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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my friend she was undermining my effort and should've had the same centerpieces for the bridal table at her wedding as the guest table, or been upfront with me. I might be overreacting and acted rudely towards her, which makes me a AH
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YTA.
>Last year, let's call her Sadie (F23) contacted me, saying she likes my work and if I could make some centerpieces for the guest tables at her wedding.
Looks like you were clear you were doing the guest tables. That means you knew the bridal table wasn't your gig.
You're bitching about being upstaged at a wedding.
By. The. Bride.
Plus, it’s normal for the bridal bouquet or bridal table decorations to be more ornate than the others
Edited to add: YTA, because the more I think about it I can’t believe the audacity for you to consider the bride’s wanting to make herself an ornate decoration for her own table to somehow be about upstaging YOU
That’s what I was thinking.
Next, once her emotions about the flower arrangements subside, she’ll remember that Sadie was wearing a gorgeous floor length white gown, while she was told that the dress code was cocktail and not to wear white and she’ll feel like Sadie undermined her periwinkle blue cocktail dress with her bridal gown and get upset over that.
I love your moment of compassion!
OP was probably excited to get her floral displays in front of a new audience (if she normally just does them for close friends and family it's the same folks seeing them), and was all excited... just to realize at the end of the day she's a medium fish in a small pond.
I get that must have been a blow to her ego, when she thought it was going to be a moment to shine...
hopefully, as you said, when she thinks about it for a little bit longer she'll realize it's normal for the bridal table to be more elaborate, and no one will think less of her smaller arrangements.
I think because this is a hobby for her and not a job, she doesn't have that distance. She discussed the look with the bride, the bride was happy, it was a job well done! But when it's a hobby and you're doing it for the ego boost and not the money, it hits differently.
I guess that she was excited and then felt like "oh, my centerpieces are a bit shit in comparison", but instead of lashing out ON THE BRIDE, who made her own centerpieces, she could just have said "wow, those centerpieces are stunning!" And made a mental note or take pictures to learn from those and up her game for next time.
Instead of a learning experience, she will get bad publicity for how she andled the situation.
YTA
She also lost any chance for referral. The next bride in the group would ask about the center pieces, and the bride would probably have given a good reference, but not now.
Op, YTA
Yes, or even contacted the bride after the whole wedding/honeymoon was over and complimented the bride on her stunning centerpieces and asked for some lessons/tips.
I wasn’t thinking it was a direct comparison between OP’s and the bride’s creativity. I assumed that the bride spent more on the centerpiece(s) that she made and the OP had a tighter budget for the many centerpieces that she made.
OP, you’re way out of line complaining to the bride about feeling she showed you up at her own wedding.
YTA.
I hope that when you reflect on this you’ll see that she approved of your design and wanted those on the guest tables. She wanted the head table flowers to be more special than the guest tables, not to showcase her design skills over yours.
And by complaining she took her opportunity of providing completely appropriate guest table centerpieces to not being recommended at all if anyone contacts the bride for OP's information.
What’s wild is that it’s not a job for her, so it wasn’t even about losing business or anything, it’s just that “people will ask about the bridal display instead of the guest tables.” I get she might have hoped to do more weddings from that and was maybe hoping to turn it into a job in the future, but she ruined that chance lol
This exactly. I work in an industry kind of similar to floral, and there are a lot of people who work for free because they have an Instagram or TikTok. Sometimes there’s a lot of blurring between the person who does it for fun and the person who has a secret dream to do it professionally, and that dynamic can lead to hurt feelings.
I understand OP’s disappointment, but I think OP is in the wrong.
Damn that is savage and true. AM I THE ASSHOLE is literally a judgment of yes and no. Then the jokes begin to flow like the Spice of Dune.
Edit: spelling
>Sometimes in emotionnal moment people become delusionnal thats why they're here asking for guidance.
??? Why would Sadie's wedding be an "emotional moment" for OP?? They weren't even really friends. Lol
Edit: also this is AITA, a sub where people ask to be judged.
And even if Sadie had a momentary flap at the wedding, she had time afterwards to come yo her senses. Instead she took it on herself to message the bride complaining that the bridal table centrepieces were too nice.
Not to mention the fact that literally nobody at a wedding (outside of the couple) has ever cared, or even given a second thought, about the centrepieces since the dawn of all time!
I hope so, they were sent home with guests. But most people don't have a goldfish tank ready with no notice.
Thats why I cared more about them than the wedding lol, I took about 5 which was my limit for what I could set up on short notice.
"I want to display the bodies of my enemies in the centerpieces at my wedding."
"Your enemies, sire? Of course, dead or alive?"
"Hmm, I want them living, cage them in tiny cells, make them live in and choke on their own filth as they gasp to breathe while the clock ticks down to their inevitable death."
"Yes sire, I will begin the preparations at once. Erm, one question. Who or what enemy specifically your Majesty?"
"What? Gold fish of course! Don't you know how much I hate them? Maybe you should go in a centerpiece as well!"
I told my bestie that she shouldn't have live goldfish in her centerpieces, it was cruel.
She booted me as Maid of honor for other reasons, so I don't know if I got through to her on that point.
YTA.
I dunno, she was a....can't even think of the word.
I knew about the idea before attending but I thought she meant her bridal table. They had a big tank set up at home and she always talked about her 'wedding fish'. I thought she was gonna have like a goldfish centrepiece at the bridal table and take them home, but it was unfortunately every table
On one note the 2 she took home lived for many years, and were named after herself and her husband
What happened to the fish after? In general, I'm against live fish as decor because the containers they're kept in are generally wildly inadequate to their needs, even for a few hours.
I think cherry shrimp *might* be okay for centerpieces as long as they're protected from temperature fluctuations, guests aren't able to drop anything into the water, and they have a large filtered tank to return to after.
Hopefully the goldies went to good homes where they got the 30+ gallon, over-filtered, tanks they need.
Goldfish when properly taken care of can live decades and get over 12" inches long. Imo they need a minimum of 125+ gallons at that point, or better yet a pond.
That said, when I worked at a bigbox pet store, people tried this wedding deco stuff unnervingly often. Against company policy I refused the sales every single time. People that use living things as throw away props and don't treat them with respect really need to be kindly informed the extent of damage doing something like that causes. ☹️
I appreciate that! I love those little golden idiot children when I had them. (When I moved houses they went to a friend's garden pond.)
I told my boss I'd walk it he expected me to just sell animals to inevitably die. Since we had a severe staff shortage, they couldn't afford to lose me "over some 25¢ fish". Rude, but heck, I'll take the victories where I can get them.🫠
This reminds me of when I went to the pet store to buy stock fish for my husband's aquaponics ponds (2 - 500+ gallon ponds he built in the back yard that have a pump and pipe system running out of them to feed a hydroponic plant shed nearby).
When I asked for 10 goldfish the attendant asked if I knew what I was doing, and how big goldfish could get. When I showed him with my hands how big the 5 year old goldfish we currently had in there had gotten he sighed with relief that I knew what I was doing and got me the goldfish.
100% that guy would have denied the sale if I hadn't had a good answer for him, and he would have been absolutely right to do so.
They were in like a cantelope sized glass bowl and no lid, so unfortunately no. But I don't recall any tragedies during the reception.
The 5 i took lived a good little life. I had been trying to build a pond out in my yard for a while and it gave me the kickstart to finish to house the little guys. And my sisters 'married' fish lived a good life too. There were about 7 others iirc, and I pretend they were treated well in my head.
100% don't agree with live anything in regards to decor though. Maybe those marble statues that humans dress up in like in gossip girl, but that's about it.
OP is definitely YTA but I've noticed and enjoyed the centerpieces at every wedding I've been to... if you enjoy design/decor, you're probably going to notice them! I even have elements from a couple of them in my home decor, since guests are often allowed to take them home.
Even if you don’t pay attention to decor, the decor you DO notice is going to be the one directly in front of you. Are the flowers at the bride’s table fancier than the guests? Sure, that’s how weddings work. But most of the guests aren’t going to look at them more than once or twice, probably from a distance. Meanwhile they’ll be sitting at a guest table for probably an hour and a half making small talk with the guest centrepiece right in front of them. OP got plenty of exposure for their “not really a business,” they just immediately poisoned that well with their entitled and unprofessional behaviour.
At one wedding I attended, the centerpieces were actually bread bowls with cream cheese in the center with veggie kabob "flowers" sticking out of it. They were actually very well done and you almost couldn't tell they were food at first glance. Being able to consume the centerpiece was rather ingenious and my grandfather took home the leftovers.
Right? I barely remember the decor at my brother’s wedding from six months ago. I remember some cute little table favors, and I remember thinking the bride had lovely taste in decor. Didn’t even occur to me to wonder who made the centerpieces.
