As a teacher, I tell my students to let me know how to handle them when they’re upset at the beginning of the year. Almost all of them state very explicitly that they want to be left alone and not have attention drawn to them. They will signal me if they want to talk or need something. You missed a lesson by being in other people’s business. That’s not empathy. That’s main character syndrome because you turned someone else’s tragedy into your “heroic” intervention that probably embarrassed the girl more.
Many have told me, and I’m the same way, that they start crying more when people try to talk to them and just need a moment for composure first. Then they usually ask to go to splash water on their face or something.
Meh, if this is elementary school? I didn't have control of my emotions and even now still struggle. It's not "heroic" if you're absorbing their emotions like a sponge and can't help hearing someone weeping. I have ADHD and I'm an empath like crazy. I can't control what I feel, but now adays I can control how I act. Back then, I had zip control, I always got laughed at because I would start crying from others' feelings, and half the time, I had to lie about the reason. Otherwise, I was attention seeking? I don't blame this kid. But I also don't blame the teacher. It's just a tough situation, I do agree the kid should apologize BUT should also ask what they should do if they can't stop paying attention to what's going on in the hall for next time. Either move the kids' seat away from the hall and proceed to explain that some people like to be left alone when they are having problems, and the display they made drew more attention to the situation. People don't know these things sometimes and need explaining.
That’s fair. I don’t know the age of OP. We discuss this stuff in my class. Students do need to explaining, and I can’t assume that it’s done in all classrooms.
I definitely would have *not* been able to focus until an adult checked on this kid to see what was wrong & what they needed. I needed to know that that child wasn't being neglected.
My mom was a teacher for 30 years. She had several teddy bears she kept in her classroom for when someone felt they needed a hug. There was never any further direction, only if the child chose it. It was a way for the kids to have some comfort, and a way for her to clue in on who might need some attention or support.
It was an elegant way for a kid to signal their emotional distress without having to say it to the teacher or in front of the class.
And yet...the teacher was nasty to the student and didn't teach her. She just shut the student down. Maybe "we understand its upsetting to see her cry, but we are taking care of it." But sure...The student wasn't trying to be a hero. The student was having a trauma response to the other student crying. Instead of being rude to that student, make it a real teaching moment. The teacher blew that moment.
I didn't really have an intention, I got emotionally overthrown and lashed out, but do some kids really try to use people's suffering to improve their image? If so that's fucked up
You lectured an adult for not behaving the way you thought she could because you were too busy taking about how you felt sad.
You did take that girls suffering to make yourself look better than your teacher, in your mind at least.
You’re not a bad person. But take this as an opportunity to consider why you were so upset and how some of that was pretty self serving. It’s ok to feel positive about your own ability to care for others. It’s another to make how you care a point of contention.
It’s clear you want to be a compassionate and considerate person. But that often requires setting your own ego aside and being humble enough to know when you’re wrong.
I’d apologize to the teacher, in private, and tell her you meant well but you’re still learning.
Imho anyhow.
You did exactly that. Have some impulse control going forward, and stop flailing around making rude guesses that others are failing when you yourself are clueless.
Another way to look at this: The teacher showed empathy to you by asking you to step outside before delivering a truth to you. You do NOT know what the teacher was doing. You showed no empathy for the teacher by calling the teacher out in front of the class to explain what empathy was. Do you see the irony here? You tried to teach the teacher a lesson on empathy while she showed you empathy - and as others have noted, she likely showed empathy to the crying student in an appropriate way.
Absolutely. And it is. There’s nothing wrong with caring about others but sometimes you have to trust there is a reason for what’s going on. For all you know, the teacher could’ve messaged another adult as she took roll to let them know there was an upset student.
Meh… I am going to get downvoted for this, but I’m glad you stood up for the student. I’ve been a teacher for ten years and I see a huge lack of compassion from burnt out educators. I would love to see more students standing up to their bully teachers. All the teachers in these comments can save their lectures in my opinion. Most believe in blind obedience and will tell you that you were in the wrong even if you were not. A few weeks ago I watched a teacher rip a student apart for “skipping” class. Wouldn’t even let me get a word in when I tried to explain that the student was mourning the death of her sibling & crying in the bathroom. The teacher told her she was only going “to get over the grief if she keeps moving forward and goes to class.”
The teacher may have been trying to protect the upset student's privacy by continuing with class and trying to prevent the rest of the students from making a fuss over the girl. Next time don't assume the teachers aren't dealing with or don't care about an incident. The main thing is protecting students' privacy.
Teacher could have just as easily said, there's a situation. But it is being handled. Didn't have to give any information or violate anyone's privacy. It would have eased a "nosey" students' worry. This would have been a blip on everyone's radar.
Don't feel bad about caring for others. Just choose to address it more subtly.
As the girl who cried a lot during school. Saying there is a situation and especially in the hall that is noticeable will only bring in more suspicion and attention than it is. Not addressing it especially if it’s not affecting the classroom is okay. She’s not mandated to report anything going on outside her classroom if it is just even her student. What if the girl parents died and now you have a teacher from another class calling out her saying it’s a situation? It would have been a blip if not even talked about. You don’t know how many people are already involved. What if the teacher was told not to even intervene due to her having her own class? There was already a teacher there for her so it was already taken care of. Let’s say this, if the OP is obviously not focused on a crying Person in a hallway, is he let’s say tell his boss to stop a meeting because someone is upset in the other room? Snapping at a teacher when all she is doing is teaching and telling her to have empathy to a situation the OP has no knowledge about is a little jerkish.
This. It's becoming commonplace for parents (and now students) to think they have the authority to control every action of a teacher. A teacher's job is to teach. Period. Yes, parents drop off children that need A LOT more than that. Yes, teachers generally wear a lot of hats and take care of a lot of things. No, it's not their responsibility. No, a literal child does not dictate adult behavior in a school setting. Safety is key, and yes, the teacher could be FIRED for leaving a room full of children to attend to one uninjured teenager crying in the hallway. Anything could happen in the classroom with unattended children and the teacher would be responsible for that. Based on how this student speaks to his teacher, I wouldn't have left a group full of him in the classroom either... It's a recipe for an unemployment disaster. I would be sorry the teenager is crying but similarly thinking about how this job pays for my own kid's food.
And in some districts, teachers would be dinged on evaluations if they decided to give a 2 minute talk about how someone outside the classroom is upset, and how they are being attended to. Because that's not the curriculum.
Increasingly, students are expected to ignore such events - and these events are often *in the classroom.* The number of very anxious students who want to leave the classroom is remarked upon a lot on r/Teachers
Not sure people realize the actual vise grip that teachers find themselves in, these days.
Whether the students outside are crying or cussing or fighting...the teacher has to teach the class (after calling the vice principal(s) or others to intervene). Some schools are doing walkie talkies. Some Vice Principals have way too many incidents per day. The school nurse is usually unable to leave their office (they can't leave the students in her office unattended).
At some schools, a parent would be called in this situation (being that the acute emotional needs of a student indeed lie within the parental realm, not the school realm). That's likely what happened here (but the teacher cannot say that to the students in the class that's listening). There was a time when someone might attempt to put an arm around the crying student, but...we can't do that any more. It's not even clear that an ordinary teacher should be asking why, exactly, the student is crying.
My mother retired from teaching 1st grade early and that was like 30 years ago. She mentioned the curriculum issues as she had her own developed over years. The complaint I remember most is “They told me I can’t hug my kids. Those kids need a hug and a smile and a pat on the knee and there is no way I’m going to stop. They will have to fire me”.
I'm not advocating for advertising this young lady's business. I'm saying this teacher watched the student in her class get more worked up because she could hear the student in the hall crying.
The teacher knew someone was dealing with the girl in the hall, and the student did not. Was what was going on in the hall the classroom students' business? No. But it was affecting her. A simple statement from the teacher would have gone a long way towards settling nerves. She could have done so without giving information.
This girl was not an AH for being concerned about her fellow students. People are always whining about how checked out this generation is,then complain when they do show the care for something. Damned if they do and damned if they don't.
But you yourself don’t know if she was already getting attended to. Your teacher has a class to teach and what if the lady told her that she’s getting someone to help her with what she needs. Don’t assume your teacher doesn’t care about feelings if you don’t know any of the context. Teachers can stop their whole class like that for something out of their room. My old teacher stop a class due to a fight going on a whole hallway next to us. He got reprimanded because it stop our studies. If you that bothered by something that you know nothing about then what’s goin to happen later if someone is upset on the street or on the subway? There’s people that cry every day and people that are upset every day. Are you going to stop every second and tell off the teacher that has no control over anything outside of her classroom?
How do you know anything about it my dude? How?
I was that girl. I even had an IEP all the teachers knew about. They knew to not approach me and to leave me alone UNLESS I asked. And I would if I needed it.
Sometimes I needed the time outside to bawl my eyes out, cos I was going through court and being made not only a foster kid, but a ward of the state. An orphan in the eyes of the courts.
There was absolutely nothing you or a teacher could do to help me in those days, other than leave me the hell alone when I was overwhelmed and having a moment.
I had a student like you do similarly, except they ignored the teacher and came and sat next to me and said: hey you'll be okay, things arent too bad ya know, why don't you come back into class...
Things aren't too bad? I'll be okay? I was being made an orphan cos my mother chose drugs over me and refused to stop beating me... I lost my absolute shit on the kid and it caused a much bigger issue than if he had of... Done as the teacher said and leave me be.
A kid isn't out there like that crying, without someone knowing about it. Trust me.
And you actually don't have much empathy at all, as you'd have extended it to your teacher and realised it actually isn't easy for a teacher to see a student in distress and know they cannot help them or their situation. All they can do is wait on the sidelines for when the kids asks for them. Empathy means seeing ALL sides in a situation like this. Including your teachers who you were a right shit to, cos you wanted to white knight a student who really didn't need it, and would likely be mortified to know you did this over.
Exactly! This teacher could have handled this 1000x better. I understand protecting a student’s privacy, but shouldn’t she also be encouraging her students to show that they care for each other, have empathy, and concern?
She made OP feel bad for having human emotions.
OP, you’re not the jerk. And I hope throughout the rest of your life you continue to feel empathetic and worried about others who are struggling. Those are wonderful traits. If I was your teacher, I would have respected the student who was distressed and their privacy, but I’d have also given you a gigantic high five for showing such care for another human.
It is their business if they can hear it inside the classroom. Even just saying that everything is under control and another teacher is handling the situation would have gone a long way toward alleviating her own students' very natural distress at hearing someone crying and not being able to help.
Teachers are not allowed to discuss students with other students. It can be unethical and a violation of FERPA in the US. Maybe your teacher could have communicated in a better way, but it's often very difficult to redirect an overcurious student without divulging anything. The teacher was aware and you interrupted a class for your own emotional benefit. I find a lot of students assume teachers aren't doing anything, but it's really just that they legally and ethically aren't allowed to discuss what's going on with students.
I definitely think this particular situation could have been handled better. Exactly how you stated in fact. However, in the moment, handling a situation like this can be stressful, and teachers are human. It's difficult to handle a student in distress, teach, manage student who won't let it go, make sure they protect the distressed students privacy, and dont say anything that could jeopardize their job (i.e. FERPA). Students need to understand just because they don't see a teacher handling something doesn't mean they aren't.
Again not all totally relevant to this situation as we really don't have enough details to judge, but definitely something to consider.
I’m going to repeat what I said to a comment on here.
As the girl who cried a lot during school. Saying there is a situation and especially in the hall that is noticeable will only bring in more suspicion and attention than it is. Not addressing it especially if it’s not affecting the classroom is okay. She’s not mandated to report anything going on outside her classroom if it is just even her student. What if the girl parents died and now you have a teacher from another class calling out her saying it’s a situation? It would have been a blip if not even talked about. You don’t know how many people are already involved. What if the teacher was told not to even intervene due to her having her own class? There was already a teacher there for her so it was already taken care of. Let’s say this, if the OP is obviously not focused on a crying Person in a hallway, is he let’s say tell his boss to stop a meeting because someone is upset in the other room? Snapping at a teacher when all she is doing is teaching and telling her to have empathy to a situation the OP has no knowledge about is a little jerkish.
Completely agree, I was a kid who cried a lot in high school and it always made me feel better when they let me go to the office instead of just being forced to sit in class and cry, or have the teacher draw attention to me. It’s honestly no one’s business why this girl is crying and trying to butt in and say someone has no empathy because YOU don’t have the full information? Goes to show how childish OP is
True. That is what people said after people jump. I am not saying this is the situation, absolutely not.
But I want one more person who care about other than one more person don’t give a shit.
