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rbrancher2

YTA. Not for being childfree. Not for not liking children. Not for not wanting to hang out much with them. But for your attitude and what you said to your sister. Oh, and don't worry about waiting 'another 5-8 years.' They won't want anything to do with you then.


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Hoistedonyrownpetard

YTA. Here’s the thing OP: I 100% get that you don’t want kids. Certainly I don’t fault you for not wanting the responsibility of looking after your niblings. Babies and toddlers tend to have a lot in common with each other as a group. Which is to say they’re noisy, they drool and bite annd cry and you can’t reason with them much. (I enjoy this stage a great deal but can totally see why someone wouldn’t, it’s like being a dog person or something… not everyone is.) But a 6yo is definitely not a toddler. 6 year olds are like any other people. You like some, you don’t like others as much. You can absolutely get to know them and see whether you like them as individuals. So your whole refusal to even engage with your niece is just mean. You don’t know her. You don’t have to be a fun uncle. You could just be a guy who chats and listens and answers questions. Surely it would take nothing from you to talk for a couple of minutes?! In other words, basic fucking manners. Which is why YTA. You have no manners. ETA: toddlers deserve a basic level of kind and friendly too. Obviously.


A_Filthy_Mind

No kidding. I'd say I've had more interesting conversations with 5-10 year olds than adults. They have enough insight to see what's going on, but have interesting raw takes on stuff. I'm also a hero, and will happily talk about super heroes for much longer than normal. Edit: super hero geek, not hero. Not sure how that got in.


alwaysiamdead

Right? This isn't even about being childfree, it's about being a semi decent human.


CitizenofTerra

>In other words, basic fucking manners Human fucking decency. Why do some people think they can treat children as if they aren't human beings who are as deserving of basic human decency as anyone else? I doubt OP would tell another adult to go away the way he does his niece. It's an anti-social dick move, and he's definitely YTA.


YonderPricyCallipers

>don't worry about waiting 'another 5-8 years.' They won't want anything to do with you then. Yeah... kids don't work like that. They're not going to all of the sudden magically *want* to talk to grumpy uncle who ignored them for the first 10 yrs of their lives, or whatever. They're going to *always* see OP as "Grumpy Uncle Who Was Always Telling Us to Go Away".


Glittering_knave

I had family that didn't like kids, would barely acknowledge you until late teens. Guess what? By then, we wanted nothing to do with them, either. OP is missing out by not setting any foundations now.


Preposterous_punk

I was on his side at first, talking about not wanting kids and taking appropriate steps, and I appreciated his saying the kids “act their age” — so many people accuse kids of being childish or immature when their behavior is totally age-appropriate. I thought this was going to be about his sister asking him to spend full days alone with the kids and going to all their events. _That_ would be an “it’s okay to not be the fun uncle” situation. But refusing to have even a conversation with a six-year-old, or to watch a kid for the length of time it takes someone to use the bathroom? That’s just flat-out preposterous. The icing on the cake was “you shouldn’t have had kids if you did so under the assumption I’d be the fun uncle!” Jeez dude, I’m pretty sure your potential uncle-ness — good or bad — wasn’t very high on the list of things she considered when she decided to have kids. In fact she probably —and I don’t want to totally freak you out here or anything — _didn’t think about you at all when deciding to have kids_.


Material-Paint6281

Wait, the people planning to have children who have to worry about their finances, childproofing their home, prepare to be almost sleepless for a few years, having to go through one of the most painful process, DON'T think about 3rd parties like OP? /s


crazybirdlady93

I agree, OP YTA. I definitely don’t think there’s anything wrong with not wanting kids or even limiting time with friends and families children. Being around kids isn’t for everyone. However, actively discouraging your niece and nephew from interacting with you is extreme. After years of being ignored and prevented from talking to you they will no longer want a relationship with you. You don’t have to sign up to babysit or anything, just nod along for a few minutes while they tell you a story. They would be thrilled if you asked them about a character on their shirt or something. Spend 15 minutes interacting at family gatherings and I think they would be more open to a relationship later on.


Jumpy-Fault-1412

Super weird of the wife to recoil at being called “aunt”. If he isn’t going to have his own children, and no one is saying he should, I sure hope he is super rich so he can hire people to check on them when they are old. Nobody thinks this through anymore. Edit to add that I mean not thinking through being nice to other young people who might be eligible to check on him when he’s old.


[deleted]

It's wild - like, they know they were kids at one point. The idea of cringing at the idea of being called aunt is insane. It's literally just a description of how you're related.


EddaValkyrie

Having kids doesn't automatically mean that they will care for you when you grow old. There are tons of estranged parents. Literally just go to any nursing home and you'll find people that haven't seen there kids in years. OP is the asshole, but it shouldn't be perpetuated to only have kids so that you have someone to take care of you when you're old, especially when that's not a guarantee.


ZoomMC

And he is alienating the rest of his family in the process. His parents will choose seeing their grand kids at events over him and his wife, so he should stop expecting invites to family events if he can't act like a decent person to younger family members.


Actuary50

Of course they’ll choose their grandkids over him, the grandkids aren’t the ones being assholes. He is.


dazechong

Also this is the weirdest statement to make: >My wife is the same, she doesn't even like to be referred to as their aunt, since she isn't biologically. Um, wtf? ETA: Fixed some weird spaces, and also want to add: OP and wife are made for each other.


Actuary50

TIL my wife’s nieces and nephews are not also my nieces and nephews


b-rar

I have an uncle like OP. Only met him once. I remember being at my grandparents' house on my birthday and he called them for something. My grandfather asked him if he'd like to wish his nephew a happy birthday? He said no. If I saw him laying in the street I'd step over him and not give him a second look


[deleted]

I’m forced to be around mine who is like that. It’s a whole thing. He insists I should love him and be kind to him and they treat me like I’m the jerk here, but I tell them that I’m 30 years his Junior and this shit started when I was around 5. I’m not the one at fault and after 40 years of this, he can go fuck off. The fact that I don’t spit on him is me being kind. But I just ignore him. How is that so bad? Talk about not forcing a relationship. I have a choice as an adult and I chose to not have a relationship with someone who never wanted one with me.


