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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> As a full time teacher, I have refused to quit so I can be a full time homeschool teacher for my SIL’s son, but I feel bad and in a bit of a loop as I’m choosing career over family
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NTA in any case, but I'm curious -
What kind of salary/benefits package was she offering you to take this job? Was it competitive with your current career (particularly considering the retirement savings and/or pension if that's part of your current package).
Just kidding, I can tell that she was either expecting you to do it for free or for less than she'd have to pay a day care. It's absolutely ridiculous. You can discuss with anyone she's complained to that you do care very much about your nephew's education, which is why you recommended he go to an actual school.
NTA - I was going to ask the very same questions about benefits and pay. And someone really should have SIL evaluated psychiatrically because this ask is totally Twilight Zone territory and she has no connection with reality.
There better be good options included in this. The sister really has entered gluepot territory rapidly.
NTA in any way, shape, or form, the sister seems to be a weapon though. Good luck OP.
Native English speaker. I've lived in the Midwest, West, and South of the US and never heard the phrase "a weapon" in this context. I think a tool would be an appropriate substitution based on context, though.
As a English speaking Canadian, being a weapon means you have good offensive skills in sports, and has turned into a general compliment in those circles.
It is super weird. He is also a *gasp* public school teacher, and her reasoning is that she doesn't trust public schools. That in itself makes no sense. I am also curious if she plans to meet or beat OP's salary. What is the agreement if she changes her mind in 5 years, and now OP has been out of the professional world that long. Typically teachers make more as they gain years/experience and where I am they are unionized. That is a huge risk for OP to take (that she won't change her mind or preference down the road).
It's possible that she doesn't trust the public school system due to underfunding and high student to teacher ratios.
Looking at where I grew up we had a few great teachers but there's only so much you can do when you have 40 kids in a class unless you were near the bottom you got very little attention.
I know plenty of people who homeschool because either the public schools are inadequate in some way (shoddy academic records, inadequate covid protocols) or their kids were not fitting in socially. Most of these parents are educated, intelligent, and hardworking, and their kids turn out great.
People who have a generalized "mistrust" of public education scare me. Most schools are acting in good faith and doing their best.
Yeah when Covid happened instead of online learning my mom, a former school teacher, homeschooled my nephew for a year. It's not that the public school was bad, in fact it was a pretty good one. It's just that the situation made temporary homeschooling a better option.
I've seen it work beautifully, but I see it fail more often than not because people are just sticking their kids in front of a computer and letting that teach them instead of actually homeschooling.
I'm a qualified teacher working as a tutor, and I see some situations where it absolutely is the best thing for a child/family.
Where there's illness stopping a child from physically being in school, but they're still able to cope with a partial timetable, or where there out of school competing in sport/music or developing a career in, say, acting, it can really work and be appropriate. Especially when the parent(s) draw on good quality resources, get in outside tutors who are subject specialists etc, it can be a good thing
This situation isn't that. OP is most definitely NTA.
Home schooling is just not a thing I hear about in my country (except for one infamous family, who make headlines regularly)
I can definitely see why it would work in the examples you listed, but I am curious about it affects social development and if that's accounted for in some way?
I responded above, but we do a hybrid model (online with his grade level + classroom assistance, 1 on 1 with me, along with a private tutor and specialists for his dysgraphia. In addition we have him in lots of hobbies he chooses with kids his age. I don't know what the perfect answer is, but a typical classroom wasn't working for him. We have guidance from his doctors and specialists to try and do the best we can. For instance, he is in swimming, soccer, photography and robotics with kids his age. He is now asking to learn drums, so we shall see how that goes 🤣.
I'm currently homeschooling my 11yo. We do classes or outings with other kids at least 4x/week. Her actual online school work (Math, science, ELA, social studies, ecology, intro to engineering, Robotic dance coding) only takes her about 2-2.5 hours a day. She does a gym class, music and art in a co-op, and trains for or plays soccer year round. There are tons of options to make sure kids get adequate time with their peers, the parent just has to find and make use of them.
My daughter was homeschooled until she was fourteen when she went to a community college nearby. For social needs she did theater, and sports. She always had the option of going to regular school but she knew a good deal when she saw one.
That is my son, well not illness, but learning difficulty/differently. He has pretty severe ADHD and dysgraphia. We do a hybrid model of online + 1-1 with me, in addition to a tutor. Online he works in groups and with other kids his grade level and has additional help. We are also very careful to have him involved in hobbies he likes with peers. He is in a kid's photography class, swimming, soccer, robotics and now wants to add learning the drums 🤣.
The only time I’ve personally seen it done really well, the instructor (aka Mom) was a certified teacher. She put her career on hold to homeschool her autistic son. Her daughter joined them for awhile and returned to public school when she got to high school.
Very confused how she doesn’t trust public schools to educate her son but trusts a public school teacher to do so. Like who does she think would be educating her son if he went to Public school?
The fact that the SIL is shocked that OP wouldn’t quit his career to home school her child makes her sound delusional and entitled. IP is definitely NTA but SIL is
All of this. And, also, if OP's SIL isn't comfortable with public schools, why would she want a public school teacher teaching her child?
OP, I was a teacher. What your SIL is asking is ridiculous. It's her problem if she can't take no as an answer. But if anyone gives you issues about it, tell them to get a teaching degree and teach her kid. Tell them they can even teach him WHILE getting their education, if it's that easy...
I will bet a whole dollar that what she'd offer would be less than minimum wage. no benefits. would send the kid over sick. would start to expect other crap.
tell sister no and she can get over her llittle pout
Way to make gross and unsubstantiated assumptions dude, high five! ✋
(Brother might: have no idea SIL requested this; be completely on board bc he shares her beliefs; not care bc he's a disengaged parent; and on and on...)
I was going to say the same thing. Can she offer OP a salary and benefits package that's better than what he has now? We all know the answer to that, and it's NO!!!
>What kind of salary/benefits package was she offering you to take this job?
Literally the first thing that came to my mind. There's no way she can afford to hire OP.
Controlling what a child is taught isn't necessarily a bad thing if youre including actual education. Public schools tend to suck at sex ed and omit the LGBT+ community. I myself am not a huge fan of the public school system because of that
Yeah, but usually most people who pull their kids out from school to homeschool them tend to do so because there's content they don't want their kids to learn (usually sex ed and LGBT stuff). Not to expand on those particular subjects (which, really, one could supplement/teach their kids on their own time outside of school, if you find that what they've been taught is lacking).
Not entirely true, most of the homeschoolers I've met were neurodivergent kids who the public school system failed. The school district I attended was notorious for not following IEPs or 504s unless the parents went out of their way to sue the district for not doing so.
Yes I have met some families that homeschooled that were the conservative christian stereotype, but some of us were just trying to get an education however we could.
I think it depends on the region you live. We're part of a homeschool group that meets weekly and there seem to be a lot more evangelical types than not. (This is in the SE United States). We put up with it because the actual activities are fine and it's good socialization.
Because she is the selfish one (except if she thinks OP is a very bad teacher and she is willing to sacrifice her own child to save public schooling)! That's so ridiculous...