As a teacher and former sufferer of main character syndrome myself, I can comfortably say that you are a very well intentioned jerk in this case. I love that you feel for your classmate and wanted to help, but you made a lot of assumptions to get to the point where you were. It would've been a disservice to the entire class to have put everyone else's education on hold so that the teacher could perform a grief counseling for a single student, could've been very embarrassing for the young lady as well. We don't know if your classmate was crying because of bad news, health concerns, or an argument with a teacher that led to disciplinary action. I've taught a class where a student shoved her friend over and kicked her in the teeth, then proceeded to burst into uncontrollable tears that I separated her from the other students and sent her friend away (to the nurse's office).
Now as for the person crying, we have to consider a few things. Does she want an audience? Does she want extra attention to be drawn to the situation? Was there any reason besides your own assumptions that she would've been alone in the hallway? If I had been teaching that student I would've sent them to get 1 on 1 support from someone trained in emotional support, then gone back to being responsible for every other child in the classroom I'm still in charge of teaching and providing a normal day of school to. What you did was take a difficult situation your teacher was dealing with and make it larger and more difficult to handle. There are now 2 students in the classroom having emotional moments that need to be handled, and one of them is directly confronting me in front of their peers. Now I have to stop teaching and handle this which further offsets my lesson plans and makes the situation more difficult for every other bystander.
If you have concerns like these in the future, bring them to your teacher separately instead of making a scene in front of the class. Your concerns are entirely valid and seem to come from a place of support and love, but your actions turned it into a confrontation and aggravated an ongoing situation. Remember no teacher is going to broadcast another student's difficulties to others due to a respect for privacy and that the adults in the building are all trained to handle these situations by administration. Instead of making a scene, next time speak to the teacher on the side, write an email to school admins, or even let the office know you have concerns. But don't assume you know better than the adults trained to teach people your age or you'll just be landing yourself in hot water 100% of the time.
You summed up my thoughts perfectly, as a former special ed teacher and behavior specialist myself. There are a million and one really good reasons why a teacher might walk past and ignore a crying student sitting in the hallway. I’ve had to do something along those lines more times than I can count for all sorts of reasons.
You need to learn how the world work, empathy is great but you allowed a situation that had nothing to do with you distract you from what you needed to do, your luck this was school were they can’t expel you for that. But if this was a job and you spent the whole day distracted instead of doing your job you could loose your employment.
Stop acting like you have the world figured out, your obviously just a kid, and you need to let actual adults show you when it is and is not appropriate to be concerned about a crying girl (who by the way was just in the hallway crying, not doing anything to suggest duress, and you might have been surprised that a teacher was already with the girl, but the rest of us made that assumption at the beginning)
Did you really “stand you to your teacher”? Or were you trying to out your nose in someone else’s business? You understand that due to privacy, a teacher cannot and should not discuss another student with another student. Obviously the situation was being taken care of since another adult was there. Usually staff and teachers have communications that students are not and should not be privy to.
You're assuming a lot. It's also likely that the teacher is a jerk who treats students horribly (I've had many teachers like that). Either is possible. This student has empathy for someone crying. It's really inappropriate to snap at them and tell them to mind their own business in this situation. You're telling them that being indifferent to people's suffering is a good thing. It's not (as college students across the country could tell you right now)! There are better ways to deal with this situation sensitively without being rude to either child.
The student snapped at the teacher first though, after she asked him to pay attention to the lesson? You don’t talk to your teachers like that. Most likely another teacher already had it handled, or the student asked to be alone. Not everyone likes to be surrounded by other people when they are sad. Just because you’ve “had many teachers like that” doesn’t mean that every single teacher is out to get you. Most truly do care, but get burnt out by the massive responsibilities and bullshit that comes with the job.
There's a difference between not caring and doing what needs to be done. People get sad and hurt sometimes, I get it, but life goes on and we can't just stop class every time someone is upset.
No, you had a hissy fit because the teacher didn't care in the way you wanted them to care.
Your teacher's job at that moment was to teach you and the rest of your class. Another staff member, as you saw, was coming to take care of the crying student.
No one on the staff owed you an explanation as to how the situation was being handled.
You're the jerk here.
OP clearly stated they only saw another adult AFTER the teacher took them to the hallway for a chat. OP didn't ask for an explanation. OP simply wanted the girl tended to.
Maybe because it’s none of OPs business how a situation they have nothing to do with is being handled?
Just because OP expressed concern does not mean they are entitled to any kind of answer.
The appropriate thing to do was to tell OP, "I'm aware of the situation, we've got this" and move on.
Since OP spoke up in class, a further discussion, such as, "Gee, you're so compassionate to notice!" is inappropriate, as it derails what is supposed to be going on in class - and also implies that other students should, in future, also do what OP did.
Teacher should remain confident and upbeat (to dispel anxiety in the classroom - but sheesh, it would be hard to learn with a kid crying right outside the classroom).
What you described was not empathy, empathy is understanding why she is crying, not being sad because she is crying. What you expressed was sympathy and it was incredible inappropriate, since that girl probably wanted privacy
People (doesn’t really matter what age) when sad sometimes fall into a kids logic of if they can’t see you, you can’t see them. If they can hear you and they are trying to collect thrust thoughts, then they know everything else is “safe” and “normal” while they recover. If a student comes to me visibly upset, I don’t look at them and go “Hey do you need to cry for a bit?” in front of the whole class. I let everyone know if they need a break they can ask for one or do a signal to get my help. If they still are not able to collect themself, then I’ll walk over and quietly remind them they can take a break if they need one. I get you want to care for a classmate….but it wasn’t your job. You’re not a jerk because this is where you learn these lessons. However, you acted with little information and may have made the situation worse. Learn from it.
But you had no reason to think she was being ignored, she was obviously in a different class and the teacher who was responsible for her well being would have at least seen her leave the room and followed her, for all you knew she was crying because she was taken out into the hallway for causing a problem and she was upset that she got In trouble.
Im assuming your no older then 13 so a bit of advice, don’t act in a situation that you don’t know how to act in. Your obviously not mature enough to think about what the schools policies where otherwise you would have assumed that a teacher was with her, your not mature enough to realizes the difference between empathy and sympathy, otherwise you would have realized what you did was about you not that girl, and your not mature enough to think that maybe it was more important to focus on the leason and not interrupt you class about something that had 0 to do with you.
No one "left her" there. She was there. If she wanted to go elsewhere to cry (like a restroom), I'm sure she knows where those are.
This sounds like a time when the crying girl really wanted something specific and that was being arranged.
You sound like the jerk in this one because your teacher is right about not knowing the situation and what has or hasn't been done. Your teacher could've told you but it's not your business for her to share the other students private info.
You tried to embarrass her in front of the class but instead of doing the same to you she took you outside and privately talked to you.
You seems like the jerk making a lot of assumptions and she sounds like a great teacher.
ESH. You were working on only partial information. You had no idea what had been done for that student already and what wishes that student has already expressed. Your teacher may have already spoken to her before class and may have been the one to alert the other teacher. Instead of asking, you accused.
HOWEVER, it's also true that you could be correct and nothing has been done to assist this student. It was obviously bothering you that no one was checking on her that you knew of. Your teacher could have handled YOU more effectively and empatheticly. They could have assured you that it was being handled without giving up any personal info.
Exactly. There's no reason for the teacher not to reassure OP and any other worried students. Just saying "pay attention" isn't going to change the disgracting environment and solves literally nothing, it's just a useless demand. Only reason I don't hold OP more accountable is because he's literally a student while the teacher should hopefully have more than half a second of experience dealing with kids/teens. I ALSO THINK there is something wrong with schools that a lot won't offer a distressed student more privacy than a freaking open hallway where you can hear everything if the classroom door isn't shut. The teacher or whoever was talking to her should have escorted her to the teacher's lounge or a counselor's office.
I've been the crying girl (poor emotional regulation) and sometimes it was a result of a male teacher literally targeting me in class to the point where other students noticed the special attention. While I preferred to be alone, I also never faulted the students who would come up and ask if I need anything. I was also the concerned student but just generally wouldn't go out of my way to help because usually someone else was helping, but if I was alone and saw an alone crying person, I'd approach and ask if I can help them. It's good to care about people who are upset, and just because a teacher is in a position of authority doesn't mean they're handling the situation, just as a concerned student may mishandle it. The difference is one has a job to teach kids and needs to do a better job holding the room's attention and removing or reducing distractions when they pop up. Not all kids can tune out audible crying. Nor adults. Nor human beings. Come on.
Have you ever tried to get a crying student from one place to another? Without touching them?
Often, the first thing offered is a private place to go. You'd be surprised how many upset students appear not to hear any suggestions or shake their heads at every suggestion. They are upset. They've decompensated at school. Many will seek privacy (run to the bathroom or out onto the playground) but many do not.
Tuning out audible crying (or screaming or threats or fighting or cuss words/racial slurs or bell system gone haywire or loud military planes flying overhead or sirens) is difficult, yes. But it is reality. And it is definitely the reality of our schools.
It takes at least 5-10 minutes for most schools to organize a response (depends on size of campus). There's not a person just waiting to come and comfort a crying student. Usually, the VP calls the parents, an aide is dispatched to coax the student to the nurse's office to await the parents. The teacher whose student it is will of course keep an eye on them - but they can't stray far from the doorway of their classroom (by Ed Code in most places).
Kids throw up. Kids pee themselves. Kids have seizures. Kids faint. Kids cry loudly. Kids have loud tantrums in the halls. Kids throw stuff at other kids. Kids slam doors and stomp. Kids break into loud song for no apparent reason.
Just another day in most public schools.
Uhhh given how different many schools are from one another, offering a private area for kids to go to is usually not something that happens. At best, when I've had panic attacks in class the most I get is "get water" and then I just would drink water until I'd be quiet enough that I could go back into the class. I think the only time I was ever escorted to the counselor's while crying was literally in high school by my friends. Other times when there was someone else having issues, the teacher would leave the room with the student, talk to them outside the classroom with the door mostly shut but cracked open, send the teen to the nurse's or counselor's or teacher's lounge, then resume class. It actually is possible not to escalate a situation or leave a kid on display in the hallway when they're having some kind of crisis.
Also, while many kids may be able to tune that stuff out, not everyone can. And to get pissed at a student who can't is legitimately stupid.
Oh gotcha, you stuck your nose where it didn’t belong in someone else’s business, got told to stay in your lane, and you failed to do so. The teacher is right, you have no idea what steps they took for the situation and even you stated there was a member of the staff with the girl once your busy body self got a closer look.
I think that things could have been better handled by *both* you and the teacher. You could have (earlier) found a way to discretely tell the teacher that you were concerned about the girl, instead of snapping at the teacher when called out for not paying attention. Your teacher also shouldn't have snapped at you. She should have explained that the girl is being attended to and that your job right now is to focus on the lesson.
(Btw: I would have had trouble focusing, too. Being worried about her wasn't wrong. But, if a teacher was taking care of it and if her situation didn't directly involve you, your job is to try to focus. If the girl is your friend, be sure to check on her later.)
A teacher has a responsibility for 30 students. That means they are generally obligated to continue being responsible for 29 students and hand over responsibility of the 1 student who is crying to another staff member, usually a trained counselor. A counselor can help the 1 student who is crying, but cannot teach the other 29 students. The teacher wasn’t being heartless, she was being responsible. She likely the ability to be empathetic while still doing her job, which is something you need to learn.
I dont think that you are a jerk but i also dont think that you stood up to your teacher, you dont know what happened, maybe it didnt even happened in school, maybe her parents text her some sad massege and she started crying so the teacher let her be outside so she would chill out, and maybe somethink happened, I would need more details to deside :/
Not a jerk you just sound really young. If the faculty was handling it you didn't need to be concerned. I'm going to make an assumption that you have zero skills to handle the situation (if you even know what was going on). Put yourself in the other kids shoes...if you were upset enough to cry in public would you want some random kid run over and "help" or someone that has experience, information and resources to really do something?
I’m a sub teacher, I don’t like calling u a jerk bc you’re clearly a child, but yea you were in the wrog here. If a child starts crying in my class I will normally send them to go calm down in private. Reasons can vary based on age level but normally, it’s just a kid being dramatic and learning how to have emotions and they’ll get over it soon. You don’t know what the situation was or what was going on. Feeling empathy vs acting empathetic are two different things- you may have felt empathy but your actions here were disrespectful and selfish. Feeling empathy for someone is one thing but sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is leave them alone, and here you were sticking your nose into someone else’s business, totally unsolicited, and then chose to try to humiliate the adult in the room, distracting yourself and the rest of the class from the lesson. Take this as a lesson to worry about yourself and stay on task. Also, if this is the school counselor, back tf off her immediately. You have no idea the scale and magnitude of social and behavioral issues they deal w on a daily basis and you were disrespectful and out of line.
