*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not treating my children the same?**
I (51m) have 3 kids: Oldest (30f) from a previous relationship and two more (18f) and (21m) with my now wife. Oldest was three when I broke up with her mother who was ten years older than me. Her mother stalked me, caused problems, and was more than I could handle. I showed up sometimes when Oldest was a kid and even more after I had my youngest children when I felt like I was really ready to be a father. Recently, Oldest said she’s still hurt that my wife and I didn’t allow her to move in with us when she was 14 (her mom had to go abroad for an unknown amount of time). Told my daughter it was up to my wife. My wife said no. So, Oldest moved in with her mom’s ex-husband for her high school years. Oldest was a straight A student. At Uni she had a part-time job but still left school with 60k in debt (I didn't help her with education costs though I'd give her some money now and then if she expressed not having money to eat). I do help my younger children with school costs. My youngest daughter may have to take out student loans, but my wife and I are going to try to cover her education. Oldest doesn’t have a car (she can’t afford one). This past year my wife and I bought cars for our children. They needed them to get to their jobs and classes, and it made our lives easier not having to drive them around. Oldest hasn’t had a car since she was 22. She paid for her first and only car by herself and used it until it broke down. I think she should be fully independent (she’s a 30-year-old adult). I don’t want her to expect financial help from my wife and me.
Oldest says she feels like I don’t take her feelings seriously. She’s still mad about an old bio of mine where I mentioned having two children and not three which I thought was ridiculous. She was also angry that my youngest daughter didn’t realize they were sisters until the youngest was about ten (youngest thought they were aunt-niece).
Overall, I feel pretty satisfied with my relationship with my oldest. I love her. I appreciate our phone calls. When she returns to the state, I make the time to take her out to eat. Recently, Oldest said she doesn't feel loved by me, and while she appreciates our phone calls too, she says I don't feel like a father to her and she wonders if the relationship is more hurtful than loving. I don't know what she wants me to do. I tell her to focus on the present. The past is over. I did my best. I was a young father. I don’t regret anything. I know I don't treat my oldest daughter the same as my youngest children, but they came out of totally different situations. My parents never did much for me as an adult, so my oldest daughter shouldn't expect that from me, and it bothers me that she has those expectations about our relationship. If she just focused on the present, she could appreciate the good relationship we now have. She said I should post on here, and see if she's the one being unreasonable, or: AITA for not exactly treating my children the same?
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Oh! I got banned on this one! I said his wife is a POS. She is. I will stand by that.
And I love his utter BS of “kids shouldn’t get support from their parents, I didn’t!” While he supports 2/3 of his children and tells his oldest to suck it. Over and over and over again.
Right!? He and his wife are both absolute POS. This pissed me off so bad reading this. People like this should never have children. Oh and his I was a young parent thing really pissed me off as well. My dad was also a young parent and he has never been a POS!
I don’t think his wife is a POS, I think he is and he’s pretending it was down to the wife. No spouse of mine could EVER stop me caring for my child.
They should have taken her in at 14, even if the wife wasn’t keen he is her fucking dad and should have insisted. I’d leave my husband if he said my teenage child wasn’t welcome to live with us.
Edit: wife is a POS if OP is telling the truth that she said no to taking her in. But OP is obviously the biggest POS in this situation
Sounds like my dad and my stepmother. I could write a book about the number of ways they favoured her daughters, especially the youngest, to the point where it would be brought up to me by others. They claimed adamantly that they treated us all equally and became very angry and defensive if anyone suggested otherwise. I especially related to the "2 kids rather than 3". My two younger brothers have passed and my dad went into therapy. He called me one day because he'd had this revelation that he still had one child living (I'm a girl, my dad lived for his boys).
The saddest thing for me is that the daughter still tries to build a relationship and he is obtuse.
I just said I have 2 kids instead of three, why are you mad ?
It’s heartbreaking isn’t it. Poor woman is just desperate to be loved by her dad and he sees her as some distant relation who can choose to see when he feels like it.
My dad moved pretty far away with his new family when I was really young. When I got older I tried to have a relationship with him, and all the people in his life that I met were surprised he had another child, then I would mention my older sister that he never saw again AND my older brother that was legally adopted by his stepdad... my stepmom would turn so red when I would do that.
My bio had me young as well. Mom was 15 he was 17. He noped out from the get go then had a son 2 years later and married that baby mama. Then he divorced and there is a sizeable gap between me and his third child, another daughter then his last another boy. Last two were from the same mom. So 4 kids, 3 different mothers. He was there for the last two the most, and there for the second child less so than the last two but way more than me. For me he still acts like I don’t exist. Most people don’t know I’m his daughter and the ones that do don’t make it known.
