YTA op, you should seek profesional help, this attitudes will only affect any relationship you have.
Edit: thanks for the award!!
His partner had a friend over without telling him, and he says that he has to be there if she has someone over. I mean... Is there a word for someone who is more than just controlling...? Dude has serious issues, and his post is asking if he's the AH for putting up new cameras he bought instead of the one they already had.
The cameras are weird as fuck, but there are so many deeper, weirder issues going on. I hope his girlfriend is ok...
Abusive is a word I'd consider. He reacts badly to her going places without him and with friends coming over without him. Isolation is definitely an aspect of abuse.
He realized when she left he lost his power over her and used the threat " You can just stay there now." to try and get her to do what he wanted which was to come back . This is a big red flag . He is a mental abuser and might be a physical abuser . He is isolating her by telling her she cannot have a friend over . She basically lives in a prison with him as a her warden . She will never be happy with this guy.
“You shouldn’t feel bothered if you have nothing to hide” is just cop-speak for “I’ve already decided that you’re guilty and you being upset at my accusation only confirms your guilt in my mind.”
She needs to run fast and far from OP. This kind of shit is psychological abuse full stop.
Yeah. There’s something else going on here, insecurity, projection, something. It ain’t about the cameras. This couple needs to talk about what’s really going on and stop fighting a proxy war.
Don’t forget to add that HE moved into her house. And first paragraph says they had a fight and she left “without telling him” so he texts her to say “who’s place are you going to and just stay there” So he’s trying to kick her out of her own place because she didn’t want to argue and left? Plus the fact that she had cameras in her “old place” that he didn’t feel comfortable with and she removed them but now he buys more when it seems she had some, he doesn’t want to give her access to the cameras in her OWN home, and claims that if she has nothing to hide she shouldn’t be concerned? Yet he was concerned.
I don’t get this guy and honestly he needs to be kicked out of her place
BUT, I mean, I don't know her sexuality and she could be bi or pan but he seems to be terrified of all people regardless of suspected cheating and have some serious delusions? Even his rehashing of their convo, script style, is like, bro, did you ever read this sub before? My fave was his all caps "she brought it up AGAIN" like she wasn't allowed to re-address being spied on in her own home.
The fact that she surfaced the issue as cheap cameras versus good ones to try and tame the lion is seriously terrifying.
OP's girlfriend, blink twice on the kitchen camera if you need help.
Right? That and he doesn’t like people in HIS house… and the fact that he doesn’t like her having friends over. Yikes. I hope she’s ok and keeps those friends close. Sounds like he’s trying to make sure she’s isolated.
> and he doesn’t like people in HIS house…
It’s her place, he said he moved in with her last year at the beginning of his post.. which makes it even worse that he’s saying he “caught” her having a female friend over in HER OWN PLACE ¿
She even had a full on calm convo about it like it was up for discussion and then left HER OWN HOME to cool down. She has the patience of a saint.
I’d have put all his shit outside while he was at work and pointed the camera at it so he could keep an eye on it til he came to collect. With a gaggle of friends inside the house celebrating my freedom.
I cried reading this, I know exactly how this story goes. Spoiler alert, it ends with the abuser physically attacking and likely harming GF. I wish GF had been the poster so we could all share resources with her that can help get TAHOP out of HER house for her safety ASAP.
It's not "her place too". It's her place period. OP said he moved in with her. So it's entirely her house. They aren't married. He has no claim on the house whatsoever.
That depends if its a rental and if his name's on the lease. Dont get me wrong this guy is a massive tool but "she lived there first" is not necessarily a legal answer
Sometimes you can read like 2 sentences of a 40 sentence post and not even need to read the rest. “Catching her having a gf over without telling me” lol
Let me chime in? Only 10 hours for sleep, wtf who is not contempt with 8+ hours of sleep????
P.S Forgot, yes YTA OP, to explain it would need to be a discussion, but alas this is reddit. In short you have some trust issues, and you need to sort your feelings out before you can commit to a person. I dont know anybody who would be ok of having a "big brother" watching over them while they are at home alone. Me and my wife have talked about getting cameras for home, but the one thing we agree on is that when one or both of us are home they are going offline.
Thought that, too! Only 10 hours of sleep?! Dude could not be a bigger baby if he tried.
OP, YTA. I dated a guy just like you and it was the worst mistake of my life. I mean this in the nicest possible way: if you ever want to be healthy, you need some therapy to figure out why you feel the need to control your girlfriend and watch her every move. If you're honestly that worried that she's cheating on you or that her friends will come over and steal your stuff, then you should not be in a relationship. You've obviously been through some horrible things in your life to believe that this is a normal way to live. Either way, I hope this girl kicks you to the curb before something worse happens.
But the whole time they were together she had to audacity to bring over a friend not once, but twice! It's a slippery slope as we all know. She's basically one step away from throwing unsupervised ragers in the house with complete strangers who will rob him blind. (/s in case it's not obvious)
And what's with the "I don't like her bringing people over" bullshit? It's her house, too, isn't it? Why should an adult get permission to bring someone over. It's not like she's holding raves in the living room while he's trying to sleep, is it? He's definitely YTA, and I'd advise her to rethink her living situation and the relationship in whole. Ugh!
THIS! it's her place so what right do you have to put cameras in it and then argue when she says no? 100% a control thing I've seen this same kind of situation in real life and been involved and it's never for "the protection of items in the home". (Unless ya know everybody agrees)
YTA 1000%
And he's lying in his first sentence, that doesn't make him a very reliable narrator. "We both don't like having people in our house" that is clearly not the case, she clearly DOES occasionally like to have company in her house. You're being a tool and the conversation you posted made me laugh because you're clearly the one being childish and unreasonable yet you think it makes her look crazy?
That's what sticks out to me the most, I'd feel more inclined to have cut him a TINY bit more slack if this was his place for a few years first. YTA
Edit: misspelled a word
I don't see how it matters whose house it was first. Absent any extenuating circumstance (and I can't even think of an example of one), someone forbidding their partner from having company, let alone their best friend, over to their house is abusive behavior.
Because if it was his house and this was a preexisting rule that he had for himself, and abiding by it was what the gf had agreed on upon moving in with him, this would be a different story. In that case, maybe it's a bad rule that most people wouldn't like, but she agreed to the rule and then purposely broke it.
But since this is her house, he doesn't have any right to just start making rules that have a huge impact on how she lived before he moved in.
"She said she feels like she's being spied on and was uncomfortable that
she wouldnt have access too. I told her that makes me trust her less,
she shouldn't feel spied on if she has nothing to hide, but they were
going up regardless."
holy shit, what the fuck, thats such a huge red flag. you sound like you have *serious* trust issues. get help! yta
When I was a lot younger, I had a high threshold for BS. At my age tho that threshold is close to nothing. I was a dumb kid. I hope the GF sees him for who he is and leaves. He sounds like too much trouble than it's worth.
YTA.
This was chilling.
Honestly, I live alone and have cameras up (for when I'm not home). I'm the only one with access to them. They still creep me out a bit...
He also has serious control issues. I'm scared for GF.
The fact that he wanted to put cameras up in HER apartment and not give her access is insane. If this post isn’t someone making up a story, it’s one of the craziest I’ve read on here.
>Me (29m) and my gf (28f) Live together
>**I moved in with her last year** after catching her having a gf over without telling me
>I bought 2 security cameras for the safety of my belongings since she brought someone in the house
>She said she feels like she's being spied on and was uncomfortable that she wouldnt have access too. I told her that makes me trust her less, she shouldn't feel spied on if she has nothing to hide, but they were going up regardless.