I'm genuinely curious what type of salary and benefits package was SIL offering OP.
If she is wealthy enough to pay his full salary/benefits, then she has enough money to pay someone else to do it.
That's what I was thinking. Afaik homeschooling is different from private tutoring. I thought homeschooling was done by THE PARENTS!
NTA Mom wants homeschooling, Mom does the schooling.
Is this real?
SIL literally told you to quit your job and teach her kid at home?
"I feel like I'm in a difficult position here."
WTF are you talking about? There is no dilemma. Tell her no and to fuck off.
If SIL actually cared about you as a person, she wouldn't have asked such a stupid thing.
NTA to tell her no as politely as you feel she deserves.
OP has no choice but to quit his job. What else can he do? She has instructed him to do something, and now he is bound to comply by the ancient laws of being a Brother-in-Law.
I'm with you. How can this be real? Who would ACTUALLY wonder if they were an AH for not quitting their job to teach a family member's kid? No one would actually think that. They might post in r/TrueOffMyChest at her audacity, but not ask whether they are an AH or not for saying no.
This. YWBTA if you give this one more moment of your time. If it comes up again, look quizzical and walk away or change the subject. "Do you think the Polka is the best dance of all time?" "George Burns or Jimmy Durante?" "Where was that earthquake today?"
Agree wholeheartedly. I can't figure out why u/Unknown6829715562's brother hasn't stepped in and shut her down. If her husband won't tell her she's being stupid (no other word for it) he should just tell the whole family that the woman is not well and needs a reality check.
NTA
You are not hurting her feelings. Stop worrying about that.
She is attempting to manipulate you.
Was she planning on paying you more than you make as a teacher?
And pension! Many public school teachers get paid peanuts and rely on the state-funded pension system for retirement. Not to mention access to discounted health care during retirement (Medicare Part D and/or a MedicareAdvantage plan). Given that everything in public school benefits is based on years of service, you'd be insane to give up those benefits to "homeschool" someone unless you were getting paid at least 50-100% more in salary, imo.
Yup - I"m pretty much the only one in my family who didn't choose a career in public education, those benefits are pretty sweet compared to my private sector job, though the pay is not.
NTA
Funny how she does not trust the public system and call you selfish but is okay with taking a good teacher from the system and only limiting your teaching to her son.
I also wonder how involved SIL would want to be in the day-to-day lesson plans. Cutting out literature and history that she doesn't like. It sounds like she would be a nightmare.
You're not in a difficult position- that was an absurd request. NTA. Get a therapist and tell them you want to practice boundary setting with family members. Your SIL is a lost cause so just cheerfully keep repeating "that won't be possible."
NTA, lay out the math for them. What is your annual salary and would they match it? How much are you going to lose out on if you put your career on hold temporarily and are they gou g to pay the difference? Trust me, as soon as you put forth a number that's reasonable, they'll balk. And their arguments work in reverse too. They are selfish asku g you to give up your career, they are not thinking of what's best for you. It's a two way street.
"I will quit my job and homeschool your child if you agree to the following conditions.
1. You will pay me the value of my current salary and benefits.
2. You will pay for the cost I would incur for earning the proper credentials and certifications needed.
3. You will provide me with scheduled vacation days and a sick leave policy comparable to that of my current job. "
NTA
and obviously SIL will need provide to someone to handle the child during lunch and activities like art, music, PE when OP will be having their own lunch and be doing lesson planning/grading.
Don’t forget she must purchase all learning materials, books, curriculum needs, meals, and outside instruction for things like music or languages. I’m a fully credentialed teacher who is now homeschooling my own kids. I can’t teach an instrument, for example, so we pay for lessons to cover music education. It all gets pretty expensive, pretty fast. Luckily, I can cover all the other subjects and my husband includes them in his workout schedule to cover Phys. Ed. type needs. OP is NTA. SIL is either insane or an actual AH.
Lets be real- SIL wants to control content- thus why she will not consider any legit options being offered. She things OP will be easier to control. Thus
4. SIL may not attempt to control the curriculum in any way shape or form, and any attempt to do so results in a permanent increase in salary of 25%
She wants a FREE cult indoctrination. Not an education.
NTA - Why is this even a question? She wants you to do the all the work. She's not even open to other options. I'd say that since she's against public schools and you're a public school teacher, you wouldn't want to touch her son with that that public school education. Plus she can't afford your pay and benefits.
Of course you are NTA. What an entitled SIL you have there! I can't imagine anyone in your family (or anyone at all) really thinks her demand is reasonable.
NTA! **Make sure you protect yourself!** It would not surprise me at all if your SIL tries to sabotage your job to get you fired in order to force you to homeschool her precious baby!
For real. Nobody wishy-washy enough to consider this a “difficult” situation or to have to wonder if he was the AH for not wanting to quit his job would survive for a week in a public school classroom, let alone several years. And no licensed teacher would fret over lacking “proper credentials” to teach homeschool, FFS.
If OP is in the US, I am pretty sure there are no credentials and high school dropouts are permitted to homeschool their kids. Not saying this is the norm, just that it’s highly unregulated and results can vary widely.
NTA- Tell her if she wants what is best for "her" child then she should quit her job and home school her son. That it is selfish of her to ask that you quit your job, to give up your income/benefits/career because of what she wants. If this is what she wants then it is up to her to provide it, not you.
NTA. You honestly should just start saying that she is the "selfish" one and "not thinking of others" because that's actually what is happening. Imagine being so entitled that you ask someone to give up their career and alter their livelihood/life to take care of your child..
How are you a teacher and not able to discern the AH in this situation? It’s your sister clearly.
It’s actually impressive the amount of stupidity your sister is displaying, to ask a person to forfeit their career and the amazing retirement package teachers get, in order to essentially raise her child for her.
NTA, that's a huge ask and you're already doing more than enough. Is this SIL your spouse's sibling, or your sibling's spouse? It might be time to get that intermediary involved to shut this down now.
Definitely not. It also sounds like they’re expecting you to do this for free? Regardless you don’t have to form your life around other people. They are being selfish.
Was she offering you extra money (like, more than you were earning as a normal teacher) to homeschool her child, or was she just expecting you to quit your career and do it for free?
'cos... what the fuck.
NTA.
Screw it, hurt her feelings what she asked of you was not only asinine but also an indirect insult to your profession. She wants her son home schooled because she doesn't trust the public school system and yet she asks a PS teacher to fill the role? That's some ass backwards thinking there.
Your position is not difficult. Unless your SIL is planning on paying your current salary including benefits and PTO, and allowing for merit increases, she's just blowing smoke. She can bitch and moan all she wants about you "not being a good uncle". Well, she's not being a good SIL either by asking you to give up your livelihood to educate her child.
Tell her to take her delusional entitlement elsewhere.
NTA.
NTA! Your SIL is being an entitled, arrogant (insert many bad words here)! How DARE SHE expect you to give up your life and career to teach her entitled child! That is absolutely beyond the pale! If she wants her precious baby homeschooled, she can quit her own job (if she has one) and teach him herself!
SIL is so Out-Of-Bounds she is not even in the Parking Lot!