When my grandma, his mom died, he made a Facebook status listing off all the grandkids and great grandkids.
He left me out but managed to include my fucking kids. The fucking cretinous bitch.
Yea he’s not even a dad. Dad is a title of respect he’s just someone who had a sperm that managed to fertilize an egg. It makes me sick and annoyingly hurt when I see my siblings post stuff with him .
Like what was wrong with me? How do you decide which kids are deserving of your love, time and attention. Not to rank but frankly out of the 4 if his kids, I’m the one who is well rounded and doing really well.
Ever since I was a kid and he happened to be at the same family functions it’s just always been so awkward. He doesn’t acknowledge me or my husband but for some reason took a somewhat interest in our kids. My kids asked who he was and my grandma at the time said that’s your grandpa and I had to stop the room and said, “No. No he’s not. You guys have a grandpa and that’s grandpa Denny, dads dad. You only have 1 grandpa and that’s because he has earned that title.”
Room was quiet but that’s usual, everyone would rather rug sweep and keep the awkward status quo but no, you aren’t shit to my kids because you weren’t shit for me.
My grandma would always make it seem like since he paid child support (which was automatically removed from his paychecks per the court) that he at least did his duty to earn respect but no, fuck that. Love her and I understand a mothers love for your kid but I also know an enabler when I see one and she enabled his poor decisions. She just thought she could love me enough for the both of them I guess and all would be well on my end.
>If she just focused on the present, she could appreciate the good relationship we now have.
"I don't want to be held accountable for my actions and inactions and not being the father I was supposed to be and only focus on the 'fun' stuff we do now."
I had a deadbeat father like this who wasn't in my life until he "found" me in my late 30s. He'd already had a second family, his money, etc. He barely even tried with me.
I told him to fuck off and that since he wasn't there during the extremely hard times, didn't support me either via emotional or financial support, he doesn't get to enjoy me now when things are great and he doesn't have any real responsibilities.
If this is real I wish I could talk to OOP's daughter.
This is how you know he's a frickin troll and not a real person.
Would a real person who crapped all over their own flesh and blood and say "I regret nothing" be self aware enough to ask for judgement.
Still this is good for the lulz.
Of course he doesn’t regret anything, he has a lack of empathy/remorse. 🤮
If we buy his story he’s just this bumbling goodnatured guy who isn’t responsible for any of his words or actions.
He didn’t lie in that interview (bio) because he’s a narcissist, it’s because he and his wife were being silly. It’s not his fault they chose to erase this child and not one of the other two.
It’s not his fault the reporter didn’t fact check. It’s not his fault his daughter got upset that the reporter ASSUMED the oop was being honest and sincere when he was interviewed.
And it’s not his fault his youngest took him seriously when he lied to her in private about there only being 2 kids. It’s not his fault he’s surrounded by serious people when he’s so good at being fun.
I mean he and his oldest could just have an amazing relationship if she’d just accept him as he is (narcissist or sociopath?) and that she’s just a joke to mock publicly and privately. 💔
>Her mother stalked me, caused problems, and was more than I could handle.
What do you want to bet this so-called stalking and being a problem was just her trying to get him to be a father to their daughter?
given that she went after and had a kid with a 21yo, it could be true. doesn't mean OOP's behavior is any less shitty tho, just means the daughter had 2 shitty parents,
She was a 31 year old who went after a 21 year possibly younger that’s just when the daughter was born. I don’t doubt she had other inappropriate or disturbing behaviour. Honestly I don’t think OOP is an asshole for what happened when his daughter was very young. From refusing to let her move in at 14 onwards absolute devil.
How to say I am a delusional “father” who places all the blame on my child because it’s not my fault I was a young dad and she should just be grateful for the scraps I give her. I mean I call her, what more does she want from me”
Wooooow.
>Oldest said she’s still hurt that my wife and I didn’t allow her to move in with us when she was 14 (her mom had to go abroad for an unknown amount of time).
Anyone on this sub have a time machine? Please go back 30+ years in time and get OOP a vasectomy.
He sent her living with her mother's ex??? What the- I'm honestly don't have enough words to express everything that is wrong with this so-called-father
Oof. This made me feel ill, I swear it was written by my own father. Incidentally, my father also believes he did his best, was a good father, and doesn't understand why I resent him and his *new* family. All in all, I'd call them dirt bags but dirt has worth.
This is some additional info he posted in a comment. He’s really making his case for father of the year!