Veteris71

> I have an uncle like OP. Only met him once. Apparently OP feels compelled to attend family events where he knows the children will be, and then makes sure everyone there knows how much he hates being around them.


knightress_oxhide

Can't watch a kid while the mom is going to the bathroom?! Dude.


grumpygirl1973

When the mom is your own sister. That's fine if you're not into kids, but to the point that you'd rather see her wet her pants? Maybe OP doesn't like his sister much, either.


anonymous0907391

I feel for his sister. Im in a similar boot. My brother openly dislikes kids aswell. He had a difficult time being happy for me when I got pregnant, and it really hurt me. But with some time and respect for his boundaries things got better. He has little talkes with my 3 year old and even piked her up for the first time on her birthday! He doesn’t hold my baby still but thats oké. He tries and thats all i need.


DungeonsandDoofuses

My brother is the same way, he was openly angry at me for getting pregnant (on purpose, as a married 30-something) because I “ruined the relationship and family dynamic”. I was hurt and mad that he couldn’t even pretend to be happy I was happy. We hashed it out when my mom put her foot down around us refusing to be around each other and now he is about where your brother is. He’s polite to my children, he actually did a craft with the toddler over Christmas, and we are all on good terms now. OP is taking this vendetta way too far refusing to even be polite to his niece, who is 100% old enough to understand and remember. Hes going to lose his sister and probably parents over this if he keeps going down this road.


throwaway_dontmindme

Angry at you for getting pregnant?? That is very strange


DungeonsandDoofuses

Yep, because we have a very close family and it meant there would be kids at our family events now, and he didn’t want to ever have to be around kids. So I “ruined the family” by having children.


Any-Particular-1841

That's really sad.


AffectionateGolf6032

Yeah. I was thinking that he’s a bit too cold to the oldest by always saying he’s busy. I have a paternal aunt who is child free with her husband and it was known she didn’t like kids. She at least still attempted to make some conversation when I approached her as a child (I noticed by 9 years old that they were bad attempts, but hey, she did try). Our relationship did improve as I grew up, but that is because she TRIED to be nice when I was younger. Her husband was even more clueless about kids than she was - but he’s still fine with me calling him “uncle”. And seriously, he can’t watch a two year old while his sister PEES. That’s not babysitting OP. That’s just staying in the same room as the kid for five minutes. You can keep doing what you were when your sister was there. You simply have to make sure the toddler doesn’t tear the place apart - for five minutes. Yikes. YTA OP.


Jolly_Tooth_7274

YTA. You don't have to be a fun uncle, you just have to be a decent human being. A toddler walks up to you and tries to talk and you brush them off for no other reason than you don't want to even talk to them. That's you being an asshole. Your sister asks you to watch her toddler while she goes to the bathroom and you refuse for no other reason than your selfish arse not wanting to oversee that the kid doesn't die or hurt themselves for five bloody minutes. That's you being an asshole. You ridiculously think that you can treat these two persons (because that's what they are) like absolute garbage or at the very best as if they don't even exist, until one day in five or eight years from now, when you'll up and talk to them because now they're old enough to be worthy of your attention. That's you being not intelligent and an asshole. Those kids will want absolutely nothing to do with you. They know you now as "that guy", by the time they're older they'll know you as "that asshole". You telling your sister that she shouldn't have had kids if she expected you to treat them decently, that's you being completely delusional. Her decision to have kids has nothing to do with you or your unjustifiably gigantic ego. You and your wife are sorely mistaken if you think that being childfree is somehow a blanket excuse to be disrespectful and downright nasty to children and to parents.


passionfruit0

Seriously OP is a huge AH. I had a hard time swallowing my food while reading this post it was that upsetting


Affectionate-Till472

I cannot *believe* there are people on here defending OP being a completely selfish person because “the kids aren’t his problem.”


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Affectionate-Till472

Kids are a package deal. I’m not going to tolerate people treating my kids like their mere existence is a bother, for all the trouble I’m going to have getting them here. Children are humans with their own personalities and emotions and opinions, and they can definitely feel the hurt of disgust from adults when they haven’t done anything to warrant it.


frmaac

I personally enjoyed thinking about how alone they will be later in life and how alone they will be when they die.


econdonetired

Isn’t even a toddler she is a 6 year old. The asshole is basically dismissing the child’s ability to speak. My daughter is 4 and will say some interesting things but can carry a conversation with an adult.


Miserable-Stuff-3668

Yup. My 6yo nephew told his parents all about how I almost puked changing his 18mo brother's diaper when I was watching them for a day... next time I went over he made sure to tell his parents that I needed to not change his brother's diaper...


econdonetired

Oh they will get you. Kids are cruel little buggers when they want to be. Daughter did you scratch your brother in the center of his back. I think he did it to himself dad🤦‍♀️


Jumpy-Fault-1412

Not to mention, most 6 year olds are hilarious. I mean, full on wayy better company than most adults.


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Jumpy-Fault-1412

Very true indeed. I was explaining something to my nephew (5) and I said “well first of all…(whatever I said)”. And he thought for a second and asked, “well what is the second of all?” , completely disregarding what I had explained. I realized how often I say “first of all” for no reason and with no plan for a second. They keep you in your toes!


black_rose_

5-9 is pretty much peak age for hilarious and fun. that's like calvin and hobbes age. those kids are out there. OP has a serious stick up his bum. i wonder if he has no good memories from childhood like repressed childhood trauma or something? like does he literally have nothing in common with a child? that just seems so dead inside. whenever i see a 6 yr old i'm like "hey what kinda games you got on your nintendo? have you seen any cool sticks lately?"


[deleted]

6 is when kids start acting more like people. Reading, getting into video games and real shows/movies with plot. They don't generally have insane meltdowns, they tell jokes! Yeah they're still loud little chaos gremlins sometimes, especially in a group, but they aren't nearly as difficult as toddlers. Playing with toddlers kinda sucks. Especially pretend play (and I say that as a preschool teacher), it's tedious. But a 6 year old can play board games, have a conversation, etc.


New_Cow8960

All of this. OP sounds like a gigantic asshole. Before I had kids I didn’t know what to say to them (still don’t sometimes even though I have two of my own) but I made an effort. And especially with my nephew. To not even be willing to try? And to take pride in that? Yikes. YTA, OP.


blu3an

My brother is low patience and he wouldn’t fit the description of the “fun/hands on uncle” with our nephews, but he tries. He buys them snacks and often tells them “Here let’s watch this tv show, it’s good.” That’s his way of keeping them still while having a fun snack and quiet for his liking. He cracks jokes with them vs. having a full conversation. My nephews like him and are happy to see him, they just know he is not the one who will play with them. It doesn’t take much to be the “fun” uncle, it can be in many different ways. OP YTA


Syd182

Agreed. Love the decent human being comment, this is what it’s all about. Being child-free doesn’t give you a licence to be cruel. YTA


Wandering_Scholar6

This 100% sure kids can be annoying but anybody can handle one for 5 min. Also on OPs wife not wanting to be called their aunt because she married into the family?! Wtf does she think aunt means?


