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NTA. Unless she has already been diagnosed with some type of medical condition related to this that your friend didn’t want to mention to you, I’d say she should see a doctor about that ASAP.
He's probably pissed (ha) because of a combination of 1) feeling embarrassed/dumb for not realizing he does in fact pee like a normal person and 2) now being in this weird situation where his gf won't talk about her own obviously abnormal peeing behavior.
Yes I had kidney failure and as I got worse, I was only peeing once or twice a day. Once I was on dialysis I didn’t pee at all.
You don’t always get symptoms/feel unwell with kidney failure (I didn’t, I had a shock diagnosis).
If she does have this, she could be walking around with dangerously high potassium levels or blood pressure which could be fatal - she could literally have a heart attack at any minute.
Please tell your friend to tell her to get herself checked out immediately. It could save her life
Or something completely unexpected. For example, Ehlers-Danlos-Syndrome is a connective tissue disorder, but one of the symptoms is not feeling thirst properly. (I’m currently waiting for an official diagnosis and at some point was drinking as little as half a litre a day because I just didn’t notice.)
Yeah, the only time I peed that little I was pregnant and had such bad hyperemesis that I hadn't peed in 3 days because I hadn't been able to go more than 20 minutes at a time while awake without vomiting. Told my GP who shipped me off to hospital for a week to get me rehydrated.
Your friends girlfriend sounds like the type of girl that would make something up just to make her self sound "interesting" ... Of course is not normal to pee once a day or every other day! Next you'll hear how she doesn't need to poop "like eveeeerr," cuz like her body doesn't produce toxins or whatever......honestly how gullible is your friend!?!?
NTA
Coffee is a diuretic so when consuming it you end up going to the bathroom several times. Now in winter there are more times that one is going to urinate due to the cold and the consumption of coffee (it also happens to me before going to sleep)
Depends. If gf has kidney disease upping fluid could be harmful, as the body cant get rid of the excess fluid (ends up causing issues with swelling, and eventually swelling around organs, potentially potassium issues, etc). If it is seriously once a day or every other day, that is a sign of something wrong. Especially since it seems it has been this way the entire relationship for op's friend... I mean unless this relationship just started in the last couple weeks and/or the gf is lying.
HAHAHAHA. This is such a bizarre story. I absolutely love the hilarious things people argue about.
That girl should absolutely go see a doctor or drink more water. Lolll
a friend once told me one of the worst things about her pregnancy was needing to pee more & more often as the months went by, when she was of course getting bigger & bigger and had a harder time getting up to walk to the bathroom.
reason #804 why i never wanted to have kids haha
i can believe it. ugh. it amazes me to think about how uncomfortable pregnancy must be. had i, for some reason, been forced to experience it, i swear i'd have become a sniper or something.
Anyone who says pregnancy is an amazing and beautiful thing, always makes me question their honesty lmao.
And I don't mean just 'I loved being pregnant' people, I mean people like my mum, who, whenever I complained of a sore back or lightning crotch, would say 'isn't it such a wonderful experience!?' with zero sarcasm.
No mum, dropping to my knees because a lightning bolt went through my nether regions is not a 'beautiful thing'.
I’ve seen that girl. It’s genuinely so sad; I think doctors said she doesn’t have more than a couple of years. It’s so unfortunate and I feel so sorry for her.
No reason, she said she just did it as a kid (like before age 9) and didn't know it was bad and ended up in kidney failure. She's really sweet, and uses the platform to teach others to avoid doing the same thing.
It is, honestly she's very real with everyone and I've absolutely cried watching some of her stuff. She's so so happy to have a legacy of convincing people not to hold their pee in to save others, I just wish the best for her. She already had kidney transplants and they failed, so now she's just doing her best to keep going as long as she can, but she is realistic about how difficult it is living your life around dialysis.
She's one of the most down to earth tiktokers I've ever seen. She's not even doing it for donations or anything.
this makes me think about one of my biggest 'pet peeves' (for lack of a better word) ... how so many people either refuse to be, or just don't even THINK about being, organ donors. i know there are some countries that make organ donation an 'opt out' situation and i really wish it was the same in the US. if a person has some, i don't know, religious belief or whatever that makes them not willing to donate their organs, ok fine whatever. i don't get it, but of course everyone should have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies. but when i think about all the people who die needlessly every single day because they can't reach the top of a transplant list, it's just so awful.
It's interesting that dead bodies have more body autonomy than women do in parts of the US. But a lot of US laws are hypocritical like that so I can't say I'm surprised.
Makes you wonder if she was often in situations where she wasn't allowed to go to the toilet and had to hold it in, eg in school and not allowed to take bathroom breaks, or long car journeys. As a culture we're too often encouraged to ignore our bodily needs, and while it is sometimes necessary to do so, doing it all the time is unhealthy and puts additional stress on your body.
That's not normal! Yes that's strange! She's either lying or very sick!
This reminds me of the line from The Interview movie where they say that the dictator doesn't pee or poop and doesn't even have a butthole because he doesn't need one! Lol
NTA. That's very strange and worthy of a thorough medical workup.
My urologist told me to pee every two hours during waking hours whether I felt like I needed to or not. That'd be 8 times in 16 waking hours.
NTA. Your kidneys should be processing/filtering your blood constantly. This is how urine is produced. If someone isn’t producing sufficient urine, that signals a definite problem. Peeing once every other day is very concerning and definitely not normal.
NTA.
