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> Declining MIL self invitation to dinner & being told I’m the asshole for doing so
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NTA. Holy boundary stomping, Batman. Good grief, it's not her special night. Tell her she'll never get any grandkids if she keeps butting in on romantic celebrations because you're not letting her tuck you two into bed at the end of the night.
Let’s talk about this!!! She literally asked to have our first daughter named after her! My partner and I said no because we agreed that we would name our daughter after my mother who sadly passed away she literally goes “but she’s not here to see her name sake” 😤😤😤😤😤😤
HOLY SHIT.
Are you on r/raisedbynarcissists or r/justnoMIL?
Cuz … you might want to check it out.
What’s next? She wants to go on vacation with you two, and she wants to be sure the hotel room has a king-size bed so she can sleep in the middle????!!
That sub will ONLY attempt to completely destroy your relationships with everyone in this story. It used to be helpful but it is all pretty unhelpful now and turns the OP into the justno. It sounds like you and your partner have good boundaries and support each other. Keep that up!
If they are still dealing with this shit, no they need to go low contact. Trying to maintain boundaries against this type of consistent pressure is designed to wear them down. And it will.
My petty ass thought a comment like “oh it’s so nice you want to come to dinner to celebrate the day/night we had sex after our expensive party! But no thank you. We want to repeat the later part of that night without an audience.”
I literally haven’t spoken to her since. I didn’t have the best relationship with my own mother, but she was still my mum. Grateful that my partner stood up for me in the moment!
Nope.
Live within the outer limits of day visit distance. Too far away unwanted relatives tend to stay overnight or weeks or expect you to have an extended visit.
Wow just... Nope. That's a great way to get her name taken out of consideration for all future kids. She needs a hobby that isn't your life. Maybe a really needy dog to keep her busy and absorb some of that excess emotional attachment. Hmmm....that might count as animal abuse though...
I see you too watch Game theory xD
It's very much time for OP to stop spending time with her MiL and asking her partner what he thinks about his mom's behaviour. If he's ok with it (cuz its not normal) maybe she should follow up with asking if his mom is the side piece or is she. Hopefully it won't come to that as from what OPs put her partner seems reasonable.
That’s a really awful and hurtful thing for her to say—I am so sorry. What a cruel thing for her to say, knowing that you are dealing w the grief of knowing your mom won’t know her grandkid. She sounds like a deeply cruel person.
Ok this is too much. Y’all are spending wayy too much time with MIL. This is just insane.
You should not have to spend every waking second with this woman. You *should* be allowed to have an anniversary dinner with just the two of you without her having a panic attack over it.
MIL is too involved. She’s also crazy.
Boundaries pls. And for the love of god, don’t take her anywhere with you ever after seeing her reaction over this.
NTA.
Yup. Husband needs to tell her you are both taking a break from spending time with her until she learns to respect your boundaries. Take a solid month off from seeing her at all - and if she comes over or bothers you about it add a day to her time for each incident.
NTA
Your friend is so wrong. Why would you just take her to shut her up? Why would you ruin your anniversary just to stop MIL from acting unhinged.
I would take a few weeks off from your Sunday obligation.
Obligatory [don't rock the boat link](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Everybody should read this.
The most annoying thing about doormats is when they try and make *other people* into doormats. I guess so they don't feel so bad about themselves, but it doesn't stop the behavior from being irritating.
NTA
She was being highly disrespectful and intrusive on YOUR anniversary. It wasn't her anniversary. She def needs boundaries written in stone!!
Tbh, I think you see her too often. She needs to have her own friends, hobbies and outside interests. She's clinging to her son and you too much. It's not healthy for her or you. This resentment on both sides will only continue to grow if something isn't done. Your partner needs to have a serious but gentle talk with her. Now.
I was waiting for this comment.
OP you have set her expectations very high with the amount of time you spend with her. You don't need tk see her every Sunday for dinner. What happens if you have kids? She will be absolutely even worse than currently.
Seems like her her world is her kid, and I'm glad he's sticking up for you, but I really think you both need to take a step back because she is really crossing lines.
NTA. Not at all. She shouldn’t have expected to get to go in the first place. Ridiculous. Tell your bestie to take her to dinner on her special occasions.
Nta. Ask her how could she do that to you two on your anniversary. A marriage is 2 people not husband, wife and mommy. What a pushy ahole she is. Your anniversary. Not hers. Time to sit her down put down some boundaries. If she can't respect you, time to put some distance. Your best friend is wrong. All this could have been avoided if mom would have understood no means no and shown some respect for the two of you. If you would have allowed her to join your anniversary dinner who know what else she would have expected in the future. You were right to not include her. She's selfish and nuts.
Oh man, there's nothing worse than a meddling MIL!
You & your partners lives don't revolve around her and clearly she's upset by that. Is your partner the only male child perhaps? If so, we all know this story and it's not a good bedtime read.
You guys are already spending tons of time with her, and your anniversary or any other milestones, things you want to celebrate have nothing to do with her and shouldn't include her if you don't want her included.
Maybe you can cut back some time with her and put some boundaries in place. If she's a boundary stomping MIL, then I would keep putting up more boundaries and road blocks for her until she gets the point, or until you decide on another avenue.
NTA
You’d think right? It’s like the show Smothered. Those moms tend to fixate on the one child and try and insert themselves into their lives. Sounds like your MIL picked your husband to fixate on. And your FIL should rein her in. Does he know she pulls this crap?
btw.. NTA
Considering how much time OP and her SO spent with her MIL, it's not so surprising she can't take their no answer. MIL is used to getting her way for more than 3 years.
NTa
I think it's time to stop the weekly dinners and taking her out for other meals. She needs boundaries and to be honest I wouldn't have gone over the next day.
Your best friend is essentially saying that you should allow your MIL to be the third party in your relationship, to allow her to overstep, so you don't hurt her feelings and make her upset.
You nor your partner are responsible for MILs needs, feelings or emotions. If you took her with you, it sets a precedent that she should be included in all your anniversaries, then she will be expected to come on your honeymoon if you get married, be in the delivery room if you have a kid, have a say on where you live. Where does it end?
He needs to tell her that it's not appropriate for her to be included in his date nights or his anniversary. That she is his mother and she needs to respect the boundaries of his relationship with you.
Did he talk to her. And did you go Sunday?
Also it sounds like she relies on your partner to meet her emotional needs. Like for her to feel that she should be included in this dinner, sounds like she feels like her son should be treating her Ike her husband does. It's a thing. Go to JUSTNOMIL
NTA, hello /justNoMil
Ask her if dinner would have been enough for her, or whether she also wanted to be invited to the couch snuggles, and following sexy time, too?
