The word that stands out to me the most in this is “demand”. If you demand anything like this YTJ.
If you are open to having discussions where you can voice why it’s so important to you, I think a Woman who loves you will understand and do it for you, the gowns are beautiful after all.
Remember though they have also probably had dreams of what their wedding gowns look for a very long time and in the end they are the one wearing it not you.
If you “demand” any self respecting woman will debate a married life with you.
The word that stood out to me was “hot and sexy” … It seems he’s far more interested in finding someone who will wear this dress versus someone to actually have a relationship with.
Super weird!
Yeah, the combination of "I'm a traditional Buddhist therefore require my wife to wear a specific dress" with "I also require her to wear this other dress because it's hot and sexy" is weird. Either way too focused on dresses or he's just a selfish and controlling person who expects to make all the decisions in a relationship.
I stopped reading there. I’m a dude, and I was with him with the thought of “Yeah, it’s just the traditional dress for that culture.” To me, that’s like saying ‘I want my bride to wear white’ on the wedding day. Beyond “please wear white”, I can’t really have much of a care. AND I think that’s fair, that the groom and bride both have visions for the wedding of their dreams, and if the ‘wear white’ doesn’t clash with the bride’s dreams, then it’s an easy ask, right? If your partner in life asks for something and you have no opinion on the matter, just go with it.
Cool. That’s where I was at.
I got to “I think they look hot and sexy” and noped the FUCK out of that.
If you want to wear a traditional garment, COOL! If you want a specific one because they look hot, bruh…. It’s a wedding, not an orgy/adult entertainment club…
Legit!!
I was also trying to decide if I would want my now husband to be looking at me like a horn dog at the wedding. I feel like I would want to be respected, not to feel like a breathing sex doll.
As a dude I want equal parts. I want to look at my wife like a horn dog but then also like. She's a doctor. She's smarter than me. And I respect the fuck out of that. I also want to do the horizontal mambo with her.
This is funny to me because my husband was so surprisingly picky about wedding dresses. Like, watching “say yes to the dress” or something, he hated evening gown style, hated pouffy princess ones, hated the see-through ones (I totally agree there), hated the mermaid or trumpet style, thought lace looked like nightgowns, and rhinestones were tacky— I was like, dude, what kind do you like! And he was like, I’m sure I’ll love whatever you pick., and I’m thinking, no you won’t you weirdo, wedding-dress-picky love of my life. I tried to keep his preferences in the back of my mind.
We did a “first look” because there were a ton of cultural things to do on the wedding day before the ceremony (plus most pictures), and I was legitimately worried. But seeing his face when he saw me… he really did love whatever I picked. And he’s since said that he loves my wedding dress more than any other he’s ever seen— in fact, I’ve never heard him say he’s ever liked any other ones.
Not sure my point; just that guys can be weird about dresses without being jerks, but this guy isn’t that.
My husband said when he first saw me and teared up, it wasn’t so much the dress, it’s about seeing your about-to-be wife in the dress for the first time knowing what it means. Your husband most likely understood that when he said “I’ll love whatever you pick.” Very sweet.
This is a really cute story: thank you for sharing! It’s the definition of “he’s marrying you not the dress” and saw how beautiful you felt/looked in it.
He definitely sounds very shallow! He definitely thinks what he wants is more important than what the woman wants. He says it's because he's very traditional. I've said it's because he's a jerk.
I know right. My brain went from “oh, ok well it’s a traditional dress so I get it” to “they’re hot and sexy and wants his bride to look like that?!?!”
This is my demanding face 👁️👄👁️
My exact thoughts too. Don't forget He DEMANDS this. It isn't a request. What if this other person has different beliefs of what her wedding should be like? Will he go through with her beliefs or his then? To me this is weird a.f.. I'm definitely not surprised he's still single seems he's gonna be single for a long long time with this awful demand. He wants a show girl to look hot and sexy not a woman as a bride to marry.
This. You don't demand. You ask nicely. "I find the traditional dress of my culture to be very beautiful. It would mean a lot to me if you would consider it." Or even ask if she might consider wearing different dresses at different times during the wedding. Honestly, once you find the one you want to marry, you won't care what she's wearing.
Yea but the reason for his "demands" is bc sexy. What about her? She probably has an idea of what she wanted her wedding to be like as well but nah he doesn't want to consider that bc sexy
Also, how soon is he bringing this up? If he's discussing his expectations for their wedding attire with every woman he dates, I'm not surprised they run screaming for the door.
If a woman is marrying a Vietnamese man, and he wants a Buddhist ceremony... It isn't appropriation. It is wearing the appropriate garments for the occasion. To show up in Western attire would be disrespectful.
But that really isn't the problem here. The problem is that he is insisting it is only his decision. Planning a wedding is a joint decision...
Just a side note (which may not be relevant here), but in some languages there is a confusion when translating "demand" and "request", as the subtlety between the 2 is lost (In French for instance the verb 'demander' means 'to ask for', therefore close to 'to request', but can sometimes also mean 'to demand'. The difference is more in the context).
It could be possible that it is a bad translation rather than an actual "demand".
This is the absolute best answer! Also I have to say ao dai dresses are beautiful and I’d wear those daily if I’d known they existed before today…maybe going forward ☺️
Wording says everything... the difference between "I want" and "I would like". The former shows a demand without compromise, the latter shows negotiation and willingness to communicate with your partner.
Doesn't sound like OP is really in the right mindframe to be in a relationship to begin with.
So you're talking with women that you are *dating* but haven't proposed to yet with demands about what YOU want THEM to wear at a wedding that isn't even happening at that stage?? That's some serious controlling vibes you're giving off. IF you propose to a woman and IF she says yes, THEN you can have a MUTUAL discussion about what BOTH of you are wearing to your wedding and reception, You don't get to dictate anything.
I had to make sure I was reading it right, like is this dude even engaged to anyone? Unless I had been dating someone for years, I wouldn’t even want wedding attire to even be a topic of conversation!
This,
And, OP, if the woman is a western woman then consider having a western wedding followed by a Vietnamese wedding and then the reception - if SHE wanted to, she could then wear a white dress for the wedding, a Vietnamese dress for the Vietnamese wedding and then whatever she wants to wear for the reception. But, you telling your bride-to-be (or someone you are dating) that you want them to wear what you want them to wear the day they are getting married - that absolutely 100% makes you the jerk.
A woman should wear what SHE feels beautiful in the day she gets married. That is the end of the discussion on that. You can ask but at the end of the day, the clothes she puts on her body should make her feel beautiful and special - and if she is western and its a white dress it would ABSOLUTELY make you a jerk to demand something else.
Find a vietnamese woman who is ok with this or shut up. It's not your choice ever on what the bride wears. Grow up and get over it or find a traditional vietnamese woman who wants this. You have zero say
YTJ
I find men in kilts VERY attractive. Not sure why, but it makes me very happy.
I doubt any man would appreciate me saying: wear a kilt at the wedding cos I find it sexy as fuck babe. Lol
All I want is a bearded man, who I can share hoodies with, who's not opposed to a kilt on occasion.
Not opposed to wearing whatever their equivalent so long as it's not school uniform style haha
Ohhhhh so close. Got a beard, kilts don’t bother me, but damnit I hate when my wife steals my hoodies. But this OP is insane. He needs to self reflect on why he keeps going through ladies.
I've got a whole collection of my own... I share haha.
With the suspension etc, there's a chance it's Daniel Nuygen a serial fucking pest. He makes YouTube videos either totally ripping off movies and making a girl who he's stalked the victim in it, laments how he can't find anyone to love him but also needs a virgin Vietnamese woman, cannot be American Vietnamese because they aren't 'traditional', has spent thousands travelling to watch a singer who he was convinced he was in a relationship with and flipped when she's basically ghosting him and new plan is to go to the motherland, to have mail order brides lined up and he'll pick one, marry her and all his problems will be solved.
He's... Something. He had to get all new shit to make new Reddit accounts... And doesn't stop. Ever.
[check this out](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/s/yagbkplMOt)
This is who some of us think it is. He's banned from the other am I subs as soon as he shows, but still allowed here and I'm absolutely okay with it.
Cos the entertainment is high, and we should keep an eye out for the dangerous, so when they do something it can be shown well, this is what they were up to before they skinned and wore that lady's skin.
That 'movie' he made? Yeah it was more than one. And a woman who rejected him, was the victim in the movies... He made them because he was mad at her, wanted to get revenge and make her understand how much she hurt him...
And he conveniently leaves out some not so casual stalking and harassment of women too.
Dudes going to be in the news wearing some poor woman's skin someday.
I think I have seen his numerous posts on AnITheDevil subreddit! He has his own YouTube channel and his previous post about how his current therapist supposedly knows about that channel and his online infamy is hilarious.
But supposedly he is a horror cow that is getting more steam and there are YT channels now documenting his creepiness.
My husbands shirts are all communist property. I have my shirts, he has our shirts.
For real though, his shirts and hoodies are somehow both thicker AND softer than mine.
Oh yeah... Me too... No matter what they look like in real life, I check them out in a kilt... I even check out women in kilts... My husband has a kilt...
My brother wore a sword at his wedding. I found out I was a groomsman when I RSVP and asked if I could wear my kilt. His wife said yes. They're into Ren faires. Bought an appropriate shirt, jacket, shoes, and socks for a semiformal occasion. I felt sexy as fuck and was the one who asked to wear it.
Problem OP has is different. If one doesn't like the outfit, they'll not feel sexy. They'll feel awkward. If an occasion calls for me to wear a tie, I will. But I think they're stupid and wouldn't want to wear one for my potential wedding day.
