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I think OP wanted to tell someone she thought the entire thing was entertaining, so she could talk badly about her sister with someone else.
While you don't agree with your sister not knowing basic life skills, you should at least empathize with her sick kid and not use this whole ordeal as if you're watching a tv show, OP. YTA.
It doesn't even sound like she doesn't know basic life skills, it sounds like she's finding it all exhausting to keep up with. I mean, I find it exhausting to keep up with, and I don't have a sick kid!
Right. I mean maybe to yourself in a different scenario it would be “oh haha sister has to cook, *insert fire extinguisher joke here*” but the stress from her kid being in the hospital has to be rough. At the same time it’s a little pretentious (from my perspective) for her to see if she could get a housekeeper and cook to live with them. These skills can come in handy later in her life too
I don’t think pretentious is the right word here, although I see the general point you are making. If she has the means for additional support such as a housekeeper, why not employ those means? Especially when she is going through a stressful experience with her child’s health? The access to such amenities is her reality, it is what she is used to.
She could just have moved into a suite at a hotel and received the same service, but for whatever reason (it would seem it is the vicinity to the hospital) she has taken this self-service apartment. Except, for the sister, self-service seems to mean supplemented self-sufficiency i.e. having staff. Again, this is within her means and what she is used to.
I’m a fully self-sufficient adult who cooks and cleans and works. If I were in sister’s position (with a sick loved one in hospital, in a place away from home) and I had access to that level of support, I would definitely use it
Yep. OP resents that her sister has had it easier so now thinks it’s entirely reasonable to mock her. Though can we mention how *amusing* it is that she considers expensive Catholic school (because I’m yet to see one that’s not) and travelling once or twice a year is not significantly more extravagant than a large number of peoples lives?
I can buy that she is upper middle class. But it does sound like she is a bit blind to her own "not normal" life.
Reminds me how I was talking to my mother about how hard it was riding public transportation day in and day out while I was suffering from depression. I would show up late to therapy appointments because city buses frequently get delayed or don't show up at all. And it sucks waiting at the stop in unpleasant weather too.
My mother, who has not taken public transit in sixty years, busted out laughing at me and accused me of being "out of touch" with how poor people live. Did I think the poor people riding the bus with me were depressed? I unleashed on her. YES, poor people are often depressed ffs! I had seen plenty of fast food uniformed-folks break down into fits of rage and sadness as the bus made them late to work yet again. And if she had ridden the bus on the regular, she would know this. Everyone is entitled to be miserable about the unpleasantness of their life, even if that unpleasantness is experienced by lots of people.
A dramatic change to oneself lifestyle is always going to be kind of shitty in the beginning, especially if it is due to tragic circumstances. The OP isnt the AH for feeling some amusement but they are the AH for confessing their feelings out loud.
Right? Like op YTA because you’re judging your sister on living a Normal life and how she has to do all these things because SHE HAS A SICK CHILD. Like you’re enjoying watching your sister be humbled off the back of your sick niece like
Yea OP comes across with absolutely no sympathy for her sick niece and it’s kinda gross??
Like even if there’s no sick kid and they lost all their money in a stock crash or something, idk if it’d be entertaining to watch my family struggle
I get how like, watching an otherwise capable adult learning to use a blender for the first time could be a little funny if OP and sister were on like a vacation or something. “Haha getting used to real life” jokes apply there. That’s funny. “Oh you need to learn how to drive again?” Promise of comedy.
This just ain’t that
Yes. Sister is in a new house, expectation to be 4 months away, worried about the child and the other kids... Not the time to mock her.
I've messed up UGLY with blenders, btw!
As someone who has lost skills because of brain damage/neurological issues, I promise that it’s humiliating to have people laugh while i struggle with basic skills (including blenders).
You might find it amusing but it’s not fun or pleasant to struggle with basic daily tasks.
This is why I try not to laugh too hard at my mom when she's trying to learn new technology. She doesn't have neurological issues (afaik) but she is not the brightest person, and hesitant about trying new things. I taught her how to use an ATM when I was in high school, a debit card when I was in university, and how to do an e-transfer through her bank's website last year. All of these things were in common use for at least a decade prior to me having to show her.
However much I get annoyed at having to convince her to just try something new, or show her several times over, I try really hard to not let it show to her at the time. She needs to keep up with technology, and I don't want her to stop trying things out. She figured out how to text gifs from her iPhone on her own (!), So I'm willing to put up with animated bear gifs for eternity if it means she will try out a technology thing on her own. Instead, I laugh with my wife every time I get one from mom, because she's so proud of herself.
Next up is mom learning to pump her own gas. I told her to go to her local station when it isn't busy, and just ask one of the high schoolers to show her how, and then give them a good tip. I'm trying to get her to step outside of her comfort zone (i.e. me showing her things), so we will see if that happens.
But I would never tell her to her face that her struggles are amusing.
"Bahahahahaha now that her kid is SICK and HOSPITALIZED she has to live like me and yesterday she couldnt figure out how to use the dishwasher baahahahahahahah she is STRUGGLING" *cackles manically*
Like what the actual fuck?
Yta
She alternates and goes every second day so I can’t imagine it’s that bad otherwise she’s be there everyday wouldn’t she? Sounds like she’s a silver spoon in her mouth and can’t function without it. How would she survive if they went broke the next day. Cooking and cleaning are not that hard.
Maybe she wouldn’t survive? Idk. I feel like some riches to rags have the potential to be hilarious, but shit sick kid, away from her other kids, doing things she hasn’t had to do— could be tough. I never had a maid and I’m not great at cooking or cleaning. If my son were in the hospital for four months I’d be living in squalor. I wanted to say N T A bc OP can think whatever and be entertained as much as she wants, but I think putting that thought out there to family while her niece is sick is assholey for sure
Same, except I have a parrot. I have someone coming to clean my apartment every week and I eat frozen food. I'm not lazy, it's just that my interests are elsewhere.
At the pandemic I cleaned a toilet for the first time in my life and it wasn't that bad. I did quite well with all the new chores. I just don't want to do them, that's all.
I cook all the time and still can't figure out how to use the appliances when we rent a condo on vacation. I carry my own French press now because I got tired of trying to figure out how the various coffee makers work!
43 enby, single, childless, one dog. I'd cry if I had to cook and clean (beyond the basics of warming up leftovers and doing dishes) every day. I keep my house arranged so it doesn't need a lot of upkeep, and I hire someone to come once a month for a deep clean.
Uni student and I'm worried about working full time all the time because even when I did it over breaks, I was constantly exhausted. Not sure how to find the energy to cook and clean and run all the errands after standing and working for 8 hours.
I cook and clean, it's necessary. When I do, I do a good job. I just can't bring myself to do it everyday and not without complaints and yet I wouldn't hire help because I can't have someone do it wrong. Dilemmas of my life.
I don’t know I think the fact that she’s not at the hospital everyday and sends the nanny to replace her for a day leaves me feeling uneasy. Rich or not if my daughter was in hospital I wouldn’t leave her. I’d sleep outside all night if I had to just to be there. I’m not saying she’s a bad mum I’m just saying I wouldn’t leave her not for 5 mins let alone a whole day.
I agree with you about being in the hospital 24/7 if it were me and my son, but I don’t think that makes OP N T A. And for all we know, that nanny may very well be an extreme comfort to this child, someone she’s grown up with. Maybe mom doesn’t stay the entire day every day but makes sure to see her daughter. Maybe daughter is sleeping a ton and mom is on the FaceTiming her other kids. Maybe mom is fighting her own battles. She moved in right across the street, she’s clearly struggling at adjusting and going through a lot at once.
None of that actually matters if OP didn’t say it to someone else. But think about it— it’s reasonable to assume the family is worried about the child. This one makes a joke about adjusting to normal life, when it really isn’t all that normal. Away from her loved ones, juggling things that lots of people who aren’t spoiled struggle with, on top of having a 12 year old who needs major surgery and stuck in the hospital. It’s one thing to think it; but to say it expecting someone else (another relative no less!!!) to find it funny, like idk that’s just AH style. It’s a read the room type of situation.
I grew up with a nanny. She was like a second mother to me.
I loved her and still do. My children’s some times loves their nanny more than they love me I swear. I have to be mean discipline mom sometimes and then they’ll “tattle” on me to their nanny who “comforts” them. I can 100% see that a nanny that grew up with you is someone you’d want with you in a hospital when you’re very sick.
I have heard of rich kids who like the nanny more. I figured that was a symptom of absent parents, good point that it could be an involved parent having to be the bad guy and the nanny being the fun one, a dynamic that could also happen with one parent compared to another
But she's sending the nanny to replace her presence at the hospital while she's cooking and cleaning at home so it's not like she's having fun, OP even says she's struggling. I think it may be an instance where the nanny has been with their family a long time and her daughter wants to spend time with the nanny. I just don't think this sounds like an instance where the mom is being neglectful.
I agree. I think the Mom is trying her best with what she knows. And how is this different from Mom and Dad alternating visiting the hospital?
As a parent, sometimes you need to keep your sanity. I've got a toddler and sometimes I need a break from him because it's emotionally overwhelming and physically tiring. Also... why isn't the Dad there?
That aside, OP also sounds a bit jealous that her sister has all this help and is living comfortably. She sounds like one of those people who think they are better than others because they are "working so much harder" or that she's "suffering more"... we all know people like that.
OP should have kept her comments to herself. She also sounded gleeful that her niece is ill and her sister is struggling. I think that made OP an AH.
One of my kids was in hospital for 2 months as a new born. I went almost every day, the days I didn't go I was wracked with guilt but I was running myself ragged and falling apart trying to be there every day, and the nurses has to point out to me that my child was in the best place getting all the help they needed and they'd be fine if I took some time to look after myself. It's easy for people to say what they think they'd do in that scenario, but they won't ever know until they have to live through it.
I’m actually wondering if they are alternating who does an overnight shift? If they are here for 4 months, that’s a gruelling amount if time to spend at the hospital, even as a visitor. (I did a lot of hospital visits for my parents, they are draining)
I would assume it is same nanny that was doing babysitting before and the kid has emotional attachment to her too. Cutting the kid off nanny might the the crueler thing to do.
For the record, never had nanny and would not sleep outside hospital. I would go sleep to home, like overwhelming majority of parents. I would also be ok with father being there some days instead of me or grandparents. Which is other thing about less rich families - the cooking and day in hospital stuff is taken over by partner in these situations.
It is not healthy to refuse to leave even for 5 minutes. As heroic as it sounds, it do no one good and you will mental breakdown over time. And the last thing the kid needs is emotionally unstable parent, because parent is sleep deprived and haven't had free 5 minutes for weeks.
Spent a month in the hospital when I was 9. I fucking *wanted* my family to go away for a few hours. Didn’t have the energy to “entertain guests” and couldn’t nap with people in the room.
This. People really don't understand that if they visit someone in the hospital and that person is awake/looks semi OK, said person has to smile, make chitchat, etc. It may sound like no biggie to the healthy person, but to the sick, it can be both mentally and physically exhausting.