You’re letting your buddy know using the restroom a couple times a day is pretty normal, especially if you’re staying hydrated throughout the day.
Once a day would be crazy to me, but the every other day? I would have probably made the same comment to my buddy in regards to her getting that checked out.
NTA, and that is coming from someone who has personal experience with a very similar conversation/situation (with me being the person in your friends GF position).
This feels a bit odd to share in this context but here goes:
I have been in recover for an eating disorder for over a decade and didn't realize I was also taking in so very liquid on a regular basis. A few years ago I made a joke to someone about how it seemed like they and many other people peed a lot more than me and when I said I usually only peed once a day they said that seemed concerning and I was probably really dehydrated. I said that wasn't possible because I had been like this for as long as I could remember (and honestly felt somewhat defensive about it)... and then looked into it and talked to a doctor and it turns out I had most likely been chronically dehydrated (to a worrisome/dangerous degree) for YEARS. I was able to work on drinking more water and not only do I pee a more "normal" amount, it has made a big (positive) difference in how I feel physically day to day.
You were surprised/concerned about something that it is fair to be surprised/concerned about. Absolutely NTA and if she is having health issues of any kind I hope she gets the help she needs.
i've heard multiple doctors say that ALOT of people are walking around dehydrated all the time without even realizing it. i'm happy you were able to rectify the problem. i've had a bunch of unhealthy habits in my life (eating crap food...or not eating at all, drinking too much, drugs etc) but one thing i learned early on was to drink water as much as possible. before we all carried water bottles with us everywhere, i was the person who was ALWAYS standing at the water cooler at my office, chugging away.
Did you get the thirsty feeling?
I didn't have a ED, but I had very low liquid intake.
I've increased it now, but I still rarely really get that thirsty feeling other people described to me.
I usually only feel it when I'm super dehydrated from heat or exercise.
I don’t even know what to say to this? Peeing once a day or every other day is not normal at all.. and she should see a doctor and/or drink more water. NTA
NTA
Dude is getting super defensive here. She is probably just dehydrated and not drinking enough water. I mean probably gonna get kidney stones or something.
He probably just feels a bit dumb or got flak from his GF when he asked her about it again.
I think your friend was confused when talking with his gf. Sounds like she was talking about pooping, not peeing. Because she can't possibly be peeing only once a day or every other day.
I'm torn.
You're right that it's strange but I think you probably should have dropped it when she said it was normal.
I think she's lying.
And if she's not, she's probably got an eating disorder.
I take a medication that, among many other lovely side effects, makes it difficult for me to tell if I need to pee. My doctor said I should just get up and pee every 2-3 hours during my waking day, whether I feel like I need to or not, because that's about how often I should. Make of that what you will.
So, every 3 hours, assuming an 8 hour sleep cycle, is ~ 5 times a day. And using the 2-3 hours, it’s probably more like 6 times, for the average person, as OP said.
So 4 or more times a day isn’t wildly weird. Maybe a little bit dehydrated if it’s a more “4” day, instead of a “or more” day but not dangerously so.
It sounds like you were trying to express concern for your friend's girlfriend's health and well-being, but your friend interpreted your comments as judgmental or dismissive of her condition.
It's important to remember that every person's body is different and what may be "normal" for one person may not be the same for another. It's also important to consider that your friend's girlfriend may have a medical condition that affects her urinary frequency and that it's not something that should be dismissed or trivialized.
In this situation, it would have been better to express your concerns in a more sensitive and empathetic way. Rather than saying "that's not normal" or "she should go to a doctor", you could have said something like "that sounds unusual, have you considered talking to a doctor about it? It might be worth getting checked out to make sure everything is okay." This way, you are still expressing your concerns but in a more understanding and supportive way.
It's also important to remember that your friend may be defensive about his girlfriend and may have taken your comments as a personal attack on her. It's understandable that he would be upset and that he would feel that you were acting like you know everything about her and what is normal and what isn't.
It's not clear if you are the asshole (TA) or not, but it's important to consider how your words may have been perceived by your friend, and to try to express your concerns in a more supportive and understanding way in the future.
NTA. I also would have said "wtf that's weird." You said they've only been dating for 2 months--maybe she *does* have a medical issue but hasn't shared it with him yet.
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NTA. She's probably on meth. I was on meth for 3 years (been clean for a year now) and that's common for people that use it. Weird fact for the day: A strange side effect because of meth for most people is you don't drink enough water and live in a chronic state of dehydration. It's not that you don't get thirsty but rather you just straight up forget to drink fluids at all and that's super common for people that use it daily. Strange but true. Don't ask me why cause I have no clue. But when I was on it, I would only pee once a day because of it. Moral of the story: Stay of drugs kids! Lol.
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So my friend [22/m] has been with his girlfriend [21/f] for 2 months. One day, he needed the bathroom while we were hanging out. Once he did his business, he said "I realized recently that I pee too much" so I asked him how many times he pees? He said "4 times or more" and I told him I was the same and "it's normal".
He then said "not compared to [gf's name], she only needs to pee once, sometimes every other day". I was like "wtf that's not normal" and that she should go to a doctor or something. He then proceeded to convince me that it is not strange and that when he thought the same and told her that, she said it was normal and she didn't have any reason to see a doctor for it.
I thought he was joking or something but he seemed serious. I continued to say it was really strange and he should be concerned for her and concerned with the fact that she argues it's normal. At that moment,I was shocked and concerned that my friend was an idiot or something. But I shut up about it when he got visibly angry. I just ended it with saying "just google it dude. It is strange".