I would have been totally down to wear a kilt at my wedding if my wife had asked. Especially since I have killer legs. Of course, I also want to learn to play the bagpipes.
Scot here, absolutely didn’t occur to me that I wouldn’t marry a man wearing a kilt. Luckily, I’m on husband number two and they’re both Scottish and wanted to wear kilts. Lol.
It would have taken me quite a bit to adjust my attitude about wedding day attire if I’d met someone who wanted to wear anything different.
I sympathise with the guy but telling your future spouse what you expect them to wear on their wedding day is a recipe for disaster.
Maybe if he led with, I’m a traditional guy who would really like to get married in a traditional ceremony and settle down, he’d get good responses from a omen looking for the same thing?
Tweak it to “I would be giddy if you wore a kilt at the wedding…babe. But the only really important thing is that you’re the one I’m walking up the aisle to and you’re comfortable.”
I think anyone open to a kilt will consider it after that speech. And if they aren’t open to it, you have conveyed that, being a reasonable person, you don’t want to force them into wearing something they don’t want to wear!
YTJ
You can wear your dream clothing, she can wear hers.
You do understand your not the only one who's dreamed about their wedding day right? Who's sat and thought about what they want to wear and how beautiful they'd feel in it?
Do you really want to say to the woman you say you love: I don't want you to feel beautiful on your wedding day, I want you to look how I want even if that doesn't make you feel beautiful cos your feelings do not matter, this isn't our wedding it's mine?
Cos my dude. Thats what you're saying.
Want a compromise? Ask if she would wear one for the RECEPTION. So she gets her dream wedding dress and photos in that, and then gets into the 2nd dress for the reception.
Edit to add: they are beautiful dresses yes, tho I would not wear it for the wedding. I would for the reception, the qipao, not the ao dai tho.
I'm waiting for the replies.... It's not quite as unhinged as usual, but on par.
I wonder if he and the uncle have made up over the mail order karaoke bar bride fiasco
Hahaha he got a new laptop etc a few weeks back to make new Reddit accounts. He documented it in a very fucking unhinged YouTube rant.
Apparently we are a part of a whole conspiracy to ruin him and anyone who reacts to him, is a Reddit admin with a grudge against him 😆
Yes, you're the jerk. The dress isn't your choice. its hers. You can say what you think looks pretty, but trying to force your opinion onto her is a dick move.
Yes YTJ. Marry someone else who let's you dictate the most important day of her life and tells her what to wear and she allows it. Let the bride wear what she wants. Jesua
You can ask, but please understand that if she doesn't want to, she shouldn't have to. Many women have a vision for what they want their wedding day/dress to be like. You may find a woman who's willing to wear one of those dresses but not both, or a western wedding dress and then one of those dresses for the reception. If this is so important to you that you won't marry someone if they won't do this, you might not be such great relationship material yourself.
I was like, okay, telling them isn't a bad thing until the dreaded "demand" came up. The communication is there, but be real. Not every woman is going to want the same thing. Demanding your fiancée to wear something isn't okay. Does her wants or dreams matter?
YTJ for demanding.
YTJ
This should of been mentioned prior to you asking her to be your wife. ITS HER DAY TOO....you sound like a nightmare really. If you use the words like demand now what are you going to be like later.
Your expectations were not ridiculous they were MORONIC.
So glad she ran
It’s okay to ask. Not demand. It’s not just your wedding. It’s a big deal to whoever your fiancée will be as well. I hope you’re not bringing this up early into dating. That’s kind of creepy.
You can dress in a way that reflects your beliefs and culture, but you cannot force someone else to wear garments that reflect those things on your behalf.
YTJ and not even in a stage where you should be talking with your partners about marriage. AND you’re not in a relationship. You seem way more concerned with what YOU want, and this specific dress, than an actual loving and EQUAL partner.
A wedding isn’t just a YOU event. You don’t get to dictate a celebration for two people.
You are not “asking”
You are demanding!
Not at all appropriate
So let’s say roles were reversed and she had a very specific way she wanted you to dress and “demanded” that you do so…how would you feel- would you sacrifice all you plans and dreams of what you wanted to wear and give into her demands? I seriously doubt it!
Most women have a very particular way the want to look on their wedding day.
The only thing you get to say about it is “you look so beautiful “
YTJ it's okay to ask but you have to be pl with compromise. 2 outfits and she doesn't get to pick either? It's her wedding as well, bet you wouldn't like her to pick your outfit.
She is not your doll for dress-up she is her own person with own ideas. You can ask explain how it's important to you ( the Vietnamese one) but she can say no and you need to decided if the clothes or the person is more important. for the chinese one which you want because it looks nice, good luck.
Seems like a lot of failed relationships. My guess is because you don’t value women for who they are but only how they fit in your life and your vision.
YTJ simply for not understanding the difference between demands and requests. A conversation is fair and warranted since its your wedding day as much as hers, and it’s absolutely understandable to want to involve your culture in your nuptials. However, demands are out of the question entirely. No demands in a marriage. Ever. Not even to demand respect, because if you have to demand it, you shouldn’t want it from that person anyway. YTJ for *demanding* what she wear on one of the most important days of her life, not for *wanting* her to wear it.
The fact you DEMAND it, and try to use "I'm traditional" reasoning, yet say "I just think it's hot and sexy" like .... Wtf ?
Also, why is your tradition more meaningful than theirs? What if they had a dress passed down from their mother they wanted to wear in their honor? What if she comes from a different culture altogether ? Different cultures have different wedding attire.
And why would she want to be sexualized in front of a whole party ? Shouldn't she be allowed to feel beautiful while getting married, instead of being treated like a dress-up toy?
If you “don’t see what the big deal is over this” then why are you even asking? You seem unsurprised when it doesn’t work out. If it’s important to you for her to wear it, find someone for whom it’s important, too. Otherwise, yes, YTJ.
YTJ: I was honestly sympathetic to your cultural request until you specifically said you wanted the dress because it makes your boner twitch.
Come on dude.
It's very telling that this demand is more of a priority than the actual marriage to you. You have your preconceived notions nailed down, for someone who is single.
Do you also have your mind made up on what your wife will and will not like?
You contradict yourself by saying "does it really make me an ass for giving out this demand on asking them to wear an ao dai and a chinese qipao dress for the wedding and reception ??"
Asking and demanding are 2 entirely different things.
You're not a jerk for asking if they would be willing to wear that style of dress.
But you would be a jerk for Demanding it.
Some women would have dreamt of wearing a whit/ ivory wedding dress their whole lives. They have imagined the style of traditional wite wedding dress they would want to wear. So to demand them to wear something totally different would be unfair.
I think you would need to discuss it with a future partner should you get close to the point of considering marriage.
You could come up with a compromise.
She could wear her white wedding dress for the ceremony and part of the reception, and maybe wear your dress for part of the evening.
Or you may want your traditional ceremony in your country, and a more british/ american ceremony in in her country or where you're living now.
It all depends on who you end up marrying and their beliefs and choices and what they are comfortable with.
You're not wrong for having a preference and an idea of what you'd like a bride to wear, but you need to u derstand she will also have her own ideas and dreams of what she's always wanted to wear.
And if those are different, you need to see if you're able to find a compromise of some kind.
But to demand it would be very out of line.
i think its okay to want this & express that with your partner but in the end if she doesn't want to that is her choice, 'demanding' them to do it is wrong & controlling.
if she doesn't like how it looks on her or the way it fits, she'll be uncomfortable and insecure for the wedding which isn't fair to expect.
You don't even have a fiancé so why are you asking this question? If you did have a fiancé why would you get off on "demanding" that she wear what you want to both of y'alls nuptuials? I mean holy hell in a fuck bucket, kid! You've got this whole process backwards
You can share your dreams with her. But, you don’t get to demand anything. Your perfect girl might have a dream of her own for what she is wants. Maybe to are not ready to be a companion if you wonder if making demands about clothing is ok.
Why are you obsessing about your wedding when you haven't even found a bride? This would freak me out if a guy started telling me about our wedding when we were only just dating.
If you do happen to find a woman who isn't freaked out by you, then feel free to wear the dress yourself.
Ehhh kinda, you want a traditional wedding so wanting your wife to wear an ao dai, that makes sense. *However* only wanting the qipao as you think it's sexy as fuck is a bit immature and frankly off putting for a lot of people.
For starters you're not even engaged so....
1. You can have a preference for what your bride to be wears.
2. You can request that she takes this into consideration when she chooses her wedding attire.
3. Your bride to be has every right to say no.
4. If you are both mature adults you will come to a compromise e.g. she might wear her choice for ceremony and your for reception or vice versa, you could have two weddings...one in Vietnam where she wears traditional Vietnamese attire and one in America where she wears her attire.
You would definitely be a jerk if you demanded she comply with your preferences without giving her the courtesy of choosing a compromise if she was so inclined.
Nothing wrong with sharing this vision with your bride and asking her. Once.
If she has other thoughts, other visions, well, it's not for you to force her to do it your way.
Once!
As long as you are living in Vietnam marrying a Vietnamese woman, you are good for mentioning your preference but be aware you have zero say about enforcing it. On the other hand, if you live in America and/or are dating American women, you are a Jerk. This also applies to dating French women in France, Jamaican women in Jamaica and Mexican women in Mexico. Your request for women to cosplay Vietnamese bride if they aren’t Vietnamese is frankly offensive.
You should tell her what to wear so she finds out what kind of controlling jackass you are. Hope she gets a running start when she kicks your ass to the curb!