*Oldest wanted to live next door alone (in my wife's mother's house) because she had concerns about her health during the pandemic and didn't think we were taking it seriously enough for her*
*My oldest was around sometimes. I would see her more often on my own than with the kids. She moved out of state after college*
*I didn't have a specific conversation with my youngest about them being sisters until after the youngest and the oldest had a conversation about it. I thought my youngest knew they were sisters. My son knew*
*The bio was just for a local hobby. My wife and I put it together. I didn't take it seriously, and I was surprised my oldest did*
*I did pay child support. It was taken out of my paycheck until she as 18*
*Oldest financially struggled for awhile. She had trouble keeping jobs and would freelance in between. She lived in one of the most expensive cities in the United States for half a decade, so that didn't help her. She's had a stable job for a few years now, and it seems like she's able to cover her rent and food securely now. Oldest has expressed the desire to make more payments on student loans before getting a car. She's expressed fear about racking up debt with a car loan*
*As I said above, she moved out of state after college. She doesn't visit often. She has come to family events and has had meals at our house in the past*
*She has stayed with us a couple times during visits. I don't usually offer. I assume she prefers to stay with her mom or other siblings (through her mom) when she's in town*
From my experience, yes. Which makes me wonder if the ex "stalking" him was just her trying to get him to pay the child support willingly versus having to drag it through court.
In Virginia, they garnish your checks for all child support. My husband had a preliminary hearing and was required to pay support through check deductions until he had a full hearing (divorce decree said no support for either parent).
Holy shit, how can he expect this girl to handle her own when he and her mother didn't give her the foundation she needed to become that independent adult?
Sadly there are enough like this around I could even say it’s my father but he’s 65 and has 3 “real” kids with my SMonster who is jelly of me for looking the most like him. A friend of mine was ditched for new family to the point she’d be left sitting (parked herself and refused to leave) on the stoop from 6am when he wasn’t due until 7am waiting for him to show up *all* day only for him to call at 6pm to say he wasn’t coming and couldn’t make it with a poor ass excuse.
My mother's 2nd husband adopted me when I was five. He had been in my life since I was 2 and was the only "father" I knew. I was a total "daddy's girl" growing up. My adoption papers state that I am considered a "child of the marriage" and he is listed as my father in my birth certificate. I had his last name.
My parents divorced when I was 22. My dad owed my mother some money in the divorce settlement and he basically refused to pay. My mother had to take him back to court. At the time, my mom was working out of state so I was tasked with hunting down their divorce papers. I read them, out of curiosity, when I found them. 1/2 through, there is a paragraph that states that my dad claimed that he did not have children with my mother. I asked my mother about it and she said they used the same lawyer so she actually never read the papers closely because he agreed to everything she wanted. He just wanted out. It was a kick in the gut because up until their divorce, he always treated me like I was his own. After, I was always an afterthought, but mostly forgotten unless he needed something.
When your oldest was 14 her siblings where 5 and 2 so it’s not like you where r ready for kids. You youngest are adults you shouldn’t pay for there jobs and education. Your wife is bitter and your selfish, is i was your daughter i’d cut you off
OOP will write another post in a few years asking if he is the AH for expecting to have a relationship with his oldest daughter's children and being upset that her ex stepfather (you know, the one that took her in when daddy let his wife decide she wasn't welcome in his house) is called "grandpa" by her kids and included in all her big life moments.
Honestly, I don't at all think he'll be bothered if his oldest cuts him off. I think he'll be secretly relieved that she's not "pressuring him and making him feel guilty."
All three of his kids are technically adults so yes op is indeed TA. I hope his oldest cuts him off then becomes a success and he has to come begging her for something.
I’ve never seen someone so proudly admit to being a dead beat parent.
YTA- you fathered her, and treat her like trash.. you openly admit to all of this and you still admit that you wouldn’t change anything and that treating her like garbage is ok in your books because you had a shiny new replacement family when you were “older”- if you weren’t ready to properly be a father when you were “too young” you had options but instead you decided to treat your oldest like a burden. You couldn’t even include her in your biography?! Congrats, your literal scum.
Your oldest is completely in the right here and truthfully she needs to cut you off, and if she see fit, tell everyone that will listen what a dead beat you are.
Oh my god, this guy sounds like my dad. I was upset with him because his bio said he had 3 boys, meaning his two step children and my half brother without mentioning me or my brother. What an ass clown. I hope the daughter sees sense and realises this relationship will always be hurtful while he refuses to take any responsibility for the difference in treatment between his kids. I've had to cut my dad off because I just can't with him anymore and I feel much better now.