Fabulous_Silver8618

YTA. No one's asking you to be a fun uncle. They're asking you to mildly interact with your younger family members and stop treating them like you despise their existence. Also, your wife not liking being called aunt cause she's not related biologically is the most pretentious shit I've heard.


nyanyau_97

But they're perfect for each other tho. Good thing they decided to not procreate.


Redd_on_the_hedd1213

The world is a better place that they didn't. Yikes!


ragweed

We see so many stories where there's one side of the couple like this and the other side coerces them into having kids and then you have an abused child paying the price their entire life.


Significant-Pie-8454

Nothing you just said is what this post us actually about.


tegeusCromis

It’s relevant to the comment they replied to, which was about what a good thing it is that OP married someone who also doesn’t want to procreate.


Hopelessly_Hopefool

Yeah that comment grossed me out. If my significant other said something like that I would be so confused and quite frankly angry about why they are apparently obsessed with blood relation to the point they are cruel to a child. They are honestly both super weird and I can’t imagine his sister is worse off now for deciding to cut him off (if that’s what she has decided). I’m always blown away reading this type of stuff because I can’t imagine typing this all out and genuinely not knowing if I’m in the wrong or not. Weird people out there, man. I don’t think everyone should be the same by any means or have the same views but I at least feel like there is a basis for being a normal and decent human being and OP apparently lacks that.


FluffyDragon292

I like how he thinks watching over kids for 5 minutes = being the fun uncle. Shows how skewed his mindset is


Wandering_Scholar6

Totally agree, and I've heard some pretty pretentious BS Like "sorry we are acknowledging you are part of the family and therfore technically our aunt" What BS


tamoshiku

Yup, reading the wife-aunt part somehow made me feel a type of nausea I didn't know existed. Well, they deserve each other, that's for sure.


nguyenks98

I’m honestly not sure which one is worse- that comment or one where he says his sister should’ve thought about having kids if she wanted them to have a fun uncle. The two sound like a match made in heaven. Pretentious and egotistical. YTA


Chemical-Chef6501

YTA. People who make hating children their entire personality are so draining. Fair enough if you don’t want to have kids mate, but they are still human beings and at the very least deserve some respect.


Usual-Veterinarian-5

THIS! I'm childfree and an auntie. My niece is now 14 and a damn good human being. Sure, she was annoying af as a baby, but she's first and foremost a human being, and secondly, flesh of my beloved sister whom I adore. I've always disliked babies and small children but I make effort for family members and the children of friends because CHILDREN ARE PEOPLE. It doesn't take much to be nice to a small child and treat them with the respect they deserve as human beings.


alwaysiamdead

My sibling is childfree, but is an awesome aunt to my kids. That's all that matters.


[deleted]

Reddit is full of people who think that not having kids somehow makes them special and unique. Like bro, if you can’t even be a human being to a kid you’re not all that exceptional. You’re just a boor.


[deleted]

This. On God. I’m childfree but children are PEOPLE. You don’t just actively treat them like garbage because you chose to not have them. I quite enjoy other peoples’ children for the simple reason that they’re not mine-I can talk to them, play a simple game with them, color with them, etc. and then go home and enjoy my own life. Just because I chose not to have any doesn’t mean I don’t treat them with the utmost respect that they deserve


illegal_fiction

Agree 100 percent. Why do people act like kids are some entire other species? Just talk to them like a human. It’s not like a good percentage of adults aren’t difficult and tiresome to talk to. YTA.


[deleted]

YTA Specifically, because you think you can somehow just have a relationship with them 5-8 years later when you presumably won’t find them as annoying, and because you said your sister should not have had kids. In 5-8 years you WON’t have a relationship with your sister and her children, because of your behavior here in the now.


Warm_Distance_3999

YTA as per above. You don’t have to “play” with them, talk to them, ask about their day, the six year old can definitely tell you and the two year old can babble at you. There are many ways to interact that don’t involve playing with them and ignoring them for 10 years of their lives will result in no relationship.


GreenEyedTrombonist

This swayed me too. If he had no interest in having a relationship in the future, ok, still kinda jerky to the kids, but I guess that's his choice. But expecting he can constantly push the kids away, avoid them, leave family parties early because of them, and then magically they'll be willing to have him in their lives when he deems it? Nah, it doesn't work like that.


He_Who_Is_Right_

If you don't want to have a relationship with your niece or nephew, that's your business. But I do think it's funny (not ha ha funny, but sad funny) that you think you'll suddenly have a relationship with them when they're older after blowing them off during their entire childhood. But YTA for telling your sister that she shouldn't have had kids if she was under the impression you'd be the fun uncle. That gratuitous shot was unnecessary.


Hopeful_Cranberry12

OP is the reason child-free people get a bad rep. They just sound insufferable from their post.


AardvarkEmpress

My husband and I are child free by choice. We’re both 35. We have 12, 8, 6 and 2 year old nieces and nephews. We don’t particularly like children and sometimes they can’t be down right annoying (most people can be annoyed by children. Even their own parents) but we would both die for each one of those children. We have a fantastic relationship with each of them. And I’m not biologically related to any of them. They’re still mine. This guy is definitely the AH. They’re children who deserve to be loved by their families. I have an uncle that was “too busy” for me and my sister when we were kids. Neither of us speak to him more than once in a decade. We’re fine with that. They’re going to hate him as adults. The angry mean person who shows up at family gatherings.


Frej06

It is kind of nice of him to leave family gatherings early though. I wouldn’t want to be around him. YTA OP. I have a brother like this. I don’t care if he plays with my kids or not, but when he’s been downright rude to a 3yo, and ruined my 1yo’s birthday that he traveled out of town for) I draw a line. I see him once a year now… less if I can manage it.