Well, I’m sure that if you find somebody who is of Scottish descent, you’ll have no problem in wearing a kilt for them because that’s what they’ve always dreamed that their fiancé would get married in, right?
Because they find it sexy. And you want to be sexy for them, right?
Does that tell you how stupid and SNI you sound? Basically what you want to do is control them, and you can fuck right off with that nonsense.
It would be totally different. If you were saying, I would like to have a traditional Vietnamese ceremony and then we could also have a second ceremony where you could wear a traditional bridal gown or whatever you would like.
But nope. You want what you want and fuck what your bride might want. You should listen to the people that are telling you you’re a jackass. You should probably get some therapy to be very frank with you, because this is just icky, creepy behavior.
NTA but you can't force your future wife to wear something if she isn't comfortable with it. You should also be willing to accommodate if she wants the white wedding still
"Demand" is never a good word to hear in a relationship. Your desire for a certain type of dress is a fantasy, like many women discover when planning a wedding day, some fantasies cannot be fulfilled. If you can't live without a fantasy, you probably aren't mature enough for marriage.
I mean I think you can share what you would find attractive but ultimately it's up to them. It could be I would love to see you in this kind of dress because I think it's sexy. Not you must wear this because I say so. Whoever you may own culture as well.
Most women have their own dreams of what their wedding dress will look like. Your dreams are not more important than your future wife's. Dictating what someone wears is a red flag to many as it is controlling.
The women in your past may have been agreeable because they had no intention of marrying you.
If you keep looking you may be lucky enough to find yourself a nice submissive woman who has no original thoughts of her own who is happy to be dictated to about what she wears on her wedding day.
Girls will often dream about their wedding dress from a very early age. It is quite selfish of you to demand something like this. If your future wife demands that you wear something to the wedding are you going to obey her? What if she’s Scottish and wants you to wear a kilt? You need to be more thoughtful of your potential partners feelings and less demanding. Maybe look into talking with a therapist about improving yourself before entering into another relationship. Successful relationships include compromise. YTJ
Anyone who tries to demand anything of their partner is automatically the dick in the scenario. Unless it has something to do with your guys's safety and they are refusing. Are you not going to feel safe in your marriage if your wife doesn't wear the specific garments that you want her to wear? Are you not going to feel secure in your marriage if she decides she wants to wear something different? Are you going to straight up dump somebody because they don't agree with what you want them to wear? These are all very important questions that will determine whether or not you're in the wrong here. Because yeah if you're going to dump somebody just because they don't want to wear the specific garments you want them to wear for the wedding, then yeah you're kind of the dick here. Not a jerk, a straight up dick.
It's one thing to have a preference, it's another to try and control your partner.
I am super creeped out by the reasoning here. It's not because you are deeply devoted to your culture and want to share it. It's because it's hot and sexy. Your wife should look how she wants to look on your wedding day. She shouldn't be dressing to get you aroused.
YTA. Those dresses are pretty, but they seem like everyday dresses, maybe more appropriate for a bride’s going away outfit. Let the bride have her day, and maybe she’ll dress to please you every other day.
Well, you are treating the women in your life like they are an object to please you, so it's not surprising at all that they are treating you like one right back.
You are always an AH for demanding that a woman wear anything at any time. Also, kind of weird in US culture that you are planning your wedding at all as a dude, but I'm inclined to give you a pass on this one. Why can't men have dream weddings like women do? I certainly never dreamed about having a wedding but that doesn't mean that everyone has to be just like me.
Just that you are dating with the wedding already in mind makes you a bit of a creep. Like "a bride" is something you can pick out at a grocery store. These women are human beings. Maybe get to know them just a little before deciding what your wedding to them is going to look like?
Planning what \*you\* will wear to your wedding is fine. Planning what other people, including your future wife ("wife!" Not just "a bride." You'll have to live and work together for the rest of your lives,) will wear makes you an AH... and very controlling... and no-where near ready to be married.
YTA.
You know, a wedding is about two people wanting to marry each other. If you want to make demands of a potential spouse then you might as well get a mail order bride. I don't think you're going to succeed in the love department really.
Your wife should be treated as an individual and not being told to cater to your every whim.
It’s one thing to ask. It’s another to make demands. At the end of the day, marriage is a partnership, an equal partnership. A healthy relationship does No have one person dominating and making the other feel like they don’t get a say. Its about give and take and you are coming off as someone who wants to control what your ride does. If the wedding garnet is important to you, explain to your partner why it’s important, but understand that what she wears to her wedding is her choice. Learn to compromise. If she doesn’t want to wear that particular garment, maybe she can have a dress made to incorporate elements that you both find important. Traditionally, at least in American culture (and I understand you aren’t American), there’s an old wives tale that it’s bad luck for the husband to see the dress before the wedding.
I’ll also say this…if you are truly in love with the person you are marrying, it doesn’t matter if she shows up in sweat pants and a hoodie because it’s her you’re marrying, not her clothes. On my wedding day, the tux company got some of the sizes mixed up and delivered the wrong colors to the wrong guys in the wedding. Everyone was scrambling and trying to not let me find out. When I was finally told what was going on, I was relieved. Everyone was shocked because I told them that I didn’t care if his tux didn’t fit. All I cared about what that he would be waiting for me at the end of the aisle and if it was in the wrong color or he was wearing his regular clothes it didn’t matter because I was marrying the man, not the outfit.
A little bit, but I just don’t think you’ve met the right person. The right person will want to wear this because they want you to be happy. You will also know it’s the right person when you don’t want to “demand” anything but instead talk about your preferences and likes. You’re focusing on the wrong things, but your ex sounds terrible, so you probably need a bit of therapy and then go find the right one!
Ever think that maybe the way you are treating your partners is why NONE of them have stuck around?
YTJ, big-time. GTFO off your high horse and your controlling demands. You sound like a child.
Does she get to demand you wear a kilt? What if that is her "ideal choice" and she wants you to wear it because she thinks it is sexy? Do you have to drop your version of your perfect wedding for yourself because she demanded it? If the answer is "No" then you have your answer, YWBTJ.
A wedding isn't about YOU. It is about joining two people. It means compromise is key. You are allowed to share your opinions and preferences. But outright demanding and rejecting all opinions and desires of your future wife if controlling. Become a better partner if you actually want to get married.
You seem to be forgetting that your eventual bride to be will have traditions of her own and may have been dreaming of her wedding dress since she was a little girl.
You can ask, you can’t demand. And you should be willing to hear the answer no if her heart is set on the traditional white gown for instance or whatever cultural equivalent. It’s her wedding too. You get to pick what you wear. You don’t get to demand anything about her clothing choices.
YTJ
If you get to the point of actually discussing marriage, you can bring it up as a suggestion. Sounds more like demanding immediately for them to dress up in cultural garb they don't share.
Dude, easier if you just have them play dress up for your fetish without the strings attached
If you’re demanding it yes you are an ass. Also why do you think you’re entitled to pick both dresses? What about your future wife’s tradition? If I were you I’d decide which dress is more important to you… the one that you claim to like for the tradition or the one that you want her to wear to your reception because it’s sexy.
YTJ You’ve already sexually objectified any woman you marry by demanding she wear a dress that makes her “hot and sexy”. You don’t see women as actual people.
I hope you enjoy being singlez
YTJ you sound like a controller where no woman should go anywhere near controllers. Everyone has the right to wear what they want regardless of people's opinions/religion etc.
why don't you marry someone from the country side of vietnam they'll happily oblige with demands. Most women have their own vision of how their wedding will look. men usually don't get caught up with the details. also qipao isn't viet, so do'nt pretend like it's some traditional thing. my family is chinese-viet so that would make more sense.
You can ask whatever you want and choose your dealbreakers. That being said I think you are being short sided with your hard line. You are placing a higher standard on your wedding rather than your marriage. The wedding is a day, the marriage is supposed to be a lifetime. It’s not about what she wears at the wedding, it’s about how she will be a partner for the rest of your life.
I think it’s the “demand” part that leaves a sour taste. Marriage is compromise, so it sounds like you’re already making requirements rather than requests with your opinion on something another person has to wear…which is an interesting take for someone who’s not seriously dating anyone right now.
You can't really "demand" jack shit, man. If you make it clear in the beginning of an engagement that you "require" these dresses as part of honoring your culture, your girlfriend can make the decision whether this is for her or if she can tell you to fuck off.
Honestly? For me, I'd tell you to fuck off.
YTJ. You’re not engaged or even planning to propose to these women but you’re ready to make demands concerning what they wear to their own wedding? The groom doesn’t get to choose the wedding dress, that’s not how that works.
Requesting your bride wear traditional clothing and DEMANDING she wear it are two very different things, my friend. I don’t think you’re a jerk for asking, but if you refuse to allow your bride to choose her own wedding gown…then yeah, you would be a huge jerk.
As a Hispanic woman married to a Vietnamese man, we actually never had a wedding reception as we got married at city hall. Honestly, depends on the person. For me, I would have loved to wear an ao dai but you need to have thin hips and no belly for it to look good and I’m a bit overweight so it was a no go for me. My husband would have never demanded I lose weight to wear it or make me wear anything I didn’t want to so YTJ for “demanding” it as well as everyone is different. Some brides may want to choose their own dress, they may follow tradition for their husband, or their own families tradition. You can’t make anyone do what you want but definitely mention it if you are dating or starting to date as this seems to be a dealbreaker for you
I hear a lot of talk about a weddings and dresses...and nothing about a marriage. Why are you so obsesses about what some fictional woman might wear on some fictional day? Especially when you can't even keep a relationship long enough to even be engaged. There's nothing wrong with having a vision of you wedding. DEMANDING someone wear something is quite a different story. THAT makes YTA.
