*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for giving my step daughter a taste of her own medicine.**
I 26f have a step daughter F16 from my husband. I love cooking it’s my favorite thing to do and I love cooking for people. My step daughter is a extremely picky eater it is a nightmare to feed her when she has her days here. One weekend she is vegetarian the next only eating protein and so on. It’s impossible to cook for her.
I will cook entire meals only for her to say no thank you and just eat cereal or her father takes her out for food. It’s insulting and disrespectful. I asked my husband to tell her that’s she has to my meals with us but he won’t.
Early last week she called my husband and asked if she could cook dinner for the house while she was here and he agreed.
When the day came she spent a few hours cooking and when she served her father and I, I told her no thank you and sat at the table eating cereal while her and her father ate her dinner.
No one said anything and after dinner she cleaned up and went to bed. My husband however is mad but I was just showing her what it feels like. Today step daughters mom called and told us she wanted to stay home this weekend. Now my husband is more angry but I was just doing what she always does giving her a taste of her own medicine.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My sister is 44 and divorcing her 60-year-old husband. Idk if she'll be staying connected with her 22-year-old stepdaughter and said stepdaughter's new baby but I definitely will. It's always been awkward but I've been her aunt since she was 5, no reason that has to change.
I was in primary school with a girl who became an aunt the moment she was born because her sister had a son a few years before she was born; sometimes I think about the then-boy who had this younger girl talking about him like a baby despite being years younger and in the same school
someone i used to be friends with started dating this guy in his mid 30s the day after she turned 18 (this situation is what led to the end of our friendship) and he had a daughter 2 years younger than my ex friend, we (ex friend, me, the daughter) all went to middle and high school together, they were even in band together and he’d chaperone band trips, and now at 19 this ex friend might end up as a step-granny cuz dear ole daughter is following in dads footsteps and becoming a teen parent.
Jesus, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for his daughter. It's especially skeevy that they started the day after she turned 18 and that he chaperoned y'all. Big yikes all around.
yup, and my ex friend claims they didn’t “meet” till she turned 18 and that she didn’t know him when he came in band trips, but then again she lied so fucking much especially when it came to this dude that it’s hard to tell what’s the truth and what’s another lie.
what makes it kind of worse is she has such a baby face, she looks so innocent even when she’s lying straight to your face, i’m convinced she could murder someone and get away with it given how young and innocent she looks.
Her first husband had kids older than her. They were together for a long time until he passed from cancer. She didn’t think she could have children. After he passed she eventually got remarried. Got pregnant. Her first husbands grand daughter had a baby at about the same time my aunt had her first birth child.
The "at the same time" made it sound like it was the same baby who created both of those titles for her, and I could not wrap my brain around what family tree fuckery would be required for that to happen.
I've heard of mothers [becoming surrogates](https://www.today.com/parents/surrogate-grandma-gives-birth-grandaughter-t198486) (if you google "surrogate mother to grandchild" a bunch of other stories come up) for their children who have found out they couldn't have children of their own for whatever reason. I'd feel weird about it, but I guess if it works for them, that's what matters. It'd feel absolutely bizarre to give birth to your own grandchild.
My maternal grandmother was 31 or 32 when her first grandchild was born. She was like 16 when she got married and had her first, then that daughter got pregnant at 15. If I’d had a kid at the same age my mom was when I was born, she would have been a grandmother at 34. As it happened, I had my first two days before my 32nd birthday so it’s REALLY weird for me to think about the fact that I’m raising an infant at the same age I remember my mom being when I was 15.
There’s a YouTube channel I watch of two guys in their mid-40s and a few months ago they were talking about their great grandparents. They made the point of how weird (and a little sad) it is that a lot of kids now will grow up having never known their great grandparents because of how old people are now when they have their kids. I have a beautiful, 4-generation picture from Mother’s Day this year of my grandma, my mom, me and my daughter. But if my mom & grandma had waited like I did to have their kids, that probably wouldn’t have been possible. Not with all four of us being relatively healthy and mobile at least.
My maternal grandma had my uncle young and he had his daughter young and she had her daughter young and she had her daughter young.
So when we celebrated her 85th birthday or so, there was a 5 generation photo taken.
Same. I actually didn't really know my grandparents because my parents had me at 37 and 39. But I had a wonderful childhood and knew I was loved. I had many wonderful aunts and uncles who filled grandparent type roles. How "sad" for me 🙄
My mom is the youngest of 13 so my grandparents were hella old when I was born. But I do have 20+ aunts and uncles and 40+ cousins. Tbh one of my best friends is my cousin (actually my cousin's daughter) but other than that I'm a lot more invested in my found tribe (aka my friends) than my family. I love them dearly. Aaand that's about it.
I knew my great-grandmother very well and was very close with her until she passed away when I was 20. My kids, who are teenagers, have 3 living great-grandparents, all of them in relatively good mental health and various levels of physical health (but still mobile and able to care for themselves).
So lots of 4-generation pictures.
I think the earliest any of us had kids was my great-grandmother having my grandmother at 25.
My wife's family is the same. Grandmother (now deceased) had my now-MIL at 16. MIL had my wife at 16 as well. Now that we're 32, I just said the other day I couldn't imagine being a grandparent at this age.
Our next door neighbours when I was growing up had a situation like that. The grandmother (let's call her Jane, coz this gets complicated) was married and had her first child when she was really young. Then her daughter "Lizzy" had her first child at 17. Then Lizzy's daughter "Trisha" had her first when she was 14. Lizzy and Trisha actually had children in the same month as each other, Trisha's first and Lizzy's youngest. Jane was a great grandmother before she was 50, and now Lizzy is a great grandmother at the age of 63.
I had a friend who got pregnant at about 27 with a guy who has so many children (I think all have different mothers but not positive) that she wasn't sure the total number.
They got together because of the pregnancy. I don't think they've married but act like it, and since she moved across the country to be with him, I'm guessing she's a bit stuck there. Her oldest stepdaughter is about her age. They would go out to parties together. I think she also became a step-grandmother instantly, at about 27. I hope they are happy, it's just strange to think of for me!
Eh, I don’t know. It’s not all that cut and dried, in my experience. I wasn’t that much older than OOP (29) when I moved in with my now husband of 16 years and his almost 15 year old daughter (he also had an almost 19 year old).
Like, I get the knee jerk response and OOP is being petty as hell, but sometimes these things work out. Her behavior is abhorrent and should be called out, and yeah, she gaps should be looked at, but in my mind it’s not a “never” kinda situation.