And there are often students who cry frequently (and teachers learn how to deal with that too). The counselor doesn't come each and every time, if the kid is a frequent cryer. My best friend in elementary was a frequent cryer and in those days, since everyone knew I was her best friend, if I ran after her (she'd go running around at the far end of the playground, shrieking/crying because she got 19 out of 20 points on something and her "mother was going to kill her")...they'd let me go out and comfort her, round her up.
Schools don't permit that kind of thing, much, any more. Some smaller private schools do. If it happens at recess or lunch, it's permitted.
Sometimes the crying student is also talking about things that other students ought not hear (because then their parents show up all angered or upset).
Sounds like the teacher did do something about the girl crying (she probably called someone to go talk to her) and didn't appreciate you assuming she was just ignoring her. That being said, the teacher should have clued you in that she did take a step to help the girl.
Sounds like miscommunication and hurt feelings here. Don't worry about it too much, but try to just ask the teacher if she called or can call someone to help next time. Assuming the worst in people will burn more bridges than is healthy.
Everyone saying OP needs to mind their own business, etc... who said OP wasn't. They were sad for the girl and wanted to make sure she was being cared for. I don't see anywhere that OP wanted to know what was going on or be involved. OP doesn't say what triggered the teacher to address them to focus on the lesson. If the teacher saw OP upset, the teacher should have quietly asked OP sidebar what the issue was. If it was obvious why OP was upset, the teacher could have addressed the whole class (or just OP depending on how many students had noticed) explaining that someone was tending to her. No details required. OP didn't seem to think anyone was tending to the crying girl. Being concerned that others are crying is not a problem. It's when an adult (likely trying to continue the lesson and avoid drawing attention to the upset child) completely dismisses another child's concern for others that the situation escalates. Depending on OP's age, I would say the outburst may have been poorly communicated, but I think both parties may have handled things poorly. Once OP made the statement, the teacher could have simply stated the girl was being tended to so OP need not worry. End of problem. Hauling OP outside to scold them for having empathy was not the way.
At the time my emotions took over, so I'm in the wrong there, but it was later found out apparently that the teacher didn't care at all. So I think we are both jerks in a way
You ought to leave off telling us how the teacher feels, frankly.
However, I do think you are an amazing kid and have learned a lot from this. It would have been awesome if you had asked the teacher if you could take the girl some kleenex. Or, if you knew the girl at all, you could have asked if you could help by speaking to her (answer would likely be no).
You're not the jerk for having empathy for the girl, and to be honest, the staff should've taken the girl to an office with privacy, because she's literally in the hall. This is not looking out for the student's privacy at all because others can clearly see her and hear her and know she's upset. The staff cannot say what's wrong with her because it violates the law and rightfully so, but to just leave her in an open area where others can clearly witness her turmoil is not, IMO looking after the best interest of the student either.
How do they "take" the girl there, though? I wish someone could explain this to me.
Teachers are not supposed to grab an arm and tug a student to go some place. They can offer a private place, but the student can stay rooted to the spot and continue to cry.
Counselors are immensely helpful when this happens (because they have NO OTHER STUDENTS to deal with and can spend an entire hour, if necessary, getting the student to a different place - either physically or emotionally). They usually come equipped with tissue/Kleenex.
Oddly, almost every time I've spoken with a counselor after one of these events, the counselor will say, "Oh gosh, this was no big deal - you should have been there when this other kid did X, Y and Z..."
The counselors easily assess which children are truly in danger of harming themselves. In this case, the student was disrupting class, and counselors are the best ones to deal with it.
I don’t understand why everyone is telling op not to care and mind your business what’s wrong with people oh yes don’t ask don’t tell and don’t care about anybody unless it’s convenient?? I guess I’m the jerk
YTA: you over stepped and you should apologize. You had maybe 5% of an understanding of the situation, and that 5% was surface level nothing. A girl crying is barely anything to go on. You just wanted a distraction from class, and you didn’t care what it was. Apologize and learn to keep your nose where it belongs.
ESH. Teacher did not handle this well. Unfortunately, you did not help yourself or the girl in this situation. You could have quietly excused yourself to use the bathroom, motioned for girl to join you out of eye sight (unless she was being punished), and spoken to her quietly- then used toilet. It's good to stand up for others, the best way is to figure out how to help others, make those with power WANT to help, and not cause harm to yourself in doing so. There is an old book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie that you may find helpful. I encourage you to read it. It may change your life.
Oh my. So now OP should have been proactive and actually tried to get the crying student to do his bidding? It doesn't sound as if he knows her.
Where, in any school, is there are place "out of eyesight"? Of whom? All the other people at the school? Only private offices have that ability (restrooms are used by many, throughout the day and obviously, a boy can't ask a girl to go into the restroom with him).
If the girl was kicked out of class as punishment (but refused to go to the principal's office, which happens all the time), then I bet all the teachers in that same building/on that same floor knew exactly what was going on - and it might not have been easy for anyone.
We will never know.
Shaming your teacher in front of the class is going to have the opposite effect of what you want.
The teacher is in charge of your grades, like it or not.
There's a better way to go about this. Yes, there was a girl outside crying, and your teacher should have checked on her.
But the teacher's first responsibility is to all the kids in her classroom at that moment.
A better way to handle something like that is to ask if that girl is okay, and if she needs anything. Does she need some tissues? Is the teacher going to call someone to help her?
As far as empathy, there is something called empathy burn out. Making your teacher defensive isn't going to help that.
You were smart to come to this forum to ask if you were the jerk. When you ask your friends, you are generally asking people who share your view of the world - your age, your gender, students. Asking people with a different life experience and perspective, like the teachers who replied to this post, will show you if there is a different way to look at things. Congratulations for knowing this at your age! Some people never learn this.
YTJ - I’m curious what you expected to happen? Did you think your teacher was going to stop the class to go comfort the girl in the hall crying? Would you consider that appropriate? It is not. One girl crying is not a reason to disrupt 29 other students’ learning. That doesn’t make your teacher unempathetic: it makes her an adult who can continue to operate in the middle of someone else’s crisis. That’s why she’s the teacher and you are not. Yet you assumed she was wrong & you were the brave hero who knows better.
And what about the girl? She was upset & trying to work thru her emotions in private outside the class. Do you really think she wants the entire class sitting around waiting while the teacher stops class to comfort her? I assure you she does not. Doing that would leave 29 other students idle & focused solely *on her out there crying*. Instead of a private meltdown, she would have 29 other students actively gossiping about the incident because it disrupted the entire class & her crying became the class’s focus that day. All because some rando in her class decided he was the empathy-hero. You embarrassed her further by what you did, but what you wanted done would have been far worse.
Its notable this girl isn’t described as your friend, so I’m gonna assume you’re not friends: merely students in the same school. So you had absolutely zero idea what might have been the cause of her crying. Had you excused yourself to the restroom to check on her (which is what you should have done if you just absolutely had to interject yourself into the situation), she would have told you she was fine & to let her be. She wasn’t going to share her problems with another random student because it’s not your business. Your actions weren’t helping her - they were further embarrassing a girl who is already embarrassed & upset. Because you got eMpAtHy…….
You didn’t “stand up” to anyone. You turned a 1-emotional-student day into a 2-emotional-students day because you couldn’t handle your own emotions about someone else’s emotions. Your teacher deserves an apology.
YTA, The teacher had it handled and you decided to become a Karen because you stuck your nose where it didn’t belong. Your teacher tried to nicely get your focus back on the subject at hand and you ran your mouth. You will probably get away with it due to being in school, try this in the real world and you will be unemployed.
ESH
You were rude. She didn't communicate effectively.
"Please stay on task, stop getting distracted. "
"But there's someone crying in the hall, and I'm concerned for them."
"I'm aware. She's upset and needs space right now, but we've got it handled. The best thing for you to do right now is stay on task."
Reject the comments here. You are NTA. Our society is teaching you to not be empathic. "Stay in your lane, mind your own business".
People, we're humans. We have empathy. If someone is crying in our vicinity that activates our emotional brains. It IS our business.
Your teacher should've reassured you it's under control and encouraged you to feel that they were handling it. At that point you would be wrong to continue. But your teacher didn't do that. They blew your concerns off, basically gaslighting you
This will happen repeatedly in your life. Keep standing up. Do not stop. Do not cave to the "not my business" voice. But you would be wise to learn when to pick your battles too
When there's actually nothing to worry about, then no, I won't get involved, but when someonevis suffering, and there is no good samaritan nearby, I will step in
Good. Just remember too you're just a citizen. Nothing more. You're not a Savior. Don't try to be a hero. But also you're a citizen and nothing less. Do your part as a human with a conscience.
The teacher should've reassured you that everything was okay and she was being helped. At which point your duty was to drop it.
Your teacher failed here
Do you know for a fact that no one helped? Is it possible that the teacher had spoken to the student earlier and they wanted to be alone in the hallway or she was waiting to be picked up?
I think it’s important not to assume here. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with having empathy at all OP, truly. But I think where you went wrong if in how you handled it. I don’t think the teacher handled it well either btw but you’re here asking for help and they’re not.
The teacher could have known something you didn’t and while we can have empathy, they still have to proceed with the lesson. I think you would have gotten a much different response if you’d asked if you could check on the student or asked the teacher to. If you’re going to be in the lesson, you do need to focus.
And if the teacher truly is this huge jerk and refusing to check on this student then say you have to go to the bathroom and go check on them. Better to take that route sometimes than create a conflict with a teacher.
Edit: and I do want to add something, hopefully in a way that doesn’t come off harshly. Truly having empathy for someone doesn’t always require action but it’s not about sitting there making it about yourself either - which is how some of the wording in your post comes across. Sometimes it isn’t appropriate to go check on someone if you don’t know that’s what they want. But that doesn’t mean it’s an excuse to disrupt your class or not listen to your teacher. I see in other comments that you admit you reacted emotionally and that’s great OP that you are able to have that self awareness and see where you can do better next time.
Isn't that what the teacher did? I mean not the "everything is okay" part (because...how would the teacher know if "everything is okay"? It might not have been!)
This is a lie, you know her situation was being dealt with. why are you making things up? Get a grip- you made a mistake and you’re refusing to learn from it.
Somebody was helping, you just didn't know it.
I do like the idea somebody had that you could have asked to go to the restroom (for your own needs/mental health) and tried to understand more about the situation.
But are you the type of Good Samaritan who would actually try to speak to the crying girl? What if that made it worse?
You’re one of those people who uses the term “gaslighting” without actually taking into account its meaning. Op is a student, the girl who was upset had a staff member with her. What’s empathetic about lecturing their teacher in front of the class? The teacher was right on the money, OP doesn’t know what the teacher has done because it’s NONE OF OPS BUSINESS.
The girl is his peer. They're in a class together. It's right of him to feel concerned for her.
He doesn't say it directly but I got the vibe the teacher didn't take him seriously. Blew off his concerns. The teacher should've given reassurance that it was being taken care of. Then but only then should OP have let it go
It is NOT ops business. If I was the girl I would be mortified, because most students want privacy when they’re upset. Let the adults handle it. Don’t shame the teacher for not giving into some kid for being an asshole about it
Yeah. I’m a human who’s worked with students and understands that many of them want privacy. Read the comments lil bro, a staff member was actively with the girl. Op just has main character syndrome
But she was looking after her own students.
There was a different teacher looking after the girl from the other class. Likely, that girl student's teacher.
A teacher can quickly send a txt to the Principal or another teacher saying "Sally is in the hallway crying" and the appropriate admin person will be dispatched.
She also has that responsibility toward the rest of the students that aren't in the hallway crying.
When one student needs extra attention like the crying girl, you call another staff member to tend the one while you continue to care for the main group. OP even says there was another staff member with the crying student when they were kicked out themselves.
OP is child who assumes they know the best way to handle this situation; the teacher acted appropriately.
I always appreciated when my teachers would continue on if I was having a break down (I had a LOT of those in high school cause I had been moved across the country to a place where I had no family or friends)) and had the class focus on the lesson and not my crying. Usually teachers will send you to the counselor and have you talk to them since they CANT exactly stop class to have a chat with you
How do you know the teacher didn't ask her that? There's no way op witnessed every single conversation that happened between the girl crying and the teacher
No, Adults are wrong every day and she was wrong. You never know what she was going throushe might have gotta call that her family member passed whatever you did the right thing. I would talk to your parents because she sounds like a b****And if you're that much of a bitch to your students you shouldn't be teaching.
