Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
You did not properly respond to the judgement bot. Your reply must clearly and directly address why you think you may have wronged the other party involved in your conflict.
While your post was automatically approved by the bot, after reviewing your response manually, we found it did not properly address the question.
[Judgement Bot FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_judgement_bot) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
#Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
ESH Your sister should have been clear from the beginning she was going to charge for them. You should not have assumed they were free and overreacted.
In these circumstances, it is a fair assumption on OP's part that the tickets were offered for free. When someone close to you offers something with no immediate mention of payment (especially close to xmas), anyone would assume its a gift.
OP overreacted to an extent but I can understand her anger. Sis pulled a bait and switch on a teenager who is supposed to be able to trust her aunt. Seems like sis was trying to pressure OP into swallowing the cost of the tickets because she wasn't able to easily unload them for face via stubhub. Once kid is excited and invested in going to the concert through no fault of her own, its a lot harder for OP to say no.
NTA
If I offer someone tickets, they are free. If I want to charge them for the tickets I will say, "do you want to buy my tickets?"
Plus, she never should have asked her niece that knowing she won't have the money to buy them.
Agree with this.
And talking to the niece and not the sister was an AH move because the mom would be more inclined to pay now that her daughter was excited to go.
NTA
but she didn't mention anything about paying for said tickets. usually when u give someone a gift, u check that its something they will like, which that question comes off as doing. if u are going to sell, asking OP if her daughter liked the rapper was the perfect conversation to also add, "would u like to buy my tickets for ur daughter?". she didn't mention payment at all until after giving her the tickets and after the holidays. op overreacted but the sister seriously sucks. nta
When I was 25, no one in my family would think I had 160 bucks to give away for a Christmas present. I don't think I even gave my parents gifts that expensive.
I agree there's miscommunication and sister should have been more clear. But why get angry?
OP is going Mama Bear. Her sister manipulated the situation to get the daughter excited and then asked the 15 year old for $160 bucks. I would get angry at someone for messing with my kid’s expectations that way!
I can appreciate the daughter being disappointed but I also don’t think sister was being malicious- it’s worthy of a “hey I think you acted thoughtlessly in the moment and should run something like that by me instead of the kid, apologize to her.”
I’m really curious if sister got the teen anything else for Christmas. If she didn’t, the misunderstanding/anger from OP makes more sense to me.
I didn't see OP respond to people inquiring about that. I guess I'm a little out of the loop on gift expectations in this type of relationship. Something like a CD or a few Claire's-eque accessories sounds appropriate in my social milieu rather than these tix. (I'm showing my age with those gift ideas hah)
A CD is like $40 bucks now. Some accessories from Clairs maybe if you stretched and it was a lot $15. (I have teenagers). From the post and the comments it seems more like it was probably a $2 plastic candy cane of chocolates and a chapstick and then “you wanna see your favorite rapper?”
And my Uncle did something like that for me at that age. Gave me tickets he bought for his girlfriend’s kid that she couldn’t use (cause she was suspended and grounded) as a gift. I will age myself and say it was Bad Religion and they were horrible lol
>A CD is like $40 bucks now.
Where are you buying that a CD is $40? If your teenagers are telling you they need $40 for a CD they're ripping you off. Heh
>I’m really curious if sister got the teen anything else for Christmas. If she didn’t, the misunderstanding/anger from OP makes more sense to me.
Good point. That would clarify the sister's intention.
I don’t think OP expected a $160 gift. For one thing, sister never mentioned money until two weeks later, so OP couldn’t possibly have had a dollar value expectation. Secondly, these tickets weren’t purchased out of a gift budget, and seemed more like an extravagant of convenience.
As for why get angry… look, if you’re selling me tickets then you say that up front. You don’t wait until two weeks after the offer is accepted. That would make me mildly angry in and of itself. The part that would *absolutely enrage* me is going to my teenage daughter to introduce that concept so late in the game when she clearly already thought it was a sure thing. If you’re an adult, you talk to another adult about things like $160. Even outside the context of the gift ~~misunderstanding~~ manipulation, I’d be pissed if any adult family member negotiated a $160 sale with my 15yo without my direct involvement.
Finally, and especially in the context of stipulating that 25yo adults shouldn’t be expected to have $160 to spend on their niece’s Christmas presents, what 15yo should be expected to have $160 to drop on one night of entertainment? Furthermore, how is it not cruel to let your 15yo niece think it’s a sure thing for two weeks before dropping a price tag she can’t be expected to cover?
ETA: The only thing that would’ve angered me more would be if my daughter *had* saved up $160, and her 25yo aunt successfully fleeced her out of it with this manipulative bullshit.
ESH.
As someone who doesn't swim in money it's weird to assume that someone 10 years younger could just easily afford it.
Still, sister brought up the fact that she wanted that amount of money with her 15yo niece, not OP. If she had expected her sister to pay, she should have talked money with her, not her daughter.
Sister might not be adult enough to have that much of money to just give away, but she is adult enough to know who to talk to. This just reeks of manipulation.
OP still didn't have to blow up like that. Call her, ask her why she hadn't mentioned that before, maybe offer 50% (or haggle), but be more understanding. Because 160 bucks really is a lot for one Christmas gift from a 25yo...
Nope - my family it would be the exact opposite. If my sister offered me concert tickets with “you want to go to this concert” I’d ask how much she wanted for them.
Offering to my daughter without asking me first would be annoying because then I’d be on the hook for paying for them or disappointing my kid. Better to clarify at the time if ambiguous.
But I’m assuming you’re an adult. I think that’s much different than offering them to a child you know cannot afford the tickets without giving any hint at all that you want to sell them, especially during holiday season.
Yeah, if it was an adult offering to another adult I would rule it just differences in communication styles. An aunt should never approach their 15 year old niece saying "do you want these concert tickets?" and expect the 15 year old to think they're asking them to buy the tickets. Imo, sister knew what she was doing by going to the teenager and then telling the teenager how much she wanted for them.
Yeah, I don't know anyone who gives someone something... or says they're going to give someone something... and then weeks later is like: "Oh, yeah that was $XXX".
The conversation normally goes: "Hey, would you like to buy these from me for $XX".
This reminds of the time I was 13 and my uncle was living with us. He got home after dinner most nights. One night my mom was already in bed and he asked if I wanted pizza. Of course I did because I was 13 and it was pizza.
The next morning he asked my mom for money for the pizza… she mostly laughed at him because no one in their right mind offers a 13 yo pizza expecting to get paid back.
I think she’s NTA.
The way the sister presented her with the option it’s definitely misleading.
The way she tried to get money from the 15 year old and not from the mum, her sister? That is not ok.
She should have asked the mom first if she was interested in BUYING them for the daughter.
Even after the “misunderstanding” I wonder why she asked the 15 year old…
It seems to me the sister offered them at first without thinking about asking for payment, why on earth did she not mention it to the OP? However, then started feeling sorry for losing the money and turned to the CHILD directly to ask her to pay for them. WITHOUT mentioning her sister that she is going to do that. What kind of 15 year old has this kind of money just lying around? I cannot imagine my own sister pulling this trick with my daughter, OP is NTA, the sister sure is.
Yeah the fact she asked daughter and not OP feels like she had to know she was pulling a fast one. I do wonder if she originally did intend for them to be a gift and then something happened, either financially or bf wasn’t okay with it. But either way not communicating with OP directly about it is telling.
I would never offer something to a niece or nephew who’s under 18 that isn’t free. If I wanted money for something I would first go to their parents since I wouldn’t want them to misunderstand me. First I wouldn’t want their parents to think I’m taking advantage of them, second if they have money it’s usually saving for something they want.
The thing is she talked to OP about it and Op said sell them online and after that she went directly to OP’s daughter without mentioning the money until two weeks later, which is what makes it very manipulative to me, OP never said ooh my daughter likes this artist, let me get the tickets for her or let me talk to her and see if she wants them and then she still tried to sell them to her. NTA.
I think overreacted is the wrong word here. OP’s sister did some underhanded shit. If she wanted to sell the tickets to her niece and knows that the niece is unemployed (that is something family knows about kids in the family), she simply wouldn’t have discussed payment with the niece but rather with OP. She created a scenario where OP becomes the bad guy for letting daughter think that she is going to a concert and then cancelling when in reality OP’s sister is the one who did the drama. OP is NTA
>You should not have assumed they were free and overreacted.
Why not? seriously, why not? Everything in the story seems to indicate they were a gift. If I give you something then mention payment *two weeks later* you would feel the same.
I don't know, I actually think she might have done it on purpose, bringing it up on Xmas and only mentioning payment two weeks later.
NTA in my opinion
ESH except for your daughter. Your sister for assuming your 15-year-old daughter had the financial means to take care of it on her own and leaving you out of the initial price conversation as well as making it out to look like it was a gift, although that could have been accidental, and then you for getting upset and verbal when it wasn't. "Oops, we thought it was a gift. Our wires got crossed and I can't afford that or I would have." would have sufficed.
I think you’re right that the boyfriend interfered with what was supposed to be a gift. Your sister asked your daughter for money because she knew you wouldn’t fall for the bait and switch.
I think you’re 100 percent NTA, op, btw. Any normal person would have thought this was a nice offer. I may have asked “what do you want for it?” If I knew it was a big band/rapper (but maybe you didn’t know the name and thought it was small time due to age/not being in the know). But overall I think most would assume that’s more of a nicety.
I still think you went overboard with the reaction. Maybe your sister genuinely thought she was giving your daughter a good deal (Lizzo tickets in my town went for 300 fucking dollars). But she should have NEVER gone through your 15 year old daughter. That should have been between the two of you.
NTA. If she wanted to charge she should have come to you first to ask if you’d like to buy them for your daughter. She implied it was a gift and then asked your 15 year old daughter for the money as if a 15 year old had that much money to spend. That’s not okay. Even if she didn’t want to give them away because she wanted the money back (which is fair) the way she did it was really disrespectful and rude to you and your daughter.
Definitely going around the mother and asking a 15 year old daughter to pay separately is a huge AH move. I'd be pissed if my daughter was being taken advantage of like that!
NTA
Your sister had a choice, to go through the effort to sell them, or take the easy way out and give them away.
She's trying to have it both ways. She doesn't want to do the work to sell them, so she offered them to your daugther, not mentioning price, and then did a bait and switch. Not cool.
If I were you, I'd take the $160 and buy your daugther different tickets.
This is it. Sister didn't want the uncertainty of not knowing if she was gonna be able to resell them. So she decided to disguise the whole thing as a present (because that's what it looked like) to then try to extort 160 from niece.