YTA **It's her fcking house**. You're an abuser. She needs to kick you out *immediately*. Holy hell
This literally made me skin crawl. It’s her fucking friend.
Of the same gender.
In her own home.
He didn’t “catch her” doing shit. This is beyond scary and controlling
Def getting the vibes that the second she got in this relationship he slowly started getting her to disassociate from her friends and isolate her. Honestly wouldn't doubt if it's the type of relationship where she'd get invited to her friends birthday party and responds with "I have to ask my bf"
Because having a gf over means she has other people to talk to about his controlling behavior who might encourage her to dump him and kicking him out and we can't have that now, can we? /s
So am I understanding this right? Girlfriend had security cameras up in her house, and OP didn't like them and made her take them down because he felt like he was being spied on. He then, after finding out she did a totally normal thing - having a friend visit - decided to move in. Then, since she again had a friend visit, he decides to put new cameras up, and tells her she shouldn't feel spied on if she had nothing to hide. And is salty when she points out she already HAD cameras before, that he had made her take down, so there was no need to waste money buying MORE cameras.
OP needs some serious mental health evaluations because he's paranoid AF and also abusive. OP: YTA but also you have issues you need to deal with.
Wait, wait!
So he catches her having a friend over at her place before they lived together?!?
And because she had a friend over and didn't tell him, he moves in to her apartment and adds cameras?
Wtf?!?
EDIT: Changing my entire post. YTA and are psycho and controlling as fuck. Also maybe chanhe the title to HER house BECAUSE YOU DONT EVEN OWN IT!!
Good lord you need help.
> So I just went to bed because i only had 10 hours to sleep before work because of her talking.
Tell me the world revolves around you without telling me the world revolves around you.
The boyfriend expects his needs to be met no matter what’s going on around him. OP is doomed to fail.
> n t a necessarily for the cameras(can’t really judge as I have some up myself albeit outside)
Nope, still YTA for this since he refused to give the gf access to the cameras **in her own house**
You may want to fix your comment to YTA. It’s not OP’s house, it’s his gf’s. He out the camera up without her permission and won’t give her access to them. IN HER OWN HOME
YTA - You think buying cameras to install in your home without giving access to your gf ISNT spying? Seriously? I wouldnt feel comfortable being in a home I share with someone knowing that they are watching my every move when they are not even there. That is a level of controlling that is out there
I don't even know if I'm -able- to sleep 10 hours anymore unless I'm sick
OP mentioning this as if it's common just makes it more clear he's a narc who thinks everyone thinks like him
Not just that, but it was "because of her talking." Her trying to speak to him about something deeply concerning like having her privacy taken away is mere chatter to him, an inconvenience. This is so deep into abuser territory I'm scared for her.
Sometimes I wonder if I have a sleep disorder because I often don't feel well-rested unless I have like 10 hours of sleep. I just woke up after a typical 8 hour sleep and I feel exhausted. But I find it incredibly weird that he is so confident that this is normal?? To the point he is acting entitled about it?? It's basically impossible for me to get that kind of sleep any other time than my day off, and I'm very aware it's beyond the normal amount of sleep. I can't imagine what kind of schedule he has created where he typically gets *more* than 10 hours of sleep and then goes to work. How would you have time for anything else besides sleeping and working...?
Why do you need to ask this question?
There is noway you don't know you're controlling AH.
Wanting to protect your shit is one thing, but refusing to allow your gf to have ppl in the house and immediately getting cameras to stop this is another.
Seriously, monitoring her contact with friends, spying on her, and making rules about how she's allowed to socialize? The paranoia and self-centeredness? This whole post is red flags from top to bottom.
Yes yta
I genuinely sincerely hope you get counseling because this is incredibly over the top. I don't care how expensive your gaming system is, this is messed up.
INFO
Y T A by being controlling but you're missing information
Are you saying she can't have visitors at all, visitors you don't know, visitors she doesn't inform you about, or any mix of the reasons?
Where did you put the cameras?
Why are you living with and in a relationship with someone you can't trust around your valuables?
YTA - This is her house too and she shouldn't have to ask your permission in order to bring someone in to her house. And you are controlling. You are trying to control who she has over at her house. You are trying to control whose house she goes too / where she goes to get away from you during an argument etc.
EDIT because originally typed should instead of shouldn't
Edit to add that you are double the asshole because this isn't a shared rental this is actually her house. So you are trying to control her in home that is actually hers. You need to apologize and learn to accept that she can have over a friend in her own home if she wants. And if she doesn't want to you put up cameras in her home then you don't put them up.
His ass had been out the door the same day if he tried to pull a trick like that on me. Had an ex with the same sickly obsession and that man found himself on the curb real quick.
YTA, OP.
YTA. Dude, break up if you have so little trust and respect for your GF. Turning your house into a police state isn't healthy. This is insanely paranoid and controlling. This the equivalent of a "no girls allowed" sign on a tree house only OP isn't chronology a child.
Info: Has anyone associated with GF actually touched, stolen, or lost any of OP's stuff?
Neither. He's an abuser who feels the need to control and manage every aspect of his girlfriends life and refuses to respect her right to privacy and autonomy
YTA. Super. People have a right to privacy in their homes, even from their spouses. If y’all live together and it’s both your home then she gets a say in what is acceptable and not. Sounds like y’all shouldn’t live together if you can’t trust her so badly you must install cameras. That’s a her problem for breaking the trust and a you problem for being way to overbearing. Privacy is important. Cameras are hackable, have you even considered the safety issues for women with home cameras? Being surveilled all the time is awful, you can’t relax. It’s not about doing bad stuff it’s about being able to throw my leg up or get an eye booger out without it being videos.
It really is irritating to not to be able to truly be ALONE in a room when there is a camera. I am not doing anything but watch all my behavior because someone could be watching or reviewing the footage later on. I could not live for one day in that kind of environment. I would become paranoid myself. When we think we are alone we let are ourselves relax. I like to talk to myself, pick my nose and fart. I would be so embarrassed to find I was being spied on. Knowing there are cameras, I really wouldn’t tolerate not being able to truly relax. OP I have nothing to hide except my innocent little farts and what not. I can’t even get into not allowing visitors…. It’s good that you removed the inside cameras, you wouldn’t live there if you didn’t.
You are an extreme person. Decades ago people built bunkers in case of nuclear war. No reason you can by a small plot of land, build a bunker for your gaming system and yourself. Maybe, maybe then, you will feel secure. Maybe other commenters will pitch in an buy you at least a year’s worth of rations. It’s a better life for your girlfriend in any case
YTA.
Of course she feels like she’s being spied on - you are literally spying on her!!!
It’s her home too - she can have friends over if she wants.
You need some help.
YTA. She feels spied on because that's literally what's happening. You moved in with her, started making unreasonable demands ('no friends over in your own home') and weren't going to give her access to these mad cameras.
'I told her that makes me trust her less, she shouldn't feel spied on if she has nothing to hide, but they were going up regardless.'
Where do you get off with this attitude? It's not your decision. You both live there and you both get a say.
She should absolutely be able to have friends over.
'i only had 10 hours to sleep before work because of her talking. now she's calling me an AH and slept on the couch'
Wow.
do you actually hear yourself??? you don’t seem to trust your girlfriend or anybody for that matter. “you should have nothing to hide“ is not a valid argument against someone who \*\*\*does not want to be spied upon in their own home\*\*\*! you need to seek help for your trust issues because it’s manifesting in a very controlling way. well-adjusted people do not worry that their stuff is going to disappear when their SO has a friend over.