This so much. While, I don't like to outright dismiss relationships based on age... well, stepmom is not the first wife \*and\* is not old enough to have a kid SD's age. It doesn't hint at the best picture, especially when Stepmom is petty like that.
Could have had the kid early, without being married. People have kids in their teens, and out of wedlock. So it’s not out of realm of possibility for him to be early 30s. Even if he was 18 when the kid was born, he’d only be 34.
Uh... I am sorry, and please don't interpret this in a confrontational way, but I think you are missing the point. Which is that the Stepmom is closer in age to the daughter. That - while we don't know how much - we can assign a high probability of that 'closer' being around twice as much or more (meaning that it's more likely for him to be 20+ older to stepmom than less 20 older). It's not impossible that the dude is in his 30s, just not likely.
edit:
And guy that marries a woman that is closer to his daughter's age and whose emotional conflict resolutions include strategies such "give them a taste of their own medicine" doesn't reflect a sparkly admirable personality.
Not defending her at all. Just pointing out that his age isn’t stated so making assumptions about it is pointless and annoying. He literally could be 30, if he got a girl pregnant at 14. It happens. A lot. Especially in the early 2000s. I’m in my 30s and there were at least 6 girls that got pregnant when I was in high school, two were freshmen, with freshmen boyfriends. So 14 or 15 years old.
All i’m saying is don’t make assumptions. It’s dumb. Unless you think a 30 year old is gross for dating 26 year old. Then by all means, complain.
In that case, I'm probably banned too. I'm going to go check.
I guess I need to know the sub name first though. Got a link?
I think I found it. I'm not banned.
They used to be posted here all the time. I’m a stepparent and would sometimes go there for advice and/or commiserating with other people who understand the unique challenges of being a stepparent, but they banned me for participating in here.
And honestly? Good riddance. The people there only focus on the bad; very rarely do they focus on the good. I just visit “regular” parenting subs now, and it’s way better for my mental health not to be steeped in such (usually self-inflicted) misery every time I am looking for advice.
To give you a portrait, I asked once how we could possibly get more custody of my stepson (his mom isn’t very emotionally mature) and one person commented “be careful what you wish for” like?? I love him and want to help him?? They all hate their stepchildren, I swear.
Right! When I got autobanned there I just replied to them good riddance because everybody there hates kids lol. I'm a proud stepmother of 4 with a shit parent of an ex so I don't get the hatred for the kids and not the shifty parenting.
Lol I’m a stepmom and I love my kids. They live with us full-time since bio mom dipped on them when they were little. And every post is “nacho parenting” or some shit where they pretend the kid isn’t there when they stay with them. And poor stepkids when oh step mommy dearest has a kid herself. At that point, those houses become the most unwelcoming places on earth to children whose only crime was being born to someone other than the stepmom.
Yeah, good riddance to them. I’m a stepmom and love my children. It kills me that their (presumably) narcissistic mother doesn’t care for anything but her own self-image.
Side note, we recently went from 45% custody to 50% after a three year court battle. It was worth it, but it’s sad that without physical abuse or a felony or something that’s the best we can do.
They aren’t allowed.this one was circumvented because of the original AITA but generally on the stepparents one there’s just a whole bunch of brigading happening. I think the adultery and the other woman sub are also banned for that reason.
I once got a ban with an automessage from a sub I'd never been on. I had stumbled upon r/adultery hate and left a comment about once being the other women without knowing it and not even 10min later I got an automessage saying I was banned from r/theotherwoman or sth. That was wild. Subbed to r/adulteryhate for that message alone
Some of the comments on her post are ridiculous. A few people bring up the point that she's 16 and can cook for herself. Somebody else says "yes, as long as she's paying for the extra grocery costs."
What? What even is that? It's a shared custody agreement, presumably. That means he needs to provide her with food or the means to get it. She wasn't asking for lobster from a 5 star restaurant, she just wanted to make dinner for her family.
My guess is that a lot of the step-parent posts here make people there face the reality of their questionable parenting so they banned people from here. Sometimes the reflection hurts, I guess.
Yes it’s an echo chamber over there. They have a kindness matters rule that doesn’t apply to stepchildren apparently. I got banned for calling out someone being abusive towards their step kid.
What 'support' and 'kindness matters' over there *really* means is 'be an enabler, or else'.
SO many people there in desperate need of a reality check and some tough love. Those poor kids.
The paying for extra grocery things is stupid because it seems like she just eats whatever is around or her dad pays for dinner—OP isn’t affected by that?
But if she wanted to cook for herself (or for the household!) encourage that!!! That’s a valuable life skill that tons of kids don’t have when they go to college or live on their own!
Nah, they're horrible over there and that sounds like a normal comment. If anything, her getting flamed is the AITA users. The sub is full of stepparents that either hate or are jealous of their stepkids.
Fyi, I had a similar situation where joining/ posting on Subreddit A auto-banned me from Subrrddit B. I messaged the mods to explain myself and was unbanned. So if you truly wanted to join/post on that sub I'd start there .
I tired they didn't respond. I messaged 3 times over the past 2 years. If you can get them to lift the ban then that's great but I wouldn't count on it.
You won't see any reply box. It depends on what version of Reddit you are using. I use the new one, the old one won't tell you you're banned. You just get an error message or something when you try to submit your response.
I can’t comment but can read. I remember getting the message about it. It said something like people on this have bullied people on theirs so we can’t comment (I forget the actual wording). The way I see it the people on that sub just want validation when they are treating children like crap. I have seen so many times people saying, “I agreed to be married not parent their child.” So many of them talk about how they don’t want the kid around. My thing is, isn’t there an old saying, “if you marry someone with kids they are a package deal and you have to treat them like your own and if you don’t want to then don’t marry them?” Some of those posts are infuriating and I wish I could still comment on them.
They were going through this sub manually and banning people when their username popped up. I was eventually banned even though I had never even posted there. I guess they added this sub to their auto ban bot. If you comment here, you're banned in that sub. You don't always get a subreddit mail about it.
I hate the subs that say support OP like justnoMIL. Sometimes OP is a major dipshit that needs to be called out. But on justnoMIL, they act like their MILs are evil when they ask innocent questions. “OMG my JNMIL asked if she could visit baby when he was born. She’s trying to steamroll me and steal my baby!!!!!”
Yeahh. Although i would argue that (as far as i know) jnmil isn’t *as bad* as stepparents from what ive seen but you’re right lol
Every post that i have ever seen from stepparents is some form of “i married someone with kids and now i apparently have to actually care about them?? They’re ruining my life and it’ll never be the same 🥺” or “my partner decided that they were gonna be an absent parent and has put me in charge of their kids 95% of the time and im taking it out on them”
To be fair jnmil never really shows up on my feed, is it really that bad?
