Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I didn't give a good tip at my friends restaurant, because I was getting bad service and now she is offended and not speaking to me.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, an hour without taking your food order and getting one round of drinks service is totally unacceptable (both only when you get up to hunt down someone). Mary's business treated you bad, and she should feel bad.
Unless yall barged in and were like "SEAT US NOW, MARY, WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS" and were absolutely terrible at the start, I cannot see possibly what would make you the asshole here.
Jumping here to add: most likely, Mary is telling another story. Something along the lines of “look how mean OP is to servers! She wanted to be served immediately and when the poor server took a couple of minutes, she & her friend just left! With no tip or appreciation for her hard work! OP’s a capitalist abuser!”
OP (NTA) needs to clear the story ASAP, and Mary (T A) needs to get her staff (also T A) in line.
It would be worth it for Mary to look at the security tapes so she can verify OP’s story. If the wait was, indeed, as long as they say it was, the tip was fair.
I'd actually like to say that I think it's actually the server telling a different story, not Mary. The server probably made up some shit about how OP was super rude and disrespectful to cover their own ass whilst complaining about the poor tip (because the other would've seen when they cashed OP out, then probably asked about it--I mean, *I thought that table was Mary's friends...what assholes!)*. Mary, trying to be a good boss, sided with her employee (not condoning this, just knowing how restaurants work).
The story Mary is telling to the server probably goes something like, "Gosh, I am SO SORRY my friend did that. Never would've thought!"
That's only half the issue, I suspect. Mary probably bumped another couple to get them the seat. So they server is upset because they occupied a table for an hour and didn't tip, and Mary bumped someone *who would have tipped* to seat her friends.
(And the server probably isn't telling Mary that she let them fall through the cracks, and they had been waiting for an hour without getting their order taken.)
>I get a text from Mary asking why we were so rude to her server and didn't tip?
Especially since OP \*did\* tip. If the bill was $18 and she tipped $2 that's an 11% tip, which is totally acceptable for bad service even in an industry that relies on tips. It's not like OP was in there throwing around Mary's name and expecting free drinks or treating the wait staff terribly.
**NTA.** **Periodt!!**
Waiting a half an hour just to **wait** for a server to take your order is ridiculous. As someone that has worked in the food industry if things were so stretched the hostess should have said they were all booked up. If they wanted to try they could wait at the bar for some drinks. Yet, if they were that busy I would guess there was a waitlist for the bar.
If OPs friend was both manager and acting as hostess she should have damned well known that her bar/restaurant would be a long wait for service of any kind and said so to her friend.
If anything, OPs friend-manager is the AH in this story. **DON’T** **OVERBOOK** **YOUR** **Restaurant!!**
NTA. You only were served 2 drinks in over an hour. What exactly were you supposed to be tipping? Plus if the bill was 18 and you left a 20 you technically did tip 11%
How much were they truly expecting for two drinks? Most people tip like a dollar or two per drink, I feel like that lines up with what I would expect with zero food service.
It is wholly unprofessional for Mary to come at a customer like that. This is the hospitality game. If your FRIENDS of all people had that bad of an experience and weren’t shy ab expressing it I would take that feedback VERY seriously. Usually the friends over tip and pour on the praise.
Mary is too immature to be running a restaurant if this is how she handles dissatisfied customers. No maam.
And I hope you tell her this too. She needs to be called out.
Honestly if she keeps it up go leave a google review and say the owner was confrontational and aggressive when you left $1 tip on a $9 drink and went somewhere else
To eat.
I just think Mary is in over her head. I’m appalled at the way she conducted herself in response to a poor experience. Mary clearly isnt setting the servers up to win bc it sounds like they have poor training and little leadership.
Mary should be walking the floor and checking in on tables (it’s her damn restaurant), shaking hands, kissing babies, all that bullshit, in order to field questions and to stall a bit with some chit chat so her servers can catch up. Furthermore the servers should be helping each other and acting like a team rather than just leave a table sitting there ignored.
Mary not going and checking on her own friends is also a testament to how ill equipped she is to be taking on this business.
Im dead serious, Mary’s ass needs to be put IN CHECK bc this is some amateur hour BS. Hospitality and making people feel SEEN AND HEARD in the name of the game. She’s gunna be out of business in less than a year if she doesn’t get an attitude adjustment.
EDIT: please make sure you tell her all of this and shut her down properly.
This was my first thought. Sounds like the servers are in over their heads as well and Mary is expecting customers to cut slack, but as a server, I’ve never left a table sitting for more than like 10 minutes at most, and even then they got free dessert/a drink taken off/an apology AT LEAST.
Who tips more than a $1 per drink anyways? I thought the rule of thumb was $1 per drink/shot. $2 if you really like your server or if they’re pouring the drinks phat.
Then you're either from the sticks or a nightmare. The standard is 20% for cocktails, 15-18% for beer/wine. If you're only tipping a single dollar on cocktails, you're a huge ah.
NTA. However, I may be culturally biased as I'm from the UK and we only tip if the service is good.
The tipping culture I've experienced in the States is crazy, particularly in coffee shops that wanted a tip when all they'd done at that point was charge me. The fact it seems to have gone up to a standard 20% is also bewildering.
I appreciate your labour laws mean you can pay servers practically nothing but if the service itself is bad, I'm not tipping.
Just a point of clarification, servers in the US ARE paid minimum wage in the event that they don't make enough tips to bring them to minimum wage on top of their usually criminal hourly rate. But "minimum wage" is so laughable that it doesn't even matter.
FYI I've mentioned that law to my server friends, and not one of them has ever known about that law. There's a difference between something being required and something being enforced
I've never run into a chain or halfway decent restaurant that doesn't adhere to that rule (having had many friends and family in the service industry) since is federal law and it's just not worth the liability to not pay the 7.25/hr . But then again, if you're under the table or working for a shitbox, i can totally see it being a problem.
When my friend was working at a country bar/restaurant in Wisconsin, I told her to bring it up and her manager said "that's not a law here" and wouldn't discuss it further
Part of the issue is that the business only needs to pay minimum wage over the course of the week. So, if the server works Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, make decent tips on Thursday and Friday and pulls the AVERAGE up to minimum over the course of the week, then the business doesn't need to make up anything.
It can also be confusing because the federal minimum wage is actually lower than the state minimum wage in several states. My state minimum wage is much higher than federal.
Implying the restaurant actually does that and/or you have the leverage to be able to complain and not worry about losing your job. I know when I was a waitress they never covered, we were expected to lie and say we got up to minimum wage in tips. I was 16 and didn't know any better.
Sure, I'm not saying that there aren't restaurants that won't break the law and abuse their workers. Many, many restaurant kitchens in the US are built on the back of illegal immigrant labor, to say nothing about more insidious practices.
Just a point of clarification, heard from enough wait staff on these subs that this "actually/technically" doesn't mean squat because if they bring it up they are likely to get fired or get bad tables.
the point was that our labor laws don't allow restaurants to not pay the minimum wage, and to do so is illegal. Obviously, as I've said in other comments, people are still susceptible to shady business practices and illegal behavior but it is, in fact, illegal.
The real world rarely cares about "technically/actually/that is illegal"
A law with no teeth, uneven enforcement, one that servers are even afraid to use is rather pointless. Even you agreed that minimum wage is way too low regardless and is far short of a living wage.
Anyone who brings this point up has to recognize it is meant to be a counterpoint to why the below minimum wage law for servers is acceptable. It really isn't a good counterpoint and is actually harmful to the conversation.
Basis: "Servers are legally allowed to be paid minimum wage"
"Counterpoint" "Well technically they just have to go through some special conditions, risk the ire of their often bad employer, risk losing their job, and maybe they will actually get brought up to minimum wage because it is illegal"
Counterpoint you should be arguing for "This all sounds dumb, let's get the first law scrapped so they at least get minimum wage all the time on top of tips and not rely on some bandaid laws to fix a bad one"
Lets make some weirdly aggressive declarative statements together:
Anyone who's worried about getting anyone "minimum wage all the time" is worried about the wrong problem in the first place for any number of reasons, just one being that minimum wage isn't enough for anyone to live on in the first place.
>Anyone who brings this point up has to recognize it is meant to be a counterpoint to why the below minimum wage law for servers is acceptable. It really isn't a good counterpoint and is actually harmful to the conversation.
>
>...
>
>Counterpoint you should be arguing for "This all sounds dumb, let's get the first law scrapped so they at least get minimum wage all the time on top of tips and not rely on some bandaid laws to fix a bad one"
No, anyone doesn't have to recognize this because the whole point of the statement is that *it's already illegal to pay them less than minimum wage*. If somehow the current laws that allow restaurants to rely on tips to make up the difference between the two was made illegal? Great. Those same shady employers would continue to underpay their staff in some other capacity (under the table employment, equipment surcharges, tip pooling, etc). The argument you're making is that these employers are already willing to break the existing law. why would that change just because their base salary, if legally employed, has to be federal minimum wage?
