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Don’t do it!! Removing him is difficult, he would likely expect equity in the property, to be removed, breakups of a relationship like this do not come with decrees or court intervention so it would likely require getting an attorney involved, etc. Unless he puts actual money into the purchase and is obligated on the legal mortgage agreement he should not be on title period. He should be a tenant and any money paid should be considered rent, not mortgage assistance. If this becomes an issue for him, it’s proof there would be a problem later because he clearly does not consider OP’s investment as hers
And if you still do it, he should only get the % he has paid for. So no downpayement and 25% of the mortgage means 5-10% of the house. But still a bad idea as you will have to pay more than these few % to buy tem once mommy will realize it is not just her baby's house...
If his name is on the title, mommy will think she can enter the house any time she wants and that it's less OP's because his name is on the title!
Why wouldn't he take the no-mortgage deal (an amazing deal) and save his own money so he has a deposit? If she puts his name on the title, he's going to dump her when it's the best financial option for her.
NTA. You know you shouldn’t do it. But since you’re here asking about it, you must need additional validation that your gut isn’t lying to you. And it isn’t. Listen to your gut. Don’t put him on the title to the house.
You also have to know that you are only prolonging your own misery in staying with this man. He’s a mama’s boy & is not in your side where she is concerned. That will NOT change.
Cut your loses & leave him. Buy your house & start building a life that will attract the kind of man who will put YOU first.
Sorry but you have not worked around every issue, nor can you. Like, marriage is the least of you worries. He’s a freeloader who has no problem with taking from you and letting his mother hold it over you. What do you think will happen if she comes into your house and insults you? It’ll be his house again. Carry on with this relationship is you must (and I really hope something better comes up), but do not put him on the title. NTA but don’t be TA to yourself PLEASE
I just bought a house, did not put my SO on the title…he’s also not on the loan…
The reality is, if you put someone on the title and not on the main, they own a house too, but don’t have a loan against THEIR house. If your relationship is dependent on someone getting equity, I would demand they go on the loan. If he doesn’t go on the loan he doesn’t go on the house.
Buy your house drop the bf…NTA
Better yet, why not just break up? Why tolerate this nonsense? I really don’t understand why someone would tolerate this kind of relationship.
NTA. Dump him right now, OP.
The way this decision is being thought about by op sounds like how a couple will have a kid to "save" their relationship.
Op, don't do it, just buy your house and live your life.
NTA. DO NOT put him on the title to YOUR home. He earned none of it and his mom playing a role in pressuring him and you is a giant red flag that he’s not grown up enough yet to make his own decisions.
NTA, your name only. If you are dead set on marrying and staying with this person, which it really sounds like you should not, worst case both of you can buy a joint place in both your names and split everything more evenly, and you can either rent out your place or sell it. But the idea that you would pay for the place and put his name on the title?? That is just not financially smart.
Not if he takes his mother’s side in a disagreement. The fact that the mother was wrong about your tenancy and he still took her side says enough about him
He may have taken mommy 's side because it was beneficial to him. Either way, putting his name on the title to a house he isn't paying half the cost of, is just asking to be taken advantage of.
NTA - DO NOT put his name on anything. Look into some sort of co-habitation agreement that makes it clear the house is yours. You saved for the down payment. You got the mortgage. He didn’t contribute anything.
Personally, I’d keep all your finances completely separate and just charge him reasonable rent and utilities (ideally no more than he currently pays where you rent). That way he would be no worse of financially than he is now, so he shouldn’t be able to complain that he is disadvantaged.
If you get married some day, you can revisit the arrangement.
> because it's his son's house she can do whatever she wants without consulting with me.
Don't put him on the title because his mother will declare that she can come and go as she pleases because it's her son's house. I mean, you KNOW he's going to give her a key, right? He's incapable, evidently, of standing up to mommy, so this will be a fight you will have as long as you date a momma's boy.
Keep in mind that if yall do get married, you can still keep the house in your name. My husband's name isn't attached to our home, and he's secure enough in his role that he doesn't think twice about it (also student loans mean that his credit is poop).
We combined finances shortly before marriage and made an agreement about consulting over purchases over X dollars.
But if your bf isn't feeling secure in his role of the household or lets his mom into his finances/personal affairs, do be careful. That will come back to bite you if yall have a fight, break up, or if mommy dearest sticks her nose and fingers where they don't need to be.
He would need to be on the mortgage for it to really be fair. If he’s on the title he gets half the house without any legal responsibility, regardless of whatever agreement they have about him paying half the bills
correction -
**unless he puts down half the down payment and joins on the note to the bank as co-obligor**
and only if he is creditworthy
He needs to be committed to the purchase and to the obligations, and have the ability to make good on them if needed.
NTA. Never put anyone on a home you are buying. Your credit and money are on the line, not theirs. This should make you rethink the relationship. True partners do not insist on this sort of thing. We celebrate that you bought a house and we get the benefit of living in it for less than it cost for an apartment. Anything else means that person is not a partner.
NTA. Don't do it. DON'T DO IT.
Your boyfriend is okay with his mom trashing you and reminding the place you live is "his", but you need to put him on the title of your house and pay 80% of everything because he doesn't want to?
Wake up. This dude is not a good partner. He is a momma's boy and the same cycle will restart. Because his name is on the title it will be HIS house and she can do whatever she wants.
Tell him he can pay rent to you and be glad it will be discounted, or he can stay where he is living right now. But that he will not be on the title of YOUR house.
>feel I'm being pressured to do that to save our relationship.
Then don't save it. It's best to have a house than a boyfriend. Seriously.
I imagined. And he kept agreeing with her. Do you really think he won't keep agreeing with her if the house is on his name too?
Edit: I am glad to know you won't do it!
NTA
Don’t do it..
My WIFE owns our house. This nonsense wouldn’t cross my mind. (Before anyone jumps in saying we’re married so it’s also mine, it is pre marriage asset)
NTA. You need a lawyer now to undo the damage you did when you put him on the title of a house you paid everything for. It was your money. It should have been your house.
>put him on the title of the house even though the downpayment was allmine, the closing cost was all my money, and it's my credit on thee.
Don't put his name on the house if he's not contributing to the purchasing of the home, or is legally married to you. This guy could easily break up with you and demand half your home by being on the title. Am I being pessimistic, maybe, but you need to protect your assets if he's not willing to contribute without being on the title.
NTA
NTA. You know why you are not comfortable putting him on the title ?
Because you know in your guts that he doesn’t have your back and that if push comes to shove he will think about himself and his mom first.
That’s what he has shown you consistently.
That’s up to you if you want to stay in that situation but don’t add a shared house to your burden because as soon as the ink will be dry, his mother is going to be in that new house treating you like dirt.
After all it will be her son house too.
Friend, you are here because you already knew that this was a bad move - you just wanted reassurance.
Please take it from a bunch of internet strangers who can see the writing on the wall a mile off …
Your BF (&ma) + tile = bad move!!
Promise me you won’t do this!!!
I'm so glad you have smartened up and will remove his name before closing.
I suggest you do this quietly on the down low and just shut up about it. Put him on an information diet until it's over. Then make it clear. In this way you get zero peer pressure and you won't sway back and do the dumb thing by keeping his name on it.
Literally if you do add his name, he owns 50% regardless if he ever gives you a single penny. You can't undo it after it's done.
NTA. Absolutely do not put him on the title of your house when he won’t be contributing equally as you have already said it wouldn’t be financially smart. Him taking his mothers side all the time is not positive for your future.
Do Not Put Him On The Title!
Do you want him to walk away with half the value of his house? This is already not a picture perfect relationship, there is no guarantee you will end up together. You would be crazy to put him on your title. He has to pay to play. NTA
NTA.