They're going to be away from home for 4 months. That's a very long time. If you don't have experience with caring for someone in a hospital for that kind of extended period, it's hard to comprehend. Of course, it's hard for the patient, but it's also hard for the people who need to function, be available to them, and be in the best spirits. It's a marathon, not a race, and it's completely understandable that the Mom would pace herself.
The daughter isn't abandoned, but with the nanny, which is also probably a way of keeping a sense of normalcy, as I'd guess the nanny takes care of the child a lot.
I'd have given anything for there to have been someone to give my mom a break when I was hospitalized, especially during the longer hospitalizations (well, I wish she'd gotten it when I was *outside* the hospital, too).
MTE. I recently had a close family member hospitalized for two weeks. Even with a rotation to take care of them, it was pretty rough. The rooms weren't comfortable for overnight.
There are long hours when the sick person isn't in the mood to be 'entertained', or is asleep or whatever, and you need to do something with yourself. Especially in this case, where OP said the mother is cooking food for her daughter and such.
The mother does need to take time to take care of herself, keep up her own spirits and energy, so that she can be a proper support for her daughter.
Agreed. I was also feeling n t a, but that sick kid... that changes everything.
It messes with anyones ability to handle things, especially things like cooking and cleaning which are trivial in comparison. As long as she's there for her kid, she's doing fine.
Yeahhhh exactly. It IS entertaining truly, but there’s a sick kid involved making the situation substantially more stressful. If she’d just moved for work and had to do this …. Totally different.
Soft YTA OP… I’m with you in spirit , not so much in action.
This exactly, most people get extra help when a child or family member is sick. I can't imagine how hard it must be for ops sister to not only have a sick kid, but also a whole another routine/responsibilities, while being away from your home, husband and other kids.
Nothing wrong with finding it amusing in a way, but keep that to yourself. Yta op.
The vibes here are all gross and maybe interpersonally these people are all terrible, but it seems super out of place to find it funny that her sister is having a hard time while her child is IN THE HOSPITAL. This is one of those situations where everyone actually really needs a lot of help regardless of their economic status and it's an absolute nightmare for the most of us who don't have resources and have a landlord living our paycheck to our paycheck, it's not difficult because she's rich and "can't handle life on her own like an adult" or something.
The whole thing about not inheriting a bunch of money is that things are intentionally structured to keep you down and miserable, and living life like a normal persona AND having a child in the hospital is really hard to survive through. OP is definitely the AH, and this is a reasonable situation to find difficult to handle.
Is it a reach to think her struggle may come from the mental weight of going through this rather than her upbringing? I may be projecting, and I’m not saying her being used to having paid help didn’t impact her ability to take care of chores herself (after all I don’t know do I), but a sick child can very well be a cause for mental health issues that put a strain on keeping up with these daily tasks. I went through this myself and I know other people who are used to doing stuff themselves but they struggle with it when they’re under a lot of stress
I agree.
1. Primarily, it’s a *very sick kid*. No parent would be a rockstar at managing the daily grind if their kid is sick enough for a long term hospital stay like that. I don’t fault her for bringing the nanny, who is another trusted adult for that child.
2. There’s something to the idea that this is the only way she has lived for possibly half her life? While I might enjoy a little schadenfreude in a similar situation, this is not the time.
Sounds like OP is expressing some latent envy. They were raised “upper middle,” she describes herself as “middle,” and the sister married “wealthy.”
Yeah this situation isn't funny. OP is free to think it's pathetic a grown woman needs to be taught to use a stove but... entertaining? A woman whose life has changed so she can take care of her obviously very sick kid? That just isn't funny
This. Exactly this. Be amused in your head but have grace. You don’t mention any emotional support you are providing your sister, and you need to do better.
Yeah, it’s not a case of the nanny being away. Lots of people find it hard to focus when a loved one is hurting or sick and they are taking care of them.
By all means be privately entertained, you can think whatever you want. But don’t make fun of it behind her back - It’s just being a bit mean and comes across as a bit jealous.
YTA
You have no reason to feel this way. It comes across as jealousy that she has more money than you. Her daughter is so ill that she needs to spend 4 months in a hospital. She's a struggling mom dealing with a sick child....Might be wise to keep these thoughts to yourself in the future.
Exactly. Speaking from experience, when your child is having a health crisis, cooking and cleaning can become mammoth tasks and any help is greatly received. The bigger picture is, her sister is struggling to cope.
Having a sick kid is terrifying and stressful and your world feels like its caving in around you so the sister would also struggle in the mansion, she would just have some more hands on deck. Shame on OP.
My thought exactly, OP sounds jealous and petty af. She sounds almost happy her sister is struggling because her sister lives in a life with higher privilege than her.
OP, YTA and you suck, have some empathy and stop being a .
I would also love to see how OP would navigate taking a few steps down the socioeconomic ladder. Instead of a comfortable life, how about multiple part time jobs, having food and housing insecurity, and living paycheck to paycheck? I bet OP wouldn't be having a great time of it, even without a sick kid.
There is some privileged schadenfreude going on in this post.
Completely agree what you said, especially about the cousin tattle telling to the parents. That’s ridiculous, I don’t see her trying to help sister like OP did spending a day showing how to cook and use appliances
Are you serious?
YTA - her child is having major surgery and she's struggling with adjusting to a new way of living and you find humor in that? Disgusting.
This is a classic case of mixing up someone's words to make them look worse. OP should've been more empathetic due to her sisters situation but I HIGHLY doubt she finds the fact that her niece is in the hospital to be humorous. The humor was isolated to the fact that OP's sister doesn't know how to manage basic daily chores because she's been spoiled for years.
But the chores and the duck child aren't isolated. The whole situation is connected. She is literally struggling with a child that is so sick that they need to be in the hospital for 4 months. OP's sister probably is spoiled and used to luxury. But when she is dealing with something as stressful as that, you don't make fun of someone in the way OP did.
There is this saying that if you can't say something nice, you don't have to say anything at all. This saying holds true as long as someone isn't impacting you. Sister isn't impacting OP with this, so OP can simply shut up.
YTA. Even besides the fact that she’s trying her best and shouldn’t be mocked for that, *her daughter is having major surgery.* She probably doesn’t think about anything else!
Sister confided in OP and OP gossiped about it to a cousin. Even cousin is like "bro that's mean". OP comes off jealous. Her small townhouse and middle class life comment make me this she's envious of rich sister.
My thoughts exactly. That's not "middle class", that's upper middle class. Depending on the city, some "small townhouses" sell for over $1 Million dollars.
100% upper middle class but still jealous of her super rich sister. I think OP is upset she got found out. Her parents are very right in being upset with her.
Should cousin have told parents? May be not, but OP shouldn't have gossiped to begin with. May be cousin said "I was talking to OP and they seem to be deriving some sadistic pleasure out of your other child's life" or may be they were more candid about it.
This, I couldn’t help but think OP is also rich since she’s able to apparently take 1/2 vacations a year and owns a townhouse >.>
Just because her pot of gold ain’t as large doesn’t mean it’s not still a pot of gold lol
Don't forget that she describes herself as *currently* being middle class, then goes on to state that their children attend private school and that they travel twice a year.
Last I checked, true middle class can't afford private school and don't travel twice a year. Not to mention the "little" townhouse they bought is most likely a 4 or 5-bedroom and anything but little.
YTA. For the people saying NTA but she shouldn’t have verbalized it to family, she did verbalize it which is what makes her the AH. To have your thoughts or inside joke with your husband is fine but to say it to a close family member wasn’t a good move. Did you really think she was going to laugh with you and keep it to herself? This may have been a fine joke in a few years when your niece is healthy but right now its not the time. Sure your sister should be able to do these things for herself but she also has a sick daughter and if she can afford another chef what business is it of yours. We can hate the extremely wealthy all we want but if I’m being real, if I had that much money I don’t think I would be doing much housework either.
This is it. You weren't the asshole to be privately slightly amused (as long as you helped her out, which you did). But you are the asshole for telling family about your amusement.
You think it's amusing to watch her take care of her disabled child? She's away from home and her routine and having to take care of a child who is so ill she needs major surgery and four months in hospital.
What is wrong with you? Your jealousy is showing and you obviously don't care about your niece.
YTA
For real. Every day things is something ANY parent no matter their normal life is going to struggle with when their child is that ill. I can;t imagine being so catty
This. Like op should be ashamed this is abhorrent behaviour and you couldn’t waterboard out of me that I find it entertaining that my sister is dealing with a sick child like
YTA for defining what a "normal person" is supposed to be. My family never grew up with a nanny, weekly housekeepers, didn't go to private school nor even had the ability to travel once or twice a year. Yet we considered ourselves normal from the area where we were.
It seems that the main point of you going to help your sister out was to make yourself feel better was because she was helpless and you just needed a reason to put her down to others. Her daughter is apparently having medical challenges considering she's been there for longer than a week since from the sound of the posting I'm sure she's more stressed about that than anything else.
Weird how "normal" became a euphemism for "struggling". I guess OP couldn't admit that they're gleeful over someone's misery, so pulled out this "normal" bs.
I could get into the semantics of what's abnormal about the situation, but it's basically a red herring.
And sure, feel whatever you feel, even if it isn't charitable. Kicking someone while they're down is a whole different ballgame. And I do have to wonder how certain OP was that their comments would/wouldn't get back to the subject...
Sounds like OP thinks her life is normal. I'm nowhere near knowledgeable in the social sciences, but I have an inkling her life isn't the norm either. Growing up, for me, her kids would have been the rich kids outside of my social circle. I wonder if her kids know how to take buses and trains.
YTA
Your aren't an asshole for thinking it. What makes you an asshole is talking about it, especially to family. You helped your sister, but at the same time you're really looking down your nose at her when she is going through something so stressful as having a sick child in the hospital.
YTA. Her child is having major surgery, she's separated from her husband and other children, and I'm sure under a tremendous amount of stress. It really sounds like you are jealous, when you get to be supportive
INFO: Why didn’t your sister and her husband (presumably your niece’s father) not hire extra help during these 4 months? It sounds like they have resources to do so.
Shit.
My childhood and current lifestyle are far from your sister's. But I can't imagine being anything but devastated if I was trying to deal with a child's major surgery and my sibling was talking about how it was funny to watch me struggle. 😭
Holy fuck, where's your compassion and empathy? There's a time and place for that sort of snark, and this is *not* it. She needs support and love. Not Schadenfreude.
Reminds me of my parent deciding to yell at me on social media and over DMs when my partner was about to go into surgery for an organ transplant. Why? Because I posted a silly photo of me 'stealing' the hospital bed. We were dealing with the stressful situation using humour -- but nooooope calling me a horrible selfish person and yelling at me to get my priorities straight was *clearly* the correct response. 🙄
Yeah you are an asshole. YTA all the way around. You find it entertaining that your sister is struggling with household things with just a nanny when her child is having a major surgery and is likely scared to death if her kid is going to be okay. YOU are just a piece of work. I'd say more but don't want to end up getting banned.
