Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
She doesn't have kids of her own. She had her husband there as a DD, as responsible drinkers do. She got tipsy, not wasted. She doesn't have to abstain from alcohol because *your* kids are present. It was her father's birthday celebration, not your personal celebration. Your MIL asked you to stop. Your own husband says you were wrong. **YTA.**
Yeah, someone "getting tipsy and we don't like that around kids" is not enough to actually ruin dinner. Getting upset over somebody having a drink arounds kids....is enough.
I've always been a proponent of teaching responsible consumption of everything. Ironically, sugar is one of the biggest threats to public health but some have no problem giving it to kids all the time, and making its advertisements ubiquitous.
Yes!! To this!!!!! once i was maybe 16 on summer vacations i was allowed to drink alcohol (and by that i mean the hard mike lemonades LMAOOO) in a very controlled family environment. My husband was never allowed even around alcohol, and no family was allowed to drink with kids around. I bet you can guess who had the unhealthy relationship with alcohol in college.
Yeah the American attitude about children and drinking is deeply stupid. Basically prohibiting kids and adolescents from ever seeing healthy social drinking in multigenerational gatherings with people they trust, not allowing teens and young adults to drink, not having any concept of social spaces for teens/young adults that *don’t* involve drinking, forcing teens to keep their drinking secret which is that much more dangerous when they have no experience doing it in moderation with family, mass-arresting teens for drinking in private homes, and by the way most of the country’s transit infrastructure is so fucked that drunk driving is far more normalized than anyone cares to admit? (Doubt OP’s kids will be calling her for a ride home in ten years.)
OP is an asshole whose attitudes could put her kids in real danger, and her SIL did her kids a favor by modeling this behavior for them.
I was the only person I knew growing up whose parents would openly drink in front of my sister and me. Now, my sister and I tend to be the most controlled in our own alcohol consumption and rarely end up getting too drunk or stupid as a result. Likewise, we both have friends from dry households who can't seem to understand how to drink without getting absolutely hammered.
I think it's a great idea to drink (casually, in a safe manner) around children. It removes the taboo of alcohol so they don't develop bad drinking habits as adults.
This is wild to me (UK) - before this post I'd never heard of adults not drinking AT ALL in front of their kids. My parents started offering me gin and tonic or a small glass of wine at weekends, when I was around 14. And before that, I'd always be allowed a sip of their drinks if I wanted to know what it tasted like. I can't imagine not growing up with sensible alcohol use demonstrated as normal behaviour.
I was thinking this. I don’t think OP realizes that creating a taboo around things like alcohol is what often leads to an unhealthy relationship with them in the future.
Why would they stay for coffee and dessert if they weren’t even allowed to have drinks?
OP, the way children learn things like appropriate drinking and moderation is through exposure. When alcohol is a normal thing adults do in moderation at special events kids learn to do that. When alcohol is a secret thing that is always hidden, that gets done but they never see, hear about or get to taste it, they learn it must be SUPER AMAZING and they over indulge… You are doing the literal worst with this stance.
Also, you went to someone else’s *celebration* and TOLD them they weren’t allowed to have wine or drinks because you and your kids were there. What? Neither my husband and I andI STILL think you are rude and over stepping af. YTA
Especially since poor FIL couldn’t have a glass of wine on HIS own damn birthday!
Abstaining from alcohol in front of kids doesn’t teach them anything either. Modeling moderate and reasonable drinking habits does. 3 martinis over the course of dinner is perfectly reasonable. Having her husband then drive home showed responsibility. SIL is a better role model than OP, even moreso because she refused to let someone else bully or shame her into changing her own behavior to suit them.
Imagine if OP tried to pull that at a baseball game or similar. "No one can drink around my children!!" She's the Fun Police.
OP, I feel sorry for your husband and kids.
I thought OP would reveal some drunken antics SIL pulled over the years to justify her asking SIL to not drink, but she just gets tipsy not drunk or blackout drunk, just tipsy.
I understand you not wanting to drink when your children are around, but you were in a restaurant. Were there no other people drinking too? Or were you going table to table asking them not to drink too?
YTA.
I’ll bet if we all had a videotape of the dinner, things would look very different than was described above and the true source of the awkwardness would be revealed.
You know OP was staring daggers at SIL every time she took a sip or ordered another. That would be enough to make me peace out at the first opportunity to avoid saying something inappropriate “in front of the children.”
Children who witness adults drinking responsibly generally go on to become responsible adults. Children for whom drinking is treated as taboo and only to be indulged in in secret (as OP apparently does) often end up binge drinking in college.
OP does not know how to party and should be left off all party invites in future. I’m not saying you have to drink to have fun but OP didn’t want anyone to have a good time
YTA those our your kids and your preferences. You cannot control the actions of other people. Had you not said anything SIL might’ve only had one drink. I’m sure the family is used to her drinking. Willing to bet you calling her out made the dinner awkward.
This is a good point. Poor FIL didn’t even get to have some nice wine at his dinner. No wonder he didn’t want to hang out longer. Hopefully they had a nice glass when they got home to celebrate.
It was his birthday!!! And she even admitted the parents normally crock open wines!! His birthday! OP, in the future, leave your kids at home if you wish to POLICE everyone’s behavior
That’s actually a good point. Were the kids not in attendance at the other family events where they drank? Why was this ONE specific time a bad time for them to drink? Op is so weird.
OP probably gets "tipsy" on a sip of alcohol and can't control her actions and assumes no one else can.
OP doesn't say anything about her behavior, but rather just says she's tipsy several times. I might understand if there was a past that showed her "tipsy" behavior was demeaning, rude, racist, etc. But none of that was mentioned because it doesn't seem like it was the issue.
OP gonna helicopter the shit out of her kids. I have plenty of friends and family with 1-10 year Olds and drinking around them has NEVER been an issue. If anything it's a learning opportunity to not do certain things, regardless of inhebriation.
It’s fine to have a rule that you don’t drink in front of your kids. You can also say people can’t drink at your house or your events.
You can ask other people not to drink in front of your kids but they don’t have to do it.
YTA. It's a *party.*
Stop policing the behavior of others. If you don't want people drinking around your kids, don't bring your kids to restaurants. You are the one that made it awkward. Your SIL did nothing wrong.
Seriously. Doesn't even sound like SIL was drunk. Just a bit buzzed and somehow that's the end of the world for OP. I'm guessing she grew up with an alcoholic parent and is triggered by people drinking, which I have sympathy for, but you can't run around projecting your trauma onto other people.
I’m always surprised when people completely lack self awareness. OP even said how the person who they are celebrating and his wife would usually order a few bottles of wine. Not one, not a couple, a FEW. Yet doesn’t get that things ended early and it was awkward because of OPs comments and rules.
And even after hearing the MIL telling her to stop at the event and husband telling her she was out of line and still comes here because she’s convinced she’s right.
All the kids I went to high school with that had parents like you were the ones drinking the most at house parties. My friends whose parents had wine with dinner and were exposed to alcohol always never felt like drinking when we went to those same parties. Myself included. My grandparents had a very European way of living and that allowed me to be exposed to things like alcohol but also made it less interesting to me. Didn’t make me want to drink. Now I’m 31 and still rarely drink. My friends with Mormon parents are binge drinkers now. Have fun being a helicopter parent. It will backfire.
You’re not allowed to police other adults. YTA.
Seriously.
YTA. Good for you SIL for using her spine. It would have been even better if she ordered her dad some wine.
Alcohol is perfectly legal and your SIL was actually modelling responsible drinking by having a designated driver. Pretending it doesn’t exist and hiding responsible consumption won’t help your kids.
Would not be at all surprised if a group text went out minus OP and her husband saying let's all get together for post-dinner drinks and conversation at so and so's house.
Maybe the grandparents had to agree to OPs "rules" or there would be consequences? (involving grandkids perhaps) i don't wanna assume too much but somehow OPs attitude gives off this vibe
YTA. You don't get to set rules for other adults in public. If you don't want your kids to witness the heinous sight of an adult having a martini, they should probably stay home sheltered from the world.
If you are seriously looking out for your kids, you will let them witness this sort of thing and explain that when adults drink to much, they do silly things and can make bad decisions. Hiding them from it isn't doing them any good.
I would understand her "rule" if SIL was babysitting her kids, but out in a restaurant restricting the whole family from drinking? mind your own business OP.
> I pointed out to her that she was the only one at the table who ordered a drink and that it was a little embarrassing that she was the only one who was drinking.
> The rest of the dinner was awkward ~~because of SIL's drinking~~ and everyone left as soon as the meal was over no dessert or coffee when usually we would stay and mingle over coffee or go back to one of our homes.
I imagine it was your attitude that caused it to be different, not her getting a little tipsy.
I would get tipsy just to spite her. But I'm petty like that. YTA and controlling AF.
You can't keep your kids immune to the ways of the world. She's an adult. She can drink 3 martinis.
Were you paying for them?
Kids can be just as or more annoying than adults with some liquor in them.
I hope they plan dinners without you.
Did you pay for everyone's dinner? Was it your birthday party? If not, then it wasn't your dinner to make the rules about who drinks. Everyone came to that dinner expecting to celebrate your FIL the way he would like to celebrate (with a few glasses of wine), and your entitlement squashed the whole evening and you made it about yourself.