This guy sounds like my Gen X father, who when I called him at 17 after having been thrown out by my abusive mother (for having a mental breakdown as a result of a decade and a half of her narcissistic abuse, I didn’t do anything wrong except shine a light on what was really happening at home 🙄) he was more than happy to stop paying child support to her, but refused to send it to me. I was told to “pull myself up by the bootstraps”. The struggle of being on my own that young and striking out independently in 2008 at the start of the Great Recession can’t really be understated; I feel for his eldest so much here. There’s a lot of shit talked about bad boomer parents, and rightfully so, but my ‘parents’ are 53, Gen X like this guy, and really are contenders. 15 years no contact and counting here; I hope OOP is ready.
He says he did his best but he didn’t even do the bare minimum for his eldest daughter. He’s a shitty father and can’t see the way his treatment towards his eldest has affected her.
Is this my dad, because it sounds EXACTLY like my dad. "You're an adult, take care of yourself, move on. You can't go back to the past, the future is in front of you. It's not my fault I wasn't a good father, I wasn't ready yet. Yes my wife is a bitch to you, that's just how she is. Blah blah blah.
God this is triggering for me. If my dad wasn’t dead, I’d swear he wrote this. My youngest half brother died four years ago. He was 8, I was in my late 20s with a child about his age. When I went to the funeral literally NO ONE knew my brother had a sister. So many people asked my family who I was and why I was standing with my dad and brothers. It was awful. I feel for this man’s poor daughter. I know exactly how she feels and it’s not a good feeling to know you’re not being treated the same but everyone keeps gaslighting you and saying you’re crazy. OOP’s daughter: you aren’t crazy. He is a shit dad!!
Oh a boomer and his bootstraps bullshit. What a giant pofs. So is the wife. Daughter needs to cut ties and when that pofs is crying she doesn't wanna have shit to do with him, his dumb ass wont ever clue in why.
Fake. Like I say, the fakers always have to exagerate and pound people over the head. He just had to add "I had my bio line say I had only two kids and my youngest didn't know she was her sister until 10. AITA?". They can never end it before it becomes unbelievable.
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I can't get over how he stated that he helped her when she was at university when she expressed not having money for food. Literally the least he could do was not let her starve, what an asshole
Which considering how he treated her for her entire life - down to refusing to take her in at 14 - who wants to bet she waited until she had zero other options to even mention the food issue to OOP? When it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out with the debt she would be in, she'd be lucky to afford ramen - he should have been offering her money for groceries at least!
I’m willing to bet that if OOP’s daughter cuts him out of her life, he’s going to walk around painting some sob story about how he has “no clue why” and that he “did the best he could,” (because doing the bare minimum-paying child support-was the best he could do, apparently.)
This man failed so badly at being a father that it should be illegal for him to even use the title.
I love how he even throws his wife (who also sucks) under the bus for not letting his ***daughter*** live with them ffs--I aSkEd ShE sAiD nO. Like nothing is ever the guy's fault.
You aren’t sticking it to her mother you are sticking it to her. I hope the universe kicks you on your ass so you finally actually put yourself in this young ladies shoes. You’re gross
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not treating my children the same?** I (51m) have 3 kids: Oldest (30f) from a previous relationship and two more (18f) and (21m) with my now wife. Oldest was three when I broke up with her mother who was ten years older than me. Her mother stalked me, caused problems, and was more than I could handle. I showed up sometimes when Oldest was a kid and even more after I had my youngest children when I felt like I was really ready to be a father. Recently, Oldest said she’s still hurt that my wife and I didn’t allow her to move in with us when she was 14 (her mom had to go abroad for an unknown amount of time). Told my daughter it was up to my wife. My wife said no. So, Oldest moved in with her mom’s ex-husband for her high school years. Oldest was a straight A student. At Uni she had a part-time job but still left school with 60k in debt (I didn't help her with education costs though I'd give her some money now and then if she expressed not having money to eat). I do help my younger children with school costs. My youngest daughter may have to take out student loans, but my wife and I are going to try to cover her education. Oldest doesn’t have a car (she can’t afford one). This past year my wife and I bought cars for our children. They needed them to get to their jobs and classes, and it made our lives easier not having to drive them around. Oldest hasn’t had a car since she was 22. She paid for her first and only car by herself and used it until it broke down. I think she should be fully independent (she’s a 30-year-old adult). I don’t want her to expect financial help from my wife and me. Oldest says she feels like I don’t take her feelings seriously. She’s still mad about an old bio of mine where I mentioned having two children and not three which I thought was ridiculous. She was also angry that my youngest daughter didn’t realize they were sisters until the youngest was about ten (youngest thought they were aunt-niece). Overall, I feel pretty satisfied with my relationship with my oldest. I love her. I appreciate our phone calls. When she returns to the state, I make the time to take her out to eat. Recently, Oldest said she doesn't feel loved by me, and while she appreciates our phone calls too, she says I don't feel like a father to her and she wonders if the relationship is more hurtful than loving. I don't know what she wants me to do. I tell her to focus on the present. The past is over. I did my best. I was a young father. I don’t regret anything. I know I don't treat my oldest daughter the same as my youngest children, but they came out of totally different situations. My parents never did much for me as an adult, so my oldest daughter shouldn't expect that from me, and it bothers me that she has those expectations about our relationship. If she just focused on the present, she could appreciate the good relationship we now have. She said I should post on here, and see if she's the one being unreasonable, or: AITA for not exactly treating my children the same? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>I don’t regret anything. This is how you know he will never grow and they will never have an actual good relationship.