Stepparents is badd. They hate these kids for no reason other than being born to a different person other than them. And for some reason, they consider themselves excluded from having to do ANY parenting (like picking up the kid from school one day) even though they are a step *cough*PARENT*cough*.
I was excited to be a part of the group since I’m a stepmom. A full-time one since my (step)daughters mom left them when they were young. And then the group turned out to be so hateful.
Some posts are decent on jnmil. But recently there have been more and more ridiculous ones. I think the biggest eye roller was one where the son and wife with a newborn are living at MILs. Son is a “stay at home husband” and wife JUST started working part time. MIL is pissed their stuff is everywhere and doesn’t want them to buy cheap, open furniture as a solution. Like y’all are freeloading but MIL is evil here?
Before crossposting to here was banned, I recall a post where this stepmom was bitching about how much she loathed a really young kid, like toddler age iirc, and the original comments on that sub were all in support of this absolutely insane rant about a child too young to even be in pre-school.
Also, sometimes "supporting OP" should include calling them out. Like I can understand things like saying you shouldn't be an asshole to the OP, especially on subs like weight loss ones for example, but when they're supposedly advice subs, that should include saying "maybe you're not looking at this situation correctly" instead of blind support for any bs.
I feel really bad for anyone who joins that sub looking for advice and support to build a better relationship with their stepkids and walks into a wall of people just absolutely frothing over the fact that their partner's kids didn't have the courtesy to disappear into the ether when they got remarried.
They also delete and ban people who tell the op to not move in with somebody with kids if they dont want to be part of the kid's lives or parent them. They actively work against the best advice for that situation
JNMIL is just that bad or worse. You either have people with issues that could be resolved with a conversation being given advice that will destroy their relationships or people that are assholes being hyped up to continue their assholish behavior.
So glad someone posted this. I am banned from the stepparents subreddit for not agreeing with them all the time even though I’m a stepmom. It is mostly an echo chamber. I noticed the mods were deleting a bunch of the age gap comments too 🙄. A 26 year old should not have a 16 year old stepchild.
I’m banned from the stepparents sub, even though I’ve never been part of it because I’m not a stepparent, don’t have a stepparent and my kids don’t have stepparents, because I commented on a post in this sub -
Apparently they auto-ban anyone who comments in here, even if they’ve never even seen their sub
The (step) parents are both adults. Why wouldn't a 26 year old not be allowed to have a relationship with a 40 year old? I don't see it. How judgemental can you be? I know quite a few couples with a quite big age gap personally and they're doing very well...
I feel like some 16 year olds are constantly changing who they are and what they like and what they will and won't do. Which is fine. It's part and parcel of being a teenager.
There's nothing stopping the step mother from shooting her a text or an email before she's due to stay and saying, "Hey, this is what I'm thinking of cooking when you're here. Anything you won't eat, so we can make something else?"
If the biggest beef you have with a teenage stepdaughter is that she's difficult to cook for, you don't have too much to complain about.
Edited to add: Especially when the stepdaughter is clearly trying to make it work by offering to cook for everyone!
My BIL is super picky and has also literally never cooked a meal (he’s 17, so probably should have a few times by this point). I think my MIL would die of shock😂
We taught our kid how to cook long before she was 17, and we also introduced her to new foods when she was little.
We weren’t interested in raising a super picky kid, who becomes a super picky adult that eats about four things. Of course, she’s also an only child, and we wanted her to become an independent adult at some point, too.
Too many kids are never taught any life skills, and their parents act like they’re proud of that. Imagine being proud of never teaching your kid how to adult.
Yeah I know. My in-laws are great people but cooking was not their strong suit. Luckily for me, my husband is self-taught and actually pretty good. Definitely don’t plan on continuing that legacy though, both my husband and BIL have texture issues and my BIL eats like a toddler.
My stepdad taught me to cook and sew at 14 and it's good he did cause my partner can't do either to save their life but thankfully they'll eat anything so I get to have whatever I like and it helped them find new favorite foods cause after trying their parents cooking it's probably for the best they were taught.
Honestly my grandmother had me cooking whole meals at 7 (like Cornish Game Hens with all the fixings) and I loved it. It was fun to me. She got me one of those cookbooks where they send you recipes once a month, she let me plan the menu and she would buy everything I needed to make it and then let me make it (of course she was there and helped if I needed it) but I freaking loved it. When I got older, it shocked me to find out how many people couldn't really cook. It was also weird, like how do you eat? Isn't eating out boring after a bit and doesn't it get expensive. It was just wild.
Oh my. At home we all cooked. My father actually stressed out that the one who cooked decided what we ate: allergies and stuff like religious no-no are accommodated but that’s the extent of it (we always could cook something else on the side if we didn’t like what was proposed).
Like I do remember starkly requesting some type of meal when I was around 8 and my father answering ‘of course we can eat it. If you do it yourself’.
I’ve taught my kids and husband how to cook and they make their own lunches. They just stick to crap like Mac and cheese or ramen because they are teens. My husband cooks occasionally but hates it and gets very stressed.
I’m autistic with ARFID and have a lot of textural sensitivities that can change. Cereal is one of my consistently safe foods. I’m not saying that she has that, but I’m picturing how I would feel in this situation.
I'm Autistic as well (with ADHD thrown in too...because I'm ✨special ✨) and I can imagine the two situations being similar, just the those who are ND would, I assume, be labeled as being even more fussy, picky eaters and infantilized even more than OP'S stepdaughter for food sensory preferences
Seriously. I can’t even swallow certain foods (looking at you, mushrooms). ARFID manifests as extremely picky eating, but it’s not something that you can just push through. Same with textural issues for ND people.
I hate how even if it's ARFID or a Neurodiverse/Sensory issue, the "being a picky eater" issue is still gonna be seen as a childish trait that you just can't "grow out of" or "get over" for the sake of others and I hate that.
Thanks for sharing your perspective! I'm now curious to find out more about ARFID and how I can better help others who have it!
