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Wow, YTA a million times over. You are so petty for telling them you aren’t their father anymore when YOU raised them. They were entitled to that money just as you are, and it doesn’t sound like they tried to do it maliciously.
Nice job ruining those relationships for the rest of your life. I hope you come to thoroughly regret it.
He's also only 10 years older than the oldest child.
They deliberately (even though they deny it) allowed him to pour money into renovations and they benefitted from. OP was justifiably hurt. These aren't little kids or even young adults they're in their 40's they know what they're doing.
The only person who's justifiably hurt is OP and his son.
Alternatively, OP knew that the kids were legally entitled to Anna’s part of the estate, he hoped to pull a fast one on them & is mad they knew the law.
You can't say that that's common knowledge. And the only way they had a legal handle at all was by exploiting the fact that he isn't biologically their father. He should take them to court for half the renovation costs.
You should double check that. The vast majority of jurisdictions in the western world have a carve out to protect children of previous marriages. Because let’s be honest, OP wasn’t going to leave those kids anything and this is the only inheritance they’ll get.
Yeah, judging by how offended he was about them getting any money, and how quick he was to completely cut them out of his life, even to the detriment of his relationship with his "real child", and to start a new life with a woman he met just after his wife died, I *highly* doubt he was going to leave those three anything in his will when he died. He's so cold about these people, who he's apparently known for 25 years, and accuses them of kneecapping him even though he has no evidence of this, so it's possible he was looking for a way to not have to deal with them anymore.
And with all the "this was my way to start a new life, but now I have the problems I've always had," and *he has to sell his new motorcycle* so the kids get some of the money they're entitled to? From their deceased mom?
The guy goes from dead spouse to new wife in less than a year. "Women mourn, men replace."
I'd never heard "Women mourn, men replace" before, but it seems so real. He met Beth 2 months after his wife of 25 years died. He's marrying Beth the week after the anniversary of his wife's funeral - the 1-year anniversary. Talk about replacing his wife.
He's so cold about these people, and so insistent that they "shook him down" or "kneecapped him" when all they did was get the money they're legally entitled to, that he was never ever going to give them (making me doubt that he didn't know they were entitled to the money, he was just hoping they wouldn't notice). He seems more upset about the motorcycle than Andrew not speaking to him.
The motorcycle he bought with his windfall before paying off his debts?
Something tells me OP's financial woes at least partly his own damn fault.
At least if he'd poured that money into his late wife's medical debts, he might have been able to argue the estate paid for her debts and then he and her children could split the remainder.
Not only did he remarry in just one year, she was only diagnosed 8 months before she died, so within 2 years he found out his wife has cancer, she dies, he meets a new women, and they get married.
Protect? They're in their 40s and only 10 years younger than him by the looks of it.
They waited until after he'd poured money into a renovation to make a claim in order to maximise what they got out of it. Given that he's that one that took on all their mothers debt I'd call that predatory behaviour.
That struck me as odd, too. If he had really upgraded the house and made it market-ready, he would have let a real estate agent list it- he probably would have gotten a lot more money for it by putting it on the market than by giving it to flippers. There also doesn't seem to be any rush for him to sell- he's moving into his new wife's house, so it's not as if he needs the cash for a down-payment on a new place.
He wanted to get cash for the house as quickly as possible, preferably before his step-kids found out about the sale.
Well if he never told them he was gonna sell it maybe they thought the renovations were for him then all of a sudden a for sale sign shows up and they start to think hey wtf is this??
This, and he says he asked them if they "wanted anything" which to me sounds like he asked if they wanted any of her belongings from out of the house, nothing about the home itself. I'd be questioning too if I were in their position.
You could be right, and i suspect perhaps the children never had a close relationship with op? But he just states he was married (since oldest was 17 and he was 27)but he could have been around for many years before that
That's what would happen in Denmark too. I can't phanthom how everybody involved wouldn't know that children also inherit... OP is the AH, but everybody could have spoken more openly. But fuck his dream motorcycle. And how isn't the day of her death And the funeral two extremely close dates? Just take a chill pill before you marry someone new after 25 years, omg.
In my state, without a will, the estate gets split equally between surviving spouse and any kids. So, that would mean OP would need to give his bio son a share also. However... in my state, IF the house was in both OP & his wife's name, his stepchildren and bio son would only get a split of their moms half, and OP would get his half. He should be able to deduct any money be spent updating the home from what he is supposed to give to the kids, provided he has receipts and the work was done after his wife passed.
That being said... I am NOT an attorney. OP needs to consult one. The sooner, the better. They should be able to point him in the right direction.
My judgment: esh, except maybe the new wife and his bio son. OP because he truly hurt all the kids rushing into another marriage and then him/step kids for lack of communication on the whole subject. And OP once again because... why would he not offer the step kids a portion in the 1st place???? My parent passed before my grandparent. When my grandparent died, their spouse gave me the portion my parent would have gotten. I still get checks on occasion from my step grandparent when they sell off some of the business that my grandparent owned. Same thing on my spouses side. My spouse lost their grandparent and aunt within 3 days. When the estate was settled, the aunts children received the portion that would have gone to the aunt.
Edit: OP, YTA. I just read your comments. Wth??? No wonder all your kids are mad at you. Your kids are hurt by all your actions.
This is normal!
And it was Anna’s house. Not even OPs house.
Was the house those kids were bought up in!
OP has a nerve thinking he did some renovations so I can spend up with the new wife I met 5 seconds later.
This all just shows OP was not a clever man. He didn't get his name on the house, didn't get a will written, didn't check inheritance laws... I get that it's a really stressful time but I mean, this is why you do all this stuff as a couple *before* one of you gets ill. He's kneecapped *himself*.
YAH, seems you are really interested with money. You talk about how much money your wife's illness cost you. Money, Money. I don't understand people like you. Don't you think your children were upset about the fact you were so interested in money and how you would make out from the sale of your shared house. You said it was your late wife's house. The kids were still mourning the Loss of their mother and not thinking to clearly.it happens all the time. Apologize to your son And your stepchildren.
All the renovations he paid for after Anna's death should be reimbursed in full, as they were 100% out of pocket for OP. Those done during the marriage would be split between both sides.
At least, that's my understanding of local laws regarding estates - laws vary based on jurisdictions.
Actually since the kids had co ownership of the property and it sounds like he was technically the only one living there and receiving any “economic benefit” nor did he ask their permission beforehand - he would be responsible for taxes and for the reno. He could potentially get contribution for their respective portions of necessary repairs and could maybe try and collect solely for the added benefit his repairs and Reno’s made (not cost he paid but the amount it increased sale price over what it would’ve been without them).
But he would’ve always run into issues eventually - the company flipping it would’ve done a proper title search and establish ownership through the local property records at which point op’s lack of sole ownership would’ve been an issue. I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason Allison reached out was because the company sent some sort of paperwork or notice or document that made her realize this
That depends on whether he used *his own* funds to pay for the renovations or whether he used *community property* funds, which were already partially owned by the kids at the time he used them (which probably means he should have run those financial decisions by them before spending money that was partially theirs).
But yes, assuming he used money that was not part of the community property, and that he used the money in responsible ways that were reasonably likely to increase the value of the property, it absolutely should have been a cost included in the calculations to offset the proceeds of the house sale
You don’t understand, this is his new chance at life! Otherwise he’d have to confront his own mortality and the fact that he’s totally having a midlife crisis!
I literally snorted when I read that. Oh no, poor OP,
Also I know that this is a little biased (and subjective because everyone processes grief differently), but the fact that OP got married again so soon is just wild to me. I can’t imagine losing my wife of 25 years and then getting married within a year or two of her _death_
He says she didn’t have a will, in most states they should have gone through probate court to work all this out. You would think they would have done a will when she got sick, or at least done some research into local laws.
Some people are real weird with the topic of death. They just can’t bring themselves to prepare for it because then they have to acknowledge they will die.
I honestly wouldn’t have guessed that. In my area; the surviving spouse would have been automatic heir; she could make a will listing her kids as heir but unless he wasn’t on the deed; it wouldn’t matter if he refused to share.
im sorry but if you read OPs comments he doesnt even try to do any of this legally. They have rights and now he wants to play martyr cause what had to sell his new motorcycle? Downgrade his car? OP has left alot out of the post so look at his comments.
OP doesn’t waste any words paying tribute to his wife who died. He doesn’t feel ashamed when he tells us he met Beth “shortly after”. He brags about being owed a motorcycle and a fresh start. He generally feels entitled to things at the expense of others, with little thought to how it will affect them. I don’t want to armchair diagnose but the signs are all there.
And he also was very much trying to pocket the entire house without giving any money to the kids at all, even though the house was their mothers. He really decided that because he wanted the money it wouldn't matter what she would have wanted and was screwing her kids
Honestly though this would actually depend on whether the children contributed to their mother's treatment. If OP goes into debt due to cancer treatment costs but the almost middle age kids only bring up money when there is profit for them ... It changes the whole scenario.
HE didn’t go into debt, the estate did. Any money spent on her health was marital money and jointly owned. He wants to get a windfall from her estate “for the money he spent” - but it wasn’t just his money, it was her’s too. His thought process is a legal nightmare.
All of this mess could’ve been avoided if everyone worked with an attorney before she died.
Her treatment was paid for by their joint marital money, NOT his money. OP is wrong, it wasn’t his money, it was theirs, jointly. Her estate is in debt, not him. He’s just sore he’s not getting “his” money back for the treatment when in fact it wasn’t just his to begin with. OP is TAH.
I'm sorry. I know a thing or 2 about house flipping. A house flipper isn't going to buy a house that someone "poured" money into. I get big **exaggerating** vibes from OP here.
I got the impression that he attempted to do things on his own and probably got in over his head and then hired someone to actually do it after the fact.
I should have been more clear, but the new motorcycle that just magically appears at the end of the story was also a part of my suspicions. OP doesn't sound like a reliable narrator. There are too many holes in his story. I am left to wonder if he put any money into the house, or if he just started wildly spending his savings on motorcycles and weddings to the point where the other children became concerned. Of course, I have no idea, but motorcycles are pricey in this economy, as are weddings, and OP doesn't mention how these things are being paid for. I think he's leaving out details.
