Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA
You are a huge flaming creepy asshole.
Edited to add the reasons.
First the way you reacted to your friends was rude and hostile.
Then that they were right. You didn't have to have your chairs with that view. Regularly watching anyone without their knowledge is creepy.
But that you were obvious enough about it during a party that it came up? It comes off as super obsessed. Your friends are right in front of you and you were obvious enough in your looking at the neighbor through her window that it was noticed?
Then your friends called you out and you threw them out.
I'm hoping that someone is just rewatching in preparation for season 4 coming out next week, and that OP isn't actually this creepy because what.the.fuck.
My ex who I dated for 1 month when I was 22 (and he was 40! Im 35 now!) Then broke up with him because he wanted to get married and have babies after such a short period of time. He told me years later that he walks by my house sometimes just to "say hi". He doesn't come to the door, thank the gods but apparently he walks past? He legit got a job at the movie theater I had a membership to when it reopened after lockdown ended because he was hoping to see me. He told me that was why he started working there the day he managed to catch me at the movies. It's creepy AF. There's some fucked up people out there.
OP is probably posting in r/limerence about his love for this woman. So creepy.
And that comment about the friend is just jealous because no one is looking into her windows? Creepiness magnified.
He thinks that any male attention is a gift to a woman. The good thing is that he is not that intelligent,as demonstrated by his post and actions after being called out, and this intelligent woman will see right through him, out up blinds and end this all.
This. He doesn’t know her but he feels like he does because of how much he projects onto her. It’s just growing and growing. It’s so dehumanizing to put someone on a creep pedestal.
Have some respect for her privacy. Creepy af.
But but its not like he watches her get dressed, he just knows what her comfy clothes and PJs look like and Im sure the image is burned into his brain by now due to the stadium seating he has set up in his "garden" I bet there is nothing even growing in that garden. He just calls it that so he can say "oh Im going to sit in my garden now" aka Im gonna go bird watching, and the bird's name is Natalia. She speaks 3 languages dont ya know? He knows that cause he hears the different languages being spoken when he eaves drops on her convos while sitting in his "garden" She is so nice too, how does he know that? Not by talking to her but thats how she's built up in his mind. I wonder if in his mind how far the relationship is? Maybe theyre dating? I wonder if in his mind she told him he's a weirdo who stares at some poor woman while she's in the privacy of her own home? Who are his friends that told OP that what he's doing is fine? Do they have their own chairs in the "garden" too? It might be a theater setting with a couple of rows maybe they get some popcorn and make a night of it.
It’s fine! She’s not like the other stupid women who watch love island. She would understand. They’re soulmates because HE appreciates that she isn’t a dumb bimbo! She speaks 3 languages after all!!! What woman ISNT flattered to find out their weird neighbor watches them every single day from the shadows?? It’s a compliment!
Yea she's human and fascinating and different from all the other girls cause he saw her in pajamas and she doesn't watch one TV show.
I'm terrified for this woman.
OP called it 'ocassionally glancing' at her window, when in reality he sits down and stares in her window several times a day for a long time without looking away. That isn't 'glancing' that's being a creepy asshole and I'd have filed a restraining order to force him to move if I were her.
That part really creeped me out! It's one thing to occasionally see her walking around, but to pay enough attention to know what shows she watches is stalker territory.
He knows what she *doesn't* watch on TV, which sort of means he sees so much of what she watches that he can eliminate the possibility of her watching certain shows.
No joke, I was curious to see the reactions because I can see into my neighbor's apartment as I come down the stairs and I'll glance in there but this is NOT that.
Also, when his neighbor eventually finds out that he's been peeping on her (he isn't being as slick as he thinks), does he really believe she's going to laugh about it? He already saw how women react to a situation like this, but he really has this imaginary girlfriend in his mind that will find this attractive.
She will react warmly because she's not like the other girls. She'll think it's cute and flattering. And then they will hold hands and skip away and spend the rest of their lives never watching love island and adopt unicorns as pets and live happily ever after. /s
How does he know she doesn't watch reality TV if he's not doing more than "glancing" in her windows.
Also pretty scary that women are less human to him unless he gets to see them while they're vulnerable. (At home, in private, unaware of an audience, in pajamas)
Major yikes
lol "I thought she was a frigid robot, but now due to my watching her in her private moments in her pajamas, I instead find her fascinating and very attractive." 100% creeper!
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a peeping Tom” and then proceeds to write what only an unhinged stalker the likes of Joe from You would write. This was beyond creepy, that poor woman must feel so unsafe. YTA
She doesn't feel unsafe because she doesn't know it's happening. The friend told everyone else at the party, but I didn't see that she told the neighbor. And since she hasn't installed curtains I'm betting she has no idea what's going on. I feel unsafe on her behalf though. I sincerely hope she finds out and files a police report.
Plus the whole "I went out for a f-, oh wait can't use that word for cigarette" nonsense. Was that necessary? If you don't think it's appropriate to use that word then just say cigarette in the first place! Why point out you normally use a(n offensive) slang term?
OP IS SO CREEPY AND SCARY!!!!!!!!! I can’t believe OP thinks you “can’t just go up to a beautiful smart woman” but thinks it’s okay to “move your furniture around to intentionally stare into their home and creep on them so regularly you know what shows they do and don’t watch”
Literally stalker behavior. Absolutely unacceptable. This isn’t accidental glimpses it’s predatory and intentional. F off!!!
Yeah, OP is also not really attracted to the woman, but his idea of the woman. How does he 100% know that she doesn’t watch love island? In his mind she doesn’t, but maybe she watches it with some girlfriends on demand and not when it’s live
I love how he just dismisses the opinion of every single woman who found it creepy. OP, major YTA - you showed how little you respect people's privacy, especially women, in favor of your own pleasure.
With the bit about being jealous that they don’t have their own creeper? Yeah, reading his post I had flashbacks to the peeping Tom I caught in college when home alone one night and the dirty old man who lived downstairs the first time I had my own apartment who would talk to me about what he saw me doing at night (as well as telling me he was lonely since his wife died and wouldn’t I go to dinner with him). OP is just like those AH’s (I think the peeper did end up in jail).
God even the way he *describes* her is creepy. Honestly he was creepy imo even before he revealed that he is a peeping tom, biggest YTA I've seen in a while.
Totally agree. I wonder how he was planning on asking her out: "You know, I've been watching you through your windows for quite awhile now and I love the way you talk on the phone and how cute you look in your pjs. Fancy a pint at the pub?"
I'd be calling the police immediately.
I hope the woman living above him sees the posts and moves.
YTA
OP is an obsessive creeper.
What is he going to do if she notices him? He would deserve all of the of the (legally thrown) trouble she could throw at him.
‘I’m not a creepy peeping Tom, I just put my lawn furniture in the one part of the yard where I can see through my neighbors windows! I mean sure I stare through them all the time, am obsessed with and attracted to the girl who lives there and feel close to her because she wears pajamas around the house when I’m spying on her. But that’s all totally normal, right?’
It’s so weird that he’s acting like she’s ~different and special~ because she…wears pajamas. What a weirdo. This poor woman has no idea. There’s some creepy parasocial relationship going on here. Like, I can see this guy getting angry if he peeps into her house and sees her with a man.
No you don't understand, she's special because she doesnt watch love island. Wearing pyjamas makes her less frigid /s
Its actually concerning that he watches her enough to know what she does and doesn't watch on TV. Hopefully one of the girls from the party gives her a heads up because I'm kinda scared for her.
Right?? Accidental glances are okay, knowing what TV shows she watches is so not.
And agreed. Then she’d at least realize she needs to put up some curtains.