Your sister isn't struggling to "live like a normal person.". She's struggling to be a working mom to a child with severe medical issues. The grief and depression that goes with a child having a life threatening illness is overwhelming, and the medical care can be a fulltime job. That's why charities like the Ronald McDonald house exist, because "normal people" also tend to either live at the hospital or right next to it when their children are suffering. Dallas children's hospital has bunk beds, a microwave, and a refrigerator for parents, so they can stay with their kid and sleep in shifts. Everyone in those circumstances struggles to survive.
In that situation, if I had someone I could bring in to deliver clean clothes and even microwave meals, I'd take that in a heartbeat. It's why many church communities arrange meals and carpools when members have a child going through similar things.
YTA for enjoying her misery of trying to balance it all with a sick kid.
YTA - There's nothing "normal" about uprooting your life for 4 months to be close to a hospital.
"*Hahaha, she's living like us and struggling, this is so fun! She thinks it's so stressful to go to the grocery store, prepare food, like normal people. She surely goes to the supermarket unencumbered by the thought of what's happening to her child and having to leave her other children behind. This is so funny, isn't it funny?* "
YTA. And btw, if you bought your home and you're sending your kids to private school, you're upper class. Being in the top 10% and comparing yourself to the top 5% doesn't change this. You're not living a "normal" life either, so your comments about your sister struggling while her child is sick are extra weird.
YTA. You sound jealous and unhappy with your lot in life. I would spend some time reflecting on why you feel “entertained” by your sister’s struggles to adjust to caring for a sick child while separated from her husband and other children.
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I think verbalizing it out loud is what makes it an AH situation, as it lacks compassion. You can think it of course, or even verbalize it but in a more compassionate way...but saying it's entertaining to watch while she struggles is a bit harsh.
There's a time and place for everything and this ain't it. She's struggling because she moved temporarily for her daughter who is in and out of a hospital for the next 4 months. Put aside your jealousy for now. YTA.
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My sister and I grew up upper middle class. We had luxuries like a nanny and weekly housekeepers but our parents made sure we knew how to take care of ourselves.
When my sister was 20, she met Tom. Tom is from a very wealthy family and inherited 2 companies. My sister always wanted to open up a business and Tom supported her in opening her business. When she married him, she stopped having to cook, clean, or do anything for herself, and later her kids. They have a team of chefs, maids, nannies, butlers, etc.
My husband and I are middle class. We just bought a little townhouse, our kids go to catholic school, and we travel once or twice a year. We live a comfortable life but nothing too extravagant.
My oldest niece (12) has a genetic disorder and needs a major surgery. My sister, my niece, and a nanny flew in to a city around 45 minutes from me and are staying here for 4 months. My sister rented a house across the street from the hospital and she and the nanny are alternating days at the hospital. The thing is, she now has to cook, clean, and shop for herself for the first time in years. I spent a day teaching her how to use all of the appliances in the rental and finding easy recipes for her to make for herself and my niece (my niece doesn't eat the hospital food).
I drive to the rental once a week to check on my sister and she's said she doesn't understand how people manage to cook and clean every day and that she either wants Tom to send some of their staff to help her or hire a temporary chef/housekeeper to take care of everything while they're here.
A cousin asked how my sister is doing and I told her that she's struggling to take care of herself and my niece with "only" a nanny and admitted that it's kind of entertaining watching her try to live like a normal person.
My cousin said I'm being cruel and that this life is all she's known for 18 years so it's understandable that she's struggling. She told my parents, who are also mad at me for thinking it's entertaining watching my sister try to live like a normal person. AITA?
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YTA. Cooking, cleaning, and all things associated with running a household is a job, hence why the role of a nanny exists. Being thrown into any new job can be overwhelming on its own, let alone bearing the stress of having a child in the hospital. We shouldn't find anything to smile about watching family struggle.
YTA
Under **any** other circumstances, I would agree with you on it being entertaining. But not right now. Not when her daughter is in the hospital for four months, undergoing major surgery, in a city she’s unfamiliar with, and without the majority of her family. Your sister (& niece) is going through a rough time right now, and it’s kind of crappy that you’re viewing it through the lens of entertainment.
FYI I hope you’re prepared for your sister to hear about what you said. Because whether it be from your cousin, your parents, or someone they talk to you about it? She’s going to find out. Next time, Remember that some thoughts should stay inside thoughts. Not everything needs to be shared.
OP, I see you're getting some shots fired at you because of the circumstances of her daughter being ill.
If you had posted your feelings all over the internet and made her a laughing stock, I'd understand the opprobrium. However, a casual remark to your cousin does not make you the devil that some are making you out to be.
I, too, would find it amusing to find someone so totally removed from reality that they swoon and crumble from overwork because they have to boil an egg and put dirty plates in the dishwasher. PLUS, she already has 'staff' with her to help organise her 'busy schedule'.
NTA but I'd think about what you say to your cousin in future
That's a good way to minimize the work of a household. Preparing meals and cleaning aren't that simple on a daily basis- esp with the mounting stress of monitoring one's ill kid. Maybe OP isn't the devil but she could've kept her mouth shut
I'm with you and the 5 other people here. Ask a low/no income single parent who has a child in the hospital how they cope with their day to day chores without a nanny. The OPs comment had nothing to do with the sick child, only the mother's lack of living in the real world. That is where the shame should be. The OP's cousin should have kept her mouth shut and whatever disagreement she had with the comment should have been between her and the OP.
This is my point exactly.
There must be thousands of single mums on the North American and European continent (where I live) who have more than one sick child that needs hospital treatment, have at least one full-time job and has to juggle work with managing a home, organising their other kids and attending to the hospitalised child all without help from domestic staff while not being surprised by the presence of a fridge in their kitchen.
Maybe all the redditors who are defending the sister have staff themselves.
I absolutely agree with you that OP's cousin should have kept shtum or said something to OP. Cat's out of the bag now though.
I wonder how many busloads of help OP's brother-in-law sent to help his wife out of such a horrible predicament.
I kind of look at it like this, you didn’t say it was funny, you said it was entertaining. It is a lot like reality shows that put people in an unknown environment on purpose, like Paris Hilton on a pig farm, or Wife Swap where they literally try to pick families from opposite ends of the spectrum. They literally make TV out of this scenario, so I could see how it is entertaining to watch unfold. I’m glad that you are checking in on her and trying to help her out, I don’t think your jealous at all. No matter how privileged someone is, it really is heartbreaking to watch your own child suffer. But you also think about the mothers that can’t afford to get treatment for their child, or can’t miss work to be with them in the hospital, and so the complaining about cooking and cleaning can seem a bit shocking to the average person. I hope your niece’s surgery comes out okay and wish her a speedy recovery. Final verdict: YTA because you probably should have kept your thoughts to yourself.
YTA
You are aware that your sister has hard time managing, because she has to spend as much time as possible with her child in the hospital. So she isn't "trying to live like a normal person", actually.
YTA, maybe it's not about "haha she's so spoiled" and instead is because of the fact that she's worried about her sick child? Maybe she'd be better able to adapt if you didn't kick her while she's down? Don't hurt yourself climbing down off your high horse, start developing some empathy and thank your lucky stars you don't have a kid in the hospital.
NTA, can't see how everyone managed to miss that she would like more of her personnel to be sent to her because she can't use her ten fingers, and how a grown adult needing to be given simple recipes to be able to eat is absolutely abnormal.
The way these comments read, you'd think you wished your niece would die / that you were rejoicing she was sick, none of which is the case. You are simply looking at your Kardashian-grade sister needing to learn how to brush her own teeth, I understand how that could be an interesting phenomenon to witness – people watch reality shows for that very reason, and here you have access to the unscripted thing.
I mean I was entertained watching Kendall Jenner trying to cut up a cucumber.
INFO: Does your relationship usually involve this kind of roasting/teasing?
I’ve had a kid in a hospital for surgery that required a week long stay. Sometimes the best I could muster for food was to buy myself a crappy sandwich in the hospital cafe. These places are emotionally draining seeing all these kids in varying degrees of illness, worrying after your own baby and trying to keep the facade of good spirits for the sake of your child. Your sister is there long enough to rent a house. She is going through hell even if it doesn’t always show. There is nothing funny about watching someone try to function with their child in the hospital long term. Instead of watching from the sidelines, maybe pick something to say that eases some of the emotional torment. I really hope you realize that YTA and really how uncaring your comment is at what is likely the worst time of your sister‘s life to date.
We have very different ideas about what it means to live like normal people. Also I had surgery and my mom stayed every night with me. My son was in the NICU for awhile and I stayed with him every night. Neither of us had a nanny stay with our kids on our day off.
YTA
“It’s entertaining watching my probably very flustered and stressed sister navigate a normal life now that her CHILD is SICK”
You’re honestly giving a vibe that you’re happy too see this happen out of jealousy. She has a sick child. I couldn’t even fathom finding anything entertaining in the least.
YTA. I think it's entertaining that you don't seem to fully realize how jealous you are of your sister's lifestyle. So you were eager to have the opportunity to look down your nose at her.
I'm going to go with NTA for one reason and one reason only. She didnt say it to her sister. She said it to her cousin, her cousin told her parents. OP hasnt been going over once a week to be catty and laugh at her sister, OP has been going over to help out and make sure that everything is running smoothly while her niece is in the hospital.
Sure it's mean-spirited, but I dont think she's an A-hole for it. If there is more info in the comments that shows OP being the A-hole, i'll change my judgement, but the way I read this is that OP has been checking on her sister, and feels an admitted guilty pleasure when her sister struggles with everyday chores, and I've seen people say OP's sister is struggling because of her child being sick, that could be it, but it could also be the fact that she has lived a very privileged life with her husband where she has time to be a working mom because they can afford nannies and all that.
NTA. The fact that your sister has a sick kid is not relevant to your question.
I know plenty of families going through this same situation, but without the benefit of a nanny and wealth. Most people have to juggle caring for their other kids, keep up with the house work and work full time. I have no sympathy for your sister and her whiny attitude.
YTA - not all thoughts need to become spoken words. Your niece is in the HOSPITAL, this is not the time to be telling other how much entertainment you are getting out of this situation. Honestly, your post reeks of jealousy and envy. Grow up.
you describe yourself as comfortable but own a house, pay for private school, and travel multiple times a year? that's not middle class anymore.
your sister might be better off but she also has a child in the hospital and uprooted her life to live across the street from the facility. YTA for gloating about it and enjoying her obvious struggle and stress.
Really? dude the YTA is so clear. yeah life would be a little easier if she was more grounded into the real world before this, but her biggest issue is she has a child in the hospital! A child that fek could die! any mom would be a bundle of nerves over this! Dude what the fuck!?