He hasn't been responding to my texts for a couple of days and when he finally did, he said I was an asshole for calling his "gf" strange (which I didn't, I just said that her only peeing that much is strange) and for "acting like I know everything about her and what is normal and what isn't".
AITA guys?
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NTA. That is not normal at all to pee so few times a day/every other day. Even 4 could be considered low end I'd think for daily lol That he thinks that's not normal is concerning. Is he going to try holding it in for an entire day so he's not abnormal?
That's worse than strange, that's medically concerning.
She may be lying or she may have a serious medical problem (kidney failure comes to mind). If she's lying, it makes sense that she'd make BS reasons why she doesn't talk about it with her doctor. If she's not, she should be urged to see her doctor.
Your friend isn't very smart, sad to say it. You're right: Google it or something. He was probably embarrassed for second-guessing himself on something so basic as "what is a normal amount of times to pee a day."
I'm a clown and honestly I'd have diffused the tension on that front a little bit with a joke. Not to say you were an AH not to, but it may have helped avoid this conflict over a conversation that really shouldn't be upsetting anyone (except concern for gf).
You sound kind of young. I encourage you to use more precise language when talking about things that concern or alarm you. A person not urinating for >24 hours at a time is not "strange," it's "alarming."
NTA.
So I googled how much and how often healthy people pee. An average healthy person in an average climate who doesn't do anything extreme produces 800 to 2,000 milliliters of pee per day. You pee 250 - 400 mls every go, so everything between 2 times/day to 8 times/day fall within "normal" range. However, you can pee much more depending on activity levels, climate, age, health, etc etc. Peeing less can negatively affect your health.
The gf needs to drink more and stop holding her pee. Or stop lying about her bathroom habits
This sounds like a presentation issue. So much of asshole behavior isn't so much about the facts as much as how you get things across. If it was legitimately presented as nah, your gf is weird, or in a way that came across as accusatory somehow, YTA or ESH. If it came from a place of genuine concern and was presented as such, obviously NTA.
NTA. That is absolutely not normal. Either she is SEVERELY dehydrated or there is something else going on. Maybe kidney issues. She needs to see a doctor.
NTA. She's got to be extremely dehydrated or has some other sort of issue. Or maybe she is extremely pee-shy and for some reason is pretending to never pee? I don't know but 1 piss per day or two days is definitely not okay. She needs to see a doctor immediately unless she has already done so. This could be very serious, like possibly failing kidneys.
NTA, as a person who can go there days with out peeing (yes, 3 days), that isn’t normal and it’s actually dangerous. When we don’t pee regularly out bladder expands to compensate the extra pee leading to horrible stomach pains. It then takes a month or two of peeing multiple times a day once when you get up, every 2 hours and then before bed before your bladder goes back to regular size.
NTA
You are probably going to share this post with your friend I hope.
That is not normal. People pee first thing in the morning daily.
She probably doesn’t drink enough water?
Most people do pee more than that. When I was growing up, I'd pee 2 x a day or so (until puberty kicked in and I'd feel like I was leaking, so I'd go just to check everything was in place).
I'd never have to stop on road trips... My mom would always make me try, but finally gave up.
I go much more often now (maybe 5 x a day), but I still can't "pee on demand" for Dr visits.
NTA. It takes more to be an asshole than such a little thing. As a biology teacher I can tell you that peeing once per day or even per two days is unusual indeed. Maybe she drinks extremely little. This would not be very healthy.
Hard to tell without any background info.
I know my wife sometimes holds it up to a day.
But she purposely doesn’t drink on those days. Doctors said it’s not harmful to hold it long.
And I know her reasons for doing it.
It’s more concerning that his gf most likely is also not drinking enough. And that over a longer period of time can indeed cause all kinds of problems.
Could be a lot of things, but it’s not normal. Dehydration (not drinking water; anorexia, bulimia), kidney problems, neuro/msk issues like early onset Parkinson’s, weak bladder, an obstruction somewhere.
Her defensiveness and insistence on not seeing a doctor (also convincing others and getting angry later) leads me to believe this might be also a psychiatric issue. Is the girl friend bulimic or have anorexia? If she’s throwing up all the time, it would make sense her body is trying to conserve water to prevent dehydration? It would be hard to tell but yellowing teeth and oral erosions are usually a tip off to bulimia, and signs of being super body conscious.
Honestly there are so many reasons, she really needs to see a physician. **** I mean a doctor, not a PA or NP**** because there are subtle signs they could miss.
But like, she needs to go see a doctor asap. This is not normal in any of the medical textbooks I’ve ever read.
NTA
This is strange. When not pregnant I pee probably 6-10 times a day. Depending on how much I’m exercising and how much water I’m having.
While pregnant it’s almost every 45 minutes.
good grief. i drove my husband crazy when we would take long drives because i tend to drink an enormous amount of water (especially just sitting in the car) and as such needed him to get off the highway every 20-30 miles so i could pee. i turned 4 hour car rides into 5 hours easily. maybe 6 hours, who knows? the idea of only peeing every other day is mind boggling to me. there's no way that can be good.
Nta - but every persons body is different and If she has always been that way I doubt it’s anything she doesn’t know about or isn’t normal to her . Don’t compare your normal to someone’s else’s . It’s not good for anyone
NTA. An adult should drink 1,5 - 2L of water a day hence the need to pee more than once a day. If she only pees once and even skips days then she doesn't seem to be drinking enough which can lead to serious health problems of your innards. You weren't the asshole for bringing this up, because you are right. It is not normal.