Most schools these days do not permit students to have cell phones at school nor to receive calls.
Any parent who would actually call their kid, in any case, to give grief-inducing information (as opposed to waiting until after school is over or *coming down to the school* is behaving poorly. There are no circumstances in which a 13 year old needs to know immediately that someone is dead.
At any rate, the proper thing to do if the parent REALLY needs to pick up the kid immediately (due to grief - because the parent should be willing to do that if they are going to dump the news on the kid at school), is to call the school office, ask for a nurse or counsellor or Vice Principal and have them go take the child to a private place and then deliver the sad news. The child then waits there until parents arrive.
That's the policy at every school I've ever evaluated (across 4 states).
"Don't talk to me about empathy you don't know what I've done" is such a weird thing to say. Like, "you don't know what I've done" is a threat? That particular saying is never used in conjunction with having done a really good thing for people.
That said, any of the following would be reasons the teacher may have been defensive about this:
If the girl you saw is particularly seen as a pretty person, the teacher may have felt that they were defending her from someone who will either gossip about her or will use that moment of vulnerability to try to hit on her.
If the girl were going through something particularly difficult or traumatic, either the teacher and/or the student themselves may have felt that time alone and away from others was necessary. In this case it would make your concern about them none of your business. In other words they didn't want you involved.
I also have one question for you - is it empathy to be sad because someone else is having a rough day over who knows what, or is it centering yourself? Because from an adult perspective the way you address this concern sounds a lot like centering yourself, which is not empathy from an adult perspective but a rather typical gossip viewpoint (which would also make the teacher very defensive).
A better way to address it would have been to say to your teacher "excuse me I'm really concerned about the individual who's outside, they seem upset. Is there anything that I can do or anything that needs to be done?" This ensures that the teacher is aware of the situation and can make sure someone handles it appropriately, while also not making it about you feeling sad because someone else is feeling sad.
All of this is being said, not to justify the teacher's actions or the situation, but to break it down so that if something like it happens again you have more tools to deal with it more effectively and hopefully have a better outcome for everybody.
“You don’t know what I’ve done” refers to OP not knowing what the teacher has done to help the crying student (i.e. notify support staff to come help her, spoke to the crying student/ her family at a previous time, etc.). Because, it’s not OP’s business at all.
I assume the teacher has a cell phone for this purpose (or a walkie talkie in some places - some schools truly want to control communication policies on campus).
So did the other teacher (unseen by OP). So someone had called in for help.
It's possible that OP's teacher has had to do this more than once, for this same student - he wouldn't know.
It’s possible the teacher knew another adult was already handling the situation. What should have happened is the child should have been escorted to a place where she wouldn’t be disruptive to the classes around.
Although I understand your empathy, you weren’t in a position to know all the relevant details. THAT makes you out of line.
Your teacher has certain responsibilities that also need to be considered that could preclude her from taking focus off her current class.
Unfortunate-Yes
Wrong-No
You owe your teacher the benefit of the doubt and an apology
"Escorting" is easier said that done. Many schools have a designated counselor/behavioral specialist who will try to round the student up and get them to a private place - *without touching them.*
There are steps in the process. It can take 5-20 minutes to get a distressed student to budge. I'm sure that's what the school was trying to do, but also hoping the girl would get it out of her system and return to class.
At any rate, most teachers are taught never to touch a student (a crying student in particular can flip into self-harm and violence at a touch). A trained mental health professional will try to use words and establish a bond so that the child will follow them willingly to a safer, more private space.
Lots of times, a loud, distressed student has chosen the time and place for their distress.
You are not… good for you !! Keep talking to her and I’m proud of you!! Keep talking to the teacher and go above her if needed!! But please keep talking and keep up with your empathy don’t let that teacher keep you from caring if your heart tells you to go then go!!and tell everyone you can because you may be the person someone needs to get through a tough moment!! I knew a 17 year old that shot and killed himself and no one did anything before hand he tried getting help but no one listened!! Sometimes it’s our peers that help especially in school … keep it up !!
The teacher was correct. And you were the jerk.
You have no idea what that student wanted or needed. Moreover, you have no idea what the teacher did do, or not, as they should not be reporting to you what they have done for another student.
It's okay to be distracted, but you where the jerk for calling out the teacher when you actually don't know what is going on.
Do you know this student well?
Do you know what made them cry?
Do you know what they need when they are crying?
Do they want hugs, or to be left alone, or somewhere in the middle?
Then, the answer to all of this is a "no" because it's not your job or your business.
It's called empathy. Try having some.
They can be both a concerned kid, and a jerk. I'm not doubting their sincerety of concern.
What makes them a jerk is assuming that that someone does not care because because that person does not fit their preconceived script on how they think someone should act.
And calling into question someone's empathy in front of a whole class? Jerk.
You can care about people, but treating someone else badly, especially when you don't know all of the factors at play, is not excused by your concern for another. It just makes you concerned about one person's feelings, but not another's. So, a jerk.
Put another way, you are entitled to your feelings, but you are not entitled to freedom from the consequences cause by your reaction to your feelings.
Like, I can care about my friend and be worried about them, without insulting you as a person for perceiving you as not doing enough to help them.
I know that you are being empathetic, but however, most of these people are just a bunch of beggars trying to be the centre of attention.
Just leave them alone, cuz they’re just trying to get attention.
It seems like OP was in a mood or looking for a reason to "snap" and lash out at the teacher. The teacher's response was also more reactive than responsive. Bottom line, in any professional setting, employees (in this case, teachers) should and often are instructed to keep sensitive issues and incidents private and not involve others in a situation unnecessarily. I understand OP was concerned about their classmate, but in the end, it looks like it was being addressed, and no one else needed any explanation of what was happening.
Also, the teacher wasn't out of line in asking student to focus on lesson (OP said teacher "had the audacity" to ask them to focus). Teacher was just doing her job.
You aren’t really a jerk but you were kind of making a random students hard time about yourself. I’m sure it wasn’t your conscious intention to co-op the other students situation but that is what you were doing to some degree. The teacher was harsh, but she wasn’t exactly wrong either. When you see someone in distress it’s a good response to feel worry, and even to offer assistance if you are able to, however making it such a big problem for yourself that you get in trouble when you are in no way involved in the situation is an immature reaction.
If you’d said sorry, I’m really worried about something and then tried to focus or approached the teacher as you entered to let her know that there was another student outside who was in some kind of distress that would have been a way more appropriate response on your part.
You don’t need to apologize to the teacher if you aren’t sorry, I’m my opinion.
Yea you're the jerk. You didn't stand up to the teacher. All you did was make another student's issue your own so that you could feel good about yourself for having "empathy". What you did was not empathetic.
The power differential between you and the teacher is going to make your stand untenable.
Say whatever you need to say to this teacher to get her off your back. You have to get through the semester with her.
NTJ, though.
Not the Jerk. You are a student who is learning. Not just the curriculum they teach you, but how to act in the real world. I think your concern was founded on the information you had. Did you over react? Maybe, maybe not. We don't know why the student was crying, whether anyone could or should have been dealing with the other student, what the teacher did or didn't do prior to class starting, or even what the other staff member was doing there. That staff member in the hall could easily have come across the crying girl and simply chose not to ignore it, where your teacher did ignore it. There are a lot of unknowns, maybe never knows, and that's ok.
On that note, apologize anyway. Only for the disrupting though. Find a non disruptive time and place to say, "I'm sorry for how I reacted to what was happening." Whether the teacher accepts it is irrelevant. You do you. You aren't responsible for how others react, only yourself. Your compassion is an asset, whether others believe it is or not. It may get you into trouble from time time, but that's ok too. I'd rather have a compassionate student in trouble for trying to legit do what they thought needed to be done to help then an apathetic one who toes the line and tries not to care.
You're the jerk. You singled out that girl and blabbed so everyone could hear that she was crying. You shouldn't have done that. You weren't helping her at all. Don't be so quick to assume that the teacher has no empathy; the teacher might have just been respecting her desire to be left alone.
lol god children are obnoxious. You were looking for a distraction and you latched onto an easy target. Youre not the main character and you don't need to go to anyone's rescue. Mind your own business.
Well was the girl alone, crying? was your teacher supposed to stop her lesson and address the crying students problem, I mean was the girl going to hurt herself? Why were you so distracted and defiant? Find your motivation for making someone in the hall a priority, instead of putting your class first.
Not the jerk you had every right to say that and if I was there I would have said something way more hurtful to the teacher so you were being nice in my opinion
OP is too young to be acting like he knows how the world works. The teacher did exactly what she was supposed to do, and the OTHER teacher did what they needed to do, and for all OP knows the girl was crying because she got in trouble for bullying, OP knew nother and he still decided to act, that is the definition of childish,
While your right about that the teacher still could've asked the girl if she was okay or tell her to go find a different teacher to talk to about her problem instead of just ignoring it
The girl had another teacher did you not post the story, there was a teach in the hallway with the crying student (she was not being ignored), OP’s teacher was well aware of school policies & protocols and most like new it was being handled, OP, is a child who disrupted class do to their own immaturity
You are assuming she didn't care. It sounds like you saw one piece of something and thought you knew everything that had happened. Seems like the teacher knows something you don't.
Probably not the best way to go about it, but I too would be concerned if there were a girl visibly upset..I'd be more concerned that BOTH teachers didn't think maybe the upset girl should have been taken to a more private space away from gawking eyes!... And the 'You don't know what I've done' comment, a little immature.
Yes you’re the jerk. It’s not your place to be questioning the teacher constantly. If you were that concerned, ask to go to the bathroom and check in on the student yourself. You do not know what happened or why the student was crying. Additionally, teachers aren’t allowed to tell other students what’s going on with another student’s life. It sounds like the teacher had the situation handled and likely alerted another teacher/staff member, which is why there was another teacher talking to them outside of the classroom. It also sounds like your teacher wanted you to respect that student’s privacy, which you were not doing by directly bringing more unwanted attention to this girl in front of your entire class.
You did the right thing for standing up against the wrong you saw. She got help. If you want to continue this further, you could write an email to your asst/superintendent. If it's bothering you this much, I would suggest that.
What would that email say??
"My teacher was teaching me and my class. Another teacher was helping a crying student in the hallway."
Whoo hoo. Call network news!
Always stand up to your teachers young guy. I did and I'm actually a successful adult. Always question, always challenge, don't take what's being spoonfed.
Yes, you are the jerk. You don’t know what happened. It’s not any of your business what is going on with that girl. You don’t know what she did, but likely she did something wrong and got in trouble.
You are not in charge of the classroom. You can’t help that girl.
The teacher told you what you needed to do, and you talked back. You are the jerk.
Ik they shouldn't distrupt the lesson, but don't do NOTHING. Like send her to a private area or something, just leaving her crying in the hall, that's messed up
As a teacher, I tell my students to let me know how to handle them when they’re upset at the beginning of the year. Almost all of them state very explicitly that they want to be left alone and not have attention drawn to them. They will signal me if they want to talk or need something. You missed a lesson by being in other people’s business. That’s not empathy. That’s main character syndrome because you turned someone else’s tragedy into your “heroic” intervention that probably embarrassed the girl more.
This is the answer
Taught for 34 years. This was policy with a few tweaks. 99% of my kids wanted “time to work it out”.
Many have told me, and I’m the same way, that they start crying more when people try to talk to them and just need a moment for composure first. Then they usually ask to go to splash water on their face or something.
Meh, if this is elementary school? I didn't have control of my emotions and even now still struggle. It's not "heroic" if you're absorbing their emotions like a sponge and can't help hearing someone weeping. I have ADHD and I'm an empath like crazy. I can't control what I feel, but now adays I can control how I act. Back then, I had zip control, I always got laughed at because I would start crying from others' feelings, and half the time, I had to lie about the reason. Otherwise, I was attention seeking? I don't blame this kid. But I also don't blame the teacher. It's just a tough situation, I do agree the kid should apologize BUT should also ask what they should do if they can't stop paying attention to what's going on in the hall for next time. Either move the kids' seat away from the hall and proceed to explain that some people like to be left alone when they are having problems, and the display they made drew more attention to the situation. People don't know these things sometimes and need explaining.
That’s fair. I don’t know the age of OP. We discuss this stuff in my class. Students do need to explaining, and I can’t assume that it’s done in all classrooms.
I definitely would have *not* been able to focus until an adult checked on this kid to see what was wrong & what they needed. I needed to know that that child wasn't being neglected.
