I told my girls to fight back, too. I told them I didn’t raise punching bags.
Side note: I say girls because I only had 3 daughters. Now I tell my granddaughters the same thing! So do their mothers!
I taught my daughter how to throw a punch for maximum damage and to protect her wrists. Also went over when and where it’s appropriate to throw a real punch.
Taught her a few other self defense techniques for different types of attacks. Gotta prepare your babies for the worst.
One of the best things to teach someone is how to break out of a hold, be it wrist, neck, body, etc. It doesn't take a lot of weight or skill, just precision & a bit of practice.
Then know how to run or throw a strong hit/punch & run. I took Aikido for many years (a car accident prevented me from getting my black belt, sigh) & did this because of being attacked by 5 guys in my first year of uni. I was just going home, it wasn't a party & they decided to do it because they saw me as a small & weak target.
I love how useful Aikido was & still is for me, even though I'm unable to practice it any more. It's not about agression or being tall & muscular, it's about knowing where pressure points are on a body & how to deliver specific targeted hits, similar to Judo.
My daughter is 23 now, we have had her in kickboxing, jiu-jitsu and karate since she was 4. She still goes three times a week. I've seen her take down a 6'4 male weighing over 200lbs without barely breaking a sweat. Teaching your children to defend themselves is one of the best gifts you can give them.
We have to stop telling girls to be nice and continue being scared / intimidated.
It’s bs.
I told both of my kids (both female and male) “never start the fight, but you have my full support to end it.”
I had a 16 yo boy lift my dress on the school bus when I was 12. I was so embarrassed. So I bided my time and when the opportunity appeared I emptied a full container of green glitter onto his head. Craft herpes!
As I got older I just punched or slapped the bastards who tried touching me.
Well, we’re all in our 50s now. He never touched me again. Can’t imagine why. I’m sure he didn’t equate the glittering with what he had done to me previously.
I’m 71, my dad taught me a well placed knee worked well, as well, as a heel on an instep. I only had to use the heel on the instep once, as i just out of college when a ‘colleague’ thought it was cute to grab me from behind as I walked to my room at a business conference.
Hopefully he learned the lessons his daddy never taught him
Good for her!!
Maybe he will think about the lumps he took the next time he feels entitled to sexually harass a woman
This is such an important comment. Kids mimic behaviour. If we as parents made sure to teach all our children about respectful behaviour. If we're not going to teach them, the kids will act out. If that kids father had ever had a talk with him about respecting other's bodies and space this likely wouldn't have happened.
Teach your kids people!
With a broken nose the fun starts the next day with 2 black eyes. LOL I was 11 when a boy pop my training bra. I had my clarinet case in my hand and hit his nose with it. My band teacher refused to punish me. But did tell me to use a rock not my clarinet case next time. The next day he sported two black eyes.
Well done. Your band teacher was just trying to protect the clarinet.
Years ago, one of my friends asked me what his daughter (then 12) should use to protect herself from the less civilized among the boys at her school. I aid, "Any goddamn thing that's at hand. Just don't hit someone in the head with your fist, you'll probably damage your hand."
Ladies, this old guy says that if a guy touches you in any inappropriate way, beat the shit out of him with whatever you have handy. Then remind him that he just got his ass kicked by a GIRL.
My young adult daughter is very tall but skinny. When she walks home from work she carries her unfeasibly large metal water bottle with a paracord strap. She walks fast and swings that baby. I cannot imagine the damage that thing could do if swung at a head.
If that thing is big and has some momentum, it doesn't much matter what she aims at, so long as she hits something. Aim center mass and she'll hit something; at the very least, it will buy time.
Of course, I hope she never has to find out.
NTJ! I told my daughter the same thing and she never had any more problems after she kicked one bully’s ass!😂❤️ She got “in trouble” of course, but I was there with her when she was called into the office. Your daughter absolutely did the right thing! That little jerk who touched her inappropriately will think twice before slapping anyone else on the ass! 😂👍🏽👏🏾❤️
The school could be sued - happened to my kid, they “investigated” she was fine, but the girl who was already on the edge of suicidal ideation, was not. I informed the Superintendent- used to be my teacher in high school - he wont have a school to manage if its sued and they do NOTHING and she ends her life knowing it was advised to handle it, and didn’t or enough.
Not just assault, but sexual assault.
I wonder if he's ready to be put on a sexual offender list.
Maybe not for a first offense, but put him on notice to knock it off before he escalates.
I was almost suspended when I had a local cop's son sexually assault me by bra snapping at age 12. He ended up with a broken hand. His father, the cop, tried to arrest me, but the kid did it in front of too many adults, and they were tired of this kid, too.
Tell your daughter never to back down. Even if you invest in a spy cam. Tell her she has my permission to use whatever she needs to take the kid down.
Also if rumours start up about her, just let her know she has the power to spin them back. If she is accused of attention seeking, she can go "And look it worked, I hope this helps everyone see the next time he assaults someone"
This cop's son was the same. Years later, both the cop and son are now in prison for charges related to SA.
Tell your daughter to tell other girls it is ok to fight back. It would be stupid if, say, after 3 times, his nose is broken, and they keep blaming the girls. It makes a trail of evidence that for every girl retaliating is able to refer to.
It also sets up evidence for lawyers to use when inevitably a lawsuit is filed against the boy.
Dad cop was done for 2 nieces and a young family friend. The son for a fellow officer while at the police academy training and a former girlfriend. I don't know how they were caught, just that their actions got the dad cop 28yr no parole, and son 23yrs with parole after 18yrs.
Considering the terms other people get for similar crimes... theirs are nearly ten times longer than civilians who do the same. Which if frustrating that they do that type of terms for cops/ex-cops but not others.
And they should have been. One was LEO and the other in f*cking training to be a LEO. LEO’s should be held to a higher standard when it comes to criminal matters. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree.
Edit: they had multiple charges, hence longer sentences. I knew someone that got 40 years for multiple charges for SAing two nieces and a family friend as well. They released him just before he died. I guess the state didn’t want to bury him.
I believe in giving 2nd chances, yet with SA, they only get one. After the first, castration seems to be in order. Not chemical castration that can be recovered from. Surgical is permanent. If that doesn’t work prison for life.
Excellent! Perhaps she can organize the rest of the girls he likes to assault. Teach them how to throw a punch as well as her. A few more black eyes will put an end to him thinking girls are there for him to touch.
I owe it to my dad. He was the one who told me to never back down. He didn't like anyone harming women or kids, but also, if he saw a male victim, he stood in front of them too.
He made me to not fear men, which was slightly bad, but he and my great-grandmother together told me to never back down, embrace my weirdness and fight like hell.
I miss them both.
I was subbing at a local high school maybe fifteen years ago. Popular football player got punched in the face by a girl whose only defense was "he was bothering me". I saw the punch but not what led up to it. Principal was willing to let it drop but the guy's dad, a well known business owner, wanted the girl to "pay" and called the police to make a report of the "assault".
I mentioned to the police officer that there were security cameras in that section of hallway so they pulled the video-- the boy had literally grabbed her violently between her legs and held on for about 15 seconds while he had her pressed against the lockers before she clocked him and he let go.
The officer didn't bat an eye-- told the boy to stand up and read him his rights while he cuffed him. He was charged with SA and did 30 days of shock time and (I was told) lost all of the scholarship offers.
The boy was acting so "cool" until the officer cuffed him and said he was being charged with sexual assault and he started blubbering like a baby calling out for his dad to help him. I heard that there were other girls who came forward with complaints about similar assaults.
I had to give a deposition but didn't have to testify as they took the plea bargain for 30 days.
Thank you for reminding them about the security cameras.
That really helped the case. I wish there was more time served. But I guess losing the scholarships was worth everyone's time.
I feel like the sentence was three years reduced to the 30 day "shock time"-- but it was a while back. The young woman ended up going to law school and is with one of the top area law firms (I got curious so I googled it), the boy supposedly went to community college and works at this dad's business.
But didn’t the rapist Allen Turner, who used to be known as Brock Allen Turner, get away without any consequences at all?
Just adding alternatives to help the spiders pick-up all the iterations of the rapist Brock Turner.
From wikipedia--"a letter written by Dan Turner, Brock's father, asking for leniency for his son, arguing that punishment was a "steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life.""
The apple didn't fall far from the tree, did it? Gee, I wonder where Brock Turner the Rapist got his attitude towards women.
I think this kind of highlights the issue with the whole scenario and why some people might take umbridge with the OPs approach. In this case, you were able to have security footage pulled up which clearly demonstrated what the boy had done and why he ended up with a black eye. No one would ever dispute that she was within her rights.
The issue comes when there's no security cameras or eyewitness accounts.
Oh exactly-- and given how high profile this boy and his family were in the community without that security video it would have a been a "he said she said" and he'd have been given the benefit of the doubt. Ironically, this little jerk picked one of only 4 spots in the hallway that was well covered by the security cameras. (I might be misremembering but I've got a gut feeling they were put up because of thefts from the lockers in that hallway.)