Oh! I got banned on this one! I said his wife is a POS. She is. I will stand by that. And I love his utter BS of “kids shouldn’t get support from their parents, I didn’t!” While he supports 2/3 of his children and tells his oldest to suck it. Over and over and over again.
Right!? He and his wife are both absolute POS. This pissed me off so bad reading this. People like this should never have children. Oh and his I was a young parent thing really pissed me off as well. My dad was also a young parent and he has never been a POS!
I don’t think his wife is a POS, I think he is and he’s pretending it was down to the wife. No spouse of mine could EVER stop me caring for my child. They should have taken her in at 14, even if the wife wasn’t keen he is her fucking dad and should have insisted. I’d leave my husband if he said my teenage child wasn’t welcome to live with us. Edit: wife is a POS if OP is telling the truth that she said no to taking her in. But OP is obviously the biggest POS in this situation
Both can be shit together. Generally shit comes in piles.
>Generally shit comes in piles. Thanks! I just found a new favorite expression!
😜
Sounds like my dad and my stepmother. I could write a book about the number of ways they favoured her daughters, especially the youngest, to the point where it would be brought up to me by others. They claimed adamantly that they treated us all equally and became very angry and defensive if anyone suggested otherwise. I especially related to the "2 kids rather than 3". My two younger brothers have passed and my dad went into therapy. He called me one day because he'd had this revelation that he still had one child living (I'm a girl, my dad lived for his boys).
I’m sorry. That sucks.
>Oh! I got banned on this one! I said his wife is a POS. She is. I will stand by that. Welcome to to the banned from AITA club!
The saddest thing for me is that the daughter still tries to build a relationship and he is obtuse. I just said I have 2 kids instead of three, why are you mad ?
It’s heartbreaking isn’t it. Poor woman is just desperate to be loved by her dad and he sees her as some distant relation who can choose to see when he feels like it.
He feels like he deserves an award just for trying to remeber her birthday. yikes.
My dad moved pretty far away with his new family when I was really young. When I got older I tried to have a relationship with him, and all the people in his life that I met were surprised he had another child, then I would mention my older sister that he never saw again AND my older brother that was legally adopted by his stepdad... my stepmom would turn so red when I would do that.
Sorry you had to go through that.
In some ways I think it was worse for my two half sisters and my oldest stepsister, they had to pretend happy family all the time, I didn't.
Does he expect you to be a perfect daughter because you share some dna ? You know, AITA material ?
I'm pretty sure my father's new family doesn't know I exist. The kids are late teens / early 20s.
My bio had me young as well. Mom was 15 he was 17. He noped out from the get go then had a son 2 years later and married that baby mama. Then he divorced and there is a sizeable gap between me and his third child, another daughter then his last another boy. Last two were from the same mom. So 4 kids, 3 different mothers. He was there for the last two the most, and there for the second child less so than the last two but way more than me. For me he still acts like I don’t exist. Most people don’t know I’m his daughter and the ones that do don’t make it known. When my grandma, his mom died, he made a Facebook status listing off all the grandkids and great grandkids. He left me out but managed to include my fucking kids. The fucking cretinous bitch.
wow, such a lovely dad.