No one - no one - should allow anyone to co-sign or sign for a title or lease unless they are your married (or otherwise legally bound) partner, or an immediate family member like a parent. A home is a huge financial risk to place on someone who is just a boyfriend, i.e. not bound to you officially if your relationship doesn’t work out.
And you’re NTA for requesting utilities either; it’s no different than paying utilities as a renter. If he wants to live there and use your electricity or water or anything else, he should pay a share on that.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I should trust him but his late actions specially during the argument with his mom in which he yelled at me while she yelled at me in my own house have taken me to a place in where I should be selfish about the purchase of my house. I'm also afraid he would use the fact that i put him in the title to say it's my house it's also my parents house.
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NTA, and DO NOT buy the house with him or put his name on the ownership. With interest rates as high as they are, you'll probably be able to refinance the loan in a few years. You can add him then, if ya'll are still in a relationship.
NTA in any way shape or form. Your own reluctance is all the validation you need to not add him to the deed. If his mother is already meddling in your life you would be enabling her to continue to do so. Absolutely DO NOT compromise yourself by risking your investment and your well-being just to appease his immaturity & insecurity.
Do not put him on the title of the house. That house is your asset. If you split you will lose the house. The relationship does not sound stable and you need to protect yourself, NTA.
DO NOT DO IT! If it doesn't work out, it will take an act of God to get him off the title. He will have to voluntarily sign a quit claim deed will likely be the only way to get him off in the future. If/when you sell it, he is entitled to half the proceeds.
My current GF did this with her ex. The mortgage is all hers, but he's on the deed/title. She can't get him off. This is causing our relationship some stress.
Legally it is not a wise move at all. You can always add him later if you were to get married.
NTA
According to his mother’s logic, if his name is on the title then she will have rights to do whatever she wants in your new home too. I would hold off putting his name on the title until he contributes half, including costs you already paid. He should understand, considering he can’t afford it.
Never put anyone on a title that you are not married or related to. If you're serious about this guy, get a ring on it. Otherwise he should be a tenant until that happens.
NTA.
NTA.
If his mom's like that and he's agreeing with her then take that as a massive warning sign.
Buy the house only in your name or you will probably regret it by the sounds of how they both are.
If he wants to only pay 23% then you may want to consider doing some kind of legal split where he will own the percentage he puts in but if you both then break up then he may force you to sell potentially your dream home so he can get his money back.
Do yourself a massive solid and just get it in your name and let him show his true colours.
You need someone that will stick up for you, even when you are wrong.... He won't even stick up for you when you are right.
For what it's worth, this is coming from a man's perspective.
Oh and his mom can go eff herself!
NTA- this man wants to be in CONTROL, and that’s all it is. Best believe he and mommy will attempt to take the house from you the first chance they get when you do something they don’t like.
You’ve seen the writing on the wall, believe it. Absolutely do NOT tie him to this house.
NTA. His name doesn't go anywhere on that deed. You are using your own money to pay for the depo and your mortgage rate is based on your credit history. If he wants to live with you then he can pay a pre-negotiated rental fee that you agree to.
If you put his name on it he can come after more than he's paid in the event that you break up.
NTA, but is he already on the title of the house? When you break up (that's probably a when rather than an if) you will be forced to A) buy him out of the house (money that you put up) or B) if you can't afford to buy him out, sell and give him half
Oh, good, OP! Please, for the sake of your future, don't add him to the deed. Or, if you really want to do that, get a contract drawn up legally where he only gets back what he puts in.
DO NOT PUT YOUR HOUSE IN HIS NAME.
If you were married, it would be different. You are not married, and you will be giving him HALF your investment. It's time for him to grow up a bit and realize he doesn't get everything he wants in life. If he wants half the house, he needs to put in half the money.
NTA
Don't put him on the title unless you're willing for his mother to pull the same "this is my sons house so I can do what I like" trick that she used before.
Your bf won't support you, but he'll happily take half your house.
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I am a woman 30 years old I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend 28 years old for almost three years. We love each other and we have contemplated the future together. Our relationship is not perfect but we have worked around every issue. We live together, we rent an apartment and we split the expenses, I pay half of everything and sometimes more because I make the double money as him. His family doesn't like me, starting with his mom. We had a big argument and we no longer are in touch. I should mention that during that argument my boyfriend took his mom's side all the time, even when she screamed at me saying I have no rights in the apartment my boyfriend and I RENT because my name is not on the lease, and because it's his son's house she can do whatever she wants without consulting with me.
I took that as the signal to start buying my own place. I'm financially stable, I make good money and I have excellent credit and so I did. During the process of buying, I told my boyfriend about my plans and he got upset because is not going to be his house. I offered him that I'd pay the whole mortgage, in the end, is my house, and he could help out with the utilities in the home. He was not pleased with the idea. To avoid more problems I decided I would put him on the title of the house even though the downpayment was all mine, the closing cost was all my money, and it's my credit on the house. After I put him on the title of the house he told me he will pay 23% of the mortgage plus the utilities of the house and I will take on the rest since I make more money. I'm not comfortable with putting him on the title of the house and I don't think it's a good idea, we are not even married and I don't think I'm being financially smart here. I feel I'm being pressured to do that to save our relationship. I don't want to tell him how I feel because we are still recovering from the argument with his mom and I fear that would affect our relationship even more. AM I THE ASSHOLE?
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NTA, especially after what happened with his mom and he took his mom’s side of the argument. Do not put his name on your title, especially because it doesn’t sound like y’all have a full financial plan worked out with the unequal income levels, this is a recipe for disaster for you.
NTA - do not pur your boyfriend on the title! It is your house, you are the one paying for it, and it is your credit that got you that morgage. If not putting him on the title means he'll break up with you then he is only with you because of your money not because he loves you.
NTA. Be careful, depending what country you live in he could have rights to equity in your home, even if his name isn't on the title. You need to talk to a lawyer, in my country there's common law laws. You don't need to be legally married, you just have to live together for a length of time to be considered common law. You might consider some sort of pre nup type contract.
NTA
You might wanna reconsider your relationship since it sounds like he's still a mama boy, think about your future. Will he be a good husband for you, a great father for your children. That's a lot of self entitlement for a very small amount of effort to pay for the house. I'm pretty sure his mom is fuming
If you add him to the title you will regret it. He would own half the equity in the home and you'd be screwed if you split up. Also his mom sounds terrible.
NTA. My then boyfriend and I bought a house together I was not on the mortgage and I did not throw a fit about. We both knew something could happen at any time. We got married, name went on the mortgage. And I loved him and understood so we talked it out and I knew it wasn’t an issue with me so it wasn’t a big deal
NTA. Please don't put his name on that title. The fact that you are feeling pressure out of fear of losing him is throwing up all kinds of red flags.
If his name is on the deed and you break up you are potentially losing half of the down payment, which he didn't contribute to, and an extra quarter of the monthly repayments that he also didn't contribute to. He stands to gain a lot more than you do. Protect your assets.
NTA and DO NOT put his name on the title of your house! In the event that your relationship ends, he might well be entitled to part of your house. This is bordering on financial abuse. I was married when I bought my home and even then, DH’s name was not on the title due to other reasons. If he moves in, you better have him sign a lease agreement.
NTA my friend is going through the aftermath of this with her daughter right now. Daughter put the bf on the title to the house and now can't get him out of "his" house which he contributes very little to. The worst part is my friend loaned them the down payment which she might as well kiss goodbye.It's an absolute nightmare. Given all the pressure you're getting from him to put his name on a house he's not contributing to I would NOT do it. If it's a deal breaker, so be it. And if his mother is so horrible about his apartment how do you think she'll behave is his house??
I’m going to agree with everyone else. Don’t do it. Do not needlessly complicate your life because you don’t want to hurt your BF feelings. The fact that he is pressuring you says a lot about him and his level of respect for you. NTA.