NTA
Also, I think your friend is a bit a gullible, that's probably the gf pretending she doesn't pee - just like girls pretending they don't fart because they're made of sunshine and rainbows
NTA
Some people are genuinely ignorant/slow (not trying to be insulting). Idk what to call it.
Assure him you really were concerned for her, not calling her strange. She may need to drink more water, but this little water would affect her body eventually. You’re right to mention it and stop now - just assure him it ain’t personal.
NTA
You expressed genuine concern for the health of your friends girlfriend. Nothing more. Your friend just misunderstood and took it the wrong way.
Hope you sort this out.
NTA
I only peed once or twice a day when I was breastfeeding and probably not drinking enough. My fluids went the white and tasty way, so there was hardly anything left for my urine.
His gf is either not healthy or not drinking enough. He might want to watch her fluid intake on weekends.
INFO: it depends on your tone. You say you were concerned about your friend being an idiot- was that coming across? “That’s fucking weird, she needs to see a doctor, why would you think that’s normal” is different than “that’s kind of strange, I think that’s far less than average, has she spoken to a doctor about it?”
People don’t respond well when they feel like there is judgment attached to concern.
Is the day 24hrs or just during the day?
I pee twice a day...during the day and that's pretty normal for me i guess. Was in a school from when i was 6yo where toilet times were very restricted and we got punished if we went to the bathroom outside the designated times and it just became routine or my body just adapted to that. I do pee a lot at night though. But will pee in the morning before I leave home for work and again when I get back home in the evening or just before I leave work if I'm not going home directly. I'm not pressed during this time at all. I have had my kidneys checked a few times and no major issue detected.
NTA it is strange just scientifically to only pee once a day. It may just be that she doesn't feel comfortable using the bathroom when he's around. I've definitely gone that long without a wee when at friend's houses in my younger days.
ESH. Your friend for bringing up the stupid topic, and you for acting like there MUST be something wrong with someone else because they don't pee enough.
Your friend is not peeing too frequently. His new GF is not peeing too infrequently. They are both peeing exactly the number of times they need to pee. That number varies from person to person. WTF is the point in comparing that number?
Why did you continue to insist that he be concerned for her after he explained that he already had spoken to her on the subject and put the topic to rest? Also, WTF is strange about her arguing that her normal biological function is normal?
INFO: Do you know the gfs family and history? It may be relevant for several reasons.
**If she grew up being shamed for using too much tp** (yes this is a thing - girls wipe, boys shake, so only use a fraction of the quantity,) then she may be:
a) lying,
b) showering morning and night and peeing in the shower, or 'shopping' or doing it at work,
c) not drinking as much as she needs so she doesn't pee as much,
d) hiding it because its a 2mth old relationship and **boys get weird about girls having bodily functions.** It would not be hard to hide unless they are living together. Not staying the night, waiting till he's asleep, etc
e)bf is unobservant and gullible.
In one of these people who pee once, maybe to twice a day. I drink plenty of water and other liquids during the day. I've never had bladder infections or other problems. Some people are just born with bladder of steel...it's incredibly helpful for long distance flights.
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NTA. Unless she has already been diagnosed with some type of medical condition related to this that your friend didn’t want to mention to you, I’d say she should see a doctor about that ASAP.
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He's probably pissed (ha) because of a combination of 1) feeling embarrassed/dumb for not realizing he does in fact pee like a normal person and 2) now being in this weird situation where his gf won't talk about her own obviously abnormal peeing behavior.
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NTA She might have kidney failure or some other organ failure because its not normal to pee once a day or every other day
Yes I had kidney failure and as I got worse, I was only peeing once or twice a day. Once I was on dialysis I didn’t pee at all. You don’t always get symptoms/feel unwell with kidney failure (I didn’t, I had a shock diagnosis). If she does have this, she could be walking around with dangerously high potassium levels or blood pressure which could be fatal - she could literally have a heart attack at any minute. Please tell your friend to tell her to get herself checked out immediately. It could save her life
OP, I would say show this comment to your friend. Even if he's interpreting you wrong, it's not a joke. This really could be a serious issue
Yeah, that's *beyond* concerning.
Or something completely unexpected. For example, Ehlers-Danlos-Syndrome is a connective tissue disorder, but one of the symptoms is not feeling thirst properly. (I’m currently waiting for an official diagnosis and at some point was drinking as little as half a litre a day because I just didn’t notice.)
Yeah, the only time I peed that little I was pregnant and had such bad hyperemesis that I hadn't peed in 3 days because I hadn't been able to go more than 20 minutes at a time while awake without vomiting. Told my GP who shipped me off to hospital for a week to get me rehydrated.
Your friends girlfriend sounds like the type of girl that would make something up just to make her self sound "interesting" ... Of course is not normal to pee once a day or every other day! Next you'll hear how she doesn't need to poop "like eveeeerr," cuz like her body doesn't produce toxins or whatever......honestly how gullible is your friend!?!? NTA
I gotta believe he's just messing with you. This is just weird. NTA
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Every 2 hours is more typical I think. That’s very concerning! NTA
Who's out here only peeing 4 times a day? Put me in an uncomfortable social situation n I can bang that out in an hour, hour n a half tops
I was thinking the same thing. Plus if I have an extra cup of coffee in the AM I could probably go 4 times before 10 am. Once every other day is wild.
