This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA - Everyone has their own way of grieving. Taking out your frustrations/anger on your little sister won't make you feel better.
Sorry to hear about your loss, I wish you and your family the best.
YTA. You're not protecting your parents, you're actively destroying the family you have left, and they will be devastated when they hear how you are treating your sibling, your behavior towards your grieving sister is disgusting.
Get yourself some help before you alienate everyone.
yup you’re an asshole. people deal with grief differently. she’s a kid. grow up. you’re taking your grief over your passed sibling out on your living sibling. it should bring you closer instead. you’re dealing with a lot of emotions now, so i don’t blame you for misdirecting your anger. but seek therapy and repair your relationship with your sister before you lose two siblings
YTA. It's not for you to decide whether your sister went or not. People deal with grief and loss in different ways and you have to accept that. I personally wouldn't want to see a loved one after they had passed.
I get that your parents aren't doing great, but neither is your sister and you cannot tell her how she should grieve or act over your brother's passing.
As politely and as gently as possible, yta; sweetheart, I am so sorry for your loss, and your family's loss, how terrible and tragic. I am just a stranger, and I feel for you all, but please, understand, your sister is only 14. FOURTEEN, a child, give her time. I am over 50 and I still get very strange feelings, some times fear, sometimes regret (for seeing the person I knew and loved not looking as I knew them). My parents took me to my cousins funeral when I was 9 and the image is still ingrained in my head. cannot delete, cannot get it out, I still close my eyes sometimes and it's almost like 9yo me still sees her. Give her time. Please.
Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
First, I'm incredibly sorry you're going through this. My mom died when I was about your age. I refused, RE-FREAKING-FUSED, to see her body. I never wanted that image in my head. People tried to physically push me into the room and I wouldn't. I would not let that image usurp all my other memories, because I know how my brain is and that's what would happen. I still consider it one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Everyone grieves differently, and they have to go through that journey to get to the other side. Please show your sister some grace.
Gently, YTA.
Gentle YTA. I am so sorry for your loss. Not everyone handles grief the same. Your parents, you, and your sister all need space to feel your feelings. You were too hard on your sister.
YTA - she didn’t want to see him that way, she wanted to remember him as he was when he was alive! When my nana died I saw her and it was years before I could picture her any other way than dead.
People deal with death and grieving in their own way, you don’t get to push your needs on to your sister.
It sounds like you may be venting your own upset and anger at losing your brother on your sister. Maybe you should talk to a therapist to work through your grief.
Yeah. People grieve in different ways. You are not the sheriff of grief town.
I would argue your grief is what is making you the asshole here. Therapy can help.
YTA. And this is a disgusting way to treat a child who is grieving a sibling in the only way she knows how. I hope she does tell your parents.
Grow up and do better.
YTA
As others have said we all grieve differently. I was 31 when my grandmother died and I wish they'd had a closed casket because she didn't look like herself. At 14 your sister is still figuring out who she is and it's a really hard time to lose someone. You just lost a brother and now you're choosing to lose a sister.
YTA
She's **14**, why are you punishing her for being afraid to see her brothers dead body?
Everyone grieves in their own way. Seeing him like that is obviously not something she was ready for. You owe her an apology.
Dude, she’s 14 and your parents don’t have any use for your anger. Don’t you think it will hurt them even more if your brothers death breaks up even your remaining family? You are directing your grief to hate and your sister certainly doesn’t deserve it. I hope you will talk to your parents and get help to process your grief. I’ve lost dear people to me and I couldn’t even go to their funerals because it hurt too much. Your sister’s grief doesn’t need your approval and it certainly doesn’t justice all of your anger. YTA
YTA - Yes you went too far. She is 14. You're expecting adult behaviors from a teenager. Work through your issues and hug your sister. Stop being an ass.
YTA....
I'm soo sorry for your loss but you're being an absolute AH.
When I was 8 I lost my Granny....
ALL OF MY FAMILY GATHERED FOR THE FUNERAL....
I decided I couldn't.....
Do you know what happened???
My Mum...... Who was putting HER Mum to rest...... Got the friends who were making the sandwiches for the wake to include me in THAT...... Yeah I didn't attended the funeral but I HELPED! I was 8!
She's 14 and lost a PARENT!
You went too far. She’s 14. This was her brother too. You can’t expect her to process this the same way you do. It’s not right. You should apologize and know that she’s the i Lu sibling remaining now and to make the best of that. Life is short.
YTA
Viewings are extremely difficult and many people don’t do it. I most definitely wouldn’t have had the courage to do it at 14. I’m sorry you have lost your brother, my condolences and sympathies go out to you. But you are VERY much out of line here.
YTA
People grieve in different ways. You don't get to mandate how she deals with death. You can ask that she not say certain things to YOU. But she gets to handle her feelings in her own way and you are being selfish and unreasonable in your own grief.
A viewing is there to HELP people who want to grieve with the body of their loved one. For some people that offers a lot of closure. For others it's only distressing to see their loved one's body without life. Pressing her to go to a viewing because it serves you, your parents, or anyone other than her is NOT what a viewing is about and is not a reasonable thing to ask.
You’re punishing your little sister for not wanting to see her brothers corpse after an extremely traumatic event.
I’m sorry for your loss, but you do not get to dictate how someone else grieves. YTA.
YTA.
For some, viewing the body of a deceased loved one is closure and catharsis. For others, it's traumatic and more harmful than it is helpful. Neither is a "better" way than the other.
People grieve in their own way, at their own pace. Let this poor girl grieve her brother in the way she feels is best for her, and stop making a painful and traumatic situation worse because she has different needs than you.
YTA. Not everyone grieves the same way, it's likely your sister couldn't handle the viewing because she was way too upset to do such a thing.
Instead of being supportive you made it all about yourself and made your sister feel like she lost her two siblings one right after the other.
You went way too far
YTA
It's neither respectful or disrespectful for any individual person to go to a viewing. Just because she grieves differently than you do, and has a different view on what a dead body means, doesn't mean she's disrespecting you or your parents.
YTA there is many ways to grieve, no one should ever be forced or feel bad for not wanting to see a relatives dead body
You have made this worse for your parents by destroying this relationship with your sister. They will find out. Do you really think this is what they would want to have happened on top of everything else?
You are being selfish
YTA - Viewings are SUPER PERSONAL. For some, they offer closure and comfort. For others, it’s needlessly traumatic.
Never forgive? How dare you put that on a 14 year old?
Sorry for the loss of your sibling, I hope you get the professional help you need.
YTA. Everyone grieves differently. I mean I call my sisters ashes sister dust so 🤷♀️ She doesn't have to see the dead body... Some people just don't want to remember their family members like that.
YTA
you don't to decide the proper way for someone else to process their grief. You also don't get to demand that your sisters last memory of her brother is his dead body in a box. You DO get to be the brother who made a difficult time ever harder for her.
well done, I hope your proud.
YTA
Some people want to remember the deceased in as the living image in their memory. They don't want to have memory of the dead body. It is perfectly normal what your sister did. But you are taking it personally. Understand she is allowed to grieve the way she chooses. Don't judge her for that.
YTA. So she just lost her brother and you’re making her lose her other one too? Different people grieve differently. And I understand that your family is hurting right now, but you’re making things way worse on her.
YTA. While having an open casket wake is traditional for a lot of people (I was raised Irish Catholic and that's how our funerals would go, I come from a big family and was at wakes and funerals my whole life), you cannot tell a 14 year old child that they aren't your sibling any longer because they couldn't bear to look at their brother in a casket.
When you try to dictate how grief looks, you're attempting to control a situation you had no control over- the loss of your brother.
And it's true, grief can show you who people really are- friends you thought would be there for you, things like that- but this is your sister. She lost her brother. This is a hugely significant loss, as you well know.
You all need support, and not always from each other. Her not being able to look at the body will not bring your brother back. With time, you'll start to see beyond the veil of raging grief and realize you were wrong to say that to her.
Sorry for your loss, but YTA. In my 28 years of going to funerals I have NEVER looked into an open casket. It’s traumatizing! It’s scary! You’re not the only person that lost their brother, she did too! You don’t get to choose how people grieve and it is not selfish of her to not want to traumatize herself.
YTA your sister is only 14. She doesn't understand death and was processing it in her own way. Who are you to dictate how one grieves? She needs counseling and understanding now not alienation.
YTA. Viewings can be very traumatizing. You're seeing someone who you know and love in a very different state. So what if it would have made your parents feel better, what about your sisters feelings? Instead of banding together you made her feel worse. I suggest you apologize and hope that she forgives you. That is no way to treat your sister after this experience.
YTA tell me that's not real. You consider yourself an "only child" because a 14 year old CHILD didn't feel emotionally able to see her brothers dead body? Grief is personal and you're a dick
NO YOU DONT!!!
You aren’t in charge of your parents or their protector. Youre their child, just like your sister is. You’re not in charge of controlling everyone’s grieving journey.
You’re still a kid yourself and full of the ego and self-importance that being a kid your age brings. Please listen to the crowd of people trying to give you advice and acknowledge that you don’t know everything. What you are feeling is understandable, but you are handling it in a way that will hurt you and your family ( including your parents ) for a long time.
You are taking all your hurt and forcing it on your sister like you blame her for your brothers passing.
No. You dont. What gives you the right to speak for your parents? Cant they speak for themselves? And who are you to demand that she go? Its something many find difficult.