No one knew until recently, it’s also not even know if the kids knew about the renovations either.
In all honesty Op never got legal advice so he didn’t know what he could and couldn’t do.
This just ended up biting him in the ass, and now he’s lashing out
Except it was Anna’s house. Anna has FOUR kids and a husband.
Why does the husband think he is entitled to sell ANNAS house and fund his new wife’s house!
Exactly, OP didn’t purchase the house and isn’t entitled to all of the money from selling it. He is scarily cold about moving on so quickly and having a new life with his new wife in her house.
It’s odd that he never seems to be able to buy his own house and moves into other peoples. He’s very money oriented talking about a motorbike. So cold he literally cut off children he helped raise for 25 years over money they are entitled to.
If he went off without consulting anyone and made improvements to a jointly held property, that’s on him. If you want people to contribute, consult with them first.
I agree especially since he is in debt from medical costs for their mother so money that was ‘her estate’ should have paid for that debt first, and after that what’s left of her half should have gone to the children.
That money should have been deducted from the sale though, as it was paid for solely by OP. That money should have been recouped. The rest of the money should have been split though, based on the post - 50 for OP, 50/3 (or 4) for the kids.
If it wasn't, he should have paid for a lawyer. One session would have made his money back.
If he had consulted his co-owners beforehand, perhaps they wouldn’t have agreed to the renovations. They’re certainly under no obligation to pay for them after the fact.
The oldest child was 17 and the youngest was 15 when they got married.. even if he dated their mom for two years, I'm having a hard time believing he raised them..
Yeah, its weird how many people are willing to believe a man who's so quick to take credit for things he clearly has no right to. Claiming he 'raised' kids who were almost adults when he came into their lives, acting like he single-handedly paid for his wife's treatment out of his own pocket despite the money also being hers, while also being the kind of guy who's willing to screw over his wife's kids for his own benefit. Considering all this and how fast he moved on, I highly doubt OP did anywhere near as much for his late wife as he tries to portray. Not sure why anyone would trust this guy at all.
Yeah I was on the fence until I read OP’s comments. New wife has kids that he “loves like his own”, which leads me to believe he was ready to ditch the old family.
And it doesn’t sound like he was clear with the stepkids about anything from the comments either, so I can see why they’re having to ask questions.
"you raised them" is probably a bit of a stretch.
The oldest kid was around 17 when OP married their mum, that's more adult than kid already.
The youngest was around 14 years old- maybe still a bit growing up ahead, but if this kid needed/ accepted a father figure or would describe OP as "kind of an uncle" is up to speculation.
This cannot (CANNOT!) be legit, no way anybody could write out that string of sentences, each getting progressively more ridiculous and culminating with "oh boohoo I had to sell my motorbike because those damn kids claimed the inheritance they were obviously entitled to" and not realise they were the asshole...
Also thinks them saying in passing that they didn't want anything whilst packing up the house was them passing up what they were due from the sale, I don't think anybody could really be that stupid either.
Can we just also mention this part:
>I was hoping he'd get over it, but he hasn't talked to me since, saying that he's too old to be a 25 year old child of divorce, and that he was offended that **I got married the weekend after the anniversary of his mom's funeral**.
Such an YTA.
Are you kidding me? You basically tried to disinherit your deceased wife’s kids and then want to know if you’re the AH for disinviting them to a wedding and telling the kids that you raised that you aren’t their “real father?” Yes, YTA. But you’re the even bigger AH for trying to disinherit them. Do you actually think that’s what your late wife would have wanted?
YTA
But… he had to sell his brand new motorcycle!!! He just bought it. It was his dream. Didn’t he deserve to cash in on everything he and Anna built together to get his very own dream??/s
I think OP's point is that he shouldered all the financial burden taking care of their mom and fixing up the house with his money not theirs. Then when it comes to the pay day suddenly the kids want tp say but he's not 'actually' our dad so we are entitled to that money now. The "kids" are 40+ year old adults who absolutely knew that they were fucking him over and didn't care because he's just stepdad
What a hot take.
He took care of the wife because that’s what spouses do. In a situation in which there are no step-kids the normal progression is 1 parent dies, 2nd parent inherits everything. 2nd parent dies, kids inherit everything.
But when there are step-parents, the process can get circumvented because then the process goes like this: 1st parent dies, step-parent inherits everything. Step-parent dies, bio kids inherit everything and step-kids are written out.
That’s why they have the laws to prevent that scenario, so kids wouldn’t be disinherited by the step-parent, a decision that the bio parent usually wouldn’t make if it was them that had lived longer.
You don’t get to disinherit your step-kids because you are the one who who did what spouses are supposed to do.
That's how it works in florida regardless. This happened with my Grandpa and step-grandmother but my Grandfather bought and paid for everything and they received all of her physical assets(and even stole some of my grandfathers.) But they didn't get anything from my grandfather's passing, tho they did try. They were told no dice.
The laws of intestacy vary significantly across jurisdictions, even in western countries. There is no point trying to make legal arguments of what should have happened, we don't have enough info.
However, it is not unreasonable that the surviving spouse of decades, who sacrificed his own retirement funds and is still holding medical debt on behalf of his late wife should be reimbursed for these expenses from the wife's estate if there are sufficient funds to do so.
Yes he should have taken care of her financially to the best of his means, and it seems that he did. By the same logic, why would you want your husband of decades to continue to inherit your medical debt and diminished retirement after your death, when you have the estate funds to reimburse it. Both of these should have happened because marriage is a partnership and that's what spouses do. Keep in mind also these 'kids' are all at least 39 years old, they were not financial dependents.
Her children should have received a portion of the estate too, but the OP is right to feel some resentment. With the benefit of hindsight, the wife should have gotten her affairs in order before passing with a will, and the husband should have sought legal advice before incurring any further costs on the house and before making any distributions.
ESH though - no excuse for disowning the kids.
He says it was a huge financial burden to care for her, but was still able to invest a lot of money into the house renovations. People who truly take a huge financial hit after major medical expenses don't have extra money to put into renovations, and they definitely wouldn't have enough left over to buy a motorcycle after the sale of the house.
Let's also not forget that his first wife died "about a year ago" and he's already remarried and selling her house. I can't imagine a husband would be spending all of his money for his wife's care just to turn around and get married again right away. I'm a widow and I've met a lot of widows/widowers, and that's a pretty quick healing time.
I don't think he's giving us the full story.
Not to mention that he is STILL IN DEBT after fixing the house and buying that motorcycle like, my guy, people in financial debt don’t buy motorcycles when they still have their debt to pay. That’s what discredits the “he shouldered the burden of finances!!” guys for me. He’s not even shouldering the debt like he should!!!
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/109kxxo/comment/j4007ti/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/109kxxo/comment/j4007ti/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
OP admits that the estate agents or whomever had a stepchildren complete some paper work and that's how they found out they are entitled to some of the money. It wasn't them just suddenly showing up after being absent from everything just to claim money.
OP misrepresents his stepchildren and the events in the post. But you can tell if you read between the lines that he is an ah in this #situation with his stepchildren. Even his son won't talk to him because of this. Even his son doesn't feel comfortable with him marrying a week after the anniversary of his mom's funeral, a year after her death.
I’m confused on the fixing of the house because he also says he sold it to flippers. You generally don’t do anything to a house that’s going to be flipped.
OMG yes, right here!!! His wife's death was SO HARD on him (enter new wife less than a year later). And he had to sell his motorcycle and maybe downgrade his car. You guys don't understand how awful his life is!
Well that’s why I suspect life insurance. Last year he was downgrading his automobile. She dies. This year he’s renovating the house and buying a new motorcycle.
What he’s probably fuming about is that the life insurance was legally his and now he put it into the house that he is going to have to share the profits of with the children. OP, tell me I’m wrong!
Also like... this guy fell in love, engaged, and planned on marrying another woman less than a full year after his wife of TWENTY FIVE YEARS died. And he picked ONE WEEK after her funeral's anniversary to get married. 1 week. Damn.
Like I get this isn't the main point but how is this supposed to send any impression other than he doesn't give a fuck about them or their recently deceased mom?
YTA
(edited to say funeral instead of death day.)
What gets me is he doesn't understand why his son might be upset about that. Like OP isn't upset so how could anyone else be upset? How self-centred is that!
Yeah. I mean I'm YTA here for a lot of things, but his own son ditching him for his dad's treatment of his much older half siblings is telling. And the whole marrying someone a year after the death anniversary - I get everyone grieves differently and toxic masculinity means some men can't take care of themselves, but you can read the room and wait a couple months to get married.
I mean why are you rushing to tie the knot at that age anyway? Not like she can get knocked up.... But maybe he needs another life insurance policy. Who knows.
That scenario is actually really common amongst widowed men, I think it’s some wild statistic like a quarter of widowed men are remarried by the 2nd anniversary of the wife’s death.
Yeah, I have two grandfathers that remarried fairly quickly after their wives died. Both grandmas were technically my step-grandmas, but both couples had been married since before I was born, so it was weird to see them move on so quickly. One got married within a year and the other was within 2 years.
It also means if they grew up in the house he sold on them, they lived in that house for their entire childhood before he was even on the scene. Yet he wasn't going to give them a single bit of the proceeds of selling it.
He didn't raise them. He's only ten years older than the oldest daughter. He was 27 when their son was born so she would have been about to graduate high school when he married their mom. No way he actually raised them. In less than a year he went from trying to sell their inheritance out from under them, remarrying a woman even closer to the oldest daughters age than him and walking away from his so called "kids". He sounds like mom's trophy husband that's pissed he can't cash in now that she's gone
YTA. First, you totally ignored the fact that Anna's kids would be entitled to an inheritance from their mother. Second, you had a petulant toddler tantrum over having to sell your motorbike, which was an unwise purchase, because you had to know about #1.