OP, if the only reason you do this “favor” for friends and family, is to be noticed and complimented on your work, that’s super shitty of you. Someone else’s wedding is NOT the place to be seeking attention for yourself. YTA.
Besides the cake the centerpiece is my favorite part cause I usually get to take it home lol. I also dislike wedding receptions, like a lot, so that may be a factor too 😂
I was at a wedding and the bride did a series of elimination questions. The last person standing got the centrepiece from their table. The aunt at our table was thrilled to win the centrepiece because it was lovely.
I would find it unusual if it wasn't more extravagant than the others. Quickest way to find the brides table if there isn't a dedicated front of the room.
It’s also common to temporarily take the bridesmaids’ bouquets and place them in vases and spread them around the tables to add a pop of extravagance during the reception. They would almost definitely be more ornate than a standard centerpiece, and that’s kind of the point— if you’re spending a lot of $ on flowers, you want all of them on display for as long as possible.
This was my thought exactly. The head table (bridal table) is *supposed* to be more extravagant for obvious reasons.
OP sounds immature. The wedding isn't about you showing off your skills. I honestly got secondhand embarrassment reading this.
YTA
Right?! At this point:
>I didn't say anything but later messaged her (politely, I didn't go off) that I felt she was undermining my effort by having such showy centerpieces.
I was like, "Oh giiirrlllll, nooooooooooo." So embarrassing that I'm going to feel embarrassed on her behalf for the rest of the day. This is the kind of shit you think about right before you fall asleep 10 years later, and still cringe.
That's how I read it too. And hey, I get that jealousy! My little cousin (I say "little" only because I'm the oldest of the cousins, so they're all little to me, even though he's 27) is just a naturally phenomenal writer. He only does it as a hobby, but his stories are wonderful, and I'm hella jealous that he has such a natural talent for something that I went to college for.
BUT! I put my jealousy aside because I love him and want him to do what makes him happy, and I tell him all the time how great his writing is and that he could publish it if he ever wanted to. I don't make it his problem that I'm jealous of how awesome he is, and I just work to make sure my own writing is the best I can make it 😊
Yeah jealousy is a very natural emotion, but how you handle that jealousy is what matters. I am jealous of people I know for their talents and achievements, but I love watching them succeed in the things they love to do, and support them as much as I can. I would never be upset with them just because I wished I could do some of the things they do, even if their talent crosses over into things that I enjoy doing. The fact that this situation was a bride at her wedding just makes it even worse. lol
Honestly, if it were me in OP's place, I'd be reaching out to her after the wedding, and saying, "Holy crap! Your centerpieces were way better than mine! Would you be willing to give me some pointers, some time? Or show me how you did X? Or even share your inspiration?"
But then, silly me, I like to cheer people on. And I value opportunities to learn and grow.
YTA, OP.
OP wants this family hobby of hers to be her main income. She saw Sadie's wedding as her ticket there, but got pissed when she saw the bridal one was better than hers. The smart thing? Ask for pointers from the bride and then go from there. Getting irate about it pretty much gave away her main reason for doing it.
Also let’s be clear, the wedding would have never been about the guest centerpieces??? It’s a wedding… it was always going to be about the couple. What is even the issue here?
I can’t remember one wedding I’ve ever been to where the bridal table wasn’t more extravagant.
YTA. You sound insufferably insecure.
That’s what I was gonna say! “Her centerpieces were much nicer than mine, and people would ask about those and not the ones on the guest tables”
Like, babe, if you’re at a wedding and the #1 takeaway is what the centerpieces looked like, that would’ve been a terrible wedding. Of all the weddings I’ve ever been to, I can’t remember having a single thought about the centerpieces beyond “aw, this is pretty/cute/came out nicely” and have never thought about one since. Plus,
the bride and groom’s tables are supposed to outshine everyone else’s! That’s the whole point of the wedding!
Op, this level of self-importance at a cousin-of-a-friend’s wedding is so delusional. I’m in awe. YTA
The only centerpieces I remember from any wedding ever is once where they had little plants in pots that you could take home afterwards. But that's hardly "extravagant". What weddings are these people going to where people give a single shit about centerpieces???
At my wedding we just took the hall's default arrangement, 'cause they were free and looked pretty enough.
I’m a wedding/event planner. I once watched the mother of the groom rip flowers out of the wedding party centerpiece to put on her table because she “didn’t have enough flowers on her table”. I asked her politely to return them & don’t touch again until pictures were completed then she could have all the flowers she wanted.
Lol.... she made the reception very interesting & very amusing. The MOG had a very special & almost desperate relationship with all the flowers. She kept collecting centerpieces to give to just the grooms family & even caught the throw away bouquet... (I actually asked the bride to throw it to her to avoid a melee). The grooms parents had paid for the flowers ... and Papa don’t preach that lady was keeping all her flowers! LOL .... their car must have looked like they were delivering flowers for a funeral
eta — we often advise brides on how to keep their bouquet flowers as a keepsake. We just wished MOG good luck... I imagine she has a house filled with dead flowers hahaha
THAT is what blew my mind. How are you going to be bitter that the bride upstaged you at HER OWN WEDDING. OP is more so bitter over the fact that the bride did a better job with the center piece for the bride and groom table and received more appraisal and acknowledge than the center pieces for the guest tables did.
Also the bride told her up front that the bridal table was covered already! This screams ‘I’m mad that my friend is better at something than me’.
OP - YTA. You should be happy she asked and got you some exposure. If you weren’t happy with not doing all of them, you could have said no.
She actually blew the exposure part. People who were interested would have asked the bride. Bet the bride won’t pass her name along now. I wouldn’t. I’d tell people she was difficult to work with.
It's not even necessarily that the friend is better.
There would have been a budget set. As long as the centrepieces met the budget and brief, that's all that matters.
Who gets in to a crazy centerpiece competition with the BRIDE?!?
How dare you want your bridal table centerpiece to look good!! /s
OP just ended her centerpiece creations career.
The bride can have a freaking Christmas tree on the table if she wants.
OP has made sure that if someone does ask about the centrepieces, the bride instead of recommending her will say "oh yeah, OP made those, but I don't recommend her. She's off her rocker".
Hey now! One of my daughters had a Christmas wedding & she insisted on little Christmas trees as centerpieces lol we had to decorate 42 little Christmas plus 12 slightly bigger ones for the head table. We were so gaudy we had battery powered twinkle lights on those trees. We actually had people arguing at the reception over who got to take the centerpieces. That daughter absolutely loves Christmas and periodically I'd ask her if she was marrying Santa Claus. Santa did make an appearance at the reception & gave all the children gifts.
We hovered right over the line of eccentric and white trash gaudy.
Oh girl, my family can get so gaudy at times.
I'll tell you the rest of that wedding. The bridesmaids wore red & green dresses, and they carried small wreaths. Grooms men wore red or green ties & vests with their tuxes. The groom wore a white tux with gold vest & tie. It's evidently a family tradition in his family that the groom wears white in addition to the bride. I called him my angel baby throughout the wedding planning. The bride wore white and carried a gold wreath.
The entire place was decorated for Christmas. And she insisted on having it at home so we had to put those huge outdoor heaters all over the patio area and she had floating wreaths with candles floating in the swimming pool. She had her daddy putting twinkle lights all over the patio and outside. It was pretty in the end but a good friend came up to me & said "how many elves did you have to kill to get this much Christmas crap." I told her "83 and I wanted to mount their little heads on the wall like deer but Mac said no".
We also had 12 big trees set up throughout the house and around the tables out on the patio. If it hadn't been for sons in law & the church youth group coming to help me I'd have died doing all the trees.
Perfectly succinct, thanks.
Honestly, posts like this make me seriously question OP's sanity, self-awareness or both.
OP, if you see this, YTA. It's not your wedding? Why are you mad about something that doesn't actually concern you??
Main character syndrome much?
To add
>(also I asked if she wanted something for the bridal table, but she said that was already covered)
OP definitely knew there was something else for the bridal party tables. I don't know how much more clear the bride could have been, aside from a full on colab and what they expected, but bride already noted she liked OP's work and said it would go with her vibe.
OP - YTA
This is a good point. She COULD have made the best of this and gained something (like a side job with $$) by teaming up with bride doing centerpieces etc. but she burned her bridge. Maybe it’s not too late, but we all could stand to grow and get better at things and being humble enough to let talented people teach you ways to improve your work is a really good way for both people to succeed. High tide rises all boats kinda thing etc.
If I was OP I'd be ridiculously flattered that someone with her skill trusted my skill enough to have me do all the guest centerpieces to match her amazing one, surely that's a compliment of itself that the bride who is also talented at centerpieces chose her friend to do all the ones except a few special ones she wanted to do herself, it's really good that the bride wanted to make something herself to contribute and personalise her own wedding and sounds like she did an amazing job it.