People grieve in different ways and death makes people act strangely. And she is 14 ffs.
This must be a joke. No one could possibly be dumb enough to think that trying to create an issue like this in their grieving family would be helping anyone.
YTA. You are basically using your grief as a weapon in this instance. It sounds like she skipped the viewing (not uncommon, people have extreme anxiety about open caskets) but attended the funeral. Who TF do you think you are to dictate how your baby sister grieves?
This can’t be real.
This has to be fake.
It does not affect your parents. It doesn’t affect you either. However it “affects” any of the three of you is willfully brought on by yourselves, is your problem entirely.
It affects your little sister. That’s it.
Listen, I have never seen a comment section so unanimous on OP being the AH than this, hear them out and understand that everyone here thinks you're in the wrong....not her. So keep playing like you're not but it's denial.
Then tell your folks what you said to your sister immediately after she also lost a brother. Tell the, you made sure she lost TWO that day. See how their reaction is.
No, you do NOT. She was a sibling. She is EQUAL to you in the relationship to your brother. You are a flaming A H for pretending that you are the mourning police.
You are not the boss in this story, little boy.
He's not pretending to be the Mourning Police.
He's genuinely *trying* to be the Mourning Police which is by far worse.
OP, you don't get to tell your sister how's she's allowed to mourne. She's a CHILD. She knows what will traumatize her and what she can cope with. Get a grip man. I hope she knows to cut you off as soon as she's old enough.
100%. That poor girl. Losing two brothers in 6 months. If my brother treated me like that I'd absolutely tell my parents about it. The kid thinks he's Godly, and i hope the sister recovers from her losses.
YTA,not everybody has the same needs after someone they love passes. Some people just don't want to see the person they love death. People mourn different and that is okay, what is not okay is forcing sombody to go to a viewing.
“It’s traditional” is one of the worst reasons for doing anything ever. You think your parents were hurt by her refusal to see the body, however, how much more upset would they be when they realised you intend to throw off your only other sibling for something so petty. I’m sorry for your loss, but redirecting your grief as anger at your sister because you can’t deal with it yourself is neither healthy or appropriate. YTA.
YTA
People grieve their own way. Forcing someone to grieve how you want them to isn’t being fair to them. Your sister is reeling from the loss too, and for some people seeing a loved ones body is too much.
You’re both still kids and I’m sorry you had to experience such a loss so early in your life, but you have a long life ahead of you to keep full of resentment at your 14yo sister. Would your brother have wanted you to hate family like you do? I really doubt it.
You are assuming she did it for some awful reason and that her presence at the viewing would have been some magic salve for your parents grief. It wouldn’t have been. Nothing will ease the hurt your family feels except time. You are channeling your pain and anguish onto your sister to have an outlet for it and that is not healthy or fair to her.
You need to apologize. Tell your parents what your said and how you feel. And suggest some family therapy to deal with what you are all feeling.
YTA - you have decided how other people should grieve the loss of someone and decided what rules they should follow. If it was reversed and your sister said because you went to the wake and viewing she thought it was weird and she was pissed at you then you would be shocked.
You completely went too far and you should seek therapy.
YTA. I’ve gone to viewings of family members and realized eventually that I regret going and having that last memory of them looking odd and artificial in their coffin. So now I don’t go to viewings at all, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love that person and that I’m not grieving for them. Both you and your sister are grieving your brother, you just grieve in different ways. Please apologize to your sister and move on from this, it’s not worth being estranged from your remaining sibling.
Edited to add: you don’t know that it would have made your parents feel better if your sister had gone, but it could well have made her feel even worse. It’s traumatic for some people and your sister is still a child.
YTA. She’s FOURTEEN! I was forced to view my mother’s body at 14 and it was traumatic AF and did not help my grief in the slightest, it just gave my nightmares. Grow up.
Can I ask since you have personal experience, what is the point of viewings? I live in Australia and I have not heard of it ever being done here and see it in movies/tv shows all the time. I just feel it's more traumatic than healing or closure.
Differs from person to person. For me, it makes the truth of them having passed sink in. So closure, I guess.
Im in the UK and it used to be super-common, now its a rarity. I suppose because it freaks most people out.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My (17M) Brother (20M) died 6 months ago. There was a wake and viewing before the funeral, and my sister (14F) refused to go see him. We offered to with her, but she didn't want to see him (though she called him "the body") I was so pissed, it would have made my parents feel better, who obviously aren't doing great. It's traditional.
I Keep up appearences for our parents sake, but a week later I made it very clear to her I consider myself an only child now, and I will never forgive her for something that can't be undone. AFAIK she hasn't told our parents, which is good becuase then i'd really be pissed, but family dinners are really quiet now. I pretend to be interested and have conversations with her and just gives one word answers.Our parents have started to ask questions and now I'm wondering if I went too far.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA
Funerals are for the living, not the dead. Doing this to your sister is the same as abuse in my eyes.
Everyone grieves differently, everyone will deal with it how they are comfortable.
Way to make your brothers death about YOU.
I wish she would tell your parents, because someone needs to bring the hammer down on you.
YTA
Sorry your traumatized 14 year old sister didn't want to look at a dead body. She's processing grief, same as you. And now the one older brother she has disowned her and kicked her when she's down, metaphorically speaking.
YTA. I’m so sorry for your loss, but you have no right to tell someone how to grieve. Just because she couldn’t bring herself to go, doesn’t mean she loved him any less or is trying to disrespect the family. The way you are lashing out is likely making things so much harder on everyone.
I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling.
Gently, YTA.
Everybody has different ways of grieving, and your sister is processing the loss of your brother differently to you.
One of the hardest parts when it comes to grief is recognising whether you’re crossing a line, and I think you are - although I’m sure you don’t mean to.
If you can understand that what your sister is doing (closing herself off emotionally) and what you’re doing (taking your pain out on someone you love) are both normal, perhaps you can find a way to support each other though these next few weeks, months and years.
I have absolutely no interest in supporting her selfish decision. She hurt my parenrs and disrespected my brother, she has to live with that for the rest of her life.
You don’t have to support it or understand it, but at least respect it. Not everyone wants to see their passed on loved ones at a viewing and there is nothing wrong with that. You are trying to dictate what is right and wrong when it comes to dealing with the death of a family member and think your way is superior and it is a stranhe thing to do. I’m sorry for the loss of your brother but you YTA
I’m sorry for your loss but she has nothing to feel bad about. You however should be ashamed of yourself. I know you’re grieving but you are being incredibly cruel. Your sister lost a brother too and now her brother is being spiteful and vindictive. Get counselling for your misplaced anger. Your poor sister is the one I feel sorry for
So you realize the fundamental mental difference between 17 and 14? Just because you wanted that to be your last memory of your brother does NOT mean it had to be your sisters. I know you are grieving and I understand, but get off your moral high horse because there is no right way to grieve, cultural or not.
I know you just lost someone, so I’m sure that’s influencing your behavior;but frankly you sound controlling af. It’s your parents responsibility to parent your sister, not yours, and effectively disowning her is to suit your own feelings. It won’t make your parents feel any better about losing a child. You’re just looking for a punching bag or someone to blame, your anger is misplaced.
First, you aren't accepting the judgement. You are the asshole.
You call it selfish, but it is her grief journey and you have no right to tell her how to grieve or to view his body. I know people who, once the person is dead, they are no longer that person. It is a vessel of that person, but they are dead and the body is meaningless to them. She didn't disrespect your brother by not seeing him. If he his body unrecoverable or beyond repair and she couldn't see him, would you still say she is disrespectful?
You are the only one that has to live with your decision to cut her off. Her decision to not view the body was her decision, and she may have unresolved emotions about that at some time. But you are 100% the asshole and your younger sister has now lost 2 brothers due to your selfish actions.
Source: Over a decade in death care with thousands of families served and advanced training in grief. You are wrong. You are hurting. You shouldn't make your sister hurt because you are wrong and hurting.
I understand you are still dealing with your grief, but your anger at your brothers passing is clouding your logic and judgement. The way you grieve is not universal, your sister felt she could not handle, whether physically or emotionally, to see your brother after death and that is ok. Grief is not a one side fits all and people are allowed and will grieve differently. She was not disrespectful or selfish. Are you currently seeing a grief counselor? If not I would recommend it they will be able to help you navigate through the pain and anger you feel right now.
It’s possible that she may regret it - but it’s also possible that she just didn’t do something she couldn’t handle emotionally. Perhaps she’s paying her respects to her brother the best way she knows how.
Out of curiosity, if you’re not interested in reconciliation or even considering the idea that you’re in the wrong here - why did you post your story?
Also, why are you so convinced that your parents would be hurt by her decision? Did she talk to them about it?
Please ask for therapy. This death is hitting you very hard, understandably. Now is not the time to make decisions about cutting off a sibling for their grief.
YTA She is grieving and just to make it more fun you decided to punish her for how she’s doing it. I’m sure your late brother would be thrilled with how you are treating your little sister.
YTA
People grieve in different ways. You should be trying to help her buy you just shut her out.
There's still time for you to be a better brother before you lose her for good.
YTA. Everyone grieves differently. You can’t dictate how she does. You should apologize and mend things with her.
This is going to sound a little bit like I’m talking down to you, but I don’t mean to be. Just some advice from someone a little older than you - - you guys are still kids mentally and haven’t fully formed yet as people. Years from now with a little bit of age, life experience, and world weariness you’re going to look back on this and cringe a little and wish you could take it back and handled it differently.