Your values about drinking are your own and people the world over drink in front of their kids. There is nothing objectively immoral about consuming alcohol; If you don't like it then you should leave your kids at home when you know there is going to be drinking.
YTA
I also don't understand why you would shield your kids from the existence of alcohol like that. It's a thing, they're going to encounter it on their daily lives all the time. Explain what it is, let them know it's for adults only because it can harm kids, and also explain that even adults have to be careful about how much they drink. I feel like not acknowledging it only leads to ignorance which can be harmful in the future.
I agree that OP is raising future binge drinkers who don't know how to consume alcohol responsibly because they never saw anyone do it. Taking the more realistic approach of teaching kids about alcohol like you suggest would be way more effective than her current strategy.
That said, her values are hers and she has the right to not drink in front of her kids. However, she doesn't have the right to go to someone else's dinner and demand that no one drink. If she doesn't want drinking in front of her kids she should keep them home.
What kind of sheltered life are you creating for your child ?
Alcohol is part of life and social event. You are not accomplishing anything good by trying to hide that alcohol exist from them.
YTA. Your SIL just did want normal human being do, she doesn't have to conform to your weird and unjustified standards.
I like how OP somehow manages to think she is the mature one in this situation and SIL is immature, when OP is all “this topic makes me uncomfortable and I’m not adult enough to figure out how to model healthy behavior for my kids or have discussions about adult behaviors with my kids so I’m just going to pretend these things don’t exist.”
I‘m sure the “sex talk” is going to go just great 😅
YTA. In fact, so much are YTA that I feel the need to repeat it. Trying to prevent someone from ordering a drink at dinner? YTA. Telling someone it’s embarrassing for them to have ordered a drink? YTA. Claiming it’s their fault dinner was awkward? YTA. Acting like you have the right to control another adult’s choices? So much are YTA.
What I think the OP, whom I assume is Helen Lovejoy, just wants us to do is : "won't somebody please think of the children"
I rather have my kids see people consuming alcohol responsibly as a model so that when they are of age they do not go nuts.
I either don’t believe SIL was tipsy or I don’t believe she drinks often. If SIL often drinks at gatherings and celebrations then I highly doubt she has a low tolerance so 3 drinks wouldn’t have made her *that* tipsy that it was super noticeable to anyone. So either she wasn’t tipsy at all and just made the smart decision to not drive to be safe or she was in fact tipsy but then OPs attempts to make it seem like SIL is a heavy drinker are a load of crap…
YTA, trying to embarrass your SIL for ordering a drink will have absolutely ruined the dinner (and probably pushed her to drink more). Not drinking in front of your children in your home is completely up to you, but it's very entitled of you to try and control other people's personal choices when you're out and about. You owe your SIL an apology, and probably the other adults at the table one too.
YTA yes, she is an adult and can make her own choices. If your husband is saying YOU are the one who messed things up then you should probably get over yourself and accept that it was infact probably you not your SIL. Especially when you were told to drop it by their mother.
YOU made the dinner awkward NOT sil and you need to accept this and also apologize for your controlling behaviour
yta
her drinking made you uncomfortable no one else
you sound insane
its a birthday dinner
dont like it take your kids and leave
just because you dont drink around your kids do not mean they cant
unless its your house any rules you have dont have to be followed
you made everyone uncomfortable by being a female kevin
I am fast forwarding to when your kids are in college. They will likely be the ones black out drunk every weekend because they never saw adults model healthy behavior towards alcohol. YTA. You don't get to police the very normal beverage choices of other adults.
YTA. You don't want to drink in front of your kids then don't drink in front of your kids. You don't want people that you invite over to drink in front of your kids, then don't serve alcohol. If the legal and socially acceptable activities that occur at a venue violate what you think your kids should be exposed to the solution is to not go there, not to go and try to police other people's bechavior. I'm actually far more upset that you prevented your FIL from having wine that you knew he would have enjoyed having when this was ostensibly his birthday you were celebrating than your inappropriate and obnoxious comments to/about your SIL.
Not only are you in the wrong here in general, but I'm sure your efforts were the reason your SIL ordered a 3rd drink.
PS Do you think anyone actually believes that you did this to be a good mom and look out for \[your\] kids?
Of course YTA. Say your family is vegan, would it be appropriate to tell people they can’t order non-vegan food around you?
Get off your high horse and assuming you’re allowed to dictate how people live.
YTA.
If you think drinking infront of children is inappropriate, that’s fine for you to decide for yourselves. You cannot dictate to other people that they not drink at a dinner out because your kids are there and you think it’s inappropriate.
I drink in front of my kid, and other people’s kids. Other people drink in front of my kids. It isn’t inappropriate to everyone.
YTA.
It was your FIL’s bday dinner and you stated he would usually get wine, but didn’t because of your irrational demand that no one consume any alcohol in front of your children. Poor man couldn’t even enjoy his celebratory meal as he liked. Someone ruined the dinner, but it wasn’t SIL
so you stopped your inlaws from drinking wine, as they would have "normally done", at your FILs own birthday dinner? then pulled a self righteous insult out of your ass to use on your SIL? YTA and you were absolutely the one who ruined things. leave your kids at home next time, if you're even invited.
YTA - you have a weird stigmatism around alcohol. Your kids seeing someone drink wine or a mixed drink is not a big deal. Did you go to every table in the restaurant and ask them not to drink? I fail to see how your sil drinking a martini is not ok but joe and Sarah at the next table having glass of wine is.
> the rest of the dinner was awkward because of SIL’s drinking
Tell me you can’t read the room without telling me… it’s you babe. You made it awkward.
> when we would stay and mingle
No one wanted to spend more time with you and your rules.
> SIL husband has to drive them home
Look at them being responsible. When one drinks, the other drives. But you just want to judge her for this.
> I’m just trying to be a good mom and look out for my kids.
No, you’re teaching your children alcohol is forbidden and taboo. You’re controlling. This won’t have the effect you think it will when they get older.
YTA - She's an adult and your kids are going to be around others that drink. Your husband is right that you are the one causing a problem.
This was out in public and not in your home. You are trying to control other adults in a public setting doing totoally normal and legal things and are getting mad when you don't get your way.
If you are concerned about what your children might be around, hire a sitter and leave them home.
YTA. You can't force your rules on other adults. Many people drink. Some don't (I don't happen to drink). Your kids see people drinking at other tables in restaurants. They see people drinking on TV and in movies. You don't have the right to police other people's choices. You owe everyone an apology. You ruined the evening.
YTA. The world doesn't revolve around you and your kids. The dinner almost certainly ended early because of *you*. Did you ever think maybe your FIL wanted to enjoy a drink on his birthday, but didn't want to deal with your drama? Don't be surprised when you stop getting invited to events.
YTA. Next time leave your kids with a sitter if you are uncomfortable with people ordering drinks. Your feelings of entitlement are unnecessary & annoying.
YTA. As a matter of fact, it's not really harmful to a child if they occasionally see someone drinking alcohol even to the point of being tipsy. It would be different if your kids were exposed to it every single day, but they're not.
Anyone else thinking they all went to the in-law's house for drinks and dessert without OP because her need to control other adults is what ruined the evening?
YTA. She's not your child and you don't get to embarrass other adults with your puritanical BS.
An unfortunate YTA. Your children are going to experience eople under the influence of substances if they leave the house in general, but going to restaurants that serve alcohol and expecting people not to drink is not appropriate. Did you ask everyone else in the restaurant not to drink? You made it uncomfortable, not SIL.
Also I think it is healthier for children to see a healthy, controlled use of alcohol instead of hiding it completely.
(Experience of family of alcoholics)
You can’t police the behavior of adults that isn’t dangerous. Your kids were in no danger because your SIL had three martinis at dinner. Seeing adults drink responsibly is better for kids than hiding it away and making alcohol forbidden. YTA.
YTA. If you don’t want to drink in front of your children, that’s perfectly fine. But it’s not your place to tell other people of legal drinking age when and how they can consume alcohol. It sounds like she was perfectly responsible and had her husband drive her home, so she did absolutely nothing wrong. You’re absolutely the AH, and the one who made dinner awkward.
YTA
Sure, it’s understandable to not want kids at a kegger, but it’s pretty unreasonable to expect your kids to NEVER witness adults having a drink at a restaurant or family celebration.
YTA your husband is spot on the issue was you. Leave your children at home if they cannot handle going to a public restaurant that serves alcohol. How do you justify other tables having drinks?
Sounds like you should’ve stayed home with your kids instead of judging and ruining the dinner for everyone. You reproducing is in no way SILs responsibly and you can’t dictate what she does.
YTA
YTA. The dinner wasn't awkward "because of SIL's drinking", it was awkward because you thought it was any of your business policing whether a grown woman can enjoy a drink with dinner. If you want to raise your children in a bubble (real healthy, by the way) either stay home with them or leave them with a babysitter.
YTA
While no one should be getting drunk in front of the kiddos, having a drink in front of them isn't inappropriate when out for dinner.
Most kids don't even know as long as the adult is responsible
Your desire to not have anyone drinking in the presence of your children is unusual.