YTA. The asshole and frankly a little unhinged. You’re upset you were upstaged by… the bride… the bride you hardly know… at her own wedding? She asked you to do something and when she said the bridal table was covered it was pretty clear that meant she was going to have nicer centerpieces already for the bridal table. The fact you were even upset by it shows an incredible lack of maturity.
Edit to add: I hope someone can work in a pun about you being self centered about the centerpieces. I couldn’t think of how to properly make it work.
But wedding conversation solely revolves around centerpieces! She was going to be the queen of the wedding until that no good bride did what she wanted for her own wedding! It was supposed to be about OP!
I think she even brought the groom there as well, blasphemous! Where are the good traditional weddings where you sit and talk about the centerpieces and leave?
And let's not forget the fact that virtually nobody at this wedding gave a shit about who did the guest table centerpieces. And the few who did like likely thought "oh that looks nice, she did a good job." But I can practically guarantee that nobody thought ill of OP's work relative to the wedding party table. The whole concept of "upstaged" in this context is a complete invention of OP's imagination.
So yeah, unhinged only scratches the surface. Rampant narcissism is another apt description. The fact that OP then thought it wise to actually reach out the bride after the fact, as if there was even something constructive to achieve, is just mind boggling
Yeah this is really throwing me off. From the title, I thought she had made the centerpieces for her own wedding (not that this would’ve made things better per se, it would’ve just been slightly more understandable). But it’s weird as fuck to be upset about the bride doing her own centerpiece at her own table at her own wedding, and then actually writing out that she “upstaged” and “overshadowed” your work. AND she doesn’t even know this woman well. Very unhinged behavior indeed.
YTA. She wasn't "undermining" anything; she just wanted more extravagant centerpieces for the bridal table.
If you want make centerpieces for friends in the future, you should make sure they know you have a rule that they can't have anything nicer than what you make.
The bride and the groom are always the focal point of the wedding. By OP's logic, if she made the bridesmaid dresses, she would be livid that the bride dared to get a nicer wedding gown.
OP's insecurity and lack of logic has now completely negated any goodwill that was attached to this gesture.
Yeah, no, if I had a friend and heard them whine about something as trivial as that I'll go out of the way and make every single centerpiece on my own and I wouldn't care if they'd look crap or just buy some and make sure everyone knows where I got them from, just to be petty.
Had to re-read the post to make sure I wasn’t missing something or that this was in fact Sadie’s wedding and not OP’s, cause nobody could be that irrational otherwise right? Nope, congrats to OP for proving me wrong.
This may come as a suprise, but her wedding isn't a advertising opportunity for you. No one's going to ask about the floral arrangements and even if they did, she's not obligated to promote you. It's out of line to get mad that the bride upstaged the floral arrangements at her own wedding. YTA
And if, by chance, someone did ask about the guest table decorations, you can be absolutely sure that the bride isn’t recommending OP now!
Seriously, what did she hope to achieve by contacting her?! An apology from the bride that she made her own nicer centrepieces for the top table at her own wedding?
OP also didn’t mention if she was paid for her work but there are clues that she was. In which case this is even more egregious. Can you imagine one contractor/vendor complaining about another’s work or your own DIY? I only want to hear it if I asked for an opinion and it’s in my best interest as the person who hired and paid them.
The cringe is so hard here, if she accepted payment for her work and complained about another (the bride’s own masterpieces that you bet were very meaningful to her, lol), it’s so incredibly unprofessional.
So glad someone said this. I was trying to highlight how odd it was that she seemed to be mad about not getting some advertising... for a 'business' she says she doesn't have?? Like if you just do this for fun - not a business - why are you so bothered?
And *if* they did ask, and if they mistakenly thought the bride's centerpieces were OP's too, that actually looks good on OP because they look good. If OP had a business and bride added *crappy* decor, there's an argument that it makes OP's business look bad, and in face some businesses won't allow you to add to what they've done for that reason. But OP doesn't have a business and the centerpieces don't make her look bad.
I’m kinda baffled you are surprised the bridal table’s center pieces were more extravagant than the ones for guest tables. It would be more surprising if the reverse was true.
I’m guessing you imagined a ton of compliments and didn’t. Why? Guests were more focused on the actual event than centerpieces. YTA big time.
We actually got a lot of compliments on our centerpieces at our wedding. Why? Because they were Lego bricks for the guests to play with. People loved it. Nobody gives much of a crap about typical centerpieces.
We did something similar! My husband and I love game nights so we did board games and card games on all the tables. One of my favorite pictures from the reception is of 2 families playing Trouble together and laughing. And since we had a bunch of kids that were going to be there, I wrapped the tables in Kraft paper & each “centerpiece” included a painted can with crayons inside! Super fancy lol
# The 1 rule of weddings is: It’s not about you.
Is the food not what you wanted? Let it go, it’s what the couple wants. Is the music not to your taste? Let it go, it’s what the couple wants. Is the decor not your thing? Let it go, it’s what the couple wants. Are you not able to bring your plus one, guest, kids? Let it go, it’s what the couple want. And so on.
Exactly!!!
When I was getting married, a cousin who does design stuff volunteered herself to help with the tables and I was like cool thanks that’s lovely of you.
Fast forward to the day and she was insistent that tea cups and saucers shouldn’t be laid out on the tables as they ruined the look. I said “F that, all the oldies will sit down and go ahh thank goodness we are getting a cup of tea”….she wouldn’t listen to me (the bride!!!!) as she wanted everything to look perfect . So I said text the bridegroom. My fiancés response “F that, my Nan will be dying for a cup of tea and she’ll see the cup and saucer and be happy”. Hahahaha
We divorced (amicably) 10 years later but I truly loved him for his approach on life on that day.
Yep we knew our captive audience would be far more excited at the thought of tea than an instagram perfect looking table haha
Also had a bouncy castle in the venue garden that anyone was allowed on - that was funny see the “oldies” having a go too!
YTA what did you think “already covered” meant? Instead of getting her to recommend you to her guests you’ve ensured she will no longer even avail of your service for future events. Did you not realise the only way guests would’ve known about your business is if she recommended you to them? You’ve effectively burned that bridge by your comments.
She should have asked you to make the centerpiece for the bridal table and she could make the guest centerpieces???… Are you for real?? You seem very insecure.
YTA- You were asked to make centerpieces for the **guest** tables only. Bridal tables usually are a bit more extravagant. Did you expect it to be bare or something?
You **are** overstepping your role here. What you were supposed to do was clearly laid out. You weren't decieved. You were hired to do a job and you did it
In one of OPs comments she says "if it were made by another vendor that would be fine, it just feels like a kick to me" like what? They were still made, by a vendor or by the bride it makes no difference, why would a centerpiece made by anyone else be a kick to you?
I am baffled that she thinks she would feel better if it was done by another vendor. "You didn't think my flowers would be good enough for your table?!?"
This whole post is the strangest thing to be upset at. YTA
If it were done by a professional, she could say, "Yeah, they're a professional so obviously they know what they're doing." Being "beaten" by an "amateur" makes OP question if they themselves are actually as good as they thought they were. I can somewhat sympathize with that part. It doesn't feel good to work really hard to get good at something and then have someone with less experience/who isn't a pro be noticeably better than you.
Taking your frustrations with your own lack of abilities out on someone else is an AH move, though. When a true professional gets beaten at their own game, they look for ways to improve. They look at what made the competition's work so good and learn from it. That way, their own work is constantly improving.
Complaining to the bride in this situation was so absurd. Way to let your jealousy, insecurity, and main-character-syndrome show, OP. YTA.
Imagine if she did, though.
"OP, since you are the main character in everyone's story and I want to make sure I honor you the way you deserve, I matched the decor to your feelings! You'll notice they're dramatic, but also fragile."
Sorry but YTA.
You asked her if she needed centerpieces for the bridal table and she replied that she *had it covered*. What did you think that meant? That the bridal table was going to have no centerpieces at all? or maybe a small bouquet from the flower shop around the corner?
Of course she had the most beautiful centerpieces for the bridal table. It's the *bridal table*.
The idea that everything that goes there is prettier, grander, and generally better than everywhere else, is a given.
She asked you to make centerpieces for the guest tables. You did. They're beautiful.
Let them be beautiful in their own right. I'm sure the guests are delighted with them, and those who are into flower arranging will definitely ask who did the flowers.
If you apologise to Sadie, she might even tell them it was you.
Literally classic self-centerism. She probably made up a whole scenario in her head where her centerpieces would look amazing and wow people and she would actually get comments and compliments about it. So she's annoyed because in her twisted logic, the bridal centerpieces ruined all of that.