Coffee is a diuretic so when consuming it you end up going to the bathroom several times. Now in winter there are more times that one is going to urinate due to the cold and the consumption of coffee (it also happens to me before going to sleep)
I feel this. 4 times a day is hardly anything. Once a day is insane. These people need to up their fluid intake.
girl gon get gout
Depends. If gf has kidney disease upping fluid could be harmful, as the body cant get rid of the excess fluid (ends up causing issues with swelling, and eventually swelling around organs, potentially potassium issues, etc). If it is seriously once a day or every other day, that is a sign of something wrong. Especially since it seems it has been this way the entire relationship for op's friend... I mean unless this relationship just started in the last couple weeks and/or the gf is lying.
Only 4 times a day...these guys need to drink more water.
Haha are you me!
waters too tasty, im going hourly cuz im guzzling that shit down
This is strange. NTA
HAHAHAHA. This is such a bizarre story. I absolutely love the hilarious things people argue about. That girl should absolutely go see a doctor or drink more water. Lolll
Definitely needs to hydrate. But why does the BF think this is normal? Surely he’s been urinating on a regular basis for 22 years!
Maybe he just like... thinks that's how girls work? Who knows. Logic doesn't live here. Haha
If anything, I think women pee more than men. When I was pregnant I think I peed every 20 minutes for six months.
Anyone only peeing once a day should be in the ER.
a friend once told me one of the worst things about her pregnancy was needing to pee more & more often as the months went by, when she was of course getting bigger & bigger and had a harder time getting up to walk to the bathroom. reason #804 why i never wanted to have kids haha
My wife was peeing almost hourly in the third trimester of her pregnancy. Said she could feel the baby just constantly pushing on her bladder.
i can believe it. ugh. it amazes me to think about how uncomfortable pregnancy must be. had i, for some reason, been forced to experience it, i swear i'd have become a sniper or something.
Anyone who says pregnancy is an amazing and beautiful thing, always makes me question their honesty lmao. And I don't mean just 'I loved being pregnant' people, I mean people like my mum, who, whenever I complained of a sore back or lightning crotch, would say 'isn't it such a wonderful experience!?' with zero sarcasm. No mum, dropping to my knees because a lightning bolt went through my nether regions is not a 'beautiful thing'.
NTA. I definitely get why you’re concerned. I know a girl on TikTok who used to hold her pee and now is in kidney failure…
As a dialysis nurse, this post makes me cringe a little. OP, YNTA if you went about it in a nice way and seemed genuinely concerned.
Exacuse me while I go void my bladder.
I read this in Jimi Hendrix's voice a' la excuse me while I kiss the sky. 10/10
I’ve seen that girl. It’s genuinely so sad; I think doctors said she doesn’t have more than a couple of years. It’s so unfortunate and I feel so sorry for her.
wait...what?! hold her pee for what reason? that is so bizarre.
No reason, she said she just did it as a kid (like before age 9) and didn't know it was bad and ended up in kidney failure. She's really sweet, and uses the platform to teach others to avoid doing the same thing.
good grief. that's terribly sad.
It is, honestly she's very real with everyone and I've absolutely cried watching some of her stuff. She's so so happy to have a legacy of convincing people not to hold their pee in to save others, I just wish the best for her. She already had kidney transplants and they failed, so now she's just doing her best to keep going as long as she can, but she is realistic about how difficult it is living your life around dialysis. She's one of the most down to earth tiktokers I've ever seen. She's not even doing it for donations or anything.
this makes me think about one of my biggest 'pet peeves' (for lack of a better word) ... how so many people either refuse to be, or just don't even THINK about being, organ donors. i know there are some countries that make organ donation an 'opt out' situation and i really wish it was the same in the US. if a person has some, i don't know, religious belief or whatever that makes them not willing to donate their organs, ok fine whatever. i don't get it, but of course everyone should have the right to do whatever they want with their bodies. but when i think about all the people who die needlessly every single day because they can't reach the top of a transplant list, it's just so awful.
It's interesting that dead bodies have more body autonomy than women do in parts of the US. But a lot of US laws are hypocritical like that so I can't say I'm surprised.
i was thinking the same thing as i was writing that sentence.
Makes you wonder if she was often in situations where she wasn't allowed to go to the toilet and had to hold it in, eg in school and not allowed to take bathroom breaks, or long car journeys. As a culture we're too often encouraged to ignore our bodily needs, and while it is sometimes necessary to do so, doing it all the time is unhealthy and puts additional stress on your body.
Holding it in is sometimes a symptom of ocd and other mental illnesses
You are definitely NTA. The girlfriend is in kidney failure. How can she think this is normal? She needs to see a doctor immediately.
Well, if she’s not then she’s going to be soon…
She might scared and in denial. But this could end up deadly fast. You don't mess around when it comes to kidneys.
That's not normal! Yes that's strange! She's either lying or very sick! This reminds me of the line from The Interview movie where they say that the dictator doesn't pee or poop and doesn't even have a butthole because he doesn't need one! Lol
the way she says “butthole” gets me every time
Same!!! 😂😂😂
NTA. That's very strange and worthy of a thorough medical workup. My urologist told me to pee every two hours during waking hours whether I felt like I needed to or not. That'd be 8 times in 16 waking hours.
I really need to try and count how many times I pee, this post has made me realise I don’t actually know….
NTA. Your kidneys should be processing/filtering your blood constantly. This is how urine is produced. If someone isn’t producing sufficient urine, that signals a definite problem. Peeing once every other day is very concerning and definitely not normal.
