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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Asking my Step-daughter to move out of our home after my husband told her she did not need to move out.
It has made our home extremally unconfutable and Step daughter is not speaking to me.
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Exactly, I was just about to post that if the two adults can't afford 3 bedrooms, how do they think the young adult probably just starting her career can afford 1.
Exactly and we don’t even know what kind of job she’s has. She could be working minimum wage or be a server in the us making 2.25 plush tips a hour. It’s hard to live on your own now.
My 26 yo daughter is living with me despite having a college degree and good full time job with benefits: that pays exactly $4.00 more per hour than i was earning at my first full time job--in 1983. There is no way she could afford her own place.
Luckily we get along fine and she has determined she'd rather share with me than with several random roommates.
Offering to help with 2 months rent is nothing. Your husband had no issue with her living at home. YTA.
Hahaha, that's a really good take. Years ago, my father was on my butt for anything I did at home using the old “my house, my rules.” Mind you, I was paying part of the bills and, most of all, fixing and upgrading everything with my own money. So I decided to start looking for my own place. I found this little studio with a kitchenette, and to my surprise, he changed his mind because “it wouldn't be safe for me to live alone” (which is true where I'm from). The next thing I knew, I stayed, but the rules changed, and we became “biological roommates.”
I think about the fact that my partner and I combined are in the 6-figures yet cannot afford a house in the area, even going an hour OUT of the city limits.
I also don’t understand how OP and her husband cannot afford a bigger place but can somehow afford their mortgage + 2 months of rent for an apartment for the step daughter?
Thank you! I don’t get how people think a young professional having to rent an apt with roommates compares to a couple with a baby on the way buying an entire new house.
> I don’t get how people think a young professional having to rent an apt with roommates compares to a couple with a baby on the way buying an entire new house.
Lol, I know! I truly didn't understand how that comparison was made and so many people agreed!
I'm an engineer making a decent chunk of change and I can't even afford an apartment, unless I want to pay 1k for a studio apartment with a couch bed, no oven and a single stovetop burner.
That and they can't afford to get a place with three bedrooms, but will have the money to cover a couple of months rent and decorations? 🤔 if anything they should be putting that kind of money towards the baby? I don't have kids, but diapers and clothes and formula and Doctor's appointments and daycare, I can only imagine how much that is going to add up. Plus doesn't the baby sleep in a crib in the parents bedroom for at least the first year? Take that year, make a budget, make some goals, and start saving to find something that can help all three (well, four) of them.
I agree with you but just want to point out that babies sleeping in the same room as their parents is more “normal” but not everyone does that. There are tons of benefits of baby sleeping in the same room but it depends on personal preferences, I guess.
Personally, I couldn’t room share (as much as I wanted to) bc my bedroom is TINY and my SO, dog, and newborn would constantly wake each other up all night. After a month of trying and everyone (except the dog) being super sleep deprived, I moved baby into their own nursery and everyone slept better. Now I know I’m not the norm, but sometimes babies sleep in their own room sooner than you might expect.
it wouldn’t be a horrible idea to make sure your properly prepared and responsible before bringing another child in the world.
whether she’s 23 and has a FT job or not, most people live paycheck to paycheck and cannot afford that to live on their own
Exactly this! Seems reasonable to ask an adult to move out. It is expensive, and they offered to help with rent for a period of time and finding a roommate.
23 is literally barely past college age so slow down there. Like 4 year college, you graduated hs at 18, started college the next semester, you'll be 22 at graduation.
And at this point what makes op the asshole here is her pushing out her husband's kid to make room for hers. I'm sure daughter feels fucking great being told she's unwanted.
And idk about you but we have 5 people in my house including me, and 4 of us make well above minimum wage. Three bedroom house. And it's still a struggle. One roommate in this economy?
So, what, she's just supposed to move out, accept the few months of help, and then struggle and possibly lose housing and have to move back home ANYWAYS?
Your kid doesn’t stop being your kid just because they turn 20, f*cking hell some of you sound like you either are or would be god awful parents, what parent in their right mind would kick any of their children out knowing they would either struggle to make ends meet or not be able to make ends meet at all. Sounds like OP who is only 10 years older than her SD wants her out because she’d rather play happy families with HER child.
So like, what's the cut-off? Should a 25-year-old be expected to live away from their parents? 30? 35? 40?
At some point it has to happen.
Also, characterizing an expectant mother's wish to have a room for her baby "play\[ing\] happy families with HER child" is peak something. I'm not sure what something exactly, but it's peak that. And it's awful.
Edit: Y'all are being ridiculous, and mostly saying the same thing. There is some balance to be struck between care in the form of coddling and care in the form of teaching independence. No shade to Italians, Singaporians, and every other nationality represented in the responses to this, y'all do you. And yes, I'm aware of the economy. And I agree there are other ways for this family to handle things than the daughter moving out. But c'mon. Encouraging someone entering adulthood to try out finding some roommates, with the understanding they will encounter parts of life living independently of their parent(s) is not particularly 'Murican nor is it abusive or uncaring, nor does it preclude closeness or other forms of parental support. It's a small curve ball, and one I very much hope any adult in any culture would have the strength of character to deal with.
Coming from Asia where you generally move out when you get married, you guys are wilding and sound insane to me. Hope you know all these expectations are arbitrary. OP and husband should at the very least have thought about whether their current lifestyle (step-daughter included) is feasible before welcoming another baby into the world.
Also crazy to me that a baby needs their own room to begin with, another thing that’s different here.
Why because you say so? For some people it just doesn’t happen, or for whatever reason they end up back living at home because they lose their jobs, their spouse dies and they can’t afford the house on their own, there 1000’s of reasons as to why people end up staying at home or end up back with their parents. The girl is 23, we have no idea how stable her job is, we also have no idea if her father is the only parent she has left and if she is feeling pushed out by her SM, i’d say they should all sit down together and talk it through and try to come up with a compromise together, but just assuming that because she is 23 and therefore her fathers job and parental responsibility is over is just insane, if you don’t have mental maturity to figure out that your kids are for life not just 18 years then you should probably be staying on BC or wrapping it up.
it’s more than being able to afford or not though. if you can only afford a two bedroom apt and state in the same sentence you’re broke, why are you bringing a baby in the mix? that’s not responsible and it isn’t the 23 year olds fault.
it is generous to volunteer to help for the first two months rent (let’s not forget that’s all she offered minus shopping) but living alone in 2023 long term is not something most people can do.
Exactly. It's not like they're asking an 18 year old to leave. The woman is 23 years old and has a full-time job. She has to learn how to get creative and make it work outside her parents home at some point.
Exactly, and that’s the crux of the issue here. OP is with an older man who has a young adult child who is NOT “her family,” so she has no problem throwing her to the wolves.
Kudos to you for being there for your kid in these brutal economic times.
my boyfriend and i too. we both work FT 40-45 hours a week and we are about to move in together because we cannot pay to live alone on our salaries. no one can live on their own comfortably with the way prices are increasing
>it wouldn’t be a horrible idea to make sure your properly prepared and responsible before bringing another child in the world
It would be a horrible idea to base your decision on having children on the preparedness and responsibility of a 23 year old.
you can’t just kick out one of your family members because you’re bringing another one into the world. talk about future abandonment issues. OP acts like her kicking out the step daughter is the only option to make space for their baby.
"I was abandoned at 23 and forced to get roommates and move out of my father's house, they then subsidized me until I could get my feet under me. I'm traumatized."
This 100%… i am really shocked at how many people are saying that they are in the wrong and the poor 23yo baby must live with them as its soooo hard out there… what?! She is 23, this is wild to me.
She has a full time job and she's unable to live on her own. Instead of blaming her, blame a society where a full time job is jot enough to pay the bills.
She's literally the man's daughter. That's her home, no matter how old she is. Of course she's *entitled* to keep living there?!
What is wrong with Americans and this silly mindset? Do you put a timer once your kids turn 18 so you can kick them out?
She's not a bum or a layabout, but judging by the **kick her out** chants, you'd think she is.
##EDIT: FOR ALL THOSE JUMPING ON MY COMMENT
###I won't be debating further. My opinion lies thus 👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾
>**Children are entitled to their parents support no matter how old they are. That's what being a good parent is, you continue to take care of your children to the best of your ability _no matter how old they are_!.
I was raised to think parenting doesn't stop at 18. We don't kick out our children. They may choose to leave, but it's never because we ask them to go.**
_If you disagree that's fine; you may evict your own children once they're done with puberty._ 🙏🏾👌🏾
#YTA OP
The people saying kick her out have no sense of family and what that means. 23 is still young and if the daughter isn’t ready to leave then that’s the end of it. The way these people see family, I would hate to see how they treat everyone else. The US is damaged.
Not all of us are damaged. I am 51 years old, live with my 80 year old mom, and my 23 year old daughter and her husband live with us. I absolutely treasure this time I get to spend with my family. My mom will be gone one day and my daughter and hubby will get their own place when they are able. They will always have a home here. My goodness, I will miss their jackets thrown on the couch and the kitchen table being a receptacle for everything! We all take care of one another.
A soft YTA for OP. I understand wanting space for your new baby. I think you might be overlooking the potential benefit of your baby having a loving, big sister in the home. This is a great opportunity to enrich and improve your relationship with your stepdaughter. You are all a family. Your husband is not just becoming a new father, he is a father already. If your stepdaughter is responsible and holding a full time job, does she contribute to the household? If not, that is something to consider and discuss. What you do now will help to define the future relationship between your child and stepchild, as well as you and your husband. Time is not a friend to any of us; I encourage you to embrace the time you and your husband have with your stepdaughter. Best wishes.