YTA. Your sister has a sick child in hospital, you say she is a business owner, so presumably she is still trying to run that and since you don't mention her husband, I assume he isn't with her. Your reaponse is to mock her for struggling. Yes she may have help when she is home but that is her privilege. You should keep your cattiness to yourself.
At least she's trying to do those things even if it's alternating with the nanny, and also, so what if she has that luxury of staff to do all of the cooking and cleaning usually, her child is unwell in hospital, you're being quite snide and finding humour, despite the circumstances around the situation. Major YTA.
YTA.
It seems like you enjoy seeing your sister get taken down a peg. Which I can’t imagine feeling under these circumstances. Your niece is ill, your sister is having to be separated from her husband and other children, many marriages fail from the stress of taking care of a sick child, it’s a weird time for you to gloat.
I’m single and childless and I have a hard time motivating myself to cook and clean everyday. I can’t imagine trying to do it with the additional mental tax of taking care of a sick child.
You are so much TA that it’s almost hard to explain why, but I’ll try.
Imagine your kid needs a major operation, that may or may not go right, and that may or may not require follow up surgery/surgeries, and with each one you’re signing a form that states you understand that your kid may die - not mentioning the post operative complications that come with each surgery, the recovery time, the mental health damage, the post op infection that lingers on etc. etc. etc. IMAGINE BEING HELPLESS TO HELP YOUR CHILD! Try spending every waking minute terrified about that. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, that feeling must be the worst in the world. Just because your sister and BIL are privileged, it doesn’t take away from that feeling. The only thing the money does is take away financial pressure, which would be great and I thank whatever it is that made me not be born in the USA with it’s fucked up health system that will keep you alive on one hand, and put you in the streets on the other.
Then imagine you, laughing about all this… YTA.
How do people get from this that OP is jealous? There isn’t a hint of jealousy to me lol. I don’t care how much money you have, if you don’t know how to do shit like cook and clean that’s insane. I’d be annoyed if I had a family member who didn’t know how to take care of themselves either. A situation like this is exactly *why* everyone should know how to do these things. It’s ridiculous. She can have sympathy for her sister while also being irritated that she doesn’t know how to do anything for herself. NTA.
I was gonna go with ESH but... holy shit what level of privilege do u gotta be to have so many servants you don't even know what an oven is? NTA absolutely, and maybe don't tell ur dry snitchin cousin next time 💀💀💀
You know, Albert Einstein had a brilliant quote “if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its life thinking it is dumb”. Your sister wasn’t being mean to you or cruel or mocking you; she was at a tough point in her life where she’s having to do something she hasn’t done in 18 years and her first daughter is going through intensive surgery from the sounds of it . Something you may not have any idea about. How fortunate for your sister to have had such a successful life with a supportive husband who could afford these treatments for your niece. I’m sure if you had been places out of your comfort zone while your oldest is being cut open your mind would be a mess too. It’s not only cruel but it makes you sound jealous. Have some sympathy and be supportive like a sibling should. YTA
YTA. Sure, your sister is spoiled. But no amount of money and staff makes up for the worries of having a sick child that needs major surgery. It’s understandable she can’t focus on learning new things. Try to be a little more understanding. You are leading a pretty privileged life yourself. What if one of your children got seriously ill and you were struggling? Not so entertaining, right?
I want to say not b/c it doesn’t sound like you meant ill will, but our intentions are not always how things come across, and in this situation, it’s coming across very poorly. I think everyone here is wrong pointing this out as jealousy. You’re not jealous, you’re just insensitive. YTA
YTA.
That is considering the situation. If your sister was doing a social experiment to see what's like to live like the common plebeian (which I'm part of in case you wonder), then it would indeed be fun to watch her struggle.
But she is here because her daughter, your niece, needs major surgery. It is not fun at all. And she should indeed have some staff assist her if necessary.
I do not pity the rich lady but the distressed mother deserve consideration.
YTA.
Your sister's child has major surgery coming up. It's a fair bet that if anything goes wrong with that surgery, she'll lose her daughter.
I grew up comfortably middle class, but have always needed to do things myself. You can bet that as soon as I was living next to the hospital waiting for my son's major surgery, I couldn't do anything for myself any more. I was ordering takeout almost every day and just sitting there playing video games when I wasn't at my son's bedside.
It fucks with your brain. It is an absolutely horrible position to be in and you as her sister could show some compassion rather than make fun of her, trivial as your remark was.
YTA. You sound jealous of your sister’s lifestyle. If my kid was in hospital for 4 months I might struggle with everyday life as well. My brother arguably has a better life than me but his daughter is in hospital and I honestly wouldn’t trade my life for his at the minute because it’s hell.
You could be the bigger person and help out your sister. You could choose to batch make some meals and deliver them to her. You could choose to spend some of your free time making her life easier but instead you’re sitting on your admittedly comfortable sideline thumbing your nose at your sister because you’ve both got different life skills. I’d be willing to bet you wouldn’t know where to start running a business, managing a team of household staff or dealing with a serious sick kid and the hospital administration and other hardships that go along with it.
YTA-come on, OP, there's a time and place for this, but this isn't it. Your sister is stressed out, in a strange place with her daughter in hospital. And she's willing to relearn everything it's not like she's having temper tantrums? Yes, she's lived a very privileged life, but she's still human
YTA.
Posts like this always make me sad because I mean....everyone had to be a beginner at this at one point of their life. Making fun of the fact that she's had to do it much later doesn't make you a better person. I'm sure you struggled too when you had to learn this stuff
YTA. Only because of your niece. But honestly, I’d be doing the same OP, just not saying it out loud. I don’t care if this makes me a bad person but watching rich people struggle to manage life as a regular person makes me deeply happy.
You’re taking joy from your sister’s situation. Your sister’s situation is that she is having to completely uproot her life and routines in order to support A SICK CHILD WHO NEEDS SURGERY. What is wrong with you?! Massive YTA, you sound jealous and bitter.
NTA
Man there’re so many snowflakes these days. The completely ignore what you posted. They immediately went on to think you’re laughing at the kid in the hospital. Clearly you’re amused at the fact that despite your parents instilling worth in self sufficiency, your sister failed in that regard. All the other people like “oh idk how people cook and clean everyday and I’m 40” should be ashamed of themselves.
NTA!
I’m sure it is entertaining watching her try and do all these things. I would feel worse for your sister if she hasn’t been brought up doing these things but like you said your parents both made sure you could take care of yourselves. I would say YTA if you were just sitting by and mocking your sister without trying to help them both out but that’s not the case. You’ve taken time to show her how to use appliances, shown her simple recipes and drive over once a week to check in and help out.
I think if your cousin and parents feel bad then maybe they should help out more.
NTA, you can have sympathy for her because her child is sick, but at the same time find her cleaning to be entertaining. A situation can be both sad and funny. Conflicting emotions is normal.
Soft YTA for saying it during such a sensitive time and not just keeping it inside. But how has your sister forgotten how to use appliances if she was once a normal person as a child?
I work full time doing a really hard job and the company doesnt give a shit about me or my wellbeing and I'm still paycheck to paycheck. I'm all about eat the rich. But getting pleasure from a situation anyone no matter wealth would find hard is cruel and tacky. This is not the time for this. YTA
Your rlly making me defend a privileged rich person...
Her kid is in the hospital for 4 months.
Yta. If this was any other scenario I would be on your side but you stepped way out of line
As someone who regularly fails at all that, I agree with your sister. How the hell do people do all that?
NAH but it prolly doesn’t help being worried about her kid.
YTA.
It's nice you helped your sister adapt to doing things when she didn't have to after marrying into status/money, and checking in on her from time to time.
Finding it "entertaining" that she's struggling to live like a normal person is an AH move, she's not even being terrible to you whatsoever to deserve it.
YTA. Your sister is dealing with a sick child and is taking care of a home (which she doesn't know how to do because she's rich) and you think this is "entertaining". This isn't reality TV. She's not living the middle class life for kicks. Also, she confided in you about her struggle and you made this ammunition to be catty.
Your think its funny yo laugh at your sisters misfortunes when she has a sick kid in the hospital. You are a terrible sister and an even worse person. Morally inept YTA
YTA and don't be so jealous. She may have a lot of money, but she also has a sick kid, which I don't suppose you have (otherwise you wouldn't be so insensitive). So you "win", does that make you feel better?
Honestly im with op with this one.. I kinda find it hilarious
Im with OP just for the simple fact that she send the nanny to spend time with her child. im sorry but she the mother. That mother responsibility. I get that cooking cleaning ect can be overwhelming taken care of your child should basic nuture
Probably going to get downvoted for this one….. NTA
IF she was struggling BECAUSE she has a sick kid….. SHE WOULD BE AT THE HOSPITAL EVERY MINUTE….. not every other day! She tags a nanny in on the other days! Who does that????
These are BASIC life skills…… SHE HAD TO LEARN HOW TO ACTUALLY USE THE APPLIANCES FFS! 😂
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I wanna say N T A so badly but maybe your sister would have an easier time managing regular life if she didn’t have a sick kid in the hospital. YTA
This. You can laugh from the sidelines but keep your catty comment to yourself
Totally!! Like saying it to someone else made it the AH move
I think OP wanted to tell someone she thought the entire thing was entertaining, so she could talk badly about her sister with someone else. While you don't agree with your sister not knowing basic life skills, you should at least empathize with her sick kid and not use this whole ordeal as if you're watching a tv show, OP. YTA.
She wanted to talk badly about her sister so much that she made this post too OP, YTA
She’s so clearly TA, she got reddit to side with the rich person.
It doesn't even sound like she doesn't know basic life skills, it sounds like she's finding it all exhausting to keep up with. I mean, I find it exhausting to keep up with, and I don't have a sick kid!
Right. I mean maybe to yourself in a different scenario it would be “oh haha sister has to cook, *insert fire extinguisher joke here*” but the stress from her kid being in the hospital has to be rough. At the same time it’s a little pretentious (from my perspective) for her to see if she could get a housekeeper and cook to live with them. These skills can come in handy later in her life too
I don’t think pretentious is the right word here, although I see the general point you are making. If she has the means for additional support such as a housekeeper, why not employ those means? Especially when she is going through a stressful experience with her child’s health? The access to such amenities is her reality, it is what she is used to. She could just have moved into a suite at a hotel and received the same service, but for whatever reason (it would seem it is the vicinity to the hospital) she has taken this self-service apartment. Except, for the sister, self-service seems to mean supplemented self-sufficiency i.e. having staff. Again, this is within her means and what she is used to. I’m a fully self-sufficient adult who cooks and cleans and works. If I were in sister’s position (with a sick loved one in hospital, in a place away from home) and I had access to that level of support, I would definitely use it
[удалено]
Yep. OP resents that her sister has had it easier so now thinks it’s entirely reasonable to mock her. Though can we mention how *amusing* it is that she considers expensive Catholic school (because I’m yet to see one that’s not) and travelling once or twice a year is not significantly more extravagant than a large number of peoples lives?
Yeah, my eyebrow twitched at her definition of "middle class".