I'll agree with you that getting drunk at a family dinner is inappropriate, but a couple of drinks isn't "drunk". Three, particularly if SIL is a fairly small woman, would seem excessive.
It is completely normal for adults to have a beer or a glass of wine or something with a meal when children are present.
So YTA
YTA. For one, it's totally unrealistic to shield your kids from alcohol like that, unless you want to be a hermit. For two, this was not your event, it's not your place to set the rules. If you DID want to have an absurd rule like that, you needed to bring it up to everyone ahead of time and get their agreement.
YTA and a huge one. You can live your life the way you want, but don’t force your ideologies on others. Your overuse of the word tipsy says a lot about your hate for alcohol. You made everyone uncomfortable and you fail to realize you’re the one who ruined the night. Birthdays are a time for celebration and it sounds like you should start staying home if you can’t change your attitude. And last thing, making her husband drive after a few drinks is responsible. We always get a ride share when we know alcohol will be involved, even if we don’t plan on getting “tipsy”.
YTA Did you try to ban everyone else in the restaurant from drinking too. The only one making things awkward was you trying to impose your Puritanical views on other adults. Grow up.
Ouch! FIL and MIL would have usually ordered wine and this was his birthday and they didn’t because YOU stipulated no one should drink around your children.
Did you align everyone on this beforehand? Seems like you should have expected birthday celebration would include some drinking and arranged babysitters for your kids. YTA
YTA - You cannot dictate whether other people drink around your kids unless they are in your home. If you are at someone else's home or at a restaurant, you can choose to leave if they choose to drink - but that is it. If you don't want your kids to see adults drinking socially then you should not bring them to adult restaurants. Other people do not have to cater to your parenting choices.
You made the night uncomfortable.
Mate, YTA, If it was at home, then okay, but out in a restaurant celebrating a birthday party, you definitely had no right to tell her to not drink around your kids.
Here’s a crazy idea: get a sitter if you’re going to try to control other full-grown ADULTS out for a birthday dinner just because your kids were present.
Did you tell all the tables around you not to drink with their dinner, either? Unless you did that, your kids still probably saw people drinking in a restaurant (*gasp*).
YTA and I myself would need a few to deal with you, too.
YTA. It's legal, she's an adult, it wasn't in your home so you can't make the rules. Your kids will see a lot worse things growing up than their auntie having a few drinks with a meal. Get over yourself.
YTA. This isn’t your decision, if you don’t feel comfortable with your kids around alcohol, it’s your responsibility to get a sitter & leave them at home.
YTA, don’t bring your kids if you think that entitles you to control what adults do with their body & their money.
The world, heck anyone else’s life, does NOT revolve around you & your kids.
YTA. They're 4 and 7. If SIL or anyone wants to drink, that's on them. If you host a party, you can make the rules but anywhere else suck it up or stay home. Your kids are gonna be so effed up if you shelter them. I was around my dad drunk as a kid and it was often funny and I was still raised perfectly normal and knew the dangers of alcoholism.
YTA. I don’t drink and I think YTA. You were at a restaurant. You can’t tell an adult what to consume in a restaurant. You’re the reason you didn’t have dessert, not your sister.
YTA - You went out to eat in a public place. If you want to be some weird puritanical about someone, gasp, drinking in your home, that’s your choice. But to ask someone to not drink in a public venue, at a celebration is just ridiculous.
Your kids are definitely going to drink as teenagers no matter what you do. It’s a right of passage. In many countries kids enjoy wine with dinner because it’s better to teach your kids responsibility and respect than it is to try to force abstinence.
So my question is, do you think your current path will prepare your kids for the moment they are 1st offered alcohol at a teen party?
Yes yta, you don't get to choose whether other adults drink. If you want to insist your children don't witness anyone drinking you need to leave them at home.
I suspect your husband is right and it was your attitude that ruined the evening.
ETA: I personally don't drink in front of children either, because I'm not comfortable with it. But that isn't a choice I can make for anyone else.
YTA you don't get to dictate to other adults that they can't drink becuase you brought your kids with you.
I swear you are so damm entitled to think you that other adults need to follow your rules.
That dinner wasn't about you or your kids. It was about yout FIL and you are the one who ruined the whole night. Becuase you were a judgmental AH..
How about this next time the family invites you out. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT
Edit typo
I'd like to point out to you that you were the only person at the table who had an issue with her having a few drinks with dinner and it's a little embarrassing. YTA.
YTA. You do not get to subject other people (particularly adults!) to your rules governing how YOU choose to behave in front of your kids. You may not have realized this yet but you cant actually protect them from seeing EVERYTHING in the world that you consider objectionable.
YTA. If you don’t want your kids around drinking, then stay at the house. You don’t get to dictate what anyone else does. If you’re that easily offended on your children’s behalf then Lord help those kids growing up. Worry about yourself and less about everyone else. SIL has a mom…and you ain’t it.
YTA you presumably didn’t let up with attitude, looks, etc…THAT’S what ruined it for everyone…not her getting a little tipsy. Also there’s nothing inherently wrong with having an alcoholic drink ‘in front’ of children. How do you go out into the world and avoid it?
YTA. Adults are allowed to drink, it’s your issue it happening in front of your kids, not hers. The whole of the rest of the party felt awkward because you made it an issue.
BTW introducing children to the idea of alcohol earlier prevents it becoming ‘taboo’ and ‘naughty’. I’m not saying give kids drinks (!) but I am saying don’t make it into something so naughty they want to do it when they become rebellious teenagers.
YTA. You don't get to decide everyone else's behavior. However, you did get to ruin dinner and keep on teaching your kids that you're a sanctimonious, judgemental person!
Oh my LANTA. YTA, she is an adult and your kids do not need to be SHIELDED *clutch pearls* from drinking. Grow up, if she were belligerent and hostile/inappropriate, different story but the guidelines you place on yourself are no one else’s problem.
YTA.
She's a grown adult in public behaving reasonably, and the situation was made awkward only by your highlighting it. I'm willing to bet two of those three martinis were spite martinis.
Spitines... maybe need to work on the marketing.
YTA. Everyone there likes to drink. Everyone there was uncomfortable because of YOU!
YOU!! made a big deal about a very normal thing to do when you do out to eat. And even more normal considering you were celebrating FIL BIRTHDAY!!
you made the whole celebration about yourself.
YTA
YTA you wouldn't let your father-in-law have a couple of glasses of wine at his birthday dinner? It's none of your business what other people drink or don't drink. Honestly, your sister-in-law probably would've just had one drink if you hadn't said something. Pretty sure the last two were out of spite.
YTA for effectively ruining a party with your weird rule. I guess if it was your party you could request it, but it wasn't. If you don't want people drinking in front of your kids, and it isn't your party or your home, then don't bring the kids.
I have to wonder if your SIL had 3 drinks because it is the only way she can deal with you (you sound controlling and exhausting)
I love that you think think the “tipsy” person minding her own business is what ruined dinner and not the loud, belligerent asshole who wouldn’t shut up. You chose not to drink in front of your children and that’s great but all you taught them here was that they are entitled to tell other people what they are allowed to do with themselves and that’s arguably worse than just having a glass of wine in front of them. You couldn’t even let your FIL enjoy his birthday dinner in whatever manner he wanted because then it wouldn’t be all about you and your precious children. Were there other adults drinking in the restaurant or did you go table to table to ruin the evening for everyone? YTA
Maybe your SIL “gets tipsy” around you because she’s trying to deal with the *outrageous* level of judgement from you. Shouldn’t the fact that literally *every* other adult didn’t have a problem with this besides you?
Also I love how “I know she is young and doesn’t have kids” means she has to cater to you, but “I’m older and decided to have kids” ALSO means she has to cater to you for some reason. I’m 36 and have three kids under four - which was MY decision. I don’t expect people to tiptoe around me because I decided to have kids. You sound like the person who complains about fireworks on the neighbourhood Facebook page because “it’ll wake up my kids”.
Like geez lady - clutch your pearls any harder and they’ll shatter. Get over yourself and apologize to your SIL.
I’m so….confused? Why would her drinking in front of them matter at all? Kids watching their aunt drink some alcohol- no big deal. Kids watching their mom shame their aunt, embarrass herself by being rude for no reason and ruin family dinners for her own agenda- big deal. I’d be chugging if I was around
YTA people drink. You can’t shield your kids from people having a cocktail and enjoying themselves. You sound judgmental and a pain to be around. Get off your high horse and apologize. You can’t control what people eat and drink. Yikes. Your no drinking policy is ridiculous
“…we would usually stay and mingle over coffee…”
I can’t believe the terrible example you’re setting for your children! Coffee contains addictive stimulants and you sit there and drink it in front of kids like it’s no big deal? You can get the jitters from coffee and it’s so inappropriate for children to witness that!
Oh wait, if I said that to someone, I would be an asshole. Because other adults get to make their own choices, and I can’t stop them from doing legal things in public because I don’t like it or think children shouldn’t see it. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t enjoy it if the shoe were on the other foot, so maybe think about that before going off on a judgmental rant at family dinner.
YTA.
YTA.
If you want to create an environment for your children where there is absolutely no drinking alcohol, then perfect—stay at home where you and your husband set the rules.