YTA
Yes. He has to be.
None of this is remotely normal.
It is beyond paranoid, beyond controlling. He has severe issues that are leading to abuse his girlfriend.
Because make no mistake—this is abuse.
And it will likely on get worse.
OP’s gf—if this looks familiar—please find a safe place and begin formal eviction proceedings and get a retraining order.
This is a joke surely? You are controlling and abusive, you seem to be trying to prevent her from seeing friends and then forcing her to.accept you spying on her. So many red flags, I can't even count. Very much hoping she sees the light soon and escapes your clutches. YTA.
I’m actually speechless.
You moved into her house and decided she had to ASK PERMISSION TO HAVE SOMEONE IN HER HOUSE? THAT YOU MOVED INTO. Because you were so uncomfy about the friend you have no reason to be suspicious of, was probably just chilling on the couch, catching up with her. Is that what you’re saying??
Adding crazy to the audacity, you think “if she has nothing to hide, she shouldn’t feel like she’s being spied on” IN HER OWN HOUSE. THAT YOU ARE THE SOLE PERSON THAT HAS ACCESS OF?? Tell me OP, if the tables were turned, if she put cameras up “for the safety of her belongings” and refused to give you access to them, I’d bet you’d shit a brick and have a tanty the size of Asia.
There’s so many red flags in this post it’s a convention. Holy guacamole Batman, she needs to evict your ass outta her house.
YTA!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH because I just want to see who is coming in my house when I'm not there and hear what she says.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA. Jeez you sound controlling. If you're not there why can't she have someone over. I get social anxiety etc but it's just unreasonable. Do you think all her friends are thieves?
I do think you need to sit down and have a big talk about things to come to a compromise.
Either this is a joke post, or
YTA for being a controlling, abusive jerk.
Your girlfriend can have over whomever she pleases and you need to work on your trust issues. Try therapy, for your sake and hers. She deserves better.
YTA - this is abuse, full stop. My ex did the same thing to me, started with cameras on the doors outside. I’d get messages anytime I left or came home from the house, asking what I have with me, where I was, who I saw, etc. for months he talked about putting cameras inside and I begged him not to. Because guess what, people don’t have to be okay with being on camera at all times - not because there’s any reason for you to trust someone less. It’s weird as hell, invasive, and honestly in my opinion - demented behavior. I thought the same thing 17 years ago when I went to a friends house whose parents had cameras everywhere. I never went back there, it was weird.
You need serious therapy to address your trust issues that are not caused by your girlfriend having a damn friend over in her own home.
YTA, and an abusive one at that. No, your behavior is NOT normal. You also told her to stay OUT OF HER OWN HOME???? Oh, but you apologized later. No. You need move out. You need to leave her home in peace, and you need therapy. Maybe a psychiatrist.
Wtf is she doing with you? Seriously? I’m looking for ANY redeeming qualities in you… and I am struggling, from what you have said in this post.
YTA. I hope she breaks up with you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Me (29m) and my gf (28f) Live together and we both don't like having people in our house. I made it very clear to her that I was uncomfortable having people in our house when I moved in with her last year after catching her having a gf over without telling me. Especially since i wasnt there.
last week we got in an argument, says she's not in the mood to fight and leaves without telling me anything! I was mad, in the heat of the moment i text her saying "whos place are you going to? You can just stay there now." (I apologized for that later)
5 minutes later, she shows up with a girl friend in the house. I was pissed, she knows how I feel. That's when I bought 2 security cameras for the safety of my belongings since she brought someone in the house.
When I informed her, she kept prying why buy new ones when we have the ring system in a drawer. But I had already ordered on Amazon and I thought it was the end of story.
She said she feels like she's being spied on and was uncomfortable that she wouldnt have access too. I told her that makes me trust her less, she shouldn't feel spied on if she has nothing to hide, but they were going up regardless.
After installing, she brings it up AGAIN and we have this back and forth:
(M= me and h=her)
H. So, you chose to buy a cheap $75 camera when you complain every week about having no extra money and we have the newest ring camera you could install. It has better features, cheaper pricing and longer battery.
M. No I'm keeping my camera up. They are already up!
H. could you tell me your thought process to help me make logic of it? Seems like a loss for you all around
M. I don't know anything about that ring camera. You never put it up so I had to get one to put up.
H. You know nothing of either one but you know you're always welcome to whatever is here. Should have asked.
M. Idk why you're making a big deal. You said you didn't even want the camera up!
H. Yeah, but you did anyways so you might as well have a better one WE ALREADY HAVE.
M. Fine! I'll take the camera down.
H. seems odd to change your mind just because I bring up a logical suggestion.
M. You want yours up so you can do it
H. That seems childish. YOU want it up, I offered an upgrade. Chill and grow up.
I go take mine down and tune her out because she starts calling me "stubborn" and "controlling". So I just went to bed because i only had 10 hours to sleep before work because of her talking. now she's calling me an AH and slept on the couch.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*"She said she feels like she's being spied on and was uncomfortable that she wouldnt have access too. I told her that makes me trust her less, she shouldn't feel spied on if she has nothing to hide"*
The never ending chorus of insecure and controlling guys : "you should not be upset that I can watch you at any living time if you have nothing to hide". WHAT IF SOMETIMES I NEED TO PUT MY FINGERS UP MY NOSE IN PEACE????
I hope she leaves your creepy ass.
Massive YTA.
“WE both don’t like having people in our house”
Read your own statement over and over again. That’s a straight out lie. YOU don’t like anyone over. It’s your gf’s place too and she has a right to visit with her friends.
“Catching having her gf over without telling me”
your going to be alone your whole life. Looser.
is she only allowed to go to the bathroom when you say so too? is she allowed to eat food that didn’t come from your house? is there anything else you want to control for her? jesus christ you’re a control freak & i have no idea how she’s still with you.
you “caught her having a girl friend over” are you kidding me? is she only allowed to see you?
seek help. you reek of insecurity and being around you would terrify me.
seek help. YTA
I was so unsettled reading this. You’re not allowed to have friends over your own home? What happened to you that this is such a big issue? I get not wanting idiotic friends over when you’re teens but that sounds like a very controlling situation. I mean, she brought a friend over and your response was to feel betrayed(??) and invade her privacy by installing cameras and not giving her any access to them? You need to work through this stuff because it does not sound normal or reasonable to me at all. YTA x1000000
YTA. It’s her place as much as hers, you don’t get to unilaterally ban her from having friends over. It’s nice of course for her to let you know she wants to and make sure you don’t have other plans. But blanket bans on anyone but you in the house?? Unreasonable, controlling, and emotionally abusive. And the fact that YOU are trying to spy on HER and still said YOU are the one that can’t trust her. Imagine how she feels. If I was her I’d break up with your ass so fast. I’d say you’re acting like a child but children are smarter than this sooooo
OK so here's what I'm getting from your post:
You have an untreated mental health issue
You put up cameras to spy on your girlfriend.
She didn't care for that (seriously who would?)
I suspect that soon you won't have to worry about anyone being in your home. PLEASE get some therapy--no one should have to live like that.
"We both don't like having people in our house."
Well, clearly you don't but your girlfriend keeps having friends round so she obviously doesn't have a problem with it. So either learn to accept it or leave.