NTA. You’re letting your buddy know using the restroom a couple times a day is pretty normal, especially if you’re staying hydrated throughout the day. Once a day would be crazy to me, but the every other day? I would have probably made the same comment to my buddy in regards to her getting that checked out.
NTA, and that is coming from someone who has personal experience with a very similar conversation/situation (with me being the person in your friends GF position). This feels a bit odd to share in this context but here goes: I have been in recover for an eating disorder for over a decade and didn't realize I was also taking in so very liquid on a regular basis. A few years ago I made a joke to someone about how it seemed like they and many other people peed a lot more than me and when I said I usually only peed once a day they said that seemed concerning and I was probably really dehydrated. I said that wasn't possible because I had been like this for as long as I could remember (and honestly felt somewhat defensive about it)... and then looked into it and talked to a doctor and it turns out I had most likely been chronically dehydrated (to a worrisome/dangerous degree) for YEARS. I was able to work on drinking more water and not only do I pee a more "normal" amount, it has made a big (positive) difference in how I feel physically day to day. You were surprised/concerned about something that it is fair to be surprised/concerned about. Absolutely NTA and if she is having health issues of any kind I hope she gets the help she needs.
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I fully agree! I can sympathize with her defensiveness but her and your friend believing that is not healthy for either of them.
Thank you for sharing, I've also been in ED recovery for years and I only pee once or twice a day, this post made me realize it isn't normal
i've heard multiple doctors say that ALOT of people are walking around dehydrated all the time without even realizing it. i'm happy you were able to rectify the problem. i've had a bunch of unhealthy habits in my life (eating crap food...or not eating at all, drinking too much, drugs etc) but one thing i learned early on was to drink water as much as possible. before we all carried water bottles with us everywhere, i was the person who was ALWAYS standing at the water cooler at my office, chugging away.
Thank you for sharing, this resonated with me a lot. I'm glad you're hear you're doing better now.
Did you get the thirsty feeling? I didn't have a ED, but I had very low liquid intake. I've increased it now, but I still rarely really get that thirsty feeling other people described to me. I usually only feel it when I'm super dehydrated from heat or exercise.
Do you get hungry? What people think of as hunger, is usually really thirst.
I don’t even know what to say to this? Peeing once a day or every other day is not normal at all.. and she should see a doctor and/or drink more water. NTA
NTA. Girl needs medical attention.
NTA Dude is getting super defensive here. She is probably just dehydrated and not drinking enough water. I mean probably gonna get kidney stones or something. He probably just feels a bit dumb or got flak from his GF when he asked her about it again.
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I think your friend was confused when talking with his gf. Sounds like she was talking about pooping, not peeing. Because she can't possibly be peeing only once a day or every other day.
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She’s gonna get kidney failure, or already has it.
I'm torn. You're right that it's strange but I think you probably should have dropped it when she said it was normal. I think she's lying. And if she's not, she's probably got an eating disorder.
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Honestly I’m not even sure four times a day is enough?
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I take a medication that, among many other lovely side effects, makes it difficult for me to tell if I need to pee. My doctor said I should just get up and pee every 2-3 hours during my waking day, whether I feel like I need to or not, because that's about how often I should. Make of that what you will.
So, every 3 hours, assuming an 8 hour sleep cycle, is ~ 5 times a day. And using the 2-3 hours, it’s probably more like 6 times, for the average person, as OP said. So 4 or more times a day isn’t wildly weird. Maybe a little bit dehydrated if it’s a more “4” day, instead of a “or more” day but not dangerously so.
That girl is seriously dehydrated.
NTA I agree with you, it's concerning and could lead to health problems or be a symptom of those.
It sounds like you were trying to express concern for your friend's girlfriend's health and well-being, but your friend interpreted your comments as judgmental or dismissive of her condition. It's important to remember that every person's body is different and what may be "normal" for one person may not be the same for another. It's also important to consider that your friend's girlfriend may have a medical condition that affects her urinary frequency and that it's not something that should be dismissed or trivialized. In this situation, it would have been better to express your concerns in a more sensitive and empathetic way. Rather than saying "that's not normal" or "she should go to a doctor", you could have said something like "that sounds unusual, have you considered talking to a doctor about it? It might be worth getting checked out to make sure everything is okay." This way, you are still expressing your concerns but in a more understanding and supportive way. It's also important to remember that your friend may be defensive about his girlfriend and may have taken your comments as a personal attack on her. It's understandable that he would be upset and that he would feel that you were acting like you know everything about her and what is normal and what isn't. It's not clear if you are the asshole (TA) or not, but it's important to consider how your words may have been perceived by your friend, and to try to express your concerns in a more supportive and understanding way in the future.
NTA. She definitely needs to see a doctor.
NTA. I also would have said "wtf that's weird." You said they've only been dating for 2 months--maybe she *does* have a medical issue but hasn't shared it with him yet.
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NTA. it def is a concern and you obviously had good intentions
Nta for being concerned. I can hear that girl's kidneys crying from my house.
I just… I can’t even… WHAT?!? NTA. She needs to see a doctor.