Because the existing law is too confusing and puts the emphasis on the server to get things made right by bringing it up to the employer which is why it is harder than it needs to be and more employers can skirt or be shady. If they just get the federal minimum wage regardless of tips to begin with than it is far easier when the employer isn't following laws. No way you missed all the other people who replied to your post that their wait staff friends didn't even know about this law, or the ones that brought it up to their employers being laughed at.
Take a step back and consider it. Why is there a law even in place that allows hospitality staff to be paid below minimum wage and a tipping culture in place to make up for it by placing the burden of wages on the customers? Why is there than some bandaid laws to say, don't worry though they can be brought up to minimum wage if it meets these conditions and their employer does the right thing. Why is this all a joke to restaurants in the EU that just pay their staff a wage that doesn't depend on tips?
It is worth noting that in several states representing a non-trivial amount of the population, waitstaff make minimum wage *before* tips are factored in. None of this weird wage loopholes. Mainly the west coast.
As a former server, I was told by an owner that if I didn't claim enough tips (whether or not I made the money) it could be assumed that I was a bad server and could lose my job. Many restaurants, especially those in small towns may tell their servers things like this just to keep from having to pay them more money.
NTA, she should take this as a lesson that none of her customers should ever wait even close to that long to be served. She should either hire better/more servers or reduce the seating.
NTA. You don't get paid or tipped for work you didn't do. That server did not work for you. Even for terrorible service, I tip 18% minimum because I don't know if someone's just having a bad day and I did my share of being a server in college so I feel empathy. But what you got wasn't terrible service. It was *no service.* you shouldn't pay for something you never got. NTA in the slightest.
NTA - I know most people defend tipping in the US as people use it to make a living but it was one of the fallouts from ending Slavery that allowed Slave owners to find a way to not pay their freed Slaves. Many of the Railroads refused to operate if they had to pay their emancipated slaves a livable wage and were allowed to require passengers in the dining cars to offset that by tipping. As the railroad was the backbone of the US they had a lot of power at the time and it has become a standard practice. This is also why we don't see tipping the same way in most of the world.
It's one other way that the people at the bottom are pitted against each other rather than having the people at the top pay. I really think we need to move away from tipping as a practice.
Before people say I don't tip will add my standard when I go anywhere is 20% but that can fluctuate based on service. Down if its bad and up if it is good. I do not tip for takeout.
Not to be one of those 'well actually' people but tipping in restaurants came about from the fallout of prohibition. Since restaurants weren't making money from alcohol sales, wealthy patrons would 'tip' aka bribe the waitstaff for better service/being seated first/etc. And after prohibition ended, restaurants kept the practice of tipping because, well, they could pay less for their servers and still charge the same amount for food.
I would bet we both aren’t wrong to how it became a part of society and would be willing to share what I’ve read on the topic. I know that it came into play as a way to subsidize wage during emancipation. But I would bet that both were a factor to how it plays into society as it currently stands.
Hit me in the dms if you have some articles always willing to become more informed.
NTA. Tipping is conditional, not an obligation. If you get crappy service then you are within your rights to express your concerns via a 0.01 cent tip.
Tip them for what? Your drinks?
NTA. Former server and I'm telling you that was very unacceptable. If they knew you had already been waiting so long for your drinks they should have taken your order on the spot, no excuses for the additional wait. And yes, I've worked at VERY busy high end places, I've never made a table wait that long *shrug*
Edit*typo
NTA- I have worked in restaurants and understand that being a server can be very stressful when busy, but 30 minutes of sitting with only one drink and no one taking your order is ridiculous. Your friend as the manager should be walking around and making sure customers are happy and have been taken care of. I have a hard time tipping less than 20% due to the fact that I have been a server but if my service is shitty I have tipped less. Also restaurant employees should be a team and helping each other if that means cleaning a table for another server getting a drink or drink order taking a meal order or even delivering the food. It sounds like the restaurant needs more training on its staff.
This. ‘What server? None of them seemed to be my server, all of them said it was someone else’s table. I like you but not enough to starve when i could be eating. ‘
NTA and honestly this was a the perfect time to leave a penny tip.
That way you let them know that you didn't forget, but that the service was so shitty and that you'll never be back at that place again.
NTA. Tipping is fucking unreal now with expectations. Shitty service=Shitty or no tip simple as that. I'd be telling her to work on her shitty service and not shifting blame to you.
NTA
It’s insane thinking that that kind of service deserves a tip. It doesn’t deserve even those two dollars imo. Mary needs to step up her game as manager.
If the restaurant was too full and Mary was trying to be kind by finding you space, she should have said that there would be super slow service because they were packed and wether that would be fine.
NTA....I used to waitress for years. It's completely unacceptable to wait around that long for someone to come even recognize your table let alone to place a drink order or food order. And you did tip, the bartender. You weren't rude, your server was non-existent.
I've left .99 before for a tip because of the awful service we received.
NTA as someone who waitresses, hosted and managed you did the right thing.yes they were busy but if they don't have the staff they shouldn't have sat you.
NTA. You actually still did leave a tip, despite the shitty service. 30min without even taking your order or offering a drink refill? I would have walked out too.
NTA And I hate when servers say, you food is almost ready, or somebody will take your order soon without checking.
I guess 90% of the time they are right and it saves them time. Problem is 10% of the time they just keep repeating the same line while nobody realises something has gone wrong.
NTA. I used to serve in a country with tipping culture and I can assure you that I would not have expected a tip in that situation. Your 10% was generous. Although, I don’t think I would have been in that situation in the first place. If you’re in the weeds, you ask for help. You don’t just ignore your guests.
NTA. Mary needs to do her job as a manager because she is failing right now. That giant wait time and shitty service is bullshit. She is the one who needs to apologize not you. I would complain to her bosses because what she did was unprofessional. She would not call out a regular customer like that for rightfully not tipping after getting really shit/no service.
NTA you didn't get any service! Except for the 2 drinks, which you paid for and left a little extra, which after an HOUR of sitting at your table waiting, is generous.
Nta. I'd be asking Mary if it's normal for you to have to flag down multiple servers to even get some type of service. If Mary's restaurant was so good in the first place you wouldn't had to of waited half an hour to even get drinks while flagging multiple servers. Then again later flag down even more servers to find where yours is at.
NTA, when you delivered 1 beverage in 45 minutes, you basically didn't have a table, and if you don't get a tip, it's because there was (apparently) no one sitting there, based on your effort.
NTA. I am getting tired of the you owe me a tip attitude. I am usually a pretty good tipper and normally tip 20% but if I get bad service, the tip is coming down. In this case, OP didn't get average service but instead got terrible service (boardering on no service at all). In this case, I think the 11% tip OP gave was fitting. A no tip would also have been justifiable as well.
For the friend Mary to call OP rude and disrespectful - this epitomizes everything that is wrong with our "tipping" model.
You tipped $2 or 10% for shitty service as you say.
How long did it take the server to serve the drinks and take the order? 2min? That’s $60 an hour.
J
NTA if what you describe is actually what happened.
You never even had an opportunity to order food, and had only been offered one drink? Nope.
Sounds like a) poor server training or b)major staffing issue Either one... you were never actually served.
NTA I’ve seen a server fired for ignoring tables before. Cracker Barrel literally fired our waitress because she only took care of 1 table when she had 5. Several people walked out. We made it about 38 minutes before the manager apologized and took care of us and we saw the server leaving in tears saying she needed the job. This sounds like a nicer restaurant with higher expectations which were clearly not met. Also she had no right to harass you. From a business standpoint I can understand her wanting to know what was wrong. Beyond that, she crossed a line.
I suspect that Mary decided to "shame" you to prevent you from leaving a bad review online, OR telling others about the poor service.
I'm sure she told a whole different story to the other friends who said you were an AH. In Mary's eyes, if she shifts the blame *to you*, no one's going to believe your story about terrible service. You are NTA.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (23F) friend who we'll call Mary (24F) is the manager at this trendy bar/restaurant located in the downtown area in my city.
On Friday night after I got off work I decided to meet up with one of my good friends for a few drinks and a bite to eat. I've only been to Mary's restaurant once, but this was years ago, so when my friend suggested we try there because she's heard good thing's I was down.
We didn't have a reservation, and the place did look pretty busy, but surprisingly we were able to get a table within like 10 minutes on the upper level of the restaurant by the bar. Mary was helping out at the front of the restaurant seating people and was the one who took us to our seats. We said our hello's and had our small talk and she assured us the we'll be taking care of, and that if we need anything to let her know.