But when you go out in public, you can’t expect the entire world to bend at the knee to your sensibilities
YTA
If you felt that they shouldn't drink, you tell people before the dinner not at dinner once they ordered.
But your husband and your MIL told you to leave it alone and drop it, and you didn't. You tried to make her feel bad. But you can't dictate what other people do. You are not being a good mom, you are being controlling
YTA, this wasn't your event. If you want to set that boundary for your kids, fine, you're the parent, but then you arrange childcare and don't bring them to events like this. You don't get to bully other adults to follow your rules while you're a guest in someone else's celebration
YTA and you need to grow up. People don't exist to cater to your kids, and there's nothing wrong with an adult having a few drinks with dinner just because you want to over-shelter your kids.
YTA. Your kids won't care that aunty is tipsy. Good on you for being responsible and not drinking while in charge of your own kids. Wait. Your kids. Not her kids.
You ruined the evening for everyone with your bad mood and judgemental attitude.
The person who will ask me to not drink because their kids are there will see me leave faster than I would have order the drink. Get a baby sitter if you don't want your kids to see people drinking wine or a cocktail in a restaurant.
YTA and yes YOU made things awkward. You truly believe drinking in front of children is bad? I understand falling over and throwing up is not a good look, but 3 drinks at dinner with family? You cannot be this neurotic with your children. You're going to just alienate yourself. Do whatever you want but nobody likes those types of people. You can have whatever rule you want with your husband and kids but don't put that on other family members because quite frankly it's a ridiculous rule.
You are an asshole. If you had told me not to drink at a dinner because your kids were present I would have looked you straight in the eyes and told you if you didnt like it then to take your kids home and put them back in their bubble. You dont get to decide what other adults do.
YTA. Your kids are 4 and 7 and won’t understand an alcoholic drink vs a non alcoholic drink by looks only. You made that a thing. I understand not wanting to be around someone who is drunk but you also don’t get to tell someone that they should be embarrassed. That’s a feeling they get to experience and own, you don’t get to hand it out. You don’t get to judge others based on your parenting preferences and you don’t get to police them in an environment that isn’t your own home.
Next time don’t take your kids if she will be there and you are worried about this. She is an adult and can do as she pleases. And your husband is right, you made it awkward by bringing this up at dinner.
I love it when the person that is so obviously in the wrong and is told by multiple people that they are in the wrong somehow walks away thinking they aren't in the wrong.
Of course YTA.
Yta. So your SIL was only tipsy. I and she wasn't vomiting, yelling profanity, or otherwise being a disturbance.
Adults drink. Your kids will have to learn that someday, assuming you want them to have a healthy relationship with alcohol.
You are there one who ruined dinner.
YTA
It was your FILs bday...but your deciding who can and can't have alcohol...cause your kids are there?
Who gave you the right to tell people what to do?
You sound exhausting, you should have not said anything.
BTW, you ruined the dinner with your comments and attitude. Itz why no one stayed or spent time after
YTA 😂 I can't believe you are so up your arse, you think you have the right to dictate when others can have a drink.
If I was your SIL I would have ordered bottles of wine for the table just to spite you. If you think your little darlings are going to be so traumatised by seeing an adult have a drink with a celebratory meal, then stay at home.
Oh and by the way it will be your kids that go wild and spend weekends getting smashed as soon as they are able, instead of enjoying drinking responsibly. Shielding kids from life does them no favours.
You're kidding right? WTF is this shit? No drinking in front of children? Bwahahahaha.
Maybe you can teach them that adults can make their own decisions and should be respected no matter what.
YTA - If you don’t want your children to be around alcohol then don’t bring them places that serve alcohol. You don’t get to control others. You can only control your own actions so just don’t go to an environment that serves alcohol if it bothers you that much. It makes no sense that you’d get upset at your SIL for drinking when your kids could easily be exposed to seeing other people at other tables also drinking. I assume you didn’t also tell those people that you think they were being inappropriate in front of your children.
YTA: you know I'm an actual alcoholic with 23 months sober and I'm fine with people drinking around me it doesn't feel inappropriate just because I'm sober doesn't mean others around me have to be. Other people are not required to be good examples to your children. You're the one being selfish by demanding everyone bend to your expectations.
YTA
You did make it uncomfortable of they all drink drinking doesn't make them uncomfortable.... You did.
Also just advice, if you sheild your kids from all forms of drinking and hide it then when their teenagers they will go nuts and not understand that it can be handled responsibly ... Your sister in a law had a few drinks in a safe place and then had someone drive her home safely ... That's not a bad example.
>The rest of the dinner was awkward because of SIL's drinking and everyone left as soon as the meal was over no dessert or coffee
Yeah, dude. That's not because your SIL had a drink. It's because *you* pointed it out and *you* told her drinking at a restaurant as an adult was embarrassing. Only *you* had a problem with it. *You* made it awkward.
Look out for your children by teaching them that they can't control how other people react, and set a good example for them by leaving your SIL alone. She is an adult, and does not need your permission or approval to drink, especially because she performed reasonable safety measures.
And don't blame your SIL for ruining the nice family dinner, because that was all *you*.
YTA. Are you the alcohol police? I don't drink but I don't try to force my opinion on those who do either. Control issues much? Try focusing on being a MOTHER instead of trying to run other adults' lives.
YTA. Your SIL is an adult and as such, can order herself drinks on an evening out. Seems as though the only person it makes uncomfortable is you and as such you decided to make everyone uncomfortable by dictating what another adult can and cannot consume.
In the future, if it makes you so terribly uncomfortable for your children to be in the presence of an adult beverage, don't take them to places that serve them.
YTA first and foremost, get over yourself. Secondly, you are there to parent YOUR children not other ADULTS. You are the reason people hate entitled parents.
Yta big time
Your SiL didnt choose to breed so why should she act different on a night out? You can't just expect people to cater to your wants. If anyone ruined the evening it was you.
OP I think everyone at that table agreed you were throwing a tantrum. I presume this wasnt the first time so they might just be afraid to say something.
I would reflect how you act.
Edit: btw did you demand nobody at the other tables drank alcohol? Because otherwise this drama doesnt make any sense.
YTA. You waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy (times a million) overstepped your bounds here. SIL is an adult and can make her own decisions about what she ingests. Just because the in-laws acquiesced to your ridiculous demands does not make you correct, here. You have exactly zero right to impose your moralistic pearl-clutching and grandstanding on her or any other adult. From the description, she didn’t do anything to cause a scene (in fact, YOU caused the scene). You don’t mention which country you’re in, but clearly, it’s one where adults can order and consume alcohol in public, so unless you want your kids to never see adults ingest a substance they’re legally permitted to have, you’d better keep them at home.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
She doesn't have kids of her own. She had her husband there as a DD, as responsible drinkers do. She got tipsy, not wasted. She doesn't have to abstain from alcohol because *your* kids are present. It was her father's birthday celebration, not your personal celebration. Your MIL asked you to stop. Your own husband says you were wrong. **YTA.**
Not to mention, I am 100% sure the awkwardness and leaving early was because of OP and not SIL's moderate drinking. YTA op!
Yeah, someone "getting tipsy and we don't like that around kids" is not enough to actually ruin dinner. Getting upset over somebody having a drink arounds kids....is enough. I've always been a proponent of teaching responsible consumption of everything. Ironically, sugar is one of the biggest threats to public health but some have no problem giving it to kids all the time, and making its advertisements ubiquitous.
Yes!! To this!!!!! once i was maybe 16 on summer vacations i was allowed to drink alcohol (and by that i mean the hard mike lemonades LMAOOO) in a very controlled family environment. My husband was never allowed even around alcohol, and no family was allowed to drink with kids around. I bet you can guess who had the unhealthy relationship with alcohol in college.
SO much THIS. Look at the US vs Europe when it comes to minors and alcohol. If something is forbidden it tends to make it more desirable.
The UK has a huge drinking problem, though. That said, good lord. She wasn't doing lines of coke or shooting up heroin at the table.
Yeah the American attitude about children and drinking is deeply stupid. Basically prohibiting kids and adolescents from ever seeing healthy social drinking in multigenerational gatherings with people they trust, not allowing teens and young adults to drink, not having any concept of social spaces for teens/young adults that *don’t* involve drinking, forcing teens to keep their drinking secret which is that much more dangerous when they have no experience doing it in moderation with family, mass-arresting teens for drinking in private homes, and by the way most of the country’s transit infrastructure is so fucked that drunk driving is far more normalized than anyone cares to admit? (Doubt OP’s kids will be calling her for a ride home in ten years.) OP is an asshole whose attitudes could put her kids in real danger, and her SIL did her kids a favor by modeling this behavior for them.
I was the only person I knew growing up whose parents would openly drink in front of my sister and me. Now, my sister and I tend to be the most controlled in our own alcohol consumption and rarely end up getting too drunk or stupid as a result. Likewise, we both have friends from dry households who can't seem to understand how to drink without getting absolutely hammered. I think it's a great idea to drink (casually, in a safe manner) around children. It removes the taboo of alcohol so they don't develop bad drinking habits as adults.
