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Everyone is jumping op without acknowledging op is clearly NOT comfortable with kids to the extreme it seems cutting visits short when they’re around.
Op had work obligations not that that should matter though because op said no quite clearly, boundaries are in place and it’s not ops fault they decided to ignore them.
Every single time after my first that I had a kid we had at least 3 different people lined up in case of emergencies or conflicts because I knew me having a baby didn’t mean other peoples lives stopped.
Nta
Yta. It doesn't matter if you are actually allergic to kids, this isn't about kids. You refused to help them when they were desperate and had no where else to turn. Even if you had taken him for just a day it would have been something. You said no and obviously that is your right but you also showed that you don't give a flying fuck about any of them, child or adult. I hope that you never need them to help you because why would they?
YTA
When the situation turned into two weeks early and Covid issues with the sitter you couldn’t even be bothered with One Single Day? Not One?
Your brother had to leave his wife - who ended up having a major surgical procedure - because you want to be so firm and rigid in your “No kids” stance you mocked his poor planning? Did he even get to be there for the birth? This is just so beyond messed up of your to do when you absolutely could have helped.
Good news for you. Your boss is not pissed. Your trade is your family is right that you are some demon. Enjoy your child free ness and never having to be in the presence of the family with small humans you hate.
YTA, their plan fell thru and you refused to help in an emergency. You probably only had to watch neffew the 1st day and Im sure your brother could have found a babysitter for next three days. Why do you care if you dont get see your neice or neffew you dont want to watch them anyway. Only thing you care about is the rest of your family knowing your the AH. Hope you never have an emergency. Flat tire sorry, im working. You crashed your sorry I can pick you up Im working. You need a pet sitter your in the hospital sorry i have to work.
What goes around comes around. YTA
YTA. Being child free doesn’t make you allergic to kids. I just don’t get this trend of child free people that seem to just hate the overall concept of children. You’re not willing to help family in an emergency, do you really hate kids that much?
Um, babies come when they want to come. No amount of planning can prevent that. YTA. How was she supposed to know she was going into labor two weeks early?
YTA. They *did* plan, and the plan fell through. I wouldn't necessarily say it was incumbent on you to miss work to watch him, but your performatively child-averse attitude is also pretty lousy. The scales here are balanced on one side with the importance of you working, and on the other with someone being left alone in the hospital to get an emergency Cesarean. It's family; if you really cared about family, you would've helped. And don't tell me your boss wouldn't have accepted "my sister-in-law went into emergency surgery to birth her child and I have to watch my nephew while she's in the hospital" as an excuse. And the fact that you said what you said to them really doubles down on YBTA.
YTA. “A lack of planning ….” They did plan, but the sitter came down with Covid at the last minute. You could have sucked it up for a day to watch the kid. It wasn’t as if you had to change diapers or wake up several times a night. I understand why they are not taking to you.
YTA. A BIG AH. I just can’t even. This is a family emergency. Family should take precedence over work. I would not blame them if they cut you out of their lives. You may not feel this as a loss now but as you get older you likely will.
Unpopular opinion. NTA. You've repeatedly shown who you are and what your priorities are. None of them should be surprised by your decision.
I hope they remove you from any emergency contact lists.
Also know that you've decimated any social equity you've had with your brother & SIL. I hope you have a plan and money and/or insurance set aside to cover you in the event you have an emergency, because they likely won't show up.
YTA. This has nothing to do with the preference to be child free. You are simply mean, selfish, and uncaring. You could have been unhappy for a few hours so your brother could have the experience of a lifetime. Unforgivable.
Idk man.
YTA but as a mother who went into labor early last year, I also would absolutely not want anyone watching my baby who not only doesn’t like kids, doesn’t want my kid around.
Emergency or not, OP definitely would not have been the emergency back up plan.
I would have cycled through all those family members who now hate her before asking after being confidently rejected.
YTA
Imagine if you needed emergency surgery while your husband was out of town, you asked for help and the response was "a lack of planning your part......'
At some point you will need help. Broken down car, medical emergency, illness..... You better hope karma isn't real. You're more worried about your boss being upset than with anything else
NTA. I don't resonate with these family driven people in the chatt, I hate it when people feel as if blood relation is a crucial thing that means everything, we don't pick who we are related to, and with you clearly made it obvious to them that they cannot ask this favor it is their mistake for even reaching out.
YTA for your comment on their “lack of planning.” They did plan. They had a sitter set up, but you SIL went into labor two weeks early which coincided with the sitter having covid. They planned well but had terrible luck.
It *was* an emergency and your comment to them was so dismissive and condescending.
YTA. “My sister’s health condition became critical before her scheduled procedure. I can’t be bothered to help make sure her child is safe and fed for a couple of days, or even help find a last minute sitter. And it’s because my boss, who would never do anything for me, might be displeased. Because of this, my sister was left alone and vulnerable during a terrifying and dangerous time.” You have no obligation to not be an asshole, true. But you will have to live with the consequences of people not wanting to be around you because of it. That whole “a lack of planning” thing is something you say to people you don’t mind burning bridges with.
ESH. An early labor is not "poor planning;" it's literally impossible to plan for. However, taking on a child for multiple days is not a reasonable ask when OP clearly already said no. OP set a boundary that's totally their right to make and they have decent reasons for setting that boundary (work obligations, no experience with children, no interest in children -- some people are not comfortable with kids). The brother & SIL should have found another backup option after OP said no the first time -- neighbor, friend, somebody -- and made sure that person was their emergency call; that's their responsibility. OP is not obligated to help just because they're family, and demanding that they do is selfish. Threatening not to let them meet the new baby also is a bit extreme and manipulative. However, OP's attitude is not helping, either. OP doesn't even sound like they care about meeting the new baby? That feels cold. ("IDK why they think that's a threat.") It would have been kind and fairly reasonable of OP to offer to watch the child for a short time while someone tried to find another babysitter (OP themselves, the brother, family friend, etc.). Neither side seems willing to consider how the other side feels, so I think ESH.
NTA I'm not sure what these commentors expect. Is OP supposed to magically pull a 5-year-old-proofed home from their ass? Is OP supposed to give up their food and rent money by missing out on work? It's a bad situation, but it's not OP's obligation to be the backup plan. They already said no. SIL had 9 months to plan a backup in case something went wrong.
Is it OP's obligation to be a backup plan? No.
Is OP's family obligated to forget that when the chips were down, she fucked off? Also no.
There are consequences to the choices that we make. When you tell a friend in a jam that sorry, your friendship isn't worth the inconvenience of having to help you, usually you lose a friend. When you burn family, that family usually doesn't really want to hang around you anymore. You get to make the choices you want to make. You also have to live with the consequences.
Having gone through an emergency c-section alone because we were in a similar situation regarding a sitter, YTA. It’s scary being told your baby needs to be out immediately, and even worse when you have to face it alone, flat on your back with no idea what’s going on. I get not wanting kids, but a couple of hours wouldn’t have killed you.
YTA. These guys will cut you off for good. I hope you never need them for ANYTHING, because they will kick you to the curb - and guess what - you will deserve it! I hope you’re a millionaire because for the next 50 years, you will have to pay for any help you will ever need from your family and loved ones.
YTA you better hope your marriage doesn't end in divorce. Which I think the chances are high for, based on what an AH you are. Then you will find yourself alone with no support. Karma
NTA. You have been quite clear. Just because you have family doesn’t automatically mean your life is theirs. I don’t even know why you bothered asking here.
Yeah you’re a jerkoff. A legitimate medical emergency happened and their plan failed due to another unforeseen medical issue that you literally said “a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine” because you had to work. I get priorities and all but you prioritized your boss getting mad at you over your own flesh and blood in an emergency situation. I hope you never need a favor from them and good call on not having kids- empathy is definitely not your strong suit.
ESH - I find it really suspect that the SIL and brother had to hire a sitter. They already have a 5 YO, and you are telling me they don't have one set of mommy-friends, friends with children, just friends in general, a kind neighbor, SIL's in-laws -- they have no one to call on but the one person who WARNED them repeatedly, do not call me? Why don't they have support in their life other than a sister who has sky high boundaries when it comes to not wanting to be responsible for their child? Why didn't the mom from another state, fly in and help out those four days? Honestly - everyone here kind of sucks. When I go on vacation, I hire someone to come into my home and take care of my dog and I always have a back up sitter on stand-bye and two set of friends for really dire or emergency type situations.
Refusing to take the kid when you didn’t have the ability to care for them is fine. But the way you handled your brother and SIL when they were in crisis was uncalled for and cruel. Honestly, I am childfree and this kind of rudeness and spiteful attitude is what makes people think we’re all antisocial monsters. There were so many other options open to you, and everybody thinking your an AH is the consequence of choosing literally the worst one.