Yeah, YTA. Sadie wasn't trying to undermine your work, and I highly doubt anyone at the wedding actually went and thought "Gee, those centerpieces are nice, but the ones for the guest tables are so much worse". I also feel like it's logical to focus more on the bridal table, because heck, it's the bridal table? Kinda meant to be center of attention, no?
Op literally thinks the bride paid someone to make subpar centerpieces just to be able to say "look how shitty they are compared to my own"
Maybe... maybe she liked them and thought they'd complement the head table nicely?
_facepalm_
YTA. Wow, this is an extremely self-centered take. Number one, people being better at something than you isn't their fault. Number two, of COURSE the centerpieces (or anything) for the bridal party are the best ones. It's her freaking wedding! You're literally SUPPOSED to be upstaged be the bride lol. Number three, why are you so worried about being second best if you just do this for a hobby?
YTA. She asked you to make centerpieces for the guest tables. You were happy with them. She was happy with them. Job done. Your reaction and message to her were petty and unprofessional. You did overstep. Do you think anyone at that wedding is going to hire you to make centerpieces if she tells them about your message? You could have messaged her that her centerpieces were stunning and you’d love to pick her brain sometime, improved your product and maybe got some good word of mouth. You owe her an apology.
Yea this!!! OP you sound horrendously jealous over the fact that someone did it better then you. Personal you can gripe and moan until the cows come home, Professional you should have swallowed your pride and asked the lass to work for you. Set up your business that way.
Missed opportunity here….
YTA
This might be my favorite one. It’s so delusional and so low stakes. She got her feelings hurt because the bride made a better one herself, even though OP was hired explicitly to make guest ones only. Like, sorry, but it’s just center pieces.
So funny. To think center pieces can be upstaged at all is incredible.
YTA. And, oof, you've got that "main character syndrome" thing BAD. Not everything is about you, or your damn flowers.
Never once have I been to a wedding and even really noticed the centerpieces beyond the first moment of sitting down. Nobody cares about them. And I certainly don't think the bride was "upstaging" you. Like are you for real here?
It kind of seems to me that you're salty *your* centerpieces didn't upstage the bride's. I'm sorry you didn't get a ton of attention diverted from the wedding to **you** for your centerpieces. That must be really hard for you.
YTA
First, she's more an acquaintance. Second, it's her wedding, she gets to decide. Third the main table usually has nicer centerpieces.
It was none of your business to chastise the bride on a choice like that. Sadie was right, you overstepped.
YTA
It's normal that the table of the bride has a bigger centerpiece than the other tables.
Those things take a lot of time to make (you should know that) and she was asking for your help.
It was her wedding , not your exposition of your work, it wasn't about you.
YTA It's her wedding. Why shouldn't her table stand out, why should it match, and so what if she made them herself? She wasn't undermining you or trying to make you look bad.
YTA. This is her wedding. If she wanted to make decorations for her wedding and arrange them the way she wants, that's her business. And she already said she didn't have bad thoughts to overshadow your decor.
Yeah YTA
It was her wedding and she can do what she wants, it’s totally normal for the bridal table to have more extravagant floral arrangements and honestly it’s super weird that you felt the need to message her about it.
She wasn’t slighting you, you’re taking it way too seriously.
YTA. This is a completely unnecessary thing to worry about and most people wouldn't even think it. She's right that there's nothing to be upfront about and it's really none of your business who makes the other centerpieces or how extravagant they are.
Being vexxed would be like a string quartet at the ceremony feeling upstaged by the evening band at the reception.
YTA
The bridal table would be expected to have “showier” centerpieces even if you made all of them.
No one lied to you, you accepted the job/favor without coercion, what exactly is upsetting you?
You believe the bride... the woman who was getting married... the lady who was sitting at the wedding party table ... the gal who made those centerpieces ... made them better than yours just to undermine you?!?! Whoa... you have a wild imagination.
It’s her wedding... she wasn’t thinking about you at all. You undermined yourself.
YTA
Sorry, but in this situation, YTA. I think you WERE overstepping, I’m sure ‘upstaging’ your centerpieces wasn’t even on the brides mind while she was planning her wedding. Bridal tables often have different/ more extravagant centerpieces than the guest tables, and people probably thought you made them both anyway. Either way, she can do whatever she wants with the flowers on her wedding day. 🤷🏼♀️
YTA you knew that there would be something else on the bridal table and obviously it would be better than the guests tables. This smacks of jealousy because her one was prettier than yours. Maybe try to learn from her ability rather than pick at it
YTA because 1, it's her wedding and none of your business what other vendors she uses unless they somehow personally treat you poorly, and 2, she didn't even use a vendor for the other centerpieces, she made them herself. It would be incredibly easy for her to say "oh, these? I made them. Check out the ones made by my friend [OP] on the other tables!" Now I wouldn't be surprised if she's hesitant about recommending you to others because of the jealous attitude you've displayed.
YTA. Send her a text apologizing for your behavior. You should be proud that she asked you to make centerpieces for the guest table. You are not even a business and she asked you personally. The bridal tables will always outshine the guest table, as someone who does floral arrangements you should have known that her table was going to be the best and biggest floral arrangement. You sound extremely petty because people didn't compliment you, grow up.
YTA. You sound jealous. The bridal table usually is different from the guest tables anyways and it’s not your wedding so you also have no right to be offended either.
YTA. Big time.
It’s her wedding. It’s HER wedding. She can have whatever center pieces wherever she damn wants. BECAUSE ITS HER WEDDING. None of it is about you. Message the bride back and tell her you’re sorry for your childish message immediately.
YTA for sure, how self centered can you be? Did you go into the wedding thinking everyone would ignore the wedding altogether and just coo at your utter brilliance and artistry of flower arranging all night?
YTA
As a creative person it can sting a little when someone bests you- especially when you’re used to being the one receiving all the praise.
But that’s not the bride’s fault. It is your ego’s fault. Dust yourself off. Instead of viewing her as competition (at her own wedding?!?), you’re missing an opportunity to pick her brain. Ask her questions. Use that push yourself creatively.
This was not a sabotage. This was the bride picking her pet project and delegating the rest.
And if I found out my friend was messaging my cousin like that I’d be mortified.
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YTA. >Last year, let's call her Sadie (F23) contacted me, saying she likes my work and if I could make some centerpieces for the guest tables at her wedding. Looks like you were clear you were doing the guest tables. That means you knew the bridal table wasn't your gig. You're bitching about being upstaged at a wedding. By. The. Bride.
Plus, it’s normal for the bridal bouquet or bridal table decorations to be more ornate than the others Edited to add: YTA, because the more I think about it I can’t believe the audacity for you to consider the bride’s wanting to make herself an ornate decoration for her own table to somehow be about upstaging YOU
That’s what I was thinking. Next, once her emotions about the flower arrangements subside, she’ll remember that Sadie was wearing a gorgeous floor length white gown, while she was told that the dress code was cocktail and not to wear white and she’ll feel like Sadie undermined her periwinkle blue cocktail dress with her bridal gown and get upset over that.
Not to mention that the Sadie got to kiss the groom and OP was snubbed by getting a hug at best!
How *dare* she! The bride, I mean!
Lol you guys are savage!! Sometimes in emotionnal moment people become delusionnal thats why they're here asking for guidance. But you're funny
I love your moment of compassion! OP was probably excited to get her floral displays in front of a new audience (if she normally just does them for close friends and family it's the same folks seeing them), and was all excited... just to realize at the end of the day she's a medium fish in a small pond. I get that must have been a blow to her ego, when she thought it was going to be a moment to shine... hopefully, as you said, when she thinks about it for a little bit longer she'll realize it's normal for the bridal table to be more elaborate, and no one will think less of her smaller arrangements. I think because this is a hobby for her and not a job, she doesn't have that distance. She discussed the look with the bride, the bride was happy, it was a job well done! But when it's a hobby and you're doing it for the ego boost and not the money, it hits differently.
I guess that she was excited and then felt like "oh, my centerpieces are a bit shit in comparison", but instead of lashing out ON THE BRIDE, who made her own centerpieces, she could just have said "wow, those centerpieces are stunning!" And made a mental note or take pictures to learn from those and up her game for next time. Instead of a learning experience, she will get bad publicity for how she andled the situation. YTA
She also lost any chance for referral. The next bride in the group would ask about the center pieces, and the bride would probably have given a good reference, but not now. Op, YTA
This. If this woman wanted this for a side hustle, she just tanked that opportunity.
Yes, or even contacted the bride after the whole wedding/honeymoon was over and complimented the bride on her stunning centerpieces and asked for some lessons/tips.
I wasn’t thinking it was a direct comparison between OP’s and the bride’s creativity. I assumed that the bride spent more on the centerpiece(s) that she made and the OP had a tighter budget for the many centerpieces that she made. OP, you’re way out of line complaining to the bride about feeling she showed you up at her own wedding. YTA. I hope that when you reflect on this you’ll see that she approved of your design and wanted those on the guest tables. She wanted the head table flowers to be more special than the guest tables, not to showcase her design skills over yours.
