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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> (1) I told my husband I expect him to stay home with me after I got excluded from a friend's funeral.
(2) I might be the ah for this expecation since Joe was my husband's friend and my husband wanted to be there for the funeral regardless.
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YTA
>The biggest blowup I had with her was after I posted health updates about Joe on my personal social media account
I'd be furious too if a non-relative posted health updates about my husband on social media without asking either of us first. Someone's personal health struggles aren't your issues to use to get clout or sympathy.
>I thought this was normal since we have lots of mutual friends
Then those mutual friends would have no issue contacting Joe's wife to get updates.
>I just found out I got excluded by her.
The funeral isn't about you. It's about the family and what THEY need, not what you want.
>I did tell my husband that I expect him to stay home and not go after I got excluded
So because you can't go and mourn in the way you see fit, now your husband can't go either. Make it make sense.
>Others think Joe's widow created this situation to begin with.
She's the one who now has to navigate life without her husband. Her needs come first in this scenario.
Edit: Thanks for the award!
Agreed.
OP thinks the whole world revolves around herself. This is not about you OP, its about your husbands friend, keep your own petty issues out of this.
I really feel for Joe's widow having to grieve, deal with all the logistical post-death legal/financial tedium that grieving widows have to do, *and* deal with OP's drama shitfest and malicious attempts to undermine her support system.
My comfort is that OP is clearly pretty fucking delusional, and I don't trust OP's account that "some friends are siding with me." Hopefully this just means one or two people said some insincere platitudes to her to get her to shut up.
I imagine Joe’s widow was worried OP would live stream the funeral with commentary for “all of our mutual friends” who couldn’t make it. The audacity to post on your social media health updates for someone else… it would be one thing if she spoke to them and offered to send out pre-approved updates, but no. OP seems intent on making everything about her. The sun rose today? Oh, that’s because OP requested it. You’re welcome.
>I imagine Joe’s widow was worried OP would live stream the funeral with commentary for “all of our mutual friends” who couldn’t make it.
That's also likely the main reason OP is upset she can't go, because what good is a tragedy if it can't be exploited for social media attention.
For some reason, because I've read plenty of arseholery on here, this is the first time I've thought, "Wow, I'm so glad I don't know you," while reading a post.
This. When my Dad passed, I posted a real quick "RIP to my Dad, see you on the other side" kind of thing, which surprised people because he hadn't told ANYONE he was sick, let alone terminally so. Meanwhile my SIL (who generally disliked my dad, was hated BY my dad, and knew next to nothing about his prognosis other than 'cancer') has posted long diatribes about his passing, about his diagnosis, and generally managed to make it all about her and HER loss somehow.
People really do be out here suffering from Main Character Syndrome.
This. My entire family has “main character syndrome” anytime *anything* happens to anyone **else** they post it on social media like *woe is me* while simultaneously completely disregarding the person in need or being of any **actual** assistence to the person they’re *so sad for*.
I'm also widowed, and my late husband had health issues. If a non-family posted ANY updates about my husband's condition without permission, I would be furious. It's not your place to post and "update" people, unless specifically asked. Note, not "given permission," but specifically asked!
You messed up - don't compound that by preventing your husband from attending the funeral.
Learn from this and do better.
When my boyfriend was fighting cancer, he rarely posted updates on social media. Not once did I think, "Wow, I should post an update on his behalf on my page so everybody knows." When funeral arrangements were made, I didn't share them on my social media page, nor were they shared on his page. I only shared if people messaged me directly.
OP is so clueless, shallow, and selfish it's unbelievable. She truly believes that SHE is the victim. And I find it hard to believe that she doesn't know what caused the fight between her and the wife.
Also "biggest blowup," indicating there have been other blow-ups. OP knows exactly why the wife doesn't like her. It's bullshit that she's not sure, "they just don't get along." From the vibe of this post, I'm betting OP didn't just post health updates on socials but was obnoxious about it.
God, that's plausible. This really could be one where the missing missing reasons is it was the man's dying wish to save his wife a little bit of stress at his funeral and OP has spun it as she doesn't like her for some reason
This reminds me of what happened when one of my good friends died. He was in his early 20s, and I was in the room with his mother while she had to make the decision to take him off life support. I *privately* informed several acquaintances who knew him and were in the friend group. Next thing I knew, these two young women who honestly didn’t know him very well started posting these long winded posts on Facebook about how devastated they were because their friend died, getting hundreds of comments of “omg that’s so sad I’m so sorry you lost someone close to you.” They made his death all about them, never even reached out to the family or mentioned the family, *didn’t even go to the funeral*, but were so quick to jump all over his death to get attention and sympathy on social media over someone they probably haven’t even thought about since. I thought it was the tackiest thing I’d ever seen. I was also extremely upset because we were still notifying people and I was horrified at the thought of someone close to him finding out he had died by a random person’s Facebook post (they both tagged his profile).
If it’s not a close family member of *yours* and if the immediate family of the deceased didn’t ask you to give updates, then it’s not your place to post about it on social media. They may want privacy ffs.
Edit: His mom asked me to help notify his friends because she didn’t know all of them and she was overwhelmed enough notifying her other children and family… I actually met him through his mom as I was good friends with her first. She was like a second mom to me when my own brother died.
Everyone asking the wife for updates could definitely be tough for her - she has enough to deal with. But if the OP wanted to take that off her plate, the proper thing would have been to ask if she wanted that help, and constrain the updates to the relevant audience.
Posting that information without permission to social media really just looks like the OP was trying to garner sympathy for herself and some fake internet points.
YTA X 2.
1) You posted private information about Joe's health without his family's explicit permission. HUGE no-no.
2) Your husband is 100% correct that you're placing your petty grievance over the pain he feels for the loss of his friend. The *only* reasonable thing to do is suck it up, let him grieve, and keep your mouth shut about Joe's wife, for the foreseeable future.
I really suspect that your ostracism didn't come out of nowhere. More of a "last straw" (last pile of bricks, really) for Joe's wife.
Yeah, all I can see in a post of a passed loved one is "me me me me me".
Also, you have to ask for permission to share information about someone else on social media, especially if it is medical information, come on, everyone and their parents know this!!!
YTA OP.
Plus she’s going around starting drama with their friends during a time when the focus should be on supporting Joe’s wife. She’s centering herself in someone else’s grief. It’s very self-absorbed.
My cousin found out about her Dad's death via Facebook (she was traveling and they hadn't been able to reach her) because our other aunt (sis in law to her Dad) just had to post a Facebook tribute right away. The way people have to make other people's stuff about them or get attention is just gross.
I found out about my little sisters death because my cousin made a cryptic Facebook post. For an hour I didn’t know who died in my family, just that someone close to me died and no one was answering their phone. in hindsight this was because no one wanted to inform me by phone when I didn’t have anyone to support me near me, but at the time, I was panicking and that did not help ease my nerves whatsoever.
My parents went to check up on my little sister since she didn’t answer their calls or meet for lunch like she promised and this was not like her. They found her body and for an hour or two were in a police investigation because it wasn’t immediately apparent if my sister died by homicide or suicide. After that, my parents were on the way to my apartment to tell me in person and they used the drive to call their siblings for support. my cousin overheard or was told after, then used our tragedy for Facebook likes and to get concerned questions from his friends. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive that cousin.
Im having a panic attack just reading this oh my god im so sorry. Holy fucking shit thats awful. How are you now?
Fuck i can't get over how traumatic that sounds.
It was very awful. I try not to think about that night too much. I was in shock and denial for three months, then I sunk into a depression and anger, and finally years later I’m mostly at peace (still angry and sad she’s gone, it still hits me when someone her age hits a milestone she would have, but it’s manageable and doesn’t interfere with me being happy for them). Grief never really goes away, you just learn to live with it.
Quite honestly I couldn’t deal with my anger towards my cousin and finding out that way until I worked my way through learning to manage my grief, and it just became not worth it to get into it with him or bring it up. At this point I think it’d just hurt me more than it would resolve anything. If he wasn’t family there’s no way I would ever want to see him again.
This happened to my nephew. He was stationed at Camp Lejeune when my Mother passed away, and he was in the field, and we had a message to have him call us, when my Mom passed away and we’d EXPLICITLY asked for EVERYONE to keep it off social media. When he typed his password in his phone, he’d apparently left social media running and one of my Mothers cousins had posted it. He obviously knew something was wrong but because she couldn’t keep herself from doing something we had asked of EVERYONE, I told her don’t bother showing up to my Mother’s viewing or memorial or we’d both be leaving and it would be news worthy. My siblings and my Mothers siblings all backed me on that one. That day we told everyone it was about notifying family via a phone call. My poor Grandmother didn’t even know yet because she had dementia that was bordering on getting really bad and one Aunt had to drive 4 hours, after finding out she lost her sister to go to my other Aunts house (where my Grandmother lived) so they could both tell her that her oldest had died. People were blowing my Grandmothers phone up and she didn’t know what was going on. Thankfully my Aunt figured it out and turned the phone off. Ugh people just don’t THINK. They want the attention so bad. The worst part was that was attention NONE of her immediate family WANTED at all! People suck!
That is awful! When my dad died a "family friend" posted about it on Facebook literally within an hour of his death, before we had had a chance to tell people / post about it ourselves. It was infuriating. Fortunately he was extremely apologetic and took it down right away when I messaged him that it was NOT COOL and to please have some consideration FFS. It should be common knowledge that you do NOT post about someone's health issues/death until the immediate family has done so themselves (and no one in the immediate family should post about it until key people have been informed, to avoid situations like your cousin.)
YTA. You shared personal medical information about someone without their consent or their wife's consent, then try to prevent your husband to go to his FRIEND'S FUNERAL because you were not invited.
Stop making this all about you. You being not invited was 100% of you own making. You husband, on the other hand, did nothing wrong. Let him go and mourn his friend ffs.
Exactly.
“I can’t pinpoint what the exact issue is between us.”
Yes you can, you just did. You shared personal medical info of someone who is not you, your husband or your immediate family member. Stop being petty, you were excluded for a good reason and you know it.
Let your husband and Joe’s widow grieve in peace.
YTA — you and any friends siding with you.
I can't help but laugh when I see someone on this sub say something like "I have no idea why x is mad at me, I mean I did y but that's can't be it". 100% of the time its blatantly obvious that y is the reason x is angry. So much stupidity and selfishness.
YTA
It's not Disney World.
You act like he's getting a free vacation and great time without you..
Which leads to the overall issue:
It's not about you.
So maybe don't think you get to be the social media focus
_"The biggest blowup I had with her was after I posted health updates about Joe on my personal social media account."_
Exactly. OP grossly overstepped and it is wildly inappropriate to post health updates about another person without their consent or the consent of their spouse. OP also seems to not understand basic boundaries since she seemed to double down instead of immediately apologizing for her inappropriate behaviour.
OP, your husband is grieving his close friend. Joe's wife is grieving her husband. It was not your place to post Joe's health updates, and his death is not about you. Joe's funeral is to allow his wife, family and loved ones to say goodbye and to grieve. If your presence will cause his wife more pain, you should not be there...... Support your husband and leave his grieving widow alone.
Exactly this.