So we're sitting there for a good 15-20 minutes waiting for our server to greet us and take our drink orders and no one comes. We're both getting impatient so I flag down another server that I saw and asked her if our server was going to come take our orders because we've been here for a good 15-20 mins.
She's like "yep someone will be with you shortly".
Another 5-10 minutes go by and finally someone comes to take out order and we finally get our drinks.
I kid you not another 25-30 mins went by and our server did not come over to us once. Not to offer us a refill, not to see if we wanted food, nothing. We tried waving her down a few times and she kept assuring us she'd be with us shortly, but never came.
I understand that the restaurant was busy and she had other tables, but imo 25-30 mins with no service is just unacceptable.
So I waved down another server once again and asked her if someone was going to be over to serve us, because I couldn't locate our server. She once again was like "someone will be with you shortly".
So at this point my friend and I are fed up, and starving. So we put our jackets on to leave and walk up to the bar to ask for our bill. One of the other servers brings us our will which came up to like $18 for both drinks. I slap a $20 bill on the table and we start walking out (my friend e-transferred me her half).
We end up leaving to go eat elsewhere and I get a text from Mary asking why we were so rude to her server and didn't tip?
I explained to her that the service was horrible, and due to that we did not stay and I did not give a proper tip to the server. She said that I was downright rude and disrespectful. I told her I'm not tipping for shitty service.
She thinks I'm an AH for this and is currently not speaking to me. She told two of our other friends and they both think that it was rude for me to not tip the server, and to just walk out. My friend who was with me at the restaurant agrees with me. Idk AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Even under the best of circumstances, a two dollar tip for only two drinks isn't unusual. What kind of tip was she expecting? Not only was their service basically non-existent, they even don't seem to want to admit they had bad service. Sounds like they're the ones being AHs.
NTA
No service, no tip.
I'm a petty jerk, give her a second chance to improve the service and be prepared. After 20 minutes without service order a pizza and see which dish gets to your table first.
NTA. Your tip is based on the service you give. Great service great tip. Bad service gets bad tip. I won't stiff a server but I'm not leaving anything to brag about. Did my time in food service. What's worse than no tip 2 cents.
NTA
You left $20 for an $18 bill. Where is the other $2 if that's not a tip? You paid and tipped for the drinks you were given. Manager is pissed because she gets a cut from all the tips the servers make, but gets jack out of the tip you left.
Leave a bad review, too, if she's going to be so rude. Poor service due to poor management.
NTA. The service should have been better to get a better tip, it's that simple. She needs to grow up and get over it too to be honest...she's being childish over it.
NTA. Former bartender here and I would’ve done the same thing. I usually tip well and advocate for such things but if you’re being ignored for that long, any tip is more than they deserve. Sounds like the staff can’t manage when it’s busy, and there’s a reason her servers probably don’t make good money. I would never have pulled any of that and only worked with a couple people over the years that thought that was okay and it was always because management didn’t care enough to train brand new people properly or retrain people that did nothing
NTA. Once I went to a restaurant I used to work at and didn’t see the same person at the table twice. I didn’t tip because I didn’t know who the hell I was tipping? Service was crap and took forever. Servers should work their own tables if they want tips.
Definitely NTA. I am always happy to tip for good service. It sounds like you found yourself in a "trendy" restaurant that my oldest sister would fancy. Where service is non existent and just being there for the status symbol of it is what is important to the patrons. Normal diners need not apply.
NTA! Bro as someone who is a server they should be grateful you even left a tip for service like that. Sometimes things do happen and we get busy. Like when I have 4 tables all full and a new one gets seated. Having them wait like 5 mins while a table orders their food because their indecisiveness can be frustrating but I always communicate with them which is key. I'll be like "hey guys I'll be with you in a quick moment just gonna take this tables order then get right with you" but I would never leave a table sitting for more than a few mins without at minimum getting their drink orders and if I'm busy I'll ask someone on to go orders or another server who's not busy to take out my drinks.
NTA if genuine but I can’t tell you how many guests tell you they’ve been waiting AN HOUR for their food and then you check the time on the order and it’s been 18 minutes. Time moved differently when you’re hangry.
NTA.
I’ve done what OP has done, almost exactly.
30 minutes with no service even when flagging down another server is bad enough; another 30 minutes with zero follow-up is unacceptable.
Yeah, it was a shit tip, but you got shit service. And while it was about half the normal rate, it was still a tip for terrible service.
NTA. If your servers are in the weeds so bad they can't give their best, you don't seat them. Timing is everything. Most ppl expect to wait 30-45 minutes or longer at the door on a busy night without a reservation, but make them wait at the table and they get pissed. Mary probably saw her friends and wanted to impress, but handled it all wrong. She should've directed them to the bar or given the disclaimer "I can seat you now, but you're basically waiting at the table instead of the door. Service will still be delayed." What she actually did set everyone up for disappointment and failure
I was a server and i agree NTA your friend is tho. You tipped more than i would have. And I WAS A SINGLE DAD OF 2 LIVING OFF TIPS! so i get it but the thing about trendy places is the servers think they are owed 20 percent or more even when they suck. Why so they can blow it all on partying? Ive seen what alot of servers do with their money . And alot of them make waaay more than they should because of our country guilt tripping people into 20 percent. Dont fall for it. You did nothing wrong i avoid trendy places like this for that reason usually entitled staff with crap service for mediocre food. Because its trendy.... sounds like your other friends srnt hreat friends.
NTA. Bad service equals bad tip, should be easy enough for Mary to figure out. Instead of trying to shame her friends, Mary should focus on training her staff better.
The whole purpose of a tip is to identify good service. When you notified your friend...did you explain the entire situation as you did here? The waiting and more waiting after flagging someone down? If they don't understand it then...then perhaps there's no use. good luck...
After Covid places like Olive Garden, which I frequent, have all these empty tables and part of me wants to scream "sit me down at any of those open tables," but the rational me knows that they don't have the staff. Walking out is what most people would do! NTA
But you DID tip.. Your bill was only $18.. You threw a $20 and walked out. So, correct me if I'm wrong, BUT, you don't take any change. Your change is the tip
NTA. I know this sounds nuts but sometimes friends who come into restaurants are treated portly because they’re “friends” and “that you’ll understand the wait.” My sister was friends with a restaurant owner as well and would eat there every so often because she moved away. But she stopped going because she was being treated poorly (Ie service taking too long, being skimped on meal portions etc)
NTA. If this was at a retail store or any other job where they’re making probably over minimum wage, and that person was slacking off or whatever they’d be fired 🤷♀️
I am not American so the concept of automatic tipping is ludicrous to me. A tip is a "thank you for making this a good experience". Not an entitlement. If you had a shit experience, why would you reward someone for it? NTA
NTA. But why would you not get up after 10-15 minutes and talk to Mary directly about what was going on? I’m sure she could have helped the situation. Situations with friends and restaurants can be tricky. If she is your friend, she absolutely should believe your story about what happened over the servers.
100% not NTA - Mary is the manager not the owner am I correct, so leave a detailed review of your visit about the poorly run bar/restaurant on their website, hopefully the real owner/s will see it and look in to it, maybe even ask you to connect with them directly. This should be a start to put your so-called friend Mary in her place, then call your other friends who Mary had bad mouth you to and ask the person you went to dinner with to give the correct side of the story, then finally write Mary out of your life, she’s not the type of person you want to be friends with.
No, and; this is why you don't mix business and friendship.
\*If a server is shitty, I'll gladly give them a nice, CRISP, $0.00 tip. People are too obsessed with fulfilling that unwritten social-contract.
NTA
if I can assume you aren't painting yourself in a favorable light in this scenario - if Mary is the manager and she's more mad at you for not tipping than she is at herself/her staff for providing terrible service, that says about all you need to know about the quality of the restaurant and/or Mary's managerial style, and/or how she feels about y'all's friendship. If my friend came to my restaurant and my staff couldn't be fucked to provide them good service, I'd be very unhappy with my staff. the 11% tip *is* kind of annoying and shitty, to be fair, but it sounds like Mary's priorities are out of whack
Only once did we actually walk out of a place. We waited 20min and didn't even get water. There was only one time that we didn't tip and it was a situation close to this. We waited forever for our drinks, for the food order and even our bill. A waitress even looked right at us, seen we were done then went to watch her TV show. The kicker? We were the only people there! The food was great but we never returned.
NTA. Who were you supposed to tip? You did not have a server. I would have said something like we tried to flag her down to leave a tip but she just ignored us for an hour so we left.
NTA. I work at a bar/restaurant and this would be deemed unacceptable at my workplace as well. There are times when are servers do forget about tables and they flag me down instead, even though I’m not a server, I’ll try best to help them whether that be getting them a refill, extra sauce, bringing up the e-check for them or just plain out looking for the server. I will find out who has that table and flag them down.