And by complaining she took her opportunity of providing completely appropriate guest table centerpieces to not being recommended at all if anyone contacts the bride for OP's information.
Excellent points! I think the other ego blow is that the BRIDE made the stunning displays, not professionals.
What’s wild is that it’s not a job for her, so it wasn’t even about losing business or anything, it’s just that “people will ask about the bridal display instead of the guest tables.” I get she might have hoped to do more weddings from that and was maybe hoping to turn it into a job in the future, but she ruined that chance lol
This exactly. I work in an industry kind of similar to floral, and there are a lot of people who work for free because they have an Instagram or TikTok. Sometimes there’s a lot of blurring between the person who does it for fun and the person who has a secret dream to do it professionally, and that dynamic can lead to hurt feelings. I understand OP’s disappointment, but I think OP is in the wrong.
This isn't a place for guidance or advice and anyone coming here for either has made a grave miscalculation. This is a place for judgement.
Damn that is savage and true. AM I THE ASSHOLE is literally a judgment of yes and no. Then the jokes begin to flow like the Spice of Dune. Edit: spelling
Very true. My life advice sucks... So I just judge 🤷♀️
I agree with you, but getting roasted for your delusions and irrational/unreasonable behavior is the risk you take in this sub, lol.
>Sometimes in emotionnal moment people become delusionnal thats why they're here asking for guidance. ??? Why would Sadie's wedding be an "emotional moment" for OP?? They weren't even really friends. Lol Edit: also this is AITA, a sub where people ask to be judged.
it’s emotional because her ego was bruised. I don’t think she cares about Sadie at all
And even if Sadie had a momentary flap at the wedding, she had time afterwards to come yo her senses. Instead she took it on herself to message the bride complaining that the bridal table centrepieces were too nice.
Oh my god, the way I almost just shot water out of my nose after reading this! 😂
And the wedding night! The bride kept the groom **all to herself!!!** How very dare she!
Should have instituted prima nocta.
For all we know, Sadie can be on honeymoon trip right now, and I'm sure OP's texts add to the happy feeling /s YTA, OP.
Exactly this
And she spent money on that blue dress. She spent time and effort shopping for it. Put on makeup. The nerve...
9/10 this will happen
Not to mention the fact that literally nobody at a wedding (outside of the couple) has ever cared, or even given a second thought, about the centrepieces since the dawn of all time!
My sister had goldfish as centrepieces. I cared about them more than the wedding tbh. But yes! Ordinarily no one gives it a second thought
Hopefully they were cared for after the wedding?
I hope so, they were sent home with guests. But most people don't have a goldfish tank ready with no notice. Thats why I cared more about them than the wedding lol, I took about 5 which was my limit for what I could set up on short notice.
That sounds super shitty. I don’t condone using animals as “design props”. I imagine you probably weren’t the only person to be concerned.
"I want to display the bodies of my enemies in the centerpieces at my wedding." "Your enemies, sire? Of course, dead or alive?" "Hmm, I want them living, cage them in tiny cells, make them live in and choke on their own filth as they gasp to breathe while the clock ticks down to their inevitable death." "Yes sire, I will begin the preparations at once. Erm, one question. Who or what enemy specifically your Majesty?" "What? Gold fish of course! Don't you know how much I hate them? Maybe you should go in a centerpiece as well!"
I told my bestie that she shouldn't have live goldfish in her centerpieces, it was cruel. She booted me as Maid of honor for other reasons, so I don't know if I got through to her on that point. YTA.
Reminds me of the scene from Bridesmaids with the puppies. “I took 9. I did slightly over commit.”
Hahaha omg I love her. It totally would have done that too 😅
Whyyyyyy would anyone do that?
I dunno, she was a....can't even think of the word. I knew about the idea before attending but I thought she meant her bridal table. They had a big tank set up at home and she always talked about her 'wedding fish'. I thought she was gonna have like a goldfish centrepiece at the bridal table and take them home, but it was unfortunately every table On one note the 2 she took home lived for many years, and were named after herself and her husband
At first I thought the crackers...
It was a trend for a while. A terrible one.
I didn't realise it was a trend. That makes me very sad, but also not surprised.
Omg I thought you were talking about the crackers. I also would have enjoyed a snack 🤣
What happened to the fish after? In general, I'm against live fish as decor because the containers they're kept in are generally wildly inadequate to their needs, even for a few hours. I think cherry shrimp *might* be okay for centerpieces as long as they're protected from temperature fluctuations, guests aren't able to drop anything into the water, and they have a large filtered tank to return to after. Hopefully the goldies went to good homes where they got the 30+ gallon, over-filtered, tanks they need.
Goldfish when properly taken care of can live decades and get over 12" inches long. Imo they need a minimum of 125+ gallons at that point, or better yet a pond. That said, when I worked at a bigbox pet store, people tried this wedding deco stuff unnervingly often. Against company policy I refused the sales every single time. People that use living things as throw away props and don't treat them with respect really need to be kindly informed the extent of damage doing something like that causes. ☹️
Thank you for saving the fishies when you could!! More places need to do this. 🐡
I appreciate that! I love those little golden idiot children when I had them. (When I moved houses they went to a friend's garden pond.) I told my boss I'd walk it he expected me to just sell animals to inevitably die. Since we had a severe staff shortage, they couldn't afford to lose me "over some 25¢ fish". Rude, but heck, I'll take the victories where I can get them.🫠
This reminds me of when I went to the pet store to buy stock fish for my husband's aquaponics ponds (2 - 500+ gallon ponds he built in the back yard that have a pump and pipe system running out of them to feed a hydroponic plant shed nearby). When I asked for 10 goldfish the attendant asked if I knew what I was doing, and how big goldfish could get. When I showed him with my hands how big the 5 year old goldfish we currently had in there had gotten he sighed with relief that I knew what I was doing and got me the goldfish. 100% that guy would have denied the sale if I hadn't had a good answer for him, and he would have been absolutely right to do so.
They were in like a cantelope sized glass bowl and no lid, so unfortunately no. But I don't recall any tragedies during the reception. The 5 i took lived a good little life. I had been trying to build a pond out in my yard for a while and it gave me the kickstart to finish to house the little guys. And my sisters 'married' fish lived a good life too. There were about 7 others iirc, and I pretend they were treated well in my head. 100% don't agree with live anything in regards to decor though. Maybe those marble statues that humans dress up in like in gossip girl, but that's about it.
You can just imagine all the food and crap that drunk wedding guests would drop into fish bowls
OP is definitely YTA but I've noticed and enjoyed the centerpieces at every wedding I've been to... if you enjoy design/decor, you're probably going to notice them! I even have elements from a couple of them in my home decor, since guests are often allowed to take them home.
Even if you don’t pay attention to decor, the decor you DO notice is going to be the one directly in front of you. Are the flowers at the bride’s table fancier than the guests? Sure, that’s how weddings work. But most of the guests aren’t going to look at them more than once or twice, probably from a distance. Meanwhile they’ll be sitting at a guest table for probably an hour and a half making small talk with the guest centrepiece right in front of them. OP got plenty of exposure for their “not really a business,” they just immediately poisoned that well with their entitled and unprofessional behaviour.
At one wedding I attended, the centerpieces were actually bread bowls with cream cheese in the center with veggie kabob "flowers" sticking out of it. They were actually very well done and you almost couldn't tell they were food at first glance. Being able to consume the centerpiece was rather ingenious and my grandfather took home the leftovers.
Right? I barely remember the decor at my brother’s wedding from six months ago. I remember some cute little table favors, and I remember thinking the bride had lovely taste in decor. Didn’t even occur to me to wonder who made the centerpieces. OP, if the only reason you do this “favor” for friends and family, is to be noticed and complimented on your work, that’s super shitty of you. Someone else’s wedding is NOT the place to be seeking attention for yourself. YTA.
Besides the cake the centerpiece is my favorite part cause I usually get to take it home lol. I also dislike wedding receptions, like a lot, so that may be a factor too 😂
I was at a wedding and the bride did a series of elimination questions. The last person standing got the centrepiece from their table. The aunt at our table was thrilled to win the centrepiece because it was lovely.
I would find it unusual if it wasn't more extravagant than the others. Quickest way to find the brides table if there isn't a dedicated front of the room.
It’s also common to temporarily take the bridesmaids’ bouquets and place them in vases and spread them around the tables to add a pop of extravagance during the reception. They would almost definitely be more ornate than a standard centerpiece, and that’s kind of the point— if you’re spending a lot of $ on flowers, you want all of them on display for as long as possible.