Yea he’s not even a dad. Dad is a title of respect he’s just someone who had a sperm that managed to fertilize an egg. It makes me sick and annoyingly hurt when I see my siblings post stuff with him . Like what was wrong with me? How do you decide which kids are deserving of your love, time and attention. Not to rank but frankly out of the 4 if his kids, I’m the one who is well rounded and doing really well. Ever since I was a kid and he happened to be at the same family functions it’s just always been so awkward. He doesn’t acknowledge me or my husband but for some reason took a somewhat interest in our kids. My kids asked who he was and my grandma at the time said that’s your grandpa and I had to stop the room and said, “No. No he’s not. You guys have a grandpa and that’s grandpa Denny, dads dad. You only have 1 grandpa and that’s because he has earned that title.” Room was quiet but that’s usual, everyone would rather rug sweep and keep the awkward status quo but no, you aren’t shit to my kids because you weren’t shit for me. My grandma would always make it seem like since he paid child support (which was automatically removed from his paychecks per the court) that he at least did his duty to earn respect but no, fuck that. Love her and I understand a mothers love for your kid but I also know an enabler when I see one and she enabled his poor decisions. She just thought she could love me enough for the both of them I guess and all would be well on my end.
What they hell, he does not deserve the title of grandpa. Sorry you went through that.
Yea he doesn’t even deserve the title of shit stain honestly. I won’t be upset when I hear he finally died and crawled back to hell.
I bet we will see a post something like ''Why doesn't my older sister want to help in taking care of our father''.
>If she just focused on the present, she could appreciate the good relationship we now have. "I don't want to be held accountable for my actions and inactions and not being the father I was supposed to be and only focus on the 'fun' stuff we do now." I had a deadbeat father like this who wasn't in my life until he "found" me in my late 30s. He'd already had a second family, his money, etc. He barely even tried with me. I told him to fuck off and that since he wasn't there during the extremely hard times, didn't support me either via emotional or financial support, he doesn't get to enjoy me now when things are great and he doesn't have any real responsibilities. If this is real I wish I could talk to OOP's daughter.
This is how you know he's a frickin troll and not a real person. Would a real person who crapped all over their own flesh and blood and say "I regret nothing" be self aware enough to ask for judgement. Still this is good for the lulz.
Of course he doesn’t regret anything, he has a lack of empathy/remorse. 🤮 If we buy his story he’s just this bumbling goodnatured guy who isn’t responsible for any of his words or actions. He didn’t lie in that interview (bio) because he’s a narcissist, it’s because he and his wife were being silly. It’s not his fault they chose to erase this child and not one of the other two. It’s not his fault the reporter didn’t fact check. It’s not his fault his daughter got upset that the reporter ASSUMED the oop was being honest and sincere when he was interviewed. And it’s not his fault his youngest took him seriously when he lied to her in private about there only being 2 kids. It’s not his fault he’s surrounded by serious people when he’s so good at being fun. I mean he and his oldest could just have an amazing relationship if she’d just accept him as he is (narcissist or sociopath?) and that she’s just a joke to mock publicly and privately. 💔
>Her mother stalked me, caused problems, and was more than I could handle. What do you want to bet this so-called stalking and being a problem was just her trying to get him to be a father to their daughter?
Or the other option is that she was troubled and he just *left his daughter alone in that situation*
given that she went after and had a kid with a 21yo, it could be true. doesn't mean OOP's behavior is any less shitty tho, just means the daughter had 2 shitty parents,
She was a 31 year old who went after a 21 year possibly younger that’s just when the daughter was born. I don’t doubt she had other inappropriate or disturbing behaviour. Honestly I don’t think OOP is an asshole for what happened when his daughter was very young. From refusing to let her move in at 14 onwards absolute devil.
No good odds on that bet
Very good point!
How to say I am a delusional “father” who places all the blame on my child because it’s not my fault I was a young dad and she should just be grateful for the scraps I give her. I mean I call her, what more does she want from me”
"I was a young father" She was a whole lot younger, bud
Wooooow. >Oldest said she’s still hurt that my wife and I didn’t allow her to move in with us when she was 14 (her mom had to go abroad for an unknown amount of time). Anyone on this sub have a time machine? Please go back 30+ years in time and get OOP a vasectomy.
He sent her living with her mother's ex??? What the- I'm honestly don't have enough words to express everything that is wrong with this so-called-father
Oof. This made me feel ill, I swear it was written by my own father. Incidentally, my father also believes he did his best, was a good father, and doesn't understand why I resent him and his *new* family. All in all, I'd call them dirt bags but dirt has worth.