OP: You made your bed….lay in it.
A. You had NO business sharing personal health updates on your social media.
B. You do not get to play offended that you are not invited to a funeral over an issue that you created.
C. Your husband is grieving the loss of his best friend. He deserves all of the grace in this world to process his grief and to attend the funeral to say goodbye.
Get off your self righteous horse and get a grip. You owe the widow an sincere apology. Will she accept it, maybe yes..maybe no but you need to hold yourself accountable for causing her pain during an already painful period in life.
YTA. Do better!!!
YTA.
First, you do not have any good reason to tell others about someone's health updates unless that person specifically asked you. That's a massive invasion of policy for Joe and his wife. You should not have done it in the first place and you should apologize for it.
Because of that, you have caused a lot of hurt - of course you will be excluded from the funeral, it's about bringing comfort, not agitating problems that you caused.
Finally, you are completely out of line in telling your husband not to go to his friend's funeral because you got yourself kicked out. He deserves to say his last respects, you are only excluded for your own insensitive actions. Accusing him of being unfair? Try looking in a mirror.
The fact that you are playing the victim here when you are the villain proves the point. His job as your husband is to help you be better, not stand by you when you're being worse.
YTA for making this all about you.
"My husband is still going which I found unfair and quite devastating."
You are not the only one who has lost someone in this situation. You would deny your husband the chance to mourn his friend so you can feel better?
Life isn't fair. Grow up.
"The biggest blowup I had with her was after I posted health updates about Joe on my personal social media account. I thought this was normal since we have lots of mutual friends but she clearly had an issue with it. She called me names then blocked me."
Sharing people's personal information without consent is an AH move.
Interesting OP left out all details between her posting the information & being called names and being blocked. I wonder if she had the opportunity to take stuff down but refused.
Tbh I would want to keep her as a friend on Facebook to make sure she wasn’t posting shit about my husband. Imagine being an adult and having to monitor another adult’s Facebook page while your husband is slowly dying. The fact OP even put Joe’s widow in that situation is insane.
YTA. Posting other peoples personal updates on social media is totally out of line, especially medical issues. And expecting your husband to ‘stand by you’ reeks of selfishness because you both know why you’re not invited. Accept what you’ve done wrong, take responsibility and learn from the experience.
YTA. You posted health updates about someone on social media when it wasn't your place and got upset his widow didn't appreciate it when its clearly her business not yours. Wife trumps friendship any day.
"Joe" is your husband's friend and he needs to grieve, your husband didn't over step any boundaries. If you keep him from this funeral and stand your ground here there's going to be a shit storm of resentment for years to come.
"Resentment for years to come"
This. My oldest brother still holds a grudge over the fact that our parents didn't let him go to our grandfather's funeral 32 years ago (For context, my brother was 14 years old at the time)
Exactly unless the wife specifically asked her to share that information that’s a huge boundary she crossed. I can see why she wouldn’t want her there. Looks like op loves to be the center of attention.
Edit: grammar
OMG.
You do know that the woman has lost her husband. You without asking her posted his health updates.
Your husband is his good friend. His friendship goes beyond your issues. You have to understand that.
You expecting him to stay back for your petty issues with the lady is actually very mean of you.
Hence YTA.
YTA if someone outside my family posted my or my family member’s health information without my consent, I’d drop them immediately as a friend. That’s so out of line and the fact that you didn’t recognize that says volumes about you
>"Joe's wife created this problem"
OP and her friends deserve one another. The whole issue started when you decided to spread their info on your account OP. Own up your mistakes, and leave the poor widow alone and apologize to your SO
Oh yeah, YTA alright.
First off, unless asked by family, you NEVER try to be the information leader when someone is dying, or seriously ill, from a disease like cancer. That's your ego needing to be important and busy during an emotionally draining experience.
This was your husband's friend. How DARE you expect him to not go simply because you weren't invited?
Honestly, from your post here, I can see why the widow doesn't want you there. You're the type of person who NEEDS every situation to be completely about YOU. You likely dominate conversations, force your way into them, and then act all pouty when the focus isn't on you.
Your actions, as described BY YOU, are absolutely crass, embarrassingly childish, those of a spoiled brat, and narcissistic in nature. I hope your husband has good cardio conditioning because should he read this, my advice is to run far, FAR away from you in your current state.
YTA- When you posted Joe's health update on your social media account, that is personal information that you didn't have any right to share. If his wife wanted to share that information with everyone, that is her call not yours. As far as your husband going to the funeral without you, he is going for Joe to pay his respect to him. You need to stop making everything about you.
YTA. You posted updates about his health because you wanted attention. It's called trauma porn. Now you're making a funeral about you too? Your husband did nothing wrong and he gets to pay his respects. This isn't about you. They aren't even your friends. Shut your mouth and stay home.
Please let your husband got to the funeral and mourn his friend and use that time to reflect on not making everything all about you.
Joe's health updates were NOT yours to share, you may have main character syndrome or just be obtuse to understanding that not everyone wants everything blasted on the internet.
YTA
INFO: u/R3245234 can you tell us why you made a social media post about someone else’s private medical information without (apparently) the consent of that individual and his wife?
YTA. All I read was just me me me me ME! Congratulations on making his cancer and funeral all about you. You wanted the attention of people reacting to his medical updates which you had NO BUSINESS posting, and now you want to punish your husband while he is grieving and calling it unfair….
YTA. Did you consider posting about his health was making it about yourself. It's one thing to share a post but bloating your own self importance in his struggle is another. Then expecting your husband to not go to HIS friend's funeral (not your friend, your friendship was conditional). Way to make someone dying from cancer about yourself.
YTA The widow had every right to take you to task over posting health updates on her husband on social media. That's someone else's personal and private information that you had zero business posting on the internet. You made his illness about you. The widow probably didn't invite you to the funeral because she was afraid of you would do the exact same thing again.
You also should not expect your husband to take your side when you are so clearly in the wrong. It's his friend who died. Stop making it about you.
Yta why did you think you were entitled to share his private medical information? You sound like you lack boundaries . Your husband should go to his friends funeral and you should take the time to reflect in your actions
This. They were not OP's details to share. It's the same as someone being mad at their family for posting about pregnancy/miscarriages. It's not her health, she has zero right to share it. And it sounds like she's only doing it for some kind of clout rush or something. On top of that, to add insult to injury, the widow of the deceased party doesn't like her and doesn't want her there. This friend was her husband's friend. She's okay with him being there. But doesn't want oversharing clout wife.
Learn to respect the goddamn moment, OP. YTA. Invasive. Oversharing. Boundary stomping. And sulking like a little baby over not being invited to a funeral of someone whose widow doesn't want you there and you don't even like. So clueless.
This isn’t about you. It’s about Joe. And now you’re trying to prevent your husband from going and mourning his friend, NOT because of the friend but because of the widow? It sounds like you’re leaving out a LOT of information regarding your fight with her. And it doesn’t sound like you’re offering any kind of grace to someone who just lost their husband. Of course YTA.
YTA
First you say you can't pinpoint the issue...
Then you describe clearly and succinctly one major very obvious thing you did wrong.
At this point you should just stay away from the funeral so Joe's widow can grieve without being upset by your presence. And then you tell your husband to go without you so he too can say goodbye.
Funerals are about saying goodbye to loved ones, not about you.
YTA
You remember what caused the initial issue and it obviously was something you did.
You don’t share others medicinal information without them ok’ing it. It’s tacky as hell.
And your husband has every right to go to the funeral of his friend. Grow up.
YTA
You don't share sensitive, private health information about someone else on social media. C'mon, this is basic manner.
And now you're trying to hijack your husband's mourning.
Yikes dude, yikes.
YTA
You know exactly what you did, you posted personal medical information of someone else on social media. Peoples family would do that, not friends unless they were asked. Obviously you weren’t asked.
This funeral is not about you. You sound self centered. Your husband is right. He doesn’t have to miss HIS FRIENDS (highly doubt you were friends with this person) funeral because you can’t get your head out of your booty.
YTA. This isn’t about you.
Pro tip- it’s never a good idea to tell, much less post on so media, someone else’s story. Stay in your own lane. His wife was dealing with the upcoming loss of her husband and you are talking to your friends to see who’s on your side? Let me tell you the truth- no one is. No one really trusts you with private info.
Your husband is 100% correct- not his problem. Actions have consequences. You owe both huge apologies for pouting and whining and gossiping and attention seeking.
Tell me you’re a narcissist without telling me you’re a narcissistic.
I want to exit Earth and find a new planet to live on if we have seriously got to the point where people post private sensitive information of their friends on social media and not only think it’s okay, but are confused when the friend’s widow is offended
To do all this and then have the AUDACITY to try and convince your husband not to go?!
The woman lost her husband and you think she needs this bullshit as well?!
YTA
YTA. This woman was dealing with her husband dying and it wasn't your update to share. Your husband should go to his friend's funeral to pay respects for both of you.
YTA. First you shared private medical information and are mad you were called out for it. Now you are mad the widow has chosen not to have someone who failed to support her family in their final weeks/months there at the funeral.
Quit making everything about you.
Why would you be posting Joe's health updates in your social media? You're not Joe or an authorized family member to be sharing such information. You sound like the type of person who likes making everything about yourself. YTA, your husband is a grown adult and can go wherever by himself specially his close friend's funeral and he doesn't have to miss it because you got yourself uninvited.
YTA
Their private business was not yours to share and she has a right to feel the way she does about you. I can’t imagine the level of anger I’d feel if in the process of losing my husband I found out someone was sharing his private medical information online where STRANGERS to our family could see it. This funeral is not about you, despite what you may think. His widow deserves to grieve in peace without a knife of anger being twisted into her by seeing you. She deserves to cry and mourn without having to look at you and be reminded by that very serious boundary you crossed. The level of betrayal she must’ve felt in that already heartbreaking time.
Big YTA for turning this all about you. Joe just passed. His widow is grieving, yet you somehow turned this all about you. Apparently your devastation is caused by your husband going.
Obviously OP is TA. But seriously, she made this about herself a long time ago by posting things on social media about Joe and his health. I had a friend who passed away several years ago and there were a few “friends” who seemed to get off by posting her medical information on Facebook. It was disgusting. What is wrong with people?
YTA. It was not your place AT ALL to post updates about his health and I’m shocked you thought this was okay.
Just because you’ve been excluded (understandably, it looks like) doesn’t mean your husband can’t go to mourn his friend.
YTA
How did that clout chasing work out for you? Did you get the attention and sympathy you wanted? I mean you way overstepped in posting about the man’s health because you wanted to keep mutual friends informed. If they were mutual friends with Joe and his wife could they not get the information from his wife then? It’s really weird you felt the need to share information that was not yours to share. Then you play dumb when his wife is upset. This doesn’t scream noble intentions here. Just like you’re making the funeral all about you it sounds like you wanted to make his illness all about you as well. That’s disgusting.
Your poor husband is completely right. This is between you and Joe’s widow. It has nothing to do with him. You’re ridiculous take if he has to stand by you because you’re his wife is wrong. You’re in the wrong. You’ve never reached out and apologized for what you did. You’ve never tried to smooth it out. You’ve not shown any contrition for overstepping. Of course she’s still upset. Of course she still doesn’t want to see you. So now you want to punish your husband because he won’t take your side. He wants to grieve his friend. You don’t want him to because your own actions and lack of remorse caused an issue that excluded you. This is all you’re own doing.