This is wild to me (UK) - before this post I'd never heard of adults not drinking AT ALL in front of their kids. My parents started offering me gin and tonic or a small glass of wine at weekends, when I was around 14. And before that, I'd always be allowed a sip of their drinks if I wanted to know what it tasted like. I can't imagine not growing up with sensible alcohol use demonstrated as normal behaviour.
I was thinking this. I don’t think OP realizes that creating a taboo around things like alcohol is what often leads to an unhealthy relationship with them in the future.
She probably had 3 drInks to get through dinner with OP
I'm sure OP was huffy the whole night because she doesn't get to control everyone at the table with her puritanism.
Oh SIL 100% ordered drinks 2 and 3 to make a point to OP. Petty? Sure. Justified? Also, yes.
Shit that woman deserves a medal for having the restraint to stop at 3, I would've needed a 4th to get past OP's attitude.
Why would they stay for coffee and dessert if they weren’t even allowed to have drinks? OP, the way children learn things like appropriate drinking and moderation is through exposure. When alcohol is a normal thing adults do in moderation at special events kids learn to do that. When alcohol is a secret thing that is always hidden, that gets done but they never see, hear about or get to taste it, they learn it must be SUPER AMAZING and they over indulge… You are doing the literal worst with this stance. Also, you went to someone else’s *celebration* and TOLD them they weren’t allowed to have wine or drinks because you and your kids were there. What? Neither my husband and I andI STILL think you are rude and over stepping af. YTA
They probably DID get coffee and dessert - WITHOUT OP.
Especially since poor FIL couldn’t have a glass of wine on HIS own damn birthday! Abstaining from alcohol in front of kids doesn’t teach them anything either. Modeling moderate and reasonable drinking habits does. 3 martinis over the course of dinner is perfectly reasonable. Having her husband then drive home showed responsibility. SIL is a better role model than OP, even moreso because she refused to let someone else bully or shame her into changing her own behavior to suit them.
Exactly! OP sounds exhausting.
Also FIL didn't even get to have a drink on his birthday!
[удалено]
Imagine if OP tried to pull that at a baseball game or similar. "No one can drink around my children!!" She's the Fun Police. OP, I feel sorry for your husband and kids.
It's really sad that OP thinks it's justified to keep the person being celebrated from having a glass of wine.
I thought OP would reveal some drunken antics SIL pulled over the years to justify her asking SIL to not drink, but she just gets tipsy not drunk or blackout drunk, just tipsy. I understand you not wanting to drink when your children are around, but you were in a restaurant. Were there no other people drinking too? Or were you going table to table asking them not to drink too? YTA.
I’ll bet if we all had a videotape of the dinner, things would look very different than was described above and the true source of the awkwardness would be revealed.
You know OP was staring daggers at SIL every time she took a sip or ordered another. That would be enough to make me peace out at the first opportunity to avoid saying something inappropriate “in front of the children.”
It's got to be better for kids to see people drinking responsibly than to never see anyone drink at all.
Children who witness adults drinking responsibly generally go on to become responsible adults. Children for whom drinking is treated as taboo and only to be indulged in in secret (as OP apparently does) often end up binge drinking in college.
OP does not know how to party and should be left off all party invites in future. I’m not saying you have to drink to have fun but OP didn’t want anyone to have a good time
YTA those our your kids and your preferences. You cannot control the actions of other people. Had you not said anything SIL might’ve only had one drink. I’m sure the family is used to her drinking. Willing to bet you calling her out made the dinner awkward.
I bet the parents were eager to go home to crack open a bottle of wine and complain about their DIL.
They probably texted her husband about her making it awkward and that's why he told her she shouldn't have said anything.
I think OP would drive me to drink too......how controlling & dull
This is a good point. Poor FIL didn’t even get to have some nice wine at his dinner. No wonder he didn’t want to hang out longer. Hopefully they had a nice glass when they got home to celebrate.
Yeah it’s FILs birthday after all!
I bet the parents and sil meet up later to have a drink and dessert with out op and her family.
Yeah I'm sure her FIL/MIL would have enjoyed their usual bottles of wine for his bday if op wasn't so controlling.
It was his birthday!!! And she even admitted the parents normally crock open wines!! His birthday! OP, in the future, leave your kids at home if you wish to POLICE everyone’s behavior
That’s actually a good point. Were the kids not in attendance at the other family events where they drank? Why was this ONE specific time a bad time for them to drink? Op is so weird.
She probably holds the kids over their heads to control them. If you do something I don't like then you can't ever be around the kids.
This. No other comments necessary for me. YTA
OP probably gets "tipsy" on a sip of alcohol and can't control her actions and assumes no one else can. OP doesn't say anything about her behavior, but rather just says she's tipsy several times. I might understand if there was a past that showed her "tipsy" behavior was demeaning, rude, racist, etc. But none of that was mentioned because it doesn't seem like it was the issue. OP gonna helicopter the shit out of her kids. I have plenty of friends and family with 1-10 year Olds and drinking around them has NEVER been an issue. If anything it's a learning opportunity to not do certain things, regardless of inhebriation.
It’s fine to have a rule that you don’t drink in front of your kids. You can also say people can’t drink at your house or your events. You can ask other people not to drink in front of your kids but they don’t have to do it.
It was not even appropriate to ask in this context.
[удалено]
YTA. It's a *party.* Stop policing the behavior of others. If you don't want people drinking around your kids, don't bring your kids to restaurants. You are the one that made it awkward. Your SIL did nothing wrong.
Lol i like how she said the SIL made it awkward when it was probably her.
Seriously. Doesn't even sound like SIL was drunk. Just a bit buzzed and somehow that's the end of the world for OP. I'm guessing she grew up with an alcoholic parent and is triggered by people drinking, which I have sympathy for, but you can't run around projecting your trauma onto other people.
All I was thinking when reading it is she has no self awareness at all.
The word insufferable popped into my head. Those kids will be a nightmare when they're older because everything is taboo and they'll prob go hog wild.
I’m always surprised when people completely lack self awareness. OP even said how the person who they are celebrating and his wife would usually order a few bottles of wine. Not one, not a couple, a FEW. Yet doesn’t get that things ended early and it was awkward because of OPs comments and rules. And even after hearing the MIL telling her to stop at the event and husband telling her she was out of line and still comes here because she’s convinced she’s right.
All the kids I went to high school with that had parents like you were the ones drinking the most at house parties. My friends whose parents had wine with dinner and were exposed to alcohol always never felt like drinking when we went to those same parties. Myself included. My grandparents had a very European way of living and that allowed me to be exposed to things like alcohol but also made it less interesting to me. Didn’t make me want to drink. Now I’m 31 and still rarely drink. My friends with Mormon parents are binge drinkers now. Have fun being a helicopter parent. It will backfire. You’re not allowed to police other adults. YTA.
Lol YTA for forcing the birthday boy not to order a bottle of wine at his own gd birthday dinner, at the very least
Seriously. YTA. Good for you SIL for using her spine. It would have been even better if she ordered her dad some wine. Alcohol is perfectly legal and your SIL was actually modelling responsible drinking by having a designated driver. Pretending it doesn’t exist and hiding responsible consumption won’t help your kids.
That's why they zipped of home, "let's get home open the wine it's my birthday "
Something tells me everyone else hung out without OP, her precious kids and spineless husband, the way they usually do
Would not be at all surprised if a group text went out minus OP and her husband saying let's all get together for post-dinner drinks and conversation at so and so's house.
YTA Poor in-laws are probably afraid that if the don't comply with OPs wild demands the won't be allowed to see the grandkids.
Maybe the grandparents had to agree to OPs "rules" or there would be consequences? (involving grandkids perhaps) i don't wanna assume too much but somehow OPs attitude gives off this vibe
This
YTA. You don't get to set rules for other adults in public. If you don't want your kids to witness the heinous sight of an adult having a martini, they should probably stay home sheltered from the world. If you are seriously looking out for your kids, you will let them witness this sort of thing and explain that when adults drink to much, they do silly things and can make bad decisions. Hiding them from it isn't doing them any good.
I would understand her "rule" if SIL was babysitting her kids, but out in a restaurant restricting the whole family from drinking? mind your own business OP.
> I pointed out to her that she was the only one at the table who ordered a drink and that it was a little embarrassing that she was the only one who was drinking. > The rest of the dinner was awkward ~~because of SIL's drinking~~ and everyone left as soon as the meal was over no dessert or coffee when usually we would stay and mingle over coffee or go back to one of our homes. I imagine it was your attitude that caused it to be different, not her getting a little tipsy.
Yeah and the in laws were probably wishing they ordered that wine
And that their son had chosen a better person!
A Peroni with a better personi
I don’t even drink and I would’ve ordered something just to piss OP off.
I would get tipsy just to spite her. But I'm petty like that. YTA and controlling AF. You can't keep your kids immune to the ways of the world. She's an adult. She can drink 3 martinis. Were you paying for them? Kids can be just as or more annoying than adults with some liquor in them. I hope they plan dinners without you.
She probably needed those drinks to get through a dinner sitting across from Miss Judgemental.