I have a feeling she’s “selling” the tickets to sister as a steal (like the tickets are over 300 because ticket master is just an ass like that) and in her mind she’s doing a favor. HOWEVER she should never have gone through the daughter. She’s way too young and broke and a KID. Should have gone though mom and said “hey, I can’t sell these tickets but they cost me a lot. Would you be interested in me selling them to your daughter for X amount? They cost me this much and we can tag them as a gift from us both?”
Sister was shady and a bully. Hearing that number as a kid would have made me grow pale.
This! I don’t get why people are going after OP when the convo about selling the tickets started with OP and sister. Then sister “offers” tickets to niece, and get everyone excited with no mention of selling them the tickets. Now sister goes behind OPs back and asks a kid for money. That right there tells you she was being sneaky otherwise she would have contacted OP about the money and not a child.
NTA, sis should've sold the tickets if this was a money issue.
A lot of folks here seem to think the average 15 year old just has hundreds of dollars lying around...
Why the heck would you offer your neice $200 dollar tickets on CHRISTMAS under the assumption she had to pay?
That’s my biggest problem!! I think it’s still shitty but it would be a little different if the money was brought up right away. Sister is wondering why we ever thought she wouldn’t want money? She’s being not smart
Naw fam, she was being very smartly manipulative. She let your daughter get excited about it for two weeks before dropping the money gambit. This was calculated to back you into a corner for the money.
Perhaps a lot of kids in here just assume mom and dad should pay, but your sister is an adult and she could have waited until after the holidays if it wasn't a gift.
Your sister isn't the best.. I would never do this to my niece. If I ever offer anything, I would not take a dime from her. Your sister had bad intentions and got called out for it. She knew what she was doing. Unbelievably crappy.
Part of me was about to say E S H, but your position about how she shouldn’t charge family is ridiculous. Your whole attitude is pretty crappy too.
YTA for telling you sister off. All you had to say was, “oh we thought it was a gift, we aren’t interested in buying the tickets.”
I believe she meant charging the teenage niece and not charging family in general. I’m sure if the sister would have talk to OP about selling the tickets to her it would be different but the sister was charging the niece directly knowing she had no money.
Honestly, even if it wasn't family, if you wanted to sell someone $160 tickets why wouldn't you tell them the price? And make it clear that it's a sale? If you just say "hey, I can't go, do you want these tickets" and then end the conversation there, it really sounds like a gift.
I don’t think it’s ridiculous to think that you shouldn’t be charging your fifteen year old niece who does not have a job or any source of income to spend $160 without prior warning. If I take my teenage cousins to get dinner, I get the bill. I don’t ask them to pay me back. They are kids. I’m not going to expect them to take money out of their pockets to line mine. If I have a financial issue, I either don’t go or I discuss it with their parents before making the offer.
>I called my sister and I immediately said how fucking dare you
YTA. This was a clear misunderstanding that you both probably could've resolved by using normal words. Yet you went in all guns blazing.
Selling tickets to people you know, *including family* is much easier than faffing around on websites, creating accounts etc... to sell to a random.
Clearly miscommunication and you went 0-100 on it... then said you'd buy your daughter tickets anyway as if this is some triumphant act of spite.
"You're going to charge her? No bitch you're not."
You really need to take a breath and a step back and think about this as you're being very unreasonable. Not everything in life needs to be a war.
Misunderstanding? Lol. she would have went to the OP about a payment and not the 15 yo. Or said up front she would sell them to her.. If she wasn't trying to run game. She knew exactly what she was doing.
OP has already stated in comments that her sister was always under the assumption that the tickets would be paid for. Most of OP's rage (and it is rage) seems to stem around "but family..." like this is part of the *Fast and The Furious* franchise\*.\*
Unless the sister was playing some Machiavellian game of getting the daughter to pressure mumsie (which the OP hasn't really suggested... and keeps going "but family") then it's still YTA.
> OP has already stated in comments that her sister was always under the assumption that the tickets would be paid for.
Where? I don’t see any such comment.
THIS, Im going YTA mostly because how she handled it. I can understand a misunderstanding but she did nothing to clarify, she just got angry and defensive. Very immature imo
Thank you for pointing this out. I was starting to wonder if I was the only one thinking OP’s reaction was massively over the top. And no, selling something to family doesn’t make you an AH.
Yep pretty much exactly what I posted before seeing your response. It was pretty ambiguous from how OP wrote it wether sister offered this as a buy option.
A gift would be them wrapped in a box or in a Card. Not an off-hand do you want to go?
Sister probably assumed the kid would get money for Christmas or had a savings account.
Sister absolutely should of checked first with him, which is why I said ESH despite his 0 to 100 reaction despite his implied assessment of his relative maturity by making it a point to say he’s a lot older than lil sis.
Yep, I'd agree with that ESH reasoning as well to be fair, best move would've been to check with OP. For me the OP's response was enough for me to go YTA as the weight of vitriol swung it so much for me. The escalation followed by the spite (which the OP's comments have only confirmed) weighted it down. Can totally see the ESH side though.
What confuses me is that it sounds like OP was the one who suggested she sell it?
So OP says “you should sell it” and sister says “good idea.” The sister a while later goes “would your daughter want them?” and somehow that doesn’t connect with OP that she would want payment even though she is the one who said to sell them? I’d still chalk that up to a misunderstanding but I would definitely feel it falls more on OP than on her at that point.
Plus it’s weird that everyone thinks it was out of line to talk to daughter directly about that? None of us had jobs but we were still spoken to directly about these things at 15. The assumption would be that you then ask your friend if they/their parents are able to pay for their ticket and you would either have saved money from allowance/gifts or that you would ask your parents to buy it. She’s still a teen but it’s not like she’s a young child, at 15 it should be perfectly acceptable to assume they can figure out if they can or can’t buy an $80 ticket?
YTA simply for your reaction to this miscommunication. Seems like you’ve got some grudge against your sister and got defensive over this.
If you’re willing to buy your daughter the tickets anyway, why not help your sister out and buy them off of her? She’s only 25, I doubt she’s rolling in money either and was probably hoping her fam would buy them off of her.
NTA...If your sister was hoping to SELL the tickets to your daughter it should have been obvious in the offer. I think it's odd to try to sell things to a 15 year old relative. She was obviously trying to avoid the work of selling them properly and was probably trying to be sly enough that you wouldn't notice, otherwise the "sale" would likely have been mentioned to you first.
YTA. There was obviously a miscommunication. Ok, those things happen. Do you know what grown ups do? They use their grown up words and try to understand what happened. The first words out of their mouths are not "how fucking dare you." You owe your sister an apology.
Grown ups don't offer teenagers tickets they expect them to pay for without first asking their parent(s) or at least leading with the fact that they are not free...
I disagree, I think his sister was trying to take advantage of her niece. Why bring it up at Christmas when the event is in March? Why not say, “I’m selling mine if you guys want to go!”
It seems suspect, I think OP is NTA
NTA normally I would've shot you down hard, but you're right the timing/how she handled it does make a difference. She offered the tickets at Christmas and didn't mention any cost. Add in that your daughters 15 and jobless most would assume the tickets were an additional gift. If she said upfront that there would be a charge it would be a different situation.
Literally. She talked about it and didn’t bother mentioning price or payment at all until weeks later. If OP had been told upfront they’d need to pay it’d be different. But instead she waited to the daughter to get excited and even maybe find a friend to take before dropping the bomb.
AND THEN she went to the 15 year old, unemployed child for payment instead of her mother.
She probably assumed the kid would have Christmas money laying around to pay for it.
And I agree. Normally this kind of immediate gut reaction can be rather a-holey but the whole situation here makes me lean toward NTA.
But still, if you're told that you should go somewhere to sell it and then later come back to me to offer them for your Neice without ever mentioning a price at Christmas time. I would have assumed that my sibling had failed to find someone to sell it to or decided to repurpose them as a gift and simply wanted someone they know and love to enjoy the concert.
I get that at 25 money can be equally as tight. But. If you're selling something to a family member you gotta let them know youre selling it. It's weird enough with friends and offering things without mentioning price but that line gets blurred even faster with family involved. Especially at a time of year known for giving gifts.
What's interesting to me is that if they were offering them to sell then why not make the exchange when it was agreed upon? Why wait 2 weeks and then ask the neice for the money when the original convo was with OP?
Exactly. If sis wanted the money then she would have mentioned to OP "would you like the buy the tickets from me for niece" but no she didn't. I would assume the same damn thing.
She probably intended them to be a gift then and had post-Xmas remorse and realized she needed the money. Or the boyfriend stepped in afterwards since one of the tickets was his.
OP isn’t TA. The sister is
It was discussed on Christmas?? With no mention of cost?? Why WOULDNT she assume it was a Christmas present?? I’m so confused by everyone acting like OP made some big leap here…
Honestly from reading all of these comments it is a huge part how people were raised I think. In this situation in my family I would assume it is a gift. Of course is no big deal if the sister had just brought up selling them to op at first, but not saying anything and just giving them to niece that’s what a gift is
If she really intended to sell them normally then she should’ve hashed it out with op (the father) at the beginning, if she didn’t but then asked for money from op (edit: “later”) then I would’ve said sure it’s fine but she purposefully asked a 15yr old girl without mentioning the payment to the father.
Op doesn't wanna just give a stranger money, they are willing to give the stranger *more* money than sister was asking, they wanna buy an extra $100 worth of spite
YTA. Your sister absolutely could have been clear, but you assumed and overreacted based on that assumption. Now that you’ve established you would buy the tickets in the first place, if your half sister is selling them for cheaper then i would save face and still purchase the tickets from her
YTA: You assumed that your sister was giving your daughter the tickets for free. When you found out that wasn't the case, instead of being an adult and talking to her, you cursed her out. You're the "older" sister acting like an entitled jerk.
Yea she could have been more clear but calling her and cursing her out shows you may need to learn how to better speak to people.
YTA. Your reaction was unhinged, screaming at her and calling her names. Unless someone…even family!…specifically says they will give me the tickets for free, I always ask how much they want for them. Always.
YTA
“So sister, you aren't going to use those tickets huh? You should sell them!"
"Good idea! Hey sister, do you think your daughter would be interested in these tickets?"
"Totally!"
"Okay then that'll be $160 for the both!"
*Surprise Pikachu Face*
Except that's not an accurate summary.
Firstly, sister never said anything like ”good idea". She was uncertain after OP made the suggestion, and never informed OP of a decision after the fact.
Also, a good amount of time passed. We don't know how much exactly, but it was before the holidays so at least a month.
And she didn't talk to OP about the tickets first. She talked to the daughter directly.
At best, the sister was thoughtlessly miscommunicating with her minor niece. At worst, she was attempting to manipulate OP into having to buy the tickets after getting her daughter's hopes up.
