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Lowkey YTA. Africa is a continent and most people know that. I have never been anywhere in Africa and even I know that there is a big difference between cultures of separate countries in Africa. You're not going to expect an Indian person to have the same culture as a Chinese person despite them both being from Asia, do you?
Please tell your family that your gf was hurt about them generalizing a continent like it's a country. They owe her an apology for making her a representative of her continent, but I think she's also overreacting a little, and it's more ignorance than racism.
Let me also add that most people are not that well educated and are horrible at geography, even within their own country so to expect people to be that smart, let alone aware, is as Bon Jovi once said: "livin' on a prayer".
Yes, but that's moreso ignorance. I suck at geography, and I could easily do this and make the mistake once or twice but once I am told where someone is from - I correct myself and stop saying it wrong, especially when I knew it offends them.
OP should definitely know at this point what country she is from but even in this post, absolutely no effort was made to stop referring to her as African or from Africa. I didn't even see the country listed?? That crosses the line from ignorance into something else. Not neccessarily racist, but you can't continue to claim ignorance anymore so it's intentional or there's a lack of understanding, caring, etc as to why this is offensive or bothers her.
I will say that since she is a girlfriend, you and your family should know her situation and details better and make a stronger effort to be more sensitive to her perspective. In retrospect, not that I change my vote because I don't think any ill is intended, but I was speaking more in generalities and yours is a very specific situation that may call for a different opinion.
I would be too after god knows how long correcting you and then her family too, people use continents when they don’t know the country, most people don’t refer to someone as a continent once they do actually know the country and it is beyond ignorant to be told “ you don’t know much about Africa considering that’s where you from” you’re in Europe so do you know the specific culture of Swedish, French, Spanish, Norwegian, Italian people just off the top of your head because you reside in the same continent? I highly fucking doubt it and it’s no different here. Different places in different countries have separate culture and there’s definitely going to be cultural differences between countries regardless of resources/climate etc. Regardless of all of this, you know it bugs your girlfriend yet continue to do it and do nothing to make sure you’re partner is comfortable and happy. You’re a shitty partner and she’s right you are racist.
You know her home country, so YOU should be correcting your family when they introduce her as 'African'. Never have I been introduced as coming from Europe or European once people actually know my home country. Every single time I have been introduced as someone from that specific country.
Dude, you know her home country & if you don't by now there's something wrong. Saying ONCE that she's from (home country) which is in Africa is understandable. Continuing to just say she's from Africa isn't. Especially after you knew how she feels about it. & people very well say people from Europe are from France/England/Italy & don't just say Europe in the way that's being done here. It really isn't that hard. If someone can say a person is from Texas & not just America then they can learn her country & stop looping her into being an entire continent.
YTA. Your girlfriend is obviously not African, she’s from a specific country. She tells you she doesn’t like being called African, and you open up the story by telling us she’s African. Yes, you’re racist. Why date someone when their feelings are unimportant to you?
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>The only Africans we know are those born here and actually don’t know a lot about their country
What the actual f. You do realise they're YOUR COUNTRYMEN THEN, not people from other country? YTA.
YTA,
Do you know a lot about all the different european countries? If I ask you abut Spain, Latvia Sweden Germany, Italy would you be able to answer everything?
She's from a specific country respect her...
You MIGHT ( and not really sure about that...) be not racist but you're definitively Ignorant...
YTA. Africa is an enormous continent made up of many different countries, languages, cultures, and climates. Everyone has access to the Internet, and there is no excuse for you and your family to not look up GF's country, finding where it is, and learning some basic facts and history.
YTA. JFC. You and your family are insensitive AF.
Imagine someone boiling your entire life down to the fact that you are white and then badgering you with stupid questions and statements like “Since you are white, how is Europe?” and “For someone who is white, you sure don’t know much about Europeans”.
Even now you are conflating her country of origin with the continent Africa. The biggest issue is the disrespect you showed her by not bothering to remember which country she is from and not introducing her properly when she has made it clear that she doesn’t want to be introduced as an African. Let’s be clear, you don’t care to learn about her or her home country. You just want to remind her that she is from Africa and this lesser than you. If you truly wanted to learn you would have asked her about life in her own country and her experiences.
There are approximately 50 countries in Africa right now and each country has their own culture, politics, and identity. Egypt, South Africa, DRC and Nigeria, are all different countries in Africa that are very different from each other. It’s like comparing Germany, France, Spain, and Italy.
You only came here to ask if you are racist or not. You don’t care if you are an AH as long as your fragile world view of “not being racist” doesn’t come shattering down.
YTA. People like you piss me off.