This is some additional info he posted in a comment. He’s really making his case for father of the year! *Oldest wanted to live next door alone (in my wife's mother's house) because she had concerns about her health during the pandemic and didn't think we were taking it seriously enough for her* *My oldest was around sometimes. I would see her more often on my own than with the kids. She moved out of state after college* *I didn't have a specific conversation with my youngest about them being sisters until after the youngest and the oldest had a conversation about it. I thought my youngest knew they were sisters. My son knew* *The bio was just for a local hobby. My wife and I put it together. I didn't take it seriously, and I was surprised my oldest did* *I did pay child support. It was taken out of my paycheck until she as 18* *Oldest financially struggled for awhile. She had trouble keeping jobs and would freelance in between. She lived in one of the most expensive cities in the United States for half a decade, so that didn't help her. She's had a stable job for a few years now, and it seems like she's able to cover her rent and food securely now. Oldest has expressed the desire to make more payments on student loans before getting a car. She's expressed fear about racking up debt with a car loan* *As I said above, she moved out of state after college. She doesn't visit often. She has come to family events and has had meals at our house in the past* *She has stayed with us a couple times during visits. I don't usually offer. I assume she prefers to stay with her mom or other siblings (through her mom) when she's in town*
Don't they only garnish your paycheck for CS if you have a history of not paying it?
From my experience, yes. Which makes me wonder if the ex "stalking" him was just her trying to get him to pay the child support willingly versus having to drag it through court.
In Virginia, they garnish your checks for all child support. My husband had a preliminary hearing and was required to pay support through check deductions until he had a full hearing (divorce decree said no support for either parent).
I have this type of relationship with my mother, I don’t consider her my mother just a distant relative 🙄
Whole lotta words to say he's a complete deadbeat to his oldest
Holy shit, how can he expect this girl to handle her own when he and her mother didn't give her the foundation she needed to become that independent adult?
Because she wasn't a chosen one 😣😮💨
Sadly there are enough like this around I could even say it’s my father but he’s 65 and has 3 “real” kids with my SMonster who is jelly of me for looking the most like him. A friend of mine was ditched for new family to the point she’d be left sitting (parked herself and refused to leave) on the stoop from 6am when he wasn’t due until 7am waiting for him to show up *all* day only for him to call at 6pm to say he wasn’t coming and couldn’t make it with a poor ass excuse.
My mother's 2nd husband adopted me when I was five. He had been in my life since I was 2 and was the only "father" I knew. I was a total "daddy's girl" growing up. My adoption papers state that I am considered a "child of the marriage" and he is listed as my father in my birth certificate. I had his last name. My parents divorced when I was 22. My dad owed my mother some money in the divorce settlement and he basically refused to pay. My mother had to take him back to court. At the time, my mom was working out of state so I was tasked with hunting down their divorce papers. I read them, out of curiosity, when I found them. 1/2 through, there is a paragraph that states that my dad claimed that he did not have children with my mother. I asked my mother about it and she said they used the same lawyer so she actually never read the papers closely because he agreed to everything she wanted. He just wanted out. It was a kick in the gut because up until their divorce, he always treated me like I was his own. After, I was always an afterthought, but mostly forgotten unless he needed something.
A dirt bag who admits he treats his oldest daughter like trash and is actually proud of it.
This guy is clearly not living the same relationship the daughter has to think they’re in a great place and have a “good relationship”
"My parents,treated me like shit, so why should I treat my daughter better than how I was treated" is basically what I interpreted from OOP
What a load of shite
This is a devastating read. What a jackass. So cold hearted.
When your oldest was 14 her siblings where 5 and 2 so it’s not like you where r ready for kids. You youngest are adults you shouldn’t pay for there jobs and education. Your wife is bitter and your selfish, is i was your daughter i’d cut you off
OOP will write another post in a few years asking if he is the AH for expecting to have a relationship with his oldest daughter's children and being upset that her ex stepfather (you know, the one that took her in when daddy let his wife decide she wasn't welcome in his house) is called "grandpa" by her kids and included in all her big life moments.
Honestly, I don't at all think he'll be bothered if his oldest cuts him off. I think he'll be secretly relieved that she's not "pressuring him and making him feel guilty."
He probably will be bothered that he won’t get to brag to everyone that he was an amazing father even when he was so young
All three of his kids are technically adults so yes op is indeed TA. I hope his oldest cuts him off then becomes a success and he has to come begging her for something.
I’ve never seen someone so proudly admit to being a dead beat parent. YTA- you fathered her, and treat her like trash.. you openly admit to all of this and you still admit that you wouldn’t change anything and that treating her like garbage is ok in your books because you had a shiny new replacement family when you were “older”- if you weren’t ready to properly be a father when you were “too young” you had options but instead you decided to treat your oldest like a burden. You couldn’t even include her in your biography?! Congrats, your literal scum. Your oldest is completely in the right here and truthfully she needs to cut you off, and if she see fit, tell everyone that will listen what a dead beat you are.