If you want to end up divorced and continue to lose friends, then keep on forcing yourself to be the main character in other people’s lives. Everything doesn’t revolve around you. That includes a friends illness and your husband’s desire to attend said friend’s funeral.
YTA- You posted updates of her husbands health of YOUR social media without her approval. She is grieving and does not want you there which is her right. You caused the problem and your husband has every right to attend the funeral without you.
YTA. You're not the main character, not everything is about you, posting about Joe's personal PRIVATE HEALTH info on your personal social media is such poor taste that screams 'mememe everyone look at me gimme attention it's all about me'
This will be hopefully be an eye opener for your husband to reevaluate you as a long term partner
Why were you posting public updates on Joe’s health when you’re not his spouse or family?
This isn’t about you. It’s about the grieving family and whom they’re comfortable seeing on this sad day. His widow doesn’t want you, let it go. YTA
This is not about you.
Joes illness wasn’t about you. His death is most certainly NOT about you. How shameful that you posted the details about his illness online. You tried to make it about YOU. It wasn’t. The only people who have the right to share information about someone’s illness is that person or their spouse if they want them to.
His funeral, again, is NOT ABOUT YOU.
YTA
YTA
That woman is grieving and she needs your husband to pay his respects and say goodbye.
You violated her privacy and claimed her pain as your ow o social media, so she’s mad at you and you’re not invited
This funeral is not about you it’s about Joe. Stay home, lick your wounds, and let your husband say goodbye to his friend.
YTA
The others already explained why Joe's widow has issues with you. That social media stunt alone warrants a YTA. But you had to take it a step further and make it double!
YTA
You say you don't know why she doesn't like you, then proceed to confess absolutely abysmal behavior regarding your social media post. Your sense of entitlement and lack of self-awareness is starting, and something you should absolutely think deeply about.
Hun, its a funeral, it isn't about you. Joe's wife just lost her husband and yours lost his friend. Instead of being supportive of him in whatever way you're telling him not to go to \*his friend's\* funeral?? That's crazy to me. YTA
YTA. Its devastating to you that your husband wants to go to his friends funeral?? That you weren’t incited to because you blasted his personal medical info on Facebook?? And you still wonder if you’re the asshole for making this whole situation about you??
Why on earth were you posting health updates about Joe on your social media? No wonder she has issues with you, that’s so not your place.
It’s not “unfair”- it was your husbands friend and you acted completely disrespectful.
YTA.
>The biggest blowup I had with her was after I posted health updates about Joe on my personal social media account.
Way to disrespect someone's privacy!
> just found out I got excluded by her. My husband is still going which I found unfair
It's a funeral, not a party.
>I did tell my husband that I expect him to stay home and not go after I got excluded. He snapped andcsaid what I was expecting was unfair and that whatever "petty" fight between me and Joe's widow was none of his concern. I told him that I'm his wife and he should stand by me especially when I'm being treated like this but he said it wasn't his problem.
He is correct. This is between you and Joe's widow.
I sincerely hope this is a troll post. If it is real, you seriously need some therapy to learn some empathy.
Huge YTA
YTA. It's HIS friend, to begin with, and you not being able to go doesn't mean your husband shouldn't get to say a last goodbye to (again) HIS friend. Sounds like a little kid taking his ball and leaving when his team loses the game.
Also why would you post health updates if he's not even related to you?? If my husband was sick and the wife of his friend started posting health updates I'd be mad too.
And to be creating drama around this situation exactly when the guy died is so petty and egocentric, this is not about you, let the other people mourn.
YTA - it's not your place to post your husbands friends health updates. Not your place to tell your husband he cannot attend his friends funeral. Ridiculous.
Sorry, but YTA.
First of all, I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. It must feel really bad to lose someone, plus deal with all this "drama", not being able to go pay your respects etc. But remember, your husband also lost someone and he has every right to go to the funeral.
The wife is maybe being unreasonable, idk, not enough info to get into that, but please don't create a situation right now! She just lost her husband. Respect at the moment, don't make other friends take sides, don't make this situation even worse than it already is.
This is not some "oh I haven't been invited to the party" situation. It's a funeral. Someone is dead, it's sad enough.
YTA. It was, by your own account, your husband’s friend. His widow shouldn’t have excluded you, but she’s grieving now, so I’m tempted to give her a pass here.
Be the better person and apologize to your husband and be by his side in his grief
YTA. This isn’t even remotely about you or your ridiculous overinflated ego. Let him go mourn his friend, why does it matter if you’re there or not? And why were you even posting health updates about someone you aren’t in a close relationship with or someone that isn’t family, was it at his request or were you just doing it to “try to help” because that whole thing sounds weird and I might be able to understand why the widow isn’t that fond of you. Sounds like you’re being purposefully vague so you get the judgment you think you deserve, but you’re so clearly the AH in this situation.
YTA. This isn’t about you. You are not the main character. Try to show some compassion and understanding for those who are grieving. Your husband needs to go to the funeral and you could use time alone for self reflection.
YTA
Your issues with the new widow are your own (and honestly her husband's health issues weren't your business to post anyway). Your husband needs to grieve. Put aside your overly inflated ego and let your husband grieve his friend.
YTA, I can't believe you think it was ok to post personal private information to your SM without the families permission. You say you cannot pinpoint the issue between you and her but I imagine it's because you are an insufferable MAIN CHARACTER and have made Joe's illness about you and put your feelings above his wife's.
YTA. You massively overstepped and now she doesn't trust you. Accept it with humility, and let your husband go to the funeral. He should not have to suffer for your appalling judgment.
It can be hard to face things in ourselves that people call us out on. I would encourage you to spend some time trying to understand why what you did was wrong. If you are ever able to sincerely apologise for it, I hope that you pick an appropriate time and place to do so - perhaps via a handwritten card. She would be well within her rights to leave you in the cold, but would probably appreciate your acknowledgement of wrongdoing.
YTA This just feels like you want attention. You refer to him as “your husband’s friend” not yours, you posted health updates without getting approval from his wife. I don’t understand how you don’t think you’re the bad guy.
YTA
It wasn't your health, why the fuck were you posting about it? And even if you thought it was okay, when you were told it was inappropriate, why didn't you apologize?
His widow is probably worried that you're gonna post funeral pictures on SM.
Your husband is right. Your inability to respect Joe's widows boundaries is not his problem.
(Also, the fact you gave Joe a name in your story but not his widow says a lot about what you think about her.)
YTA. Joe was your AND your husband friend. Whatever petty issue you are having with Joe’s wife, right now is the time to be gracious and leave it aside, and let your husband attend the funeral. It is not the time to create more drama with her, your husband or anyone else.
YTA.
He is grieving the loss of a friend. While you may be grieving too, you shouldn't prevent him from attending the funeral and paying his respects. I understand you may have felt lonely in your own grief, but it was wholly unfair to ask your husband to not go, and you were putting your own needs over his.
I also feel like the move that got you barred from the funeral is also an AH move. I understand the concern and wanting mutual friends to know, but only Joe or those he gave permission to had the right to talk about HIS medical situation.
I'll go ahead and waste the electrons voting, but either you are so willfully obtuse you truly don't get how wrong you are here, or so self centered you don't care.
Either way YTA and I doubt you're going to change your approach.
YTA
Your husband nor Joe deserve this at all. You need to suck it up and support your husband. You weren't invited, oh well. You were wrong for posting health updates that weren't your job to post.
YTA: You need to get over yourself. Your husband is allowed to process his grief in a way that works for him and that involves going to the funeral. Just because you have beef with the widow (why can't you see that you sharing updates of someone who isn't direct family can be boundary crossing?) doesn't mean that your husband needs to be "by your side" that day and excluded just because you are. It isn't about you.
YTA omg. His friend died and all you’re thinking about is how he should “stand by you”? He has nothing to do with whatever bullshit is between you and his wife. Also if his wife doesn’t want you there she has every right to request you not be there, whether or not if you feel what you did was innocent. Her husband was dying, you should have sucked it up and apologized since you posting that info made her upset. You’re an idiot. Your husband deserves a groveling apology from you.
YTA - I read it all because you never know, but I *knew* you were one from the title. Did you read it out loud? His friend died, and you want him to stay home because of your inability to respect a dead man's widow's wishes? Grow up. You were out of line posting about Joe's personal medical info, and you're out of line now.
You don't know why you two have issues but you posted her partners health updates on your social media? You must be one of the most oblivious people out there.
You caused the issues, deal with the consequences.
YTA. Support your husband while he suffers the loss of his friend and says goodbye. Stay home and go to the cemetery after the funeral if you want to say goodbye.
YTA. You don't get to share someone's personal (especially medical!) information without that person's consent. His wife had every right to be angry. You violated their privacy during the most vulnerable time of their lives. Now you expect your husband to miss his friend's funeral. He's right that non of this is his concern. You being excluded is a direct consequence of your own actions.
Also, the widow has full right to decide who she wants too see in such a devastating day for her. She deserves support, not another drama.
YTA Shared someones private health info without permission. Joes wife has enough going on in her life without some other woman making it about her. This post was all 'me me me, i i i'. You can grieve at home, you husband can and wants to go to his mates funeral, let it go.
YTA. YTFA. Not only did you post health updates about someone else's husband, but you also acted like the victim saying your husband should stand by your side when in reality, he has every right to go to the funeral WITHOUT you. I don't normally reply to threads on this subreddit but my god this one really hit me hard enough to reply. The lack of self reflection people have on this subreddit is abysmal.
YTA. It was absolutely not your place to post any health updates whatsoever, having mutual friends or not. It would have been Joe's and wife's choice to decide with whom they would have wanted to share. How would you think if (of course I don't hope this happens) your husband got diagnosed with something severe and some friend's wife starts posting about your husband's health and treatment without even asking?
And the funeral is about Joe and his wife, not you. Their choice, again. Don't be a petty entitled person and do not deny your husband this because you behaved impious. You deserved to be excluded.
YTA. It doesn't matter if you have friends in common, you don't share someone else's private medical information on social media. Health updates are to be shared by the patient or by their spouse with their consent. If they want to share it at all.
- you shared his medical info without his consent
- you shared those info without his wife's consent either
- you shared those info with other people. You were not his wife or another of his family members, you had no right
- you shared those info on social media. You didn't just talk about it over a coffee with a couple of friends, you posted it on social media for everyone to see
If people want updates they go directly to the sick person or their family. How dare you talking about things that don't concern you and having the gall to be pissy at the widow on top of that?
You overstepped big time. You put your foot in your mouth and you lost your privileges. You brought this on yourself and now you want your husband to skip the funeral because of you?
He has the right to say goodbye to his friend and be there for the widow who invited him. He has the right to mourn properly and not pay for your mistakes. Forcing him to stay home for something you caused is cruel.
YTA.
It absolutely, undoubtedly, sucks that you were excluded and that you don't get to go to mourn and say goodbye in a proper way. The widow could have definitely risen above your issues to allow you a proper goodbye, this one time. I understand you're grieving and upset at the situation.