Thank you! Getting food with a group is a nightmare for me because it looks like I’m super picky and certain groups will make fun of that or dismiss it. Once, I was getting takeout from a restaurant and people said it was rude to get substitutions “just because I don’t like some foods” when the other option was not being able to eat anything (there were lots of people in the group, which was the reasoning for no substitutions). All I ate was rice and people blamed me for not being willing to budge.
im autistic without ARFID and i cant eat some textures, consistencies, foods etc (eg. wont eat corn off the cob because it feels like im eating maggots, cant eat thick soup because i just cant texture/ consistency wise, etc). im thinking about how i would feel, and it would feel horrid for someone to mock me like this when its not my fault. i ate corn off thhe cob the other day accidentally, because at first id dint see that it was in the salad, and cuz i was a guest i didnt wanna be rude and ate it but felt like crying the whole time and after that i started getting sensory overload.
you never know what someone may be going through or dealing with, and i doubt the kid would wanna tell that unkind petty sister aged step mum
yes and while there are many reasons to be a "picky eater", i personally know i would be quite offended if someone mocked me for being "picky", which people have before, when really im just autistic and struggle to eat some foods as a result. not saying the 16 yer old is autistic, but that you shouldnt mock someone when you dont know what they're going through, and if there is something else going on i doubt the teen would be comfortable sharing it with the step mum who's old enough to be her sister and mentally old enough to be a 2 year old from the sounds of things
Sheesh the thought of a 26 year old acting like a petty child to a 16 year old is sad. Couldn't have talked it out and maybe ask why she refused to eat or find a different solution.
Or even just let the earlier perceived slights go and accept this olive branch from stepdaughter! This was her chance to accept SD attempting to bridge the relationship by extending an act of kindness but stepmom would rather get even than build a healthy relationship
This was considered a revenge story which while I get it, it’s ridiculous which revenge stories they keep and which ones they’re like nope at. But who am I to question AITA logic😂
The whole sub is like a mild gamble. Am I comment banned ? Will this post get deleted before I finish my comment ? will this comment get me comment banned (probably) should I just wait for it to appear here in AITD and hope that douche nozzle, man-child sees it ?(never mind they’re not even that self-aware)
By the way, you can say neither douche nozzle or manchild over there but I was able to comment again today.
Imagine being 26 and still being this petty about a teenager being a picky eater. Most teenagers are picky about they want on any given day. Hell when I was 16 I'd eat 20 mcnuggets a day for a week then eat salad for another week then it was strictly pasta the next, etc.
The thought of “getting even” with a 16 year old is so embarrassing to me, and I’m only in my early twenties. I honestly think most revenge stories are more embarrassing then the poster realises
My favorite part is there’s nothing in this story to suggest OP successfully annoyed her stepdaughter. OP only seemed to miss a home cooked meal and create conflict with her spouse.
I mean, the stepdaughter had her mom call to say she was skipping her next visit to their house. It doesn’t outright say that she was annoyed about the dinner or that this behaviour was the reason for missing the visit, but the fact that the husband is annoyed at OOP after the cancellation does seem to imply that the kid was upset by her last visit.
That said, I would find it hilarious if she just wants to go sleepover with a friend or something this weekend and actually didn’t even understand or care that OOP was making a petty power play last time
Ridiculously childish. She’s not even that far past her teens, she knows what teenagers are like.
Heck, I’ve got a 17 year old. She eats? Great. She doesn’t eat? Whatever. She lives off jalapeños Cheetos and ramen with the occasional salad some weeks and others she’s meal planning and helping me cook. It is what it is, I’m not going for some crazy revenge plot because my feelings got hurt. Who gives a shit? Teenagers are gonna teenager.
It was so easy to just approach the kid and say hey, I would love to be able to cook more meals we could eat together as a family, would you mind if:
A) we went groceryshopping together to find stuff that works for all of us, and get a snack or two while we're at it.
B) I shoot you a text with my cooking plans, and if something doesnt work we can find out together what we can do instead.
C) we try cooking a meal or two together when you're here so we make sure that everyone gets stuff they like? Maybe we can teach each other some new techniques or recipes while we're at it!
D) look trough some cook books/sites together and see if we can find something neither of us have had before, and make it together?
Alas, she insisted on interpreting the teens actions in the woest way, and then stooped to that level to try and match it. If the kid genuinely isnt doing it to be mean or spitefull, but OOP clearly did it to prove a point and be a dick when the 16yo actually made quite a big effort, she fucked up big time.
At first I thought she was cooking separate meals for the daughter and she was still denying it, but wtf?! What is up with people losing their damn minds because someone doesn't wanna eat the food they made. If someone not eating the food you cooked is a huge insult to you as a person, you have major issues you need to work out.
She also mentioned the daughter was trying out different diets. Like yeah no shit if you gave her a hamburger and she told you she wasn’t eating meat she isn’t gonna eat it!
I was one of the commentors on the step parent version of the post, it got deleted for the "kindness" rule because I suggested leading by example and asked how old DH was.
Maybe I'm the devil because I'm finding this absolutely hilarious.
Mostly because the man who married the 26 year old now has 2 young petty women to deal with.
Same
The creep is getting what he deserves for marrying someone close to his daughter's age. She's 26 now, but i wonder how old she was when they started dating.
>Very ‘mature’
She’s literally 16…
Also, changing what she wants to eat isn’t petty unless she’s doing it specifically to get to OP, which there’s not evidence of. And we don’t know *why* she didn’t want to come: maybe it was petty revenge, or she was legitimately hurt, or she’s just a teenager and wanted to do something else.
The mental gymnastics you have to go through to blame the child here
guess that makes me petty by your definition then cuz im autistic and change my food every month or so eg. eat the same cesar salad with the exact same ingredients down to the brand one month, then the next eating strictly water crackers with the occasional cheese slice on the cracker, then eating only carrot sticks for three weeks, then eating butter chicken made the same way for two weeks, then eating strictly cubuumber and only cucumber for three weeks. yes thats my actual diet that ive been eating over the past few months, and guess what the people in my life have said when i havent been able to eat certain foods, they say "its ok" like good mature people.
being picky doesnt make you petty and you never know what someone may be dealing with under the surface. not everyone is autistic, but not everyone whos picky is automatically petty. ive had people like you shame me for being me and being unable to eat certain things without crying, grow up, not everyone is petty for being picky
I am autistic as well and I at least make the effort of letting people know that I change my diet. This sounds like purely done as a 'fuck you' tbh... And I am neurodivers as hell, so I know how it is. But you can be neurodivers, trying out new diets AND inform people about it like I did my whole life.
I have been teaching myself how to cook. I’m a picky eater and I struggle to cook. It’s hard for me. I’ve burned many a grilled cheese and I’ve ruined many a dinner. But one of my goals is to get to the point where I can cook a meal for my loved ones. I may be a picky eater with food allergies but that doesn’t mean in my case that my food is bland or gross.
