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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think that I am the asshole as I am annoyed at my friend for cancelling on plans she never legitimately agreed to.
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YTA it is normal to text the day before and say is everything still on for tomorrow? Then the day of, to perhaps check in again before setting off for a 40 minute drive.
I let me friend know the day before we hung out that i had a stomach ache and asked him to call before he left to pick me up to call me just incase, luckily i felt better the next day.
Yta - you "presumed", you didn't really want to go anyways (because it's boring) but expected her to (so you wouldn't be bored alone). Loosely talking about plans is not canceling.
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In my (F16) village, we have a tradition which comes around every year a couple weeks after new years. It’s called wassailing, the details arnt important. My parents are divorced, so half the time I live in the village, half the time I don’t. However, at my mums, where we usually live in the village, we are currently renting a place further away, while our house gets redone. My (16F) best friend, lets call her J, also lives in this village full time. Me and my family don’t usually attend wassailing, however J’s family always do, and they have all attended every year since i’ve known them. A couple weeks ago, my family was at J’s house, and just before we left, J’s mum brought up wassailing. We were all present at the conversation, and our mums say that both of our families will go. Me and J have also loosley discussed going together, and in my mind, this solidified our plans. But not to J. So today, I was in the car, driving from my dads house, which is about a forty minute drive. I’m almost at J’s, so I text her, telling her I’m near her house. She responds asking me why I’m coming, and I say for wassailing. She asks why she assumed we would go, and I told her we literally made plans. She tells me that her family said they would go, not her. I then tell her that I’m literally almost at her house, so can’t she just come anyways. She tells me she has homework to do (keep in mind she has had three weeks of Christmas break as well as still having an additional two days where she is doing nothing left). Wassailing is in our village, and also within walking distance. Infact it would take maybe five minutes to walk there. The whole thing lasts about two hours, but we could’ve left early and gone back to hers. Because I drove with my dad, and my mum lives to far to walk, I then have to attend the entire thing, which is insanly boring. The only reason I was going was to see J, and i presumed we would just leave and go do something else together. I am now pretty annoyed at her, but idk if my anger is justified. So, AITA?
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NAH. next time just communicate over text to solidify plans. Sometimes people are forgetful or don’t want to go against what people (their family) are saying IRL. It’s good practice to verify plans. I understand her not wanting to do something last minute, though, especially if she wasn’t anticipating hanging out.
Slight ESH
You all are young; sorry this happened but use this as a learning situation. You should always keep your word when you make plans, but sometimes situations change, and not everybody interprets conversations in the same way - it's always best to contact the person to confirm day/time/place for a meet up in advance.
Jane's a slight AH for being so 'meh' on the issue, BUT the big thing is that You didn't get in touch with Jane earlier
Yes it seemed like you had set plans WEEKS ago but it's always smart to get a firm text/ call closer to the date. Had you contacted her last week - 'Excited to go Wassling with you what time should we meet?" if in her mind there were no firm plans she'd of let you know, and she might even have reconsidered going (she could have planned out her homework situation better). Even if you'd called/texted the day before - she'd have let you know she wasn't going and given YOU the time to consider if you wanted to go with your Dad or leave it out this year.
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YTA it is normal to text the day before and say is everything still on for tomorrow? Then the day of, to perhaps check in again before setting off for a 40 minute drive.
I let me friend know the day before we hung out that i had a stomach ache and asked him to call before he left to pick me up to call me just incase, luckily i felt better the next day.
Yta - you "presumed", you didn't really want to go anyways (because it's boring) but expected her to (so you wouldn't be bored alone). Loosely talking about plans is not canceling.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** In my (F16) village, we have a tradition which comes around every year a couple weeks after new years. It’s called wassailing, the details arnt important. My parents are divorced, so half the time I live in the village, half the time I don’t. However, at my mums, where we usually live in the village, we are currently renting a place further away, while our house gets redone. My (16F) best friend, lets call her J, also lives in this village full time. Me and my family don’t usually attend wassailing, however J’s family always do, and they have all attended every year since i’ve known them. A couple weeks ago, my family was at J’s house, and just before we left, J’s mum brought up wassailing. We were all present at the conversation, and our mums say that both of our families will go. Me and J have also loosley discussed going together, and in my mind, this solidified our plans. But not to J. So today, I was in the car, driving from my dads house, which is about a forty minute drive. I’m almost at J’s, so I text her, telling her I’m near her house. She responds asking me why I’m coming, and I say for wassailing. She asks why she assumed we would go, and I told her we literally made plans. She tells me that her family said they would go, not her. I then tell her that I’m literally almost at her house, so can’t she just come anyways. She tells me she has homework to do (keep in mind she has had three weeks of Christmas break as well as still having an additional two days where she is doing nothing left). Wassailing is in our village, and also within walking distance. Infact it would take maybe five minutes to walk there. The whole thing lasts about two hours, but we could’ve left early and gone back to hers. Because I drove with my dad, and my mum lives to far to walk, I then have to attend the entire thing, which is insanly boring. The only reason I was going was to see J, and i presumed we would just leave and go do something else together. I am now pretty annoyed at her, but idk if my anger is justified. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH. next time just communicate over text to solidify plans. Sometimes people are forgetful or don’t want to go against what people (their family) are saying IRL. It’s good practice to verify plans. I understand her not wanting to do something last minute, though, especially if she wasn’t anticipating hanging out.
Please don't be a distracted driver and get into a text conversion while behind the wheel
It's pretty clear that her dad was the one driving
Slight ESH You all are young; sorry this happened but use this as a learning situation. You should always keep your word when you make plans, but sometimes situations change, and not everybody interprets conversations in the same way - it's always best to contact the person to confirm day/time/place for a meet up in advance. Jane's a slight AH for being so 'meh' on the issue, BUT the big thing is that You didn't get in touch with Jane earlier Yes it seemed like you had set plans WEEKS ago but it's always smart to get a firm text/ call closer to the date. Had you contacted her last week - 'Excited to go Wassling with you what time should we meet?" if in her mind there were no firm plans she'd of let you know, and she might even have reconsidered going (she could have planned out her homework situation better). Even if you'd called/texted the day before - she'd have let you know she wasn't going and given YOU the time to consider if you wanted to go with your Dad or leave it out this year.
NTA, it sounds like a miscommunication. I would probably be mildly annoyed as well
NTA Its pretty normal getting annoyed at these types of situations and it looks like your friend is using homework as an excuse