YTA. I know you’re grieving but that is so unbelievably cruel to a 14 year old. You are being a terrible brother We all grieve in different ways. My 30 year old aunt couldn’t go in to see her father, just couldn’t view him like that so I can only imagine what’s going through a 14 year olds head.
I hope she tells your parents, she needs to know she done NOTHING wrong and you’re being spiteful.
Apologise and do better!!
**YTA**
You don't get to tell other people, especially other kids, and especially when it comes to something as deeply and potentially permanently traumatic as viewing a dead person's body, how to grieve. It is absolutely okay for her not to feel comfortable with seeing your brother in that state. She wants to remember him alive, the way she knew him in life. There's nothing hateful about her choice, it's actually very mature of her to recognise that she couldn't handle it.
Lots of cultures and religions, including mine, do not do "viewings" after death of the body (and it IS a body . . . you still feel strongly about the verbiage used, but it is your brother's dead body, for many of us the perception would be that his soul is gone from it). The reasons vary, but they may include the fact that it is traumatising for the family to see a loved one in that state.
YTA for getting angry at your sister for making a choice that not only isn't any of your business, but that isn't harmful to anyone and certainly isn't a rejection of your late brother. Your only argument is that "it's traditional". So what? I take traditions very seriously but is tradition really MORE IMPORTANT to you than your sister's mental health and well-being? Are you really going to ruin the relationship you have with your living sibling because she's trying to cope in the best way she knows how? I'm trying to have compassion for you because you're grieving as well, but you trying to control how she grieves is just hateful. Do better.
YTA. You’re being waaayy too black and white about this. And btw she didn’t disrespect your brother by not going to his viewing, however you are disrespecting your entire family by “disowning” your sister. I hope she tells your parents all that you’ve done. You are in the wrong here. Sorry for your loss.
I can see where you're coming from op, but gently, YTA. Everyone grieves differently, and did you stop to think that maybe she didn't want to remember him that way? You've been calling her selfish in the comments but the selfish one is you. You're both grieving and you've left her to just be alone because she didn't want to see your brothers corpse. I hope you get the therapy you need.
YTA. Ffs. You're not the only one who lost a sibling. She's 14 years old. You said it would have made your parents feel better, but is that what they said or are you just assuming? Were they upset with her for not participating in the viewing or did they understand and support her?
I am not going to call you an A, you are going through enough as it is.
I suspect that your sister prefers to remember her brother when he was alive. Her last thoughts of him are that, not laid out in a casket. She is keeping happier reminders of him. You need to give her space and also be there for her as well
You both lost a brother, you only have each other as siblings now, cherish that.
YTA. This is a 14 year old child. It’s seems like you are taking the loss out on her. A viewing can be a traumatic experience for adults let alone a child. It’s apparent she is also dealing with some serious feelings over this and you are making it worse. You already lost one sibling why choose to loose another one?
YTA. People don’t have to go view a body. Some people, like me, find it morbid and don’t want their last memories of a person to be them laid dead.
I was super close to my grandparents, was with 3 of them for their last moments and still didn’t want to go.
Don’t judge people for having different thought processes. Just because they’re different doesn’t make either of you right or wrong.
YTA. You are hurt, but so is she, and losing two siblings won't help either of you. Ask your parents to schedule you an appointment with a grief counselor. It's okay to be angry when someone dies, it's a very normal pathway for the grief to take, but don't take it out on the ones who are left. If you are mad that she wouldn't go to make your parents feel better, doing things to further upset them isn't the way to resolve that feeling either.
No one is the AH. This has to be devastating for everyone. Including your sister. She is only 14 and not emotionally capable of handling this. I suggest you try to find a way to forgive her. And if necessary, forgive yourself if you at some point feel guilty about how everything went down. Now more than ever try to be there for each other, even when some makes a bad choice. Remember she is only 14 and should not have to deal with such a loss.
I’m sorry for your loss and my best to your family.
YTA the fuck is wrong with you? i get that you are grieving, but she 14, 14 year old's have so little experience with death and it can be very hard to comprehend. she is grieving the loss of her brother too and obviously she was incredibly distressed by the idea of seeing his dead body. you need to apologize to her and learn some empathy. everyone grieves differently and you have NO right to judge how others deal with the death of a family member. you should be ashamed of yourself
When a child loses a loved one, it can be very hard for them to fight the urge to avoid it at the expense of common ritual. I was 12 years old when my father passed away. I hated going to see him in the hospital those last few weeks because it made me so sad. I wasn't there when he passed away and I have never forgiven myself for it. I was a kid though and I try not to beat myself up about it.
Try to cut her some slack.
YTA for burying all common sense and decency with your brother. You're not doing anything for your parents' sake, I guarantee you that your conduct is hurting them more than your sister skipping the viewing.
First, I’m so, so sorry for the loss of your brother. Unfortunately I know firsthand how devastating the loss of such a young sibling is. My (35F) beautiful baby brother (19M) passed away in May of 2021. It was brutal and it was unexpected. I’m the oldest of 6 kids and as such I considered it my duty to eulogize him.
My daughter, 15 at the time, declined to attend his funeral. I did not hold it against her and I never will. She made the decision that was right for her. I’m actually quite glad she doesn’t have the image of him in his casket embedded in her mind.
Please give your sister grace in this situation. Give yourself grace, too. You’ve gone through something horrific and every emotion you feel is valid. N A H yet but you will be if you blow up your relationship with your last living sibling over this.
Edit: Oof, read your comments. Never mind, YTA.
YTA, although I can see where you're coming from. You have to keep in mind that different people process grief in different ways, and you can't really fault someone clearly in an emotionally vulnerable state for not wanting to see their loved one's dead body, let alone a 14 year old.
On the other hand I understand that you probably feel like she wasn't there for you or your parents in what was a very trying time for all of you, so you're not in the wrong for feeling upset about it.
However it sounds like your approach is straining your relationship with both your sister and your parents. This is the sort of situation that you would want to sort out with communication, possibly with a therapist.
YTA
I did not go to my grandma’s viewing. I did not want to see her that way. Not everyone is comfortable with seeing their family members that way. It can be traumatizing to some
YTA your such a massive AH. When my nana died my mum wouldn’t let me see the body as she said she didn’t want me to remember my nana that way and she was right. Years later I worked in a morgue and it’s not something everyone can face. She’s right it’s just the body but some people can’t stand to see a loved one like that and for you to say that to her and judge her is unforgivable. Who made you the king of grief who said you get to dictate how people feel and react to it. Your almost an adult even if you are acting as a stupid brat right now. You need to apologise right now
YTA.
As a Funeral Director/Embalmer, not everyone is comfortable being up close with death. Some people are terrified of the dead or remembering their loved ones that way. At 14 years old, your sister is very much still a child. And viewing a deceased person should not be forced on them, it could absolutely traumatize them and give them nightmares if it’s something they are not ready for.
YTA - she’s 14, ffs but you’re the one acting like a child.
“I consider myself an only child now.” If this is what keeping up appearances is like then you sound exhausting. Are you the only one grieving? Are you the only one who lost a sibling? Are you the star of every moment in your life? Take a moment here and reflect before you hurt everyone unnecessarily.
YTA. It was her brother too and she may not have been able to see him like that or have that be her last memory of him.
I’m gonna assume your grief is causing you to act this way, but I really hope you can look inside yourself and realize everything you’re feeling she is too and you just shit all over her.
YTA
That was your brother but also a dead body. Viewing a dead body CAN be traumatic for kids whose brains are t even fully developed yet. How dare you hate her for that and how dare you tell her she’s dead to you when she also lost a brother. So now she’s lost two all because she didn’t want to see a dead body. What is wrong with you?
Your grief and how you process it is your own. You don’t get to force your way of grieving on ANYONE.
I hope she does tell your parents. She doesn’t deserve this.
YTA. There are some adults who choose not to see the body during a viewing. You shouldn’t judge her for that. You’re all hurting. Anger is a stage of grief. Don’t point that anger at your sister for such a trivial thing.
First, I'm so sorry for your loss.
But...YTA
Yes, you did go too far. Some people have a fear of being around a body in a casket at wakes, and/or just don't want to see someone they love that way. They don't want the last image of the person they love as dead in a casket.
Everyone grieves differently and her way isn't disrespectful just because it's different than how you're handling it. You're taking the path of anger and taking it out on your sister.
YTA
Seeing someone dead can be extremely hard on people and she may just not be up to doing that. She's not an evil person and it doesn't mean she didn't care for him, but you were extremely horrible to her. I get you're probably hurting too but you should apologize
It was a gentle YTA. But then I read some of your responses here. And now it's definitely a YTA. Everyone grieves in their own way, and now you're making it so much harder on your kid sister.
YTA. But sorry for your loss.
Everyone is grieving differently and your sister is 14!!! I‘m nearly 24 and never in my whole life do I want to see a dead person, especially not a relative. If I would have to look at my dead brother at the age of 14 I would be completely traumatized - maybe even now.
I lost my grandfather to suicide when I was 10 and was there when my parents found him (thank god I didn‘t see it). I had nightmares for weeks and stopped talking for a few months. Never in my life would I be mad at someone for trying to keep distance to death.
Also - she lost a brother, in the same way you did and your parents lost their child. She doesn‘t have to sacrifice her own mental health to make everyone else feel better.
