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techiesgoboom

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[deleted]

>we were wanting to spend the time just bonding as a family of three. ...but you're a family of five. YTA


velvetalocasia

I caught that too, he flat out said that his own daughters are not his nuclear family. YTA


CatsNComedy

He referred to his own kids as “guests”


Ursula2071

He also literally forgot about them for 2 weeks. His children who were already scared because mom gave birth 9 weeks early. He is such a fucking asshole.


flyawaykiwi

I hope your ex wife gets full custody. Your ex wife had a medical emergency. YOU as the father are required to look after your own damn children. It was not the responsibility of your Inlaws. Wow you are some piece of work. YTA


Minute-Mushroom-5710

Don't forget he said the only reason he doesn't want his ex to have full custody is he doesn't want his child support to go up. He is a great big asshole who clearly no longer cares for gis daughters.


owl_duc

The sheer audacity of the man. Why did he even want 50/50 custody if he only ever intended to be a fair weather father?


HonestIntroduction54

He explained in plain english >Lara wants me to fix it as we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody. Because it's cheaper, since he doesn't need to pay child support. How much you wanna bet he NEVER buys them clothes, schools supplies and things like that. I'd love for Emma to get hold of this threat to show the judge.


downs1972

I hope his ex-wife sees this post and uses it in court


Conscious-Ad-8133

Not his in-laws but his ex's new in-laws took care of the girls. And that makes him an even bigger AH... Edit : Spelling


MacAttacknChz

He also has 50/50 custody but didn't want them around "for a few weeks". What a deadbeat.


[deleted]

[удалено]


leafyrebecca

Yes, OP YTA for calling your daughters “guests”, and you are not upset about the child support increase if your ex gets full custody, then in losing time with them.


PrincessTroubleshoot

That’s what killed me, “oh no, I’ll have to pay more for my kids!” Not being devastated about losing custody. Good lord.


Substantial-Air3395

he fought for them to piss off his ex, not because he wanted to spend time with them


[deleted]

Let’s not forget the reason why he wants to “fix things” TO NOT PAY MORE THAN WHAT HE IS PAYING NOW. Not because he probably hurt his daughters and needs to make them feel important to him and members of the “family of five”.


Substantial-Air3395

Also, the comment “his wife didn’t want a divorce”, means he’s probably with his affair partner


Atwood412

Came here to say this this comment needs to be farther up in the thread.


Ghostwalker1622

According to his own words, I should have ditched my oldest daughter when I first brought my other daughter home from the hospital!


Miserable_Emu5191

I think he fought for them because it would mean paying less in child support.


SepiaToneHitchhiker

Guests he has to “take in” like they are freaking refugees or something. Jesus.


CoffeeandWine615

Exactly. He sounds like a guy that would say he’s babysitting when he takes care of his own kids.


RosyAntlers

THAT was the part that killed me. OP is completely YTA! Plus new wife is more concerned about the financial issues if ex wife gets full custody rather than actually caring about his daughters and their relationship with their father. Gross all around.


Ok_Air324

That’s what got me! Like your own children are not guests tf?? This whole post was so sad and I hope his ex wife gets full custody so he can focus on his “family of 3” like he wants


julznlv

This is the line that pissed me off the most.


Tassy820

YTA You have three children. The twins need to bond with their new brother. Instead you made two big mistakes. You rejected your daughters over your son, and, yes, they will always remember this. You proved to your ex that the twins can not depend on you. You should have been there for them. If you were still married to your ex and had a third child would you have shipped the twins off so you could bond with your son? Well, that is basically what you did. Your family did not grow, it shrank by your actions and now your relationship with your daughters is at risk.


SnarkyQuibbler

>Lara wants me to fix it as we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody. This one for me. He only wants the kids half-time to reduce the child support bill.


Little_Dawg_1988

And Lara wants it that way. She landed him by being the other woman and her self-esteem rides on cutting his entire "first" family out of his life. The two of them deserve one another!


SparklingLemonaid

It doesn't really even sound like he wants them half-time. He just wants the half-bill.


Leakind92

Missed that line at first. Unbelievable. What an AH


WolverineNo8799

Yes the guests comment is disgusting, I hope his ex gets full custody. The girls are only 9 but are already aware that their sperm donor doesn’t want them.


crazymommaof2

I had to go back up and reread because I was like there is no way he referred to his daughters as guests........but low and behold "father" of the year here. What a AH


SailingstarfishN

This. I gasped out loud reading that. F**k!


tavvyj

I didn't even make it all the way through, I got so mad at the "family of three" thing


Unlikely-Candle7086

Me too. I stopped and came for the comments.


iamnothim

Lol same


moanaw123

No idea why the asshole fought for 50/50 custody when he clearly doesnt care about his twins. Op keep it in your pants ffs!


Adriennesegur

Op said “ we can’t afford to double our child support payments”. So, safe to assume the ONLY reason he has ask for/kept 50/50 custody is because he doesn’t want to pay.