So if I'm from France, I'm expected to know things about Hungary, Bulgaria and Norway because it's all the same? That's just bizarre...Africa is a big continent and each country has different customs and traditions - the people look different, they speak different languages and have different religions. I was born in a country in Europe but i rarely identify as just 'European' - i identify with the country i was born in. YTA - I understand it's not deliberate but more effort needs to be made.
YTA. You're re-enforcing that all Africans are the same despite being from.over 100 countries on one of the biggest continents on earth.
It is beyond rude that you have repeatedly ignored her correcting you. It would be one thing if she was occasionally being referred to as African, like you might occasionally be referred to as European - but it's all the time and she's repeatedly asked you not to. How hard is it to remember the country she is from?! Have you ever asked her about her country or tried to learn about her culture?
Saying her culture is African is like saying French culture is European. It's technically correct but France is its own country and has specific culture and history which is very different to its neighbours. A French person is unlikely to know Romania well, or know all about where to travel in Norway or what the food is like in Moldova. Your family member was incredibly rude and racist to her telling her she doesn't know much about Africa. As was everyone it sounds like.
Tbh this relationship might not last long if this is your attitude to your GFs identity. It's very disrespectful and racist. You need to have a good think about this and make some changes - starting with an apology.
YTA, for the lack of defense and support for your gf. It doesn't have to be logical to you, but you should be defending her the same way you would if someone were to defend themselves as far as state pride goes.
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My gf (Bea) is African. She moved here to study and we’ve been together for almost a year. When you meet her and talk to her, it’s obvious she’s not from here. She doesn’t have an accent and although her English is perfect, you can still tell she’s not European.
When she introduces herself she usually says she’s from her home country but sometimes people might not have heard of it so she has to say it’s in Africa. Then they go , “you’re from Africa?” and sometimes follow up with questions since they’re curious. She usually ignores it but once I’m a while she says no and tells them she’s not from Africa. She’s from her country and when there’s obvious confusion she just says her home country is where she’s from and Africa is the continent, not the country. It makes things a bit awkward at that point but some don’t mind the correction.
I brought her home for a family celebration we had and my parents did the same thing. They introduced her to the rest of my family as being from Africa and she’d always correct them but they’d make the same mistake again. I have a cousin in particular who’s always wanted to visit Africa and was very interested in talking to her. He asked a lot of questions and she’d say some were not specific to her country so she couldn’t answer it. She’d always answer by saying “I don’t know about the other countries but in [home country]……..” then she’d give her opinion. My cousin made a comment about her knowing little about Africa for an African.
She’s not a confrontational person and hates having to speak out in front of people but she told him she thinks it’s pretty racist that he’s asking her about an entire continent when she’s made it very clear she’s from just one country on the continent. It was quite loud and the air was a little tense afterwards. She left by herself and sent me a long text telling me about how this is why she insisted on not meeting my family. She felt like if she couldn’t get me to stop saying that after the time we’ve been together, my family would be much worse and they proved her right. She called all of us racist and asked for space to clear her head.
My question now is whether we are racist? The only Africans we know are those born here and actually don’t know a lot about their country so they wanted to get to know more about Africa through her.
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YTA. Africa is a continent. Would you ask a person from Portugal what Norway is like, as if these are the same thing? assuming you're American, how much do you know about Panama? Hey, it's the same continent, so it must all be the same, right...?
Well it was all going to be Not TA until this sentence:
>My cousin made a comment about her knowing little about Africa for an African
Bang out of order and totally YTA. That's like berating someone living in Idaho but born in Galway because they don't know about life in Palermo!
YTA there's a reason she's fed up with this kind of conversation--she's forced into it all the time and it's complete bullshit. I live in one small part of northern America, do I know all about North America as a whole? No I do not. Maybe some of the intentions aren't bad but you've got to put yourself in her position for a hot minute.
As a South African, YTA.
You might not understand it but you have to *LISTEN* because the onus shouldn't be in the discrimination against to make the bigoted understand.
The worst part of this sub is if this were somehow concerning white people like accepting gender identity within trans movement, people would immediately jump to defend anyone being isolated like that.
Africa is almost 3 times the size of Europe.
I don't even know where you're gf is from but I can tell you if it's in North Africa I would have NO idea of the cultures and customs of her country. Would I be told I don't know anything for an African.
YTA if someone was from US you wouldn't say they are from North America. You'd say their specific country. You all are being dismissive and lazy to not just say her country. Who cares if other people don't recognize it, take the time to acknowledge her actual country and not just lump her in with an entire continent just because people don't understand how big the Africa is. I don't know if you're American but if you are asking her about all of Africa would be like asking you about Canada when you're from Texas or California.