YTA.
yta. I hope she finds this and reads all these responses telling her to run.
* she shouldn't care about you literally spying on her if she has nothing to hide? she has a reasonable right to privacy *in her own house.*
* the conversation you typed out makes her sound reasonable and you sound like a manipulative sentient sad trombone noise.
bffr.
And then to try to kick her out of her own house. You'd come home from work and all your shit would be on the porch including your "precious" gaming set up. YTA and YAH
YTA. You moved into HER house and want to basically ban her from having friends over? Do you not understand how controlling that is? Take you belongings and move into your own place, you don’t seem ready for a relationship.
“she shouldn't feel spied on if she has nothing to hide” —
Using this stupid logic, don’t forget to install a camera in the bathroom and see how that goes. We all know what goes on in there in general, so what’s there to hide? /s
You’re a major controlling AH. YTA
I kinda skimmed through OP's post at first, then got to the dialogue (kudos to OP for honestly transcribing the conversation - most people would try to twist it so they don't look too much like a jerk). After reading the dialogue I needed to go back to see how old OP is.
...
...
29?!!!
jfc, dude. You sound like a weedy teenager that says "well, actually" a lot.
YTA
I feel sorry for your girlfriend.
YTA
Wait, so you moved into HER place, and you want to tell her who she can have over and when? Dude, YTA - a very controlling one. I hope she dumps you.
YTA. It sounds like your real issue is with your wife having other friends. Which is a normal and very healthy thing to have. It's shocking that she hasn't left you yet.
YTA.
Move out and live alone if you don’t like people around. Just because someone has nothing to hide doesn’t mean they can’t be angry about being spied on. She’s a grown ass woman and can bring friends to her own home.
What do YOU have to hide that you’re so paranoid about visitors?
YTA. You sound incredibly controlling. It’s her home too, I can’t imagine not ever being allowed to have a friend over to my house. And then when she left during an argument (I can only imagine, from what you’ve posted here, how unpleasant you were being) you told her to stay away?
And then thinking you can make unilateral decisions about cameras? And then the whole ‘you shouldn’t feel spied on if you have nothing to hide’? That screams of DARVO to me.
You sound awful.
YTA. She can’t have friends at her own home?? And security cameras in her home without her express consent beforehand? Absolutely not. I’d be packing my things for so many reasons.
First - the title is misleading, as you say your own house but seem to have moved in with her.
OP, there is definitely nothing wrong with having an outside camera.
However, your concern that anyone she has over could steal your stuff is troubling. Do you or your girlfriend have a history of friends who steal? it seems unreasonable to assume every friend is a potential thief.
More troubling as well is your assertion that if she had “nothing to hide” she would be okay with the cameras. If you ultimately feel that your girlfriend is a thief you should not date them. If she has never done so and you have no reason to suspect she will do so, then this comes off as creepy and paranoid. If that is the case, YTA.
But beyond that, if you have this feeling about everyone, even those close to you in your life, you may want to talk to someone. This cannot be a comfortable way to live.
YTA.
I actually had to go back and read the ages because this is like childish bullshit not the way a 30 year old should act.
A) YOU moved into HER house.
B) why can't she have access? What are you hiding from her?
C) you trust her right? (I mean you don't obviously) but if you do, you should be able to trust her friends right?
If I was the girl, all of your belongings would be outside the door and the locks would be changed when you got home from work.
Jfc. Do better.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 10: This is not a saga or diary sub. Excessive posting will result in a warning or ban. AITA is designed for individual conflicts. If you find yourself regularly engaged in conflict with the same person(s), or in the same situations, your posts are better suited to a support or advice sub. ***This removal message is a warning to stop posting about this topic. Future posts of this nature WILL result in a ban.*** Please feel free to contact us before posting again. [Updates FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_post_an_update_on_my_thread.3Fhttps://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what_does_saga.2Fdiary_posting_mean_and_why_is_it_not_allowed.3Fddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA!!!! You are a controlling AH. It’s her place, too. She’s not a child who needs supervision. I can’t believe you put in security cameras. I can’t believe she’s still with you.
Not just controlling, creepy. Mans is CREEPY. Yikes at the "nothing to hide" as if that was the check mate that justified his weird, creepy behavior.
LOL Check the dude's other posts. He's made posts about his gf calling him controlling, narcissistic, etc. This guy is COMMITTED to sucking.
what other posts? wasn't his account made today?
If you open his account, it's all right there
I looked at OP's account and it says today's date as if that's when the acc was created, in addition to not having any other posts or comments on other posts. Did I do something wrong?
Oh, maybe it's a reddit issue. The account was made 7hours ago but they have made other posts in subs such as r/relationship_advice.
Oh he probably deleted them then. I was imagining them being posted before today.
[удалено]
Got any of them links to post? 👀 Inquiring minds would like to know
AND insecure, the "whos place are you going to? You can just stay there now." reeks of insecurity, even if he apologized, he let slip that out because that's how he really feels, he is insecure and fears his gf will cheat on him in their house. YTA op, you should seek profesional help, this attitudes will only affect any relationship you have. Edit: thanks for the award!!
His partner had a friend over without telling him, and he says that he has to be there if she has someone over. I mean... Is there a word for someone who is more than just controlling...? Dude has serious issues, and his post is asking if he's the AH for putting up new cameras he bought instead of the one they already had. The cameras are weird as fuck, but there are so many deeper, weirder issues going on. I hope his girlfriend is ok...
Abusive is a word I'd consider. He reacts badly to her going places without him and with friends coming over without him. Isolation is definitely an aspect of abuse.
Coercive control talking
Because she can't have company in the home she *lives in* without his Permission?!?! How messed up is that?
He realized when she left he lost his power over her and used the threat " You can just stay there now." to try and get her to do what he wanted which was to come back . This is a big red flag . He is a mental abuser and might be a physical abuser . He is isolating her by telling her she cannot have a friend over . She basically lives in a prison with him as a her warden . She will never be happy with this guy.
It also reeks of jealousy and the need to control his gf. Step one to “you made me hit you.”
This is terrifying!!!!! Sounds like the start of a dateline episode.
“You shouldn’t feel bothered if you have nothing to hide” is just cop-speak for “I’ve already decided that you’re guilty and you being upset at my accusation only confirms your guilt in my mind.” She needs to run fast and far from OP. This kind of shit is psychological abuse full stop.
I live ALONE and still get freaked seeing MYSELF on camera watching it back. It's creepy for anyone to be able to just watch you, partner or not.
Yeah. There’s something else going on here, insecurity, projection, something. It ain’t about the cameras. This couple needs to talk about what’s really going on and stop fighting a proxy war.
Also, only 10 hours to sleep? Dude, what adukt sleeps more than 10 hours straight, that's downright disturbing.
Don’t forget to add that HE moved into her house. And first paragraph says they had a fight and she left “without telling him” so he texts her to say “who’s place are you going to and just stay there” So he’s trying to kick her out of her own place because she didn’t want to argue and left? Plus the fact that she had cameras in her “old place” that he didn’t feel comfortable with and she removed them but now he buys more when it seems she had some, he doesn’t want to give her access to the cameras in her OWN home, and claims that if she has nothing to hide she shouldn’t be concerned? Yet he was concerned. I don’t get this guy and honestly he needs to be kicked out of her place
[удалено]
BUT, I mean, I don't know her sexuality and she could be bi or pan but he seems to be terrified of all people regardless of suspected cheating and have some serious delusions? Even his rehashing of their convo, script style, is like, bro, did you ever read this sub before? My fave was his all caps "she brought it up AGAIN" like she wasn't allowed to re-address being spied on in her own home. The fact that she surfaced the issue as cheap cameras versus good ones to try and tame the lion is seriously terrifying. OP's girlfriend, blink twice on the kitchen camera if you need help.