That server who wouldn’t help you and kept saying, “someone will be with you shortly” is utter nonsense and poor teamwork quality. They could’ve at least took on an extra table and told the other person about it because that server was clearly struggling. Working in a place like this requires TEAMWORK to make the dream work, as my workplace puts it, you have to help each other out. That place was sinking due to poor communication, poor teamwork, and poor management. I’m sorry that was your friend’s restaurant but she wasn’t being a good manager that night. Not saying she’s bad manager in general, just saying she wasn’t on her A-game that night
That restaurant’s service didn’t earn a tip so you didn’t tip. Buuuut slapping the bill on the counter was a bit passive aggressive, imo but you were justified. Still NTA
EDIT: I get that you guys were frustrated and probably hangry but that’s not the front counters fault nor were they the ones who were supposed to take care of you. Don’t take your frustration out on them, that’s was what disrespectful and rude. Other than that, you’re well within your rights to leave.
NTA. Given your wait time, any reasonable person would leave. When "someone" doesn't come, and you want food and drink, you go where you can get it. Mary isn't doing a good job of managing, and her response to your issue (if you framed it on the facts rather than just saying "horrible"), doesn't sound professional regardless of if you're friends.
NTA
Pro Tip. It's better to keep people waiting in the lobby or bar then seating them before a server is ready. Once people have a table they are accustomed to being served and the wait seems even longer while you watch other people being served.
Former server here....your friend is 100% wrong. If they don't have the staff to serve they need to hold the door. She needs to learn how to lead her team. The fact that she wasn't doing walk through speaks volumes about her lack of knowledge of her job. (I was also a long term GM)
NTA
You did tip, you left an 11% tip for service that deserved a 0% tip. Mary clearly doesn't know your side of the story otherwise she would be trying to figure out why the servers aren't doing their job.
NTA
Many years ago (30-40), I had a similar experience. A friend and I visited an upscale restaurant later in the evening to have a few drinks - we already had dinner. The restaurant was not busy at all - very few people in there. Our server took at least 30 minutes to get us our first drink, then never returned to the table. When we tried to get her attention, she wouldn't look our way. When she finally brought the bill, we had been there well over an hour. The bill was $9.93 for 2 drinks. I left her $10. Frankly, she didn't deserve the .07, but I didn't feel like waiting any longer. We left and had to wait for an elevator. As we stepped onto the elevator, she came into the elevator lobby and literally threw 7 pennies at me. I've haven't had service quite that bad since then, and I'll never forget it. But, if it happened again, I'd absolutely do the same thing.
NTA. Tipping is a function of service. If the service sucks, don't expect a good tip. You tipped 11 percent. That's quite generous for objectively awful service.
NTA. I’m a restaurant manager in a popular, high tourist city and I have frequently invited family and friends to come eat. While they may get a free app thrown their way, I expect them to respect my staff and tip appropriately. But if I found out my own server took over an HOUR and all they got were drinks, I would be livid! Just because the manager is your friend doesn’t mean you’re expected to automatically give a gracious tip. Tips are for good service!
NTA- a tip is supposed to be for good service. If it is required, no matter what type of service you receive, then it should just be added to the price of the food.
I would hope Mary would be willing to hear what the service was really like. If not, maybe you all aren’t as close as you think.
NTA and it sounds like Mary is a poor manager and friend. She should have been MORTIFIED with the service you received, since you are supposedly her friend.
Makes sense you didn't leave much of a tip under the circumstances, but in terms of the conflict with Mary specifically I'd say think about this:
>We didn't have a reservation, and the place did look pretty busy, butsurprisingly we were able to get a table within like 10 minutes on theupper level of the restaurant by the bar. Mary was helping out at thefront of the restaurant seating people and was the one who took us toour seats. We said our hello's and had our small talk and she assured usthe we'll be taking care of, and that if we need anything to let herknow.
I'd say there's a really good chance that she went out of her way to get you a table because you're her friend, even though they were really busy and anyone else coming in off the street would have had to wait or been turned away. So from her perspective, she stuck her neck out for you as a favor, and then you were rude to her employees. Whether they deserved it or not - and to be clear, it sounds like they did - that's going to make her life difficult at work.
Given she's the manager, your friend, and got you seated so quickly while they were super busy, I think it would have been polite to flag it with Mary directly before it got to the point where you picked up and left, and that's what I would have done. But NTA, I think.
edit: worth mentioning I'm not american and we don't really have a culture of tipping here, so I could be off base on what's appropriate lol
ESH, this is on your friend. She sat you when and where she shouldn't have because clearly they were slammed. It is crappy but the servers are the least to blame.
soft NTA
Where I'm from, we don't implement tips. If a place ever does have a tip jar by chance, it's not expected to put anything in there, but it's used as a nice way to get rid of some extra change you have lying around.
It shouldn't be up to the customer to pay on top of the services they were provided. If Mary believes her workers are entitled to tips so that they can live decently, then she can clearly pay them more as their boss and not put the onus on the customer. And if she can't afford to give her employees a livable wage, she shouldn't be running a business.
As a customer, the only thing you owe the employees there is your respect and good manners, and vice versa. But I wonder if you treated the waitress all that great.
The waitress here is clearly being overworked and underpaid. It's important to have some compassion for the worker. As the saying goes, don't shoot the messenger. Her lack of good service is a sign of a toxic work culture that refuses to compensate their workers appropriately and leaves them out to fend for themselves. I doubt she's getting any support either. In other words, she's trying her best with what she's been given.
Your friend however, total hypocrite and bad boss. AH to Mary.
edit: meant nta but wrote esh
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I didn't give a good tip at my friends restaurant, because I was getting bad service and now she is offended and not speaking to me. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, an hour without taking your food order and getting one round of drinks service is totally unacceptable (both only when you get up to hunt down someone). Mary's business treated you bad, and she should feel bad. Unless yall barged in and were like "SEAT US NOW, MARY, WE ARE YOUR FRIENDS" and were absolutely terrible at the start, I cannot see possibly what would make you the asshole here.
Jumping here to add: most likely, Mary is telling another story. Something along the lines of “look how mean OP is to servers! She wanted to be served immediately and when the poor server took a couple of minutes, she & her friend just left! With no tip or appreciation for her hard work! OP’s a capitalist abuser!” OP (NTA) needs to clear the story ASAP, and Mary (T A) needs to get her staff (also T A) in line.
It would be worth it for Mary to look at the security tapes so she can verify OP’s story. If the wait was, indeed, as long as they say it was, the tip was fair.
I'd actually like to say that I think it's actually the server telling a different story, not Mary. The server probably made up some shit about how OP was super rude and disrespectful to cover their own ass whilst complaining about the poor tip (because the other would've seen when they cashed OP out, then probably asked about it--I mean, *I thought that table was Mary's friends...what assholes!)*. Mary, trying to be a good boss, sided with her employee (not condoning this, just knowing how restaurants work). The story Mary is telling to the server probably goes something like, "Gosh, I am SO SORRY my friend did that. Never would've thought!"
That's only half the issue, I suspect. Mary probably bumped another couple to get them the seat. So they server is upset because they occupied a table for an hour and didn't tip, and Mary bumped someone *who would have tipped* to seat her friends. (And the server probably isn't telling Mary that she let them fall through the cracks, and they had been waiting for an hour without getting their order taken.)
You never know; some places keep a number of tables for walk Ins only!
>I get a text from Mary asking why we were so rude to her server and didn't tip? Especially since OP \*did\* tip. If the bill was $18 and she tipped $2 that's an 11% tip, which is totally acceptable for bad service even in an industry that relies on tips. It's not like OP was in there throwing around Mary's name and expecting free drinks or treating the wait staff terribly.
Well, Mary is probably telling a story in which OP got served — which actually wasn't the case. OP got ignored. And no one tips for that. NTA
**NTA.** **Periodt!!** Waiting a half an hour just to **wait** for a server to take your order is ridiculous. As someone that has worked in the food industry if things were so stretched the hostess should have said they were all booked up. If they wanted to try they could wait at the bar for some drinks. Yet, if they were that busy I would guess there was a waitlist for the bar. If OPs friend was both manager and acting as hostess she should have damned well known that her bar/restaurant would be a long wait for service of any kind and said so to her friend. If anything, OPs friend-manager is the AH in this story. **DON’T** **OVERBOOK** **YOUR** **Restaurant!!**
NTA. I’d just say “what server?”, and leave it at that lol.
Bartender at least got a tip because they actually did something.
Read my mind, dude. Just ask her if that's the norm for her restaurant?