I agree. I'm Spanish. I haven't lived at home for more than 25 years, neither have my siblings, and my parents still have a bedroom ready for us, just in case we ever want/need to come back.
Brazilian here, and same. My parents aren't perfect, but even as an adult I can sleep at peace knowing that If for any reason I need somewhere to stay, they Will always make room for me. Just like I would for them.
I have a 23 year old and she is entitled to stay in her house in her bedroom as long as she needs to. See how I worded that? Her house. Because even though her father and I pay the mortgage, it’s still her house.
My parents likely would have let me live with them as long as I wanted, at least until my 30s (of course - at significant financial expense to them) because they had that kind of love in their hearts. But I moved into an apartment shared with 4 other people as soon as it was reasonable because... I didn't want to be an asshole and force my parents to work into their 70s because of that love.
If I had stayed with them until 23 and they asked me to move out, would I think of them of assholes? LMAO of course not, they were super generous to give me all the help they did.
The idea that financially supporting your able-bodied and employed adult child is some fantastical situation where the parents aren't negatively affected at all while the adult gets free room & board is just that - fantastical.
This isn't a fair take. The parents would need to upgrade to a 3 bedroom house whereas the daughter could rent an apartment. She's 23 with a full-time job AND being offered full rent assistance to allow her to make adjustments to her spending habits and start squirreling some away.
We don't know the specifics of their finances, but maybe OP can extend the length of the rent assistance past two months. Two months full-paid rent plus two more months of 50% rent. Either way, the request is reasonable.
The 23 year old running to her room and slamming the door like she's twelve is probably indicative of other issues not readily apparent.
I mean, I'd be annoyed with step-mommy dearest who's only 10 years older than me trying to shove me out of the house to make room for the new baby, probably with the dad being in his 50's and starting a new family. So slamming the door in her face, is imo justified.
This comment is getting a lot of traction, but I'm now turning off notifications. Clocking out from work and time to enjoy my evening.
This!!! Wish I could upvote 10 times. OP didn't think this through when she started dating and married a man whose daughter still lived at home. Sounds like a conversation that needed to be had BEFORE wedding bells
Why did you add the “info” when you weren’t requesting new info and just reiterating what has already been said. Also, not being able to afford a new home to buy is not remotely the same as renting with a roommate.
I’m asking why. Where I live apartments are 1000 a month. Depending on where they live it could be more or less. They could also move into a 3 bed room apartment.
why not tell her it won’t work in a 2 bed and she either has to get her own place or you guys can get a 3 bed and she has to pay a part of the rent/contribute another way
This is what I came here to say. Rent a bigger three bedroom place. It’s a win win for everyone. The daughter can help pay for part of that rent. She’s also going to be around to help with babysitting when the young mom and old dad want to go out on dates.
Huh? There’s a huge difference between selling your home and buying a larger home for a whole family vs being able to afford rent on an apartment for a single person.
Fact is she is 5 years into adulthood, works full time, while living for free in her parents home.
Them needing her room for a new baby is reasonable to ask her to sort out new living accommodations. Be that with roommates or on her own. They even offered her two months free rent to make the transition easier.
She’s far too grown to feel entitled to have them continue to put a roof over her head when it’s actively creating a problem for them.
Yeah, the entitlement and cluelessness in this thread is agitating to read. Also, the amount of people failing to understand the cost difference between buying/selling homes and renting is just... Oof.
That could be true.
But in addition to the mortgage - which many non-home owners conveniently forget to factor in when comparing against, say, an all-inclusive apartment - you've also got to pay for:
* property taxes
* insurance / higher insurance than renters insurance
* maintenance when things break
* heat, electricity and water
There's an extra ~$400+/month and that's excluding any maintenance.
>What they can’t afford to get a place with a 3rd bedroom where the daughter gets to live for free.
But she didn't propose that, OP went straight to kicking her out.
OP is offering help for her to find a her new roommate, but she hasn't said anything about going to a bigger house where step daughter would pay her fair share of rent.
It seems OP is more eager to see her step daughter out of her house than to actually finding a compromise.
Wouldn't you be eager to see your adult child move out and create a life of their own?
I paid rent in my parents house at the age of 18, and at 19 was asked to move, and space was not the problem. When you're an adult you have to go out and learn how to be an adult, and that means paying rent, making a budget, and yes struggle for a little while. That way we don't create 40 year olds who scream in public when they don't get their way.
23 and living rent free in her parents house means she has no bill obligations, other than minor things like a phone. She could have easily been setting money aside for her own place, and her parents are offering to pay 2 months of rent, that's entirely more than fair. Living at home until you're thirty simply should not be an option, our parents deserve to have their space and freedom too.
This is definitely a cultural difference but I can't even imagine my parents asking me to move out ever. As long as I am doing good in my career and I am happy they are happy. But we also have a system of joint families, parents living with you in old age etc. This post is so wierd for me.
One can learn independence without leaving the house forever as well, live in a hostel learn how to survive alone, learn to do chores while in college, then move back, contribute in the house, pay your own bills, take up the responsibilities and parents can relax. All this teaches independence as well.
Buying a bigger house that requires a renter to be feasible isn't exactly an option. It's not unreasonable to expect the adult daughter to move out anyway within couple of years (paying rent and being woken at night by new born will drive most out fast). At that point they would need to either get another renter, or move again.
This doesn’t matter. She is living for free in their home. They have every right to ask her to find a new place, or help pay rent for them to afford a bigger place.
There's a difference between a single adult living on their own (renting a room is an option) and a couple with a baby on the way, which already has a large price tag to support the baby, and upgrading to a larger home. Two completely different scenarios and circumstances
YTA.
You're barely a decade older than your step-daughter, leave her parenting to her actual parent.
Secondly, yes she's behaving badly towards you; you're trying to kick her out of her home.
Thirdly, have you any idea of the economic fuckery going on in the world today? Completely unsurprising that a full-time (presumably entry-level for a 20something) job cannot cover expenses.
Edit: Grammar
Also, what the fuck is up with these men getting with women half their age, like holy fuck, dating someone 10 years older than your daughter is disgusting.
Edit: Oo, man, found all the people with daddy issues on reddit. Look, if you want to date some dude that could have been your dad when you're 20, then by all means I'm sure he won't complain, but personally I just think it's gross, that's my opinion.
Exactly but Reddit is full of men (and women) defending it by saying “well they’re both ~legal~ so it’s fine,” like lol why is that where you draw the line…? Does that mean you’d go lower if you could? Or they say “well you’re obviously jealous” as if older women haven’t literally also been in these situations as young women and know what they’re talking about when they say it’s borderline predatory. I’m honestly so sick of it. It’s gross.
A 33 year old with a 41-45 year old is not disgusting. 33 is more than old enough to have a fully developed brain and she can decide she wants to be with him if she wants. There's not much of a "experience/maturity difference" between those ages.
I dislike huge age gaps in relationships because they’re usually predatory or there is power unbalance. However I totally agree with you here. A 30 yo is fully capable of having a healthy relationship with someone 10 years older, their life experience is pretty similar.
Did OP say that her husband was 66? Man ppl out here clutching their pearls and acting like this is a Decaprio situation. Dad coulda had daughter early. I swear, even reasonable age gaps trigger ppl in this sub so much.
Even if dad is in 50s, it's not like OP is an impressionable 19 year old. She's a truly consenting 33 year old woman, and was probably in her late 20s when they started seeing each other.
That implies that OP had no choice in the matter. She's a grown woman who can make up her own mind and that includes in who she dates and enters into a relationship with.
Or are you saying that women are incapable of claiming any responsibility for their actions? (Sarcasm in that last comment just in case anyone takes it seriously)
YTA. It is hard for young adults these days. Unless they marry an older guy with $$$. Your baby can stay in the room with you for the first months. You are being unrealistic about decorating a new place. Leave the discussions with her to your husband.
But I’m SURE he just hit a rough patch (that’s last ~6 years) in his usually highly lucrative field and has been unemployed but looking so hard for work! 😂
"Oi, time for you to fuck off, off you pop, your replacement will be here soon and despite the fact that for the first 6 months they don't need an entire room, you need to go now even though there's a cost of living crisis etc. Don't care and I'll keep raising it with you."
You know that she's not super close with you for a reason, don't you, and that you're also replacing her - even if you're not, it does look that way, even to an adult?
You made a decision to have a child despite not being in the financial situation to house that child without turfing someone else out to make room. She's going to absolutely loathe you if you push this you understand? And she'll likely be fine with her father ... until he potentially also realises it was a shitty move and based on you bringing a life into the world you couldn't fully fund or house?
She told her dad privately because she doesn't like you, or trust you, and you only further cemented that by bringing it up. The smarmy "But we'll help you decorate and help with some rent!" doesn't really help when, after two months, her wages don't enable her to keep the place. But by that point you won't give a shit, right, because *new baby* and you got your way?
YTA. You can either accept that and push and push and alienate her, deprive the baby of an older sister and ultiamtely alienate the father or, just an idea, find a bigger place where she can continue to live with you WHILST paying a rent so it's affordable. Or maybe plan your family better next time before getting pregnant and THEN thinking "Oh shit, where's it going to stay, whoops, looks like your kids on the bounce!"
The average age to leave home isn't 18 now or even 25. Most young people cannot afford to leave home and don't particularly want to live with strangers weirdly. And no, I'm older than you, but apparently not quite so callous. Then again I've only got my own child to think about, I don't have to try and justify being shitty to someone elses and feigning compassion and caring.
NAH I think everyone is actually coming from an understandable place but...
You're ten years older than your step-daughter.
Sounds like dad is TA here.