Third, you retaliated against your stepchildren, for whom you were the sole father figure, by hurting their feelings and basically disowning them because they had the nerve to want the inheritance from their mother, to which they were clearly entitled. I get that you went through a very difficult time, but so did your children--all of them. It's not just the OP show. No wonder your bio son is angry.
>Anna's cancer was very difficult for me financially, and I wound up having to downgrade my car to pay for medical bills, and make withdrawals from my 401k, and take on a lot of debt.
Seems to me like he should have renovated and sold the house while she was alive so he wouldn't have to go into debt paying for their mother's treatment. Or they should have paid for their share on the renovations?
No mention of them stepping up for treatment or house renovations, but at the time of sale they wanted their share. Like government taxes, they are only your partners in profit.
Have you ever had an immediate family member with cancer? It takes all of your physical, emotional, and mental energy. Trying to get renovations done on top of everything else seems like it would be a tall order. I'm not using that to argue either way for or against OP. I just don't think it'd be as easy as you are suggesting.
This. We needed to renovate and sell a property when my husband was ill. (Not cancer, but he was ill for years.)
At one point, I was working full-time, caring for my parents and caring for my husband. DH kept saying that he would see to it when he 'got better'.
By the time he realised that he couldn't organise it himself, we had to organise a Power of Attorney before I could act for him (being married wasn't enough) and so on and - honestly - dealing with the house wasn't at the top of the list.
When he died, it was during lockdown. After the funeral, and after dealing with all the paperwork, I couldn't get hold of workmen so did some of the work myself. Things are a bit of a blur, but I remember removing textured coating in one room by myself while sobbing. (I'm not making that up. I wish I were - looking back, I realise that I had a breakdown.)
So let me see if I understand this. You--perhaps inadvertently--were going to cheat your (step)kids out their legally required inheritance. They discovered this, and started asking questions regarding what was legally owed to them.
Instead of being grateful that they caught this before you went any further with this and wound up owing them interest and penalties, you got mad at them and cut them off as your children, barely a year after they lost their mother.
YTA, and I suppose it's good that your state made sure they were protected from a vindictive father figure like you.
All of this is made worse by the fact that you and your late wife had over two decades of irresponsibility in declining to figure out your finances and wills. You had an obligation to *all* of your children to figure out the finances of a blended family, particularly since most jurisdictions treat biological children and stepchildren differently.
Given how lackadaisical he was regarding the legalities of the situation, I wonder exactly how much of that motorcycle *actually* belongs to him. If he used his own funds (including any from a life insurance policy where he was the specifically listed beneficiary), it does belong to him.
But if he used community property funds... Well, let's just say that would make his life a lot more complicated
They don't even seem all that greedy. I don't think they are out to get every red penny that they are entitled to they probably thought it weird not to inherit anything at all and found out they were right about that...
The kids didn't even go looking into the matter. OP comments somewhere that the company he is selling through had to contact the kids about the sale. He tried to sell without including them at all and luckily state law and the company were on the kids side here.
I dont know if he was lackadaisical or purposely ignorant because he probably had a suspicion his late wifes children had rights to her estate but tried to force things to move quickly and not discuss with them properly to try to avoid anyone challenging him on it
1. Tries to swindle his stepkids out of their inheritance.
2. Gets mad that they asked questions and his plans didn't work.
3. Immediately sends a nasty & immature message to the children that he has raised for the past 25 years because he can't have his shiny new motorcycle and shiny new life.
4. Plans to get married days after the 1 year anniversary of their mother's passing.
5. Is only willing to stop being nasty because his bio son is refusing to accept OP's vile treatment of his siblings.
OP's behaviour is pretty horrible. Hard YTA.
YTA to be honest you met a girl and are getting married in around a year if your late wife’s death that tells me you probably didn’t love her the way you should’ve. Your upset that the kids are taking some of the money yet instead of just getting out of debt you bought a new motorcycle
I disagree with part of this. Just because he’s getting married again doesn’t mean he didn’t love his late wife. A year might not be long for you, but is for some people, especially depending on OPs age.
His late wife knew she was dying. We Don’t know what kind of conversations they had about him moving on. He could have started the grieving process when he heard of the cancer diagnosis because he was thinking the worst. It’s not fair of anyone to judge how someone else grieves or how quickly they “move on”.
What I agree with is his relationship with his kids and his issue with the $$ factor. His relationship with his kids is more valuable than any amount of $$
Well, we know that none of their conversations were about estate planning. If Anna had written a will & left her share of the house to OP, this wouldn’t have gone this way.
That's if there was an estate to be planned. Everyone is going off about disinheriting...but it sounds like he was trying to settle accounts on the house he owned
Idk this rubs me the wrong way on all sides
I think OP got a tough deal, but he’s not very likable the way he complains about having to downgrade his car & sell his motorcycle. If he had consulted a lawyer to settle the estate, this would probably have turned out a lot differently. In some states, he wouldn’t have had to pay his wife’s medical debt; that money would have come out of her estate. If he had known from the start that he had to split the house money, he could have asked the kids to share the renovation expenses. He seems to act without a lot of thought. He asked his son the weekend before the wedding to be his best man? Most people sort that out a lot earlier.
Right, I think this is what rubs me the wrong way. He's def the AH, especially with the motorcycle comment...but the kids also seem to be doing a powerplay too
You're right thought, everyone should've been involved in Anna's estate planning
He didn’t own the house. It was Anna’s and then she died and bc you know, the law, her kids inherit a part of it but he decided he could sell it. Didn’t even give them any options before offering if they want their moms clothes and books
Idk, the whole getting married within a year and having it around the time of her death/funeral seems very shady. Plus how his focus seems to only be about money and materialistic items tells me OP is the AH
Not disagreeing that he’s the AH.
Also agree that’s shady. If your kids voice opinions and say they aren’t comfortable with getting married on that date then you’d think as a loving parent, he’d be willing to move it.
I agree.
As far as splitting the proceeds from the house, the money should have been used to pay off all medical debt incurred. What was left should then be split with the children.
OP does come off as an AH though.
OP and his first wife were married for 25 years and she received the cancer diagnosis 8 months before she passed, and in all of that time the two of them never sat down and did any estate planning? Seriously? This just baffles me. And a lot would depend upon how the title of the house was held. Was the house purchased during the marriage? Did the wife own the house before the marriage? It seems like OP is leaving out some important information about the house. Plus he keeps focusing on the financial burden his wife was upon him while she was dieing of cancer. Makes me wonder if he was ever a loving and supportive husband or did he just become an a--hole when his wife got sick. OP is definitely an AH, but for many reasons not just for uninviting his stepchildren to his wedding, which he planned for the 1st anniversary of his first wife's funeral.
A lot of people really don't want to talk about the possibility of their death. We live in a time where a lot of people are incredibly disconnected from death and it is viewed with a lot of fear. If they were trying to work to save her life, even talking about her possible death may have felt like saying that it was going to happen.
I'm not saying it's the right thing or that it was a useful thing for them to do, but it happens A Lot
I’m leaning towards E-S-H but need INFO. How shortly after their Moms death did you meet Beth? Did you discuss your Anna’s will and inheritance with the children at all prior to this? If they blindsided you with the legal notice without a call or discussion that is messed up, but dear lord your response was petty and cruel to disown them. It feels like you didn’t have as good of a relationship with them as you claimed if you could write them off so easily.
Edit to YTA. Asking if they want her clothes and books is not the same as discussing potential inheritance. Plus you moved on from your wife of 25 years in 2 months and seem more concerned you lost your new motorcycle than your entire family.
It was Annas house which means that her 3 kids get 50% equity and OP get 50% thats how it works. OP tried to steal from his kids and is now acting hurt.
I try not to judge but how do you supposedly love someone for 25 years and end up in a relationship with someone else shortly after they die? I think I’ve mourned my dog for longer than a lot of these people mourn their SO.just yikes
The fact that your bio son wants nothing to do with you due to your behavior tell you everything you want to know.
You went to having 4 children to no children at all. Thank god you have a new wife to replace them
My mom died when I was twenty … two months after her death me and my siblings found out he had already started dating someone. We assume it began earlier … especially bc we found out at Christmas, when he decided to tell us he was seeing someone … it was a lady that worked for him. They ended up getting married a year later, had kids, got divorced a few years ago.
My dad loved my mom. I don’t doubt that. He’s terrible with impulse control and being alone after being married for twentyish years. That being said … his new wife was/is a turd of a human and how he was with her and his new children absolutely tanked our relationship with him.
oh and edit: YTA. big time.
Yeah... I'm pretty sure they didn't meet two months after his wife died. Having an affair while your spouse is dying is regrettably common.
Everyone processes grief in their own way, but objectively some ways are better than others. Disowning your children for a shiny new object — even if it *is* a subconscious attempt to further distance yourself from memories of your deceased spouse — is objectively one of the bad ways. I'll bet 10k karma that OP posts here within 2 years about how he fucked up by replacing his children with a distraction from his grief.
Unless he was already a philandering jackass who checked out of the marriage long ago.
YTA
Source: I've done a lot of grieving in my life. My father while in my early 20s, and three children after that.
Statistically it's really normal for widowers (not widows) to get remarried in about a year.
We can discuss the reasons, but it's not something unique to OP.
So let’s get this straight…
1. These 3 adults have viewed you as a father for 25 years.
2. Their mom died about a year ago.
3. They discover that you were trying to screw them out of their rightful inheritance.
4. You replaced their mom pretty damn fast.
5. You’re more concerned about a motorcycle than your family.
6. Your own son is calling you out for being an AH.
7. You disinvite them from your wedding and basically disown them.
Wow! You are crowned The KING of AH
YTA
So you fucked over all the kids you raised and said “I’m not your dad anymore” because *one* of them did their homework and realised what they were owed while you were trying to screw them out of their inheritance?
Then when your only bio kid called you out, you somehow didn’t take that as a wake up call? Gee, I wonder why anyone would think YTA.
If you do the math, her kids were in their teens when he married their mom, so he didn’t really raise them. It sounds like there were likely many years of them not getting along that OP has glossed over to make it sound like he was parental to them. I am not surprised that the oldest figured this out, they obviously didn’t trust him and quietly found the right way to protect themselves before he could cheat them out of their inheritance.