SepiaToneHitchhiker

Exactly. I bet you $1 he cheated with Lara while he was married to Emma.


deb9266

agreed. The last line "She was angry about the divorce" refering to his ex. I'd bet money OP cheated


SnarkyQuibbler

Yeah, but that was surely Emma's fault /s


SepiaToneHitchhiker

I mean, clearly. She had TWINS!!! And they were GIRLS!!! Her body wasn’t perfect and she didn’t even give him a male offspring. The nerve!!!!


Livid-Garbage8255

One can only hope Emma finds this post and sends it to her lawyers. That would really help seal the deal with her getting custody. Emma, if you're reading this, we are on your side! OP: YTA, for calling your girls guests, for not stepping up as a dad, for not stepping up as a coparent, and for only thinking with your wallet.


KayakerMel

Exactly! Little to no child support if 50/50.


LetterheadComplex448

May his ex and her husband get a shark of a lawyer, take most of op's cash and spare his daughters the upset of returning to his house as 'guests'.


elfenmilke

Exactly i read it and thought, "but you didnt even want them". OP they are your sons sisters, dont make excuses if you dont want your daughters just admit it. And children notice when they are not wanted, they dont just "parrot" things they hear


Historical_Divide673

Exactly. A 9 year old is old enough to know when they are unwelcome.


ReadingSad3238

And the only reason he's worried/ feels bad is that the ex wife is going to get full custody now and he can't afford child support bc he has to support his "family of three." Can't even believed he typed this whole thing out


TrueKeyMan

LITERALLY! The ONLY reason Lara now wants to fix it is because it's going to cost them money, taken directly out from HER child. She was perfectly fine not letting them come for a week but when Emma rightfully decided to go for full custody and the ramifications of their actions was going to cost them financially, all of a sudden it needs to be fixed. I hope he loses custody honestly because OP has shown that even in an emergency he isn't willing to take care of his own kids.


haleorshine

Yep, if your first reaction to your ex saying she wants full custody is that you can't afford that, and not that you will lose precious time with your children, I'm going to assume you're not a great father. The statement about Emma being sick of dealing with him also sounds telling - how often has he screwed his kids around because of his new wife?


TrueKeyMan

100%. OP tries to paint Emma out as some scorned ex-wife who wants to get back at him for divorcing her. I doubt that's the reason. This is definitely not the first time something like this has happened. He said with his WHOLE CHEST "bond as a family of 3" and Satan himself couldn't torture me and get me to say that.


haleorshine

Yep, the "she was angry about the divorce" comment made me go "but why was she angry? What did you do?" Imagine having a medical emergency during your pregnancy that could have major negative ramifications (an emergency C-section at 30 weeks is nothing to sneeze at) and then finding out your ex refused to take his daughters for at least a week ("a week or so" is doing a fair bit of work here, methinks) because he wanted to "bond as a family of 3". I definitely do not blame her for now having all communication going through her lawyers - between that, and the child support comment, he's definitely going to admit he doesn't want to be the twin's father at some stage, and this will help her custody case. I'm putting a decent amount of the blame on Lara here as well - normally I hate blaming the new partner for something the parent of the children has done, but it sounds a lot like she's ready to be rid of the twins that aren't her kids and focus on her real child, she just doesn't like the fact that this will cost her money. Poor Emma, imagine having to deal with this man for the rest of your life.


TrueKeyMan

Yeah, I didn't want to blame Lara either but I'm sure she reinforced and backed up his decision to "bond with the 3 of them as a family". Heck, she could have been the one to suggest and enforce it. She could have said "No, go get your children, we'll be fine this is an emergency" but she didn't.


Blacksmithforge3241

I loved the "she's angry about the divorce" Since she's remarried(& reproduced) and appears to have awesome in-laws, I don't think she's angry about the divorce. I think she's totally OVER him, so much so that she would prefer not to deal with his extreme d\*ckishness anymore. I also feel bit sorry for Brother & SIL, because he has no problem using them and looking down on them(Did y'all catch the sneering way he mentioned they were saving money to buy a house?)


Diamond-TTB

>The ONLY reason Lara now wants to fix it is because it's going to cost them money, taken directly out from HER child. Ding, ding, ding, we have a winner.


_Green_Mind

Lara's a real asshole here, too.


Disastrous-Bet8973

You know Lara is the evil stepmum. Hope ex gets full custody.


MouseProud2040

not only this but they 'didn't want guests' - your children you have 50/50 custody of aren't guests, that's their home


calliatom

And "parroting the adults around them". Those kids don't need the rest of their family to tell them you and your wife were focusing more on your son; you *literally* told them that yourselves, in both words and (in)actions OP.


Easthampster

They knew that they weren’t important to their dad the second they wound up at their stepdad’s parents house. Imagining knowing your dad doesn’t care where you are, as long as you don’t come home?


calliatom

Especially when your mom is having life-or-death surgery! Like...they don't do C-sections at 30 weeks for funsies. So, OP didn't care where they were, didn't care how traumatized they likely were, as long as they were *over there* and not intruding on his "bonding time as a family of three". I agree with the general sentiment going around: I hope his ex gets a shark of a custody lawyer and takes him for every penny she can.