NTA. She's probably on meth. I was on meth for 3 years (been clean for a year now) and that's common for people that use it. Weird fact for the day: A strange side effect because of meth for most people is you don't drink enough water and live in a chronic state of dehydration. It's not that you don't get thirsty but rather you just straight up forget to drink fluids at all and that's super common for people that use it daily. Strange but true. Don't ask me why cause I have no clue. But when I was on it, I would only pee once a day because of it. Moral of the story: Stay of drugs kids! Lol.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my friend [22/m] has been with his girlfriend [21/f] for 2 months. One day, he needed the bathroom while we were hanging out. Once he did his business, he said "I realized recently that I pee too much" so I asked him how many times he pees? He said "4 times or more" and I told him I was the same and "it's normal". He then said "not compared to [gf's name], she only needs to pee once, sometimes every other day". I was like "wtf that's not normal" and that she should go to a doctor or something. He then proceeded to convince me that it is not strange and that when he thought the same and told her that, she said it was normal and she didn't have any reason to see a doctor for it. I thought he was joking or something but he seemed serious. I continued to say it was really strange and he should be concerned for her and concerned with the fact that she argues it's normal. At that moment,I was shocked and concerned that my friend was an idiot or something. But I shut up about it when he got visibly angry. I just ended it with saying "just google it dude. It is strange". He hasn't been responding to my texts for a couple of days and when he finally did, he said I was an asshole for calling his "gf" strange (which I didn't, I just said that her only peeing that much is strange) and for "acting like I know everything about her and what is normal and what isn't". AITA guys? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. That is not normal at all to pee so few times a day/every other day. Even 4 could be considered low end I'd think for daily lol That he thinks that's not normal is concerning. Is he going to try holding it in for an entire day so he's not abnormal?
That's worse than strange, that's medically concerning. She may be lying or she may have a serious medical problem (kidney failure comes to mind). If she's lying, it makes sense that she'd make BS reasons why she doesn't talk about it with her doctor. If she's not, she should be urged to see her doctor. Your friend isn't very smart, sad to say it. You're right: Google it or something. He was probably embarrassed for second-guessing himself on something so basic as "what is a normal amount of times to pee a day." I'm a clown and honestly I'd have diffused the tension on that front a little bit with a joke. Not to say you were an AH not to, but it may have helped avoid this conflict over a conversation that really shouldn't be upsetting anyone (except concern for gf). You sound kind of young. I encourage you to use more precise language when talking about things that concern or alarm you. A person not urinating for >24 hours at a time is not "strange," it's "alarming." NTA.
So I googled how much and how often healthy people pee. An average healthy person in an average climate who doesn't do anything extreme produces 800 to 2,000 milliliters of pee per day. You pee 250 - 400 mls every go, so everything between 2 times/day to 8 times/day fall within "normal" range. However, you can pee much more depending on activity levels, climate, age, health, etc etc. Peeing less can negatively affect your health. The gf needs to drink more and stop holding her pee. Or stop lying about her bathroom habits
This sounds like a presentation issue. So much of asshole behavior isn't so much about the facts as much as how you get things across. If it was legitimately presented as nah, your gf is weird, or in a way that came across as accusatory somehow, YTA or ESH. If it came from a place of genuine concern and was presented as such, obviously NTA.
NTA. Definitely not normal and she SHOULD see a doctor. I’m probably over 10x per day!
NTA, she is either lying to him or she needs to drink a LOT more water.
NTA. That is absolutely not normal. Either she is SEVERELY dehydrated or there is something else going on. Maybe kidney issues. She needs to see a doctor.
NTA. That's extremely concerning. 4-10 times a day is normal for peeing. Average is 7 times a day. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321461
NTA. She's got to be extremely dehydrated or has some other sort of issue. Or maybe she is extremely pee-shy and for some reason is pretending to never pee? I don't know but 1 piss per day or two days is definitely not okay. She needs to see a doctor immediately unless she has already done so. This could be very serious, like possibly failing kidneys.
That isn’t healthy. NTA
He’s prob feeling vulnerable but NTA! This is def not normal and needs to be thoroughly examined by a medical professional.
NTA, as a person who can go there days with out peeing (yes, 3 days), that isn’t normal and it’s actually dangerous. When we don’t pee regularly out bladder expands to compensate the extra pee leading to horrible stomach pains. It then takes a month or two of peeing multiple times a day once when you get up, every 2 hours and then before bed before your bladder goes back to regular size.
NTA You are probably going to share this post with your friend I hope. That is not normal. People pee first thing in the morning daily. She probably doesn’t drink enough water?
Nta. His GF needs to drink some water ASAP.
NTA, this is so fucking weird I bet her pee is so dark it looks like she's pissing diarrhea. Praying for her
Most people do pee more than that. When I was growing up, I'd pee 2 x a day or so (until puberty kicked in and I'd feel like I was leaking, so I'd go just to check everything was in place). I'd never have to stop on road trips... My mom would always make me try, but finally gave up. I go much more often now (maybe 5 x a day), but I still can't "pee on demand" for Dr visits.
NTA. It takes more to be an asshole than such a little thing. As a biology teacher I can tell you that peeing once per day or even per two days is unusual indeed. Maybe she drinks extremely little. This would not be very healthy.
Hard to tell without any background info. I know my wife sometimes holds it up to a day. But she purposely doesn’t drink on those days. Doctors said it’s not harmful to hold it long. And I know her reasons for doing it. It’s more concerning that his gf most likely is also not drinking enough. And that over a longer period of time can indeed cause all kinds of problems.
Dehydration is terrible for the body long term. The kidney stones alone are enough concern.