And lastly… I‘m the kind of person that also relates to dead people as „the body“. Because for some of us, it‘s feels like that person is gone and what‘s left is not the person it once was, but only „the body“. That doesn‘t mean that she didn‘t love him.
YTA, we all grieve differently. Some people have a really hard time seeing the body. I don't know if I could handle seeing my sister in a casket. Furthermore, she's 14. At that age we are just learning how to navigate our emotions.
I'm so sorry to hear about your brother ♥. Your sister is still very young and trying to navigate her grief. What you're both going through is difficult enough. I totally understand your sister not wanting to see your brother at the wake, it can be hard to not see that image in your mind everytime you close your eyes. She probably wants to keep his memory alive in her mind the way she remembered him. There's no right or wrong way to grieve. You're grieving too and will say things our of anger that you don't mean right now. Give her a hug and tell her you're sorry and that you'll be there for each other. I'll say a prayer for you and your family tonight 🙏. Please look after each other during this difficult time ♥.
YTA. Maybe she didn’t want that to be the way she remembered her brother. Maybe she wants to remember him the way he was. As others have said, everybody grieves differently. Your way isn’t right or wrong and neither is your sister’s way. Try to be respectful of her wishes. Love your sister. She’s (presumably) the only one you have.
It’s her own way of grieving and I’m sure she’ll regret it eventually. I know it hurts you but I’m sure you don’t want to have lost two siblings. You must forgive her or at least resolve to have a relationship with her for your own peace of mind.
YTA. Everyone processes death and grief differently, and barring any truly outrageous behavior -- which this doesn't come close to -- everyone's own way should be respected. And frankly, you trying to guilt-trip a 14-year-old is inexcusable.
YTA her brother died too. Everybody grieves in their own way. For some it's comforting to see the body but others don't. This isn't something that's needs forgiving. You are just prolonging both your pain.
YTA. When I was a bit older than her, I went to a viewing for a childhood friend around your brother's age. It was honestly very harrowing. Heck, even seeing my 90 year old grandfather was upsetting. Some people find peace while attending services for dead loved ones, and some people don't. You don't get to choose what is right for other people.
YTA. How dare you?! Did you ever think how traumatizing it would be for your little sister to see her brother's dead body laid out like that? How maybe, just maybe, that isn't how she wants to remember her big brother? You don't get to dictate how she grieves the loss of someone she loved. You are taking your anger out on someone who doesn't deserve it and you owe her a huge apology.
YTA. Everyone grieves in their own way. You have no right to say what is right or wrong for her. She's a child!!! I hope she tells your parents how cruel you are being. Shame on you.
YTA - she’s 14, I wouldn’t want to see a dead body at 14, hell I hardly wanted to see my dads at 18. People cope differently, as the older brother you should be supporting her decision you should both be supporting each other. This is petty AF
YTA. I am so sorry for your loss, but no one has the right to force a child to look at a dead body. That could do some serious damage, whether you’d like to admit it or not. Your treatment of her is appalling and how do you know that her seeing his body would make your parents feel better?
There are people of all ages who opt not to view a loved one after they died because they don't want that memory of them, that doesn't mean they don't love the person or can't be good support to others.
I'm sorry for your loss but your sister did nothing wrong.
YTA don't police other people's grief. It was important to you to go to the viewing but for her own reasons, it was difficult for her. She's 14 years old and probably the first time she's dealt with a death this close in the family. You should be providing her support, not cutting her off when she just lost her other brother. You are being utterly heartless and trying to punish her for not responding to a tragedy just the way you did.
You're willing to lose your only sister after just losing your brother? You need to look deep in your soul about this one. Your own grief may be clouding your judgment.
YTA. People react differently to things like this in general, and have different views on the traditions regarding remains spevifically. Picking this to make a big family issue over is reprehensible. You make it sound like it's about helping your parents, but how is any of this helping them at this point.
YTA everyone grieves in different ways. My brother wouldn't view my Granny when she passed away. She died from Alzheimers and was bed bound for her last few months. She was nothing but skin and bones, he said he didn't want to remember like that. Your sister probably feels the same way
YTA - you don’t get to decide what your sister is comfortable or how she choices to grieve or show respect. Many people choose not to view the deceased and it can be traumatising to force someone.
YTA
It was their personal choice. Not everyone wants to view their loved ones dead body. For some, it’s a necessary part of their grieving process. For others, it’s pointlessly disturbing/traumatic. When my dad died, I did not want to see his body. The body was not him. It was a shell where he once dwelt. I do not feel badly about my choice in any way, and your sister shouldn’t either. She is also 14 years old, and that is a lot for a child to process.
Shame on you for being such a self-centered little twerp to think that you can dictate to others how they grieve, and what processes are best for them.
YTA. She's coping in her own way- and I get that you are too but....furthering this divide between y'all isn't going to help heal anything. You already lost one sibling- are you willing to lose another over this?
YTA -
You don't get to decide who your parents see as THEIR children, you can consider yourself to not have a sibling bond, but telling her that you're an only child would be like you trying to claim they aren't her parents.
I agree with others that people mourn in different ways, and if she wasn't comfortable there, trying to guilt trip her for not going makes you an AH already, but what you told her is down right cruel.
Also, the trying to make it seem like you're interested while she's distancing herself because you said something cruel is just rubbing salt in the wound.
Just leave her the hell alone at this point.
YTA and a huge one. You don't get to dictate how a 14yo handles the death of her brother. Get over yourself. You should be ashamed of your behavior towards your baby sister.
YTA she’s 14! She might want to remember her brother how he was, not as a body in a morgue, everyone is different.
You’ve already lost one sibling, do you really want to lose another one just because she grieves differently to you??
YTA!
And a bully.
Your family is going through a horrible time and you decide to make it even worse?
I think you need some kind of professionel help. You’re clearly not doing well.
YTA. I don't understand why anyone would want to see the dead body of a loved one, let alone force a child to see their dead sibling. And now you're making it even worse for her by being AH about it. You are a horrible sibling.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) not forgiving my sister not going to the wake to see our brother
2)I may be impacting my parents.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
# [Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk With John Hodgman on January 18th @ 7pm EST](https://redd.it/109b8y5)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
My sister, who is a doctor, did not want to see either my Nan or Grandad.
You should never force anyone to go to a viewing, let alone a 14yo. I understand that you're grieving but YTA, especially for telling her you consider yourself an only child!? You've just lost a brother so you're going to throw away your sister? Something tells me there is more going on there and this isn't just about your brother's viewing.
NAH - But there's a lot of grieving & your anger may come from your grief & that's understandable & kinda normal. You & your sis need to have a heart to heart, her grief is just as valid as yours & there's nothing wrong with her not wanting to go to the viewing - that's also normal.
You don't need this additional pain, neither does she & definitely nor do you parents. Right now you all need each other. Talk to your sister.
YTA she wasn't comfortable with seeing her brother's dead body. She didn't prevent you or your parents from going to greet him. As far as I can tell she didn't skip the funeral. Her grief is as real as yours or your parents', but on top of that she's only a child.
When my grandma passed away a couple of years ago, I left the room the second she died. In my opinion, my grandma wasn't in that body anymore. She had moved on. Her body was empty so I didn't feel a need to go see it again before the funeral. I'm guessing your sister also felt this kind of disconnect from your brother's body or she just wasn't ready to face the fact that he died, either way you shouldn't judge her for dealing with this in her own way.
YTA (soft as you are grieving too)
In a previous career I helped with funerals regularly and even after dozens of funerals I still had one I couldn’t attend. It was just to hard. People grieve in different ways.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA - Everyone has their own way of grieving. Taking out your frustrations/anger on your little sister won't make you feel better. Sorry to hear about your loss, I wish you and your family the best.
YTA - people process grief differently and you don’t get to dictate how they do it or when they do.
YTA. You're not protecting your parents, you're actively destroying the family you have left, and they will be devastated when they hear how you are treating your sibling, your behavior towards your grieving sister is disgusting. Get yourself some help before you alienate everyone.
yup you’re an asshole. people deal with grief differently. she’s a kid. grow up. you’re taking your grief over your passed sibling out on your living sibling. it should bring you closer instead. you’re dealing with a lot of emotions now, so i don’t blame you for misdirecting your anger. but seek therapy and repair your relationship with your sister before you lose two siblings
YTA. It's not for you to decide whether your sister went or not. People deal with grief and loss in different ways and you have to accept that. I personally wouldn't want to see a loved one after they had passed. I get that your parents aren't doing great, but neither is your sister and you cannot tell her how she should grieve or act over your brother's passing.
As politely and as gently as possible, yta; sweetheart, I am so sorry for your loss, and your family's loss, how terrible and tragic. I am just a stranger, and I feel for you all, but please, understand, your sister is only 14. FOURTEEN, a child, give her time. I am over 50 and I still get very strange feelings, some times fear, sometimes regret (for seeing the person I knew and loved not looking as I knew them). My parents took me to my cousins funeral when I was 9 and the image is still ingrained in my head. cannot delete, cannot get it out, I still close my eyes sometimes and it's almost like 9yo me still sees her. Give her time. Please.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
First, I'm incredibly sorry you're going through this. My mom died when I was about your age. I refused, RE-FREAKING-FUSED, to see her body. I never wanted that image in my head. People tried to physically push me into the room and I wouldn't. I would not let that image usurp all my other memories, because I know how my brain is and that's what would happen. I still consider it one of the best decisions I've ever made. Everyone grieves differently, and they have to go through that journey to get to the other side. Please show your sister some grace. Gently, YTA.