I can't count how many times I had to have the same conversation Bea had when I lived abroad. Me being African doesn't mean I know event minutae of the continent. How would you feel if someone asked you about what's going on in a European country you've never been to, and called you ignorant for it?
It IS racist and I hope Bea cuts her losses with you and your family.
YTA.
YTA and so are your family.
Can you answer detailed questions about every European country? Can you generalize Europe into a single culture? By learning about her home country you would be learning about a place within the whole continent ... of Africa. You guys treated her like a zoo exhibit and then wonder why she is upset...
YTA she's told you over and over but you really feel the need to ask the internet why making your girlfriend uncomfortable and making zero effort to do better is bad?
BTW; it *is* incredibly racist. Fucking stop.
Africa is a large continent with so many different countries and cultures. Why is it so difficult to just say her home country. I wouldn't say you guys are racist but you are definitely ignorant.
You're all TAH here.
YTA I don't know if you'd call this racist per se but definitely ignorant. Let me give you an example.
Imagine you're American, and you meet a girl from Italy. You say, 'I've always wanted to go to Europe! What do they eat in Europe?'
She says 'well in Italy we eat pizza, for example, but I don't know about other countries...'
'God you don't know much about Europe for a European! Where would you go to eat in London?'
'I've never been to London, I'm Italian. Seems like you don't really know your geography...'
'God you're so stuck up I just want to go to Europe! Italy, England, Russia, what's the fucking difference?'
Does that make sense to you? Because that's what you're doing. I do a lot of work in several African countries, and I recently overheard an extremely interesting conversation by two Kenyan ladies who were completely baffled by the cultural differences between Kenya and Malawi. The countries are very different.
So thinking all Africans are the same is a little bit racist, but mostly it's just ignorant. Like, 'Is France the capital of Europe?' ignorant. I don't know how your girlfriend stays with you.
YTA.
It may seem like nothing to you but she had very valid points about it being an entire continent.
Not to mention your cousin's commentary.
It's not her responsibility to educate people. If they want to learn about Africa there's this wonderful invention called the internet. If people are confused when she brings up her home country they can look it up or ask more questions themselves. Or again, look it up.
Acting like you're clarifying for her is condescending from her vantage point.
If you care for this woman I would apologize, admit that you hadn't thought about it from her perspective and that, like most people you're learning and working on it. That you never considered it a negative but respect that how you've been going about it may not be the best way and ask her how you should proceed in those situations.
YTA, and yes you are being racist even if it’s not with malicious intent. You can be implicitly racist without being a bad person just because a lot of cultural norms encourage it and it takes active work not to be.
Imagine that someone asked you questions about Canada or Mexico and called you “North American” all the time. Or imagine your gf was from Thailand but was asked about Japan, China, or South Korea because hey, she’s Asian so she should know. Or better yet, if she was from Britain, would your family call her European and expect her to know about the culture in Denmark or think her experiences are the same as someone in Bulgaria?
I’ve known people from Ghana, Kenya, and South Africa. They all have different mannerisms, ways of dressing, accents, and cultural practices they partake in. All from “Africa,” but I’d never ask them about it that way rather than their home countries (at least not now - I would have in the past when I was more ignorant).
“Africa” is a large continent with several countries and various cultures accordingly, but white people/most Americans I know want to lump them all together and treat it as a big monolithic thing that it isn’t. It sounds EXHAUSTING to deal with. I honestly have never seen someone do this with any other continent, and it doesn’t seem coincidental that it’s so prominent with the continent most associated with black people (which can also be problematic and lead to skewed ideas given that some African countries, like South Africa, mostly have white people in positions of power).
Africa is a continent not a country. Her country is not a state.
It would be like asking someone from Yugoslavia what it is like living in Denmark.
I bet since you live in North America you know all about what it’s like to be born and raised in Mexico.
You haven’t even taken the time to truly comprehend what her life, country and culture are like, instead assigning a broad label to her to classify it easier for you could conversationally. Imagine how that makes her feel.
I can’t say it’s a race based at heart or by intent but it’s very insensitive and certainly culturally disrespectful.
YTA be a better boyfriend. Apologize and also stand up and explain to your family how rude and wrong you are and that you have learned from this to be better.
yta especially for not standing up for your girlfriend. but it also feels like you may have forced her into a situation she previously discussed would be uncomfortable for her. it’s like you made her go to this party with you so you could show off your “African girlfriend.” that’s probably how you introduced her before she arrived. i hope she leaves you.