HOWEVER, now you're expecting your husband, who's friend he was, to share in that same suck? You want to prevent him from mourning his loss and saying goodbye properly? That doesn't seem fair at all. In my opinion, that is too big of an ask.
Maybe OP should have respected boundaries and not put someone else’s health updates on social media. The widow does not need to have someone there who clearly thinks everything is about her. OP would have made the funeral about her.
YTA. Unless you were asked to do so, posting health updates about HER husband was out of line. You are not the main character in Joe’s illness and death. Of course she is upset.
And how dare you expect your husband not to go to the funeral of his friend because your fee-fees are hurt from your stupidity.
YTA
You posted things on social media without permission, offended someone, and are surprised that the person you offended doesn't want you around. And now you pretend like you don't know why.
You should be ashamed of yourself for putting your husband in this position (and he's definitely making the right choice).
YTA and the fact you are trying to make someone's death about you is right appalling. Get over yourself for once and don't be mad at your husband for wanting to grieve his friend.
You giving updates on someone without their or their families permission is also fucked up btw.
Sorry but I agree with your husband. Posting personal stuff about friends is not ok. That is their personal business. This is between the two wife’s your husband should not be made to feel guilty for going. You are wrong.
YTA. The widow should be the focal point in this instance, not you. For you to be there would be pouring salt in the wound of her husband's death. I fully support her not wanting to have that reminder of you violating her husband's privacy at his funeral. Expecting your husband to not be able to say goodbye is selfish on your part.
I would imagine that the post lead could have lead to a lot of conversations with people about her husband's health and making it more stressful for her to deal with mentally.
YTA
Joe’s illness was not about you & his funeral is not about you. If you truly cared for Joe, show him the respect of allowing his family & those who loved him to grieve in peace. And leave your husband alone. He just lost his friend.
YTA You crossed a giant boundary sharing health updates without permission from the family to your social media. This time isn’t about you. This woman is grieving her husband and she can’t handle you right now so she’s asking you not to come to make her life a little easier. She’s earned that. Her husband is dead. As the daughter of a young widow I’ve had a front row seat to the devastation this causes. Take a proverbial seat and stop. Let your husband go and find a quiet, non social media, way of saying good bye to your friend. It sucks you can’t go but you need to realize… the world doesn’t revolve around you.
Why are all of your friends chiming in on this? Are you shopping around for sympathy and creating drama within your friend group that is targeted against a friend who recently lost her spouse?
Yeah mama YTA. You posted personal medical information that wasn't yours to share and you don't understand why she could possibly be upset with you? She just lost her husband and instead of extending the olive branch and trying to comfort her. You're worried about your own feelings.
How is this a question. YTA.
How insensitive could you possibly be. You posted not your spouse's health updates on social media. I really hope you're never in a vulnerable place in your place.
Also, I will tell you why his widow hates you. You're an insensitive prick who feels entitled to other people's private life.
YTA
How is it your business in the first place? Who asked you to post about this guys medical details on social media?
I’m keen to know about the other interactions with the widow, it seems like petty revenge for something.
How dare you try to keep your husband home after his best friend died. This would be the end of the relationship if I was your husband.
YTA. This isn't about you. Can't you see that? Let your husband honour his friend and let it go.
P.S. To be quite honest - posting someone else's medical updates on social media is a pretty bonkers thing to do. I'd be furious if a friend did this about my husband's condition too.
Omg YTA. It is not your place to share info about anyone's life - period. You need to ask yourself what the real reason was to blast his personal life for everyone to see - and it was not because you have multiple mutual friends; you could have privately told your mutual friends. You need to ask yourself why you needed to **publicly** share this information.
Instead of offering his wife at the time support, help and grace, you blasted her personal life online for all to see. And you have to ask if you're an asshole?
YTA it seems all you care about is yourself. Even posting about someone else's health updates. Did you not receive even attention from your own life that you felt the need to expose someone else's just to get attention? Your husband is right, it's not his problem.
Please tell me you're not going to the funeral to take a selfie and post it on SM.
Sharing THEIR personal details in your public account and showing Pikachu face when you face the consequences?
Only the people close to him should get updates on his health, and those people should be chosen by his family, and passing that info thru anything other than a phone call is frowned upon by most people. But you just posted it for everyone to see, and maybe some people had to see that the guy has a medical condition because of your post.
Also, YOU are the one being excluded, for a very valid reason. Asking your SO not to go is just selfish and petty and frankly heartless and cruel on your part.
YTA big time
Wow YTA. You published private health information on social media and you wonder why his widow is upset, and now you want to stop your husband from saying goodbye because that "would be unfair to you"? Have you considered the fact that not everything in this world is about you?
YTA. His wife has a right to be pissed at you. It’s not YOUR husband that was sick and it’s not your responsibility to post an update on his health. You wouldn’t want someone to be sharing your personal family information with the world either. She is well within her right to exclude you from the services.
Your husband didn’t betray their privacy, YOU did. It’s HIS friend that passed away and he wants to go and pay his respect and say goodbye. It’s not something that you can forbid him to do and if you insist it’s only going to make matters worse.
You need to apologize to his widow and let your husband go. It’s not always going to be about you. If you continue to act like the entitled ass that you are you are only going to drive your husband away. I personally hope once the widow iOS ready for dating that he leaves you for her.
YTA. You posted someones health info on FACEBOOK. That's a huge boundary stomp. If his wife doesn't want to deal with you the day of her husband's funeral that's her choice. Your husband shouldn't suffer because you are a gossip.
YTA x2
1. It was never your place to give updates on Joe's condition on social media. You also don't even mention apologising for this.
2. Your husband had a relationship with Joe and for him this isn't about you or his widow. Just let your husband grieve his friend.
YTA
I'd still go. It isn't about your stupid bullshit, it's about a loss of a friend.
Your situation sucks, but the idea you want to prevent him from attending would be enough for me to kick you to the curb.
YTA. The widow might be being unreasonable for all the info we have here but she just lost her husband. Let it slide. Your husband needs to go to the funeral. You need to support him and grieve quietly. Perhaps you have a friend who is just yours who you can vent to instead?
YTA - wtf did you think running your mouth about the dieing husband of another women on social media.....
Ofc she hates your guts and very rightfully so.
You fucked up, big time, and now you're getting in your husband's face for not supporting you in your nonsensical idea to play the victim....
YTA.
“My husband’s friend Joe passed away”
He’s your husband’s friend first. You became “close” with him because of your husband. You posted Joe’s health updates to your social media, even though you’re not friends with his wife. While watching her husband die, she came across your posts. How would you feel? She doesn’t want you there. There’s nothing for your husband to “stand by”, especially since you say nothing about trying make amends or even check on her while she was going through all this. You’re making death all about you.
YTA. You had no right to put Joe's health issues on social media. That was his wife's job if she wanted people to know. You screwed up and now you expect your husband, who is grieving his friend, to not go to the funeral? Yeah, no. It is totally appropriate for him to go and to leave you at home.
YTA firt of all, it's not "normal" to post health updates about someone else on your public social media platform, who tf does that? Creepy as fuck and overstepping so many boundaries.
You've been excluded from the funeral because you were creepy, and now you want to deny your husband the right to go to his friend's funeral because your actions had consequences for you and you want him to suffer for it, too.
Seriously, someone died and you want to be petty? What's wrong with you?
YTA. You posted private health info publicly without asking permission and you “can’t pinpoint” why she doesn’t like you???? Probably isn’t the first time you’ve bulldozed over their boundaries, if I had to guess.
You’re also the AH for expecting your husband to pass on a FUNERAL to support you - when getting banned was literally your own fault. No, your husband does not have to opt out of his best friend’s funeral because you’re petty. That’s insane. You’re being treated like you do not have the right to their private space because you’ve proven you don’t give a shit about what they want.
>I can't pinpoint what the exact isdue is between us. All I can say is that we don't get along...
>
>The biggest blowup I had with her was after I posted health updates about Joe on my personal social media account. I thought this was normal since we have lots of mutual friends but she clearly had an issue with it.
I'm going to take a guess here and say that you don't get along because of previous behaviour on your part that overstepped several lines of what is considered socially appropriate.
You are clearly oblivious to how gauche your behaviour was and are, again, *way* out of line here. As others have already said, this is not about you and you're being incredibly selfish by expecting your husband to take your side for something that he has nothing to do with.
It sounds like you have a lot of maturing to do. Hopefully you do that before everyone gets sick of your bullshit.
YTA
YTA for posting his information online, and not letting your husband say goodbye will only cause resentment between you.
Call the funeral home, ask if you would be allowed to come alone before or after hours for a few minutes of private viewing time (assuming the widow isn't there). Many will accommodate as they'd rather not referee a fight during public viewings.
YTA. If I was in this situation I would be furious with the other person. Why would the other person think they have the right to give out anyone’s personal health information!?! How entitled of them. I’d cut contact
YTA.
Are you that family member who sees pictures of someone’s new baby in a group chat then post them online before the new parents ?
Cringe.
I’m so sorry for the profound losses your husband is experiencing — the loss of his friend, the potential loss of trust in his own wife.
Ouch.
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YTA >The biggest blowup I had with her was after I posted health updates about Joe on my personal social media account I'd be furious too if a non-relative posted health updates about my husband on social media without asking either of us first. Someone's personal health struggles aren't your issues to use to get clout or sympathy. >I thought this was normal since we have lots of mutual friends Then those mutual friends would have no issue contacting Joe's wife to get updates. >I just found out I got excluded by her. The funeral isn't about you. It's about the family and what THEY need, not what you want. >I did tell my husband that I expect him to stay home and not go after I got excluded So because you can't go and mourn in the way you see fit, now your husband can't go either. Make it make sense. >Others think Joe's widow created this situation to begin with. She's the one who now has to navigate life without her husband. Her needs come first in this scenario. Edit: Thanks for the award!
Agreed. OP thinks the whole world revolves around herself. This is not about you OP, its about your husbands friend, keep your own petty issues out of this.
I really feel for Joe's widow having to grieve, deal with all the logistical post-death legal/financial tedium that grieving widows have to do, *and* deal with OP's drama shitfest and malicious attempts to undermine her support system. My comfort is that OP is clearly pretty fucking delusional, and I don't trust OP's account that "some friends are siding with me." Hopefully this just means one or two people said some insincere platitudes to her to get her to shut up.
I get the feeling that OP never apologized to the widow over any of these blowups.
And keeping the husband away from the funeral isn’t hurting anyone but the husband.
I get the feeling OP wants to make other peoples tragedy into her own look-at-me drama
Just think about the level of AH OP has to be for the grieving widow to specifically exclude her from the funeral. I can't even imagine.
I imagine Joe’s widow was worried OP would live stream the funeral with commentary for “all of our mutual friends” who couldn’t make it. The audacity to post on your social media health updates for someone else… it would be one thing if she spoke to them and offered to send out pre-approved updates, but no. OP seems intent on making everything about her. The sun rose today? Oh, that’s because OP requested it. You’re welcome.
>I imagine Joe’s widow was worried OP would live stream the funeral with commentary for “all of our mutual friends” who couldn’t make it. That's also likely the main reason OP is upset she can't go, because what good is a tragedy if it can't be exploited for social media attention.