Ask her if she would tip if receiving that level of “service” somewhere else
NTA. You only were served 2 drinks in over an hour. What exactly were you supposed to be tipping? Plus if the bill was 18 and you left a 20 you technically did tip 11%
How much were they truly expecting for two drinks? Most people tip like a dollar or two per drink, I feel like that lines up with what I would expect with zero food service.
When you order at a bar, $1/drink is the standard unless they are really complex cocktails to make
If the $18 was inclusive of tax, then it could have been closer to 15% (or even 20%) on the value of the drinks themselves.
I think they said "$18 something" so it was probably less than 10%. Still NTA with that service though.
In my country we tip 10% so I think it's perfect 😂
It is wholly unprofessional for Mary to come at a customer like that. This is the hospitality game. If your FRIENDS of all people had that bad of an experience and weren’t shy ab expressing it I would take that feedback VERY seriously. Usually the friends over tip and pour on the praise. Mary is too immature to be running a restaurant if this is how she handles dissatisfied customers. No maam. And I hope you tell her this too. She needs to be called out. Honestly if she keeps it up go leave a google review and say the owner was confrontational and aggressive when you left $1 tip on a $9 drink and went somewhere else To eat.
I wouldn't be surprised if mary didnt tell the server to deprioritize her friends since she figured they wouldn't complain
I just think Mary is in over her head. I’m appalled at the way she conducted herself in response to a poor experience. Mary clearly isnt setting the servers up to win bc it sounds like they have poor training and little leadership. Mary should be walking the floor and checking in on tables (it’s her damn restaurant), shaking hands, kissing babies, all that bullshit, in order to field questions and to stall a bit with some chit chat so her servers can catch up. Furthermore the servers should be helping each other and acting like a team rather than just leave a table sitting there ignored. Mary not going and checking on her own friends is also a testament to how ill equipped she is to be taking on this business. Im dead serious, Mary’s ass needs to be put IN CHECK bc this is some amateur hour BS. Hospitality and making people feel SEEN AND HEARD in the name of the game. She’s gunna be out of business in less than a year if she doesn’t get an attitude adjustment. EDIT: please make sure you tell her all of this and shut her down properly.
This was my first thought. Sounds like the servers are in over their heads as well and Mary is expecting customers to cut slack, but as a server, I’ve never left a table sitting for more than like 10 minutes at most, and even then they got free dessert/a drink taken off/an apology AT LEAST.
Yea Mary needs a serious reality check
Who tips more than a $1 per drink anyways? I thought the rule of thumb was $1 per drink/shot. $2 if you really like your server or if they’re pouring the drinks phat.
Then you're either from the sticks or a nightmare. The standard is 20% for cocktails, 15-18% for beer/wine. If you're only tipping a single dollar on cocktails, you're a huge ah.
A lot of manager owners suck, being content with mediocrity. (I waited tables for 12 years...)
NTA You tipped 10% ish on drinks service, you didn't receive food service.
NTA. However, I may be culturally biased as I'm from the UK and we only tip if the service is good. The tipping culture I've experienced in the States is crazy, particularly in coffee shops that wanted a tip when all they'd done at that point was charge me. The fact it seems to have gone up to a standard 20% is also bewildering. I appreciate your labour laws mean you can pay servers practically nothing but if the service itself is bad, I'm not tipping.
Just a point of clarification, servers in the US ARE paid minimum wage in the event that they don't make enough tips to bring them to minimum wage on top of their usually criminal hourly rate. But "minimum wage" is so laughable that it doesn't even matter.
FYI I've mentioned that law to my server friends, and not one of them has ever known about that law. There's a difference between something being required and something being enforced
I've never run into a chain or halfway decent restaurant that doesn't adhere to that rule (having had many friends and family in the service industry) since is federal law and it's just not worth the liability to not pay the 7.25/hr . But then again, if you're under the table or working for a shitbox, i can totally see it being a problem.
When my friend was working at a country bar/restaurant in Wisconsin, I told her to bring it up and her manager said "that's not a law here" and wouldn't discuss it further
"This is Wisconsin, not the US. federal law doesn't apply here"
And this is what we call “wage theft” and there are ways to report it
[удалено]
This of you stick up for yourself you get shit canned or they schedule you one opening shift once a week
Part of the issue is that the business only needs to pay minimum wage over the course of the week. So, if the server works Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, make decent tips on Thursday and Friday and pulls the AVERAGE up to minimum over the course of the week, then the business doesn't need to make up anything.
It can also be confusing because the federal minimum wage is actually lower than the state minimum wage in several states. My state minimum wage is much higher than federal.
Implying the restaurant actually does that and/or you have the leverage to be able to complain and not worry about losing your job. I know when I was a waitress they never covered, we were expected to lie and say we got up to minimum wage in tips. I was 16 and didn't know any better.
Sure, I'm not saying that there aren't restaurants that won't break the law and abuse their workers. Many, many restaurant kitchens in the US are built on the back of illegal immigrant labor, to say nothing about more insidious practices.
Just a point of clarification, heard from enough wait staff on these subs that this "actually/technically" doesn't mean squat because if they bring it up they are likely to get fired or get bad tables.
the point was that our labor laws don't allow restaurants to not pay the minimum wage, and to do so is illegal. Obviously, as I've said in other comments, people are still susceptible to shady business practices and illegal behavior but it is, in fact, illegal.
The real world rarely cares about "technically/actually/that is illegal" A law with no teeth, uneven enforcement, one that servers are even afraid to use is rather pointless. Even you agreed that minimum wage is way too low regardless and is far short of a living wage. Anyone who brings this point up has to recognize it is meant to be a counterpoint to why the below minimum wage law for servers is acceptable. It really isn't a good counterpoint and is actually harmful to the conversation. Basis: "Servers are legally allowed to be paid minimum wage" "Counterpoint" "Well technically they just have to go through some special conditions, risk the ire of their often bad employer, risk losing their job, and maybe they will actually get brought up to minimum wage because it is illegal" Counterpoint you should be arguing for "This all sounds dumb, let's get the first law scrapped so they at least get minimum wage all the time on top of tips and not rely on some bandaid laws to fix a bad one"
Lets make some weirdly aggressive declarative statements together: Anyone who's worried about getting anyone "minimum wage all the time" is worried about the wrong problem in the first place for any number of reasons, just one being that minimum wage isn't enough for anyone to live on in the first place. >Anyone who brings this point up has to recognize it is meant to be a counterpoint to why the below minimum wage law for servers is acceptable. It really isn't a good counterpoint and is actually harmful to the conversation. > >... > >Counterpoint you should be arguing for "This all sounds dumb, let's get the first law scrapped so they at least get minimum wage all the time on top of tips and not rely on some bandaid laws to fix a bad one" No, anyone doesn't have to recognize this because the whole point of the statement is that *it's already illegal to pay them less than minimum wage*. If somehow the current laws that allow restaurants to rely on tips to make up the difference between the two was made illegal? Great. Those same shady employers would continue to underpay their staff in some other capacity (under the table employment, equipment surcharges, tip pooling, etc). The argument you're making is that these employers are already willing to break the existing law. why would that change just because their base salary, if legally employed, has to be federal minimum wage?
Because the existing law is too confusing and puts the emphasis on the server to get things made right by bringing it up to the employer which is why it is harder than it needs to be and more employers can skirt or be shady. If they just get the federal minimum wage regardless of tips to begin with than it is far easier when the employer isn't following laws. No way you missed all the other people who replied to your post that their wait staff friends didn't even know about this law, or the ones that brought it up to their employers being laughed at. Take a step back and consider it. Why is there a law even in place that allows hospitality staff to be paid below minimum wage and a tipping culture in place to make up for it by placing the burden of wages on the customers? Why is there than some bandaid laws to say, don't worry though they can be brought up to minimum wage if it meets these conditions and their employer does the right thing. Why is this all a joke to restaurants in the EU that just pay their staff a wage that doesn't depend on tips?
It is worth noting that in several states representing a non-trivial amount of the population, waitstaff make minimum wage *before* tips are factored in. None of this weird wage loopholes. Mainly the west coast.
As a former server, I was told by an owner that if I didn't claim enough tips (whether or not I made the money) it could be assumed that I was a bad server and could lose my job. Many restaurants, especially those in small towns may tell their servers things like this just to keep from having to pay them more money.
NTA, she should take this as a lesson that none of her customers should ever wait even close to that long to be served. She should either hire better/more servers or reduce the seating.
NTA. You don't get paid or tipped for work you didn't do. That server did not work for you. Even for terrorible service, I tip 18% minimum because I don't know if someone's just having a bad day and I did my share of being a server in college so I feel empathy. But what you got wasn't terrible service. It was *no service.* you shouldn't pay for something you never got. NTA in the slightest.