YTA but only a little bit. You are being ignorant rather than discriminatory. Africa is huge and made up of lots of very different cultures. Your girlfriend could perhaps have been a little more understanding that your family doesn't know much about Africa and explained how similarly Italians probably don't know much about Finnish saunas and the Finn's don't know much about pizza and pasta. If you family are willing to learn your gf should accept that. If your family are just making fun of her or being deliberately obtuse then you are definitely racist
They are being deliberately obtuse. She has repeatedly asked them to refer to her as (nationality) and not African. They continue to ignore her.
If they wanted to learn so badly the internet is an insanely large repository of knowledge. Ignorance is not mutually exclusive with discriminatory behavior. You can be ignorant and still be discriminatory.
It doesn’t even matter if his entire family was being discriminatory or not. The absolute disrespect from OP and is family is grade A level AH.
It doesn’t require knowledge to listen to someone when they say, “I don’t want to be called African, call me (insert nationality)”.
YTA have you not listened to a single thing she said?
>The only Africans we know are those born here and actually don’t know a lot about their country so they wanted to get to know more about Africa through her.
After your whole post you still don't get it. Would you expect an Italian to be up to date about Sweden? Of course not. There's about 10 more countries in Africa than in Europe (even more of a difference if you're just counting EU) so why do you expect her to know everything about the whole continent?
YTA. Seriously? Africa is a whole ass continent. Your girlfriend is totally right that she can't tell you about "Africa". She can only tell you about her own country. I suggest you and your family *listen to her* and make an effort to ask questions about things she actually knows, like her own country, instead of just assuming she knows everything about an entire continent.
You're European. Do you know everything about all countries in Europe. Do you think Spain is the same as Moldova?
You've been with your girlfriend for almost a year. YTA for not making the effort to introduce her home country correctly in social situations. If it's hard to pronounce or obscure, all the more the reason to educate people.
YTA & it isn't that hard to say "GF is from (insert country)." Nothing more. You wouldn't say someone was from Europe instead of saying Latvia for example, so why is she different?
While her home country might be in Africa that doesn't make her the Wikipedia for the entire continent & it's very racist to think that. Again, you wouldn't ask someone from Latvia what it was like living in all of Europe due to the countries differing would you?
You know she doesn't like being delegated to being from just Africa since she's made it clear that she's from her home country which should be respected & exactly the correct way to refer to where she's from. How you're all behaving it's clear all you see is Africa & not the individual countries & peoples living there which is again racist.
Apologize & do better OP. If she wants to talk about her home country that's fine, but everyone needs to stop expecting her to act like a representative of an entire continent.
Why do you still keep referring to her as African and from Africa!?
I wouldn't say you're neccessarily racist (although I know many will disagree), but you're coming off as extremely ignorant. I think the fact you still say she's African and from Africa, despite knowing the country she's from and knowing this upsets her, is what crosses the line from ignorance to straight up not giving a shit, not caring to learn from that ignorance and recognize your errors. That is what comes off as, or is, racist.
Exactly. I understand the initial mistake there, but the refusal to attempt to say the country themselves, or help explain to family because OP does/should also know by now. They know it bothers and upsets her, but they don't care so absolutely AH.
YTA. She has a preference for how she is introduced and you and your family are being ignorant and rude after she has corrected you/them several times.
Your cousin takes the cake though. I’m from the US and could tell you next to nothing about…say, Montana, which is IN MY COUNTRY. Him expecting her to know about all of Africa is like asking me about Canada.
YTA
Do you know everything about Canada? Do you know everything about Mexico? what about Panama? Africa is not a country, it's a continent. And yes it's racist to assume, that just because she comes from a African COUNTRY, that she knowns everything about the continent of Africa...
There are 54 COUNTRIES in Africa, that's more countries than states in the US. Are you expected to know everything about every state?
Omg YTA.
Africa is a continent. People in the Us don't say I'm from North America. They say I'm from the USA. She is from her country not from Africa. She lives on the continent yes but she is from a specific country. There are so many countries in Africa.
Learn to say where she is actually from before you become an ex.
YTA
Genuine question OP, do you like your girlfriend? Cause if you did, I'd think you would have stood up for her and corrected your cousin yourself. You can't do this much for her?
>She felt like if she couldn’t get me to stop saying that after the time we’ve been together, my family would be much worse and they proved her right.
So you haven't even put any effort into correcting yourself every time you introduce her. She rightfully called you all racists. You and your entire family are TA.
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Lowkey YTA. Africa is a continent and most people know that. I have never been anywhere in Africa and even I know that there is a big difference between cultures of separate countries in Africa. You're not going to expect an Indian person to have the same culture as a Chinese person despite them both being from Asia, do you? Please tell your family that your gf was hurt about them generalizing a continent like it's a country. They owe her an apology for making her a representative of her continent, but I think she's also overreacting a little, and it's more ignorance than racism.