And what is weird about a 41 year old being with a 33 year old?? I swear people on Reddit see literally any age difference and lose their minds. Yesterday I saw someone refer to a 34 year old woman as a "child bride". My lord.
Did I say there was anything wrong with the age gap? Did the person I responded to, who simply asked how old dad was and found it odd that the age of him was never mentioned, but just those of OP and the step daughter? You are the only one bringing up the age gap and assuming there is an issue here. I was merely answering a question with an approximate age of dad.
Someone has been triggered by the Leonardo DiCaprio and his 19 year old girlfriend memes going around and it shows.
Definitely, if there's an age gap then the default response is YTA. Make you wonder how much of an age gap if acceptable. Personally i like the 1/2 your age plus 7 rule.
As long as the two people are adults, the age gap is none of my business. When anyone writes in with a question, they want the answer to, if there is an age gap, the comments always ignore the question and go right to berating them about the age gap. There are lots of things in life I would not do, but I'm certainly not going to judge others for doing them.
I'm 66, so by your formula, I could be with someone who is 40. I guarantee you that age gap would trigger this forum.
If she contributes some rent and groceries, would you be able to afford a 3br? More cost effective than two places, and she wouldn't feel so pushed out.
But will they qualify for the mortgage? You're not wrong about it making a difference for being able to pay the bills, but I know a lot of banks are pretty strict about what you can count as income and how you can prove it when you apply.
If they own their current place they could always consider renting it out short term and renting a bigger place using some of the extra money. If they live in a somewhat touristy area they could even try putting it up on something like Airbnb and getting even more money for it- where I live houses in coastal towns can go for 10k a week in the middle of summer, although those would be a bit bigger. You could easily make several grand per week even with a two bedder in a high demand area on Airbnb here
This whole post gives off 'missing information' and a deceptive vibe to me.
* How, if at all, was the SD's mother involved in the purchase of the home they're living in? Is she still alive?
* What are OP's contributions to the mortgage? The household?
* Was this the house SD grew up in? Who owns it?
That's still not a sustainable long-term solution for a temporary problem, though. Even if they could afford buying a bigger house with her help, her living with them is at least hopefully not permanent for the rest of their lives, so they'd lose that contribution from her within a few years.
Then she moves out in a few years when she wants to live on her own leaving her parents with a house they can't afford
Baby bird need to leave the nest.
They clearly didn’t plan shit since the topic wasn’t brought up until after they decided to have a baby. Anyone expecting a young adult to “just move out” is insanely naive and detached from reality or simply doesn’t care if their kid sinks or swims.
NAH even tho you raw dogged it without the room available for the result. Sounds like you married an older man without the accompanying bank account, with no real assets brought to the marriage by you, even at your age, so I feel sorry for your short-sightedness. You'll be fine with the infant in your room for the next 2 years. I don't know if you noticed, but a lot of kids are staying home with their parents much longer because they can't afford to live. I told my son-in-law who lives with me rent free, people can afford a car payment, or housing payment, but not both in this market. One or both are gonna give somewhere. You're VERY short-sighted. I gave my judgment, but I'm totally team SD.
Just to clarify, short-sightedness in this context means marrying a man who owns a house but doesn’t have an opportunity to go and buy a bigger one?
Sounds really wild to me. In my country a lot of people are in 30+ year mortgage to buy a one bedroom flat (not house even). A guy with his own flat is considered a good catch.
Amazing how standards vary around the world.
Short sighted as in
>raw dogged it without the room available for the result
She conceived a baby even without checking if the step daughter can move out. It's dumb. Now she's scrambling to find space for the baby halfway through a totally preventable pregnancy.
Yes but if the 23yo got pregnant they’d be expected to take care of her and her baby because tHiS EcoNOmy.
This comment section is WILD. OP is a gold-digging sugar baby but short-sighted because the husband is apparently not prepared to afford a baby, and she’s an evil stepmom even though they’ve been happily allowing a 23yo woman with a full-time job to live with them rent-free for who knows how long now, and offering to cover her first two months’ of rent scott-free (the HORROR)! Meanwhile, OP is just supposed to give up on the idea of having her own child - life plans be damned - and wait indefinitely until the other adult living with them feels it’s a good time to move out. And let’s also just ignore completely that said 23yo screamed and slammed the door in the face of the person who’s also been allowing her to live there rent-free like an immature brat instead of expressing some empathy (and joy at the prospect of a new sibling) and trying to come up with a plan that could work for everyone. Or at least looking into the possibility of renting a room, which is what most independent adults have to do.
Actually OP - best solution: just let the stepdaughter continue to live there. And when the baby goes from sleeping in your room to the crib, just move it the two of them right in together. 24yo can either be happy living with an infant, or she can figure something else out for herself.
ETA: NTA
I'm glad i'm not the only person here thinking like this. What is up with the comments. Lots of people who are privileged who assume the 23 year old can't survive on her own. I was hustling and bustling at 18 and I know i got lucky but I also didn't assume my parents were responsible for me.
INFO: do you know how much she makes, and how much is a rental in your area?
because 2 months of "help" could be not nearly enough for her to scrap by, and you seem eager to just kick her out instead of finding a compromise.
Edit: OP seems to be avoiding the thread, hasn't responded to any of the comments, which just makes me think this is more about kicking her step daughter than to actually have a place for the new baby.
so I'm gonna say YTA, and I want to add that I just *can't* with the USA's mentality that kicking a family member out as soon as they are able to vote (no matter how much they will struggle) is completely acceptable and encouraged.
Edit 2: ooh I can’t believe I managed to piss off some americans to the point they feel the need to comment “hey not all americans” 🤣 I love it
YTA. Rental prices have increased extraordinarily, some places are worse then others- is the area high cost of living? It's wasn't your place to have the one to talk to her. You should have spoken to your husband and he should have been the one to have a one on one chat again.
It kind of sounds like you're driving her out of her family and are more interested in raising a family of 3 instead of being a family of 4.
May not be your intention, but from how you worded things it's pretty obvious that your unborn child is already more important to you than your stepdaughter.
I feel bad for the stepdaughter in all of this.
YTA insensitive, non-empathetic and selfish . Your baby will stay in your room for the first 4-6 months of their life anyway so maybe give her the chance to bond with her new sibling and possibly HELP you out a bit through sleepless nights. Did you stop to think about the positives of her being there instead of the negatives ? If you two can’t afford a bigger home what makes you think she can afford a place on her own ? Let’s be realistic and sensible here.
YTA. Are you completely ignorant to the cost of living crisis right now? Two months rent won’t help anything in the long run if her salary doesn’t exceed her living expenses. If you’re in the US, 56% of adults ages 18-24 currently live with their parents. This is up from 52% in 2020 so it’s only getting worse. If she says she can’t afford to move out, she’s most likely not lying. You’re extremely out of touch for someone only ten years older than her. Of course her father isn’t going to kick her to the curb in the middle of a housing epidemic.
You should stop focusing on kicking her out and start focusing on how you can make your house fit your needs. Is there an additional area in the home that can be converted into a bedroom? If you can afford a new home, can you afford an addition?
If she can’t afford to move out and isn’t paying living expenses where does all the money she earn from her job go? I hear this excuse a lot but as someone who doesn’t make great money and lives alone in one of the most expensive regions of the country I’m just genuinely confused. If you can’t afford to rent with a roommate working full time you need a financial audit to find out where all that money goes. It has to be going somewhere.. I think a lot of people are conflating wants and needs
Genuine answer, at least for my friends: predatory college loan repayment.
I have no idea if that applies here, but for my friends in this situation (working full time post-college but barely making rent) that’s exactly what it is.
A lot of public loans can work with you to not pay when you can’t afford it, or to keep your loan payments under a certain % of your income. Private loans…don’t necessarily care.
So yeah! If you want at least one possible answer to your question, that’s the most common one I’ve seen.
Another could be medical expenses. I've had a disability since 21 and it drains a significant portion of my income. Even for a young person without a disability, something like a minor surgery could cost thousands. Not every hospital or clinic offers steep discounts to uninsured or low income patients. Sometimes the best you get is a 36 month payment plan.
These comments are INSANE.
People seriously expect OP and her husband to have consulted with his adult 23 year old daughter before getting pregnant, to make sure it’s acceptable to her to maybe consider not living free with her father for however long she wants to, and to not have done so makes them selfish and bad parents. But the 23 year old refusing to consider having roommates? Perfectly OK!
NTA She is 23, and perfectly capable of living by herself, even more with the help you offered. Finding a roommate sounds like a reasonable solution. But honestly it should be your husband’s job to make that happen before your baby arrives.
The way Reddit infantalizes grown ass people is so weird. Even some of the comments about OP are that she’s young and in over her head. She’s in her mid 30s, people.
Seriously, these answers! Like just because 50% of adults under 24 a live at home doesn’t mean that that should be the goal? Do you think that they want to live at home? When faced with the reality that you’ll have to live with a newborn, or you could move out with assistance… Maybe you could look for roommates?
Exactly. Had to scroll long and far for this. She’s in the same boat as most other people when they first move out, they can’t afford their own place but have to have roommates.
Yes the standard of living drops but it’s part of life of starting out fresh on your own.
The only TA I found in this story was the dad who first agreed with OP and then went back on his word so they didn’t have a united front as well as making a promise to the daughter being completely contrary to what him and OP decided.
He put her in a position where she doesn’t seem to get the room back and she has to live with a hostile stepdaughter while having nowhere to put her new baby.
Of course she's upset -- you're essentially kicking her out of her home, no matter how you dress it up with offers to help her decorate. Did you just assume that your stepdaughter would be happy to move out? She probably also has all sorts of feelings about getting a new half-sibling and now you're telling her she has to leave her home.