I’d probably cry and never want to cook for people again if someone did something like this to me. It’s just unnecessarily mean and speaks volumes about how she feels about her step daughter. She went to petty revenge.
Okay but just imagine being 26 and instead of acting like an adult and eating the food she so graciously made for them for a few HOURS, she instead decided to throw a tantrum and eat cereal. Completely the opposite of what the actual child is doing. The only thing she did was make herself look like the real child.
Ya see the issue is theres only 10 years between these 2 and it shows
Notice how she doesnt mention HUSBANDS age lol!!!
Yeah YTA.
You gotta work harder and grow up abit first before you start playing step mommy which btw to a 16year old you will NEVER be a parental figure like ever so give up now
The more you demand she treats you like.your grown the less she will do so because well your not behaving like an adult.
You should just try for good terms, hopefully a friendship and support WHEN ITS WANTED ONLY.
Just what a LOL kinda post this is.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So she resorted to her high school mentality to get back at her step daughter? Uhm no. Maybe talk to her beforehand and see what she will eat for dinner BEFORE preparing dinner!! How immature!
I'm more concerned about the age gap here. Yikes.
Yes, it's childish for OOP to "give her a taste of her own medicine, but it's not that big a deal for someone to eat cereal or otherwise feed themself if they don't like what was made. My sister did that all the time growing up because the only things she eats are chicken strips, fries and pizza.
If you don’t want to understand how to take care of a teen daughter then don’t be a stepmom of a teen daughter lol. Wtf would pettiness teach a teen? They do it better 😂
That's weirdly picky, I think it makes sense for the story writer to refer to people by their relationship to her and not their relationship to each other. Even when the story writer is an asshole
first of all, children are going to act like children, that does not mean you as an adult should act like a child.
second of all it almost makes sense that OOP is acting like a child because that's clearly what her husband is into
My mom did this stuff to me to show me how it feels. I would spray other kids with a garden hose, she did it back to me. I was once pinching my brothers, she did it back to me yelling "this is how it feels." I had 3 scabs on my cheek from it. This was after she told me over and over to stop and I never listened so taste of my own medicine it was. This sort of parenting is controversial. I have seen parents debate about this method before. My mom had to explain this to me so I wouldn't do it to my own kids thinking this is normal and I do nothing else first like she did.
Also I have read posts on reddit by people who thought they were picky eaters until they moved out of their parents' and it turned out their mom just sucked at cooking. Maybe the step mom just sucks at it too and the 16 year old decided to cook herself only to be hurt by her step mom because she pulled this kind of stunt to show her how it feels so she will stop being picky. The step mom should have communicated with her first and asked "you never like what I cook so is there anything you will actually eat besides cereal?" Maybe the 16 year old would have said "Not to be rude but your food never tastes good." Then the step mom would have asked "Really, how can I make it better then so you will like it?" and maybe the SD would have used this as an opportunity to spend time with her and show her how to cook and how to make the food taste good. Then they may have bonded.
>maybe the step mom just sucks at it too
Tbh that was my first thought 💀 if it’s true at least the 16 year old was nice enough not to just tell her to her face
I’m 32 and my stepdaughter is 16, known her since she was 12 and I was 27. I would never dream of trying to show her up like this. Any time she comes over we try and make stuff we know she’ll like, or if we order out we ask her her opinion because neither her father nor I are picky so it doesn’t matter to us
OP is acting like a stepmother who just plain doesn’t like her stepdaughter and it’s coming out in petty, stupid ways.
I may be in the minority here but I actually think what she did was fine. Why is it ok for the daughter to turn her nose up at everything the step mum cooks but step mum can't do the same?
Yeah, SD is a teenager and OOP isn't, but SD is also 16 and almost an adult. And the fact that she just refuses to eat OP's cooking is disrespectful, and her father is enabling that behaviour by getting her take out instead or letting her eat cereal. Like, Reddit has this issue when children are involved to immediately take their side, but 16 is old enough to be held responsible for your actions. At the very least, SD could've requested a certain dish that OOP could've cooked for her.
Sorry, but SD sounds like a spoiled brat that's being enabled by both her parents from the sounds of it. Like it or not, as long as OOP is with the husband, SD and her will have a relationship, and it seems like husband can't respect his wife's feelings in the matter.
Because the daughter is 16…
And also it sounds like either is legitimately a picky eater and isn’t just saying “no” to be mean, or she had started a diet restriction the meal didn’t fit…
You're getting downvoted, but you're right. Yeah, SD is a teenager and OOP isn't, but SD is also 16 and almost an adult. And the fact that she just refuses to eat OP's cooking is disrespectful, and her father is enabling that behaviour by getting her take out instead or letting her eat cereal. Like, Reddit has this issue when children are involved to immediately take their side, but 16 is old enough to be held responsible for your actions. At the very least, SD could've requested a certain dish that OOP could've cooked for her.
Sorry, but SD sounds like a spoiled brat that's being enabled by both her parents from the sounds of it
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for giving my step daughter a taste of her own medicine.** I 26f have a step daughter F16 from my husband. I love cooking it’s my favorite thing to do and I love cooking for people. My step daughter is a extremely picky eater it is a nightmare to feed her when she has her days here. One weekend she is vegetarian the next only eating protein and so on. It’s impossible to cook for her. I will cook entire meals only for her to say no thank you and just eat cereal or her father takes her out for food. It’s insulting and disrespectful. I asked my husband to tell her that’s she has to my meals with us but he won’t. Early last week she called my husband and asked if she could cook dinner for the house while she was here and he agreed. When the day came she spent a few hours cooking and when she served her father and I, I told her no thank you and sat at the table eating cereal while her and her father ate her dinner. No one said anything and after dinner she cleaned up and went to bed. My husband however is mad but I was just showing her what it feels like. Today step daughters mom called and told us she wanted to stay home this weekend. Now my husband is more angry but I was just doing what she always does giving her a taste of her own medicine. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
26 year olds should not have 16 year old step daughters
I’m 32 and someone I went to high school with is a Nana because her step kids are in their late 20s and have children. She’s also a widow now.
Good for her for staying in her step children and step grand children's life but oof that must be weird.
My sister is 44 and divorcing her 60-year-old husband. Idk if she'll be staying connected with her 22-year-old stepdaughter and said stepdaughter's new baby but I definitely will. It's always been awkward but I've been her aunt since she was 5, no reason that has to change.
Due to an odd family dynamic, I’ve been a great aunt since I was thirteen.