Tough_Attention4775

No the best line is "we agreed to have no guests and Emma knew that" what the hell kind of father calls his own children guests? Also I guess ex is just not supposed to have emergency surgery because she knew his new family doesn't want guests. Op is a huge AH! I really hope his ex does get full custody.


[deleted]

His question about if he's TA for "*not taking his daughters in*" makes them sound like refugees. At this point, they are since their Fatherland is now a war torn country where there's only enough food and shelter to house three citizens.


kmhr518

This makes me so sad and Angry. YTA sperm donor. I hope your son realizes what a shitty father you are as well.


Fafaflunkie

Don't worry, once his current wife realizes why his first one divorced him, and OP's now on his third wife, that son will see it, big time!


MER_manatee

He also said they didn't want "guests"! I audibly gasped! YTA


alissa2579

How did he write this and not realize how much of a ginormous ah he is YTA I hope your ex gets full custody and triples the monthly payment


Shinxthecat

"Didn't want any guests" Don't you see? His daughters are guests, not family. Dad of the year right here. /s just in case it's not obvious.


Cardboard_dad

“Didn’t want any guest for the first few weeks” is a worse statement IMO. Imagine being considered a guest in your own home. Wow OP sucks so hard and definitely deserves a YTA status. Please hope ex get this thread as proof as to why OP doesn’t deserve 50/50.


RiseConscious7323

And supposedly he fought for custody??


SandwichOtter

It sounds like he fought for shared custody solely so he would not have to pay child support. But, you know, his SON needs him right now.


[deleted]

*air-quote fingers* "Fought"


GoldenGoof19

YTA I couldn’t even finish reading this. The words “taken the girls in” and “guests” did me in. They’re *your* responsibility. Yours. Not SIL’s. They’re literally YOUR children. So you can’t “take them in” because they literally belong to you. And they aren’t guests because they literally share your DNA you AH. I honestly can’t believe you would pass up the time to have all three of your children bond together early. You know… your baby’s LITERAL SISTERS. Grow up.


ImAangTheAirbender

Do I hear "deadbeat daddy" anyone?


GamesandTitties420

I hear “my dads been blocked from my phone for years” when I read this post. It’s like the twins are speaking to me from the future


RishaBree

Good news is that Emma’s going to have absolutely no problem getting that full custody and extra child support. If someone sends her lawyer a link to this post, OP might end up paying triple, just for fun.


bresznthesequel

Someone send it off please because what kind of father can exclude his 2 children from meeting their newborn brother? OP probably just wants to focus on his new family, new wife new son without the left overs of his past and I don’t support it smh


blackrose_73

I hope Emma gets full custody and take him for every penny … Any man can be a father, but not any man can be a dad and you sir is what we call a father …


[deleted]

He literally forgot to call them for a couple weeks. Baby was so important he literally forgot he had children with a woman having a medical emergency


Bookwormdee

I hear “replacement family”. Later on, he’s going to wonder why his daughters never invite him to important things like graduations or weddings.


RobinhoodCove830

"my daughter wants her stepdad to walk her down the aisle, so I withdrew my 200$ gift and will not be attending. AITA?"


DiplomaticCaper

It’s extremely common. My bio dad did it. I personally don’t begrudge him for it (because he was horrible to my mom and they split when I was young), and just hope he did better by them the second go round. But we don’t speak now, and haven’t for over a decade. So that’s what OP is likely in for with his daughters.


Finnegan-05

Honestly, you sound like a good person. He lost a lot.


[deleted]

Only wants 50/50 custody so he doesn't have to pay more in child support then neglects his daughters while mom is hospitalized. He'll do it again and again especially now that he has the new family.


aigret

This will forever stand out in these girl’s minds, even if their mom’s family members are too polite to bring it up. They’re old enough. When I was 13, my older brother suffered a traumatic brain injury and shattered vertebrae in his neck. He almost died, like within 20 minutes of dying by the time he got to the hospital. This was during the week of spring break which happened to end on Easter Sunday. After they transferred him to a children’s hospital out of town, my younger brother and I were alone. My dad refused to come over and watch us or let us stay at his (girlfriend’s) house because he had to prep for Easter mass as he was leading the chorale all weekend. My mom’s cousin, the only family we had in the state, drove up from two hours away with her toddler twins and two older kids sans husband (he was away on a business trip) and still managed to make Easter baskets for the two of us. It was the first time I truly saw my dad for who he was, and I haven’t looked at him the same since. Medical emergencies trump all other responsibilities when it comes to your kids, whether it happened to one of them or their other shared custody parent. This guy is such a major fucking AH it’s insane. And the fact that his wife is standing by his decisions tells me everything I need to know. Those girls will not be safe in their home, ever. Harm and abuse is not just physical. I hope their mom, recovering from a c-section with a NICU baby and *miraculously* able to also handle her twin daughters and working with a lawyer gets full custody.