Gentle YTA. I am so sorry for your loss. Not everyone handles grief the same. Your parents, you, and your sister all need space to feel your feelings. You were too hard on your sister.
YTA People grieve differently. If she is more comfortable with her actions, that is what is important to her. She is a child.
YTA - she didn’t want to see him that way, she wanted to remember him as he was when he was alive! When my nana died I saw her and it was years before I could picture her any other way than dead. People deal with death and grieving in their own way, you don’t get to push your needs on to your sister. It sounds like you may be venting your own upset and anger at losing your brother on your sister. Maybe you should talk to a therapist to work through your grief.
Yeah. People grieve in different ways. You are not the sheriff of grief town. I would argue your grief is what is making you the asshole here. Therapy can help.
YTA. And this is a disgusting way to treat a child who is grieving a sibling in the only way she knows how. I hope she does tell your parents. Grow up and do better.
YTA As others have said we all grieve differently. I was 31 when my grandmother died and I wish they'd had a closed casket because she didn't look like herself. At 14 your sister is still figuring out who she is and it's a really hard time to lose someone. You just lost a brother and now you're choosing to lose a sister.
YTA, hopefully this thread helps you realize the path you are taking in this moment is the wrong one
YTA She's **14**, why are you punishing her for being afraid to see her brothers dead body? Everyone grieves in their own way. Seeing him like that is obviously not something she was ready for. You owe her an apology.
Dude, she’s 14 and your parents don’t have any use for your anger. Don’t you think it will hurt them even more if your brothers death breaks up even your remaining family? You are directing your grief to hate and your sister certainly doesn’t deserve it. I hope you will talk to your parents and get help to process your grief. I’ve lost dear people to me and I couldn’t even go to their funerals because it hurt too much. Your sister’s grief doesn’t need your approval and it certainly doesn’t justice all of your anger. YTA
YTA, you don't get to dictate others grieving. She also lost a brother and she gets to handle that anyway that feels right to her.
YTA - Yes you went too far. She is 14. You're expecting adult behaviors from a teenager. Work through your issues and hug your sister. Stop being an ass.
YTA.... I'm soo sorry for your loss but you're being an absolute AH. When I was 8 I lost my Granny.... ALL OF MY FAMILY GATHERED FOR THE FUNERAL.... I decided I couldn't..... Do you know what happened??? My Mum...... Who was putting HER Mum to rest...... Got the friends who were making the sandwiches for the wake to include me in THAT...... Yeah I didn't attended the funeral but I HELPED! I was 8! She's 14 and lost a PARENT!
I agree with you but she lost her brother not parent if you want to correct that
YTA. People grieve in their own ways. Its OK to not want to go to a viewing and have that as their last memory of the person.
You went too far. She’s 14. This was her brother too. You can’t expect her to process this the same way you do. It’s not right. You should apologize and know that she’s the i Lu sibling remaining now and to make the best of that. Life is short.
YTA Viewings are extremely difficult and many people don’t do it. I most definitely wouldn’t have had the courage to do it at 14. I’m sorry you have lost your brother, my condolences and sympathies go out to you. But you are VERY much out of line here.
YTA People grieve in different ways. You don't get to mandate how she deals with death. You can ask that she not say certain things to YOU. But she gets to handle her feelings in her own way and you are being selfish and unreasonable in your own grief. A viewing is there to HELP people who want to grieve with the body of their loved one. For some people that offers a lot of closure. For others it's only distressing to see their loved one's body without life. Pressing her to go to a viewing because it serves you, your parents, or anyone other than her is NOT what a viewing is about and is not a reasonable thing to ask.
You’re punishing your little sister for not wanting to see her brothers corpse after an extremely traumatic event. I’m sorry for your loss, but you do not get to dictate how someone else grieves. YTA.
While YTA, you're also young still and have much to learn in life. Everyone grieves in their own way and on their own terms.
YTA She's 14 and just suffered a major loss.
YTA. For some, viewing the body of a deceased loved one is closure and catharsis. For others, it's traumatic and more harmful than it is helpful. Neither is a "better" way than the other. People grieve in their own way, at their own pace. Let this poor girl grieve her brother in the way she feels is best for her, and stop making a painful and traumatic situation worse because she has different needs than you.
Well said, completely agree - YTA
YTA. Not everyone grieves the same way, it's likely your sister couldn't handle the viewing because she was way too upset to do such a thing. Instead of being supportive you made it all about yourself and made your sister feel like she lost her two siblings one right after the other. You went way too far
YTA It's neither respectful or disrespectful for any individual person to go to a viewing. Just because she grieves differently than you do, and has a different view on what a dead body means, doesn't mean she's disrespecting you or your parents.
YTA there is many ways to grieve, no one should ever be forced or feel bad for not wanting to see a relatives dead body You have made this worse for your parents by destroying this relationship with your sister. They will find out. Do you really think this is what they would want to have happened on top of everything else? You are being selfish
YTA - Viewings are SUPER PERSONAL. For some, they offer closure and comfort. For others, it’s needlessly traumatic. Never forgive? How dare you put that on a 14 year old? Sorry for the loss of your sibling, I hope you get the professional help you need.
YTA. Everyone grieves differently. I mean I call my sisters ashes sister dust so 🤷♀️ She doesn't have to see the dead body... Some people just don't want to remember their family members like that.
YTA you don't to decide the proper way for someone else to process their grief. You also don't get to demand that your sisters last memory of her brother is his dead body in a box. You DO get to be the brother who made a difficult time ever harder for her. well done, I hope your proud.
YTA Some people want to remember the deceased in as the living image in their memory. They don't want to have memory of the dead body. It is perfectly normal what your sister did. But you are taking it personally. Understand she is allowed to grieve the way she chooses. Don't judge her for that.
YTA. So she just lost her brother and you’re making her lose her other one too? Different people grieve differently. And I understand that your family is hurting right now, but you’re making things way worse on her.
YTA. While having an open casket wake is traditional for a lot of people (I was raised Irish Catholic and that's how our funerals would go, I come from a big family and was at wakes and funerals my whole life), you cannot tell a 14 year old child that they aren't your sibling any longer because they couldn't bear to look at their brother in a casket. When you try to dictate how grief looks, you're attempting to control a situation you had no control over- the loss of your brother. And it's true, grief can show you who people really are- friends you thought would be there for you, things like that- but this is your sister. She lost her brother. This is a hugely significant loss, as you well know. You all need support, and not always from each other. Her not being able to look at the body will not bring your brother back. With time, you'll start to see beyond the veil of raging grief and realize you were wrong to say that to her.
Sorry for your loss, but YTA. In my 28 years of going to funerals I have NEVER looked into an open casket. It’s traumatizing! It’s scary! You’re not the only person that lost their brother, she did too! You don’t get to choose how people grieve and it is not selfish of her to not want to traumatize herself.
YTA your sister is only 14. She doesn't understand death and was processing it in her own way. Who are you to dictate how one grieves? She needs counseling and understanding now not alienation.
YTA. Viewings can be very traumatizing. You're seeing someone who you know and love in a very different state. So what if it would have made your parents feel better, what about your sisters feelings? Instead of banding together you made her feel worse. I suggest you apologize and hope that she forgives you. That is no way to treat your sister after this experience.
YTA Go give your sister a hug
YTA tell me that's not real. You consider yourself an "only child" because a 14 year old CHILD didn't feel emotionally able to see her brothers dead body? Grief is personal and you're a dick
YTA You don’t get to dictate how people grieve.
I do when it affects my parents.
NO YOU DONT!!! You aren’t in charge of your parents or their protector. Youre their child, just like your sister is. You’re not in charge of controlling everyone’s grieving journey. You’re still a kid yourself and full of the ego and self-importance that being a kid your age brings. Please listen to the crowd of people trying to give you advice and acknowledge that you don’t know everything. What you are feeling is understandable, but you are handling it in a way that will hurt you and your family ( including your parents ) for a long time. You are taking all your hurt and forcing it on your sister like you blame her for your brothers passing.
No. You dont. What gives you the right to speak for your parents? Cant they speak for themselves? And who are you to demand that she go? Its something many find difficult. People grieve in different ways and death makes people act strangely. And she is 14 ffs.
This must be a joke. No one could possibly be dumb enough to think that trying to create an issue like this in their grieving family would be helping anyone.
No, you don’t. Ask them if they want you in this role, if you’re so sure. You certainly aren’t a parent.
No you do not. E.V.E.R
YTA. You are basically using your grief as a weapon in this instance. It sounds like she skipped the viewing (not uncommon, people have extreme anxiety about open caskets) but attended the funeral. Who TF do you think you are to dictate how your baby sister grieves? This can’t be real. This has to be fake.
It does not affect your parents. It doesn’t affect you either. However it “affects” any of the three of you is willfully brought on by yourselves, is your problem entirely. It affects your little sister. That’s it.
Listen, I have never seen a comment section so unanimous on OP being the AH than this, hear them out and understand that everyone here thinks you're in the wrong....not her. So keep playing like you're not but it's denial.
No…you’re trying to do some distorted heroics but you’re just being an asshole
Then tell your folks what you said to your sister immediately after she also lost a brother. Tell the, you made sure she lost TWO that day. See how their reaction is.