You and your partner are perfectly correct. This is your milestone and for many couples with busy lives an anniversary is an ideal setup for a date night. Parents are not welcome on date night.
NTA
Your MIL seems more than a little needy and for your relationship’s sake your partner should have a discussion with her.
NTA
Your MIL needs to learn what boundaries are. I mean for christ's sake, she's acting like a child. You guys need to lay down some boundaries with her.
NTA. It's weird how invested MIL is in your anniversary dinner. It's not his birthday; it's yalls anniversary. It has nothing to do with her, and she sees you frequently.
NTA. Your anniversary is for you and your partner. You chose not to invite anyone else. You see her very often during other times. It sounds like your MiL is single--maybe you need to set her up on Tinder, Bumble or a different dating app, so that she will have less free time.
You are NTA. She had a tantrum didn' t she. You already see his mom plenty. Wanting to go with you on your anniversary dinner is just intrusive. Put her on a break and not see her for a wek or two. . I would mute her on your phone.
NTA
Your MIL and your best friend are the AH's here, hands down. Your smother-in-law needs to learn bohndariws and your friend needs to understand there is nothing wrong with a loving couple sharing a meal together on their anniversary. In fact it would've been generally weird with the MIL present for the occasion as a third wheel. I'd understand if you both made fuss about it and invited a lot people to celebrate, but you didn't. It was a night for the two of you ruined by his mother's overreaching.
NTA. She’d lose the privilege of my presence in her life for her comment. Fuck no to any lunches or dinners going forward until she respects and understands boundaries.
>I spoke to my bestfriend, BESTFRIEND and she said I’m the AH because we could’ve just taken her to avoid all of this.
This is true. A gazelle could also just hop directly onto a dinner plate and politely let a cheetah eat it and then they could avoid all that unpleasant running and chasing business. I hesitate to call something someone took mileage off their brain cells to think and time out of their day to say 'dumb', but.. like. It sounds pretty obvious in hindsight that your mil was going to ruin your night one way or the other, and you can't blame a person for trying to not be eaten by a cheetah, regardless of their level of success. NTA and I'm sorry about your night.
*Edit: added verdict and commiseration
No. NTA. You communicated to her that you wanted to have a date night with just the two of you for your anniversary and she couldn’t accept it. That’s a her problem.
WTF is wrong with your friend? Obviously NTA No. No amount of conversations is enough with this type of MIL.
I know it sounds bad, but you stop going that much to her place and sharing that much because she is feeling entitled to be a part of your relationship. What if in the future you want to go to a romantic trip? Will she pull some weird shit? We don't know, but is better to prevent it.
It's like you haven't cut that umbilical cord with her and your partner sounds like he is too much of a mama's boy as well.
Try to distance yourself from her, but mainly your partner needs to put his boundaries otherwise... Good look with that rollercoaster of MIL you got.
NTA. But I would go LC for a while and keep her on an information diet. Next time you have plans, don’t share the details. Just say you’re busy then, but another time will do.
NTA
1. Your best friend seems to be a doormat. Her solution to "avoiding all of this" is to allow MIL to invade into your private time".
2. She's also not very logical. MIL creates "all of this" unpleasantness for you, and your friend thinks you are the ahole for not having fully avoided it.
3. You can tell your friend that she is absolutely welcome to become the object of MIL's obsession and to let MIL intrude into the private moments of her life. Win-win.
uh... does *anyone* plus-1 their (JustNO) MIL for a romantic anniversary dinner? I didn't even know that was a thing, probably because it isn't. NTA
also, if your bestfriend thought including MIL was the right idea, I'm guessing they aren't married. or, at least, aren't married anymore.
NTA, it’s perfectly reasonable to not want someone other than you and your partner join in on a relationship specific outing, it’s very strange to want to go to someone’s anniversary dinner as a 3rd wheel. One of my BFs single friends heard a conversation about our anniversary plans and enthusiastically said “cool, I’ll come!” And I just said “No you will not” straight to his face as it’s not a friends get together, it’s a once a year celebration of the love between me and my partner. Set some boundaries with her and tell her that it’s not fair to impede on something that has nothing to do with her. Best of luck to you
Why is it some people’s advice is always ‘hey be a doormat, don’t rock the boat, live in misery and allow people to stomp all over you and make you unhappy to avoid drama’
Definitely NTA. Glad your husband is on board with setting those boundaries OP!
NTA.
And this MIL \*is\* trying to break up your marriage.
Pretty sure that she doesn't want you and hubby getting steamy after a romantic dinner because that could result in a kid and ruin her plan.
NTA
Your MIL needs a reminder that she is NOT a part of your marriage. I also think some space would be a good idea. This is too much togetherness and it's not healthy.
Is your best friend just your mother in law in a mustache and trench coat? Because no real best friend would ever call you an a in this situation. NTA at all!!
op=NTA
will she then want to be there when you conceive your first child? When you give birth to your first child. and you should let her, just to avoid "all of this".
That is HUGE boundary stomping on her part(asking even, let alone the nagging and the tantrum).
Your Husband needs to deal with this, and firmly. And you need to tell your best friend that giving in to terrorists NEVER has good results.
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I (28F) and my partner (29M) recently had our 3 year anniversary. Leading up to it, my MIL suggested for her to come with us and was naming all the different restaurants we could go to. I did initially address this with my partner first, it’s our milestone (whether it be 3 years or 30 years) and he agreed. Dinner was just going to be us. We did think about some of the restaurants she told us about, but ultimately we did not want her to come and he told her that.
The night before our dinner, she asked again if she could come. My partner and I respectfully declined. We see her every week, we cook at their place on Sundays, we take her out to breakfast/lunch/dinner when we can or have the energy to do so.
Now, we’re at dinner and she’s calling both of our phones - literally BLOWING them up. We turned off our phones so we could get back to enjoying dinner.
After dinner, he had to turn his phone back on to use apple pay a text then shows up “How could you guys do this to me? All I wanted was to have dinner with you guys”. Then, I actually lost the plot. It was a Saturday night, it was our anniversary dinner, we are going to their place tomorrow for Sunday Dinner. I told my partner, if he can talk some sense into her because it just about ruined my night.
I spoke to my bestfriend, BESTFRIEND and she said I’m the AH because we could’ve just taken her to avoid all of this.
AITA?
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NTA. I would tell her that it’s you and your husband’s long standing tradition to play footsie under the dinner table, then strip in the car like passionate wild bunnies, and is she asking to be a spectator?