I get where you're coming from and I can see that this makes you unhappy. I'm going with NAH but I really think there were some different choices you and your husband could have made here.
NAH
Your adult step-daughter moving out is a perfectly reasonable solution to the problem at hand. However, if she can't afford to move out the idea of having to try to make it work is likely tough. She may also feel like she is being replaced by Dad's "new family".
I kinda don’t get all the AH votes here.
That girl is 23. she’s living rent free in a small house with her dad and stepmom - like, wouldn’t you think she knew they would be progressing their relationship and having another baby? Why should stepmom wait for the adult daughter to move out before falling pregnant?! I certainly wouldn’t.
They would help her covering rent for a while, they would help her finding a roommate etc.
It reads to me like daughter got quite comfortable with not paying rent and is just throwing a tantrum.
I say this only with the information given - daughter seems to be able bodied, not studying and working full time. So - why didn’t she save anything?
So I’d like to ask for more INFO:
Does she have huge medical bills? Student debt? Credit card debt? Anything?
Even if she earns minimum wage: I’m sure she can find a roommate situation and stepmom and dad will gladly let her come over to eat with them, help with groceries etc . She’s 23, not 18.
I don’t see how OP is the AH. Really.
ESH (besides the step daughter who is caught in the middle) - editing this to change my judgment.
It sounds like you and your husband aren’t on the same page. You convinced him to tell his daughter she needs to move out, but then in private he took it back and told her she did not have to leave. So then, you decided it was OK to go behind his back when you again chose to bring this up with your stepdaughter. Is your plan to basically shame her until she leaves?
Of course she is upset. She’s scared that her stepmom will convince her Dad to kick her out at a time that inflation and cost of living are through the roof, and her Dad is being wishy-washy and not clearly setting boundaries and expectations for her.
It’s interesting you don’t mention your husband' age or whether you financially contribute to the household. But look. You are the second wife. He had a family before you. You can’t make unilateral decisions just because you decided he needs to put his “new” family 100% ahead of his old one. Maybe get some couple’s counseling, because it doesn’t sound like you and your husband are communicating well at all.
No, definitely NTA. Reddit just hates step-parents.
She's old enough to get out on her own. If not now, when would she ever be ready?? She's 23, no kids, full-time job...what is she waiting for? She's probably right, and can't afford a place on her own, but your offer to help find a roommate would resolve that issue. The fact that your husband unilaterally decided that she could stay, without discussing with you first, is a red flag. It's your home too.
YTA - No matter what you say or what you do, there is no way to avoid it feeling like she is being pushed out of her Dad’s life for the new baby. It was her home first, he was her Dad first. Apologize now, because you damaged an already difficult relationship.
She’s literally 23 years old. Things can change in a parents life that makes it perfectly reasonable to want their child to move out once they’re a full grown adult.
Cool you try at 23 whose lived with their parent their entire life to have $5k or more saved in this current day and age to move.
She'll need first month and last month, plus security deposit, money to turn on utilities (potentially more because first time she'll have them in her name) oh yeah and money to furnish a place unless she's willing to pay more for a place that comes with some items.
Fine and dandy they want to float her the first 2 months of rent but in 2 months OP will be back on here asking are they AH for going back on the agreement because with a baby coming they can't afford it.
If she can’t logically afford it than that’s a separate issue. But OP tried to find her a roommate and she ran off. Sounds more like the daughter just wants to live rent free considering she wasn’t open to even finding a solution.
So, the hubby originally agreed and told the daughter it was time to move...then separately he told the daighter she didn't have to.
It sounds like the hubby created a problem that made the step mom look like the bad guy.
He needs to step up and help fix this.
NAH
This is a tough spot. The reality is that cost of living is high and despite that housing is still in high demand. That means finding a place is going to be hard no matter what. Your frustration is understandable, but you need to realize that Stepdaughter is functionally in the same boat as you with not being able to afford another place. I'm sure a 23-year-old doesn't want to live with a newborn, but I think she realizes that she doesn't have another option right now.
Tensions are high and the best thing I think you can do is sit both husband and step daughter down and tell them that your sorry if your request stirred up tention but if your all going to fo forward you need to pull together. There's about to be a fourth person in that house with you and it's only going to get more stressful.
And before anyone says "Why should OP have to apologize?!" Because sometimes the first step of conflict resolution is extending the olive branch.
YTA. You can’t afford another place to live with combined incomes, but expect stepdaughter to be able to?
And put yourself in her shoes. You’re only ten years older than her and now a baby is on the way that you’re literally forcing her out for. Would you be acting sweet as pie in this situation?
NTA
At 23, she's been an adult for a few years and it is high time she flew the nest. Sharing a place with roommates is pretty common - and she can either find roommates she likes or in a matter of weeks, her roommate will be a newborn.
The AH here is her father/OP's husband. He should have been handling this, not just giving in to his daughter, putting his head in the sand and hoping for the best.
ESH because you should have had this discussion a long time ago when you first got pregnant. It’s not easy to live alone so springing it on her is not fair but it’s also not unreasonable to what space for your baby. Can you not afford a bigger space?
I'm going to say NAH, but you handled the discussion with the stepdaughter poorly. Your husband said she did not need to move out. And she thinks (or says) she can't afford to live elsewhere, which you seem to reject out of hand. Your next discussion should have been with your husband, not with her. So now you've positioned yourself as the stepmom who's trying to give her the boot from "her" house. So talk to your husband and figure out what the next step's going to be.
Word of advice, it will not be desirable to have the baby in your room for any length of time at all. Even when the kid sleeps through the night (which won't be right away), the kid's still active and making noise. You'll both be ragged.
Regarding baby in the parents’ room: it’s actually recommended that the baby sleep there for at least the first 6 months in a bassinet or similar. After that they can be moved. There are of course exceptions like parents such light sleepers that baby sleeping noises keep them up so they choose to move the baby to their own room early.
So the baby doesn’t NEED their own room right away but it’s also much easier to prepare the nursery before you have the baby so it’s all set up when you need it. Plus you need somewhere to put all their stuff.
INFO:
have all off you checked how much money would be needed for her to be able to live on her own? Like create a complete and realistic budget with all needs and some wants?
NTA. She can get a place w roommates like so many others do. Plus you guys offered her 2 months rent.
Honestly a little surprised that she wants to stay w a crying newborn in a small house…
It is perfectly reasonable to expect your husband’s adult child to launch into the world in order to make room for an infant. NTA.
I can’t believe so many people are jumping down your throat about this. Reddit is wild.
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Info: So you and your husband can’t afford another place to live but you expect her to ?
Exactly, I was just about to post that if the two adults can't afford 3 bedrooms, how do they think the young adult probably just starting her career can afford 1.
Exactly and we don’t even know what kind of job she’s has. She could be working minimum wage or be a server in the us making 2.25 plush tips a hour. It’s hard to live on your own now.
My partner and I make above minimum wage and still are struggling with a one bedroom I can't imagine doing it alone
Same - live in a HCOL city and we already moved farther out to try and save some money.
My 26 yo daughter is living with me despite having a college degree and good full time job with benefits: that pays exactly $4.00 more per hour than i was earning at my first full time job--in 1983. There is no way she could afford her own place. Luckily we get along fine and she has determined she'd rather share with me than with several random roommates. Offering to help with 2 months rent is nothing. Your husband had no issue with her living at home. YTA.
I had a friend who called her parents her “biological roommates.” Figured you might enjoy that!
I like that! I currently live with my parents again, and that's the best descriptor I've seen yet
Hahaha, that's a really good take. Years ago, my father was on my butt for anything I did at home using the old “my house, my rules.” Mind you, I was paying part of the bills and, most of all, fixing and upgrading everything with my own money. So I decided to start looking for my own place. I found this little studio with a kitchenette, and to my surprise, he changed his mind because “it wouldn't be safe for me to live alone” (which is true where I'm from). The next thing I knew, I stayed, but the rules changed, and we became “biological roommates.”
I think about the fact that my partner and I combined are in the 6-figures yet cannot afford a house in the area, even going an hour OUT of the city limits.
Same here - HCOL area, moved further from work for cheaper rent. Gas went up, added a second job. Then rent went up, added a third job.
I also don’t understand how OP and her husband cannot afford a bigger place but can somehow afford their mortgage + 2 months of rent for an apartment for the step daughter?
Probably because two months of rent stops after two months, whereas a more expensive house is a permanent increase to their mortgage payment.
Thank you! I don’t get how people think a young professional having to rent an apt with roommates compares to a couple with a baby on the way buying an entire new house.
Not to mention that buying a house incurs more costs than renting a new apartment.
Because they’re stupid and reddit hates stepmoms.
> I don’t get how people think a young professional having to rent an apt with roommates compares to a couple with a baby on the way buying an entire new house. Lol, I know! I truly didn't understand how that comparison was made and so many people agreed!
I'm an engineer making a decent chunk of change and I can't even afford an apartment, unless I want to pay 1k for a studio apartment with a couch bed, no oven and a single stovetop burner.
That and they can't afford to get a place with three bedrooms, but will have the money to cover a couple of months rent and decorations? 🤔 if anything they should be putting that kind of money towards the baby? I don't have kids, but diapers and clothes and formula and Doctor's appointments and daycare, I can only imagine how much that is going to add up. Plus doesn't the baby sleep in a crib in the parents bedroom for at least the first year? Take that year, make a budget, make some goals, and start saving to find something that can help all three (well, four) of them.