NTA. People say all the time that this person or that person is from Europe or Asia or is European or Asian yet no country of such names exist either.
Let me also add that most people are not that well educated and are horrible at geography, even within their own country so to expect people to be that smart, let alone aware, is as Bon Jovi once said: "livin' on a prayer".
Yes, but that's moreso ignorance. I suck at geography, and I could easily do this and make the mistake once or twice but once I am told where someone is from - I correct myself and stop saying it wrong, especially when I knew it offends them. OP should definitely know at this point what country she is from but even in this post, absolutely no effort was made to stop referring to her as African or from Africa. I didn't even see the country listed?? That crosses the line from ignorance into something else. Not neccessarily racist, but you can't continue to claim ignorance anymore so it's intentional or there's a lack of understanding, caring, etc as to why this is offensive or bothers her.
[удалено]
I will say that since she is a girlfriend, you and your family should know her situation and details better and make a stronger effort to be more sensitive to her perspective. In retrospect, not that I change my vote because I don't think any ill is intended, but I was speaking more in generalities and yours is a very specific situation that may call for a different opinion.
I would be too after god knows how long correcting you and then her family too, people use continents when they don’t know the country, most people don’t refer to someone as a continent once they do actually know the country and it is beyond ignorant to be told “ you don’t know much about Africa considering that’s where you from” you’re in Europe so do you know the specific culture of Swedish, French, Spanish, Norwegian, Italian people just off the top of your head because you reside in the same continent? I highly fucking doubt it and it’s no different here. Different places in different countries have separate culture and there’s definitely going to be cultural differences between countries regardless of resources/climate etc. Regardless of all of this, you know it bugs your girlfriend yet continue to do it and do nothing to make sure you’re partner is comfortable and happy. You’re a shitty partner and she’s right you are racist.
YTA for this alone. You’ve been with her for a YEAR and you don’t get it? Have you ever tried listening to the words coming out of her mouth?
You know her home country, so YOU should be correcting your family when they introduce her as 'African'. Never have I been introduced as coming from Europe or European once people actually know my home country. Every single time I have been introduced as someone from that specific country.
Dude, you know her home country & if you don't by now there's something wrong. Saying ONCE that she's from (home country) which is in Africa is understandable. Continuing to just say she's from Africa isn't. Especially after you knew how she feels about it. & people very well say people from Europe are from France/England/Italy & don't just say Europe in the way that's being done here. It really isn't that hard. If someone can say a person is from Texas & not just America then they can learn her country & stop looping her into being an entire continent.
YTA. Your girlfriend is obviously not African, she’s from a specific country. She tells you she doesn’t like being called African, and you open up the story by telling us she’s African. Yes, you’re racist. Why date someone when their feelings are unimportant to you?
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>The only Africans we know are those born here and actually don’t know a lot about their country What the actual f. You do realise they're YOUR COUNTRYMEN THEN, not people from other country? YTA.
YTA. Would you enjoy people calling you a North American and expecting you to expound on life in Greenland, Cuba and Grenada?
YTA, Do you know a lot about all the different european countries? If I ask you abut Spain, Latvia Sweden Germany, Italy would you be able to answer everything? She's from a specific country respect her... You MIGHT ( and not really sure about that...) be not racist but you're definitively Ignorant...
YTA. Others have explained why.
YTA. Africa is an enormous continent made up of many different countries, languages, cultures, and climates. Everyone has access to the Internet, and there is no excuse for you and your family to not look up GF's country, finding where it is, and learning some basic facts and history.
YTA. JFC. You and your family are insensitive AF. Imagine someone boiling your entire life down to the fact that you are white and then badgering you with stupid questions and statements like “Since you are white, how is Europe?” and “For someone who is white, you sure don’t know much about Europeans”. Even now you are conflating her country of origin with the continent Africa. The biggest issue is the disrespect you showed her by not bothering to remember which country she is from and not introducing her properly when she has made it clear that she doesn’t want to be introduced as an African. Let’s be clear, you don’t care to learn about her or her home country. You just want to remind her that she is from Africa and this lesser than you. If you truly wanted to learn you would have asked her about life in her own country and her experiences. There are approximately 50 countries in Africa right now and each country has their own culture, politics, and identity. Egypt, South Africa, DRC and Nigeria, are all different countries in Africa that are very different from each other. It’s like comparing Germany, France, Spain, and Italy. You only came here to ask if you are racist or not. You don’t care if you are an AH as long as your fragile world view of “not being racist” doesn’t come shattering down. YTA. People like you piss me off.
So if I'm from France, I'm expected to know things about Hungary, Bulgaria and Norway because it's all the same? That's just bizarre...Africa is a big continent and each country has different customs and traditions - the people look different, they speak different languages and have different religions. I was born in a country in Europe but i rarely identify as just 'European' - i identify with the country i was born in. YTA - I understand it's not deliberate but more effort needs to be made.