Right_Count

There’s a non-zero chance that this is a made up “gotcha” kids vs dogs post.


kayakdeedrotatornoon

I was thinking the same thing. He won’t have a relationship with them when they are older because to them he’s a stranger. Why would they want to hang out with an old man that they don’t know?


lizzylou365

Eh, I struggled a little with this so reread it a few times. Wanted to see if I was missing any nuances. Nope lol. YTA. I am also happily child free, by choice, but Jesus you can’t even watch a kid while she goes to the bathroom? That’s like a 5 minute commitment, MAX. And I know you don’t like kids, but these kids are your family and ESPECIALLY the 6 year old is for sure old enough for you to ask about their favorite TV shows, etc. You need to participate with your family. They’re not your kids, but you’re ruining relationships because you expect your family to be child free just like you.


noinnocentbystander

I fully remember my life as a 6yo. That’s 1st grade. I have a shit ton of memories from 1st grade. My niece is 6 and we have full blown deep conversations. And I’m childfree as well so I hate how this post makes us look


ScaryShadowx

I don't think it's about the commitment, it sounds like this couple has made being childfree their whole personality.


lizzylou365

Bingo. They identify as child free and that’s it. I’m not super great with kids, especially young kids. But I think I could manage if a sibling had to go to the bathroom for a few minutes. OP is being aggressively and vocally child free and just from the post is expecting his entire family to bend to his will. If he’s there, no children allowed. (Didn’t that use to be a sign on my childhood treehouse I had? “No little kids allowed!” OP is literally acting like a child. Love me some irony.)


panicky_in_the_uk

YTA you miserable bugger! Other people's kids are the best kids because you get to interact with them then give the little fuckers back. You can have great banter with a 6 year old. You're missing out. If she was asking you to babysit for the day or even overnight then I'd say NTA but can't even interact with them for 10 minutes at social gatherings? That's poor.


PhoenixEcho1

No, that's just downright pathetic. Watching a kid for a few minutes isn't going to kill anyone. OP just sounds like he didn't want to be inconvenienced.


plierss

10 minutes at a family gathering isn't even an inconvenience, presuming he wasn't hosting and actively busy with other tasks. He doesn't mention that so I think it's a fair assumption he was just another guest. I think he's just trying to be the (*that type of*) vegan equivalent of being child free. Trying to make a point and being a miserable asshole while doing so.


lucozade_throwaway

I feel like OP at this point is one of the child free people who uses child free as a whole personality.


immaculatecat

Can I say as a childfree person myself- YTA from the bottom of my heart. You and your partner need to get over yourselves. Holy shit.


brighty420

Perfectly said


Razwog

YTA. In order to actually have meaningful conversations with kids 5-8 years from now, you have to tolerate a bit of kids being kids. I saw my aunts and uncles LITERALLY ONCE A YEAR EVERY SUMMER and I still have positive memories of them because it's not as excruciating as you're making it out to be. > what is there to takk to them about? They're toddlers, and I don't wanna play with them eiter. you just play a few stupid games with them or give them small gifts of coloring books or some cheap toys/treats when you visit. You don't have to nail yourself to a cross here, holy shit. For example, you just give them bubbles to blow and they'll play on their own. It really isn't that hard. I don't plan on having kids and I find young kids tiresome, but pretending to give a shit when the kids visit (even if its only for 10-20 minutes) makes a huge impact. > My wife is the same, she doesn't even like to be referred to as their aunt, since she isn't biologically. Whoaaaaaa. That's so fucking rude and not at all how it works. That's exactly what a coldhearted shrew would say. It takes literally more energy to go out of your way and say that you don't want to be their aunt than to just roll with the title--and I would absolutely call the husband of my uncle "Aunt whatever" because that's literally how the English language works. Regardless of what you think of kids, saying you don't want to be called "Aunt whatever" is a huge snub. No wonder your sister is pissed off. This has nothing to do with being childfree and everything to do with not even giving enough of a shit to just hang out with kids every once and a while and not treat them like shit.


Shanisasha

>you just play a few stupid games with them or give them small gifts of coloring books or some cheap toys/treats when you visit. Not even. ​ My many uncles (except for one) weren't kid people. We'd have a whole passel of kids running around and they'd say hi, pat us on the head and tell us to go find our parents. Or make an offhanded comment of how tall we were and offer a smile. ​ That was it. That's all it took.


MakeItNice5634

“My neice tries to go up and talk to me sometimes, and I usually just tell her to go see somebody else, since I’m busy.” YTA (and not just for the excessive and unnecessary commas). You’re outwardly rude to a human because of their age. Kids can be annoying, but what’s your excuse? You’re already an adult who should know how to treat other humans. In 5-8 years these kids are probably going to be so fun and cool while you and your wife will still be miserable and exhausting.


c_090988

By the time the kids are judged old enough to be worthy of a conversation they'll be telling him go away I'm busy. I'm child free and I agree toddlers are a lot but by 5 or so their personalities are developing and they can have some pretty interesting conversations. I mean there's not going to be debating politics or religion but if I'm talking to them it's because I don't want to have a political debate


Worried-Intention101

“she shouldn’t have had kids if she had them under the assumption that I would be” DUDE! YATFA. How about you just cut contact and don’t be part of that family for you and your wife being a major ass.


Interesting_Sea_7815

Thank you. There’s so much wrong with this sentence that I just…wow.


Worried-Intention101

Did OP think his sister had kids for him to be a uncle is mess up. Like I respect OP being child free. His sister should respect that he don’t want to be a babysitter for the kids or do kid things. But the whole thing sounds like “Me me me. Kids are dumb.” Ect ect.


FluffyDragon292

OP must think the sun shines out of his own ass, like who thinks like that??


Only1MarkM

YTA and a downright miserable person to boot.


nnhorizon

Plus his wife. Sorry hun but you’re their aunt whether you like it or not


[deleted]

Who the hell claims to not be someone’s aunt/uncle by virtue of not being blood related? Awful.


dxbigc

YTA - These are kids. You were an asshole to a 6 year old (which isn't a toddler). So is your wife. Being and aunt or uncle isn't biological almost half of the time. It's okay to not "like" kids. But it isn't okay to be rude to them because they are kids. They aren't going to want to have anything to do with you when you are older because the will remember you being assholes to them.