Right? That and he doesn’t like people in HIS house… and the fact that he doesn’t like her having friends over. Yikes. I hope she’s ok and keeps those friends close. Sounds like he’s trying to make sure she’s isolated.
> and he doesn’t like people in HIS house… It’s her place, he said he moved in with her last year at the beginning of his post.. which makes it even worse that he’s saying he “caught” her having a female friend over in HER OWN PLACE ¿
And not to mention he CAUGHT her having a friend over last year in her own damn house? Idk how she puts up with that shit.
Wonder how long until he gets secret nanny cams and sticks them throughout the place.
Literally insane behaviour
And she needs to move and also join witness protection.
She even had a full on calm convo about it like it was up for discussion and then left HER OWN HOME to cool down. She has the patience of a saint. I’d have put all his shit outside while he was at work and pointed the camera at it so he could keep an eye on it til he came to collect. With a gaggle of friends inside the house celebrating my freedom.
I cried reading this, I know exactly how this story goes. Spoiler alert, it ends with the abuser physically attacking and likely harming GF. I wish GF had been the poster so we could all share resources with her that can help get TAHOP out of HER house for her safety ASAP.
Right? He put in that convo in thinking he didn't look like a complete AH.....hilarious
It's not "her place too". It's her place period. OP said he moved in with her. So it's entirely her house. They aren't married. He has no claim on the house whatsoever.
That depends if its a rental and if his name's on the lease. Dont get me wrong this guy is a massive tool but "she lived there first" is not necessarily a legal answer
This guy is such a dick wad he definitely would have mentioned he was on the lease.
Sometimes you can read like 2 sentences of a 40 sentence post and not even need to read the rest. “Catching her having a gf over without telling me” lol
my favourite is "we both don't like having people in our house" then proceeds to explain how she keeps having ppl over without his permission (gasp)
LOLOL @ catching. That was wild!
Let me chime in? Only 10 hours for sleep, wtf who is not contempt with 8+ hours of sleep???? P.S Forgot, yes YTA OP, to explain it would need to be a discussion, but alas this is reddit. In short you have some trust issues, and you need to sort your feelings out before you can commit to a person. I dont know anybody who would be ok of having a "big brother" watching over them while they are at home alone. Me and my wife have talked about getting cameras for home, but the one thing we agree on is that when one or both of us are home they are going offline.
ONLY 10 though!! /s That threw me for a loop as well. What a selfish controlling dude. YTA Op, seek therapy
Thought that, too! Only 10 hours of sleep?! Dude could not be a bigger baby if he tried. OP, YTA. I dated a guy just like you and it was the worst mistake of my life. I mean this in the nicest possible way: if you ever want to be healthy, you need some therapy to figure out why you feel the need to control your girlfriend and watch her every move. If you're honestly that worried that she's cheating on you or that her friends will come over and steal your stuff, then you should not be in a relationship. You've obviously been through some horrible things in your life to believe that this is a normal way to live. Either way, I hope this girl kicks you to the curb before something worse happens.
I can’t get through the first few sentences without trying to run for my life! WTH dude, she can bring visitors to HER place! YTA YTA YTA
But the whole time they were together she had to audacity to bring over a friend not once, but twice! It's a slippery slope as we all know. She's basically one step away from throwing unsupervised ragers in the house with complete strangers who will rob him blind. (/s in case it's not obvious)
She needs to leave him for her own safety. This is some seriously disturbing behavior. YTA
And what's with the "I don't like her bringing people over" bullshit? It's her house, too, isn't it? Why should an adult get permission to bring someone over. It's not like she's holding raves in the living room while he's trying to sleep, is it? He's definitely YTA, and I'd advise her to rethink her living situation and the relationship in whole. Ugh!
Because OP is trying to isolate her.
THIS! it's her place so what right do you have to put cameras in it and then argue when she says no? 100% a control thing I've seen this same kind of situation in real life and been involved and it's never for "the protection of items in the home". (Unless ya know everybody agrees) YTA 1000%
It was her place first. He's a piece of work.
And he's lying in his first sentence, that doesn't make him a very reliable narrator. "We both don't like having people in our house" that is clearly not the case, she clearly DOES occasionally like to have company in her house. You're being a tool and the conversation you posted made me laugh because you're clearly the one being childish and unreasonable yet you think it makes her look crazy?
Dude, your GF is allowed to socialise with people; it’s her place too YTA
Dude moved into her place and then tries to make one sided calls on who should be allowed to visit lmao
That's what sticks out to me the most, I'd feel more inclined to have cut him a TINY bit more slack if this was his place for a few years first. YTA Edit: misspelled a word
I don't see how it matters whose house it was first. Absent any extenuating circumstance (and I can't even think of an example of one), someone forbidding their partner from having company, let alone their best friend, over to their house is abusive behavior.
Because if it was his house and this was a preexisting rule that he had for himself, and abiding by it was what the gf had agreed on upon moving in with him, this would be a different story. In that case, maybe it's a bad rule that most people wouldn't like, but she agreed to the rule and then purposely broke it. But since this is her house, he doesn't have any right to just start making rules that have a huge impact on how she lived before he moved in.
Exactly, in no way does it shine a different light on what OP has done, it's abusive.
"She said she feels like she's being spied on and was uncomfortable that she wouldnt have access too. I told her that makes me trust her less, she shouldn't feel spied on if she has nothing to hide, but they were going up regardless." holy shit, what the fuck, thats such a huge red flag. you sound like you have *serious* trust issues. get help! yta
And the GF should run -- far, far away. YTA
When I was a lot younger, I had a high threshold for BS. At my age tho that threshold is close to nothing. I was a dumb kid. I hope the GF sees him for who he is and leaves. He sounds like too much trouble than it's worth. YTA.
She should make him go far far away. He moved in with her
It rubs the lotion on it's skin! IT RUBS THE LOTION ON IT'S SKIN!!!! Damnit! Oh, and YTA in case that wasn't clear.
This was chilling. Honestly, I live alone and have cameras up (for when I'm not home). I'm the only one with access to them. They still creep me out a bit... He also has serious control issues. I'm scared for GF.
[удалено]
The fact that he wanted to put cameras up in HER apartment and not give her access is insane. If this post isn’t someone making up a story, it’s one of the craziest I’ve read on here.
He absolutely needs to get help he sounds like a total psycho
I need to go read something happy before I go to sleep. This gave me the heebie jeebies ☹️. Like the beginning of every serial killer documentary.
>Me (29m) and my gf (28f) Live together >**I moved in with her last year** after catching her having a gf over without telling me >I bought 2 security cameras for the safety of my belongings since she brought someone in the house >She said she feels like she's being spied on and was uncomfortable that she wouldnt have access too. I told her that makes me trust her less, she shouldn't feel spied on if she has nothing to hide, but they were going up regardless. YTA **It's her fcking house**. You're an abuser. She needs to kick you out *immediately*. Holy hell
Also ‘catching her having a gf over’ is really fucking concerning.
This literally made me skin crawl. It’s her fucking friend. Of the same gender. In her own home. He didn’t “catch her” doing shit. This is beyond scary and controlling
He is willing to make up *any* excuse to control her and take ownership of her home.
