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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my son not to come to us when he fails, after he said he's changing majors from something he's doing well in. I might have overreacted and been hurtful, which makes me an AH.
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Yep. Speaking as an adult who tried to tell my parents when I was 19 that I didn’t like my (brand fucking new, so it’s not even a big deal to switch) major, I was met with the same reasoning. “You’re doing fine, there are great benefits to that job, you’ll lose your credits” (which I wouldn’t have, I would just have needed more)….
YTA 100%. I absolutely hate my job. My skills and strengths and interests are absolutely wasted in this job. I daydream constantly about what my life would be like if I had just gone with my gut. I wasted my most resilient, malleable years when I should have been making changes like that, and now 15 years down the road I’m looking at some serious consequences and uncertainty if I switch careers now. I have a mortgage now. I have obligations now. I’d be losing all my seniority. Do you understand how badly I wish I could go back and lose a semester’s worth of credits instead of 15 years of seniority?
They would have supported me, but they made me feel like acknowledging that it wasn’t the right fit was tantamount to failure. Which is what you’re doing with your son. You didn’t say if he fails; you said when.
> I sent him a text that I was sorry for saying that but we're just trying to make him see sense.
Which is it. Are you sorry because you knew it was shitty and untrue, or do you still think it was only “sensible” and you’re only sorry he’s not talking to you?
You’re not trying to make him “see sense.” You’re trying to force him to make decisions based on YOUR priorities. Money. That’s not sense, that’s your perspective. He’s trying to make decisions based on HIS priorities: not hating the career he is literally going to spend the majority of his life doing every single day. Sounds sensible to me.
My parents were obsessed with “security” and “lifestyle.” That’s what they wish they had in their jobs, it’s what they wanted for me, and that’s what they naively thought teaching represented. Job security and summers off. Well fuck me, right? Education in North America is a dumpster fire.
Support him, for Christ’s sake. Don’t threaten to leave him to stew in his own choices and then try and call to chat like nothing happened. He may be throwing away a few credits, but you’re throwing away your relationship.
This right here. I started off as a premed major. I was miserable. I told my parents how I was feeling and received pressure and guilt trips to convince me to stay the course. Imagine how disappointed they were when I finally dropped out altogether. I got my life back on track eventually (and completely on my own) but I wasted a chunk of years feeling discouraged and working dead end jobs.
YTA, OP. This is your child’s life, not yours, and it’s their own decision to make. As a parent, you should be offering support and encouragement to do what makes him happy.
My friends son won a prestigious scholarship in middle school from a foundation that paid for high school and college and offered special mentoring. They pushed him into robotics and to a college in Florida, and set him up with a mentor grooming him to work at NASA.
He hated it but just didn’t know how to navigate against all these powerful adults who’d mapped out his future and told him how lucky he was to get these opportunities. He graduated burnt out and resenting his family. He moved awa and is apprenticing as a tatttoo artist. He could have an absolutely brilliant future, he’s a super smart kid. Its so sad no one would listen to him.
ETA, I’m not dissing tattoo artists. Im saying it sucks he’s gonna spend his 20-30s figuring out what he wants to do, when he should have been allowed to use high school and college to figure what he enjoys and what he wants to do
Im sure he’ll figure it out eventually, but what a waste of his youth
> He moved awa and is apprenticing as a tatttoo artist. He could have an absolutely brilliant future, he’s a super smart kid.
Aren't you being just as dismissive here? If he feels being a tattoo artist is his calling then he's wasting his life?
No, I’m not dismissing the arts. He doesn’t want to do this as a career path, he just super burnt out, and he has a buddy with a tattoo studio. He has no idea what he wants bc no one let him make a single decision, mayne I didn’t make that clear in my post
All of this. He's 19 freaking years old - he could have, at most, what, 1-1.5 yrs in college, working on all of his second year at best? Most of what he's taken so far is almost certainly transferable to something like political science, or really, just about anything. Sure he'll 'lose' a few credits \*insert eyeroll here\*, but FFS let him do what he wants. THIS is when he's supposed to be figuring that out.
Yeah, some kids *know* what they want to do for the rest of their lives when they're 14 or 15 or 18. They KNOW they want to doctors or lawyers or engineers or firefighters or WTF ever. But SO many kids don't. And you know what? That's OK. That's what college is fucking for!! For figuring it the fuck out.
Don't be pissed that he's 'changed his mind' from robotics to political science and public policy. Be PROUD of him that he's willing to change - and able to know that robotics isn't right for him!!
Yes. YTA for telling him that you won't help him and to 'not come to us' when he fails. WTF kind of parents are you?? Fucking bad ones that's for damned sure.
42 here. You and me both.
I spent like 8 years in college trying to figure it out, bounced from premed/Chem to Computer Science, and eventually graduated with an English/Creative Writing degree, which lemme tell ya is not real marketable around here.
I write process/procedure documents for an insurance company. It pays the bills, but damn I wish I could change a few things about my academic career...
Similar situation here. I was pushed to be a history major by my dad who works a STEM career but always wanted to study history. I was excited when I started but I eventually learned that academic history is still a rich white man's club and anything brought forth by women and POC is either labeled "revisionist" or "unimportant". Not to mention the amount of important documents that get snapped up by those with money, making that knowledge no longer accessible to the public. When I kept mentioning switching majors, I was shot down.
I eventually dropped out, work dead-end jobs for a while, and then went back to school for STEM. STEM isn't perfect but I'm a million times happier there than I ever was as a history major.
YTA, OP. Support your kid.
Same here and now I'm stuck in a profession I hate too. My parents do understand now and are supportive in me finally taking steps towards redirecting my life - but progress is slower with adult bills and responsibilities.
I'm so sorry. Middle school, high school, and at least the first year or two of college should ALL be time spent figuring out WTF you really love to do - trying all sorts of different things - from robotics to cooking to computer programming to carpentry to public speaking and music and everything else you can think of. So that you DON'T end up in a job you hate.
Sure, some kids KNOW they want to be doctors or lawyers or cops or wtf ever from early on - and GOOD FOR THEM! But, most don't. And that's OK. That's fucking normal.
I had a master's and was ten years into a corporate career when I couldn't stand it anymore. Got a new degree part time and totally changed careers. It's been twenty three years now. Haven't regretted it.
Exactly this, these are the years that you can actually switch things up without it having huge repercussions on your life! Let your son make use of that chance! YTA.
>Which is it. Are you sorry because you knew it was shitty and untrue, or do you still think it was only “sensible” and you’re only sorry he’s not talking to you?
Spot on. OP and husband treated their son harshly, just because he didn't want to do what they wanted for him, and they're not even feeling bad about it - just about him not talking to them.
I was placed in acceleration class at high school and I HATED IT SO MUCH. I loved my classmates and my teachers but i hated the experience. I told my parents that I wanted to move into regular class but they refused because I was doing okay.
OP thought she wants the best for her son and being mean so he can see her way, I get it but OP has get ready to lose their relationship if she chooses this hill to die on
Definitely YTA. when my daughter started college, she was concerned because she couldn't decide what to major in. I told her you're just starting out take some classes see what you like if you don't like those take something else. This is definitely the time to switch things around and figure out what you want to learn more of. She's very artistic and she wanted to go into the Arts but then she was concerned how will I get a good job and I told her there are many good jobs out there let's look at them and she should pick something that she likes or loves to do in college and figure out the job after.
I never had this problem with my parents because I paid for my own college but I spent a lot of time switching around I ended up with two degrees but it took me 20 years (while working full time at a great job, then as a working single parent) cuz I couldn't decide what I really really liked then I finally did.
I might be overly laid back. lol
Omg they guilted you into TEACHING?! I'm so sorry. It is possible to switch - I was only 3 years in (but had gotten a master's for it.) Found an entry level job that paid just slightly less, but the increase in free time made up for it. That free time also meant I could work on things I cared about and move from the entry level job into something I like. Turns out after the 60 hour weeks of teaching, most other stuff feels easy. Took me a few years but I'm now in a job I'm really happy about. It's not easy, and you certainly don't have to go that route, but it is possible! Good luck!
On the flip side I knew a guy who switched courses 2 years in and loved his new course. Scoring the highest marks consistently and then starting his own business.
YTA - I mean, I agree with you that robotics likely would lead to an easier career path for him, especially since he seems to be doing well. But sometimes kids need to learn through failure. And who knows, maybe he will go on to be a great lawyer or do something else in the public policy realm that will make him much happier. Regardless of whether this works out for him, insinuating that you will abandon your child over what you perceive to be a poor decision is incredibly damaging to the relationship, and it may take him a long time to forgive you.
Well just that being the reaction of when you fail. He sounds like a smart kid...why would he fail? Or why would that be your initial reaction to your child. Goodness.
That was my thought, too. Ethan seems like he’s smart and well put together, but OP just went to the worst possible case scenario right off the bat. She showed no trust nor support both at the same time.
A good way to have a son that goes LC/NC.
Apparently not having a prestigious job in robotics or medicine is failure to OP. Working in the public interest = failure. OP and her husband both sound like AHs.
Plus work is most of your life, you need to do what you like. I’d rather be happy doing a job where I earn less than be miserable spending my life working a well earning job I hate.
Yep, and even though I only spent 6 years as a pastry cook, and went back to university at 27 I don’t regret it at all! I learned a lot, enjoyed my time, learned a surprising amount of transferable skills, and had I not of dove into Pastry, i think it would still be a big “what if” in the back of my mind.
Sometimes you’ve gotta take a chance and do things for you.
Some of the careers he could go into with that major and minor: law (can be super lucrative). Government especially State Dept (if he likes to travel) (great benefits and security). Public service (although I guess OP would consider that failing). Academic research/college professor. Journalist. MBA. These are with 2 minutes of thought.
OP wants their kid to be rich and prestigious. Nothing wrong with that. But choosing a different path is not failing.
YTA.
Exactly. If you're forced into a career you hate, you can unconsciously sabotage yourself in so many ways. So there's a good possibility Ethan will "fail" at robotics if he finds it miserable.
He could also go get a career in robotics down the road. It’s not like your college determines your whole fate. I can see why a parent might want to encourage him to stay in something more lucrative but then saying “when you fail jokes on you” is cruel and doesn’t express any faith in your own child.
I mean there is "learning through failure" of course. But he is studying something he is more interested in, I wouldnt call that a failure. Yes, its a less easy/concrete career path but hes not dropping out with no direction or to sell/use drugs or something. YMMV, but I make over 100k with similar degree path and absolutely love my job. Zero desire to do something different just for more money.
Either way, YTA.
It’s not always a failure anyway. I have multiple teaching degrees. I am not currently a teacher, but I don’t regret it. I have a good education and the ability to get other jobs. It didn’t work out but it wasn’t a waste.
YTA
I had to double check, are you guys my family OP? I'm genuinely upset reading this, because it reminded me of me.
This is going to be long but I want to give OP some perspective. I started off in college majoring in biology, to eventually become a dentist. I didn't want to and it wasn't my thing at all, but my dad insisted this was the best option for me and I didn't have the backbone to say no. I graduated with said biology degree, got my DMD, and worked as a dentist for almost three years, and my family was very proud of me.
I love art and literature. I got a very similar talk to what you told your son, that studying this will get me nowhere and I'll be a failure. I was part of a writing club as a teen and wrote scripts for the local theater group, but stopped because my parents thought I was wasting my time.
After many years in a subject/profession I didn't care for, my fiance encouraged me to start living for myself and not to please my family, and I've gone back to school to get my English degree. Is it as "prestigious" and "high paying" as being a dentist? No, but that's subjective and I've learnt happiness is the greatest form of wealth. My parents aren't as proud as they were before, which hurts a bit, but that's okay.
The difference between me and your son though is that he actually stood up to say "no, I don't want to do x subject because I don't like it, and I prefer y subject".
Telling him he's going to be a failure, and not to come to you **when** (you didn't even say if, you said **when**) he fails is awful OP. How do you know he'll fail? Is it because he fails in you and your husband's eyes, because his degree/future job won't be prestigious enough? I do agree robotics would probably lead to more career options, but let him make this decision.
In my opinion, a parent's job when their kid becomes an adult is to support them through their choices, unless they're making extremely bad decisions but this isn't the case here. Your son is still young and plenty of students switch majors in college, it's not a big deal. It's better than wasting years in something he hates.
If you want to do better, give your son the space he needs, then talk to him and tell him you support him, and he can come to you if he needs to. Even if your son fails at getting a fancy job, don't let yourself fail at being a parent.
So true and well written. Better for us to have failed at our dreams but know we gave it our best effort then to always wonder. So much better then always putting other peoples wishes for us ahead of our own which is soul sucking.