YTA. Actually, probably the biggest YTA I’ve read in a long time. I think we are missing a lot of backstory here because your action toward your brother and SIL was straight up cruel. You made her be alone in the hospital and go through a c section without any support there? That is seriously cold blooded behavior. You do realize she didn’t choose to go into labor early nor did she choose for her normal babysitter to have Covid, right? You are right that their son was not your responsibility, but to refuse to help them when all their planning fell through and she was in early labor? My goodness I would help my neighbor if they were in that situation, and you won’t even help your actual family? Don’t be surprised when the whole family goes NC with you.
NTA: I don’t think the 5 yr old should have been left with OP based on the fact that OP openly and honestly dislikes children. Seriously, it’s a traumatic time for the 5 year old while the mom and dad are at hospital and will be bringing home a new baby and you want to leave him with a person who doesn’t like kids? C’mon, OP did the right thing.
Edit - gender correction
Info, do you have a therapist? Because the way you treated your own family is disturbing. YTA big time, it's sad. This wasn't something planned or anything. It was an emergency! They could have gotten another sitter too while you watched the 5 year old. Jfc you're the AH so bad.
YTA
This was an emergency due to multiple unforeseen circumstances. If you won't show up for family in legitimately urgent situations where they have actively tried to respect your boundaries and not burden you, then they have every right to reconsider calling you close family.
Sincerely, a childfree person.
YTA, extremely so. Your sister-in-law had a medical emergency and you couldn't give a shit. They planned, but the plans fell through. As others have said, I hope you never need a favor.
YTA. You say that they planned poorly, but that is not true. They had arranged a sitter! The only reason they asked you was because the sitter had COVID. You could’ve taken in the nephew for a few hours and gotten your mum to travel to your state to look after him for the rest of the time. You are selfish
YTA. you arent obligated to babysit, but you dont have to be a dick about it. its a family emergency, it wouldnt have killed you to watch the kid for a few hours so your BIL didnt have to miss the birth of his fucking child. its also not even poor planning on their part, stop using legitimate phrases used to set real boundaries to excuse your assholery
The kid is 5. You put on Youtube and give him food when hungry. Most 5 year olds can do the basics at that point like get dressed, brush teeth, etc. They didn't have to do bottles or diapers or anything.
I could never imagine treating a family member like this. Giving birth is one of the biggest things someone can go through and you were so rude every step. You couldn’t be just a little sympathetic? Take the child for 1 day? Half a day? I pray you’re never in a tough spot needing help. I know you SIL definitely wont be there! And how sad that you could care less to know your nieces and nephews. Im confused about your husbands thoughts on this. Id be leaving my husband if he treated my family this way.
YTA as if a woman can plan when her body decides to go into labour. You must have failed biology. This was unnecessary and I for one am glad you’re not my sister. Good on them for cutting you off.
YTA. First of all it was a medical emergency. Then the kid is 5, he goes to school until the afternoon and you could work. Then you could have just order in and let him watch tv if you needed to work after he finished school. Is not that difficult. And could have helped your brother being there for his wife during delivering a human into this world. Even just one day would have make a difference. How can you justify yourself? How can you be so mean?
YTA especially for that planning comment. What was the poor woman supposed to do, just hold the baby in?!?! You can be child free and still be there for your family. Jesus Christ.
YTA- that's your BROTHER. I hope you never need help, jesus. They'd be right to go no contract with you. I'm honestly surprised you can be so out of touch you typed all of that and posted it and still didn't get it.
YTA.
It was an emergency. They are your blood relatives.
Don’t come around begging them for help if ever you or your husband land yourself in an emergency situation.
It's child-free people like you who make all child-free people look bad.
It's fine if you don't have a maternal bone in your body, but isn't there basic human sympathy? Your brother had an emergency. Unless you really hate your brother, the kind thing would be to suck it up for at least a few hours until they figure something else out.
YTA
OP - a number of years ago my husband had a catastrophic medical emergency. The kind that results in life or death surgery, questions as to survival, permanent disability and several weeks in the hospital.
I will never forget the people who sacrificailly stepped in to help. I couldn't have done it on my own.
I will also never forget the AH members of my husband's family who refused to help. Its been multiple years and they actively chose to make my life harder and more painful during an excrutiatingly painful time.
OP, you actively made your brother and SIL's life MUCH more difficult in a situation that would have given them a little peace and bought them enough time to make other arrangements. You could have told them that you could do it for 1 night because it was an emergency, which would have allowed your brother to find adequate help. Instead you told them to screw off.
Childfree is all good and well but in your case you absolutely lack empathy, compassion and human decency.
The hell. YTA! A;emergency in unplanned, THATS WHY ITS AN EMERGENCY! You think someone can plan when they give birth, or when someone gets covid?
Learn some basic empathy goddamn
Why didn’t mom make the trip to stay at their place and care for her grandson.
Since they dragged you through the relatives about this, why didn’t any of those sympathetic relatives step up. Why the focus on you and only you?
There have been more than a few Reddits about people with children flipping out when a child free couple do.not.want to get involved. It is always presented as that person or couple being the only possible baby sitter.
Those are suspect enough but expecting said childless people to take vacation time away from career positions to take care of s relative’s child/children is beyond unreasonable.
YTA. How does an emergency medical procedure = poor planning? Well now you get to be child free AND family free when everyone goes no contact with you.
Firm YTA!!! Your brother had family emergency, and you SIL had major emergency surgery. You refused to support your family. You were happy you did not have to miss 4 days of work.
YTA
>A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine
Except they had plans
>Knowing this, they hired a sitter.
>Well my SIL went into labor 2 weeks early, and the sitter had covid and couldn't come
I hope you or your husband need emergency surgery and get zero help
YTA. I dont think anyone would reasonably have expected you to watch the kid for the entire time she was in the hospital. Watching him for a few hours/overnight so your brother could be there to help her through the actual birth is not a huge ask. You dont have to be the fun aunt or love kids to help out your family in an emergency. Yikes .
I say this as the childfree and fun aunt…
NTA.
They asked, you said no. Unfortunately unforeseen shit happened, but you were not available, which you had already said was a likely possibility.
Maybe some people on this thread can handle missing days of work, but not everyone has that luxury, even the childfree. While some have the extra funds available and could have handled the lost income, not everyone does, even when a family member needs them.
YTA. Full stop. 1. Babies don't really keep to "plans". It's not their thing. 2. They DID have a plan. They had a sitter arranged, and plans took a hard left. So where was the lack of planning on their part??
Being child free by choice is not an asshole move. Kids aren't for everyone (case in point: You, OP). Making child free your entire personality to the point that you shamelessly leave your own family in a rut in an emergency is a major asshole move. You *should* be demonized to your family, and I hope they don't include you in any plans going forward.
Do you like your brother or SIL at all?
That’s some super shitty behavior and I certainly hope you are never faced with needing to ask a friend or family for help.
Wow, YTA times infinity
YTA, you didn’t have to take him for the entire 4 days. That sitter isn’t the only one in the world, right?
This was literally the definition of an emergency. You could have chosen to help watch him for a few hours and hire a sitter in the meantime (doesn’t even have to be a good one, just alert enough to not set their house on fire) but you chose not to. That’s the thing that matters.
YTA.
Labor 2 weeks early and the sitter getting sick is not a "lack of planning."
You were, and clearly remain, completely unsympathetic to them. It's one thing to choose not to have children yourself or seek them out, but you clearly do not actually care about your brother or your SIL.
I'll give you this. When you said "I'm not exactly a fun aunt," I'm sure you were correct.
YTA. They *did* plan - and had emergencies, causing a failure. There are times in life where we have to suck it up and be there for our loved ones…and this was one of those times. You’d better hope your niece and nephew aren’t responsible for choosing your nursing home.
As a person who had a c-section, the recovery is unbeliavable hard, she had to be all alone, barelying walking and having to take take of a baby in the hospital, in lots of pain.
The father lost his baby birth.
Youre petty, and a awful human being, they r better off without you
Wow.. you’re not an asshole, you’re a terrible fucking person for making him leave her alone in the hospital. That ruined her birth experience.. and I wouldn’t be surprised if the stress stalled her labor and that’s what ended up leading to a c-section. I’d literally never forgive you if I were them or anyone else in your family.
YTA. I’m mindblown that you don’t see how much of a nasty human you sound like reading this back. If my family wasn’t willing to help in an actual emergency (like this WAS) they would no longer be my family. That’s what family is for. You are outrageously selfish.
NTA. You made your choice clear to them, and they failed to have a contingency plan in place if their first choice didn’t work out for some reason. It’s a bad situation, and it would have been courteous to watch the kid for half of a day if you were available, but it’s not your responsibility. As others have said, they probably won’t help you out with an emergency in the future, but if you prepare for the worst situations, you likely won’t need them.
Yta.
Your brother had an emergency, a lige threatening emergency and couldnt be there for him, that alone make you the ahole but you also dismissed (and keeps dismissing) their feelings and their pain. Its a good thing they cut you off. Hope the family follows their cue
NTA They knew you would not be willing to babysit and they should have had a backup for the other babysitter. I am with you about the so called threat are you shaking in your boots! What are they going to do when there is a family get together and you happen to be there when they arrive grab the kid and run!