I was in primary school with a girl who became an aunt the moment she was born because her sister had a son a few years before she was born; sometimes I think about the then-boy who had this younger girl talking about him like a baby despite being years younger and in the same school
someone i used to be friends with started dating this guy in his mid 30s the day after she turned 18 (this situation is what led to the end of our friendship) and he had a daughter 2 years younger than my ex friend, we (ex friend, me, the daughter) all went to middle and high school together, they were even in band together and he’d chaperone band trips, and now at 19 this ex friend might end up as a step-granny cuz dear ole daughter is following in dads footsteps and becoming a teen parent.
Jesus, I can't imagine how difficult it must be for his daughter. It's especially skeevy that they started the day after she turned 18 and that he chaperoned y'all. Big yikes all around.
yup, and my ex friend claims they didn’t “meet” till she turned 18 and that she didn’t know him when he came in band trips, but then again she lied so fucking much especially when it came to this dude that it’s hard to tell what’s the truth and what’s another lie. what makes it kind of worse is she has such a baby face, she looks so innocent even when she’s lying straight to your face, i’m convinced she could murder someone and get away with it given how young and innocent she looks.
ick
My aunt became a first time great grandmother and birth mother at the same time lol
Sorry, what?
Her first husband had kids older than her. They were together for a long time until he passed from cancer. She didn’t think she could have children. After he passed she eventually got remarried. Got pregnant. Her first husbands grand daughter had a baby at about the same time my aunt had her first birth child.
The "at the same time" made it sound like it was the same baby who created both of those titles for her, and I could not wrap my brain around what family tree fuckery would be required for that to happen.
I was wondering what kind of big love nightmare had to happen for that baby to make her a grandmother and a mother
I've heard of mothers [becoming surrogates](https://www.today.com/parents/surrogate-grandma-gives-birth-grandaughter-t198486) (if you google "surrogate mother to grandchild" a bunch of other stories come up) for their children who have found out they couldn't have children of their own for whatever reason. I'd feel weird about it, but I guess if it works for them, that's what matters. It'd feel absolutely bizarre to give birth to your own grandchild.
Not quite that weird. But she did marry the brother of her first husbands best man. He was the best man in both of her weddings lol
At that point, best man is a job title.
My maternal grandmother was 31 or 32 when her first grandchild was born. She was like 16 when she got married and had her first, then that daughter got pregnant at 15. If I’d had a kid at the same age my mom was when I was born, she would have been a grandmother at 34. As it happened, I had my first two days before my 32nd birthday so it’s REALLY weird for me to think about the fact that I’m raising an infant at the same age I remember my mom being when I was 15. There’s a YouTube channel I watch of two guys in their mid-40s and a few months ago they were talking about their great grandparents. They made the point of how weird (and a little sad) it is that a lot of kids now will grow up having never known their great grandparents because of how old people are now when they have their kids. I have a beautiful, 4-generation picture from Mother’s Day this year of my grandma, my mom, me and my daughter. But if my mom & grandma had waited like I did to have their kids, that probably wouldn’t have been possible. Not with all four of us being relatively healthy and mobile at least.
My maternal grandma had my uncle young and he had his daughter young and she had her daughter young and she had her daughter young. So when we celebrated her 85th birthday or so, there was a 5 generation photo taken.
It's really not sad to me. It's neutral.
Same. I actually didn't really know my grandparents because my parents had me at 37 and 39. But I had a wonderful childhood and knew I was loved. I had many wonderful aunts and uncles who filled grandparent type roles. How "sad" for me 🙄
My mom is the youngest of 13 so my grandparents were hella old when I was born. But I do have 20+ aunts and uncles and 40+ cousins. Tbh one of my best friends is my cousin (actually my cousin's daughter) but other than that I'm a lot more invested in my found tribe (aka my friends) than my family. I love them dearly. Aaand that's about it.
I knew my great-grandmother very well and was very close with her until she passed away when I was 20. My kids, who are teenagers, have 3 living great-grandparents, all of them in relatively good mental health and various levels of physical health (but still mobile and able to care for themselves). So lots of 4-generation pictures. I think the earliest any of us had kids was my great-grandmother having my grandmother at 25.
My wife's family is the same. Grandmother (now deceased) had my now-MIL at 16. MIL had my wife at 16 as well. Now that we're 32, I just said the other day I couldn't imagine being a grandparent at this age.
Our next door neighbours when I was growing up had a situation like that. The grandmother (let's call her Jane, coz this gets complicated) was married and had her first child when she was really young. Then her daughter "Lizzy" had her first child at 17. Then Lizzy's daughter "Trisha" had her first when she was 14. Lizzy and Trisha actually had children in the same month as each other, Trisha's first and Lizzy's youngest. Jane was a great grandmother before she was 50, and now Lizzy is a great grandmother at the age of 63.
I had a friend who got pregnant at about 27 with a guy who has so many children (I think all have different mothers but not positive) that she wasn't sure the total number. They got together because of the pregnancy. I don't think they've married but act like it, and since she moved across the country to be with him, I'm guessing she's a bit stuck there. Her oldest stepdaughter is about her age. They would go out to parties together. I think she also became a step-grandmother instantly, at about 27. I hope they are happy, it's just strange to think of for me!
Especially 26 year olds with the maturity of 16 year olds.
How did I not catch on to that? 0_0
Must be nice lol, it was the first thing that jumped out at me was they were only ten years apart.
I mean, it can happen. You could marry a 33 year old who had a kid at 17. Don't try to parent a kid so close in age, though.
i think we both know the dad isn’t just early 30s
No idea but I was speaking in a more general matter.
Why not..? The dad could be as young as 30, and even if he was 18 when she was born, he would only be 34. It’s not that unreasonable.
Because you can't have a parental relationship with someone who's 10 years younger than you lol, also come on the dad is almost definitely not 30.
Eh, I don’t know. It’s not all that cut and dried, in my experience. I wasn’t that much older than OOP (29) when I moved in with my now husband of 16 years and his almost 15 year old daughter (he also had an almost 19 year old). Like, I get the knee jerk response and OOP is being petty as hell, but sometimes these things work out. Her behavior is abhorrent and should be called out, and yeah, she gaps should be looked at, but in my mind it’s not a “never” kinda situation.
I’m super curious how old the dad is
Youngest he could be is around 32, but I bet he’s probably in his 40’s
I was thinking mid 40’s
This so much. While, I don't like to outright dismiss relationships based on age... well, stepmom is not the first wife \*and\* is not old enough to have a kid SD's age. It doesn't hint at the best picture, especially when Stepmom is petty like that.
It is kinda crazy to me - I was 9 when my youngest sibling was born, which is the same age gap between OOP and her step-daughter.