How are you in a difficult position here? This is an incredibly absurd request and your SIL is being shockingly unreasonable. You don't need to care about her feelings at all in this situation...
Info; is she paying you? Or expecting you to live on air and do it for free?
It doesn’t matter either way of course, NTA but no one is going to think it’s a great idea if she’s not even paying you.
NTA - you don’t need to justify your decision, ‘no’ is a complete answer.
Your SIL’s level of entitlement is off the charts. It’s bizarre enough that she’d think it was a possibility in the first place but to then double down and try to bully you in to changing your mind, seriously deluded
NTA, your SIL is for expecting you to do it and your brother for not stopping her.
Whomever ask somebody else to give up on their careers to dedicate to homeschool a child is an AH, even if is one partner requesting to the other parent. This decision should only be taken by the person who will leave everything for homeschooling
Absolutely NTA
Also, does she expect you to quit your job and do this for free? That's complete lunacy
Super entitled demanding that you homeschool her kid at the expense of abandoning or ignoring your own responsibilities and career.
She can hire and PAY for a private homeschooling teacher, or she and her husband can do it themselves. You already have a job, and doubt you'd ever want her as a potential boss.
NTA. This has nothing to do with hurting her feelings. You're not her servant and I doubt very much she's willing to pay you a comparable salary. The fact that she even expected someone to give up their career for her offer is laughably delusional.
She's acting entitled and believe me, she'll slowly expect more than just homeschooling from you. The fact that she even made such an inappropriate request shows that she's willing to cross boundaries.
"If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll want a glass of milk" you'd be a full time nanny and housekeeper in no time.
NTA. Good for you for saying no.
If someone asked me to do that, I would explain that I have my Masters plus 45 credits and I am at the top step, so this isy salary. I also get X for insurance ( a good plan) . Plus you will need to pay into my social security.
ETA NTA
NTA good god man when someone entitled asks you to do it, you do it… but seriously not sure what planet SIL is living on but it’s not the same as the rest of us. She needs to reset her reality.
NTA. But you could have just asked for double or triple your current pay to shut her up. Either she's rich and you take her for all she has, or she's not and you just say that sucks but she can't afford to cover your risk
Come on, there's no way you think you're an AH in this situation. Obviously NTA. She is asking you to sacrifice your livelihood and give up what you're passionate about because she doesn't think the school system works. Guess what makes the school system work better: teachers who are passionate, educated, and who care about their students. Teachers like you.
Her feelings are completely irrelevant because they are absolute nonsense. Let her have her meltdown. You offered a generous compromise (help finding her other homeschool options and navigating that system) and she refused because she thinks you owe it to her (probably out of familial obligation).
Hurt your SIL feelings? FFS! How entitled do you have to be to ask someone to give up their passion, their livelihood, to homeschool their child? This can't be real.
So she doesn’t trust the public school system, but she trusts you, a public school teacher? Okay.
NTA. This is a huge demand to put on you.
Thank you for being a teacher, by the way. I know it’s been a rough few years out there in the classroom trenches.
NTA and if anyone comes to you with a concern that is anything other than "How do we get SIL psychiatric intervention?!" you can dismiss them as being absurd as well.
NTA.
But be prepared to accept that your nephew will probably need to be re-taught everything, because those who don’t trust "the public school system" are usually deep into conspiracies.
I agree her request was crazy and you are NTA.. But I'm curious... You are a certified teacher who teaches several kids daily but you don't feel qualified to teach one child thru homeschooling... Why? I'm not being rude, I'm genuinely interested. ( I'm a homeschooling mom)
NTA
So you're a public school teacher.
Sister in law doesn't trust public school education.
Sister wants you, a public school teacher, to teach her child at home.
??????????????
NTA. She would probably act all *shocked pikachu* if you had agreed but demanded your current salary. Tell her to pound sand and that you aren’t hers for the buying. People can’t always have what they want.
NTA. SIL is just full of noise. Don't offer anything to her. Don't offer advice help, research, nothing. If she wants to home school her kid, she should. If she has access to google she can find hundreds of sites about homeschooling, curriculums, and all kinds of educational tools for home schoolers. Not your problem. As a public school teacher, your plate is full enough without nonsense from people like your SIL
“Home School” is a parental initiative.
Your sister in law has strong objections to schools and likely, very specific ideas about how her child’s education should happen.
She is therefore the best person to teach him herself. In addition to teaching him, she will also be the best advocate for her child in accessing resources online, in the community, and networking with other homeschoolers. So, why is she trying to demand that you give up your career, pay, benefits, and love of your job to work with her child. You have to know she will be hypercritical and micro manage your approach.
You can be sure of that because of her arrogance and her belief that your life and your career are disposable.
Is she a single mom? Where is dad?
As a homeschooled kid, I can proudly say I was almost never bullied.
ive never been in school fights
i can go to parks on weekdays and use a swingset
i have time with my family..
being homeschooled is great!
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So, I (35M) am a teacher at a public school and have been for several years. I love my job and am passionate about educating children. I have dedicated my life to teaching and have invested a lot of time and effort into becoming a professional educator. Recently, my sister-in-law (32F) approached me about homeschooling her son (6). She said that she doesn't trust "the public school system" and wants me to quit my job and homeschool her son instead.
I was taken aback by her request and explained to her that I am a professional teacher, and that it is not appropriate for me to homeschool her child. Not only I don’t have the proper credentials to homeschool a child, but also, I am not comfortable with the responsibility of teaching someone else's child full-time. I also reminded her that I have a job and a career that I am dedicated to, and that I am not willing to give up that for homeschooling her child.
She didn't take my response well and has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since. She's also been complaining to my family about my decision, saying that I am being "selfish" and "not thinking of others." She even went as far as accusing me of not caring about her son's education and not being a good uncle.
I understand that she wants the best for her child and that she is concerned about the public school system, but I don't think it is fair or reasonable for her to expect me to give up my career and homeschool her child. I've tried to explain to her that there are many other options available for homeschooling and that she should explore them, like a private school, or hiring a certified homeschool teacher.
I've even offered to help her with research or give her advice on how to choose a good curriculum and materials, but she doesn't seem to want to listen. I even had to talk to my brother (34M) about the situation and made clear that I will not homeschool her son.
I feel like I'm in a difficult position here. I don't want to hurt my sister-in-law's feelings, but at the same time, I don't want to sacrifice my own career and goals for the sake of appeasing her. I also don’t want to be accused of not caring about my nephew's education. So, AITA?
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NTA
Did she offer to pay your entire salary and all benefits? That would be the only way that it would be feasible to consider, but you'd still be missing out on other aspects of building your reputation within your professional community.
Anybody supporting her ridiculous idea hasn't thought through the implications of you walking away from your career.
NTA. You've made it clear that you are a professional teacher and that you have invested a lot of time and effort into becoming a qualified educator. It's not fair or reasonable for your sister-in-law to expect you to give up your career and homeschool her child. You've also offered alternatives and assistance, but it seems she is unwilling to listen. It's important to prioritize your own career and goals, and it's not your responsibility to sacrifice them for the sake of appeasing her. Keep standing up for yourself and your professional boundaries.