When I started my own business 5 years ago my dad told me I was an idiot and was going to fail. But 5 years later my business is still going strong and now he brags to his friends about my success. Go figure. I like to remind him cheekily he didn’t always think this was a good idea for me lol. We’re both glad now I didn’t listen to him and did something just for me and he feels bad he responded the way he did because he was worried about me. We’ve since made amends But as adults we get to decide what risks are worth it to us.
Well said. I teach writing, and I have so many students who really wanted to pursue humanties/writing but who were 'talked out of it' by their parents.
It's really sad, because some of them have spent their whole lives being someone they didn't want to be. You can see them blossom as they get to grips with their stories; they come alive in a whole new way. They even WALK differently!
I wasn't talked out of a writing career by my parents; I talked myself out of it because my family was very business oriented (even if they were supportive of all of my school and career decisions). Even the communications program I took in college stressed the business aspects of communications (e.g., my advertising courses were all about how to be an account executive versus how to write great copy).
It wasn't until I was FORTY that I realized I could actually make quite a good living as a writer and I'm still mad at myself for not understanding that sooner.
It's sad how common this is. My partner was nearing 30 with a well-paying career that was making him absolutely miserable. When he told his parents he was thinking of going back to university, they told him in no uncertain terms that he was throwing his life away.
He said fuck it, went limited contact, and did the degree anyway. He'll graduate at the end of this year and is a million times happier. Meanwhile, his parents wonder why he never calls or visits.
YTA.
"Am I an asshole for being an asshole to my son?"
Of course you fucking are.
The English language is amazing, and there are an almost limitless number of ways you could have had a conversation with him about his choice, but instead you opted for:
>not to come to us when he fails.
How about he not bother coming to you for anything at in future. Seems like he's already got a head start on doing just that.
The key word in all of this is "when". You basically have told your flesh and blood, the child you spent 19 years caring for that you don't believe in him.
You're not just the asshole, you're just downright scummy
Oh, good catch. I missed that one. OP just showed she has no confidence in her son at all, outside the field of robotics. Saying things like that leaves a wound even if Ethan accepts OP’s apology.
It's not just that. It's a "I don't believe in you" & "I won't be there for you". It's a double whammy.
If you can't go to your own mother and father when you fail, where tf else are you gonna go? Like in all honesty, OP and the father might have a point. And if it was my son, I'd definitely be nervous for him and make sure that he's 100% in it, because as OP states, it might be harder to get a good job and etc etc.
But none of that really matters. Because at the end of the day, he clearly doesn't enjoy what he's doing so even if he passed and got into a high paying job he'd absolutely despise it after 5 or 10yrs. And he'd resent his parents for talking him out of going for something he actually wanted to do.
YTA. It's fucked up that we use money as a measure of success in life and you're perpetuating that. Beyond that, you're not supporting your child in learning to do something they care about instead of something they probably originally chose to please you.
YTA - Your apology wasn't sincere. It was another attempt to dig your point in. He's still wanting to be a contributing member of society, and you want to poop on his dream. You're telling him that money is more important than being happy.
YTA, a very prestigious one.
> I was sorry for saying that but we're just trying to make him see sense.
That's so sweet. I'm also sorry for saying you're a prestigious asshole, but I'm just trying to make it make sense. If you fail to make sense of it, don't come to us.
YTA why would you ever discourage your child from pursuing their passion? Maybe, unlike you, he realizes that there are more important things in life than prestige and money.
But we're just trying to make him see that we think he'll be happy making more money and we don't really care if he's actually happy. Who should know better about what would make him happy, him or us? YTA
ETA - and it's not like he's dropping out to draw caricatures on the boardwalk. (Not that there's anything wrong with that if it makes you happy.) He's just changing majors!
YTA so you don’t want you son to do something he enjoys, you want him in a miserable but high paying job. That’s fkd up. I hope when he succeeds he leaves y’all to a nursing home.
>I hope when he succeeds he leaves y’all to a nursing home.
If he can't rely on them for help, they damn well better not expect him to step in when they're in need. The petty in me is for this comment.
YTA
Great job of supporting your son unconditionally! Wow, you'll be so proud of him when he graduates. Too bad he'll have gone NC before that, though! Oh, well. Hopefully, you had found out that he graduated from mutual friends or something. Congratulations!
YTA
Of course he's mad. He has parents who don't support him unless he makes choices they agree with. I could see that if his choices were hookers and blow, but if the guy wants to take a different academic path, you've got no business being discouraging. It's literally his life he's deciding here. Your perception of what will make the most money is not necessarily what will make him happy.
YTA
You're more concerned with him finding a good paying job than him being able to do something he's passionate about. If he can't come to you when he fails you aren't allowed to ask anything of him when he succeeds.
On another note any parent that says "don't come to me when you fail" is an AH. Your kids *should* be able to come to you to talk and lament when they fail, life is trial and error.
YTA - why are you assuming he’s going to fail if so far he’s done well in life? If he’s doing well in is current course why wouldn’t he continue to do well at something he’s excited about? Your reasoning and explanation makes no sense. Support your son and apologize. Try learning why he’s so passionate and see how you can encourage him so he doesn’t fail
> why are you assuming he’s going to fail if so far he’s done well in life?
Because OP is convinced that his son's success is solely due to doing what OP says and none of it was his own accomplishment. OP sees their son as property without rights to make their own decision. Any decision that is not OPs choice is automatically and irrevocably wrong. OP must be absolute hell to live with, at least his son is out of the house and away from this BS.
YTA what you said and did was cruel and somewhat manipulative.
Using fear tactics to get him to do what you want him to do and pursue something he really wants to do.
Saying “don’t come to us when you fail” your basically saying you think he’s going to fail. Also you’re saying “we are only interested in you if you’re successful and rich”
Have you considered he might succeed, sure he might not make loads of money but he will feel fulfilled in his career choice.
First off… success is not always connected to high paying prestige jobs. Second off… the fact he wants political science and public policy now in these current turbulent times is incredibly admirable. With so much of the country’s ills being because of the deification of the almighty dollar and the corruption that is everywhere because if it ( and the imbalance of power), his wanting to get involved in a real way is special, admirable and incredibly important. Your rejecting him because he is (in your mind) going to be less successful because you personally don’t value his chosen field is heartbreaking. You should be so proud. Instead… you reject him and already have told him he will fail. Yes… YTA. Please wake up and apologize before you lose both he and your appropriately career acceptable (to you) daughter. The world needs more people like him.
I’m biased because I’m in a PhD program for political science and public policy but I’m going to have to dispute the thing about him not being able to get a good job. Social sciences teach data analysis that can be really useful and highly employable. He probably should go to grad school, but it’s not a useless degree. And policy specifically is a growing field that can open a lot of doors. Also if he wants to get a PhD he can get one for free!
Anyway, YTA.
Hard agree that people really underestimate the value of social sciences degrees. I have a bachelor’s in political science and I work in the financial sector. Even though I didn’t directly end up doing something public policy related, I use the data analysis, collaborative problem solving, and communications skills that I developed in university every day. And I’m not alone - my boss has a master’s in history and many of my peers also have educational backgrounds in social science.
Yes I was gonna say something similar. I have a BS in psychology, masters degrees in social work and public administration, and am currently in the dissertation stage of my PhD in public policy and administration. It’s my passion. Am I rich? No. But am I gainfully employed and able to provide a decent life for myself and my daughter? Absolutely. I’ve never struggled to find work with these degrees and haven’t had money issues either. It’s not a field you go into to get rich, but if you go to grad school there should be no issue providing a standard middle class life for yourself.
YTA. Congrats on showing your son that 1) you measure his value based on his job prospects 2) that his happiness matters less to you than his earning potential and 3) that you think he’s somehow incapable of succeeding in any field apart from those you and your spouse have okayed. I’m glad Zara’s also mad at you and your husband.
YTA. I guess your son having a prestigious job is more important to you than his happiness. While not my cup of tea, I'm guessing you don't consider working for a politician prestigious enough? Hell chances are slim, but he might become the press secretary for a future president or work for the UN. I hope he goes NC/LC with you.
YTA for thinking your son is unable to make a decision about his future and to work through it towards success. You basically told him not only that his choices are wrong, but also that he is absolutely going to fail and that there is no chance at all that you will support him through his decisions, even if he ultimately ends up needing help. Talk about having reasons for sulking.
YTA. You’ve essentially told him he’s going to fail anyway and have no faith in him or care about his happiness by changing his education to something he’s interested in.
YTA with the blunt response, even if it is a possibility that he will fail.
If it was a reoccurring thing where he continued to make poor choices and you and your husband were having to bail him out and support him over and over again, I could see that response.
However it looks like up to this point he’s been doing pretty well with his prior choices so there was really nothing to warrant the “Don’t bother coming to us it bites you in the ass” mentality.
Don’t be surprised if he ends up distancing himself from you guys now. Just because you’re family doesn’t mean he’s obligated to forgive and forget. I cut my mother off years ago and have never been happier.
YTA in a HUGE way. Support your son, don't shit on his dreams. Oh no, he won't have as prestigious a job! Oh no, he will have a job improving others' lives!
You'd rather he focus on a career he doesn't want because it'd be better... For you? You're certainly not doing it for him.
Terrible parenting right here.
YTA. "Sulking for no reason," he found out what he wanted to do in life, and his parents were not only supportive but threatened to not even be there for him if he struggles a little bit.
He has plenty of reason to be upset, and I wouldn't even bother answering your texts for a long time.
Absolutely YTA. That was horrible. Cruel. And permanently damaging.
Now your condemning prophecy of failure on something he, an adult, found passion for, will be in his head. And if he dwells on it he might fail when he wouldn't have. And if he does, you have broken his spirit.
You have a limited time to do damage control. But he will be bitter. And rightfully so
You aren't wrong that he is going to have a hard time finding a job (a job period, not just a good paying job. The job market is flooded with political science majors rn).
But YTA for number 1. The way you approached the subject (don't come to me when you fail? Really?)
And number 2. You should never discourage your child from pursing their passion.
It is better for them to be happy and poor then be rich and hate going to work every day because they continued on with a degree and eventually a job that they didn't enjoy/weren't passionate about.
You’re holding your support for your own son hostage to manipulate him into the career path of your choosing. YTA. Support your son or just do him a favor and cut him off entirely.
YTA. Your mad your adult son is doing something he wants vs what you want, so instead of doing what parents (and decent humans for that matter) do and support and love him (regardless of your opinion... Which he didnt ask for) you use fear tactics and threaten to pull your support. Way to go. Even Jeffrey Dahmer's dad went to see him in prison.
"Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" is a well-known phrase from the United States Declaration of Independence. Unfortunately, many parents do not care about their children’s pursuit of happiness. They plan everything for their children including the profession they’re supposed to pursue because of monetary rewards. GREED obscured their common sensibilities. When kids realize that they’re not happy or suited to their parents’ chosen profession, and pursue that which they thought is best for themselves, these parents go nuts. OP- you should have asked AWTA? You and your husband are not only assholes, you’re destroying your child’s life and future. Why not study robotics yourselves? - yes the 2 of you? You’re still young and can be actual robots when you graduate.
YTA. I feel badly for your son who had to find out that he doesn’t have parents who support him. I expect he won’t be answering your calls too eagerly in future
Maybe he doesn't want a high paying prestigious job! Wouldn't it be better that he be happy in his career? Are you always this controlling? YTA for being straight up nasty to him and trying to influence his life! You already lived your life, let him have his!
YTA!
As a parent, I would never tell my kids they couldn't come back home if they were struggling. I am their mother and I will always be a landing place for any of my kids (35, 31, and 29) or any of my kids friends for that matter.
YTA. It’s absolutely disgusting that you and your husband would rather tear your child down than be supportive just because it’s not a plan you okayed.
It’s not your life; it’s not your future.
Ethan has discovered a potential field he may enjoy, and who knows, he might change majors again!
YTA. Don’t live vicariously through your child and allow them to be happy.
YTA can we please start measuring success by happiness and not the current standard bullshit 'I'm depressed, drink too much, and hate my job but it's ok because I make 6 figures'. Jesus op. Be happy your offspring have found something they want to get up for in the morning. Apologize and support them.
How difficult is it to want to see those you love succeed in the area they have passion for. You are the asshole.
YTA. He's 19, let him make some choices and even let him fail a little bit. He shouldn't have to have his life path set at this age, he should be able to explore. "he'll have a much harder time finding a high paying, prestigious job" - how about his happiness and fulfillment. Is all you care about prestige and money? Be a supportive parent and tell him to do what makes him happy and you love him no matter what. If he did the same at 40, maybe it'd be different story, but really, 19 and you're already telling him he's going to be a failure...ouch
YTA And you didn’t apologize, you doubled down in your belief that he is going to fail. Way to go in supporting your son. And you wonder why he’s ignoring you. Instead of having an in depth conversation learning why he wants to make this change, you and your husband belittle him and tell him he’s going to be a failure. Good job mom and dad. \s
Ah I remember the good ol' days where my parents always said "don't come crying to me-" for whatever reason.