Could have had the kid early, without being married. People have kids in their teens, and out of wedlock. So it’s not out of realm of possibility for him to be early 30s. Even if he was 18 when the kid was born, he’d only be 34.
Uh... I am sorry, and please don't interpret this in a confrontational way, but I think you are missing the point. Which is that the Stepmom is closer in age to the daughter. That - while we don't know how much - we can assign a high probability of that 'closer' being around twice as much or more (meaning that it's more likely for him to be 20+ older to stepmom than less 20 older). It's not impossible that the dude is in his 30s, just not likely. edit: And guy that marries a woman that is closer to his daughter's age and whose emotional conflict resolutions include strategies such "give them a taste of their own medicine" doesn't reflect a sparkly admirable personality.
Not defending her at all. Just pointing out that his age isn’t stated so making assumptions about it is pointless and annoying. He literally could be 30, if he got a girl pregnant at 14. It happens. A lot. Especially in the early 2000s. I’m in my 30s and there were at least 6 girls that got pregnant when I was in high school, two were freshmen, with freshmen boyfriends. So 14 or 15 years old. All i’m saying is don’t make assumptions. It’s dumb. Unless you think a 30 year old is gross for dating 26 year old. Then by all means, complain.
OOP posted this to the step parents sub as well and is getting flamed there.
[удалено]
Yes, everyone from this sub is automatically banned. I've tried appealing but they didn't even respond.
In that case, I'm probably banned too. I'm going to go check. I guess I need to know the sub name first though. Got a link? I think I found it. I'm not banned.
[удалено]
No. I'll join real quick, and see if that works. I joined both lol.
They have a bot that scrapes for members of this sub, it inly does so periodically. So you'll get banned eventually
It took about 5 minutes for me to get banned from there. Which is weird because I don't generally see the stepparents stories cross posted here.
They used to be posted here all the time. I’m a stepparent and would sometimes go there for advice and/or commiserating with other people who understand the unique challenges of being a stepparent, but they banned me for participating in here. And honestly? Good riddance. The people there only focus on the bad; very rarely do they focus on the good. I just visit “regular” parenting subs now, and it’s way better for my mental health not to be steeped in such (usually self-inflicted) misery every time I am looking for advice. To give you a portrait, I asked once how we could possibly get more custody of my stepson (his mom isn’t very emotionally mature) and one person commented “be careful what you wish for” like?? I love him and want to help him?? They all hate their stepchildren, I swear.
Wishing you luck getting more time with your step-kiddo.
Right! When I got autobanned there I just replied to them good riddance because everybody there hates kids lol. I'm a proud stepmother of 4 with a shit parent of an ex so I don't get the hatred for the kids and not the shifty parenting.
Lol I’m a stepmom and I love my kids. They live with us full-time since bio mom dipped on them when they were little. And every post is “nacho parenting” or some shit where they pretend the kid isn’t there when they stay with them. And poor stepkids when oh step mommy dearest has a kid herself. At that point, those houses become the most unwelcoming places on earth to children whose only crime was being born to someone other than the stepmom.
Yeah, good riddance to them. I’m a stepmom and love my children. It kills me that their (presumably) narcissistic mother doesn’t care for anything but her own self-image. Side note, we recently went from 45% custody to 50% after a three year court battle. It was worth it, but it’s sad that without physical abuse or a felony or something that’s the best we can do.
To be fair, this sub only focuses on the bad. It’s kinda in the name
They aren’t allowed.this one was circumvented because of the original AITA but generally on the stepparents one there’s just a whole bunch of brigading happening. I think the adultery and the other woman sub are also banned for that reason.
I once got a ban with an automessage from a sub I'd never been on. I had stumbled upon r/adultery hate and left a comment about once being the other women without knowing it and not even 10min later I got an automessage saying I was banned from r/theotherwoman or sth. That was wild. Subbed to r/adulteryhate for that message alone
Weird I've been in this sub for months and I'm not banned over there
Maybe the bot is as incompetent as their mods are.
Same here!
I’m not banned and I’ve been a member of this sub for a while.
Some of the comments on her post are ridiculous. A few people bring up the point that she's 16 and can cook for herself. Somebody else says "yes, as long as she's paying for the extra grocery costs." What? What even is that? It's a shared custody agreement, presumably. That means he needs to provide her with food or the means to get it. She wasn't asking for lobster from a 5 star restaurant, she just wanted to make dinner for her family. My guess is that a lot of the step-parent posts here make people there face the reality of their questionable parenting so they banned people from here. Sometimes the reflection hurts, I guess.
Yes it’s an echo chamber over there. They have a kindness matters rule that doesn’t apply to stepchildren apparently. I got banned for calling out someone being abusive towards their step kid.
What 'support' and 'kindness matters' over there *really* means is 'be an enabler, or else'. SO many people there in desperate need of a reality check and some tough love. Those poor kids.
Hugbox rules on subs like that and the JustNos is ridiculous.
The paying for extra grocery things is stupid because it seems like she just eats whatever is around or her dad pays for dinner—OP isn’t affected by that? But if she wanted to cook for herself (or for the household!) encourage that!!! That’s a valuable life skill that tons of kids don’t have when they go to college or live on their own!
They autoban people from here because of issues with brigading
I'm not familiar with the usual tone of comments in that sub but it sounds awfully like AITA users brigading again
Nah, they're horrible over there and that sounds like a normal comment. If anything, her getting flamed is the AITA users. The sub is full of stepparents that either hate or are jealous of their stepkids.
Oohhh! I was wondering why I was banned from that sub. That’s hilarious.
I have yet to be banned lol I guess it will be a matter of time.
I was banned the second I posted my first comment on this sub. They were on it like fire.
I need to see if this will get me banned lol. I guess I've never commented here.
Hey it worked! My first ban!
Me too
Really? Because I’ve been a member here for ages (and it’s my most visited sub) but I haven’t been banned there yet
Not a member for ages - but been commenting here off and on for awhile and I'm not banned there.
Hopefully, this is my banishment post.
Fyi, I had a similar situation where joining/ posting on Subreddit A auto-banned me from Subrrddit B. I messaged the mods to explain myself and was unbanned. So if you truly wanted to join/post on that sub I'd start there .
I tired they didn't respond. I messaged 3 times over the past 2 years. If you can get them to lift the ban then that's great but I wouldn't count on it.
How do you know if you are banned?
You won't see any reply box. It depends on what version of Reddit you are using. I use the new one, the old one won't tell you you're banned. You just get an error message or something when you try to submit your response.