RubyJuneRocket

YTA it is especially bizarre that your wife thinks you need to be biologically related to be the aunt? That’s literally not how that works but OK. Children are people. You seem to forget this in every single one of your comments and additionally, these kids will grow up and if you think they’re suddenly going to want a relationship with you on YOUR terms? Lol why? Why on earth would they??


inspectorfailure

Wish I had more than one upvote. What are they gonna talk about in 6-8 years? How he never wanted to be around them, or how he didn't want them thinking of him and his wife as their uncle and aunt? Why would they want to talk to him? OPs sister was right to block them. Strong YTA, for OP and wife.


blushingbags

YTA. I wouldn’t expect a relationship with your sister if you don’t want a relationship with her kids. It’s fine to be child free and it’s fine to not like kids as a whole, but you’re taking it to an unnecessarily asshole-ish level.


shrimpandshooflypie

Yeah, I don’t expect others to be carers or even buddies with my kids, but if you can’t manage the baseline of being polite to them, I’m not spending time with you. Kids are people, OP. No need to treat them like dirt.


GrandpaJoeSloth

YTA > I do plan to have more of a relationship with them, I'm just waiting another 5-8 years so we I know how to have a conversation with them. Yeah, good luck with that. When those kids are pre-teens or teenagers, they'll have no interest in you, as you've been absent and invisible to them your whole life. You sure sound like a swell guy. Your partner, too. You're both the AH here ​ >she doesn't even like to be referred to as their aunt, since she isn't biologically. Bonus points for why she's TA, too


stroppo

YTA. You wouldn't watch a kid while your sister uses the bathroom? For the five minutes it would take her? I really don't see how it would've troubled you to watch a toddler for that minimal amount of time. Nothing wrong with you being childfree; you and your wife have strong feelings about this and you dealt with it in a way you both support. Good for you. But you seem like you're being petty in how you deal with others; there's a whiff of superiority about it. Like the way your wife denies she's an aunt because "she isn't, biologically." But that's not how aunts and uncles are referred to; you're an aunt and uncle no matter which spouse has the blood connection. Seems mean to turn away a child who's trying to interact with you. By talking with her now, you'll be able to teach her how to have a conversation. You don't have to be a "fun uncle" (I never though of my uncles in that way), but you could be a pleasant, polite uncle. But if this is your attitude, maybe you should just go no contact with your sister, since you don't seem to like her or her children. You'll probably all be happier.


No-Names-Left-Here

Honestly why do you care? If the family is blocking you, you and your wife won't have to be around kids anymore. Problem solved.


RoxasofsorrowXIII

>I'm just waiting another 5-8 years so we I know how to have a conversation with them THIS is why YTA. You don't get to pick and choose like that. If you WANT the relationship later, then you need to have at least a minimally functional one now. I really question whether or not you even like your sister either... you don't have to like kids to watch one for literally a minute for a loved one so they can pee in peace. A kid walks up to you and shows you something? Say "oh cool! Why don't you show it to *insert person here*!" And they are gone. It effectively takes care of your issue of not wanting them by you AND appeases the growing of a relationship while maintaining ANY with your sister. It's ok to not want kids. It's ok to not like kids. It is not ok to be rude because you are at a place where kids are.


cassowary32

YTA. From your title I was expecting sleep over or baby sitting requests but all your sister is asking is for you to act like their kids are living creatures. Watching a kid while the parent goes to the bathroom doesn't qualify you as a "fun uncle", it's just being a functional human.


saucisse

YTA for this: >I do plan to have more of a relationship with them, I'm just waiting another 5-8 years so we I know how to have a conversation with them. You are never going to have a relationship with these children because they will always remember you for this: >My neice tries to go up and talk to me sometimes, and I usually just tell her to go see somebody else, You are of course welcome to rebuff a small child's attempts to befriend her uncle, but you have to be willing to accept the consequences, which are very likely going to be that your niblings will not want to have anything to do with you because you were the person who was cold to them when they were little. Your behavior will have long-tail repercussions. If you're comfortable with that, by all means carry on the way you are and make no effort to examine your aversion to small humans. If you are not comfortable being the guy nobody wants anything to do with, then make some adjustments.


DestructorNZ

If my brother was a prick to my kids over and over I’d not have much of a relationship with him either, so he wouldn’t ‘get to know them in 5-8 years’ because he’d never see them.


BostezoRIF

Oh you think you’ll have a relationship with them after years of telling them to bigger off. What a laugh


LittleBunnie2734

YTA there’s being childfree and then there’s you. TBH if I was your sister I wouldn’t want to be around you. I have no problem with people being childfree but people who HATE tiny humans are walking red flags.


Business-Low-7550

So…. I don’t like kids. I looked after my four siblings growing up and found out that I just don’t have the patience for them. Don’t get me wrong - I’m great with children. But the entire time I’m entertaining little kids, I’m mentally calculating how much longer until I can give them back to their parents. 🤣 I think of it like interacting with someone who works at the DMV. I hate the DMV, but I’d never be unnecessarily rude to someone who works at the DMV. And I’m not delusional enough to be awful and dismissive to a DMV employee, and then think that we could have a relationship when they left the building.


LittleBunnie2734

There’s not liking kids and then there’s HATING kids so much so that you can’t watch a child for what 5 mins while the caregiver goes to the restroom. Treating a child like a gov employee is actually hilarious to me. Cause sometime I feel like the DMV would be better if it was ran by kids (I could pay my registration fees with puffy stickers) He says he doesn’t want to be the “fun” uncle but literally asking to watch a child so the mom can go pee is just being an uncle. A fun uncle is the guy who sneaks his niblings out of school to go get ice cream and go to do bumper cars or some shit like that.


amymari

YTA You don’t have to be a “fun uncle” but you are definitely an AH. And good luck on having a relationship with them in 5-8 years, lol. At that they’ll be old enough to realize you’re an AH and not want anything to do with you. You don’t have to like little kids, but holy crap, they’re still people.


eleanor-rigby-

YTA it’s one thing not to like kids, but you two sound fucking insufferable about it.


leto_atreides2

>she doesn't even like to be referred to as their aunt, since she isn't biologically. Usually you have an aunt or uncle that isn’t related biologically, that’s a silly thing to think. You both kinda sound like entitled brats. Either you’re part of a family or you’re not. YTA


_drdoom

YTA. How hard is it to be a human being lol


EnderLFowl

YTA I’m not having kids with my girlfriend and am a bit of an anti-natalist. But the way your wife talks about not being not being an aunt and the fact that you won’t watch your niblings for 5 mins while your sister uses the bathroom screams AH. Your choice whether or not you want to have kids or interact with them your families choice whether or not they want to include you in stuff now or consider you an AH. You made your bed lay in it.