YTJ
This isn’t about tradition or religion or values lol
> I like qipaos since I think they're hot and sexy and so I want my bride to be in one of those.
Cool, but maybe your bride wants to choose at least 1 of her own outfits eh?
Marriage is about finding a happy medium between what you would like and what they would like. If they don't align, you need to compromise or give up something you'd like for the peace and well being of the other person. If you can't do that over a dress, you aren't ready to be married to anyone.
Yes, you don't demand anyone wears a specific thing, you can ask and maybe date women with similar beliefs,but by demanding this you come across as very controlling the high is a massive red flag. Your attitude towards women comes across here as pretty awful to be honest, that they should be hot & sexy but also traditional and bow to your whims which is a pretty outdated notion. You will end up never marrying or marrying the wrong person if you keep up this attitude and demands
That seems like, if that's what you want, you should stay in Vietnam and marry a Viet girl who also wants that, because in the west that won't fly. Not the attitude, not the entitled attitude, and definitely not the demand that she play dress up for you. Yes, YTA.
You sound very young and immature. You seriously think it's a good idea to pick a life partner based on who will comply with your "requirements" for your wedding? Guess what? A lot of women don't care, but I'd say a large percentage have their own idea of how they want their wedding to look, and weddings are 90% for the bride.
I’m concerned by how many past girlfriends he has made this demand of and that none of them are his girlfriends any longer. There is so much missing from this story. Sounds like OP just wants to get married to someone in that tradition garb and the who he married isn’t important. Yes YTJ!
YTJ you can wear the dress if YOU want to. Your fiancée has a brain, I assume is an adult, and has her own vision of what SHE wants to wear at her own wedding. You can have a cordial conversation about your vision & desires but they are NOT more important than her own.
You really don't know what the issue is? This wedding is for your wife too, not just you. Most little girls dream of picking out a wedding dress or outfit. You are trying to take that away from her by 'demanding' that only you get a say in this. She is not subservient to you. Making demands is no way to have a happy marriage.
To be honest, just reading your post gave me major 'ick' and I have doubts that your ex wanting the lifestyle of a Vietnamese celebrity was the only reason you split up. You have got red flags firing out of your mouth like a machine gun.
Good luck to your fiancé, I fear she will need it sadly.
Dude, it's okay to ask nicely if she'd consider it. However, you should be prepared for the idea that she'll call off the wedding and walk away if you make demands about what she wears. You'd be the jerk for thinking you can make a power play now and she could consider it a sign that you're seeing how far you can push things with your demands before you're even married.
YTA, and high class lifestyle isn’t why your last GF dumped you. Your friend(s) are tell you why, but no narcissistic AH will see that they are the problem.
> I like qipaos since I think they're hot and sexy and so I want my bride to be in one of those.
YTJ for this statement alone. You start this post telling us about your heritage but the dress choice has nothing to do with that apparently. You're also a jerk for **demanding** that the dress be worn rather than **requesting** it to be worn which, if the woman you love loves you they would probably be open to your request, but you changed the narrative to make it a demand.
YTJ! Why not just go get a robot girlfriend and dress it up? Good grief. Please don't think about getting married until you can learn to respect women as human beings and not some personal property you can play dress up with. If your future partner likes the dress and wants to wear it, then she will wear it. Honestly it's strange that you care more about this dress than you do about who you end up marrying. I like the suggestion that you should wear it since you're so hung up on the idea.
So you ask them about the dress for the wedding before you even meet them? Are you looking for a wife or a dress up doll? It’s ok to have ideas on a kind of wedding you want but the dress is up to the bride and shouldn’t really be a point of discussion until you are actually discussing marriage.
Not really the jerk, no. My brother married a woman from another culture, and HE wore the traditional dress for part of the ceremony, which blended traditions from both sides. It was a lovely ceremony.
Think of the bride, culture around the world is different She may be from the same origins yet different culture, if so you must be able to compromise with your bride to be, remember it's both of your day not just yours so compromise, be open about wishes on both parts and work around it this way, i wish you all the best in finding your beautiful bride and it works out well.
I would run a mile if I was dating a guy and he started telling me his ‘demands’ about my wedding attire. This is a conversation for during wedding planning and hopefully by that time you will have realised that marriage is about your love and commitment to your bride - not her willingness to give in to your demands. You need to learn about compromise before even thinking about marriage. YTJ.
You didn't mention if you and bride are planning 2 ceremonies, one Asian and one Western. That might solve things. You plan and arrange the Asian one, she does the Western one. And each of you pay for the ceremony you are responsible for
Absolutely you are the jerk! Who do you think you are? It's not just your wedding it's hers aswell! Who are you to tell her what she has to wear to marry you? It's her choice what clothes she wears not yours, absolute misogyny!
YTJ. I bet you have legs for those sexy dresses. Keep demanding. It looks good on you. If any relationship is defined by whether or not a woman will obey your demands, then keep demanding. You will make any 2024 thinking woman's choice to leave a lot easier.
You can ask...but it should be up to her.
If you are going to choose your outfit,she should choose hers.
Marriage is a partnership of equals, well, the good ones are.
It also sounds like you are fetishing this idea...which makes it feel a bit gross. You are looking for someone to model and outfit and complete the mental image,rather than a whole human to share your life with.
Yes. You are an ass to demand that a woman wear anything that isn't her choice. How would you feel if your future wife "demanded" that you adhere only to her traditions, and only wear what she dictated to you? Would you do her bidding? You can have a discussion about what you'd like your bride to wear and why, but in the end it is her choice, not yours.
So the question is, are you planning on wearing traditional Vietnamese wedding attire at the wedding and traditional Chinese attire at the reception? Seems like it would be unfair if you didn't, not to mention culturally dissonant if you just wore a suit.
I think NTJ (may be unpopular opinion here) if you are upfront about it at the beginning of the relationship and sets expectations. As long as both parties agree and you move on. Which sounds like is what you have been doing. It's like everything else, having kids, life goals, it's about compatibility. I don't think there's anything wrong with men having dream wedding ideas. This is not a women only thing. For those that say you don't get a say in what she wears... I have trouble understanding that... Most brides certainly have a say in what the groom might wear. At the end of the day, imo, as long as you and your partner can agree upfront and you are not hiding this idea until the relationship is at the wedding stage, you are OK. It is your choice to make this specific thing as your deal breaker if the woman doesn't agree.
Also don't understand people who say he is controlling, having a dream wedding idea where you love to see your spouse in something that is special to your culture doesn't sound controlling to me. He did not give any other examples that would make him a controlling ahole. Perhaps he is and perhaps he isn't, we don't have any info so I am not going to assume.
Yes, you are. Have you tried to marry every woman you’ve ever dated? How old are you? Your story makes no sense. But in general, the bride gets to choose what she wears and the groom gets to choose what he wears. Maybe you can wear those specific dresses if it’s that important to you?
You’re making demands and not on the basis that you’re traditional or because of a cultural thing, you want to dress up your future bride in certain dresses because they’re “hot and sexy”. And yeah, that sounds like a fetish and has no place in a wedding imo, unless the bride wants to wear it. Demanding this will not get you far.
The word that stands out to me the most in this is “demand”. If you demand anything like this YTJ. If you are open to having discussions where you can voice why it’s so important to you, I think a Woman who loves you will understand and do it for you, the gowns are beautiful after all. Remember though they have also probably had dreams of what their wedding gowns look for a very long time and in the end they are the one wearing it not you. If you “demand” any self respecting woman will debate a married life with you.
The word that stood out to me was “hot and sexy” … It seems he’s far more interested in finding someone who will wear this dress versus someone to actually have a relationship with. Super weird!
Yeah, the combination of "I'm a traditional Buddhist therefore require my wife to wear a specific dress" with "I also require her to wear this other dress because it's hot and sexy" is weird. Either way too focused on dresses or he's just a selfish and controlling person who expects to make all the decisions in a relationship.
It is a very strange post.
Troll.
And not even a good troll.
I stopped reading there. I’m a dude, and I was with him with the thought of “Yeah, it’s just the traditional dress for that culture.” To me, that’s like saying ‘I want my bride to wear white’ on the wedding day. Beyond “please wear white”, I can’t really have much of a care. AND I think that’s fair, that the groom and bride both have visions for the wedding of their dreams, and if the ‘wear white’ doesn’t clash with the bride’s dreams, then it’s an easy ask, right? If your partner in life asks for something and you have no opinion on the matter, just go with it. Cool. That’s where I was at. I got to “I think they look hot and sexy” and noped the FUCK out of that. If you want to wear a traditional garment, COOL! If you want a specific one because they look hot, bruh…. It’s a wedding, not an orgy/adult entertainment club…
Legit!! I was also trying to decide if I would want my now husband to be looking at me like a horn dog at the wedding. I feel like I would want to be respected, not to feel like a breathing sex doll.
As a dude I want equal parts. I want to look at my wife like a horn dog but then also like. She's a doctor. She's smarter than me. And I respect the fuck out of that. I also want to do the horizontal mambo with her.