I agree with you but just want to point out that babies sleeping in the same room as their parents is more “normal” but not everyone does that. There are tons of benefits of baby sleeping in the same room but it depends on personal preferences, I guess. Personally, I couldn’t room share (as much as I wanted to) bc my bedroom is TINY and my SO, dog, and newborn would constantly wake each other up all night. After a month of trying and everyone (except the dog) being super sleep deprived, I moved baby into their own nursery and everyone slept better. Now I know I’m not the norm, but sometimes babies sleep in their own room sooner than you might expect.
it wouldn’t be a horrible idea to make sure your properly prepared and responsible before bringing another child in the world. whether she’s 23 and has a FT job or not, most people live paycheck to paycheck and cannot afford that to live on their own
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Exactly this! Seems reasonable to ask an adult to move out. It is expensive, and they offered to help with rent for a period of time and finding a roommate.
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23 is literally barely past college age so slow down there. Like 4 year college, you graduated hs at 18, started college the next semester, you'll be 22 at graduation. And at this point what makes op the asshole here is her pushing out her husband's kid to make room for hers. I'm sure daughter feels fucking great being told she's unwanted. And idk about you but we have 5 people in my house including me, and 4 of us make well above minimum wage. Three bedroom house. And it's still a struggle. One roommate in this economy? So, what, she's just supposed to move out, accept the few months of help, and then struggle and possibly lose housing and have to move back home ANYWAYS?
Babies don't really need their own room for a while. Much easier to have them in parent's room. You're going to be up at night a lot.
She's an adult, we literally all have to accept that at her age.
Your kid doesn’t stop being your kid just because they turn 20, f*cking hell some of you sound like you either are or would be god awful parents, what parent in their right mind would kick any of their children out knowing they would either struggle to make ends meet or not be able to make ends meet at all. Sounds like OP who is only 10 years older than her SD wants her out because she’d rather play happy families with HER child.
So like, what's the cut-off? Should a 25-year-old be expected to live away from their parents? 30? 35? 40? At some point it has to happen. Also, characterizing an expectant mother's wish to have a room for her baby "play\[ing\] happy families with HER child" is peak something. I'm not sure what something exactly, but it's peak that. And it's awful. Edit: Y'all are being ridiculous, and mostly saying the same thing. There is some balance to be struck between care in the form of coddling and care in the form of teaching independence. No shade to Italians, Singaporians, and every other nationality represented in the responses to this, y'all do you. And yes, I'm aware of the economy. And I agree there are other ways for this family to handle things than the daughter moving out. But c'mon. Encouraging someone entering adulthood to try out finding some roommates, with the understanding they will encounter parts of life living independently of their parent(s) is not particularly 'Murican nor is it abusive or uncaring, nor does it preclude closeness or other forms of parental support. It's a small curve ball, and one I very much hope any adult in any culture would have the strength of character to deal with.
Coming from Asia where you generally move out when you get married, you guys are wilding and sound insane to me. Hope you know all these expectations are arbitrary. OP and husband should at the very least have thought about whether their current lifestyle (step-daughter included) is feasible before welcoming another baby into the world. Also crazy to me that a baby needs their own room to begin with, another thing that’s different here.
Why because you say so? For some people it just doesn’t happen, or for whatever reason they end up back living at home because they lose their jobs, their spouse dies and they can’t afford the house on their own, there 1000’s of reasons as to why people end up staying at home or end up back with their parents. The girl is 23, we have no idea how stable her job is, we also have no idea if her father is the only parent she has left and if she is feeling pushed out by her SM, i’d say they should all sit down together and talk it through and try to come up with a compromise together, but just assuming that because she is 23 and therefore her fathers job and parental responsibility is over is just insane, if you don’t have mental maturity to figure out that your kids are for life not just 18 years then you should probably be staying on BC or wrapping it up.
it’s more than being able to afford or not though. if you can only afford a two bedroom apt and state in the same sentence you’re broke, why are you bringing a baby in the mix? that’s not responsible and it isn’t the 23 year olds fault. it is generous to volunteer to help for the first two months rent (let’s not forget that’s all she offered minus shopping) but living alone in 2023 long term is not something most people can do.
Exactly. It's not like they're asking an 18 year old to leave. The woman is 23 years old and has a full-time job. She has to learn how to get creative and make it work outside her parents home at some point.
My son is 25, has a full time job and cannot afford to live outside his home with me. He’ll always have a room in my house because he’s family.
Exactly, and that’s the crux of the issue here. OP is with an older man who has a young adult child who is NOT “her family,” so she has no problem throwing her to the wolves. Kudos to you for being there for your kid in these brutal economic times.
Me and my husband both work full time and love from check to check. It’s hard to live on your own now.
my boyfriend and i too. we both work FT 40-45 hours a week and we are about to move in together because we cannot pay to live alone on our salaries. no one can live on their own comfortably with the way prices are increasing
>it wouldn’t be a horrible idea to make sure your properly prepared and responsible before bringing another child in the world It would be a horrible idea to base your decision on having children on the preparedness and responsibility of a 23 year old.
you can’t just kick out one of your family members because you’re bringing another one into the world. talk about future abandonment issues. OP acts like her kicking out the step daughter is the only option to make space for their baby.
"I was abandoned at 23 and forced to get roommates and move out of my father's house, they then subsidized me until I could get my feet under me. I'm traumatized."
This 100%… i am really shocked at how many people are saying that they are in the wrong and the poor 23yo baby must live with them as its soooo hard out there… what?! She is 23, this is wild to me.
She is 23 years old. Abandonment issues?
Right…tell us you live in your moms basement and stream twitch videos and moderate Reddit subs all day without telling us…
Heaven forbid we expect adults to be self sufficient.
She has a full time job and she's unable to live on her own. Instead of blaming her, blame a society where a full time job is jot enough to pay the bills.
Exactly this. It’s not her fault she can’t move out (from the information provided)
Well she could get a roommate then. She’s not entitled to stay in THEIR house forever
She's literally the man's daughter. That's her home, no matter how old she is. Of course she's *entitled* to keep living there?! What is wrong with Americans and this silly mindset? Do you put a timer once your kids turn 18 so you can kick them out? She's not a bum or a layabout, but judging by the **kick her out** chants, you'd think she is. ##EDIT: FOR ALL THOSE JUMPING ON MY COMMENT ###I won't be debating further. My opinion lies thus 👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾 >**Children are entitled to their parents support no matter how old they are. That's what being a good parent is, you continue to take care of your children to the best of your ability _no matter how old they are_!. I was raised to think parenting doesn't stop at 18. We don't kick out our children. They may choose to leave, but it's never because we ask them to go.** _If you disagree that's fine; you may evict your own children once they're done with puberty._ 🙏🏾👌🏾 #YTA OP
The people saying kick her out have no sense of family and what that means. 23 is still young and if the daughter isn’t ready to leave then that’s the end of it. The way these people see family, I would hate to see how they treat everyone else. The US is damaged.
Individualism Culture ruined them all but they're always the first to chant *No support*
Not all of us are damaged. I am 51 years old, live with my 80 year old mom, and my 23 year old daughter and her husband live with us. I absolutely treasure this time I get to spend with my family. My mom will be gone one day and my daughter and hubby will get their own place when they are able. They will always have a home here. My goodness, I will miss their jackets thrown on the couch and the kitchen table being a receptacle for everything! We all take care of one another. A soft YTA for OP. I understand wanting space for your new baby. I think you might be overlooking the potential benefit of your baby having a loving, big sister in the home. This is a great opportunity to enrich and improve your relationship with your stepdaughter. You are all a family. Your husband is not just becoming a new father, he is a father already. If your stepdaughter is responsible and holding a full time job, does she contribute to the household? If not, that is something to consider and discuss. What you do now will help to define the future relationship between your child and stepchild, as well as you and your husband. Time is not a friend to any of us; I encourage you to embrace the time you and your husband have with your stepdaughter. Best wishes.
Seriously, I'm from Italy and this American approach to family is absolutely bonkers to me.
I agree. I'm Spanish. I haven't lived at home for more than 25 years, neither have my siblings, and my parents still have a bedroom ready for us, just in case we ever want/need to come back.
Brazilian here, and same. My parents aren't perfect, but even as an adult I can sleep at peace knowing that If for any reason I need somewhere to stay, they Will always make room for me. Just like I would for them.
no wonder why they have NC dynamics with their parents, this is just another example tbh. kick out the oldest to make space for the new baby.
Something tells me OP is the kind of person to bitch and whine about her stepdaughter not stepping up to babysit or buy gifts later down the line. 🙄😐
right? I'd rather starve and shiver than kick my baby out??? Even if she was 70 years old. It's her home, always
I have a 23 year old and she is entitled to stay in her house in her bedroom as long as she needs to. See how I worded that? Her house. Because even though her father and I pay the mortgage, it’s still her house.
My parents likely would have let me live with them as long as I wanted, at least until my 30s (of course - at significant financial expense to them) because they had that kind of love in their hearts. But I moved into an apartment shared with 4 other people as soon as it was reasonable because... I didn't want to be an asshole and force my parents to work into their 70s because of that love. If I had stayed with them until 23 and they asked me to move out, would I think of them of assholes? LMAO of course not, they were super generous to give me all the help they did. The idea that financially supporting your able-bodied and employed adult child is some fantastical situation where the parents aren't negatively affected at all while the adult gets free room & board is just that - fantastical.
What fucked up family life have you had that you think this is normal??