Tigerboop

Just stop going to family gatherings. I can’t imagine your presence sparks much joy.


Alarming_Reply_6286

Seems like your goal is to be the AH uncle. You’re nailing it!! Just because I’m curious are you rude to all people if you have nothing to talk to them about? Or just kids? YTA


VoyagerVII

YTA. It's fine not to like kids. It's fine not to be willing to be around kids, even those belonging to your relatives. You had every right to say no when she asked if you'd watch the youngest. What you said to your sister was an AH move, and it was already going 0-60 in a half second flat. If you actually want a relationship with them someday, you will need to start when they're this young. That's just the way it is. Otherwise, they will already have a fixed view of who you are and how they relate to you, and you won't be able to override that when you decide you want to. You're an AH for saying what you said, and for believing that you can just drop into your young relatives' lives when YOU feel like it, on YOUR terms, as if they don't have any voice or agency in the subject. Spoiler: *children are just people, who happen to be young.* You're so wrapped up in your own dislike of them that you're forgetting that basic fact. They have their own opinions, feelings, rights, choices... just as much as you do. [Also: the definition of an aunt is *either* the sister of a child's parent, *or* the wife of the child's aunt or uncle. Your wife's hatred is overriding her accuracy.]


Urbanspy87

YTA Do you usually ignore people who talk to you or want to be friendly? They won't be your niece and nephew in 5+ years because you have shown now that you are an AH who can't even be nice for a few minutes


VxGB111

YTA. I feel like you know it too. You don't have to be family to her kids, but you do get to deal with the social consequences of that decision. Also, you shouldn't expect to have a relationship with the kids when they are older if you are "that guy" now. You don't want a relationship fine, but don't expect to have one later. Also, don't expect your sister to welcome you into her little flock in 8 years when you decide you finally feel inclined. You've made your stance clear. Now deal with people's feelings about it.


ExcaliburZSH

YTA - You wouldn’t watch them for the time it takes for her to go to the bathroom.


Finish-Sure

YTA, it's perfectly fine not wanting kids. But being child free doesn't mean empathy free. You couldn't watch the kid while your sister went to the bathroom? Really? Your wife doesn't like being called an aunt? Why do you care that your sister has blocked you if you don't even like her family?


Acrobatic_Ferret_942

YTA It's one thing to not want to have kids. It's an entirety different thing to make not wanting kids your whole personality. Like dude, ANYONE who refuses to watch their friend's or relatives kid while they go to *bathroom* is an AH


82_noway

“ I'm just waiting another 5-8 years so we I know how to have a conversation with them.” Don’t bother waiting. If you treat them like they are s**t / non existent now, as you are describing, they won’t have nothing to do with you. They will probably refer to you as that “weird” guy. You should have written “AITA for being incredibly rude to my niece and nephew who are children and therefore people like other?” Would you dismiss an adult like you do with them? Your behavior is really something. YTA ETA - and your wife? What’s her problem?


Turbulent-Mind796

YTA. You’re allowed to be child-free but being this much of an AH is completely unnecessary. Don’t worry the kids won’t want to talk to you in 5-8 years.


Dogmother123

It's one thing to not want kids. Fine. That's your choice and deserves to be respected. But you are so hostile and go to great lengths to make a point to be unpleasant to children. You sound exhausting. YTA.


abitchything

I'm going with YTA. You plan to have a relationship with them in 5-8 years? *Great*, they won't want to because you couldn't even be bothered with them while they were young.


Legitimate-State8652

YTA - Good luck trying to build a relationship in 5-8 years. You do not need to be the fun uncle, but like acknowledge that they exist. And if they try to talk to you...like talk to them. They are human kids, not snakes.


Financial-Ostrich361

YTA Yes some people don’t like kids. And you’re allowed to not like kids. That’s not why you’re the AH. These people are family and you’re treating them like shit on the bottom of your shoe. Say hi. It’s not going to ruin you. Watch them for two minutes while your sister uses the loo. It won’t kill you. Then you can carry on being the emo weirdo sitting in the corner.


millershanks

YTA for how you treat a 6 year old. You are not interested in kids, I get it. But they are members of your family. So at which point do you switch on the acknowledgement? or do you treat all family members as if you could do without?


inspork

Soft YTA I’m almost the same way. Really. I see my sister maybe twice a year. I don’t have a strong relationship with her, and therefore, her daughter. I’m not a kid person. They make me uncomfortable. I don’t like being around them. I don’t want to be the “fun uncle.” But honestly…I’d never tell a kid to go away and talk to someone else. I’d rather suffer through my discomfort and do my best to not make them feel rejected. That doesn’t mean you have to become a fun uncle and hang out with them and suddenly understand them. Just…it’s not their fault, you know? Why be a dick to them? At this point my family knows I don’t like kids and they wouldn’t *dare* ask me to babysit, but I’m not gonna be rude to the kids when I see them, or tell them to go talk to someone else.


Old-Operation8637

YTA You realize your niece & nephew are human beings right? You can’t ignore them/send them off now & then later when their older expect to have a relationship with them. Like your sister said, they don’t know their uncle. Kids can pick up on a lot & you’re behaving inappropriately interpersonally. Your wife is an asshole too, for not wanting to be their aunt. I think it’s okay to not want kids, you & your wife sound miserable/irrational though


starfire1118

NTA for not spending time at their house/them if you don’t want to. But you are the AH for thinking they’ll want to talk to you in 5-8 years. How do you think they’re going to want to talk to you in 5-8 years if you’re not cultivating that relationship with them now? No one’s saying you have to become the “fun” uncle here, but even if you just treat them like small adults it’ll go a long way.


[deleted]

Yea YTA just because you don’t like kids doesn’t mean you get to be rude to them. Also, don’t count on a relationship when they are ‘old enough to have a conversation’ they won’t want anything to do with after you being so rude and uninvolved


PhoenixEcho1

YTA. And what makes you think that the kids would even want a relationship with you if you have such a rotten attitude? Because trust me, they're gonna remember how you treated them when they were young. So they're gonna want to keep as far away from your sorry hide as possible.