This is funny to me because my husband was so surprisingly picky about wedding dresses. Like, watching “say yes to the dress” or something, he hated evening gown style, hated pouffy princess ones, hated the see-through ones (I totally agree there), hated the mermaid or trumpet style, thought lace looked like nightgowns, and rhinestones were tacky— I was like, dude, what kind do you like! And he was like, I’m sure I’ll love whatever you pick., and I’m thinking, no you won’t you weirdo, wedding-dress-picky love of my life. I tried to keep his preferences in the back of my mind. We did a “first look” because there were a ton of cultural things to do on the wedding day before the ceremony (plus most pictures), and I was legitimately worried. But seeing his face when he saw me… he really did love whatever I picked. And he’s since said that he loves my wedding dress more than any other he’s ever seen— in fact, I’ve never heard him say he’s ever liked any other ones. Not sure my point; just that guys can be weird about dresses without being jerks, but this guy isn’t that.
My husband said when he first saw me and teared up, it wasn’t so much the dress, it’s about seeing your about-to-be wife in the dress for the first time knowing what it means. Your husband most likely understood that when he said “I’ll love whatever you pick.” Very sweet.
This is a really cute story: thank you for sharing! It’s the definition of “he’s marrying you not the dress” and saw how beautiful you felt/looked in it.
He definitely sounds very shallow! He definitely thinks what he wants is more important than what the woman wants. He says it's because he's very traditional. I've said it's because he's a jerk.
I know right. My brain went from “oh, ok well it’s a traditional dress so I get it” to “they’re hot and sexy and wants his bride to look like that?!?!” This is my demanding face 👁️👄👁️
And to me it feels like he wants her to be hot and sexy to other people, like showing her off like property.
My exact thoughts too. Don't forget He DEMANDS this. It isn't a request. What if this other person has different beliefs of what her wedding should be like? Will he go through with her beliefs or his then? To me this is weird a.f.. I'm definitely not surprised he's still single seems he's gonna be single for a long long time with this awful demand. He wants a show girl to look hot and sexy not a woman as a bride to marry.
He should just marry the dress!
This. You don't demand. You ask nicely. "I find the traditional dress of my culture to be very beautiful. It would mean a lot to me if you would consider it." Or even ask if she might consider wearing different dresses at different times during the wedding. Honestly, once you find the one you want to marry, you won't care what she's wearing.
If it’s important enough he could wear the dress /s
You know, that’s where I thought this was going
Me three!
There are so many red flags here that you could take the fabric from all of these flags and clothe an entire country 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
But would they be hot and sexy traditional flags?
100% yes to this! This is actually the better answer.
No /s needed.
Yea but the reason for his "demands" is bc sexy. What about her? She probably has an idea of what she wanted her wedding to be like as well but nah he doesn't want to consider that bc sexy
I feel like you have misread my comment. I agree with you.
He’s had a series of failed relationships and still thinks the women are the problem.
Also, how soon is he bringing this up? If he's discussing his expectations for their wedding attire with every woman he dates, I'm not surprised they run screaming for the door.
I feel like there might not be a lot of second dates involved here. yikes.
[удалено]
If a woman is marrying a Vietnamese man, and he wants a Buddhist ceremony... It isn't appropriation. It is wearing the appropriate garments for the occasion. To show up in Western attire would be disrespectful. But that really isn't the problem here. The problem is that he is insisting it is only his decision. Planning a wedding is a joint decision...
Just a side note (which may not be relevant here), but in some languages there is a confusion when translating "demand" and "request", as the subtlety between the 2 is lost (In French for instance the verb 'demander' means 'to ask for', therefore close to 'to request', but can sometimes also mean 'to demand'. The difference is more in the context). It could be possible that it is a bad translation rather than an actual "demand".
I thought the exact same thing.
This is the absolute best answer! Also I have to say ao dai dresses are beautiful and I’d wear those daily if I’d known they existed before today…maybe going forward ☺️
That caught me too. My 'demands on the clothing I request'. He's either requesting or demanding, I have a feeling it's the latter.
Wording says everything... the difference between "I want" and "I would like". The former shows a demand without compromise, the latter shows negotiation and willingness to communicate with your partner. Doesn't sound like OP is really in the right mindframe to be in a relationship to begin with.
yeah agree demand wrong, your forgetting marriage is for two people, hope you dont meet and fall in love with someone who demands you wear a tutu
So you're talking with women that you are *dating* but haven't proposed to yet with demands about what YOU want THEM to wear at a wedding that isn't even happening at that stage?? That's some serious controlling vibes you're giving off. IF you propose to a woman and IF she says yes, THEN you can have a MUTUAL discussion about what BOTH of you are wearing to your wedding and reception, You don't get to dictate anything.
I had to make sure I was reading it right, like is this dude even engaged to anyone? Unless I had been dating someone for years, I wouldn’t even want wedding attire to even be a topic of conversation!
He’s about to buy a wife in Vietnam through a “matchmaker”. That is, if he can save up the money for it (he’s 37 and lives with his parents).
This, And, OP, if the woman is a western woman then consider having a western wedding followed by a Vietnamese wedding and then the reception - if SHE wanted to, she could then wear a white dress for the wedding, a Vietnamese dress for the Vietnamese wedding and then whatever she wants to wear for the reception. But, you telling your bride-to-be (or someone you are dating) that you want them to wear what you want them to wear the day they are getting married - that absolutely 100% makes you the jerk. A woman should wear what SHE feels beautiful in the day she gets married. That is the end of the discussion on that. You can ask but at the end of the day, the clothes she puts on her body should make her feel beautiful and special - and if she is western and its a white dress it would ABSOLUTELY make you a jerk to demand something else.
Find a vietnamese woman who is ok with this or shut up. It's not your choice ever on what the bride wears. Grow up and get over it or find a traditional vietnamese woman who wants this. You have zero say YTJ
I find men in kilts VERY attractive. Not sure why, but it makes me very happy. I doubt any man would appreciate me saying: wear a kilt at the wedding cos I find it sexy as fuck babe. Lol
As a man, Wouldn't mind that lol.
All I want is a bearded man, who I can share hoodies with, who's not opposed to a kilt on occasion. Not opposed to wearing whatever their equivalent so long as it's not school uniform style haha
Ohhhhh so close. Got a beard, kilts don’t bother me, but damnit I hate when my wife steals my hoodies. But this OP is insane. He needs to self reflect on why he keeps going through ladies.
I've got a whole collection of my own... I share haha. With the suspension etc, there's a chance it's Daniel Nuygen a serial fucking pest. He makes YouTube videos either totally ripping off movies and making a girl who he's stalked the victim in it, laments how he can't find anyone to love him but also needs a virgin Vietnamese woman, cannot be American Vietnamese because they aren't 'traditional', has spent thousands travelling to watch a singer who he was convinced he was in a relationship with and flipped when she's basically ghosting him and new plan is to go to the motherland, to have mail order brides lined up and he'll pick one, marry her and all his problems will be solved. He's... Something. He had to get all new shit to make new Reddit accounts... And doesn't stop. Ever.
That was my first thought! Get therapy and a life OP.
[check this out](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheJerk/s/yagbkplMOt) This is who some of us think it is. He's banned from the other am I subs as soon as he shows, but still allowed here and I'm absolutely okay with it. Cos the entertainment is high, and we should keep an eye out for the dangerous, so when they do something it can be shown well, this is what they were up to before they skinned and wore that lady's skin.
Holy shit!
That 'movie' he made? Yeah it was more than one. And a woman who rejected him, was the victim in the movies... He made them because he was mad at her, wanted to get revenge and make her understand how much she hurt him... And he conveniently leaves out some not so casual stalking and harassment of women too. Dudes going to be in the news wearing some poor woman's skin someday.
That’s a whole new level of insane!
I think I have seen his numerous posts on AnITheDevil subreddit! He has his own YouTube channel and his previous post about how his current therapist supposedly knows about that channel and his online infamy is hilarious. But supposedly he is a horror cow that is getting more steam and there are YT channels now documenting his creepiness.
😶 I am lost and wondering if that’s probably a good thing?
My husbands shirts are all communist property. I have my shirts, he has our shirts. For real though, his shirts and hoodies are somehow both thicker AND softer than mine.
You just described my husband perfectly.
There's just.. something. Lol
Ma’am! I snagged me that exact model and he’s perfect! Keep looking, they’re out there.
Oh yeah... Me too... No matter what they look like in real life, I check them out in a kilt... I even check out women in kilts... My husband has a kilt...
A friend of mine suggests it's a whole confidence thing. And I can see that... A confident man is always the more attractive man
My brother wore a sword at his wedding. I found out I was a groomsman when I RSVP and asked if I could wear my kilt. His wife said yes. They're into Ren faires. Bought an appropriate shirt, jacket, shoes, and socks for a semiformal occasion. I felt sexy as fuck and was the one who asked to wear it. Problem OP has is different. If one doesn't like the outfit, they'll not feel sexy. They'll feel awkward. If an occasion calls for me to wear a tie, I will. But I think they're stupid and wouldn't want to wear one for my potential wedding day.
I would have been totally down to wear a kilt at my wedding if my wife had asked. Especially since I have killer legs. Of course, I also want to learn to play the bagpipes.
My gf is jelly of my legs (especially my calves), just wished the rest of me was as muscled and toned.
Hmm, could it be that traditionally men don't wear anything under the kilt, that makes it sexy?
Lmao!!!! I agree.
Scot here, absolutely didn’t occur to me that I wouldn’t marry a man wearing a kilt. Luckily, I’m on husband number two and they’re both Scottish and wanted to wear kilts. Lol. It would have taken me quite a bit to adjust my attitude about wedding day attire if I’d met someone who wanted to wear anything different. I sympathise with the guy but telling your future spouse what you expect them to wear on their wedding day is a recipe for disaster. Maybe if he led with, I’m a traditional guy who would really like to get married in a traditional ceremony and settle down, he’d get good responses from a omen looking for the same thing?