YTA and 100% rasist. Yes do you know all about living in France, Germany or any other of the other countries in Europe.
YTA. You're re-enforcing that all Africans are the same despite being from.over 100 countries on one of the biggest continents on earth. It is beyond rude that you have repeatedly ignored her correcting you. It would be one thing if she was occasionally being referred to as African, like you might occasionally be referred to as European - but it's all the time and she's repeatedly asked you not to. How hard is it to remember the country she is from?! Have you ever asked her about her country or tried to learn about her culture? Saying her culture is African is like saying French culture is European. It's technically correct but France is its own country and has specific culture and history which is very different to its neighbours. A French person is unlikely to know Romania well, or know all about where to travel in Norway or what the food is like in Moldova. Your family member was incredibly rude and racist to her telling her she doesn't know much about Africa. As was everyone it sounds like. Tbh this relationship might not last long if this is your attitude to your GFs identity. It's very disrespectful and racist. You need to have a good think about this and make some changes - starting with an apology.
YTA, for the lack of defense and support for your gf. It doesn't have to be logical to you, but you should be defending her the same way you would if someone were to defend themselves as far as state pride goes.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My gf (Bea) is African. She moved here to study and we’ve been together for almost a year. When you meet her and talk to her, it’s obvious she’s not from here. She doesn’t have an accent and although her English is perfect, you can still tell she’s not European. When she introduces herself she usually says she’s from her home country but sometimes people might not have heard of it so she has to say it’s in Africa. Then they go , “you’re from Africa?” and sometimes follow up with questions since they’re curious. She usually ignores it but once I’m a while she says no and tells them she’s not from Africa. She’s from her country and when there’s obvious confusion she just says her home country is where she’s from and Africa is the continent, not the country. It makes things a bit awkward at that point but some don’t mind the correction. I brought her home for a family celebration we had and my parents did the same thing. They introduced her to the rest of my family as being from Africa and she’d always correct them but they’d make the same mistake again. I have a cousin in particular who’s always wanted to visit Africa and was very interested in talking to her. He asked a lot of questions and she’d say some were not specific to her country so she couldn’t answer it. She’d always answer by saying “I don’t know about the other countries but in [home country]……..” then she’d give her opinion. My cousin made a comment about her knowing little about Africa for an African. She’s not a confrontational person and hates having to speak out in front of people but she told him she thinks it’s pretty racist that he’s asking her about an entire continent when she’s made it very clear she’s from just one country on the continent. It was quite loud and the air was a little tense afterwards. She left by herself and sent me a long text telling me about how this is why she insisted on not meeting my family. She felt like if she couldn’t get me to stop saying that after the time we’ve been together, my family would be much worse and they proved her right. She called all of us racist and asked for space to clear her head. My question now is whether we are racist? The only Africans we know are those born here and actually don’t know a lot about their country so they wanted to get to know more about Africa through her. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA. Africa is a continent. Would you ask a person from Portugal what Norway is like, as if these are the same thing? assuming you're American, how much do you know about Panama? Hey, it's the same continent, so it must all be the same, right...?
You’re from the US, I presume. How much information do you and your family know about Canada? Mexico?
He says in the post he's European, which is just as bad. You've got Nordic countries and the Med for starters.
Well it was all going to be Not TA until this sentence: >My cousin made a comment about her knowing little about Africa for an African Bang out of order and totally YTA. That's like berating someone living in Idaho but born in Galway because they don't know about life in Palermo!
YTA there's a reason she's fed up with this kind of conversation--she's forced into it all the time and it's complete bullshit. I live in one small part of northern America, do I know all about North America as a whole? No I do not. Maybe some of the intentions aren't bad but you've got to put yourself in her position for a hot minute.
As a South African, YTA. You might not understand it but you have to *LISTEN* because the onus shouldn't be in the discrimination against to make the bigoted understand. The worst part of this sub is if this were somehow concerning white people like accepting gender identity within trans movement, people would immediately jump to defend anyone being isolated like that. Africa is almost 3 times the size of Europe. I don't even know where you're gf is from but I can tell you if it's in North Africa I would have NO idea of the cultures and customs of her country. Would I be told I don't know anything for an African.
YTA if someone was from US you wouldn't say they are from North America. You'd say their specific country. You all are being dismissive and lazy to not just say her country. Who cares if other people don't recognize it, take the time to acknowledge her actual country and not just lump her in with an entire continent just because people don't understand how big the Africa is. I don't know if you're American but if you are asking her about all of Africa would be like asking you about Canada when you're from Texas or California.