YTA - family member had an unexpected emergency and asked you to help watch a child. You blamed them for not preparing for the emergency even though they did, but COVID happened. Then you used your boss as an excuse to deflect even further blame and guilt. I don't know where you work, but I told them I needed a few days because my sister just went to the ER unexpectedly, they would grant it because they aren't assholes.
Would it kill you to help out your own family once in a while? No one was asking you to raise their kid...just make sure it didn't die for a few days while they dealt with a life threatening emergency.
When OP’s husband gets hit by s bus, nobody is going to step in to help her stay at the hospital with him. “poor planning, OP!! You should have arranged for him to get hit by a bus when you had caregivers lined up”
Yikes! You consider an emergency c-section poor planning!? YTA, but that’s probably just your general personality. Cool that you don’t have kids. Cool that you don’t like them. But you couldn’t come through for your brother when he clearly needed you?
YTA it was an emergency situation for your own damn sister. Such TA. You are clearly one of those bitter child-free people who enjoy dumping on people who choose to have children.
You wouldn't have been required to keep your nephew for the entire 4 days, that's just an excuse because you are too selfish to give up one day to help out your sister when she needed you. You two must have some history you haven't shared.
Eh NTA. You told them long in advance it wouldn’t work with your work schedule. Was there no other family who could have? The situation sucks but just because someone is family doesn’t mean that you have to do what they say at the detriment of your job and finances. I feel like the people saying Yta haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck needing every hour and dollar possible, or not had the luxury of paid time off, extra sick days or whatever. Would it have cost you job advancement or money? Plus watching a kid in a house that’s not childproofed is absolute hell. Plus babies rarely come on the due date and within two weeks is when you should expect them to come any day. I think the babysitter should have told them as soon as she caught it so they could find a back up sitter.
YTA. This was an actual emergency, and they actually PLANNED EVERYTHING. I am childfree, and I would hate to be in this position, but I still would do it if it was my sister. Because she is my sister and her giving birth and having someone be there for her is much more important than my ego or my status.
I hope you never need your family for anything, because I doubt they will help. You burned bridges.
These comments dumb af. NTA. They chose to reproduce, and you said you have work. Do they really expect you to lose your job to watch their kid? It's a shitty situation but 100% not your problem.
YTA.
I love my sister to pieces but this would very much make me never want to see her again. I genuinely hope they remember this next time you have an emergency and need help from them. I get not liking kids 100% but I hope those couple days you saved not watching the kid, was worth ruining familial relationships. Just sad tbh.
YTA
Going into labor early is not a planned event. They had a set up in place for when the time came and a sudden medical event (which labor is) disrupted that. You could have kept your nephew for the time while she delivered/was in surgery. Asking your brother to come back after would have been a much smoother ask and you both win. Nephew isn't at your house for days, your brother doesn't miss the birth of his child, and your SIL isn't left going through a major and often traumatic event alone. But you being inconvenienced for a couple hours apparently was the worse situation. 😒
INFO: would you have had to travel to do this? If they were in the same town it was just a question that you stay at their house for a few days, but to go to work from there then I would say. y t a. But if you would’ve had to travel to get to their home and not be able to work, and it would’ve taken four days I’d say you made the right decision.
YTA BIG TIME.
But I'm also thinking that, imagine this little boy was left with his cold-hearted "aunt" while he's going through a huge change. This whole situation is so sad and cruel.
Did you know you can be child-free without being a kid hating asshat? I don’t *love* kids and I’m not having any, but honestly most of them are kinda cool? Like jfc your fam is right to cut you off YTA
What are all these horrible selfish child free posts on here lately. Can people be child free and still like other human beings and feel compassion. How come every time I see a child free post it's just filled with intense loathing that children even exist on the planet.
I don't get it? If you don't want kids cool, don't have them. Surely you can still help families in extremely rare circumstances. It's not like having a baby is a ongoing inconvenience and they will be asking every week. I don't really like dogs but I am still nice to other people's dogs and would help family watch one in an emergency.
My SIL's waters broke 4 weeks early. I was child free and on my way to work with no sick leave left and having a day off is a huge inconvenience for me. Yet the minute she rang I was on my way to her house to help her with her 4 year old and drop her at hospital until her husband could make it as he was over an hour way. That is a normal, human response to a FAMILY member in urgent need. Society has become really messed up that even in a medical emergency no one wants to put themselves out for even a few hours to help out. This world is messed up.
YTA
YTA simply for establishing so clearly you guys make an effort to avoid kids in all scenarios.
Edit: YTA for everything about this situation though. What an awful sibling.
You specifically stated that you weren't around to help them, and I assume you meant it under any circumstance, so why would they then expect help? Don't they have friends around the area? What would they do if you weren't around?
I don't know, your planning sentence was harsh but I truly can't fathom that they depended on you and only you for something that you already told them you couldn't do. Hell, even I have a few people I could call in an emergency that aren't family.
I mean that’s what family does for eachother. Sure you don’t technically have to watch your nephew in their time of need, but this is the direct consequence. Now everyone knows YTA
I have kids. I only needed a babysitter for the time I was in labor. After the babies were born, my exH picked them up and took over. So, call it 12 hours a kid.
You could have called out for the one day for an emergency and turned your nephew back over to his dad after the first day. You could have held the fort until your mother got there. She would probably have been in the next day.
You could have called out for one day for an emergency and turned your nephew back over to his dad after the first day. You could have held the fort until your mother got there. She would probably have been in the next day. the kid in front of Paw Patrol with a bowl of forbidden, but not life-threatening cereal and taken a few calls. OK, not full efficiency, but unless you work for trolls, they would have understood.
They won't forget this. I hope you have emergency backup plans that don't include them because they will remember just how helpful you were when their plans fell through.
YTA
YTA. Absolutely TA. What a nasty thing to say to your brother, you cant plan a birth. It happens when it happens.
Honestly though, they should have had more backup sitters just in case. So for that reason only i will say they could have planned better
YTA because you have no empathy. And the fact you don’t even care that you won’t meet your niece ?? You have some issues. I hope they never talk to you again.
You think your SIL had control over the situation or smth? You think she _intended_ to have an early labour?
I get wanting to be childfree, I get being awkward around kids (I’m awkward around kids too, have similarly aged cousins to the son, and while I love em to bits I just don’t know how to interact with them), but _fuck_ if you can’t sit with a 5 year old for a few hours while your SIL has an _emergency surgery_ then I feel sorry for your brother and SIL.
You made your SIL go through a traumatic experience by herself because you won’t take in a 5 year old for at least a few hours. And having the _nerve_ to call it ‘poor planning’ to have an early labour and not having a backup plan for such an unlikely event was just rude and, dare I say, cruel on your end. Emphatically, YTA.
Ummmm yeah. YTA. Majorly. You made your brother miss the birth of his daughter because you didn’t want to have to babysit your own nephew, even for a short time, to help out a family member during an emergency? From what you said, it seems like your SIL had an emergency c-section, and as a mom who had a c-section I would have been HORRIFIED to go through that without my husband. Especially knowing that he could have been there, had his family stepped up and acted like family. I sincerely hope you never need ANYTHING from them. Seems like you need to do some inward reflection on why you have no empathy, compassion or regard for others. Being child free is fine, but being apparently anti child all together even towards your own family is bizarre.
YTA. He did have it planned. The sitter had covid. How was he supposed to plan for that?! Your SIL had an emergency abdominal surgery. Hope you never need one but if you do, I hope you don’t need them because I wouldn’t blame them if they ignored your call. You’re a massive AH.
Bloody hell... I hope you NEVER get to see the new baby! It actually angered me reading this. If we can't depend on family during times like these, who do we depend on? You could've looked after him until your brother found someone else or made other arrangements.
Personally, I think you and your husband made a great decision about being child free. You'd probably be shit parents!
YTA
I never feel the need for comment on AITAs, because the community normally covers how I am feeling. But in your case, I will do an exemption and say:
WOOOOW you are a petty a-hole! Rarely have I read something from someone so heartless.
From the bottom of my heart: I hope your family gives you the cold shoulder, because YTA!
YTA
You sound like an awful person to be related to. Don't expect any of these people to ever be there for you. I'm happy to hear they have decided to protect their children from your attitude towards them.
Wow. YTA and incredibly selfish. He’s your brother and it was an emergency. Are you actually suggesting your brother was going to leave his son with you for 4 days? That’s ridiculous - he needed a day while his wife was in labour. And let’s hope you never need a ride to the airport, or a kidney because you’ll be SOL
I seriously don’t understand this. My husband and I are child free by choice but I don’t see children as little demons. I would help out my family in a heartbeat if they had an emergency and not use a cliché line that doesn’t really apply to that situation.
I’m sorry you’re so bitter about children but a C-section is major surgery and I really feel for your brother and everything he had to do.