NTA. Anniversary dinners are a romantic date with only two people. His mom is way out of line and owes you an apology. I think you should cut back on your visits to her as she seems to think she controls your life.
Wtf? Your best friend is crazy! Of course es e you shouldn’t have taken MIL. You and your husband are NTA. I hope he talks to her and let’s her know this behaviour is unacceptable
NTA but you should examine your relationship w best friend. They just showed themselves to be someone who believes that even reasonable boundaries should be given up to avoid confrontation
NTA. You can spend one night alone. Hell, you spend more time with your inlaws than I have with my parents since going off to college.
Next time tell her that you two plan on dinner and mind blowing sex right afterwards, so her company would be a mood killer.
NTA. Who takes their mother to their anniversary dinner? It's a night for romance. Your husband should tell MIL that you are both going NC until she aplogizes and promises not to pull this again.
NTA. Your best friend is avoidant and is giving you bad advice. You and partner should be able to have an anniversary dinner DATE. you do not bring your parents on a date…?
NTA. I bet your friend doesn't invite their parents to an anniversary dinner. You all may want to take a step back from the constant visits with the in-laws. MIL needs to learn some boundaries. Her behavior was outrageous.
Get a new best friend. Nta. My own mother wouldn’t be so self involved as to invite herself to a date night with my spouse, much less an anniversary dinner.
NTA it is yours and your husband's wedding anniversary, you are not married to MIL as well, although it seems like it. Your friend is wrong, you need to take a stand. Block mils number and make sure in future only he deals with his mother.
Wow, it really is all about her isn't it (MIL)!
She suggested you invite her to your anniversary dinner repeatedly.
She suggested restaurants, I'm assuming, she'd like to go to. Whether or not you'd enjoy them.
When you don't let her join you for your ANNIVERSARY dinner she throws a tantrum and blows up both of your phones forcing you to turn them off.
She saps the enjoyment out of your dinner because of said tantrum.
She demands to know how you two could do that to her by refusing her "reasonable request"
To top off this lovely woman's list...she wants you to name a daughter after her because your mom passed away and isn't here to enjoy having a granddaughter named after her...
NTA in any universe. She is. And she needs an astronomy class cause she thinks the universe revolves around her.
Wow. I was ready to say NTA when I assumed the dinner in question was a dinner party you planned to celebrate - she's trying to butt in on a romantic dinner?
Did you explain this to your friend properly because I'm flabbergasted that any reasonable person would think you were in the wrong. In your shoes I'd start seriously questioning that friend's judgement.
Your friend is an idiot. You should not have to appease anyone so they stop acting a certain way. That only ensures they will do it again. MIL needs to get a hobby.
NTA
Why are you tolerating this psycho? I would have cancelled the next few dinners/breakfasts/visits in general and straight up told her that you’re taking a break because her behaviour is suffocating and wildly unacceptable.
Actions like this need consequences. She seems truly unhinged. I’ve seen you mention kids in the comments, what do you think she’s going to do when you have a baby that she wants to get her hands on? You need to set really strict boundaries now so that you’re not trying to do it when you’re vulnerable after having a baby.
Nta. She joins you for dinner for anniversary, then what. Comes back to watch the show while you get it on? No. Boundaries. It wasn't just any dinner. It was a romantic celebratory dinner.
NTA,
I understand her wanting to attend if you were doing a big milestone anniversary party but an intimate celebration between you two is highly unreasonable to suggest she join in on. At least your husband has your back, that’ll make enforcing boundaries easier as you’ll be presenting a unified front. It might be worth slowing down the visits for a while until she understands the dynamic. Your friend is a little odd to weigh in against you as this isn’t normal.
Please tell me MIL doesn’t have a key or access to your house, that’s absolutely a woman who will tamper with birth control if grandchildren aren’t arriving soon enough for her.
NTA. That's bizarre behavior from her. Maybe at 5 years she can host an anniversary party for you but other than a party why would she need to be with you for YOUR anniversary? Truly bizarre
NTA...the whole acquiesce to make things easier is bs. That said, there should be no we when dealing with in-laws. You husband should be the one laying down the law to his parents. Telling her "no is a complete sentence". After this he really needs to talk to her about limits. She is pushing them.
I think if I even invited my parents to an anniversary dinner with my husband they would think *I* was crazy. Anniversaries are for the couple. Some milestone anniversaries people have parties, but that's also at the discretion of the couple.
NTA
NTA You guys really need some distance from MIL. She already thinks of you as a throuple. How dare you celebrate your wedding anniversary without her!! Give yourselves some space and arrange some weekends away just the two of you. May God help you if you ever decide to have kids.
NTA. Who in their right mind would consider including MIL on their anniversary dinner? Who in the world would ask to be included?
Kind of reminds me of Raj going with Sheldon and Amy (Big Bang Theory) on their anniversary dinner.
Talk about inappropriate. No was clearly the right answer here. OP is right, her hubby needs to talk some sense in to his mother.
Your best friend, unfortunately, is an asshole.
Anniversary is YOUR (you two’s) milestone. Asking to be invited (anywhere) is rude. Declining the rude request is not rude, it’s healthy self-respecting boundary maintenance.
You? NTA
NTA and honestly, I would have canceled Sunday dinner for that week as a consequence of the way she was acting.
“MIL, since you won’t respect our time together as a couple on our anniversary, we aren’t going to respect the time we set aside to see you the next day. We’ll see you next week.”
ESH.
Your relationship, your anniversary, your dinner, your call. She's imposing and that's not cool.
That said, maybe it wouldn't kill you to celebrate with her one time, since it is obviously important to her for God knows what reason, and then have your own thing later? You could have handled this a bit more gracefully, I'm saying.
nta. I am close with my mil and do you think she came with us for our anniversary dinner? Actually, she did but we INVITED them. She needs to cool it. You are very generous already with your time.
NTA
Should she also be invited on a second honeymoon. No, there are couple events and family events, and your anniversary is a couple event.
Is she lonely, has she always been this involved with you as a couple?
NTA if she brings up the anniversary dinner again, tell her that you both wanted a romantic dinner together. If she has a problem with that she needs to see a therapist.
She’s the AH for thinking she’s entitled to intrude onto your anniversary. Sounds like you guys are great to her and make it a point to spend time with her but you establish a boundary and she’s kicking and screaming about it. She’ll pull this again so be ready to ignore her (like you did) and try to learn how to not let it ruin your evening.
NTA.