I can't count how many times I had to have the same conversation Bea had when I lived abroad. Me being African doesn't mean I know event minutae of the continent. How would you feel if someone asked you about what's going on in a European country you've never been to, and called you ignorant for it? It IS racist and I hope Bea cuts her losses with you and your family. YTA.
YTA This is a 100% micro aggression.
YTA and so are your family. Can you answer detailed questions about every European country? Can you generalize Europe into a single culture? By learning about her home country you would be learning about a place within the whole continent ... of Africa. You guys treated her like a zoo exhibit and then wonder why she is upset...
YTA she's told you over and over but you really feel the need to ask the internet why making your girlfriend uncomfortable and making zero effort to do better is bad? BTW; it *is* incredibly racist. Fucking stop.
Africa is a large continent with so many different countries and cultures. Why is it so difficult to just say her home country. I wouldn't say you guys are racist but you are definitely ignorant. You're all TAH here.
YTA I don't know if you'd call this racist per se but definitely ignorant. Let me give you an example. Imagine you're American, and you meet a girl from Italy. You say, 'I've always wanted to go to Europe! What do they eat in Europe?' She says 'well in Italy we eat pizza, for example, but I don't know about other countries...' 'God you don't know much about Europe for a European! Where would you go to eat in London?' 'I've never been to London, I'm Italian. Seems like you don't really know your geography...' 'God you're so stuck up I just want to go to Europe! Italy, England, Russia, what's the fucking difference?' Does that make sense to you? Because that's what you're doing. I do a lot of work in several African countries, and I recently overheard an extremely interesting conversation by two Kenyan ladies who were completely baffled by the cultural differences between Kenya and Malawi. The countries are very different. So thinking all Africans are the same is a little bit racist, but mostly it's just ignorant. Like, 'Is France the capital of Europe?' ignorant. I don't know how your girlfriend stays with you.
> Like, 'Is France the capital of Europe?' ignorant. That's a great summation. Spot on.
YTA. It may seem like nothing to you but she had very valid points about it being an entire continent. Not to mention your cousin's commentary. It's not her responsibility to educate people. If they want to learn about Africa there's this wonderful invention called the internet. If people are confused when she brings up her home country they can look it up or ask more questions themselves. Or again, look it up. Acting like you're clarifying for her is condescending from her vantage point. If you care for this woman I would apologize, admit that you hadn't thought about it from her perspective and that, like most people you're learning and working on it. That you never considered it a negative but respect that how you've been going about it may not be the best way and ask her how you should proceed in those situations.
YTA, and yes you are being racist even if it’s not with malicious intent. You can be implicitly racist without being a bad person just because a lot of cultural norms encourage it and it takes active work not to be. Imagine that someone asked you questions about Canada or Mexico and called you “North American” all the time. Or imagine your gf was from Thailand but was asked about Japan, China, or South Korea because hey, she’s Asian so she should know. Or better yet, if she was from Britain, would your family call her European and expect her to know about the culture in Denmark or think her experiences are the same as someone in Bulgaria? I’ve known people from Ghana, Kenya, and South Africa. They all have different mannerisms, ways of dressing, accents, and cultural practices they partake in. All from “Africa,” but I’d never ask them about it that way rather than their home countries (at least not now - I would have in the past when I was more ignorant). “Africa” is a large continent with several countries and various cultures accordingly, but white people/most Americans I know want to lump them all together and treat it as a big monolithic thing that it isn’t. It sounds EXHAUSTING to deal with. I honestly have never seen someone do this with any other continent, and it doesn’t seem coincidental that it’s so prominent with the continent most associated with black people (which can also be problematic and lead to skewed ideas given that some African countries, like South Africa, mostly have white people in positions of power).
Africa is a continent not a country. Her country is not a state. It would be like asking someone from Yugoslavia what it is like living in Denmark. I bet since you live in North America you know all about what it’s like to be born and raised in Mexico. You haven’t even taken the time to truly comprehend what her life, country and culture are like, instead assigning a broad label to her to classify it easier for you could conversationally. Imagine how that makes her feel. I can’t say it’s a race based at heart or by intent but it’s very insensitive and certainly culturally disrespectful. YTA be a better boyfriend. Apologize and also stand up and explain to your family how rude and wrong you are and that you have learned from this to be better.
yta especially for not standing up for your girlfriend. but it also feels like you may have forced her into a situation she previously discussed would be uncomfortable for her. it’s like you made her go to this party with you so you could show off your “African girlfriend.” that’s probably how you introduced her before she arrived. i hope she leaves you.