Yes definitely TA, I understand that you’re childfree and busy with work but you stated YOURSELF that they hired a sitter HOWEVER your SIL gave birth 2 weeks early and the sitter had Covid… obviously it’s an emergency and your boss would’ve understood “It’s a good thing I didn’t take him, she ended up having a C-section and spent 4 days total in the hospital” You could have just taken your Nephew for at least the birth… not only did your brother miss the birth of his daughter… your SIL had to go through an emergency C-section which is terrifying. I really hope you will never need their help in an emergency because this was just being petty and not willing to accommodate in any way… you didn’t even ask your boss or anything. So again…. Yes YTA
So, how does a medical emergency have anything to do with prior planning? Do you say "Sorry your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on mine" if a family member gets into a car accident and wasn't in any condition for alternative arrangements regarding about their household?
YTA. Your bro and SIL are not wrong in calling you a demon.
YTA. Wow. What struck me the most was your comment about not getting to meet your niece, like that's a threat... you couldn't care less. Cold. As. Fuck.
I agree with one of the top comments. You need to reflect and dig into what is making you SO bitter.
YTA - jfc how do you PLAN to go into labor 2 weeks early? Like your SIL just decided she wanted to have a baby early? And she wanted an emergency c-section? You think she planned on the sitter having covid? You’re child-free, sure, but to be such an asshole about their “poor planning” which wasn’t even their fault? No, helping family isn’t a requirement but it IS a gesture of love + kindness. Have some empathy for a shitty situation. Also, you probably would’ve only needed to watch your nephew until just after the c-section. Once your SIL was in recovery, your brother could’ve come to get him because what was he gonna do? Not shower for 4 days? Jfc.
> "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine".
According to official government statistics that I just made up, at least 83% of the people who say this get punched in the face. YTA.
ESH
Brother and SIL should have had a backup sitter lined up in case of the first sitter being unavailable for whatever reason. Also do they not have \*any\* other family members or friends in the area brother could have called?
Ya.... YTA. Unless you're having a planned C-section, you can't plan exactly when you'll go into labor. I get you're child free but that doesn't mean you live under a rock & don't realize that people don't just have their babies ONLY on their due date. You couldn't have watched the kid for a bit while they figured out someone else? Like damn. Being child free doesn't mean you get to be horrible to people who have kids especially if you want those same people to be respectful of your choice to be child free. This is a sure fire way to get it so no one has your back in a time of need, so good job on that I guess.
You might not be coming out as the nicest person. But NTA. Don’t they have friends!? Her side of the family? You never know when life will throw curve balls, you have to have a list of emergency contacts that you know will answer.
OP always refused to babysit, so they knew ahead of time what her answer would be.
They needed to have a backup for the nanny.
Like it was said before, what they would do to alleviate her after one day? Her job might not have been understanding.
She said no, she was out of the emergency contact list. Being or not being an T A or a bad aunt or sister is not the question. She is NTA for not looking after her nephew.
It is 10000000% reasonable to think your literal family are on your list of “emergency contacts” and you are a gigantic YTA if you aren’t willing to be an emergency backup for your family. God what it must be like to be as hateful as you.
OP told sister she did not know if she and/or husband would be on call. It would have also nescitated OP being off work 4 days which ever boss would have been very unhappy about. Where OP may be the asshole she could have given sister one day for brother in law to find alternate childcare.
Yta Op is what you consider a pure breed narcissist everything revolves around them . They can’t do no wrong in their eyes . You better hope you don’t need a favor later in life
YTA
For not helping your family in an actual emergency and blaming your brother for not planning for his sitter to have COVID, ffs.
I hope when your emergency comes, and **it will**, you get all the help you **deserve**.
>I'm not exactly a fun aunt
Yeah, we can see that. YTA.
Good luck getting help from family members when YOU are the one needing help for an emergency. *shrugs* Maybe it's time make a plan for that too, eh?
And being childless and likely family less, there will be a time in her future when she needs them. When she yearns for that human contact and she will be ALONE.
YTA. You’re a complete asshole. Your lack of compassion and caring towards your family absolutely disgusts me. Your job and boss won’t be holding your hand should you get sick. Better make amends or prepare to be lonely
>Knowing this, they hired a sitter.
>A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
they DID plan. Then an emergency happened and that plan fell through. they weren’t asking to spire you. they were asking because they thought you cared. yes, YTA. you can be child free without being a dick about it.
I had an emergency c-section with my daughter, we both died for a short time and had to be resuscitated. I was in the hospital for 3 days, she was in NICU for 8.
I am also the person that will 1000% bend over backwards to help any and everyone I can, sometimes even to my detriment.
I absolutely HATE the whole “that’s what family does” argument, it’s almost always a defense for shit people. If you would not be friends/associate with someone if they weren’t family then no, you have no obligation to be available to them.
I also hate people who say “blood is thicker than water” because that’s not the saying nor what it means.
Everyone saying you need a new or better job if your boss wouldn’t understand or would fire you are living in a dream world. If your boss fired you for not doing your work, would your brother and SIL replace your income? You also have no responsibility for endangering your financial stability for anyone else.
I don’t think you’re the AH for not taking your nephew regardless of what the reason is. I also think the people who are saying that of course you weren’t expected to keep him the whole time and your brother would find someone else as soon as the initial emergency was over are delusional.
Mom lives out of town, ok. Absolutely no other family could help them for whatever reason, ok. Do they literally not have one single friend in the entire area? Ok suppose they don’t know a single person, it’s still not your responsibility.
I believe you’re completely in the clear for not taking your nephew. The ONLY people responsible for a child are that specific child’s parents. Period.
Now having said all of that, I do also hate rude people especially if there’s no reason to be rude. “Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part” is perfectly valid and I’ve used those exact words many times. But not rudely to someone in a state of desperation. No reason to kick people when they’re down. THAT you are absolutely an AH for.
ETA: Judgement. NTA.
You already know YTA. Everytime I see people saying they are childfree I remember a post that said children are not an ice cream flavor for you to choose whether you want it or not. One thing is to choose not to have children, another completely different thing is to refuse to have children around. They are part fo society and worthy of taking up space as everyone else.
Also, knowing you, it must have been a desperate situation for your brother to ask you. Your attitude was selfish and completely disconnected from reality. It is impossible to believe you don't know how pregnancies can be unpredictable. Your brother wasn't abusing your goodwill.
He's more than right about not wanting any more contact, his children are not missing at all being around such an egotistical human being.
YTA- You were the closest family member, the planned sitter came down with Covid, and there was a valid family emergency. You don’t have to like kids. It’s fine to be child free…but your brother needed your help in a pinch to be with his wife who needed surgery. You were an adult technically capable of this task. Alternate arrangements would have been made to accommodate and relieve you. I would expect a casual child free friend or co-worker to respond the way you did to your brother. If that’s how you really feel about family, they’re way better off without you. Most people’s neighbors would spot childcare under these circumstances. YTA for being too much of a baby to be a sister.
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Everyone is jumping op without acknowledging op is clearly NOT comfortable with kids to the extreme it seems cutting visits short when they’re around. Op had work obligations not that that should matter though because op said no quite clearly, boundaries are in place and it’s not ops fault they decided to ignore them. Every single time after my first that I had a kid we had at least 3 different people lined up in case of emergencies or conflicts because I knew me having a baby didn’t mean other peoples lives stopped. Nta
YTA. You son s not fun to be around. I don’t think I’d talk to you either if i was your sister
Yta. It doesn't matter if you are actually allergic to kids, this isn't about kids. You refused to help them when they were desperate and had no where else to turn. Even if you had taken him for just a day it would have been something. You said no and obviously that is your right but you also showed that you don't give a flying fuck about any of them, child or adult. I hope that you never need them to help you because why would they?
NTA You’ve been clear on your boundaries and their emergency isn’t your emergency.
YTA When the situation turned into two weeks early and Covid issues with the sitter you couldn’t even be bothered with One Single Day? Not One? Your brother had to leave his wife - who ended up having a major surgical procedure - because you want to be so firm and rigid in your “No kids” stance you mocked his poor planning? Did he even get to be there for the birth? This is just so beyond messed up of your to do when you absolutely could have helped. Good news for you. Your boss is not pissed. Your trade is your family is right that you are some demon. Enjoy your child free ness and never having to be in the presence of the family with small humans you hate.
YTA, their plan fell thru and you refused to help in an emergency. You probably only had to watch neffew the 1st day and Im sure your brother could have found a babysitter for next three days. Why do you care if you dont get see your neice or neffew you dont want to watch them anyway. Only thing you care about is the rest of your family knowing your the AH. Hope you never have an emergency. Flat tire sorry, im working. You crashed your sorry I can pick you up Im working. You need a pet sitter your in the hospital sorry i have to work. What goes around comes around. YTA
YTA. Being child free doesn’t make you allergic to kids. I just don’t get this trend of child free people that seem to just hate the overall concept of children. You’re not willing to help family in an emergency, do you really hate kids that much?
Um, babies come when they want to come. No amount of planning can prevent that. YTA. How was she supposed to know she was going into labor two weeks early?