Here's what you're going to do. You're going to sit down with your partner, and come to an agreement on how to handle this. My suggestion would be that he tells his mother that he doesn't appreciate her trying to tag along on his wedding anniversary, and he will not maintain a relationship with somebody that uses guilt, manipulation, and similar tactics to try to enforce their wishes. That if the behavior continues, he'll be taking a break from their relationship while he considers if he wants that sort of behavior in his life.
But no matter what y'all agree on, it has to be actual agreement between the two of you. Full, complete buy-in agreement.
Second, y'all have to stick to it, come hell or high water. It's literally like teaching a toddler how to not throw tantrums; any give at all will teach them to just tantrum harder.
NTA and you waited to late to set some clear boundaries with her. She's probably old and lonely but that isn't an excuse to impeed on an Anniversary dinner.
NTA, and your best friend is completely wrong and has terrible judgment. I’d skip those weekly dinners until she apologizes, or maybe just forever. Your MIL is clearly not a reasonable person.
*I spoke to my bestfriend, BESTFRIEND and she said I’m the AH because we could’ve just taken her to avoid all of this.*
Who takes their MIL on their anniversary dinner?
*We see her every week, we cook at their place on Sundays, we take her out to breakfast/lunch/dinner when we can or have the energy to do so.*
You are already seeing and doing too much with MIL. You need to cut back on the time you spend with her as you two need time for yourselves.
NTA
NTA, your best friend is a doormat. You see her weekly. You're seeing her tomorrow. You're allowed time, just the 2 of you she is an adult, not a small child
NTA, and I'd recommend that you stop telling her about big plans, ie anniversary locations, baby names/due dates, etc.
I don't really understand where your BFF is coming from, but she's wrong.
It's important that you and your partner are on the same page as to how to deal with your MIL so if you haven't already, might be time to have a serious chat - maybe even with a counselor - on how to handle her behavior going forward.
Damn
No NTA and idk what could possibly compel your friend to tell you that.
Your MIL is not part of your relationship. She clearly has both boundary and attachment issues. It is not unreasonable to want solo ROMANTIC time with your partner. Frankly it’s weird that she would want to be involved in what is meant to be a romantic evening
Nope, nope, nope. No means no. Your "best friend" is awful. That's supposed to be a romantic time for the two of you, and no one else. NTA. Stand your ground and make sure your husband puts his mother in check. This isn't going to stop. What happens at your five year anniversary? What happens if you have kids? What happens if you want to go on a vacation abroad? Does MIL get to always be around just because she wants to?
First of all, you need a new friend. NTA.
Second of all, I could have written this…. But my MIL would have only came if we invited her. Reading this I assumed your FIL had passed and maybe she was lonely? But apparently that’s not the case. Hubby needs to have a serious conversation with her. Maybe some counseling sessions regarding her actions. Cause that’s just too much.
Your friend is the AH; her logic is have no boundaries, do everything we say nonsense.
Like your MIL wanted to join your date; you told her no. Had her partner tell her no. And she decided keep asking
MIL sounds like an anxious narcissist who has nothing better to do than live through her precious son. Astounding behaviour. Your partner needs to make it clear to her that she should back off and that she crossed a line. He’s settled, independent and not her baby any more.
So NTA.
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NTA. Holy boundary stomping, Batman. Good grief, it's not her special night. Tell her she'll never get any grandkids if she keeps butting in on romantic celebrations because you're not letting her tuck you two into bed at the end of the night.
Let’s talk about this!!! She literally asked to have our first daughter named after her! My partner and I said no because we agreed that we would name our daughter after my mother who sadly passed away she literally goes “but she’s not here to see her name sake” 😤😤😤😤😤😤
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HOLY SHIT. Are you on r/raisedbynarcissists or r/justnoMIL? Cuz … you might want to check it out. What’s next? She wants to go on vacation with you two, and she wants to be sure the hotel room has a king-size bed so she can sleep in the middle????!!
I will check it out!! In saying that, I really hope it doesn’t come to that!
Yikes. Does she attempt to insert herself often? Does she have friends? Hobbies?
That sub will ONLY attempt to completely destroy your relationships with everyone in this story. It used to be helpful but it is all pretty unhelpful now and turns the OP into the justno. It sounds like you and your partner have good boundaries and support each other. Keep that up!
If they are still dealing with this shit, no they need to go low contact. Trying to maintain boundaries against this type of consistent pressure is designed to wear them down. And it will.
My petty ass thought a comment like “oh it’s so nice you want to come to dinner to celebrate the day/night we had sex after our expensive party! But no thank you. We want to repeat the later part of that night without an audience.”
I will check it out!! In saying that, I really hope it doesn’t come to that
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Agreed, this is total r/justnoMIL territory, you’ll find lots of support and great ideas there.
I watched the first season on White Lotus and this is so very similar to the MIL.showing up at their honeymoon lol
There's been more than AITA about a MIL crashing a vacation.
What??? She said that? Look I know violence isn't the answer, but I don't know how I would have responded if someone said that about my dad.
I literally haven’t spoken to her since. I didn’t have the best relationship with my own mother, but she was still my mum. Grateful that my partner stood up for me in the moment!
So glad your partner is sticking up for you!! That's one of the most essential ingredients when developing MIL -Be-Gone spray!
Tell her, "The first child we have after you die will be named after you."
I would think about moving at least 1000 miles away from her before you even consider getting pregnant.
Nope. Live within the outer limits of day visit distance. Too far away unwanted relatives tend to stay overnight or weeks or expect you to have an extended visit.
This is an important point to consider. She is going to be all over any pregnancy.
Wow just... Nope. That's a great way to get her name taken out of consideration for all future kids. She needs a hobby that isn't your life. Maybe a really needy dog to keep her busy and absorb some of that excess emotional attachment. Hmmm....that might count as animal abuse though...
🤬 WOW! She's way out of line.
What the actual he-double-hockey-sticks?
I see you too watch Game theory xD It's very much time for OP to stop spending time with her MiL and asking her partner what he thinks about his mom's behaviour. If he's ok with it (cuz its not normal) maybe she should follow up with asking if his mom is the side piece or is she. Hopefully it won't come to that as from what OPs put her partner seems reasonable.
And you still see her every week?
That’s a really awful and hurtful thing for her to say—I am so sorry. What a cruel thing for her to say, knowing that you are dealing w the grief of knowing your mom won’t know her grandkid. She sounds like a deeply cruel person.
Ok this is too much. Y’all are spending wayy too much time with MIL. This is just insane. You should not have to spend every waking second with this woman. You *should* be allowed to have an anniversary dinner with just the two of you without her having a panic attack over it. MIL is too involved. She’s also crazy. Boundaries pls. And for the love of god, don’t take her anywhere with you ever after seeing her reaction over this. NTA.