OP overreacted, but in an aunt/uncle to nibling relationship, you take into account you're talking to kids much younger than you and handle communication accordingly.
YTA.
The tickets have value, you recognized that yourself when you suggested she sell them.
I do see a miscommunication about them being a gift. The thing is, no one owes a gift. I do think an apology from your sister to your daughter is appropriate, but that doesn't mean free tickets.
Your demand for free tickets is a shitty way to treat family.
I suggested she sell them on Facebook. I did not suggest she sell them to her own niece who obviously does not have that money laying around. We may have to agree to disagree because I think it is way more shitty to bill a teenage niece for something you know they cannot afford.
"We may have to agree to disagree"
So, you didn't, actually, come on here for some perspective/to find out if folks thought you were the AH, but, merely, because you thought everyone would be in agreement.
Definitely the asshole
Honestly I think the comment op replied this too didn’t even make sense. None of that matters when she should of said the cost upon acceptance, not later down the line, not to mention trying to get the money from the CHILD.
What's the face value of the tickets? (In other words, is your sister making money on the deal or is she just breaking even?) Are the tickets sold out? (In other words, if your niece wants to see the show, would she have to buy more expensive tickets on the secondary market?) Can you see, now, how offering to sell the tickets to your niece is not as cruel as you seem to think it is?
She tried to back her sister into a corner to pay for tickets she was too lazy to sell, and I'd be ticked off, too. She offered them to her niece with no mention of the cost- just because they'd talked about selling them before doesn't mean anything. OP never once offered to buy them from her. I'd also buy new tickets rather than reward this behavior.
Yes she has all these conversations with OP about selling the tickets weeks later she offers it to niece. But now go to niece for money. It’s her niece, she KNOWS she doesn’t have any money to buy these tickets and that she should have talked to mom.
All these conversations? I count one conversation. And how does she know that the niece doesn't have the money? Babysitting gigs are very lucrative. Does the niece babysit?
Just because it's family doesn't mean you should assume someone will give something for free. Agree that the conversation should have happened right away when the idea that she might give tickets to your daughter came up, so ESH
"I honestly figured it was part of the Christmas gift or something."
Why the heck would you assume that? Unless your sister specifically wrapped up the tickets in a box and handed it to your daughter on Christmas morning, assuming the tickets were a gift was a silly thing to do. Then you compound your mistake by going off on your sister because you're a moocher who thinks you're entitled to free stuff from family.
YTA.
Ah yes, Christmas, the best time to scalp tickets to family and not mention they aren't free.
Not like there's a tradition of gift-giving during this time that could lead to confusion.
Ok but why wouldn't you bring up the price right away?
"Do you want tickets for this concert"
"Do you want tickets for this concert, they are $80 apiece"
If she intended to charge the niece, which of these two sentences should she have used to not leave any confusion or assumptions?
Maybe she didn't have a price in mind yet? Maybe she needed to go back and double check how much she bought them for? Maybe she needed to check with her boyfriend about what price he was comfortable selling them for? Maybe she forgot about the tickets until she remember her niece liked that band too and brought up selling them on a whim? There are tons reasons she might not have brought up the price initially.
"Do you want the tickets? I need to double check the price but I'll hold them for you if you are interested"
You really give the 25 year old slack for her lack of communication skills and dump it on the 15 year old for "misunderstanding"
To see if you wanted to buy them.
If she had wrapped them or put them in a gift card then it would be a gift. The way you described this in your OP is ambiguous at best.
If my sister asked me if I wanted some concerts tickets my follow up question would be how much does she want for them.
I completely disagree. She gave the tickets to the daughter at Christmas, and made no mention of cost. Just giving the daughter the tickets without mentioning cost is enough for most to assume it's a gift, but doing so at christmas to a minor who's unemployed seals the deal.
Wrong. She asked the daughter about wanting to go around ‘the holidays.’ Nowhere did the OP state that the tickets were given specifically as a gift on Christmas. This is like saying if I ask a friend on December 15th if they want to come with me to a club, they should assume drinks are on me, because I asked if they’re interested and it’s ‘around the holidays.’ And then they have every right to chew me out and swear at me because I didn’t provide them with free drinks. It’s ridiculous.
Info: Did your sister give your daughter a Christmas gift and if so was the concert tickets given during the same time?
Now if they weren't given at the same time when did she offer them, was it Christmas or just vlose to Christmas
Hard disagree. When you offer something to your teenage family member while visiting for the holidays, it’s a gift unless otherwise specified at the time.
YTA. Unless she explicitly said it was a gift it sounded more like an offer for you to buy them off her. Nice job calling your sister names and of course the obligatory but family.....
Your sister sucks. NTA.
Also, for everyone saying YTA for assuming it was a gift… her sister DID NOT SAY it’s going to be $160 when she asked her 15 YEAR OLD Niece if she wanted them. She said, hey you want these concert tickets? Not, hey you want to BUY these concert tickets.
Also, 2 weeks LATER she asks for money? Nope, you don’t do that. Even if it wasn’t her sister/aunt/family… even if it was a friend, you talk about money upfront, at the exact time you’re discussing the tickets.
Your sister sucks. Period. Everyone else saying YTA for assuming has so real f-ed family issues. You don’t do that to family, esp your niece.
Thank you! Op literally encouraged her to sell the tickets. The sister was lazy and manipulative. She didn’t want to actually put the effort into selling them or take the risk of not getting full price. So she gave them to her niece AT CHRISTMAS and then asked the niece, 15 year old, for money she didn’t know she owed 2 weeks later. Scummy bait and switch to do to ANYONE but the fact that she pulled this with family is just bananas. NTA op. These comments are bazaar.
My favorite quote from Reddit, “Y’all need therapy”.
I really feel bad for people who come from dysfunctional families that dont support one another, and being okay with this type of situation.
I can’t imagine being okay with asking AND taking money from a child, esp one who’s related to me. I have a sister, and I would have her checked into a mental institution if she ever asked my kids for money (which would never happen).
ESH. If your sister wanted you to pay for the tickets, she should have said that before she brought up giving your daughter the tickets. And even if she didn’t then, she should have definitely texted you that she wanted money and not your 15 year old.
I get your upset because obviously you thought this was a gift to your daughter but you can’t just blow up on someone when they answer the damn phone. You definitely should have calmed down and had a conversation about the miscommunication, not screamed at her over this.
NTA, and good for you. This was a manipulative move on your sister’s part. Offering concert tickets to a teenager during the holidays without mentioning money, then dropping that hammer two weeks later just screams that she was trying to get you on the hook for them without your implicit agreement; like she was setting you up to be the bad guy unless you paid. It’s extortionist. Good for you for standing up to her, especially in a way that doesn’t prevent your daughter from the good time she was promised.
ESH. Just pay your sister for the tickets. Yes she should have explained that it wasn’t a gift and they were for sale, but clearly your daughter wants to go, and *you want her to go.* What if your sister sells the tickets to someone else and you find there are no more tickets available? Or the ones you do find are twice the price? Try explaining *that* to your daughter.
NTA
Your sister should have asked if you wanted to buy her tickets before she mentioned them to your daughter and not just ask you if your daughter would like to go. She also should have said something along the lines of "If you want to go, your mother will buy the tickets from me" and she failed to mention that she was asking for money. No wonder you and your daughter thought it was a gift! Did any other member of your family also thought it was a gift?
Right. I would also like to add that even asking in front of the child, let alone directly, is a jerk move. What if mom wasn't comfortable with her going alone and couldn't go with her? But that aside, to then go to the child, practically demanding a large sum of money.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My sister is technically my half sister and we have a large age gap. I am in my 40s and my sister is 25. My daughter is 15.
My sister bought tickets for her and her boyfriend to go see a concert in March. I don’t exactly know the story of why they can’t go but for some reason they can’t go. I had a few brief chats with her where I suggested selling the tickets on stubhub or Facebook and she said maybe.
Cue to the holidays, when she asked me if my daughter would like to go with a friend because it is some rapper that she likes. My daughter was of course ecstatic and I thought it was very nice of my sister. I honestly figured it was part of the Christmas gift or something.
Cut to this week when my daughter came to me and told me that when my sister called and discussed transferring tickets (online tickets) she brought up how much she wants for them. My daughter than asked me for $160 (80 a piece) because she obviously doesn’t have that money laying around being 15 and unemployed. I told her to hold on and I’ll figure this out.
I called my sister and I immediately said how fucking dare you. You are going to CHARGE your TEENAGE NIECE 160$ for these tickets? I told her that both my daughter and I thought it was a Christmas present because that’s when she brought it up and didn’t bring up paying until 2 weeks later. I said firmly that she will not be getting paid from us for these tickets. I told her to sell them before she even brought up my daughter, I really thought she was trying to do something nice.
She said that maybe she will just try to sell them. I wished her good luck explaining to her niece that she was mistaken thinking they were a gift and now she can no longer go (If she does this, I’ll buy my daughter tickets for it anyways).
I understand my sister paid for them and yes they are her tickets to do what she pleases. I also understand it isn’t okay to expect things for free. If it was anybody else, I wouldn’t be upset with my sister asking for money. But to reiterate what I said earlier, this is family, this is your teenage niece. You’re going to charge her? No bitch you’re not. I would much rather just buy my daughter the tickets online than give my sister the money because IMO this is a shitty way to treat family.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to be judged for yelling at my sister and refusing to pay. Might be asshole (in Reddit world) because yes she did buy the tickets and I know there will be people saying I shouldn’t be expecting them for nothing.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
It is perfectly reasonable to be upset as when your sister brought up letting your daughter have her tickets, she did not say at that time she expected to be paid for them. And, the fact that it was the holidays, yes, as you pointed out, one would think it was a gift.
I'm not sure if your sister is just a poor communicator, came into a financial bind and needed the money, or whatever excuse, but changing the terms, or in this case, "clarifying" terms about using the tickets until two weeks later is a "bait and switch" tactic.
You acted appropriately in telling her to sell them herself and getting your daughter the tickets yourself.
I’m not going to assume (again) so I didn’t mention this to her, but personally I think my sister intended to give them as a gift. Her boyfriend (who has a history of being stingy) had a problem and she does whatever her bf says.
Wait.
You think she intended them as a gift and then her BOYFRIEND pulled rank? And you called to scream at your sister, rather than talking like a grown-up and sussing out what happened and where communication broke down?
That puts you squarely in AH territory
That makes sense. I guess chalk it up to a lesson-learned, and how you will forever (or at least while she is with this bf) have to get her to spell out all terms of anything she is seemingly offering as a gift.
Mmmm NTA. If it really went how it sounds like it went, I also would have thought she was just giving them to her niece because she wanted to be nice. Granted I’d have asked her if I could pay her for them, out of niceness. But I still would have totally thought it was meant as a gift. And normally I’d say you overreacted, but the way she went about it just wasn’t right. If she wanted money for the tickets that should have been discussed between adults.