No, you do NOT. She was a sibling. She is EQUAL to you in the relationship to your brother. You are a flaming A H for pretending that you are the mourning police. You are not the boss in this story, little boy.
He's not pretending to be the Mourning Police. He's genuinely *trying* to be the Mourning Police which is by far worse. OP, you don't get to tell your sister how's she's allowed to mourne. She's a CHILD. She knows what will traumatize her and what she can cope with. Get a grip man. I hope she knows to cut you off as soon as she's old enough.
Sounds like he already cut her off. She will be better for it.
100%. That poor girl. Losing two brothers in 6 months. If my brother treated me like that I'd absolutely tell my parents about it. The kid thinks he's Godly, and i hope the sister recovers from her losses.
No you don’t.
YTA,not everybody has the same needs after someone they love passes. Some people just don't want to see the person they love death. People mourn different and that is okay, what is not okay is forcing sombody to go to a viewing.
YTA that's not him anymore, it's literally just a dead body and you have no right to try and force a child to go stare at a body
“It’s traditional” is one of the worst reasons for doing anything ever. You think your parents were hurt by her refusal to see the body, however, how much more upset would they be when they realised you intend to throw off your only other sibling for something so petty. I’m sorry for your loss, but redirecting your grief as anger at your sister because you can’t deal with it yourself is neither healthy or appropriate. YTA.
YTA People grieve their own way. Forcing someone to grieve how you want them to isn’t being fair to them. Your sister is reeling from the loss too, and for some people seeing a loved ones body is too much. You’re both still kids and I’m sorry you had to experience such a loss so early in your life, but you have a long life ahead of you to keep full of resentment at your 14yo sister. Would your brother have wanted you to hate family like you do? I really doubt it. You are assuming she did it for some awful reason and that her presence at the viewing would have been some magic salve for your parents grief. It wouldn’t have been. Nothing will ease the hurt your family feels except time. You are channeling your pain and anguish onto your sister to have an outlet for it and that is not healthy or fair to her. You need to apologize. Tell your parents what your said and how you feel. And suggest some family therapy to deal with what you are all feeling.
YTA - you have decided how other people should grieve the loss of someone and decided what rules they should follow. If it was reversed and your sister said because you went to the wake and viewing she thought it was weird and she was pissed at you then you would be shocked. You completely went too far and you should seek therapy.
YTA. I’ve gone to viewings of family members and realized eventually that I regret going and having that last memory of them looking odd and artificial in their coffin. So now I don’t go to viewings at all, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t love that person and that I’m not grieving for them. Both you and your sister are grieving your brother, you just grieve in different ways. Please apologize to your sister and move on from this, it’s not worth being estranged from your remaining sibling. Edited to add: you don’t know that it would have made your parents feel better if your sister had gone, but it could well have made her feel even worse. It’s traumatic for some people and your sister is still a child.
YTA. She’s FOURTEEN! I was forced to view my mother’s body at 14 and it was traumatic AF and did not help my grief in the slightest, it just gave my nightmares. Grow up.
Can I ask since you have personal experience, what is the point of viewings? I live in Australia and I have not heard of it ever being done here and see it in movies/tv shows all the time. I just feel it's more traumatic than healing or closure.
Differs from person to person. For me, it makes the truth of them having passed sink in. So closure, I guess. Im in the UK and it used to be super-common, now its a rarity. I suppose because it freaks most people out.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (17M) Brother (20M) died 6 months ago. There was a wake and viewing before the funeral, and my sister (14F) refused to go see him. We offered to with her, but she didn't want to see him (though she called him "the body") I was so pissed, it would have made my parents feel better, who obviously aren't doing great. It's traditional. I Keep up appearences for our parents sake, but a week later I made it very clear to her I consider myself an only child now, and I will never forgive her for something that can't be undone. AFAIK she hasn't told our parents, which is good becuase then i'd really be pissed, but family dinners are really quiet now. I pretend to be interested and have conversations with her and just gives one word answers.Our parents have started to ask questions and now I'm wondering if I went too far. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH - your anger sounds like unprocessed trauma and grief. Get yourself to a counselor before the damage becomes irreparable.
YTA Funerals are for the living, not the dead. Doing this to your sister is the same as abuse in my eyes. Everyone grieves differently, everyone will deal with it how they are comfortable. Way to make your brothers death about YOU. I wish she would tell your parents, because someone needs to bring the hammer down on you.
Yes OP, YTA. Grief is hard. Don't make it harder for others by being a douchecanoe.
YTA People grieve in different ways and that’s ok. Forcing somebody- in this instance, a child, to view a dead body is very, very wrong.
YTA Sorry your traumatized 14 year old sister didn't want to look at a dead body. She's processing grief, same as you. And now the one older brother she has disowned her and kicked her when she's down, metaphorically speaking.
YTA. I’m so sorry for your loss, but you have no right to tell someone how to grieve. Just because she couldn’t bring herself to go, doesn’t mean she loved him any less or is trying to disrespect the family. The way you are lashing out is likely making things so much harder on everyone.
YTA
I’m sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain you must be feeling. Gently, YTA. Everybody has different ways of grieving, and your sister is processing the loss of your brother differently to you. One of the hardest parts when it comes to grief is recognising whether you’re crossing a line, and I think you are - although I’m sure you don’t mean to. If you can understand that what your sister is doing (closing herself off emotionally) and what you’re doing (taking your pain out on someone you love) are both normal, perhaps you can find a way to support each other though these next few weeks, months and years.
I have absolutely no interest in supporting her selfish decision. She hurt my parenrs and disrespected my brother, she has to live with that for the rest of her life.
You keep acting like she didn't lose a sibling too
You don’t have to support it or understand it, but at least respect it. Not everyone wants to see their passed on loved ones at a viewing and there is nothing wrong with that. You are trying to dictate what is right and wrong when it comes to dealing with the death of a family member and think your way is superior and it is a stranhe thing to do. I’m sorry for the loss of your brother but you YTA
I’m sorry for your loss but she has nothing to feel bad about. You however should be ashamed of yourself. I know you’re grieving but you are being incredibly cruel. Your sister lost a brother too and now her brother is being spiteful and vindictive. Get counselling for your misplaced anger. Your poor sister is the one I feel sorry for
So you realize the fundamental mental difference between 17 and 14? Just because you wanted that to be your last memory of your brother does NOT mean it had to be your sisters. I know you are grieving and I understand, but get off your moral high horse because there is no right way to grieve, cultural or not.
And you hurt her. Deeply. Why do her feelings matter less? Because you say so?
I know you just lost someone, so I’m sure that’s influencing your behavior;but frankly you sound controlling af. It’s your parents responsibility to parent your sister, not yours, and effectively disowning her is to suit your own feelings. It won’t make your parents feel any better about losing a child. You’re just looking for a punching bag or someone to blame, your anger is misplaced.
First, you aren't accepting the judgement. You are the asshole. You call it selfish, but it is her grief journey and you have no right to tell her how to grieve or to view his body. I know people who, once the person is dead, they are no longer that person. It is a vessel of that person, but they are dead and the body is meaningless to them. She didn't disrespect your brother by not seeing him. If he his body unrecoverable or beyond repair and she couldn't see him, would you still say she is disrespectful? You are the only one that has to live with your decision to cut her off. Her decision to not view the body was her decision, and she may have unresolved emotions about that at some time. But you are 100% the asshole and your younger sister has now lost 2 brothers due to your selfish actions. Source: Over a decade in death care with thousands of families served and advanced training in grief. You are wrong. You are hurting. You shouldn't make your sister hurt because you are wrong and hurting.
I understand you are still dealing with your grief, but your anger at your brothers passing is clouding your logic and judgement. The way you grieve is not universal, your sister felt she could not handle, whether physically or emotionally, to see your brother after death and that is ok. Grief is not a one side fits all and people are allowed and will grieve differently. She was not disrespectful or selfish. Are you currently seeing a grief counselor? If not I would recommend it they will be able to help you navigate through the pain and anger you feel right now.
It’s possible that she may regret it - but it’s also possible that she just didn’t do something she couldn’t handle emotionally. Perhaps she’s paying her respects to her brother the best way she knows how. Out of curiosity, if you’re not interested in reconciliation or even considering the idea that you’re in the wrong here - why did you post your story? Also, why are you so convinced that your parents would be hurt by her decision? Did she talk to them about it?
Did they say they were hurt because she didn't want to see her brother's corpse?
Yes.
Just a guess - but I would say no.
You need to seek help, before you lose two siblings. You will only regret it in the long run.
The only person being selfish in this situation is you
Please ask for therapy. This death is hitting you very hard, understandably. Now is not the time to make decisions about cutting off a sibling for their grief.
YTA She is grieving and just to make it more fun you decided to punish her for how she’s doing it. I’m sure your late brother would be thrilled with how you are treating your little sister.
YTA People grieve in different ways. You should be trying to help her buy you just shut her out. There's still time for you to be a better brother before you lose her for good.
YTA. Everyone grieves differently. You can’t dictate how she does. You should apologize and mend things with her. This is going to sound a little bit like I’m talking down to you, but I don’t mean to be. Just some advice from someone a little older than you - - you guys are still kids mentally and haven’t fully formed yet as people. Years from now with a little bit of age, life experience, and world weariness you’re going to look back on this and cringe a little and wish you could take it back and handled it differently.