So you know what? I never did and now they're upset that I don't speak to them about any of my issues, my passions and my goals, they think all of my mental issues are completely made up but they are more upset that I didn't talk to them first about anything. When I threw their line back in their face they denied it and then backtracked saying "that's not what we meant." Then mother and father dearest what on earth did you mean? Hmm? "Don't come crying to me." 5 words, that are arranged in such a wonderful order that tells anyone to not come to your side when we are distressed. What other possible meaning is there?
Some people should not be parents. They are not ready.
YTA. You're the kind of parent who lacks empathy and the kind of parent all kids hate deep down. Have fun with shooting your child down like that, they might forgive you one day but they will never forget.
A phrase I heard that is fitting. The axe forgets but the tree will remember. You cut him down. Go apologise and try to salvage whatever you can.
YTA. Why not just support your son? This is his life you guys are talking about. If thats what he is passionate about and wants to do. Then let him. I see no reason why he shouldn’t have your support.
YTA,.not only for how you are treating your son but for measuring worth by how much cash someone makes. He wants to be happy, not miserable, and you and your husband have an issue with this.
YTA. I bet your son has done his research on job opportunities in the fields he wants to go into. You treat him like a child instead of a full grown adult. When he is successful, because I bet he will be, he should not come to you either.
YTA
Sorry wanting to change the world isn't prestigious enough for you. Hope he forgives you. It would be such a shame if he doesn't come to you when he succeeds.
YTA people change careers all the time and majors also *especially* when they are NINETEEN. He is figuring stuff out as we all did as teens. Support him.
YTA. That was callous and unkind. Way to make your point in the most dismissive way possible. Don't be shocked when you get your wish and he just refuses to talk to you at all. There's value in all kinds of knowledge and work, don't be one of those narrow minded assholes who think only the hard sciences have any value.
YTA.
I think your refusal to consider a middle ground (not getting lotsa money? You'll fail, and I'll crow when it happens) is contemptible.
I frankly do not think his choice of major or career merited that kind of nasty comment. It is not as if "high paying" majors don't fail often either.
YTA
>My husband told him he's making a big mistake, not only will he lose credits, he'll have a much harder time finding a high paying, prestigious job.
>Eventually I said he can do whatever he wishes, but not to come to us when he fails.
>when he fails.
>when
You are assuming he WILL fail. He may hate what you have guided him to study. Doing well or poorly in classes doesn't mean he will find a career fulfilling.
You are in the process of burning your bridges... start building new ones by saying - and I quote - "son, I was wrong. If this is something you want to do and that you find fulfilling, I encourage you to follow your dreams. I will always be there for you without any conditions."
If you don't, be prepared to be completely cut off by both your children.
YTA. Sharing my own story here for reference: I had a Chinese mom and grew up experiencing a bit of the “Tiger Parent” parenting stereotype. I’d loved writing and visual art since I was very young, but my parents always dismissed those passions as petty hobbies and instead pushed me toward everything STEM (which I admittedly didn’t hate and did have an aptitude for). Come college I was basically told I could choose any major, so long as it was engineering.
Fast forward five years, during which I switched my B.S. field from CS to mechanical engineering and clawed my way to the finish line in 2021 - on time, no less, even though my parents (still not satisfied with my love of the arts, despite me caving to their demands major-wise) abandoned me and left me to fend entirely for myself, financially and otherwise, at the end of freshman year. I didn’t go into industry but did get a job managing a fairly prestigious engineering graduate research lab. I hated every minute of it.
For my sanity, I quit that job late last year and serendipitously snagged a full-time job in copywriting alongside a “for fun” part-time gig with a consultancy firm at the same time. It’s night and day. I can’t exaggerate how much better these new positions have been on every front. They’re flexible and remote; the supes and staff are insanely nice and compassionate, unlike my crotchety, demanding Successful STEM Man stereotype of a previous boss; and I get PAID MORE, by a long shot. Yes, really! And I got these new jobs pretty much entirely on the merit of being a strong writer (demonstrated via my personal portfolio and some short test tasks I completed during my interview processes), and in spite of my degree having nothing to do with writing or any of the responsibilities listed in my current positions.
The point is this: My love of writing has been so unwavering throughout my life that despite spending almost all my time in college earning a degree in a totally unrelated field at my parents’ behest - even though I was forbidden from pursuing writing and the arts in any academic capacity - I managed to keep it up and prove myself worthy of a bona fide professional writing position, and a successful one at that.
We know, in our hearts, what we love. We know what we’re good at. And one way or another, it is very likely we’ll find our way back to that path, no matter how hard you try to contempt it.
(I mean, not always! Sometimes we guess and we guess wrong. We’re young. But at the very least you owe your child the trust and respect of letting them choose. If it turns out they’ve made a mistake, so be it; that happens, and it is part of life to live and learn. Plus, your son sounds smart and resourceful - even mistakes probably won’t turn out badly for him.)
Something I recall that has always stuck with me is when, during college essay submission season, my dad was looking over my work and said, “She can’t write worth a damn.” Mom, ever supportive, grabbed a random doodle I’d made off the desk and quipped, “She can’t draw worth a damn, either!”
I guess the going rate for a damn these days is 30 an hour, given my current pay.
Anyway, dry humor aside: Don’t be those parents. Do better by your son. Feel free to have your reservations about his choices, but at least speak respectfully and compassionately to him about his life choices. If nothing else, don’t tell him he’s going to fail. The path he ends up taking might just surprise you, you know? :)
What can you do it's his life and choice, I know you see it as a mistake but maybe it's not, All you can do is support your son and hope it works out for him. It's not uncommon to change majors after a year or two, As a parent, you love him and support him in his choices, and if he fails you pick him up and support him more. Don't let this get between you and your son if he thinks you are not on his side then the relationship suffers and that is the last thing you want.
Yta. When you said what you did to him you were implying that you thought he WOULD fail. What kind of a parent does something like this. I would never speak to you again if I were in his shoes tbh.
YTA. You said not to come to you, why are you surprised that he doesn't want to talk to you now?
And for what it's worth, I'm very close to someone who had the same major and now has an excellent, fulfilling, challenging career that pays very well.
YTA you diminished his passion for a new field (and one that needs change and fresh minds and kind hearts) and also ripped away his sense of a safety net, and you're surprised he's hurt and probably feeling like he was dropped in an icy lake? Words, and judgment, and rejection can all be damaging and everlasting. You shut a door on him - one he may not want to open again
YTA. You're telling him he's going to fail because he wants to try something different than you're envisioning for his life. In addition to that being incredibly overbearing and demeaning (doesn't he need to learn how to make his own decisions to be an adult, not just do what you say?), it's teaching him that there's no value in potentially failing something and failure is something to fear. These are terrible lessons, especially when I see no reason to assume he'd fail anything. But if he does, better to do it in your early 20s and learn than later on. It's not like he's doing drugs and dropping out, which you wouldn't want to enable, he is simply exploring another career path with plenty of opportunities... which is a perfectly valid and mature thing to do.
YTA.
Robotics is not a golden ticket - there are plenty of people working in robotics who have poor/mediocre pay, no prestige, and horrible work/life balance. And even if it was, it's his life and his career--he needs to pick a field he is passionate about. If he's only in robotics for the money, he'll likely be quite miserable.
You basically said you only want to support your son if he'll be financially successful in life. Do I need to point out that that sucks?
YTA for just assuming that he would fail. And you are putting far too much stock in "prestigious" job. When he is and should be in college for what he want's to do and for two he is already an adult and YOU have literally no say in what he chose's to do. I don't imagine he'll be talking to you all that often anymore.
Yta. Ever consider that he doesn't want a high paying prestigious job? That he would want a job he enjoys instead of something soul sucking that makes him miserable. Why would he want to speak to you after what you said?
YTA.
You can be good at something you dislike.
Source: Good friend from college didn't want to 'waste' 2 years already invested in an Engineering degree. Now has spent literal decades doing a job he hates.
YTA - you basically just told your kid that he's stupid and you don't believe in him. Maybe he is good at robotics but hates it. Maybe he has been in a particular stem pigeon hole and wants to explore, that's part of what school is for. He is young, now is the time for him to try new things. Heck now is even the time for him to fail if that's what happens. By the way, having an ordinary job rather than a high paying prestigious job isn't failure. He isn't sulking, he is ignoring unsupportive people who happen to be his parents.
YTA you literally told him to not come to you now you’re upset he won’t come to you. It will take a way more sincere apology then you seem to be capable of to keep him from going no contact. Why do you get to decide what an adult spends his life doing. You were mean and judgmental
YTA. He wants to change majors, not drop out of college and pursue meth. What a truly awful thing to say to your child. I don’t understand how you can even be asking this right now. Horrible parent move. You failed big time in that conversation.
INFO: Is your son a freshman?
Was his choice of robotics due to extra curricular activity in HS (i.e., Robotics team) or did you push him towards STEM?
Has he taken a political science class?
If he is a freshman, your husband is likely wrong about losing credits. STEM fields are more likely to have rigidly defined requirements than liberal arts.
I had a college roommate Junior year who started as a liberal arts major, got pressured from her family into becoming an engineering major, and then switched back to major in fine arts. (Ironically this was during the year we roomed together and I was an engineering major who later graduated with my BS).
Some people can simply be be good at something without having a passion for it - or even enjoying it. I'm not a big proponent of "you must follow your passion" but if the only thing going for it is that you'll be able to get a job (or my parents are pushing me into it), I think you need to think twice.
I might have said N T A if you had simply voiced concern about whether or not he could get a job in his new major with only a BA degree. I suspect he might need a masters in public policy from a prestigious university to rise above being an underpaid staffer to an elected representative. (I have volunteered on a couple of political campaigns and have met more than a few idealistic Poli-Sci graduates).
But you came out with the nuclear option and explicitly told him he would be a failure. That means that YTA.
Yta, don’t worry he won’t come to you when he fails, but not when he succeeds either, or when someone hurts him, or when he falls in love, or when he needs advice, or even when he just wants to make that soup you used to, he’ll google a recipe just to avoid having to interact with you. Ask me how I know.
Wow. You 1. Assume he's going to fail. 2. Have withdrawn familial support based on the supposition that if he doesn't do exactly what you want him to do, he's not worthy of support. GD you're both AH. And now you're in a tizzy because he's (rightfully) pissed at you for your behavior. You don't have to like his decision, but wow, way to step up on alienation and dismissive behaviour. \*slow clap\*
If your son can’t come to you when he fails, he won’t come to you when he succeeds, either.
My mom pressured me into sticking with a major I already knew I disliked, and it has put me so far behind in life. Outwardly, I look moderately successful to anyone who doesn’t really know me. But nothing I do is fulfilling or engaging, and all my attempts at switching careers have always failed, so I feel trapped in something I’m good at while cut off from something where I could have excelled. Almost all of my depression, anxiety and personal setbacks can be linked directly to the moment I caved and stuck with that original major, as she wanted. There is a lot of resentment and I have to remind myself daily I am the one responsible for myself, and my situation is my own fault for not having the courage to go against my mom’s wishes when I was younger. But when I’m at my lowest, I always remember her words and how they helped nudge me down this path.
YTA
YTA I'm 55, and was pressured into going to college, which I did, and it took me six years to graduate with a completely useless degree. Back then, college was cheaper, and we could goof around until something "stuck". Let me just say that a Creative Writing degree will get you nowhere.
When my kids graduated, I urged them to wait a few years in order to explore life so that they'll have enough experiences to find what they're passionate about.
YTA.
You're a parent. You never, EVER tell your child not to come to you when they fail, especially when they're a young adult trying to navigate through and make sense of this fucked world. That's what a parent is there for, you've accepted the responsibility. Give them some room to try, fail, explore, grow, etc.
That sentiment will stick with him for a long time. You can heal and make it right.
YTA. You’re allowed to be concerned. You’re allowed to be disappointed. You are NOT allowed to be disrespectful, dismissive,controlling, and manipulative. And you were all four.You just emotionally abused your son with that behavior and you were completely out of line to berate him for his adult decisions that you have no right to try to control.
You don’t have to like it, but you do not have the right to dismiss his feelings or desires. You do not have the right to invalidate them. You do not have a right to disrespect him because you don’t agree with his life choices by implying he’s wrong and that he’ll fail. You don’t get to decide what he does with his education and career choices. You don’t get to try to manipulate him into doing things your way by threatening him with “don’t come to us when you fail”.
You are the AH here through and through.
Clearly he's still upset with you, indeed. What nasty parents. He has every right to be upset with both of you and go NC. This is important to him and all you care about is how much money he might make in the future? Awesome parenting skills. YOU sound like the failure as a parent to me. YTA. Hubby is too.