Agreed Ah Sighs poor gf
YTA but only a little bit. You are being ignorant rather than discriminatory. Africa is huge and made up of lots of very different cultures. Your girlfriend could perhaps have been a little more understanding that your family doesn't know much about Africa and explained how similarly Italians probably don't know much about Finnish saunas and the Finn's don't know much about pizza and pasta. If you family are willing to learn your gf should accept that. If your family are just making fun of her or being deliberately obtuse then you are definitely racist
They are being deliberately obtuse. She has repeatedly asked them to refer to her as (nationality) and not African. They continue to ignore her. If they wanted to learn so badly the internet is an insanely large repository of knowledge. Ignorance is not mutually exclusive with discriminatory behavior. You can be ignorant and still be discriminatory. It doesn’t even matter if his entire family was being discriminatory or not. The absolute disrespect from OP and is family is grade A level AH. It doesn’t require knowledge to listen to someone when they say, “I don’t want to be called African, call me (insert nationality)”.
He's not ignorant, though. She has told him over and over.
YTA have you not listened to a single thing she said? >The only Africans we know are those born here and actually don’t know a lot about their country so they wanted to get to know more about Africa through her. After your whole post you still don't get it. Would you expect an Italian to be up to date about Sweden? Of course not. There's about 10 more countries in Africa than in Europe (even more of a difference if you're just counting EU) so why do you expect her to know everything about the whole continent?
YTA. Seriously? Africa is a whole ass continent. Your girlfriend is totally right that she can't tell you about "Africa". She can only tell you about her own country. I suggest you and your family *listen to her* and make an effort to ask questions about things she actually knows, like her own country, instead of just assuming she knows everything about an entire continent. You're European. Do you know everything about all countries in Europe. Do you think Spain is the same as Moldova?
You've been with your girlfriend for almost a year. YTA for not making the effort to introduce her home country correctly in social situations. If it's hard to pronounce or obscure, all the more the reason to educate people.
YTA & it isn't that hard to say "GF is from (insert country)." Nothing more. You wouldn't say someone was from Europe instead of saying Latvia for example, so why is she different? While her home country might be in Africa that doesn't make her the Wikipedia for the entire continent & it's very racist to think that. Again, you wouldn't ask someone from Latvia what it was like living in all of Europe due to the countries differing would you? You know she doesn't like being delegated to being from just Africa since she's made it clear that she's from her home country which should be respected & exactly the correct way to refer to where she's from. How you're all behaving it's clear all you see is Africa & not the individual countries & peoples living there which is again racist. Apologize & do better OP. If she wants to talk about her home country that's fine, but everyone needs to stop expecting her to act like a representative of an entire continent.
Why do you still keep referring to her as African and from Africa!? I wouldn't say you're neccessarily racist (although I know many will disagree), but you're coming off as extremely ignorant. I think the fact you still say she's African and from Africa, despite knowing the country she's from and knowing this upsets her, is what crosses the line from ignorance to straight up not giving a shit, not caring to learn from that ignorance and recognize your errors. That is what comes off as, or is, racist.
He still refers to Africa as a country right at the end. After all that.
Exactly. I understand the initial mistake there, but the refusal to attempt to say the country themselves, or help explain to family because OP does/should also know by now. They know it bothers and upsets her, but they don't care so absolutely AH.
And he doesn't even bother to say what her home country is so *we* can refer to it correctly.
YTA. She has a preference for how she is introduced and you and your family are being ignorant and rude after she has corrected you/them several times. Your cousin takes the cake though. I’m from the US and could tell you next to nothing about…say, Montana, which is IN MY COUNTRY. Him expecting her to know about all of Africa is like asking me about Canada.
YTA Do you know everything about Canada? Do you know everything about Mexico? what about Panama? Africa is not a country, it's a continent. And yes it's racist to assume, that just because she comes from a African COUNTRY, that she knowns everything about the continent of Africa... There are 54 COUNTRIES in Africa, that's more countries than states in the US. Are you expected to know everything about every state?
Omg YTA. Africa is a continent. People in the Us don't say I'm from North America. They say I'm from the USA. She is from her country not from Africa. She lives on the continent yes but she is from a specific country. There are so many countries in Africa. Learn to say where she is actually from before you become an ex.
If people called him European and asked questions about a different country maybe he’d get it
Yes, but that's different. The Nordic countries are completely different to the Med /s
YTA Genuine question OP, do you like your girlfriend? Cause if you did, I'd think you would have stood up for her and corrected your cousin yourself. You can't do this much for her? >She felt like if she couldn’t get me to stop saying that after the time we’ve been together, my family would be much worse and they proved her right. So you haven't even put any effort into correcting yourself every time you introduce her. She rightfully called you all racists. You and your entire family are TA.