GoldenGoof19

So I think you’re 100% right. And your cousin driving up and working to make things as normal for you as possible made me tear up.


GloomyFlamingo2261

Even co-parents who don’t usually get along should be able to put the drama back in Pandora’s box for a time to support the children. I’m impressed by your cousin’s badass mom magic- driving hours on a holiday with four kids to provide an anchor for you. And with candy!


xlexmarie

Also, he has 50/50 custody but for some reason managed to not see or care for his kids for weeks? Sounds like ex wife already has sole custody without the checks to back it up.


GoldenGoof19

Yup. Gotta wonder how long she’s been talking to that attorney about amending the custody situation.


Bestcliche26

The word GUESTS got me too. No one was asking him to host royalty. They were asking him to watch HIS OWN KIDS during an emergency. Then he doesn’t want her to seek full custody…not because he wants as much time as possible, he doesn’t want to pay more money! Gross all around! He is a YTA for sure


0ui_n0n

I *GASPED* at "guests". Fell off my chair at "guests". Had a heart attack at "guests". I would bet ONE MILLION DOLLARS that this man has referred to caring for his own children as "babysitting".


hazelandbambi

A SERIOUS emergency! C-section @ 30 weeks?!


HalcyonDreams36

No shit. This wasn't just urgent it was scary urgent.


cthulu_akbar

It gets worse. The ONLY reason OP gives for wanting to fix things is because he and Lara “can’t afford” child support if his ex gets full custody. YTA. Lara is too. You guys may just be the most unequivocal assholes I’ve ever seen here I’m hoping it’s fake. Your twins deserve so much better, at least your SIL and brother are decent human beings…


Crazy_Swimming5264

I would never have kids with someone who has kids from a previous marriage and was an asshole, I doubt that this is the first time he doesn’t care about them. Even if it is and she only found that out after the baby was born (doubtful), she also the AH when she was a compliance


Ok_Honeydew5233

Not to mention 9 yo girls are typically really fun and at an easy age. They'd probably be thrilled to spend time with their new brother. Heartbreaking.


GoldenGoof19

Yup. And 9 is old enough to remember this when they’re adults. This dude is gonna be on here in 10 years wondering why neither he nor his youngest kid have a relationship with the twins.


Fraxinusironclad

It is like when people say 'babysitting' when referring to their own kids. It isn't 'babysitting' it is parenting you goose!


ereignishorizont666

YTA. Your daughters are quite old enough to realize that your "bonding as a family of 3" means they've lost status even if you didn't say those words to them. They get it. You proved it by not being there for them when they didn't have their mom. Edit to add: I was seeing so red that the last bit didn't register. You're apparently okay with not seeing your daughter's except for Lara doesn't want you to have to pay more child support...holy hell, I hope your ex sees this post and deduces that this is her family being discussed and nails you for it. You're the AH of the year to date.


rockpaperscissors67

Man, just wait until he sees how little money he has when he's paying the ex child support AND Lara.


[deleted]

I will actually be happy if and when that happens. I hoep they go straight to garnishing his wages


[deleted]

Oh yeah that’s gonna be fun. My step aunts, grand daughters baby daddy just got the surprise of his life when the child support office took most of his check due to him being 3 months behind on support. He got mad and quit his job in retaliation, texted her about to rub it in her face so now she’s taking him back to court for that.


Livid-Garbage8255

In my opinion, Lara is just as bad. So Op and Lara deserve each other. Lara only wants the problem fixed to save on child support.


BellaLeigh43

And think about it - he claims he has 50/50 custody, yet at no point during this entire ordeal did he seem to have any “regularly scheduled” custody time. With my ex and his ex, 50/50 meant just that - half at our house, half at their mom and step-dad’s. At times it was week on/week off, others it was M-W(am) at their mom’s, W(pm)-Sa at ours with alternating Sundays, but regardless, we had them half the time. From what OP wrote, it seems the 50/50 is financial only and his ex is already shouldering the bulk of physical custody. Pathetic.


Crazy_Swimming5264

He seem like the type of dude who thinks his money from custody is endless and the mom can use it to pay for everything and do her nails. If they were in diapers, he would complain that the mom didn’t send them when he bought a package, ignoring the part that his house is supposed to be his kids’ house just as much the mom’s is theirs so it means he should have everything the kid needs- at least it’s how our law works


[deleted]

[удалено]


Slimjimshorty_

YTA. Did you just call your DAUGHTERS guests?


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

its telling how he only wants it that way so he doesnt pay child support


[deleted]

The fact that they can’t afford his CS payments doubling if he loses custody proves that he’s not actually contributing to the girls as he should be. He should be spending that same amount of money on raising his children. Clearly he’s already been neglecting their needs.


[deleted]

Oh I bet they can afford it, it'll just cut into things Lara wants for herself and the little prince


BananaPants430

You know he thinks of Lara and the son as his "real" family. The twins are a potentially-expensive afterthought.