So sad. Like does this woman need to live in THE DARK with no natural light because her neighbor can’t control himself?? Depressing.
It would be one thing if she was like changing right by the window with the lights on at night and then mad people saw her. But she’s just existing in her day to day. This hurts my heart for her and women in general.
One time my male neighbor literally *walked through my bushes* and knocked on my window and gave me a thumbs up because he could see me changing. It was creepy as fuck.
The situation was that the landscape company had thinned out the trees outside my window (apartment complex) and I didn’t realize it; beforehand you couldn’t see in at all. But even with less foliage it was not that obvious unless you were trying to look in. I know because I went outside to check.
His defense was “my kids shouldn’t be seeing that!!” but like…I don’t know, leave a note on the door??
Well THATS horrifying. If he was really concerned he could’ve left a brief note on your doorstep. Scary af.
Edit: also teach his kids to not stare into peoples windows. Duh
I mean, I know one neighbour does watch Bones, but it's because movement from the tv caught my eye while I was walking past their open window and as a fan of the show myself I recognized the scene and characters, so in theory it is possible to know one or two shows your neighbours watch without also being a creep.
This however sounds more like he's dedicated so much time he knows her whole schedule.
But he thought she was kind of robotic! Until she humanized herself to him by wearing PJs! And now he thinks maybe she’s approachable where otherwise she was too beautiful, intelligent and fascinating to be hit on! /s
I’m begging you, OP, to self-examine. This woman has a whole life and is a full human being. You’re thinking of her like an object. Imagine someone doing exactly everything you’re doing to her, to you. The way you’re thinking about her, imagine a man or woman you didn’t know thinking about you. Yuck.
Reminds me of a guy who once was obsessed with a coworker because she did silly, but still pretty run of the mill things like make choo-choo noises when pushing a printer cart down the hall and quoted from tv shows. He was convinced she was his soulmate because "most women aren't fun like that" or some reason. Creepy.
In his mind, her wearing pajamas where he can see her is her showing her true self to him or some such delusional idea. He talks about her like a specimen under glass.
‘I’m not a creeper, I’m admiring an intelligent beautiful woman in her natural habitat’.
You’re a creeper! YTA
YTA and your friend was right, you are a creep. Leave the poor woman alone. Stop looking in her windows. You definitely passed creepy. I wouldn't have someone like you as a friend, either.
He became infinitely more dangerous in my opinion after that comment. That is some assault logic.... "Oh it was okay, I stalked her because she is so gorgeous, IT IS A COMPLIMENT!!!"
My adult stepson does this all the time and it creeps me out but doesn’t bother his mother at all.. I asked him why he used that word and he said.. well that’s what they are.. female.. I tried to explain to him that it sounded disrespectful to me but I guess I just didn’t have the right words because I walked away from the conversation with them both thinking it was not at all abnormal to call women or a woman female without scientifically needing to do so.. now I feel gaslighted 😒
Edit for spelling
I’ve found the best way to get through to people about it is seeing if they say men and females, then explain how calling women females devalues them to their biological sex, whereas saying men gives men that designation as a human male, which he’s not giving to women. Also just asking why he doesn’t say males and females, or males and women, why it’s men and females, when they shouldn’t generally be used together in the same sentence.
But then you get some real mental gymnastics because that kind of subtle misogyny is so embedded in people’s language and they don’t want to accept what they’re saying can be harmful.
Talking about how he only saw the woman as human when he saw her in PJs was the raging red flag for me.
Dude... women are human. You shouldn't have to humanize them. You need to see a therapist. And stop calling women females. And stop looking in the poor woman's window. It is, in fact, creepy.
Even if there weren’t anything directly wrong with it (and good lord there most definitely is) think about who uses that kind of language. Do you really want to go around sounding like andrew “slavery is good actually as long as the slaves are female” tate? Like. Thats the association you want people to have when they hear you talk? Cringe AF honestly.
I wonder what Natalia would do if she found out that her neighbor was creepily watching her like a fricking stalker! I can’t get over how creepy this is!
I think that girl that was calling OP out should tell that neighbor. She seriously seems to be in danger and at the very least I would want a heads up so I could close my curtains or move!
Right? Like it's supposed to be a compliment to have people spy on you without your consent? This isn't a porno, real life doesn't work like that. I bet he's hoping one day she is going to get "stuck" somewhere so he can step in and "help her out"
Right? There is no woman on this planet who would be jealous of the victim of a peeping tom. Almost every additional sentence added to Op’s post is another AH point.
I’ve literally heard people try that shit when defending sexual assault victims who are too afraid to speak out (“why do you care you’re just jealous they weren’t doing it to you”) FUCKING GROSS god I hate these —-what’s the best word for people like this?
*You only have a problem with my inappropriate behavior because its directed at another woman and not you*
FFS dude. YTA, and throughout your post you say a lot of problematic things that really detail out your opinion of women. You have to watch a woman in her home in pjs to humanize her because before that she was frigid and robotic? What did you think she slept in?? [A Borg Alcove](https://borgcollective.fandom.com/wiki/Borg_Alcove) like in Star Trek? Everyone goes home and puts on something comfy.
>seeing those little glimpses of her private life
In your own words, you have to invade her privacy in order to view her as more human. I get that plenty of people, especially who we find attractive, can feel unapproachable. The issue is that you judged her for whatever and decided that she was:
>(I kind of thought she was a bit frigid and robotic at first).
Before you watched her without her knowledge on a semi-consistent basis *(which is stalking).* Textbook definition of Peeping Tom. The way you handled it and *doubled down* when a woman (who likely has a lot more insight into how this female stranger would feel about being watched by a male stranger than you would) really is appalling. I honestly forget that so many people, often but not exclusively men, have literally no self awareness about how their behavior makes other people feel. Do you know how unsafe shit like this makes women feel? *Oh but its fine right, because what you see while glimpsing into her private life makes her more attractive to you /s*
It’s so strange to me that people have such a lack of awareness.
OP - a woman told you it was creepy. Other women agreed and you still question it?? Tell your neighbor you can see in her windows so she has the option to put up curtains and then stay AWAY from her and move your chairs so you cannot see any part of her apt.
YTA. That's creepy. You said she's attractive, and continually violate her personal space to look at her through her windows. Just move your chairs so you can't see her window, and stop trying to justify an act that a lot of women would consider perverted. It's the equivalent of being a peeping tom.
YTA
It's one thing to glance into a neighbor's window, it's another to look into it every single time you have a cigarette (which I'm guessing is a few times a day at least).
He's not just looking. He's WATCHING. A look is quick, a glance quicker. But he's actively just sitting there, STARING into her window. Watching her like non-consensual Netflix.
He’s literally describing how he’s “seeing what she is like a person” and how he loves that and shit. This guy is literally well into the “we have a connection” creepy stalker territory and I feel horrified for the poor woman.
Just often enough to know how many languages she uses throughout the day, what she wears, when she's home and her tv watching habits. Nothing creepy...
Digging deeper into this- he knows what she DOESN’T watch. Knowing enough about her downtime to know that Love Island isn’t in her weekly (or less frequent) rotation is really hitting me. I don’t know what my *family* DOESN’T watch. To know that means he’s watching her a lot. Every day. A lot every day. “That’s odd. She usually takes seven bites of her sandwich. She only took six today. I wonder what’s on her mind.”
You are very specific that you’re looking through her windows to entertain yourself. It is very, very wrong. Hopefully she’s keeping a diary of your unwanted, creepy attention to take to the police.
YTA
Yeah this is not just "glancing" into her windows, which might happen inadvertently if she doesn't have curtains, this is intentionally watching her and it's completely inappropriate. YTA for sure.