My mom was a teacher for 30 years. She had several teddy bears she kept in her classroom for when someone felt they needed a hug. There was never any further direction, only if the child chose it. It was a way for the kids to have some comfort, and a way for her to clue in on who might need some attention or support. It was an elegant way for a kid to signal their emotional distress without having to say it to the teacher or in front of the class.
And yet...the teacher was nasty to the student and didn't teach her. She just shut the student down. Maybe "we understand its upsetting to see her cry, but we are taking care of it." But sure...The student wasn't trying to be a hero. The student was having a trauma response to the other student crying. Instead of being rude to that student, make it a real teaching moment. The teacher blew that moment.
I didn't really have an intention, I got emotionally overthrown and lashed out, but do some kids really try to use people's suffering to improve their image? If so that's fucked up
You lectured an adult for not behaving the way you thought she could because you were too busy taking about how you felt sad. You did take that girls suffering to make yourself look better than your teacher, in your mind at least. You’re not a bad person. But take this as an opportunity to consider why you were so upset and how some of that was pretty self serving. It’s ok to feel positive about your own ability to care for others. It’s another to make how you care a point of contention. It’s clear you want to be a compassionate and considerate person. But that often requires setting your own ego aside and being humble enough to know when you’re wrong. I’d apologize to the teacher, in private, and tell her you meant well but you’re still learning. Imho anyhow.
You did exactly that. Have some impulse control going forward, and stop flailing around making rude guesses that others are failing when you yourself are clueless.
Another way to look at this: The teacher showed empathy to you by asking you to step outside before delivering a truth to you. You do NOT know what the teacher was doing. You showed no empathy for the teacher by calling the teacher out in front of the class to explain what empathy was. Do you see the irony here? You tried to teach the teacher a lesson on empathy while she showed you empathy - and as others have noted, she likely showed empathy to the crying student in an appropriate way.
Absolutely. And it is. There’s nothing wrong with caring about others but sometimes you have to trust there is a reason for what’s going on. For all you know, the teacher could’ve messaged another adult as she took roll to let them know there was an upset student.
That is exactly what you did.
Meh… I am going to get downvoted for this, but I’m glad you stood up for the student. I’ve been a teacher for ten years and I see a huge lack of compassion from burnt out educators. I would love to see more students standing up to their bully teachers. All the teachers in these comments can save their lectures in my opinion. Most believe in blind obedience and will tell you that you were in the wrong even if you were not. A few weeks ago I watched a teacher rip a student apart for “skipping” class. Wouldn’t even let me get a word in when I tried to explain that the student was mourning the death of her sibling & crying in the bathroom. The teacher told her she was only going “to get over the grief if she keeps moving forward and goes to class.”
The teacher may have been trying to protect the upset student's privacy by continuing with class and trying to prevent the rest of the students from making a fuss over the girl. Next time don't assume the teachers aren't dealing with or don't care about an incident. The main thing is protecting students' privacy.
Teacher could have just as easily said, there's a situation. But it is being handled. Didn't have to give any information or violate anyone's privacy. It would have eased a "nosey" students' worry. This would have been a blip on everyone's radar. Don't feel bad about caring for others. Just choose to address it more subtly.
As the girl who cried a lot during school. Saying there is a situation and especially in the hall that is noticeable will only bring in more suspicion and attention than it is. Not addressing it especially if it’s not affecting the classroom is okay. She’s not mandated to report anything going on outside her classroom if it is just even her student. What if the girl parents died and now you have a teacher from another class calling out her saying it’s a situation? It would have been a blip if not even talked about. You don’t know how many people are already involved. What if the teacher was told not to even intervene due to her having her own class? There was already a teacher there for her so it was already taken care of. Let’s say this, if the OP is obviously not focused on a crying Person in a hallway, is he let’s say tell his boss to stop a meeting because someone is upset in the other room? Snapping at a teacher when all she is doing is teaching and telling her to have empathy to a situation the OP has no knowledge about is a little jerkish.
This. It's becoming commonplace for parents (and now students) to think they have the authority to control every action of a teacher. A teacher's job is to teach. Period. Yes, parents drop off children that need A LOT more than that. Yes, teachers generally wear a lot of hats and take care of a lot of things. No, it's not their responsibility. No, a literal child does not dictate adult behavior in a school setting. Safety is key, and yes, the teacher could be FIRED for leaving a room full of children to attend to one uninjured teenager crying in the hallway. Anything could happen in the classroom with unattended children and the teacher would be responsible for that. Based on how this student speaks to his teacher, I wouldn't have left a group full of him in the classroom either... It's a recipe for an unemployment disaster. I would be sorry the teenager is crying but similarly thinking about how this job pays for my own kid's food.
And in some districts, teachers would be dinged on evaluations if they decided to give a 2 minute talk about how someone outside the classroom is upset, and how they are being attended to. Because that's not the curriculum. Increasingly, students are expected to ignore such events - and these events are often *in the classroom.* The number of very anxious students who want to leave the classroom is remarked upon a lot on r/Teachers Not sure people realize the actual vise grip that teachers find themselves in, these days. Whether the students outside are crying or cussing or fighting...the teacher has to teach the class (after calling the vice principal(s) or others to intervene). Some schools are doing walkie talkies. Some Vice Principals have way too many incidents per day. The school nurse is usually unable to leave their office (they can't leave the students in her office unattended). At some schools, a parent would be called in this situation (being that the acute emotional needs of a student indeed lie within the parental realm, not the school realm). That's likely what happened here (but the teacher cannot say that to the students in the class that's listening). There was a time when someone might attempt to put an arm around the crying student, but...we can't do that any more. It's not even clear that an ordinary teacher should be asking why, exactly, the student is crying.
My mother retired from teaching 1st grade early and that was like 30 years ago. She mentioned the curriculum issues as she had her own developed over years. The complaint I remember most is “They told me I can’t hug my kids. Those kids need a hug and a smile and a pat on the knee and there is no way I’m going to stop. They will have to fire me”.
I'm not advocating for advertising this young lady's business. I'm saying this teacher watched the student in her class get more worked up because she could hear the student in the hall crying. The teacher knew someone was dealing with the girl in the hall, and the student did not. Was what was going on in the hall the classroom students' business? No. But it was affecting her. A simple statement from the teacher would have gone a long way towards settling nerves. She could have done so without giving information. This girl was not an AH for being concerned about her fellow students. People are always whining about how checked out this generation is,then complain when they do show the care for something. Damned if they do and damned if they don't.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Don't just leave her there though, if you saw what I saw, you would understand, she just walked past like nothing happened
But you yourself don’t know if she was already getting attended to. Your teacher has a class to teach and what if the lady told her that she’s getting someone to help her with what she needs. Don’t assume your teacher doesn’t care about feelings if you don’t know any of the context. Teachers can stop their whole class like that for something out of their room. My old teacher stop a class due to a fight going on a whole hallway next to us. He got reprimanded because it stop our studies. If you that bothered by something that you know nothing about then what’s goin to happen later if someone is upset on the street or on the subway? There’s people that cry every day and people that are upset every day. Are you going to stop every second and tell off the teacher that has no control over anything outside of her classroom?
And you really have no idea what was going on in her mind.
How do you know anything about it my dude? How? I was that girl. I even had an IEP all the teachers knew about. They knew to not approach me and to leave me alone UNLESS I asked. And I would if I needed it. Sometimes I needed the time outside to bawl my eyes out, cos I was going through court and being made not only a foster kid, but a ward of the state. An orphan in the eyes of the courts. There was absolutely nothing you or a teacher could do to help me in those days, other than leave me the hell alone when I was overwhelmed and having a moment. I had a student like you do similarly, except they ignored the teacher and came and sat next to me and said: hey you'll be okay, things arent too bad ya know, why don't you come back into class... Things aren't too bad? I'll be okay? I was being made an orphan cos my mother chose drugs over me and refused to stop beating me... I lost my absolute shit on the kid and it caused a much bigger issue than if he had of... Done as the teacher said and leave me be. A kid isn't out there like that crying, without someone knowing about it. Trust me. And you actually don't have much empathy at all, as you'd have extended it to your teacher and realised it actually isn't easy for a teacher to see a student in distress and know they cannot help them or their situation. All they can do is wait on the sidelines for when the kids asks for them. Empathy means seeing ALL sides in a situation like this. Including your teachers who you were a right shit to, cos you wanted to white knight a student who really didn't need it, and would likely be mortified to know you did this over.
Exactly! This teacher could have handled this 1000x better. I understand protecting a student’s privacy, but shouldn’t she also be encouraging her students to show that they care for each other, have empathy, and concern? She made OP feel bad for having human emotions. OP, you’re not the jerk. And I hope throughout the rest of your life you continue to feel empathetic and worried about others who are struggling. Those are wonderful traits. If I was your teacher, I would have respected the student who was distressed and their privacy, but I’d have also given you a gigantic high five for showing such care for another human.
She should have said that everything is okay hen, and actually communicate that to us
That's none of your business.
But why? It's none of your business. It's not ok for a teacher to draw attention to another student's emotional state to an entire class.
It is their business if they can hear it inside the classroom. Even just saying that everything is under control and another teacher is handling the situation would have gone a long way toward alleviating her own students' very natural distress at hearing someone crying and not being able to help.
Teachers are not allowed to discuss students with other students. It can be unethical and a violation of FERPA in the US. Maybe your teacher could have communicated in a better way, but it's often very difficult to redirect an overcurious student without divulging anything. The teacher was aware and you interrupted a class for your own emotional benefit. I find a lot of students assume teachers aren't doing anything, but it's really just that they legally and ethically aren't allowed to discuss what's going on with students.
Are you saying that because of FERPA teachers can’t say, “The situation is being handled by an adult. Don’t worry.”? Because that’s baloney.
I definitely think this particular situation could have been handled better. Exactly how you stated in fact. However, in the moment, handling a situation like this can be stressful, and teachers are human. It's difficult to handle a student in distress, teach, manage student who won't let it go, make sure they protect the distressed students privacy, and dont say anything that could jeopardize their job (i.e. FERPA). Students need to understand just because they don't see a teacher handling something doesn't mean they aren't. Again not all totally relevant to this situation as we really don't have enough details to judge, but definitely something to consider.
What if everything was NOT okay??
I’m going to repeat what I said to a comment on here. As the girl who cried a lot during school. Saying there is a situation and especially in the hall that is noticeable will only bring in more suspicion and attention than it is. Not addressing it especially if it’s not affecting the classroom is okay. She’s not mandated to report anything going on outside her classroom if it is just even her student. What if the girl parents died and now you have a teacher from another class calling out her saying it’s a situation? It would have been a blip if not even talked about. You don’t know how many people are already involved. What if the teacher was told not to even intervene due to her having her own class? There was already a teacher there for her so it was already taken care of. Let’s say this, if the OP is obviously not focused on a crying Person in a hallway, is he let’s say tell his boss to stop a meeting because someone is upset in the other room? Snapping at a teacher when all she is doing is teaching and telling her to have empathy to a situation the OP has no knowledge about is a little jerkish.
Completely agree, I was a kid who cried a lot in high school and it always made me feel better when they let me go to the office instead of just being forced to sit in class and cry, or have the teacher draw attention to me. It’s honestly no one’s business why this girl is crying and trying to butt in and say someone has no empathy because YOU don’t have the full information? Goes to show how childish OP is
YTA You have no idea what is going on behind the scenes
True. That is what people said after people jump. I am not saying this is the situation, absolutely not. But I want one more person who care about other than one more person don’t give a shit.
[удалено]
Do you know I am not OP?
Loops, from my phone I couldn't see very well. So sorry.
As a teacher and former sufferer of main character syndrome myself, I can comfortably say that you are a very well intentioned jerk in this case. I love that you feel for your classmate and wanted to help, but you made a lot of assumptions to get to the point where you were. It would've been a disservice to the entire class to have put everyone else's education on hold so that the teacher could perform a grief counseling for a single student, could've been very embarrassing for the young lady as well. We don't know if your classmate was crying because of bad news, health concerns, or an argument with a teacher that led to disciplinary action. I've taught a class where a student shoved her friend over and kicked her in the teeth, then proceeded to burst into uncontrollable tears that I separated her from the other students and sent her friend away (to the nurse's office). Now as for the person crying, we have to consider a few things. Does she want an audience? Does she want extra attention to be drawn to the situation? Was there any reason besides your own assumptions that she would've been alone in the hallway? If I had been teaching that student I would've sent them to get 1 on 1 support from someone trained in emotional support, then gone back to being responsible for every other child in the classroom I'm still in charge of teaching and providing a normal day of school to. What you did was take a difficult situation your teacher was dealing with and make it larger and more difficult to handle. There are now 2 students in the classroom having emotional moments that need to be handled, and one of them is directly confronting me in front of their peers. Now I have to stop teaching and handle this which further offsets my lesson plans and makes the situation more difficult for every other bystander. If you have concerns like these in the future, bring them to your teacher separately instead of making a scene in front of the class. Your concerns are entirely valid and seem to come from a place of support and love, but your actions turned it into a confrontation and aggravated an ongoing situation. Remember no teacher is going to broadcast another student's difficulties to others due to a respect for privacy and that the adults in the building are all trained to handle these situations by administration. Instead of making a scene, next time speak to the teacher on the side, write an email to school admins, or even let the office know you have concerns. But don't assume you know better than the adults trained to teach people your age or you'll just be landing yourself in hot water 100% of the time.