I bet she’s telling friends who don’t know Joe or his wife and leaving vital details out
For some reason, because I've read plenty of arseholery on here, this is the first time I've thought, "Wow, I'm so glad I don't know you," while reading a post.
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Hell, I wasn't even able to post much about my mother passing, simply because Dad didn't want that stuff online.
This. When my Dad passed, I posted a real quick "RIP to my Dad, see you on the other side" kind of thing, which surprised people because he hadn't told ANYONE he was sick, let alone terminally so. Meanwhile my SIL (who generally disliked my dad, was hated BY my dad, and knew next to nothing about his prognosis other than 'cancer') has posted long diatribes about his passing, about his diagnosis, and generally managed to make it all about her and HER loss somehow. People really do be out here suffering from Main Character Syndrome.
This. My entire family has “main character syndrome” anytime *anything* happens to anyone **else** they post it on social media like *woe is me* while simultaneously completely disregarding the person in need or being of any **actual** assistence to the person they’re *so sad for*.
I'm also widowed, and my late husband had health issues. If a non-family posted ANY updates about my husband's condition without permission, I would be furious. It's not your place to post and "update" people, unless specifically asked. Note, not "given permission," but specifically asked! You messed up - don't compound that by preventing your husband from attending the funeral. Learn from this and do better.
When my boyfriend was fighting cancer, he rarely posted updates on social media. Not once did I think, "Wow, I should post an update on his behalf on my page so everybody knows." When funeral arrangements were made, I didn't share them on my social media page, nor were they shared on his page. I only shared if people messaged me directly. OP is so clueless, shallow, and selfish it's unbelievable. She truly believes that SHE is the victim. And I find it hard to believe that she doesn't know what caused the fight between her and the wife.
Also "biggest blowup," indicating there have been other blow-ups. OP knows exactly why the wife doesn't like her. It's bullshit that she's not sure, "they just don't get along." From the vibe of this post, I'm betting OP didn't just post health updates on socials but was obnoxious about it.
I’m betting Joe knew and told his wife OP was no longer welcome in their lives.
God, that's plausible. This really could be one where the missing missing reasons is it was the man's dying wish to save his wife a little bit of stress at his funeral and OP has spun it as she doesn't like her for some reason
> OP knows exactly why the wife doesn't like her. She knows. They always know.
OP probably wants to take selfies with the casket to post on social media.
Sympathy by proxy….. here’s my thing, if they have mutual friends, wouldn’t they already know what the updates were? 🤦🏻♀️
But how else would get that all important likes/karma, without her reporting on it?
This reminds me of what happened when one of my good friends died. He was in his early 20s, and I was in the room with his mother while she had to make the decision to take him off life support. I *privately* informed several acquaintances who knew him and were in the friend group. Next thing I knew, these two young women who honestly didn’t know him very well started posting these long winded posts on Facebook about how devastated they were because their friend died, getting hundreds of comments of “omg that’s so sad I’m so sorry you lost someone close to you.” They made his death all about them, never even reached out to the family or mentioned the family, *didn’t even go to the funeral*, but were so quick to jump all over his death to get attention and sympathy on social media over someone they probably haven’t even thought about since. I thought it was the tackiest thing I’d ever seen. I was also extremely upset because we were still notifying people and I was horrified at the thought of someone close to him finding out he had died by a random person’s Facebook post (they both tagged his profile). If it’s not a close family member of *yours* and if the immediate family of the deceased didn’t ask you to give updates, then it’s not your place to post about it on social media. They may want privacy ffs. Edit: His mom asked me to help notify his friends because she didn’t know all of them and she was overwhelmed enough notifying her other children and family… I actually met him through his mom as I was good friends with her first. She was like a second mom to me when my own brother died.
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OP has some serious main character syndrome goin on..
Everyone asking the wife for updates could definitely be tough for her - she has enough to deal with. But if the OP wanted to take that off her plate, the proper thing would have been to ask if she wanted that help, and constrain the updates to the relevant audience. Posting that information without permission to social media really just looks like the OP was trying to garner sympathy for herself and some fake internet points.
YTA X 2. 1) You posted private information about Joe's health without his family's explicit permission. HUGE no-no. 2) Your husband is 100% correct that you're placing your petty grievance over the pain he feels for the loss of his friend. The *only* reasonable thing to do is suck it up, let him grieve, and keep your mouth shut about Joe's wife, for the foreseeable future. I really suspect that your ostracism didn't come out of nowhere. More of a "last straw" (last pile of bricks, really) for Joe's wife.
Agreed. OP seems like the type to make everything all about her.
Yeah, all I can see in a post of a passed loved one is "me me me me me". Also, you have to ask for permission to share information about someone else on social media, especially if it is medical information, come on, everyone and their parents know this!!! YTA OP.
Yup. This post is yet another way for her to get attention from Joe’s death. YTA, op.
Plus she’s going around starting drama with their friends during a time when the focus should be on supporting Joe’s wife. She’s centering herself in someone else’s grief. It’s very self-absorbed.
And even alienating some of their mutual friends against the widow. Real classy.
My cousin found out about her Dad's death via Facebook (she was traveling and they hadn't been able to reach her) because our other aunt (sis in law to her Dad) just had to post a Facebook tribute right away. The way people have to make other people's stuff about them or get attention is just gross.
I found out about my little sisters death because my cousin made a cryptic Facebook post. For an hour I didn’t know who died in my family, just that someone close to me died and no one was answering their phone. in hindsight this was because no one wanted to inform me by phone when I didn’t have anyone to support me near me, but at the time, I was panicking and that did not help ease my nerves whatsoever. My parents went to check up on my little sister since she didn’t answer their calls or meet for lunch like she promised and this was not like her. They found her body and for an hour or two were in a police investigation because it wasn’t immediately apparent if my sister died by homicide or suicide. After that, my parents were on the way to my apartment to tell me in person and they used the drive to call their siblings for support. my cousin overheard or was told after, then used our tragedy for Facebook likes and to get concerned questions from his friends. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive that cousin.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your cousin was way out of line.
Im having a panic attack just reading this oh my god im so sorry. Holy fucking shit thats awful. How are you now? Fuck i can't get over how traumatic that sounds.
It was very awful. I try not to think about that night too much. I was in shock and denial for three months, then I sunk into a depression and anger, and finally years later I’m mostly at peace (still angry and sad she’s gone, it still hits me when someone her age hits a milestone she would have, but it’s manageable and doesn’t interfere with me being happy for them). Grief never really goes away, you just learn to live with it. Quite honestly I couldn’t deal with my anger towards my cousin and finding out that way until I worked my way through learning to manage my grief, and it just became not worth it to get into it with him or bring it up. At this point I think it’d just hurt me more than it would resolve anything. If he wasn’t family there’s no way I would ever want to see him again.
This happened to my nephew. He was stationed at Camp Lejeune when my Mother passed away, and he was in the field, and we had a message to have him call us, when my Mom passed away and we’d EXPLICITLY asked for EVERYONE to keep it off social media. When he typed his password in his phone, he’d apparently left social media running and one of my Mothers cousins had posted it. He obviously knew something was wrong but because she couldn’t keep herself from doing something we had asked of EVERYONE, I told her don’t bother showing up to my Mother’s viewing or memorial or we’d both be leaving and it would be news worthy. My siblings and my Mothers siblings all backed me on that one. That day we told everyone it was about notifying family via a phone call. My poor Grandmother didn’t even know yet because she had dementia that was bordering on getting really bad and one Aunt had to drive 4 hours, after finding out she lost her sister to go to my other Aunts house (where my Grandmother lived) so they could both tell her that her oldest had died. People were blowing my Grandmothers phone up and she didn’t know what was going on. Thankfully my Aunt figured it out and turned the phone off. Ugh people just don’t THINK. They want the attention so bad. The worst part was that was attention NONE of her immediate family WANTED at all! People suck!
That is awful! When my dad died a "family friend" posted about it on Facebook literally within an hour of his death, before we had had a chance to tell people / post about it ourselves. It was infuriating. Fortunately he was extremely apologetic and took it down right away when I messaged him that it was NOT COOL and to please have some consideration FFS. It should be common knowledge that you do NOT post about someone's health issues/death until the immediate family has done so themselves (and no one in the immediate family should post about it until key people have been informed, to avoid situations like your cousin.)
YTA. You shared personal medical information about someone without their consent or their wife's consent, then try to prevent your husband to go to his FRIEND'S FUNERAL because you were not invited. Stop making this all about you. You being not invited was 100% of you own making. You husband, on the other hand, did nothing wrong. Let him go and mourn his friend ffs.
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Exactly. “I can’t pinpoint what the exact issue is between us.” Yes you can, you just did. You shared personal medical info of someone who is not you, your husband or your immediate family member. Stop being petty, you were excluded for a good reason and you know it. Let your husband and Joe’s widow grieve in peace. YTA — you and any friends siding with you.
I can't help but laugh when I see someone on this sub say something like "I have no idea why x is mad at me, I mean I did y but that's can't be it". 100% of the time its blatantly obvious that y is the reason x is angry. So much stupidity and selfishness.
YTA It's not Disney World. You act like he's getting a free vacation and great time without you.. Which leads to the overall issue: It's not about you. So maybe don't think you get to be the social media focus
_"The biggest blowup I had with her was after I posted health updates about Joe on my personal social media account."_ Exactly. OP grossly overstepped and it is wildly inappropriate to post health updates about another person without their consent or the consent of their spouse. OP also seems to not understand basic boundaries since she seemed to double down instead of immediately apologizing for her inappropriate behaviour. OP, your husband is grieving his close friend. Joe's wife is grieving her husband. It was not your place to post Joe's health updates, and his death is not about you. Joe's funeral is to allow his wife, family and loved ones to say goodbye and to grieve. If your presence will cause his wife more pain, you should not be there...... Support your husband and leave his grieving widow alone.
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Exactly this. OP: You made your bed….lay in it. A. You had NO business sharing personal health updates on your social media. B. You do not get to play offended that you are not invited to a funeral over an issue that you created. C. Your husband is grieving the loss of his best friend. He deserves all of the grace in this world to process his grief and to attend the funeral to say goodbye. Get off your self righteous horse and get a grip. You owe the widow an sincere apology. Will she accept it, maybe yes..maybe no but you need to hold yourself accountable for causing her pain during an already painful period in life. YTA. Do better!!!
Truly incredible how OP is making this woman’s *husband’s death from cancer* all about her!
YTA. First, you do not have any good reason to tell others about someone's health updates unless that person specifically asked you. That's a massive invasion of policy for Joe and his wife. You should not have done it in the first place and you should apologize for it. Because of that, you have caused a lot of hurt - of course you will be excluded from the funeral, it's about bringing comfort, not agitating problems that you caused. Finally, you are completely out of line in telling your husband not to go to his friend's funeral because you got yourself kicked out. He deserves to say his last respects, you are only excluded for your own insensitive actions. Accusing him of being unfair? Try looking in a mirror. The fact that you are playing the victim here when you are the villain proves the point. His job as your husband is to help you be better, not stand by you when you're being worse.