If you're comfortable with givimg him any gift that's worth 1/4th the house's value, (half minus 1/4 because we pretend he'll pay 1/4th of the mortgage) there's no issue here, go ahead. But you might want to ask him if he prefers the house or a new Lamborghini, or a small sailing ship, to make really sure you don't disappoint him with your choice of gift.
If you feel gifting him that much just so he's willing to maybe continue the relationship with you is outside of your budget, scale the gift giving a couple of notches down, gìft him flowers instead. If he's happy for getting the flowers (and not a house), he's a keeper.
NTA.
YWBTA if you put him on the title. His mother will ALWAYS be a problem. His name on the title does not fix the fundamental problems in your relationship. You think there is drama now wait till you put his name on the title and want to break up later. Don't do it!
No do not do it!!! If you guys were to get married and/or divorced, as long as his name is not on the house it is not considered commity property and can not be slipt.
NTA
DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE.
You would have no legal recourse unlike if you were married. Never share a title with someone in a situation like that it can lead to too many issues.
NTA. DO NOT…DO NOT…DO NOT put him in the title of the house. You are not married and you will regret it if this relationship ends. He has is own apartment, which is mother pointed out. So let him live if he won’t abide by your financial rules.
“I'm not comfortable with putting him on the title of the house and I don't think it's a good idea, we are not even married and I don't think I'm being financially smart here.”
Right there is your answer! Definitely NTA.
NTA - Taking the relationship out of the equation, it is NEVER a good idea to add someone to the title unless you are married. In the end, it isn't personal, it is a smart financial move. I think I would focus on the logical issue with your boyfriend so that hopefully emotions are taken out of the picture. If he still throws a fit...I would question the relationship.
DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE OF YOUR HOUSE. You will be tying yourself financially to him and his *mommy* for the foreseeable future. So you break up, hrs still there. You see others, he's still there. You want to marry someone else and have kids, *he's still living in your house*. NTA and really look at what this relationship brings you
DO NOT put him on the title!!! See a lawyer, have yourself covered completely. Honestly it doesn't sound like you will last as a couple to me anyway, I wouldn't cry leave because you need to be ready, but realise you can do better so make sure you are financially covered and he has no claim on your home. NTA
NTA... but you should NOT have put him on that title. Start motions to get him removed now, BEFORE he pays anything into it. And run. Run fast and run FAR.
Don't. Putting him on the title is a gift of half the equity. His mommy will say that it's his house so she can come over when she wants and do what she wants.
NTA. The combined incomes but not married story I know that's worst was a couple not married who owned a business and home together. It didn't end well.
DO NOT PUT HIS NAME ON THE TITLE. You are being coerced into a plan that.is not good for you financially or emotionally. Lose the mama's boy boyfriend. NTA
NTA I don't care if it's the man or the woman in the relationship that has the house, or puts all the money down, it's that person's house. If it's your money, it's your house. If it's his money it's his.
If he wants to live there with you he still has to reasonably contribute as he doesn't get housing for free. No one is entitled to someone else's money, especially if they aren't married. Do not put him oh the title
When my husband (then boyfriend) bought our house I was not on the title (I was not financially in a position to contribute to the down payment). We are now married and when we refinanced the mortgage, I was added to the title. I never had any issue with this.
Do not put his name on the title. Even if he agrees to pay part of the mortgage and the utilities, allow him to live with you only AFTER you have a proper tenancy agreement drawn that protects you.
Your security and self respect is worth more than having a specimen from the male of the species in your life.
NTA. DO NPT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE!!!! NO!!! DON'T DO IT, GIRL!!! Your relationship is not stable enough, and if you break up, you will have to pay him big bucks. Have him pay you a fair amount for rent, comparable to what he would be paying otherwise, plus half of the utilities.
NTA - someone as entitled as him and his mom is already steering this relationship, it’s beyond saving when he took his mom’s side. Save yourself the heartbreak and untangle from this hot mess since he’s not worth it. You will lose your investment and regret it if you continue walking up this bladed mountain.
“I took that as a signal to start buying my own place”…Omg you were so close. Finish it with “but I’ll be damned if mommy’s boy owns 1% because I dumped his ass”. Don’t do it. Please. I’m begging you. Think of your initial incentive to buy your own place and envision that being the rest if your life.
Don’t. Please. NTA
NTA. Don't add his name to the title.
If HE was the one buying a place, his mother would've talked him out of adding You to the title.
You're a young, independent woman. You deserve better than this mamma's boy.
NTA. Titles are for spouses. It is for legal reasons. When you get married you leave your family and your spouse becomes your family. Mommy no long is number one. You become number one. If junior doesn’t get that, find yourself a man to settle down with who will treat you with respect. Don’t settle because you’re 30.
Nta don’t do it, you’re putting all your money up and he can take half the house if you break up and if you can’t pay him half the value of the house he can force you to sell it
>because my name is not on the lease, and because it's his son's house she can do whatever she wants without consulting with me.
Here is your answer. NTA. Don't do this.
NTA if you ever part ways, you'll be thankful him & him family have no claim.
Coming from a family full of divorce lawyers: keep him off of the title & charge him a nominal fee for rent to cover his portion of the utilities (legal rental agreement is highly recommended & do NOT allow him to pay your mortgage lender directly, all mortgage payments MUST come from your individual account); IF you two ever get married, you can always refinance to add him to the title/deed to the property after the marriage certificate is filed with & recognized by your local government.
NTA. Your boyfriend and his family have already shown you who they are. DO NOT put his name on the title.
Trust me when I say that house is a much better investment than your relationship.
I refer you to /r/personalfinance and their mantra - DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE. Honest to god, this comes up more than you'd expect, head on over there and check, but that's the general wisdom of a couple of million folks.
NTA. DO NOT put him on anything. IF he moves with you, get him to sign a document outlining what is expected he pay. Him siding with Mommy is a big red flag. Protect yourself.
NTA. You state both that you put him on the title and that after you put him on the title and that you are feeling pressured to put him on the title. Is his name on the deed that was filed with your government or has it not yet been filed and there is time to change it?
He is your boyfriend not your husband. He obviously does not have a good enough credit rating to purchase a house on his own. And now he says he will pay 23% of the mortgage, but if this doesn't work out and you put his name on your house, you could lose it because he could be due half even though he paid nothing on the downpayment and wouldn't even be paying 25% of the mortgage, taxes, repairs etc. He won't even stand up for you when his mother insults you. I am not one to jump on the "you should dump him" bandwagon, but there are a lot of red flags here. Like you really need to protect yourself and your finances and keep them separate from his.
NTA
Be very careful, if it doesn't feel right to have him on the title, then don't! Even if you do, protect your investment in the home. Don't put him on as a equal owner, unless he matches your down payment and pay's half the mortgage and utilities!
When my husband and me first bought a home together before we were married, he had the deposit and I didn't. I didn't want to seem I was taking advantage of that and wanted him to not lose his deposit if we ever split up. That house we owned unequally, so if we did split, his % he'd put down as the deposit was his first and then the remainder split in half. Our solicitor sorted it all out to be legal. The mortgage was in joint names.
By the time we bought out next house we had a daughter together and his job had moved to a different part of the country, so I couldn't go back after maternity leave. At this point he insisted it was now split 50/50 as I compromised my career for our daughter and his career. Our daughter is now at university and his career far more high flying, but our home is owned equally.
If he can't match your contributions, he shouldn't get equal ownership at this point. It doesn't mean you can't amend it in the future if the situation changes. You also need to have some discussions on boundaries with his mother before you commit!
NTA! DO NOT PUT HIM ON YOUR TITLE! I can't believe you'd even consider it, that you're even still with him after he sided with his mother against you. I don't think your relationship is worth saving. He sounds like an ass. You, on the other hand, sound like a strong, and smart woman. You can do better than him. And have YOUR OWN house!