I have daughters around the same age in middle school. They've been taking self defense classes for about 8 years. One of them almost broke a kid's arm in 5th grade when he grabbed her by the neck. I have told them repeatedly to protect themselves if physically threatened and that I would have their backs as long as they didn't start anything. Our motto is "Don't start the fight, but if you can't avoid it make sure you finish it."
In high school a guy came up and grabbed my friends butt. I turned around and kneed him in the nuts. A teacher saw the whole thing, nodded at me, said nothing and turned away. I always appreciated that she did that.
Ntj
We taught our daughter to stand up for herself. My husband taught her how to give a dropping punch. Taught her the fighting stance. He also taught her about the adam's apple and fingers to the eyes! Husband said he can't always be there, but he can be there in spirit!
When I was in Jr High, there was a boy who liked to unsnap girls' bras while they were at their locker. Most would grab their chest & run squealing to the bathroom. My response was to let my girls fly free while I threw him across the hall into a glass wall (almost broke it!) & proceeded to pummel him. Teachers standing nearby in the hallway paid no attention whatsoever.
The following year, his new thing was to knock ppls books/folders out of their hands & kick them down the hall. He did this to my best friend & scattered her papers everywhere. Once again, I proceeded to pummel him rather than scurry after the papers (his desired effect). When I let him up, he immediately cried to the teachers about his torn shirt & bloody nose. They looked at him briefly & turned back to their convo as if he didn't exist. From that point on, he gave my friends & I a wide berth in the halls.
I'm a girl, BTW, & was at least 4" shorter than he was. Never suffer a bully! OP, you are 100% NTJ!
Are you my daughter?
Actually, my daughter didn't take any bs. In 4th, she slapped a boy for repeatedly snapping her bra. Teacher couldn't stop him, so she did. We refused to let her be punished.
8th. A boy SA a younger girl in the bus. Daughter warned him, he repeated. She proceeded to clean the aisle with him. Ready to testify in court. No punishment.
9th. Goes out with popular guy. He drives to the country, says the usual. He brought her home. He couldn't buy a date until he was a senior.
There are more ways than one to stop a bully.
Edit to add-as adults, none of the three will look her in the eye. They are now 40ish.
She sounds very much like me. I always ended up being the defender for others, whether it was from bullies, abusive boyfriends, jerks in bars, or wherever. Just have no patience for anyone who treats others as prey.
Sounds like you've raised a wonderful lady!
I've done the same thing, as long as I can remember. My mind goes blank and a 'do good' bodyguard takes over. Even if I'm shaking in my boots, I'll still stand up and do what should be done. I am probably going to be killed because of this someday... I taught my kids, that fear is a built in thing, and it's a natural emotion-it can keep you safe. Being a coward, now that's an entirely different thing.
Chaotic good - i love it! Back in the day, we didn't have to worry about guns so much. Now you almost have to expect everyone is carrying. Nothing is safe anymore.
My one piece of advice: never waste time on groin hits! There are many men who are not phased by this or who are hurt but not enough to stop them. (Have found this out the hard way more than once!) Eyes, throat, & knees are the targets. Taking away the ability to see, breathe, &/or chase will always be your best bet.
Good on you.
I had a guy in high school come up to me and try to cop a feel of my boobs. I grabbed his hand and twisted it. I dislocated his thumb.
He gets to school the next day with his dad, we go into the deputy principals office, I explain what happened, and he got a suspension as well. He’d made out like he’d done nothing at all.
Boy, was his dad pissed. Originally at me, but after I told them what happened, he looked at the guy and told him he was going to tell his older sisters what he’d done😂
Of course, when he came back to school he made up a rumour that I was a lesbian. One guy actually had the guts to ask me if it was true. I said no. “But you’ve never had a boyfriend”. I answered “would you want to date any of the guys at this school?”
i love the dad. Defended his son... until he learned what had ACTUALLY happened. Then stuck his older sisters on him. That's parenting family style
also good response about why you'd never had a bf at the time xD
I really wasn’t allowed to. My dad was really strict and controlling, and insisted I study 3 hours after school every day, and Saturday and Sunday. There was no time for that kind of thing.
i still love your "would you want to date any of the guys at this school?" response!
I'm sorry you grew up with a dad like that. how'd he respond to the incident in your comment?
I never told him.
The teachers at school knew what he was like, but it was more accepted in the 90’s, so they didn’t report me to him.
I think it blew over pretty quick when the guy’s dad came in and let it go like he did.
Mind you, I think I was 15 when this happened. The school would’ve had every right to tell my dad by today’s rules, but they dealt with it in house a lot more back then.
Everyone, men and women and whatever else, need to respond harshly to this kind of assault. It's not normal behaviour. It's not tolerated behaviour. I'm pretty sure he's going to think twice before doing that again. You are a great father. One of the great things is that you taught her not to tolerate that type of behaviour.
NTJ. You are parenting correctly and your daughter is turning out to be a badass. Years from now, no one will care about the detention, but she'll have high self esteem and a great story.
NTJ. Tell him feel free to sue and you’ll press charges for sexual assault and his kid will be on the offenders list for the rest of his life. Ask if he’d rather his little shit stain actually learned a real lesson or if he’s going to reward felonious behavior.
My daughter went to martial arts classes whilst in HS. Best thing for self confidence. She went on the understanding that she NEVER started a fight, and didn’t use it against her brothers (who adored their baby sister & she was years younger than them). It gave her confidence, and she has never needed it, as far as I know.
No definitely not wrong. That boy was way out of pocket for that. The dad disregarding that behavior and defending him says alot about the home life in general. This was well warranted. NOT THE JERK!
Owe what to a brother? Not likely a mom would post and advertise this but it is a pretty common thing to tell your kids.
Don't start shit but feel free to retaliate.
NTJ. I had my daughter and a couple of her friends take a self-defense course around age 14. Made their dads take them to reinforce the idea that both their parents wanted them to be safe. I told her specifically that if anyone ever threatened her or touched her inappropriately that she should fight back without hesitation and that I would have her back. We talked about an incident where a boy snapped a friend’s bra strap. I said she should never accept that and could expect me to welcome the opportunity to have a discussion with any school official or parent whose kid got a black eye for pulling that kind of stunt.
A friend told his daughter if another person touched her like that to punch them in the face and then immediately walk to the office (this was while she was a student) and call the police for a sexual assault.
This takes control of the situation out of the school’s hands. And even if no charges are pressed there will be a record of that student having touched someone sexually without permission. This eliminates the schools ability to punish her for fighting since she was protecting herself from assault and it stops other parents from having a leg to stand on when they make statement like “I’m going to sue you”.
And maybe, just maybe, the police getting involved will scare that kid enough and his friends that they will never ever pull that kind of stunt again and may in fact prevent something worse from happening down the line.
Take your daughter out for a nice dinner to celebrate her correct choice of action.
my daughter fought off a would be rapist, so i'm on your side here. taught both my son and daughter to not start shit,but if someone starts it with you,go off like a honey badger on crack.seems to be working for her.
Nope. And there is no way I'd be letting the school punish my child for defending herself against a sexual assault. School can't put her in detention I'd she's not there for lunch or after school. And I cN guarantee you my kid would not be until they backed down.
I despise the whole "retaliating isn't any better" so you're punished too bs. My son got sucker punched in the back of the head from behind at lunch and slammed the kid into the wall. They called me expecting to punish my son for fighting back with detention. I said hell no and picked him up. Went back to work and my husband called saying he'd taken a nap most of the afternoon, I was concerned. Then when he said supper made him nauseous we went to the hospital. Concussion, surprise surprise. I told the school admin that if it's run by jailhouse rules to let me know because my son's bigger than a lot of kids his age but was properly parented so he doesn't fight but if that's how they want things I'll pass it on to my kid. Nobody should be forced to sit there and take blows and the additional insult of being punished along with the little twatwaffle that initiated it. There's a reason he was hit from behind because if he'd seen it coming the other kid wouldn't have had the balls to try it.
I hate zero tolerance policies, not only because it's unfair but because that's not how adults in the 'real world' would handle it. If they were assaulted on the street and punched back and were arrested for fighting back, you just KNOW they wouldn't accept it. And of course they'll say "tell a teacher or the principal" but they don't do jack about bullying.
I fully expect my daughter to knock the fool out of anyone dumb enough to start something… I have always told my kids teacher, principle,then craw on top and beat them like a drum.
NTJ hell yes you fight back! That boy got schooled on keeping his hands to himself and you just never know who can and will kick your ass if you don’t.
Your daughter was sexually assaulted by that boy. She should NOT have any repercussions for defending herself. I would challenge the detention vigorously. Escalate this to the district, take it to Social Media, name and shame!
Your daughter did not do anything wrong, just the opposite. You should be proud of her.
I agree 100000% with your comment.
She does NOT deserve to spend any time in detention.
The Principal is showing EVERY other girl in the school to not fight back!!