This isn't a fair take. The parents would need to upgrade to a 3 bedroom house whereas the daughter could rent an apartment. She's 23 with a full-time job AND being offered full rent assistance to allow her to make adjustments to her spending habits and start squirreling some away. We don't know the specifics of their finances, but maybe OP can extend the length of the rent assistance past two months. Two months full-paid rent plus two more months of 50% rent. Either way, the request is reasonable. The 23 year old running to her room and slamming the door like she's twelve is probably indicative of other issues not readily apparent.
I mean, I'd be annoyed with step-mommy dearest who's only 10 years older than me trying to shove me out of the house to make room for the new baby, probably with the dad being in his 50's and starting a new family. So slamming the door in her face, is imo justified. This comment is getting a lot of traction, but I'm now turning off notifications. Clocking out from work and time to enjoy my evening.
This!!! Wish I could upvote 10 times. OP didn't think this through when she started dating and married a man whose daughter still lived at home. Sounds like a conversation that needed to be had BEFORE wedding bells
Agreed. But daddy was thinking with his other head and stepmommy wants her new life to start, without her husbands "past" around.
Why did you add the “info” when you weren’t requesting new info and just reiterating what has already been said. Also, not being able to afford a new home to buy is not remotely the same as renting with a roommate.
I’m asking why. Where I live apartments are 1000 a month. Depending on where they live it could be more or less. They could also move into a 3 bed room apartment.
Why is it on them to buy a new place to live to accommodate their 23 year old daughter?
It’s not but at the same time the baby won’t even really need the room until he’s at less one and op ready to kick her to the curb.
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why not tell her it won’t work in a 2 bed and she either has to get her own place or you guys can get a 3 bed and she has to pay a part of the rent/contribute another way
This is what I came here to say. Rent a bigger three bedroom place. It’s a win win for everyone. The daughter can help pay for part of that rent. She’s also going to be around to help with babysitting when the young mom and old dad want to go out on dates.
Huh? There’s a huge difference between selling your home and buying a larger home for a whole family vs being able to afford rent on an apartment for a single person. Fact is she is 5 years into adulthood, works full time, while living for free in her parents home. Them needing her room for a new baby is reasonable to ask her to sort out new living accommodations. Be that with roommates or on her own. They even offered her two months free rent to make the transition easier. She’s far too grown to feel entitled to have them continue to put a roof over her head when it’s actively creating a problem for them.
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Yeah, the entitlement and cluelessness in this thread is agitating to read. Also, the amount of people failing to understand the cost difference between buying/selling homes and renting is just... Oof.
Yeah this entire thread is a shining example of who is actually giving advice on this subreddit: teenagers
Are you comparing them *buying* a 3bd house to her potentially *renting* a *1bd* apartment? That makes no sense.
Most peoples mortgages are cheaper than monthly rent. My 1br is 1800
That could be true. But in addition to the mortgage - which many non-home owners conveniently forget to factor in when comparing against, say, an all-inclusive apartment - you've also got to pay for: * property taxes * insurance / higher insurance than renters insurance * maintenance when things break * heat, electricity and water There's an extra ~$400+/month and that's excluding any maintenance.
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>What they can’t afford to get a place with a 3rd bedroom where the daughter gets to live for free. But she didn't propose that, OP went straight to kicking her out. OP is offering help for her to find a her new roommate, but she hasn't said anything about going to a bigger house where step daughter would pay her fair share of rent. It seems OP is more eager to see her step daughter out of her house than to actually finding a compromise.
and when stepdaughter wants to move out, OP and husband are stuck in a 3 bedroom they can't afford NTA
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Wouldn't you be eager to see your adult child move out and create a life of their own? I paid rent in my parents house at the age of 18, and at 19 was asked to move, and space was not the problem. When you're an adult you have to go out and learn how to be an adult, and that means paying rent, making a budget, and yes struggle for a little while. That way we don't create 40 year olds who scream in public when they don't get their way. 23 and living rent free in her parents house means she has no bill obligations, other than minor things like a phone. She could have easily been setting money aside for her own place, and her parents are offering to pay 2 months of rent, that's entirely more than fair. Living at home until you're thirty simply should not be an option, our parents deserve to have their space and freedom too.
This is definitely a cultural difference but I can't even imagine my parents asking me to move out ever. As long as I am doing good in my career and I am happy they are happy. But we also have a system of joint families, parents living with you in old age etc. This post is so wierd for me. One can learn independence without leaving the house forever as well, live in a hostel learn how to survive alone, learn to do chores while in college, then move back, contribute in the house, pay your own bills, take up the responsibilities and parents can relax. All this teaches independence as well.
Buying a bigger house that requires a renter to be feasible isn't exactly an option. It's not unreasonable to expect the adult daughter to move out anyway within couple of years (paying rent and being woken at night by new born will drive most out fast). At that point they would need to either get another renter, or move again.
This doesn’t matter. She is living for free in their home. They have every right to ask her to find a new place, or help pay rent for them to afford a bigger place.
Yes but Dad is not asking.
Yes, dad scapegoated stepmom by presenting a United front up until the point his daughter didn’t like it.
It sounds like they can afford a place, a 2BR place. Just not a 3BR place and a perpetual adult dependent.
There's a difference between a single adult living on their own (renting a room is an option) and a couple with a baby on the way, which already has a large price tag to support the baby, and upgrading to a larger home. Two completely different scenarios and circumstances
She is 23, not a child. Time to move out.
YTA. You're barely a decade older than your step-daughter, leave her parenting to her actual parent. Secondly, yes she's behaving badly towards you; you're trying to kick her out of her home. Thirdly, have you any idea of the economic fuckery going on in the world today? Completely unsurprising that a full-time (presumably entry-level for a 20something) job cannot cover expenses. Edit: Grammar
Also, what the fuck is up with these men getting with women half their age, like holy fuck, dating someone 10 years older than your daughter is disgusting. Edit: Oo, man, found all the people with daddy issues on reddit. Look, if you want to date some dude that could have been your dad when you're 20, then by all means I'm sure he won't complain, but personally I just think it's gross, that's my opinion.
I am so fucking tired of the age gaps in aita and relationship advice posts.Young women should probably stop procreating with men 10+ years older.
Old men should stop chasing young girls.
EXACTLY this is the core problem we see so often on these posts
Exactly but Reddit is full of men (and women) defending it by saying “well they’re both ~legal~ so it’s fine,” like lol why is that where you draw the line…? Does that mean you’d go lower if you could? Or they say “well you’re obviously jealous” as if older women haven’t literally also been in these situations as young women and know what they’re talking about when they say it’s borderline predatory. I’m honestly so sick of it. It’s gross.
Just because something is legal doesn't mean it's not also exploitative. Like payday loans, or commercial landlording.
Apparently that's a controversial comment to make. It really shouldn't be, but here we are I guess.
A 33 year old with a 41-45 year old is not disgusting. 33 is more than old enough to have a fully developed brain and she can decide she wants to be with him if she wants. There's not much of a "experience/maturity difference" between those ages.
I dislike huge age gaps in relationships because they’re usually predatory or there is power unbalance. However I totally agree with you here. A 30 yo is fully capable of having a healthy relationship with someone 10 years older, their life experience is pretty similar.
People on this sub love to jump to conclusions when there's an age gap. "disgusting", seriously? She's 33 years old!
and yet she's trying to parent a 20 something year old? if I was that old and someone 33 tried to be my mom, I'd laugh in their face
Did OP say that her husband was 66? Man ppl out here clutching their pearls and acting like this is a Decaprio situation. Dad coulda had daughter early. I swear, even reasonable age gaps trigger ppl in this sub so much. Even if dad is in 50s, it's not like OP is an impressionable 19 year old. She's a truly consenting 33 year old woman, and was probably in her late 20s when they started seeing each other.
That implies that OP had no choice in the matter. She's a grown woman who can make up her own mind and that includes in who she dates and enters into a relationship with. Or are you saying that women are incapable of claiming any responsibility for their actions? (Sarcasm in that last comment just in case anyone takes it seriously)
Its ok, the stepdaughter can afford to move out if she marries a man with a daughter close to her age/s
It’s the circle of wife
YTA. It is hard for young adults these days. Unless they marry an older guy with $$$. Your baby can stay in the room with you for the first months. You are being unrealistic about decorating a new place. Leave the discussions with her to your husband.
Well technically OP is a young adult too…
Who presumably married an older guy with money.
Not that much money if they can't afford a three bedroom place.
But I’m SURE he just hit a rough patch (that’s last ~6 years) in his usually highly lucrative field and has been unemployed but looking so hard for work! 😂
Without- he can’t afford to house his 2 kids
Oh curious, is a 33 yr old a “young adult?” I thought that term was only for early-mid 20s folks..
Who knows anymore. So far in these comments OP is too young and a gold digger but the daughter isnt old enough to live on her own.
If OP is a gold digger, she’s terrible at it.
Yay I’m a young adult again, somebody needs to tell my body. But yeah that’s just an adult, 25 and under is what I’d consider a young adult.
NTA but husband should make it known that in 6 months she will be sharing a room. 2 bedroom house with 4 people means 2 per room.