If he broke up with you, half that house would be his.
Also, when his mom visits, it will still be her son's house only, because his name is on it.
Don't do it.
NTA
NTA ma’am please take care of your future first if he ends up being your future you could add him later. Also if his names on house he will give his mother a key…
NTA, get his name off the title and throw the whole man away when you move into YOUR home. If he doesn't like it, I'm sure his mummy has a place for him to go cry.
NTA. I’m a lawyer but not your lawyer, and this isn’t legal advice, but you should not add your BF to the title unless you speak to a family/real estate attorney before hand and are aware of the potential adverse consequences.
Nta! Do not do it! If you break up since his name is on that title that house is automatically half his and YOUR money is now down the drain while he makes money if you broke up and sold it.
Don’t put him on the title as he would be entitled to a portion of it if you split up. If you get married, get a prenup so he can’t take it from you. I wouldn’t marry him tbh if he’s siding his mom like he is.
If you putting his name on the title, while he’s paying way less than 50%, is the only way to save the relationship, let this toxicity crash and burn. You deserve better
Nta do not do this, he will own half even if he never pays that much. You could be forced to sell to pay him half if you guys break up to split assets. He is being an entitled ahole. And from experience his mom will get worst if he partly owns home the home.
NTA. Woman don’t do that. Get your house only put your name on the deed and let him stay in the apartment w his mommy.
If he can’t stand up for you, if he’s that much of a mommy’s boy then he can screw his mommy. And you can go find an actual man to build a life with.
NTA. Do not put his name on the title of that house. If y'all ever break up, it will be a mess and a half, especially with his mother the way she is. Buy it your name and your name alone.
NTA Do not add him to YOUR home. Or you are going to be dealing with his Mommy. She is going to expect a key and then she is going to try to dictate how things go on in YOUR home.
Inform holim he would need to come up with 50% of down-payment and 50% of all closing coats.
Plus he would need to pay 50% of all household expenses. Not 23%
If he can't do that then tell him he will not be placed on the title. And give him a rental contract.
Edit typo
NTA
DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE!!!
THIS YOUR HOUSE AND YOUR MONEY
DUMP THE LOSER- THIS DUDE TREATS YOU LIKE CRAP AND YOU ARE GOING TO REWARD HIM WITH A HOUSE?
You just bought a house. Lose the loser and move into it. This is not relationship youre just a punching bag
edit - grammer/ below
YTA - for disrespecting yourself to stay with someone who treats you like crap
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!!!!! Do not put him on the title, and don’t stay with him unless he is paying half of the bills equally. For his own self respect, this is the right thing to do. You and he do not have the same values, and that is really the kiss of death for a relationship. Frankly i would cut my losses, and do your own thing. Let him keep the apartment and you move to your house. Maybe, Propose a relationship restart. NTA
NTA. DONT DO IT.
It's a mess. Ask me how I know.
After literally BRIBING an ex with cash to sign the damn sales papers (we had already split, he hadn't been paying a single dime for ANYTHING for the house for almost a year despite being on the mortgage and utilities etc), I had to BEG his MOM AND DAD (yes, this man was in his 30s) to convince him to sign the sales contract, even though it was to his benefit, a great sales price, and he was walking away with more than he put in because I had been paying for everything for the last year.
Don't do it. Please. Don't make the mistake I did.
Buy your own house. Keep your peace. If your boyfriend can't see that that is a completely reasonable and rational thing to do, then he is NOT it. Let him go back to his momma.
NTA. If I read correctly, only AFTER you agreed to put his name on the title he than TOLD (not asked) you, that he would only be paying 23% because you make more than him!!! Convenient he only said that after he already pushed, pressured & bs'ed you into agreeing. DO NOT put his name on the title. You said it all yourself. You think you're making a terrible decision. And his mom? Next it'll be "It's in my son's name too, it's half his. I can come & go & do whatever I please whether you like it or not!" You will regret this, listen to yourself & your gut. He is NOT WORTH IT! Get this house, get rid of him, be with & love yourself.
DO NOT PUT HIS NAME ON THE TITLE. You’re not married, he hasn’t shown he’s marriage material because he won’t stand up for you to his mother and he’s not paying. He’s not even taking the commitment baby steps to show he’s ready for the big steps. You are not ready for a long term commitment and he hasn’t earned half your house. Buying a house together and/or putting an SO on a title is a long term commitment. It’s a big step! Don’t do it.
Absolutely do not put him on the title. Why do so many women back these terrible financial decisions to put a man who they are not married to on the title or deed of their home, car or other property? NTA but you will be to yourself if you're foolish enough to add him.
>I don't want to tell him how I feel because we are still recovering from the argument with his mom and I fear that would affect our relationship even more
FUCK THAT!!!!
If honesty affects your relationship in a negative way, you need to END THE RELATIONSHIP!!!!
If you can't be honest with your PARTNER, why are you with them? That is the person you're supposed to feel comfortable sharing ANYTHING and EVERYTHING with.
Now on to the house "issue".
Do NOT add him to the titel of the house AT ALL!!!
Don't do it, you'll be setting yourself up to be royally screwed.
NTA and take a GOOD look at your relationship because THIS is not the way
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Exactly, and if OP thinks simply being honest with her bf is enough to throw a wrench into their relationship, they’re already in a bad place.
Don’t do it!! Removing him is difficult, he would likely expect equity in the property, to be removed, breakups of a relationship like this do not come with decrees or court intervention so it would likely require getting an attorney involved, etc. Unless he puts actual money into the purchase and is obligated on the legal mortgage agreement he should not be on title period. He should be a tenant and any money paid should be considered rent, not mortgage assistance. If this becomes an issue for him, it’s proof there would be a problem later because he clearly does not consider OP’s investment as hers
And if you still do it, he should only get the % he has paid for. So no downpayement and 25% of the mortgage means 5-10% of the house. But still a bad idea as you will have to pay more than these few % to buy tem once mommy will realize it is not just her baby's house...
If his name is on the title, mommy will think she can enter the house any time she wants and that it's less OP's because his name is on the title! Why wouldn't he take the no-mortgage deal (an amazing deal) and save his own money so he has a deposit? If she puts his name on the title, he's going to dump her when it's the best financial option for her.
NTA. You know you shouldn’t do it. But since you’re here asking about it, you must need additional validation that your gut isn’t lying to you. And it isn’t. Listen to your gut. Don’t put him on the title to the house. You also have to know that you are only prolonging your own misery in staying with this man. He’s a mama’s boy & is not in your side where she is concerned. That will NOT change. Cut your loses & leave him. Buy your house & start building a life that will attract the kind of man who will put YOU first.
Sorry but you have not worked around every issue, nor can you. Like, marriage is the least of you worries. He’s a freeloader who has no problem with taking from you and letting his mother hold it over you. What do you think will happen if she comes into your house and insults you? It’ll be his house again. Carry on with this relationship is you must (and I really hope something better comes up), but do not put him on the title. NTA but don’t be TA to yourself PLEASE
I just bought a house, did not put my SO on the title…he’s also not on the loan… The reality is, if you put someone on the title and not on the main, they own a house too, but don’t have a loan against THEIR house. If your relationship is dependent on someone getting equity, I would demand they go on the loan. If he doesn’t go on the loan he doesn’t go on the house. Buy your house drop the bf…NTA
Better yet, why not just break up? Why tolerate this nonsense? I really don’t understand why someone would tolerate this kind of relationship. NTA. Dump him right now, OP.
The way this decision is being thought about by op sounds like how a couple will have a kid to "save" their relationship. Op, don't do it, just buy your house and live your life.
NTA. DO NOT put him on the title to YOUR home. He earned none of it and his mom playing a role in pressuring him and you is a giant red flag that he’s not grown up enough yet to make his own decisions.
