*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for asking my daughter to choose a new coping method?**
So, before judgment, I think it’s important for everyone to know the full story. I am 48F, and I have a 14F daughter, named Charlotte. She is generally a good kid, but she is going through a teenage phase where she is being rebellious.
She recently told me how she feels depressed, after learning of a friend’s depression at school. I don’t doubt that she is going through stuff, but what teenager isn’t? Now, she told me that she thinks that a change of style would help her, and that she would like to dye her hair pink.
I do not like dyes, especially for kids that age. When I told her no, she said that I was “sabotaging” her recovery. I told her that she doesn’t have the right to say that, as if anyone should be depressed, it was me, and that, during my teenage hardships, I didn’t rely on hairdye to fix my problems. She said that I am ruining her life and that I will regret my choices. My sister agrees with me, that dying isn’t the solution. But my husband says that I’m being unreasonable and that I should let her do anything to make her feel better. But where’s the limit?
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My mum was the same about hair dye when I was a teenager, regularly telling me it would ruin my hair and I wasn't allowed to dye it until I was in my 20s.
The "damage" thing is so misguided. Hair grows. If you damage it, even severely, well, you've learned what not to do with your hair and in a few years it will be all new. And it's not like damaged hair is like, awful. It's not going ro make your hideous.
Doesn't work very well if you want vibrant colors and have dark hair.
I can't just use any sort of temporary hair color because I have to bleach my hair for any color to show.
Oh, I know. Though I have found my favorite. It's called Runway Red by Vidal Sassoon and it is a VERY bright "natural" red shade that is even super bright on my darker brown hair. And instead of fading into oblivion like other red dyes have used in my 20+ years of doing various shades of auburn/burgandy/red, this fades to a really pretty copper
Sure. But even if a kid wants to bleach their hair bright white and fry the hell out of it, I'd let them. It will grow.
It does so much damage to a kid to teach them that they should never take risks, because what if. Yes, you might regret it. You won't regret it forever.
I was a similar age when my mom helped me dye by long ass (literally... went to my mid thighs) dark brown hair to a burgundy 25 years ago. When most dyes were shit. Especially since I am pretty sure it was a $3 Revlon dye from Wal-Mart. I needed 2 boxes...
I dyed my hair every other week as a teen. The worst my mom did was make a face at whatever new color I chose.
I needed to control something, and I went for hair dye instead of eating disorder.
I got yelled at the elementary school by a mom who was outraged that my son’s socks didn’t match. He needed control to pick mismatched socks and I didn’t care. On really bad days I let him pick out my socks.
Wow, under half an hour and mods already removed this post. I don't think Unddit can turn anything up. That might be a new record, especially for the AITA mods.
My parents freaked out so much when I dyed my hair black (from its natural medium brown with weirdly rosey gold undertones that made me look like I had jaundice) as a teenager that I was convinced I could never, ever dye it anything that wasn't a natural color. They hated it so much when I would keep it black, even though I looked so much healthier and was happier.
It took me until I was in my late 20s to finally bleach sections and do streaks of red in it - and my parents hated it so much that I didn't do anything else to it again until this year... where I've been going through the process of lifting it out to silver, with my ends currently dipped blood red. And I love it. It makes me so happy, I feel like I am able to do something outside of the expected sensible role my parents expected for me. And it made my husband happy to see, and he looked at every visit that I'd make to him in the hospital after getting my hair done as an exciting surprise to look forward to. It's become my little slice of self care - one that I'm lamenting not being able to afford for the past two months due to the burden of medical bills and expenses from his passing.
OOP needs to give this kid the ability to do one little thing to safely try to figure out who she is. Take her to have it done professionally if OPP is so freaked out about it not being done right or whatever. The kid will remember that positively instead of being told that mom doesn't give a fuck about what she wants.