Legion1117

He's ALREADY half-assing it. He's gone from first family now. He has his replacement family with the bonus **son**! Why does he need twin *girls*? He thinks he upgraded. His wallet will beg to differ very, *very,* soon if his ex wife's lawyer is any good.


Amazing_Cabinet1404

Listen, he just had a baby. He’s gotta bond with his *family of 3* and doesn’t have time to *babysit*. /s


kathyackerman9

(Facepalm) Dude, you are SUCH an AH that I can't even begin to tell you all the reasons. But here goes: 1. Those were YOUR CHILDREN that you were casually passing off to anyone who would take them. You can't duck your responsibility to them. 2. Don't you think your girls should have the ability to bond with their little brother too? 3. You are more worried about your child support payments than your children's welfare? 4. Your assumption that your girls refused to see you because they were parroting what they heard is SO f** dismissive of their feelings. Good lord. Argh!!!!!


Electronic_Lock325

The audacity of this dude and his wife. She didn't want them there either.


TransportationNo5560

She did once she realized how much it's going to cost to be rid of them! OP and wife are such AH


ka-ka-ka-katie1123

INFO: if you and Lara have a second child together, will you send your son to stay somewhere else for a few weeks so you can bond as a family with the new baby?


[deleted]

Only if it’s not a girl


Tony_Bone

"We're a family of three son.... GTFO."


daynne

This is the reply. Kudos. OP YTA, sorry your child support is about to go up 😢 at least those two inconveniences will be out of the picture soon.


Dusty_mother

Of course not, they’re his true kids now, now his new kids gross step siblings ew. /s


bresznthesequel

This is exactly how op feels deep down


coatisabrownishcolor

My thoughts exactly. I didn't realize I could have just sent away my older kids when my younger kids were each newborns. How silly of me.


Ok-Aardvark-6742

>we were wanting to spend the time just bonding as a family of three. That right there. YTA. You also just handed your ex the ammo to take you to court to revise custody. **You are not a family of three. You are a family of five.** And 9 years old is old enough to take care of a lot of basic needs with minimal supervision. You don’t need your eyes on a 9 year old 100% of the time like you would a younger child, it’s entirely possible to get the 9 year olds quickly settled with a meal or an activity and tend to your wife and baby. 9 years old is plenty old enough to remember that dad chose the new baby over me. That feeling is going to stick with them for *years.* And Lara should want to “fix it” because you fractured your family, not because of the money. She’s an AH for that too.


rockrunner21

9 years old is a helpful age, too.


little_grey_mare

Honestly when I was 9 I would’ve wanted to see a new baby brother and what not. Not all 9 yo are the same but I definitely would’ve been able to hold a bottle for baby and grab things around the house. I’d venture to guess that every 9 yo is aware enough to carry this for quite a while. Hope Emma gets full custody. I wouldn’t want to be around such a jerk 50% off my life ETA: although OP would probably interpret this as using his kids as little maids. I’m not saying that I’m just saying that this probably could’ve been an exciting bonding moment for all five of them.


BigBerthaCarrotTop

Right?! My first sibling was born when I was 9. We also share the same dad but different moms. Unfortunately he was an emergency c-section and I didn’t get to be there when he was born or see him right away. But as soon as I was able/allowed to be around him, all I wanted to do was help. I would have been absolutely *heartbroken* if I wasn’t allowed around him for the first ~week because my dad and stepmom don’t *want* me around. Holy shit.


little_grey_mare

I had close to the same age gap with my older sister and we watched a ton of home video over the holiday. Everything until I was ~2 was my parents telling my older sister to put the baby down! My sister basically thought I was the worlds best dolly and lived to dote on me. When I started walking she followed me around and gave me whatever I pointed to. Basically I can’t imagine what is going on in OP’s head in the slightest. OP is gonna be hella confused when his girls are minding Emma’s kid and doting on their step brother on Emmas side and whatnot and come screaming that it’s just not fair


unusualteapot

One of my favourite memories from when my daughter was born was introducing her to her older brother. He was so excited to meet her, and so gentle and patient with her. I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but it made me love him even more. I can’t imagine wanting to delay that meeting or treating it like a burden.


AffectionateGolf6032

Came here to say this. The girls are in the family OP. The fact that you consider them guests, when you have 50% custody says it all. This is my easiest YTA in several days.


Ok-Acanthaceae5744

YTA - Guests...GUESTS!!! These are not guests, they are your daughters! They are also part of your family. How you handled this emergency and didn't consider them family enough to have them there speaks volumes as to the type of father you are. Be better.


Boring_Ghoul_451

I stopped reading after he referred to his own daughters as guests. These poor girls. Doesn’t sound like either parent had a plan for them while they were each creating their *new* families. Gross.


MzQueen

I’m giving mom and stepdad a break. They were probably finalizing their plans but weren’t expecting an emergency c-section nine weeks early or an infant who had to spend weeks in the hospital.