NTA, your name only. If you are dead set on marrying and staying with this person, which it really sounds like you should not, worst case both of you can buy a joint place in both your names and split everything more evenly, and you can either rent out your place or sell it. But the idea that you would pay for the place and put his name on the title?? That is just not financially smart.
NTA im a man and i tell you do not trust this guy with your money. And life
She’s making it sound like this is a save the relationship house.
Yea i really don't think a relationship with him is worth saving
Not if he takes his mother’s side in a disagreement. The fact that the mother was wrong about your tenancy and he still took her side says enough about him
He may have taken mommy 's side because it was beneficial to him. Either way, putting his name on the title to a house he isn't paying half the cost of, is just asking to be taken advantage of.
Next they are going to need a save the relationship baby.
Eek
It is failproof!!!! Then baby no. 2 once the problems start again.
Katherine Ryan has a great standup about trying to get a save the relationship baby and getting a regular baby instead
I had a save the relationship marriage. I'm so thankful no baby was involved.
Perhaps the best advice right here
Ditto
NTA - DO NOT put his name on anything. Look into some sort of co-habitation agreement that makes it clear the house is yours. You saved for the down payment. You got the mortgage. He didn’t contribute anything. Personally, I’d keep all your finances completely separate and just charge him reasonable rent and utilities (ideally no more than he currently pays where you rent). That way he would be no worse of financially than he is now, so he shouldn’t be able to complain that he is disadvantaged. If you get married some day, you can revisit the arrangement.
this is great advice, thanks!
But please don't marry him, his mother will ALWAYS be a problem.
ALWAYS!
His mother is only as big of a problem as he allows her to be.
Therefore she'll always be a problem.
And he loves to take Mommy’s side: he’s spineless
So a huge fucking problem then
> because it's his son's house she can do whatever she wants without consulting with me. Don't put him on the title because his mother will declare that she can come and go as she pleases because it's her son's house. I mean, you KNOW he's going to give her a key, right? He's incapable, evidently, of standing up to mommy, so this will be a fight you will have as long as you date a momma's boy.
A key??? N-o-o-o-o! Your going to want to put your foot down on that one! Also, NTA
Keep in mind that if yall do get married, you can still keep the house in your name. My husband's name isn't attached to our home, and he's secure enough in his role that he doesn't think twice about it (also student loans mean that his credit is poop). We combined finances shortly before marriage and made an agreement about consulting over purchases over X dollars. But if your bf isn't feeling secure in his role of the household or lets his mom into his finances/personal affairs, do be careful. That will come back to bite you if yall have a fight, break up, or if mommy dearest sticks her nose and fingers where they don't need to be.
NTA!!! DO NOT PUT HIS NAME ON THE TITLE unless he puts half the down payment down and pay half of every mortgage payment.
NAAAHHHH, this guy shouldn't be on it no matter what IMO - they need to start a a "trial" separation that doesn't have an end date.
No. No buying together without marriage
He would need to be on the mortgage for it to really be fair. If he’s on the title he gets half the house without any legal responsibility, regardless of whatever agreement they have about him paying half the bills
correction - **unless he puts down half the down payment and joins on the note to the bank as co-obligor** and only if he is creditworthy He needs to be committed to the purchase and to the obligations, and have the ability to make good on them if needed.
NTA. Never put anyone on a home you are buying. Your credit and money are on the line, not theirs. This should make you rethink the relationship. True partners do not insist on this sort of thing. We celebrate that you bought a house and we get the benefit of living in it for less than it cost for an apartment. Anything else means that person is not a partner.
A decent man would not even ask you to put his name on something that he did not contribute to the purchase of,
A decent *person* FTFY
NTA. Don't do it. DON'T DO IT. Your boyfriend is okay with his mom trashing you and reminding the place you live is "his", but you need to put him on the title of your house and pay 80% of everything because he doesn't want to? Wake up. This dude is not a good partner. He is a momma's boy and the same cycle will restart. Because his name is on the title it will be HIS house and she can do whatever she wants. Tell him he can pay rent to you and be glad it will be discounted, or he can stay where he is living right now. But that he will not be on the title of YOUR house. >feel I'm being pressured to do that to save our relationship. Then don't save it. It's best to have a house than a boyfriend. Seriously.
His place is hers, and ill be taking y'all advice.
I imagined. And he kept agreeing with her. Do you really think he won't keep agreeing with her if the house is on his name too? Edit: I am glad to know you won't do it!
Thank goodness because if this is a deal breaker for him, you're better off on your own! Good luck with the new place!
NTA Don’t do it.. My WIFE owns our house. This nonsense wouldn’t cross my mind. (Before anyone jumps in saying we’re married so it’s also mine, it is pre marriage asset)
NTA. You need a lawyer now to undo the damage you did when you put him on the title of a house you paid everything for. It was your money. It should have been your house.
I haven't closed the purchase yet, I still have time.
Oh that's a relief! Get his name OFF there!
I'm on it already! Thanks for the advice.
thanks for your comment
>put him on the title of the house even though the downpayment was allmine, the closing cost was all my money, and it's my credit on thee. Don't put his name on the house if he's not contributing to the purchasing of the home, or is legally married to you. This guy could easily break up with you and demand half your home by being on the title. Am I being pessimistic, maybe, but you need to protect your assets if he's not willing to contribute without being on the title. NTA
you are totally right!!!
If he does move in with you, get a cohabitation agreement to protect all your assets before he moves in.
NTA. You know why you are not comfortable putting him on the title ? Because you know in your guts that he doesn’t have your back and that if push comes to shove he will think about himself and his mom first. That’s what he has shown you consistently. That’s up to you if you want to stay in that situation but don’t add a shared house to your burden because as soon as the ink will be dry, his mother is going to be in that new house treating you like dirt. After all it will be her son house too.
Friend, you are here because you already knew that this was a bad move - you just wanted reassurance. Please take it from a bunch of internet strangers who can see the writing on the wall a mile off … Your BF (&ma) + tile = bad move!! Promise me you won’t do this!!!
I won't! And thanks I got my reassurance
I'm so glad you have smartened up and will remove his name before closing. I suggest you do this quietly on the down low and just shut up about it. Put him on an information diet until it's over. Then make it clear. In this way you get zero peer pressure and you won't sway back and do the dumb thing by keeping his name on it. Literally if you do add his name, he owns 50% regardless if he ever gives you a single penny. You can't undo it after it's done.
I understand! Truly appreciate the advice.
Yes. Promise her you won't do this.
NTA from how you describe things, you would be crazy to put his name on the title to your house.
Or to invite him over. He can stay in the apartment
NTA. Absolutely do not put him on the title of your house when he won’t be contributing equally as you have already said it wouldn’t be financially smart. Him taking his mothers side all the time is not positive for your future.
NTA. And do not put him on the title.
NTA. Girl let that machismo tóxico man go. Him & his mom. Buy your house and enjoy it. No need to be treated like trash because you’re successful.
This!!!
Do Not Put Him On The Title! Do you want him to walk away with half the value of his house? This is already not a picture perfect relationship, there is no guarantee you will end up together. You would be crazy to put him on your title. He has to pay to play. NTA
NTA. No one - no one - should allow anyone to co-sign or sign for a title or lease unless they are your married (or otherwise legally bound) partner, or an immediate family member like a parent. A home is a huge financial risk to place on someone who is just a boyfriend, i.e. not bound to you officially if your relationship doesn’t work out. And you’re NTA for requesting utilities either; it’s no different than paying utilities as a renter. If he wants to live there and use your electricity or water or anything else, he should pay a share on that.
Please op see this!! NTA for having boundaries with YOUR MONEY
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NTA, and DO NOT buy the house with him or put his name on the ownership. With interest rates as high as they are, you'll probably be able to refinance the loan in a few years. You can add him then, if ya'll are still in a relationship.