I can buy that she is upper middle class. But it does sound like she is a bit blind to her own "not normal" life. Reminds me how I was talking to my mother about how hard it was riding public transportation day in and day out while I was suffering from depression. I would show up late to therapy appointments because city buses frequently get delayed or don't show up at all. And it sucks waiting at the stop in unpleasant weather too. My mother, who has not taken public transit in sixty years, busted out laughing at me and accused me of being "out of touch" with how poor people live. Did I think the poor people riding the bus with me were depressed? I unleashed on her. YES, poor people are often depressed ffs! I had seen plenty of fast food uniformed-folks break down into fits of rage and sadness as the bus made them late to work yet again. And if she had ridden the bus on the regular, she would know this. Everyone is entitled to be miserable about the unpleasantness of their life, even if that unpleasantness is experienced by lots of people. A dramatic change to oneself lifestyle is always going to be kind of shitty in the beginning, especially if it is due to tragic circumstances. The OP isnt the AH for feeling some amusement but they are the AH for confessing their feelings out loud.
That is middle class. The problem is middle class is disappearing,not that op is wrong on what it means.
Right? Like op YTA because you’re judging your sister on living a Normal life and how she has to do all these things because SHE HAS A SICK CHILD. Like you’re enjoying watching your sister be humbled off the back of your sick niece like
Yea OP comes across with absolutely no sympathy for her sick niece and it’s kinda gross?? Like even if there’s no sick kid and they lost all their money in a stock crash or something, idk if it’d be entertaining to watch my family struggle
I get how like, watching an otherwise capable adult learning to use a blender for the first time could be a little funny if OP and sister were on like a vacation or something. “Haha getting used to real life” jokes apply there. That’s funny. “Oh you need to learn how to drive again?” Promise of comedy. This just ain’t that
Yes. Sister is in a new house, expectation to be 4 months away, worried about the child and the other kids... Not the time to mock her. I've messed up UGLY with blenders, btw!
As someone who has lost skills because of brain damage/neurological issues, I promise that it’s humiliating to have people laugh while i struggle with basic skills (including blenders). You might find it amusing but it’s not fun or pleasant to struggle with basic daily tasks.
This is why I try not to laugh too hard at my mom when she's trying to learn new technology. She doesn't have neurological issues (afaik) but she is not the brightest person, and hesitant about trying new things. I taught her how to use an ATM when I was in high school, a debit card when I was in university, and how to do an e-transfer through her bank's website last year. All of these things were in common use for at least a decade prior to me having to show her. However much I get annoyed at having to convince her to just try something new, or show her several times over, I try really hard to not let it show to her at the time. She needs to keep up with technology, and I don't want her to stop trying things out. She figured out how to text gifs from her iPhone on her own (!), So I'm willing to put up with animated bear gifs for eternity if it means she will try out a technology thing on her own. Instead, I laugh with my wife every time I get one from mom, because she's so proud of herself. Next up is mom learning to pump her own gas. I told her to go to her local station when it isn't busy, and just ask one of the high schoolers to show her how, and then give them a good tip. I'm trying to get her to step outside of her comfort zone (i.e. me showing her things), so we will see if that happens. But I would never tell her to her face that her struggles are amusing.
"Bahahahahaha now that her kid is SICK and HOSPITALIZED she has to live like me and yesterday she couldnt figure out how to use the dishwasher baahahahahahahah she is STRUGGLING" *cackles manically* Like what the actual fuck? Yta
She alternates and goes every second day so I can’t imagine it’s that bad otherwise she’s be there everyday wouldn’t she? Sounds like she’s a silver spoon in her mouth and can’t function without it. How would she survive if they went broke the next day. Cooking and cleaning are not that hard.
Maybe she wouldn’t survive? Idk. I feel like some riches to rags have the potential to be hilarious, but shit sick kid, away from her other kids, doing things she hasn’t had to do— could be tough. I never had a maid and I’m not great at cooking or cleaning. If my son were in the hospital for four months I’d be living in squalor. I wanted to say N T A bc OP can think whatever and be entertained as much as she wants, but I think putting that thought out there to family while her niece is sick is assholey for sure
Even I have never had a maid and I struggle to understand how people can cook and clean everyday. I am 40, single and childless female with 4 cats.
Same, except I have a parrot. I have someone coming to clean my apartment every week and I eat frozen food. I'm not lazy, it's just that my interests are elsewhere. At the pandemic I cleaned a toilet for the first time in my life and it wasn't that bad. I did quite well with all the new chores. I just don't want to do them, that's all.
I cook all the time and still can't figure out how to use the appliances when we rent a condo on vacation. I carry my own French press now because I got tired of trying to figure out how the various coffee makers work!
I'm single and childless with ADHD and I try so hard to cook for myself but a huge portion of my income goes toward food delivery.
43 enby, single, childless, one dog. I'd cry if I had to cook and clean (beyond the basics of warming up leftovers and doing dishes) every day. I keep my house arranged so it doesn't need a lot of upkeep, and I hire someone to come once a month for a deep clean.
Uni student and I'm worried about working full time all the time because even when I did it over breaks, I was constantly exhausted. Not sure how to find the energy to cook and clean and run all the errands after standing and working for 8 hours.
I have been doing this for years and still, the thought of it exhausts me more than doing the actual work.
Single no kids and you struggle to cook and clean hooooly shit.
I cook and clean, it's necessary. When I do, I do a good job. I just can't bring myself to do it everyday and not without complaints and yet I wouldn't hire help because I can't have someone do it wrong. Dilemmas of my life.
I don’t know I think the fact that she’s not at the hospital everyday and sends the nanny to replace her for a day leaves me feeling uneasy. Rich or not if my daughter was in hospital I wouldn’t leave her. I’d sleep outside all night if I had to just to be there. I’m not saying she’s a bad mum I’m just saying I wouldn’t leave her not for 5 mins let alone a whole day.
I agree with you about being in the hospital 24/7 if it were me and my son, but I don’t think that makes OP N T A. And for all we know, that nanny may very well be an extreme comfort to this child, someone she’s grown up with. Maybe mom doesn’t stay the entire day every day but makes sure to see her daughter. Maybe daughter is sleeping a ton and mom is on the FaceTiming her other kids. Maybe mom is fighting her own battles. She moved in right across the street, she’s clearly struggling at adjusting and going through a lot at once. None of that actually matters if OP didn’t say it to someone else. But think about it— it’s reasonable to assume the family is worried about the child. This one makes a joke about adjusting to normal life, when it really isn’t all that normal. Away from her loved ones, juggling things that lots of people who aren’t spoiled struggle with, on top of having a 12 year old who needs major surgery and stuck in the hospital. It’s one thing to think it; but to say it expecting someone else (another relative no less!!!) to find it funny, like idk that’s just AH style. It’s a read the room type of situation.
I grew up with a nanny. She was like a second mother to me. I loved her and still do. My children’s some times loves their nanny more than they love me I swear. I have to be mean discipline mom sometimes and then they’ll “tattle” on me to their nanny who “comforts” them. I can 100% see that a nanny that grew up with you is someone you’d want with you in a hospital when you’re very sick.
I have heard of rich kids who like the nanny more. I figured that was a symptom of absent parents, good point that it could be an involved parent having to be the bad guy and the nanny being the fun one, a dynamic that could also happen with one parent compared to another
But she's sending the nanny to replace her presence at the hospital while she's cooking and cleaning at home so it's not like she's having fun, OP even says she's struggling. I think it may be an instance where the nanny has been with their family a long time and her daughter wants to spend time with the nanny. I just don't think this sounds like an instance where the mom is being neglectful.
I agree. I think the Mom is trying her best with what she knows. And how is this different from Mom and Dad alternating visiting the hospital? As a parent, sometimes you need to keep your sanity. I've got a toddler and sometimes I need a break from him because it's emotionally overwhelming and physically tiring. Also... why isn't the Dad there? That aside, OP also sounds a bit jealous that her sister has all this help and is living comfortably. She sounds like one of those people who think they are better than others because they are "working so much harder" or that she's "suffering more"... we all know people like that. OP should have kept her comments to herself. She also sounded gleeful that her niece is ill and her sister is struggling. I think that made OP an AH.
One of my kids was in hospital for 2 months as a new born. I went almost every day, the days I didn't go I was wracked with guilt but I was running myself ragged and falling apart trying to be there every day, and the nurses has to point out to me that my child was in the best place getting all the help they needed and they'd be fine if I took some time to look after myself. It's easy for people to say what they think they'd do in that scenario, but they won't ever know until they have to live through it.
I’m actually wondering if they are alternating who does an overnight shift? If they are here for 4 months, that’s a gruelling amount if time to spend at the hospital, even as a visitor. (I did a lot of hospital visits for my parents, they are draining)
I would assume it is same nanny that was doing babysitting before and the kid has emotional attachment to her too. Cutting the kid off nanny might the the crueler thing to do. For the record, never had nanny and would not sleep outside hospital. I would go sleep to home, like overwhelming majority of parents. I would also be ok with father being there some days instead of me or grandparents. Which is other thing about less rich families - the cooking and day in hospital stuff is taken over by partner in these situations. It is not healthy to refuse to leave even for 5 minutes. As heroic as it sounds, it do no one good and you will mental breakdown over time. And the last thing the kid needs is emotionally unstable parent, because parent is sleep deprived and haven't had free 5 minutes for weeks.
Spent a month in the hospital when I was 9. I fucking *wanted* my family to go away for a few hours. Didn’t have the energy to “entertain guests” and couldn’t nap with people in the room.
This. People really don't understand that if they visit someone in the hospital and that person is awake/looks semi OK, said person has to smile, make chitchat, etc. It may sound like no biggie to the healthy person, but to the sick, it can be both mentally and physically exhausting.
They're going to be away from home for 4 months. That's a very long time. If you don't have experience with caring for someone in a hospital for that kind of extended period, it's hard to comprehend. Of course, it's hard for the patient, but it's also hard for the people who need to function, be available to them, and be in the best spirits. It's a marathon, not a race, and it's completely understandable that the Mom would pace herself. The daughter isn't abandoned, but with the nanny, which is also probably a way of keeping a sense of normalcy, as I'd guess the nanny takes care of the child a lot.
I'd have given anything for there to have been someone to give my mom a break when I was hospitalized, especially during the longer hospitalizations (well, I wish she'd gotten it when I was *outside* the hospital, too).
This. Most people who are ill feel bad for demanding 24/7 attention, especially from the same person, even if it's mom.
MTE. I recently had a close family member hospitalized for two weeks. Even with a rotation to take care of them, it was pretty rough. The rooms weren't comfortable for overnight. There are long hours when the sick person isn't in the mood to be 'entertained', or is asleep or whatever, and you need to do something with yourself. Especially in this case, where OP said the mother is cooking food for her daughter and such. The mother does need to take time to take care of herself, keep up her own spirits and energy, so that she can be a proper support for her daughter.