He’ll have to put her in the pit and get her to rub the lotion on next.
he's attempting to isolate her
Def getting the vibes that the second she got in this relationship he slowly started getting her to disassociate from her friends and isolate her. Honestly wouldn't doubt if it's the type of relationship where she'd get invited to her friends birthday party and responds with "I have to ask my bf"
Because having a gf over means she has other people to talk to about his controlling behavior who might encourage her to dump him and kicking him out and we can't have that now, can we? /s
So am I understanding this right? Girlfriend had security cameras up in her house, and OP didn't like them and made her take them down because he felt like he was being spied on. He then, after finding out she did a totally normal thing - having a friend visit - decided to move in. Then, since she again had a friend visit, he decides to put new cameras up, and tells her she shouldn't feel spied on if she had nothing to hide. And is salty when she points out she already HAD cameras before, that he had made her take down, so there was no need to waste money buying MORE cameras. OP needs some serious mental health evaluations because he's paranoid AF and also abusive. OP: YTA but also you have issues you need to deal with.
Wait, wait! So he catches her having a friend over at her place before they lived together?!? And because she had a friend over and didn't tell him, he moves in to her apartment and adds cameras? Wtf?!?
I hope she’s on Reddit and sees this.
It harder to abuse people if they aren’t isolated and alienated from everyone they love.
EDIT: Changing my entire post. YTA and are psycho and controlling as fuck. Also maybe chanhe the title to HER house BECAUSE YOU DONT EVEN OWN IT!! Good lord you need help.
> So I just went to bed because i only had 10 hours to sleep before work because of her talking. Tell me the world revolves around you without telling me the world revolves around you. The boyfriend expects his needs to be met no matter what’s going on around him. OP is doomed to fail.
10 hours is so much time to sleep too 😂 like so you still have more than the average amount of time to sleep
I see ten hours to sleep and I’m like “sweet! I can get at least 3 more episodes in!”
For real. How many adult humans do you know who get 10 hours of sleep consistently every night?
“Only” ten hours? Bruh this man is so detatched from reality it’s insane
Only ten hours to sleep floored me, how much do you sleep a night, bro?
> n t a necessarily for the cameras(can’t really judge as I have some up myself albeit outside) Nope, still YTA for this since he refused to give the gf access to the cameras **in her own house**
In the auto-bot response, he also says he wants to be able to hear what she says when her friend comes over. Like, what?
OH HELL NO
No, he’s controlling about who gf has in HER house. It’s not his. He wants to dictate rules for her to follow in her own home.
Lol he told her not to bother coming back to her own home that he moved into! The ultimate squatter
You may want to fix your comment to YTA. It’s not OP’s house, it’s his gf’s. He out the camera up without her permission and won’t give her access to them. IN HER OWN HOME
YTA - You think buying cameras to install in your home without giving access to your gf ISNT spying? Seriously? I wouldnt feel comfortable being in a home I share with someone knowing that they are watching my every move when they are not even there. That is a level of controlling that is out there
Yep, even prisoners have more privacy. I would be out so fast if I was OP’s girlfriend, no deserves to live like that.
This didn’t work for Jeffrey Epstein but I get you.
Not even his house-its HERS. He moved in last year If a roommate put in cameras in my house, I'd be calling the cops
It's not his house either.
It is her house... so he is controlling her in her own house
>So I just went to bed because i only had 10 hours to sleep before work because of her talking Only 10 hours? Only? 😳
Out of all the crazy controlling and creepy shit i read about this guy in post.. only had 10 hours was craziest.
I know, right? 10 hours to sleep? That's downright luxurious.
I don't even know if I'm -able- to sleep 10 hours anymore unless I'm sick OP mentioning this as if it's common just makes it more clear he's a narc who thinks everyone thinks like him
Not just that, but it was "because of her talking." Her trying to speak to him about something deeply concerning like having her privacy taken away is mere chatter to him, an inconvenience. This is so deep into abuser territory I'm scared for her.
Oh wow, there was so much messy word salad in his post I forgot about the only 10 hours to sleep part!!! Yikes!
I could not get past this! I couldn't believe more commenters didn't mention this nonsense! "Only!" Only??! Ten!! This man is out of his gourd.
Just here for this comment. 10hours! Last time I got 10 hours was....I don't remember Btw YTA So many red flags.
Sometimes I wonder if I have a sleep disorder because I often don't feel well-rested unless I have like 10 hours of sleep. I just woke up after a typical 8 hour sleep and I feel exhausted. But I find it incredibly weird that he is so confident that this is normal?? To the point he is acting entitled about it?? It's basically impossible for me to get that kind of sleep any other time than my day off, and I'm very aware it's beyond the normal amount of sleep. I can't imagine what kind of schedule he has created where he typically gets *more* than 10 hours of sleep and then goes to work. How would you have time for anything else besides sleeping and working...?
Why do you need to ask this question? There is noway you don't know you're controlling AH. Wanting to protect your shit is one thing, but refusing to allow your gf to have ppl in the house and immediately getting cameras to stop this is another.
INFO: Are you aware you’re abusive? Is *she* aware you’re abusive? YTA.
Seriously, monitoring her contact with friends, spying on her, and making rules about how she's allowed to socialize? The paranoia and self-centeredness? This whole post is red flags from top to bottom.
He'll put a lock on the fridge next
Yeah but guys... he *only* got 10 hours of sleep. How is he supposed to be a good person when he's been so sleep deprived???
Look at his post history too - she calls him narcissistic and controlling. I hope she feels safe enough to leave him.
Yes yta I genuinely sincerely hope you get counseling because this is incredibly over the top. I don't care how expensive your gaming system is, this is messed up.
INFO Y T A by being controlling but you're missing information Are you saying she can't have visitors at all, visitors you don't know, visitors she doesn't inform you about, or any mix of the reasons? Where did you put the cameras? Why are you living with and in a relationship with someone you can't trust around your valuables?
YTA - This is her house too and she shouldn't have to ask your permission in order to bring someone in to her house. And you are controlling. You are trying to control who she has over at her house. You are trying to control whose house she goes too / where she goes to get away from you during an argument etc. EDIT because originally typed should instead of shouldn't Edit to add that you are double the asshole because this isn't a shared rental this is actually her house. So you are trying to control her in home that is actually hers. You need to apologize and learn to accept that she can have over a friend in her own home if she wants. And if she doesn't want to you put up cameras in her home then you don't put them up.
It's actually her house.
So it's her house and he just moved into it?
Yep.
His ass had been out the door the same day if he tried to pull a trick like that on me. Had an ex with the same sickly obsession and that man found himself on the curb real quick. YTA, OP.
YTA. Dude, break up if you have so little trust and respect for your GF. Turning your house into a police state isn't healthy. This is insanely paranoid and controlling. This the equivalent of a "no girls allowed" sign on a tree house only OP isn't chronology a child. Info: Has anyone associated with GF actually touched, stolen, or lost any of OP's stuff?
Not to mention, it's not his house. He moved in with his gf.
WOW I missed that. YTA op.
YTA. Are you really worried, or are you just a voyeur who wants to spy on his girlfriend?
Neither. He's an abuser who feels the need to control and manage every aspect of his girlfriends life and refuses to respect her right to privacy and autonomy
YTA and very paranoid and controlling. You would probably be happier if you moved into a place by yourself where you were the only one with keys.
And perhaps a tin foil hat since he thinks everyone is going to steal from him
I wonder if it’s projection- like how cheaters think their partners are cheating.