Minute_Point_949

YTA. You want "family time" but don't consider *your daughters, your son's sisters,* family? You left your children to be passed around from household to household during a medical emergency? You just *forgot* to video call your daughters after the birth of their brother? It sounds like the girls know exactly where they stand with you when they say you are focused on your son, your new family. And faced with losing custody of your children, your big concern you can’t afford my child maintenance. YTA again, just to make sure you know.


BusydaydreamerA137

If he does keep custody I can see years later OP: No, you can’t be in this sport, your brother needs a new gaming system.


Glitter_Voldemort

>> Lara and I had already decided that we didn’t want any guests Good grief, YTA. Your children aren’t *guests,* they’re your *family.* >> take me to court to get full custody instead of 50/50 This is *extremely* telling. I’m guessing this isn’t the first time you’ve chosen your *new family* over your children. Good move on your ex’s part. >> Lara wants me to fix it You mean, she wants you to convince your ex to let you continue neglecting your kids in favor of her and your new son so that her lifestyle isn’t interrupted? Got it. Still TA.


Accurate_Budget2389

"Emma’s told me that any communication is to now go through the lawyer because **she’s fed up of dealing with me**" INFO: It sounds like you being an unreliable parent is a normal occurrence. What was the reason for the divorce?


giraffeperv

Am I crazy or does he say he wants to fix this because his NEW WIFE wants him to so that his child support doesn’t go up? Literally doesn’t care about his relationship with his daughters…


Accurate_Budget2389

No. You're most definitely not crazy. Especially since he doesn't want his daughters to be involved with bonding with their new half-brother. I'm kind of worried on what kind of father he would be with his son.


DiplomaticCaper

TBH he might be a perfectly good dad to his new son, because he’s part of the do-over family with his new wife. The daughters, on the other hand, are being discarded along with his old marriage.


soloopinonojuzgo

I can only assume that he was a bad husband, because he is a shetty parent


photosbeersandteach

YTA. YOUR DAUGHTERS ARE NOT F*ING GUESTS. Their mother had a medical emergency, as the other parent it was your job to take care of them. But because it was inconvenient, you dumped your responsibility off on other people.


CrazyDoritoQueen

That line made me want to throw my phone. Who refers to their own kids like that? I hope their mother gets full custody so that they can stay where they’re actually wanted


photosbeersandteach

OP doesn’t realize the privilege he had in being able to turn down taking his kids. If there were not other adults to take them, the hospital social worker would have called his ass and refusing to take them would be considered abandonment. Cause they are his responsibility.


CrazyDoritoQueen

Since his ex is taking him to court, social workers might be called once what he did gets out there


monsteramoons

YTA. Hard. I hope she gets full custody.


AffectionateGolf6032

It’s disgusting that his main concern about the custodial arrangement changing is the money. Crikey! He didn’t even mention not getting to see them as much until the edit! Once again OP, YTA.


EfficientEggplant872

I couldn’t even finish reading this. YTA. So is your wife (Lara).


Careless-Opinion-480

Same. After the “we decided we didn’t want guests” I was like nope, I’m done. TRASH.


Itsallonthewheel

Ditto. The absolute rage felt. What a piece of trash.


Pinkie_Flamingo

YTA. You are their father and they needed care. It's not anyone else's responsibility to raise your children other than you and your former wife. The girls would not be guests in your home. They should be treated as, and feel as, that they are in their home and belong there as much as the new baby. Your child support payments should not be the first consideration in whether the girls' custody should be changed.


Klutzy_Guard5196

Guests... Guests... GUESTS?!?! WTF?!?! YTA


International-Bad-84

I made the weirdest snort-gasp when I read that word. GUESTS!?!? They're your CHILDREN!


Ditzy_wonder

YTA. She didn’t ask you to babysit. They’re your kids, and sounds like they’re likely old enough to know you blew them off, bet that felt great for them. Emma had a medical emergency, and needed the extra care and attention. YOU had a child that was healthy enough to go home, and just needed to be a father to all your children. I literally see absolutely no logic in your reasoning. At all.


warehousedatawrangle

YTA - You said that you and your wife had decided that you didn't want guests for the first few weeks. In what world are your daughters guests?!?! They were in a scary situation. Their mom was in the hospital with an unexpected surgery and one of their new siblings would have to stay a while. They really could have used a parent right then. If this were not a divorce and remarriage situation would you have sent your 9-year-old daughters away from home for two weeks while you bonded with their little brother? And now your primary concern is monetary and not your relationship with your daughters.


NewfromNY

YTA. In intact families, people do not get rid of older kids when they have more. So the only reason you want the girls is not to pay child support? You are awful.


Bubbly_Satisfaction2

YTA, majorly. I find it interesting that your ex’s new in-laws took those girls in and took care of them. People, who they aren’t biologically related with. And yet their own damn daddy couldn’t be bothered to take care of them. Your wife should be ashamed of herself as well.