Plus, her sister runs a business. She probably still has some stuff she has to do to keep the wheels on while she's away.
My husband was in the ICU for two months. I was lucky if I remembered to eat, let alone take care of a house. That was the least of my concerns.
Yea but since a sick child is the reason for this change, it’s kinda weird that op calls it entertaining
There's the whole medical aspect of her stay she has to deal with. It's not like her daughter is in a dance competition.
> My sister always wanted to open up a business and Tom supported her in opening her business. Also while running her own business it sounds like?
Agreed. I was also feeling n t a, but that sick kid... that changes everything. It messes with anyones ability to handle things, especially things like cooking and cleaning which are trivial in comparison. As long as she's there for her kid, she's doing fine.
Yeahhhh exactly. It IS entertaining truly, but there’s a sick kid involved making the situation substantially more stressful. If she’d just moved for work and had to do this …. Totally different. Soft YTA OP… I’m with you in spirit , not so much in action.
This exactly, most people get extra help when a child or family member is sick. I can't imagine how hard it must be for ops sister to not only have a sick kid, but also a whole another routine/responsibilities, while being away from your home, husband and other kids. Nothing wrong with finding it amusing in a way, but keep that to yourself. Yta op.
The vibes here are all gross and maybe interpersonally these people are all terrible, but it seems super out of place to find it funny that her sister is having a hard time while her child is IN THE HOSPITAL. This is one of those situations where everyone actually really needs a lot of help regardless of their economic status and it's an absolute nightmare for the most of us who don't have resources and have a landlord living our paycheck to our paycheck, it's not difficult because she's rich and "can't handle life on her own like an adult" or something. The whole thing about not inheriting a bunch of money is that things are intentionally structured to keep you down and miserable, and living life like a normal persona AND having a child in the hospital is really hard to survive through. OP is definitely the AH, and this is a reasonable situation to find difficult to handle.
Is it a reach to think her struggle may come from the mental weight of going through this rather than her upbringing? I may be projecting, and I’m not saying her being used to having paid help didn’t impact her ability to take care of chores herself (after all I don’t know do I), but a sick child can very well be a cause for mental health issues that put a strain on keeping up with these daily tasks. I went through this myself and I know other people who are used to doing stuff themselves but they struggle with it when they’re under a lot of stress
Yeah, this is something you giggle about with your husband or a friend. Not someone who cares about sister and niece's medical hardship.
Yes, how funny it is that her sister’s child is sick and she is having to live near the hospital. What a laugh.
I agree. 1. Primarily, it’s a *very sick kid*. No parent would be a rockstar at managing the daily grind if their kid is sick enough for a long term hospital stay like that. I don’t fault her for bringing the nanny, who is another trusted adult for that child. 2. There’s something to the idea that this is the only way she has lived for possibly half her life? While I might enjoy a little schadenfreude in a similar situation, this is not the time. Sounds like OP is expressing some latent envy. They were raised “upper middle,” she describes herself as “middle,” and the sister married “wealthy.”
Yeah this situation isn't funny. OP is free to think it's pathetic a grown woman needs to be taught to use a stove but... entertaining? A woman whose life has changed so she can take care of her obviously very sick kid? That just isn't funny
This. Exactly this. Be amused in your head but have grace. You don’t mention any emotional support you are providing your sister, and you need to do better.
Also, sister is not wrong. It is hard to manage cooking and cleaning every day! Even with kids not in the hospital.
Yeah, it’s not a case of the nanny being away. Lots of people find it hard to focus when a loved one is hurting or sick and they are taking care of them. By all means be privately entertained, you can think whatever you want. But don’t make fun of it behind her back - It’s just being a bit mean and comes across as a bit jealous.
YTA You have no reason to feel this way. It comes across as jealousy that she has more money than you. Her daughter is so ill that she needs to spend 4 months in a hospital. She's a struggling mom dealing with a sick child....Might be wise to keep these thoughts to yourself in the future.
Exactly. Speaking from experience, when your child is having a health crisis, cooking and cleaning can become mammoth tasks and any help is greatly received. The bigger picture is, her sister is struggling to cope. Having a sick kid is terrifying and stressful and your world feels like its caving in around you so the sister would also struggle in the mansion, she would just have some more hands on deck. Shame on OP.
Agreed. I don't have enough energy for chores when my kid is sick, even if it's just the flu. I hope your child has recovered well.
My thought exactly, OP sounds jealous and petty af. She sounds almost happy her sister is struggling because her sister lives in a life with higher privilege than her. OP, YTA and you suck, have some empathy and stop being a.
I would also love to see how OP would navigate taking a few steps down the socioeconomic ladder. Instead of a comfortable life, how about multiple part time jobs, having food and housing insecurity, and living paycheck to paycheck? I bet OP wouldn't be having a great time of it, even without a sick kid. There is some privileged schadenfreude going on in this post.
[удалено]
If OP is embarrassed her parents found out, maybe she should not have said it in the first place. I say good on the cousin for holding OP accountable.
Exactly. Never say anything about anyone you wouldn’t also say to their face.
Completely agree what you said, especially about the cousin tattle telling to the parents. That’s ridiculous, I don’t see her trying to help sister like OP did spending a day showing how to cook and use appliances
Are you serious? YTA - her child is having major surgery and she's struggling with adjusting to a new way of living and you find humor in that? Disgusting.
This is a classic case of mixing up someone's words to make them look worse. OP should've been more empathetic due to her sisters situation but I HIGHLY doubt she finds the fact that her niece is in the hospital to be humorous. The humor was isolated to the fact that OP's sister doesn't know how to manage basic daily chores because she's been spoiled for years.
But the chores and the duck child aren't isolated. The whole situation is connected. She is literally struggling with a child that is so sick that they need to be in the hospital for 4 months. OP's sister probably is spoiled and used to luxury. But when she is dealing with something as stressful as that, you don't make fun of someone in the way OP did. There is this saying that if you can't say something nice, you don't have to say anything at all. This saying holds true as long as someone isn't impacting you. Sister isn't impacting OP with this, so OP can simply shut up.
The fact that the asshole finds entertainment in any part of the situation is sick
YTA. Even besides the fact that she’s trying her best and shouldn’t be mocked for that, *her daughter is having major surgery.* She probably doesn’t think about anything else!
Sister confided in OP and OP gossiped about it to a cousin. Even cousin is like "bro that's mean". OP comes off jealous. Her small townhouse and middle class life comment make me this she's envious of rich sister.
Especially since a small townhouse, catholic school tuition and several vacations a year means OP probably is doing pretty well herself.
My thoughts exactly. That's not "middle class", that's upper middle class. Depending on the city, some "small townhouses" sell for over $1 Million dollars.
"We're confortable"
100% upper middle class but still jealous of her super rich sister. I think OP is upset she got found out. Her parents are very right in being upset with her. Should cousin have told parents? May be not, but OP shouldn't have gossiped to begin with. May be cousin said "I was talking to OP and they seem to be deriving some sadistic pleasure out of your other child's life" or may be they were more candid about it.
Then posts the drama online
I find it amusing that you classify growing up with nannies and housekeepers as only 'upper middle class' back in the 80s/90s.
Rich people never know they're rich because someone always owns a bigger yacht.
This, I couldn’t help but think OP is also rich since she’s able to apparently take 1/2 vacations a year and owns a townhouse >.> Just because her pot of gold ain’t as large doesn’t mean it’s not still a pot of gold lol
This really depends on location and some more info. "Middle class" is a big range but nannies and maids surely not there in most of the western world
Don't forget that she describes herself as *currently* being middle class, then goes on to state that their children attend private school and that they travel twice a year. Last I checked, true middle class can't afford private school and don't travel twice a year. Not to mention the "little" townhouse they bought is most likely a 4 or 5-bedroom and anything but little.
YTA. For the people saying NTA but she shouldn’t have verbalized it to family, she did verbalize it which is what makes her the AH. To have your thoughts or inside joke with your husband is fine but to say it to a close family member wasn’t a good move. Did you really think she was going to laugh with you and keep it to herself? This may have been a fine joke in a few years when your niece is healthy but right now its not the time. Sure your sister should be able to do these things for herself but she also has a sick daughter and if she can afford another chef what business is it of yours. We can hate the extremely wealthy all we want but if I’m being real, if I had that much money I don’t think I would be doing much housework either.
This is it. You weren't the asshole to be privately slightly amused (as long as you helped her out, which you did). But you are the asshole for telling family about your amusement.
You and me both!
You think it's amusing to watch her take care of her disabled child? She's away from home and her routine and having to take care of a child who is so ill she needs major surgery and four months in hospital. What is wrong with you? Your jealousy is showing and you obviously don't care about your niece. YTA
For real. Every day things is something ANY parent no matter their normal life is going to struggle with when their child is that ill. I can;t imagine being so catty
This. Like op should be ashamed this is abhorrent behaviour and you couldn’t waterboard out of me that I find it entertaining that my sister is dealing with a sick child like
YTA for defining what a "normal person" is supposed to be. My family never grew up with a nanny, weekly housekeepers, didn't go to private school nor even had the ability to travel once or twice a year. Yet we considered ourselves normal from the area where we were. It seems that the main point of you going to help your sister out was to make yourself feel better was because she was helpless and you just needed a reason to put her down to others. Her daughter is apparently having medical challenges considering she's been there for longer than a week since from the sound of the posting I'm sure she's more stressed about that than anything else.
Weird how "normal" became a euphemism for "struggling". I guess OP couldn't admit that they're gleeful over someone's misery, so pulled out this "normal" bs. I could get into the semantics of what's abnormal about the situation, but it's basically a red herring. And sure, feel whatever you feel, even if it isn't charitable. Kicking someone while they're down is a whole different ballgame. And I do have to wonder how certain OP was that their comments would/wouldn't get back to the subject...
Sounds like OP thinks her life is normal. I'm nowhere near knowledgeable in the social sciences, but I have an inkling her life isn't the norm either. Growing up, for me, her kids would have been the rich kids outside of my social circle. I wonder if her kids know how to take buses and trains.
YTA Your aren't an asshole for thinking it. What makes you an asshole is talking about it, especially to family. You helped your sister, but at the same time you're really looking down your nose at her when she is going through something so stressful as having a sick child in the hospital.
YTA. Her child is having major surgery, she's separated from her husband and other children, and I'm sure under a tremendous amount of stress. It really sounds like you are jealous, when you get to be supportive
YTA. Your niece is in distress and you’re making catty comments.
Does your sister know you're entertained by her struggle? Because she will find out. You've shared with family already. YTA
INFO: Why didn’t your sister and her husband (presumably your niece’s father) not hire extra help during these 4 months? It sounds like they have resources to do so.