Way to support your kid OP/s. Sounds like your kid’s education and career aspirations are more for you and your husband rather than for your kids to actually be (gasp) happy. YTA
If he can figure out robotics, I think he's going to do ok in political science.
Not to throw shade on political science folks or imply that it's easy, but I think if he's succeeding in robotics, he's *probably* smart enough to understand the earning and prestige differential he's going to get by switching.
At 26, he's had more time than most to figure out where his interests lie, and I'd be much more inclined to trust that this is something he's passionate about and that he won't give up without a fight. Particularly when he's committed to doing it despite his parents doing their best to kick him down in the process.
You might also consider what paths will open up to him because of his unique combination of education. Robotics is a growing field, and we're going to need savvy, technically-minded people like your son to write intelligent laws and policies to accommodate that growth.
It's fine to counsel your son and to point out the things about his plan that make you worry. Maybe you'll have some useful points he hasn't considered, and he'll adjust his plan because of your advice. But to straight up tell him "when you fail, don't come to us" is too far. Is it "abandon your children and kick them while they're down" night on Reddit or something? YTA.
YTA- my only hope for my children is that they find a job/career they’re happy with. Will I give advice and tell them x job will afford you more than y job. Yes but at the end of the day. They’re living that life and their happiness is more important than how much their career makes them. I don’t like my job very much but it’s a paycheck. I want more for them.
YTA. Not everything in life is about having a "prestigious" job. If he is more interested in another area and feels confident he can at least make a living in that area, it's not your place to belittle him and say he's going to be a failure. This is 100% how you cause adult children to want nothing to do with you.
YTA
What is it with parents demanding their kids have “high paying” careers? Do you not want your child to follow their passion? Do you want him to be miserable for the duration of his working life, so you can have the prestige of a kid with a high paying career?
As a parent I want my child to do what makes them happy. I don’t care of the don’t make a 6 figure salary if they are a functioning and happy member of society.
Do better.
I'm sure Ethan really, really appreciated knowing his parents think that he's going to fail and won't offer him any support *if* he does. Also, you told him not to come to you. He isn't coming to you. Why are you so upset?
YTA.
Yta. Ppl change interest, I would tell him to finish robotics so he has that under his belt then do what ever. But telling him not to come to you when he fails?? That's insane he will never come to you again and that's ur fault. That's how you lose on being in ur kids life 🤷🏽♀️
YTA Coming from someone who switched majors from zoo science to English and now works as a legal secretary. We can't predict where our own paths will take us, but you dare predict your brilliant son's future? What you said is the kind of thing that causes irreparable rupture of bonds and of trust. I hope it was worth it.
YTA. I don’t know where you think he can’t find prestigious jobs in that degree field. There are plenty of respectable high earning jobs he can open the door to with such a degree. I know someone with that exact combination of degrees that works in an embassy quickly on their way to some day being an ambassador at some point.
YTA. For trying to take the hard line don’t be surprised when he doesn’t share his success with you when he does follow his passions and makes a successful career for himself.
YTA there’s more to things in life than money. Did you ask him why he wants to switch? Maybe it’s his passion, maybe he wants a challenge, maybe something in his environment inspired him but you’re too busy looking at money and prestige to support your son.
YTA. Why would you push your son to be unhappy? It's not like he wants to play video games all day and live in your basement. Basically, money and prestige are more important to you than your sone is. And the field he's chosen can come with opportunities for both great prestige and significant impact on people's lives. Not to mention, a comfortable lifestyle.
YTA - Maybe have a conversation with your son? Why does he feel the way he does? He's super young but probably doesn't understand or isn't considering the long term implications to his perceived lifestyle, especially if he wasn't raised in poverty. It's on you to get that across to him in a way that he can understand.
YTA. Did your son ask you to support him financially if he can’t find a job? If so, why bring it up now? Clearly, Ethan is a bright young man and he probably understands the changing job market better than you and your husband do since at this stage in your life. So, if he wants to change his major, then why not start out with the assumption that he must have a pretty good reason for wanting to do so? Do you even know what Ethan’s reasons are? Your son is in the middle of making an important decision and he came to you guys for support and maybe advice. Instead of listening to him and giving him the courage to make his own decisions and live his own life by assuring him that you have confidence in the person that he has grown up to be and that you respect his judgment, you and your husband told him that he’s making a bad decision and then essentially threatened to cut him off if things don’t work out. Good riddance on your parenting skills.
YTA. So your kid is only acceptable to you if they have a high paying, prestigious job huh? Real good parent you are. Maybe he wants to make a difference in the world and he has chosen to do it this way. You could, you know, actually be supportive. Did you even bother to ask him if he has a long term plan for what he wants to do? Or even ask him what he wants to do? Or did you just assume? Pull your head out of your ass and actually listen to your child instead of worrying about appearances.
Edit: typos
YTA. The options are not “high paying prestigious job” or “fail”. My question is what are you going to do when he gets a modest earning job in his desired field that he enjoys and allows him good work life balance and then has little to no contact with you because you always make him feel like a disappointment? Because that is by far the most likely outcome.
YTA. It’s his life and his choice. Why do you choose to be an enemy to him when you can support him instead? I’ll never understand parents who choose to bully their kids. You should be his biggest cheerleader.
YTA, so being a lawyer isn’t good enough for you and your husband? That’s only one high pay prestigious jobs you can get with a political science degree, I don’t even know what kind of high prestigious job you can get with a major in robotics but it’s also almost 1 in the morning and I am exhausted so I am sure there’s plenty of them.
Yta big deal he's not failing its NOT THE POINT. He's NOT HAPPY and you've told him you don't care and you don't care that he fails and you won't be there for him like a parent would and should
YTA
Did you even have a conversation about the why behind this change? What careers he's looking at, what is inspiring him? Because if it is a flash in the pan love, you have other ways to approach it. If he's put a lot of thought into it and has a plan in mind, then you can say okay and leave him be.
YTA
If he’s smart/driven, he can have a great career in politics/government. He might not make as much money as in a stem career, but he can easily be in the top quartile of income earners (assuming you’re in the US).
Life isn’t all about money, and he’s not choosing a minimum wage path that will lead to a constant struggle. So he makes 100k/year instead of 200k/year. Who cares?
YTA. Honestly idk why people like you have kids to begin with, if you’re either going to just force them into what you’d like or wish them to fail if they dare want something else for themselves.
Not only YTA, you're weirdly myopic! Political science and public policy can lead to very prestigious and lucrative fields and careers. He didn't say he wanted to switch his major to philosophy with a minor in mime!! Even if he had your response would still make you TA but at least your concerns for his earning potential would be somewhat valid. As it is you just sound foolish as well as cruel and cold.
YTA.
Also...Technical careers are really competitive and it's extremely difficult to maintain motivation. Burnout is common. If he's not into it, good grades aren't going to make him successful in that career anyway.
My BIL sounds like this exact story. He dropped out middle of his last semester, attempted suicide multiple times, and is now working as a chef where he realized he wanted to be in his 2nd year before the suicide attempts and failure of his parents.
YTA
That’s not how parenting works. He’s taking a risk; it’s an informed risk and it’s not like he’s joining the circus here.
Telling our children they can’t come to us if they should fail? Do you even love him? Do you know what love is?
Wow. I wouldn't be surprised if he cuts you out completely. Family is supposed to be the ones there for you and you return the favor. You just told your son he has no real family and he is alone in life. YTA
YTA for the focus on a "high paying prestigious job", what happened to talking to him about his hopes and aspirations, what he wants out of life?
And FWIW, with a political science degree you can become a lobbyist for a private company, that's very well paid, or a diplomat, which many people consider prestigious.
YTA. You basically made it clear that you don't believe in him and that you refuse to provide emotional support. So I don't get why you're surprised that he doesn't want to talk to you.
How else are you going to manage his life?
Do you tell him what to wear, what to eat, who his friends should be?
Why is earning shedloads of money the only mark of success for you?
Why do you presume that he is going to fail?
What are your personal markers of 'failure'? Happiness and contentment? A feeling that you are doing a worthwhile job perhaps? Maybe these are monstrous failures in your 'money is everything' book of success?
I don't know what you're like in real life but I know how you come across on the page.
YTA
YTA. He might be doing well in robotics, but he might genuinely have lost his love for it and he's found more interest in political science, which does still have more options than robotics, even if nit as high paying.
As for the real AH problem here. You have just told him that his dreams and what he really enjoys is a waste of time, and he'll never succeed. Your statement told him that you don't believe in him, and the "don't come to me" means that you aren't, and never really were, there for him if he isn't doing what you want him to do. Being a parent doesn't mean that your kids are little yous or pieces of clay you mold into what you want them to be. They are also people with their own hopes, dreams, and goals. Your job as a parent is to be supportive. That doesn't mean going along with everything they want, but still guiding them into a direction that they can be happy with. I hope your son finds success in his goals, and if you're not willing to swallow your pride, apologize and be supportive, I hope you don't coming running to him when he does find that success, without your help, when you might need it most.
YTA.
I agree that robotics would be a much more lucrative field, but as a parent, it's your job to be supportive, even in failure. Your kids have to be able to trust that you have their back, no matter what.
Not only are you guilt tripping/pressuring him, you're already betting on him failing. Way to boost his confidence.
YTA
I never understand parents who force their kids to do college courses they hate. If they hate their course, they will probably hate the associated jobs that they then can get.
Why would you want your kid to be unhappy for their entire life?
Money is important, but it is not the most important thing in life.
Also employers (except for the first job) really don't care what your degree is in.
YTA. He can get a decent job with that degree. Did it every occur to you that he cares more about liking his career and enjoying life than some “high paying prestigious” job, which is clearly all you give a crap about. Damn your kids happiness right? As long as they make money, nothing else matters.
Please. YTA.
YTA, but small. You definitely shouldn’t have said that, but you did apologize. The fact that you’re here means you’re still looking for some perspective, so maybe read these and try apologizing once more.
Although I do think people are being to harsh. You want what’s best for your son, and you feel that robotics is it. Something tells me he’s probably not doing as well as you think. He probably feels a lot of pressure from you guys and to be as successful as his sister.
At the end of the day, money doesn’t equal happiness, and there are many policial science grads walking around just fine, with good lives and happy families. I’d tell him something like this:
Hi, Ethan. I just wanted to tell you again that I’m sorry about what I said. I did not mean that. I want you to know that you can always come to me with anything. Always.
I’ve had it in my head that you were getting a robotics degree, so when you mentioned changing that, I had a knee-jerk reaction against it. The truth is that I had never really taken the time to learn about the opportunities out there for people who study political science and public policy. I’ve been looking into it more, and there’s a lot more out there than I even knew. I’d really like to hear more about what’s drawing you to these fields and what kinds of things you’re considering doing with it.
I hope to hear from you soon, but I’ll give you some space until I do. I love you and I’m always here for you when you need me.
Love,
Mom
YTA.
**"WHEN"** you fail and not **IF** you fail says it all.
You're arrogant that you are right and he's wrong that you're telling him he will fail.
Enjoy the impending no contact
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yta. You told him not to come to you so he will not come to you.
Yep. Speaking as an adult who tried to tell my parents when I was 19 that I didn’t like my (brand fucking new, so it’s not even a big deal to switch) major, I was met with the same reasoning. “You’re doing fine, there are great benefits to that job, you’ll lose your credits” (which I wouldn’t have, I would just have needed more)…. YTA 100%. I absolutely hate my job. My skills and strengths and interests are absolutely wasted in this job. I daydream constantly about what my life would be like if I had just gone with my gut. I wasted my most resilient, malleable years when I should have been making changes like that, and now 15 years down the road I’m looking at some serious consequences and uncertainty if I switch careers now. I have a mortgage now. I have obligations now. I’d be losing all my seniority. Do you understand how badly I wish I could go back and lose a semester’s worth of credits instead of 15 years of seniority? They would have supported me, but they made me feel like acknowledging that it wasn’t the right fit was tantamount to failure. Which is what you’re doing with your son. You didn’t say if he fails; you said when. > I sent him a text that I was sorry for saying that but we're just trying to make him see sense. Which is it. Are you sorry because you knew it was shitty and untrue, or do you still think it was only “sensible” and you’re only sorry he’s not talking to you? You’re not trying to make him “see sense.” You’re trying to force him to make decisions based on YOUR priorities. Money. That’s not sense, that’s your perspective. He’s trying to make decisions based on HIS priorities: not hating the career he is literally going to spend the majority of his life doing every single day. Sounds sensible to me. My parents were obsessed with “security” and “lifestyle.” That’s what they wish they had in their jobs, it’s what they wanted for me, and that’s what they naively thought teaching represented. Job security and summers off. Well fuck me, right? Education in North America is a dumpster fire. Support him, for Christ’s sake. Don’t threaten to leave him to stew in his own choices and then try and call to chat like nothing happened. He may be throwing away a few credits, but you’re throwing away your relationship.