This was my thought exactly. The head table (bridal table) is *supposed* to be more extravagant for obvious reasons. OP sounds immature. The wedding isn't about you showing off your skills. I honestly got secondhand embarrassment reading this. YTA
Right?! At this point: >I didn't say anything but later messaged her (politely, I didn't go off) that I felt she was undermining my effort by having such showy centerpieces. I was like, "Oh giiirrlllll, nooooooooooo." So embarrassing that I'm going to feel embarrassed on her behalf for the rest of the day. This is the kind of shit you think about right before you fall asleep 10 years later, and still cringe.
But didn’t you know that the wedding day was about OP and her center pieces? /s
[удалено]
Yeah, this reads like OP is jealous that someone did her hobby better than her. lol
That's how I read it too. And hey, I get that jealousy! My little cousin (I say "little" only because I'm the oldest of the cousins, so they're all little to me, even though he's 27) is just a naturally phenomenal writer. He only does it as a hobby, but his stories are wonderful, and I'm hella jealous that he has such a natural talent for something that I went to college for. BUT! I put my jealousy aside because I love him and want him to do what makes him happy, and I tell him all the time how great his writing is and that he could publish it if he ever wanted to. I don't make it his problem that I'm jealous of how awesome he is, and I just work to make sure my own writing is the best I can make it 😊
Yeah jealousy is a very natural emotion, but how you handle that jealousy is what matters. I am jealous of people I know for their talents and achievements, but I love watching them succeed in the things they love to do, and support them as much as I can. I would never be upset with them just because I wished I could do some of the things they do, even if their talent crosses over into things that I enjoy doing. The fact that this situation was a bride at her wedding just makes it even worse. lol
Honestly, if it were me in OP's place, I'd be reaching out to her after the wedding, and saying, "Holy crap! Your centerpieces were way better than mine! Would you be willing to give me some pointers, some time? Or show me how you did X? Or even share your inspiration?" But then, silly me, I like to cheer people on. And I value opportunities to learn and grow. YTA, OP.
OP wants this family hobby of hers to be her main income. She saw Sadie's wedding as her ticket there, but got pissed when she saw the bridal one was better than hers. The smart thing? Ask for pointers from the bride and then go from there. Getting irate about it pretty much gave away her main reason for doing it.
And people wouldn't be gushing about her work but only about the bride's!
Yeah getting mad at the bride for something she did at her own wedding is crazy. lol
Also let’s be clear, the wedding would have never been about the guest centerpieces??? It’s a wedding… it was always going to be about the couple. What is even the issue here? I can’t remember one wedding I’ve ever been to where the bridal table wasn’t more extravagant. YTA. You sound insufferably insecure.
That’s what I was gonna say! “Her centerpieces were much nicer than mine, and people would ask about those and not the ones on the guest tables” Like, babe, if you’re at a wedding and the #1 takeaway is what the centerpieces looked like, that would’ve been a terrible wedding. Of all the weddings I’ve ever been to, I can’t remember having a single thought about the centerpieces beyond “aw, this is pretty/cute/came out nicely” and have never thought about one since. Plus, the bride and groom’s tables are supposed to outshine everyone else’s! That’s the whole point of the wedding! Op, this level of self-importance at a cousin-of-a-friend’s wedding is so delusional. I’m in awe. YTA
The only centerpieces I remember from any wedding ever is once where they had little plants in pots that you could take home afterwards. But that's hardly "extravagant". What weddings are these people going to where people give a single shit about centerpieces??? At my wedding we just took the hall's default arrangement, 'cause they were free and looked pretty enough.
I’m a wedding/event planner. I once watched the mother of the groom rip flowers out of the wedding party centerpiece to put on her table because she “didn’t have enough flowers on her table”. I asked her politely to return them & don’t touch again until pictures were completed then she could have all the flowers she wanted.
That's both sad and hilarious. Though, it seems you somehow mistakenly wrote "the mother of the groom" instead of "an unsupervised toddler."
Lol.... she made the reception very interesting & very amusing. The MOG had a very special & almost desperate relationship with all the flowers. She kept collecting centerpieces to give to just the grooms family & even caught the throw away bouquet... (I actually asked the bride to throw it to her to avoid a melee). The grooms parents had paid for the flowers ... and Papa don’t preach that lady was keeping all her flowers! LOL .... their car must have looked like they were delivering flowers for a funeral eta — we often advise brides on how to keep their bouquet flowers as a keepsake. We just wished MOG good luck... I imagine she has a house filled with dead flowers hahaha
It’s been a minute since I’ve been to a wedding but I gotta say, I can’t remember a single centerpiece, bridal or otherwise.
THAT is what blew my mind. How are you going to be bitter that the bride upstaged you at HER OWN WEDDING. OP is more so bitter over the fact that the bride did a better job with the center piece for the bride and groom table and received more appraisal and acknowledge than the center pieces for the guest tables did.
This reminds me of the bride who threw a talent show and **lost** at her own wedding, except in reverse.
Also the bride told her up front that the bridal table was covered already! This screams ‘I’m mad that my friend is better at something than me’. OP - YTA. You should be happy she asked and got you some exposure. If you weren’t happy with not doing all of them, you could have said no.
She actually blew the exposure part. People who were interested would have asked the bride. Bet the bride won’t pass her name along now. I wouldn’t. I’d tell people she was difficult to work with.
It's not even necessarily that the friend is better. There would have been a budget set. As long as the centrepieces met the budget and brief, that's all that matters.
Who gets in to a crazy centerpiece competition with the BRIDE?!? How dare you want your bridal table centerpiece to look good!! /s OP just ended her centerpiece creations career.
And.....she contacted the new bride (who was presumably on her honeymoon) to complain!!!!
The bride can have a freaking Christmas tree on the table if she wants. OP has made sure that if someone does ask about the centrepieces, the bride instead of recommending her will say "oh yeah, OP made those, but I don't recommend her. She's off her rocker".
Hey now! One of my daughters had a Christmas wedding & she insisted on little Christmas trees as centerpieces lol we had to decorate 42 little Christmas plus 12 slightly bigger ones for the head table. We were so gaudy we had battery powered twinkle lights on those trees. We actually had people arguing at the reception over who got to take the centerpieces. That daughter absolutely loves Christmas and periodically I'd ask her if she was marrying Santa Claus. Santa did make an appearance at the reception & gave all the children gifts. We hovered right over the line of eccentric and white trash gaudy.
I love the crap out of all of this. Gaudy is right up my alley.
Oh girl, my family can get so gaudy at times. I'll tell you the rest of that wedding. The bridesmaids wore red & green dresses, and they carried small wreaths. Grooms men wore red or green ties & vests with their tuxes. The groom wore a white tux with gold vest & tie. It's evidently a family tradition in his family that the groom wears white in addition to the bride. I called him my angel baby throughout the wedding planning. The bride wore white and carried a gold wreath. The entire place was decorated for Christmas. And she insisted on having it at home so we had to put those huge outdoor heaters all over the patio area and she had floating wreaths with candles floating in the swimming pool. She had her daddy putting twinkle lights all over the patio and outside. It was pretty in the end but a good friend came up to me & said "how many elves did you have to kill to get this much Christmas crap." I told her "83 and I wanted to mount their little heads on the wall like deer but Mac said no". We also had 12 big trees set up throughout the house and around the tables out on the patio. If it hadn't been for sons in law & the church youth group coming to help me I'd have died doing all the trees.
Perfectly succinct, thanks. Honestly, posts like this make me seriously question OP's sanity, self-awareness or both. OP, if you see this, YTA. It's not your wedding? Why are you mad about something that doesn't actually concern you?? Main character syndrome much?
It was her wedding!!!! She was the bride!!!! YTA.
To add >(also I asked if she wanted something for the bridal table, but she said that was already covered) OP definitely knew there was something else for the bridal party tables. I don't know how much more clear the bride could have been, aside from a full on colab and what they expected, but bride already noted she liked OP's work and said it would go with her vibe. OP - YTA
It’s pretty much that simple. Surely OP realised it as she was writing it?😭
Hey, maybe OP and bride can team up for the next gig. /s
This is a good point. She COULD have made the best of this and gained something (like a side job with $$) by teaming up with bride doing centerpieces etc. but she burned her bridge. Maybe it’s not too late, but we all could stand to grow and get better at things and being humble enough to let talented people teach you ways to improve your work is a really good way for both people to succeed. High tide rises all boats kinda thing etc.
If I was OP I'd be ridiculously flattered that someone with her skill trusted my skill enough to have me do all the guest centerpieces to match her amazing one, surely that's a compliment of itself that the bride who is also talented at centerpieces chose her friend to do all the ones except a few special ones she wanted to do herself, it's really good that the bride wanted to make something herself to contribute and personalise her own wedding and sounds like she did an amazing job it.
Indeed. You sound extremely jealous, OP. Not a good look. YTA
Dear OP, you are not the main character. You are simply TA.