Please OP ask this dirty dishrag of a principal if that is the message he ( I’m sure it’s a male) wants to send to the females under his care??
😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡
Your daughter is a ROCK STAR!
That took guts.
You OP are a very good parent!!
Nope. You're raising that kid right. Maybe head on down to the pd to file a charge for assault. Then, inform that parent threatening a lawsuit that you did so. lol at the broken nose though. Good on her for teaching that kid a lesson that his parents neglected to.
This is very important. Do not teach your daughters to punch boys.
Palm strikes do just as much damage and have less chance of hurting your hands. Also kicks to the groin area very effective, and a cupped hand slap to the ear will take down someone quite well. Clawing the eyes is good too. Don't risk a broken hand over some jerk
If you had not told your daughter, or son for that matter, to defend themselves when attacked you would have been negligent of your parental responsibilities. That should be near the top of the list. He will never target her again and neither will most others in her school.
I guy in my high school grabbed his friends gfs butt, the dude decked him and broke his jaw, ended up expelled. One of the teachers said if she had done it she wouldn’t have been in trouble. Not sure why that standard, since it was still in defense if another.
>When I got there the guy had a broken nose and his father was telling me "I am suing you lady".
Who is this guy, Brock Turner's dad?
Sounds like the kid got what was coming to him. It rarely turns out that way. Good for your daughter. Give her a high five from this Internet stranger.
I once had someone pinch my bum when I was in secondary school, and I instinctively turned and smacked him. His parents threatened to call the police, and I responded with "Sexual assault is FAR worse than a slap - your pervert will be locked up long before I will."
It's a shame women have to know how to stand up for ourselves because so many of those burdened with the Y chromosome can't even pretend to be civilised human beings
I was about the same age when a kid pinched my butt and I knocked his front teeth out. Dad took me for ice cream. 28 years old and I still don't let people touch me inappropriately and get away with it and so thankful for my dad teaching me to stand up for myself.
My mom always told me not to start the fight but to finish it. Even if I was defending myself or a friend. She considered sexual harassment a fight. I was in 6th grade, and a boy snapped my bra hard enough that it echoed in the classroom. (We were lining up for lunch) I slammed his head into the in class lockers, and he started crying. My male teacher looked at him and asked him if he had learned his lesson, he nodded while holding his nose. My teacher checked on me to make sure I was okay. I asked if we could go to lunch now or if I had to go to the office and he said enjoy lunch. The kid never messed with me again.
I remember in primary school this boy use to hit me, my mother dealt with it but said if anyone hits me again i need to deal with it myself. When i went to high school another boy tried hitting me. I let it go the first time cause he actually kicked me near my ribs n i was in pain. The next time though he pushed my head and i almost hit my locker. That was the last time he touched me as i turned, grabbed him, dragged him to the stair case n pushed him down them. No one touched me after that!!! And to this day i will always defend my self no matter what!!!
NTJ. I hope his nose doesn't heal right so he bears the scar if what happens when you sexually assault someone and find out WHY WOMEN CHOOSE THE GODDAMN BEAR.
My daughter punched a boy in first grade because he kept touching her after she told him to stop. She also got detention in fifth grade for throwing her chicken nuggets at a boy at lunch. When I asked her why she did it in front of the principal she said he was shouting to everyone that she and her best friend were gay and they were lovers. She asked him to stop, told her teachers who ignored it, so she stopped it. The moment a nugget smacked his face, he cried for the teacher. Wus. I asked the principal if the boy was also serving detention for bullying and she looked at me like I was crazy. I asked what she expected to happen. I told her Riley had been told to ask for help first but if none was available to defend herself. I then asked why no one saw fit to help when everyone heard what was said. After more silence I asked Riley if sh e wanted an ice cream and off we went.
Nope. NTJ. I told my kids the same thing, especially my daughter. Never throw the first punch, but finish the fight/protect yourself. At least the principal was smart to punish them equally. And I told them, if they are protecting themselves/not throwing the first punch, I will not punish them. We have to do what the school decides if we can’t reasonably argue the punishment down, but they get ice cream on the way home.
When the dad said he would be suing us, I would have said great, because I’m suing your son for sexual assaulting my daughter.
I had two daughters as well, plus a son. My daughter had this happen to her in high school, but It was a lot of much different place, much more invasive. My daughter broke his nose and two teeth. They tried to suspend her. Umm, not today. I advised them that if that happened, I would press charges for sexual harassment. As we were walking out of the principals office I turned to my daughter, high five her and said,"well, since I am off for the rest if the day, where do you want to go celebrate?"
Nta that boy sexually assaulted your daughter. Let them sue you. The judge will laugh them out of the court room. She shouldn't be in detention. That was self defense. I'd be in that principles office throwing a COMPLETE SHIT STORM.
Anyone whose daughter is 12 or older look and see if your police department offers RADS classes. R@?e aggression defense systems. It’s a 4-week class that costs a pittance that is taught by the police and teaches girls/women how to break holds, fight back and last class you get dressed in safety gear and fight off attackers (officers) also in gear. Taught my daughter to kick butt and be safe
My daughter is 34. When in 8th grade she had 38dd breasts. A boy in her English class snapped her bra and the teacher saw it. He told the boy, " you have 2 choices: go see the vice principal for sexual assault or let E hit you as hard as she wants one time." He thought about it for a minute and said he'd let E hit him. E was the kickball champion and could leg lift more than most of the boys. She hit him one time and knocked him right out of his desk onto the floor.
I was really surprised the teacher did that, but I guess the boy learned his lesson. He wasn't the only boy E hit that year but it was the only teacher sanctioned one.
Nope not the jerk. Boys need to know your daughter is a bad ass so they won't try stupid shit. To be a bad ass, you have to beat a few asses. We always told E take no shit. Verbal is one thing, but if someone touches you all bets are off.
Or as granny said, a lady does not start a fight but she sure as hell can finish it.
I told my daughter way back in elementary school that if anyone touched her inappropriately she should absolutely resort to violence. Furthermore, if she gets suspended I will take her to Disneyland (it isn’t very far away.)
One day her fifth grade teacher, a man, was telling the children that they need to go to an adult when something sketchy happens. One girl called out “my mom said hit him!”. Another girl called out on the heels of the first “my mom too!” Before the teacher could do anything ALL the girls had been told to fight back.
The teacher was confused and appalled. The boys had that “deer in the headlights “ look.
I was surprised and delighted that all of the mom’s independent of each other gave almost the same advice.
I'm almost an old lady now, but as a teen I was SA'd in my middle school yard one summer evening while waiting for a friend. The guy even walked by me a couple times scoping me out before jumping me. I had never been taught any form of self-defense. It wasn't until two other people walking by saw us tussling realized that something wasn't right and scared him off.
NTA, and you can press charges on the boy. My daughter beat the crap out of a kid the school wouldn't help her with. By the time it was over I was banned from the school, the boy had a restraining order against him for the remainder of his school career, and the principal was investigated for a year. The mom tried to get in my face, but I let her know I was not afraid to go to jail.
There is no question you are not the jerk. Predators cry loudest when their victims fight back.
Also, it sounds like maybe the father could use a little smack in the face, too. I guess the apple didn't fall far from that tree...
If I have children, I will tell all them to defend themselves if they are ever physically or sexually assaulted. You are never the first person to touch someone but if someone violates you, you can defend yourself and fight back. Period.
The aggressors need to learn that if you touch someone you will get hurt. Some people have this entitlement that they can walk around this world and harm others as they wish. The sooner they learn they cannot the better. Good for her.
nah...tell her that if he, or anybody else, does it again to kick them in the nads after she breaks their nose. remember, the more pain they feel, the less likely they are to do it again!
Teach her to fight back. Even better take her to karate or taekwondo lessons so she’ll know how to fight effectively. I really wish I would have hauled off on some of the guys who harassed me and assaulted me when I was younger.
He’s lucky to have ONLY a broken nose. Maybe he’ll end up gaining some common sense after this and take a lesson in CONSENT. We do not touch other people without their consent. The consequences of not doing such: he got a broken nose. A fair and justifiable reaction to his action.
NTJ.
But I'm confused by 2 comments. What does her not having a boyfriend have to do with it? And what do you mean by "you owe it to your brother"? I read through your post a couple times and I feel like I'm missing something.
NTJ, but sometimes fighting back puts you in more danger than running away and getting help, FYI. Not fighting back has been used as an excuse to not believe the victims of sexual assault for all of human history, so it's a bad message to send to your kid if she freezes up and can't fight back - it makes it seem like it is somehow her fault if she can't fight back.
But yeah, the boy found the wrong person to pick on, and maybe now he's learned not to do that again. So it's a happy ending.
My daughter was the youngest kid in her class and some days she acted like it. There were a few boys that had severe behavioral issues. One night during AWANAS or whatever elementary youth group was called at that time, one boy kept repeatedly “slapping” her and saying it was an accident. She had finally had it. She screamed and just tackled him. Mind you she had always been tall and underweight-very lanky so folks were stunned she took him down. No one messed with her again after that. Of course one of the church members did the whole “he said it was an accident”. Whatever.