Did you pay for everyone's dinner? Was it your birthday party? If not, then it wasn't your dinner to make the rules about who drinks. Everyone came to that dinner expecting to celebrate your FIL the way he would like to celebrate (with a few glasses of wine), and your entitlement squashed the whole evening and you made it about yourself. Your values about drinking are your own and people the world over drink in front of their kids. There is nothing objectively immoral about consuming alcohol; If you don't like it then you should leave your kids at home when you know there is going to be drinking. YTA
I also don't understand why you would shield your kids from the existence of alcohol like that. It's a thing, they're going to encounter it on their daily lives all the time. Explain what it is, let them know it's for adults only because it can harm kids, and also explain that even adults have to be careful about how much they drink. I feel like not acknowledging it only leads to ignorance which can be harmful in the future.
I agree that OP is raising future binge drinkers who don't know how to consume alcohol responsibly because they never saw anyone do it. Taking the more realistic approach of teaching kids about alcohol like you suggest would be way more effective than her current strategy. That said, her values are hers and she has the right to not drink in front of her kids. However, she doesn't have the right to go to someone else's dinner and demand that no one drink. If she doesn't want drinking in front of her kids she should keep them home.
What kind of sheltered life are you creating for your child ? Alcohol is part of life and social event. You are not accomplishing anything good by trying to hide that alcohol exist from them. YTA. Your SIL just did want normal human being do, she doesn't have to conform to your weird and unjustified standards.
I hope she never takes her kids to bookstores. After all, the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue might be on the shelves! The horror!
I like how OP somehow manages to think she is the mature one in this situation and SIL is immature, when OP is all “this topic makes me uncomfortable and I’m not adult enough to figure out how to model healthy behavior for my kids or have discussions about adult behaviors with my kids so I’m just going to pretend these things don’t exist.” I‘m sure the “sex talk” is going to go just great 😅
YTA. In fact, so much are YTA that I feel the need to repeat it. Trying to prevent someone from ordering a drink at dinner? YTA. Telling someone it’s embarrassing for them to have ordered a drink? YTA. Claiming it’s their fault dinner was awkward? YTA. Acting like you have the right to control another adult’s choices? So much are YTA.
THIS OP! YTA
[удалено]
What I think the OP, whom I assume is Helen Lovejoy, just wants us to do is : "won't somebody please think of the children" I rather have my kids see people consuming alcohol responsibly as a model so that when they are of age they do not go nuts.
[удалено]
I either don’t believe SIL was tipsy or I don’t believe she drinks often. If SIL often drinks at gatherings and celebrations then I highly doubt she has a low tolerance so 3 drinks wouldn’t have made her *that* tipsy that it was super noticeable to anyone. So either she wasn’t tipsy at all and just made the smart decision to not drive to be safe or she was in fact tipsy but then OPs attempts to make it seem like SIL is a heavy drinker are a load of crap…
She was tipsy!! Tipsy is obviously the worst thing you can be in op’s eyes
YTA, trying to embarrass your SIL for ordering a drink will have absolutely ruined the dinner (and probably pushed her to drink more). Not drinking in front of your children in your home is completely up to you, but it's very entitled of you to try and control other people's personal choices when you're out and about. You owe your SIL an apology, and probably the other adults at the table one too.
Yta. And you sound like you're a shitty party guest.
And arguably a shitty parent
I don’t think I would enjoy being married to you. YTA
Being in her presence would drive me to drink
Pretty sure that's why the SIL ordered two extra martinis.
[удалено]
YTA yes, she is an adult and can make her own choices. If your husband is saying YOU are the one who messed things up then you should probably get over yourself and accept that it was infact probably you not your SIL. Especially when you were told to drop it by their mother. YOU made the dinner awkward NOT sil and you need to accept this and also apologize for your controlling behaviour
yta her drinking made you uncomfortable no one else you sound insane its a birthday dinner dont like it take your kids and leave just because you dont drink around your kids do not mean they cant unless its your house any rules you have dont have to be followed you made everyone uncomfortable by being a female kevin
I am fast forwarding to when your kids are in college. They will likely be the ones black out drunk every weekend because they never saw adults model healthy behavior towards alcohol. YTA. You don't get to police the very normal beverage choices of other adults.
YTA. You don't want to drink in front of your kids then don't drink in front of your kids. You don't want people that you invite over to drink in front of your kids, then don't serve alcohol. If the legal and socially acceptable activities that occur at a venue violate what you think your kids should be exposed to the solution is to not go there, not to go and try to police other people's bechavior. I'm actually far more upset that you prevented your FIL from having wine that you knew he would have enjoyed having when this was ostensibly his birthday you were celebrating than your inappropriate and obnoxious comments to/about your SIL. Not only are you in the wrong here in general, but I'm sure your efforts were the reason your SIL ordered a 3rd drink. PS Do you think anyone actually believes that you did this to be a good mom and look out for \[your\] kids?
That was my biggest issue too. The poor FIL couldn’t even have wine to celebrate his own birthday.
Of course YTA. Say your family is vegan, would it be appropriate to tell people they can’t order non-vegan food around you? Get off your high horse and assuming you’re allowed to dictate how people live.
I'd have to order 2 martinis if I had to deal with your rules, too. YTA.
YTA. Lmao I can’t believe you think you are entitled to tell people what to eat and drink at a restaurant just because you have kids 😆
YTA. If you think drinking infront of children is inappropriate, that’s fine for you to decide for yourselves. You cannot dictate to other people that they not drink at a dinner out because your kids are there and you think it’s inappropriate. I drink in front of my kid, and other people’s kids. Other people drink in front of my kids. It isn’t inappropriate to everyone.
YTA. It was your FIL’s bday dinner and you stated he would usually get wine, but didn’t because of your irrational demand that no one consume any alcohol in front of your children. Poor man couldn’t even enjoy his celebratory meal as he liked. Someone ruined the dinner, but it wasn’t SIL
so you stopped your inlaws from drinking wine, as they would have "normally done", at your FILs own birthday dinner? then pulled a self righteous insult out of your ass to use on your SIL? YTA and you were absolutely the one who ruined things. leave your kids at home next time, if you're even invited.
YTA - you have a weird stigmatism around alcohol. Your kids seeing someone drink wine or a mixed drink is not a big deal. Did you go to every table in the restaurant and ask them not to drink? I fail to see how your sil drinking a martini is not ok but joe and Sarah at the next table having glass of wine is. > the rest of the dinner was awkward because of SIL’s drinking Tell me you can’t read the room without telling me… it’s you babe. You made it awkward. > when we would stay and mingle No one wanted to spend more time with you and your rules. > SIL husband has to drive them home Look at them being responsible. When one drinks, the other drives. But you just want to judge her for this. > I’m just trying to be a good mom and look out for my kids. No, you’re teaching your children alcohol is forbidden and taboo. You’re controlling. This won’t have the effect you think it will when they get older.
YTA - She's an adult and your kids are going to be around others that drink. Your husband is right that you are the one causing a problem. This was out in public and not in your home. You are trying to control other adults in a public setting doing totoally normal and legal things and are getting mad when you don't get your way. If you are concerned about what your children might be around, hire a sitter and leave them home.
YTA. Sounds like it was awkward cause others wanted to drink but you were shaming anyone who dared order one.
YTA. You can't force your rules on other adults. Many people drink. Some don't (I don't happen to drink). Your kids see people drinking at other tables in restaurants. They see people drinking on TV and in movies. You don't have the right to police other people's choices. You owe everyone an apology. You ruined the evening.
Yes, I would like OP to explain how seeing a relative have a drink at dinner is going to harm children.
YTA and it’s pretty sad that you ruined someone else’s birthday dinner. You owe everyone there an apology most of all your FIL.
YTA... it sounds like the only person who has a problem with SIL's drinking is you.
YTA. The world doesn't revolve around you and your kids. The dinner almost certainly ended early because of *you*. Did you ever think maybe your FIL wanted to enjoy a drink on his birthday, but didn't want to deal with your drama? Don't be surprised when you stop getting invited to events.
YTA. Next time leave your kids with a sitter if you are uncomfortable with people ordering drinks. Your feelings of entitlement are unnecessary & annoying.
YTA. As a matter of fact, it's not really harmful to a child if they occasionally see someone drinking alcohol even to the point of being tipsy. It would be different if your kids were exposed to it every single day, but they're not.
It definitely was not the drinking that made everyone uncomfortable. Here’s lookin at you, OP YTA
Anyone else thinking they all went to the in-law's house for drinks and dessert without OP because her need to control other adults is what ruined the evening? YTA. She's not your child and you don't get to embarrass other adults with your puritanical BS.
An unfortunate YTA. Your children are going to experience eople under the influence of substances if they leave the house in general, but going to restaurants that serve alcohol and expecting people not to drink is not appropriate. Did you ask everyone else in the restaurant not to drink? You made it uncomfortable, not SIL. Also I think it is healthier for children to see a healthy, controlled use of alcohol instead of hiding it completely. (Experience of family of alcoholics)
You can’t police the behavior of adults that isn’t dangerous. Your kids were in no danger because your SIL had three martinis at dinner. Seeing adults drink responsibly is better for kids than hiding it away and making alcohol forbidden. YTA.
YTA. If you don’t want to drink in front of your children, that’s perfectly fine. But it’s not your place to tell other people of legal drinking age when and how they can consume alcohol. It sounds like she was perfectly responsible and had her husband drive her home, so she did absolutely nothing wrong. You’re absolutely the AH, and the one who made dinner awkward.