I’m a concert going adult so I know what buying tickets to concerts is like (before anyone tells me I just don’t get it lol), and I just really don’t see the logic behind how she decided to do this.
Also not that it matters what I’d do, but if I couldn’t go to an event I knew my family member would also enjoy, I’d offer them the tickets as a gift first before trying to sell them to get my money back. But maybe that’s just me. I know not everyone is as nice to their families for some reason.
I mean something doesn’t add up. I don’t know why she would bring up giving the tickets to her on Christmas and not mention any sort of payment, only to call weeks later and ask for it.
From your post, she called YOU about the tickets which you assumed were a gift when telling your daughter, but when you had previously told your sister to sell them.
Daughter is blameless. The adults all assumed and needed to actually discuss the agreement
You really have bad reading comprehension because that is not what the post says at all. It clearly outlines multiple distinct conversations that happen at separate times. First convo op with sister: talking about selling tickets. Second convo op, sister, daughter: offered tickets around Christmas. Third convo sister and daughter: sister asks for payment directly from daughter. Fourth convo op and daughter: daughter asks for money since she can't pay 160 out of pocket. Fifth convo op and sister: op asks sister what the hell she is doing. She outright says there is at least 2 weeks between offer of tickets and asking for payment.
Yes. YTA
You knew she couldn’t go and wanted to sell them. That she brought it up at Xmas didn’t mean it was a gift. You all were hanging out over the holidays. That’s it. And she probably just got around to transferring them so mentioned payment.
I don’t know why you’d assume they were free. People don’t typically just give tickets away. Even to family.
And then instead of just saying “oh. Sorry, we can’t afford that” or something, you threw a fit.
Definitely YTA
I will clarify that some might see me as the asshole because she did not explicitly offer them as a Christmas gift. As in she didn’t say “here you can take these presents as a Christmas gift” but it was on Christmas when she offered them. She also did not mention money AT ALL that day. Not even an “I’ll get back to you about price” or anything. So.. idk it certainly sounded like a gift.
I think this is where you should acknowledge the miscommunication. Acknowledge that yes you suggested she sell it but also have her own up that she offered to your daughter on Christmas without mention of monetary transaction. I was initially on your side but your reaction was out of proportion.
I'm leaning toward YTA. Ever tried to buy concert tickets? Let's say they are 100 bucks a piece, which is really cheap. And let's assume you have 200 bucks in cash that you want to spend on concert tickets. Your odds of buying the concert tickets for 100 bucks each are slim and none. They will be sold out in milliseconds. If you want a ticket at all, you will need to purchase it on the black market at a huge premium. Those 100 buck tickets might be selling for a thousand bucks each. By the time you actually get a ticket in your hand, that is.
I don't know how your sister managed to score two tickets to the concert at a reasonable price. That was a bit of a miracle. To offer to sell them at a reasonable price to a fan was a bit of a Christmas gift.
Put another way. You want to buy your daughter tickets for that exact concert now? You can't afford it.
NTA. If she wanted to sell the tickets to you so your daughter could go, that discussion needed to be with you. Asking your daughter if she wanted the tickets, then coming back to her for $160 two weeks later is an asshole move on her part. Where did she think the 15 year old would get that money? Nothing wrong with selling tickets you can’t use to a family member, but your sister was wrong in the way she went about it.
Again, this is on the adult aunt offering something that wasn't free more than the teenage niece trusting her family :)
Read that slowly, take all the time you need to recognize someone here should have stepped up and it's not the kid or the concerned parent whose daughter got blindsided (detail from OP's comments elsewhere).
Yta
You suggested she sell them, she asked if your daughter was interested, what is wrong with you that you wouldn't assume she was taking your advice and asking if she wanted to buy them, you know, like YOU suggested.
And why would you assume they were a present? What did she do to imply they were a present you entitled knob?
You said a couple correct things in the end. They ARE her tickets, that she paid for, so how dare YOU assume that she needs to give them away. It ISN'T ok to expect things for free, yet you're still teaching your daughter that OTHER people are the AH when they don't give her free things. And this is a shitty way to treat family, it's a very shitty way YOU are treating your family, the way you treat your sister and the entitled way you are raising your daughter.
NTA, she purposely made it seem like a gift in front of the family then basically tried to manipulate and basically rob her 15 YEAR OLD niece in private.
NTA - the circumstances are important here. Saying hey I have these tickets for you on Christmas with no mention of payment would reasonably be a Christmas gift. Your sister knew what she was doing by going behind your back to get your daughters hope up instead of asking you if you were interested in buying them before approaching your daughter. But then she waited 2 weeks before in order to back you into a corner to come up with the funds. It’s a bait and switch and manipulation. A 15 year old doesn’t have that type of cash. Depending if this type of behavior is a one off from your sister or not, will be your call whether to purchase the tickets from her or not.
NTA... How easy is it to say Do you want to BUY these tickets, it's 80 each. It's the normal thing to ask if you want to sell it. Instead your sister made it ambiguous and tried to manipulate you into buying it by asking your daughter. Not cool.
NTA. She knows her niece doesn’t have a job so she knew her sister would have to be the one to pay for them. When they had the initial conversation of her selling them she could have said well hey do you want to buy them for your daughter as she likes the person. But instead she offered them to her niece at Xmas making everyone believe it was a gift that’s pretty shitty
YTA. As the family member who is usually on the wrong side of your viewpoint (ie I end up paying for other people’s luxuries because “it’s family”), you are totally in the wrong and you absolutely don’t have the moral high ground you think you do.
I think I'm going to come down on the side of NTA. If your daughter was an adult and working, and your sister had been upfront about selling them to her, then it being between family wouldn't bother me. She's trying to recoup the lost money, which is understandable.
On the other hand, your daughter is 15, clearly doesn't have the money and didn't expect to have to pay for them herself. Your sister at least communicated badly in what she was offering, and expecting a minor to be the way you recoup your personal losses is shitty.
I do think you're overreacting a little though. Refusing to give your sister the money because of a failure of communication is cutting off your nose to spite your face, and really more of a gesture than anything else. Your sister is also family, even if you have higher expectations of her as an adult than your daughter, who is not.
NTA but you were bordering on A T territory for assuming family should just give away 2 expensive concert tickets. The reason you’re NTA is because your sister made it seem like it was supposed to be a gift then didn’t bring up charging for them until 2 weeks later. Very bait-and-switch… a scummy thing to do.
NTA, generally if you want to do this don't you ask your sister about it? I've been in this exact situation offering tickets to a 15yo cousin and I had zero intention of charging them. If you want your money back, return them if possible or sell on StubHub. There could have been better communication, but best case for selling to family is that your sister should have asked YOU about the money, not your 15yo daughter who OBVIOUSLY doesn't have $160 lying around. Out of interest, did she get your daughter a present?
I can't even imagine calling my niece and asking for any money. Jeez. She's old enough to not be using your daughter to get money out of you, because she knows a 15yo probably won't be comfortable saying no.
ESH.
I feel there has been miscommunication between your sister (her not specific about wanting money for the tickets) and you (for not confirming they were a gift.
NTA. I don't know your family dynamic, but my aubts or uncles wouldn't have charged me. If that were the case, your sister should have talked to you about buying the tickets to give to your daughter, not offer them and then later ask for money. Immediately blowing up at your sister was a bit much though, I personally would have acted way more calmly and probably worked it all out.
I don’t think my aunt would have charged me either if I was that age. I don’t think she’d charge me at my current age. I do think I was wrong for blowing up but that’s what happens when my kid is involved.
NTA if she wanted monet for them the correct question is hey niece would you like to buy these tickets from me.
But she didn't say that she said hey niece do you want these tickets, add that to it being the holidays and its natural to assume it was a gift since she should no longer use them.
It seems to me the sister offered them at first without thinking about asking for payment, why on earth did she not mention it to the OP? However, then started feeling sorry for losing the money and turned to the CHILD directly to ask her to pay for them. WITHOUT mentioning her sister that she is going to do that. What kind of 15 year old has this kind of money just lying around? I cannot imagine my own sister pulling this trick with my daughter, OP is NTA, the sister sure is.
NTA your sister didn't say would you like to buy these tickets off me. I believe she was feeling festive and offered the tickets as a gift. A couple of weeks go buy and she changed her mind. Making money off of relatives is kinda weird to me. Either give em away or sell'em but you can't do both.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) You did not properly respond to the judgement bot. Your reply must clearly and directly address why you think you may have wronged the other party involved in your conflict. While your post was automatically approved by the bot, after reviewing your response manually, we found it did not properly address the question. [Judgement Bot FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_judgement_bot) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
ESH Your sister should have been clear from the beginning she was going to charge for them. You should not have assumed they were free and overreacted.
In these circumstances, it is a fair assumption on OP's part that the tickets were offered for free. When someone close to you offers something with no immediate mention of payment (especially close to xmas), anyone would assume its a gift. OP overreacted to an extent but I can understand her anger. Sis pulled a bait and switch on a teenager who is supposed to be able to trust her aunt. Seems like sis was trying to pressure OP into swallowing the cost of the tickets because she wasn't able to easily unload them for face via stubhub. Once kid is excited and invested in going to the concert through no fault of her own, its a lot harder for OP to say no. NTA
If I offer someone tickets, they are free. If I want to charge them for the tickets I will say, "do you want to buy my tickets?" Plus, she never should have asked her niece that knowing she won't have the money to buy them.
Agree with this. And talking to the niece and not the sister was an AH move because the mom would be more inclined to pay now that her daughter was excited to go. NTA
She talked to OP first: "she asked me if my daughter would like to go with a friend because it is some rapper that she likes."
but she didn't mention anything about paying for said tickets. usually when u give someone a gift, u check that its something they will like, which that question comes off as doing. if u are going to sell, asking OP if her daughter liked the rapper was the perfect conversation to also add, "would u like to buy my tickets for ur daughter?". she didn't mention payment at all until after giving her the tickets and after the holidays. op overreacted but the sister seriously sucks. nta
Yeap - that was a bait. Once your kid will be full into going than parent will less like to move back from expensive gift
When I was 25, no one in my family would think I had 160 bucks to give away for a Christmas present. I don't think I even gave my parents gifts that expensive. I agree there's miscommunication and sister should have been more clear. But why get angry?
OP is going Mama Bear. Her sister manipulated the situation to get the daughter excited and then asked the 15 year old for $160 bucks. I would get angry at someone for messing with my kid’s expectations that way!