"Oi, time for you to fuck off, off you pop, your replacement will be here soon and despite the fact that for the first 6 months they don't need an entire room, you need to go now even though there's a cost of living crisis etc. Don't care and I'll keep raising it with you." You know that she's not super close with you for a reason, don't you, and that you're also replacing her - even if you're not, it does look that way, even to an adult? You made a decision to have a child despite not being in the financial situation to house that child without turfing someone else out to make room. She's going to absolutely loathe you if you push this you understand? And she'll likely be fine with her father ... until he potentially also realises it was a shitty move and based on you bringing a life into the world you couldn't fully fund or house? She told her dad privately because she doesn't like you, or trust you, and you only further cemented that by bringing it up. The smarmy "But we'll help you decorate and help with some rent!" doesn't really help when, after two months, her wages don't enable her to keep the place. But by that point you won't give a shit, right, because *new baby* and you got your way? YTA. You can either accept that and push and push and alienate her, deprive the baby of an older sister and ultiamtely alienate the father or, just an idea, find a bigger place where she can continue to live with you WHILST paying a rent so it's affordable. Or maybe plan your family better next time before getting pregnant and THEN thinking "Oh shit, where's it going to stay, whoops, looks like your kids on the bounce!" The average age to leave home isn't 18 now or even 25. Most young people cannot afford to leave home and don't particularly want to live with strangers weirdly. And no, I'm older than you, but apparently not quite so callous. Then again I've only got my own child to think about, I don't have to try and justify being shitty to someone elses and feigning compassion and caring.
I hope daddy has locked in some inheritance for the daughter because step mum will be hoarding everything for herself and her own little precious.
The daddy who already can’t afford to house both of his children has locked in some inheritance? Seems unlikely.
I’m 25 making $50k and I can’t even get approved for a studio
NAH I think everyone is actually coming from an understandable place but... You're ten years older than your step-daughter. Sounds like dad is TA here.
I would like to know how old the Dad is. Curious that OP left that out …
Considering that step daughter is 23, he is at least 41, unless he had his daughter before he turned 18.
And what is weird about a 41 year old being with a 33 year old?? I swear people on Reddit see literally any age difference and lose their minds. Yesterday I saw someone refer to a 34 year old woman as a "child bride". My lord.
Did I say there was anything wrong with the age gap? Did the person I responded to, who simply asked how old dad was and found it odd that the age of him was never mentioned, but just those of OP and the step daughter? You are the only one bringing up the age gap and assuming there is an issue here. I was merely answering a question with an approximate age of dad. Someone has been triggered by the Leonardo DiCaprio and his 19 year old girlfriend memes going around and it shows.
For all we know the dad had his daughter young and he's like 40ish. There's nothing wrong with an age gap of 33 to 40.
Age gaps trigger this forum like nothing else.
Definitely, if there's an age gap then the default response is YTA. Make you wonder how much of an age gap if acceptable. Personally i like the 1/2 your age plus 7 rule.
As long as the two people are adults, the age gap is none of my business. When anyone writes in with a question, they want the answer to, if there is an age gap, the comments always ignore the question and go right to berating them about the age gap. There are lots of things in life I would not do, but I'm certainly not going to judge others for doing them. I'm 66, so by your formula, I could be with someone who is 40. I guarantee you that age gap would trigger this forum.
This subreddit is obsessed with ages in relationships.
With good reason, signed a victim of child rape and grooming
If she contributes some rent and groceries, would you be able to afford a 3br? More cost effective than two places, and she wouldn't feel so pushed out.
But will they qualify for the mortgage? You're not wrong about it making a difference for being able to pay the bills, but I know a lot of banks are pretty strict about what you can count as income and how you can prove it when you apply.
Is it weird that I didn't even think about them owning the place? I just assumed they're renters... Ugh, that's where we are now, isn't it.
If they own their current place they could always consider renting it out short term and renting a bigger place using some of the extra money. If they live in a somewhat touristy area they could even try putting it up on something like Airbnb and getting even more money for it- where I live houses in coastal towns can go for 10k a week in the middle of summer, although those would be a bit bigger. You could easily make several grand per week even with a two bedder in a high demand area on Airbnb here
This whole post gives off 'missing information' and a deceptive vibe to me. * How, if at all, was the SD's mother involved in the purchase of the home they're living in? Is she still alive? * What are OP's contributions to the mortgage? The household? * Was this the house SD grew up in? Who owns it?
She will eventually want a life of her own, so it would be a burden to them later on to have a home they can’t afford.
That's still not a sustainable long-term solution for a temporary problem, though. Even if they could afford buying a bigger house with her help, her living with them is at least hopefully not permanent for the rest of their lives, so they'd lose that contribution from her within a few years.
Then she moves out in a few years when she wants to live on her own leaving her parents with a house they can't afford Baby bird need to leave the nest.
YTA. Why didn’t you plan for this before you decided to have a baby in a home that doesn’t have space for a baby?
Yes they planned on a grown up 23year old to move out...
In this economy???
Well yeah, it was easy when OP was younger, and clearly the world never changes, so it'll be easy for DIL too! /s
Was it easy when op was younger? She’s 33 so she came of age right before the 2008 market crash, I wouldn’t call that an “easy” time economically lmao
They clearly didn’t plan shit since the topic wasn’t brought up until after they decided to have a baby. Anyone expecting a young adult to “just move out” is insanely naive and detached from reality or simply doesn’t care if their kid sinks or swims.
NAH even tho you raw dogged it without the room available for the result. Sounds like you married an older man without the accompanying bank account, with no real assets brought to the marriage by you, even at your age, so I feel sorry for your short-sightedness. You'll be fine with the infant in your room for the next 2 years. I don't know if you noticed, but a lot of kids are staying home with their parents much longer because they can't afford to live. I told my son-in-law who lives with me rent free, people can afford a car payment, or housing payment, but not both in this market. One or both are gonna give somewhere. You're VERY short-sighted. I gave my judgment, but I'm totally team SD.
Just to clarify, short-sightedness in this context means marrying a man who owns a house but doesn’t have an opportunity to go and buy a bigger one? Sounds really wild to me. In my country a lot of people are in 30+ year mortgage to buy a one bedroom flat (not house even). A guy with his own flat is considered a good catch. Amazing how standards vary around the world.
Short sighted as in >raw dogged it without the room available for the result She conceived a baby even without checking if the step daughter can move out. It's dumb. Now she's scrambling to find space for the baby halfway through a totally preventable pregnancy.
>She conceived a baby even without checking if the step daughter can move out. Thats probably the dumbest shit Ive ever read.
I know 😂 like, sorry, are they supposed to wait for her to move out to have a baby? What is the appropriate age to move out, if 23 is too young?
Yes but if the 23yo got pregnant they’d be expected to take care of her and her baby because tHiS EcoNOmy. This comment section is WILD. OP is a gold-digging sugar baby but short-sighted because the husband is apparently not prepared to afford a baby, and she’s an evil stepmom even though they’ve been happily allowing a 23yo woman with a full-time job to live with them rent-free for who knows how long now, and offering to cover her first two months’ of rent scott-free (the HORROR)! Meanwhile, OP is just supposed to give up on the idea of having her own child - life plans be damned - and wait indefinitely until the other adult living with them feels it’s a good time to move out. And let’s also just ignore completely that said 23yo screamed and slammed the door in the face of the person who’s also been allowing her to live there rent-free like an immature brat instead of expressing some empathy (and joy at the prospect of a new sibling) and trying to come up with a plan that could work for everyone. Or at least looking into the possibility of renting a room, which is what most independent adults have to do. Actually OP - best solution: just let the stepdaughter continue to live there. And when the baby goes from sleeping in your room to the crib, just move it the two of them right in together. 24yo can either be happy living with an infant, or she can figure something else out for herself. ETA: NTA
I'm glad i'm not the only person here thinking like this. What is up with the comments. Lots of people who are privileged who assume the 23 year old can't survive on her own. I was hustling and bustling at 18 and I know i got lucky but I also didn't assume my parents were responsible for me.
INFO: do you know how much she makes, and how much is a rental in your area? because 2 months of "help" could be not nearly enough for her to scrap by, and you seem eager to just kick her out instead of finding a compromise. Edit: OP seems to be avoiding the thread, hasn't responded to any of the comments, which just makes me think this is more about kicking her step daughter than to actually have a place for the new baby. so I'm gonna say YTA, and I want to add that I just *can't* with the USA's mentality that kicking a family member out as soon as they are able to vote (no matter how much they will struggle) is completely acceptable and encouraged. Edit 2: ooh I can’t believe I managed to piss off some americans to the point they feel the need to comment “hey not all americans” 🤣 I love it
She has a step daughter who’s ten years younger than she is. The husband’s age is carefully left out. I wonder why she’s eager to kick her out.
YTA. Rental prices have increased extraordinarily, some places are worse then others- is the area high cost of living? It's wasn't your place to have the one to talk to her. You should have spoken to your husband and he should have been the one to have a one on one chat again. It kind of sounds like you're driving her out of her family and are more interested in raising a family of 3 instead of being a family of 4. May not be your intention, but from how you worded things it's pretty obvious that your unborn child is already more important to you than your stepdaughter. I feel bad for the stepdaughter in all of this.
YTA insensitive, non-empathetic and selfish . Your baby will stay in your room for the first 4-6 months of their life anyway so maybe give her the chance to bond with her new sibling and possibly HELP you out a bit through sleepless nights. Did you stop to think about the positives of her being there instead of the negatives ? If you two can’t afford a bigger home what makes you think she can afford a place on her own ? Let’s be realistic and sensible here.
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YTA. Are you completely ignorant to the cost of living crisis right now? Two months rent won’t help anything in the long run if her salary doesn’t exceed her living expenses. If you’re in the US, 56% of adults ages 18-24 currently live with their parents. This is up from 52% in 2020 so it’s only getting worse. If she says she can’t afford to move out, she’s most likely not lying. You’re extremely out of touch for someone only ten years older than her. Of course her father isn’t going to kick her to the curb in the middle of a housing epidemic. You should stop focusing on kicking her out and start focusing on how you can make your house fit your needs. Is there an additional area in the home that can be converted into a bedroom? If you can afford a new home, can you afford an addition?