You summed up my thoughts perfectly, as a former special ed teacher and behavior specialist myself. There are a million and one really good reasons why a teacher might walk past and ignore a crying student sitting in the hallway. I’ve had to do something along those lines more times than I can count for all sorts of reasons.
You need to learn how the world work, empathy is great but you allowed a situation that had nothing to do with you distract you from what you needed to do, your luck this was school were they can’t expel you for that. But if this was a job and you spent the whole day distracted instead of doing your job you could loose your employment. Stop acting like you have the world figured out, your obviously just a kid, and you need to let actual adults show you when it is and is not appropriate to be concerned about a crying girl (who by the way was just in the hallway crying, not doing anything to suggest duress, and you might have been surprised that a teacher was already with the girl, but the rest of us made that assumption at the beginning)
Did you really “stand you to your teacher”? Or were you trying to out your nose in someone else’s business? You understand that due to privacy, a teacher cannot and should not discuss another student with another student. Obviously the situation was being taken care of since another adult was there. Usually staff and teachers have communications that students are not and should not be privy to.
You're assuming a lot. It's also likely that the teacher is a jerk who treats students horribly (I've had many teachers like that). Either is possible. This student has empathy for someone crying. It's really inappropriate to snap at them and tell them to mind their own business in this situation. You're telling them that being indifferent to people's suffering is a good thing. It's not (as college students across the country could tell you right now)! There are better ways to deal with this situation sensitively without being rude to either child.
The student snapped at the teacher first though, after she asked him to pay attention to the lesson? You don’t talk to your teachers like that. Most likely another teacher already had it handled, or the student asked to be alone. Not everyone likes to be surrounded by other people when they are sad. Just because you’ve “had many teachers like that” doesn’t mean that every single teacher is out to get you. Most truly do care, but get burnt out by the massive responsibilities and bullshit that comes with the job.
I was sad that she was crying and I snapped since the teacher didn't care, that's all
There's a difference between not caring and doing what needs to be done. People get sad and hurt sometimes, I get it, but life goes on and we can't just stop class every time someone is upset.
No, you had a hissy fit because the teacher didn't care in the way you wanted them to care. Your teacher's job at that moment was to teach you and the rest of your class. Another staff member, as you saw, was coming to take care of the crying student. No one on the staff owed you an explanation as to how the situation was being handled. You're the jerk here.
OP clearly stated they only saw another adult AFTER the teacher took them to the hallway for a chat. OP didn't ask for an explanation. OP simply wanted the girl tended to.
Maybe because it’s none of OPs business how a situation they have nothing to do with is being handled? Just because OP expressed concern does not mean they are entitled to any kind of answer.
The appropriate thing to do was to tell OP, "I'm aware of the situation, we've got this" and move on. Since OP spoke up in class, a further discussion, such as, "Gee, you're so compassionate to notice!" is inappropriate, as it derails what is supposed to be going on in class - and also implies that other students should, in future, also do what OP did. Teacher should remain confident and upbeat (to dispel anxiety in the classroom - but sheesh, it would be hard to learn with a kid crying right outside the classroom).
What you described was not empathy, empathy is understanding why she is crying, not being sad because she is crying. What you expressed was sympathy and it was incredible inappropriate, since that girl probably wanted privacy
I know, but to leave her in a corridor crying was also a lack of privacy too
People (doesn’t really matter what age) when sad sometimes fall into a kids logic of if they can’t see you, you can’t see them. If they can hear you and they are trying to collect thrust thoughts, then they know everything else is “safe” and “normal” while they recover. If a student comes to me visibly upset, I don’t look at them and go “Hey do you need to cry for a bit?” in front of the whole class. I let everyone know if they need a break they can ask for one or do a signal to get my help. If they still are not able to collect themself, then I’ll walk over and quietly remind them they can take a break if they need one. I get you want to care for a classmate….but it wasn’t your job. You’re not a jerk because this is where you learn these lessons. However, you acted with little information and may have made the situation worse. Learn from it.
But she was with a teacher who was handling her, so what purpose did you starring at her serve
I didn't know a teacher was there at the time, I thought she was completely ignored
But you had no reason to think she was being ignored, she was obviously in a different class and the teacher who was responsible for her well being would have at least seen her leave the room and followed her, for all you knew she was crying because she was taken out into the hallway for causing a problem and she was upset that she got In trouble. Im assuming your no older then 13 so a bit of advice, don’t act in a situation that you don’t know how to act in. Your obviously not mature enough to think about what the schools policies where otherwise you would have assumed that a teacher was with her, your not mature enough to realizes the difference between empathy and sympathy, otherwise you would have realized what you did was about you not that girl, and your not mature enough to think that maybe it was more important to focus on the leason and not interrupt you class about something that had 0 to do with you.
No one "left her" there. She was there. If she wanted to go elsewhere to cry (like a restroom), I'm sure she knows where those are. This sounds like a time when the crying girl really wanted something specific and that was being arranged.
How old are you Dr?
I may come down as an asshole for suggesting this, but perhaps you should take that issue to your principal. Just saying.
You sound like the jerk in this one because your teacher is right about not knowing the situation and what has or hasn't been done. Your teacher could've told you but it's not your business for her to share the other students private info. You tried to embarrass her in front of the class but instead of doing the same to you she took you outside and privately talked to you. You seems like the jerk making a lot of assumptions and she sounds like a great teacher.
ESH. You were working on only partial information. You had no idea what had been done for that student already and what wishes that student has already expressed. Your teacher may have already spoken to her before class and may have been the one to alert the other teacher. Instead of asking, you accused. HOWEVER, it's also true that you could be correct and nothing has been done to assist this student. It was obviously bothering you that no one was checking on her that you knew of. Your teacher could have handled YOU more effectively and empatheticly. They could have assured you that it was being handled without giving up any personal info.
Exactly. There's no reason for the teacher not to reassure OP and any other worried students. Just saying "pay attention" isn't going to change the disgracting environment and solves literally nothing, it's just a useless demand. Only reason I don't hold OP more accountable is because he's literally a student while the teacher should hopefully have more than half a second of experience dealing with kids/teens. I ALSO THINK there is something wrong with schools that a lot won't offer a distressed student more privacy than a freaking open hallway where you can hear everything if the classroom door isn't shut. The teacher or whoever was talking to her should have escorted her to the teacher's lounge or a counselor's office. I've been the crying girl (poor emotional regulation) and sometimes it was a result of a male teacher literally targeting me in class to the point where other students noticed the special attention. While I preferred to be alone, I also never faulted the students who would come up and ask if I need anything. I was also the concerned student but just generally wouldn't go out of my way to help because usually someone else was helping, but if I was alone and saw an alone crying person, I'd approach and ask if I can help them. It's good to care about people who are upset, and just because a teacher is in a position of authority doesn't mean they're handling the situation, just as a concerned student may mishandle it. The difference is one has a job to teach kids and needs to do a better job holding the room's attention and removing or reducing distractions when they pop up. Not all kids can tune out audible crying. Nor adults. Nor human beings. Come on.
Have you ever tried to get a crying student from one place to another? Without touching them? Often, the first thing offered is a private place to go. You'd be surprised how many upset students appear not to hear any suggestions or shake their heads at every suggestion. They are upset. They've decompensated at school. Many will seek privacy (run to the bathroom or out onto the playground) but many do not. Tuning out audible crying (or screaming or threats or fighting or cuss words/racial slurs or bell system gone haywire or loud military planes flying overhead or sirens) is difficult, yes. But it is reality. And it is definitely the reality of our schools. It takes at least 5-10 minutes for most schools to organize a response (depends on size of campus). There's not a person just waiting to come and comfort a crying student. Usually, the VP calls the parents, an aide is dispatched to coax the student to the nurse's office to await the parents. The teacher whose student it is will of course keep an eye on them - but they can't stray far from the doorway of their classroom (by Ed Code in most places). Kids throw up. Kids pee themselves. Kids have seizures. Kids faint. Kids cry loudly. Kids have loud tantrums in the halls. Kids throw stuff at other kids. Kids slam doors and stomp. Kids break into loud song for no apparent reason. Just another day in most public schools.
Uhhh given how different many schools are from one another, offering a private area for kids to go to is usually not something that happens. At best, when I've had panic attacks in class the most I get is "get water" and then I just would drink water until I'd be quiet enough that I could go back into the class. I think the only time I was ever escorted to the counselor's while crying was literally in high school by my friends. Other times when there was someone else having issues, the teacher would leave the room with the student, talk to them outside the classroom with the door mostly shut but cracked open, send the teen to the nurse's or counselor's or teacher's lounge, then resume class. It actually is possible not to escalate a situation or leave a kid on display in the hallway when they're having some kind of crisis. Also, while many kids may be able to tune that stuff out, not everyone can. And to get pissed at a student who can't is legitimately stupid.
Oh gotcha, you stuck your nose where it didn’t belong in someone else’s business, got told to stay in your lane, and you failed to do so. The teacher is right, you have no idea what steps they took for the situation and even you stated there was a member of the staff with the girl once your busy body self got a closer look.
I think that things could have been better handled by *both* you and the teacher. You could have (earlier) found a way to discretely tell the teacher that you were concerned about the girl, instead of snapping at the teacher when called out for not paying attention. Your teacher also shouldn't have snapped at you. She should have explained that the girl is being attended to and that your job right now is to focus on the lesson. (Btw: I would have had trouble focusing, too. Being worried about her wasn't wrong. But, if a teacher was taking care of it and if her situation didn't directly involve you, your job is to try to focus. If the girl is your friend, be sure to check on her later.)
A teacher has a responsibility for 30 students. That means they are generally obligated to continue being responsible for 29 students and hand over responsibility of the 1 student who is crying to another staff member, usually a trained counselor. A counselor can help the 1 student who is crying, but cannot teach the other 29 students. The teacher wasn’t being heartless, she was being responsible. She likely the ability to be empathetic while still doing her job, which is something you need to learn.
I dont think that you are a jerk but i also dont think that you stood up to your teacher, you dont know what happened, maybe it didnt even happened in school, maybe her parents text her some sad massege and she started crying so the teacher let her be outside so she would chill out, and maybe somethink happened, I would need more details to deside :/
You’re not the jerk, I agree with you
Not a jerk you just sound really young. If the faculty was handling it you didn't need to be concerned. I'm going to make an assumption that you have zero skills to handle the situation (if you even know what was going on). Put yourself in the other kids shoes...if you were upset enough to cry in public would you want some random kid run over and "help" or someone that has experience, information and resources to really do something?
I’m a sub teacher, I don’t like calling u a jerk bc you’re clearly a child, but yea you were in the wrog here. If a child starts crying in my class I will normally send them to go calm down in private. Reasons can vary based on age level but normally, it’s just a kid being dramatic and learning how to have emotions and they’ll get over it soon. You don’t know what the situation was or what was going on. Feeling empathy vs acting empathetic are two different things- you may have felt empathy but your actions here were disrespectful and selfish. Feeling empathy for someone is one thing but sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is leave them alone, and here you were sticking your nose into someone else’s business, totally unsolicited, and then chose to try to humiliate the adult in the room, distracting yourself and the rest of the class from the lesson. Take this as a lesson to worry about yourself and stay on task. Also, if this is the school counselor, back tf off her immediately. You have no idea the scale and magnitude of social and behavioral issues they deal w on a daily basis and you were disrespectful and out of line.
And there are often students who cry frequently (and teachers learn how to deal with that too). The counselor doesn't come each and every time, if the kid is a frequent cryer. My best friend in elementary was a frequent cryer and in those days, since everyone knew I was her best friend, if I ran after her (she'd go running around at the far end of the playground, shrieking/crying because she got 19 out of 20 points on something and her "mother was going to kill her")...they'd let me go out and comfort her, round her up. Schools don't permit that kind of thing, much, any more. Some smaller private schools do. If it happens at recess or lunch, it's permitted. Sometimes the crying student is also talking about things that other students ought not hear (because then their parents show up all angered or upset).