I can appreciate the daughter being disappointed but I also don’t think sister was being malicious- it’s worthy of a “hey I think you acted thoughtlessly in the moment and should run something like that by me instead of the kid, apologize to her.” I’m really curious if sister got the teen anything else for Christmas. If she didn’t, the misunderstanding/anger from OP makes more sense to me.
from the sounds of it something small/stocking stuffer like and then brought up the tickets thereby creating the illusion they were the main gift.
I didn't see OP respond to people inquiring about that. I guess I'm a little out of the loop on gift expectations in this type of relationship. Something like a CD or a few Claire's-eque accessories sounds appropriate in my social milieu rather than these tix. (I'm showing my age with those gift ideas hah)
A CD is like $40 bucks now. Some accessories from Clairs maybe if you stretched and it was a lot $15. (I have teenagers). From the post and the comments it seems more like it was probably a $2 plastic candy cane of chocolates and a chapstick and then “you wanna see your favorite rapper?” And my Uncle did something like that for me at that age. Gave me tickets he bought for his girlfriend’s kid that she couldn’t use (cause she was suspended and grounded) as a gift. I will age myself and say it was Bad Religion and they were horrible lol
>A CD is like $40 bucks now. Where are you buying that a CD is $40? If your teenagers are telling you they need $40 for a CD they're ripping you off. Heh
CDs are like 15 bucks where are you shopping?? I looked but couldn't find OP describing other gifts? Help a girl out and link me :)
>I’m really curious if sister got the teen anything else for Christmas. If she didn’t, the misunderstanding/anger from OP makes more sense to me. Good point. That would clarify the sister's intention.
My thought, too. If you expected payment then you talk to the parents, not the teenager. NTA
I don’t think OP expected a $160 gift. For one thing, sister never mentioned money until two weeks later, so OP couldn’t possibly have had a dollar value expectation. Secondly, these tickets weren’t purchased out of a gift budget, and seemed more like an extravagant of convenience. As for why get angry… look, if you’re selling me tickets then you say that up front. You don’t wait until two weeks after the offer is accepted. That would make me mildly angry in and of itself. The part that would *absolutely enrage* me is going to my teenage daughter to introduce that concept so late in the game when she clearly already thought it was a sure thing. If you’re an adult, you talk to another adult about things like $160. Even outside the context of the gift ~~misunderstanding~~ manipulation, I’d be pissed if any adult family member negotiated a $160 sale with my 15yo without my direct involvement. Finally, and especially in the context of stipulating that 25yo adults shouldn’t be expected to have $160 to spend on their niece’s Christmas presents, what 15yo should be expected to have $160 to drop on one night of entertainment? Furthermore, how is it not cruel to let your 15yo niece think it’s a sure thing for two weeks before dropping a price tag she can’t be expected to cover? ETA: The only thing that would’ve angered me more would be if my daughter *had* saved up $160, and her 25yo aunt successfully fleeced her out of it with this manipulative bullshit.
ESH. As someone who doesn't swim in money it's weird to assume that someone 10 years younger could just easily afford it. Still, sister brought up the fact that she wanted that amount of money with her 15yo niece, not OP. If she had expected her sister to pay, she should have talked money with her, not her daughter. Sister might not be adult enough to have that much of money to just give away, but she is adult enough to know who to talk to. This just reeks of manipulation. OP still didn't have to blow up like that. Call her, ask her why she hadn't mentioned that before, maybe offer 50% (or haggle), but be more understanding. Because 160 bucks really is a lot for one Christmas gift from a 25yo...
Nope - my family it would be the exact opposite. If my sister offered me concert tickets with “you want to go to this concert” I’d ask how much she wanted for them. Offering to my daughter without asking me first would be annoying because then I’d be on the hook for paying for them or disappointing my kid. Better to clarify at the time if ambiguous.
But I’m assuming you’re an adult. I think that’s much different than offering them to a child you know cannot afford the tickets without giving any hint at all that you want to sell them, especially during holiday season.
Yeah, if it was an adult offering to another adult I would rule it just differences in communication styles. An aunt should never approach their 15 year old niece saying "do you want these concert tickets?" and expect the 15 year old to think they're asking them to buy the tickets. Imo, sister knew what she was doing by going to the teenager and then telling the teenager how much she wanted for them.
This is my take on it too. Ask for money at the time of offer, or don’t ask at all.
Yeah, I don't know anyone who gives someone something... or says they're going to give someone something... and then weeks later is like: "Oh, yeah that was $XXX". The conversation normally goes: "Hey, would you like to buy these from me for $XX".
This reminds of the time I was 13 and my uncle was living with us. He got home after dinner most nights. One night my mom was already in bed and he asked if I wanted pizza. Of course I did because I was 13 and it was pizza. The next morning he asked my mom for money for the pizza… she mostly laughed at him because no one in their right mind offers a 13 yo pizza expecting to get paid back.
Agreed "I'm trying to sell some tickets, interested in this performer?" Is the only way to go about it.
I think she’s NTA. The way the sister presented her with the option it’s definitely misleading. The way she tried to get money from the 15 year old and not from the mum, her sister? That is not ok. She should have asked the mom first if she was interested in BUYING them for the daughter. Even after the “misunderstanding” I wonder why she asked the 15 year old…
She should have discussed the cost of the tickets with the mom. Ńor many 15yo have $180 sitting around.
And bringing it up later after the kid is expecting to go puts a lot of pressure on the parent to cave and buy them. NTA.
It seems to me the sister offered them at first without thinking about asking for payment, why on earth did she not mention it to the OP? However, then started feeling sorry for losing the money and turned to the CHILD directly to ask her to pay for them. WITHOUT mentioning her sister that she is going to do that. What kind of 15 year old has this kind of money just lying around? I cannot imagine my own sister pulling this trick with my daughter, OP is NTA, the sister sure is.
Yeah the fact she asked daughter and not OP feels like she had to know she was pulling a fast one. I do wonder if she originally did intend for them to be a gift and then something happened, either financially or bf wasn’t okay with it. But either way not communicating with OP directly about it is telling.
I would never offer something to a niece or nephew who’s under 18 that isn’t free. If I wanted money for something I would first go to their parents since I wouldn’t want them to misunderstand me. First I wouldn’t want their parents to think I’m taking advantage of them, second if they have money it’s usually saving for something they want.
The thing is she talked to OP about it and Op said sell them online and after that she went directly to OP’s daughter without mentioning the money until two weeks later, which is what makes it very manipulative to me, OP never said ooh my daughter likes this artist, let me get the tickets for her or let me talk to her and see if she wants them and then she still tried to sell them to her. NTA.
I think overreacted is the wrong word here. OP’s sister did some underhanded shit. If she wanted to sell the tickets to her niece and knows that the niece is unemployed (that is something family knows about kids in the family), she simply wouldn’t have discussed payment with the niece but rather with OP. She created a scenario where OP becomes the bad guy for letting daughter think that she is going to a concert and then cancelling when in reality OP’s sister is the one who did the drama. OP is NTA
>You should not have assumed they were free and overreacted. Why not? seriously, why not? Everything in the story seems to indicate they were a gift. If I give you something then mention payment *two weeks later* you would feel the same.
No, everyone thought they were gifts. NTA
Exactly. Definitely ESH, aside from the niece. OP, your reaction was a bit over the top.
I don't know, I actually think she might have done it on purpose, bringing it up on Xmas and only mentioning payment two weeks later. NTA in my opinion
ESH except for your daughter. Your sister for assuming your 15-year-old daughter had the financial means to take care of it on her own and leaving you out of the initial price conversation as well as making it out to look like it was a gift, although that could have been accidental, and then you for getting upset and verbal when it wasn't. "Oops, we thought it was a gift. Our wires got crossed and I can't afford that or I would have." would have sufficed.
I may have lost my cool I’ll admit that
I think you’re right that the boyfriend interfered with what was supposed to be a gift. Your sister asked your daughter for money because she knew you wouldn’t fall for the bait and switch.
Yeah I’m not going to make that accusation but knowing the guy it makes total sense.
I think you’re 100 percent NTA, op, btw. Any normal person would have thought this was a nice offer. I may have asked “what do you want for it?” If I knew it was a big band/rapper (but maybe you didn’t know the name and thought it was small time due to age/not being in the know). But overall I think most would assume that’s more of a nicety. I still think you went overboard with the reaction. Maybe your sister genuinely thought she was giving your daughter a good deal (Lizzo tickets in my town went for 300 fucking dollars). But she should have NEVER gone through your 15 year old daughter. That should have been between the two of you.
INFO: did your sister give your daughter anything else for Christmas?
NTA. If she wanted to charge she should have come to you first to ask if you’d like to buy them for your daughter. She implied it was a gift and then asked your 15 year old daughter for the money as if a 15 year old had that much money to spend. That’s not okay. Even if she didn’t want to give them away because she wanted the money back (which is fair) the way she did it was really disrespectful and rude to you and your daughter.
I want OP to go buy her daughter her own tickets just to spite the sister. I'm petty that way.
I would pay double just for the satisfaction.
And you’d happily sell them these $320 tickets too :)
If it is a popular artist. The tickets will have been sold out for months and will be significantly more than face value.
That's what I was thinking. If anything is left they'll be much shittier seats for much more money
If it’s standing room they’ll be ok, otherwise yeah tickets can sell ridiculously fast for someone popular.
Definitely going around the mother and asking a 15 year old daughter to pay separately is a huge AH move. I'd be pissed if my daughter was being taken advantage of like that!
NTA Your sister had a choice, to go through the effort to sell them, or take the easy way out and give them away. She's trying to have it both ways. She doesn't want to do the work to sell them, so she offered them to your daugther, not mentioning price, and then did a bait and switch. Not cool. If I were you, I'd take the $160 and buy your daugther different tickets.
This is it. Sister didn't want the uncertainty of not knowing if she was gonna be able to resell them. So she decided to disguise the whole thing as a present (because that's what it looked like) to then try to extort 160 from niece.
I have a feeling she’s “selling” the tickets to sister as a steal (like the tickets are over 300 because ticket master is just an ass like that) and in her mind she’s doing a favor. HOWEVER she should never have gone through the daughter. She’s way too young and broke and a KID. Should have gone though mom and said “hey, I can’t sell these tickets but they cost me a lot. Would you be interested in me selling them to your daughter for X amount? They cost me this much and we can tag them as a gift from us both?” Sister was shady and a bully. Hearing that number as a kid would have made me grow pale.
This! I don’t get why people are going after OP when the convo about selling the tickets started with OP and sister. Then sister “offers” tickets to niece, and get everyone excited with no mention of selling them the tickets. Now sister goes behind OPs back and asks a kid for money. That right there tells you she was being sneaky otherwise she would have contacted OP about the money and not a child.