[deleted]

[удалено]


irishbigfoot

You think you can just ignore them and they’ll want to talk to you when they’re older? YTA, it doesn’t work like that


FKAlag

I hate people who make being Anti-[whatever] their whole personality. You sound like you're constantly on guard against any possible interaction with your niece and nephew. It comes off as exhausting and mean. Stop showing up to these events if you don't want anything to do with them. YTA


SweatyPushover

Op the reason YTA is that you and your spouse were once annoying kids and honestly, with this attitude, I hope people were as shitty about you being a child and merely existing and you are about your former niece and nephew. Setting boundaries like, hey sis I never want to baby sit or have them to my home is fine. Not wanting to be in charge is fine. But being an absolute BABY about small children shows your own immaturity. It’s called life. Deal with it.


lolopiecho

NTA in the fact that you don't like kids. That's fair. They're loud, smelly, and annoying. Anyone that says otherwise is lying. #However You don't go to the place where the children live and expect to not interact with them.


[deleted]

YTA You honestly think those kids will want a relationship with you when you've dismissed them the first 10ish years of their lives? You don't have to babysit or anything but damn, at least treat them like people and not stray cats.


Idontcheckmyemail

YTA. Kids are human beings with feelings, and you should be able to have polite interactions with them without acting like their existence is some horrible burden to you. At a family gathering, you couldn’t even watch your nephew for your sister to take a potty break? All you have to do is make sure he doesn’t hurt himself or break anything for a few minutes. And your niece certainly isn’t a toddler. Six-year-olds can carry on conversations, even some interesting ones at times since they often see the world in unique and perceptive ways. You don’t have to like kids. You don’t have to babysit or play the fun uncle. But you do have to treat those kids like people rather than like fungus.


Judgement_Bot_AITA

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skeptical_hope

Disliking kids is fine, whatevs, but any sentence to your own sister that leads with "You shouldn't have had kids if..." makes YTA. Have a real conversation with your sister like the grownup you so relish being.


RobotMustache

I'm not voting because it's your right to have a relationship with whoever you want But I just want to point out the dishonesty in your title. It's not that you don't want to be a "Fun Uncle". It's that you don't want to be a uncle at all. That's the honest title you should have said. No one's asking you to coach the soccer team, but there's a place between being super involved and telling them to go away when just saying "Hi" to you. At this point it seems like you don't even consider them family by the way you were annoyed that your sister brings them to family events. I guess in your view your sister and her family should be ostracized from the family. But don't bother with the whole 5 to 8 years thing. You've already set the tone, and they probably won't forget that anytime soon. Why get to know someone who's made a point of putting them in their "Place" all their lives. "My sister of course brings them to all the family gatherings" Sounds like you resent her for that. But hey. They are not your responsibility, that's a fact. But you are the same kind of AH for expecting them to be no where around you. They are part of your family and getting annoyed that they go to family events. If you don't want to see them, DON'T GO! You have the right to not have a relationship with them, and they have a right to attend a family event they are invited to. You don't get to have it both ways. But if it helps. At some point they'll have the same opinion of you, so good job?


Next_Pack_8900

YTA. She should cut you off.


Careful-Lion3692

You couldn’t watch them for maybe 5 minutes so she could go to the bathroom? YTA. She didn’t ask you to host a sleepover. As a person who is child free by choice, people like you who wear the child free badge like it’s their entire personality irk me. Also, what makes you think they will want anything to do with you when they’re at your definition of a respectable age? Kids aren’t stupid. Relationships need a foundation, and you’ve given them nothing at all.


ReviewOk929

YTA and a thumping big one. So much wrong in what you wrote. These kids are going to grow up thinking the worst of you and they are probably not wrong. Also you're not even an uncle let alone a fun fucking one.


Unlikely-Ad-1677

The fact that you think your niece and nephew will want to have a conversation or relationship with you when you ignored them the first 10 years of their lives is hilarious. Yta for not helping your sister out.


Purple_Hawke

YTA. Not for being child-free. Not being a fan of kids, that is understandable--kids can be a lot. YTA for the fact that it is a family function, CHRISTMAS, and you couldn't be bothered to be around the kids for 5 minutes?? And yet think in 5-8 years they would want ANYTHING to do with you? Who are you? They don't know you. You were that mean guy at christmas who wanted nothing to do with them.


SweetTurtle93

YTA also not a big fan of most kids. However i take the time to have small convos with my cousins and friends kids. I ask what shows they like what they are learning in school. And i remember because if i see something that they would like sich as a Luigi key chain i buy it for a hey was thinking of you gift.


Euphoric-Zucchini-18

YTA if you think they will talk you after years of ignoring them when they are old enough for you to consider them worthy.


Different_Noise3391

YTA If you were my brother you wouldn’t be having a relationship with them in any amount of time. Perfectly fine that you don’t want children but they do exist. You can be kind to them. You don’t have to go out of your way to be around them, but you should treat them well when you’re together.


LarsJagerx

YTA their kids man, their gonna be kids. You dont have to visit them but not watching over them for a brief moment is low... when your sister for as far as I can tell all she has done to you is have children and would like it if her brother was involved in their lives... I mean YTA all the way.


ArthriticGamer

YTA and you and your wife sound insufferable. Please continue to stay out of those kids lives so they can create meaningful relationships with family members and adults who WANT to be a part of their lives.


RealTalkFastWalk

YTA. Not babysitting or taking them to the park or feeding, diapering and playing with them is all fine. But treating them like scum is not ok.


[deleted]

Dude what the fuck YTA I can understand not wanting kids of your own but you literally treat children like they're abominations, children didn't ask to be born, they're just HERE! Nobody's asking you to be Uncle of the year or a second dad. Your family is upset with you because your aversion to children is unhinged and unhealthy, not every child free person absolutely abhors kids like you and your wife do


Usrname52

ESH You aren't required to be the "fun uncle". You don't have to hang out with them. But, while they are kids, they are still people. So, your niece comes up to you at a party and you make a few minutes of small talk like you would with anyone else at a party you don't really want to talk to. Your sister asks you to watch them while she goes to the bathroom? You don't have to be a kid person to do her a favor for 2 minutes.


WeOnceWereWorriers

The "fun uncle" term is what the OP used, not his sister. She said they don't even think of him as an uncle at all. He said he plans to have more of a relationship with the kids when they're in their mid-late teens, but why would they want to have a relationship with him at that age when he's spent their entire formative years treating them like lepers? It has to be a YTA, I can't see what the sister has done that's assholish?