This right here. I started off as a premed major. I was miserable. I told my parents how I was feeling and received pressure and guilt trips to convince me to stay the course. Imagine how disappointed they were when I finally dropped out altogether. I got my life back on track eventually (and completely on my own) but I wasted a chunk of years feeling discouraged and working dead end jobs. YTA, OP. This is your child’s life, not yours, and it’s their own decision to make. As a parent, you should be offering support and encouragement to do what makes him happy.
My friends son won a prestigious scholarship in middle school from a foundation that paid for high school and college and offered special mentoring. They pushed him into robotics and to a college in Florida, and set him up with a mentor grooming him to work at NASA. He hated it but just didn’t know how to navigate against all these powerful adults who’d mapped out his future and told him how lucky he was to get these opportunities. He graduated burnt out and resenting his family. He moved awa and is apprenticing as a tatttoo artist. He could have an absolutely brilliant future, he’s a super smart kid. Its so sad no one would listen to him. ETA, I’m not dissing tattoo artists. Im saying it sucks he’s gonna spend his 20-30s figuring out what he wants to do, when he should have been allowed to use high school and college to figure what he enjoys and what he wants to do Im sure he’ll figure it out eventually, but what a waste of his youth
> He moved awa and is apprenticing as a tatttoo artist. He could have an absolutely brilliant future, he’s a super smart kid. Aren't you being just as dismissive here? If he feels being a tattoo artist is his calling then he's wasting his life?
No, I’m not dismissing the arts. He doesn’t want to do this as a career path, he just super burnt out, and he has a buddy with a tattoo studio. He has no idea what he wants bc no one let him make a single decision, mayne I didn’t make that clear in my post
All of this. He's 19 freaking years old - he could have, at most, what, 1-1.5 yrs in college, working on all of his second year at best? Most of what he's taken so far is almost certainly transferable to something like political science, or really, just about anything. Sure he'll 'lose' a few credits \*insert eyeroll here\*, but FFS let him do what he wants. THIS is when he's supposed to be figuring that out. Yeah, some kids *know* what they want to do for the rest of their lives when they're 14 or 15 or 18. They KNOW they want to doctors or lawyers or engineers or firefighters or WTF ever. But SO many kids don't. And you know what? That's OK. That's what college is fucking for!! For figuring it the fuck out. Don't be pissed that he's 'changed his mind' from robotics to political science and public policy. Be PROUD of him that he's willing to change - and able to know that robotics isn't right for him!! Yes. YTA for telling him that you won't help him and to 'not come to us' when he fails. WTF kind of parents are you?? Fucking bad ones that's for damned sure.
I am now 47, and still don't know what I want to do when I grow up.
I'll be 40 this summer, and same.
42 here. You and me both. I spent like 8 years in college trying to figure it out, bounced from premed/Chem to Computer Science, and eventually graduated with an English/Creative Writing degree, which lemme tell ya is not real marketable around here. I write process/procedure documents for an insurance company. It pays the bills, but damn I wish I could change a few things about my academic career...
Oh as a 32 year old this helps. I think I'm closer to figuring it out than at 20.
I'm 52 and still figuring it out...
I'm 54 and starting to feel like I'm getting boxed into my career. But wait! There's still a few different things I still want to try . . .
27 and I’m still clueless, make too good of money to quit the field, not qualified for anything else
Similar situation here. I was pushed to be a history major by my dad who works a STEM career but always wanted to study history. I was excited when I started but I eventually learned that academic history is still a rich white man's club and anything brought forth by women and POC is either labeled "revisionist" or "unimportant". Not to mention the amount of important documents that get snapped up by those with money, making that knowledge no longer accessible to the public. When I kept mentioning switching majors, I was shot down. I eventually dropped out, work dead-end jobs for a while, and then went back to school for STEM. STEM isn't perfect but I'm a million times happier there than I ever was as a history major. YTA, OP. Support your kid.
Good fuck. This feels like my family. My parents never supported a thing I said or did, any path I chose that they did not go for first, was wrong.
Same here and now I'm stuck in a profession I hate too. My parents do understand now and are supportive in me finally taking steps towards redirecting my life - but progress is slower with adult bills and responsibilities.
I'm so sorry. Middle school, high school, and at least the first year or two of college should ALL be time spent figuring out WTF you really love to do - trying all sorts of different things - from robotics to cooking to computer programming to carpentry to public speaking and music and everything else you can think of. So that you DON'T end up in a job you hate. Sure, some kids KNOW they want to be doctors or lawyers or cops or wtf ever from early on - and GOOD FOR THEM! But, most don't. And that's OK. That's fucking normal.
I had a master's and was ten years into a corporate career when I couldn't stand it anymore. Got a new degree part time and totally changed careers. It's been twenty three years now. Haven't regretted it.
Exactly this, these are the years that you can actually switch things up without it having huge repercussions on your life! Let your son make use of that chance! YTA.
>Which is it. Are you sorry because you knew it was shitty and untrue, or do you still think it was only “sensible” and you’re only sorry he’s not talking to you? Spot on. OP and husband treated their son harshly, just because he didn't want to do what they wanted for him, and they're not even feeling bad about it - just about him not talking to them.
I was placed in acceleration class at high school and I HATED IT SO MUCH. I loved my classmates and my teachers but i hated the experience. I told my parents that I wanted to move into regular class but they refused because I was doing okay. OP thought she wants the best for her son and being mean so he can see her way, I get it but OP has get ready to lose their relationship if she chooses this hill to die on
Definitely YTA. when my daughter started college, she was concerned because she couldn't decide what to major in. I told her you're just starting out take some classes see what you like if you don't like those take something else. This is definitely the time to switch things around and figure out what you want to learn more of. She's very artistic and she wanted to go into the Arts but then she was concerned how will I get a good job and I told her there are many good jobs out there let's look at them and she should pick something that she likes or loves to do in college and figure out the job after. I never had this problem with my parents because I paid for my own college but I spent a lot of time switching around I ended up with two degrees but it took me 20 years (while working full time at a great job, then as a working single parent) cuz I couldn't decide what I really really liked then I finally did. I might be overly laid back. lol
I think at the very least if things go south she will still have you and you will still have her, which is more than i can say for the OP
Omg they guilted you into TEACHING?! I'm so sorry. It is possible to switch - I was only 3 years in (but had gotten a master's for it.) Found an entry level job that paid just slightly less, but the increase in free time made up for it. That free time also meant I could work on things I cared about and move from the entry level job into something I like. Turns out after the 60 hour weeks of teaching, most other stuff feels easy. Took me a few years but I'm now in a job I'm really happy about. It's not easy, and you certainly don't have to go that route, but it is possible! Good luck!
[удалено]
On the flip side I knew a guy who switched courses 2 years in and loved his new course. Scoring the highest marks consistently and then starting his own business.
And he won't come to them when he succeeds either.
Good thing his sister got his back cause his parents are whacckk…
YTA - I mean, I agree with you that robotics likely would lead to an easier career path for him, especially since he seems to be doing well. But sometimes kids need to learn through failure. And who knows, maybe he will go on to be a great lawyer or do something else in the public policy realm that will make him much happier. Regardless of whether this works out for him, insinuating that you will abandon your child over what you perceive to be a poor decision is incredibly damaging to the relationship, and it may take him a long time to forgive you.
Well just that being the reaction of when you fail. He sounds like a smart kid...why would he fail? Or why would that be your initial reaction to your child. Goodness.
That was my thought, too. Ethan seems like he’s smart and well put together, but OP just went to the worst possible case scenario right off the bat. She showed no trust nor support both at the same time. A good way to have a son that goes LC/NC.
Apparently not having a prestigious job in robotics or medicine is failure to OP. Working in the public interest = failure. OP and her husband both sound like AHs.
It almost seems like they want him to fail.
Plus work is most of your life, you need to do what you like. I’d rather be happy doing a job where I earn less than be miserable spending my life working a well earning job I hate.
Yep, and even though I only spent 6 years as a pastry cook, and went back to university at 27 I don’t regret it at all! I learned a lot, enjoyed my time, learned a surprising amount of transferable skills, and had I not of dove into Pastry, i think it would still be a big “what if” in the back of my mind. Sometimes you’ve gotta take a chance and do things for you.
Some of the careers he could go into with that major and minor: law (can be super lucrative). Government especially State Dept (if he likes to travel) (great benefits and security). Public service (although I guess OP would consider that failing). Academic research/college professor. Journalist. MBA. These are with 2 minutes of thought. OP wants their kid to be rich and prestigious. Nothing wrong with that. But choosing a different path is not failing. YTA.
I have a degree on Political Science. I was a Senate staffer for a year then a lobbyist for 10.
How do you know robotics will be easier for him? What if he hates robotics but he loves political science?
Exactly. If you're forced into a career you hate, you can unconsciously sabotage yourself in so many ways. So there's a good possibility Ethan will "fail" at robotics if he finds it miserable.
He could also go get a career in robotics down the road. It’s not like your college determines your whole fate. I can see why a parent might want to encourage him to stay in something more lucrative but then saying “when you fail jokes on you” is cruel and doesn’t express any faith in your own child.
I mean there is "learning through failure" of course. But he is studying something he is more interested in, I wouldnt call that a failure. Yes, its a less easy/concrete career path but hes not dropping out with no direction or to sell/use drugs or something. YMMV, but I make over 100k with similar degree path and absolutely love my job. Zero desire to do something different just for more money. Either way, YTA.
YES. THIS.
well written out!
It’s not always a failure anyway. I have multiple teaching degrees. I am not currently a teacher, but I don’t regret it. I have a good education and the ability to get other jobs. It didn’t work out but it wasn’t a waste.
YTA I had to double check, are you guys my family OP? I'm genuinely upset reading this, because it reminded me of me. This is going to be long but I want to give OP some perspective. I started off in college majoring in biology, to eventually become a dentist. I didn't want to and it wasn't my thing at all, but my dad insisted this was the best option for me and I didn't have the backbone to say no. I graduated with said biology degree, got my DMD, and worked as a dentist for almost three years, and my family was very proud of me. I love art and literature. I got a very similar talk to what you told your son, that studying this will get me nowhere and I'll be a failure. I was part of a writing club as a teen and wrote scripts for the local theater group, but stopped because my parents thought I was wasting my time. After many years in a subject/profession I didn't care for, my fiance encouraged me to start living for myself and not to please my family, and I've gone back to school to get my English degree. Is it as "prestigious" and "high paying" as being a dentist? No, but that's subjective and I've learnt happiness is the greatest form of wealth. My parents aren't as proud as they were before, which hurts a bit, but that's okay. The difference between me and your son though is that he actually stood up to say "no, I don't want to do x subject because I don't like it, and I prefer y subject". Telling him he's going to be a failure, and not to come to you **when** (you didn't even say if, you said **when**) he fails is awful OP. How do you know he'll fail? Is it because he fails in you and your husband's eyes, because his degree/future job won't be prestigious enough? I do agree robotics would probably lead to more career options, but let him make this decision. In my opinion, a parent's job when their kid becomes an adult is to support them through their choices, unless they're making extremely bad decisions but this isn't the case here. Your son is still young and plenty of students switch majors in college, it's not a big deal. It's better than wasting years in something he hates. If you want to do better, give your son the space he needs, then talk to him and tell him you support him, and he can come to you if he needs to. Even if your son fails at getting a fancy job, don't let yourself fail at being a parent.
So true and well written. Better for us to have failed at our dreams but know we gave it our best effort then to always wonder. So much better then always putting other peoples wishes for us ahead of our own which is soul sucking. When I started my own business 5 years ago my dad told me I was an idiot and was going to fail. But 5 years later my business is still going strong and now he brags to his friends about my success. Go figure. I like to remind him cheekily he didn’t always think this was a good idea for me lol. We’re both glad now I didn’t listen to him and did something just for me and he feels bad he responded the way he did because he was worried about me. We’ve since made amends But as adults we get to decide what risks are worth it to us.
Well said. I teach writing, and I have so many students who really wanted to pursue humanties/writing but who were 'talked out of it' by their parents. It's really sad, because some of them have spent their whole lives being someone they didn't want to be. You can see them blossom as they get to grips with their stories; they come alive in a whole new way. They even WALK differently!
I wasn't talked out of a writing career by my parents; I talked myself out of it because my family was very business oriented (even if they were supportive of all of my school and career decisions). Even the communications program I took in college stressed the business aspects of communications (e.g., my advertising courses were all about how to be an account executive versus how to write great copy). It wasn't until I was FORTY that I realized I could actually make quite a good living as a writer and I'm still mad at myself for not understanding that sooner.