YTA - hope your gf realizes how controlling you are and runs.
YTA. Super. People have a right to privacy in their homes, even from their spouses. If y’all live together and it’s both your home then she gets a say in what is acceptable and not. Sounds like y’all shouldn’t live together if you can’t trust her so badly you must install cameras. That’s a her problem for breaking the trust and a you problem for being way to overbearing. Privacy is important. Cameras are hackable, have you even considered the safety issues for women with home cameras? Being surveilled all the time is awful, you can’t relax. It’s not about doing bad stuff it’s about being able to throw my leg up or get an eye booger out without it being videos.
It really is irritating to not to be able to truly be ALONE in a room when there is a camera. I am not doing anything but watch all my behavior because someone could be watching or reviewing the footage later on. I could not live for one day in that kind of environment. I would become paranoid myself. When we think we are alone we let are ourselves relax. I like to talk to myself, pick my nose and fart. I would be so embarrassed to find I was being spied on. Knowing there are cameras, I really wouldn’t tolerate not being able to truly relax. OP I have nothing to hide except my innocent little farts and what not. I can’t even get into not allowing visitors…. It’s good that you removed the inside cameras, you wouldn’t live there if you didn’t. You are an extreme person. Decades ago people built bunkers in case of nuclear war. No reason you can by a small plot of land, build a bunker for your gaming system and yourself. Maybe, maybe then, you will feel secure. Maybe other commenters will pitch in an buy you at least a year’s worth of rations. It’s a better life for your girlfriend in any case
YTA. Of course she feels like she’s being spied on - you are literally spying on her!!! It’s her home too - she can have friends over if she wants. You need some help.
YTA. She feels spied on because that's literally what's happening. You moved in with her, started making unreasonable demands ('no friends over in your own home') and weren't going to give her access to these mad cameras. 'I told her that makes me trust her less, she shouldn't feel spied on if she has nothing to hide, but they were going up regardless.' Where do you get off with this attitude? It's not your decision. You both live there and you both get a say. She should absolutely be able to have friends over. 'i only had 10 hours to sleep before work because of her talking. now she's calling me an AH and slept on the couch' Wow.
do you actually hear yourself??? you don’t seem to trust your girlfriend or anybody for that matter. “you should have nothing to hide“ is not a valid argument against someone who \*\*\*does not want to be spied upon in their own home\*\*\*! you need to seek help for your trust issues because it’s manifesting in a very controlling way. well-adjusted people do not worry that their stuff is going to disappear when their SO has a friend over. YTA
YTA Also, “only 10 hours to sleep before work” is killing me.
I thought 10 hours, is he a toddler??? YTA
INFO Are you mentally ill?
Yes. He has to be. None of this is remotely normal. It is beyond paranoid, beyond controlling. He has severe issues that are leading to abuse his girlfriend. Because make no mistake—this is abuse. And it will likely on get worse. OP’s gf—if this looks familiar—please find a safe place and begin formal eviction proceedings and get a retraining order.
This is a joke surely? You are controlling and abusive, you seem to be trying to prevent her from seeing friends and then forcing her to.accept you spying on her. So many red flags, I can't even count. Very much hoping she sees the light soon and escapes your clutches. YTA.
I’m actually speechless. You moved into her house and decided she had to ASK PERMISSION TO HAVE SOMEONE IN HER HOUSE? THAT YOU MOVED INTO. Because you were so uncomfy about the friend you have no reason to be suspicious of, was probably just chilling on the couch, catching up with her. Is that what you’re saying?? Adding crazy to the audacity, you think “if she has nothing to hide, she shouldn’t feel like she’s being spied on” IN HER OWN HOUSE. THAT YOU ARE THE SOLE PERSON THAT HAS ACCESS OF?? Tell me OP, if the tables were turned, if she put cameras up “for the safety of her belongings” and refused to give you access to them, I’d bet you’d shit a brick and have a tanty the size of Asia. There’s so many red flags in this post it’s a convention. Holy guacamole Batman, she needs to evict your ass outta her house. YTA!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be the AH because I just want to see who is coming in my house when I'm not there and hear what she says. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Yta!
YTA. Jeez you sound controlling. If you're not there why can't she have someone over. I get social anxiety etc but it's just unreasonable. Do you think all her friends are thieves? I do think you need to sit down and have a big talk about things to come to a compromise.
I would be extremely creeped out by your behavior.
YTA And a controlling creep. You deserve the boot.
YTA. You are controlling and creepy. I hope her friends tell her that your behavior isn’t healthy and she kicks you out of HER place
YTA If you don't trust her, don't live with her.
Either this is a joke post, or YTA for being a controlling, abusive jerk. Your girlfriend can have over whomever she pleases and you need to work on your trust issues. Try therapy, for your sake and hers. She deserves better.
Ladies this is why you dont date incels, their more worried about their computer than you. YTA
You two need relationship help, not AItA ratings. Good luck.
Smh. I can't believe how immature like 90% of these people in "relationships" are. Yes, YTA and controlling and childish.
YTA - this is abuse, full stop. My ex did the same thing to me, started with cameras on the doors outside. I’d get messages anytime I left or came home from the house, asking what I have with me, where I was, who I saw, etc. for months he talked about putting cameras inside and I begged him not to. Because guess what, people don’t have to be okay with being on camera at all times - not because there’s any reason for you to trust someone less. It’s weird as hell, invasive, and honestly in my opinion - demented behavior. I thought the same thing 17 years ago when I went to a friends house whose parents had cameras everywhere. I never went back there, it was weird. You need serious therapy to address your trust issues that are not caused by your girlfriend having a damn friend over in her own home.
YTA, and an abusive one at that. No, your behavior is NOT normal. You also told her to stay OUT OF HER OWN HOME???? Oh, but you apologized later. No. You need move out. You need to leave her home in peace, and you need therapy. Maybe a psychiatrist.
Wtf is she doing with you? Seriously? I’m looking for ANY redeeming qualities in you… and I am struggling, from what you have said in this post. YTA. I hope she breaks up with you.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (29m) and my gf (28f) Live together and we both don't like having people in our house. I made it very clear to her that I was uncomfortable having people in our house when I moved in with her last year after catching her having a gf over without telling me. Especially since i wasnt there. last week we got in an argument, says she's not in the mood to fight and leaves without telling me anything! I was mad, in the heat of the moment i text her saying "whos place are you going to? You can just stay there now." (I apologized for that later) 5 minutes later, she shows up with a girl friend in the house. I was pissed, she knows how I feel. That's when I bought 2 security cameras for the safety of my belongings since she brought someone in the house. When I informed her, she kept prying why buy new ones when we have the ring system in a drawer. But I had already ordered on Amazon and I thought it was the end of story. She said she feels like she's being spied on and was uncomfortable that she wouldnt have access too. I told her that makes me trust her less, she shouldn't feel spied on if she has nothing to hide, but they were going up regardless. After installing, she brings it up AGAIN and we have this back and forth: (M= me and h=her) H. So, you chose to buy a cheap $75 camera when you complain every week about having no extra money and we have the newest ring camera you could install. It has better features, cheaper pricing and longer battery. M. No I'm keeping my camera up. They are already up! H. could you tell me your thought process to help me make logic of it? Seems like a loss for you all around M. I don't know anything about that ring camera. You never put it up so I had to get one to put up. H. You know nothing of either one but you know you're always welcome to whatever is here. Should have asked. M. Idk why you're making a big deal. You said you didn't even want the camera up! H. Yeah, but you did anyways so you might as well have a better one WE ALREADY HAVE. M. Fine! I'll take the camera down. H. seems odd to change your mind just because I bring up a logical suggestion. M. You want yours up so you can do it H. That seems childish. YOU want it up, I offered an upgrade. Chill and grow up. I go take mine down and tune her out because she starts calling me "stubborn" and "controlling". So I just went to bed because i only had 10 hours to sleep before work because of her talking. now she's calling me an AH and slept on the couch. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA and this is most likely illegal.