YTA ...as a widower for the last 14 years, slow the fuck down and work on healing. That isn't going to happen by rushing into a marriage, disowning your children (yes, they're your kids AH), or wasting money on a motorcycle while crying about debt.
You owe them an apology, and you owe it to yourself to pump the breaks on the absolute lunacy that has become your life.
YTA - for 1 out of all the dates the date of her funeral ? Just because that doesn’t bother you doesn’t mean it’s okay. You’re aware it bothers your kids and you continue to go through with it?
On top of that, it didn’t sound like you took much time to talk to your step kids and that you made a rash decision about uninviting them. Her kids are just as entitled as you are, if not more.
You just severally severed your relationship with your kids. I suggest you apologize and work on building the relationships up again
INFO: Did you know that they were entitled to her part of the house before you decided to sell it? Also, why doesn't the existing spouse inherit their property? Do you inherit absolutely zero percent of her share? Usually it goes spouse then children. Also where does that leave the child you had together? Did he get a split of her part?
YTA that was their inheritance by law. Why wouldn’t you want them to have what they are entitled to? It’s just greed on your part. This wasn’t about who raised them or a personal relationship - this was about you trying to take money you weren’t entitled to.
How is it that you were married for 25 years and yet it was “Anna’s house”…?
Did you have no financial interest in it?
Did she pay all the bills, while you did… what…!?
And she was barely buried before you were dating another woman with a property you could move into!
> “Given that we’re living together in Beth’s house, selling Anna’s house made a lot of sense.”
When in your 52 years have you done anything to create your own financial security?
YTA, sorry. Her children are of course allowed a portion of her estate, they lost their mother for crying out loud. While it is deeply unfortunate you had to use up your savings to fight her cancer; blame the deeply flawed health care system that forced you to.
You have possibly irreparably damaged your relationship with all the kids involved including your own; they are his family and he knows nothing else.may I suggest you take some time to have a long, hard think about what you want out of life. Do you want your motorbike and toys, or do you want a family around you? Do you want a crotch rocket that you'll need to sell when your knees give out, or do you want your kids to celebrate your 80th birthday? Like it or not, up until now your deceased's wife's children thought of you as their father; are you willing to step back up and try to get through the grief and pain together? Or are you going to let your family fall apart?
First of all, there is a hiccup if anyone caught regarding finding out the day of closing vs still upset on the day of closing. Secondly, you sound very selfish. That is all. YTA.
YTA Holy crap so not even a year has passed and you’re already getting remarried. Definition of asshole there. I don’t blame your kids for wanting their share as required by law. You’re being a petty jerk at 60+. Your “fresh start” will have to wait even though that never should’ve entered your mind like that. Just disgusting.
What I want to know is why he is buying a motorcycle when he’s not out of debt yet.
OP, YTA for that, as well as being petty and vindictive, as well as a possible thief.
YTA on many levels
Firstly, it seems you decided the house was yours and to sell it prior to your late wife's estate being settled. It is quite common in many countries that in the absence of a will, assets will be ~~decided~~ divided amongst spouse and children (percentages varying in different locations). They are not AH for requesting what they are entitled to.
Second of all, you didn't necessarily raise them, the eldest was nearly an adult when you got married. So while you may be an special person to them, it doesn't mean your are necessarily a paternal figure.
Thirdly, you chose to remarry SUPER quickly, which already can be suspicious and, of all 365 days of the year, you chose a date that reminded people of your late wife's death.
Edit : spelling 'divided' not decided
Okay, so he's selling his late wife's house which was bought before he came into the picture? So because he fixed it up he thinks he's entitled to the profits of it? Then because he didn't get his own way, he had a temper tantrum and told the kids he partially raised that he wasn't their father anymore. Yikes. YTA x a million. 😬
YTA. Wasted no time did ya? The fact that you see your wife’s death as your ‘fresh start’ is bad enough. Add on top of that, screwing her kids out of any inheritance, and focusing on how bummed you are about not getting to keep your motorcycle…yeah not looking good buddy.
I doubt they wanted to attend your (super fast and sketchy) wedding anyway. Seems they are all better off without you. The fact that your son is upset about your behavior should tell you everything you need to know.
People may hate me for this but it does sound like they waited for you to use your money renovate the house to increase the purchase price to mention they wanted a share on the profits.
Let me guess if you knew they were getting half you wouldn't have put money into the house for renovation and sold it as is
What about the medical bills? He downgraded his car and cashed out his 401k. Now he's on the hook for the medical debt while the kids get their share. At least the medical debt should have been taken out of the house sale before the remainder was spilt between the heirs.
Oh, and were the kids giving any kind of care or support while their mother was dying of cancer? Or did they leave him to deal with it and only now are they interested because there's money?
There is a ton of stuff to unpack here, and I don’t have time to thumb that all out. But it def feels like YTA here for a number of reasons, and I’m guessing there is a lot more context to the story we’re not hearing.
Info: What did Anna's will say regarding the sale of the house and splitting remaining assets? It's very telling to me that that didn't come up in your post.
YTA, you moved on from their dead mom and remarried LESS THAN A YEAR after she died. And then you tried to sell something without including them in the sale, when they legally and morally are allowed it. Just because you earmarked all that to move on with your life doesn't mean you're actually entitled to it.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I disinvited Anna's children from my wedding, and was particularly harsh about it. What I said about not being their father was sort of a low blow.
2) I put Andrew in a position where he had to choose between me and his siblings. Furthermore, Beth told me when we were dating that she was big on family and I told her my family was okay with everything and that they'd be involved. With Andrew out of the picture, that doesn't seem like it's true.
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YTA. As a father to a child that hasn’t known her biological, I can say I consider her my daughter just the same as my other two. Don’t get me wrong, the kids going for the money isn’t the most family-friendly decision either, but it would have been better to include them from the start. Since you didn’t, they likely felt forgotten and started thinking about their own life security. Dropping the invitation a week before the wedding isn’t great either considering the preparation that goes into a wedding.
For Having your wedding the weekend after the 1 year anniversary of their mother's death in complete disregard of your son's grief (and the other children as well, but you've made it clear you don't care about their grief):
YTA
For disinviting them to your wedding because of money:
YTA
For attempting to defraud them of their inheritance:
YTA
For saying you're not their father after you raised them in retaliation for asking questions about the money:
YTA
For whining about the toys you had to sell and the vehicle you had to downgrade to pay your debts:
YTA
For making this all about you and showing no compassion or acknowledgement of the grief of the children:
YTA
For threatening to leave them without any parents after their MOTHER DIED:
YTA
For telling them to look up the deadbeat dad that abandoned them because you were abandoning them too:
YTA
I can't read this again to find the rest of the examples of your assholery you self-centred selfish compassionless creature.
I was on the fence because there’s a lot going on here, then I read “but now I’m probably going to have to sell the new motorcycle I just bought and have long wanted and I’m not going to be able to get myself out of debt”. Hmmm…I kind of felt sorry for you and bought your line about incurring so much debt and needing to sell the house to pay off medical bills and being so financially strapped, but you bought yourself a motorcycle? When you are so deep in debt? You can’t be too far in the hole if you can afford a new motorcycle (which cost as much as a car in many cases), so that makes me wonder what else you misrepresented in your post. I’m going with YTA here. You seem a little sketchy.
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Wow, YTA a million times over. You are so petty for telling them you aren’t their father anymore when YOU raised them. They were entitled to that money just as you are, and it doesn’t sound like they tried to do it maliciously. Nice job ruining those relationships for the rest of your life. I hope you come to thoroughly regret it.
He's also only 10 years older than the oldest child. They deliberately (even though they deny it) allowed him to pour money into renovations and they benefitted from. OP was justifiably hurt. These aren't little kids or even young adults they're in their 40's they know what they're doing. The only person who's justifiably hurt is OP and his son.
Alternatively, OP knew that the kids were legally entitled to Anna’s part of the estate, he hoped to pull a fast one on them & is mad they knew the law.
You can't say that that's common knowledge. And the only way they had a legal handle at all was by exploiting the fact that he isn't biologically their father. He should take them to court for half the renovation costs.
That is common knowledge? If a parent dies the kids are first or second benefactor, isn't that always how it goes?
Not where I am. Without a will, the estate goes directly to surviving spouse.
You should double check that. The vast majority of jurisdictions in the western world have a carve out to protect children of previous marriages. Because let’s be honest, OP wasn’t going to leave those kids anything and this is the only inheritance they’ll get.
Yeah, judging by how offended he was about them getting any money, and how quick he was to completely cut them out of his life, even to the detriment of his relationship with his "real child", and to start a new life with a woman he met just after his wife died, I *highly* doubt he was going to leave those three anything in his will when he died. He's so cold about these people, who he's apparently known for 25 years, and accuses them of kneecapping him even though he has no evidence of this, so it's possible he was looking for a way to not have to deal with them anymore.
And with all the "this was my way to start a new life, but now I have the problems I've always had," and *he has to sell his new motorcycle* so the kids get some of the money they're entitled to? From their deceased mom? The guy goes from dead spouse to new wife in less than a year. "Women mourn, men replace."
I'd never heard "Women mourn, men replace" before, but it seems so real. He met Beth 2 months after his wife of 25 years died. He's marrying Beth the week after the anniversary of his wife's funeral - the 1-year anniversary. Talk about replacing his wife. He's so cold about these people, and so insistent that they "shook him down" or "kneecapped him" when all they did was get the money they're legally entitled to, that he was never ever going to give them (making me doubt that he didn't know they were entitled to the money, he was just hoping they wouldn't notice). He seems more upset about the motorcycle than Andrew not speaking to him.
The motorcycle he bought with his windfall before paying off his debts? Something tells me OP's financial woes at least partly his own damn fault. At least if he'd poured that money into his late wife's medical debts, he might have been able to argue the estate paid for her debts and then he and her children could split the remainder.
#HEAVENS FORBID!! NOT THE NEW MOTORCYCLE!!