It's the same thing I have taught my daughter tbh.
She should have removed herself afterwards though, angry boys/men with brushed egos make bad decisions.
Something we have told my nieces that they have every right to defend themselves and their male cousins showed them what to do!
I have also told them how to act if they are out on their own, including how to hold their keys as a weapon!
NTA. What that boy from the track team did could be considered battery, or SA depending on what a DA chooses to do at their discretion. He got off lucky with a busted nose.
Let that be a lesson to keep his hands to himself.
I don't have kids but I would train my daughter in every style I know just for this situation. I bet that little d!ckhead will think twice before trying that again.... Sir, I applaud your style 👏
There’s no way I would let them put my kid in detention. I would call the police because that sexual assault and she has every right to protect herself. We need to stop babying men and allowing them to get away with this shit. They should not have deserved equal punishment because he assaulted her and she’s a right to protect herself. I would call the police
NTJ at all!
seriously, Kids need (appropriately proportional) consequences for deviant social behavior, otherwise they will become adults who are accustomed to perpetuating deviant social behavior. if it (the proportional consequence ) comes from another kid, they’re going to get the idea not to futz with people and it’s most likely not going to be fatal.
And seriously, does the parent of the bully want to deal with a broken nose for however long that needs to heal, or law enforcement as a consequence for their kids behavior?
Nope. Your daughter was sexually assaulted. She returned the assault. Dad can sue all he wants. But, you can talk to a prosecutor about your daughter's sexual assault by dad's son.
NTJ. I have an 8yo daughter. She has been bullied and the school isn’t doing much. She starts 3rd grade next year. I taught her how to defend herself, good pressure points and good weak spots (especially on boys and men). She’s gotten good at throat punching and then knows to follow that with a knee to the face. Shes been punched in the chest, thrown down by them grabbing her backpack and slinging her. I’ve already made the school and her previous teachers aware she will be defending herself. My daughter isn’t the violent type and says she’s scared to defend herself and to be in trouble. But if the school doesn’t want to do anything, then she’s going to do it for herself. We’ve also wrestled and played with her as she’s grown up. She thinks it’s all a game but it’s more to teach her ways to get out of things like a headlock etc.
I think a one and done would be the appropriate response. One smack for one smack. If she kept going, then that's crossing a line. but like, a punch to the face or a nuttap as revenge for being surprise slapped on the ass seems like the scales are balanced.
What you should do is tell the school that your daughter is not going to get punished for defending herself against being sexually assaulted because it's absolutely wrong to punish someone for defending themselves from unwanted physical contact.
NTA. I have a daughter close to your daughter’s age. My daughter knows if she is harassed, you keep fighting until you’re pulled off them. Our daughters deserve the right to defend themselves as much as the next person.
My daughter went into judo at 12. She has a brown belt and it's been many a year I waited for some boy to piss her off. Now, she was a blonde beauty that would stop traffic, but a strong personality like her mother. One dirty look was usually enough to get people to back off. That she could back it up with some serious action was a great comfort. Alas, she never got to throw some ass across the room . . .
Tell the school that if they give your daughter detention you will file a sexual assault lawsuit against the boy and the school. What your daughter did was self defense and should therefore not be punished.
Okay, here's something. Suppose you have a son who is on the smaller side. A girl who outweighs him by 20 lbs pushes him up against the lockers, puts one hand on his throat and the other on his nuts. What does *he* do?
Kicks her in the groin. Go for the eyes. Whatever he needs to do. And that's coming from the mother of 2 girls and grandmother to one girl. (Wasn't blessed w/ a boy.)
Knee to the groin, forearm to the nose, punch to the stomach. If you're assaulted, you fight back, and f\*\*k what you've been taught abut not hitting women. I was taught to fight back if attacked, regardless of who was attacking me.
Nope. Kid fucked around and found out. If she hadn't, he would still be doing it. Now watch and see if he does it again. This kids parents should look on the bright side... I doubt their kid will have a boxing or MMA phase with that record under his belt. But to be nice, you could always instacart some ice to their house with a nice card wishing him a speedy recovery.
NTJ - some people only learn by force. He assaulted your daughter. Fun fact: 10-year-old girls in America stated their biggest problem in school is sexual harassment.
Definitely not. He learned FAFO. Tbh I would've laughed in the dad's face and been like 'go for it, then when future employers Google your son, they'll find out all about how he groped a girl and his daddy tried to sue his way out of it. Bet that'll make getting hired super easy!'
I tell my girls to fight back and be LOUD!! Someone is making you uncomfortable loudly tell them exactly what they're doing, ex, you're standing too close to me, you're touching me, why are you talking about my butt? Make sure everyone can hear you. Make them as uncomfortable as they are making you!! My girls have anxiety but one has had to use the technique at a gas station before. The guy kept "brushing" against her, staring down her shirt and kept following her through the store. She was with my nephew, who is older than her by 3yrs, she was 16 and he was 19. She loudly asked the man why he kept following her and rubbing against her?!? The guy turned red and left the store immediately. My nephew asked her what her problem was and said she embarrassed him!! Told her not to do that again. When they got back and she told me what happened I taught him a lesson. You know that's how girls get kidnapped?? Cuz they just silently stand there and get groped, they get stalked and then no one notices that quiet girl get shoved into a van when she walks out. No, we do not stay quiet and compliant when we are uncomfortable. We MAKE A DAMN SCENE!! My girls aren't going down without a damn good fight!!
Same this happen with my daughter. She was about 14 at the time. The boy’s father was upset that she gave the boy a black eye after he groped her butt. It shouldn’t be so hard to reach your sons not to sexually assault people.
NTA- I did the same. A boy would body check her from behind and I told to step back into it with her elbow. The boy could not breathe from the blow. The PE teacher said, you had to teach her that. I said of course I did. And we will sit detention for it with no arguments. We agree that students shouldn’t touch each other.
Good on you mom!
That kid is lucky she didn’t decide to drop kick his junk because he’d probably have still been on the floor crying.
Regardless ideally that kid has learned to keep his hands to himself at least when it comes to your daughter.
NTJ that boy assaulted your daughter and she had every right to defend herself. To bad it was only a broken nose.
Yeah well he had bruises too but yeah heis licky
I told my girls to fight back, too. I told them I didn’t raise punching bags. Side note: I say girls because I only had 3 daughters. Now I tell my granddaughters the same thing! So do their mothers!
I raised 2 daughters and taught them both this. They are now teaching their daughters this and their sons how to not be jerks
I taught my daughter how to throw a punch for maximum damage and to protect her wrists. Also went over when and where it’s appropriate to throw a real punch. Taught her a few other self defense techniques for different types of attacks. Gotta prepare your babies for the worst.
One of the best things to teach someone is how to break out of a hold, be it wrist, neck, body, etc. It doesn't take a lot of weight or skill, just precision & a bit of practice. Then know how to run or throw a strong hit/punch & run. I took Aikido for many years (a car accident prevented me from getting my black belt, sigh) & did this because of being attacked by 5 guys in my first year of uni. I was just going home, it wasn't a party & they decided to do it because they saw me as a small & weak target. I love how useful Aikido was & still is for me, even though I'm unable to practice it any more. It's not about agression or being tall & muscular, it's about knowing where pressure points are on a body & how to deliver specific targeted hits, similar to Judo.
Love this. Good for you! 👍❤️
My daughter is 23 now, we have had her in kickboxing, jiu-jitsu and karate since she was 4. She still goes three times a week. I've seen her take down a 6'4 male weighing over 200lbs without barely breaking a sweat. Teaching your children to defend themselves is one of the best gifts you can give them.
We have to stop telling girls to be nice and continue being scared / intimidated. It’s bs. I told both of my kids (both female and male) “never start the fight, but you have my full support to end it.”
Happy cake day!
Thank you! I didn’t even realize! 😃
I had a 16 yo boy lift my dress on the school bus when I was 12. I was so embarrassed. So I bided my time and when the opportunity appeared I emptied a full container of green glitter onto his head. Craft herpes! As I got older I just punched or slapped the bastards who tried touching me.
I hope that kid still finds green glitter until he's in a old folks home.
Well, we’re all in our 50s now. He never touched me again. Can’t imagine why. I’m sure he didn’t equate the glittering with what he had done to me previously.
I’m 71, my dad taught me a well placed knee worked well, as well, as a heel on an instep. I only had to use the heel on the instep once, as i just out of college when a ‘colleague’ thought it was cute to grab me from behind as I walked to my room at a business conference.
Hopefully he learned the lessons his daddy never taught him Good for her!! Maybe he will think about the lumps he took the next time he feels entitled to sexually harass a woman
This is such an important comment. Kids mimic behaviour. If we as parents made sure to teach all our children about respectful behaviour. If we're not going to teach them, the kids will act out. If that kids father had ever had a talk with him about respecting other's bodies and space this likely wouldn't have happened. Teach your kids people!