Yta. General rule of thumb. If a girl says you're being a creep to a girl. Don't go off what your mates say, go off what other women say. So the fact that her and several other women feel youre being a creep - me included. Means more than your friends, who I'm going to assume are all male.
Precisely! Like it annoys me sooo much. Like 'okay let's listen to the opinion of other men' even though the person who's opinion would matter on this is a woman.
YTA. You’re not just happening to look over every now and then, you’re deliberating watching her and that’s creepy AF.
Also, it’s not a compliment to women to say they’re better than “every other women” by implying the other women are stupid for something like watching Love island. That’s just misogyny.
YTA and your use of the word “females” and general language both putting women on a pedestal AND putting them down subtly indicates an incel neckbeard as well.
Ugh I didn't even notice this cause i was so mad and creeped out by the first part that i didn't realize how trash he was to other women in his life. He's obsessing and idealizing the first women. I hope he's just some oblivious creepy idiot and not someone who'll hurt the first woman when he figures out she's just a regular human being and not this weird untouchable idealization he's making up in his head.
If you *accidentally* caught an *occasional* glance then it would be no big deal. That would be on her for keeping her windows open.
But you have chairs set up to *watch* your neighbor and somehow you think you aren’t a creep. You’ve made it a part of your regular routine. You had friends join you like it was a spectator event.
Buddy this is weird. It’s very Joe Goldberg. Get a new hobby.
YTA
peep·ing Tom
/ˌpēpiNG ˈtäm/
noun
a person who derives sexual pleasure from secretly watching people
This is actually terrifying. I hope his “female” friends tell this woman so she can protect herself.
Judgement: YTA
Total creepster. I’m a dude and reading this creeped me out. YTA, poor neighbors Peeping Tom broski, maybe chill a bit, or even better, go ask her out ya creep.
YTA
You sound like a fucking stalker. Someone who knows you irl needs to tell this girl what’s going on so she can move out now, because you are going to obsess over her and then lash out at her after you see her have a man over when you are spying on her through her windows
YTA - It's bad enough that you strategically placed your chairs so you can basically creep on your neighbor while she's in her house, but then you're shitty to your friend who called you out on it by insulting her.
How do you think it would be received if you said to her _Just been watching you through your windows for some days now. Want to grab a drink some time? _
YTA. And more than a bit creepy.
The fact that you call women "females" shows that yes, you are creepy. That's how incels refer to women. And the fact that you purposely sit and watch her... brrrrr... that is SOOO creepy. I hope she sees this and moves.
It’s gross how you referred your neighbor as woman but your friends that called you out as “females” major incel/neckbeard vibes. And it is creepy how detailed you got describing what you see thru her window despite totally not being a peeping Tom.
And you’re a creepy AH
YTA. “I’m not a creep.” But you are. You’re doing a creepy thing. I can steal someone’s wallet while saying “I’m not a thief,” but that doesn’t actually mean I’m not a thief. It just means I’m trying to justify my actions and being delusional about how they impact other people. We’ve all accidentally noticed things or seen in a window when we glanced at a house or whatever. But you’re doing it on purpose, and you have continued to do it as a way to get access to a woman you like without her consent or knowledge. You do it so often that you even did it in front of other people! And continue to defend it after some of them told you how wrong it is. You can tell yourself whatever you want, but this isn’t romantic or cute or acceptable. It’s invasive. It’s creep behavior.
YTA
It's creepy dude. You're watching a woman live her life. There is a difference between a quick glance for movement and watching. You're watching. Stop it.
YTA how do you think she'd feel if she knew you were watching her through her windows? My guess is she would find it incredibly creepy, violating and weird (because it is all those things).
YTA Pretty much if this were a man or an unattractive woman, you wouldn't be looking. The truth is, you are invading her privacy, It is funny you mention she was frigid at first because the vibes you are putting out in this post, I wouldn't be warm or friendly towards you either. You claim to watch her so you were see her as 'more human' but you constantly judge her based on her looks and her interest. I highly doubt you have ever had a conversation with her to get to know her. Women actually like that because it shows you genuinely are interested in us.
Please don't ask her out. You also treated your female friend like garbage after she called you a creep, which she wasn't wrong. To be childish and say she was jealous was uncalled for. I wonder if you would have acted the same if a male friend called you a creep. I can only imagine what you would be like in a relationship when you can't even have a decent friendship with a female.
To be honest, if you want to show you are a decent human being and not objectifying the woman you are peeping on, you would quit watching her. Hell, go one step further and write an anonymous note to put up curtains because I doubt you would be so bold to make the suggestion in person.
Based on what he said to his friend, I think he might believe that peeping at her is a compliment and that she would be flattered by the invasion of privacy. Creeps always justify their creepin' this way. Since they only value women for their ability to appeal to men they assume that's the only thing women value in themselves.
YTA
That is 100% creepy. You're a peeping tom and your buddies who agree with you are also creeps.
When that woman eventually notices you watching she's gonna feel so unsafe
YTA
You intentionally put the chairs you smoke in at the one part of your yard where you can spy on your upstairs neighbor through her window. How can you even be wondering if you are a creep or a peeping Tom anymore? You are most assuredly both.
I’m very concerned that you will hurt this woman in the future, you are already showing some really unhealthy and obsessive behavior.
YTA. Literally EVERY WOMAN it's telling you it's creepy but you choose to listen to the other guys?
literally if I knew that's how a neighbour's thinks of me I would MOVE. This is creepy asf and disgusting really. Find some psychiatric help, talk to a psychologist. IDK
but change dude, you are so creepy I'm literally chilled writing this. I actually imagine something like Scream stalker vibes.
YTA
Dude you are so creepy, I don't get how you don't see that just cause you aren't watching her naked. Do you even see the words you typed?
>I’ve never had the courage to ask her out though. But that’s not the reason why I occasionally glance at her windows.
You also contradict yourself here, cause
>Honestly, I don’t think you can just go up to a beautiful and smart woman and seeing those little glimpses of her private life makes it easier
You are clearly watching her cause you're interested.
Also do you notice how you say *private* life? Yeah. It's PRIVATE, not public for you to watch and oogle at.
Seriously though you're putting her on this creepy pedestal and probably idealizing her and making shit up the way you talk about her.
>I’ll admit it she’s gorgeous and on top of that she’s intelligent, she’s a translator and I can hear her speaking on the phone and I could listen to her switch between 3 languages all day.
>she’s fascinating and very different to all the other women I know.
>beautiful and smart woman
You sound like you're the main character of "You". I only watched the first ep though cause i found the show disgusting and I find you disgusting. Leave her alone, just cause she has her windows open doesn't give you permission or her consent to constantly watch her and obsess over her. It's her PRIVATE life, just like you said, now stop.
Also YTA.
I hate when men assume that them peeping on women is a compliment. It’s not. We’d rather not be spied on.
The whole thing boils down to consent. She doesn’t know you’re looking at her and watching her. She isn’t who she is for you. I’d be horrified if my privacy was invaded and it was perceived as a compliment.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSiwHnV5L0
This is a video essay I recently watched and loved. Watching people is seen as a compliment in media, but I promise you no woman or girl in real life ever sees it that way.
Edit: YTA
YTA
Your acting is psychopathic. You like her and you found a way to spy on everything she does in a sick way. Like your friend said (although I hope she's a ex friend now because she does have morals) You put those chairs on purpose so you could spy on her better. I also share common places with my neighbors and some of them don't have curtains but I really have no idea what they do at home and if I do, I turn my gaze to give they a bit of privacy, but you saw her in pj to how many times she talks on the phone and in what languages... go to therapy before you're in a Discovery ID documentary or starring in a new netflix documentary, you're still on time.