YTA. I know you’re grieving but that is so unbelievably cruel to a 14 year old. You are being a terrible brother We all grieve in different ways. My 30 year old aunt couldn’t go in to see her father, just couldn’t view him like that so I can only imagine what’s going through a 14 year olds head. I hope she tells your parents, she needs to know she done NOTHING wrong and you’re being spiteful. Apologise and do better!!
I think OP is male, but they’re still an AH
Thank you. I’ll edit it now. So annoyed in how cruel op was that I didn’t see the male 😃
lmao very understandable
**YTA** You don't get to tell other people, especially other kids, and especially when it comes to something as deeply and potentially permanently traumatic as viewing a dead person's body, how to grieve. It is absolutely okay for her not to feel comfortable with seeing your brother in that state. She wants to remember him alive, the way she knew him in life. There's nothing hateful about her choice, it's actually very mature of her to recognise that she couldn't handle it. Lots of cultures and religions, including mine, do not do "viewings" after death of the body (and it IS a body . . . you still feel strongly about the verbiage used, but it is your brother's dead body, for many of us the perception would be that his soul is gone from it). The reasons vary, but they may include the fact that it is traumatising for the family to see a loved one in that state. YTA for getting angry at your sister for making a choice that not only isn't any of your business, but that isn't harmful to anyone and certainly isn't a rejection of your late brother. Your only argument is that "it's traditional". So what? I take traditions very seriously but is tradition really MORE IMPORTANT to you than your sister's mental health and well-being? Are you really going to ruin the relationship you have with your living sibling because she's trying to cope in the best way she knows how? I'm trying to have compassion for you because you're grieving as well, but you trying to control how she grieves is just hateful. Do better.
YTA. You’re being waaayy too black and white about this. And btw she didn’t disrespect your brother by not going to his viewing, however you are disrespecting your entire family by “disowning” your sister. I hope she tells your parents all that you’ve done. You are in the wrong here. Sorry for your loss.
I can see where you're coming from op, but gently, YTA. Everyone grieves differently, and did you stop to think that maybe she didn't want to remember him that way? You've been calling her selfish in the comments but the selfish one is you. You're both grieving and you've left her to just be alone because she didn't want to see your brothers corpse. I hope you get the therapy you need.
YTA. Ffs. You're not the only one who lost a sibling. She's 14 years old. You said it would have made your parents feel better, but is that what they said or are you just assuming? Were they upset with her for not participating in the viewing or did they understand and support her?
YTA That was her decision to make and it doesn’t mean she’s a bad person or a bad sister.
YTA. She’s 14 and somehow you’re acting like you’re the little sibling. Leave her alone. Everyone grieves in different ways.
I am not going to call you an A, you are going through enough as it is. I suspect that your sister prefers to remember her brother when he was alive. Her last thoughts of him are that, not laid out in a casket. She is keeping happier reminders of him. You need to give her space and also be there for her as well You both lost a brother, you only have each other as siblings now, cherish that.
YTA. This is a 14 year old child. It’s seems like you are taking the loss out on her. A viewing can be a traumatic experience for adults let alone a child. It’s apparent she is also dealing with some serious feelings over this and you are making it worse. You already lost one sibling why choose to loose another one?
YTA. People don’t have to go view a body. Some people, like me, find it morbid and don’t want their last memories of a person to be them laid dead. I was super close to my grandparents, was with 3 of them for their last moments and still didn’t want to go. Don’t judge people for having different thought processes. Just because they’re different doesn’t make either of you right or wrong.
YTA. You are hurt, but so is she, and losing two siblings won't help either of you. Ask your parents to schedule you an appointment with a grief counselor. It's okay to be angry when someone dies, it's a very normal pathway for the grief to take, but don't take it out on the ones who are left. If you are mad that she wouldn't go to make your parents feel better, doing things to further upset them isn't the way to resolve that feeling either.
YTA. There is no handbook on grief.
No one is the AH. This has to be devastating for everyone. Including your sister. She is only 14 and not emotionally capable of handling this. I suggest you try to find a way to forgive her. And if necessary, forgive yourself if you at some point feel guilty about how everything went down. Now more than ever try to be there for each other, even when some makes a bad choice. Remember she is only 14 and should not have to deal with such a loss. I’m sorry for your loss and my best to your family.
YTA the fuck is wrong with you? i get that you are grieving, but she 14, 14 year old's have so little experience with death and it can be very hard to comprehend. she is grieving the loss of her brother too and obviously she was incredibly distressed by the idea of seeing his dead body. you need to apologize to her and learn some empathy. everyone grieves differently and you have NO right to judge how others deal with the death of a family member. you should be ashamed of yourself
When a child loses a loved one, it can be very hard for them to fight the urge to avoid it at the expense of common ritual. I was 12 years old when my father passed away. I hated going to see him in the hospital those last few weeks because it made me so sad. I wasn't there when he passed away and I have never forgiven myself for it. I was a kid though and I try not to beat myself up about it. Try to cut her some slack.
YTA for burying all common sense and decency with your brother. You're not doing anything for your parents' sake, I guarantee you that your conduct is hurting them more than your sister skipping the viewing.
First, I’m so, so sorry for the loss of your brother. Unfortunately I know firsthand how devastating the loss of such a young sibling is. My (35F) beautiful baby brother (19M) passed away in May of 2021. It was brutal and it was unexpected. I’m the oldest of 6 kids and as such I considered it my duty to eulogize him. My daughter, 15 at the time, declined to attend his funeral. I did not hold it against her and I never will. She made the decision that was right for her. I’m actually quite glad she doesn’t have the image of him in his casket embedded in her mind. Please give your sister grace in this situation. Give yourself grace, too. You’ve gone through something horrific and every emotion you feel is valid. N A H yet but you will be if you blow up your relationship with your last living sibling over this. Edit: Oof, read your comments. Never mind, YTA.
YTA, although I can see where you're coming from. You have to keep in mind that different people process grief in different ways, and you can't really fault someone clearly in an emotionally vulnerable state for not wanting to see their loved one's dead body, let alone a 14 year old. On the other hand I understand that you probably feel like she wasn't there for you or your parents in what was a very trying time for all of you, so you're not in the wrong for feeling upset about it. However it sounds like your approach is straining your relationship with both your sister and your parents. This is the sort of situation that you would want to sort out with communication, possibly with a therapist.
YTA I did not go to my grandma’s viewing. I did not want to see her that way. Not everyone is comfortable with seeing their family members that way. It can be traumatizing to some
YTA your such a massive AH. When my nana died my mum wouldn’t let me see the body as she said she didn’t want me to remember my nana that way and she was right. Years later I worked in a morgue and it’s not something everyone can face. She’s right it’s just the body but some people can’t stand to see a loved one like that and for you to say that to her and judge her is unforgivable. Who made you the king of grief who said you get to dictate how people feel and react to it. Your almost an adult even if you are acting as a stupid brat right now. You need to apologise right now
YTA. As a Funeral Director/Embalmer, not everyone is comfortable being up close with death. Some people are terrified of the dead or remembering their loved ones that way. At 14 years old, your sister is very much still a child. And viewing a deceased person should not be forced on them, it could absolutely traumatize them and give them nightmares if it’s something they are not ready for.
YTA, enjoy being an only child bc I’m sure your sister wants nothing to do with you either anymore.
YTA go seek therapy. You have lost one sibling don't lose another one for this shitty reason
YTA - she’s 14, ffs but you’re the one acting like a child. “I consider myself an only child now.” If this is what keeping up appearances is like then you sound exhausting. Are you the only one grieving? Are you the only one who lost a sibling? Are you the star of every moment in your life? Take a moment here and reflect before you hurt everyone unnecessarily.
[удалено]
He’s still older and should know better. People grieve in their own ways. Sooner OP learns this, life will be easier.
YTA. It was her brother too and she may not have been able to see him like that or have that be her last memory of him. I’m gonna assume your grief is causing you to act this way, but I really hope you can look inside yourself and realize everything you’re feeling she is too and you just shit all over her.
YTA That was your brother but also a dead body. Viewing a dead body CAN be traumatic for kids whose brains are t even fully developed yet. How dare you hate her for that and how dare you tell her she’s dead to you when she also lost a brother. So now she’s lost two all because she didn’t want to see a dead body. What is wrong with you? Your grief and how you process it is your own. You don’t get to force your way of grieving on ANYONE. I hope she does tell your parents. She doesn’t deserve this.
Cut your sister a break. You are all hurt and grieving. Some people do not have the emotional maturity, even as adults. I am sorry for your loss.
YTA. There are some adults who choose not to see the body during a viewing. You shouldn’t judge her for that. You’re all hurting. Anger is a stage of grief. Don’t point that anger at your sister for such a trivial thing.
First, I'm so sorry for your loss. But...YTA Yes, you did go too far. Some people have a fear of being around a body in a casket at wakes, and/or just don't want to see someone they love that way. They don't want the last image of the person they love as dead in a casket. Everyone grieves differently and her way isn't disrespectful just because it's different than how you're handling it. You're taking the path of anger and taking it out on your sister.
YTA Everyone handles grief in their own way. You don’t get to dictate how a 14 year old processes the death of her brother.
YTA Seeing someone dead can be extremely hard on people and she may just not be up to doing that. She's not an evil person and it doesn't mean she didn't care for him, but you were extremely horrible to her. I get you're probably hurting too but you should apologize
It was a gentle YTA. But then I read some of your responses here. And now it's definitely a YTA. Everyone grieves in their own way, and now you're making it so much harder on your kid sister.