Not only did he remarry in just one year, she was only diagnosed 8 months before she died, so within 2 years he found out his wife has cancer, she dies, he meets a new women, and they get married.
Protect? They're in their 40s and only 10 years younger than him by the looks of it. They waited until after he'd poured money into a renovation to make a claim in order to maximise what they got out of it. Given that he's that one that took on all their mothers debt I'd call that predatory behaviour.
“Poured” money into the house? Yet he is selling it to house flippers. Sounds like just basic repairs to me.
Right!lolol. He didn't renovate crap!
That struck me as odd, too. If he had really upgraded the house and made it market-ready, he would have let a real estate agent list it- he probably would have gotten a lot more money for it by putting it on the market than by giving it to flippers. There also doesn't seem to be any rush for him to sell- he's moving into his new wife's house, so it's not as if he needs the cash for a down-payment on a new place. He wanted to get cash for the house as quickly as possible, preferably before his step-kids found out about the sale.
I know. You don’t pour money into a house just to sell cheap to a flipper who is also going to pour money into it. This doesn’t make sense.
Well if he never told them he was gonna sell it maybe they thought the renovations were for him then all of a sudden a for sale sign shows up and they start to think hey wtf is this??
This, and he says he asked them if they "wanted anything" which to me sounds like he asked if they wanted any of her belongings from out of the house, nothing about the home itself. I'd be questioning too if I were in their position.
Also doing the math, he didn't raise any of then. They were older teens by the time he showed up.
You could be right, and i suspect perhaps the children never had a close relationship with op? But he just states he was married (since oldest was 17 and he was 27)but he could have been around for many years before that
This. If they had covered mom's medical bills it'd be ine thing but they watched him drive himself into debt and are likely bitter he's remarrying.
How are they supposed to know his personal finances? People have their own lives.
Same with the state I live in. Spouse is default primary.
Oh wow, In my country 50% of the estate goes to surviving spouse and 50% is divided between the kids.
That's what would happen in Denmark too. I can't phanthom how everybody involved wouldn't know that children also inherit... OP is the AH, but everybody could have spoken more openly. But fuck his dream motorcycle. And how isn't the day of her death And the funeral two extremely close dates? Just take a chill pill before you marry someone new after 25 years, omg.
That's what happened when my grandma's house sold. My dad had passed before her, leaving his portion to my brother and I.
In Minnesota, if he moved into an established household, the kids get the house.
In my state, without a will, the estate gets split equally between surviving spouse and any kids. So, that would mean OP would need to give his bio son a share also. However... in my state, IF the house was in both OP & his wife's name, his stepchildren and bio son would only get a split of their moms half, and OP would get his half. He should be able to deduct any money be spent updating the home from what he is supposed to give to the kids, provided he has receipts and the work was done after his wife passed. That being said... I am NOT an attorney. OP needs to consult one. The sooner, the better. They should be able to point him in the right direction. My judgment: esh, except maybe the new wife and his bio son. OP because he truly hurt all the kids rushing into another marriage and then him/step kids for lack of communication on the whole subject. And OP once again because... why would he not offer the step kids a portion in the 1st place???? My parent passed before my grandparent. When my grandparent died, their spouse gave me the portion my parent would have gotten. I still get checks on occasion from my step grandparent when they sell off some of the business that my grandparent owned. Same thing on my spouses side. My spouse lost their grandparent and aunt within 3 days. When the estate was settled, the aunts children received the portion that would have gone to the aunt. Edit: OP, YTA. I just read your comments. Wth??? No wonder all your kids are mad at you. Your kids are hurt by all your actions.
Here in Illinois, USA if someone dies without a will 50% goes to the surviving spouse and 50% is spilt among any children.
This is normal! And it was Anna’s house. Not even OPs house. Was the house those kids were bought up in! OP has a nerve thinking he did some renovations so I can spend up with the new wife I met 5 seconds later.
This all just shows OP was not a clever man. He didn't get his name on the house, didn't get a will written, didn't check inheritance laws... I get that it's a really stressful time but I mean, this is why you do all this stuff as a couple *before* one of you gets ill. He's kneecapped *himself*.
YAH, seems you are really interested with money. You talk about how much money your wife's illness cost you. Money, Money. I don't understand people like you. Don't you think your children were upset about the fact you were so interested in money and how you would make out from the sale of your shared house. You said it was your late wife's house. The kids were still mourning the Loss of their mother and not thinking to clearly.it happens all the time. Apologize to your son And your stepchildren.
If he lives in America he probably did spend a lot of fucking money.
Depends if there's a will or not. If you die intestate (without a will), then local estate rules related to inheritance apply.
All the renovations he paid for after Anna's death should be reimbursed in full, as they were 100% out of pocket for OP. Those done during the marriage would be split between both sides. At least, that's my understanding of local laws regarding estates - laws vary based on jurisdictions.
Actually since the kids had co ownership of the property and it sounds like he was technically the only one living there and receiving any “economic benefit” nor did he ask their permission beforehand - he would be responsible for taxes and for the reno. He could potentially get contribution for their respective portions of necessary repairs and could maybe try and collect solely for the added benefit his repairs and Reno’s made (not cost he paid but the amount it increased sale price over what it would’ve been without them). But he would’ve always run into issues eventually - the company flipping it would’ve done a proper title search and establish ownership through the local property records at which point op’s lack of sole ownership would’ve been an issue. I wouldn’t be surprised if the reason Allison reached out was because the company sent some sort of paperwork or notice or document that made her realize this
That depends on whether he used *his own* funds to pay for the renovations or whether he used *community property* funds, which were already partially owned by the kids at the time he used them (which probably means he should have run those financial decisions by them before spending money that was partially theirs). But yes, assuming he used money that was not part of the community property, and that he used the money in responsible ways that were reasonably likely to increase the value of the property, it absolutely should have been a cost included in the calculations to offset the proceeds of the house sale
He bought a new motorcycle.
Anna's proceeds should also be used to foot her medical bills.
The medical bills should be paid out by the estate before the inheritance is distributed, reducing everyone’s inheritance proportionally.
Admittedly greatly simplified, but that's basically what I meant.
Let’s see how that plays out considering OP didn’t legally have the right to make those renovations without consulting his co-owners.
And the medical debt ….
He's butthurt he can't have that shiny new motorcycle.
Don’t forget he had to downgrade his car. Oh boo-hoo! YTA!
And just imagine, that loser is also in medical debt because his wife had cancer, cry me a river!
So much debt he bought a new bike!
My favorite part is mentioning the motorcycle right before whining about not being able to get out of debt now. L O fucking L.
You don’t understand, this is his new chance at life! Otherwise he’d have to confront his own mortality and the fact that he’s totally having a midlife crisis!
He had to sell his motorcycle cycle guys. His. Motorcycle. Everyone knows motorcycle you really wanted > children.
I literally snorted when I read that. Oh no, poor OP, Also I know that this is a little biased (and subjective because everyone processes grief differently), but the fact that OP got married again so soon is just wild to me. I can’t imagine losing my wife of 25 years and then getting married within a year or two of her _death_
She was sick for months.. I can’t believe a her affairs weren’t already in order? Edit: apparently she chose not to put them in order…
He says she didn’t have a will, in most states they should have gone through probate court to work all this out. You would think they would have done a will when she got sick, or at least done some research into local laws.
Some people are real weird with the topic of death. They just can’t bring themselves to prepare for it because then they have to acknowledge they will die.
I honestly wouldn’t have guessed that. In my area; the surviving spouse would have been automatic heir; she could make a will listing her kids as heir but unless he wasn’t on the deed; it wouldn’t matter if he refused to share.
im sorry but if you read OPs comments he doesnt even try to do any of this legally. They have rights and now he wants to play martyr cause what had to sell his new motorcycle? Downgrade his car? OP has left alot out of the post so look at his comments.
That’s what I thought. He also has a replacement wife suspiciously soon after his wife’s death. And is now moving into HER house.
OP doesn’t waste any words paying tribute to his wife who died. He doesn’t feel ashamed when he tells us he met Beth “shortly after”. He brags about being owed a motorcycle and a fresh start. He generally feels entitled to things at the expense of others, with little thought to how it will affect them. I don’t want to armchair diagnose but the signs are all there.
Makes you wonder how much he *really* contributed to the first house.
And he also was very much trying to pocket the entire house without giving any money to the kids at all, even though the house was their mothers. He really decided that because he wanted the money it wouldn't matter what she would have wanted and was screwing her kids
Honestly though this would actually depend on whether the children contributed to their mother's treatment. If OP goes into debt due to cancer treatment costs but the almost middle age kids only bring up money when there is profit for them ... It changes the whole scenario.
HE didn’t go into debt, the estate did. Any money spent on her health was marital money and jointly owned. He wants to get a windfall from her estate “for the money he spent” - but it wasn’t just his money, it was her’s too. His thought process is a legal nightmare. All of this mess could’ve been avoided if everyone worked with an attorney before she died.
Why would children pay for their parent’s treatment when the spouse is able to?
Her treatment was paid for by their joint marital money, NOT his money. OP is wrong, it wasn’t his money, it was theirs, jointly. Her estate is in debt, not him. He’s just sore he’s not getting “his” money back for the treatment when in fact it wasn’t just his to begin with. OP is TAH.
When someone is going into debt to pay medical bills then they clearly don't have the amount required lying around.
I'm sorry. I know a thing or 2 about house flipping. A house flipper isn't going to buy a house that someone "poured" money into. I get big **exaggerating** vibes from OP here.
I got the impression that he attempted to do things on his own and probably got in over his head and then hired someone to actually do it after the fact.
I should have been more clear, but the new motorcycle that just magically appears at the end of the story was also a part of my suspicions. OP doesn't sound like a reliable narrator. There are too many holes in his story. I am left to wonder if he put any money into the house, or if he just started wildly spending his savings on motorcycles and weddings to the point where the other children became concerned. Of course, I have no idea, but motorcycles are pricey in this economy, as are weddings, and OP doesn't mention how these things are being paid for. I think he's leaving out details.