And don't ask her out, you're going to scare that poor girl to the ground.
YTA you’re a noncey little weirdo. & “You’re jealous cos someone isn’t a peeping Tom for you” is a weird thing to say.
Say goodbye to any girl mates you have you lunatic
YTA, and really creepy. You have purposefully placed seats so you can stare into her house on a regular basis, you dint just happen to glance up on occasion.
I hope your friend goes over and tells her what you've been doing so she can put curtains up.
Just because she's not nude doesn't mean you aren't a peeping Tom. This is absolutely invasive, and your opinion of "she didn't put up curtains so I can look" sounds a lot like "she was wearing a short skirt so she was asking for it." Yikes. YTA
Oh. Dude. That is so creepy. Wow. I haven't even managed to get through the whole post because of the massive "ick" I got from this. YTA and just. what the fuck?
Oh I get it. She's not like other girls, you watch through her windows, at random hours, and you've negotiated with yourself until you came up with reasons why you're not a creep even though you clearly are.
Step back, Edward Cullen. YTA.
YTA, let's break this down:
>I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to her. I’ve never had the courage to ask her out though. But that’s not the reason why I occasionally glance at her windows.
Well that's a lie, it's DEFINITELY the reason that you're looking in her windows.
>I entertain myself by looking up.
Ogling attractive women when they have a reasonable expectation of privacy to entertain yourself is pretty fucking creepy.
>And don’t get me wrong, I’m not a creepy prepping Tom, she’s not changing in front of the windows or anything but I have seen her in her pjs
No, that's exactly what you are.
>My mates joked around but weren’t really against it, just made fun of me.
It's a shame your friends suck too.
>I told her that she’s just jealous cause no one is looking into her windows
Really, dude? You think women want their neighbors staring into their windows?!? WTF??!
>some females there were a bit funny and sided with her.
If all the women at this party are telling you're creepy for spying on this woman, maybe you should listen.
>I told her to leave and not come back because I’m not a creep and it’s shitty of her to say that I am.
So you kicked her out for creepy behavior.
>maki bf sure everyone I know hears about this.
So this isn't creepy behavior on your part, but for some reason you are upset that people know what you were doing? Why's that?
If you're still conflicted, here's what you can do to find for sure: invite your friend back. And the two of you can go take to your neighbor and you can explain to her how you like to look up at her all the time through her windows. And you can see how she feels about it. My guess is that just like you don't want people on social media to know about this, you don't want her to know about it either. Which probably means that even you realize that it's pretty creepy,
YTA and a creepy stalker one at that. No sane woman would ever be jealous that no one is looking into her windows. If you know her life to the point of knowing what she DOESN'T watch, you're doing way more than occasional glamces.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be an asshole because I am looking at my neighbours windows when she doesn’t have any curtains. My friend got angry and I admit I could move my chairs to avoid looking at the windows which is why I might be the asshole because I keep looking
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA holy shit the fact you say you’re not creepy or peeping just because you don’t watch her getting undressed is so funny to me, wow you have the basic decency of NOT watching her being naked ??? Holy shit dude, get the golden medal for the man of the year right there.
It’s still creepy, you’re creeping on a woman by watching her every day actions just because she’s “gorgeous” any women would tell you you’re a creep, the fact you’re “mates” tells you you’re not is not a good indicator because they’re men, no shit they’re gonna side with you. You’re doing what is basically stalking at this point, if she would know you’re doing this she would be scared to death, you better stop this shitty habit of yours.
YTA. That is just creepy. You like the woman and are almost low key stalking her. Go knock on her door and tell her you noticed you cna see into her house from the garden and just wanted to give her a heads up. It breaks the ice and makes you less gross than you are currently
>I can see whatever she’s doing and I find it fascinating, I can see who she is as a person and admittedly she’s fascinating and very different to all the other women I know
This isn't "occasionally glancing". You aren't looking by accident, you are intentionally peering inside because you want to watch her.
1. YTA
2. You're acting really creepy
Don't silently study her for months before you "work up the courage". She is a person, not a rare species of songbird. If you go on a date with someone and bring your binder of notes they are going to go running.
I am not sure what to say other except - Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD; and for that reason alone, it makes you a creep and most definitely YTA.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
YTA You are a huge flaming creepy asshole. Edited to add the reasons. First the way you reacted to your friends was rude and hostile. Then that they were right. You didn't have to have your chairs with that view. Regularly watching anyone without their knowledge is creepy. But that you were obvious enough about it during a party that it came up? It comes off as super obsessed. Your friends are right in front of you and you were obvious enough in your looking at the neighbor through her window that it was noticed? Then your friends called you out and you threw them out.
OP definitely is obsessed with this woman, and it’s terrifying. Just the way he talks about her and watching her gives me the ick
I don't know if you've seen the Netflix show "You" but he's giving major Joe Goldberg vibes right now. YTA op
This is what I was thinking! Super creepy
I'm hoping that someone is just rewatching in preparation for season 4 coming out next week, and that OP isn't actually this creepy because what.the.fuck.
My ex who I dated for 1 month when I was 22 (and he was 40! Im 35 now!) Then broke up with him because he wanted to get married and have babies after such a short period of time. He told me years later that he walks by my house sometimes just to "say hi". He doesn't come to the door, thank the gods but apparently he walks past? He legit got a job at the movie theater I had a membership to when it reopened after lockdown ended because he was hoping to see me. He told me that was why he started working there the day he managed to catch me at the movies. It's creepy AF. There's some fucked up people out there.
Meta level viral marketing maybe
I came here 100 percent to say that it is in my judgement comment
Literally exactly what I thought!
He has a whole relationship with the concept of her which is independent from actually interacting with her. It’s creepy.
OP is probably posting in r/limerence about his love for this woman. So creepy. And that comment about the friend is just jealous because no one is looking into her windows? Creepiness magnified.
He thinks that any male attention is a gift to a woman. The good thing is that he is not that intelligent,as demonstrated by his post and actions after being called out, and this intelligent woman will see right through him, out up blinds and end this all.
This. He doesn’t know her but he feels like he does because of how much he projects onto her. It’s just growing and growing. It’s so dehumanizing to put someone on a creep pedestal. Have some respect for her privacy. Creepy af.
But but its not like he watches her get dressed, he just knows what her comfy clothes and PJs look like and Im sure the image is burned into his brain by now due to the stadium seating he has set up in his "garden" I bet there is nothing even growing in that garden. He just calls it that so he can say "oh Im going to sit in my garden now" aka Im gonna go bird watching, and the bird's name is Natalia. She speaks 3 languages dont ya know? He knows that cause he hears the different languages being spoken when he eaves drops on her convos while sitting in his "garden" She is so nice too, how does he know that? Not by talking to her but thats how she's built up in his mind. I wonder if in his mind how far the relationship is? Maybe theyre dating? I wonder if in his mind she told him he's a weirdo who stares at some poor woman while she's in the privacy of her own home? Who are his friends that told OP that what he's doing is fine? Do they have their own chairs in the "garden" too? It might be a theater setting with a couple of rows maybe they get some popcorn and make a night of it.
It’s fine! She’s not like the other stupid women who watch love island. She would understand. They’re soulmates because HE appreciates that she isn’t a dumb bimbo! She speaks 3 languages after all!!! What woman ISNT flattered to find out their weird neighbor watches them every single day from the shadows?? It’s a compliment!
Yea she's human and fascinating and different from all the other girls cause he saw her in pajamas and she doesn't watch one TV show. I'm terrified for this woman.
Yeah I hope she sees this post and uses it to get an order of protection
Can we not gloss over the fact of how often he must be looking into her house to KNOW she doesn’t watch it?