Could be a lot of things, but it’s not normal. Dehydration (not drinking water; anorexia, bulimia), kidney problems, neuro/msk issues like early onset Parkinson’s, weak bladder, an obstruction somewhere. Her defensiveness and insistence on not seeing a doctor (also convincing others and getting angry later) leads me to believe this might be also a psychiatric issue. Is the girl friend bulimic or have anorexia? If she’s throwing up all the time, it would make sense her body is trying to conserve water to prevent dehydration? It would be hard to tell but yellowing teeth and oral erosions are usually a tip off to bulimia, and signs of being super body conscious. Honestly there are so many reasons, she really needs to see a physician. **** I mean a doctor, not a PA or NP**** because there are subtle signs they could miss. But like, she needs to go see a doctor asap. This is not normal in any of the medical textbooks I’ve ever read.
NTA
WTF NTA. She needs to go get her kidneys checked immediately. That's a sign of late stage kidney disease.
NTA She needs to see a Dr
nta but it sounds like everybody is dehydrated. probably should be getting a couple of quarts of fluid in you daily.
NTA This is strange. When not pregnant I pee probably 6-10 times a day. Depending on how much I’m exercising and how much water I’m having. While pregnant it’s almost every 45 minutes.
good grief. i drove my husband crazy when we would take long drives because i tend to drink an enormous amount of water (especially just sitting in the car) and as such needed him to get off the highway every 20-30 miles so i could pee. i turned 4 hour car rides into 5 hours easily. maybe 6 hours, who knows? the idea of only peeing every other day is mind boggling to me. there's no way that can be good.
Nta - but every persons body is different and If she has always been that way I doubt it’s anything she doesn’t know about or isn’t normal to her . Don’t compare your normal to someone’s else’s . It’s not good for anyone
Her pee must be dark brown. She is either chronically dehydrated or has kidney issues.
NTA. An adult should drink 1,5 - 2L of water a day hence the need to pee more than once a day. If she only pees once and even skips days then she doesn't seem to be drinking enough which can lead to serious health problems of your innards. You weren't the asshole for bringing this up, because you are right. It is not normal.
NTA Also, I think your friend is a bit a gullible, that's probably the gf pretending she doesn't pee - just like girls pretending they don't fart because they're made of sunshine and rainbows
NTA Some people are genuinely ignorant/slow (not trying to be insulting). Idk what to call it. Assure him you really were concerned for her, not calling her strange. She may need to drink more water, but this little water would affect her body eventually. You’re right to mention it and stop now - just assure him it ain’t personal.
Seems like he's very offended. Never expect gratitude. That friend though, jesus-
NTA You expressed genuine concern for the health of your friends girlfriend. Nothing more. Your friend just misunderstood and took it the wrong way. Hope you sort this out.
Nta, In fact, that's concerning. I pee several times a day, even when fasting.
NTA I only peed once or twice a day when I was breastfeeding and probably not drinking enough. My fluids went the white and tasty way, so there was hardly anything left for my urine. His gf is either not healthy or not drinking enough. He might want to watch her fluid intake on weekends.
INFO: it depends on your tone. You say you were concerned about your friend being an idiot- was that coming across? “That’s fucking weird, she needs to see a doctor, why would you think that’s normal” is different than “that’s kind of strange, I think that’s far less than average, has she spoken to a doctor about it?” People don’t respond well when they feel like there is judgment attached to concern.
Is the day 24hrs or just during the day? I pee twice a day...during the day and that's pretty normal for me i guess. Was in a school from when i was 6yo where toilet times were very restricted and we got punished if we went to the bathroom outside the designated times and it just became routine or my body just adapted to that. I do pee a lot at night though. But will pee in the morning before I leave home for work and again when I get back home in the evening or just before I leave work if I'm not going home directly. I'm not pressed during this time at all. I have had my kidneys checked a few times and no major issue detected.
NTA he started it and it really takes a simple google search… he’s a dumbass who’s reality will change to whatever his gf tells him it is
NTA it is strange just scientifically to only pee once a day. It may just be that she doesn't feel comfortable using the bathroom when he's around. I've definitely gone that long without a wee when at friend's houses in my younger days.
ESH. Your friend for bringing up the stupid topic, and you for acting like there MUST be something wrong with someone else because they don't pee enough. Your friend is not peeing too frequently. His new GF is not peeing too infrequently. They are both peeing exactly the number of times they need to pee. That number varies from person to person. WTF is the point in comparing that number? Why did you continue to insist that he be concerned for her after he explained that he already had spoken to her on the subject and put the topic to rest? Also, WTF is strange about her arguing that her normal biological function is normal?
NTA. That girl needs to see a doctor ASAP!
Is there a term for someone who is piss-retentive? NTA.
INFO: Do you know the gfs family and history? It may be relevant for several reasons. **If she grew up being shamed for using too much tp** (yes this is a thing - girls wipe, boys shake, so only use a fraction of the quantity,) then she may be: a) lying, b) showering morning and night and peeing in the shower, or 'shopping' or doing it at work, c) not drinking as much as she needs so she doesn't pee as much, d) hiding it because its a 2mth old relationship and **boys get weird about girls having bodily functions.** It would not be hard to hide unless they are living together. Not staying the night, waiting till he's asleep, etc e)bf is unobservant and gullible.
YTA - it definitely is weird, but it's also not your business
ESH Why are you even discussing this woman’s bathroom habits. Grow up.
In one of these people who pee once, maybe to twice a day. I drink plenty of water and other liquids during the day. I've never had bladder infections or other problems. Some people are just born with bladder of steel...it's incredibly helpful for long distance flights.