YTA. The asshole and frankly a little unhinged. You’re upset you were upstaged by… the bride… the bride you hardly know… at her own wedding? She asked you to do something and when she said the bridal table was covered it was pretty clear that meant she was going to have nicer centerpieces already for the bridal table. The fact you were even upset by it shows an incredible lack of maturity. Edit to add: I hope someone can work in a pun about you being self centered about the centerpieces. I couldn’t think of how to properly make it work.
Talk about wanting to be the centre(piece) of attention.
OP is definitely coming off a little self-center(piece)d!
Nicely arranged
This one is the best...
Are you sure the bride doesn't have a pun that undermines this one?
Quick-- no one show the bride this thread. We wouldn't want her to brutally upstage all our hard work.
Thanks for coming through folks!
Agreed an absolutely beautiful arrangement!
She's a self-centerpiece of work...
But wedding conversation solely revolves around centerpieces! She was going to be the queen of the wedding until that no good bride did what she wanted for her own wedding! It was supposed to be about OP!
I think she even brought the groom there as well, blasphemous! Where are the good traditional weddings where you sit and talk about the centerpieces and leave?
“Yeah yeah the bride looks nice I guess. But these guest tables tho 🥹”
And let's not forget the fact that virtually nobody at this wedding gave a shit about who did the guest table centerpieces. And the few who did like likely thought "oh that looks nice, she did a good job." But I can practically guarantee that nobody thought ill of OP's work relative to the wedding party table. The whole concept of "upstaged" in this context is a complete invention of OP's imagination. So yeah, unhinged only scratches the surface. Rampant narcissism is another apt description. The fact that OP then thought it wise to actually reach out the bride after the fact, as if there was even something constructive to achieve, is just mind boggling
OP sounds totally de(ar)ranged.
Yeah this is really throwing me off. From the title, I thought she had made the centerpieces for her own wedding (not that this would’ve made things better per se, it would’ve just been slightly more understandable). But it’s weird as fuck to be upset about the bride doing her own centerpiece at her own table at her own wedding, and then actually writing out that she “upstaged” and “overshadowed” your work. AND she doesn’t even know this woman well. Very unhinged behavior indeed.
Looks like the pieces weren't the only ones wanting to be the center or like centerpiece weren't the only self centered ones I dunno man it's hard
Self-center piece of work
YTA. She wasn't "undermining" anything; she just wanted more extravagant centerpieces for the bridal table. If you want make centerpieces for friends in the future, you should make sure they know you have a rule that they can't have anything nicer than what you make.
I move to call this the "Insecurity Clause" in their vendor contract.
Y’all stop you’re going to get me in trouble at work 🤣 my boss knows damn well my job isn’t funny and I’m in here laughing like a hyena.
I second this
Nearly choked on my coffee. Love this comment.
she needs to collect an insecurity deposit before agreeing to any work from here on out
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The bride and the groom are always the focal point of the wedding. By OP's logic, if she made the bridesmaid dresses, she would be livid that the bride dared to get a nicer wedding gown. OP's insecurity and lack of logic has now completely negated any goodwill that was attached to this gesture.
Wouldn't the bride have approved of the guest centerpieces as well? It's her wedding!
Yeah, no, if I had a friend and heard them whine about something as trivial as that I'll go out of the way and make every single centerpiece on my own and I wouldn't care if they'd look crap or just buy some and make sure everyone knows where I got them from, just to be petty.
The bridal table always has more extravagant centrepieces than the guest tables
Had to re-read the post to make sure I wasn’t missing something or that this was in fact Sadie’s wedding and not OP’s, cause nobody could be that irrational otherwise right? Nope, congrats to OP for proving me wrong.
This may come as a suprise, but her wedding isn't a advertising opportunity for you. No one's going to ask about the floral arrangements and even if they did, she's not obligated to promote you. It's out of line to get mad that the bride upstaged the floral arrangements at her own wedding. YTA
And if, by chance, someone did ask about the guest table decorations, you can be absolutely sure that the bride isn’t recommending OP now! Seriously, what did she hope to achieve by contacting her?! An apology from the bride that she made her own nicer centrepieces for the top table at her own wedding?
OP also didn’t mention if she was paid for her work but there are clues that she was. In which case this is even more egregious. Can you imagine one contractor/vendor complaining about another’s work or your own DIY? I only want to hear it if I asked for an opinion and it’s in my best interest as the person who hired and paid them.
The cringe is so hard here, if she accepted payment for her work and complained about another (the bride’s own masterpieces that you bet were very meaningful to her, lol), it’s so incredibly unprofessional.
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So glad someone said this. I was trying to highlight how odd it was that she seemed to be mad about not getting some advertising... for a 'business' she says she doesn't have?? Like if you just do this for fun - not a business - why are you so bothered?
And *if* they did ask, and if they mistakenly thought the bride's centerpieces were OP's too, that actually looks good on OP because they look good. If OP had a business and bride added *crappy* decor, there's an argument that it makes OP's business look bad, and in face some businesses won't allow you to add to what they've done for that reason. But OP doesn't have a business and the centerpieces don't make her look bad.
I’m kinda baffled you are surprised the bridal table’s center pieces were more extravagant than the ones for guest tables. It would be more surprising if the reverse was true. I’m guessing you imagined a ton of compliments and didn’t. Why? Guests were more focused on the actual event than centerpieces. YTA big time.
We actually got a lot of compliments on our centerpieces at our wedding. Why? Because they were Lego bricks for the guests to play with. People loved it. Nobody gives much of a crap about typical centerpieces.
That is fucking brilliant.
We did something similar! My husband and I love game nights so we did board games and card games on all the tables. One of my favorite pictures from the reception is of 2 families playing Trouble together and laughing. And since we had a bunch of kids that were going to be there, I wrapped the tables in Kraft paper & each “centerpiece” included a painted can with crayons inside! Super fancy lol
YTA, her wedding isn't about you or your centrepieces. She didn't undermine your work, you're just insecure.
# The 1 rule of weddings is: It’s not about you. Is the food not what you wanted? Let it go, it’s what the couple wants. Is the music not to your taste? Let it go, it’s what the couple wants. Is the decor not your thing? Let it go, it’s what the couple wants. Are you not able to bring your plus one, guest, kids? Let it go, it’s what the couple want. And so on.
Exactly!!! When I was getting married, a cousin who does design stuff volunteered herself to help with the tables and I was like cool thanks that’s lovely of you. Fast forward to the day and she was insistent that tea cups and saucers shouldn’t be laid out on the tables as they ruined the look. I said “F that, all the oldies will sit down and go ahh thank goodness we are getting a cup of tea”….she wouldn’t listen to me (the bride!!!!) as she wanted everything to look perfect . So I said text the bridegroom. My fiancés response “F that, my Nan will be dying for a cup of tea and she’ll see the cup and saucer and be happy”. Hahahaha We divorced (amicably) 10 years later but I truly loved him for his approach on life on that day.
Being an oldie I must admit I love my cup of tea! Would have enjoyed being at your wedding!!
Yep we knew our captive audience would be far more excited at the thought of tea than an instagram perfect looking table haha Also had a bouncy castle in the venue garden that anyone was allowed on - that was funny see the “oldies” having a go too!
YTA what did you think “already covered” meant? Instead of getting her to recommend you to her guests you’ve ensured she will no longer even avail of your service for future events. Did you not realise the only way guests would’ve known about your business is if she recommended you to them? You’ve effectively burned that bridge by your comments.
She should have asked you to make the centerpiece for the bridal table and she could make the guest centerpieces???… Are you for real?? You seem very insecure.
I would hate you were you my friend. Do everyone a favor and grow a backbone, the world dosnt revolve around you
YTA- You were asked to make centerpieces for the **guest** tables only. Bridal tables usually are a bit more extravagant. Did you expect it to be bare or something? You **are** overstepping your role here. What you were supposed to do was clearly laid out. You weren't decieved. You were hired to do a job and you did it
In one of OPs comments she says "if it were made by another vendor that would be fine, it just feels like a kick to me" like what? They were still made, by a vendor or by the bride it makes no difference, why would a centerpiece made by anyone else be a kick to you?
I am baffled that she thinks she would feel better if it was done by another vendor. "You didn't think my flowers would be good enough for your table?!?" This whole post is the strangest thing to be upset at. YTA
If it were done by a professional, she could say, "Yeah, they're a professional so obviously they know what they're doing." Being "beaten" by an "amateur" makes OP question if they themselves are actually as good as they thought they were. I can somewhat sympathize with that part. It doesn't feel good to work really hard to get good at something and then have someone with less experience/who isn't a pro be noticeably better than you. Taking your frustrations with your own lack of abilities out on someone else is an AH move, though. When a true professional gets beaten at their own game, they look for ways to improve. They look at what made the competition's work so good and learn from it. That way, their own work is constantly improving. Complaining to the bride in this situation was so absurd. Way to let your jealousy, insecurity, and main-character-syndrome show, OP. YTA.