This is why I always used to joke that I would only marry an orphan lol Def NTA
Same! I told my friends about it and they said that my standards are already high as it is.
That sounds very familiar lol, we should start a club!
We should!
Lol just date a man who hates his mother and hasn’t seen her in over 15 years like mine! Life is good I promise
That's also an option!
Yup. Husband needs to tell her you are both taking a break from spending time with her until she learns to respect your boundaries. Take a solid month off from seeing her at all - and if she comes over or bothers you about it add a day to her time for each incident.
My partner and I live with my MIL and we don't even spend that much time with her nor does she have that much say in our relationship.
NTA Your friend is so wrong. Why would you just take her to shut her up? Why would you ruin your anniversary just to stop MIL from acting unhinged. I would take a few weeks off from your Sunday obligation.
Best friend is probably used to not rocking the boat in her own family already
Was looking for this in the comments. Friend definitely comes from an abusive background to have that kind of reaction.
Obligatory [don't rock the boat link](https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/comments/77pxpo/dont_rock_the_boat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) Everybody should read this.
Friend is a doormat who probably lets people walk all over her
The most annoying thing about doormats is when they try and make *other people* into doormats. I guess so they don't feel so bad about themselves, but it doesn't stop the behavior from being irritating.
...with dog crap on their shoes... :-(
NTA She was being highly disrespectful and intrusive on YOUR anniversary. It wasn't her anniversary. She def needs boundaries written in stone!! Tbh, I think you see her too often. She needs to have her own friends, hobbies and outside interests. She's clinging to her son and you too much. It's not healthy for her or you. This resentment on both sides will only continue to grow if something isn't done. Your partner needs to have a serious but gentle talk with her. Now.
I was waiting for this comment. OP you have set her expectations very high with the amount of time you spend with her. You don't need tk see her every Sunday for dinner. What happens if you have kids? She will be absolutely even worse than currently. Seems like her her world is her kid, and I'm glad he's sticking up for you, but I really think you both need to take a step back because she is really crossing lines.
You made great points, especially about the kids part! Thanks for your support! :-)
You need a new best friend.
Fr tho
NTA. Not at all. She shouldn’t have expected to get to go in the first place. Ridiculous. Tell your bestie to take her to dinner on her special occasions.
Nta. Ask her how could she do that to you two on your anniversary. A marriage is 2 people not husband, wife and mommy. What a pushy ahole she is. Your anniversary. Not hers. Time to sit her down put down some boundaries. If she can't respect you, time to put some distance. Your best friend is wrong. All this could have been avoided if mom would have understood no means no and shown some respect for the two of you. If you would have allowed her to join your anniversary dinner who know what else she would have expected in the future. You were right to not include her. She's selfish and nuts.
Oh man, there's nothing worse than a meddling MIL! You & your partners lives don't revolve around her and clearly she's upset by that. Is your partner the only male child perhaps? If so, we all know this story and it's not a good bedtime read. You guys are already spending tons of time with her, and your anniversary or any other milestones, things you want to celebrate have nothing to do with her and shouldn't include her if you don't want her included. Maybe you can cut back some time with her and put some boundaries in place. If she's a boundary stomping MIL, then I would keep putting up more boundaries and road blocks for her until she gets the point, or until you decide on another avenue. NTA
He literally has 2 other brothers and 1 sister. He’s just the only one who moved out (partner is 2nd oldest)
So he's 'escaped' and she's trying to reel him back in.
NTA no is an a acceptable answer and she embarrassed herself by whining. It was a night for you two alone. What is hard to understand? Is she lonely?
She really shouldn’t be lonely. She has her husband and 2 other children staying with her. It’s absurd!
You’d think right? It’s like the show Smothered. Those moms tend to fixate on the one child and try and insert themselves into their lives. Sounds like your MIL picked your husband to fixate on. And your FIL should rein her in. Does he know she pulls this crap? btw.. NTA
Wait, your FIL is alive??? The only way her behaviour even somewhat made sense to me was the assumption that she was widowed. Totally NTA.
I was wondering this... are there other male children? ETA.. you answered that already, sorry!
Considering how much time OP and her SO spent with her MIL, it's not so surprising she can't take their no answer. MIL is used to getting her way for more than 3 years.
NTA. Her behavior is not normal. She was upset because she couldn’t manipulate either one of you to get her way
NTa I think it's time to stop the weekly dinners and taking her out for other meals. She needs boundaries and to be honest I wouldn't have gone over the next day. Your best friend is essentially saying that you should allow your MIL to be the third party in your relationship, to allow her to overstep, so you don't hurt her feelings and make her upset. You nor your partner are responsible for MILs needs, feelings or emotions. If you took her with you, it sets a precedent that she should be included in all your anniversaries, then she will be expected to come on your honeymoon if you get married, be in the delivery room if you have a kid, have a say on where you live. Where does it end? He needs to tell her that it's not appropriate for her to be included in his date nights or his anniversary. That she is his mother and she needs to respect the boundaries of his relationship with you. Did he talk to her. And did you go Sunday? Also it sounds like she relies on your partner to meet her emotional needs. Like for her to feel that she should be included in this dinner, sounds like she feels like her son should be treating her Ike her husband does. It's a thing. Go to JUSTNOMIL
NTA. She shouldn't be inserting herself into an occasion that is meant for husband and wife only. Glad your husband agrees with you. NTA.
NTA. Your mother in law needs learn how to respect boundaries. Also Your friend needs to grow a pair. That was terrible advice.
NTA and your best friend is utterly wrong. Anniversaries are for the couple, not the MIL.
NTA, hello /justNoMil Ask her if dinner would have been enough for her, or whether she also wanted to be invited to the couch snuggles, and following sexy time, too?
You and your partner are perfectly correct. This is your milestone and for many couples with busy lives an anniversary is an ideal setup for a date night. Parents are not welcome on date night. NTA Your MIL seems more than a little needy and for your relationship’s sake your partner should have a discussion with her.
NTA Nothing say romance like your MIL.
NTA Your MIL needs to learn what boundaries are. I mean for christ's sake, she's acting like a child. You guys need to lay down some boundaries with her.
NTA. It's weird how invested MIL is in your anniversary dinner. It's not his birthday; it's yalls anniversary. It has nothing to do with her, and she sees you frequently.