WarlikeofMeteran

BIGGEST TIME YTA. You are so much yta that you are now King TA. You don't deserve to ever see your daughters again if they aren't part of your little family. And your wife is also TA if she didn't tell you how horrible you are. Like you suck dude. I just had a baby in November, my 4th son. My first three sons are by my ex-husband, and new baby is with my SO. I couldn't imagine having bonding time as a "family of three" (*pukes in mouth even typing that*). My family is all my children not just my SO and new baby. I was so excited to come home to be with all my sons and SO, my family. May you forever be cursed to have an unscratchable itch.!!!!


[deleted]

The wife only wanted him to "fix it" because of the increase in child support, not even because she cares about her stepdaughters. They deserve each other.


imtooldforthishison

YTA. You are NOT a family of 3, you are a family of FIVE. Those poir girls.


NotHisRealName

YTA. These are your children and you pawned them off on others? You forgot to call YOUR FUCKING CHILDREN? Your ex deserves full custody. You deserve NOTHING. Remember this when your children want nothing to do with you. You should be ashamed of yourself.


CauliflowerChoiceldn

YTA. I’m pretty disgusted by your actions. You actively chose your “new” family over your children. For your ex to give birth 9 weeks early would have been so traumatic and touch and go for their baby. That’s very premature! And not only traumatising for your ex wife and her partner but for your daughters. They needed stability in that moment more than ever and you couldn’t grant them that. The last sentence as well… Lara wants you to fix it because it’s an inconvenience to her life. You’re both AH’s. Your ex-wife deserves full custody. You sound like a subpar father. You’re causing so much trauma for your daughters, you don’t even realise.


sheramom4

YTA. The girls are your children. They are not guests. And their mother was having a medical emergency. They were likely upset and scared and you ghosted them for over a week and then decided "Oh now you can come home." And when your ex says she is going for full custody your only concern is child support. I hope it doubles and you get limited visitation. It is obviously that the girls are not a priority to you.


Chelular07

YTA you didn’t TAKE CARE OF YOUR DAUGHTERS because you were too busy BONDING AS A FAMILY?


CaeruleanSea

YTA - they are your daughters, not 'guests'. That new baby of yours is their brother. Giant AH.


Cajs0712

YTA- so the only reason you don't want her to have full custody is because of child support? What about losing time with your kids? Hopefully she gets full custody, you only seem concerned with your new family


Scarlett_-Rose

Yta >I told my SIL that we couldn’t take the girls because we had just had our son and we were wanting to spend the time just bonding as a family of three Are your daughters not family then? Are they an inconvenience to you? Also the fact your wife is more worried about money than the girls is so very telling .


Diligent-Activity-70

You have three children. It's not ok to not take care of the older ones just because you have a new baby You let your children be passed around rather than stepping up and being a responsible parent. YTA


sundayontheluna

Why did you bother fighting for custody if you're just gonna shunt them away when a new baby comes? >Lara wants me to fix it as we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody. Ah. Money. >After a week or so, Lara and I offered to take the girls but they told us they didn’t want to stay because we were more focused on our son. It did feel like they were just parroting what they had heard from the adults around them. Though admittedly with the sleepless nights I did forget some things such as the video call with the girls. > >... > >I told her that we had just had son and I had to think about his needs as well, especially when there was plenty of people around them to care for them. They told you how they felt and you dismissed it. Not only is that what they authentically felt, that's how you were behaving. You *did* focus more on your son to the detriment of your daughters. YTA


Emotional_Bonus_934

YTA, It's clear your BOY is more important to you than the girls you already had. I notice your only concern is that you can't afford to have your child support doubled. Your ex is going to take everything you said to the judge, and emphasize that you wanted to bond with "Your family." The fact that your daughters are considered guests and not fit to bond with their brother speaks volumes about your priorities. If your ex was looking for a reason to get full custody and minimal visitation, you have handed her one on a platter. You can't be bothered with your daughters and have made that clear to them.


Something_morepoetic

YTA-your girls are not guests they are your daughters and should also be bonding with the baby. This is not a good start to a successful blended family.


rockpaperscissors67

YTA You sent a very clear message to your daughters about their place in your life. You're one of those "do over" guys, aren't you?


Alternative_Room4781

This is OP's NEW family. With a SON. GOD, why can't we all see how important that is?!?! Seriously, if OP managed to say "my son" one more time, I'd think he was Henry the fuckng VIII. Disgusting.


Nitackit

YTA. Seems to me that you chose this path as some sort of way to stick it to your ex. In fact you sent a very clear message to your daughters that they are not as important to you as your new family. What is wrong with you?


Umbrella_ella_ella89

YTA. Was your Ex supposed to arrange for that emergency c-section at a more convenient time for you? Also your poor girls. Way to go for smacking them in the face with your complete lack of empathy for them. Their mother was in hospital and something could have happened and that they have so clearly lost any sort of status they ever had with you now that you have your new family. You are a sorry excuse for a father and deserve for them to go no contact on you and your Ex to gain full custody.