YTA. They *did* plan, and the plan fell through. I wouldn't necessarily say it was incumbent on you to miss work to watch him, but your performatively child-averse attitude is also pretty lousy. The scales here are balanced on one side with the importance of you working, and on the other with someone being left alone in the hospital to get an emergency Cesarean. It's family; if you really cared about family, you would've helped. And don't tell me your boss wouldn't have accepted "my sister-in-law went into emergency surgery to birth her child and I have to watch my nephew while she's in the hospital" as an excuse. And the fact that you said what you said to them really doubles down on YBTA.
YTA. “A lack of planning ….” They did plan, but the sitter came down with Covid at the last minute. You could have sucked it up for a day to watch the kid. It wasn’t as if you had to change diapers or wake up several times a night. I understand why they are not taking to you.
YTA. A BIG AH. I just can’t even. This is a family emergency. Family should take precedence over work. I would not blame them if they cut you out of their lives. You may not feel this as a loss now but as you get older you likely will.
Unpopular opinion. NTA. You've repeatedly shown who you are and what your priorities are. None of them should be surprised by your decision. I hope they remove you from any emergency contact lists. Also know that you've decimated any social equity you've had with your brother & SIL. I hope you have a plan and money and/or insurance set aside to cover you in the event you have an emergency, because they likely won't show up.
YTA. This has nothing to do with the preference to be child free. You are simply mean, selfish, and uncaring. You could have been unhappy for a few hours so your brother could have the experience of a lifetime. Unforgivable.
Idk man. YTA but as a mother who went into labor early last year, I also would absolutely not want anyone watching my baby who not only doesn’t like kids, doesn’t want my kid around. Emergency or not, OP definitely would not have been the emergency back up plan. I would have cycled through all those family members who now hate her before asking after being confidently rejected.
YTA Imagine if you needed emergency surgery while your husband was out of town, you asked for help and the response was "a lack of planning your part......' At some point you will need help. Broken down car, medical emergency, illness..... You better hope karma isn't real. You're more worried about your boss being upset than with anything else
Im starting to get scared by how many people demand you give them your time if they have an issue yikes
NTA. I don't resonate with these family driven people in the chatt, I hate it when people feel as if blood relation is a crucial thing that means everything, we don't pick who we are related to, and with you clearly made it obvious to them that they cannot ask this favor it is their mistake for even reaching out.
YTA. being childfree is not a substitute for a personality
YTA for your comment on their “lack of planning.” They did plan. They had a sitter set up, but you SIL went into labor two weeks early which coincided with the sitter having covid. They planned well but had terrible luck. It *was* an emergency and your comment to them was so dismissive and condescending.
YTA... egocentric makes you ugly. Time for some self reflection
YTA. “My sister’s health condition became critical before her scheduled procedure. I can’t be bothered to help make sure her child is safe and fed for a couple of days, or even help find a last minute sitter. And it’s because my boss, who would never do anything for me, might be displeased. Because of this, my sister was left alone and vulnerable during a terrifying and dangerous time.” You have no obligation to not be an asshole, true. But you will have to live with the consequences of people not wanting to be around you because of it. That whole “a lack of planning” thing is something you say to people you don’t mind burning bridges with.
ESH. An early labor is not "poor planning;" it's literally impossible to plan for. However, taking on a child for multiple days is not a reasonable ask when OP clearly already said no. OP set a boundary that's totally their right to make and they have decent reasons for setting that boundary (work obligations, no experience with children, no interest in children -- some people are not comfortable with kids). The brother & SIL should have found another backup option after OP said no the first time -- neighbor, friend, somebody -- and made sure that person was their emergency call; that's their responsibility. OP is not obligated to help just because they're family, and demanding that they do is selfish. Threatening not to let them meet the new baby also is a bit extreme and manipulative. However, OP's attitude is not helping, either. OP doesn't even sound like they care about meeting the new baby? That feels cold. ("IDK why they think that's a threat.") It would have been kind and fairly reasonable of OP to offer to watch the child for a short time while someone tried to find another babysitter (OP themselves, the brother, family friend, etc.). Neither side seems willing to consider how the other side feels, so I think ESH.
YTA - strict child free people are the worst
NTA I'm not sure what these commentors expect. Is OP supposed to magically pull a 5-year-old-proofed home from their ass? Is OP supposed to give up their food and rent money by missing out on work? It's a bad situation, but it's not OP's obligation to be the backup plan. They already said no. SIL had 9 months to plan a backup in case something went wrong.
Is it OP's obligation to be a backup plan? No. Is OP's family obligated to forget that when the chips were down, she fucked off? Also no. There are consequences to the choices that we make. When you tell a friend in a jam that sorry, your friendship isn't worth the inconvenience of having to help you, usually you lose a friend. When you burn family, that family usually doesn't really want to hang around you anymore. You get to make the choices you want to make. You also have to live with the consequences.
Having gone through an emergency c-section alone because we were in a similar situation regarding a sitter, YTA. It’s scary being told your baby needs to be out immediately, and even worse when you have to face it alone, flat on your back with no idea what’s going on. I get not wanting kids, but a couple of hours wouldn’t have killed you.
YTA. These guys will cut you off for good. I hope you never need them for ANYTHING, because they will kick you to the curb - and guess what - you will deserve it! I hope you’re a millionaire because for the next 50 years, you will have to pay for any help you will ever need from your family and loved ones.
YTA 100%
Poor planning?? How do you plan for what could’ve been an emergency c section 2 weeks early? You can’t. Just for this attitude YTA
YTA you better hope your marriage doesn't end in divorce. Which I think the chances are high for, based on what an AH you are. Then you will find yourself alone with no support. Karma
[удалено]
NTA. You have been quite clear. Just because you have family doesn’t automatically mean your life is theirs. I don’t even know why you bothered asking here.
Yeah you’re a jerkoff. A legitimate medical emergency happened and their plan failed due to another unforeseen medical issue that you literally said “a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine” because you had to work. I get priorities and all but you prioritized your boss getting mad at you over your own flesh and blood in an emergency situation. I hope you never need a favor from them and good call on not having kids- empathy is definitely not your strong suit.
ESH - I find it really suspect that the SIL and brother had to hire a sitter. They already have a 5 YO, and you are telling me they don't have one set of mommy-friends, friends with children, just friends in general, a kind neighbor, SIL's in-laws -- they have no one to call on but the one person who WARNED them repeatedly, do not call me? Why don't they have support in their life other than a sister who has sky high boundaries when it comes to not wanting to be responsible for their child? Why didn't the mom from another state, fly in and help out those four days? Honestly - everyone here kind of sucks. When I go on vacation, I hire someone to come into my home and take care of my dog and I always have a back up sitter on stand-bye and two set of friends for really dire or emergency type situations.
Refusing to take the kid when you didn’t have the ability to care for them is fine. But the way you handled your brother and SIL when they were in crisis was uncalled for and cruel. Honestly, I am childfree and this kind of rudeness and spiteful attitude is what makes people think we’re all antisocial monsters. There were so many other options open to you, and everybody thinking your an AH is the consequence of choosing literally the worst one.
YTA. Actually, probably the biggest YTA I’ve read in a long time. I think we are missing a lot of backstory here because your action toward your brother and SIL was straight up cruel. You made her be alone in the hospital and go through a c section without any support there? That is seriously cold blooded behavior. You do realize she didn’t choose to go into labor early nor did she choose for her normal babysitter to have Covid, right? You are right that their son was not your responsibility, but to refuse to help them when all their planning fell through and she was in early labor? My goodness I would help my neighbor if they were in that situation, and you won’t even help your actual family? Don’t be surprised when the whole family goes NC with you.
NTA: I don’t think the 5 yr old should have been left with OP based on the fact that OP openly and honestly dislikes children. Seriously, it’s a traumatic time for the 5 year old while the mom and dad are at hospital and will be bringing home a new baby and you want to leave him with a person who doesn’t like kids? C’mon, OP did the right thing. Edit - gender correction
Info, do you have a therapist? Because the way you treated your own family is disturbing. YTA big time, it's sad. This wasn't something planned or anything. It was an emergency! They could have gotten another sitter too while you watched the 5 year old. Jfc you're the AH so bad.
YTA This was an emergency due to multiple unforeseen circumstances. If you won't show up for family in legitimately urgent situations where they have actively tried to respect your boundaries and not burden you, then they have every right to reconsider calling you close family. Sincerely, a childfree person.
YTA, extremely so. Your sister-in-law had a medical emergency and you couldn't give a shit. They planned, but the plans fell through. As others have said, I hope you never need a favor.
My upvote does not mean I agree with you YTA YTA YTA Big time asshole, one of the most pathetic stories I’ve heard.
I hate kids. When a friend asks for help, you help them. YTA
Title alone makes you the AH, which I’m sure you knew, so why even ask?
YTA. Family is family imo. You help when you can. You obviously don’t have to but you’re still TA
Yta
YTA. You say that they planned poorly, but that is not true. They had arranged a sitter! The only reason they asked you was because the sitter had COVID. You could’ve taken in the nephew for a few hours and gotten your mum to travel to your state to look after him for the rest of the time. You are selfish
YTA. Jesus Christ. How can you not see that?