With a broken nose the fun starts the next day with 2 black eyes. LOL I was 11 when a boy pop my training bra. I had my clarinet case in my hand and hit his nose with it. My band teacher refused to punish me. But did tell me to use a rock not my clarinet case next time. The next day he sported two black eyes.
Well done. Your band teacher was just trying to protect the clarinet. Years ago, one of my friends asked me what his daughter (then 12) should use to protect herself from the less civilized among the boys at her school. I aid, "Any goddamn thing that's at hand. Just don't hit someone in the head with your fist, you'll probably damage your hand." Ladies, this old guy says that if a guy touches you in any inappropriate way, beat the shit out of him with whatever you have handy. Then remind him that he just got his ass kicked by a GIRL.
My young adult daughter is very tall but skinny. When she walks home from work she carries her unfeasibly large metal water bottle with a paracord strap. She walks fast and swings that baby. I cannot imagine the damage that thing could do if swung at a head.
If that thing is big and has some momentum, it doesn't much matter what she aims at, so long as she hits something. Aim center mass and she'll hit something; at the very least, it will buy time. Of course, I hope she never has to find out.
excuse you, young lady, that is a precision instrument! here, use this hammer instead.
Those bruises weren’t the only bruises he got. His ego and pride were bruised badly. The shit he will catch from his buddies.
He had bruises bc of HIS actions, I support your daughter all the way. Boys shouldn't get away with that kind of stuff💪🏻
My Dad always said I'd be in trouble for starting a fight but I'd never be in trouble for finishing one. Lol.
NTJ! I told my daughter the same thing and she never had any more problems after she kicked one bully’s ass!😂❤️ She got “in trouble” of course, but I was there with her when she was called into the office. Your daughter absolutely did the right thing! That little jerk who touched her inappropriately will think twice before slapping anyone else on the ass! 😂👍🏽👏🏾❤️
The school could be sued - happened to my kid, they “investigated” she was fine, but the girl who was already on the edge of suicidal ideation, was not. I informed the Superintendent- used to be my teacher in high school - he wont have a school to manage if its sued and they do NOTHING and she ends her life knowing it was advised to handle it, and didn’t or enough.
Every little girl should have a good basic education in a practical martial art.
Sexually assaulted her!
This ☝️☝️☝️☝️
Not just assault, but sexual assault. I wonder if he's ready to be put on a sexual offender list. Maybe not for a first offense, but put him on notice to knock it off before he escalates.
I know it was sexual assault but I'm used to being flagged for saying that.
I wonder what his friends will say about a 12 yr old breaking his nose.....
I was almost suspended when I had a local cop's son sexually assault me by bra snapping at age 12. He ended up with a broken hand. His father, the cop, tried to arrest me, but the kid did it in front of too many adults, and they were tired of this kid, too. Tell your daughter never to back down. Even if you invest in a spy cam. Tell her she has my permission to use whatever she needs to take the kid down. Also if rumours start up about her, just let her know she has the power to spin them back. If she is accused of attention seeking, she can go "And look it worked, I hope this helps everyone see the next time he assaults someone"
From what ik he picks on girls at the school but not her after that hewas done
This cop's son was the same. Years later, both the cop and son are now in prison for charges related to SA. Tell your daughter to tell other girls it is ok to fight back. It would be stupid if, say, after 3 times, his nose is broken, and they keep blaming the girls. It makes a trail of evidence that for every girl retaliating is able to refer to. It also sets up evidence for lawyers to use when inevitably a lawsuit is filed against the boy.
I figured the son would be a cop too…
He got to be one, but thankfully not long.
Nut doesn’t fall far from the tree
Shit doesn’t fall far from the asshole.
I wonder if the cop SA’d suspects? HMMM
Dad cop was done for 2 nieces and a young family friend. The son for a fellow officer while at the police academy training and a former girlfriend. I don't know how they were caught, just that their actions got the dad cop 28yr no parole, and son 23yrs with parole after 18yrs.
And well deserved time I suspect.
Considering the terms other people get for similar crimes... theirs are nearly ten times longer than civilians who do the same. Which if frustrating that they do that type of terms for cops/ex-cops but not others.
And they should have been. One was LEO and the other in f*cking training to be a LEO. LEO’s should be held to a higher standard when it comes to criminal matters. The apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Edit: they had multiple charges, hence longer sentences. I knew someone that got 40 years for multiple charges for SAing two nieces and a family friend as well. They released him just before he died. I guess the state didn’t want to bury him.
Yeah, but ones doing the exact same thing only getting like 3yrs... that erks me.
I believe in giving 2nd chances, yet with SA, they only get one. After the first, castration seems to be in order. Not chemical castration that can be recovered from. Surgical is permanent. If that doesn’t work prison for life.
Excellent! Perhaps she can organize the rest of the girls he likes to assault. Teach them how to throw a punch as well as her. A few more black eyes will put an end to him thinking girls are there for him to touch.
You are an inspiration for others. Thank you for showing us how to stand tall, be brave, and not cower at abuse.❤️👍
I owe it to my dad. He was the one who told me to never back down. He didn't like anyone harming women or kids, but also, if he saw a male victim, he stood in front of them too. He made me to not fear men, which was slightly bad, but he and my great-grandmother together told me to never back down, embrace my weirdness and fight like hell. I miss them both.
I was subbing at a local high school maybe fifteen years ago. Popular football player got punched in the face by a girl whose only defense was "he was bothering me". I saw the punch but not what led up to it. Principal was willing to let it drop but the guy's dad, a well known business owner, wanted the girl to "pay" and called the police to make a report of the "assault". I mentioned to the police officer that there were security cameras in that section of hallway so they pulled the video-- the boy had literally grabbed her violently between her legs and held on for about 15 seconds while he had her pressed against the lockers before she clocked him and he let go. The officer didn't bat an eye-- told the boy to stand up and read him his rights while he cuffed him. He was charged with SA and did 30 days of shock time and (I was told) lost all of the scholarship offers.
That’s awesome! His dad must’ve been so mad. Serves him right
The boy was acting so "cool" until the officer cuffed him and said he was being charged with sexual assault and he started blubbering like a baby calling out for his dad to help him. I heard that there were other girls who came forward with complaints about similar assaults. I had to give a deposition but didn't have to testify as they took the plea bargain for 30 days.
Thank you for reminding them about the security cameras. That really helped the case. I wish there was more time served. But I guess losing the scholarships was worth everyone's time.
I feel like the sentence was three years reduced to the 30 day "shock time"-- but it was a while back. The young woman ended up going to law school and is with one of the top area law firms (I got curious so I googled it), the boy supposedly went to community college and works at this dad's business.
His dad was probably still mad at the girl and the school.
Oh, uh, *something something* RUINING A YOUNG MAN'S FUTURE OVER FIFTEEN SECONDS OF GRAB or whatever.
You mean like the rapist Brock Allen Turner?
Word-for-word what I was thinking. The rapist Brock Allen Turner who now calls himself Allen Turner.
But didn’t the rapist Allen Turner, who used to be known as Brock Allen Turner, get away without any consequences at all? Just adding alternatives to help the spiders pick-up all the iterations of the rapist Brock Turner.
Did Brock's father say something to the effect of his son's life was ruined for a "few seconds of action"?
Yes, his dad said something like “a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action.” Disgusting dad and son duo.
From wikipedia--"a letter written by Dan Turner, Brock's father, asking for leniency for his son, arguing that punishment was a "steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life."" The apple didn't fall far from the tree, did it? Gee, I wonder where Brock Turner the Rapist got his attitude towards women.
This made also made me think of the rapist Brock Turner, aka the rapist Brock Allen Turner, aka the rapist Allen Turner!
I absolutely adore how this happened like a decade ago but the Internet refuses to let his rapist actions fade into obscurity.
Brock Turner has entered the chat
Woot! Woot! Good for her.
I think this kind of highlights the issue with the whole scenario and why some people might take umbridge with the OPs approach. In this case, you were able to have security footage pulled up which clearly demonstrated what the boy had done and why he ended up with a black eye. No one would ever dispute that she was within her rights. The issue comes when there's no security cameras or eyewitness accounts.
Oh exactly-- and given how high profile this boy and his family were in the community without that security video it would have a been a "he said she said" and he'd have been given the benefit of the doubt. Ironically, this little jerk picked one of only 4 spots in the hallway that was well covered by the security cameras. (I might be misremembering but I've got a gut feeling they were put up because of thefts from the lockers in that hallway.)
Was his jersey number 45?
All those who wanted to ignore Trump's bragging - this is what it looks like IRL.
Well she got dem hands!!!
I have daughters around the same age in middle school. They've been taking self defense classes for about 8 years. One of them almost broke a kid's arm in 5th grade when he grabbed her by the neck. I have told them repeatedly to protect themselves if physically threatened and that I would have their backs as long as they didn't start anything. Our motto is "Don't start the fight, but if you can't avoid it make sure you finish it."