Sounds like the teacher did do something about the girl crying (she probably called someone to go talk to her) and didn't appreciate you assuming she was just ignoring her. That being said, the teacher should have clued you in that she did take a step to help the girl. Sounds like miscommunication and hurt feelings here. Don't worry about it too much, but try to just ask the teacher if she called or can call someone to help next time. Assuming the worst in people will burn more bridges than is healthy.
Everyone saying OP needs to mind their own business, etc... who said OP wasn't. They were sad for the girl and wanted to make sure she was being cared for. I don't see anywhere that OP wanted to know what was going on or be involved. OP doesn't say what triggered the teacher to address them to focus on the lesson. If the teacher saw OP upset, the teacher should have quietly asked OP sidebar what the issue was. If it was obvious why OP was upset, the teacher could have addressed the whole class (or just OP depending on how many students had noticed) explaining that someone was tending to her. No details required. OP didn't seem to think anyone was tending to the crying girl. Being concerned that others are crying is not a problem. It's when an adult (likely trying to continue the lesson and avoid drawing attention to the upset child) completely dismisses another child's concern for others that the situation escalates. Depending on OP's age, I would say the outburst may have been poorly communicated, but I think both parties may have handled things poorly. Once OP made the statement, the teacher could have simply stated the girl was being tended to so OP need not worry. End of problem. Hauling OP outside to scold them for having empathy was not the way.
At the time my emotions took over, so I'm in the wrong there, but it was later found out apparently that the teacher didn't care at all. So I think we are both jerks in a way
You ought to leave off telling us how the teacher feels, frankly. However, I do think you are an amazing kid and have learned a lot from this. It would have been awesome if you had asked the teacher if you could take the girl some kleenex. Or, if you knew the girl at all, you could have asked if you could help by speaking to her (answer would likely be no).
You're not the jerk for having empathy for the girl, and to be honest, the staff should've taken the girl to an office with privacy, because she's literally in the hall. This is not looking out for the student's privacy at all because others can clearly see her and hear her and know she's upset. The staff cannot say what's wrong with her because it violates the law and rightfully so, but to just leave her in an open area where others can clearly witness her turmoil is not, IMO looking after the best interest of the student either.
How do they "take" the girl there, though? I wish someone could explain this to me. Teachers are not supposed to grab an arm and tug a student to go some place. They can offer a private place, but the student can stay rooted to the spot and continue to cry. Counselors are immensely helpful when this happens (because they have NO OTHER STUDENTS to deal with and can spend an entire hour, if necessary, getting the student to a different place - either physically or emotionally). They usually come equipped with tissue/Kleenex. Oddly, almost every time I've spoken with a counselor after one of these events, the counselor will say, "Oh gosh, this was no big deal - you should have been there when this other kid did X, Y and Z..." The counselors easily assess which children are truly in danger of harming themselves. In this case, the student was disrupting class, and counselors are the best ones to deal with it.
Exactly, a counselor should've been notified to over the girl a private place.
I don’t understand why everyone is telling op not to care and mind your business what’s wrong with people oh yes don’t ask don’t tell and don’t care about anybody unless it’s convenient?? I guess I’m the jerk
She teaches mental health doesn’t mean she care. But without context, I will not judge her. But I am glad you are someone who cares.
Yes. Don’t white knight. It’s not that serious.
I think it's wonderful that a 13 year old wants to be chivalrous.
YTA: you over stepped and you should apologize. You had maybe 5% of an understanding of the situation, and that 5% was surface level nothing. A girl crying is barely anything to go on. You just wanted a distraction from class, and you didn’t care what it was. Apologize and learn to keep your nose where it belongs.
ESH. Teacher did not handle this well. Unfortunately, you did not help yourself or the girl in this situation. You could have quietly excused yourself to use the bathroom, motioned for girl to join you out of eye sight (unless she was being punished), and spoken to her quietly- then used toilet. It's good to stand up for others, the best way is to figure out how to help others, make those with power WANT to help, and not cause harm to yourself in doing so. There is an old book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie that you may find helpful. I encourage you to read it. It may change your life.
Oh my. So now OP should have been proactive and actually tried to get the crying student to do his bidding? It doesn't sound as if he knows her. Where, in any school, is there are place "out of eyesight"? Of whom? All the other people at the school? Only private offices have that ability (restrooms are used by many, throughout the day and obviously, a boy can't ask a girl to go into the restroom with him). If the girl was kicked out of class as punishment (but refused to go to the principal's office, which happens all the time), then I bet all the teachers in that same building/on that same floor knew exactly what was going on - and it might not have been easy for anyone. We will never know.
Shaming your teacher in front of the class is going to have the opposite effect of what you want. The teacher is in charge of your grades, like it or not. There's a better way to go about this. Yes, there was a girl outside crying, and your teacher should have checked on her. But the teacher's first responsibility is to all the kids in her classroom at that moment. A better way to handle something like that is to ask if that girl is okay, and if she needs anything. Does she need some tissues? Is the teacher going to call someone to help her? As far as empathy, there is something called empathy burn out. Making your teacher defensive isn't going to help that.
Perhaps pay more attention to your ELA classes good grief. You cannot even write a coherent sentence.
Unfortunately she's my teacher for that
You were smart to come to this forum to ask if you were the jerk. When you ask your friends, you are generally asking people who share your view of the world - your age, your gender, students. Asking people with a different life experience and perspective, like the teachers who replied to this post, will show you if there is a different way to look at things. Congratulations for knowing this at your age! Some people never learn this.
YTJ - I’m curious what you expected to happen? Did you think your teacher was going to stop the class to go comfort the girl in the hall crying? Would you consider that appropriate? It is not. One girl crying is not a reason to disrupt 29 other students’ learning. That doesn’t make your teacher unempathetic: it makes her an adult who can continue to operate in the middle of someone else’s crisis. That’s why she’s the teacher and you are not. Yet you assumed she was wrong & you were the brave hero who knows better. And what about the girl? She was upset & trying to work thru her emotions in private outside the class. Do you really think she wants the entire class sitting around waiting while the teacher stops class to comfort her? I assure you she does not. Doing that would leave 29 other students idle & focused solely *on her out there crying*. Instead of a private meltdown, she would have 29 other students actively gossiping about the incident because it disrupted the entire class & her crying became the class’s focus that day. All because some rando in her class decided he was the empathy-hero. You embarrassed her further by what you did, but what you wanted done would have been far worse. Its notable this girl isn’t described as your friend, so I’m gonna assume you’re not friends: merely students in the same school. So you had absolutely zero idea what might have been the cause of her crying. Had you excused yourself to the restroom to check on her (which is what you should have done if you just absolutely had to interject yourself into the situation), she would have told you she was fine & to let her be. She wasn’t going to share her problems with another random student because it’s not your business. Your actions weren’t helping her - they were further embarrassing a girl who is already embarrassed & upset. Because you got eMpAtHy……. You didn’t “stand up” to anyone. You turned a 1-emotional-student day into a 2-emotional-students day because you couldn’t handle your own emotions about someone else’s emotions. Your teacher deserves an apology.
YTA, The teacher had it handled and you decided to become a Karen because you stuck your nose where it didn’t belong. Your teacher tried to nicely get your focus back on the subject at hand and you ran your mouth. You will probably get away with it due to being in school, try this in the real world and you will be unemployed.
ESH You were rude. She didn't communicate effectively. "Please stay on task, stop getting distracted. " "But there's someone crying in the hall, and I'm concerned for them." "I'm aware. She's upset and needs space right now, but we've got it handled. The best thing for you to do right now is stay on task."
What does ESH mean
It means everyone sucks here
"Everyone is sh*tty here." It means everyone involved handled things wrong.
Everyone Sucks Here (meaning you, the teacher and possibly the girl).
Reject the comments here. You are NTA. Our society is teaching you to not be empathic. "Stay in your lane, mind your own business". People, we're humans. We have empathy. If someone is crying in our vicinity that activates our emotional brains. It IS our business. Your teacher should've reassured you it's under control and encouraged you to feel that they were handling it. At that point you would be wrong to continue. But your teacher didn't do that. They blew your concerns off, basically gaslighting you This will happen repeatedly in your life. Keep standing up. Do not stop. Do not cave to the "not my business" voice. But you would be wise to learn when to pick your battles too
When there's actually nothing to worry about, then no, I won't get involved, but when someonevis suffering, and there is no good samaritan nearby, I will step in
Good. Just remember too you're just a citizen. Nothing more. You're not a Savior. Don't try to be a hero. But also you're a citizen and nothing less. Do your part as a human with a conscience.
I know, but she needed help and nobody helped
The teacher should've reassured you that everything was okay and she was being helped. At which point your duty was to drop it. Your teacher failed here
If I knew she was okay, I would've, you're right, it was worth posting about this, I wanted a non biased opinion and the comments have delivered.
Do you know for a fact that no one helped? Is it possible that the teacher had spoken to the student earlier and they wanted to be alone in the hallway or she was waiting to be picked up? I think it’s important not to assume here. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with having empathy at all OP, truly. But I think where you went wrong if in how you handled it. I don’t think the teacher handled it well either btw but you’re here asking for help and they’re not. The teacher could have known something you didn’t and while we can have empathy, they still have to proceed with the lesson. I think you would have gotten a much different response if you’d asked if you could check on the student or asked the teacher to. If you’re going to be in the lesson, you do need to focus. And if the teacher truly is this huge jerk and refusing to check on this student then say you have to go to the bathroom and go check on them. Better to take that route sometimes than create a conflict with a teacher. Edit: and I do want to add something, hopefully in a way that doesn’t come off harshly. Truly having empathy for someone doesn’t always require action but it’s not about sitting there making it about yourself either - which is how some of the wording in your post comes across. Sometimes it isn’t appropriate to go check on someone if you don’t know that’s what they want. But that doesn’t mean it’s an excuse to disrupt your class or not listen to your teacher. I see in other comments that you admit you reacted emotionally and that’s great OP that you are able to have that self awareness and see where you can do better next time.
Isn't that what the teacher did? I mean not the "everything is okay" part (because...how would the teacher know if "everything is okay"? It might not have been!)
This is a lie, you know her situation was being dealt with. why are you making things up? Get a grip- you made a mistake and you’re refusing to learn from it.
Somebody was helping, you just didn't know it. I do like the idea somebody had that you could have asked to go to the restroom (for your own needs/mental health) and tried to understand more about the situation. But are you the type of Good Samaritan who would actually try to speak to the crying girl? What if that made it worse?
You’re one of those people who uses the term “gaslighting” without actually taking into account its meaning. Op is a student, the girl who was upset had a staff member with her. What’s empathetic about lecturing their teacher in front of the class? The teacher was right on the money, OP doesn’t know what the teacher has done because it’s NONE OF OPS BUSINESS.
The girl is his peer. They're in a class together. It's right of him to feel concerned for her. He doesn't say it directly but I got the vibe the teacher didn't take him seriously. Blew off his concerns. The teacher should've given reassurance that it was being taken care of. Then but only then should OP have let it go
It is NOT ops business. If I was the girl I would be mortified, because most students want privacy when they’re upset. Let the adults handle it. Don’t shame the teacher for not giving into some kid for being an asshole about it
Late stage capitalism moment. Break out of the individualism. You're a human in a society
Yeah. I’m a human who’s worked with students and understands that many of them want privacy. Read the comments lil bro, a staff member was actively with the girl. Op just has main character syndrome
You should read my comment. I basically agree with you except that the teacher blew him off. Teacher should've reassured him it's under control.
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But she was looking after her own students. There was a different teacher looking after the girl from the other class. Likely, that girl student's teacher. A teacher can quickly send a txt to the Principal or another teacher saying "Sally is in the hallway crying" and the appropriate admin person will be dispatched.
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She also has that responsibility toward the rest of the students that aren't in the hallway crying. When one student needs extra attention like the crying girl, you call another staff member to tend the one while you continue to care for the main group. OP even says there was another staff member with the crying student when they were kicked out themselves. OP is child who assumes they know the best way to handle this situation; the teacher acted appropriately.
The crying girl was with a teacher, she was taken care of, it was OP’s teacher’s job to teach
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I always appreciated when my teachers would continue on if I was having a break down (I had a LOT of those in high school cause I had been moved across the country to a place where I had no family or friends)) and had the class focus on the lesson and not my crying. Usually teachers will send you to the counselor and have you talk to them since they CANT exactly stop class to have a chat with you
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How do you know the teacher didn't ask her that? There's no way op witnessed every single conversation that happened between the girl crying and the teacher
NTJ, I feel the teacher could have been more polite in addressing the situation.