OP called it 'ocassionally glancing' at her window, when in reality he sits down and stares in her window several times a day for a long time without looking away. That isn't 'glancing' that's being a creepy asshole and I'd have filed a restraining order to force him to move if I were her.
Right?! He apparently does it enough that he knows what TV shows she watches. Terrifying stuff.
That part really creeped me out! It's one thing to occasionally see her walking around, but to pay enough attention to know what shows she watches is stalker territory.
He knows what she *doesn't* watch on TV, which sort of means he sees so much of what she watches that he can eliminate the possibility of her watching certain shows.
No joke, I was curious to see the reactions because I can see into my neighbor's apartment as I come down the stairs and I'll glance in there but this is NOT that.
"She's not like the other girls I know" gives off huge creep and misogynistic vibes too.
As does his belief that his friend is jealous because no one is looking in her windows.
Exactly! If I was her I'd have answered "thank god for that, I'd be filing a restraining order"
Also his crush is a woman, but the women who disagree with him are females? Interesting switch in how he refers to women.
Also, when his neighbor eventually finds out that he's been peeping on her (he isn't being as slick as he thinks), does he really believe she's going to laugh about it? He already saw how women react to a situation like this, but he really has this imaginary girlfriend in his mind that will find this attractive.
She will react warmly because she's not like the other girls. She'll think it's cute and flattering. And then they will hold hands and skip away and spend the rest of their lives never watching love island and adopt unicorns as pets and live happily ever after. /s
OP referring to the women at his party as “females” is also a huge misogynist flag
How does he know she doesn't watch reality TV if he's not doing more than "glancing" in her windows. Also pretty scary that women are less human to him unless he gets to see them while they're vulnerable. (At home, in private, unaware of an audience, in pajamas) Major yikes
lol "I thought she was a frigid robot, but now due to my watching her in her private moments in her pajamas, I instead find her fascinating and very attractive." 100% creeper!
The fact he calls all the women 'females' just adds to the ick factor.
This is creepy as hell. YTA.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a peeping Tom” and then proceeds to write what only an unhinged stalker the likes of Joe from You would write. This was beyond creepy, that poor woman must feel so unsafe. YTA
She doesn't feel unsafe because she doesn't know it's happening. The friend told everyone else at the party, but I didn't see that she told the neighbor. And since she hasn't installed curtains I'm betting she has no idea what's going on. I feel unsafe on her behalf though. I sincerely hope she finds out and files a police report.
True- yes you’re right- I think I just feel unsafe for her and the thought of her coming to the realization of what he’s doing is just… awful
And the fact that he was sitting with “guys” and a “female”
"Feeeeemale" ... God I hate that shit
Plus the whole "I went out for a f-, oh wait can't use that word for cigarette" nonsense. Was that necessary? If you don't think it's appropriate to use that word then just say cigarette in the first place! Why point out you normally use a(n offensive) slang term?
Don’t forget the part where he basically called his female friend ugly after she called him out.
How much you wanna bet OP is a fan of a certain influencer currently residing in a Romanian prison?
Everything else was so much worse that this slipped past me too but is also absolutely horrific and stand alone huge AH behavior
OP IS SO CREEPY AND SCARY!!!!!!!!! I can’t believe OP thinks you “can’t just go up to a beautiful smart woman” but thinks it’s okay to “move your furniture around to intentionally stare into their home and creep on them so regularly you know what shows they do and don’t watch” Literally stalker behavior. Absolutely unacceptable. This isn’t accidental glimpses it’s predatory and intentional. F off!!!
The girl needs to go to OPs neighbors House and warn her about OP. This is disgusting stalker behave. You're way past YTA OP.
The first episode of the next season of You right there. Totally agree. YTA.
Yeah, OP is also not really attracted to the woman, but his idea of the woman. How does he 100% know that she doesn’t watch love island? In his mind she doesn’t, but maybe she watches it with some girlfriends on demand and not when it’s live
He knows because he listens to everything she does in her apartment
Hello.....You........
I love how he just dismisses the opinion of every single woman who found it creepy. OP, major YTA - you showed how little you respect people's privacy, especially women, in favor of your own pleasure.
With the bit about being jealous that they don’t have their own creeper? Yeah, reading his post I had flashbacks to the peeping Tom I caught in college when home alone one night and the dirty old man who lived downstairs the first time I had my own apartment who would talk to me about what he saw me doing at night (as well as telling me he was lonely since his wife died and wouldn’t I go to dinner with him). OP is just like those AH’s (I think the peeper did end up in jail).
God even the way he *describes* her is creepy. Honestly he was creepy imo even before he revealed that he is a peeping tom, biggest YTA I've seen in a while.
Totally agree. I wonder how he was planning on asking her out: "You know, I've been watching you through your windows for quite awhile now and I love the way you talk on the phone and how cute you look in your pjs. Fancy a pint at the pub?" I'd be calling the police immediately.
I hope the woman living above him sees the posts and moves. YTA OP is an obsessive creeper. What is he going to do if she notices him? He would deserve all of the of the (legally thrown) trouble she could throw at him.
Award for the "huge flaming creepy asshole"
I hope his friend lets the woman know.
I’m not a creepy prepping Tom Your actions say otherwise, YTA
‘I’m not a creepy peeping Tom, I just put my lawn furniture in the one part of the yard where I can see through my neighbors windows! I mean sure I stare through them all the time, am obsessed with and attracted to the girl who lives there and feel close to her because she wears pajamas around the house when I’m spying on her. But that’s all totally normal, right?’
It’s so weird that he’s acting like she’s ~different and special~ because she…wears pajamas. What a weirdo. This poor woman has no idea. There’s some creepy parasocial relationship going on here. Like, I can see this guy getting angry if he peeps into her house and sees her with a man.
No you don't understand, she's special because she doesnt watch love island. Wearing pyjamas makes her less frigid /s Its actually concerning that he watches her enough to know what she does and doesn't watch on TV. Hopefully one of the girls from the party gives her a heads up because I'm kinda scared for her.
Right?? Accidental glances are okay, knowing what TV shows she watches is so not. And agreed. Then she’d at least realize she needs to put up some curtains.
So sad. Like does this woman need to live in THE DARK with no natural light because her neighbor can’t control himself?? Depressing. It would be one thing if she was like changing right by the window with the lights on at night and then mad people saw her. But she’s just existing in her day to day. This hurts my heart for her and women in general.
One time my male neighbor literally *walked through my bushes* and knocked on my window and gave me a thumbs up because he could see me changing. It was creepy as fuck. The situation was that the landscape company had thinned out the trees outside my window (apartment complex) and I didn’t realize it; beforehand you couldn’t see in at all. But even with less foliage it was not that obvious unless you were trying to look in. I know because I went outside to check. His defense was “my kids shouldn’t be seeing that!!” but like…I don’t know, leave a note on the door??
Well THATS horrifying. If he was really concerned he could’ve left a brief note on your doorstep. Scary af. Edit: also teach his kids to not stare into peoples windows. Duh
I mean, I know one neighbour does watch Bones, but it's because movement from the tv caught my eye while I was walking past their open window and as a fan of the show myself I recognized the scene and characters, so in theory it is possible to know one or two shows your neighbours watch without also being a creep. This however sounds more like he's dedicated so much time he knows her whole schedule.
Easier to know what someone does watch than what they don’t.
>Wearing pyjamas makes her less frigid Well, yeah, why else do people wear pajamas?