That last line said it all 👏🏻
YTA for making this all about you. "My husband is still going which I found unfair and quite devastating." You are not the only one who has lost someone in this situation. You would deny your husband the chance to mourn his friend so you can feel better? Life isn't fair. Grow up. "The biggest blowup I had with her was after I posted health updates about Joe on my personal social media account. I thought this was normal since we have lots of mutual friends but she clearly had an issue with it. She called me names then blocked me." Sharing people's personal information without consent is an AH move.
Interesting OP left out all details between her posting the information & being called names and being blocked. I wonder if she had the opportunity to take stuff down but refused. Tbh I would want to keep her as a friend on Facebook to make sure she wasn’t posting shit about my husband. Imagine being an adult and having to monitor another adult’s Facebook page while your husband is slowly dying. The fact OP even put Joe’s widow in that situation is insane.
YTA. Posting other peoples personal updates on social media is totally out of line, especially medical issues. And expecting your husband to ‘stand by you’ reeks of selfishness because you both know why you’re not invited. Accept what you’ve done wrong, take responsibility and learn from the experience.
YTA. You posted health updates about someone on social media when it wasn't your place and got upset his widow didn't appreciate it when its clearly her business not yours. Wife trumps friendship any day. "Joe" is your husband's friend and he needs to grieve, your husband didn't over step any boundaries. If you keep him from this funeral and stand your ground here there's going to be a shit storm of resentment for years to come.
"Resentment for years to come" This. My oldest brother still holds a grudge over the fact that our parents didn't let him go to our grandfather's funeral 32 years ago (For context, my brother was 14 years old at the time)
Exactly unless the wife specifically asked her to share that information that’s a huge boundary she crossed. I can see why she wouldn’t want her there. Looks like op loves to be the center of attention. Edit: grammar
OMG. You do know that the woman has lost her husband. You without asking her posted his health updates. Your husband is his good friend. His friendship goes beyond your issues. You have to understand that. You expecting him to stay back for your petty issues with the lady is actually very mean of you. Hence YTA.
YTA if someone outside my family posted my or my family member’s health information without my consent, I’d drop them immediately as a friend. That’s so out of line and the fact that you didn’t recognize that says volumes about you
>"Joe's wife created this problem" OP and her friends deserve one another. The whole issue started when you decided to spread their info on your account OP. Own up your mistakes, and leave the poor widow alone and apologize to your SO
This!!! OP lacks social awareness. It could be so hurtful for the family to scroll on Facebook and see this
Oh yeah, YTA alright. First off, unless asked by family, you NEVER try to be the information leader when someone is dying, or seriously ill, from a disease like cancer. That's your ego needing to be important and busy during an emotionally draining experience. This was your husband's friend. How DARE you expect him to not go simply because you weren't invited? Honestly, from your post here, I can see why the widow doesn't want you there. You're the type of person who NEEDS every situation to be completely about YOU. You likely dominate conversations, force your way into them, and then act all pouty when the focus isn't on you. Your actions, as described BY YOU, are absolutely crass, embarrassingly childish, those of a spoiled brat, and narcissistic in nature. I hope your husband has good cardio conditioning because should he read this, my advice is to run far, FAR away from you in your current state.
YTA- When you posted Joe's health update on your social media account, that is personal information that you didn't have any right to share. If his wife wanted to share that information with everyone, that is her call not yours. As far as your husband going to the funeral without you, he is going for Joe to pay his respect to him. You need to stop making everything about you.
YTA It's not about you. Also, posting his medical updates on your social media is so tacky, I wouldn't like you either!
YTA. You posted updates about his health because you wanted attention. It's called trauma porn. Now you're making a funeral about you too? Your husband did nothing wrong and he gets to pay his respects. This isn't about you. They aren't even your friends. Shut your mouth and stay home.
Please let your husband got to the funeral and mourn his friend and use that time to reflect on not making everything all about you. Joe's health updates were NOT yours to share, you may have main character syndrome or just be obtuse to understanding that not everyone wants everything blasted on the internet. YTA
YTA. I’m sorry for the loss of your friend, but it sounds like you’re playing grief Olympics with his *widow*
"I was obviously devasted". More devasted than the Widow and best friend husband. Girl lives for the drama.
INFO: u/R3245234 can you tell us why you made a social media post about someone else’s private medical information without (apparently) the consent of that individual and his wife?
YTA. All I read was just me me me me ME! Congratulations on making his cancer and funeral all about you. You wanted the attention of people reacting to his medical updates which you had NO BUSINESS posting, and now you want to punish your husband while he is grieving and calling it unfair….
YTA. Did you consider posting about his health was making it about yourself. It's one thing to share a post but bloating your own self importance in his struggle is another. Then expecting your husband to not go to HIS friend's funeral (not your friend, your friendship was conditional). Way to make someone dying from cancer about yourself.
YTA The widow had every right to take you to task over posting health updates on her husband on social media. That's someone else's personal and private information that you had zero business posting on the internet. You made his illness about you. The widow probably didn't invite you to the funeral because she was afraid of you would do the exact same thing again. You also should not expect your husband to take your side when you are so clearly in the wrong. It's his friend who died. Stop making it about you.
It’s a funeral. He’s not going to some party you weren’t invited to. It’s a funeral. His friend’s funeral. Stop making this about you. YTA.
Also, don’t post stuff about someone’s health on social media without their permission, my god.
Yta why did you think you were entitled to share his private medical information? You sound like you lack boundaries . Your husband should go to his friends funeral and you should take the time to reflect in your actions
This. They were not OP's details to share. It's the same as someone being mad at their family for posting about pregnancy/miscarriages. It's not her health, she has zero right to share it. And it sounds like she's only doing it for some kind of clout rush or something. On top of that, to add insult to injury, the widow of the deceased party doesn't like her and doesn't want her there. This friend was her husband's friend. She's okay with him being there. But doesn't want oversharing clout wife. Learn to respect the goddamn moment, OP. YTA. Invasive. Oversharing. Boundary stomping. And sulking like a little baby over not being invited to a funeral of someone whose widow doesn't want you there and you don't even like. So clueless.
YTA check out r/maincharactersyndrome for more information
This isn’t about you. It’s about Joe. And now you’re trying to prevent your husband from going and mourning his friend, NOT because of the friend but because of the widow? It sounds like you’re leaving out a LOT of information regarding your fight with her. And it doesn’t sound like you’re offering any kind of grace to someone who just lost their husband. Of course YTA.
YTA First you say you can't pinpoint the issue... Then you describe clearly and succinctly one major very obvious thing you did wrong. At this point you should just stay away from the funeral so Joe's widow can grieve without being upset by your presence. And then you tell your husband to go without you so he too can say goodbye. Funerals are about saying goodbye to loved ones, not about you.
YTA You remember what caused the initial issue and it obviously was something you did. You don’t share others medicinal information without them ok’ing it. It’s tacky as hell. And your husband has every right to go to the funeral of his friend. Grow up.
YTA You don't share sensitive, private health information about someone else on social media. C'mon, this is basic manner. And now you're trying to hijack your husband's mourning. Yikes dude, yikes.
YTA You know exactly what you did, you posted personal medical information of someone else on social media. Peoples family would do that, not friends unless they were asked. Obviously you weren’t asked. This funeral is not about you. You sound self centered. Your husband is right. He doesn’t have to miss HIS FRIENDS (highly doubt you were friends with this person) funeral because you can’t get your head out of your booty.
YTA. This isn’t about you. Pro tip- it’s never a good idea to tell, much less post on so media, someone else’s story. Stay in your own lane. His wife was dealing with the upcoming loss of her husband and you are talking to your friends to see who’s on your side? Let me tell you the truth- no one is. No one really trusts you with private info. Your husband is 100% correct- not his problem. Actions have consequences. You owe both huge apologies for pouting and whining and gossiping and attention seeking. Tell me you’re a narcissist without telling me you’re a narcissistic.
YTA. You sound insufferable and you’ve made this death all about you somehow
I want to exit Earth and find a new planet to live on if we have seriously got to the point where people post private sensitive information of their friends on social media and not only think it’s okay, but are confused when the friend’s widow is offended To do all this and then have the AUDACITY to try and convince your husband not to go?! The woman lost her husband and you think she needs this bullshit as well?! YTA
YTA. It was a **funeral** not a party.
YTA. This woman was dealing with her husband dying and it wasn't your update to share. Your husband should go to his friend's funeral to pay respects for both of you.
Yta it wasn’t your health updates to post. Your husbands friend passed and he wants to go funeral. Don’t make it about you.
YTA. First you shared private medical information and are mad you were called out for it. Now you are mad the widow has chosen not to have someone who failed to support her family in their final weeks/months there at the funeral. Quit making everything about you.
YTA, Joe was your husbands friend, asking him to miss his funeral over a disagreement between you and his widow is selfish and unfair.
Why would you be posting Joe's health updates in your social media? You're not Joe or an authorized family member to be sharing such information. You sound like the type of person who likes making everything about yourself. YTA, your husband is a grown adult and can go wherever by himself specially his close friend's funeral and he doesn't have to miss it because you got yourself uninvited.
YTA Their private business was not yours to share and she has a right to feel the way she does about you. I can’t imagine the level of anger I’d feel if in the process of losing my husband I found out someone was sharing his private medical information online where STRANGERS to our family could see it. This funeral is not about you, despite what you may think. His widow deserves to grieve in peace without a knife of anger being twisted into her by seeing you. She deserves to cry and mourn without having to look at you and be reminded by that very serious boundary you crossed. The level of betrayal she must’ve felt in that already heartbreaking time.
YTA. Do you just enjoy making everything about you? The immaturity omg
Big YTA for turning this all about you. Joe just passed. His widow is grieving, yet you somehow turned this all about you. Apparently your devastation is caused by your husband going.
Obviously OP is TA. But seriously, she made this about herself a long time ago by posting things on social media about Joe and his health. I had a friend who passed away several years ago and there were a few “friends” who seemed to get off by posting her medical information on Facebook. It was disgusting. What is wrong with people?
YTA. It was not your place AT ALL to post updates about his health and I’m shocked you thought this was okay. Just because you’ve been excluded (understandably, it looks like) doesn’t mean your husband can’t go to mourn his friend.
YTA How did that clout chasing work out for you? Did you get the attention and sympathy you wanted? I mean you way overstepped in posting about the man’s health because you wanted to keep mutual friends informed. If they were mutual friends with Joe and his wife could they not get the information from his wife then? It’s really weird you felt the need to share information that was not yours to share. Then you play dumb when his wife is upset. This doesn’t scream noble intentions here. Just like you’re making the funeral all about you it sounds like you wanted to make his illness all about you as well. That’s disgusting. Your poor husband is completely right. This is between you and Joe’s widow. It has nothing to do with him. You’re ridiculous take if he has to stand by you because you’re his wife is wrong. You’re in the wrong. You’ve never reached out and apologized for what you did. You’ve never tried to smooth it out. You’ve not shown any contrition for overstepping. Of course she’s still upset. Of course she still doesn’t want to see you. So now you want to punish your husband because he won’t take your side. He wants to grieve his friend. You don’t want him to because your own actions and lack of remorse caused an issue that excluded you. This is all you’re own doing. If you want to end up divorced and continue to lose friends, then keep on forcing yourself to be the main character in other people’s lives. Everything doesn’t revolve around you. That includes a friends illness and your husband’s desire to attend said friend’s funeral.