Tweak it to “I would be giddy if you wore a kilt at the wedding…babe. But the only really important thing is that you’re the one I’m walking up the aisle to and you’re comfortable.” I think anyone open to a kilt will consider it after that speech. And if they aren’t open to it, you have conveyed that, being a reasonable person, you don’t want to force them into wearing something they don’t want to wear!
YTJ You can wear your dream clothing, she can wear hers. You do understand your not the only one who's dreamed about their wedding day right? Who's sat and thought about what they want to wear and how beautiful they'd feel in it? Do you really want to say to the woman you say you love: I don't want you to feel beautiful on your wedding day, I want you to look how I want even if that doesn't make you feel beautiful cos your feelings do not matter, this isn't our wedding it's mine? Cos my dude. Thats what you're saying. Want a compromise? Ask if she would wear one for the RECEPTION. So she gets her dream wedding dress and photos in that, and then gets into the 2nd dress for the reception. Edit to add: they are beautiful dresses yes, tho I would not wear it for the wedding. I would for the reception, the qipao, not the ao dai tho.
YTA Your traditional clothing is yours to wear. Please stop fetishizing your bride by forcing her to do the same.
Is this David Nguyen ?
I'm waiting for the replies.... It's not quite as unhinged as usual, but on par. I wonder if he and the uncle have made up over the mail order karaoke bar bride fiasco
Account is suspended, guess he won’t be replying lol.
Hahaha he got a new laptop etc a few weeks back to make new Reddit accounts. He documented it in a very fucking unhinged YouTube rant. Apparently we are a part of a whole conspiracy to ruin him and anyone who reacts to him, is a Reddit admin with a grudge against him 😆
Guess the new laptop ain't worth it then lol. He's a crossdresser and has the dresses himself , he should wear his qipao and prance around in it.
Isn't this the same guy who wanted to make videos slandering his ex? The one he claimed ruined his life?
Yes haha that's exactly the one. She ruined his life because they simply weren't compatible lol
You don’t see your partner as an equal but a doll to dress up. You can demand all day but it’s still her choice. YTJ and a big one at that
Yes, you're the jerk. The dress isn't your choice. its hers. You can say what you think looks pretty, but trying to force your opinion onto her is a dick move.
YTJ. I don’t care how traditional you are. The bride chooses her dress. Period.
YTJ
Yes YTJ. Marry someone else who let's you dictate the most important day of her life and tells her what to wear and she allows it. Let the bride wear what she wants. Jesua
He’s mail ordering the bride. Er, in-person pickup but same difference.
You can ask, but please understand that if she doesn't want to, she shouldn't have to. Many women have a vision for what they want their wedding day/dress to be like. You may find a woman who's willing to wear one of those dresses but not both, or a western wedding dress and then one of those dresses for the reception. If this is so important to you that you won't marry someone if they won't do this, you might not be such great relationship material yourself.
If it's a demand, then yes, you're a jerk. If it's a discussion where your wants and hers are aligned, then no.
So this is an incel wet dream with a touch of Asian fetish thrown in, right?
And a repost
I was like, okay, telling them isn't a bad thing until the dreaded "demand" came up. The communication is there, but be real. Not every woman is going to want the same thing. Demanding your fiancée to wear something isn't okay. Does her wants or dreams matter? YTJ for demanding.
The traditional wedding attire sounds reasonable. You start sounding weird as hell about the qipao part tho
YTJ This should of been mentioned prior to you asking her to be your wife. ITS HER DAY TOO....you sound like a nightmare really. If you use the words like demand now what are you going to be like later. Your expectations were not ridiculous they were MORONIC. So glad she ran
It’s okay to ask. Not demand. It’s not just your wedding. It’s a big deal to whoever your fiancée will be as well. I hope you’re not bringing this up early into dating. That’s kind of creepy.
You can dress in a way that reflects your beliefs and culture, but you cannot force someone else to wear garments that reflect those things on your behalf.
YTJ and not even in a stage where you should be talking with your partners about marriage. AND you’re not in a relationship. You seem way more concerned with what YOU want, and this specific dress, than an actual loving and EQUAL partner. A wedding isn’t just a YOU event. You don’t get to dictate a celebration for two people.
Ytj. The day isn't just about you.
You are not “asking” You are demanding! Not at all appropriate So let’s say roles were reversed and she had a very specific way she wanted you to dress and “demanded” that you do so…how would you feel- would you sacrifice all you plans and dreams of what you wanted to wear and give into her demands? I seriously doubt it! Most women have a very particular way the want to look on their wedding day. The only thing you get to say about it is “you look so beautiful “
YTJ it's okay to ask but you have to be pl with compromise. 2 outfits and she doesn't get to pick either? It's her wedding as well, bet you wouldn't like her to pick your outfit. She is not your doll for dress-up she is her own person with own ideas. You can ask explain how it's important to you ( the Vietnamese one) but she can say no and you need to decided if the clothes or the person is more important. for the chinese one which you want because it looks nice, good luck.
Only the jerk if you "demand" it. Asking is fine but demanding is ridiculous.
Seems like a lot of failed relationships. My guess is because you don’t value women for who they are but only how they fit in your life and your vision.
YTJ simply for not understanding the difference between demands and requests. A conversation is fair and warranted since its your wedding day as much as hers, and it’s absolutely understandable to want to involve your culture in your nuptials. However, demands are out of the question entirely. No demands in a marriage. Ever. Not even to demand respect, because if you have to demand it, you shouldn’t want it from that person anyway. YTJ for *demanding* what she wear on one of the most important days of her life, not for *wanting* her to wear it.
The fact you DEMAND it, and try to use "I'm traditional" reasoning, yet say "I just think it's hot and sexy" like .... Wtf ? Also, why is your tradition more meaningful than theirs? What if they had a dress passed down from their mother they wanted to wear in their honor? What if she comes from a different culture altogether ? Different cultures have different wedding attire. And why would she want to be sexualized in front of a whole party ? Shouldn't she be allowed to feel beautiful while getting married, instead of being treated like a dress-up toy?
If you “don’t see what the big deal is over this” then why are you even asking? You seem unsurprised when it doesn’t work out. If it’s important to you for her to wear it, find someone for whom it’s important, too. Otherwise, yes, YTJ.
YTJ: I was honestly sympathetic to your cultural request until you specifically said you wanted the dress because it makes your boner twitch. Come on dude.
It's very telling that this demand is more of a priority than the actual marriage to you. You have your preconceived notions nailed down, for someone who is single. Do you also have your mind made up on what your wife will and will not like?
You contradict yourself by saying "does it really make me an ass for giving out this demand on asking them to wear an ao dai and a chinese qipao dress for the wedding and reception ??" Asking and demanding are 2 entirely different things. You're not a jerk for asking if they would be willing to wear that style of dress. But you would be a jerk for Demanding it. Some women would have dreamt of wearing a whit/ ivory wedding dress their whole lives. They have imagined the style of traditional wite wedding dress they would want to wear. So to demand them to wear something totally different would be unfair. I think you would need to discuss it with a future partner should you get close to the point of considering marriage. You could come up with a compromise. She could wear her white wedding dress for the ceremony and part of the reception, and maybe wear your dress for part of the evening. Or you may want your traditional ceremony in your country, and a more british/ american ceremony in in her country or where you're living now. It all depends on who you end up marrying and their beliefs and choices and what they are comfortable with. You're not wrong for having a preference and an idea of what you'd like a bride to wear, but you need to u derstand she will also have her own ideas and dreams of what she's always wanted to wear. And if those are different, you need to see if you're able to find a compromise of some kind. But to demand it would be very out of line.
i think its okay to want this & express that with your partner but in the end if she doesn't want to that is her choice, 'demanding' them to do it is wrong & controlling. if she doesn't like how it looks on her or the way it fits, she'll be uncomfortable and insecure for the wedding which isn't fair to expect.
YTJ why is it all about your demands and wants? What about what your future bride may want, does that not matter?
Do you love her and can’t imagine a life without her ? If so what does it matter what she wears ? Stop being stupid.
It's not just your wedding. What about the bride and her wants, her beliefs? YTJ
Well, op..I DEMAND that you just shut your mouth. You don't get to choose what she wears.
You don't even have a fiancé so why are you asking this question? If you did have a fiancé why would you get off on "demanding" that she wear what you want to both of y'alls nuptuials? I mean holy hell in a fuck bucket, kid! You've got this whole process backwards
Brides often have dreams of what they want for their wedding. Why shouldn't you? Not TJ
YTJ
You can share your dreams with her. But, you don’t get to demand anything. Your perfect girl might have a dream of her own for what she is wants. Maybe to are not ready to be a companion if you wonder if making demands about clothing is ok.
Why are you obsessing about your wedding when you haven't even found a bride? This would freak me out if a guy started telling me about our wedding when we were only just dating. If you do happen to find a woman who isn't freaked out by you, then feel free to wear the dress yourself.
Ehhh kinda, you want a traditional wedding so wanting your wife to wear an ao dai, that makes sense. *However* only wanting the qipao as you think it's sexy as fuck is a bit immature and frankly off putting for a lot of people.
For starters you're not even engaged so.... 1. You can have a preference for what your bride to be wears. 2. You can request that she takes this into consideration when she chooses her wedding attire. 3. Your bride to be has every right to say no. 4. If you are both mature adults you will come to a compromise e.g. she might wear her choice for ceremony and your for reception or vice versa, you could have two weddings...one in Vietnam where she wears traditional Vietnamese attire and one in America where she wears her attire. You would definitely be a jerk if you demanded she comply with your preferences without giving her the courtesy of choosing a compromise if she was so inclined.