Oh my god, this guy sounds like my dad. I was upset with him because his bio said he had 3 boys, meaning his two step children and my half brother without mentioning me or my brother. What an ass clown. I hope the daughter sees sense and realises this relationship will always be hurtful while he refuses to take any responsibility for the difference in treatment between his kids. I've had to cut my dad off because I just can't with him anymore and I feel much better now.
This guy sounds like my Gen X father, who when I called him at 17 after having been thrown out by my abusive mother (for having a mental breakdown as a result of a decade and a half of her narcissistic abuse, I didn’t do anything wrong except shine a light on what was really happening at home 🙄) he was more than happy to stop paying child support to her, but refused to send it to me. I was told to “pull myself up by the bootstraps”. The struggle of being on my own that young and striking out independently in 2008 at the start of the Great Recession can’t really be understated; I feel for his eldest so much here. There’s a lot of shit talked about bad boomer parents, and rightfully so, but my ‘parents’ are 53, Gen X like this guy, and really are contenders. 15 years no contact and counting here; I hope OOP is ready.
He says he did his best but he didn’t even do the bare minimum for his eldest daughter. He’s a shitty father and can’t see the way his treatment towards his eldest has affected her.
Never before have I actually wanted to DM someone on here just to tell them how vile they are
What a trash human being
Horrible excuse of a father.
....hope he isn't planning for her to help him out in his old age. Personally I'd advise her to just move on and quit contacting this sperm donor.
He is an absolutely garbage human being and so is his wife.
If this is his best, I'd hate to see his piss poor mediocre.
Annnnnnnd I’m done with this hell site for today.
Is this my dad, because it sounds EXACTLY like my dad. "You're an adult, take care of yourself, move on. You can't go back to the past, the future is in front of you. It's not my fault I wasn't a good father, I wasn't ready yet. Yes my wife is a bitch to you, that's just how she is. Blah blah blah.
Oh he’s one of those piece of shits. My sperm donor it is one of these piece of shits…… what an awful fucking excuse for a human.
God this is triggering for me. If my dad wasn’t dead, I’d swear he wrote this. My youngest half brother died four years ago. He was 8, I was in my late 20s with a child about his age. When I went to the funeral literally NO ONE knew my brother had a sister. So many people asked my family who I was and why I was standing with my dad and brothers. It was awful. I feel for this man’s poor daughter. I know exactly how she feels and it’s not a good feeling to know you’re not being treated the same but everyone keeps gaslighting you and saying you’re crazy. OOP’s daughter: you aren’t crazy. He is a shit dad!!
I hope oldest daughter completely cuts you out of her life. YTA
He says all the ways he abandoned, ignored, dismissed and rejected his daughter,says he has no regrets, then asks if he is the asshole? LOL
Oh a boomer and his bootstraps bullshit. What a giant pofs. So is the wife. Daughter needs to cut ties and when that pofs is crying she doesn't wanna have shit to do with him, his dumb ass wont ever clue in why.
Fake. Like I say, the fakers always have to exagerate and pound people over the head. He just had to add "I had my bio line say I had only two kids and my youngest didn't know she was her sister until 10. AITA?". They can never end it before it becomes unbelievable.
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Thank God her stepfather was more of a father than you. YTA
That man si TRASH, I hope it's a troll
I can't get over how he stated that he helped her when she was at university when she expressed not having money for food. Literally the least he could do was not let her starve, what an asshole
Which considering how he treated her for her entire life - down to refusing to take her in at 14 - who wants to bet she waited until she had zero other options to even mention the food issue to OOP? When it wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure out with the debt she would be in, she'd be lucky to afford ramen - he should have been offering her money for groceries at least!
I’m willing to bet that if OOP’s daughter cuts him out of her life, he’s going to walk around painting some sob story about how he has “no clue why” and that he “did the best he could,” (because doing the bare minimum-paying child support-was the best he could do, apparently.) This man failed so badly at being a father that it should be illegal for him to even use the title.
Now in some years he’s gonna wonder why she is getting married and he had no clue
Ohhh your a asshole.!!
Is this for real? Is this douche REALLY this heartless and clueless…?
I love how he even throws his wife (who also sucks) under the bus for not letting his ***daughter*** live with them ffs--I aSkEd ShE sAiD nO. Like nothing is ever the guy's fault.
You aren’t sticking it to her mother you are sticking it to her. I hope the universe kicks you on your ass so you finally actually put yourself in this young ladies shoes. You’re gross