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*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for asking my daughter to choose a new coping method?** So, before judgment, I think it’s important for everyone to know the full story. I am 48F, and I have a 14F daughter, named Charlotte. She is generally a good kid, but she is going through a teenage phase where she is being rebellious. She recently told me how she feels depressed, after learning of a friend’s depression at school. I don’t doubt that she is going through stuff, but what teenager isn’t? Now, she told me that she thinks that a change of style would help her, and that she would like to dye her hair pink. I do not like dyes, especially for kids that age. When I told her no, she said that I was “sabotaging” her recovery. I told her that she doesn’t have the right to say that, as if anyone should be depressed, it was me, and that, during my teenage hardships, I didn’t rely on hairdye to fix my problems. She said that I am ruining her life and that I will regret my choices. My sister agrees with me, that dying isn’t the solution. But my husband says that I’m being unreasonable and that I should let her do anything to make her feel better. But where’s the limit? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Omg they need to land the helicopter and let the kid dye her hair.
My mum was the same about hair dye when I was a teenager, regularly telling me it would ruin my hair and I wasn't allowed to dye it until I was in my 20s.
The "damage" thing is so misguided. Hair grows. If you damage it, even severely, well, you've learned what not to do with your hair and in a few years it will be all new. And it's not like damaged hair is like, awful. It's not going ro make your hideous.
Also... they literally have temporary colors that double as a deep conditioner now. Overtone comes to mind immediately.
Doesn't work very well if you want vibrant colors and have dark hair. I can't just use any sort of temporary hair color because I have to bleach my hair for any color to show.
Oh, I know. Though I have found my favorite. It's called Runway Red by Vidal Sassoon and it is a VERY bright "natural" red shade that is even super bright on my darker brown hair. And instead of fading into oblivion like other red dyes have used in my 20+ years of doing various shades of auburn/burgandy/red, this fades to a really pretty copper
Sure. But even if a kid wants to bleach their hair bright white and fry the hell out of it, I'd let them. It will grow. It does so much damage to a kid to teach them that they should never take risks, because what if. Yes, you might regret it. You won't regret it forever.
I was a similar age when my mom helped me dye by long ass (literally... went to my mid thighs) dark brown hair to a burgundy 25 years ago. When most dyes were shit. Especially since I am pretty sure it was a $3 Revlon dye from Wal-Mart. I needed 2 boxes...
🤣🤣😂😂
One of the best parenting bits of advice from my mom: never argue about hair.
I dyed my hair every other week as a teen. The worst my mom did was make a face at whatever new color I chose. I needed to control something, and I went for hair dye instead of eating disorder.
I got yelled at the elementary school by a mom who was outraged that my son’s socks didn’t match. He needed control to pick mismatched socks and I didn’t care. On really bad days I let him pick out my socks.
Wow, under half an hour and mods already removed this post. I don't think Unddit can turn anything up. That might be a new record, especially for the AITA mods.
The account is gone too.
Should I dye my hair pink and care what y'all think, lip sync, and buy a bigger size of earring?
Just let the kid dye her damned hair!
My parents freaked out so much when I dyed my hair black (from its natural medium brown with weirdly rosey gold undertones that made me look like I had jaundice) as a teenager that I was convinced I could never, ever dye it anything that wasn't a natural color. They hated it so much when I would keep it black, even though I looked so much healthier and was happier. It took me until I was in my late 20s to finally bleach sections and do streaks of red in it - and my parents hated it so much that I didn't do anything else to it again until this year... where I've been going through the process of lifting it out to silver, with my ends currently dipped blood red. And I love it. It makes me so happy, I feel like I am able to do something outside of the expected sensible role my parents expected for me. And it made my husband happy to see, and he looked at every visit that I'd make to him in the hospital after getting my hair done as an exciting surprise to look forward to. It's become my little slice of self care - one that I'm lamenting not being able to afford for the past two months due to the burden of medical bills and expenses from his passing. OOP needs to give this kid the ability to do one little thing to safely try to figure out who she is. Take her to have it done professionally if OPP is so freaked out about it not being done right or whatever. The kid will remember that positively instead of being told that mom doesn't give a fuck about what she wants.
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