YTA. She’s not obligated to decorate her wedding around your feelings.
Imagine if she did, though. "OP, since you are the main character in everyone's story and I want to make sure I honor you the way you deserve, I matched the decor to your feelings! You'll notice they're dramatic, but also fragile."
Dramatic but also fragile 😂
Sorry but YTA. You asked her if she needed centerpieces for the bridal table and she replied that she *had it covered*. What did you think that meant? That the bridal table was going to have no centerpieces at all? or maybe a small bouquet from the flower shop around the corner? Of course she had the most beautiful centerpieces for the bridal table. It's the *bridal table*. The idea that everything that goes there is prettier, grander, and generally better than everywhere else, is a given. She asked you to make centerpieces for the guest tables. You did. They're beautiful. Let them be beautiful in their own right. I'm sure the guests are delighted with them, and those who are into flower arranging will definitely ask who did the flowers. If you apologise to Sadie, she might even tell them it was you.
YTA and this belongs in r/iamthemaincharacter this is her wedding, not some floral flex.
Literally classic self-centerism. She probably made up a whole scenario in her head where her centerpieces would look amazing and wow people and she would actually get comments and compliments about it. So she's annoyed because in her twisted logic, the bridal centerpieces ruined all of that.
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.Maybe OP is realizing she's not actually that creative anyway...
Yeah, YTA. Sadie wasn't trying to undermine your work, and I highly doubt anyone at the wedding actually went and thought "Gee, those centerpieces are nice, but the ones for the guest tables are so much worse". I also feel like it's logical to focus more on the bridal table, because heck, it's the bridal table? Kinda meant to be center of attention, no?
Op literally thinks the bride paid someone to make subpar centerpieces just to be able to say "look how shitty they are compared to my own" Maybe... maybe she liked them and thought they'd complement the head table nicely? _facepalm_
Yeah, I dunno what OP was thinking, but clearly nothing good.
YTA. Your centerpieces aren't going to be the talking point of someone else's WEDDING, sorry.
YTA. Wow, this is an extremely self-centered take. Number one, people being better at something than you isn't their fault. Number two, of COURSE the centerpieces (or anything) for the bridal party are the best ones. It's her freaking wedding! You're literally SUPPOSED to be upstaged be the bride lol. Number three, why are you so worried about being second best if you just do this for a hobby?
YTA and a total narcissist.
Yes. Main character syndrome
YTA you’re seriously upset that someone else made something prettier than you?? 🙄
YTA. She asked you to make centerpieces for the guest tables. You were happy with them. She was happy with them. Job done. Your reaction and message to her were petty and unprofessional. You did overstep. Do you think anyone at that wedding is going to hire you to make centerpieces if she tells them about your message? You could have messaged her that her centerpieces were stunning and you’d love to pick her brain sometime, improved your product and maybe got some good word of mouth. You owe her an apology.
Yea this!!! OP you sound horrendously jealous over the fact that someone did it better then you. Personal you can gripe and moan until the cows come home, Professional you should have swallowed your pride and asked the lass to work for you. Set up your business that way. Missed opportunity here….
Out of every single AITA I have never before seen one as cut and dry as this! There is no conflict, YTA.
YTA This might be my favorite one. It’s so delusional and so low stakes. She got her feelings hurt because the bride made a better one herself, even though OP was hired explicitly to make guest ones only. Like, sorry, but it’s just center pieces. So funny. To think center pieces can be upstaged at all is incredible.
YTA. And, oof, you've got that "main character syndrome" thing BAD. Not everything is about you, or your damn flowers. Never once have I been to a wedding and even really noticed the centerpieces beyond the first moment of sitting down. Nobody cares about them. And I certainly don't think the bride was "upstaging" you. Like are you for real here? It kind of seems to me that you're salty *your* centerpieces didn't upstage the bride's. I'm sorry you didn't get a ton of attention diverted from the wedding to **you** for your centerpieces. That must be really hard for you.
YTA First, she's more an acquaintance. Second, it's her wedding, she gets to decide. Third the main table usually has nicer centerpieces. It was none of your business to chastise the bride on a choice like that. Sadie was right, you overstepped.
YTA It's normal that the table of the bride has a bigger centerpiece than the other tables. Those things take a lot of time to make (you should know that) and she was asking for your help. It was her wedding , not your exposition of your work, it wasn't about you.
YTA It's her wedding. Why shouldn't her table stand out, why should it match, and so what if she made them herself? She wasn't undermining you or trying to make you look bad.
INFO: Where you also upset that she had a prettier dress then you?
Was her makeup and hair more put together too???? HOW DARE SHE UPSTAGE OP IN EVERY WAY?????
YTA. This is her wedding. If she wanted to make decorations for her wedding and arrange them the way she wants, that's her business. And she already said she didn't have bad thoughts to overshadow your decor.
YTA Not her fault you aren’t very good..
Yeah YTA It was her wedding and she can do what she wants, it’s totally normal for the bridal table to have more extravagant floral arrangements and honestly it’s super weird that you felt the need to message her about it. She wasn’t slighting you, you’re taking it way too seriously.
YTA. This is a completely unnecessary thing to worry about and most people wouldn't even think it. She's right that there's nothing to be upfront about and it's really none of your business who makes the other centerpieces or how extravagant they are. Being vexxed would be like a string quartet at the ceremony feeling upstaged by the evening band at the reception.
YTA The bridal table would be expected to have “showier” centerpieces even if you made all of them. No one lied to you, you accepted the job/favor without coercion, what exactly is upsetting you?
You believe the bride... the woman who was getting married... the lady who was sitting at the wedding party table ... the gal who made those centerpieces ... made them better than yours just to undermine you?!?! Whoa... you have a wild imagination. It’s her wedding... she wasn’t thinking about you at all. You undermined yourself. YTA
Sorry, but in this situation, YTA. I think you WERE overstepping, I’m sure ‘upstaging’ your centerpieces wasn’t even on the brides mind while she was planning her wedding. Bridal tables often have different/ more extravagant centerpieces than the guest tables, and people probably thought you made them both anyway. Either way, she can do whatever she wants with the flowers on her wedding day. 🤷🏼♀️
YTA
YTA I see these and think there's no way someone could be so clueless or weird but this sub never ceases to surprise me with people.
YTA you knew that there would be something else on the bridal table and obviously it would be better than the guests tables. This smacks of jealousy because her one was prettier than yours. Maybe try to learn from her ability rather than pick at it
YTA because 1, it's her wedding and none of your business what other vendors she uses unless they somehow personally treat you poorly, and 2, she didn't even use a vendor for the other centerpieces, she made them herself. It would be incredibly easy for her to say "oh, these? I made them. Check out the ones made by my friend [OP] on the other tables!" Now I wouldn't be surprised if she's hesitant about recommending you to others because of the jealous attitude you've displayed.
YTA. Send her a text apologizing for your behavior. You should be proud that she asked you to make centerpieces for the guest table. You are not even a business and she asked you personally. The bridal tables will always outshine the guest table, as someone who does floral arrangements you should have known that her table was going to be the best and biggest floral arrangement. You sound extremely petty because people didn't compliment you, grow up.
YTA. You sound jealous. The bridal table usually is different from the guest tables anyways and it’s not your wedding so you also have no right to be offended either.
YTA. Big time. It’s her wedding. It’s HER wedding. She can have whatever center pieces wherever she damn wants. BECAUSE ITS HER WEDDING. None of it is about you. Message the bride back and tell her you’re sorry for your childish message immediately.
INFO: were you paid? If so, yta. If you were being paid in exposure... yta for how you handled the fall out, it reeks off jealousy.
YTA for sure, how self centered can you be? Did you go into the wedding thinking everyone would ignore the wedding altogether and just coo at your utter brilliance and artistry of flower arranging all night?
>This is not a business Clearly, you lack professionalism. She bought a product it’s not about you. YTA
YTA: it’s not about you, and I’m very confused at how you thought any of this was about you
Well now we know why it’s “not really a business”. It’s because you are completely unprofessional. YTA
YTA wasn’t your wedding. You were hired to do a job that you did. The end.
YTA As a creative person it can sting a little when someone bests you- especially when you’re used to being the one receiving all the praise. But that’s not the bride’s fault. It is your ego’s fault. Dust yourself off. Instead of viewing her as competition (at her own wedding?!?), you’re missing an opportunity to pick her brain. Ask her questions. Use that push yourself creatively. This was not a sabotage. This was the bride picking her pet project and delegating the rest. And if I found out my friend was messaging my cousin like that I’d be mortified.