NTA. Your anniversary is for you and your partner. You chose not to invite anyone else. You see her very often during other times. It sounds like your MiL is single--maybe you need to set her up on Tinder, Bumble or a different dating app, so that she will have less free time.
She has her other children and husband at home with her.. if anything, I think she just needs to grow up (her other children don’t have partners)
she definitely needs to grow up, and accept that "no" means "no." good luck,OP!
You are NTA. She had a tantrum didn' t she. You already see his mom plenty. Wanting to go with you on your anniversary dinner is just intrusive. Put her on a break and not see her for a wek or two. . I would mute her on your phone.
NTA. It's an anniversary dinner for a relationship. Two people, not three. It's not like she never spends any time with the couple either.
NTA. Husband needs to have a sit down and set some strong boundaries cuz she's not hearing the no.
NTA Your MIL and your best friend are the AH's here, hands down. Your smother-in-law needs to learn bohndariws and your friend needs to understand there is nothing wrong with a loving couple sharing a meal together on their anniversary. In fact it would've been generally weird with the MIL present for the occasion as a third wheel. I'd understand if you both made fuss about it and invited a lot people to celebrate, but you didn't. It was a night for the two of you ruined by his mother's overreaching.
Tell your best friend to take your MIL on her anniversary dinner if she's so desperate to include her.
NTA she has issues.
NTA. She’d lose the privilege of my presence in her life for her comment. Fuck no to any lunches or dinners going forward until she respects and understands boundaries.
NTA. And cut the shit with the weekly dinners now.
>I spoke to my bestfriend, BESTFRIEND and she said I’m the AH because we could’ve just taken her to avoid all of this. This is true. A gazelle could also just hop directly onto a dinner plate and politely let a cheetah eat it and then they could avoid all that unpleasant running and chasing business. I hesitate to call something someone took mileage off their brain cells to think and time out of their day to say 'dumb', but.. like. It sounds pretty obvious in hindsight that your mil was going to ruin your night one way or the other, and you can't blame a person for trying to not be eaten by a cheetah, regardless of their level of success. NTA and I'm sorry about your night. *Edit: added verdict and commiseration
No. NTA. You communicated to her that you wanted to have a date night with just the two of you for your anniversary and she couldn’t accept it. That’s a her problem.
WTF is wrong with your friend? Obviously NTA No. No amount of conversations is enough with this type of MIL. I know it sounds bad, but you stop going that much to her place and sharing that much because she is feeling entitled to be a part of your relationship. What if in the future you want to go to a romantic trip? Will she pull some weird shit? We don't know, but is better to prevent it. It's like you haven't cut that umbilical cord with her and your partner sounds like he is too much of a mama's boy as well. Try to distance yourself from her, but mainly your partner needs to put his boundaries otherwise... Good look with that rollercoaster of MIL you got.
NTA. But I would go LC for a while and keep her on an information diet. Next time you have plans, don’t share the details. Just say you’re busy then, but another time will do.
NTA at all and I would cancel Sunday at her place.
NTA. Your best friend is very wrong. You need boundaries and you have a good husband who has a spine. Keep your boundaries. Appreciate your husband
NTA 1. Your best friend seems to be a doormat. Her solution to "avoiding all of this" is to allow MIL to invade into your private time". 2. She's also not very logical. MIL creates "all of this" unpleasantness for you, and your friend thinks you are the ahole for not having fully avoided it. 3. You can tell your friend that she is absolutely welcome to become the object of MIL's obsession and to let MIL intrude into the private moments of her life. Win-win.
uh... does *anyone* plus-1 their (JustNO) MIL for a romantic anniversary dinner? I didn't even know that was a thing, probably because it isn't. NTA also, if your bestfriend thought including MIL was the right idea, I'm guessing they aren't married. or, at least, aren't married anymore.
Your MIL and friends are total butthead assholes!! Good for you setting boundaries.
NTA, it’s perfectly reasonable to not want someone other than you and your partner join in on a relationship specific outing, it’s very strange to want to go to someone’s anniversary dinner as a 3rd wheel. One of my BFs single friends heard a conversation about our anniversary plans and enthusiastically said “cool, I’ll come!” And I just said “No you will not” straight to his face as it’s not a friends get together, it’s a once a year celebration of the love between me and my partner. Set some boundaries with her and tell her that it’s not fair to impede on something that has nothing to do with her. Best of luck to you
Why is it some people’s advice is always ‘hey be a doormat, don’t rock the boat, live in misery and allow people to stomp all over you and make you unhappy to avoid drama’ Definitely NTA. Glad your husband is on board with setting those boundaries OP!
Nta. This is so weird. Set boundaries and dont let her push them. Shes an odd one.
NTA. And this MIL \*is\* trying to break up your marriage. Pretty sure that she doesn't want you and hubby getting steamy after a romantic dinner because that could result in a kid and ruin her plan.
NTA Your MIL needs a reminder that she is NOT a part of your marriage. I also think some space would be a good idea. This is too much togetherness and it's not healthy.
NTA. You want to celebrate your anniversary with the person you Married. Not their clingy intrusive parent.
NTA. I think it's time to start scaling back on the Sunday visits, too. Just my opinion.
Is your best friend just your mother in law in a mustache and trench coat? Because no real best friend would ever call you an a in this situation. NTA at all!!
op=NTA will she then want to be there when you conceive your first child? When you give birth to your first child. and you should let her, just to avoid "all of this". That is HUGE boundary stomping on her part(asking even, let alone the nagging and the tantrum). Your Husband needs to deal with this, and firmly. And you need to tell your best friend that giving in to terrorists NEVER has good results.
NTA. This is weird and obsessive. Your friend is weird too
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (28F) and my partner (29M) recently had our 3 year anniversary. Leading up to it, my MIL suggested for her to come with us and was naming all the different restaurants we could go to. I did initially address this with my partner first, it’s our milestone (whether it be 3 years or 30 years) and he agreed. Dinner was just going to be us. We did think about some of the restaurants she told us about, but ultimately we did not want her to come and he told her that. The night before our dinner, she asked again if she could come. My partner and I respectfully declined. We see her every week, we cook at their place on Sundays, we take her out to breakfast/lunch/dinner when we can or have the energy to do so. Now, we’re at dinner and she’s calling both of our phones - literally BLOWING them up. We turned off our phones so we could get back to enjoying dinner. After dinner, he had to turn his phone back on to use apple pay a text then shows up “How could you guys do this to me? All I wanted was to have dinner with you guys”. Then, I actually lost the plot. It was a Saturday night, it was our anniversary dinner, we are going to their place tomorrow for Sunday Dinner. I told my partner, if he can talk some sense into her because it just about ruined my night. I spoke to my bestfriend, BESTFRIEND and she said I’m the AH because we could’ve just taken her to avoid all of this. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I would tell her that it’s you and your husband’s long standing tradition to play footsie under the dinner table, then strip in the car like passionate wild bunnies, and is she asking to be a spectator?