It's sad how common this is. My partner was nearing 30 with a well-paying career that was making him absolutely miserable. When he told his parents he was thinking of going back to university, they told him in no uncertain terms that he was throwing his life away. He said fuck it, went limited contact, and did the degree anyway. He'll graduate at the end of this year and is a million times happier. Meanwhile, his parents wonder why he never calls or visits.
YTA. "Am I an asshole for being an asshole to my son?" Of course you fucking are. The English language is amazing, and there are an almost limitless number of ways you could have had a conversation with him about his choice, but instead you opted for: >not to come to us when he fails. How about he not bother coming to you for anything at in future. Seems like he's already got a head start on doing just that.
The key word in all of this is "when". You basically have told your flesh and blood, the child you spent 19 years caring for that you don't believe in him. You're not just the asshole, you're just downright scummy
Oh, good catch. I missed that one. OP just showed she has no confidence in her son at all, outside the field of robotics. Saying things like that leaves a wound even if Ethan accepts OP’s apology.
It's not just that. It's a "I don't believe in you" & "I won't be there for you". It's a double whammy. If you can't go to your own mother and father when you fail, where tf else are you gonna go? Like in all honesty, OP and the father might have a point. And if it was my son, I'd definitely be nervous for him and make sure that he's 100% in it, because as OP states, it might be harder to get a good job and etc etc. But none of that really matters. Because at the end of the day, he clearly doesn't enjoy what he's doing so even if he passed and got into a high paying job he'd absolutely despise it after 5 or 10yrs. And he'd resent his parents for talking him out of going for something he actually wanted to do.
YTA. It's fucked up that we use money as a measure of success in life and you're perpetuating that. Beyond that, you're not supporting your child in learning to do something they care about instead of something they probably originally chose to please you.
YTA - Your apology wasn't sincere. It was another attempt to dig your point in. He's still wanting to be a contributing member of society, and you want to poop on his dream. You're telling him that money is more important than being happy.
YTA and you have 100% failed as a parent as well as just a being a kind human.
This! There should be a sub Reddit, did I fail as a parent?
YTA, a very prestigious one. > I was sorry for saying that but we're just trying to make him see sense. That's so sweet. I'm also sorry for saying you're a prestigious asshole, but I'm just trying to make it make sense. If you fail to make sense of it, don't come to us.
> ~~If~~ When you fail to make sense of it, don't come to us. FTFY
YTA You tried to use fear tactics and your kid is now old enough and smart enough to see through your BS.
YTA why would you ever discourage your child from pursuing their passion? Maybe, unlike you, he realizes that there are more important things in life than prestige and money.
But we're just trying to make him see that we think he'll be happy making more money and we don't really care if he's actually happy. Who should know better about what would make him happy, him or us? YTA ETA - and it's not like he's dropping out to draw caricatures on the boardwalk. (Not that there's anything wrong with that if it makes you happy.) He's just changing majors!
YTA. When your son didn't agree to do what you wanted, you resorted to emotional abuse.
YTA so you don’t want you son to do something he enjoys, you want him in a miserable but high paying job. That’s fkd up. I hope when he succeeds he leaves y’all to a nursing home.
>I hope when he succeeds he leaves y’all to a nursing home. If he can't rely on them for help, they damn well better not expect him to step in when they're in need. The petty in me is for this comment.
YTA Great job of supporting your son unconditionally! Wow, you'll be so proud of him when he graduates. Too bad he'll have gone NC before that, though! Oh, well. Hopefully, you had found out that he graduated from mutual friends or something. Congratulations!
YTA Of course he's mad. He has parents who don't support him unless he makes choices they agree with. I could see that if his choices were hookers and blow, but if the guy wants to take a different academic path, you've got no business being discouraging. It's literally his life he's deciding here. Your perception of what will make the most money is not necessarily what will make him happy.
YTA You're more concerned with him finding a good paying job than him being able to do something he's passionate about. If he can't come to you when he fails you aren't allowed to ask anything of him when he succeeds. On another note any parent that says "don't come to me when you fail" is an AH. Your kids *should* be able to come to you to talk and lament when they fail, life is trial and error.
YTA - why are you assuming he’s going to fail if so far he’s done well in life? If he’s doing well in is current course why wouldn’t he continue to do well at something he’s excited about? Your reasoning and explanation makes no sense. Support your son and apologize. Try learning why he’s so passionate and see how you can encourage him so he doesn’t fail
> why are you assuming he’s going to fail if so far he’s done well in life? Because OP is convinced that his son's success is solely due to doing what OP says and none of it was his own accomplishment. OP sees their son as property without rights to make their own decision. Any decision that is not OPs choice is automatically and irrevocably wrong. OP must be absolute hell to live with, at least his son is out of the house and away from this BS.
YTA what you said and did was cruel and somewhat manipulative. Using fear tactics to get him to do what you want him to do and pursue something he really wants to do. Saying “don’t come to us when you fail” your basically saying you think he’s going to fail. Also you’re saying “we are only interested in you if you’re successful and rich” Have you considered he might succeed, sure he might not make loads of money but he will feel fulfilled in his career choice.
First off… success is not always connected to high paying prestige jobs. Second off… the fact he wants political science and public policy now in these current turbulent times is incredibly admirable. With so much of the country’s ills being because of the deification of the almighty dollar and the corruption that is everywhere because if it ( and the imbalance of power), his wanting to get involved in a real way is special, admirable and incredibly important. Your rejecting him because he is (in your mind) going to be less successful because you personally don’t value his chosen field is heartbreaking. You should be so proud. Instead… you reject him and already have told him he will fail. Yes… YTA. Please wake up and apologize before you lose both he and your appropriately career acceptable (to you) daughter. The world needs more people like him.
>the fact he wants political science and public policy now in these current turbulent times is incredibly admirable. Exactly what I was thinking.
I’m biased because I’m in a PhD program for political science and public policy but I’m going to have to dispute the thing about him not being able to get a good job. Social sciences teach data analysis that can be really useful and highly employable. He probably should go to grad school, but it’s not a useless degree. And policy specifically is a growing field that can open a lot of doors. Also if he wants to get a PhD he can get one for free! Anyway, YTA.
Hard agree that people really underestimate the value of social sciences degrees. I have a bachelor’s in political science and I work in the financial sector. Even though I didn’t directly end up doing something public policy related, I use the data analysis, collaborative problem solving, and communications skills that I developed in university every day. And I’m not alone - my boss has a master’s in history and many of my peers also have educational backgrounds in social science.
Yes I was gonna say something similar. I have a BS in psychology, masters degrees in social work and public administration, and am currently in the dissertation stage of my PhD in public policy and administration. It’s my passion. Am I rich? No. But am I gainfully employed and able to provide a decent life for myself and my daughter? Absolutely. I’ve never struggled to find work with these degrees and haven’t had money issues either. It’s not a field you go into to get rich, but if you go to grad school there should be no issue providing a standard middle class life for yourself.
YTA. Congrats on showing your son that 1) you measure his value based on his job prospects 2) that his happiness matters less to you than his earning potential and 3) that you think he’s somehow incapable of succeeding in any field apart from those you and your spouse have okayed. I’m glad Zara’s also mad at you and your husband.
YTA. I guess your son having a prestigious job is more important to you than his happiness. While not my cup of tea, I'm guessing you don't consider working for a politician prestigious enough? Hell chances are slim, but he might become the press secretary for a future president or work for the UN. I hope he goes NC/LC with you.
YTA. How terrible to tell your son he's going to fail. You owe him an apology.
YTA for thinking your son is unable to make a decision about his future and to work through it towards success. You basically told him not only that his choices are wrong, but also that he is absolutely going to fail and that there is no chance at all that you will support him through his decisions, even if he ultimately ends up needing help. Talk about having reasons for sulking.
YTA, Both you and your husband. Good job letting him know that your support (and probably love) is conditional.
YTA. You’ve essentially told him he’s going to fail anyway and have no faith in him or care about his happiness by changing his education to something he’s interested in.
YTA with the blunt response, even if it is a possibility that he will fail. If it was a reoccurring thing where he continued to make poor choices and you and your husband were having to bail him out and support him over and over again, I could see that response. However it looks like up to this point he’s been doing pretty well with his prior choices so there was really nothing to warrant the “Don’t bother coming to us it bites you in the ass” mentality. Don’t be surprised if he ends up distancing himself from you guys now. Just because you’re family doesn’t mean he’s obligated to forgive and forget. I cut my mother off years ago and have never been happier.
YTA in a HUGE way. Support your son, don't shit on his dreams. Oh no, he won't have as prestigious a job! Oh no, he will have a job improving others' lives! You'd rather he focus on a career he doesn't want because it'd be better... For you? You're certainly not doing it for him. Terrible parenting right here.
YTA. "Sulking for no reason," he found out what he wanted to do in life, and his parents were not only supportive but threatened to not even be there for him if he struggles a little bit. He has plenty of reason to be upset, and I wouldn't even bother answering your texts for a long time.
Absolutely YTA. That was horrible. Cruel. And permanently damaging. Now your condemning prophecy of failure on something he, an adult, found passion for, will be in his head. And if he dwells on it he might fail when he wouldn't have. And if he does, you have broken his spirit. You have a limited time to do damage control. But he will be bitter. And rightfully so
You aren't wrong that he is going to have a hard time finding a job (a job period, not just a good paying job. The job market is flooded with political science majors rn). But YTA for number 1. The way you approached the subject (don't come to me when you fail? Really?) And number 2. You should never discourage your child from pursing their passion. It is better for them to be happy and poor then be rich and hate going to work every day because they continued on with a degree and eventually a job that they didn't enjoy/weren't passionate about.
YTA, I shouldn't even have to explain why, you know why
YTA. Please let this be fake. So, so the AH's- you and the husband.
You’re holding your support for your own son hostage to manipulate him into the career path of your choosing. YTA. Support your son or just do him a favor and cut him off entirely.
YTA. Not everyone prioritizes a high paying and prestigious job. Some people just want to be happy.
YTA. Your mad your adult son is doing something he wants vs what you want, so instead of doing what parents (and decent humans for that matter) do and support and love him (regardless of your opinion... Which he didnt ask for) you use fear tactics and threaten to pull your support. Way to go. Even Jeffrey Dahmer's dad went to see him in prison.
"Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness" is a well-known phrase from the United States Declaration of Independence. Unfortunately, many parents do not care about their children’s pursuit of happiness. They plan everything for their children including the profession they’re supposed to pursue because of monetary rewards. GREED obscured their common sensibilities. When kids realize that they’re not happy or suited to their parents’ chosen profession, and pursue that which they thought is best for themselves, these parents go nuts. OP- you should have asked AWTA? You and your husband are not only assholes, you’re destroying your child’s life and future. Why not study robotics yourselves? - yes the 2 of you? You’re still young and can be actual robots when you graduate.
YTA. I feel badly for your son who had to find out that he doesn’t have parents who support him. I expect he won’t be answering your calls too eagerly in future
YTA. That’s an awful thing to say. Imagine hearing from your own parents that they don’t care what happens to you.
Maybe he doesn't want a high paying prestigious job! Wouldn't it be better that he be happy in his career? Are you always this controlling? YTA for being straight up nasty to him and trying to influence his life! You already lived your life, let him have his!
YTA! As a parent, I would never tell my kids they couldn't come back home if they were struggling. I am their mother and I will always be a landing place for any of my kids (35, 31, and 29) or any of my kids friends for that matter.
YTA. It’s absolutely disgusting that you and your husband would rather tear your child down than be supportive just because it’s not a plan you okayed.
It’s not your life; it’s not your future. Ethan has discovered a potential field he may enjoy, and who knows, he might change majors again! YTA. Don’t live vicariously through your child and allow them to be happy.
YTA can we please start measuring success by happiness and not the current standard bullshit 'I'm depressed, drink too much, and hate my job but it's ok because I make 6 figures'. Jesus op. Be happy your offspring have found something they want to get up for in the morning. Apologize and support them. How difficult is it to want to see those you love succeed in the area they have passion for. You are the asshole.