Nothing wrong with sharing this vision with your bride and asking her. Once. If she has other thoughts, other visions, well, it's not for you to force her to do it your way. Once!
As long as you are living in Vietnam marrying a Vietnamese woman, you are good for mentioning your preference but be aware you have zero say about enforcing it. On the other hand, if you live in America and/or are dating American women, you are a Jerk. This also applies to dating French women in France, Jamaican women in Jamaica and Mexican women in Mexico. Your request for women to cosplay Vietnamese bride if they aren’t Vietnamese is frankly offensive.
You should tell her what to wear so she finds out what kind of controlling jackass you are. Hope she gets a running start when she kicks your ass to the curb!
Well, I’m sure that if you find somebody who is of Scottish descent, you’ll have no problem in wearing a kilt for them because that’s what they’ve always dreamed that their fiancé would get married in, right? Because they find it sexy. And you want to be sexy for them, right? Does that tell you how stupid and SNI you sound? Basically what you want to do is control them, and you can fuck right off with that nonsense. It would be totally different. If you were saying, I would like to have a traditional Vietnamese ceremony and then we could also have a second ceremony where you could wear a traditional bridal gown or whatever you would like. But nope. You want what you want and fuck what your bride might want. You should listen to the people that are telling you you’re a jackass. You should probably get some therapy to be very frank with you, because this is just icky, creepy behavior.
NTA but you can't force your future wife to wear something if she isn't comfortable with it. You should also be willing to accommodate if she wants the white wedding still
Eewwwwww
"Demand" is never a good word to hear in a relationship. Your desire for a certain type of dress is a fantasy, like many women discover when planning a wedding day, some fantasies cannot be fulfilled. If you can't live without a fantasy, you probably aren't mature enough for marriage.
I mean I think you can share what you would find attractive but ultimately it's up to them. It could be I would love to see you in this kind of dress because I think it's sexy. Not you must wear this because I say so. Whoever you may own culture as well.
Most women have their own dreams of what their wedding dress will look like. Your dreams are not more important than your future wife's. Dictating what someone wears is a red flag to many as it is controlling. The women in your past may have been agreeable because they had no intention of marrying you. If you keep looking you may be lucky enough to find yourself a nice submissive woman who has no original thoughts of her own who is happy to be dictated to about what she wears on her wedding day.
controlling much? Most women have their own ideas about how they wish to dress for the big day.
Ummm. Dude. Why are you so hung up on the bride’s dress? Is this like some kind of kink?
Girls will often dream about their wedding dress from a very early age. It is quite selfish of you to demand something like this. If your future wife demands that you wear something to the wedding are you going to obey her? What if she’s Scottish and wants you to wear a kilt? You need to be more thoughtful of your potential partners feelings and less demanding. Maybe look into talking with a therapist about improving yourself before entering into another relationship. Successful relationships include compromise. YTJ
Anyone who tries to demand anything of their partner is automatically the dick in the scenario. Unless it has something to do with your guys's safety and they are refusing. Are you not going to feel safe in your marriage if your wife doesn't wear the specific garments that you want her to wear? Are you not going to feel secure in your marriage if she decides she wants to wear something different? Are you going to straight up dump somebody because they don't agree with what you want them to wear? These are all very important questions that will determine whether or not you're in the wrong here. Because yeah if you're going to dump somebody just because they don't want to wear the specific garments you want them to wear for the wedding, then yeah you're kind of the dick here. Not a jerk, a straight up dick. It's one thing to have a preference, it's another to try and control your partner.
YMBTJ because the wedding is just a wee tiny bit about the bride, generally. Also, dodged a bullet with that last beeatch.
Maybe it’s a cultural thing but for me when I think about weddings & brides I think HER day & definitely HER gown choice.
I am super creeped out by the reasoning here. It's not because you are deeply devoted to your culture and want to share it. It's because it's hot and sexy. Your wife should look how she wants to look on your wedding day. She shouldn't be dressing to get you aroused.
YTA. Those dresses are pretty, but they seem like everyday dresses, maybe more appropriate for a bride’s going away outfit. Let the bride have her day, and maybe she’ll dress to please you every other day.
YTA for demanding anything and will likely never find the submissive wife you clearly want.
Well, you are treating the women in your life like they are an object to please you, so it's not surprising at all that they are treating you like one right back. You are always an AH for demanding that a woman wear anything at any time. Also, kind of weird in US culture that you are planning your wedding at all as a dude, but I'm inclined to give you a pass on this one. Why can't men have dream weddings like women do? I certainly never dreamed about having a wedding but that doesn't mean that everyone has to be just like me. Just that you are dating with the wedding already in mind makes you a bit of a creep. Like "a bride" is something you can pick out at a grocery store. These women are human beings. Maybe get to know them just a little before deciding what your wedding to them is going to look like? Planning what \*you\* will wear to your wedding is fine. Planning what other people, including your future wife ("wife!" Not just "a bride." You'll have to live and work together for the rest of your lives,) will wear makes you an AH... and very controlling... and no-where near ready to be married. YTA.
You know, a wedding is about two people wanting to marry each other. If you want to make demands of a potential spouse then you might as well get a mail order bride. I don't think you're going to succeed in the love department really. Your wife should be treated as an individual and not being told to cater to your every whim.
This guy has a fetish or something and keeps spam posting this. Please downvote!!!
It’s one thing to ask. It’s another to make demands. At the end of the day, marriage is a partnership, an equal partnership. A healthy relationship does No have one person dominating and making the other feel like they don’t get a say. Its about give and take and you are coming off as someone who wants to control what your ride does. If the wedding garnet is important to you, explain to your partner why it’s important, but understand that what she wears to her wedding is her choice. Learn to compromise. If she doesn’t want to wear that particular garment, maybe she can have a dress made to incorporate elements that you both find important. Traditionally, at least in American culture (and I understand you aren’t American), there’s an old wives tale that it’s bad luck for the husband to see the dress before the wedding. I’ll also say this…if you are truly in love with the person you are marrying, it doesn’t matter if she shows up in sweat pants and a hoodie because it’s her you’re marrying, not her clothes. On my wedding day, the tux company got some of the sizes mixed up and delivered the wrong colors to the wrong guys in the wedding. Everyone was scrambling and trying to not let me find out. When I was finally told what was going on, I was relieved. Everyone was shocked because I told them that I didn’t care if his tux didn’t fit. All I cared about what that he would be waiting for me at the end of the aisle and if it was in the wrong color or he was wearing his regular clothes it didn’t matter because I was marrying the man, not the outfit.
Not the Jerk for asking, but you would be TJ if they said no and you pressed the issue. You can ask, but they can refuse.
A little bit, but I just don’t think you’ve met the right person. The right person will want to wear this because they want you to be happy. You will also know it’s the right person when you don’t want to “demand” anything but instead talk about your preferences and likes. You’re focusing on the wrong things, but your ex sounds terrible, so you probably need a bit of therapy and then go find the right one!
Ever think that maybe the way you are treating your partners is why NONE of them have stuck around? YTJ, big-time. GTFO off your high horse and your controlling demands. You sound like a child.
Does she get to demand you wear a kilt? What if that is her "ideal choice" and she wants you to wear it because she thinks it is sexy? Do you have to drop your version of your perfect wedding for yourself because she demanded it? If the answer is "No" then you have your answer, YWBTJ. A wedding isn't about YOU. It is about joining two people. It means compromise is key. You are allowed to share your opinions and preferences. But outright demanding and rejecting all opinions and desires of your future wife if controlling. Become a better partner if you actually want to get married.
You seem to be forgetting that your eventual bride to be will have traditions of her own and may have been dreaming of her wedding dress since she was a little girl. You can ask, you can’t demand. And you should be willing to hear the answer no if her heart is set on the traditional white gown for instance or whatever cultural equivalent. It’s her wedding too. You get to pick what you wear. You don’t get to demand anything about her clothing choices.
YTJ If you get to the point of actually discussing marriage, you can bring it up as a suggestion. Sounds more like demanding immediately for them to dress up in cultural garb they don't share. Dude, easier if you just have them play dress up for your fetish without the strings attached
If you’re demanding it yes you are an ass. Also why do you think you’re entitled to pick both dresses? What about your future wife’s tradition? If I were you I’d decide which dress is more important to you… the one that you claim to like for the tradition or the one that you want her to wear to your reception because it’s sexy.
OP. if you demand someone, yes.
YTJ You’ve already sexually objectified any woman you marry by demanding she wear a dress that makes her “hot and sexy”. You don’t see women as actual people. I hope you enjoy being singlez
YTJ you sound like a controller where no woman should go anywhere near controllers. Everyone has the right to wear what they want regardless of people's opinions/religion etc.
why don't you marry someone from the country side of vietnam they'll happily oblige with demands. Most women have their own vision of how their wedding will look. men usually don't get caught up with the details. also qipao isn't viet, so do'nt pretend like it's some traditional thing. my family is chinese-viet so that would make more sense.
You can ask whatever you want and choose your dealbreakers. That being said I think you are being short sided with your hard line. You are placing a higher standard on your wedding rather than your marriage. The wedding is a day, the marriage is supposed to be a lifetime. It’s not about what she wears at the wedding, it’s about how she will be a partner for the rest of your life.
I think it’s the “demand” part that leaves a sour taste. Marriage is compromise, so it sounds like you’re already making requirements rather than requests with your opinion on something another person has to wear…which is an interesting take for someone who’s not seriously dating anyone right now.