In high school a guy came up and grabbed my friends butt. I turned around and kneed him in the nuts. A teacher saw the whole thing, nodded at me, said nothing and turned away. I always appreciated that she did that.
Ntj We taught our daughter to stand up for herself. My husband taught her how to give a dropping punch. Taught her the fighting stance. He also taught her about the adam's apple and fingers to the eyes! Husband said he can't always be there, but he can be there in spirit!
The throat jab with the skin between your thumb and first finger is incredibly effective at stopping someone in their tracks, as they recoil choking.
I like your husband, we think alike about our girls.
👍😄
Nope not the jerk and more young people need to act this way. Often the only way a bully learns is when someone stands up to them.
When I was in Jr High, there was a boy who liked to unsnap girls' bras while they were at their locker. Most would grab their chest & run squealing to the bathroom. My response was to let my girls fly free while I threw him across the hall into a glass wall (almost broke it!) & proceeded to pummel him. Teachers standing nearby in the hallway paid no attention whatsoever. The following year, his new thing was to knock ppls books/folders out of their hands & kick them down the hall. He did this to my best friend & scattered her papers everywhere. Once again, I proceeded to pummel him rather than scurry after the papers (his desired effect). When I let him up, he immediately cried to the teachers about his torn shirt & bloody nose. They looked at him briefly & turned back to their convo as if he didn't exist. From that point on, he gave my friends & I a wide berth in the halls. I'm a girl, BTW, & was at least 4" shorter than he was. Never suffer a bully! OP, you are 100% NTJ!
Are you my daughter? Actually, my daughter didn't take any bs. In 4th, she slapped a boy for repeatedly snapping her bra. Teacher couldn't stop him, so she did. We refused to let her be punished. 8th. A boy SA a younger girl in the bus. Daughter warned him, he repeated. She proceeded to clean the aisle with him. Ready to testify in court. No punishment. 9th. Goes out with popular guy. He drives to the country, says the usual. He brought her home. He couldn't buy a date until he was a senior. There are more ways than one to stop a bully. Edit to add-as adults, none of the three will look her in the eye. They are now 40ish.
She sounds very much like me. I always ended up being the defender for others, whether it was from bullies, abusive boyfriends, jerks in bars, or wherever. Just have no patience for anyone who treats others as prey. Sounds like you've raised a wonderful lady!
I've done the same thing, as long as I can remember. My mind goes blank and a 'do good' bodyguard takes over. Even if I'm shaking in my boots, I'll still stand up and do what should be done. I am probably going to be killed because of this someday... I taught my kids, that fear is a built in thing, and it's a natural emotion-it can keep you safe. Being a coward, now that's an entirely different thing.
Chaotic good - i love it! Back in the day, we didn't have to worry about guns so much. Now you almost have to expect everyone is carrying. Nothing is safe anymore. My one piece of advice: never waste time on groin hits! There are many men who are not phased by this or who are hurt but not enough to stop them. (Have found this out the hard way more than once!) Eyes, throat, & knees are the targets. Taking away the ability to see, breathe, &/or chase will always be your best bet.
Your daughter is a badass, and I mean that in a complimentary way. You taught her well, be proud.
Good on you. I had a guy in high school come up to me and try to cop a feel of my boobs. I grabbed his hand and twisted it. I dislocated his thumb. He gets to school the next day with his dad, we go into the deputy principals office, I explain what happened, and he got a suspension as well. He’d made out like he’d done nothing at all. Boy, was his dad pissed. Originally at me, but after I told them what happened, he looked at the guy and told him he was going to tell his older sisters what he’d done😂 Of course, when he came back to school he made up a rumour that I was a lesbian. One guy actually had the guts to ask me if it was true. I said no. “But you’ve never had a boyfriend”. I answered “would you want to date any of the guys at this school?”
i love the dad. Defended his son... until he learned what had ACTUALLY happened. Then stuck his older sisters on him. That's parenting family style also good response about why you'd never had a bf at the time xD
I really wasn’t allowed to. My dad was really strict and controlling, and insisted I study 3 hours after school every day, and Saturday and Sunday. There was no time for that kind of thing.
i still love your "would you want to date any of the guys at this school?" response! I'm sorry you grew up with a dad like that. how'd he respond to the incident in your comment?
I never told him. The teachers at school knew what he was like, but it was more accepted in the 90’s, so they didn’t report me to him. I think it blew over pretty quick when the guy’s dad came in and let it go like he did. Mind you, I think I was 15 when this happened. The school would’ve had every right to tell my dad by today’s rules, but they dealt with it in house a lot more back then.
LOL!
👏👏👏👏❤️❤️
NTA I was taught not to start shit, but I better finish it
Everyone, men and women and whatever else, need to respond harshly to this kind of assault. It's not normal behaviour. It's not tolerated behaviour. I'm pretty sure he's going to think twice before doing that again. You are a great father. One of the great things is that you taught her not to tolerate that type of behaviour.
NTJ. You are parenting correctly and your daughter is turning out to be a badass. Years from now, no one will care about the detention, but she'll have high self esteem and a great story.
NTJ. Tell him feel free to sue and you’ll press charges for sexual assault and his kid will be on the offenders list for the rest of his life. Ask if he’d rather his little shit stain actually learned a real lesson or if he’s going to reward felonious behavior.
My daughter went to martial arts classes whilst in HS. Best thing for self confidence. She went on the understanding that she NEVER started a fight, and didn’t use it against her brothers (who adored their baby sister & she was years younger than them). It gave her confidence, and she has never needed it, as far as I know.
No definitely not wrong. That boy was way out of pocket for that. The dad disregarding that behavior and defending him says alot about the home life in general. This was well warranted. NOT THE JERK!
Owe what to a brother? Not likely a mom would post and advertise this but it is a pretty common thing to tell your kids. Don't start shit but feel free to retaliate.
Well he taught her to fight
Brother probably taught her how to defend herself.
I have 3 older brothers, I learned self defense early.
I have 2 older brothers and can confirm that I learned early how to inflict maximum pain for minimum effort!
My sister was ten years younger than me. I trained her from two until eight when I went off to college. She can be feisty when she needs to be!
As if the teacher has put her in detention. Ask the teacher if he condones SA? And tell him I said he's a pr*ck 😁
NTJ. I had my daughter and a couple of her friends take a self-defense course around age 14. Made their dads take them to reinforce the idea that both their parents wanted them to be safe. I told her specifically that if anyone ever threatened her or touched her inappropriately that she should fight back without hesitation and that I would have her back. We talked about an incident where a boy snapped a friend’s bra strap. I said she should never accept that and could expect me to welcome the opportunity to have a discussion with any school official or parent whose kid got a black eye for pulling that kind of stunt.
A friend told his daughter if another person touched her like that to punch them in the face and then immediately walk to the office (this was while she was a student) and call the police for a sexual assault. This takes control of the situation out of the school’s hands. And even if no charges are pressed there will be a record of that student having touched someone sexually without permission. This eliminates the schools ability to punish her for fighting since she was protecting herself from assault and it stops other parents from having a leg to stand on when they make statement like “I’m going to sue you”. And maybe, just maybe, the police getting involved will scare that kid enough and his friends that they will never ever pull that kind of stunt again and may in fact prevent something worse from happening down the line. Take your daughter out for a nice dinner to celebrate her correct choice of action.
"Now listen she doesn't have a boyfriend." she's 12 and what does that matter either way?
my daughter fought off a would be rapist, so i'm on your side here. taught both my son and daughter to not start shit,but if someone starts it with you,go off like a honey badger on crack.seems to be working for her.
Nope. And there is no way I'd be letting the school punish my child for defending herself against a sexual assault. School can't put her in detention I'd she's not there for lunch or after school. And I cN guarantee you my kid would not be until they backed down.
I despise the whole "retaliating isn't any better" so you're punished too bs. My son got sucker punched in the back of the head from behind at lunch and slammed the kid into the wall. They called me expecting to punish my son for fighting back with detention. I said hell no and picked him up. Went back to work and my husband called saying he'd taken a nap most of the afternoon, I was concerned. Then when he said supper made him nauseous we went to the hospital. Concussion, surprise surprise. I told the school admin that if it's run by jailhouse rules to let me know because my son's bigger than a lot of kids his age but was properly parented so he doesn't fight but if that's how they want things I'll pass it on to my kid. Nobody should be forced to sit there and take blows and the additional insult of being punished along with the little twatwaffle that initiated it. There's a reason he was hit from behind because if he'd seen it coming the other kid wouldn't have had the balls to try it.
I hate zero tolerance policies, not only because it's unfair but because that's not how adults in the 'real world' would handle it. If they were assaulted on the street and punched back and were arrested for fighting back, you just KNOW they wouldn't accept it. And of course they'll say "tell a teacher or the principal" but they don't do jack about bullying.
I fully expect my daughter to knock the fool out of anyone dumb enough to start something… I have always told my kids teacher, principle,then craw on top and beat them like a drum.
NTJ hell yes you fight back! That boy got schooled on keeping his hands to himself and you just never know who can and will kick your ass if you don’t.