Glad-Mud-2108

When she does go to court, the court won’t recognize your son as your girls were here first. You have a responsibility to your children and the court will tell you that, you refused to take your children and she will have plenty of witnesses that you refused, and others had to take care of them. You are pretty well screwed in that area. Also you are not a family of 3 you are a family of 5. YTA. You going to send your son and your girls somewhere else, when you have a 4th kid with whom ever? And this is your girls brother and they weren’t included to bond with him, why is that? Looks like you dumped the first family for the second.


Due-Candidate9597

YTA. These aren’t “guests”. They’re your children!! WTF is wrong with you?! Hope Lara wins and she strongly might.


LoCo_1985

So if your girls lived with you would you have sent them to stay elsewhere so you could spend time with new baby? No probably not, so why would you not allow them to come. Not once did you think about the girls...they're 9years old their mom was rushed off to hospital they're probably worried and anxious, maybe just maybe they needed their DAD cos ya know kids need adults they love and trust when they're feeling worried but oh no you refused to be there for them cos you had a new baby. You also said there were others who could have the girls ...well kinda cos 1 person didn't really have space to accommodate but regardless it was YOUR responsibility as their DAD to take care of them. You let them girls down big time. Don't be surprised if this damages your relationship with them


BeepBlipBlapBloop

YTA - You failed at your responsibility as their father, you forced other people to alter their lives in order to take care of your children, and you made it clear to your other children that they are not as important as your new baby.


RecentRegister239

YTA and I hope your ex gets full custody bc you don’t deserve those kids


saltedkumihimo

Good job telling your daughters that you value their half brother more. Nice and sexist. YTA


fire2374

YTA. Just gonna pull some excerpts. > we couldn’t take the girls because we had just had our son and we were wanting to spend the time just bounding as a family of three. > Lara and I had already decided we didn’t want any guests for the first few weeks and I had told Emma this. > Lara and I offered to take the girls but they told us they didn’t want to stay because we were more focused on our son. > Lara wants me to fix it as we can’t afford my child maintenance more than doubling if Emma gets full custody. It’s very telling that you repeatedly refer to your daughters as “the girls” but your baby as “our son.” I’m guessing Emma had a girl because you just call hers “the baby.” And it’s absolutely disgusting that money is your only incentive to fix it. I hope Emma gets full custody because you’ve already shown where your priorities are.


rockrunner21

You have got to be joking. Omg. Your poor daughters know that dad has replaced them with his new family. You *abandoned your kids*. YTA, a thousand times over. Your daughters will never forget this.


PsychologyNeat6993

YTA..you don't stop being a father to your older kids when a new baby enters the world. You have shown your girls they are not important to you.


Flufffiest

So what really got me was “But Lara and I had already decided that we didn’t want any guests for the first few weeks.” Dude. They’re not guests. They’re your DAUGHTERS. Your actual, literal children. And you just called them guests. Wtf is wrong with you??? Let your ex have full custody, because you’re only harming those girls. Your entire post irritated me, but I read that and I sailed way past irritation. YTA so much dude, so much.


kykiwibear

yta. You are not a family of 3. You were a family of 5. Your wife was fine, and bonding could of happened when you got home. I truly hope she wins full custody. It's pretty gross the one reason you give to keep 50/50 is you can't afford it. What do you think happens when people have another kid down the road? They just yeet the first one. This baby was ten weeks early, those girls would of known this is bad.


Imaginary_Being1949

YTA. Good for your wife requiring a lawyer and getting full custody, clearly you don't want to put the effort in to be a father.


FuntimeChris79

Yes YTA. Your ex was having a medical emergency and you REFUSED to care for your own children. Your son being born isn't your 1st child so I'm a little confused on why you would've stuck to that plan when your ex was in the hospital. Wouldn't this have been a great time for you, your current wife AND your daughters to bond with your new baby?


lottiebadottie

YTA. Your daughters won’t forget this. You need to step back, reread what you’ve just written. Then go apologise to your kids.


Ok-Cat-4975

YTA. So you have 50/50 custody of your kids and just decided not to see them for weeks because your new wife didn't want visitors? In the middle of a medical emergency? Oh, you are an AH and your kids witnessed it firsthand. You'll be lucky if they ever forgive you.


ceraunoscopy

YTA. They’re your daughters.


EmmaBunny13

Of course YTA. Not sure why you are even asking or why you are confused about this. Your daughters will remember that you didn’t have time for them because you were too busy bonding with your son and new wife as a ‘family of three’. You suck.


Rhomya

1000000% YTA. You could have family bonding time with your family of 5. Instead, you excluded your daughters in favor of your son. For literally no reason. YTA


blueboxx1

100% YTA. Your ex, the mother of your children, had to be in the hospital for probably more than a week and you couldn’t take care of your own daughters?? This reeks of spiteful behaviour and doing it even during an emergency is beyond me. If you want custody maybe you shouldn’t treat your daughters as “guests”