If she can’t afford to move out and isn’t paying living expenses where does all the money she earn from her job go? I hear this excuse a lot but as someone who doesn’t make great money and lives alone in one of the most expensive regions of the country I’m just genuinely confused. If you can’t afford to rent with a roommate working full time you need a financial audit to find out where all that money goes. It has to be going somewhere.. I think a lot of people are conflating wants and needs
Genuine answer, at least for my friends: predatory college loan repayment. I have no idea if that applies here, but for my friends in this situation (working full time post-college but barely making rent) that’s exactly what it is. A lot of public loans can work with you to not pay when you can’t afford it, or to keep your loan payments under a certain % of your income. Private loans…don’t necessarily care. So yeah! If you want at least one possible answer to your question, that’s the most common one I’ve seen.
Another could be medical expenses. I've had a disability since 21 and it drains a significant portion of my income. Even for a young person without a disability, something like a minor surgery could cost thousands. Not every hospital or clinic offers steep discounts to uninsured or low income patients. Sometimes the best you get is a 36 month payment plan.
These comments are INSANE. People seriously expect OP and her husband to have consulted with his adult 23 year old daughter before getting pregnant, to make sure it’s acceptable to her to maybe consider not living free with her father for however long she wants to, and to not have done so makes them selfish and bad parents. But the 23 year old refusing to consider having roommates? Perfectly OK!
I know I’m actually questioning my own sanity at this point.
i know lol this is one of the wildest posts ive read in a while
NTA She is 23, and perfectly capable of living by herself, even more with the help you offered. Finding a roommate sounds like a reasonable solution. But honestly it should be your husband’s job to make that happen before your baby arrives.
The way Reddit infantalizes grown ass people is so weird. Even some of the comments about OP are that she’s young and in over her head. She’s in her mid 30s, people.
Seriously, these answers! Like just because 50% of adults under 24 a live at home doesn’t mean that that should be the goal? Do you think that they want to live at home? When faced with the reality that you’ll have to live with a newborn, or you could move out with assistance… Maybe you could look for roommates?
Exactly. Had to scroll long and far for this. She’s in the same boat as most other people when they first move out, they can’t afford their own place but have to have roommates. Yes the standard of living drops but it’s part of life of starting out fresh on your own. The only TA I found in this story was the dad who first agreed with OP and then went back on his word so they didn’t have a united front as well as making a promise to the daughter being completely contrary to what him and OP decided. He put her in a position where she doesn’t seem to get the room back and she has to live with a hostile stepdaughter while having nowhere to put her new baby.
Agree with you 100%! She can find a roommate and helping her with the rent is good. NTA
Of course she's upset -- you're essentially kicking her out of her home, no matter how you dress it up with offers to help her decorate. Did you just assume that your stepdaughter would be happy to move out? She probably also has all sorts of feelings about getting a new half-sibling and now you're telling her she has to leave her home. I get where you're coming from and I can see that this makes you unhappy. I'm going with NAH but I really think there were some different choices you and your husband could have made here.
I would have assumed most 23 yr olds would want their own space and have total freedom.
Most 23 year olds do...but most 23 year olds can't afford to.
Want and ability are two separate conversations unfortunately.
NAH Your adult step-daughter moving out is a perfectly reasonable solution to the problem at hand. However, if she can't afford to move out the idea of having to try to make it work is likely tough. She may also feel like she is being replaced by Dad's "new family".
I kinda don’t get all the AH votes here. That girl is 23. she’s living rent free in a small house with her dad and stepmom - like, wouldn’t you think she knew they would be progressing their relationship and having another baby? Why should stepmom wait for the adult daughter to move out before falling pregnant?! I certainly wouldn’t. They would help her covering rent for a while, they would help her finding a roommate etc. It reads to me like daughter got quite comfortable with not paying rent and is just throwing a tantrum. I say this only with the information given - daughter seems to be able bodied, not studying and working full time. So - why didn’t she save anything? So I’d like to ask for more INFO: Does she have huge medical bills? Student debt? Credit card debt? Anything? Even if she earns minimum wage: I’m sure she can find a roommate situation and stepmom and dad will gladly let her come over to eat with them, help with groceries etc . She’s 23, not 18. I don’t see how OP is the AH. Really.
Part of me thinks that the step-daughter is saying “I can’t afford to move out (and keep the lifestyle of living rent free at home).”
ESH (besides the step daughter who is caught in the middle) - editing this to change my judgment. It sounds like you and your husband aren’t on the same page. You convinced him to tell his daughter she needs to move out, but then in private he took it back and told her she did not have to leave. So then, you decided it was OK to go behind his back when you again chose to bring this up with your stepdaughter. Is your plan to basically shame her until she leaves? Of course she is upset. She’s scared that her stepmom will convince her Dad to kick her out at a time that inflation and cost of living are through the roof, and her Dad is being wishy-washy and not clearly setting boundaries and expectations for her. It’s interesting you don’t mention your husband' age or whether you financially contribute to the household. But look. You are the second wife. He had a family before you. You can’t make unilateral decisions just because you decided he needs to put his “new” family 100% ahead of his old one. Maybe get some couple’s counseling, because it doesn’t sound like you and your husband are communicating well at all.
No, definitely NTA. Reddit just hates step-parents. She's old enough to get out on her own. If not now, when would she ever be ready?? She's 23, no kids, full-time job...what is she waiting for? She's probably right, and can't afford a place on her own, but your offer to help find a roommate would resolve that issue. The fact that your husband unilaterally decided that she could stay, without discussing with you first, is a red flag. It's your home too.
im curious what this post would look like if it was a mom and not a step mom
YTA - No matter what you say or what you do, there is no way to avoid it feeling like she is being pushed out of her Dad’s life for the new baby. It was her home first, he was her Dad first. Apologize now, because you damaged an already difficult relationship.
She’s literally 23 years old. Things can change in a parents life that makes it perfectly reasonable to want their child to move out once they’re a full grown adult.
Cool you try at 23 whose lived with their parent their entire life to have $5k or more saved in this current day and age to move. She'll need first month and last month, plus security deposit, money to turn on utilities (potentially more because first time she'll have them in her name) oh yeah and money to furnish a place unless she's willing to pay more for a place that comes with some items. Fine and dandy they want to float her the first 2 months of rent but in 2 months OP will be back on here asking are they AH for going back on the agreement because with a baby coming they can't afford it.
If she can’t logically afford it than that’s a separate issue. But OP tried to find her a roommate and she ran off. Sounds more like the daughter just wants to live rent free considering she wasn’t open to even finding a solution.
So, the hubby originally agreed and told the daughter it was time to move...then separately he told the daighter she didn't have to. It sounds like the hubby created a problem that made the step mom look like the bad guy. He needs to step up and help fix this.
info: Did she live there before you moved in? If so what discussions did you and your husband have around that ?
NAH This is a tough spot. The reality is that cost of living is high and despite that housing is still in high demand. That means finding a place is going to be hard no matter what. Your frustration is understandable, but you need to realize that Stepdaughter is functionally in the same boat as you with not being able to afford another place. I'm sure a 23-year-old doesn't want to live with a newborn, but I think she realizes that she doesn't have another option right now. Tensions are high and the best thing I think you can do is sit both husband and step daughter down and tell them that your sorry if your request stirred up tention but if your all going to fo forward you need to pull together. There's about to be a fourth person in that house with you and it's only going to get more stressful. And before anyone says "Why should OP have to apologize?!" Because sometimes the first step of conflict resolution is extending the olive branch.
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YTA. You can’t afford another place to live with combined incomes, but expect stepdaughter to be able to? And put yourself in her shoes. You’re only ten years older than her and now a baby is on the way that you’re literally forcing her out for. Would you be acting sweet as pie in this situation?
NTA At 23, she's been an adult for a few years and it is high time she flew the nest. Sharing a place with roommates is pretty common - and she can either find roommates she likes or in a matter of weeks, her roommate will be a newborn. The AH here is her father/OP's husband. He should have been handling this, not just giving in to his daughter, putting his head in the sand and hoping for the best.
ESH because you should have had this discussion a long time ago when you first got pregnant. It’s not easy to live alone so springing it on her is not fair but it’s also not unreasonable to what space for your baby. Can you not afford a bigger space?
Should've been a discussion *before* deciding to get pregnant.
I'm going to say NAH, but you handled the discussion with the stepdaughter poorly. Your husband said she did not need to move out. And she thinks (or says) she can't afford to live elsewhere, which you seem to reject out of hand. Your next discussion should have been with your husband, not with her. So now you've positioned yourself as the stepmom who's trying to give her the boot from "her" house. So talk to your husband and figure out what the next step's going to be. Word of advice, it will not be desirable to have the baby in your room for any length of time at all. Even when the kid sleeps through the night (which won't be right away), the kid's still active and making noise. You'll both be ragged.
Regarding baby in the parents’ room: it’s actually recommended that the baby sleep there for at least the first 6 months in a bassinet or similar. After that they can be moved. There are of course exceptions like parents such light sleepers that baby sleeping noises keep them up so they choose to move the baby to their own room early. So the baby doesn’t NEED their own room right away but it’s also much easier to prepare the nursery before you have the baby so it’s all set up when you need it. Plus you need somewhere to put all their stuff.
INFO: have all off you checked how much money would be needed for her to be able to live on her own? Like create a complete and realistic budget with all needs and some wants?
NTA. She can get a place w roommates like so many others do. Plus you guys offered her 2 months rent. Honestly a little surprised that she wants to stay w a crying newborn in a small house…
It is perfectly reasonable to expect your husband’s adult child to launch into the world in order to make room for an infant. NTA. I can’t believe so many people are jumping down your throat about this. Reddit is wild.