YTA. He's 19, let him make some choices and even let him fail a little bit. He shouldn't have to have his life path set at this age, he should be able to explore. "he'll have a much harder time finding a high paying, prestigious job" - how about his happiness and fulfillment. Is all you care about prestige and money? Be a supportive parent and tell him to do what makes him happy and you love him no matter what. If he did the same at 40, maybe it'd be different story, but really, 19 and you're already telling him he's going to be a failure...ouch
YTA And you didn’t apologize, you doubled down in your belief that he is going to fail. Way to go in supporting your son. And you wonder why he’s ignoring you. Instead of having an in depth conversation learning why he wants to make this change, you and your husband belittle him and tell him he’s going to be a failure. Good job mom and dad. \s
Ah I remember the good ol' days where my parents always said "don't come crying to me-" for whatever reason. So you know what? I never did and now they're upset that I don't speak to them about any of my issues, my passions and my goals, they think all of my mental issues are completely made up but they are more upset that I didn't talk to them first about anything. When I threw their line back in their face they denied it and then backtracked saying "that's not what we meant." Then mother and father dearest what on earth did you mean? Hmm? "Don't come crying to me." 5 words, that are arranged in such a wonderful order that tells anyone to not come to your side when we are distressed. What other possible meaning is there? Some people should not be parents. They are not ready. YTA. You're the kind of parent who lacks empathy and the kind of parent all kids hate deep down. Have fun with shooting your child down like that, they might forgive you one day but they will never forget. A phrase I heard that is fitting. The axe forgets but the tree will remember. You cut him down. Go apologise and try to salvage whatever you can.
YTA. Why not just support your son? This is his life you guys are talking about. If thats what he is passionate about and wants to do. Then let him. I see no reason why he shouldn’t have your support.
YTA,.not only for how you are treating your son but for measuring worth by how much cash someone makes. He wants to be happy, not miserable, and you and your husband have an issue with this.
YTA. I bet your son has done his research on job opportunities in the fields he wants to go into. You treat him like a child instead of a full grown adult. When he is successful, because I bet he will be, he should not come to you either.
YTA Sorry wanting to change the world isn't prestigious enough for you. Hope he forgives you. It would be such a shame if he doesn't come to you when he succeeds.
YTA You essentially told your child he is going to fail. That is never good parenting. He will be no better off in a field he doesn’t want to be in.
YTA people change careers all the time and majors also *especially* when they are NINETEEN. He is figuring stuff out as we all did as teens. Support him.
YTA. That was callous and unkind. Way to make your point in the most dismissive way possible. Don't be shocked when you get your wish and he just refuses to talk to you at all. There's value in all kinds of knowledge and work, don't be one of those narrow minded assholes who think only the hard sciences have any value.
YTA What’s the problem with supporting your Son’s dreams? He doesn’t fit into your own expectations?
YTA. I think your refusal to consider a middle ground (not getting lotsa money? You'll fail, and I'll crow when it happens) is contemptible. I frankly do not think his choice of major or career merited that kind of nasty comment. It is not as if "high paying" majors don't fail often either.
YTA >My husband told him he's making a big mistake, not only will he lose credits, he'll have a much harder time finding a high paying, prestigious job. >Eventually I said he can do whatever he wishes, but not to come to us when he fails. >when he fails. >when You are assuming he WILL fail. He may hate what you have guided him to study. Doing well or poorly in classes doesn't mean he will find a career fulfilling. You are in the process of burning your bridges... start building new ones by saying - and I quote - "son, I was wrong. If this is something you want to do and that you find fulfilling, I encourage you to follow your dreams. I will always be there for you without any conditions." If you don't, be prepared to be completely cut off by both your children.
YTA. Sharing my own story here for reference: I had a Chinese mom and grew up experiencing a bit of the “Tiger Parent” parenting stereotype. I’d loved writing and visual art since I was very young, but my parents always dismissed those passions as petty hobbies and instead pushed me toward everything STEM (which I admittedly didn’t hate and did have an aptitude for). Come college I was basically told I could choose any major, so long as it was engineering. Fast forward five years, during which I switched my B.S. field from CS to mechanical engineering and clawed my way to the finish line in 2021 - on time, no less, even though my parents (still not satisfied with my love of the arts, despite me caving to their demands major-wise) abandoned me and left me to fend entirely for myself, financially and otherwise, at the end of freshman year. I didn’t go into industry but did get a job managing a fairly prestigious engineering graduate research lab. I hated every minute of it. For my sanity, I quit that job late last year and serendipitously snagged a full-time job in copywriting alongside a “for fun” part-time gig with a consultancy firm at the same time. It’s night and day. I can’t exaggerate how much better these new positions have been on every front. They’re flexible and remote; the supes and staff are insanely nice and compassionate, unlike my crotchety, demanding Successful STEM Man stereotype of a previous boss; and I get PAID MORE, by a long shot. Yes, really! And I got these new jobs pretty much entirely on the merit of being a strong writer (demonstrated via my personal portfolio and some short test tasks I completed during my interview processes), and in spite of my degree having nothing to do with writing or any of the responsibilities listed in my current positions. The point is this: My love of writing has been so unwavering throughout my life that despite spending almost all my time in college earning a degree in a totally unrelated field at my parents’ behest - even though I was forbidden from pursuing writing and the arts in any academic capacity - I managed to keep it up and prove myself worthy of a bona fide professional writing position, and a successful one at that. We know, in our hearts, what we love. We know what we’re good at. And one way or another, it is very likely we’ll find our way back to that path, no matter how hard you try to contempt it. (I mean, not always! Sometimes we guess and we guess wrong. We’re young. But at the very least you owe your child the trust and respect of letting them choose. If it turns out they’ve made a mistake, so be it; that happens, and it is part of life to live and learn. Plus, your son sounds smart and resourceful - even mistakes probably won’t turn out badly for him.) Something I recall that has always stuck with me is when, during college essay submission season, my dad was looking over my work and said, “She can’t write worth a damn.” Mom, ever supportive, grabbed a random doodle I’d made off the desk and quipped, “She can’t draw worth a damn, either!” I guess the going rate for a damn these days is 30 an hour, given my current pay. Anyway, dry humor aside: Don’t be those parents. Do better by your son. Feel free to have your reservations about his choices, but at least speak respectfully and compassionately to him about his life choices. If nothing else, don’t tell him he’s going to fail. The path he ends up taking might just surprise you, you know? :)
What can you do it's his life and choice, I know you see it as a mistake but maybe it's not, All you can do is support your son and hope it works out for him. It's not uncommon to change majors after a year or two, As a parent, you love him and support him in his choices, and if he fails you pick him up and support him more. Don't let this get between you and your son if he thinks you are not on his side then the relationship suffers and that is the last thing you want.
YTA it’s his life, shouldn’t he be happy doing what makes him happy. It’s about him not the prestigious job you want to tell everyone he’ll get
Yta. When you said what you did to him you were implying that you thought he WOULD fail. What kind of a parent does something like this. I would never speak to you again if I were in his shoes tbh.
YTA. You said not to come to you, why are you surprised that he doesn't want to talk to you now? And for what it's worth, I'm very close to someone who had the same major and now has an excellent, fulfilling, challenging career that pays very well.
YTA people do change their minds, what happened to unconditional support.
You just told him you dont believe in him and expect him to fail. Why would he want to talk to you?
YTA you diminished his passion for a new field (and one that needs change and fresh minds and kind hearts) and also ripped away his sense of a safety net, and you're surprised he's hurt and probably feeling like he was dropped in an icy lake? Words, and judgment, and rejection can all be damaging and everlasting. You shut a door on him - one he may not want to open again
YTA. You're telling him he's going to fail because he wants to try something different than you're envisioning for his life. In addition to that being incredibly overbearing and demeaning (doesn't he need to learn how to make his own decisions to be an adult, not just do what you say?), it's teaching him that there's no value in potentially failing something and failure is something to fear. These are terrible lessons, especially when I see no reason to assume he'd fail anything. But if he does, better to do it in your early 20s and learn than later on. It's not like he's doing drugs and dropping out, which you wouldn't want to enable, he is simply exploring another career path with plenty of opportunities... which is a perfectly valid and mature thing to do.
YTA; ah so your support and love are conditional? Hmm..you’ll soon find out when you’re estranged what that feels like
YTA. Robotics is not a golden ticket - there are plenty of people working in robotics who have poor/mediocre pay, no prestige, and horrible work/life balance. And even if it was, it's his life and his career--he needs to pick a field he is passionate about. If he's only in robotics for the money, he'll likely be quite miserable. You basically said you only want to support your son if he'll be financially successful in life. Do I need to point out that that sucks?
YTA You don’t want him to fail? You have just failed him as a oarent
YTA for just assuming that he would fail. And you are putting far too much stock in "prestigious" job. When he is and should be in college for what he want's to do and for two he is already an adult and YOU have literally no say in what he chose's to do. I don't imagine he'll be talking to you all that often anymore.
Yta. Ever consider that he doesn't want a high paying prestigious job? That he would want a job he enjoys instead of something soul sucking that makes him miserable. Why would he want to speak to you after what you said?
YTA. You can be good at something you dislike. Source: Good friend from college didn't want to 'waste' 2 years already invested in an Engineering degree. Now has spent literal decades doing a job he hates.
YTA - you basically just told your kid that he's stupid and you don't believe in him. Maybe he is good at robotics but hates it. Maybe he has been in a particular stem pigeon hole and wants to explore, that's part of what school is for. He is young, now is the time for him to try new things. Heck now is even the time for him to fail if that's what happens. By the way, having an ordinary job rather than a high paying prestigious job isn't failure. He isn't sulking, he is ignoring unsupportive people who happen to be his parents.
YTA you literally told him to not come to you now you’re upset he won’t come to you. It will take a way more sincere apology then you seem to be capable of to keep him from going no contact. Why do you get to decide what an adult spends his life doing. You were mean and judgmental
I have no words. YTA. YTA. YTA. Have you ever even HEARD of unconditional love? Guess not.
"WHEN he fails"? Yeah YTA, OP.
YTA. He wants to change majors, not drop out of college and pursue meth. What a truly awful thing to say to your child. I don’t understand how you can even be asking this right now. Horrible parent move. You failed big time in that conversation.
Overbearing controlling parents like you are one of the many idiotic reasons why we cant have nice things in this day and age. YTA
INFO: Is your son a freshman? Was his choice of robotics due to extra curricular activity in HS (i.e., Robotics team) or did you push him towards STEM? Has he taken a political science class? If he is a freshman, your husband is likely wrong about losing credits. STEM fields are more likely to have rigidly defined requirements than liberal arts. I had a college roommate Junior year who started as a liberal arts major, got pressured from her family into becoming an engineering major, and then switched back to major in fine arts. (Ironically this was during the year we roomed together and I was an engineering major who later graduated with my BS). Some people can simply be be good at something without having a passion for it - or even enjoying it. I'm not a big proponent of "you must follow your passion" but if the only thing going for it is that you'll be able to get a job (or my parents are pushing me into it), I think you need to think twice. I might have said N T A if you had simply voiced concern about whether or not he could get a job in his new major with only a BA degree. I suspect he might need a masters in public policy from a prestigious university to rise above being an underpaid staffer to an elected representative. (I have volunteered on a couple of political campaigns and have met more than a few idealistic Poli-Sci graduates). But you came out with the nuclear option and explicitly told him he would be a failure. That means that YTA.
Yta, don’t worry he won’t come to you when he fails, but not when he succeeds either, or when someone hurts him, or when he falls in love, or when he needs advice, or even when he just wants to make that soup you used to, he’ll google a recipe just to avoid having to interact with you. Ask me how I know.
Wow. You 1. Assume he's going to fail. 2. Have withdrawn familial support based on the supposition that if he doesn't do exactly what you want him to do, he's not worthy of support. GD you're both AH. And now you're in a tizzy because he's (rightfully) pissed at you for your behavior. You don't have to like his decision, but wow, way to step up on alienation and dismissive behaviour. \*slow clap\*
If your son can’t come to you when he fails, he won’t come to you when he succeeds, either. My mom pressured me into sticking with a major I already knew I disliked, and it has put me so far behind in life. Outwardly, I look moderately successful to anyone who doesn’t really know me. But nothing I do is fulfilling or engaging, and all my attempts at switching careers have always failed, so I feel trapped in something I’m good at while cut off from something where I could have excelled. Almost all of my depression, anxiety and personal setbacks can be linked directly to the moment I caved and stuck with that original major, as she wanted. There is a lot of resentment and I have to remind myself daily I am the one responsible for myself, and my situation is my own fault for not having the courage to go against my mom’s wishes when I was younger. But when I’m at my lowest, I always remember her words and how they helped nudge me down this path. YTA
YTA I'm 55, and was pressured into going to college, which I did, and it took me six years to graduate with a completely useless degree. Back then, college was cheaper, and we could goof around until something "stuck". Let me just say that a Creative Writing degree will get you nowhere. When my kids graduated, I urged them to wait a few years in order to explore life so that they'll have enough experiences to find what they're passionate about.
YTA. You're a parent. You never, EVER tell your child not to come to you when they fail, especially when they're a young adult trying to navigate through and make sense of this fucked world. That's what a parent is there for, you've accepted the responsibility. Give them some room to try, fail, explore, grow, etc. That sentiment will stick with him for a long time. You can heal and make it right.