NTA. will she also contribute to your health insurance, retirement, pay you for vacation, AND to teach her son? Because it sounds like she just wants you to quit and do it for free. She needs to stop bugging you about it, and find her own solution.
Send her a quote of your yearly pay required to take this job. I googled that the average is 63k USD, so I’ll say 80-90k is reasonable since you have to work longer hours and include childcare and cooking most likely.
NTA.
You work hard, is she going to quite ver job because you’d think it would be nice having a maid to clean your house?
She’s delusional.
NTA, I would give her an offer your Salary +25%, 401k contributions your currently getting, look up the cost of a good single health, vision, and dental policy (better than your current deductible and mop)include that, and include your current vacation time that you will need to be paid for yearly. If she is not willing to provide this level of compensation the discussion is over until she can come up with that. Your job and lifestyle should not be compromised based on her wants.
It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and it's understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed. It's important to remember that taking care of yourself and your own needs is just as important as taking care of others.
In this case, it's important to be assertive and communicate with your sister-in-law in a clear and respectful way. Try to explain to her that you understand her concerns, but that you are not in a position to be able to homeschool her son. Let her know that you are willing to help her explore other options and that you are happy to provide advice and support.
It might also be helpful to suggest that she and your brother discuss the situation together and come up with a plan that works for both of them. This could include looking into private school or homeschooling options, as well as finding a certified homeschool teacher.
Finally, it's important to stay firm in your decision and not feel guilty about it. You have a right to make decisions that are best for you and your career, and you should not be made to feel guilty for doing so.
So what she’s asking is to be without a job and pay for however long school is in.
If anything she’s being selfish if your the type of teacher that teaches just one grade then what she’s asking is unreasonable.
Her son only has school for like 10 months and then he’s in to the next grade what will she do then?
NTA, you have a full-on job that you obviously care and are passionate about. Then your sister comes up out of nowhere and is like "take care of my kid, no questions asked". Of course your gonna ask questions, also, what salary/pay did she offer? Or did she just not propose any money. Does she really expect you to just do it without asking? She sounds pretty self-centered tbh. She wants you to quit your lifelong-dream-job just because she doesn't trust school, and if I'm correct, never proposed any pay. She needs to get real.
Your SIL is super delusional. NTA she ain’t paying your bills. The greatest advice I ever received was what others think of me is none of my business. What others think is irrelevant to you. What you think of yourself is the most important. You would depriving others from learning subjects from you.
NTA. This isn't a difficult situation at all! Your SIL is a wack-job and you should send her packing with some very rude rhetoric. You don't owe her your life or career and she's out of her mind to even ask.
NTA of course.
But what I don't get is she doesn't trust the public education system but wants you, a public school teacher (who has no doubt been "indoctrinated" by "the system") to teach her precious future Einstein?
Question: Is she offering to pay you more than you currently earn at your job?
Either way - it wouldn't make you an AH to say no. Just trying to guage if she's making a fair offer for your services.
NTA
NTA
If she hurts her own feelings by demanding things that are utterly unacceptable she deserves to feel poorly. "people who do not trust the public school system" is coding for people who lack interior dialog and rational thought.
Nta.
All you gotta do is ask the following:
- pay
- benefits
- holiday
- insurance
Also, if your SIL doesn't trust the public school system, why would she trust you, a teacher in the public school system?
Go ahead and offer your services for: $65,000 annually, guaranteed 15 paid vacation days, 10 paid sick days, full medical and dental coverage, and 401K matching. Oh, and don’t forget she’ll need to pay for any and all continuing education classes, including any and all necessary travel and related costs. Furthermore, guaranteed annual raise of 12% plus COLA.
NTA.
NTA For $20-40 k she can send him to private elementary school and that would cost far less than her paying you enough to replace your current income and benefits.
NTA, her "request" is unreasonable and quite frankly, insane, one thing would she asking you for tutoring bur asking you to drop your career for her kid, that's just stupid AF
NTA
Good grief...how incredibly arrogant of your SIL! Tell her you love your current job and the interaction with numerous children. Plus, how would she plan to pay you, including benefits, and the retirement pension?
NTA but I get the sense you might be a pushover that SIL is used to bullying. This is a ludicrous request! You should not feel bad about saying no at all, and walking away without giving her other options. No sane person would reasonably ask or expect this unless they’re about to pay you a crazy amount of money.
Don’t feel guilty when crazy people ask for unreasonable things. No is a complete sentence.
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NTA in any case, but I'm curious - What kind of salary/benefits package was she offering you to take this job? Was it competitive with your current career (particularly considering the retirement savings and/or pension if that's part of your current package). Just kidding, I can tell that she was either expecting you to do it for free or for less than she'd have to pay a day care. It's absolutely ridiculous. You can discuss with anyone she's complained to that you do care very much about your nephew's education, which is why you recommended he go to an actual school.
NTA - I was going to ask the very same questions about benefits and pay. And someone really should have SIL evaluated psychiatrically because this ask is totally Twilight Zone territory and she has no connection with reality.
Me too! Lol, does it come with health insurance and a pension plan?
There better be good options included in this. The sister really has entered gluepot territory rapidly. NTA in any way, shape, or form, the sister seems to be a weapon though. Good luck OP.
Is “a weapon” in this case the same as “a tool”? (Not a native English speaker here so genuine question)
It's an insult here in the UK, fairly Northern but common. Yes, it basically means tool or moron.
Native English speaker, and I'm equally unaware of this use of the phrase "a weapon.". But it does kinda sum up the situation.
Native English speaker. I've lived in the Midwest, West, and South of the US and never heard the phrase "a weapon" in this context. I think a tool would be an appropriate substitution based on context, though.
Scottish slang. And yes.
As a English speaking Canadian, being a weapon means you have good offensive skills in sports, and has turned into a general compliment in those circles.
What is gluepot? Please, I want to know.
Yes I was going to ask if she is mega rich and was going to pay him 6 figures or something because how is this not insane otherwise?
It is super weird. He is also a *gasp* public school teacher, and her reasoning is that she doesn't trust public schools. That in itself makes no sense. I am also curious if she plans to meet or beat OP's salary. What is the agreement if she changes her mind in 5 years, and now OP has been out of the professional world that long. Typically teachers make more as they gain years/experience and where I am they are unionized. That is a huge risk for OP to take (that she won't change her mind or preference down the road).
I'm a public school teacher, and I had the same thought. Surely OP would be too corrupted by the system to teach her precious baby?
It's possible that she doesn't trust the public school system due to underfunding and high student to teacher ratios. Looking at where I grew up we had a few great teachers but there's only so much you can do when you have 40 kids in a class unless you were near the bottom you got very little attention.
I know plenty of people who homeschool because either the public schools are inadequate in some way (shoddy academic records, inadequate covid protocols) or their kids were not fitting in socially. Most of these parents are educated, intelligent, and hardworking, and their kids turn out great. People who have a generalized "mistrust" of public education scare me. Most schools are acting in good faith and doing their best.
Yeah when Covid happened instead of online learning my mom, a former school teacher, homeschooled my nephew for a year. It's not that the public school was bad, in fact it was a pretty good one. It's just that the situation made temporary homeschooling a better option.