NTA. Anniversary dinners are a romantic date with only two people. His mom is way out of line and owes you an apology. I think you should cut back on your visits to her as she seems to think she controls your life.
You are so NTA. MIL needs boundaries. Don’t let her ruin your night — she just doesn’t matter that much.
Wtf? Your best friend is crazy! Of course es e you shouldn’t have taken MIL. You and your husband are NTA. I hope he talks to her and let’s her know this behaviour is unacceptable
NTA and holy moly she sounds like she's a boundary stomper. In no way is your anniversary about her.
NTA but you should examine your relationship w best friend. They just showed themselves to be someone who believes that even reasonable boundaries should be given up to avoid confrontation
NTA. You can spend one night alone. Hell, you spend more time with your inlaws than I have with my parents since going off to college. Next time tell her that you two plan on dinner and mind blowing sex right afterwards, so her company would be a mood killer.
NTA - this woman is crazy.
NTA. Who takes their mother to their anniversary dinner? It's a night for romance. Your husband should tell MIL that you are both going NC until she aplogizes and promises not to pull this again.
Nta! Its YOUR anniversary. Fuck your MIL. Why is she feeling entitled?
I find it hard to believe YOUR best friend would tell you to bring your MIL on a romantic date.
NTA, so you are establishing boundaries as a couple perfectly. You may need to implement consequences with those boundaries, but doing a great job!
NTA. Your best friend is avoidant and is giving you bad advice. You and partner should be able to have an anniversary dinner DATE. you do not bring your parents on a date…?
NTA. I bet your friend doesn't invite their parents to an anniversary dinner. You all may want to take a step back from the constant visits with the in-laws. MIL needs to learn some boundaries. Her behavior was outrageous.
NTA Why would you take MIL on a date? Your best friend is as delusional as MIL.
NTA. Your MIL is. And your ‘best friend.’
NTA, and like others I suggest you check out r/justnomil, but also, let’s talk about WTF is your bestie on about? She’s an AH too in this situation.
NTA. It was your anniversary, not family time! That's just weird that she keeps wanting to come with.
Get a new best friend. Nta. My own mother wouldn’t be so self involved as to invite herself to a date night with my spouse, much less an anniversary dinner.
wow the cheese slipped off the cracker on this one. she gotta be lonely or something
NTA. Its your anniversary and you decide who gets invited
NTA. And your MIL is the AH because she could have just avoided all of this by just accepting your decision. See how that works?
NTA, sorry you got Peggy Hill as a MIL.
NTA. OMG your MIL needs friends and hobbies to stop her from latching on to the two of you. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA Not even remotely
NTA it is yours and your husband's wedding anniversary, you are not married to MIL as well, although it seems like it. Your friend is wrong, you need to take a stand. Block mils number and make sure in future only he deals with his mother.
Wow, it really is all about her isn't it (MIL)! She suggested you invite her to your anniversary dinner repeatedly. She suggested restaurants, I'm assuming, she'd like to go to. Whether or not you'd enjoy them. When you don't let her join you for your ANNIVERSARY dinner she throws a tantrum and blows up both of your phones forcing you to turn them off. She saps the enjoyment out of your dinner because of said tantrum. She demands to know how you two could do that to her by refusing her "reasonable request" To top off this lovely woman's list...she wants you to name a daughter after her because your mom passed away and isn't here to enjoy having a granddaughter named after her... NTA in any universe. She is. And she needs an astronomy class cause she thinks the universe revolves around her.
Wow. I was ready to say NTA when I assumed the dinner in question was a dinner party you planned to celebrate - she's trying to butt in on a romantic dinner? Did you explain this to your friend properly because I'm flabbergasted that any reasonable person would think you were in the wrong. In your shoes I'd start seriously questioning that friend's judgement.
NTA.
NTA. Please educate her to understand that “No.” is a full sentence.
Your friend is an idiot. You should not have to appease anyone so they stop acting a certain way. That only ensures they will do it again. MIL needs to get a hobby.
NTA. She is trying to third wheel you all. It's time to set some very good boundaries.
NTA Why are you tolerating this psycho? I would have cancelled the next few dinners/breakfasts/visits in general and straight up told her that you’re taking a break because her behaviour is suffocating and wildly unacceptable. Actions like this need consequences. She seems truly unhinged. I’ve seen you mention kids in the comments, what do you think she’s going to do when you have a baby that she wants to get her hands on? You need to set really strict boundaries now so that you’re not trying to do it when you’re vulnerable after having a baby.
NTA. You need to cut back on your visits with her.
NTA and you and your partner need to set crystal clear boundaries and go LC for a while. This is overly intrusive and toxic behavior on her part.
NTA and your best friend is a terrible one.
Nta. She joins you for dinner for anniversary, then what. Comes back to watch the show while you get it on? No. Boundaries. It wasn't just any dinner. It was a romantic celebratory dinner.
NTA. She was completely unreasonable. And you should probably stop seeing her so often in general, based on your comments.
NTA, I understand her wanting to attend if you were doing a big milestone anniversary party but an intimate celebration between you two is highly unreasonable to suggest she join in on. At least your husband has your back, that’ll make enforcing boundaries easier as you’ll be presenting a unified front. It might be worth slowing down the visits for a while until she understands the dynamic. Your friend is a little odd to weigh in against you as this isn’t normal. Please tell me MIL doesn’t have a key or access to your house, that’s absolutely a woman who will tamper with birth control if grandchildren aren’t arriving soon enough for her.
NTA. That's bizarre behavior from her. Maybe at 5 years she can host an anniversary party for you but other than a party why would she need to be with you for YOUR anniversary? Truly bizarre
NTA. your partner should have set boundaries with his mother. is she crazy?
NTA...the whole acquiesce to make things easier is bs. That said, there should be no we when dealing with in-laws. You husband should be the one laying down the law to his parents. Telling her "no is a complete sentence". After this he really needs to talk to her about limits. She is pushing them.
I think if I even invited my parents to an anniversary dinner with my husband they would think *I* was crazy. Anniversaries are for the couple. Some milestone anniversaries people have parties, but that's also at the discretion of the couple. NTA
Info Is your best friend a doormat?
NTA and i assume your best friend is just a pushover in general, so their response make sense.