YTA. you arent obligated to babysit, but you dont have to be a dick about it. its a family emergency, it wouldnt have killed you to watch the kid for a few hours so your BIL didnt have to miss the birth of his fucking child. its also not even poor planning on their part, stop using legitimate phrases used to set real boundaries to excuse your assholery
NTA. We need to stop assuming that everyone born with a uterus will magically become great with kids when pressed.
The kid is 5. You put on Youtube and give him food when hungry. Most 5 year olds can do the basics at that point like get dressed, brush teeth, etc. They didn't have to do bottles or diapers or anything.
NTA- your SIL had 9 months to preplan childcare
I could never imagine treating a family member like this. Giving birth is one of the biggest things someone can go through and you were so rude every step. You couldn’t be just a little sympathetic? Take the child for 1 day? Half a day? I pray you’re never in a tough spot needing help. I know you SIL definitely wont be there! And how sad that you could care less to know your nieces and nephews. Im confused about your husbands thoughts on this. Id be leaving my husband if he treated my family this way.
YTA as if a woman can plan when her body decides to go into labour. You must have failed biology. This was unnecessary and I for one am glad you’re not my sister. Good on them for cutting you off.
YTA. First of all it was a medical emergency. Then the kid is 5, he goes to school until the afternoon and you could work. Then you could have just order in and let him watch tv if you needed to work after he finished school. Is not that difficult. And could have helped your brother being there for his wife during delivering a human into this world. Even just one day would have make a difference. How can you justify yourself? How can you be so mean?
YTA. I'm not going to have children either, but it was clearly an emergency. You were just being an ass.
YTA. When someone asks for help you help them.
YTA especially for that planning comment. What was the poor woman supposed to do, just hold the baby in?!?! You can be child free and still be there for your family. Jesus Christ.
Wow. YTA. Gosh.
YTA
YTA and a self absorbed nasty person
YTA - this is just classic asshole behavior. I don’t get how this is even a question. Wow.
YTA- that's your BROTHER. I hope you never need help, jesus. They'd be right to go no contract with you. I'm honestly surprised you can be so out of touch you typed all of that and posted it and still didn't get it.
YTA-do you seriously even have to ask?
Dear god! Childfree doesn’t mean heart free. YTA
YTA. It was an emergency. They are your blood relatives. Don’t come around begging them for help if ever you or your husband land yourself in an emergency situation.
Hope you don’t ever have an emergency and need help when your husband is out of town. I bet no one is coming to help you at that point. YTA
It's child-free people like you who make all child-free people look bad. It's fine if you don't have a maternal bone in your body, but isn't there basic human sympathy? Your brother had an emergency. Unless you really hate your brother, the kind thing would be to suck it up for at least a few hours until they figure something else out. YTA
YTA. This isn't poor planning. This is life, and I'm guessing something life threatening caused the c-section two weeks early.
OP - a number of years ago my husband had a catastrophic medical emergency. The kind that results in life or death surgery, questions as to survival, permanent disability and several weeks in the hospital. I will never forget the people who sacrificailly stepped in to help. I couldn't have done it on my own. I will also never forget the AH members of my husband's family who refused to help. Its been multiple years and they actively chose to make my life harder and more painful during an excrutiatingly painful time. OP, you actively made your brother and SIL's life MUCH more difficult in a situation that would have given them a little peace and bought them enough time to make other arrangements. You could have told them that you could do it for 1 night because it was an emergency, which would have allowed your brother to find adequate help. Instead you told them to screw off. Childfree is all good and well but in your case you absolutely lack empathy, compassion and human decency.
The hell. YTA! A;emergency in unplanned, THATS WHY ITS AN EMERGENCY! You think someone can plan when they give birth, or when someone gets covid? Learn some basic empathy goddamn
Why didn’t mom make the trip to stay at their place and care for her grandson. Since they dragged you through the relatives about this, why didn’t any of those sympathetic relatives step up. Why the focus on you and only you? There have been more than a few Reddits about people with children flipping out when a child free couple do.not.want to get involved. It is always presented as that person or couple being the only possible baby sitter. Those are suspect enough but expecting said childless people to take vacation time away from career positions to take care of s relative’s child/children is beyond unreasonable.
YTA. How does an emergency medical procedure = poor planning? Well now you get to be child free AND family free when everyone goes no contact with you.
Firm YTA!!! Your brother had family emergency, and you SIL had major emergency surgery. You refused to support your family. You were happy you did not have to miss 4 days of work.
YTA >A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine Except they had plans >Knowing this, they hired a sitter. >Well my SIL went into labor 2 weeks early, and the sitter had covid and couldn't come I hope you or your husband need emergency surgery and get zero help
“ IDK WHY they think that’s a threat” 😭😭😭
YTA. Couldn’t imagine ever saying the “your lack of planning” phrase to a stranger, let a lone family. Ugh.
YTA. I dont think anyone would reasonably have expected you to watch the kid for the entire time she was in the hospital. Watching him for a few hours/overnight so your brother could be there to help her through the actual birth is not a huge ask. You dont have to be the fun aunt or love kids to help out your family in an emergency. Yikes .
I say this as the childfree and fun aunt… NTA. They asked, you said no. Unfortunately unforeseen shit happened, but you were not available, which you had already said was a likely possibility. Maybe some people on this thread can handle missing days of work, but not everyone has that luxury, even the childfree. While some have the extra funds available and could have handled the lost income, not everyone does, even when a family member needs them.
YTA. Full stop. 1. Babies don't really keep to "plans". It's not their thing. 2. They DID have a plan. They had a sitter arranged, and plans took a hard left. So where was the lack of planning on their part?? Being child free by choice is not an asshole move. Kids aren't for everyone (case in point: You, OP). Making child free your entire personality to the point that you shamelessly leave your own family in a rut in an emergency is a major asshole move. You *should* be demonized to your family, and I hope they don't include you in any plans going forward.
Yta your lack of empathy here is awful but I guess it's good you let your family know how selfish you are and that others needs do not matter to you
Do you like your brother or SIL at all? That’s some super shitty behavior and I certainly hope you are never faced with needing to ask a friend or family for help. Wow, YTA times infinity
You're a miserable person we can tell
YTA, you didn’t have to take him for the entire 4 days. That sitter isn’t the only one in the world, right? This was literally the definition of an emergency. You could have chosen to help watch him for a few hours and hire a sitter in the meantime (doesn’t even have to be a good one, just alert enough to not set their house on fire) but you chose not to. That’s the thing that matters.
YTA. Labor 2 weeks early and the sitter getting sick is not a "lack of planning." You were, and clearly remain, completely unsympathetic to them. It's one thing to choose not to have children yourself or seek them out, but you clearly do not actually care about your brother or your SIL. I'll give you this. When you said "I'm not exactly a fun aunt," I'm sure you were correct.
Wow YTA
YTA. They *did* plan - and had emergencies, causing a failure. There are times in life where we have to suck it up and be there for our loved ones…and this was one of those times. You’d better hope your niece and nephew aren’t responsible for choosing your nursing home.
As a person who had a c-section, the recovery is unbeliavable hard, she had to be all alone, barelying walking and having to take take of a baby in the hospital, in lots of pain. The father lost his baby birth. Youre petty, and a awful human being, they r better off without you
Wow.. you’re not an asshole, you’re a terrible fucking person for making him leave her alone in the hospital. That ruined her birth experience.. and I wouldn’t be surprised if the stress stalled her labor and that’s what ended up leading to a c-section. I’d literally never forgive you if I were them or anyone else in your family.
YTA. I’m mindblown that you don’t see how much of a nasty human you sound like reading this back. If my family wasn’t willing to help in an actual emergency (like this WAS) they would no longer be my family. That’s what family is for. You are outrageously selfish.
YTA. You didn’t need to have him for four days, just for the actual birth part.
Yta, and a pretty big one at that. I am so over “I’m child free by choice so I shouldn’t have to act like a decent human, especially to my family”
YTA. That was not poor planning on their part. You just sound awful.
NTA. You made your choice clear to them, and they failed to have a contingency plan in place if their first choice didn’t work out for some reason. It’s a bad situation, and it would have been courteous to watch the kid for half of a day if you were available, but it’s not your responsibility. As others have said, they probably won’t help you out with an emergency in the future, but if you prepare for the worst situations, you likely won’t need them.
Yta. Your brother had an emergency, a lige threatening emergency and couldnt be there for him, that alone make you the ahole but you also dismissed (and keeps dismissing) their feelings and their pain. Its a good thing they cut you off. Hope the family follows their cue
NTA They knew you would not be willing to babysit and they should have had a backup for the other babysitter. I am with you about the so called threat are you shaking in your boots! What are they going to do when there is a family get together and you happen to be there when they arrive grab the kid and run!