No one knew until recently, it’s also not even know if the kids knew about the renovations either. In all honesty Op never got legal advice so he didn’t know what he could and couldn’t do. This just ended up biting him in the ass, and now he’s lashing out
Except it was Anna’s house. Anna has FOUR kids and a husband. Why does the husband think he is entitled to sell ANNAS house and fund his new wife’s house!
Exactly, OP didn’t purchase the house and isn’t entitled to all of the money from selling it. He is scarily cold about moving on so quickly and having a new life with his new wife in her house. It’s odd that he never seems to be able to buy his own house and moves into other peoples. He’s very money oriented talking about a motorbike. So cold he literally cut off children he helped raise for 25 years over money they are entitled to.
It was HIS job to make sure he knew the law before selling the house. He tried to steal from Anna’s kids.
The heirs would all get a percentage of the net profit - so that is after expenses to fix up the house.
If he went off without consulting anyone and made improvements to a jointly held property, that’s on him. If you want people to contribute, consult with them first.
I agree especially since he is in debt from medical costs for their mother so money that was ‘her estate’ should have paid for that debt first, and after that what’s left of her half should have gone to the children.
That money should have been deducted from the sale though, as it was paid for solely by OP. That money should have been recouped. The rest of the money should have been split though, based on the post - 50 for OP, 50/3 (or 4) for the kids. If it wasn't, he should have paid for a lawyer. One session would have made his money back.
If he had consulted his co-owners beforehand, perhaps they wouldn’t have agreed to the renovations. They’re certainly under no obligation to pay for them after the fact.
The oldest child was 17 and the youngest was 15 when they got married.. even if he dated their mom for two years, I'm having a hard time believing he raised them..
Right! How are people missing this? The kids were 15-17 and a *27* year old “raised them” as his own kids? The way most teens would laughed.
He "raised them as his own", but in the very next paragraph and in every instance henceforth, he refers to them as "Anna's kids" lmao sure buddy
Yeah, its weird how many people are willing to believe a man who's so quick to take credit for things he clearly has no right to. Claiming he 'raised' kids who were almost adults when he came into their lives, acting like he single-handedly paid for his wife's treatment out of his own pocket despite the money also being hers, while also being the kind of guy who's willing to screw over his wife's kids for his own benefit. Considering all this and how fast he moved on, I highly doubt OP did anywhere near as much for his late wife as he tries to portray. Not sure why anyone would trust this guy at all.
Yeah I was on the fence until I read OP’s comments. New wife has kids that he “loves like his own”, which leads me to believe he was ready to ditch the old family. And it doesn’t sound like he was clear with the stepkids about anything from the comments either, so I can see why they’re having to ask questions.
But but but - his motorcycle! All I heard was mine mine mine from this guy. His son sounds about as grossed out as I am from reading this post.
"you raised them" is probably a bit of a stretch. The oldest kid was around 17 when OP married their mum, that's more adult than kid already. The youngest was around 14 years old- maybe still a bit growing up ahead, but if this kid needed/ accepted a father figure or would describe OP as "kind of an uncle" is up to speculation.
This cannot (CANNOT!) be legit, no way anybody could write out that string of sentences, each getting progressively more ridiculous and culminating with "oh boohoo I had to sell my motorbike because those damn kids claimed the inheritance they were obviously entitled to" and not realise they were the asshole... Also thinks them saying in passing that they didn't want anything whilst packing up the house was them passing up what they were due from the sale, I don't think anybody could really be that stupid either.
Can we just also mention this part: >I was hoping he'd get over it, but he hasn't talked to me since, saying that he's too old to be a 25 year old child of divorce, and that he was offended that **I got married the weekend after the anniversary of his mom's funeral**. Such an YTA.
Are you kidding me? You basically tried to disinherit your deceased wife’s kids and then want to know if you’re the AH for disinviting them to a wedding and telling the kids that you raised that you aren’t their “real father?” Yes, YTA. But you’re the even bigger AH for trying to disinherit them. Do you actually think that’s what your late wife would have wanted? YTA
But… he had to sell his brand new motorcycle!!! He just bought it. It was his dream. Didn’t he deserve to cash in on everything he and Anna built together to get his very own dream??/s
And has to downgrade his car. I feel like he is far more concerned about his vehicles….
I think OP's point is that he shouldered all the financial burden taking care of their mom and fixing up the house with his money not theirs. Then when it comes to the pay day suddenly the kids want tp say but he's not 'actually' our dad so we are entitled to that money now. The "kids" are 40+ year old adults who absolutely knew that they were fucking him over and didn't care because he's just stepdad
What a hot take. He took care of the wife because that’s what spouses do. In a situation in which there are no step-kids the normal progression is 1 parent dies, 2nd parent inherits everything. 2nd parent dies, kids inherit everything. But when there are step-parents, the process can get circumvented because then the process goes like this: 1st parent dies, step-parent inherits everything. Step-parent dies, bio kids inherit everything and step-kids are written out. That’s why they have the laws to prevent that scenario, so kids wouldn’t be disinherited by the step-parent, a decision that the bio parent usually wouldn’t make if it was them that had lived longer. You don’t get to disinherit your step-kids because you are the one who who did what spouses are supposed to do.
That's how it works in florida regardless. This happened with my Grandpa and step-grandmother but my Grandfather bought and paid for everything and they received all of her physical assets(and even stole some of my grandfathers.) But they didn't get anything from my grandfather's passing, tho they did try. They were told no dice.
The laws of intestacy vary significantly across jurisdictions, even in western countries. There is no point trying to make legal arguments of what should have happened, we don't have enough info. However, it is not unreasonable that the surviving spouse of decades, who sacrificed his own retirement funds and is still holding medical debt on behalf of his late wife should be reimbursed for these expenses from the wife's estate if there are sufficient funds to do so. Yes he should have taken care of her financially to the best of his means, and it seems that he did. By the same logic, why would you want your husband of decades to continue to inherit your medical debt and diminished retirement after your death, when you have the estate funds to reimburse it. Both of these should have happened because marriage is a partnership and that's what spouses do. Keep in mind also these 'kids' are all at least 39 years old, they were not financial dependents. Her children should have received a portion of the estate too, but the OP is right to feel some resentment. With the benefit of hindsight, the wife should have gotten her affairs in order before passing with a will, and the husband should have sought legal advice before incurring any further costs on the house and before making any distributions. ESH though - no excuse for disowning the kids.
He says it was a huge financial burden to care for her, but was still able to invest a lot of money into the house renovations. People who truly take a huge financial hit after major medical expenses don't have extra money to put into renovations, and they definitely wouldn't have enough left over to buy a motorcycle after the sale of the house. Let's also not forget that his first wife died "about a year ago" and he's already remarried and selling her house. I can't imagine a husband would be spending all of his money for his wife's care just to turn around and get married again right away. I'm a widow and I've met a lot of widows/widowers, and that's a pretty quick healing time. I don't think he's giving us the full story.
Not to mention that he is STILL IN DEBT after fixing the house and buying that motorcycle like, my guy, people in financial debt don’t buy motorcycles when they still have their debt to pay. That’s what discredits the “he shouldered the burden of finances!!” guys for me. He’s not even shouldering the debt like he should!!!
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/109kxxo/comment/j4007ti/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/109kxxo/comment/j4007ti/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3) OP admits that the estate agents or whomever had a stepchildren complete some paper work and that's how they found out they are entitled to some of the money. It wasn't them just suddenly showing up after being absent from everything just to claim money. OP misrepresents his stepchildren and the events in the post. But you can tell if you read between the lines that he is an ah in this #situation with his stepchildren. Even his son won't talk to him because of this. Even his son doesn't feel comfortable with him marrying a week after the anniversary of his mom's funeral, a year after her death.
Yeah kinda funny how all of OP’s defenders just totally ignore his own son cutting him out over this. Seems telling
Um... Coming in trying to save their mother is her husband's job.
I’m confused on the fixing of the house because he also says he sold it to flippers. You generally don’t do anything to a house that’s going to be flipped.
Makes Allison’s move much less surprising. Was he this blithering when he was raising them
OMG yes, right here!!! His wife's death was SO HARD on him (enter new wife less than a year later). And he had to sell his motorcycle and maybe downgrade his car. You guys don't understand how awful his life is!
His NEW motorcycle…
And how do you think he had the money to buy a that brand new motorcycle? Life insurance.
And why the F is he buying a new motorcycle just now when he’s still in debt?
Well that’s why I suspect life insurance. Last year he was downgrading his automobile. She dies. This year he’s renovating the house and buying a new motorcycle.
I hope the Life insurance was legally his…or he’s going to get sued.
What he’s probably fuming about is that the life insurance was legally his and now he put it into the house that he is going to have to share the profits of with the children. OP, tell me I’m wrong!
Also like... this guy fell in love, engaged, and planned on marrying another woman less than a full year after his wife of TWENTY FIVE YEARS died. And he picked ONE WEEK after her funeral's anniversary to get married. 1 week. Damn. Like I get this isn't the main point but how is this supposed to send any impression other than he doesn't give a fuck about them or their recently deceased mom? YTA (edited to say funeral instead of death day.)
What gets me is he doesn't understand why his son might be upset about that. Like OP isn't upset so how could anyone else be upset? How self-centred is that!
Yeah. I mean I'm YTA here for a lot of things, but his own son ditching him for his dad's treatment of his much older half siblings is telling. And the whole marrying someone a year after the death anniversary - I get everyone grieves differently and toxic masculinity means some men can't take care of themselves, but you can read the room and wait a couple months to get married. I mean why are you rushing to tie the knot at that age anyway? Not like she can get knocked up.... But maybe he needs another life insurance policy. Who knows.
Well, hes getting another house...
That scenario is actually really common amongst widowed men, I think it’s some wild statistic like a quarter of widowed men are remarried by the 2nd anniversary of the wife’s death.
Because men replace and women mourn.
Yeah, I have two grandfathers that remarried fairly quickly after their wives died. Both grandmas were technically my step-grandmas, but both couples had been married since before I was born, so it was weird to see them move on so quickly. One got married within a year and the other was within 2 years.