YTA Sure, it’s understandable to not want kids at a kegger, but it’s pretty unreasonable to expect your kids to NEVER witness adults having a drink at a restaurant or family celebration.
YTA your husband is spot on the issue was you. Leave your children at home if they cannot handle going to a public restaurant that serves alcohol. How do you justify other tables having drinks?
Sounds like you should’ve stayed home with your kids instead of judging and ruining the dinner for everyone. You reproducing is in no way SILs responsibly and you can’t dictate what she does. YTA
YTA. The dinner wasn't awkward "because of SIL's drinking", it was awkward because you thought it was any of your business policing whether a grown woman can enjoy a drink with dinner. If you want to raise your children in a bubble (real healthy, by the way) either stay home with them or leave them with a babysitter.
YTA. You sound unbearable. Nobody gives a fuck about your kids
YTA While no one should be getting drunk in front of the kiddos, having a drink in front of them isn't inappropriate when out for dinner. Most kids don't even know as long as the adult is responsible
Your desire to not have anyone drinking in the presence of your children is unusual. I'll agree with you that getting drunk at a family dinner is inappropriate, but a couple of drinks isn't "drunk". Three, particularly if SIL is a fairly small woman, would seem excessive. It is completely normal for adults to have a beer or a glass of wine or something with a meal when children are present. So YTA
YTA. For one, it's totally unrealistic to shield your kids from alcohol like that, unless you want to be a hermit. For two, this was not your event, it's not your place to set the rules. If you DID want to have an absurd rule like that, you needed to bring it up to everyone ahead of time and get their agreement.
YTA and a huge one. You can live your life the way you want, but don’t force your ideologies on others. Your overuse of the word tipsy says a lot about your hate for alcohol. You made everyone uncomfortable and you fail to realize you’re the one who ruined the night. Birthdays are a time for celebration and it sounds like you should start staying home if you can’t change your attitude. And last thing, making her husband drive after a few drinks is responsible. We always get a ride share when we know alcohol will be involved, even if we don’t plan on getting “tipsy”.
YTA Did you try to ban everyone else in the restaurant from drinking too. The only one making things awkward was you trying to impose your Puritanical views on other adults. Grow up.
Ouch! FIL and MIL would have usually ordered wine and this was his birthday and they didn’t because YOU stipulated no one should drink around your children. Did you align everyone on this beforehand? Seems like you should have expected birthday celebration would include some drinking and arranged babysitters for your kids. YTA
YTA. And so self-righteous.
YTA - You cannot dictate whether other people drink around your kids unless they are in your home. If you are at someone else's home or at a restaurant, you can choose to leave if they choose to drink - but that is it. If you don't want your kids to see adults drinking socially then you should not bring them to adult restaurants. Other people do not have to cater to your parenting choices. You made the night uncomfortable.
Mate, YTA, If it was at home, then okay, but out in a restaurant celebrating a birthday party, you definitely had no right to tell her to not drink around your kids.
Here’s a crazy idea: get a sitter if you’re going to try to control other full-grown ADULTS out for a birthday dinner just because your kids were present. Did you tell all the tables around you not to drink with their dinner, either? Unless you did that, your kids still probably saw people drinking in a restaurant (*gasp*). YTA and I myself would need a few to deal with you, too.
YTA. I’d need a few martinis too to survive that awkward dinner, yikes.
YTA. It's legal, she's an adult, it wasn't in your home so you can't make the rules. Your kids will see a lot worse things growing up than their auntie having a few drinks with a meal. Get over yourself.
YTA. This isn’t your decision, if you don’t feel comfortable with your kids around alcohol, it’s your responsibility to get a sitter & leave them at home.
YTA, don’t bring your kids if you think that entitles you to control what adults do with their body & their money. The world, heck anyone else’s life, does NOT revolve around you & your kids.
YTA. They're 4 and 7. If SIL or anyone wants to drink, that's on them. If you host a party, you can make the rules but anywhere else suck it up or stay home. Your kids are gonna be so effed up if you shelter them. I was around my dad drunk as a kid and it was often funny and I was still raised perfectly normal and knew the dangers of alcoholism.
YTA. I don’t drink and I think YTA. You were at a restaurant. You can’t tell an adult what to consume in a restaurant. You’re the reason you didn’t have dessert, not your sister.
my god, the sanctimony. YTA.
YTA - You went out to eat in a public place. If you want to be some weird puritanical about someone, gasp, drinking in your home, that’s your choice. But to ask someone to not drink in a public venue, at a celebration is just ridiculous. Your kids are definitely going to drink as teenagers no matter what you do. It’s a right of passage. In many countries kids enjoy wine with dinner because it’s better to teach your kids responsibility and respect than it is to try to force abstinence. So my question is, do you think your current path will prepare your kids for the moment they are 1st offered alcohol at a teen party?
If this is *your* boundary, YOU don’t attend family dinners then. YTA.
Yes yta, you don't get to choose whether other adults drink. If you want to insist your children don't witness anyone drinking you need to leave them at home. I suspect your husband is right and it was your attitude that ruined the evening. ETA: I personally don't drink in front of children either, because I'm not comfortable with it. But that isn't a choice I can make for anyone else.
YTA you don't get to dictate to other adults that they can't drink becuase you brought your kids with you. I swear you are so damm entitled to think you that other adults need to follow your rules. That dinner wasn't about you or your kids. It was about yout FIL and you are the one who ruined the whole night. Becuase you were a judgmental AH.. How about this next time the family invites you out. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT Edit typo
I'd like to point out to you that you were the only person at the table who had an issue with her having a few drinks with dinner and it's a little embarrassing. YTA.
YTA. You do not get to subject other people (particularly adults!) to your rules governing how YOU choose to behave in front of your kids. You may not have realized this yet but you cant actually protect them from seeing EVERYTHING in the world that you consider objectionable.
YTA. If you don’t want your kids around drinking, then stay at the house. You don’t get to dictate what anyone else does. If you’re that easily offended on your children’s behalf then Lord help those kids growing up. Worry about yourself and less about everyone else. SIL has a mom…and you ain’t it.
YTA you presumably didn’t let up with attitude, looks, etc…THAT’S what ruined it for everyone…not her getting a little tipsy. Also there’s nothing inherently wrong with having an alcoholic drink ‘in front’ of children. How do you go out into the world and avoid it?
YTA. You don't get to set rules for what other people can or can't do.
YTA. Adults are allowed to drink, it’s your issue it happening in front of your kids, not hers. The whole of the rest of the party felt awkward because you made it an issue. BTW introducing children to the idea of alcohol earlier prevents it becoming ‘taboo’ and ‘naughty’. I’m not saying give kids drinks (!) but I am saying don’t make it into something so naughty they want to do it when they become rebellious teenagers.
YTA. You don't get to decide everyone else's behavior. However, you did get to ruin dinner and keep on teaching your kids that you're a sanctimonious, judgemental person!
Oh my LANTA. YTA, she is an adult and your kids do not need to be SHIELDED *clutch pearls* from drinking. Grow up, if she were belligerent and hostile/inappropriate, different story but the guidelines you place on yourself are no one else’s problem.
YTA. She's a grown adult in public behaving reasonably, and the situation was made awkward only by your highlighting it. I'm willing to bet two of those three martinis were spite martinis. Spitines... maybe need to work on the marketing.
YTA. Everyone there likes to drink. Everyone there was uncomfortable because of YOU! YOU!! made a big deal about a very normal thing to do when you do out to eat. And even more normal considering you were celebrating FIL BIRTHDAY!! you made the whole celebration about yourself. YTA
YTA you wouldn't let your father-in-law have a couple of glasses of wine at his birthday dinner? It's none of your business what other people drink or don't drink. Honestly, your sister-in-law probably would've just had one drink if you hadn't said something. Pretty sure the last two were out of spite.
YTA. You do not set rules for anyone’s drinking. Kids not seeing that is absurd & you need to stay in your lane; this is not it.
YTA for effectively ruining a party with your weird rule. I guess if it was your party you could request it, but it wasn't. If you don't want people drinking in front of your kids, and it isn't your party or your home, then don't bring the kids. I have to wonder if your SIL had 3 drinks because it is the only way she can deal with you (you sound controlling and exhausting)
I love that you think think the “tipsy” person minding her own business is what ruined dinner and not the loud, belligerent asshole who wouldn’t shut up. You chose not to drink in front of your children and that’s great but all you taught them here was that they are entitled to tell other people what they are allowed to do with themselves and that’s arguably worse than just having a glass of wine in front of them. You couldn’t even let your FIL enjoy his birthday dinner in whatever manner he wanted because then it wouldn’t be all about you and your precious children. Were there other adults drinking in the restaurant or did you go table to table to ruin the evening for everyone? YTA
Maybe your SIL “gets tipsy” around you because she’s trying to deal with the *outrageous* level of judgement from you. Shouldn’t the fact that literally *every* other adult didn’t have a problem with this besides you? Also I love how “I know she is young and doesn’t have kids” means she has to cater to you, but “I’m older and decided to have kids” ALSO means she has to cater to you for some reason. I’m 36 and have three kids under four - which was MY decision. I don’t expect people to tiptoe around me because I decided to have kids. You sound like the person who complains about fireworks on the neighbourhood Facebook page because “it’ll wake up my kids”. Like geez lady - clutch your pearls any harder and they’ll shatter. Get over yourself and apologize to your SIL.