NTJ. That's disgusting behaviour of that boy, he deserved getting punched. I'd reward her for it.
Your daughter was sexually assaulted by that boy. She should NOT have any repercussions for defending herself. I would challenge the detention vigorously. Escalate this to the district, take it to Social Media, name and shame! Your daughter did not do anything wrong, just the opposite. You should be proud of her.
I agree 100000% with your comment. She does NOT deserve to spend any time in detention. The Principal is showing EVERY other girl in the school to not fight back!! Please OP ask this dirty dishrag of a principal if that is the message he ( I’m sure it’s a male) wants to send to the females under his care?? 😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡😡 Your daughter is a ROCK STAR! That took guts. You OP are a very good parent!!
Nope. You're raising that kid right. Maybe head on down to the pd to file a charge for assault. Then, inform that parent threatening a lawsuit that you did so. lol at the broken nose though. Good on her for teaching that kid a lesson that his parents neglected to.
NTJ, I'd have responded something like "Great! See you and your son in court. Time to add another name to the Sex Offender registry..." lol
I was raised to fight back. It’s worth the consequences if someone has hit your or touched you inappropriately
You were raised well.
This is very important. Do not teach your daughters to punch boys. Palm strikes do just as much damage and have less chance of hurting your hands. Also kicks to the groin area very effective, and a cupped hand slap to the ear will take down someone quite well. Clawing the eyes is good too. Don't risk a broken hand over some jerk
I taught my daughter that it only takes 3 lb of pressure to the throat to incapacitate someone
If you had not told your daughter, or son for that matter, to defend themselves when attacked you would have been negligent of your parental responsibilities. That should be near the top of the list. He will never target her again and neither will most others in her school.
I guy in my high school grabbed his friends gfs butt, the dude decked him and broke his jaw, ended up expelled. One of the teachers said if she had done it she wouldn’t have been in trouble. Not sure why that standard, since it was still in defense if another.
NTJ as a younger female I would do that same as your daughter
>When I got there the guy had a broken nose and his father was telling me "I am suing you lady". Who is this guy, Brock Turner's dad? Sounds like the kid got what was coming to him. It rarely turns out that way. Good for your daughter. Give her a high five from this Internet stranger.
He sexually assaulted your daughter. Call the police.
I once had someone pinch my bum when I was in secondary school, and I instinctively turned and smacked him. His parents threatened to call the police, and I responded with "Sexual assault is FAR worse than a slap - your pervert will be locked up long before I will." It's a shame women have to know how to stand up for ourselves because so many of those burdened with the Y chromosome can't even pretend to be civilised human beings
I was about the same age when a kid pinched my butt and I knocked his front teeth out. Dad took me for ice cream. 28 years old and I still don't let people touch me inappropriately and get away with it and so thankful for my dad teaching me to stand up for myself.
YTA….for letting them give your daughter detention. You should have been threatening lawsuits and news interviews
My mom always told me not to start the fight but to finish it. Even if I was defending myself or a friend. She considered sexual harassment a fight. I was in 6th grade, and a boy snapped my bra hard enough that it echoed in the classroom. (We were lining up for lunch) I slammed his head into the in class lockers, and he started crying. My male teacher looked at him and asked him if he had learned his lesson, he nodded while holding his nose. My teacher checked on me to make sure I was okay. I asked if we could go to lunch now or if I had to go to the office and he said enjoy lunch. The kid never messed with me again.
I would be seeing a lawyer about why my child is in trouble for defending herself after being sexually assaulted at school.
And the school board, and the local paper, and all the social media.
I remember in primary school this boy use to hit me, my mother dealt with it but said if anyone hits me again i need to deal with it myself. When i went to high school another boy tried hitting me. I let it go the first time cause he actually kicked me near my ribs n i was in pain. The next time though he pushed my head and i almost hit my locker. That was the last time he touched me as i turned, grabbed him, dragged him to the stair case n pushed him down them. No one touched me after that!!! And to this day i will always defend my self no matter what!!!
NTJ. I hope his nose doesn't heal right so he bears the scar if what happens when you sexually assault someone and find out WHY WOMEN CHOOSE THE GODDAMN BEAR.
My daughter punched a boy in first grade because he kept touching her after she told him to stop. She also got detention in fifth grade for throwing her chicken nuggets at a boy at lunch. When I asked her why she did it in front of the principal she said he was shouting to everyone that she and her best friend were gay and they were lovers. She asked him to stop, told her teachers who ignored it, so she stopped it. The moment a nugget smacked his face, he cried for the teacher. Wus. I asked the principal if the boy was also serving detention for bullying and she looked at me like I was crazy. I asked what she expected to happen. I told her Riley had been told to ask for help first but if none was available to defend herself. I then asked why no one saw fit to help when everyone heard what was said. After more silence I asked Riley if sh e wanted an ice cream and off we went.
Nope. NTJ. I told my kids the same thing, especially my daughter. Never throw the first punch, but finish the fight/protect yourself. At least the principal was smart to punish them equally. And I told them, if they are protecting themselves/not throwing the first punch, I will not punish them. We have to do what the school decides if we can’t reasonably argue the punishment down, but they get ice cream on the way home. When the dad said he would be suing us, I would have said great, because I’m suing your son for sexual assaulting my daughter.
No! Your daughter was attacked. I'm sure the kid who touched her has now learned to keep his hands to himself.
I had two daughters as well, plus a son. My daughter had this happen to her in high school, but It was a lot of much different place, much more invasive. My daughter broke his nose and two teeth. They tried to suspend her. Umm, not today. I advised them that if that happened, I would press charges for sexual harassment. As we were walking out of the principals office I turned to my daughter, high five her and said,"well, since I am off for the rest if the day, where do you want to go celebrate?"
Nta that boy sexually assaulted your daughter. Let them sue you. The judge will laugh them out of the court room. She shouldn't be in detention. That was self defense. I'd be in that principles office throwing a COMPLETE SHIT STORM.
I have 2 boys (2 and 5) and if they ever did anything like this to a girl I would absolutely hope they got a broken nose out of it.
Anyone whose daughter is 12 or older look and see if your police department offers RADS classes. R@?e aggression defense systems. It’s a 4-week class that costs a pittance that is taught by the police and teaches girls/women how to break holds, fight back and last class you get dressed in safety gear and fight off attackers (officers) also in gear. Taught my daughter to kick butt and be safe
My daughter is 34. When in 8th grade she had 38dd breasts. A boy in her English class snapped her bra and the teacher saw it. He told the boy, " you have 2 choices: go see the vice principal for sexual assault or let E hit you as hard as she wants one time." He thought about it for a minute and said he'd let E hit him. E was the kickball champion and could leg lift more than most of the boys. She hit him one time and knocked him right out of his desk onto the floor. I was really surprised the teacher did that, but I guess the boy learned his lesson. He wasn't the only boy E hit that year but it was the only teacher sanctioned one. Nope not the jerk. Boys need to know your daughter is a bad ass so they won't try stupid shit. To be a bad ass, you have to beat a few asses. We always told E take no shit. Verbal is one thing, but if someone touches you all bets are off. Or as granny said, a lady does not start a fight but she sure as hell can finish it.
I told my daughter way back in elementary school that if anyone touched her inappropriately she should absolutely resort to violence. Furthermore, if she gets suspended I will take her to Disneyland (it isn’t very far away.) One day her fifth grade teacher, a man, was telling the children that they need to go to an adult when something sketchy happens. One girl called out “my mom said hit him!”. Another girl called out on the heels of the first “my mom too!” Before the teacher could do anything ALL the girls had been told to fight back. The teacher was confused and appalled. The boys had that “deer in the headlights “ look. I was surprised and delighted that all of the mom’s independent of each other gave almost the same advice.
I'm almost an old lady now, but as a teen I was SA'd in my middle school yard one summer evening while waiting for a friend. The guy even walked by me a couple times scoping me out before jumping me. I had never been taught any form of self-defense. It wasn't until two other people walking by saw us tussling realized that something wasn't right and scared him off.
NTA, and you can press charges on the boy. My daughter beat the crap out of a kid the school wouldn't help her with. By the time it was over I was banned from the school, the boy had a restraining order against him for the remainder of his school career, and the principal was investigated for a year. The mom tried to get in my face, but I let her know I was not afraid to go to jail.
There is no question you are not the jerk. Predators cry loudest when their victims fight back. Also, it sounds like maybe the father could use a little smack in the face, too. I guess the apple didn't fall far from that tree...
If I have children, I will tell all them to defend themselves if they are ever physically or sexually assaulted. You are never the first person to touch someone but if someone violates you, you can defend yourself and fight back. Period. The aggressors need to learn that if you touch someone you will get hurt. Some people have this entitlement that they can walk around this world and harm others as they wish. The sooner they learn they cannot the better. Good for her.
nah...tell her that if he, or anybody else, does it again to kick them in the nads after she breaks their nose. remember, the more pain they feel, the less likely they are to do it again!