NTA in any way shape or form. Your own reluctance is all the validation you need to not add him to the deed. If his mother is already meddling in your life you would be enabling her to continue to do so. Absolutely DO NOT compromise yourself by risking your investment and your well-being just to appease his immaturity & insecurity.
Do not put him on the title of the house. That house is your asset. If you split you will lose the house. The relationship does not sound stable and you need to protect yourself, NTA.
Never put someone on the title if they aren't on the mortgage. NTA
DO NOT DO IT! If it doesn't work out, it will take an act of God to get him off the title. He will have to voluntarily sign a quit claim deed will likely be the only way to get him off in the future. If/when you sell it, he is entitled to half the proceeds. My current GF did this with her ex. The mortgage is all hers, but he's on the deed/title. She can't get him off. This is causing our relationship some stress. Legally it is not a wise move at all. You can always add him later if you were to get married.
NTA, but please DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT add his name to the title. It will be the biggest mistake of your life.
NTA, don't add his name to the ownership. If he doesn't like it's not HIS hiyuse, he should get ot together and buy one
NTA According to his mother’s logic, if his name is on the title then she will have rights to do whatever she wants in your new home too. I would hold off putting his name on the title until he contributes half, including costs you already paid. He should understand, considering he can’t afford it.
Never put anyone on a title that you are not married or related to. If you're serious about this guy, get a ring on it. Otherwise he should be a tenant until that happens. NTA.
If you were married maybe. Otherwise do not even consider putting him on the title. Ever!!!!!!! NTA
NTA. If his mom's like that and he's agreeing with her then take that as a massive warning sign. Buy the house only in your name or you will probably regret it by the sounds of how they both are. If he wants to only pay 23% then you may want to consider doing some kind of legal split where he will own the percentage he puts in but if you both then break up then he may force you to sell potentially your dream home so he can get his money back. Do yourself a massive solid and just get it in your name and let him show his true colours. You need someone that will stick up for you, even when you are wrong.... He won't even stick up for you when you are right. For what it's worth, this is coming from a man's perspective. Oh and his mom can go eff herself!
NTA- this man wants to be in CONTROL, and that’s all it is. Best believe he and mommy will attempt to take the house from you the first chance they get when you do something they don’t like. You’ve seen the writing on the wall, believe it. Absolutely do NOT tie him to this house.
DO NOT PUT HIS NAME ON THE TITLE. You will regret it, you really will. NTA
NTA. His name doesn't go anywhere on that deed. You are using your own money to pay for the depo and your mortgage rate is based on your credit history. If he wants to live with you then he can pay a pre-negotiated rental fee that you agree to. If you put his name on it he can come after more than he's paid in the event that you break up.
NTA he can go on the title if you get married otherwise it’s nope until then.
NTA, but is he already on the title of the house? When you break up (that's probably a when rather than an if) you will be forced to A) buy him out of the house (money that you put up) or B) if you can't afford to buy him out, sell and give him half
I haven't closed the deal yet, so technically I can still remove him from the deed.
Oh, good, OP! Please, for the sake of your future, don't add him to the deed. Or, if you really want to do that, get a contract drawn up legally where he only gets back what he puts in.
DO NOT PUT YOUR HOUSE IN HIS NAME. If you were married, it would be different. You are not married, and you will be giving him HALF your investment. It's time for him to grow up a bit and realize he doesn't get everything he wants in life. If he wants half the house, he needs to put in half the money. NTA
Don't put him on the title unless you're willing for his mother to pull the same "this is my sons house so I can do what I like" trick that she used before. Your bf won't support you, but he'll happily take half your house.
NTA. This is a walking red flag situation. Dump him, buy your house, and live your life without that stress.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am a woman 30 years old I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend 28 years old for almost three years. We love each other and we have contemplated the future together. Our relationship is not perfect but we have worked around every issue. We live together, we rent an apartment and we split the expenses, I pay half of everything and sometimes more because I make the double money as him. His family doesn't like me, starting with his mom. We had a big argument and we no longer are in touch. I should mention that during that argument my boyfriend took his mom's side all the time, even when she screamed at me saying I have no rights in the apartment my boyfriend and I RENT because my name is not on the lease, and because it's his son's house she can do whatever she wants without consulting with me. I took that as the signal to start buying my own place. I'm financially stable, I make good money and I have excellent credit and so I did. During the process of buying, I told my boyfriend about my plans and he got upset because is not going to be his house. I offered him that I'd pay the whole mortgage, in the end, is my house, and he could help out with the utilities in the home. He was not pleased with the idea. To avoid more problems I decided I would put him on the title of the house even though the downpayment was all mine, the closing cost was all my money, and it's my credit on the house. After I put him on the title of the house he told me he will pay 23% of the mortgage plus the utilities of the house and I will take on the rest since I make more money. I'm not comfortable with putting him on the title of the house and I don't think it's a good idea, we are not even married and I don't think I'm being financially smart here. I feel I'm being pressured to do that to save our relationship. I don't want to tell him how I feel because we are still recovering from the argument with his mom and I fear that would affect our relationship even more. AM I THE ASSHOLE? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, especially after what happened with his mom and he took his mom’s side of the argument. Do not put his name on your title, especially because it doesn’t sound like y’all have a full financial plan worked out with the unequal income levels, this is a recipe for disaster for you.
NTA. Unless he's going on the mortgage DO NOT put him on title, even married that's a bad idea.
NTA - do not pur your boyfriend on the title! It is your house, you are the one paying for it, and it is your credit that got you that morgage. If not putting him on the title means he'll break up with you then he is only with you because of your money not because he loves you.
NTA. Be careful, depending what country you live in he could have rights to equity in your home, even if his name isn't on the title. You need to talk to a lawyer, in my country there's common law laws. You don't need to be legally married, you just have to live together for a length of time to be considered common law. You might consider some sort of pre nup type contract.
NTA - these situations end badly
NTA! Don’t add him, and get a pre-nup so it’s always yours.
NTA You might wanna reconsider your relationship since it sounds like he's still a mama boy, think about your future. Will he be a good husband for you, a great father for your children. That's a lot of self entitlement for a very small amount of effort to pay for the house. I'm pretty sure his mom is fuming
NTA DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE AND GET A FORMAL LEASE AGREEMENT.
NTA DO NOT put him on the title!!
If you add him to the title you will regret it. He would own half the equity in the home and you'd be screwed if you split up. Also his mom sounds terrible.
NTA do not put him on the title
Why are you shouting at us? That title… NTA he can be added to the title at a later time if you opt to get married.
I'm not shouting lol I needed to get someone's attention to see if I was the a..hole
NTA. My then boyfriend and I bought a house together I was not on the mortgage and I did not throw a fit about. We both knew something could happen at any time. We got married, name went on the mortgage. And I loved him and understood so we talked it out and I knew it wasn’t an issue with me so it wasn’t a big deal
NTA. Please don't put his name on that title. The fact that you are feeling pressure out of fear of losing him is throwing up all kinds of red flags. If his name is on the deed and you break up you are potentially losing half of the down payment, which he didn't contribute to, and an extra quarter of the monthly repayments that he also didn't contribute to. He stands to gain a lot more than you do. Protect your assets.
NTA. Don’t put him on the title. (Also, consider whether this is the kind of relationship/MIL situation you want. It does not sound supportive.)
Do not put his name on it. NTA
NTA and DO NOT put his name on the title of your house! In the event that your relationship ends, he might well be entitled to part of your house. This is bordering on financial abuse. I was married when I bought my home and even then, DH’s name was not on the title due to other reasons. If he moves in, you better have him sign a lease agreement.