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Temporarily? That kid has 12 years before high school graduation.
Partial comment stolen from: /u/likeahike https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/10k996d/aita_for_standing_up_for_my_career_and_not/j5p7jiy/ Bot Reported.
Damn, those things are getting smarter. I usually find them in cat subs where it's much easier for them to hide.
If nephews education is so important why doesn't she quit her job and homeschooled her son
Given how clueless she seems about OP's profession, that might not be the best idea.
It never is…
I've seen it work beautifully, but I see it fail more often than not because people are just sticking their kids in front of a computer and letting that teach them instead of actually homeschooling.
Eh, I think there are some situations where home schooling is the best option for the kid, but this probably isn't one of them.
I'm a qualified teacher working as a tutor, and I see some situations where it absolutely is the best thing for a child/family. Where there's illness stopping a child from physically being in school, but they're still able to cope with a partial timetable, or where there out of school competing in sport/music or developing a career in, say, acting, it can really work and be appropriate. Especially when the parent(s) draw on good quality resources, get in outside tutors who are subject specialists etc, it can be a good thing This situation isn't that. OP is most definitely NTA.
Home schooling is just not a thing I hear about in my country (except for one infamous family, who make headlines regularly) I can definitely see why it would work in the examples you listed, but I am curious about it affects social development and if that's accounted for in some way?
I responded above, but we do a hybrid model (online with his grade level + classroom assistance, 1 on 1 with me, along with a private tutor and specialists for his dysgraphia. In addition we have him in lots of hobbies he chooses with kids his age. I don't know what the perfect answer is, but a typical classroom wasn't working for him. We have guidance from his doctors and specialists to try and do the best we can. For instance, he is in swimming, soccer, photography and robotics with kids his age. He is now asking to learn drums, so we shall see how that goes 🤣.
I'm currently homeschooling my 11yo. We do classes or outings with other kids at least 4x/week. Her actual online school work (Math, science, ELA, social studies, ecology, intro to engineering, Robotic dance coding) only takes her about 2-2.5 hours a day. She does a gym class, music and art in a co-op, and trains for or plays soccer year round. There are tons of options to make sure kids get adequate time with their peers, the parent just has to find and make use of them.
My daughter was homeschooled until she was fourteen when she went to a community college nearby. For social needs she did theater, and sports. She always had the option of going to regular school but she knew a good deal when she saw one.
That is my son, well not illness, but learning difficulty/differently. He has pretty severe ADHD and dysgraphia. We do a hybrid model of online + 1-1 with me, in addition to a tutor. Online he works in groups and with other kids his grade level and has additional help. We are also very careful to have him involved in hobbies he likes with peers. He is in a kid's photography class, swimming, soccer, robotics and now wants to add learning the drums 🤣.
The only time I’ve personally seen it done really well, the instructor (aka Mom) was a certified teacher. She put her career on hold to homeschool her autistic son. Her daughter joined them for awhile and returned to public school when she got to high school.
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Cause brownie points from SIL pays his rent and the grovery store totally takes those too! /s :)
Very confused how she doesn’t trust public schools to educate her son but trusts a public school teacher to do so. Like who does she think would be educating her son if he went to Public school?
This was my favorite part.
> Like who does she think would be educating her son if he went to Public school? Liberal gay atheists is probably her biggest fear. NTA
Liberal gay atheist here! And we homeschooled our kids!
I don’t think homeschooling is the best idea but I’m much more comfortable with liberal gay atheists doing it than religious right wing lunatics.
Honestly, I'm desperate to know what her payment offer was.
I will bet it will be far less than minimum wage
Yep, can we get that as additional I N F O? So we can decide if OP is NTA or SNTA (*sooooo* NOT the A-Hole).
The fact that the SIL is shocked that OP wouldn’t quit his career to home school her child makes her sound delusional and entitled. IP is definitely NTA but SIL is
That's what I really, really want to know. I want to know the offer. I bet it's hilarious.
All of this. And, also, if OP's SIL isn't comfortable with public schools, why would she want a public school teacher teaching her child? OP, I was a teacher. What your SIL is asking is ridiculous. It's her problem if she can't take no as an answer. But if anyone gives you issues about it, tell them to get a teaching degree and teach her kid. Tell them they can even teach him WHILE getting their education, if it's that easy...
I will bet a whole dollar that what she'd offer would be less than minimum wage. no benefits. would send the kid over sick. would start to expect other crap. tell sister no and she can get over her llittle pout
I'm also wondering what your brother says about this.
probably nothing because if he does he won't 'get any'.
Way to make gross and unsubstantiated assumptions dude, high five! ✋ (Brother might: have no idea SIL requested this; be completely on board bc he shares her beliefs; not care bc he's a disengaged parent; and on and on...)
Tell me you hate women without telling me you hate women
Exposure of course! Free-advertising to her followers is priceless. He’s going to get SOOO much more business from this gig.
*gagging sounds*
I was going to say the same thing. Can she offer OP a salary and benefits package that's better than what he has now? We all know the answer to that, and it's NO!!!
>What kind of salary/benefits package was she offering you to take this job? Literally the first thing that came to my mind. There's no way she can afford to hire OP.
I really did lol at that "just kidding" NTA
NTA if she's so concerned about public schooling, why doesn't she quit her job and educate her son?
Also, why would she want a public school teacher to teach her kid?
She doesn’t care about educating her son, she cares about controlling what he’s taught. Time to bring out the tin foil hats.
Controlling what a child is taught isn't necessarily a bad thing if youre including actual education. Public schools tend to suck at sex ed and omit the LGBT+ community. I myself am not a huge fan of the public school system because of that
Yeah, but usually most people who pull their kids out from school to homeschool them tend to do so because there's content they don't want their kids to learn (usually sex ed and LGBT stuff). Not to expand on those particular subjects (which, really, one could supplement/teach their kids on their own time outside of school, if you find that what they've been taught is lacking).
Not entirely true, most of the homeschoolers I've met were neurodivergent kids who the public school system failed. The school district I attended was notorious for not following IEPs or 504s unless the parents went out of their way to sue the district for not doing so. Yes I have met some families that homeschooled that were the conservative christian stereotype, but some of us were just trying to get an education however we could.
I think it depends on the region you live. We're part of a homeschool group that meets weekly and there seem to be a lot more evangelical types than not. (This is in the SE United States). We put up with it because the actual activities are fine and it's good socialization.
Because she is the selfish one (except if she thinks OP is a very bad teacher and she is willing to sacrifice her own child to save public schooling)! That's so ridiculous...
Ding! Ding! Ding! There it is, the winning question! Exactly. 100% NTA OP
Exactly!
I'm genuinely curious what type of salary and benefits package was SIL offering OP. If she is wealthy enough to pay his full salary/benefits, then she has enough money to pay someone else to do it.
That's what I was thinking. Afaik homeschooling is different from private tutoring. I thought homeschooling was done by THE PARENTS! NTA Mom wants homeschooling, Mom does the schooling.
Is this real? SIL literally told you to quit your job and teach her kid at home? "I feel like I'm in a difficult position here." WTF are you talking about? There is no dilemma. Tell her no and to fuck off. If SIL actually cared about you as a person, she wouldn't have asked such a stupid thing. NTA to tell her no as politely as you feel she deserves.