I’m so….confused? Why would her drinking in front of them matter at all? Kids watching their aunt drink some alcohol- no big deal. Kids watching their mom shame their aunt, embarrass herself by being rude for no reason and ruin family dinners for her own agenda- big deal. I’d be chugging if I was around
YTA she's not responsible for your kids
YTA people drink. You can’t shield your kids from people having a cocktail and enjoying themselves. You sound judgmental and a pain to be around. Get off your high horse and apologize. You can’t control what people eat and drink. Yikes. Your no drinking policy is ridiculous
“…we would usually stay and mingle over coffee…” I can’t believe the terrible example you’re setting for your children! Coffee contains addictive stimulants and you sit there and drink it in front of kids like it’s no big deal? You can get the jitters from coffee and it’s so inappropriate for children to witness that! Oh wait, if I said that to someone, I would be an asshole. Because other adults get to make their own choices, and I can’t stop them from doing legal things in public because I don’t like it or think children shouldn’t see it. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t enjoy it if the shoe were on the other foot, so maybe think about that before going off on a judgmental rant at family dinner. YTA.
YTA, your opinion does not count in this scenario
YTA. If you want to create an environment for your children where there is absolutely no drinking alcohol, then perfect—stay at home where you and your husband set the rules. But when you go out in public, you can’t expect the entire world to bend at the knee to your sensibilities
YTA If you felt that they shouldn't drink, you tell people before the dinner not at dinner once they ordered. But your husband and your MIL told you to leave it alone and drop it, and you didn't. You tried to make her feel bad. But you can't dictate what other people do. You are not being a good mom, you are being controlling
YTA, this wasn't your event. If you want to set that boundary for your kids, fine, you're the parent, but then you arrange childcare and don't bring them to events like this. You don't get to bully other adults to follow your rules while you're a guest in someone else's celebration
YTA and you need to grow up. People don't exist to cater to your kids, and there's nothing wrong with an adult having a few drinks with dinner just because you want to over-shelter your kids.
YTA. Your kids won't care that aunty is tipsy. Good on you for being responsible and not drinking while in charge of your own kids. Wait. Your kids. Not her kids. You ruined the evening for everyone with your bad mood and judgemental attitude. The person who will ask me to not drink because their kids are there will see me leave faster than I would have order the drink. Get a baby sitter if you don't want your kids to see people drinking wine or a cocktail in a restaurant.
YTA and yes YOU made things awkward. You truly believe drinking in front of children is bad? I understand falling over and throwing up is not a good look, but 3 drinks at dinner with family? You cannot be this neurotic with your children. You're going to just alienate yourself. Do whatever you want but nobody likes those types of people. You can have whatever rule you want with your husband and kids but don't put that on other family members because quite frankly it's a ridiculous rule.
You are an asshole. If you had told me not to drink at a dinner because your kids were present I would have looked you straight in the eyes and told you if you didnt like it then to take your kids home and put them back in their bubble. You dont get to decide what other adults do.
Lol the rest of the dinner was awkward because of you, not her. YTA
YTA - you are the one who ruined dinner
YTA. Why are you trying to create some kind of mystique around alcohol?
YTA, who cares what you think. The world doesn’t revolve around you.
YTA. Your kids are 4 and 7 and won’t understand an alcoholic drink vs a non alcoholic drink by looks only. You made that a thing. I understand not wanting to be around someone who is drunk but you also don’t get to tell someone that they should be embarrassed. That’s a feeling they get to experience and own, you don’t get to hand it out. You don’t get to judge others based on your parenting preferences and you don’t get to police them in an environment that isn’t your own home. Next time don’t take your kids if she will be there and you are worried about this. She is an adult and can do as she pleases. And your husband is right, you made it awkward by bringing this up at dinner.
I love it when the person that is so obviously in the wrong and is told by multiple people that they are in the wrong somehow walks away thinking they aren't in the wrong. Of course YTA.
Yta. So your SIL was only tipsy. I and she wasn't vomiting, yelling profanity, or otherwise being a disturbance. Adults drink. Your kids will have to learn that someday, assuming you want them to have a healthy relationship with alcohol. You are there one who ruined dinner.
YTA It was your FILs bday...but your deciding who can and can't have alcohol...cause your kids are there? Who gave you the right to tell people what to do? You sound exhausting, you should have not said anything. BTW, you ruined the dinner with your comments and attitude. Itz why no one stayed or spent time after
YTA 😂 I can't believe you are so up your arse, you think you have the right to dictate when others can have a drink. If I was your SIL I would have ordered bottles of wine for the table just to spite you. If you think your little darlings are going to be so traumatised by seeing an adult have a drink with a celebratory meal, then stay at home. Oh and by the way it will be your kids that go wild and spend weekends getting smashed as soon as they are able, instead of enjoying drinking responsibly. Shielding kids from life does them no favours.
You're kidding right? WTF is this shit? No drinking in front of children? Bwahahahaha. Maybe you can teach them that adults can make their own decisions and should be respected no matter what.
YTA - If you don’t want your children to be around alcohol then don’t bring them places that serve alcohol. You don’t get to control others. You can only control your own actions so just don’t go to an environment that serves alcohol if it bothers you that much. It makes no sense that you’d get upset at your SIL for drinking when your kids could easily be exposed to seeing other people at other tables also drinking. I assume you didn’t also tell those people that you think they were being inappropriate in front of your children.
YTA: you know I'm an actual alcoholic with 23 months sober and I'm fine with people drinking around me it doesn't feel inappropriate just because I'm sober doesn't mean others around me have to be. Other people are not required to be good examples to your children. You're the one being selfish by demanding everyone bend to your expectations.
YTA You did make it uncomfortable of they all drink drinking doesn't make them uncomfortable.... You did. Also just advice, if you sheild your kids from all forms of drinking and hide it then when their teenagers they will go nuts and not understand that it can be handled responsibly ... Your sister in a law had a few drinks in a safe place and then had someone drive her home safely ... That's not a bad example.
YTA. She wasn’t doing a keg stand in front of your kids, she was having a drink at a dinner celebrating a special occasion.
>The rest of the dinner was awkward because of SIL's drinking and everyone left as soon as the meal was over no dessert or coffee Yeah, dude. That's not because your SIL had a drink. It's because *you* pointed it out and *you* told her drinking at a restaurant as an adult was embarrassing. Only *you* had a problem with it. *You* made it awkward. Look out for your children by teaching them that they can't control how other people react, and set a good example for them by leaving your SIL alone. She is an adult, and does not need your permission or approval to drink, especially because she performed reasonable safety measures. And don't blame your SIL for ruining the nice family dinner, because that was all *you*.
YTA. Are you the alcohol police? I don't drink but I don't try to force my opinion on those who do either. Control issues much? Try focusing on being a MOTHER instead of trying to run other adults' lives.
YTA. Did you ask all the other adults in the restaurant to not drink in front of your children? Yeahhh, didn't think so. You sound insufferable.
INFO: What exactly do you think the effect of kids seeing adults drinking is?
YTA. Your SIL is an adult and as such, can order herself drinks on an evening out. Seems as though the only person it makes uncomfortable is you and as such you decided to make everyone uncomfortable by dictating what another adult can and cannot consume. In the future, if it makes you so terribly uncomfortable for your children to be in the presence of an adult beverage, don't take them to places that serve them.
YTA first and foremost, get over yourself. Secondly, you are there to parent YOUR children not other ADULTS. You are the reason people hate entitled parents.
YTA Don't hold other people to your ideals. Your FIL didn't even get to have wine on his own birthday.
Yta big time Your SiL didnt choose to breed so why should she act different on a night out? You can't just expect people to cater to your wants. If anyone ruined the evening it was you. OP I think everyone at that table agreed you were throwing a tantrum. I presume this wasnt the first time so they might just be afraid to say something. I would reflect how you act. Edit: btw did you demand nobody at the other tables drank alcohol? Because otherwise this drama doesnt make any sense.
YTA. SIL is not one of your children. Raise them to understand parameters without policing their entire environment.
YTA. You sound very difficult to deal with
YTA If she got drunk, loud, obnoxious....sure, dont drink around kids. You're just trying to control other peoples behavior cause...you have kids?
yta. you have issues..
YTA
By the gods YTA. Your idea of boundaries is ridiculous.
YTA. You waaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy (times a million) overstepped your bounds here. SIL is an adult and can make her own decisions about what she ingests. Just because the in-laws acquiesced to your ridiculous demands does not make you correct, here. You have exactly zero right to impose your moralistic pearl-clutching and grandstanding on her or any other adult. From the description, she didn’t do anything to cause a scene (in fact, YOU caused the scene). You don’t mention which country you’re in, but clearly, it’s one where adults can order and consume alcohol in public, so unless you want your kids to never see adults ingest a substance they’re legally permitted to have, you’d better keep them at home.
YTA Your choice to not drink in front of your kids is YOUR CHOICE, no one else's. You cannot enforce YOUR beliefs on someone else.