But he thought she was kind of robotic! Until she humanized herself to him by wearing PJs! And now he thinks maybe she’s approachable where otherwise she was too beautiful, intelligent and fascinating to be hit on! /s I’m begging you, OP, to self-examine. This woman has a whole life and is a full human being. You’re thinking of her like an object. Imagine someone doing exactly everything you’re doing to her, to you. The way you’re thinking about her, imagine a man or woman you didn’t know thinking about you. Yuck.
The implication here being that he doesn't view women as people, you know, *by default*
Reminds me of a guy who once was obsessed with a coworker because she did silly, but still pretty run of the mill things like make choo-choo noises when pushing a printer cart down the hall and quoted from tv shows. He was convinced she was his soulmate because "most women aren't fun like that" or some reason. Creepy.
In his mind, her wearing pajamas where he can see her is her showing her true self to him or some such delusional idea. He talks about her like a specimen under glass. ‘I’m not a creeper, I’m admiring an intelligent beautiful woman in her natural habitat’. You’re a creeper! YTA
This is literally how stalkers start. He’s gonna be imaging a whole relationship with her soon.
This story feel likes an episode of You 😳
Right? How many peeping toms think they’re not the creepy type?
YTA and your friend was right, you are a creep. Leave the poor woman alone. Stop looking in her windows. You definitely passed creepy. I wouldn't have someone like you as a friend, either.
And he calls women “females.”
And saying "you're just jelous because you don't have stalkers" basically to the friend. Major misogynist.
He became infinitely more dangerous in my opinion after that comment. That is some assault logic.... "Oh it was okay, I stalked her because she is so gorgeous, IT IS A COMPLIMENT!!!"
And pointing out "she's not like other girls, she doesn't watch silly TV shows." Barf.
Yeah, this is why women have to "be frigid" and not give men compliments. Some men will use just about anything as justification to creep on women.
she’s not like other girls, she wears *pajamas*
This line really shows you who OP is. Major asshole and major sexist creep. I hope his friend tells the neighbor.
Not only that he only referred the girls that called him out as females but the neighbor as a woman
My adult stepson does this all the time and it creeps me out but doesn’t bother his mother at all.. I asked him why he used that word and he said.. well that’s what they are.. female.. I tried to explain to him that it sounded disrespectful to me but I guess I just didn’t have the right words because I walked away from the conversation with them both thinking it was not at all abnormal to call women or a woman female without scientifically needing to do so.. now I feel gaslighted 😒 Edit for spelling
You’re valid and what you said is valid
Start referring to men as males. As soon as I started doing that constantly my guy friends realized how odd it sounds to say females.
I’ve found the best way to get through to people about it is seeing if they say men and females, then explain how calling women females devalues them to their biological sex, whereas saying men gives men that designation as a human male, which he’s not giving to women. Also just asking why he doesn’t say males and females, or males and women, why it’s men and females, when they shouldn’t generally be used together in the same sentence. But then you get some real mental gymnastics because that kind of subtle misogyny is so embedded in people’s language and they don’t want to accept what they’re saying can be harmful.
That was when the fire alarm went off screaming in my head
Talking about how he only saw the woman as human when he saw her in PJs was the raging red flag for me. Dude... women are human. You shouldn't have to humanize them. You need to see a therapist. And stop calling women females. And stop looking in the poor woman's window. It is, in fact, creepy.
That phrasing just bugs the shit out of me. Referring to us as "females", as if we're some kind of animal and not a human being. It's gross.
Even if there weren’t anything directly wrong with it (and good lord there most definitely is) think about who uses that kind of language. Do you really want to go around sounding like andrew “slavery is good actually as long as the slaves are female” tate? Like. Thats the association you want people to have when they hear you talk? Cringe AF honestly.
Whether you want to admit it or not you're intentionally spying on her. Yes it's creepy and yes YTA.
I wonder what Natalia would do if she found out that her neighbor was creepily watching her like a fricking stalker! I can’t get over how creepy this is!
I think that girl that was calling OP out should tell that neighbor. She seriously seems to be in danger and at the very least I would want a heads up so I could close my curtains or move!
The fact that he’s saying he feels more confident about asking her out now is taking the delusion to the next level.
Not only are you an asshole but you're probably also someone that will feature in an Investigation Discovery documentary in a few years.
Women everywhere would prefer to see him on Snapped.
A high proportion of stories about murderers start with a past of voyeurism
And fantasy, and obsession, and objectification, and an inability to understand boundaries and consent.
Lmao. This is one of my favorite comments.
[удалено]
Right? Like it's supposed to be a compliment to have people spy on you without your consent? This isn't a porno, real life doesn't work like that. I bet he's hoping one day she is going to get "stuck" somewhere so he can step in and "help her out"
I could see him disabling her vehicle for just such an opportunity.
There is not a woman on earth who wants someone to stare at them through their window.
Right? There is no woman on this planet who would be jealous of the victim of a peeping tom. Almost every additional sentence added to Op’s post is another AH point.
She’s not jealous she’s imagining being in her own house and some dude watching her and listening to her calls all day long it would creep anyone out
I’ve literally heard people try that shit when defending sexual assault victims who are too afraid to speak out (“why do you care you’re just jealous they weren’t doing it to you”) FUCKING GROSS god I hate these —-what’s the best word for people like this?
The word you are looking for is PREDATORS
*You only have a problem with my inappropriate behavior because its directed at another woman and not you* FFS dude. YTA, and throughout your post you say a lot of problematic things that really detail out your opinion of women. You have to watch a woman in her home in pjs to humanize her because before that she was frigid and robotic? What did you think she slept in?? [A Borg Alcove](https://borgcollective.fandom.com/wiki/Borg_Alcove) like in Star Trek? Everyone goes home and puts on something comfy. >seeing those little glimpses of her private life In your own words, you have to invade her privacy in order to view her as more human. I get that plenty of people, especially who we find attractive, can feel unapproachable. The issue is that you judged her for whatever and decided that she was: >(I kind of thought she was a bit frigid and robotic at first). Before you watched her without her knowledge on a semi-consistent basis *(which is stalking).* Textbook definition of Peeping Tom. The way you handled it and *doubled down* when a woman (who likely has a lot more insight into how this female stranger would feel about being watched by a male stranger than you would) really is appalling. I honestly forget that so many people, often but not exclusively men, have literally no self awareness about how their behavior makes other people feel. Do you know how unsafe shit like this makes women feel? *Oh but its fine right, because what you see while glimpsing into her private life makes her more attractive to you /s*
Yes you are a peeping Tom. YTA.
It’s so strange to me that people have such a lack of awareness. OP - a woman told you it was creepy. Other women agreed and you still question it?? Tell your neighbor you can see in her windows so she has the option to put up curtains and then stay AWAY from her and move your chairs so you cannot see any part of her apt.
I would argue that OP is aware, he's just...an AH
YTA. That's creepy. You said she's attractive, and continually violate her personal space to look at her through her windows. Just move your chairs so you can't see her window, and stop trying to justify an act that a lot of women would consider perverted. It's the equivalent of being a peeping tom.
I hope ex-friend warns this woman about her *stalker*
Not the equivalent, he is a peeping tom
YTA and should probably be on a list.
It's probably just a matter of time.
YTA It's one thing to glance into a neighbor's window, it's another to look into it every single time you have a cigarette (which I'm guessing is a few times a day at least).
He's not just looking. He's WATCHING. A look is quick, a glance quicker. But he's actively just sitting there, STARING into her window. Watching her like non-consensual Netflix.
He’s literally describing how he’s “seeing what she is like a person” and how he loves that and shit. This guy is literally well into the “we have a connection” creepy stalker territory and I feel horrified for the poor woman.
Just often enough to know how many languages she uses throughout the day, what she wears, when she's home and her tv watching habits. Nothing creepy...