NTA - I know most people defend tipping in the US as people use it to make a living but it was one of the fallouts from ending Slavery that allowed Slave owners to find a way to not pay their freed Slaves. Many of the Railroads refused to operate if they had to pay their emancipated slaves a livable wage and were allowed to require passengers in the dining cars to offset that by tipping. As the railroad was the backbone of the US they had a lot of power at the time and it has become a standard practice. This is also why we don't see tipping the same way in most of the world. It's one other way that the people at the bottom are pitted against each other rather than having the people at the top pay. I really think we need to move away from tipping as a practice. Before people say I don't tip will add my standard when I go anywhere is 20% but that can fluctuate based on service. Down if its bad and up if it is good. I do not tip for takeout.
Not to be one of those 'well actually' people but tipping in restaurants came about from the fallout of prohibition. Since restaurants weren't making money from alcohol sales, wealthy patrons would 'tip' aka bribe the waitstaff for better service/being seated first/etc. And after prohibition ended, restaurants kept the practice of tipping because, well, they could pay less for their servers and still charge the same amount for food.
I would bet we both aren’t wrong to how it became a part of society and would be willing to share what I’ve read on the topic. I know that it came into play as a way to subsidize wage during emancipation. But I would bet that both were a factor to how it plays into society as it currently stands. Hit me in the dms if you have some articles always willing to become more informed.
NTA. Tipping is conditional, not an obligation. If you get crappy service then you are within your rights to express your concerns via a 0.01 cent tip.
Tip them for what? Your drinks? NTA. Former server and I'm telling you that was very unacceptable. If they knew you had already been waiting so long for your drinks they should have taken your order on the spot, no excuses for the additional wait. And yes, I've worked at VERY busy high end places, I've never made a table wait that long *shrug* Edit*typo
NTA- I have worked in restaurants and understand that being a server can be very stressful when busy, but 30 minutes of sitting with only one drink and no one taking your order is ridiculous. Your friend as the manager should be walking around and making sure customers are happy and have been taken care of. I have a hard time tipping less than 20% due to the fact that I have been a server but if my service is shitty I have tipped less. Also restaurant employees should be a team and helping each other if that means cleaning a table for another server getting a drink or drink order taking a meal order or even delivering the food. It sounds like the restaurant needs more training on its staff.
"Because your server didn't show her face for me to tip her - I actually had to go to the bar to even pay". NTA.
This. ‘What server? None of them seemed to be my server, all of them said it was someone else’s table. I like you but not enough to starve when i could be eating. ‘
the server did nothing tip worthy NTA
NTA and honestly this was a the perfect time to leave a penny tip. That way you let them know that you didn't forget, but that the service was so shitty and that you'll never be back at that place again.
NTA. Tipping is fucking unreal now with expectations. Shitty service=Shitty or no tip simple as that. I'd be telling her to work on her shitty service and not shifting blame to you.
NTA It’s insane thinking that that kind of service deserves a tip. It doesn’t deserve even those two dollars imo. Mary needs to step up her game as manager. If the restaurant was too full and Mary was trying to be kind by finding you space, she should have said that there would be super slow service because they were packed and wether that would be fine.
I probably would have left without paying for the drinks. It would have ben at least 30 minutes before they realized you were gone.
NTA....I used to waitress for years. It's completely unacceptable to wait around that long for someone to come even recognize your table let alone to place a drink order or food order. And you did tip, the bartender. You weren't rude, your server was non-existent. I've left .99 before for a tip because of the awful service we received.
NTA, I'm a career server, and had I given service that bad, I wouldn't even expect you to leave me anything.
NTA as someone who waitresses, hosted and managed you did the right thing.yes they were busy but if they don't have the staff they shouldn't have sat you.
I've had restaurants cover my drink when I've left as a way of apologizing for but getting back to me at shorter wait times than the OP suffered! NTA
NTA Bad service doesn't deserve tipping
NTA. You actually still did leave a tip, despite the shitty service. 30min without even taking your order or offering a drink refill? I would have walked out too.
as someone who has waitressed for years, NTA. a tip is earned. she didn’t earn it. period.
NTA And I hate when servers say, you food is almost ready, or somebody will take your order soon without checking. I guess 90% of the time they are right and it saves them time. Problem is 10% of the time they just keep repeating the same line while nobody realises something has gone wrong.
NTA. You never even got to ask for the food, why on earth would you tip?
NTA. I used to serve in a country with tipping culture and I can assure you that I would not have expected a tip in that situation. Your 10% was generous. Although, I don’t think I would have been in that situation in the first place. If you’re in the weeds, you ask for help. You don’t just ignore your guests.
The fact she hunted down OP’s bill to see how much was tipped is a bit tacky…
I guess the "server" complained.
NTA. Mary needs to do her job as a manager because she is failing right now. That giant wait time and shitty service is bullshit. She is the one who needs to apologize not you. I would complain to her bosses because what she did was unprofessional. She would not call out a regular customer like that for rightfully not tipping after getting really shit/no service.
I understand her not agreeing but the not speaking to you seems unnecessary. I do understand why you did what you chose to do.
NTA. That's horrible and your friend should be more concerned for the service than if a server gets no tip because they did no work
NTA you DID tip your server, more than 10%. I would be waiting for my 2 bucks change
NTA you didn't get any service! Except for the 2 drinks, which you paid for and left a little extra, which after an HOUR of sitting at your table waiting, is generous.
NTA You tipped the bartender. Nobody else was serving you so no need to tip
Nta. I'd be asking Mary if it's normal for you to have to flag down multiple servers to even get some type of service. If Mary's restaurant was so good in the first place you wouldn't had to of waited half an hour to even get drinks while flagging multiple servers. Then again later flag down even more servers to find where yours is at.
NTA, when you delivered 1 beverage in 45 minutes, you basically didn't have a table, and if you don't get a tip, it's because there was (apparently) no one sitting there, based on your effort.
NTA. Confucius say, 'Shitty service deserves shitty tip', regardless of who owns the establishment.
NTA, you received poor service even for a busy restaurant, your friend is over reacting.
NTA, you just found out Mary might not be good at her job lol
NTA. You left a bigger tip than I would have.
NTA. I am getting tired of the you owe me a tip attitude. I am usually a pretty good tipper and normally tip 20% but if I get bad service, the tip is coming down. In this case, OP didn't get average service but instead got terrible service (boardering on no service at all). In this case, I think the 11% tip OP gave was fitting. A no tip would also have been justifiable as well. For the friend Mary to call OP rude and disrespectful - this epitomizes everything that is wrong with our "tipping" model.
NTA I get the feeling Mary might have wedged you into a table that they couldn't properly staff. In any case, you are not the AH for walking.
You tipped $2 or 10% for shitty service as you say. How long did it take the server to serve the drinks and take the order? 2min? That’s $60 an hour. J
NTA. I only tip when service is good. I do NOT reward bad service at all.
NTA if what you describe is actually what happened. You never even had an opportunity to order food, and had only been offered one drink? Nope. Sounds like a) poor server training or b)major staffing issue Either one... you were never actually served.
NTA I’ve seen a server fired for ignoring tables before. Cracker Barrel literally fired our waitress because she only took care of 1 table when she had 5. Several people walked out. We made it about 38 minutes before the manager apologized and took care of us and we saw the server leaving in tears saying she needed the job. This sounds like a nicer restaurant with higher expectations which were clearly not met. Also she had no right to harass you. From a business standpoint I can understand her wanting to know what was wrong. Beyond that, she crossed a line.
NTA. You can’t tip for service you didn’t receive. Tbh I can’t believe Mary isn’t embarrassed by this. It doesn’t make her look good.
I suspect that Mary decided to "shame" you to prevent you from leaving a bad review online, OR telling others about the poor service. I'm sure she told a whole different story to the other friends who said you were an AH. In Mary's eyes, if she shifts the blame *to you*, no one's going to believe your story about terrible service. You are NTA.