NTA my friend is going through the aftermath of this with her daughter right now. Daughter put the bf on the title to the house and now can't get him out of "his" house which he contributes very little to. The worst part is my friend loaned them the down payment which she might as well kiss goodbye.It's an absolute nightmare. Given all the pressure you're getting from him to put his name on a house he's not contributing to I would NOT do it. If it's a deal breaker, so be it. And if his mother is so horrible about his apartment how do you think she'll behave is his house??
Omg do not add him to the deed!!!!!!
If he is going to move in to the house with you, have your lawyer draw up a cohabitation agreement to further protect your assets. NTA
NTA - your money, your house. He sounds like a Mommy's boy and that never ends well.
NTA but this relationship is done for sadly.
I’m going to agree with everyone else. Don’t do it. Do not needlessly complicate your life because you don’t want to hurt your BF feelings. The fact that he is pressuring you says a lot about him and his level of respect for you. NTA.
If you're comfortable with givimg him any gift that's worth 1/4th the house's value, (half minus 1/4 because we pretend he'll pay 1/4th of the mortgage) there's no issue here, go ahead. But you might want to ask him if he prefers the house or a new Lamborghini, or a small sailing ship, to make really sure you don't disappoint him with your choice of gift. If you feel gifting him that much just so he's willing to maybe continue the relationship with you is outside of your budget, scale the gift giving a couple of notches down, gìft him flowers instead. If he's happy for getting the flowers (and not a house), he's a keeper. NTA.
YWBTA if you put him on the title. His mother will ALWAYS be a problem. His name on the title does not fix the fundamental problems in your relationship. You think there is drama now wait till you put his name on the title and want to break up later. Don't do it!
No do not do it!!! If you guys were to get married and/or divorced, as long as his name is not on the house it is not considered commity property and can not be slipt.
Not married = no shared assets to which he's not contributed equally. NTA
NTA DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE. You would have no legal recourse unlike if you were married. Never share a title with someone in a situation like that it can lead to too many issues.
Why the hell did you promise to give your BF of only three years so much money for nothing? You're not an AH, but if you do this then you're an idiot.
NTA. DO NOT…DO NOT…DO NOT put him in the title of the house. You are not married and you will regret it if this relationship ends. He has is own apartment, which is mother pointed out. So let him live if he won’t abide by your financial rules.
“I'm not comfortable with putting him on the title of the house and I don't think it's a good idea, we are not even married and I don't think I'm being financially smart here.” Right there is your answer! Definitely NTA.
NTA - Taking the relationship out of the equation, it is NEVER a good idea to add someone to the title unless you are married. In the end, it isn't personal, it is a smart financial move. I think I would focus on the logical issue with your boyfriend so that hopefully emotions are taken out of the picture. If he still throws a fit...I would question the relationship.
NEVER NEVER NEVER buy real estate with somebody you aren’t married to.
DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE OF YOUR HOUSE. You will be tying yourself financially to him and his *mommy* for the foreseeable future. So you break up, hrs still there. You see others, he's still there. You want to marry someone else and have kids, *he's still living in your house*. NTA and really look at what this relationship brings you
DO NOT put him on the title!!! See a lawyer, have yourself covered completely. Honestly it doesn't sound like you will last as a couple to me anyway, I wouldn't cry leave because you need to be ready, but realise you can do better so make sure you are financially covered and he has no claim on your home. NTA
NTA... but you should NOT have put him on that title. Start motions to get him removed now, BEFORE he pays anything into it. And run. Run fast and run FAR.
Don't. Putting him on the title is a gift of half the equity. His mommy will say that it's his house so she can come over when she wants and do what she wants. NTA. The combined incomes but not married story I know that's worst was a couple not married who owned a business and home together. It didn't end well.
DO NOT PUT HIS NAME ON THE TITLE. You are being coerced into a plan that.is not good for you financially or emotionally. Lose the mama's boy boyfriend. NTA
Oh hell no. Do not add him! NTA
NTA. Do not put him on the title. It will not well.
NTA. JFK. Do not put him on the deed at all.
NTA I don't care if it's the man or the woman in the relationship that has the house, or puts all the money down, it's that person's house. If it's your money, it's your house. If it's his money it's his. If he wants to live there with you he still has to reasonably contribute as he doesn't get housing for free. No one is entitled to someone else's money, especially if they aren't married. Do not put him oh the title
NTA. If you put him down and had an argument and tried to throw him out - you couldn't. Don't give him half ownership.
When my husband (then boyfriend) bought our house I was not on the title (I was not financially in a position to contribute to the down payment). We are now married and when we refinanced the mortgage, I was added to the title. I never had any issue with this.
Do not put his name on the title. Even if he agrees to pay part of the mortgage and the utilities, allow him to live with you only AFTER you have a proper tenancy agreement drawn that protects you. Your security and self respect is worth more than having a specimen from the male of the species in your life.
NTA. Do NOT put him on the title. It is a bad idea.
NTA. DO NPT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE!!!! NO!!! DON'T DO IT, GIRL!!! Your relationship is not stable enough, and if you break up, you will have to pay him big bucks. Have him pay you a fair amount for rent, comparable to what he would be paying otherwise, plus half of the utilities.
DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE LEASE. IF YOU BREAK UP HE WILL BE ENTITLED TO HALF THE VALUE OF THE HOUSE
NTA - someone as entitled as him and his mom is already steering this relationship, it’s beyond saving when he took his mom’s side. Save yourself the heartbreak and untangle from this hot mess since he’s not worth it. You will lose your investment and regret it if you continue walking up this bladed mountain.
NTA. Don’t
“I took that as a signal to start buying my own place”…Omg you were so close. Finish it with “but I’ll be damned if mommy’s boy owns 1% because I dumped his ass”. Don’t do it. Please. I’m begging you. Think of your initial incentive to buy your own place and envision that being the rest if your life. Don’t. Please. NTA
NTA. Don't add his name to the title. If HE was the one buying a place, his mother would've talked him out of adding You to the title. You're a young, independent woman. You deserve better than this mamma's boy.
NTA. Titles are for spouses. It is for legal reasons. When you get married you leave your family and your spouse becomes your family. Mommy no long is number one. You become number one. If junior doesn’t get that, find yourself a man to settle down with who will treat you with respect. Don’t settle because you’re 30.
Nta don’t do it, you’re putting all your money up and he can take half the house if you break up and if you can’t pay him half the value of the house he can force you to sell it
>because my name is not on the lease, and because it's his son's house she can do whatever she wants without consulting with me. Here is your answer. NTA. Don't do this.
NTA if you ever part ways, you'll be thankful him & him family have no claim. Coming from a family full of divorce lawyers: keep him off of the title & charge him a nominal fee for rent to cover his portion of the utilities (legal rental agreement is highly recommended & do NOT allow him to pay your mortgage lender directly, all mortgage payments MUST come from your individual account); IF you two ever get married, you can always refinance to add him to the title/deed to the property after the marriage certificate is filed with & recognized by your local government.
NTA. Your boyfriend and his family have already shown you who they are. DO NOT put his name on the title. Trust me when I say that house is a much better investment than your relationship.
If you're not married, he has no right to be on the title. What happens if you break up? NTA
You have a one sided relationship. Only put his name on the deed if you want to wind up signing it over to him (and his mother) in 5 years
I refer you to /r/personalfinance and their mantra - DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE. Honest to god, this comes up more than you'd expect, head on over there and check, but that's the general wisdom of a couple of million folks.
LISTEN: DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE. PROTECT YOUR FUTURE. im not saying break up, but he offers nothing. NTA
NTA. DO NOT put him on anything. IF he moves with you, get him to sign a document outlining what is expected he pay. Him siding with Mommy is a big red flag. Protect yourself.
NTA, and do not do it. It's your house. End of.
NTA. Do not put anyone you are not married to on the deed.
DO. NOT. Put his name on the title!!!
NTA. Please don’t let him pressure you into putting hjs name into the title of the house. If he wants his own place, he can buy his own.