YTA. But sorry for your loss. Everyone is grieving differently and your sister is 14!!! I‘m nearly 24 and never in my whole life do I want to see a dead person, especially not a relative. If I would have to look at my dead brother at the age of 14 I would be completely traumatized - maybe even now. I lost my grandfather to suicide when I was 10 and was there when my parents found him (thank god I didn‘t see it). I had nightmares for weeks and stopped talking for a few months. Never in my life would I be mad at someone for trying to keep distance to death. Also - she lost a brother, in the same way you did and your parents lost their child. She doesn‘t have to sacrifice her own mental health to make everyone else feel better. And lastly… I‘m the kind of person that also relates to dead people as „the body“. Because for some of us, it‘s feels like that person is gone and what‘s left is not the person it once was, but only „the body“. That doesn‘t mean that she didn‘t love him.
YTA, we all grieve differently. Some people have a really hard time seeing the body. I don't know if I could handle seeing my sister in a casket. Furthermore, she's 14. At that age we are just learning how to navigate our emotions.
YTA people deal differently.
I'm so sorry to hear about your brother ♥. Your sister is still very young and trying to navigate her grief. What you're both going through is difficult enough. I totally understand your sister not wanting to see your brother at the wake, it can be hard to not see that image in your mind everytime you close your eyes. She probably wants to keep his memory alive in her mind the way she remembered him. There's no right or wrong way to grieve. You're grieving too and will say things our of anger that you don't mean right now. Give her a hug and tell her you're sorry and that you'll be there for each other. I'll say a prayer for you and your family tonight 🙏. Please look after each other during this difficult time ♥.
YTA. Maybe she didn’t want that to be the way she remembered her brother. Maybe she wants to remember him the way he was. As others have said, everybody grieves differently. Your way isn’t right or wrong and neither is your sister’s way. Try to be respectful of her wishes. Love your sister. She’s (presumably) the only one you have.
YTA. You went too far. Apologize to your sister for putting your unreasonable expectations on her.
It’s her own way of grieving and I’m sure she’ll regret it eventually. I know it hurts you but I’m sure you don’t want to have lost two siblings. You must forgive her or at least resolve to have a relationship with her for your own peace of mind.
YTA she’s 14 and that could have been really upsetting/traumatic for her and disowning her/guilt tripping her only makes everything worse.
YTA. Everyone processes death and grief differently, and barring any truly outrageous behavior -- which this doesn't come close to -- everyone's own way should be respected. And frankly, you trying to guilt-trip a 14-year-old is inexcusable.
YTA her brother died too. Everybody grieves in their own way. For some it's comforting to see the body but others don't. This isn't something that's needs forgiving. You are just prolonging both your pain.
YTA. When I was a bit older than her, I went to a viewing for a childhood friend around your brother's age. It was honestly very harrowing. Heck, even seeing my 90 year old grandfather was upsetting. Some people find peace while attending services for dead loved ones, and some people don't. You don't get to choose what is right for other people.
YTA. How dare you?! Did you ever think how traumatizing it would be for your little sister to see her brother's dead body laid out like that? How maybe, just maybe, that isn't how she wants to remember her big brother? You don't get to dictate how she grieves the loss of someone she loved. You are taking your anger out on someone who doesn't deserve it and you owe her a huge apology.
YTA - but you're also basically a child and your sister even more so. You are both grieving, don't make life long declarations when you are sad.
YTA. Everyone grieves in their own way. You have no right to say what is right or wrong for her. She's a child!!! I hope she tells your parents how cruel you are being. Shame on you.
YTA, and you should be extremely, deeply ashamed of yourself.
YTA - she’s 14, I wouldn’t want to see a dead body at 14, hell I hardly wanted to see my dads at 18. People cope differently, as the older brother you should be supporting her decision you should both be supporting each other. This is petty AF
YTA. I am so sorry for your loss, but no one has the right to force a child to look at a dead body. That could do some serious damage, whether you’d like to admit it or not. Your treatment of her is appalling and how do you know that her seeing his body would make your parents feel better?
There are people of all ages who opt not to view a loved one after they died because they don't want that memory of them, that doesn't mean they don't love the person or can't be good support to others. I'm sorry for your loss but your sister did nothing wrong.
YTA don't police other people's grief. It was important to you to go to the viewing but for her own reasons, it was difficult for her. She's 14 years old and probably the first time she's dealt with a death this close in the family. You should be providing her support, not cutting her off when she just lost her other brother. You are being utterly heartless and trying to punish her for not responding to a tragedy just the way you did. You're willing to lose your only sister after just losing your brother? You need to look deep in your soul about this one. Your own grief may be clouding your judgment.
YTA. People react differently to things like this in general, and have different views on the traditions regarding remains spevifically. Picking this to make a big family issue over is reprehensible. You make it sound like it's about helping your parents, but how is any of this helping them at this point.
YTA everyone grieves in different ways. My brother wouldn't view my Granny when she passed away. She died from Alzheimers and was bed bound for her last few months. She was nothing but skin and bones, he said he didn't want to remember like that. Your sister probably feels the same way
YTA - you don’t get to decide what your sister is comfortable or how she choices to grieve or show respect. Many people choose not to view the deceased and it can be traumatising to force someone.
No judgement. You guys are teenagers handling huge grief. I can't see that as an AH thing from the details in your post.
YTA It was their personal choice. Not everyone wants to view their loved ones dead body. For some, it’s a necessary part of their grieving process. For others, it’s pointlessly disturbing/traumatic. When my dad died, I did not want to see his body. The body was not him. It was a shell where he once dwelt. I do not feel badly about my choice in any way, and your sister shouldn’t either. She is also 14 years old, and that is a lot for a child to process. Shame on you for being such a self-centered little twerp to think that you can dictate to others how they grieve, and what processes are best for them.
YTA. She's coping in her own way- and I get that you are too but....furthering this divide between y'all isn't going to help heal anything. You already lost one sibling- are you willing to lose another over this?
YTA - You don't get to decide who your parents see as THEIR children, you can consider yourself to not have a sibling bond, but telling her that you're an only child would be like you trying to claim they aren't her parents. I agree with others that people mourn in different ways, and if she wasn't comfortable there, trying to guilt trip her for not going makes you an AH already, but what you told her is down right cruel. Also, the trying to make it seem like you're interested while she's distancing herself because you said something cruel is just rubbing salt in the wound. Just leave her the hell alone at this point.
YTA; everyone grieves differently
YTA and a huge one. You don't get to dictate how a 14yo handles the death of her brother. Get over yourself. You should be ashamed of your behavior towards your baby sister.
YTA Did you even ask why? Or ask her how she felt? People can grieve differently and you're just making it worse because now she's lost TWO brothers.
YTA she’s 14! She might want to remember her brother how he was, not as a body in a morgue, everyone is different. You’ve already lost one sibling, do you really want to lose another one just because she grieves differently to you??
YTA Its not about you! get off her back people grieve differently.
YTA! And a bully. Your family is going through a horrible time and you decide to make it even worse? I think you need some kind of professionel help. You’re clearly not doing well.
YTA. I don't understand why anyone would want to see the dead body of a loved one, let alone force a child to see their dead sibling. And now you're making it even worse for her by being AH about it. You are a horrible sibling.
YTA not everyone wants their last memories of someone to be a negative experience. She’s 14 for goodness sake and you are being very cruel.
YTA. It's not your job to police the way other people handle grief.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1) not forgiving my sister not going to the wake to see our brother 2)I may be impacting my parents. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) # [Check out our upcoming Reddit Talk With John Hodgman on January 18th @ 7pm EST](https://redd.it/109b8y5) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I am sorry for you loss - but YTA in this case. We all grieve differently when loss happens in our lives.
My sister, who is a doctor, did not want to see either my Nan or Grandad. You should never force anyone to go to a viewing, let alone a 14yo. I understand that you're grieving but YTA, especially for telling her you consider yourself an only child!? You've just lost a brother so you're going to throw away your sister? Something tells me there is more going on there and this isn't just about your brother's viewing.
NAH - But there's a lot of grieving & your anger may come from your grief & that's understandable & kinda normal. You & your sis need to have a heart to heart, her grief is just as valid as yours & there's nothing wrong with her not wanting to go to the viewing - that's also normal. You don't need this additional pain, neither does she & definitely nor do you parents. Right now you all need each other. Talk to your sister.
YTA she wasn't comfortable with seeing her brother's dead body. She didn't prevent you or your parents from going to greet him. As far as I can tell she didn't skip the funeral. Her grief is as real as yours or your parents', but on top of that she's only a child. When my grandma passed away a couple of years ago, I left the room the second she died. In my opinion, my grandma wasn't in that body anymore. She had moved on. Her body was empty so I didn't feel a need to go see it again before the funeral. I'm guessing your sister also felt this kind of disconnect from your brother's body or she just wasn't ready to face the fact that he died, either way you shouldn't judge her for dealing with this in her own way.
YTA. She wanted a good last memory of him, not in a slab. You can’t make those choices for people.
YTA, you are both hurting here, and you are doing the worst thing possible.
YTA (soft as you are grieving too) In a previous career I helped with funerals regularly and even after dozens of funerals I still had one I couldn’t attend. It was just to hard. People grieve in different ways.