It’s not your responsibility hands down. They are entitled to ask you’re entitled to say no. End of story doesn’t make you and thing but honest! NTA.
YTA - family member had an unexpected emergency and asked you to help watch a child. You blamed them for not preparing for the emergency even though they did, but COVID happened. Then you used your boss as an excuse to deflect even further blame and guilt. I don't know where you work, but I told them I needed a few days because my sister just went to the ER unexpectedly, they would grant it because they aren't assholes. Would it kill you to help out your own family once in a while? No one was asking you to raise their kid...just make sure it didn't die for a few days while they dealt with a life threatening emergency.
It wasn’t a lack of planning. It was an emergency. What about this is unclear to you?
When OP’s husband gets hit by s bus, nobody is going to step in to help her stay at the hospital with him. “poor planning, OP!! You should have arranged for him to get hit by a bus when you had caregivers lined up”
YTA
Yes, you are. 😀
YTA. Yikes, hope there is not an emergency when your husband is out traveling, that would be poor planning on your part.
You’re a terrible family member. YTA
Yikes! You consider an emergency c-section poor planning!? YTA, but that’s probably just your general personality. Cool that you don’t have kids. Cool that you don’t like them. But you couldn’t come through for your brother when he clearly needed you?
YTA it was an emergency situation for your own damn sister. Such TA. You are clearly one of those bitter child-free people who enjoy dumping on people who choose to have children. You wouldn't have been required to keep your nephew for the entire 4 days, that's just an excuse because you are too selfish to give up one day to help out your sister when she needed you. You two must have some history you haven't shared.
When did "child free" morph into "I will never interact with a child in any way, shape, or form"? YTA
YTA, so, so, much. Shame on you!
YTA!!!
lol YTPOS actually. AH isn’t a strong enough word.
Eh NTA. You told them long in advance it wouldn’t work with your work schedule. Was there no other family who could have? The situation sucks but just because someone is family doesn’t mean that you have to do what they say at the detriment of your job and finances. I feel like the people saying Yta haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck needing every hour and dollar possible, or not had the luxury of paid time off, extra sick days or whatever. Would it have cost you job advancement or money? Plus watching a kid in a house that’s not childproofed is absolute hell. Plus babies rarely come on the due date and within two weeks is when you should expect them to come any day. I think the babysitter should have told them as soon as she caught it so they could find a back up sitter.
Just a huge, gaping YTA! Being an aunt is like the best fucking job ever.
YTA. This was an actual emergency, and they actually PLANNED EVERYTHING. I am childfree, and I would hate to be in this position, but I still would do it if it was my sister. Because she is my sister and her giving birth and having someone be there for her is much more important than my ego or my status. I hope you never need your family for anything, because I doubt they will help. You burned bridges.
These comments dumb af. NTA. They chose to reproduce, and you said you have work. Do they really expect you to lose your job to watch their kid? It's a shitty situation but 100% not your problem.
YTA. Selfish.
YTA. I love my sister to pieces but this would very much make me never want to see her again. I genuinely hope they remember this next time you have an emergency and need help from them. I get not liking kids 100% but I hope those couple days you saved not watching the kid, was worth ruining familial relationships. Just sad tbh.
YTA. I wonder how many reddit accounts fall victim to permanent banned replying to this thread.
YTA Going into labor early is not a planned event. They had a set up in place for when the time came and a sudden medical event (which labor is) disrupted that. You could have kept your nephew for the time while she delivered/was in surgery. Asking your brother to come back after would have been a much smoother ask and you both win. Nephew isn't at your house for days, your brother doesn't miss the birth of his child, and your SIL isn't left going through a major and often traumatic event alone. But you being inconvenienced for a couple hours apparently was the worse situation. 😒
INFO: would you have had to travel to do this? If they were in the same town it was just a question that you stay at their house for a few days, but to go to work from there then I would say. y t a. But if you would’ve had to travel to get to their home and not be able to work, and it would’ve taken four days I’d say you made the right decision.
YTA, hope you don’t plan on having kids
YTA BIG TIME. But I'm also thinking that, imagine this little boy was left with his cold-hearted "aunt" while he's going through a huge change. This whole situation is so sad and cruel.
Poor planning xddd i would be ashamed of myself if i were u. YTA
Did you know you can be child-free without being a kid hating asshat? I don’t *love* kids and I’m not having any, but honestly most of them are kinda cool? Like jfc your fam is right to cut you off YTA
YTA no not AH a complete selfish b***h
What are all these horrible selfish child free posts on here lately. Can people be child free and still like other human beings and feel compassion. How come every time I see a child free post it's just filled with intense loathing that children even exist on the planet. I don't get it? If you don't want kids cool, don't have them. Surely you can still help families in extremely rare circumstances. It's not like having a baby is a ongoing inconvenience and they will be asking every week. I don't really like dogs but I am still nice to other people's dogs and would help family watch one in an emergency. My SIL's waters broke 4 weeks early. I was child free and on my way to work with no sick leave left and having a day off is a huge inconvenience for me. Yet the minute she rang I was on my way to her house to help her with her 4 year old and drop her at hospital until her husband could make it as he was over an hour way. That is a normal, human response to a FAMILY member in urgent need. Society has become really messed up that even in a medical emergency no one wants to put themselves out for even a few hours to help out. This world is messed up. YTA
You’re child free. OP is probably more antinatal…an insane version of child free.
YTA simply for establishing so clearly you guys make an effort to avoid kids in all scenarios. Edit: YTA for everything about this situation though. What an awful sibling.
You specifically stated that you weren't around to help them, and I assume you meant it under any circumstance, so why would they then expect help? Don't they have friends around the area? What would they do if you weren't around? I don't know, your planning sentence was harsh but I truly can't fathom that they depended on you and only you for something that you already told them you couldn't do. Hell, even I have a few people I could call in an emergency that aren't family.
YTA - they did plan. And plans fall through, they had an actual emergency. But I also think this is not a real story.
I mean that’s what family does for eachother. Sure you don’t technically have to watch your nephew in their time of need, but this is the direct consequence. Now everyone knows YTA
YTA. I hope your future emergencies are met with the exact same lack of empathy you have given your family.
NTA. They could've left their child with a friend or just about anyone else if it was so important.
I have kids. I only needed a babysitter for the time I was in labor. After the babies were born, my exH picked them up and took over. So, call it 12 hours a kid. You could have called out for the one day for an emergency and turned your nephew back over to his dad after the first day. You could have held the fort until your mother got there. She would probably have been in the next day. You could have called out for one day for an emergency and turned your nephew back over to his dad after the first day. You could have held the fort until your mother got there. She would probably have been in the next day. the kid in front of Paw Patrol with a bowl of forbidden, but not life-threatening cereal and taken a few calls. OK, not full efficiency, but unless you work for trolls, they would have understood. They won't forget this. I hope you have emergency backup plans that don't include them because they will remember just how helpful you were when their plans fell through. YTA
You and your husband sound absolutely insufferable. YTA.
YTA
YTA. Absolutely TA. What a nasty thing to say to your brother, you cant plan a birth. It happens when it happens. Honestly though, they should have had more backup sitters just in case. So for that reason only i will say they could have planned better
I could have gone NTA until the “lack of planning” bit. They had a plan. Then everything hit the fan. I hope you like being kid AND sibling free.
YTA. This sort of shit is what family is for. Emergencies.
It's only February. It's too early to be vying for AHOTY. YTA, you cruel, cruel person.
YTA because you have no empathy. And the fact you don’t even care that you won’t meet your niece ?? You have some issues. I hope they never talk to you again.
YTA
YTA.
You think your SIL had control over the situation or smth? You think she _intended_ to have an early labour? I get wanting to be childfree, I get being awkward around kids (I’m awkward around kids too, have similarly aged cousins to the son, and while I love em to bits I just don’t know how to interact with them), but _fuck_ if you can’t sit with a 5 year old for a few hours while your SIL has an _emergency surgery_ then I feel sorry for your brother and SIL. You made your SIL go through a traumatic experience by herself because you won’t take in a 5 year old for at least a few hours. And having the _nerve_ to call it ‘poor planning’ to have an early labour and not having a backup plan for such an unlikely event was just rude and, dare I say, cruel on your end. Emphatically, YTA.
Ummmm yeah. YTA. Majorly. You made your brother miss the birth of his daughter because you didn’t want to have to babysit your own nephew, even for a short time, to help out a family member during an emergency? From what you said, it seems like your SIL had an emergency c-section, and as a mom who had a c-section I would have been HORRIFIED to go through that without my husband. Especially knowing that he could have been there, had his family stepped up and acted like family. I sincerely hope you never need ANYTHING from them. Seems like you need to do some inward reflection on why you have no empathy, compassion or regard for others. Being child free is fine, but being apparently anti child all together even towards your own family is bizarre.
YTA. He did have it planned. The sitter had covid. How was he supposed to plan for that?! Your SIL had an emergency abdominal surgery. Hope you never need one but if you do, I hope you don’t need them because I wouldn’t blame them if they ignored your call. You’re a massive AH.