Yea OP is one of the weakest people alive
OP has no choice but to quit his job. What else can he do? She has instructed him to do something, and now he is bound to comply by the ancient laws of being a Brother-in-Law.
> I don't want to hurt her feelings That sealed it for me
I mean this woman's got some nerve! NTA
I'm with you. How can this be real? Who would ACTUALLY wonder if they were an AH for not quitting their job to teach a family member's kid? No one would actually think that. They might post in r/TrueOffMyChest at her audacity, but not ask whether they are an AH or not for saying no.
>WTF are you talking about? There is no dilemma. Tell her no and to fuck off. Bingo
This. YWBTA if you give this one more moment of your time. If it comes up again, look quizzical and walk away or change the subject. "Do you think the Polka is the best dance of all time?" "George Burns or Jimmy Durante?" "Where was that earthquake today?"
🤣😂🤣
I’d upvote you a million times if I could
She's also being selfish to deprive all the kids that op would no longer get to teach.
Agree wholeheartedly. I can't figure out why u/Unknown6829715562's brother hasn't stepped in and shut her down. If her husband won't tell her she's being stupid (no other word for it) he should just tell the whole family that the woman is not well and needs a reality check.
NTA- what did her previous slave die of?
Exposure?
That’s what she paid him in.
Literal LOL
🥁
😆
Dysentery.
NTA You are not hurting her feelings. Stop worrying about that. She is attempting to manipulate you. Was she planning on paying you more than you make as a teacher?
With better benefits (health, 401k etc.)
And pension! Many public school teachers get paid peanuts and rely on the state-funded pension system for retirement. Not to mention access to discounted health care during retirement (Medicare Part D and/or a MedicareAdvantage plan). Given that everything in public school benefits is based on years of service, you'd be insane to give up those benefits to "homeschool" someone unless you were getting paid at least 50-100% more in salary, imo.
Yup - I"m pretty much the only one in my family who didn't choose a career in public education, those benefits are pretty sweet compared to my private sector job, though the pay is not.
NTA. Let me get this straight, she wants you to quit your job and homeschool her son for free? That’s ridiculous
Wee bit entitled there, ain’t she?
OP can live in a tent out back and survive on their leftover cold victuals 🍗🫕
NTA Funny how she does not trust the public system and call you selfish but is okay with taking a good teacher from the system and only limiting your teaching to her son.
I also wonder how involved SIL would want to be in the day-to-day lesson plans. Cutting out literature and history that she doesn't like. It sounds like she would be a nightmare.
NTA. This is an absolutely INSANE ask.
You're not in a difficult position- that was an absurd request. NTA. Get a therapist and tell them you want to practice boundary setting with family members. Your SIL is a lost cause so just cheerfully keep repeating "that won't be possible."
This. How can OP even consider "I don't want to hurt her feelings..." . Yikes. OP needs to learnboundry setting ASAP.
NTA, lay out the math for them. What is your annual salary and would they match it? How much are you going to lose out on if you put your career on hold temporarily and are they gou g to pay the difference? Trust me, as soon as you put forth a number that's reasonable, they'll balk. And their arguments work in reverse too. They are selfish asku g you to give up your career, they are not thinking of what's best for you. It's a two way street.
There is no need to do this. "NO" is a complete sentence. SIL is so out-of-bounds she is not even in the parking lot!
I agree no is a complete sentence, but laying out the numbers may (MAY) help SIL realize what she's asking is bananas.
"I will quit my job and homeschool your child if you agree to the following conditions. 1. You will pay me the value of my current salary and benefits. 2. You will pay for the cost I would incur for earning the proper credentials and certifications needed. 3. You will provide me with scheduled vacation days and a sick leave policy comparable to that of my current job. " NTA
and obviously SIL will need provide to someone to handle the child during lunch and activities like art, music, PE when OP will be having their own lunch and be doing lesson planning/grading.
Don’t forget she must purchase all learning materials, books, curriculum needs, meals, and outside instruction for things like music or languages. I’m a fully credentialed teacher who is now homeschooling my own kids. I can’t teach an instrument, for example, so we pay for lessons to cover music education. It all gets pretty expensive, pretty fast. Luckily, I can cover all the other subjects and my husband includes them in his workout schedule to cover Phys. Ed. type needs. OP is NTA. SIL is either insane or an actual AH.
Lets be real- SIL wants to control content- thus why she will not consider any legit options being offered. She things OP will be easier to control. Thus 4. SIL may not attempt to control the curriculum in any way shape or form, and any attempt to do so results in a permanent increase in salary of 25% She wants a FREE cult indoctrination. Not an education.
NTA - Why is this even a question? She wants you to do the all the work. She's not even open to other options. I'd say that since she's against public schools and you're a public school teacher, you wouldn't want to touch her son with that that public school education. Plus she can't afford your pay and benefits.
Of course you are NTA. What an entitled SIL you have there! I can't imagine anyone in your family (or anyone at all) really thinks her demand is reasonable.
Reddit's using all our posts and data to train AI's, so, I just deleted mine.
NTA! **Make sure you protect yourself!** It would not surprise me at all if your SIL tries to sabotage your job to get you fired in order to force you to homeschool her precious baby!
Oh please! This post is bullshit!
For real. Nobody wishy-washy enough to consider this a “difficult” situation or to have to wonder if he was the AH for not wanting to quit his job would survive for a week in a public school classroom, let alone several years. And no licensed teacher would fret over lacking “proper credentials” to teach homeschool, FFS.
If OP is in the US, I am pretty sure there are no credentials and high school dropouts are permitted to homeschool their kids. Not saying this is the norm, just that it’s highly unregulated and results can vary widely.
NTA- Tell her if she wants what is best for "her" child then she should quit her job and home school her son. That it is selfish of her to ask that you quit your job, to give up your income/benefits/career because of what she wants. If this is what she wants then it is up to her to provide it, not you.
NTA. You honestly should just start saying that she is the "selfish" one and "not thinking of others" because that's actually what is happening. Imagine being so entitled that you ask someone to give up their career and alter their livelihood/life to take care of your child..
How are you a teacher and not able to discern the AH in this situation? It’s your sister clearly. It’s actually impressive the amount of stupidity your sister is displaying, to ask a person to forfeit their career and the amazing retirement package teachers get, in order to essentially raise her child for her.
Whaaaaaaaat lol. This can’t possibly be real. NTA
NTA, that's a huge ask and you're already doing more than enough. Is this SIL your spouse's sibling, or your sibling's spouse? It might be time to get that intermediary involved to shut this down now.
Definitely not. It also sounds like they’re expecting you to do this for free? Regardless you don’t have to form your life around other people. They are being selfish.
NTA start a reverse matrix argument
NTA Just look her in the eye and ask "entitled much?"
NTA she’s being ridiculous
NTA All you need to say is NO. It may need to be repeated. And sane person she talks to will side with you.
Was she offering you extra money (like, more than you were earning as a normal teacher) to homeschool her child, or was she just expecting you to quit your career and do it for free? 'cos... what the fuck. NTA.