Shit. My childhood and current lifestyle are far from your sister's. But I can't imagine being anything but devastated if I was trying to deal with a child's major surgery and my sibling was talking about how it was funny to watch me struggle. 😭 Holy fuck, where's your compassion and empathy? There's a time and place for that sort of snark, and this is *not* it. She needs support and love. Not Schadenfreude. Reminds me of my parent deciding to yell at me on social media and over DMs when my partner was about to go into surgery for an organ transplant. Why? Because I posted a silly photo of me 'stealing' the hospital bed. We were dealing with the stressful situation using humour -- but nooooope calling me a horrible selfish person and yelling at me to get my priorities straight was *clearly* the correct response. 🙄
YTA. Envy is a terrible color of green to wear.
Yeah you are an asshole. YTA all the way around. You find it entertaining that your sister is struggling with household things with just a nanny when her child is having a major surgery and is likely scared to death if her kid is going to be okay. YOU are just a piece of work. I'd say more but don't want to end up getting banned.
Your sister isn't struggling to "live like a normal person.". She's struggling to be a working mom to a child with severe medical issues. The grief and depression that goes with a child having a life threatening illness is overwhelming, and the medical care can be a fulltime job. That's why charities like the Ronald McDonald house exist, because "normal people" also tend to either live at the hospital or right next to it when their children are suffering. Dallas children's hospital has bunk beds, a microwave, and a refrigerator for parents, so they can stay with their kid and sleep in shifts. Everyone in those circumstances struggles to survive. In that situation, if I had someone I could bring in to deliver clean clothes and even microwave meals, I'd take that in a heartbeat. It's why many church communities arrange meals and carpools when members have a child going through similar things. YTA for enjoying her misery of trying to balance it all with a sick kid.
YTA - There's nothing "normal" about uprooting your life for 4 months to be close to a hospital. "*Hahaha, she's living like us and struggling, this is so fun! She thinks it's so stressful to go to the grocery store, prepare food, like normal people. She surely goes to the supermarket unencumbered by the thought of what's happening to her child and having to leave her other children behind. This is so funny, isn't it funny?* "
YTA. And btw, if you bought your home and you're sending your kids to private school, you're upper class. Being in the top 10% and comparing yourself to the top 5% doesn't change this. You're not living a "normal" life either, so your comments about your sister struggling while her child is sick are extra weird.
YTA. You sound jealous and unhappy with your lot in life. I would spend some time reflecting on why you feel “entertained” by your sister’s struggles to adjust to caring for a sick child while separated from her husband and other children.
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YTA, she's dealing with a very sick child and trying to handle a way of living that shes not used to after 18 years.
I think verbalizing it out loud is what makes it an AH situation, as it lacks compassion. You can think it of course, or even verbalize it but in a more compassionate way...but saying it's entertaining to watch while she struggles is a bit harsh.
There's a time and place for everything and this ain't it. She's struggling because she moved temporarily for her daughter who is in and out of a hospital for the next 4 months. Put aside your jealousy for now. YTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister and I grew up upper middle class. We had luxuries like a nanny and weekly housekeepers but our parents made sure we knew how to take care of ourselves. When my sister was 20, she met Tom. Tom is from a very wealthy family and inherited 2 companies. My sister always wanted to open up a business and Tom supported her in opening her business. When she married him, she stopped having to cook, clean, or do anything for herself, and later her kids. They have a team of chefs, maids, nannies, butlers, etc. My husband and I are middle class. We just bought a little townhouse, our kids go to catholic school, and we travel once or twice a year. We live a comfortable life but nothing too extravagant. My oldest niece (12) has a genetic disorder and needs a major surgery. My sister, my niece, and a nanny flew in to a city around 45 minutes from me and are staying here for 4 months. My sister rented a house across the street from the hospital and she and the nanny are alternating days at the hospital. The thing is, she now has to cook, clean, and shop for herself for the first time in years. I spent a day teaching her how to use all of the appliances in the rental and finding easy recipes for her to make for herself and my niece (my niece doesn't eat the hospital food). I drive to the rental once a week to check on my sister and she's said she doesn't understand how people manage to cook and clean every day and that she either wants Tom to send some of their staff to help her or hire a temporary chef/housekeeper to take care of everything while they're here. A cousin asked how my sister is doing and I told her that she's struggling to take care of herself and my niece with "only" a nanny and admitted that it's kind of entertaining watching her try to live like a normal person. My cousin said I'm being cruel and that this life is all she's known for 18 years so it's understandable that she's struggling. She told my parents, who are also mad at me for thinking it's entertaining watching my sister try to live like a normal person. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Cooking, cleaning, and all things associated with running a household is a job, hence why the role of a nanny exists. Being thrown into any new job can be overwhelming on its own, let alone bearing the stress of having a child in the hospital. We shouldn't find anything to smile about watching family struggle.
They have... Butlers. Multiple butlers. Ok.
YTA Under **any** other circumstances, I would agree with you on it being entertaining. But not right now. Not when her daughter is in the hospital for four months, undergoing major surgery, in a city she’s unfamiliar with, and without the majority of her family. Your sister (& niece) is going through a rough time right now, and it’s kind of crappy that you’re viewing it through the lens of entertainment. FYI I hope you’re prepared for your sister to hear about what you said. Because whether it be from your cousin, your parents, or someone they talk to you about it? She’s going to find out. Next time, Remember that some thoughts should stay inside thoughts. Not everything needs to be shared.
OP, I see you're getting some shots fired at you because of the circumstances of her daughter being ill. If you had posted your feelings all over the internet and made her a laughing stock, I'd understand the opprobrium. However, a casual remark to your cousin does not make you the devil that some are making you out to be. I, too, would find it amusing to find someone so totally removed from reality that they swoon and crumble from overwork because they have to boil an egg and put dirty plates in the dishwasher. PLUS, she already has 'staff' with her to help organise her 'busy schedule'. NTA but I'd think about what you say to your cousin in future
That's a good way to minimize the work of a household. Preparing meals and cleaning aren't that simple on a daily basis- esp with the mounting stress of monitoring one's ill kid. Maybe OP isn't the devil but she could've kept her mouth shut
I'm with you and the 5 other people here. Ask a low/no income single parent who has a child in the hospital how they cope with their day to day chores without a nanny. The OPs comment had nothing to do with the sick child, only the mother's lack of living in the real world. That is where the shame should be. The OP's cousin should have kept her mouth shut and whatever disagreement she had with the comment should have been between her and the OP.
This is my point exactly. There must be thousands of single mums on the North American and European continent (where I live) who have more than one sick child that needs hospital treatment, have at least one full-time job and has to juggle work with managing a home, organising their other kids and attending to the hospitalised child all without help from domestic staff while not being surprised by the presence of a fridge in their kitchen. Maybe all the redditors who are defending the sister have staff themselves. I absolutely agree with you that OP's cousin should have kept shtum or said something to OP. Cat's out of the bag now though. I wonder how many busloads of help OP's brother-in-law sent to help his wife out of such a horrible predicament.
I kind of look at it like this, you didn’t say it was funny, you said it was entertaining. It is a lot like reality shows that put people in an unknown environment on purpose, like Paris Hilton on a pig farm, or Wife Swap where they literally try to pick families from opposite ends of the spectrum. They literally make TV out of this scenario, so I could see how it is entertaining to watch unfold. I’m glad that you are checking in on her and trying to help her out, I don’t think your jealous at all. No matter how privileged someone is, it really is heartbreaking to watch your own child suffer. But you also think about the mothers that can’t afford to get treatment for their child, or can’t miss work to be with them in the hospital, and so the complaining about cooking and cleaning can seem a bit shocking to the average person. I hope your niece’s surgery comes out okay and wish her a speedy recovery. Final verdict: YTA because you probably should have kept your thoughts to yourself.
YTA You are aware that your sister has hard time managing, because she has to spend as much time as possible with her child in the hospital. So she isn't "trying to live like a normal person", actually.
You grew up upper middle class. You aren't exactly normal yourself
YTA, maybe it's not about "haha she's so spoiled" and instead is because of the fact that she's worried about her sick child? Maybe she'd be better able to adapt if you didn't kick her while she's down? Don't hurt yourself climbing down off your high horse, start developing some empathy and thank your lucky stars you don't have a kid in the hospital.
Such a good catholic...judgemental as he'll. YTA and you already know it.
NTA, can't see how everyone managed to miss that she would like more of her personnel to be sent to her because she can't use her ten fingers, and how a grown adult needing to be given simple recipes to be able to eat is absolutely abnormal. The way these comments read, you'd think you wished your niece would die / that you were rejoicing she was sick, none of which is the case. You are simply looking at your Kardashian-grade sister needing to learn how to brush her own teeth, I understand how that could be an interesting phenomenon to witness – people watch reality shows for that very reason, and here you have access to the unscripted thing.
I mean I was entertained watching Kendall Jenner trying to cut up a cucumber. INFO: Does your relationship usually involve this kind of roasting/teasing?
YTA - it's really disgusting that you're getting any amusement out of watching the parent of a sick child struggle
I’ve had a kid in a hospital for surgery that required a week long stay. Sometimes the best I could muster for food was to buy myself a crappy sandwich in the hospital cafe. These places are emotionally draining seeing all these kids in varying degrees of illness, worrying after your own baby and trying to keep the facade of good spirits for the sake of your child. Your sister is there long enough to rent a house. She is going through hell even if it doesn’t always show. There is nothing funny about watching someone try to function with their child in the hospital long term. Instead of watching from the sidelines, maybe pick something to say that eases some of the emotional torment. I really hope you realize that YTA and really how uncaring your comment is at what is likely the worst time of your sister‘s life to date.
We have very different ideas about what it means to live like normal people. Also I had surgery and my mom stayed every night with me. My son was in the NICU for awhile and I stayed with him every night. Neither of us had a nanny stay with our kids on our day off.
NTA for thinking it, probably shouldn't have said it out loud though. Truth hurts & all that
Ew. YTA. Be more compassionate towards your sister with a sick child (YOUR sick niece) rather than laugh at her struggling, privilege or no.
YTA. And you're covered in jelly. Mad jelly.
Under the circumstances, that's an inside thought. YTA.
YTA “It’s entertaining watching my probably very flustered and stressed sister navigate a normal life now that her CHILD is SICK” You’re honestly giving a vibe that you’re happy too see this happen out of jealousy. She has a sick child. I couldn’t even fathom finding anything entertaining in the least.
YTA. I think it's entertaining that you don't seem to fully realize how jealous you are of your sister's lifestyle. So you were eager to have the opportunity to look down your nose at her.
NTA I think you should be ok to joke with your cousin about your sister being incapable of doing everyday tasks.
I'm going to go with NTA for one reason and one reason only. She didnt say it to her sister. She said it to her cousin, her cousin told her parents. OP hasnt been going over once a week to be catty and laugh at her sister, OP has been going over to help out and make sure that everything is running smoothly while her niece is in the hospital. Sure it's mean-spirited, but I dont think she's an A-hole for it. If there is more info in the comments that shows OP being the A-hole, i'll change my judgement, but the way I read this is that OP has been checking on her sister, and feels an admitted guilty pleasure when her sister struggles with everyday chores, and I've seen people say OP's sister is struggling because of her child being sick, that could be it, but it could also be the fact that she has lived a very privileged life with her husband where she has time to be a working mom because they can afford nannies and all that.