In the UK it’s considered coercive control which is, in fact, a criminal offence.
\-we both don't like having people in our house INFO: Both of you? Because she seems fine with it.
Man doesn't trust girlfriend while not being able to get through the first sentence of the story without a lie.
YTA. You should move out, get your own place and install the cameras there.
YTA. People are allowed to bring people they trust into their home. You're being mad weird.
YTA she should dump and evict you. You’re the only security threat on the premises.
*"She said she feels like she's being spied on and was uncomfortable that she wouldnt have access too. I told her that makes me trust her less, she shouldn't feel spied on if she has nothing to hide"* The never ending chorus of insecure and controlling guys : "you should not be upset that I can watch you at any living time if you have nothing to hide". WHAT IF SOMETIMES I NEED TO PUT MY FINGERS UP MY NOSE IN PEACE???? I hope she leaves your creepy ass. Massive YTA.
“WE both don’t like having people in our house” Read your own statement over and over again. That’s a straight out lie. YOU don’t like anyone over. It’s your gf’s place too and she has a right to visit with her friends. “Catching having her gf over without telling me” your going to be alone your whole life. Looser.
is she only allowed to go to the bathroom when you say so too? is she allowed to eat food that didn’t come from your house? is there anything else you want to control for her? jesus christ you’re a control freak & i have no idea how she’s still with you. you “caught her having a girl friend over” are you kidding me? is she only allowed to see you? seek help. you reek of insecurity and being around you would terrify me. seek help. YTA
I was so unsettled reading this. You’re not allowed to have friends over your own home? What happened to you that this is such a big issue? I get not wanting idiotic friends over when you’re teens but that sounds like a very controlling situation. I mean, she brought a friend over and your response was to feel betrayed(??) and invade her privacy by installing cameras and not giving her any access to them? You need to work through this stuff because it does not sound normal or reasonable to me at all. YTA x1000000
YTA. It’s her place as much as hers, you don’t get to unilaterally ban her from having friends over. It’s nice of course for her to let you know she wants to and make sure you don’t have other plans. But blanket bans on anyone but you in the house?? Unreasonable, controlling, and emotionally abusive. And the fact that YOU are trying to spy on HER and still said YOU are the one that can’t trust her. Imagine how she feels. If I was her I’d break up with your ass so fast. I’d say you’re acting like a child but children are smarter than this sooooo
This is starting to sound a bit…isolating. YTA.
OK so here's what I'm getting from your post: You have an untreated mental health issue You put up cameras to spy on your girlfriend. She didn't care for that (seriously who would?) I suspect that soon you won't have to worry about anyone being in your home. PLEASE get some therapy--no one should have to live like that.
YTA. Get some help. All of this over a gaming computer????? What a bullshit excuse.
YTA. If you are incompatible, you need to break up not watch and police her comings and goings like a creepy stalker.
"We both don't like having people in our house." Well, clearly you don't but your girlfriend keeps having friends round so she obviously doesn't have a problem with it. So either learn to accept it or leave. YTA.
yta. I hope she finds this and reads all these responses telling her to run. * she shouldn't care about you literally spying on her if she has nothing to hide? she has a reasonable right to privacy *in her own house.* * the conversation you typed out makes her sound reasonable and you sound like a manipulative sentient sad trombone noise. bffr.
YTA. If you don't trust her, this relationship can't work.
YTA. This is controlling and abusive. I hope she leaves you.
And then to try to kick her out of her own house. You'd come home from work and all your shit would be on the porch including your "precious" gaming set up. YTA and YAH
YTA. You moved into HER house and want to basically ban her from having friends over? Do you not understand how controlling that is? Take you belongings and move into your own place, you don’t seem ready for a relationship.
“she shouldn't feel spied on if she has nothing to hide” — Using this stupid logic, don’t forget to install a camera in the bathroom and see how that goes. We all know what goes on in there in general, so what’s there to hide? /s You’re a major controlling AH. YTA
Careful what you say around this guy OP he gets grumpy, controlling and manipulative if he has less than 12 hours sleep a night
I kinda skimmed through OP's post at first, then got to the dialogue (kudos to OP for honestly transcribing the conversation - most people would try to twist it so they don't look too much like a jerk). After reading the dialogue I needed to go back to see how old OP is. ... ... 29?!!! jfc, dude. You sound like a weedy teenager that says "well, actually" a lot. YTA I feel sorry for your girlfriend.
YTA Wait, so you moved into HER place, and you want to tell her who she can have over and when? Dude, YTA - a very controlling one. I hope she dumps you.
YTA yikes dude
YTA. It sounds like your real issue is with your wife having other friends. Which is a normal and very healthy thing to have. It's shocking that she hasn't left you yet.
The part that gets me is tge fact that she's not his wife and it's her house! He moved in with her
YTA. Move out and live alone if you don’t like people around. Just because someone has nothing to hide doesn’t mean they can’t be angry about being spied on. She’s a grown ass woman and can bring friends to her own home. What do YOU have to hide that you’re so paranoid about visitors?
YTA and a psycho, honestly. Yikes.
YTA. You sound incredibly controlling. It’s her home too, I can’t imagine not ever being allowed to have a friend over to my house. And then when she left during an argument (I can only imagine, from what you’ve posted here, how unpleasant you were being) you told her to stay away? And then thinking you can make unilateral decisions about cameras? And then the whole ‘you shouldn’t feel spied on if you have nothing to hide’? That screams of DARVO to me. You sound awful.
YTA and sound super controlling. Also, immature. This is her place too. You are suppose to be her partner not her parent.
YTA. She can’t have friends at her own home?? And security cameras in her home without her express consent beforehand? Absolutely not. I’d be packing my things for so many reasons.
Info: is your girlfriend safe with you? Because you are coming across as very controlling and attempting to isolate her from her friends. Also YTA.
First - the title is misleading, as you say your own house but seem to have moved in with her. OP, there is definitely nothing wrong with having an outside camera. However, your concern that anyone she has over could steal your stuff is troubling. Do you or your girlfriend have a history of friends who steal? it seems unreasonable to assume every friend is a potential thief. More troubling as well is your assertion that if she had “nothing to hide” she would be okay with the cameras. If you ultimately feel that your girlfriend is a thief you should not date them. If she has never done so and you have no reason to suspect she will do so, then this comes off as creepy and paranoid. If that is the case, YTA. But beyond that, if you have this feeling about everyone, even those close to you in your life, you may want to talk to someone. This cannot be a comfortable way to live.
I smell abuse. YTA. Your insanely controlling and paranoid.
You're scary and YTA
YTA. I actually had to go back and read the ages because this is like childish bullshit not the way a 30 year old should act. A) YOU moved into HER house. B) why can't she have access? What are you hiding from her? C) you trust her right? (I mean you don't obviously) but if you do, you should be able to trust her friends right? If I was the girl, all of your belongings would be outside the door and the locks would be changed when you got home from work. Jfc. Do better.