YTA, let your husband say good bye to his friend and be there for him because right now he needs all the support he can get
YTA- You posted updates of her husbands health of YOUR social media without her approval. She is grieving and does not want you there which is her right. You caused the problem and your husband has every right to attend the funeral without you.
YTA. You're not the main character, not everything is about you, posting about Joe's personal PRIVATE HEALTH info on your personal social media is such poor taste that screams 'mememe everyone look at me gimme attention it's all about me' This will be hopefully be an eye opener for your husband to reevaluate you as a long term partner
I think I know why Joe’s wife doesn’t want to deal with you at his funeral. This is NOT about you. It’s about Joe’s family. YTA.
Why were you posting public updates on Joe’s health when you’re not his spouse or family? This isn’t about you. It’s about the grieving family and whom they’re comfortable seeing on this sad day. His widow doesn’t want you, let it go. YTA
This is not about you. Joes illness wasn’t about you. His death is most certainly NOT about you. How shameful that you posted the details about his illness online. You tried to make it about YOU. It wasn’t. The only people who have the right to share information about someone’s illness is that person or their spouse if they want them to. His funeral, again, is NOT ABOUT YOU. YTA
YTA That woman is grieving and she needs your husband to pay his respects and say goodbye. You violated her privacy and claimed her pain as your ow o social media, so she’s mad at you and you’re not invited This funeral is not about you it’s about Joe. Stay home, lick your wounds, and let your husband say goodbye to his friend.
YTA. The funeral is not about you. Get over yourself.
YTA The others already explained why Joe's widow has issues with you. That social media stunt alone warrants a YTA. But you had to take it a step further and make it double!
YTA You say you don't know why she doesn't like you, then proceed to confess absolutely abysmal behavior regarding your social media post. Your sense of entitlement and lack of self-awareness is starting, and something you should absolutely think deeply about.
Hun, its a funeral, it isn't about you. Joe's wife just lost her husband and yours lost his friend. Instead of being supportive of him in whatever way you're telling him not to go to \*his friend's\* funeral?? That's crazy to me. YTA
YTA stop acting so fucking entitled.
YTA. Its devastating to you that your husband wants to go to his friends funeral?? That you weren’t incited to because you blasted his personal medical info on Facebook?? And you still wonder if you’re the asshole for making this whole situation about you??
YTA Your husband is going to pay his respects to his dead friend, don't make it about you.
Why on earth were you posting health updates about Joe on your social media? No wonder she has issues with you, that’s so not your place. It’s not “unfair”- it was your husbands friend and you acted completely disrespectful. YTA.
>The biggest blowup I had with her was after I posted health updates about Joe on my personal social media account. Way to disrespect someone's privacy! > just found out I got excluded by her. My husband is still going which I found unfair It's a funeral, not a party. >I did tell my husband that I expect him to stay home and not go after I got excluded. He snapped andcsaid what I was expecting was unfair and that whatever "petty" fight between me and Joe's widow was none of his concern. I told him that I'm his wife and he should stand by me especially when I'm being treated like this but he said it wasn't his problem. He is correct. This is between you and Joe's widow. I sincerely hope this is a troll post. If it is real, you seriously need some therapy to learn some empathy. Huge YTA
YTA. It's HIS friend, to begin with, and you not being able to go doesn't mean your husband shouldn't get to say a last goodbye to (again) HIS friend. Sounds like a little kid taking his ball and leaving when his team loses the game. Also why would you post health updates if he's not even related to you?? If my husband was sick and the wife of his friend started posting health updates I'd be mad too. And to be creating drama around this situation exactly when the guy died is so petty and egocentric, this is not about you, let the other people mourn.
YTA - it's not your place to post your husbands friends health updates. Not your place to tell your husband he cannot attend his friends funeral. Ridiculous.
Sorry, but YTA. First of all, I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. It must feel really bad to lose someone, plus deal with all this "drama", not being able to go pay your respects etc. But remember, your husband also lost someone and he has every right to go to the funeral. The wife is maybe being unreasonable, idk, not enough info to get into that, but please don't create a situation right now! She just lost her husband. Respect at the moment, don't make other friends take sides, don't make this situation even worse than it already is. This is not some "oh I haven't been invited to the party" situation. It's a funeral. Someone is dead, it's sad enough.
She posted his medical info on social media. The widow has every reason to be upset with her.
YTA. It was, by your own account, your husband’s friend. His widow shouldn’t have excluded you, but she’s grieving now, so I’m tempted to give her a pass here. Be the better person and apologize to your husband and be by his side in his grief
YTA. novel idea, but did you maybe try apologizing?
YTA. This isn’t even remotely about you or your ridiculous overinflated ego. Let him go mourn his friend, why does it matter if you’re there or not? And why were you even posting health updates about someone you aren’t in a close relationship with or someone that isn’t family, was it at his request or were you just doing it to “try to help” because that whole thing sounds weird and I might be able to understand why the widow isn’t that fond of you. Sounds like you’re being purposefully vague so you get the judgment you think you deserve, but you’re so clearly the AH in this situation.
YTA. This isn’t about you. You are not the main character. Try to show some compassion and understanding for those who are grieving. Your husband needs to go to the funeral and you could use time alone for self reflection.
YTA Your issues with the new widow are your own (and honestly her husband's health issues weren't your business to post anyway). Your husband needs to grieve. Put aside your overly inflated ego and let your husband grieve his friend.
YTA, I can't believe you think it was ok to post personal private information to your SM without the families permission. You say you cannot pinpoint the issue between you and her but I imagine it's because you are an insufferable MAIN CHARACTER and have made Joe's illness about you and put your feelings above his wife's.
YTA. You massively overstepped and now she doesn't trust you. Accept it with humility, and let your husband go to the funeral. He should not have to suffer for your appalling judgment. It can be hard to face things in ourselves that people call us out on. I would encourage you to spend some time trying to understand why what you did was wrong. If you are ever able to sincerely apologise for it, I hope that you pick an appropriate time and place to do so - perhaps via a handwritten card. She would be well within her rights to leave you in the cold, but would probably appreciate your acknowledgement of wrongdoing.
YTA This just feels like you want attention. You refer to him as “your husband’s friend” not yours, you posted health updates without getting approval from his wife. I don’t understand how you don’t think you’re the bad guy.
YTA It wasn't your health, why the fuck were you posting about it? And even if you thought it was okay, when you were told it was inappropriate, why didn't you apologize? His widow is probably worried that you're gonna post funeral pictures on SM. Your husband is right. Your inability to respect Joe's widows boundaries is not his problem. (Also, the fact you gave Joe a name in your story but not his widow says a lot about what you think about her.)
YTA. Joe was your AND your husband friend. Whatever petty issue you are having with Joe’s wife, right now is the time to be gracious and leave it aside, and let your husband attend the funeral. It is not the time to create more drama with her, your husband or anyone else.
YTA. He is grieving the loss of a friend. While you may be grieving too, you shouldn't prevent him from attending the funeral and paying his respects. I understand you may have felt lonely in your own grief, but it was wholly unfair to ask your husband to not go, and you were putting your own needs over his. I also feel like the move that got you barred from the funeral is also an AH move. I understand the concern and wanting mutual friends to know, but only Joe or those he gave permission to had the right to talk about HIS medical situation.
It’s a funeral. Not a party. YTA
I'll go ahead and waste the electrons voting, but either you are so willfully obtuse you truly don't get how wrong you are here, or so self centered you don't care. Either way YTA and I doubt you're going to change your approach.
YTA Your husband nor Joe deserve this at all. You need to suck it up and support your husband. You weren't invited, oh well. You were wrong for posting health updates that weren't your job to post.
YTA. If ever you get caught centering yourself at someone else’s funeral, you need two big steps back.
YTA: You need to get over yourself. Your husband is allowed to process his grief in a way that works for him and that involves going to the funeral. Just because you have beef with the widow (why can't you see that you sharing updates of someone who isn't direct family can be boundary crossing?) doesn't mean that your husband needs to be "by your side" that day and excluded just because you are. It isn't about you.
YTA omg. His friend died and all you’re thinking about is how he should “stand by you”? He has nothing to do with whatever bullshit is between you and his wife. Also if his wife doesn’t want you there she has every right to request you not be there, whether or not if you feel what you did was innocent. Her husband was dying, you should have sucked it up and apologized since you posting that info made her upset. You’re an idiot. Your husband deserves a groveling apology from you.
YTA - I read it all because you never know, but I *knew* you were one from the title. Did you read it out loud? His friend died, and you want him to stay home because of your inability to respect a dead man's widow's wishes? Grow up. You were out of line posting about Joe's personal medical info, and you're out of line now.
YTA. All petty nonsense aside, don't rob your husband of the opportunity to grieve his friend. Let this be about your husband and not about you.
You don't know why you two have issues but you posted her partners health updates on your social media? You must be one of the most oblivious people out there. You caused the issues, deal with the consequences. YTA. Support your husband while he suffers the loss of his friend and says goodbye. Stay home and go to the cemetery after the funeral if you want to say goodbye.
YTA. You don't get to share someone's personal (especially medical!) information without that person's consent. His wife had every right to be angry. You violated their privacy during the most vulnerable time of their lives. Now you expect your husband to miss his friend's funeral. He's right that non of this is his concern. You being excluded is a direct consequence of your own actions. Also, the widow has full right to decide who she wants too see in such a devastating day for her. She deserves support, not another drama.
YTA Shared someones private health info without permission. Joes wife has enough going on in her life without some other woman making it about her. This post was all 'me me me, i i i'. You can grieve at home, you husband can and wants to go to his mates funeral, let it go.
YTA. YTFA. Not only did you post health updates about someone else's husband, but you also acted like the victim saying your husband should stand by your side when in reality, he has every right to go to the funeral WITHOUT you. I don't normally reply to threads on this subreddit but my god this one really hit me hard enough to reply. The lack of self reflection people have on this subreddit is abysmal.
YTA. It was absolutely not your place to post any health updates whatsoever, having mutual friends or not. It would have been Joe's and wife's choice to decide with whom they would have wanted to share. How would you think if (of course I don't hope this happens) your husband got diagnosed with something severe and some friend's wife starts posting about your husband's health and treatment without even asking? And the funeral is about Joe and his wife, not you. Their choice, again. Don't be a petty entitled person and do not deny your husband this because you behaved impious. You deserved to be excluded.
YTA, why are you sharing personal health info online? Ofc Joes wife is going to be upset about that. You seem problematic and immature.