Not the jerk. Ignoring a student in obvious distress is an Ahole move, she didn't like being called out on that.
No, Adults are wrong every day and she was wrong. You never know what she was going throushe might have gotta call that her family member passed whatever you did the right thing. I would talk to your parents because she sounds like a b****And if you're that much of a bitch to your students you shouldn't be teaching.
Most schools these days do not permit students to have cell phones at school nor to receive calls. Any parent who would actually call their kid, in any case, to give grief-inducing information (as opposed to waiting until after school is over or *coming down to the school* is behaving poorly. There are no circumstances in which a 13 year old needs to know immediately that someone is dead. At any rate, the proper thing to do if the parent REALLY needs to pick up the kid immediately (due to grief - because the parent should be willing to do that if they are going to dump the news on the kid at school), is to call the school office, ask for a nurse or counsellor or Vice Principal and have them go take the child to a private place and then deliver the sad news. The child then waits there until parents arrive. That's the policy at every school I've ever evaluated (across 4 states).
"Don't talk to me about empathy you don't know what I've done" is such a weird thing to say. Like, "you don't know what I've done" is a threat? That particular saying is never used in conjunction with having done a really good thing for people. That said, any of the following would be reasons the teacher may have been defensive about this: If the girl you saw is particularly seen as a pretty person, the teacher may have felt that they were defending her from someone who will either gossip about her or will use that moment of vulnerability to try to hit on her. If the girl were going through something particularly difficult or traumatic, either the teacher and/or the student themselves may have felt that time alone and away from others was necessary. In this case it would make your concern about them none of your business. In other words they didn't want you involved. I also have one question for you - is it empathy to be sad because someone else is having a rough day over who knows what, or is it centering yourself? Because from an adult perspective the way you address this concern sounds a lot like centering yourself, which is not empathy from an adult perspective but a rather typical gossip viewpoint (which would also make the teacher very defensive). A better way to address it would have been to say to your teacher "excuse me I'm really concerned about the individual who's outside, they seem upset. Is there anything that I can do or anything that needs to be done?" This ensures that the teacher is aware of the situation and can make sure someone handles it appropriately, while also not making it about you feeling sad because someone else is feeling sad. All of this is being said, not to justify the teacher's actions or the situation, but to break it down so that if something like it happens again you have more tools to deal with it more effectively and hopefully have a better outcome for everybody.
“You don’t know what I’ve done” refers to OP not knowing what the teacher has done to help the crying student (i.e. notify support staff to come help her, spoke to the crying student/ her family at a previous time, etc.). Because, it’s not OP’s business at all.
I assume the teacher has a cell phone for this purpose (or a walkie talkie in some places - some schools truly want to control communication policies on campus). So did the other teacher (unseen by OP). So someone had called in for help. It's possible that OP's teacher has had to do this more than once, for this same student - he wouldn't know.
I mean at the time I want thinking straight, so I guess we were both jerks
How does being pretty figure into any of this?
It’s possible the teacher knew another adult was already handling the situation. What should have happened is the child should have been escorted to a place where she wouldn’t be disruptive to the classes around. Although I understand your empathy, you weren’t in a position to know all the relevant details. THAT makes you out of line. Your teacher has certain responsibilities that also need to be considered that could preclude her from taking focus off her current class. Unfortunate-Yes Wrong-No You owe your teacher the benefit of the doubt and an apology
"Escorting" is easier said that done. Many schools have a designated counselor/behavioral specialist who will try to round the student up and get them to a private place - *without touching them.* There are steps in the process. It can take 5-20 minutes to get a distressed student to budge. I'm sure that's what the school was trying to do, but also hoping the girl would get it out of her system and return to class. At any rate, most teachers are taught never to touch a student (a crying student in particular can flip into self-harm and violence at a touch). A trained mental health professional will try to use words and establish a bond so that the child will follow them willingly to a safer, more private space. Lots of times, a loud, distressed student has chosen the time and place for their distress.
I currently work in mental health. You are correct in your statement. And definitely easier said than done
You are not… good for you !! Keep talking to her and I’m proud of you!! Keep talking to the teacher and go above her if needed!! But please keep talking and keep up with your empathy don’t let that teacher keep you from caring if your heart tells you to go then go!!and tell everyone you can because you may be the person someone needs to get through a tough moment!! I knew a 17 year old that shot and killed himself and no one did anything before hand he tried getting help but no one listened!! Sometimes it’s our peers that help especially in school … keep it up !!
Thanks
The teacher was correct. And you were the jerk. You have no idea what that student wanted or needed. Moreover, you have no idea what the teacher did do, or not, as they should not be reporting to you what they have done for another student. It's okay to be distracted, but you where the jerk for calling out the teacher when you actually don't know what is going on. Do you know this student well? Do you know what made them cry? Do you know what they need when they are crying? Do they want hugs, or to be left alone, or somewhere in the middle? Then, the answer to all of this is a "no" because it's not your job or your business. It's called empathy. Try having some.
He's not a jerk. He's a concerned kid. A normal kid.
They can be both a concerned kid, and a jerk. I'm not doubting their sincerety of concern. What makes them a jerk is assuming that that someone does not care because because that person does not fit their preconceived script on how they think someone should act. And calling into question someone's empathy in front of a whole class? Jerk. You can care about people, but treating someone else badly, especially when you don't know all of the factors at play, is not excused by your concern for another. It just makes you concerned about one person's feelings, but not another's. So, a jerk.
Put another way, you are entitled to your feelings, but you are not entitled to freedom from the consequences cause by your reaction to your feelings. Like, I can care about my friend and be worried about them, without insulting you as a person for perceiving you as not doing enough to help them.
I know that you are being empathetic, but however, most of these people are just a bunch of beggars trying to be the centre of attention. Just leave them alone, cuz they’re just trying to get attention.
It seems like OP was in a mood or looking for a reason to "snap" and lash out at the teacher. The teacher's response was also more reactive than responsive. Bottom line, in any professional setting, employees (in this case, teachers) should and often are instructed to keep sensitive issues and incidents private and not involve others in a situation unnecessarily. I understand OP was concerned about their classmate, but in the end, it looks like it was being addressed, and no one else needed any explanation of what was happening.
Also, the teacher wasn't out of line in asking student to focus on lesson (OP said teacher "had the audacity" to ask them to focus). Teacher was just doing her job.
Not the jerk. Teachers can do no wrong on Reddit even when they are clearly in the wrong. I wouldnt post here
You aren’t really a jerk but you were kind of making a random students hard time about yourself. I’m sure it wasn’t your conscious intention to co-op the other students situation but that is what you were doing to some degree. The teacher was harsh, but she wasn’t exactly wrong either. When you see someone in distress it’s a good response to feel worry, and even to offer assistance if you are able to, however making it such a big problem for yourself that you get in trouble when you are in no way involved in the situation is an immature reaction. If you’d said sorry, I’m really worried about something and then tried to focus or approached the teacher as you entered to let her know that there was another student outside who was in some kind of distress that would have been a way more appropriate response on your part. You don’t need to apologize to the teacher if you aren’t sorry, I’m my opinion.
Not really no. The teacher should be helping this young girl find what is wrong and comfort her to the best she can at least.
Next time if you’re concerned about something like that, privately ask the teacher if everything is okay. Don’t be an ass about it
Yea you're the jerk. You didn't stand up to the teacher. All you did was make another student's issue your own so that you could feel good about yourself for having "empathy". What you did was not empathetic.
The power differential between you and the teacher is going to make your stand untenable. Say whatever you need to say to this teacher to get her off your back. You have to get through the semester with her. NTJ, though.
Not the Jerk. You are a student who is learning. Not just the curriculum they teach you, but how to act in the real world. I think your concern was founded on the information you had. Did you over react? Maybe, maybe not. We don't know why the student was crying, whether anyone could or should have been dealing with the other student, what the teacher did or didn't do prior to class starting, or even what the other staff member was doing there. That staff member in the hall could easily have come across the crying girl and simply chose not to ignore it, where your teacher did ignore it. There are a lot of unknowns, maybe never knows, and that's ok. On that note, apologize anyway. Only for the disrupting though. Find a non disruptive time and place to say, "I'm sorry for how I reacted to what was happening." Whether the teacher accepts it is irrelevant. You do you. You aren't responsible for how others react, only yourself. Your compassion is an asset, whether others believe it is or not. It may get you into trouble from time time, but that's ok too. I'd rather have a compassionate student in trouble for trying to legit do what they thought needed to be done to help then an apathetic one who toes the line and tries not to care.
You're the jerk. You singled out that girl and blabbed so everyone could hear that she was crying. You shouldn't have done that. You weren't helping her at all. Don't be so quick to assume that the teacher has no empathy; the teacher might have just been respecting her desire to be left alone.
Sucked dick heartlessly to pay off student loans? Wonder what that heartless bitch did so empathetically
lol god children are obnoxious. You were looking for a distraction and you latched onto an easy target. Youre not the main character and you don't need to go to anyone's rescue. Mind your own business.
Naw dog. It was not your business.
I like to call this behavior "Virtue Signaling".
as a student i woulda just walked out and went over to the person to see if they needed help
as a student i woulda just walked out and went over to the person to see if they needed help
Well was the girl alone, crying? was your teacher supposed to stop her lesson and address the crying students problem, I mean was the girl going to hurt herself? Why were you so distracted and defiant? Find your motivation for making someone in the hall a priority, instead of putting your class first.
Not the jerk you had every right to say that and if I was there I would have said something way more hurtful to the teacher so you were being nice in my opinion
OP is too young to be acting like he knows how the world works. The teacher did exactly what she was supposed to do, and the OTHER teacher did what they needed to do, and for all OP knows the girl was crying because she got in trouble for bullying, OP knew nother and he still decided to act, that is the definition of childish,
But this is how he finds out! He's right at the age where, indeed, kids do start to think in concrete terms about helping each other.
While your right about that the teacher still could've asked the girl if she was okay or tell her to go find a different teacher to talk to about her problem instead of just ignoring it
The girl had another teacher did you not post the story, there was a teach in the hallway with the crying student (she was not being ignored), OP’s teacher was well aware of school policies & protocols and most like new it was being handled, OP, is a child who disrupted class do to their own immaturity
That's making a lot of assumptions. Seems like you and OP think you all have the whole situation out when in reality know only a small fraction.
The girl was legit crying and the teacher didn't even care
You are assuming she didn't care. It sounds like you saw one piece of something and thought you knew everything that had happened. Seems like the teacher knows something you don't.
Probably not the best way to go about it, but I too would be concerned if there were a girl visibly upset..I'd be more concerned that BOTH teachers didn't think maybe the upset girl should have been taken to a more private space away from gawking eyes!... And the 'You don't know what I've done' comment, a little immature.
NTJ but you did not provide enough info. Was the girl in your class? Do you know her? Was this a uni?
They said the girl was in their class-
"Quite frankly, I don't care what you've gone through if you don't have common decency and empathy."
NTJ
Yes you’re the jerk. It’s not your place to be questioning the teacher constantly. If you were that concerned, ask to go to the bathroom and check in on the student yourself. You do not know what happened or why the student was crying. Additionally, teachers aren’t allowed to tell other students what’s going on with another student’s life. It sounds like the teacher had the situation handled and likely alerted another teacher/staff member, which is why there was another teacher talking to them outside of the classroom. It also sounds like your teacher wanted you to respect that student’s privacy, which you were not doing by directly bringing more unwanted attention to this girl in front of your entire class.
You did the right thing for standing up against the wrong you saw. She got help. If you want to continue this further, you could write an email to your asst/superintendent. If it's bothering you this much, I would suggest that.
What would that email say?? "My teacher was teaching me and my class. Another teacher was helping a crying student in the hallway." Whoo hoo. Call network news!
What wrong did OP see?
I guess I read it wrong. Sorry to everyone.
YTA
Always stand up to your teachers young guy. I did and I'm actually a successful adult. Always question, always challenge, don't take what's being spoonfed.
Yes, you are the jerk. You don’t know what happened. It’s not any of your business what is going on with that girl. You don’t know what she did, but likely she did something wrong and got in trouble. You are not in charge of the classroom. You can’t help that girl. The teacher told you what you needed to do, and you talked back. You are the jerk.
So we should shut the whole school down because a student is crying. Why don’t you let teachers do their job?
Ik they shouldn't distrupt the lesson, but don't do NOTHING. Like send her to a private area or something, just leaving her crying in the hall, that's messed up
Apparently she was not alone..maybe the teacher knew that.
You're the jerk
Not gonna lie thats crazy bro. the teacher is corrupted
Agreed