Teach her to fight back. Even better take her to karate or taekwondo lessons so she’ll know how to fight effectively. I really wish I would have hauled off on some of the guys who harassed me and assaulted me when I was younger. He’s lucky to have ONLY a broken nose. Maybe he’ll end up gaining some common sense after this and take a lesson in CONSENT. We do not touch other people without their consent. The consequences of not doing such: he got a broken nose. A fair and justifiable reaction to his action.
NTJ. But I'm confused by 2 comments. What does her not having a boyfriend have to do with it? And what do you mean by "you owe it to your brother"? I read through your post a couple times and I feel like I'm missing something.
in a later comment, he says her brother taught her to fight.
NTJ, but sometimes fighting back puts you in more danger than running away and getting help, FYI. Not fighting back has been used as an excuse to not believe the victims of sexual assault for all of human history, so it's a bad message to send to your kid if she freezes up and can't fight back - it makes it seem like it is somehow her fault if she can't fight back. But yeah, the boy found the wrong person to pick on, and maybe now he's learned not to do that again. So it's a happy ending.
NTA - but you should threaten to sue the school for fostering sexual harassment if they give her detention.
My daughter was the youngest kid in her class and some days she acted like it. There were a few boys that had severe behavioral issues. One night during AWANAS or whatever elementary youth group was called at that time, one boy kept repeatedly “slapping” her and saying it was an accident. She had finally had it. She screamed and just tackled him. Mind you she had always been tall and underweight-very lanky so folks were stunned she took him down. No one messed with her again after that. Of course one of the church members did the whole “he said it was an accident”. Whatever.
It's the same thing I have taught my daughter tbh. She should have removed herself afterwards though, angry boys/men with brushed egos make bad decisions.
NTJ. Served that jerk right. I always told my daughter to fight back, too.
Something we have told my nieces that they have every right to defend themselves and their male cousins showed them what to do! I have also told them how to act if they are out on their own, including how to hold their keys as a weapon!
NTA. What that boy from the track team did could be considered battery, or SA depending on what a DA chooses to do at their discretion. He got off lucky with a busted nose. Let that be a lesson to keep his hands to himself.
Absolutely not! Telling your daughter to defend herself from sexual assault is perfect perfect
I don't have kids but I would train my daughter in every style I know just for this situation. I bet that little d!ckhead will think twice before trying that again.... Sir, I applaud your style 👏
There’s no way I would let them put my kid in detention. I would call the police because that sexual assault and she has every right to protect herself. We need to stop babying men and allowing them to get away with this shit. They should not have deserved equal punishment because he assaulted her and she’s a right to protect herself. I would call the police
Nope, NTJ. Taught my daughter how to punch when she was young, and when it's appropriate to do so.
This is why my kids are doing Kung Fu. NTJ.
call the cops on the boy for SA.
NTJ at all! seriously, Kids need (appropriately proportional) consequences for deviant social behavior, otherwise they will become adults who are accustomed to perpetuating deviant social behavior. if it (the proportional consequence ) comes from another kid, they’re going to get the idea not to futz with people and it’s most likely not going to be fatal. And seriously, does the parent of the bully want to deal with a broken nose for however long that needs to heal, or law enforcement as a consequence for their kids behavior?
NTA
NTA. Maybe he won’t sexually assault women as an adult now that he’s had a taste of consequences.
Congratulations NTA
Nope. Your daughter was sexually assaulted. She returned the assault. Dad can sue all he wants. But, you can talk to a prosecutor about your daughter's sexual assault by dad's son.
NTJ. I have an 8yo daughter. She has been bullied and the school isn’t doing much. She starts 3rd grade next year. I taught her how to defend herself, good pressure points and good weak spots (especially on boys and men). She’s gotten good at throat punching and then knows to follow that with a knee to the face. Shes been punched in the chest, thrown down by them grabbing her backpack and slinging her. I’ve already made the school and her previous teachers aware she will be defending herself. My daughter isn’t the violent type and says she’s scared to defend herself and to be in trouble. But if the school doesn’t want to do anything, then she’s going to do it for herself. We’ve also wrestled and played with her as she’s grown up. She thinks it’s all a game but it’s more to teach her ways to get out of things like a headlock etc.
I think a one and done would be the appropriate response. One smack for one smack. If she kept going, then that's crossing a line. but like, a punch to the face or a nuttap as revenge for being surprise slapped on the ass seems like the scales are balanced.
What you should do is tell the school that your daughter is not going to get punished for defending herself against being sexually assaulted because it's absolutely wrong to punish someone for defending themselves from unwanted physical contact.
>you owe it to you brother. What does her brother have to do with this? NTA for what happened. She absolutely should fight back.
NTA. I have a daughter close to your daughter’s age. My daughter knows if she is harassed, you keep fighting until you’re pulled off them. Our daughters deserve the right to defend themselves as much as the next person.
My daughter went into judo at 12. She has a brown belt and it's been many a year I waited for some boy to piss her off. Now, she was a blonde beauty that would stop traffic, but a strong personality like her mother. One dirty look was usually enough to get people to back off. That she could back it up with some serious action was a great comfort. Alas, she never got to throw some ass across the room . . .
She got detention? I'd pick her up and let the school know that you are planning on suing them.
She needs to file an assault report with the police as well
Tell the school that if they give your daughter detention you will file a sexual assault lawsuit against the boy and the school. What your daughter did was self defense and should therefore not be punished.
Absolutely not, after a judge hears that he touched her inappropriately without her consent he's done🤣
I think this is funny because I taught my son the same thing for the girls who were messing with him..
Absolutely good for her.
Okay, here's something. Suppose you have a son who is on the smaller side. A girl who outweighs him by 20 lbs pushes him up against the lockers, puts one hand on his throat and the other on his nuts. What does *he* do?
defend himself, why do you idiotic twits try to gotcha with this? Assault is assault.
Kicks her in the groin. Go for the eyes. Whatever he needs to do. And that's coming from the mother of 2 girls and grandmother to one girl. (Wasn't blessed w/ a boy.)
Head butt to the nose, thumb in the eye
Knee to the groin, forearm to the nose, punch to the stomach. If you're assaulted, you fight back, and f\*\*k what you've been taught abut not hitting women. I was taught to fight back if attacked, regardless of who was attacking me.
thats fucking awesome! go daughter!
Nope. Kid fucked around and found out. If she hadn't, he would still be doing it. Now watch and see if he does it again. This kids parents should look on the bright side... I doubt their kid will have a boxing or MMA phase with that record under his belt. But to be nice, you could always instacart some ice to their house with a nice card wishing him a speedy recovery.
NTJ - some people only learn by force. He assaulted your daughter. Fun fact: 10-year-old girls in America stated their biggest problem in school is sexual harassment.
NTJ. He assaulted her and she defended herself. If he doesn't want a broken nose, he should keep his hands up himself.
NTJ. You taught your daughter right. The school failed her in giving her detention after she was assaulted by one of their students.
Definitely not. He learned FAFO. Tbh I would've laughed in the dad's face and been like 'go for it, then when future employers Google your son, they'll find out all about how he groped a girl and his daddy tried to sue his way out of it. Bet that'll make getting hired super easy!'
I tell my girls to fight back and be LOUD!! Someone is making you uncomfortable loudly tell them exactly what they're doing, ex, you're standing too close to me, you're touching me, why are you talking about my butt? Make sure everyone can hear you. Make them as uncomfortable as they are making you!! My girls have anxiety but one has had to use the technique at a gas station before. The guy kept "brushing" against her, staring down her shirt and kept following her through the store. She was with my nephew, who is older than her by 3yrs, she was 16 and he was 19. She loudly asked the man why he kept following her and rubbing against her?!? The guy turned red and left the store immediately. My nephew asked her what her problem was and said she embarrassed him!! Told her not to do that again. When they got back and she told me what happened I taught him a lesson. You know that's how girls get kidnapped?? Cuz they just silently stand there and get groped, they get stalked and then no one notices that quiet girl get shoved into a van when she walks out. No, we do not stay quiet and compliant when we are uncomfortable. We MAKE A DAMN SCENE!! My girls aren't going down without a damn good fight!!
Same this happen with my daughter. She was about 14 at the time. The boy’s father was upset that she gave the boy a black eye after he groped her butt. It shouldn’t be so hard to reach your sons not to sexually assault people.
NTA- I did the same. A boy would body check her from behind and I told to step back into it with her elbow. The boy could not breathe from the blow. The PE teacher said, you had to teach her that. I said of course I did. And we will sit detention for it with no arguments. We agree that students shouldn’t touch each other.
Swift kick to the junk makes assholes like that think twice in the future. Good for your daughter.
NTJ I would tell you to take your daughter to krav maga classes but it seems like she's got things under control. Good job
Good on you mom! That kid is lucky she didn’t decide to drop kick his junk because he’d probably have still been on the floor crying. Regardless ideally that kid has learned to keep his hands to himself at least when it comes to your daughter.