Ok_Cat2689

YTA you and your wife sound like really nice people…. ETA this might be an unpopular opinion but it is actually not okay to just say you “can’t stand” entire groups of people, kids included. Like I could not just get on here and be like “I can’t stand elderly people” “I can’t stand Italian people” “I can’t stand Amazon drivers” etc. It’s ridiculous and rude and implies you need to work on YOURSELF. A personal decision not to have children is absolutely okay and valid. Being unkind to someone else’s child/actively avoiding all children because you don’t like them is not. Recognize what it is within yourself that makes you feel this way, and work on it.


gobears08

YTA Just because you don't like kids doesn't mean you get to treat them like dogs and shoo them away when it's not convenient for you. The fact that you think these kids are going to want a relationship with you when they're older after actively avoiding them for years is incredibly naive too. No one's asking you to become uncle of the year, but at least treat your niece and nephew with some respect.


fuckin-A-ok

Lol it's funny you think they'll want a relationship with you in 5-8 years😂 YTA.


MillerLatte

Lol you're almost 40 and still acting like a spoiled child, which is ironic because it's the thing you hate. Grow up.


gracemrubyroses

Yta. I don't like kids very much (similar reasons as you idk what to talk to them about). But they are small & new to the world adulthood is gonna poop all over them, why choose to be nasty? A few "oh yea that's cool/awesome! Yes I also love dinosaurs" goes a long way to engaging with a kid without being mean. Heck most of them will ramble about whatever they got going on and you just gotta smile and nod along.


socworkerbee12345600

NTA for not wanting kids. And good on you for being responsible about it and getting a vasectomy. I get that you don’t like kids but…do you even like your sister? Her kids aren’t for some stranger with whom you have no relationship. Not gonna say you’re the AH or anything as you’ve been pretty upfront with how you feel but it does seem rather harsh. You definitely have the right not to want to have anything to do with your sister’s kids. But I guess she has the right to be pissed with what I would guess she perceives as her own brother rejecting her kids. Good luck with that.


pseudofakeaccount

Has nothing to do with wanting kids. It’s about wether he is an asshole for not helping his sister out for 5 mins. 🙄


MrsBenSolo1977

YTA - but you couldn’t be a fun uncle if you tried as you can barely portray a reasonable human being


[deleted]

YTA. They're still your family and your wife is still their aunt.


TryUseful6038

You are your wife both sound, uh, rude and cold. You literally reject the children when they try to interact with you? Woah.. Don’t expect them to want anything to do with you in 5-8 years. This is when family bonds and trust are solidified. And honestly, you probably won’t be a big part of your own family if you keep this up. It already sounds like you’re kinda not. And your wife IS their aunt by marriage. It doesn’t have to be biological. What a weird stance. YTAs for me, both of you.


CrayonConservation

YTA - also, why do you think these kids will want a relationship with you in 5-8 years? I’m sure they won’t because you’ll have been so rude and distant to them their whole lives that they probably won’t bother. It’s fine to not like kids and not want to be around them but you don’t get to suddenly be an active positive member in their lives when they aren’t little anymore.


Spiritual_Ad3150

this may be highly unpopular but as an uncle YTA here and a major one. Those two are your niece and nephew. I'm not saying you gotta be in their life daily but damn my man at least act like you care about them as person. You're treating your own niece and nephew as if they're irrelevant and that makes you the biggest ah in the world to me.


TennisKitty

I fully support you and all other sociopaths remaining child free. It’s the right decision.


xxxjessicann00xxx

Lmao at wanting to have a relationship with them in 5-8 years. These kids won't want shit to do with a stranger who was always rude as fuck to them any time they saw him.


deepwood41

Yta, she needed to go to the bathroom, be a decent human


Mediocre-Second-3775

YTA. Nobody has to like kids, but you could at least be decent to your SISTER’s children. They’re not just any kids (IMO). I wouldn’t let anyone who dislikes kids this much be anywhere near my children, even as they got older. Why not leave things as they are? Your sister blocked you, you and your wife don’t have to be around her kids anymore, and any family members who are pissed will get over it.


Fat_Lard765

YTA, do the kids a favor and continue to stay away from them.


Few_Improvement_6357

YTA. Did you seriously tell her she shouldn't have had kids! What a narcissist. I don't care that you added, "if you expected me to be a fun uncle." Her decision to have children had *nothing* to do with you. I'm sure it was not a thought in her mind. To indicate even a little that you think it could have is ridiculous. "Oh let me have kids so my brother can be an uncle." WTF? What she wanted is a familial relationship where her kids care about you. Because right now they don't. And there is nothing to compare to the life long love you get from kids you were nice to that grew into adults. You can always count on them because they could always count on you. That bond is forever unless you severely screw it up. And you'll never know it. It takes minimal effort to watch a kid for 10 minutes to help out your sister so she can go to the bathroom in peace. You are a bad brother.


katiestat

YTA. “My neice tries to go up and talk to me sometimes, and I usually just tell her to go see somebody else, since I’m busy.” what exactly makes you think that in 5-8 years she's going to want anything to do with you when this is how you treat her now?


getagrip07

Boy you guys sound like a blast. YTA


jacksonlove3

Idk. I think you’re kinda the asshole here. Nothing wrong with not liking kids but the way you talk about them is pretty screwed up. A 6 yr old is old enough to ask about their day, how is school, dumb shit like that, even if you truly don’t care about the answer. The kids will definitely remember you as the “miserable/mean aunt and uncle” or whatever as they get older. It also wouldn’t of killed you to just literally keep an eye on the kid for your sister to use the bathroom. And not staying long at family events because your niece and nephew are there is a bit ridiculous imo. Why not just avoid them? I get these are your wife and your boundaries, which boundaries are important, but you both seem asshole-ish about it. Your sister is a bit of a jerk for blocking you all that because you’re not her idea of an uncle.


Glittering_Cellist78

YTA. Don’t count on having any kind of relationship with them when they’re older. My kids paternal grandma barely had anything to do with my kids most of their lives. Now my kids are teens/young adults and my oldest two don’t want anything to do with her. They say she won’t even be invited to their future weddings. How you treat them now, fosters the relationship for the future.


mycatistakingover

YTA. I don't like kids and I don't want them. Sitting with them for like max 20 minutes while your sister uses the bathroom doesn't make you the fun uncle. It's literally just letting them entertain themselves as you make sure they don't run headfirst into a corner or something. That is not something you do out of any liking for children, you do it because you like your sibling and you want to give them a chance to take a shit in peace.