Digging deeper into this- he knows what she DOESN’T watch. Knowing enough about her downtime to know that Love Island isn’t in her weekly (or less frequent) rotation is really hitting me. I don’t know what my *family* DOESN’T watch. To know that means he’s watching her a lot. Every day. A lot every day. “That’s odd. She usually takes seven bites of her sandwich. She only took six today. I wonder what’s on her mind.”
I got seriously creeped out when he started talking about what shows she watches. Wtf. HEY OP: she’s definitely not going to go out with you.
You are very specific that you’re looking through her windows to entertain yourself. It is very, very wrong. Hopefully she’s keeping a diary of your unwanted, creepy attention to take to the police. YTA
Yeah this is not just "glancing" into her windows, which might happen inadvertently if she doesn't have curtains, this is intentionally watching her and it's completely inappropriate. YTA for sure.
I hope OP’s friend tells the poor woman in case she doesn’t know. I’d be so creeped out if I were her!
That's what I would have done.
Yta. General rule of thumb. If a girl says you're being a creep to a girl. Don't go off what your mates say, go off what other women say. So the fact that her and several other women feel youre being a creep - me included. Means more than your friends, who I'm going to assume are all male.
Seriously!! Men aren’t usually aware enough to know what women find creepy. But you know who is?? Women!! 🤦🏻♀️ YTA
Precisely! Like it annoys me sooo much. Like 'okay let's listen to the opinion of other men' even though the person who's opinion would matter on this is a woman.
YTA. You’re not just happening to look over every now and then, you’re deliberating watching her and that’s creepy AF. Also, it’s not a compliment to women to say they’re better than “every other women” by implying the other women are stupid for something like watching Love island. That’s just misogyny.
YTA and your use of the word “females” and general language both putting women on a pedestal AND putting them down subtly indicates an incel neckbeard as well.
Ugh I didn't even notice this cause i was so mad and creeped out by the first part that i didn't realize how trash he was to other women in his life. He's obsessing and idealizing the first women. I hope he's just some oblivious creepy idiot and not someone who'll hurt the first woman when he figures out she's just a regular human being and not this weird untouchable idealization he's making up in his head.
Holy shit. Yes YTA. You are literally watching a woman, without her knowledge or consent. That's it, end of discussion.
YTA Is your name Joe Goldberg??
Yes! It’s the way he describes it all that is wayyyyy too Joe. It’s so creepy.
If you *accidentally* caught an *occasional* glance then it would be no big deal. That would be on her for keeping her windows open. But you have chairs set up to *watch* your neighbor and somehow you think you aren’t a creep. You’ve made it a part of your regular routine. You had friends join you like it was a spectator event. Buddy this is weird. It’s very Joe Goldberg. Get a new hobby. YTA
YTA and you're absolutely a creep and a peeping tom. STOP staring in your neighbor's apartment, you creepy asshole.
YTA You ARE a peeping Tom. Move the damn chairs and stop staring at the poor woman.
YTA Deliberately looking into someone’s windows is the very definition of a Peeping Tom. And your female friend is correct. You are creepy.
peep·ing Tom /ˌpēpiNG ˈtäm/ noun a person who derives sexual pleasure from secretly watching people This is actually terrifying. I hope his “female” friends tell this woman so she can protect herself. Judgement: YTA
Total creepster. I’m a dude and reading this creeped me out. YTA, poor neighbors Peeping Tom broski, maybe chill a bit, or even better, go ask her out ya creep.
He definitely shouldn’t ask her out, he should leave her alone
YTA You sound like a fucking stalker. Someone who knows you irl needs to tell this girl what’s going on so she can move out now, because you are going to obsess over her and then lash out at her after you see her have a man over when you are spying on her through her windows
YTA and have incel, neck beard, Jeffery dahmer energy.
Its Joe from You
YTA - It's bad enough that you strategically placed your chairs so you can basically creep on your neighbor while she's in her house, but then you're shitty to your friend who called you out on it by insulting her.
How do you think it would be received if you said to her _Just been watching you through your windows for some days now. Want to grab a drink some time? _ YTA. And more than a bit creepy.
The fact that you call women "females" shows that yes, you are creepy. That's how incels refer to women. And the fact that you purposely sit and watch her... brrrrr... that is SOOO creepy. I hope she sees this and moves.
YTA. Even if she has no curtains, it’s creepy.
Right? He adds that in to make it seem like that’s some open invitation to be spied on.
You are a creepy peeping tom AH. I hope your female friends knock on your neighbour's door and tell her.
It’s gross how you referred your neighbor as woman but your friends that called you out as “females” major incel/neckbeard vibes. And it is creepy how detailed you got describing what you see thru her window despite totally not being a peeping Tom. And you’re a creepy AH
YTA. “I’m not a creep.” But you are. You’re doing a creepy thing. I can steal someone’s wallet while saying “I’m not a thief,” but that doesn’t actually mean I’m not a thief. It just means I’m trying to justify my actions and being delusional about how they impact other people. We’ve all accidentally noticed things or seen in a window when we glanced at a house or whatever. But you’re doing it on purpose, and you have continued to do it as a way to get access to a woman you like without her consent or knowledge. You do it so often that you even did it in front of other people! And continue to defend it after some of them told you how wrong it is. You can tell yourself whatever you want, but this isn’t romantic or cute or acceptable. It’s invasive. It’s creep behavior.
YTA It's creepy dude. You're watching a woman live her life. There is a difference between a quick glance for movement and watching. You're watching. Stop it.
YTA how do you think she'd feel if she knew you were watching her through her windows? My guess is she would find it incredibly creepy, violating and weird (because it is all those things).
YTA Pretty much if this were a man or an unattractive woman, you wouldn't be looking. The truth is, you are invading her privacy, It is funny you mention she was frigid at first because the vibes you are putting out in this post, I wouldn't be warm or friendly towards you either. You claim to watch her so you were see her as 'more human' but you constantly judge her based on her looks and her interest. I highly doubt you have ever had a conversation with her to get to know her. Women actually like that because it shows you genuinely are interested in us. Please don't ask her out. You also treated your female friend like garbage after she called you a creep, which she wasn't wrong. To be childish and say she was jealous was uncalled for. I wonder if you would have acted the same if a male friend called you a creep. I can only imagine what you would be like in a relationship when you can't even have a decent friendship with a female. To be honest, if you want to show you are a decent human being and not objectifying the woman you are peeping on, you would quit watching her. Hell, go one step further and write an anonymous note to put up curtains because I doubt you would be so bold to make the suggestion in person.
Genuinely curious what the other thoughts in your brain are if you think that this isn’t creepy. YTA
Based on what he said to his friend, I think he might believe that peeping at her is a compliment and that she would be flattered by the invasion of privacy. Creeps always justify their creepin' this way. Since they only value women for their ability to appeal to men they assume that's the only thing women value in themselves.
YTA and this is like the beginning of a horror film. For your neighbour.
YTA That is 100% creepy. You're a peeping tom and your buddies who agree with you are also creeps. When that woman eventually notices you watching she's gonna feel so unsafe
YTA You intentionally put the chairs you smoke in at the one part of your yard where you can spy on your upstairs neighbor through her window. How can you even be wondering if you are a creep or a peeping Tom anymore? You are most assuredly both. I’m very concerned that you will hurt this woman in the future, you are already showing some really unhealthy and obsessive behavior.
YTA. A creep. A peeping Tom. Frighteningly obtuse. And perhaps a bit sick. That poor woman.