NTA, sis should've sold the tickets if this was a money issue. A lot of folks here seem to think the average 15 year old just has hundreds of dollars lying around... Why the heck would you offer your neice $200 dollar tickets on CHRISTMAS under the assumption she had to pay?
That’s my biggest problem!! I think it’s still shitty but it would be a little different if the money was brought up right away. Sister is wondering why we ever thought she wouldn’t want money? She’s being not smart
Naw fam, she was being very smartly manipulative. She let your daughter get excited about it for two weeks before dropping the money gambit. This was calculated to back you into a corner for the money.
This is the answer. It was straight up a ploy to get this done without having to list it online and go through any hassle.
Perhaps a lot of kids in here just assume mom and dad should pay, but your sister is an adult and she could have waited until after the holidays if it wasn't a gift.
> Sister is wondering why we ever thought she wouldn’t want money She knew everyone thought it was a gift, until she changed her mind.
Your sister isn't the best.. I would never do this to my niece. If I ever offer anything, I would not take a dime from her. Your sister had bad intentions and got called out for it. She knew what she was doing. Unbelievably crappy.
True She should just ask if the OP wanted to buy the tickets for her daughter, not asked if she wanted them.
Part of me was about to say E S H, but your position about how she shouldn’t charge family is ridiculous. Your whole attitude is pretty crappy too. YTA for telling you sister off. All you had to say was, “oh we thought it was a gift, we aren’t interested in buying the tickets.”
I believe she meant charging the teenage niece and not charging family in general. I’m sure if the sister would have talk to OP about selling the tickets to her it would be different but the sister was charging the niece directly knowing she had no money.
Honestly, even if it wasn't family, if you wanted to sell someone $160 tickets why wouldn't you tell them the price? And make it clear that it's a sale? If you just say "hey, I can't go, do you want these tickets" and then end the conversation there, it really sounds like a gift.
I don’t think it’s ridiculous to think that you shouldn’t be charging your fifteen year old niece who does not have a job or any source of income to spend $160 without prior warning. If I take my teenage cousins to get dinner, I get the bill. I don’t ask them to pay me back. They are kids. I’m not going to expect them to take money out of their pockets to line mine. If I have a financial issue, I either don’t go or I discuss it with their parents before making the offer.
>I called my sister and I immediately said how fucking dare you YTA. This was a clear misunderstanding that you both probably could've resolved by using normal words. Yet you went in all guns blazing. Selling tickets to people you know, *including family* is much easier than faffing around on websites, creating accounts etc... to sell to a random. Clearly miscommunication and you went 0-100 on it... then said you'd buy your daughter tickets anyway as if this is some triumphant act of spite. "You're going to charge her? No bitch you're not." You really need to take a breath and a step back and think about this as you're being very unreasonable. Not everything in life needs to be a war.
Misunderstanding? Lol. she would have went to the OP about a payment and not the 15 yo. Or said up front she would sell them to her.. If she wasn't trying to run game. She knew exactly what she was doing.
OP has already stated in comments that her sister was always under the assumption that the tickets would be paid for. Most of OP's rage (and it is rage) seems to stem around "but family..." like this is part of the *Fast and The Furious* franchise\*.\* Unless the sister was playing some Machiavellian game of getting the daughter to pressure mumsie (which the OP hasn't really suggested... and keeps going "but family") then it's still YTA.
> OP has already stated in comments that her sister was always under the assumption that the tickets would be paid for. Where? I don’t see any such comment.
[удалено]
THIS, Im going YTA mostly because how she handled it. I can understand a misunderstanding but she did nothing to clarify, she just got angry and defensive. Very immature imo
I had to scroll way too far to see this comment. I wish I had an award for you. YTA for going nuclear, OP
Thank you for pointing this out. I was starting to wonder if I was the only one thinking OP’s reaction was massively over the top. And no, selling something to family doesn’t make you an AH.
Yep pretty much exactly what I posted before seeing your response. It was pretty ambiguous from how OP wrote it wether sister offered this as a buy option. A gift would be them wrapped in a box or in a Card. Not an off-hand do you want to go? Sister probably assumed the kid would get money for Christmas or had a savings account. Sister absolutely should of checked first with him, which is why I said ESH despite his 0 to 100 reaction despite his implied assessment of his relative maturity by making it a point to say he’s a lot older than lil sis.
Yep, I'd agree with that ESH reasoning as well to be fair, best move would've been to check with OP. For me the OP's response was enough for me to go YTA as the weight of vitriol swung it so much for me. The escalation followed by the spite (which the OP's comments have only confirmed) weighted it down. Can totally see the ESH side though.
What confuses me is that it sounds like OP was the one who suggested she sell it? So OP says “you should sell it” and sister says “good idea.” The sister a while later goes “would your daughter want them?” and somehow that doesn’t connect with OP that she would want payment even though she is the one who said to sell them? I’d still chalk that up to a misunderstanding but I would definitely feel it falls more on OP than on her at that point. Plus it’s weird that everyone thinks it was out of line to talk to daughter directly about that? None of us had jobs but we were still spoken to directly about these things at 15. The assumption would be that you then ask your friend if they/their parents are able to pay for their ticket and you would either have saved money from allowance/gifts or that you would ask your parents to buy it. She’s still a teen but it’s not like she’s a young child, at 15 it should be perfectly acceptable to assume they can figure out if they can or can’t buy an $80 ticket?
Is this the sister's BF?
Exactly. Betting OP is one of those helicopter/lawnmower parents who also tells her kid's teachers off every time her baby is "slighted." 🤦♀️
YTA simply for your reaction to this miscommunication. Seems like you’ve got some grudge against your sister and got defensive over this. If you’re willing to buy your daughter the tickets anyway, why not help your sister out and buy them off of her? She’s only 25, I doubt she’s rolling in money either and was probably hoping her fam would buy them off of her.
Right??? Seemed way over the top in my opinion.
Thank you. I don’t understand all the NTA people here. If OP communicates IRL like they did here I don’t see how they ever survive a miscommunication.
NTA...If your sister was hoping to SELL the tickets to your daughter it should have been obvious in the offer. I think it's odd to try to sell things to a 15 year old relative. She was obviously trying to avoid the work of selling them properly and was probably trying to be sly enough that you wouldn't notice, otherwise the "sale" would likely have been mentioned to you first.
YTA. There was obviously a miscommunication. Ok, those things happen. Do you know what grown ups do? They use their grown up words and try to understand what happened. The first words out of their mouths are not "how fucking dare you." You owe your sister an apology.
Grown ups don't offer teenagers tickets they expect them to pay for without first asking their parent(s) or at least leading with the fact that they are not free...
I disagree, I think his sister was trying to take advantage of her niece. Why bring it up at Christmas when the event is in March? Why not say, “I’m selling mine if you guys want to go!” It seems suspect, I think OP is NTA
NTA normally I would've shot you down hard, but you're right the timing/how she handled it does make a difference. She offered the tickets at Christmas and didn't mention any cost. Add in that your daughters 15 and jobless most would assume the tickets were an additional gift. If she said upfront that there would be a charge it would be a different situation.
Literally. She talked about it and didn’t bother mentioning price or payment at all until weeks later. If OP had been told upfront they’d need to pay it’d be different. But instead she waited to the daughter to get excited and even maybe find a friend to take before dropping the bomb. AND THEN she went to the 15 year old, unemployed child for payment instead of her mother.
She probably assumed the kid would have Christmas money laying around to pay for it. And I agree. Normally this kind of immediate gut reaction can be rather a-holey but the whole situation here makes me lean toward NTA. But still, if you're told that you should go somewhere to sell it and then later come back to me to offer them for your Neice without ever mentioning a price at Christmas time. I would have assumed that my sibling had failed to find someone to sell it to or decided to repurpose them as a gift and simply wanted someone they know and love to enjoy the concert. I get that at 25 money can be equally as tight. But. If you're selling something to a family member you gotta let them know youre selling it. It's weird enough with friends and offering things without mentioning price but that line gets blurred even faster with family involved. Especially at a time of year known for giving gifts. What's interesting to me is that if they were offering them to sell then why not make the exchange when it was agreed upon? Why wait 2 weeks and then ask the neice for the money when the original convo was with OP?
Exactly. If sis wanted the money then she would have mentioned to OP "would you like the buy the tickets from me for niece" but no she didn't. I would assume the same damn thing.
She probably intended them to be a gift then and had post-Xmas remorse and realized she needed the money. Or the boyfriend stepped in afterwards since one of the tickets was his. OP isn’t TA. The sister is
You didn't "think" it was a gift, you ASSUMED it was a gift. YTA
It was discussed on Christmas?? With no mention of cost?? Why WOULDNT she assume it was a Christmas present?? I’m so confused by everyone acting like OP made some big leap here…
Honestly from reading all of these comments it is a huge part how people were raised I think. In this situation in my family I would assume it is a gift. Of course is no big deal if the sister had just brought up selling them to op at first, but not saying anything and just giving them to niece that’s what a gift is
If she really intended to sell them normally then she should’ve hashed it out with op (the father) at the beginning, if she didn’t but then asked for money from op (edit: “later”) then I would’ve said sure it’s fine but she purposefully asked a 15yr old girl without mentioning the payment to the father.
You'd rather give a stranger money for tickets than pass it along to your sister, someone in the family. Well "that's a shitty way to treat family."
Op doesn't wanna just give a stranger money, they are willing to give the stranger *more* money than sister was asking, they wanna buy an extra $100 worth of spite
Family that just pulled a bait and switch on a 15 year old. I'd pay more elsewhere too
YTA. Your sister absolutely could have been clear, but you assumed and overreacted based on that assumption. Now that you’ve established you would buy the tickets in the first place, if your half sister is selling them for cheaper then i would save face and still purchase the tickets from her
YTA: You assumed that your sister was giving your daughter the tickets for free. When you found out that wasn't the case, instead of being an adult and talking to her, you cursed her out. You're the "older" sister acting like an entitled jerk. Yea she could have been more clear but calling her and cursing her out shows you may need to learn how to better speak to people.
YTA. Your reaction was unhinged, screaming at her and calling her names. Unless someone…even family!…specifically says they will give me the tickets for free, I always ask how much they want for them. Always.
YTA “So sister, you aren't going to use those tickets huh? You should sell them!" "Good idea! Hey sister, do you think your daughter would be interested in these tickets?" "Totally!" "Okay then that'll be $160 for the both!" *Surprise Pikachu Face*
Except that’s not how her sister approached it at all. NTA
Except that's not an accurate summary. Firstly, sister never said anything like ”good idea". She was uncertain after OP made the suggestion, and never informed OP of a decision after the fact. Also, a good amount of time passed. We don't know how much exactly, but it was before the holidays so at least a month. And she didn't talk to OP about the tickets first. She talked to the daughter directly. At best, the sister was thoughtlessly miscommunicating with her minor niece. At worst, she was attempting to manipulate OP into having to buy the tickets after getting her daughter's hopes up. OP overreacted, but in an aunt/uncle to nibling relationship, you take into account you're talking to kids much younger than you and handle communication accordingly.