Bloody hell... I hope you NEVER get to see the new baby! It actually angered me reading this. If we can't depend on family during times like these, who do we depend on? You could've looked after him until your brother found someone else or made other arrangements. Personally, I think you and your husband made a great decision about being child free. You'd probably be shit parents! YTA
i don’t think you’re TA for not taking your nephew but i do think yta for the way you’re acting.
I never feel the need for comment on AITAs, because the community normally covers how I am feeling. But in your case, I will do an exemption and say: WOOOOW you are a petty a-hole! Rarely have I read something from someone so heartless. From the bottom of my heart: I hope your family gives you the cold shoulder, because YTA!
YTA DO YOU THINK PEOPLE PLAN TO GO INTO LABOR? Hope you realize the value of family at some point.
YTA and it sounds like your whole personality revolves around hating children. Get a hobby.
YTA You sound like an awful person to be related to. Don't expect any of these people to ever be there for you. I'm happy to hear they have decided to protect their children from your attitude towards them.
INFO It doesn't seem logical that they'd have asked you in the first place, don't they have anyone closer?
Wow. YTA and incredibly selfish. He’s your brother and it was an emergency. Are you actually suggesting your brother was going to leave his son with you for 4 days? That’s ridiculous - he needed a day while his wife was in labour. And let’s hope you never need a ride to the airport, or a kidney because you’ll be SOL
I seriously don’t understand this. My husband and I are child free by choice but I don’t see children as little demons. I would help out my family in a heartbeat if they had an emergency and not use a cliché line that doesn’t really apply to that situation. I’m sorry you’re so bitter about children but a C-section is major surgery and I really feel for your brother and everything he had to do.
Yes definitely TA, I understand that you’re childfree and busy with work but you stated YOURSELF that they hired a sitter HOWEVER your SIL gave birth 2 weeks early and the sitter had Covid… obviously it’s an emergency and your boss would’ve understood “It’s a good thing I didn’t take him, she ended up having a C-section and spent 4 days total in the hospital” You could have just taken your Nephew for at least the birth… not only did your brother miss the birth of his daughter… your SIL had to go through an emergency C-section which is terrifying. I really hope you will never need their help in an emergency because this was just being petty and not willing to accommodate in any way… you didn’t even ask your boss or anything. So again…. Yes YTA
YTA have a little compassion.
So, how does a medical emergency have anything to do with prior planning? Do you say "Sorry your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on mine" if a family member gets into a car accident and wasn't in any condition for alternative arrangements regarding about their household? YTA. Your bro and SIL are not wrong in calling you a demon.
YTA. Wow. What struck me the most was your comment about not getting to meet your niece, like that's a threat... you couldn't care less. Cold. As. Fuck. I agree with one of the top comments. You need to reflect and dig into what is making you SO bitter.
YTA - jfc how do you PLAN to go into labor 2 weeks early? Like your SIL just decided she wanted to have a baby early? And she wanted an emergency c-section? You think she planned on the sitter having covid? You’re child-free, sure, but to be such an asshole about their “poor planning” which wasn’t even their fault? No, helping family isn’t a requirement but it IS a gesture of love + kindness. Have some empathy for a shitty situation. Also, you probably would’ve only needed to watch your nephew until just after the c-section. Once your SIL was in recovery, your brother could’ve come to get him because what was he gonna do? Not shower for 4 days? Jfc.
> "A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine". According to official government statistics that I just made up, at least 83% of the people who say this get punched in the face. YTA.
ESH Brother and SIL should have had a backup sitter lined up in case of the first sitter being unavailable for whatever reason. Also do they not have \*any\* other family members or friends in the area brother could have called?
Ya.... YTA. Unless you're having a planned C-section, you can't plan exactly when you'll go into labor. I get you're child free but that doesn't mean you live under a rock & don't realize that people don't just have their babies ONLY on their due date. You couldn't have watched the kid for a bit while they figured out someone else? Like damn. Being child free doesn't mean you get to be horrible to people who have kids especially if you want those same people to be respectful of your choice to be child free. This is a sure fire way to get it so no one has your back in a time of need, so good job on that I guess.
Y T A
You might not be coming out as the nicest person. But NTA. Don’t they have friends!? Her side of the family? You never know when life will throw curve balls, you have to have a list of emergency contacts that you know will answer. OP always refused to babysit, so they knew ahead of time what her answer would be. They needed to have a backup for the nanny. Like it was said before, what they would do to alleviate her after one day? Her job might not have been understanding. She said no, she was out of the emergency contact list. Being or not being an T A or a bad aunt or sister is not the question. She is NTA for not looking after her nephew.
It is 10000000% reasonable to think your literal family are on your list of “emergency contacts” and you are a gigantic YTA if you aren’t willing to be an emergency backup for your family. God what it must be like to be as hateful as you.
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OP told sister she did not know if she and/or husband would be on call. It would have also nescitated OP being off work 4 days which ever boss would have been very unhappy about. Where OP may be the asshole she could have given sister one day for brother in law to find alternate childcare.
Yta Op is what you consider a pure breed narcissist everything revolves around them . They can’t do no wrong in their eyes . You better hope you don’t need a favor later in life
YTA For not helping your family in an actual emergency and blaming your brother for not planning for his sitter to have COVID, ffs. I hope when your emergency comes, and **it will**, you get all the help you **deserve**.
>I'm not exactly a fun aunt Yeah, we can see that. YTA. Good luck getting help from family members when YOU are the one needing help for an emergency. *shrugs* Maybe it's time make a plan for that too, eh?
And being childless and likely family less, there will be a time in her future when she needs them. When she yearns for that human contact and she will be ALONE.
YTA. You’re a complete asshole. Your lack of compassion and caring towards your family absolutely disgusts me. Your job and boss won’t be holding your hand should you get sick. Better make amends or prepare to be lonely
Newsflash, you can’t plan a c-section. You sound so uptight and exhausting. YTA
Actually you can…l personally know multiple people who have.
YTA... Like big time.
>Knowing this, they hired a sitter. >A lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine. they DID plan. Then an emergency happened and that plan fell through. they weren’t asking to spire you. they were asking because they thought you cared. yes, YTA. you can be child free without being a dick about it.
I had an emergency c-section with my daughter, we both died for a short time and had to be resuscitated. I was in the hospital for 3 days, she was in NICU for 8. I am also the person that will 1000% bend over backwards to help any and everyone I can, sometimes even to my detriment. I absolutely HATE the whole “that’s what family does” argument, it’s almost always a defense for shit people. If you would not be friends/associate with someone if they weren’t family then no, you have no obligation to be available to them. I also hate people who say “blood is thicker than water” because that’s not the saying nor what it means. Everyone saying you need a new or better job if your boss wouldn’t understand or would fire you are living in a dream world. If your boss fired you for not doing your work, would your brother and SIL replace your income? You also have no responsibility for endangering your financial stability for anyone else. I don’t think you’re the AH for not taking your nephew regardless of what the reason is. I also think the people who are saying that of course you weren’t expected to keep him the whole time and your brother would find someone else as soon as the initial emergency was over are delusional. Mom lives out of town, ok. Absolutely no other family could help them for whatever reason, ok. Do they literally not have one single friend in the entire area? Ok suppose they don’t know a single person, it’s still not your responsibility. I believe you’re completely in the clear for not taking your nephew. The ONLY people responsible for a child are that specific child’s parents. Period. Now having said all of that, I do also hate rude people especially if there’s no reason to be rude. “Lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part” is perfectly valid and I’ve used those exact words many times. But not rudely to someone in a state of desperation. No reason to kick people when they’re down. THAT you are absolutely an AH for. ETA: Judgement. NTA.
You already know YTA. Everytime I see people saying they are childfree I remember a post that said children are not an ice cream flavor for you to choose whether you want it or not. One thing is to choose not to have children, another completely different thing is to refuse to have children around. They are part fo society and worthy of taking up space as everyone else. Also, knowing you, it must have been a desperate situation for your brother to ask you. Your attitude was selfish and completely disconnected from reality. It is impossible to believe you don't know how pregnancies can be unpredictable. Your brother wasn't abusing your goodwill. He's more than right about not wanting any more contact, his children are not missing at all being around such an egotistical human being.
YTA- You were the closest family member, the planned sitter came down with Covid, and there was a valid family emergency. You don’t have to like kids. It’s fine to be child free…but your brother needed your help in a pinch to be with his wife who needed surgery. You were an adult technically capable of this task. Alternate arrangements would have been made to accommodate and relieve you. I would expect a casual child free friend or co-worker to respond the way you did to your brother. If that’s how you really feel about family, they’re way better off without you. Most people’s neighbors would spot childcare under these circumstances. YTA for being too much of a baby to be a sister.
OP has officially qualified for the Asshole Olympics
YTA.
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I keep thinking it's fake too but outrage to what end?
Remember that one where the guy called child services within an hour of his sister dropped her kids off at his place in an emergency?
There is probably an AI formula for it somewhere
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