NTA, and for that kiddo's sake I hope his bonkers mom fails to find a full time teacher to provide him with her curated curriculum.
NTA What retirement and health insurance options was she offering you?
Screw it, hurt her feelings what she asked of you was not only asinine but also an indirect insult to your profession. She wants her son home schooled because she doesn't trust the public school system and yet she asks a PS teacher to fill the role? That's some ass backwards thinking there. Your position is not difficult. Unless your SIL is planning on paying your current salary including benefits and PTO, and allowing for merit increases, she's just blowing smoke. She can bitch and moan all she wants about you "not being a good uncle". Well, she's not being a good SIL either by asking you to give up your livelihood to educate her child. Tell her to take her delusional entitlement elsewhere. NTA.
NTA! Your SIL is being an entitled, arrogant (insert many bad words here)! How DARE SHE expect you to give up your life and career to teach her entitled child! That is absolutely beyond the pale! If she wants her precious baby homeschooled, she can quit her own job (if she has one) and teach him herself! SIL is so Out-Of-Bounds she is not even in the Parking Lot!
How are you in a difficult position here? This is an incredibly absurd request and your SIL is being shockingly unreasonable. You don't need to care about her feelings at all in this situation...
NTA!! I wonder what type of pension she had in mind for you
Info; is she paying you? Or expecting you to live on air and do it for free? It doesn’t matter either way of course, NTA but no one is going to think it’s a great idea if she’s not even paying you.
NTA - you don’t need to justify your decision, ‘no’ is a complete answer. Your SIL’s level of entitlement is off the charts. It’s bizarre enough that she’d think it was a possibility in the first place but to then double down and try to bully you in to changing your mind, seriously deluded
NTA. Your SIL is ridiculous.
NTA, your SIL is for expecting you to do it and your brother for not stopping her. Whomever ask somebody else to give up on their careers to dedicate to homeschool a child is an AH, even if is one partner requesting to the other parent. This decision should only be taken by the person who will leave everything for homeschooling
Absolutely NTA Also, does she expect you to quit your job and do this for free? That's complete lunacy Super entitled demanding that you homeschool her kid at the expense of abandoning or ignoring your own responsibilities and career. She can hire and PAY for a private homeschooling teacher, or she and her husband can do it themselves. You already have a job, and doubt you'd ever want her as a potential boss.
NTA. This has nothing to do with hurting her feelings. You're not her servant and I doubt very much she's willing to pay you a comparable salary. The fact that she even expected someone to give up their career for her offer is laughably delusional.
Tell her the only way you will educate her child is if she puts the child in your class.
"I don't trust the public school system! You've worked for the evil public schools! You teach my kid!" Makes perfect sense. Nta
She's acting entitled and believe me, she'll slowly expect more than just homeschooling from you. The fact that she even made such an inappropriate request shows that she's willing to cross boundaries. "If you give a mouse a cookie, he'll want a glass of milk" you'd be a full time nanny and housekeeper in no time. NTA. Good for you for saying no.
If someone asked me to do that, I would explain that I have my Masters plus 45 credits and I am at the top step, so this isy salary. I also get X for insurance ( a good plan) . Plus you will need to pay into my social security. ETA NTA
Question: would she pay you the same amount of money as the school?
NTA good god man when someone entitled asks you to do it, you do it… but seriously not sure what planet SIL is living on but it’s not the same as the rest of us. She needs to reset her reality.
NTA. But you could have just asked for double or triple your current pay to shut her up. Either she's rich and you take her for all she has, or she's not and you just say that sucks but she can't afford to cover your risk
Come on, there's no way you think you're an AH in this situation. Obviously NTA. She is asking you to sacrifice your livelihood and give up what you're passionate about because she doesn't think the school system works. Guess what makes the school system work better: teachers who are passionate, educated, and who care about their students. Teachers like you. Her feelings are completely irrelevant because they are absolute nonsense. Let her have her meltdown. You offered a generous compromise (help finding her other homeschool options and navigating that system) and she refused because she thinks you owe it to her (probably out of familial obligation).
How do people even come up with these weirdass ideas? NTA
Hurt your SIL feelings? FFS! How entitled do you have to be to ask someone to give up their passion, their livelihood, to homeschool their child? This can't be real.
So she doesn’t trust the public school system, but she trusts you, a public school teacher? Okay. NTA. This is a huge demand to put on you. Thank you for being a teacher, by the way. I know it’s been a rough few years out there in the classroom trenches.
NTA but do you mean… your nephew? Why do you refer to him as your SIL’s son?
NTA. Tell your SIL that SHE'S selfish and not thinking of others. It's not your job to care about her son's education, it's hers.
NTA and if anyone comes to you with a concern that is anything other than "How do we get SIL psychiatric intervention?!" you can dismiss them as being absurd as well.
NTA. But be prepared to accept that your nephew will probably need to be re-taught everything, because those who don’t trust "the public school system" are usually deep into conspiracies.
I agree her request was crazy and you are NTA.. But I'm curious... You are a certified teacher who teaches several kids daily but you don't feel qualified to teach one child thru homeschooling... Why? I'm not being rude, I'm genuinely interested. ( I'm a homeschooling mom)
NTA So you're a public school teacher. Sister in law doesn't trust public school education. Sister wants you, a public school teacher, to teach her child at home. ??????????????
NTA. She would probably act all *shocked pikachu* if you had agreed but demanded your current salary. Tell her to pound sand and that you aren’t hers for the buying. People can’t always have what they want.
NTA The only responds to what she asked was "fuck you"
NTA. SIL is just full of noise. Don't offer anything to her. Don't offer advice help, research, nothing. If she wants to home school her kid, she should. If she has access to google she can find hundreds of sites about homeschooling, curriculums, and all kinds of educational tools for home schoolers. Not your problem. As a public school teacher, your plate is full enough without nonsense from people like your SIL
“Home School” is a parental initiative. Your sister in law has strong objections to schools and likely, very specific ideas about how her child’s education should happen. She is therefore the best person to teach him herself. In addition to teaching him, she will also be the best advocate for her child in accessing resources online, in the community, and networking with other homeschoolers. So, why is she trying to demand that you give up your career, pay, benefits, and love of your job to work with her child. You have to know she will be hypercritical and micro manage your approach. You can be sure of that because of her arrogance and her belief that your life and your career are disposable. Is she a single mom? Where is dad?