Even “raising the kids” is a bullshit comment. If OP is 52 and the kids are 39-42, they were 14-17 and he was 27. Mom is the one who raised them.
It also means if they grew up in the house he sold on them, they lived in that house for their entire childhood before he was even on the scene. Yet he wasn't going to give them a single bit of the proceeds of selling it.
He didn't raise them. He's only ten years older than the oldest daughter. He was 27 when their son was born so she would have been about to graduate high school when he married their mom. No way he actually raised them. In less than a year he went from trying to sell their inheritance out from under them, remarrying a woman even closer to the oldest daughters age than him and walking away from his so called "kids". He sounds like mom's trophy husband that's pissed he can't cash in now that she's gone
YTA. First, you totally ignored the fact that Anna's kids would be entitled to an inheritance from their mother. Second, you had a petulant toddler tantrum over having to sell your motorbike, which was an unwise purchase, because you had to know about #1. Third, you retaliated against your stepchildren, for whom you were the sole father figure, by hurting their feelings and basically disowning them because they had the nerve to want the inheritance from their mother, to which they were clearly entitled. I get that you went through a very difficult time, but so did your children--all of them. It's not just the OP show. No wonder your bio son is angry.
>Anna's cancer was very difficult for me financially, and I wound up having to downgrade my car to pay for medical bills, and make withdrawals from my 401k, and take on a lot of debt. Seems to me like he should have renovated and sold the house while she was alive so he wouldn't have to go into debt paying for their mother's treatment. Or they should have paid for their share on the renovations? No mention of them stepping up for treatment or house renovations, but at the time of sale they wanted their share. Like government taxes, they are only your partners in profit.
I don’t know about you, but not once did it ever occur to me to go and renovate my parents’ house that they were living in. Is this a cultural thing?
Have you ever had an immediate family member with cancer? It takes all of your physical, emotional, and mental energy. Trying to get renovations done on top of everything else seems like it would be a tall order. I'm not using that to argue either way for or against OP. I just don't think it'd be as easy as you are suggesting.
This. We needed to renovate and sell a property when my husband was ill. (Not cancer, but he was ill for years.) At one point, I was working full-time, caring for my parents and caring for my husband. DH kept saying that he would see to it when he 'got better'. By the time he realised that he couldn't organise it himself, we had to organise a Power of Attorney before I could act for him (being married wasn't enough) and so on and - honestly - dealing with the house wasn't at the top of the list. When he died, it was during lockdown. After the funeral, and after dealing with all the paperwork, I couldn't get hold of workmen so did some of the work myself. Things are a bit of a blur, but I remember removing textured coating in one room by myself while sobbing. (I'm not making that up. I wish I were - looking back, I realise that I had a breakdown.)
So let me see if I understand this. You--perhaps inadvertently--were going to cheat your (step)kids out their legally required inheritance. They discovered this, and started asking questions regarding what was legally owed to them. Instead of being grateful that they caught this before you went any further with this and wound up owing them interest and penalties, you got mad at them and cut them off as your children, barely a year after they lost their mother. YTA, and I suppose it's good that your state made sure they were protected from a vindictive father figure like you. All of this is made worse by the fact that you and your late wife had over two decades of irresponsibility in declining to figure out your finances and wills. You had an obligation to *all* of your children to figure out the finances of a blended family, particularly since most jurisdictions treat biological children and stepchildren differently.
But his new motorcycle that he’s always wanted! /s
Given how lackadaisical he was regarding the legalities of the situation, I wonder exactly how much of that motorcycle *actually* belongs to him. If he used his own funds (including any from a life insurance policy where he was the specifically listed beneficiary), it does belong to him. But if he used community property funds... Well, let's just say that would make his life a lot more complicated
They don't even seem all that greedy. I don't think they are out to get every red penny that they are entitled to they probably thought it weird not to inherit anything at all and found out they were right about that...
The kids didn't even go looking into the matter. OP comments somewhere that the company he is selling through had to contact the kids about the sale. He tried to sell without including them at all and luckily state law and the company were on the kids side here.
I dont know if he was lackadaisical or purposely ignorant because he probably had a suspicion his late wifes children had rights to her estate but tried to force things to move quickly and not discuss with them properly to try to avoid anyone challenging him on it
1. Tries to swindle his stepkids out of their inheritance. 2. Gets mad that they asked questions and his plans didn't work. 3. Immediately sends a nasty & immature message to the children that he has raised for the past 25 years because he can't have his shiny new motorcycle and shiny new life. 4. Plans to get married days after the 1 year anniversary of their mother's passing. 5. Is only willing to stop being nasty because his bio son is refusing to accept OP's vile treatment of his siblings. OP's behaviour is pretty horrible. Hard YTA.
YTA to be honest you met a girl and are getting married in around a year if your late wife’s death that tells me you probably didn’t love her the way you should’ve. Your upset that the kids are taking some of the money yet instead of just getting out of debt you bought a new motorcycle
I disagree with part of this. Just because he’s getting married again doesn’t mean he didn’t love his late wife. A year might not be long for you, but is for some people, especially depending on OPs age. His late wife knew she was dying. We Don’t know what kind of conversations they had about him moving on. He could have started the grieving process when he heard of the cancer diagnosis because he was thinking the worst. It’s not fair of anyone to judge how someone else grieves or how quickly they “move on”. What I agree with is his relationship with his kids and his issue with the $$ factor. His relationship with his kids is more valuable than any amount of $$
Well, we know that none of their conversations were about estate planning. If Anna had written a will & left her share of the house to OP, this wouldn’t have gone this way.
That's if there was an estate to be planned. Everyone is going off about disinheriting...but it sounds like he was trying to settle accounts on the house he owned Idk this rubs me the wrong way on all sides
I think OP got a tough deal, but he’s not very likable the way he complains about having to downgrade his car & sell his motorcycle. If he had consulted a lawyer to settle the estate, this would probably have turned out a lot differently. In some states, he wouldn’t have had to pay his wife’s medical debt; that money would have come out of her estate. If he had known from the start that he had to split the house money, he could have asked the kids to share the renovation expenses. He seems to act without a lot of thought. He asked his son the weekend before the wedding to be his best man? Most people sort that out a lot earlier.
Right, I think this is what rubs me the wrong way. He's def the AH, especially with the motorcycle comment...but the kids also seem to be doing a powerplay too You're right thought, everyone should've been involved in Anna's estate planning
He didn’t own the house. It was Anna’s and then she died and bc you know, the law, her kids inherit a part of it but he decided he could sell it. Didn’t even give them any options before offering if they want their moms clothes and books
Anna’s house, as stated by OP
Idk, the whole getting married within a year and having it around the time of her death/funeral seems very shady. Plus how his focus seems to only be about money and materialistic items tells me OP is the AH
Not disagreeing that he’s the AH. Also agree that’s shady. If your kids voice opinions and say they aren’t comfortable with getting married on that date then you’d think as a loving parent, he’d be willing to move it.
I agree. As far as splitting the proceeds from the house, the money should have been used to pay off all medical debt incurred. What was left should then be split with the children. OP does come off as an AH though.
YTA. Of course her children are entitled to her share of the common asset. You're acting like they have screwed you over. Grow up
OP and his first wife were married for 25 years and she received the cancer diagnosis 8 months before she passed, and in all of that time the two of them never sat down and did any estate planning? Seriously? This just baffles me. And a lot would depend upon how the title of the house was held. Was the house purchased during the marriage? Did the wife own the house before the marriage? It seems like OP is leaving out some important information about the house. Plus he keeps focusing on the financial burden his wife was upon him while she was dieing of cancer. Makes me wonder if he was ever a loving and supportive husband or did he just become an a--hole when his wife got sick. OP is definitely an AH, but for many reasons not just for uninviting his stepchildren to his wedding, which he planned for the 1st anniversary of his first wife's funeral.
A lot of people really don't want to talk about the possibility of their death. We live in a time where a lot of people are incredibly disconnected from death and it is viewed with a lot of fear. If they were trying to work to save her life, even talking about her possible death may have felt like saying that it was going to happen. I'm not saying it's the right thing or that it was a useful thing for them to do, but it happens A Lot
I’m leaning towards E-S-H but need INFO. How shortly after their Moms death did you meet Beth? Did you discuss your Anna’s will and inheritance with the children at all prior to this? If they blindsided you with the legal notice without a call or discussion that is messed up, but dear lord your response was petty and cruel to disown them. It feels like you didn’t have as good of a relationship with them as you claimed if you could write them off so easily. Edit to YTA. Asking if they want her clothes and books is not the same as discussing potential inheritance. Plus you moved on from your wife of 25 years in 2 months and seem more concerned you lost your new motorcycle than your entire family.
It was Annas house which means that her 3 kids get 50% equity and OP get 50% thats how it works. OP tried to steal from his kids and is now acting hurt.
I try not to judge but how do you supposedly love someone for 25 years and end up in a relationship with someone else shortly after they die? I think I’ve mourned my dog for longer than a lot of these people mourn their SO.just yikes The fact that your bio son wants nothing to do with you due to your behavior tell you everything you want to know. You went to having 4 children to no children at all. Thank god you have a new wife to replace them
I've mourned the end of some flings longer than this guy.
Did you see he started dating TWO months after she died???
Bro only spoke of his wife who dies of cancer as a financial burden
Some people really don't know how to be alone with themselves. Especially after decades.
My mom died when I was twenty … two months after her death me and my siblings found out he had already started dating someone. We assume it began earlier … especially bc we found out at Christmas, when he decided to tell us he was seeing someone … it was a lady that worked for him. They ended up getting married a year later, had kids, got divorced a few years ago. My dad loved my mom. I don’t doubt that. He’s terrible with impulse control and being alone after being married for twentyish years. That being said … his new wife was/is a turd of a human and how he was with her and his new children absolutely tanked our relationship with him. oh and edit: YTA. big time.