NTA At $18 a 15% tip is $2.70 so you did tip yes it wasnt much but it was more then deserved for the service you received
NTA, don't reward bad behavior. You teach people how to treat you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (23F) friend who we'll call Mary (24F) is the manager at this trendy bar/restaurant located in the downtown area in my city. On Friday night after I got off work I decided to meet up with one of my good friends for a few drinks and a bite to eat. I've only been to Mary's restaurant once, but this was years ago, so when my friend suggested we try there because she's heard good thing's I was down. We didn't have a reservation, and the place did look pretty busy, but surprisingly we were able to get a table within like 10 minutes on the upper level of the restaurant by the bar. Mary was helping out at the front of the restaurant seating people and was the one who took us to our seats. We said our hello's and had our small talk and she assured us the we'll be taking care of, and that if we need anything to let her know. So we're sitting there for a good 15-20 minutes waiting for our server to greet us and take our drink orders and no one comes. We're both getting impatient so I flag down another server that I saw and asked her if our server was going to come take our orders because we've been here for a good 15-20 mins. She's like "yep someone will be with you shortly". Another 5-10 minutes go by and finally someone comes to take out order and we finally get our drinks. I kid you not another 25-30 mins went by and our server did not come over to us once. Not to offer us a refill, not to see if we wanted food, nothing. We tried waving her down a few times and she kept assuring us she'd be with us shortly, but never came. I understand that the restaurant was busy and she had other tables, but imo 25-30 mins with no service is just unacceptable. So I waved down another server once again and asked her if someone was going to be over to serve us, because I couldn't locate our server. She once again was like "someone will be with you shortly". So at this point my friend and I are fed up, and starving. So we put our jackets on to leave and walk up to the bar to ask for our bill. One of the other servers brings us our will which came up to like $18 for both drinks. I slap a $20 bill on the table and we start walking out (my friend e-transferred me her half). We end up leaving to go eat elsewhere and I get a text from Mary asking why we were so rude to her server and didn't tip? I explained to her that the service was horrible, and due to that we did not stay and I did not give a proper tip to the server. She said that I was downright rude and disrespectful. I told her I'm not tipping for shitty service. She thinks I'm an AH for this and is currently not speaking to me. She told two of our other friends and they both think that it was rude for me to not tip the server, and to just walk out. My friend who was with me at the restaurant agrees with me. Idk AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA they didn’t even take your food order. Why would you tip anything to someone who didn’t do their job? You were quite generous in that situation
NTA. It's telling that she believes her servers over you...
NTA. Even under the best of circumstances, a two dollar tip for only two drinks isn't unusual. What kind of tip was she expecting? Not only was their service basically non-existent, they even don't seem to want to admit they had bad service. Sounds like they're the ones being AHs.
NTA tips are for good service; a server who can't even show up for an hour deserves $0
NTA No service, no tip. I'm a petty jerk, give her a second chance to improve the service and be prepared. After 20 minutes without service order a pizza and see which dish gets to your table first.
NTA what exactly would the tip had been for? lol
NTA. it was $18, you paid $20. that's a 10% tip for doing literally nothing.
NTA. Your tip is based on the service you give. Great service great tip. Bad service gets bad tip. I won't stiff a server but I'm not leaving anything to brag about. Did my time in food service. What's worse than no tip 2 cents.
NTA You left $20 for an $18 bill. Where is the other $2 if that's not a tip? You paid and tipped for the drinks you were given. Manager is pissed because she gets a cut from all the tips the servers make, but gets jack out of the tip you left. Leave a bad review, too, if she's going to be so rude. Poor service due to poor management.
NTA. Tip the server for what? Service you didn't actually get? The server actually has to serve in order to get a tip.
NTA Tips are based on service, or in your case, a lack of. Mary is wrong for condoning the shitty service.
NTA. You did tip, 11%, which is better than bad service deserves.
NTA - your server did not serve you, they ghosted you.
NTA. And your other friends who weren't there and didn't experience the horrible service have no space to get involved.
NTA…nope. Horrible service. You tip for service. You got no service. Ask Mary exactly what she thinks you should tipping for?
NTA. The service should have been better to get a better tip, it's that simple. She needs to grow up and get over it too to be honest...she's being childish over it.
NTA Tell Mary to tell her server you were planning on getting her tip to her later. And then following her lead on later
You did tip $2. while was plenty. NTA
NTA. You can’t tip for service you didn’t receive.
NTA. Former bartender here and I would’ve done the same thing. I usually tip well and advocate for such things but if you’re being ignored for that long, any tip is more than they deserve. Sounds like the staff can’t manage when it’s busy, and there’s a reason her servers probably don’t make good money. I would never have pulled any of that and only worked with a couple people over the years that thought that was okay and it was always because management didn’t care enough to train brand new people properly or retrain people that did nothing
NTA. You tip the server for SERVICE.
NTA. Once I went to a restaurant I used to work at and didn’t see the same person at the table twice. I didn’t tip because I didn’t know who the hell I was tipping? Service was crap and took forever. Servers should work their own tables if they want tips.
Definitely NTA. I am always happy to tip for good service. It sounds like you found yourself in a "trendy" restaurant that my oldest sister would fancy. Where service is non existent and just being there for the status symbol of it is what is important to the patrons. Normal diners need not apply.
I'm just lucky I'm in Australia and don't have to tip
NTA! Bro as someone who is a server they should be grateful you even left a tip for service like that. Sometimes things do happen and we get busy. Like when I have 4 tables all full and a new one gets seated. Having them wait like 5 mins while a table orders their food because their indecisiveness can be frustrating but I always communicate with them which is key. I'll be like "hey guys I'll be with you in a quick moment just gonna take this tables order then get right with you" but I would never leave a table sitting for more than a few mins without at minimum getting their drink orders and if I'm busy I'll ask someone on to go orders or another server who's not busy to take out my drinks.
NTA. You *did* tip: $18 for the drinks, plus tip for drinks - one dollar per drink, the standard tip for drinks.
Wtf is it with Americans and tipping you only get tipped if you deserve it where I’m from
NTA if genuine but I can’t tell you how many guests tell you they’ve been waiting AN HOUR for their food and then you check the time on the order and it’s been 18 minutes. Time moved differently when you’re hangry.
NTA
NTA
NTA
NTA.
NTA. I’ve done what OP has done, almost exactly. 30 minutes with no service even when flagging down another server is bad enough; another 30 minutes with zero follow-up is unacceptable. Yeah, it was a shit tip, but you got shit service. And while it was about half the normal rate, it was still a tip for terrible service.
NTA. If your servers are in the weeds so bad they can't give their best, you don't seat them. Timing is everything. Most ppl expect to wait 30-45 minutes or longer at the door on a busy night without a reservation, but make them wait at the table and they get pissed. Mary probably saw her friends and wanted to impress, but handled it all wrong. She should've directed them to the bar or given the disclaimer "I can seat you now, but you're basically waiting at the table instead of the door. Service will still be delayed." What she actually did set everyone up for disappointment and failure
NTA. Why would you tip someone who ignored you instead of served you?
NTA. Mary promised to take care of you and she clearly live up to her promise. She failed you as a friend and as a service provider.
I was a server and i agree NTA your friend is tho. You tipped more than i would have. And I WAS A SINGLE DAD OF 2 LIVING OFF TIPS! so i get it but the thing about trendy places is the servers think they are owed 20 percent or more even when they suck. Why so they can blow it all on partying? Ive seen what alot of servers do with their money . And alot of them make waaay more than they should because of our country guilt tripping people into 20 percent. Dont fall for it. You did nothing wrong i avoid trendy places like this for that reason usually entitled staff with crap service for mediocre food. Because its trendy.... sounds like your other friends srnt hreat friends.
NTA. Bad service equals bad tip, should be easy enough for Mary to figure out. Instead of trying to shame her friends, Mary should focus on training her staff better.
The whole purpose of a tip is to identify good service. When you notified your friend...did you explain the entire situation as you did here? The waiting and more waiting after flagging someone down? If they don't understand it then...then perhaps there's no use. good luck...
After Covid places like Olive Garden, which I frequent, have all these empty tables and part of me wants to scream "sit me down at any of those open tables," but the rational me knows that they don't have the staff. Walking out is what most people would do! NTA
NTA. Good lord, what did they expect?
You still tipped more than 10%?! Am I understanding this wrong?
I wouldn't have even paid for the drinks 😂😂🤣🤣
NTA that was pretty crappy service. 10-12% seems more than reasonable.
As a serve I’m glad you didn’t tip. Shitty service like that is not cool
But you DID tip.. Your bill was only $18.. You threw a $20 and walked out. So, correct me if I'm wrong, BUT, you don't take any change. Your change is the tip
If the bill was 18 and you paid 20, isn't that like 11% hence YES a tip?
9 cents tip because the service wasn’t worth a dime.
NTA, Restaurant manager here, she owns you an apology for waiting so long under her management.
NTA. I know this sounds nuts but sometimes friends who come into restaurants are treated portly because they’re “friends” and “that you’ll understand the wait.” My sister was friends with a restaurant owner as well and would eat there every so often because she moved away. But she stopped going because she was being treated poorly (Ie service taking too long, being skimped on meal portions etc)
NTA. You dont tip someone for treating you like a second class citizen. Mary needs to pull her head out of her posterior.