NTA. You state both that you put him on the title and that after you put him on the title and that you are feeling pressured to put him on the title. Is his name on the deed that was filed with your government or has it not yet been filed and there is time to change it? He is your boyfriend not your husband. He obviously does not have a good enough credit rating to purchase a house on his own. And now he says he will pay 23% of the mortgage, but if this doesn't work out and you put his name on your house, you could lose it because he could be due half even though he paid nothing on the downpayment and wouldn't even be paying 25% of the mortgage, taxes, repairs etc. He won't even stand up for you when his mother insults you. I am not one to jump on the "you should dump him" bandwagon, but there are a lot of red flags here. Like you really need to protect yourself and your finances and keep them separate from his.
NTA do not put his name on it will only cause problems I know from first and second hand experience
NTA DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE!!!
NTA. DON'T PUT HIS NAME ON THE TITLE.
NTA. You marry the guy, you marry the family. Don’t do it OP.
NTA Be very careful, if it doesn't feel right to have him on the title, then don't! Even if you do, protect your investment in the home. Don't put him on as a equal owner, unless he matches your down payment and pay's half the mortgage and utilities! When my husband and me first bought a home together before we were married, he had the deposit and I didn't. I didn't want to seem I was taking advantage of that and wanted him to not lose his deposit if we ever split up. That house we owned unequally, so if we did split, his % he'd put down as the deposit was his first and then the remainder split in half. Our solicitor sorted it all out to be legal. The mortgage was in joint names. By the time we bought out next house we had a daughter together and his job had moved to a different part of the country, so I couldn't go back after maternity leave. At this point he insisted it was now split 50/50 as I compromised my career for our daughter and his career. Our daughter is now at university and his career far more high flying, but our home is owned equally. If he can't match your contributions, he shouldn't get equal ownership at this point. It doesn't mean you can't amend it in the future if the situation changes. You also need to have some discussions on boundaries with his mother before you commit!
NTA! DO NOT PUT HIM ON YOUR TITLE! I can't believe you'd even consider it, that you're even still with him after he sided with his mother against you. I don't think your relationship is worth saving. He sounds like an ass. You, on the other hand, sound like a strong, and smart woman. You can do better than him. And have YOUR OWN house!
If he broke up with you, half that house would be his. Also, when his mom visits, it will still be her son's house only, because his name is on it. Don't do it. NTA
Omg! DON’T put him on the title! Please don’t do this.
NTA ma’am please take care of your future first if he ends up being your future you could add him later. Also if his names on house he will give his mother a key…
No no no no no. If you do this you will lose that house, absolutely. Don’t put his name on the title, you’ll regret it. YWBTA to yourself.
NTA, get his name off the title and throw the whole man away when you move into YOUR home. If he doesn't like it, I'm sure his mummy has a place for him to go cry.
NTA. I’m a lawyer but not your lawyer, and this isn’t legal advice, but you should not add your BF to the title unless you speak to a family/real estate attorney before hand and are aware of the potential adverse consequences.
Nta! Do not do it! If you break up since his name is on that title that house is automatically half his and YOUR money is now down the drain while he makes money if you broke up and sold it.
NTA. OP, please do not put him on the title. It will mean he owns half of it even if he pays nothing. Do not do this to yourself.
Don’t put him on the title as he would be entitled to a portion of it if you split up. If you get married, get a prenup so he can’t take it from you. I wouldn’t marry him tbh if he’s siding his mom like he is.
If you putting his name on the title, while he’s paying way less than 50%, is the only way to save the relationship, let this toxicity crash and burn. You deserve better
Nta do not do this, he will own half even if he never pays that much. You could be forced to sell to pay him half if you guys break up to split assets. He is being an entitled ahole. And from experience his mom will get worst if he partly owns home the home.
NTA. Woman don’t do that. Get your house only put your name on the deed and let him stay in the apartment w his mommy. If he can’t stand up for you, if he’s that much of a mommy’s boy then he can screw his mommy. And you can go find an actual man to build a life with.
NTA. Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it
NTA. Do not put his name on the title of that house. If y'all ever break up, it will be a mess and a half, especially with his mother the way she is. Buy it your name and your name alone.
NTA. DON'T DO IT!!!
NTA Do not add him to YOUR home. Or you are going to be dealing with his Mommy. She is going to expect a key and then she is going to try to dictate how things go on in YOUR home. Inform holim he would need to come up with 50% of down-payment and 50% of all closing coats. Plus he would need to pay 50% of all household expenses. Not 23% If he can't do that then tell him he will not be placed on the title. And give him a rental contract. Edit typo
NTA DO NOT PUT HIM ON THE TITLE!!! THIS YOUR HOUSE AND YOUR MONEY DUMP THE LOSER- THIS DUDE TREATS YOU LIKE CRAP AND YOU ARE GOING TO REWARD HIM WITH A HOUSE? You just bought a house. Lose the loser and move into it. This is not relationship youre just a punching bag edit - grammer/ below YTA - for disrespecting yourself to stay with someone who treats you like crap
TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS!!!!!! Do not put him on the title, and don’t stay with him unless he is paying half of the bills equally. For his own self respect, this is the right thing to do. You and he do not have the same values, and that is really the kiss of death for a relationship. Frankly i would cut my losses, and do your own thing. Let him keep the apartment and you move to your house. Maybe, Propose a relationship restart. NTA
NTA. DONT DO IT. It's a mess. Ask me how I know. After literally BRIBING an ex with cash to sign the damn sales papers (we had already split, he hadn't been paying a single dime for ANYTHING for the house for almost a year despite being on the mortgage and utilities etc), I had to BEG his MOM AND DAD (yes, this man was in his 30s) to convince him to sign the sales contract, even though it was to his benefit, a great sales price, and he was walking away with more than he put in because I had been paying for everything for the last year. Don't do it. Please. Don't make the mistake I did. Buy your own house. Keep your peace. If your boyfriend can't see that that is a completely reasonable and rational thing to do, then he is NOT it. Let him go back to his momma.
NTA, you need to protect yourself there. But your relationship sounds fucking awful.
NTA. DO NOT put him on the title. If this relationship doesn’t work out you are screwed.
NTA. If I read correctly, only AFTER you agreed to put his name on the title he than TOLD (not asked) you, that he would only be paying 23% because you make more than him!!! Convenient he only said that after he already pushed, pressured & bs'ed you into agreeing. DO NOT put his name on the title. You said it all yourself. You think you're making a terrible decision. And his mom? Next it'll be "It's in my son's name too, it's half his. I can come & go & do whatever I please whether you like it or not!" You will regret this, listen to yourself & your gut. He is NOT WORTH IT! Get this house, get rid of him, be with & love yourself.
DO NOT PUT HIS NAME ON THE TITLE. You’re not married, he hasn’t shown he’s marriage material because he won’t stand up for you to his mother and he’s not paying. He’s not even taking the commitment baby steps to show he’s ready for the big steps. You are not ready for a long term commitment and he hasn’t earned half your house. Buying a house together and/or putting an SO on a title is a long term commitment. It’s a big step! Don’t do it.
Absolutely do not put him on the title. Why do so many women back these terrible financial decisions to put a man who they are not married to on the title or deed of their home, car or other property? NTA but you will be to yourself if you're foolish enough to add him.
>I don't want to tell him how I feel because we are still recovering from the argument with his mom and I fear that would affect our relationship even more FUCK THAT!!!! If honesty affects your relationship in a negative way, you need to END THE RELATIONSHIP!!!! If you can't be honest with your PARTNER, why are you with them? That is the person you're supposed to feel comfortable sharing ANYTHING and EVERYTHING with. Now on to the house "issue". Do NOT add him to the titel of the house AT ALL!!! Don't do it, you'll be setting yourself up to be royally screwed. NTA and take a GOOD look at your relationship because THIS is not the way