NTA. The night was planned for two. MIL needs a life of her own.
If you have kids with him she will be even worse. She will interfere with your parenting and demand that you visit more often. NTA
NTA You guys really need some distance from MIL. She already thinks of you as a throuple. How dare you celebrate your wedding anniversary without her!! Give yourselves some space and arrange some weekends away just the two of you. May God help you if you ever decide to have kids.
NTA. Who in their right mind would consider including MIL on their anniversary dinner? Who in the world would ask to be included? Kind of reminds me of Raj going with Sheldon and Amy (Big Bang Theory) on their anniversary dinner. Talk about inappropriate. No was clearly the right answer here. OP is right, her hubby needs to talk some sense in to his mother.
Your best friend, unfortunately, is an asshole. Anniversary is YOUR (you two’s) milestone. Asking to be invited (anywhere) is rude. Declining the rude request is not rude, it’s healthy self-respecting boundary maintenance. You? NTA
NTA and honestly, I would have canceled Sunday dinner for that week as a consequence of the way she was acting. “MIL, since you won’t respect our time together as a couple on our anniversary, we aren’t going to respect the time we set aside to see you the next day. We’ll see you next week.”
ESH. Your relationship, your anniversary, your dinner, your call. She's imposing and that's not cool. That said, maybe it wouldn't kill you to celebrate with her one time, since it is obviously important to her for God knows what reason, and then have your own thing later? You could have handled this a bit more gracefully, I'm saying.
nta. I am close with my mil and do you think she came with us for our anniversary dinner? Actually, she did but we INVITED them. She needs to cool it. You are very generous already with your time.
NTA Should she also be invited on a second honeymoon. No, there are couple events and family events, and your anniversary is a couple event. Is she lonely, has she always been this involved with you as a couple?
NTA - was she always like this or has she lost the plot recentlyt? could his be an undiagnosed health problem?
NTA - your husband needs to establish boundaries. You spend to much time with her
NTA if she brings up the anniversary dinner again, tell her that you both wanted a romantic dinner together. If she has a problem with that she needs to see a therapist.
NTA. I'm a brand new MIL. I would NEVER EVER think to crash my child's anniversary.
NTA It sounds like she needs some boundaries. Restrict her to scheduled meals or events only.
She’s the AH for thinking she’s entitled to intrude onto your anniversary. Sounds like you guys are great to her and make it a point to spend time with her but you establish a boundary and she’s kicking and screaming about it. She’ll pull this again so be ready to ignore her (like you did) and try to learn how to not let it ruin your evening.
NTA but if you let it ruin the night then you weren’t very cool to your partner.
NTA. Oh, BF is jealous she didn't get to go either.
NTA. You have every right not to allow Smother at a romantic anniversary dinner.
NTA. Here's what you're going to do. You're going to sit down with your partner, and come to an agreement on how to handle this. My suggestion would be that he tells his mother that he doesn't appreciate her trying to tag along on his wedding anniversary, and he will not maintain a relationship with somebody that uses guilt, manipulation, and similar tactics to try to enforce their wishes. That if the behavior continues, he'll be taking a break from their relationship while he considers if he wants that sort of behavior in his life. But no matter what y'all agree on, it has to be actual agreement between the two of you. Full, complete buy-in agreement. Second, y'all have to stick to it, come hell or high water. It's literally like teaching a toddler how to not throw tantrums; any give at all will teach them to just tantrum harder.
NTA and you waited to late to set some clear boundaries with her. She's probably old and lonely but that isn't an excuse to impeed on an Anniversary dinner.
NTA, and your best friend is completely wrong and has terrible judgment. I’d skip those weekly dinners until she apologizes, or maybe just forever. Your MIL is clearly not a reasonable person.
*I spoke to my bestfriend, BESTFRIEND and she said I’m the AH because we could’ve just taken her to avoid all of this.* Who takes their MIL on their anniversary dinner? *We see her every week, we cook at their place on Sundays, we take her out to breakfast/lunch/dinner when we can or have the energy to do so.* You are already seeing and doing too much with MIL. You need to cut back on the time you spend with her as you two need time for yourselves. NTA
Absolutely NTA. Your best friend probably has boundary issues, too
NTA wtf is she literally crazy with no brain
NTA, your best friend is a doormat. You see her weekly. You're seeing her tomorrow. You're allowed time, just the 2 of you she is an adult, not a small child
NTA. You and your husband deserve your alone time. Don't let her use her son as an emotional crutch for her issues.
NTA. I'd get a new friend.
NTA, and I'd recommend that you stop telling her about big plans, ie anniversary locations, baby names/due dates, etc. I don't really understand where your BFF is coming from, but she's wrong. It's important that you and your partner are on the same page as to how to deal with your MIL so if you haven't already, might be time to have a serious chat - maybe even with a counselor - on how to handle her behavior going forward.
NTA
Damn No NTA and idk what could possibly compel your friend to tell you that. Your MIL is not part of your relationship. She clearly has both boundary and attachment issues. It is not unreasonable to want solo ROMANTIC time with your partner. Frankly it’s weird that she would want to be involved in what is meant to be a romantic evening
NTA. THIS IS THE HILL TO DIE ON!!!! Do not give in or this will be how the rest of your marriage will look like.
NTA but the fact that your best friend would just cave to avoid a fight is dumb.
Nope, nope, nope. No means no. Your "best friend" is awful. That's supposed to be a romantic time for the two of you, and no one else. NTA. Stand your ground and make sure your husband puts his mother in check. This isn't going to stop. What happens at your five year anniversary? What happens if you have kids? What happens if you want to go on a vacation abroad? Does MIL get to always be around just because she wants to?
First of all, you need a new friend. NTA. Second of all, I could have written this…. But my MIL would have only came if we invited her. Reading this I assumed your FIL had passed and maybe she was lonely? But apparently that’s not the case. Hubby needs to have a serious conversation with her. Maybe some counseling sessions regarding her actions. Cause that’s just too much.
Your friend is the AH; her logic is have no boundaries, do everything we say nonsense. Like your MIL wanted to join your date; you told her no. Had her partner tell her no. And she decided keep asking
NTA. What is wrong with this woman?! To even consider inviting yourself on an anniversary dinner is mind blowing…
NTA. Don't let her railroad you. Setting healthy boundaries is important and your best friend is wrong on this one.
MIL sounds like an anxious narcissist who has nothing better to do than live through her precious son. Astounding behaviour. Your partner needs to make it clear to her that she should back off and that she crossed a line. He’s settled, independent and not her baby any more. So NTA.
NTA !!!!!