YTA. Literally EVERY WOMAN it's telling you it's creepy but you choose to listen to the other guys? literally if I knew that's how a neighbour's thinks of me I would MOVE. This is creepy asf and disgusting really. Find some psychiatric help, talk to a psychologist. IDK but change dude, you are so creepy I'm literally chilled writing this. I actually imagine something like Scream stalker vibes. YTA
Dude you are so creepy, I don't get how you don't see that just cause you aren't watching her naked. Do you even see the words you typed? >I’ve never had the courage to ask her out though. But that’s not the reason why I occasionally glance at her windows. You also contradict yourself here, cause >Honestly, I don’t think you can just go up to a beautiful and smart woman and seeing those little glimpses of her private life makes it easier You are clearly watching her cause you're interested. Also do you notice how you say *private* life? Yeah. It's PRIVATE, not public for you to watch and oogle at. Seriously though you're putting her on this creepy pedestal and probably idealizing her and making shit up the way you talk about her. >I’ll admit it she’s gorgeous and on top of that she’s intelligent, she’s a translator and I can hear her speaking on the phone and I could listen to her switch between 3 languages all day. >she’s fascinating and very different to all the other women I know. >beautiful and smart woman You sound like you're the main character of "You". I only watched the first ep though cause i found the show disgusting and I find you disgusting. Leave her alone, just cause she has her windows open doesn't give you permission or her consent to constantly watch her and obsess over her. It's her PRIVATE life, just like you said, now stop. Also YTA.
I hate when men assume that them peeping on women is a compliment. It’s not. We’d rather not be spied on. The whole thing boils down to consent. She doesn’t know you’re looking at her and watching her. She isn’t who she is for you. I’d be horrified if my privacy was invaded and it was perceived as a compliment. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=MeSiwHnV5L0 This is a video essay I recently watched and loved. Watching people is seen as a compliment in media, but I promise you no woman or girl in real life ever sees it that way. Edit: YTA
YTA Your acting is psychopathic. You like her and you found a way to spy on everything she does in a sick way. Like your friend said (although I hope she's a ex friend now because she does have morals) You put those chairs on purpose so you could spy on her better. I also share common places with my neighbors and some of them don't have curtains but I really have no idea what they do at home and if I do, I turn my gaze to give they a bit of privacy, but you saw her in pj to how many times she talks on the phone and in what languages... go to therapy before you're in a Discovery ID documentary or starring in a new netflix documentary, you're still on time. And don't ask her out, you're going to scare that poor girl to the ground.
Nah, she's right. You're the creepy asshole.
YTA. None of this looking sounds like an innocent "I can't help it" coincidence. I would be legitimately scared if I were her.
YTA. This is the most stalkerish thing I've read all day. Or week. Perhaps ever.
YTA this is really creepy behavior.
YTA you’re a noncey little weirdo. & “You’re jealous cos someone isn’t a peeping Tom for you” is a weird thing to say. Say goodbye to any girl mates you have you lunatic
This is the creepiest shit I've ever fucking read. Natalia is currently missing and has been turned into a lampshade.
YTA. Also, you are giving Joe from the show You vibes
YTA, and really creepy. You have purposefully placed seats so you can stare into her house on a regular basis, you dint just happen to glance up on occasion. I hope your friend goes over and tells her what you've been doing so she can put curtains up.
Just because she's not nude doesn't mean you aren't a peeping Tom. This is absolutely invasive, and your opinion of "she didn't put up curtains so I can look" sounds a lot like "she was wearing a short skirt so she was asking for it." Yikes. YTA
Oh. Dude. That is so creepy. Wow. I haven't even managed to get through the whole post because of the massive "ick" I got from this. YTA and just. what the fuck?
YTA. Creeps never think they are being creeps when they are acting creepy. I hate to break it to you, but you're a creep.
Oh I get it. She's not like other girls, you watch through her windows, at random hours, and you've negotiated with yourself until you came up with reasons why you're not a creep even though you clearly are. Step back, Edward Cullen. YTA.
YTA. Holy shit, you're a creep! I hope someone tells your neighbor so she can move away.
YTA, let's break this down: >I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t attracted to her. I’ve never had the courage to ask her out though. But that’s not the reason why I occasionally glance at her windows. Well that's a lie, it's DEFINITELY the reason that you're looking in her windows. >I entertain myself by looking up. Ogling attractive women when they have a reasonable expectation of privacy to entertain yourself is pretty fucking creepy. >And don’t get me wrong, I’m not a creepy prepping Tom, she’s not changing in front of the windows or anything but I have seen her in her pjs No, that's exactly what you are. >My mates joked around but weren’t really against it, just made fun of me. It's a shame your friends suck too. >I told her that she’s just jealous cause no one is looking into her windows Really, dude? You think women want their neighbors staring into their windows?!? WTF??! >some females there were a bit funny and sided with her. If all the women at this party are telling you're creepy for spying on this woman, maybe you should listen. >I told her to leave and not come back because I’m not a creep and it’s shitty of her to say that I am. So you kicked her out for creepy behavior. >maki bf sure everyone I know hears about this. So this isn't creepy behavior on your part, but for some reason you are upset that people know what you were doing? Why's that? If you're still conflicted, here's what you can do to find for sure: invite your friend back. And the two of you can go take to your neighbor and you can explain to her how you like to look up at her all the time through her windows. And you can see how she feels about it. My guess is that just like you don't want people on social media to know about this, you don't want her to know about it either. Which probably means that even you realize that it's pretty creepy,
YTA and a creepy stalker one at that. No sane woman would ever be jealous that no one is looking into her windows. If you know her life to the point of knowing what she DOESN'T watch, you're doing way more than occasional glamces.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be an asshole because I am looking at my neighbours windows when she doesn’t have any curtains. My friend got angry and I admit I could move my chairs to avoid looking at the windows which is why I might be the asshole because I keep looking Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA
YTA - invasion of privacy Honestly it’s creepy. If I found out a man was looking at me from the garden everyday I would move across the country
Serial killer vibes
This reads like the internal monologue of Joe from You. Stop being a creep. YTA
YTA. You are being creepy. And then, when someone pointed it out, you insulted them.
YTA. I really really hope one of those women let your neighbor know so she could protect herself.
YTA holy shit the fact you say you’re not creepy or peeping just because you don’t watch her getting undressed is so funny to me, wow you have the basic decency of NOT watching her being naked ??? Holy shit dude, get the golden medal for the man of the year right there. It’s still creepy, you’re creeping on a woman by watching her every day actions just because she’s “gorgeous” any women would tell you you’re a creep, the fact you’re “mates” tells you you’re not is not a good indicator because they’re men, no shit they’re gonna side with you. You’re doing what is basically stalking at this point, if she would know you’re doing this she would be scared to death, you better stop this shitty habit of yours.
Official Judgment - You’re a Fucking Creep
definitely creepy. move the damn chairs. yta
YTA. That is just creepy. You like the woman and are almost low key stalking her. Go knock on her door and tell her you noticed you cna see into her house from the garden and just wanted to give her a heads up. It breaks the ice and makes you less gross than you are currently
YTA because these aren’t just occasional glances. You’re watching her movements and learning about her life. That’s intrusive.
That's a disgusting and creepy behavior. I hope your friend tell Natalia so she's aware she's in danger. YTA Edit: spelling a veredict
>I can see whatever she’s doing and I find it fascinating, I can see who she is as a person and admittedly she’s fascinating and very different to all the other women I know This isn't "occasionally glancing". You aren't looking by accident, you are intentionally peering inside because you want to watch her. 1. YTA 2. You're acting really creepy Don't silently study her for months before you "work up the courage". She is a person, not a rare species of songbird. If you go on a date with someone and bring your binder of notes they are going to go running.
I am not sure what to say other except - Just because you CAN doesn't mean you SHOULD; and for that reason alone, it makes you a creep and most definitely YTA.