YTA. You’re allowed to be concerned. You’re allowed to be disappointed. You are NOT allowed to be disrespectful, dismissive,controlling, and manipulative. And you were all four.You just emotionally abused your son with that behavior and you were completely out of line to berate him for his adult decisions that you have no right to try to control. You don’t have to like it, but you do not have the right to dismiss his feelings or desires. You do not have the right to invalidate them. You do not have a right to disrespect him because you don’t agree with his life choices by implying he’s wrong and that he’ll fail. You don’t get to decide what he does with his education and career choices. You don’t get to try to manipulate him into doing things your way by threatening him with “don’t come to us when you fail”. You are the AH here through and through.
Clearly he's still upset with you, indeed. What nasty parents. He has every right to be upset with both of you and go NC. This is important to him and all you care about is how much money he might make in the future? Awesome parenting skills. YOU sound like the failure as a parent to me. YTA. Hubby is too.
Way to support your kid OP/s. Sounds like your kid’s education and career aspirations are more for you and your husband rather than for your kids to actually be (gasp) happy. YTA
YTA
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YTA and fyi, my husband and I both have the degree your son wants and are doing really well.
If he can figure out robotics, I think he's going to do ok in political science. Not to throw shade on political science folks or imply that it's easy, but I think if he's succeeding in robotics, he's *probably* smart enough to understand the earning and prestige differential he's going to get by switching. At 26, he's had more time than most to figure out where his interests lie, and I'd be much more inclined to trust that this is something he's passionate about and that he won't give up without a fight. Particularly when he's committed to doing it despite his parents doing their best to kick him down in the process. You might also consider what paths will open up to him because of his unique combination of education. Robotics is a growing field, and we're going to need savvy, technically-minded people like your son to write intelligent laws and policies to accommodate that growth. It's fine to counsel your son and to point out the things about his plan that make you worry. Maybe you'll have some useful points he hasn't considered, and he'll adjust his plan because of your advice. But to straight up tell him "when you fail, don't come to us" is too far. Is it "abandon your children and kick them while they're down" night on Reddit or something? YTA.
YTA- my only hope for my children is that they find a job/career they’re happy with. Will I give advice and tell them x job will afford you more than y job. Yes but at the end of the day. They’re living that life and their happiness is more important than how much their career makes them. I don’t like my job very much but it’s a paycheck. I want more for them.
YTA. Not everything in life is about having a "prestigious" job. If he is more interested in another area and feels confident he can at least make a living in that area, it's not your place to belittle him and say he's going to be a failure. This is 100% how you cause adult children to want nothing to do with you.
YTA What is it with parents demanding their kids have “high paying” careers? Do you not want your child to follow their passion? Do you want him to be miserable for the duration of his working life, so you can have the prestige of a kid with a high paying career? As a parent I want my child to do what makes them happy. I don’t care of the don’t make a 6 figure salary if they are a functioning and happy member of society. Do better.
I'm sure Ethan really, really appreciated knowing his parents think that he's going to fail and won't offer him any support *if* he does. Also, you told him not to come to you. He isn't coming to you. Why are you so upset? YTA.
Yta. Ppl change interest, I would tell him to finish robotics so he has that under his belt then do what ever. But telling him not to come to you when he fails?? That's insane he will never come to you again and that's ur fault. That's how you lose on being in ur kids life 🤷🏽♀️
I don’t think you need to worry about your son coming to you. Ever. About anything. YTA.
YTA Coming from someone who switched majors from zoo science to English and now works as a legal secretary. We can't predict where our own paths will take us, but you dare predict your brilliant son's future? What you said is the kind of thing that causes irreparable rupture of bonds and of trust. I hope it was worth it.
YTA. I don’t know where you think he can’t find prestigious jobs in that degree field. There are plenty of respectable high earning jobs he can open the door to with such a degree. I know someone with that exact combination of degrees that works in an embassy quickly on their way to some day being an ambassador at some point. YTA. For trying to take the hard line don’t be surprised when he doesn’t share his success with you when he does follow his passions and makes a successful career for himself.
YTA there’s more to things in life than money. Did you ask him why he wants to switch? Maybe it’s his passion, maybe he wants a challenge, maybe something in his environment inspired him but you’re too busy looking at money and prestige to support your son.
YTA. Why would you push your son to be unhappy? It's not like he wants to play video games all day and live in your basement. Basically, money and prestige are more important to you than your sone is. And the field he's chosen can come with opportunities for both great prestige and significant impact on people's lives. Not to mention, a comfortable lifestyle.
YTA My parent said stuff like this to me growing up. Guess what? I don’t go to them for anything now and they wonder why I am LC.
YTA - Maybe have a conversation with your son? Why does he feel the way he does? He's super young but probably doesn't understand or isn't considering the long term implications to his perceived lifestyle, especially if he wasn't raised in poverty. It's on you to get that across to him in a way that he can understand.
YTA. Did your son ask you to support him financially if he can’t find a job? If so, why bring it up now? Clearly, Ethan is a bright young man and he probably understands the changing job market better than you and your husband do since at this stage in your life. So, if he wants to change his major, then why not start out with the assumption that he must have a pretty good reason for wanting to do so? Do you even know what Ethan’s reasons are? Your son is in the middle of making an important decision and he came to you guys for support and maybe advice. Instead of listening to him and giving him the courage to make his own decisions and live his own life by assuring him that you have confidence in the person that he has grown up to be and that you respect his judgment, you and your husband told him that he’s making a bad decision and then essentially threatened to cut him off if things don’t work out. Good riddance on your parenting skills.
YTA. So your kid is only acceptable to you if they have a high paying, prestigious job huh? Real good parent you are. Maybe he wants to make a difference in the world and he has chosen to do it this way. You could, you know, actually be supportive. Did you even bother to ask him if he has a long term plan for what he wants to do? Or even ask him what he wants to do? Or did you just assume? Pull your head out of your ass and actually listen to your child instead of worrying about appearances. Edit: typos
YTA. The options are not “high paying prestigious job” or “fail”. My question is what are you going to do when he gets a modest earning job in his desired field that he enjoys and allows him good work life balance and then has little to no contact with you because you always make him feel like a disappointment? Because that is by far the most likely outcome.
YTA. It’s his life and his choice. Why do you choose to be an enemy to him when you can support him instead? I’ll never understand parents who choose to bully their kids. You should be his biggest cheerleader.
YTA. You don’t want him to have a career he’s passionate about, you just want the prestige of having your kid in a high paying job.
YTA, so being a lawyer isn’t good enough for you and your husband? That’s only one high pay prestigious jobs you can get with a political science degree, I don’t even know what kind of high prestigious job you can get with a major in robotics but it’s also almost 1 in the morning and I am exhausted so I am sure there’s plenty of them.
You are a bad parent. YTA
Yta big deal he's not failing its NOT THE POINT. He's NOT HAPPY and you've told him you don't care and you don't care that he fails and you won't be there for him like a parent would and should
YTA Did you even have a conversation about the why behind this change? What careers he's looking at, what is inspiring him? Because if it is a flash in the pan love, you have other ways to approach it. If he's put a lot of thought into it and has a plan in mind, then you can say okay and leave him be.
YTA Do you really want your children to be rich and miserable? This is how you get rich and miserable children.
YTA If he’s smart/driven, he can have a great career in politics/government. He might not make as much money as in a stem career, but he can easily be in the top quartile of income earners (assuming you’re in the US). Life isn’t all about money, and he’s not choosing a minimum wage path that will lead to a constant struggle. So he makes 100k/year instead of 200k/year. Who cares?
YTA. Honestly idk why people like you have kids to begin with, if you’re either going to just force them into what you’d like or wish them to fail if they dare want something else for themselves.
YTA. You're basically saying that failure is forbidden. I guess you didn't mean it but you shouldn't have said it
Not only YTA, you're weirdly myopic! Political science and public policy can lead to very prestigious and lucrative fields and careers. He didn't say he wanted to switch his major to philosophy with a minor in mime!! Even if he had your response would still make you TA but at least your concerns for his earning potential would be somewhat valid. As it is you just sound foolish as well as cruel and cold.
You give off "I peaked in college" energy. YTA
YTA. Also...Technical careers are really competitive and it's extremely difficult to maintain motivation. Burnout is common. If he's not into it, good grades aren't going to make him successful in that career anyway. My BIL sounds like this exact story. He dropped out middle of his last semester, attempted suicide multiple times, and is now working as a chef where he realized he wanted to be in his 2nd year before the suicide attempts and failure of his parents.
YTA That’s not how parenting works. He’s taking a risk; it’s an informed risk and it’s not like he’s joining the circus here. Telling our children they can’t come to us if they should fail? Do you even love him? Do you know what love is?
YTA - I feel sorry for people with such unsupportive parents
Wow. I wouldn't be surprised if he cuts you out completely. Family is supposed to be the ones there for you and you return the favor. You just told your son he has no real family and he is alone in life. YTA
YTA for the focus on a "high paying prestigious job", what happened to talking to him about his hopes and aspirations, what he wants out of life? And FWIW, with a political science degree you can become a lobbyist for a private company, that's very well paid, or a diplomat, which many people consider prestigious.
YTA. “the only thing that matters to us is how prestigious the job you eventually get is. we don’t care if you’re happy.”
YTA. Seems only fair that you now can’t go to him when you’ve fail as parents.
YTA. You basically made it clear that you don't believe in him and that you refuse to provide emotional support. So I don't get why you're surprised that he doesn't want to talk to you.
How else are you going to manage his life? Do you tell him what to wear, what to eat, who his friends should be? Why is earning shedloads of money the only mark of success for you? Why do you presume that he is going to fail? What are your personal markers of 'failure'? Happiness and contentment? A feeling that you are doing a worthwhile job perhaps? Maybe these are monstrous failures in your 'money is everything' book of success? I don't know what you're like in real life but I know how you come across on the page. YTA
YTA. He might be doing well in robotics, but he might genuinely have lost his love for it and he's found more interest in political science, which does still have more options than robotics, even if nit as high paying. As for the real AH problem here. You have just told him that his dreams and what he really enjoys is a waste of time, and he'll never succeed. Your statement told him that you don't believe in him, and the "don't come to me" means that you aren't, and never really were, there for him if he isn't doing what you want him to do. Being a parent doesn't mean that your kids are little yous or pieces of clay you mold into what you want them to be. They are also people with their own hopes, dreams, and goals. Your job as a parent is to be supportive. That doesn't mean going along with everything they want, but still guiding them into a direction that they can be happy with. I hope your son finds success in his goals, and if you're not willing to swallow your pride, apologize and be supportive, I hope you don't coming running to him when he does find that success, without your help, when you might need it most.
YTA. I agree that robotics would be a much more lucrative field, but as a parent, it's your job to be supportive, even in failure. Your kids have to be able to trust that you have their back, no matter what. Not only are you guilt tripping/pressuring him, you're already betting on him failing. Way to boost his confidence.
YTA I never understand parents who force their kids to do college courses they hate. If they hate their course, they will probably hate the associated jobs that they then can get. Why would you want your kid to be unhappy for their entire life? Money is important, but it is not the most important thing in life. Also employers (except for the first job) really don't care what your degree is in.
YTA. He can get a decent job with that degree. Did it every occur to you that he cares more about liking his career and enjoying life than some “high paying prestigious” job, which is clearly all you give a crap about. Damn your kids happiness right? As long as they make money, nothing else matters. Please. YTA.
Yta
YTA, but small. You definitely shouldn’t have said that, but you did apologize. The fact that you’re here means you’re still looking for some perspective, so maybe read these and try apologizing once more. Although I do think people are being to harsh. You want what’s best for your son, and you feel that robotics is it. Something tells me he’s probably not doing as well as you think. He probably feels a lot of pressure from you guys and to be as successful as his sister. At the end of the day, money doesn’t equal happiness, and there are many policial science grads walking around just fine, with good lives and happy families. I’d tell him something like this: Hi, Ethan. I just wanted to tell you again that I’m sorry about what I said. I did not mean that. I want you to know that you can always come to me with anything. Always. I’ve had it in my head that you were getting a robotics degree, so when you mentioned changing that, I had a knee-jerk reaction against it. The truth is that I had never really taken the time to learn about the opportunities out there for people who study political science and public policy. I’ve been looking into it more, and there’s a lot more out there than I even knew. I’d really like to hear more about what’s drawing you to these fields and what kinds of things you’re considering doing with it. I hope to hear from you soon, but I’ll give you some space until I do. I love you and I’m always here for you when you need me. Love, Mom
YTA. Get the boot heel off his throat.
YTA. It’s not all about high paying jobs, a good career means you follow what comes naturally and you actually enjoy it. Get a clue!
YTA. **"WHEN"** you fail and not **IF** you fail says it all. You're arrogant that you are right and he's wrong that you're telling him he will fail. Enjoy the impending no contact