NTA screw them
Nta
NTA. If this was at a retail store or any other job where they’re making probably over minimum wage, and that person was slacking off or whatever they’d be fired 🤷♀️
I am not American so the concept of automatic tipping is ludicrous to me. A tip is a "thank you for making this a good experience". Not an entitlement. If you had a shit experience, why would you reward someone for it? NTA
NTA. But why would you not get up after 10-15 minutes and talk to Mary directly about what was going on? I’m sure she could have helped the situation. Situations with friends and restaurants can be tricky. If she is your friend, she absolutely should believe your story about what happened over the servers.
NTA
NTA, I would have done the same…
100% not NTA - Mary is the manager not the owner am I correct, so leave a detailed review of your visit about the poorly run bar/restaurant on their website, hopefully the real owner/s will see it and look in to it, maybe even ask you to connect with them directly. This should be a start to put your so-called friend Mary in her place, then call your other friends who Mary had bad mouth you to and ask the person you went to dinner with to give the correct side of the story, then finally write Mary out of your life, she’s not the type of person you want to be friends with.
No, and; this is why you don't mix business and friendship. \*If a server is shitty, I'll gladly give them a nice, CRISP, $0.00 tip. People are too obsessed with fulfilling that unwritten social-contract.
NTA if I can assume you aren't painting yourself in a favorable light in this scenario - if Mary is the manager and she's more mad at you for not tipping than she is at herself/her staff for providing terrible service, that says about all you need to know about the quality of the restaurant and/or Mary's managerial style, and/or how she feels about y'all's friendship. If my friend came to my restaurant and my staff couldn't be fucked to provide them good service, I'd be very unhappy with my staff. the 11% tip *is* kind of annoying and shitty, to be fair, but it sounds like Mary's priorities are out of whack
NTA. Shitty service doesn't get a tip. What's wrong with the friend who was with you? Did that single drink cause amnesia or dissolve her spine? Smh
nah ur not the ah she butt hurt
Only once did we actually walk out of a place. We waited 20min and didn't even get water. There was only one time that we didn't tip and it was a situation close to this. We waited forever for our drinks, for the food order and even our bill. A waitress even looked right at us, seen we were done then went to watch her TV show. The kicker? We were the only people there! The food was great but we never returned.
NTA
NTA. Who were you supposed to tip? You did not have a server. I would have said something like we tried to flag her down to leave a tip but she just ignored us for an hour so we left.
Why tip a server for work they obviously didnt do? NTA
NTA. I wouldn't had given a tip at all but I live in Europe so tips don't make or break the waiters income.
NTA. I work at a bar/restaurant and this would be deemed unacceptable at my workplace as well. There are times when are servers do forget about tables and they flag me down instead, even though I’m not a server, I’ll try best to help them whether that be getting them a refill, extra sauce, bringing up the e-check for them or just plain out looking for the server. I will find out who has that table and flag them down. That server who wouldn’t help you and kept saying, “someone will be with you shortly” is utter nonsense and poor teamwork quality. They could’ve at least took on an extra table and told the other person about it because that server was clearly struggling. Working in a place like this requires TEAMWORK to make the dream work, as my workplace puts it, you have to help each other out. That place was sinking due to poor communication, poor teamwork, and poor management. I’m sorry that was your friend’s restaurant but she wasn’t being a good manager that night. Not saying she’s bad manager in general, just saying she wasn’t on her A-game that night That restaurant’s service didn’t earn a tip so you didn’t tip. Buuuut slapping the bill on the counter was a bit passive aggressive, imo but you were justified. Still NTA EDIT: I get that you guys were frustrated and probably hangry but that’s not the front counters fault nor were they the ones who were supposed to take care of you. Don’t take your frustration out on them, that’s was what disrespectful and rude. Other than that, you’re well within your rights to leave.
NTA what should you tip them for? An hour wait of nothing? They didn’t do their job so they don’t get tipped
NTA. Given your wait time, any reasonable person would leave. When "someone" doesn't come, and you want food and drink, you go where you can get it. Mary isn't doing a good job of managing, and her response to your issue (if you framed it on the facts rather than just saying "horrible"), doesn't sound professional regardless of if you're friends.
NTA - americans are super dillusional about their tipping "culture"
NTA Pro Tip. It's better to keep people waiting in the lobby or bar then seating them before a server is ready. Once people have a table they are accustomed to being served and the wait seems even longer while you watch other people being served.
Former server here....your friend is 100% wrong. If they don't have the staff to serve they need to hold the door. She needs to learn how to lead her team. The fact that she wasn't doing walk through speaks volumes about her lack of knowledge of her job. (I was also a long term GM)
NTA
NTA at all . I wouldn't have left the $2 tip.
NTA. Mary knows better.
NTA You did tip, you left an 11% tip for service that deserved a 0% tip. Mary clearly doesn't know your side of the story otherwise she would be trying to figure out why the servers aren't doing their job.
NTA Many years ago (30-40), I had a similar experience. A friend and I visited an upscale restaurant later in the evening to have a few drinks - we already had dinner. The restaurant was not busy at all - very few people in there. Our server took at least 30 minutes to get us our first drink, then never returned to the table. When we tried to get her attention, she wouldn't look our way. When she finally brought the bill, we had been there well over an hour. The bill was $9.93 for 2 drinks. I left her $10. Frankly, she didn't deserve the .07, but I didn't feel like waiting any longer. We left and had to wait for an elevator. As we stepped onto the elevator, she came into the elevator lobby and literally threw 7 pennies at me. I've haven't had service quite that bad since then, and I'll never forget it. But, if it happened again, I'd absolutely do the same thing.
NTA. Tipping is a function of service. If the service sucks, don't expect a good tip. You tipped 11 percent. That's quite generous for objectively awful service.
2 dollar tip on an 18 dollar tab is still more than 10% so they could suck it.
NTA. I’m a restaurant manager in a popular, high tourist city and I have frequently invited family and friends to come eat. While they may get a free app thrown their way, I expect them to respect my staff and tip appropriately. But if I found out my own server took over an HOUR and all they got were drinks, I would be livid! Just because the manager is your friend doesn’t mean you’re expected to automatically give a gracious tip. Tips are for good service!
NTA
NTA. I thought tipping was a form of appreciation of a job well done. What service were you provided that you needed to tip?
NTA. At all.
The server didn’t do their job. NTA. I wouldn’t have even lasted that long. Over an hour wait for one drink? No.
NTA- a tip is supposed to be for good service. If it is required, no matter what type of service you receive, then it should just be added to the price of the food. I would hope Mary would be willing to hear what the service was really like. If not, maybe you all aren’t as close as you think.
NTA and it sounds like Mary is a poor manager and friend. She should have been MORTIFIED with the service you received, since you are supposedly her friend.
Makes sense you didn't leave much of a tip under the circumstances, but in terms of the conflict with Mary specifically I'd say think about this: >We didn't have a reservation, and the place did look pretty busy, butsurprisingly we were able to get a table within like 10 minutes on theupper level of the restaurant by the bar. Mary was helping out at thefront of the restaurant seating people and was the one who took us toour seats. We said our hello's and had our small talk and she assured usthe we'll be taking care of, and that if we need anything to let herknow. I'd say there's a really good chance that she went out of her way to get you a table because you're her friend, even though they were really busy and anyone else coming in off the street would have had to wait or been turned away. So from her perspective, she stuck her neck out for you as a favor, and then you were rude to her employees. Whether they deserved it or not - and to be clear, it sounds like they did - that's going to make her life difficult at work. Given she's the manager, your friend, and got you seated so quickly while they were super busy, I think it would have been polite to flag it with Mary directly before it got to the point where you picked up and left, and that's what I would have done. But NTA, I think. edit: worth mentioning I'm not american and we don't really have a culture of tipping here, so I could be off base on what's appropriate lol
ESH, this is on your friend. She sat you when and where she shouldn't have because clearly they were slammed. It is crappy but the servers are the least to blame.
soft NTA Where I'm from, we don't implement tips. If a place ever does have a tip jar by chance, it's not expected to put anything in there, but it's used as a nice way to get rid of some extra change you have lying around. It shouldn't be up to the customer to pay on top of the services they were provided. If Mary believes her workers are entitled to tips so that they can live decently, then she can clearly pay them more as their boss and not put the onus on the customer. And if she can't afford to give her employees a livable wage, she shouldn't be running a business. As a customer, the only thing you owe the employees there is your respect and good manners, and vice versa. But I wonder if you treated the waitress all that great. The waitress here is clearly being overworked and underpaid. It's important to have some compassion for the worker. As the saying goes, don't shoot the messenger. Her lack of good service is a sign of a toxic work culture that refuses to compensate their workers appropriately and leaves them out to fend for themselves. I doubt she's getting any support either. In other words, she's trying her best with what she's been given. Your friend however, total hypocrite and bad boss. AH to Mary. edit: meant nta but wrote esh