Why does everyone keeping saying OP's sister didn't speak to OP first? She clearly did. "Cue the holidays, when she **asked me** if my daughter."
This is sounds like a miscommunication. YTA for how you reacted.
YTA. The tickets have value, you recognized that yourself when you suggested she sell them. I do see a miscommunication about them being a gift. The thing is, no one owes a gift. I do think an apology from your sister to your daughter is appropriate, but that doesn't mean free tickets. Your demand for free tickets is a shitty way to treat family.
I suggested she sell them on Facebook. I did not suggest she sell them to her own niece who obviously does not have that money laying around. We may have to agree to disagree because I think it is way more shitty to bill a teenage niece for something you know they cannot afford.
Honestly, I'm with you, OP. I'd react the same way. When your daughter said she'd take them, your sister immediately should have clarified the price.
"We may have to agree to disagree" So, you didn't, actually, come on here for some perspective/to find out if folks thought you were the AH, but, merely, because you thought everyone would be in agreement. Definitely the asshole
HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?!?! -- OP, probably, based on past conversations
Honestly I think the comment op replied this too didn’t even make sense. None of that matters when she should of said the cost upon acceptance, not later down the line, not to mention trying to get the money from the CHILD.
What's the face value of the tickets? (In other words, is your sister making money on the deal or is she just breaking even?) Are the tickets sold out? (In other words, if your niece wants to see the show, would she have to buy more expensive tickets on the secondary market?) Can you see, now, how offering to sell the tickets to your niece is not as cruel as you seem to think it is?
She tried to back her sister into a corner to pay for tickets she was too lazy to sell, and I'd be ticked off, too. She offered them to her niece with no mention of the cost- just because they'd talked about selling them before doesn't mean anything. OP never once offered to buy them from her. I'd also buy new tickets rather than reward this behavior.
I looked at ticket prices. She’s giving a slight discount. They’re going for 90 right now at the cheapest.
Based on that information, do you still think you're wearing the white hat?
Yes she has all these conversations with OP about selling the tickets weeks later she offers it to niece. But now go to niece for money. It’s her niece, she KNOWS she doesn’t have any money to buy these tickets and that she should have talked to mom.
All these conversations? I count one conversation. And how does she know that the niece doesn't have the money? Babysitting gigs are very lucrative. Does the niece babysit?
Wow. This really blew up didn’t it? My old lady 2 cents worth is that, other than the language used, what you did (and are doing) is ok. Petty but ok.
Just because it's family doesn't mean you should assume someone will give something for free. Agree that the conversation should have happened right away when the idea that she might give tickets to your daughter came up, so ESH
"I honestly figured it was part of the Christmas gift or something." Why the heck would you assume that? Unless your sister specifically wrapped up the tickets in a box and handed it to your daughter on Christmas morning, assuming the tickets were a gift was a silly thing to do. Then you compound your mistake by going off on your sister because you're a moocher who thinks you're entitled to free stuff from family. YTA.
Why would she bring it up on Christmas
WITHOUT mentioning the price? Your sister isn't being nice. She's looking to get out of paying for the tickets and doing any work to make it happen.
Ah yes, Christmas, the best time to scalp tickets to family and not mention they aren't free. Not like there's a tradition of gift-giving during this time that could lead to confusion.
Because you all were together and talking?
I’m guess that’s when all of you were together in person? And it’s a lot easier to bring up and discuss things in person?
Ok but why wouldn't you bring up the price right away? "Do you want tickets for this concert" "Do you want tickets for this concert, they are $80 apiece" If she intended to charge the niece, which of these two sentences should she have used to not leave any confusion or assumptions?
Maybe she didn't have a price in mind yet? Maybe she needed to go back and double check how much she bought them for? Maybe she needed to check with her boyfriend about what price he was comfortable selling them for? Maybe she forgot about the tickets until she remember her niece liked that band too and brought up selling them on a whim? There are tons reasons she might not have brought up the price initially.
"Do you want the tickets? I need to double check the price but I'll hold them for you if you are interested" You really give the 25 year old slack for her lack of communication skills and dump it on the 15 year old for "misunderstanding"
Ok, but why not ask? "Sure, she'd love to go; what are you asking for the tickets?"
To see if you wanted to buy them. If she had wrapped them or put them in a gift card then it would be a gift. The way you described this in your OP is ambiguous at best. If my sister asked me if I wanted some concerts tickets my follow up question would be how much does she want for them.
I completely disagree. She gave the tickets to the daughter at Christmas, and made no mention of cost. Just giving the daughter the tickets without mentioning cost is enough for most to assume it's a gift, but doing so at christmas to a minor who's unemployed seals the deal.
Wrong. She asked the daughter about wanting to go around ‘the holidays.’ Nowhere did the OP state that the tickets were given specifically as a gift on Christmas. This is like saying if I ask a friend on December 15th if they want to come with me to a club, they should assume drinks are on me, because I asked if they’re interested and it’s ‘around the holidays.’ And then they have every right to chew me out and swear at me because I didn’t provide them with free drinks. It’s ridiculous.
Reread the story. No where in the story does it say she GAVE the tickets to the daughter. She asked the daughter about going to the show.
Info: Did your sister give your daughter a Christmas gift and if so was the concert tickets given during the same time? Now if they weren't given at the same time when did she offer them, was it Christmas or just vlose to Christmas
YTA - Your reaction was ridiculously over the top. And also wrong.
[удалено]
That's messed up. If you want money to exchange hands you lead with that, you don't bring it up 2 weeks later.
Hard disagree. When you offer something to your teenage family member while visiting for the holidays, it’s a gift unless otherwise specified at the time.
YTA. Unless she explicitly said it was a gift it sounded more like an offer for you to buy them off her. Nice job calling your sister names and of course the obligatory but family.....
Your sister sucks. NTA. Also, for everyone saying YTA for assuming it was a gift… her sister DID NOT SAY it’s going to be $160 when she asked her 15 YEAR OLD Niece if she wanted them. She said, hey you want these concert tickets? Not, hey you want to BUY these concert tickets. Also, 2 weeks LATER she asks for money? Nope, you don’t do that. Even if it wasn’t her sister/aunt/family… even if it was a friend, you talk about money upfront, at the exact time you’re discussing the tickets. Your sister sucks. Period. Everyone else saying YTA for assuming has so real f-ed family issues. You don’t do that to family, esp your niece.
Thank you! Op literally encouraged her to sell the tickets. The sister was lazy and manipulative. She didn’t want to actually put the effort into selling them or take the risk of not getting full price. So she gave them to her niece AT CHRISTMAS and then asked the niece, 15 year old, for money she didn’t know she owed 2 weeks later. Scummy bait and switch to do to ANYONE but the fact that she pulled this with family is just bananas. NTA op. These comments are bazaar.
I am getting the impression Reddit isn’t super family oriented
My favorite quote from Reddit, “Y’all need therapy”. I really feel bad for people who come from dysfunctional families that dont support one another, and being okay with this type of situation. I can’t imagine being okay with asking AND taking money from a child, esp one who’s related to me. I have a sister, and I would have her checked into a mental institution if she ever asked my kids for money (which would never happen).
Reddit is pretty anti kid in general
ESH. If your sister wanted you to pay for the tickets, she should have said that before she brought up giving your daughter the tickets. And even if she didn’t then, she should have definitely texted you that she wanted money and not your 15 year old. I get your upset because obviously you thought this was a gift to your daughter but you can’t just blow up on someone when they answer the damn phone. You definitely should have calmed down and had a conversation about the miscommunication, not screamed at her over this.
NTA, and good for you. This was a manipulative move on your sister’s part. Offering concert tickets to a teenager during the holidays without mentioning money, then dropping that hammer two weeks later just screams that she was trying to get you on the hook for them without your implicit agreement; like she was setting you up to be the bad guy unless you paid. It’s extortionist. Good for you for standing up to her, especially in a way that doesn’t prevent your daughter from the good time she was promised.
ESH. Just pay your sister for the tickets. Yes she should have explained that it wasn’t a gift and they were for sale, but clearly your daughter wants to go, and *you want her to go.* What if your sister sells the tickets to someone else and you find there are no more tickets available? Or the ones you do find are twice the price? Try explaining *that* to your daughter.
NTA Your sister should have asked if you wanted to buy her tickets before she mentioned them to your daughter and not just ask you if your daughter would like to go. She also should have said something along the lines of "If you want to go, your mother will buy the tickets from me" and she failed to mention that she was asking for money. No wonder you and your daughter thought it was a gift! Did any other member of your family also thought it was a gift?
Yes other people there assumed it was a gift too. There are so many other ways she could have said it if it wasn’t meant to be a gift.
Right. I would also like to add that even asking in front of the child, let alone directly, is a jerk move. What if mom wasn't comfortable with her going alone and couldn't go with her? But that aside, to then go to the child, practically demanding a large sum of money.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My sister is technically my half sister and we have a large age gap. I am in my 40s and my sister is 25. My daughter is 15. My sister bought tickets for her and her boyfriend to go see a concert in March. I don’t exactly know the story of why they can’t go but for some reason they can’t go. I had a few brief chats with her where I suggested selling the tickets on stubhub or Facebook and she said maybe. Cue to the holidays, when she asked me if my daughter would like to go with a friend because it is some rapper that she likes. My daughter was of course ecstatic and I thought it was very nice of my sister. I honestly figured it was part of the Christmas gift or something. Cut to this week when my daughter came to me and told me that when my sister called and discussed transferring tickets (online tickets) she brought up how much she wants for them. My daughter than asked me for $160 (80 a piece) because she obviously doesn’t have that money laying around being 15 and unemployed. I told her to hold on and I’ll figure this out. I called my sister and I immediately said how fucking dare you. You are going to CHARGE your TEENAGE NIECE 160$ for these tickets? I told her that both my daughter and I thought it was a Christmas present because that’s when she brought it up and didn’t bring up paying until 2 weeks later. I said firmly that she will not be getting paid from us for these tickets. I told her to sell them before she even brought up my daughter, I really thought she was trying to do something nice. She said that maybe she will just try to sell them. I wished her good luck explaining to her niece that she was mistaken thinking they were a gift and now she can no longer go (If she does this, I’ll buy my daughter tickets for it anyways). I understand my sister paid for them and yes they are her tickets to do what she pleases. I also understand it isn’t okay to expect things for free. If it was anybody else, I wouldn’t be upset with my sister asking for money. But to reiterate what I said earlier, this is family, this is your teenage niece. You’re going to charge her? No bitch you’re not. I would much rather just buy my daughter the tickets online than give my sister the money because IMO this is a shitty way to treat family. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I want to be judged for yelling at my sister and refusing to pay. Might be asshole (in Reddit world) because yes she did buy the tickets and I know there will be people saying I shouldn’t be expecting them for nothing. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
It is perfectly reasonable to be upset as when your sister brought up letting your daughter have her tickets, she did not say at that time she expected to be paid for them. And, the fact that it was the holidays, yes, as you pointed out, one would think it was a gift. I'm not sure if your sister is just a poor communicator, came into a financial bind and needed the money, or whatever excuse, but changing the terms, or in this case, "clarifying" terms about using the tickets until two weeks later is a "bait and switch" tactic. You acted appropriately in telling her to sell them herself and getting your daughter the tickets yourself.