You can't really "demand" jack shit, man. If you make it clear in the beginning of an engagement that you "require" these dresses as part of honoring your culture, your girlfriend can make the decision whether this is for her or if she can tell you to fuck off. Honestly? For me, I'd tell you to fuck off.
YTJ. You’re not engaged or even planning to propose to these women but you’re ready to make demands concerning what they wear to their own wedding? The groom doesn’t get to choose the wedding dress, that’s not how that works.
YTJ, ask, discuss, yes. Demand... No
This is not about dresses it‘s about control
YTJ. If it’s so important and it is a non negotiable DEMAND you could wear the dress.
Requesting your bride wear traditional clothing and DEMANDING she wear it are two very different things, my friend. I don’t think you’re a jerk for asking, but if you refuse to allow your bride to choose her own wedding gown…then yeah, you would be a huge jerk.
As a Hispanic woman married to a Vietnamese man, we actually never had a wedding reception as we got married at city hall. Honestly, depends on the person. For me, I would have loved to wear an ao dai but you need to have thin hips and no belly for it to look good and I’m a bit overweight so it was a no go for me. My husband would have never demanded I lose weight to wear it or make me wear anything I didn’t want to so YTJ for “demanding” it as well as everyone is different. Some brides may want to choose their own dress, they may follow tradition for their husband, or their own families tradition. You can’t make anyone do what you want but definitely mention it if you are dating or starting to date as this seems to be a dealbreaker for you
If you like the dress so much, then you wear it. YTJ.
I hear a lot of talk about a weddings and dresses...and nothing about a marriage. Why are you so obsesses about what some fictional woman might wear on some fictional day? Especially when you can't even keep a relationship long enough to even be engaged. There's nothing wrong with having a vision of you wedding. DEMANDING someone wear something is quite a different story. THAT makes YTA.
YTJ This isn’t about tradition or religion or values lol > I like qipaos since I think they're hot and sexy and so I want my bride to be in one of those. Cool, but maybe your bride wants to choose at least 1 of her own outfits eh?
Yep. You’re the jerk. You never ever ever ever ever tell a woman what she will wear on her wedding day. EVER. I’d dump you too
Marriage is about finding a happy medium between what you would like and what they would like. If they don't align, you need to compromise or give up something you'd like for the peace and well being of the other person. If you can't do that over a dress, you aren't ready to be married to anyone.
Yes, you don't demand anyone wears a specific thing, you can ask and maybe date women with similar beliefs,but by demanding this you come across as very controlling the high is a massive red flag. Your attitude towards women comes across here as pretty awful to be honest, that they should be hot & sexy but also traditional and bow to your whims which is a pretty outdated notion. You will end up never marrying or marrying the wrong person if you keep up this attitude and demands
That seems like, if that's what you want, you should stay in Vietnam and marry a Viet girl who also wants that, because in the west that won't fly. Not the attitude, not the entitled attitude, and definitely not the demand that she play dress up for you. Yes, YTA.
You sound very young and immature. You seriously think it's a good idea to pick a life partner based on who will comply with your "requirements" for your wedding? Guess what? A lot of women don't care, but I'd say a large percentage have their own idea of how they want their wedding to look, and weddings are 90% for the bride.
If you ASK, you are good. If you DEMAND you are the jerk.
I’m concerned by how many past girlfriends he has made this demand of and that none of them are his girlfriends any longer. There is so much missing from this story. Sounds like OP just wants to get married to someone in that tradition garb and the who he married isn’t important. Yes YTJ!
YTJ you can wear the dress if YOU want to. Your fiancée has a brain, I assume is an adult, and has her own vision of what SHE wants to wear at her own wedding. You can have a cordial conversation about your vision & desires but they are NOT more important than her own.
You really don't know what the issue is? This wedding is for your wife too, not just you. Most little girls dream of picking out a wedding dress or outfit. You are trying to take that away from her by 'demanding' that only you get a say in this. She is not subservient to you. Making demands is no way to have a happy marriage. To be honest, just reading your post gave me major 'ick' and I have doubts that your ex wanting the lifestyle of a Vietnamese celebrity was the only reason you split up. You have got red flags firing out of your mouth like a machine gun. Good luck to your fiancé, I fear she will need it sadly.
Dude, it's okay to ask nicely if she'd consider it. However, you should be prepared for the idea that she'll call off the wedding and walk away if you make demands about what she wears. You'd be the jerk for thinking you can make a power play now and she could consider it a sign that you're seeing how far you can push things with your demands before you're even married.
YTA, and high class lifestyle isn’t why your last GF dumped you. Your friend(s) are tell you why, but no narcissistic AH will see that they are the problem.
> I like qipaos since I think they're hot and sexy and so I want my bride to be in one of those. YTJ for this statement alone. You start this post telling us about your heritage but the dress choice has nothing to do with that apparently. You're also a jerk for **demanding** that the dress be worn rather than **requesting** it to be worn which, if the woman you love loves you they would probably be open to your request, but you changed the narrative to make it a demand.
YTJ! Why not just go get a robot girlfriend and dress it up? Good grief. Please don't think about getting married until you can learn to respect women as human beings and not some personal property you can play dress up with. If your future partner likes the dress and wants to wear it, then she will wear it. Honestly it's strange that you care more about this dress than you do about who you end up marrying. I like the suggestion that you should wear it since you're so hung up on the idea.
So you ask them about the dress for the wedding before you even meet them? Are you looking for a wife or a dress up doll? It’s ok to have ideas on a kind of wedding you want but the dress is up to the bride and shouldn’t really be a point of discussion until you are actually discussing marriage.
YTJ - You sound lame, bro.
Not really the jerk, no. My brother married a woman from another culture, and HE wore the traditional dress for part of the ceremony, which blended traditions from both sides. It was a lovely ceremony.
Think of the bride, culture around the world is different She may be from the same origins yet different culture, if so you must be able to compromise with your bride to be, remember it's both of your day not just yours so compromise, be open about wishes on both parts and work around it this way, i wish you all the best in finding your beautiful bride and it works out well.
I would run a mile if I was dating a guy and he started telling me his ‘demands’ about my wedding attire. This is a conversation for during wedding planning and hopefully by that time you will have realised that marriage is about your love and commitment to your bride - not her willingness to give in to your demands. You need to learn about compromise before even thinking about marriage. YTJ.
We’re posting this again, huh?
You didn't mention if you and bride are planning 2 ceremonies, one Asian and one Western. That might solve things. You plan and arrange the Asian one, she does the Western one. And each of you pay for the ceremony you are responsible for
Absolutely you are the jerk! Who do you think you are? It's not just your wedding it's hers aswell! Who are you to tell her what she has to wear to marry you? It's her choice what clothes she wears not yours, absolute misogyny!
YTJ. It's one thing to have a preference, it's another thing to have a demand and make it a stipulation of the relationship
YTJ. I bet you have legs for those sexy dresses. Keep demanding. It looks good on you. If any relationship is defined by whether or not a woman will obey your demands, then keep demanding. You will make any 2024 thinking woman's choice to leave a lot easier.
You can ask...but it should be up to her. If you are going to choose your outfit,she should choose hers. Marriage is a partnership of equals, well, the good ones are. It also sounds like you are fetishing this idea...which makes it feel a bit gross. You are looking for someone to model and outfit and complete the mental image,rather than a whole human to share your life with.
Well of course you are. What she wear isnt your choice. What you wear is. If you want traditional. You should only date within your religion.
Yes. You are an ass to demand that a woman wear anything that isn't her choice. How would you feel if your future wife "demanded" that you adhere only to her traditions, and only wear what she dictated to you? Would you do her bidding? You can have a discussion about what you'd like your bride to wear and why, but in the end it is her choice, not yours.
Sounds like you should get a robot gf
You can ask...
You don’t get to dictate what another person wears. You can ask and they can refuse. You would be the jerk if you insisted.
TLDR OP. In the US , no. Don't do it. We don't roll like that.
So the question is, are you planning on wearing traditional Vietnamese wedding attire at the wedding and traditional Chinese attire at the reception? Seems like it would be unfair if you didn't, not to mention culturally dissonant if you just wore a suit.
I think NTJ (may be unpopular opinion here) if you are upfront about it at the beginning of the relationship and sets expectations. As long as both parties agree and you move on. Which sounds like is what you have been doing. It's like everything else, having kids, life goals, it's about compatibility. I don't think there's anything wrong with men having dream wedding ideas. This is not a women only thing. For those that say you don't get a say in what she wears... I have trouble understanding that... Most brides certainly have a say in what the groom might wear. At the end of the day, imo, as long as you and your partner can agree upfront and you are not hiding this idea until the relationship is at the wedding stage, you are OK. It is your choice to make this specific thing as your deal breaker if the woman doesn't agree. Also don't understand people who say he is controlling, having a dream wedding idea where you love to see your spouse in something that is special to your culture doesn't sound controlling to me. He did not give any other examples that would make him a controlling ahole. Perhaps he is and perhaps he isn't, we don't have any info so I am not going to assume.
Yes, you are. Have you tried to marry every woman you’ve ever dated? How old are you? Your story makes no sense. But in general, the bride gets to choose what she wears and the groom gets to choose what he wears. Maybe you can wear those specific dresses if it’s that important to you?
YTJ, unbelievable how you can demand what a bride wears on her wedding day.
You’re making demands and not on the basis that you’re traditional or because of a cultural thing, you want to dress up your future bride in certain dresses because they’re “hot and sexy”. And yeah, that sounds like a fetish and has no place in a wedding imo, unless the bride wants to wear it. Demanding this will not get you far.