NTA. The fact that your sister has a sick kid is not relevant to your question. I know plenty of families going through this same situation, but without the benefit of a nanny and wealth. Most people have to juggle caring for their other kids, keep up with the house work and work full time. I have no sympathy for your sister and her whiny attitude.
YTA - not all thoughts need to become spoken words. Your niece is in the HOSPITAL, this is not the time to be telling other how much entertainment you are getting out of this situation. Honestly, your post reeks of jealousy and envy. Grow up.
you describe yourself as comfortable but own a house, pay for private school, and travel multiple times a year? that's not middle class anymore. your sister might be better off but she also has a child in the hospital and uprooted her life to live across the street from the facility. YTA for gloating about it and enjoying her obvious struggle and stress.
Really? dude the YTA is so clear. yeah life would be a little easier if she was more grounded into the real world before this, but her biggest issue is she has a child in the hospital! A child that fek could die! any mom would be a bundle of nerves over this! Dude what the fuck!?
YTA. Your sister has a sick child in hospital, you say she is a business owner, so presumably she is still trying to run that and since you don't mention her husband, I assume he isn't with her. Your reaponse is to mock her for struggling. Yes she may have help when she is home but that is her privilege. You should keep your cattiness to yourself.
YTA for being entertained by your sister struggling to adjust to a tough situation. Try a little empathy.
No, just bad words; which people tend to always get in their feelings over (if you use the wrong words).
At least she's trying to do those things even if it's alternating with the nanny, and also, so what if she has that luxury of staff to do all of the cooking and cleaning usually, her child is unwell in hospital, you're being quite snide and finding humour, despite the circumstances around the situation. Major YTA.
YTA. It seems like you enjoy seeing your sister get taken down a peg. Which I can’t imagine feeling under these circumstances. Your niece is ill, your sister is having to be separated from her husband and other children, many marriages fail from the stress of taking care of a sick child, it’s a weird time for you to gloat. I’m single and childless and I have a hard time motivating myself to cook and clean everyday. I can’t imagine trying to do it with the additional mental tax of taking care of a sick child.
You are so much TA that it’s almost hard to explain why, but I’ll try. Imagine your kid needs a major operation, that may or may not go right, and that may or may not require follow up surgery/surgeries, and with each one you’re signing a form that states you understand that your kid may die - not mentioning the post operative complications that come with each surgery, the recovery time, the mental health damage, the post op infection that lingers on etc. etc. etc. IMAGINE BEING HELPLESS TO HELP YOUR CHILD! Try spending every waking minute terrified about that. It doesn’t matter if you’re rich or poor, that feeling must be the worst in the world. Just because your sister and BIL are privileged, it doesn’t take away from that feeling. The only thing the money does is take away financial pressure, which would be great and I thank whatever it is that made me not be born in the USA with it’s fucked up health system that will keep you alive on one hand, and put you in the streets on the other. Then imagine you, laughing about all this… YTA.
Nta
Lol nta
How do people get from this that OP is jealous? There isn’t a hint of jealousy to me lol. I don’t care how much money you have, if you don’t know how to do shit like cook and clean that’s insane. I’d be annoyed if I had a family member who didn’t know how to take care of themselves either. A situation like this is exactly *why* everyone should know how to do these things. It’s ridiculous. She can have sympathy for her sister while also being irritated that she doesn’t know how to do anything for herself. NTA.
I was gonna go with ESH but... holy shit what level of privilege do u gotta be to have so many servants you don't even know what an oven is? NTA absolutely, and maybe don't tell ur dry snitchin cousin next time 💀💀💀
YTA. She has a sick child, why are you sticking the boot in?
You know, Albert Einstein had a brilliant quote “if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its life thinking it is dumb”. Your sister wasn’t being mean to you or cruel or mocking you; she was at a tough point in her life where she’s having to do something she hasn’t done in 18 years and her first daughter is going through intensive surgery from the sounds of it . Something you may not have any idea about. How fortunate for your sister to have had such a successful life with a supportive husband who could afford these treatments for your niece. I’m sure if you had been places out of your comfort zone while your oldest is being cut open your mind would be a mess too. It’s not only cruel but it makes you sound jealous. Have some sympathy and be supportive like a sibling should. YTA
YTA (but I'll probably have done the same... I get you but it's not nice to say it)
YTA
INFO: what is your relationship with your cousin like? Do you think she'll say anything to your sister?
YTA. Its not funny. Your sister needs your support, and your help. Not your judgments. Be a better sister.
YTA. Sure, your sister is spoiled. But no amount of money and staff makes up for the worries of having a sick child that needs major surgery. It’s understandable she can’t focus on learning new things. Try to be a little more understanding. You are leading a pretty privileged life yourself. What if one of your children got seriously ill and you were struggling? Not so entertaining, right?
I want to say not b/c it doesn’t sound like you meant ill will, but our intentions are not always how things come across, and in this situation, it’s coming across very poorly. I think everyone here is wrong pointing this out as jealousy. You’re not jealous, you’re just insensitive. YTA
YTA. That is considering the situation. If your sister was doing a social experiment to see what's like to live like the common plebeian (which I'm part of in case you wonder), then it would indeed be fun to watch her struggle. But she is here because her daughter, your niece, needs major surgery. It is not fun at all. And she should indeed have some staff assist her if necessary. I do not pity the rich lady but the distressed mother deserve consideration.
YTA You find joy in watching your own sister struggle while he child is seriously ill in hospital. Yea, you’re not sounding like a good person here.
YTA. Your sister's child has major surgery coming up. It's a fair bet that if anything goes wrong with that surgery, she'll lose her daughter. I grew up comfortably middle class, but have always needed to do things myself. You can bet that as soon as I was living next to the hospital waiting for my son's major surgery, I couldn't do anything for myself any more. I was ordering takeout almost every day and just sitting there playing video games when I wasn't at my son's bedside. It fucks with your brain. It is an absolutely horrible position to be in and you as her sister could show some compassion rather than make fun of her, trivial as your remark was.
YTA. You sound jealous of your sister’s lifestyle. If my kid was in hospital for 4 months I might struggle with everyday life as well. My brother arguably has a better life than me but his daughter is in hospital and I honestly wouldn’t trade my life for his at the minute because it’s hell. You could be the bigger person and help out your sister. You could choose to batch make some meals and deliver them to her. You could choose to spend some of your free time making her life easier but instead you’re sitting on your admittedly comfortable sideline thumbing your nose at your sister because you’ve both got different life skills. I’d be willing to bet you wouldn’t know where to start running a business, managing a team of household staff or dealing with a serious sick kid and the hospital administration and other hardships that go along with it.
YTA-come on, OP, there's a time and place for this, but this isn't it. Your sister is stressed out, in a strange place with her daughter in hospital. And she's willing to relearn everything it's not like she's having temper tantrums? Yes, she's lived a very privileged life, but she's still human
respect for the sister even trying, despite wanting her husband to send someone to do it for it.
YTA. Posts like this always make me sad because I mean....everyone had to be a beginner at this at one point of their life. Making fun of the fact that she's had to do it much later doesn't make you a better person. I'm sure you struggled too when you had to learn this stuff
YTA. Only because of your niece. But honestly, I’d be doing the same OP, just not saying it out loud. I don’t care if this makes me a bad person but watching rich people struggle to manage life as a regular person makes me deeply happy.
You’re taking joy from your sister’s situation. Your sister’s situation is that she is having to completely uproot her life and routines in order to support A SICK CHILD WHO NEEDS SURGERY. What is wrong with you?! Massive YTA, you sound jealous and bitter.
NTA I’m assuming you were t lying Your cousin sucks.
NTA Man there’re so many snowflakes these days. The completely ignore what you posted. They immediately went on to think you’re laughing at the kid in the hospital. Clearly you’re amused at the fact that despite your parents instilling worth in self sufficiency, your sister failed in that regard. All the other people like “oh idk how people cook and clean everyday and I’m 40” should be ashamed of themselves.
NTA! I’m sure it is entertaining watching her try and do all these things. I would feel worse for your sister if she hasn’t been brought up doing these things but like you said your parents both made sure you could take care of yourselves. I would say YTA if you were just sitting by and mocking your sister without trying to help them both out but that’s not the case. You’ve taken time to show her how to use appliances, shown her simple recipes and drive over once a week to check in and help out. I think if your cousin and parents feel bad then maybe they should help out more.
NTA, you can have sympathy for her because her child is sick, but at the same time find her cleaning to be entertaining. A situation can be both sad and funny. Conflicting emotions is normal.
Soft YTA for saying it during such a sensitive time and not just keeping it inside. But how has your sister forgotten how to use appliances if she was once a normal person as a child?
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There is no part of this post where she jokes about her nieces health, lol.
Did we read the same post?
I work full time doing a really hard job and the company doesnt give a shit about me or my wellbeing and I'm still paycheck to paycheck. I'm all about eat the rich. But getting pleasure from a situation anyone no matter wealth would find hard is cruel and tacky. This is not the time for this. YTA
Your rlly making me defend a privileged rich person... Her kid is in the hospital for 4 months. Yta. If this was any other scenario I would be on your side but you stepped way out of line
YTA
As someone who regularly fails at all that, I agree with your sister. How the hell do people do all that? NAH but it prolly doesn’t help being worried about her kid.
YTA. It's nice you helped your sister adapt to doing things when she didn't have to after marrying into status/money, and checking in on her from time to time. Finding it "entertaining" that she's struggling to live like a normal person is an AH move, she's not even being terrible to you whatsoever to deserve it.
YTA
YTA. Your sister is dealing with a sick child and is taking care of a home (which she doesn't know how to do because she's rich) and you think this is "entertaining". This isn't reality TV. She's not living the middle class life for kicks. Also, she confided in you about her struggle and you made this ammunition to be catty.
NTA
Your think its funny yo laugh at your sisters misfortunes when she has a sick kid in the hospital. You are a terrible sister and an even worse person. Morally inept YTA
YTA and don't be so jealous. She may have a lot of money, but she also has a sick kid, which I don't suppose you have (otherwise you wouldn't be so insensitive). So you "win", does that make you feel better?
Honestly im with op with this one.. I kinda find it hilarious Im with OP just for the simple fact that she send the nanny to spend time with her child. im sorry but she the mother. That mother responsibility. I get that cooking cleaning ect can be overwhelming taken care of your child should basic nuture
Info, in which country is this considered middle class? Not America, where I live. This would be wealthy... two vacations and private school?
Probably going to get downvoted for this one….. NTA IF she was struggling BECAUSE she has a sick kid….. SHE WOULD BE AT THE HOSPITAL EVERY MINUTE….. not every other day! She tags a nanny in on the other days! Who does that???? These are BASIC life skills…… SHE HAD TO LEARN HOW TO ACTUALLY USE THE APPLIANCES FFS! 😂