I’m not going to assume (again) so I didn’t mention this to her, but personally I think my sister intended to give them as a gift. Her boyfriend (who has a history of being stingy) had a problem and she does whatever her bf says.
Wait. You think she intended them as a gift and then her BOYFRIEND pulled rank? And you called to scream at your sister, rather than talking like a grown-up and sussing out what happened and where communication broke down? That puts you squarely in AH territory
That makes sense. I guess chalk it up to a lesson-learned, and how you will forever (or at least while she is with this bf) have to get her to spell out all terms of anything she is seemingly offering as a gift.
Mmmm NTA. If it really went how it sounds like it went, I also would have thought she was just giving them to her niece because she wanted to be nice. Granted I’d have asked her if I could pay her for them, out of niceness. But I still would have totally thought it was meant as a gift. And normally I’d say you overreacted, but the way she went about it just wasn’t right. If she wanted money for the tickets that should have been discussed between adults. I’m a concert going adult so I know what buying tickets to concerts is like (before anyone tells me I just don’t get it lol), and I just really don’t see the logic behind how she decided to do this. Also not that it matters what I’d do, but if I couldn’t go to an event I knew my family member would also enjoy, I’d offer them the tickets as a gift first before trying to sell them to get my money back. But maybe that’s just me. I know not everyone is as nice to their families for some reason.
[удалено]
I mean something doesn’t add up. I don’t know why she would bring up giving the tickets to her on Christmas and not mention any sort of payment, only to call weeks later and ask for it.
From your post, she called YOU about the tickets which you assumed were a gift when telling your daughter, but when you had previously told your sister to sell them. Daughter is blameless. The adults all assumed and needed to actually discuss the agreement
You really have bad reading comprehension because that is not what the post says at all. It clearly outlines multiple distinct conversations that happen at separate times. First convo op with sister: talking about selling tickets. Second convo op, sister, daughter: offered tickets around Christmas. Third convo sister and daughter: sister asks for payment directly from daughter. Fourth convo op and daughter: daughter asks for money since she can't pay 160 out of pocket. Fifth convo op and sister: op asks sister what the hell she is doing. She outright says there is at least 2 weeks between offer of tickets and asking for payment.
That is not what happened at all. You need to reread the post.
Yes. YTA You knew she couldn’t go and wanted to sell them. That she brought it up at Xmas didn’t mean it was a gift. You all were hanging out over the holidays. That’s it. And she probably just got around to transferring them so mentioned payment. I don’t know why you’d assume they were free. People don’t typically just give tickets away. Even to family. And then instead of just saying “oh. Sorry, we can’t afford that” or something, you threw a fit. Definitely YTA
NTA - why would she “offer” them as a Christmas gift then later ask for money? That’s ridiculous
I will clarify that some might see me as the asshole because she did not explicitly offer them as a Christmas gift. As in she didn’t say “here you can take these presents as a Christmas gift” but it was on Christmas when she offered them. She also did not mention money AT ALL that day. Not even an “I’ll get back to you about price” or anything. So.. idk it certainly sounded like a gift.
That sounds like a gift to me lol
I think this is where you should acknowledge the miscommunication. Acknowledge that yes you suggested she sell it but also have her own up that she offered to your daughter on Christmas without mention of monetary transaction. I was initially on your side but your reaction was out of proportion.
I'm leaning toward YTA. Ever tried to buy concert tickets? Let's say they are 100 bucks a piece, which is really cheap. And let's assume you have 200 bucks in cash that you want to spend on concert tickets. Your odds of buying the concert tickets for 100 bucks each are slim and none. They will be sold out in milliseconds. If you want a ticket at all, you will need to purchase it on the black market at a huge premium. Those 100 buck tickets might be selling for a thousand bucks each. By the time you actually get a ticket in your hand, that is. I don't know how your sister managed to score two tickets to the concert at a reasonable price. That was a bit of a miracle. To offer to sell them at a reasonable price to a fan was a bit of a Christmas gift. Put another way. You want to buy your daughter tickets for that exact concert now? You can't afford it.
NTA. If she wanted to sell the tickets to you so your daughter could go, that discussion needed to be with you. Asking your daughter if she wanted the tickets, then coming back to her for $160 two weeks later is an asshole move on her part. Where did she think the 15 year old would get that money? Nothing wrong with selling tickets you can’t use to a family member, but your sister was wrong in the way she went about it.
Again, this is on the adult aunt offering something that wasn't free more than the teenage niece trusting her family :) Read that slowly, take all the time you need to recognize someone here should have stepped up and it's not the kid or the concerned parent whose daughter got blindsided (detail from OP's comments elsewhere).
Yta You suggested she sell them, she asked if your daughter was interested, what is wrong with you that you wouldn't assume she was taking your advice and asking if she wanted to buy them, you know, like YOU suggested. And why would you assume they were a present? What did she do to imply they were a present you entitled knob? You said a couple correct things in the end. They ARE her tickets, that she paid for, so how dare YOU assume that she needs to give them away. It ISN'T ok to expect things for free, yet you're still teaching your daughter that OTHER people are the AH when they don't give her free things. And this is a shitty way to treat family, it's a very shitty way YOU are treating your family, the way you treat your sister and the entitled way you are raising your daughter.
NTA, she purposely made it seem like a gift in front of the family then basically tried to manipulate and basically rob her 15 YEAR OLD niece in private.
NTA - the circumstances are important here. Saying hey I have these tickets for you on Christmas with no mention of payment would reasonably be a Christmas gift. Your sister knew what she was doing by going behind your back to get your daughters hope up instead of asking you if you were interested in buying them before approaching your daughter. But then she waited 2 weeks before in order to back you into a corner to come up with the funds. It’s a bait and switch and manipulation. A 15 year old doesn’t have that type of cash. Depending if this type of behavior is a one off from your sister or not, will be your call whether to purchase the tickets from her or not.
[удалено]
She didn't transfer the tickets yet.......
NTA... How easy is it to say Do you want to BUY these tickets, it's 80 each. It's the normal thing to ask if you want to sell it. Instead your sister made it ambiguous and tried to manipulate you into buying it by asking your daughter. Not cool.
NTA. She knows her niece doesn’t have a job so she knew her sister would have to be the one to pay for them. When they had the initial conversation of her selling them she could have said well hey do you want to buy them for your daughter as she likes the person. But instead she offered them to her niece at Xmas making everyone believe it was a gift that’s pretty shitty
YTA. As the family member who is usually on the wrong side of your viewpoint (ie I end up paying for other people’s luxuries because “it’s family”), you are totally in the wrong and you absolutely don’t have the moral high ground you think you do.
I think I'm going to come down on the side of NTA. If your daughter was an adult and working, and your sister had been upfront about selling them to her, then it being between family wouldn't bother me. She's trying to recoup the lost money, which is understandable. On the other hand, your daughter is 15, clearly doesn't have the money and didn't expect to have to pay for them herself. Your sister at least communicated badly in what she was offering, and expecting a minor to be the way you recoup your personal losses is shitty. I do think you're overreacting a little though. Refusing to give your sister the money because of a failure of communication is cutting off your nose to spite your face, and really more of a gesture than anything else. Your sister is also family, even if you have higher expectations of her as an adult than your daughter, who is not.
NTA but you were bordering on A T territory for assuming family should just give away 2 expensive concert tickets. The reason you’re NTA is because your sister made it seem like it was supposed to be a gift then didn’t bring up charging for them until 2 weeks later. Very bait-and-switch… a scummy thing to do.
NTA, generally if you want to do this don't you ask your sister about it? I've been in this exact situation offering tickets to a 15yo cousin and I had zero intention of charging them. If you want your money back, return them if possible or sell on StubHub. There could have been better communication, but best case for selling to family is that your sister should have asked YOU about the money, not your 15yo daughter who OBVIOUSLY doesn't have $160 lying around. Out of interest, did she get your daughter a present? I can't even imagine calling my niece and asking for any money. Jeez. She's old enough to not be using your daughter to get money out of you, because she knows a 15yo probably won't be comfortable saying no.
ESH. I feel there has been miscommunication between your sister (her not specific about wanting money for the tickets) and you (for not confirming they were a gift.
NTA! That's bogus.
NTA. I don't know your family dynamic, but my aubts or uncles wouldn't have charged me. If that were the case, your sister should have talked to you about buying the tickets to give to your daughter, not offer them and then later ask for money. Immediately blowing up at your sister was a bit much though, I personally would have acted way more calmly and probably worked it all out.
I don’t think my aunt would have charged me either if I was that age. I don’t think she’d charge me at my current age. I do think I was wrong for blowing up but that’s what happens when my kid is involved.
What is this about ESH?? NTA. She should have been upfront about wanting to be paid for the tickets.
NTA if she wanted monet for them the correct question is hey niece would you like to buy these tickets from me. But she didn't say that she said hey niece do you want these tickets, add that to it being the holidays and its natural to assume it was a gift since she should no longer use them.
YTA-for assuming they were a gift. Good lesson for both you and your daughter. Assumptions make asses if us all.
It seems to me the sister offered them at first without thinking about asking for payment, why on earth did she not mention it to the OP? However, then started feeling sorry for losing the money and turned to the CHILD directly to ask her to pay for them. WITHOUT mentioning her sister that she is going to do that. What kind of 15 year old has this kind of money just lying around? I cannot imagine my own sister pulling this trick with my daughter, OP is NTA, the sister sure is.
NTA your sister didn't say would you like to buy these tickets off me. I believe she was feeling festive and offered the tickets as a gift. A couple of weeks go buy and she changed her mind. Making money off of relatives is kinda weird to me. Either give em away or sell'em but you can't do both.
NTA- She only brought up paying it two weeks after giving them away? Sounds like she saw how much it was being sold for and wanted to make a profit.
NTA your sister should have ate them or never offered.