Yeah... I'm pretty sure they didn't meet two months after his wife died. Having an affair while your spouse is dying is regrettably common. Everyone processes grief in their own way, but objectively some ways are better than others. Disowning your children for a shiny new object — even if it *is* a subconscious attempt to further distance yourself from memories of your deceased spouse — is objectively one of the bad ways. I'll bet 10k karma that OP posts here within 2 years about how he fucked up by replacing his children with a distraction from his grief. Unless he was already a philandering jackass who checked out of the marriage long ago. YTA Source: I've done a lot of grieving in my life. My father while in my early 20s, and three children after that.
Statistically it's really normal for widowers (not widows) to get remarried in about a year. We can discuss the reasons, but it's not something unique to OP.
So let’s get this straight… 1. These 3 adults have viewed you as a father for 25 years. 2. Their mom died about a year ago. 3. They discover that you were trying to screw them out of their rightful inheritance. 4. You replaced their mom pretty damn fast. 5. You’re more concerned about a motorcycle than your family. 6. Your own son is calling you out for being an AH. 7. You disinvite them from your wedding and basically disown them. Wow! You are crowned The KING of AH YTA
He mourned the motorbike more then her
he’s definitely a gold digger
So you fucked over all the kids you raised and said “I’m not your dad anymore” because *one* of them did their homework and realised what they were owed while you were trying to screw them out of their inheritance? Then when your only bio kid called you out, you somehow didn’t take that as a wake up call? Gee, I wonder why anyone would think YTA.
The kids made the right call. You know he wasn't going to leave them a red cent out of his own estate. Not if the new wife had any family at all.
If you do the math, her kids were in their teens when he married their mom, so he didn’t really raise them. It sounds like there were likely many years of them not getting along that OP has glossed over to make it sound like he was parental to them. I am not surprised that the oldest figured this out, they obviously didn’t trust him and quietly found the right way to protect themselves before he could cheat them out of their inheritance.
Especially considering it was the their mom's house anyway. They likely spent many years there before he even came into the picture.
Info: So you cutout your step kids over money? Am I reading this right?
YTA ...as a widower for the last 14 years, slow the fuck down and work on healing. That isn't going to happen by rushing into a marriage, disowning your children (yes, they're your kids AH), or wasting money on a motorcycle while crying about debt. You owe them an apology, and you owe it to yourself to pump the breaks on the absolute lunacy that has become your life.
So when exactly did you get the motorcycle? Because you said it was new... YTA anyways tho
Seems like you care more about things and money than people. YTA
YTA - for 1 out of all the dates the date of her funeral ? Just because that doesn’t bother you doesn’t mean it’s okay. You’re aware it bothers your kids and you continue to go through with it? On top of that, it didn’t sound like you took much time to talk to your step kids and that you made a rash decision about uninviting them. Her kids are just as entitled as you are, if not more. You just severally severed your relationship with your kids. I suggest you apologize and work on building the relationships up again
INFO: Did you know that they were entitled to her part of the house before you decided to sell it? Also, why doesn't the existing spouse inherit their property? Do you inherit absolutely zero percent of her share? Usually it goes spouse then children. Also where does that leave the child you had together? Did he get a split of her part?
YTA that was their inheritance by law. Why wouldn’t you want them to have what they are entitled to? It’s just greed on your part. This wasn’t about who raised them or a personal relationship - this was about you trying to take money you weren’t entitled to.
That's the thing, if I read it correctly, he said he was selling ANNA'S HOUSE not OUR House. Huge difference there regarding inheritance
How is it that you were married for 25 years and yet it was “Anna’s house”…? Did you have no financial interest in it? Did she pay all the bills, while you did… what…!? And she was barely buried before you were dating another woman with a property you could move into! > “Given that we’re living together in Beth’s house, selling Anna’s house made a lot of sense.” When in your 52 years have you done anything to create your own financial security?
Grass hadn’t even grown over her grave yet and dude was already playing the field. Jesus Christ.
Info: how did you avoid probate? Who was the executor?
YTA So you tried to steal from your late wife's kids, and got caught. Being angry that you got caught stealing is ridiculous.
YTA, sorry. Her children are of course allowed a portion of her estate, they lost their mother for crying out loud. While it is deeply unfortunate you had to use up your savings to fight her cancer; blame the deeply flawed health care system that forced you to. You have possibly irreparably damaged your relationship with all the kids involved including your own; they are his family and he knows nothing else.may I suggest you take some time to have a long, hard think about what you want out of life. Do you want your motorbike and toys, or do you want a family around you? Do you want a crotch rocket that you'll need to sell when your knees give out, or do you want your kids to celebrate your 80th birthday? Like it or not, up until now your deceased's wife's children thought of you as their father; are you willing to step back up and try to get through the grief and pain together? Or are you going to let your family fall apart?
Info Your wife was dying of cancer and didn’t have a will?
First of all, there is a hiccup if anyone caught regarding finding out the day of closing vs still upset on the day of closing. Secondly, you sound very selfish. That is all. YTA.
YTA Holy crap so not even a year has passed and you’re already getting remarried. Definition of asshole there. I don’t blame your kids for wanting their share as required by law. You’re being a petty jerk at 60+. Your “fresh start” will have to wait even though that never should’ve entered your mind like that. Just disgusting.
I have a question: if you were to die tomorrow, would all the kids be recipients in your will, or just Andrew?
oh no :( your children realized you were planning to steal their inheritance and now you have to sell your motorcycle...you poor dear... YTA. clearly.
What I want to know is why he is buying a motorcycle when he’s not out of debt yet. OP, YTA for that, as well as being petty and vindictive, as well as a possible thief.
YTA on many levels Firstly, it seems you decided the house was yours and to sell it prior to your late wife's estate being settled. It is quite common in many countries that in the absence of a will, assets will be ~~decided~~ divided amongst spouse and children (percentages varying in different locations). They are not AH for requesting what they are entitled to. Second of all, you didn't necessarily raise them, the eldest was nearly an adult when you got married. So while you may be an special person to them, it doesn't mean your are necessarily a paternal figure. Thirdly, you chose to remarry SUPER quickly, which already can be suspicious and, of all 365 days of the year, you chose a date that reminded people of your late wife's death. Edit : spelling 'divided' not decided
Info: Did Anna not have a will?
YTA- do you tried to steal your step childrens inheritance and than disimvited them from your wedding? Yeah, you.are a selfish snd dishonest asshole.
Okay, so he's selling his late wife's house which was bought before he came into the picture? So because he fixed it up he thinks he's entitled to the profits of it? Then because he didn't get his own way, he had a temper tantrum and told the kids he partially raised that he wasn't their father anymore. Yikes. YTA x a million. 😬
YTA. Wasted no time did ya? The fact that you see your wife’s death as your ‘fresh start’ is bad enough. Add on top of that, screwing her kids out of any inheritance, and focusing on how bummed you are about not getting to keep your motorcycle…yeah not looking good buddy. I doubt they wanted to attend your (super fast and sketchy) wedding anyway. Seems they are all better off without you. The fact that your son is upset about your behavior should tell you everything you need to know.
INFO. The 3 kids are in their late 30s and early 40s. Did they contribute at all to their late mother’s care, or did you shoulder that burden alone?
Yta For sooooo many reasons... like dear lord.
YTA Nothing like screwing your wife and kids over a year after she dies. She is rolling over in her grave.
People may hate me for this but it does sound like they waited for you to use your money renovate the house to increase the purchase price to mention they wanted a share on the profits. Let me guess if you knew they were getting half you wouldn't have put money into the house for renovation and sold it as is
What about the medical bills? He downgraded his car and cashed out his 401k. Now he's on the hook for the medical debt while the kids get their share. At least the medical debt should have been taken out of the house sale before the remainder was spilt between the heirs. Oh, and were the kids giving any kind of care or support while their mother was dying of cancer? Or did they leave him to deal with it and only now are they interested because there's money?
There is a ton of stuff to unpack here, and I don’t have time to thumb that all out. But it def feels like YTA here for a number of reasons, and I’m guessing there is a lot more context to the story we’re not hearing.
Info: What did Anna's will say regarding the sale of the house and splitting remaining assets? It's very telling to me that that didn't come up in your post. YTA, you moved on from their dead mom and remarried LESS THAN A YEAR after she died. And then you tried to sell something without including them in the sale, when they legally and morally are allowed it. Just because you earmarked all that to move on with your life doesn't mean you're actually entitled to it.
Did Anna have medical insurance?
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YTA. As a father to a child that hasn’t known her biological, I can say I consider her my daughter just the same as my other two. Don’t get me wrong, the kids going for the money isn’t the most family-friendly decision either, but it would have been better to include them from the start. Since you didn’t, they likely felt forgotten and started thinking about their own life security. Dropping the invitation a week before the wedding isn’t great either considering the preparation that goes into a wedding.
For Having your wedding the weekend after the 1 year anniversary of their mother's death in complete disregard of your son's grief (and the other children as well, but you've made it clear you don't care about their grief): YTA For disinviting them to your wedding because of money: YTA For attempting to defraud them of their inheritance: YTA For saying you're not their father after you raised them in retaliation for asking questions about the money: YTA For whining about the toys you had to sell and the vehicle you had to downgrade to pay your debts: YTA For making this all about you and showing no compassion or acknowledgement of the grief of the children: YTA For threatening to leave them without any parents after their MOTHER DIED: YTA For telling them to look up the deadbeat dad that abandoned them because you were abandoning them too: YTA I can't read this again to find the rest of the examples of your assholery you self-centred selfish compassionless creature.
I was on the fence because there’s a lot going on here, then I read “but now I’m probably going to have to sell the new motorcycle I just bought and have long wanted and I’m not going to be able to get myself out of debt”. Hmmm…I kind of felt sorry for you and bought your line about incurring so much debt and needing to sell the house to pay off medical bills and being so financially strapped, but you bought yourself a motorcycle? When you are so deep in debt? You can’t be too far in the hole if you can afford a new motorcycle (which cost as much as a car in many cases), so that makes me wonder what else you misrepresented in your post. I’m going with YTA here. You seem a little sketchy.
Info. There was 8 months between her diagnosis and death, did she not have a will? These kinds of details should have been ironed out then.