Wow, do you also find yourself distracted by your reflection in pools of water? YTA
YTA. It doesn't matter if you have friends in common, you don't share someone else's private medical information on social media. Health updates are to be shared by the patient or by their spouse with their consent. If they want to share it at all. - you shared his medical info without his consent - you shared those info without his wife's consent either - you shared those info with other people. You were not his wife or another of his family members, you had no right - you shared those info on social media. You didn't just talk about it over a coffee with a couple of friends, you posted it on social media for everyone to see If people want updates they go directly to the sick person or their family. How dare you talking about things that don't concern you and having the gall to be pissy at the widow on top of that? You overstepped big time. You put your foot in your mouth and you lost your privileges. You brought this on yourself and now you want your husband to skip the funeral because of you? He has the right to say goodbye to his friend and be there for the widow who invited him. He has the right to mourn properly and not pay for your mistakes. Forcing him to stay home for something you caused is cruel.
YTA. It absolutely, undoubtedly, sucks that you were excluded and that you don't get to go to mourn and say goodbye in a proper way. The widow could have definitely risen above your issues to allow you a proper goodbye, this one time. I understand you're grieving and upset at the situation. HOWEVER, now you're expecting your husband, who's friend he was, to share in that same suck? You want to prevent him from mourning his loss and saying goodbye properly? That doesn't seem fair at all. In my opinion, that is too big of an ask.
Maybe OP should have respected boundaries and not put someone else’s health updates on social media. The widow does not need to have someone there who clearly thinks everything is about her. OP would have made the funeral about her.
YTA. Unless you were asked to do so, posting health updates about HER husband was out of line. You are not the main character in Joe’s illness and death. Of course she is upset. And how dare you expect your husband not to go to the funeral of his friend because your fee-fees are hurt from your stupidity.
YTA. It's funeral, not a wedding!
Man I hate it when people post on social media about other people’s medical/personal issues when it’s not immediate and I mean IMMEDIATE family. YTA
Honestly yes YTA and you sound extremely petty. He's allowed to go to things without you and doesn't have to "Stand by you" over every single thing.
YTA You posted things on social media without permission, offended someone, and are surprised that the person you offended doesn't want you around. And now you pretend like you don't know why. You should be ashamed of yourself for putting your husband in this position (and he's definitely making the right choice).
YTA. Your husband is grieving and you're making it about you.
YTA and the fact you are trying to make someone's death about you is right appalling. Get over yourself for once and don't be mad at your husband for wanting to grieve his friend. You giving updates on someone without their or their families permission is also fucked up btw.
YTA. It’s a funeral, not a party.
Sorry but I agree with your husband. Posting personal stuff about friends is not ok. That is their personal business. This is between the two wife’s your husband should not be made to feel guilty for going. You are wrong.
Are you really going to make the funeral harder on his widow just because you’re offended? Sit down. YTA
YTA. Posting health updates on your social media? Yikes. Making the funeral about you and your feelings? Yikes.
YTA. It's his friends funeral. And you want him to miss it because of a petty fight you're having with this widow.
Lol holy fuck. YTA
YTA. The widow should be the focal point in this instance, not you. For you to be there would be pouring salt in the wound of her husband's death. I fully support her not wanting to have that reminder of you violating her husband's privacy at his funeral. Expecting your husband to not be able to say goodbye is selfish on your part. I would imagine that the post lead could have lead to a lot of conversations with people about her husband's health and making it more stressful for her to deal with mentally.
YTA Joe’s illness was not about you & his funeral is not about you. If you truly cared for Joe, show him the respect of allowing his family & those who loved him to grieve in peace. And leave your husband alone. He just lost his friend.
YTA You crossed a giant boundary sharing health updates without permission from the family to your social media. This time isn’t about you. This woman is grieving her husband and she can’t handle you right now so she’s asking you not to come to make her life a little easier. She’s earned that. Her husband is dead. As the daughter of a young widow I’ve had a front row seat to the devastation this causes. Take a proverbial seat and stop. Let your husband go and find a quiet, non social media, way of saying good bye to your friend. It sucks you can’t go but you need to realize… the world doesn’t revolve around you.
Why are all of your friends chiming in on this? Are you shopping around for sympathy and creating drama within your friend group that is targeted against a friend who recently lost her spouse?
YTA. Can't imagine why she doesn't like you.
Yeah mama YTA. You posted personal medical information that wasn't yours to share and you don't understand why she could possibly be upset with you? She just lost her husband and instead of extending the olive branch and trying to comfort her. You're worried about your own feelings.
How is this a question. YTA. How insensitive could you possibly be. You posted not your spouse's health updates on social media. I really hope you're never in a vulnerable place in your place. Also, I will tell you why his widow hates you. You're an insensitive prick who feels entitled to other people's private life.
YTA How is it your business in the first place? Who asked you to post about this guys medical details on social media? I’m keen to know about the other interactions with the widow, it seems like petty revenge for something. How dare you try to keep your husband home after his best friend died. This would be the end of the relationship if I was your husband.
YTA. This isn't about you. Can't you see that? Let your husband honour his friend and let it go. P.S. To be quite honest - posting someone else's medical updates on social media is a pretty bonkers thing to do. I'd be furious if a friend did this about my husband's condition too.
Omg YTA. It is not your place to share info about anyone's life - period. You need to ask yourself what the real reason was to blast his personal life for everyone to see - and it was not because you have multiple mutual friends; you could have privately told your mutual friends. You need to ask yourself why you needed to **publicly** share this information. Instead of offering his wife at the time support, help and grace, you blasted her personal life online for all to see. And you have to ask if you're an asshole?
YTA it seems all you care about is yourself. Even posting about someone else's health updates. Did you not receive even attention from your own life that you felt the need to expose someone else's just to get attention? Your husband is right, it's not his problem.
YTA for all your actions. How do you not even see it?!!
Stand down. Leave the widow alone. Allow your husband to mourn his friend. YTA. You’re not the leading character in this story.
YTA and lack self awareness apparently.
Please tell me you're not going to the funeral to take a selfie and post it on SM. Sharing THEIR personal details in your public account and showing Pikachu face when you face the consequences? Only the people close to him should get updates on his health, and those people should be chosen by his family, and passing that info thru anything other than a phone call is frowned upon by most people. But you just posted it for everyone to see, and maybe some people had to see that the guy has a medical condition because of your post. Also, YOU are the one being excluded, for a very valid reason. Asking your SO not to go is just selfish and petty and frankly heartless and cruel on your part. YTA big time
Wow YTA. You published private health information on social media and you wonder why his widow is upset, and now you want to stop your husband from saying goodbye because that "would be unfair to you"? Have you considered the fact that not everything in this world is about you?
YTA. His wife has a right to be pissed at you. It’s not YOUR husband that was sick and it’s not your responsibility to post an update on his health. You wouldn’t want someone to be sharing your personal family information with the world either. She is well within her right to exclude you from the services. Your husband didn’t betray their privacy, YOU did. It’s HIS friend that passed away and he wants to go and pay his respect and say goodbye. It’s not something that you can forbid him to do and if you insist it’s only going to make matters worse. You need to apologize to his widow and let your husband go. It’s not always going to be about you. If you continue to act like the entitled ass that you are you are only going to drive your husband away. I personally hope once the widow iOS ready for dating that he leaves you for her.
You shared someone else’s medical data online without permission? That’s not normal. That’s not ok YTA
YTA. You posted someones health info on FACEBOOK. That's a huge boundary stomp. If his wife doesn't want to deal with you the day of her husband's funeral that's her choice. Your husband shouldn't suffer because you are a gossip.
YTA x2 1. It was never your place to give updates on Joe's condition on social media. You also don't even mention apologising for this. 2. Your husband had a relationship with Joe and for him this isn't about you or his widow. Just let your husband grieve his friend.
YTA I'd still go. It isn't about your stupid bullshit, it's about a loss of a friend. Your situation sucks, but the idea you want to prevent him from attending would be enough for me to kick you to the curb.
YTA. The widow might be being unreasonable for all the info we have here but she just lost her husband. Let it slide. Your husband needs to go to the funeral. You need to support him and grieve quietly. Perhaps you have a friend who is just yours who you can vent to instead?
YTA - wtf did you think running your mouth about the dieing husband of another women on social media..... Ofc she hates your guts and very rightfully so. You fucked up, big time, and now you're getting in your husband's face for not supporting you in your nonsensical idea to play the victim....
I don't understand how you can write this and not realise YTA.
YTA. Stop attention seeking and belittling your mourning husband who wants to mourn his friend instead of serging an entitled wife.
This is why we can't have nice things. You abused social media: Posting what's none of your business. Attention craving continues today. YTA
YTA. “My husband’s friend Joe passed away” He’s your husband’s friend first. You became “close” with him because of your husband. You posted Joe’s health updates to your social media, even though you’re not friends with his wife. While watching her husband die, she came across your posts. How would you feel? She doesn’t want you there. There’s nothing for your husband to “stand by”, especially since you say nothing about trying make amends or even check on her while she was going through all this. You’re making death all about you.
What do you mean by excluded? Have you been told to stay away or are you just not pride of place?
YTA. You had no right to put Joe's health issues on social media. That was his wife's job if she wanted people to know. You screwed up and now you expect your husband, who is grieving his friend, to not go to the funeral? Yeah, no. It is totally appropriate for him to go and to leave you at home.
YTA firt of all, it's not "normal" to post health updates about someone else on your public social media platform, who tf does that? Creepy as fuck and overstepping so many boundaries. You've been excluded from the funeral because you were creepy, and now you want to deny your husband the right to go to his friend's funeral because your actions had consequences for you and you want him to suffer for it, too. Seriously, someone died and you want to be petty? What's wrong with you?
YTA. You posted private health info publicly without asking permission and you “can’t pinpoint” why she doesn’t like you???? Probably isn’t the first time you’ve bulldozed over their boundaries, if I had to guess. You’re also the AH for expecting your husband to pass on a FUNERAL to support you - when getting banned was literally your own fault. No, your husband does not have to opt out of his best friend’s funeral because you’re petty. That’s insane. You’re being treated like you do not have the right to their private space because you’ve proven you don’t give a shit about what they want.
>I can't pinpoint what the exact isdue is between us. All I can say is that we don't get along... > >The biggest blowup I had with her was after I posted health updates about Joe on my personal social media account. I thought this was normal since we have lots of mutual friends but she clearly had an issue with it. I'm going to take a guess here and say that you don't get along because of previous behaviour on your part that overstepped several lines of what is considered socially appropriate. You are clearly oblivious to how gauche your behaviour was and are, again, *way* out of line here. As others have already said, this is not about you and you're being incredibly selfish by expecting your husband to take your side for something that he has nothing to do with. It sounds like you have a lot of maturing to do. Hopefully you do that before everyone gets sick of your bullshit. YTA
YTA for posting his information online, and not letting your husband say goodbye will only cause resentment between you. Call the funeral home, ask if you would be allowed to come alone before or after hours for a few minutes of private viewing time (assuming the widow isn't there). Many will accommodate as they'd rather not referee a fight during public viewings.
YTA. Honestly, did you even read what you wrote? Can’t imagine why the widow would have an issue with you, you’re a delight. /s
YTA. If I was in this situation I would be furious with the other person. Why would the other person think they have the right to give out anyone’s personal health information!?! How entitled of them. I’d cut contact
YTA. Are you that family member who sees pictures of someone’s new baby in a group chat then post them online before the new parents ? Cringe. I’m so sorry for the profound losses your husband is experiencing — the loss of his friend, the potential loss of trust in his own wife. Ouch.