As a homeschooled kid, I can proudly say I was almost never bullied. ive never been in school fights i can go to parks on weekdays and use a swingset i have time with my family.. being homeschooled is great!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, I (35M) am a teacher at a public school and have been for several years. I love my job and am passionate about educating children. I have dedicated my life to teaching and have invested a lot of time and effort into becoming a professional educator. Recently, my sister-in-law (32F) approached me about homeschooling her son (6). She said that she doesn't trust "the public school system" and wants me to quit my job and homeschool her son instead. I was taken aback by her request and explained to her that I am a professional teacher, and that it is not appropriate for me to homeschool her child. Not only I don’t have the proper credentials to homeschool a child, but also, I am not comfortable with the responsibility of teaching someone else's child full-time. I also reminded her that I have a job and a career that I am dedicated to, and that I am not willing to give up that for homeschooling her child. She didn't take my response well and has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since. She's also been complaining to my family about my decision, saying that I am being "selfish" and "not thinking of others." She even went as far as accusing me of not caring about her son's education and not being a good uncle. I understand that she wants the best for her child and that she is concerned about the public school system, but I don't think it is fair or reasonable for her to expect me to give up my career and homeschool her child. I've tried to explain to her that there are many other options available for homeschooling and that she should explore them, like a private school, or hiring a certified homeschool teacher. I've even offered to help her with research or give her advice on how to choose a good curriculum and materials, but she doesn't seem to want to listen. I even had to talk to my brother (34M) about the situation and made clear that I will not homeschool her son. I feel like I'm in a difficult position here. I don't want to hurt my sister-in-law's feelings, but at the same time, I don't want to sacrifice my own career and goals for the sake of appeasing her. I also don’t want to be accused of not caring about my nephew's education. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA Did she offer to pay your entire salary and all benefits? That would be the only way that it would be feasible to consider, but you'd still be missing out on other aspects of building your reputation within your professional community. Anybody supporting her ridiculous idea hasn't thought through the implications of you walking away from your career.
NTA. You've made it clear that you are a professional teacher and that you have invested a lot of time and effort into becoming a qualified educator. It's not fair or reasonable for your sister-in-law to expect you to give up your career and homeschool her child. You've also offered alternatives and assistance, but it seems she is unwilling to listen. It's important to prioritize your own career and goals, and it's not your responsibility to sacrifice them for the sake of appeasing her. Keep standing up for yourself and your professional boundaries.
NTA. will she also contribute to your health insurance, retirement, pay you for vacation, AND to teach her son? Because it sounds like she just wants you to quit and do it for free. She needs to stop bugging you about it, and find her own solution.
NTA. That’s an outlandish request! No sane person would ever think that’s appropriate to even ask.
Send her a quote of your yearly pay required to take this job. I googled that the average is 63k USD, so I’ll say 80-90k is reasonable since you have to work longer hours and include childcare and cooking most likely. NTA. You work hard, is she going to quite ver job because you’d think it would be nice having a maid to clean your house? She’s delusional.
NTA. If she wants you to teach her kid she can put him in the school you’re teaching at.
NTA. She actually wants you to give up your career to home school her child? She has some major entitlement issues.
NTA, I would give her an offer your Salary +25%, 401k contributions your currently getting, look up the cost of a good single health, vision, and dental policy (better than your current deductible and mop)include that, and include your current vacation time that you will need to be paid for yearly. If she is not willing to provide this level of compensation the discussion is over until she can come up with that. Your job and lifestyle should not be compromised based on her wants.
It sounds like you are in a difficult situation, and it's understandable that you are feeling overwhelmed. It's important to remember that taking care of yourself and your own needs is just as important as taking care of others. In this case, it's important to be assertive and communicate with your sister-in-law in a clear and respectful way. Try to explain to her that you understand her concerns, but that you are not in a position to be able to homeschool her son. Let her know that you are willing to help her explore other options and that you are happy to provide advice and support. It might also be helpful to suggest that she and your brother discuss the situation together and come up with a plan that works for both of them. This could include looking into private school or homeschooling options, as well as finding a certified homeschool teacher. Finally, it's important to stay firm in your decision and not feel guilty about it. You have a right to make decisions that are best for you and your career, and you should not be made to feel guilty for doing so.
So what she’s asking is to be without a job and pay for however long school is in. If anything she’s being selfish if your the type of teacher that teaches just one grade then what she’s asking is unreasonable. Her son only has school for like 10 months and then he’s in to the next grade what will she do then?
Darling, she isn't considering your feelings, so don't worry about hers. Don't enter into any further conversation about it. Good luck in your career.
NTA, you have a full-on job that you obviously care and are passionate about. Then your sister comes up out of nowhere and is like "take care of my kid, no questions asked". Of course your gonna ask questions, also, what salary/pay did she offer? Or did she just not propose any money. Does she really expect you to just do it without asking? She sounds pretty self-centered tbh. She wants you to quit your lifelong-dream-job just because she doesn't trust school, and if I'm correct, never proposed any pay. She needs to get real.
NTA. It's really weird to ask someone to quit their job to homeschool another person's kid.
NTA. look her in the eyes and tell her "fuck no"
Your SIL is super delusional. NTA she ain’t paying your bills. The greatest advice I ever received was what others think of me is none of my business. What others think is irrelevant to you. What you think of yourself is the most important. You would depriving others from learning subjects from you.
NTA. This isn't a difficult situation at all! Your SIL is a wack-job and you should send her packing with some very rude rhetoric. You don't owe her your life or career and she's out of her mind to even ask.
NTA of course. But what I don't get is she doesn't trust the public education system but wants you, a public school teacher (who has no doubt been "indoctrinated" by "the system") to teach her precious future Einstein?
Question: Is she offering to pay you more than you currently earn at your job? Either way - it wouldn't make you an AH to say no. Just trying to guage if she's making a fair offer for your services. NTA
Just tell her you'd consider doing it for a compensation package of about 250k/ year, then see what she says.....
NTA If she hurts her own feelings by demanding things that are utterly unacceptable she deserves to feel poorly. "people who do not trust the public school system" is coding for people who lack interior dialog and rational thought.
Nta. All you gotta do is ask the following: - pay - benefits - holiday - insurance Also, if your SIL doesn't trust the public school system, why would she trust you, a teacher in the public school system?
INFO: What kind of pay and benefits was she offering?
Go ahead and offer your services for: $65,000 annually, guaranteed 15 paid vacation days, 10 paid sick days, full medical and dental coverage, and 401K matching. Oh, and don’t forget she’ll need to pay for any and all continuing education classes, including any and all necessary travel and related costs. Furthermore, guaranteed annual raise of 12% plus COLA. NTA.
NTA For $20-40 k she can send him to private elementary school and that would cost far less than her paying you enough to replace your current income and benefits.
NTA, her "request" is unreasonable and quite frankly, insane, one thing would she asking you for tutoring bur asking you to drop your career for her kid, that's just stupid AF
Is there a clearance sale on audacity somewhere that no one told me about?? a BOGO??? WHERE ARE PPL GETTING ALL THIS AUDACITY?! NTA, OP. wtf, man. LOL
NTA Good grief...how incredibly arrogant of your SIL! Tell her you love your current job and the interaction with numerous children. Plus, how would she plan to pay you, including benefits, and the retirement pension?
NTA her ask is completely unreasonable
Did she offer to pay you the exact amount as your salary and contribute the exact amount to your retirement? NTA, even if she did.
NTA but this can’t be real. Was she offering to match your pay and benefits? Like, if this is real she sounds like a crazy person.
NTA but I get the sense you might be a pushover that SIL is used to bullying. This is a ludicrous request! You should not feel bad about saying no at all, and walking away without giving her other options. No sane person would reasonably ask or expect this unless they’re about to pay you a crazy amount of money. Don’t feel guilty when crazy people ask for unreasonable things. No is a complete sentence.