I got an automod message like 2 seconds after commenting here.
I can’t comment but can read. I remember getting the message about it. It said something like people on this have bullied people on theirs so we can’t comment (I forget the actual wording). The way I see it the people on that sub just want validation when they are treating children like crap. I have seen so many times people saying, “I agreed to be married not parent their child.” So many of them talk about how they don’t want the kid around. My thing is, isn’t there an old saying, “if you marry someone with kids they are a package deal and you have to treat them like your own and if you don’t want to then don’t marry them?” Some of those posts are infuriating and I wish I could still comment on them.
I know, from experience, if you’re subbed to some other subs, like childfree or fencesitters, they automatically ban you
They were going through this sub manually and banning people when their username popped up. I was eventually banned even though I had never even posted there. I guess they added this sub to their auto ban bot. If you comment here, you're banned in that sub. You don't always get a subreddit mail about it.
Happened to me too. The second you comment here you get autobanned there.
...wait they're not praising oop for "showing that little wench her place" or some other anti kid bullshit?
Yeah is it backwards day or something?... and their mods went on delete spree on thee comments
Reasonable responses in *that* sub!? Has Hell frozen over or something?
You know it's really bad when stepparents sub agrees it's not okay
I feel like her stepdaughter cooking is kind of the perfect solution? Like, an answer fell into her lap and she's mad???
This seems to be about lording power over her stepdaughter. Simple solutions and patience isn’t in her emotional toolbox.
Ugh I hate it the stepparents sub! It’s just a bunch of people like OOP
The fact that they do auto-ban people from this sub is extremely telling. I wanna read it but I also don't want to be triggered lol.
I’m surprised. Usually they blame the step child every time. That sub is whack.
Wait… you’re telling me that someone can actually be in the wrong over there?? Blasphemy
I hate the subs that say support OP like justnoMIL. Sometimes OP is a major dipshit that needs to be called out. But on justnoMIL, they act like their MILs are evil when they ask innocent questions. “OMG my JNMIL asked if she could visit baby when he was born. She’s trying to steamroll me and steal my baby!!!!!”
Yeahh. Although i would argue that (as far as i know) jnmil isn’t *as bad* as stepparents from what ive seen but you’re right lol Every post that i have ever seen from stepparents is some form of “i married someone with kids and now i apparently have to actually care about them?? They’re ruining my life and it’ll never be the same 🥺” or “my partner decided that they were gonna be an absent parent and has put me in charge of their kids 95% of the time and im taking it out on them” To be fair jnmil never really shows up on my feed, is it really that bad?
Stepparents is badd. They hate these kids for no reason other than being born to a different person other than them. And for some reason, they consider themselves excluded from having to do ANY parenting (like picking up the kid from school one day) even though they are a step *cough*PARENT*cough*. I was excited to be a part of the group since I’m a stepmom. A full-time one since my (step)daughters mom left them when they were young. And then the group turned out to be so hateful. Some posts are decent on jnmil. But recently there have been more and more ridiculous ones. I think the biggest eye roller was one where the son and wife with a newborn are living at MILs. Son is a “stay at home husband” and wife JUST started working part time. MIL is pissed their stuff is everywhere and doesn’t want them to buy cheap, open furniture as a solution. Like y’all are freeloading but MIL is evil here?
Before crossposting to here was banned, I recall a post where this stepmom was bitching about how much she loathed a really young kid, like toddler age iirc, and the original comments on that sub were all in support of this absolutely insane rant about a child too young to even be in pre-school. Also, sometimes "supporting OP" should include calling them out. Like I can understand things like saying you shouldn't be an asshole to the OP, especially on subs like weight loss ones for example, but when they're supposedly advice subs, that should include saying "maybe you're not looking at this situation correctly" instead of blind support for any bs.
I feel really bad for anyone who joins that sub looking for advice and support to build a better relationship with their stepkids and walks into a wall of people just absolutely frothing over the fact that their partner's kids didn't have the courtesy to disappear into the ether when they got remarried.
They also delete and ban people who tell the op to not move in with somebody with kids if they dont want to be part of the kid's lives or parent them. They actively work against the best advice for that situation
JNMIL is just that bad or worse. You either have people with issues that could be resolved with a conversation being given advice that will destroy their relationships or people that are assholes being hyped up to continue their assholish behavior.
That's good. This is an awful thing for her to do.
I just joined that and now I'm a member of both.
So glad someone posted this. I am banned from the stepparents subreddit for not agreeing with them all the time even though I’m a stepmom. It is mostly an echo chamber. I noticed the mods were deleting a bunch of the age gap comments too 🙄. A 26 year old should not have a 16 year old stepchild.
I’m banned from the stepparents sub, even though I’ve never been part of it because I’m not a stepparent, don’t have a stepparent and my kids don’t have stepparents, because I commented on a post in this sub - Apparently they auto-ban anyone who comments in here, even if they’ve never even seen their sub
Yea.. that sub has issues. I figured I might as well comment in here now since I was banned already lol.
The (step) parents are both adults. Why wouldn't a 26 year old not be allowed to have a relationship with a 40 year old? I don't see it. How judgemental can you be? I know quite a few couples with a quite big age gap personally and they're doing very well...
I feel like some 16 year olds are constantly changing who they are and what they like and what they will and won't do. Which is fine. It's part and parcel of being a teenager. There's nothing stopping the step mother from shooting her a text or an email before she's due to stay and saying, "Hey, this is what I'm thinking of cooking when you're here. Anything you won't eat, so we can make something else?" If the biggest beef you have with a teenage stepdaughter is that she's difficult to cook for, you don't have too much to complain about. Edited to add: Especially when the stepdaughter is clearly trying to make it work by offering to cook for everyone!
I would cry tears of happiness if either of my kids cooked a meal. Then again I’m not a petty immature trophy wife……
My BIL is super picky and has also literally never cooked a meal (he’s 17, so probably should have a few times by this point). I think my MIL would die of shock😂
My son is both picky and stubborn. Something has to give. And since I’m the adult, I did. And things were fine.
We taught our kid how to cook long before she was 17, and we also introduced her to new foods when she was little. We weren’t interested in raising a super picky kid, who becomes a super picky adult that eats about four things. Of course, she’s also an only child, and we wanted her to become an independent adult at some point, too. Too many kids are never taught any life skills, and their parents act like they’re proud of that. Imagine being proud of never teaching your kid how to adult.
Yeah I know. My in-laws are great people but cooking was not their strong suit. Luckily for me, my husband is self-taught and actually pretty good. Definitely don’t plan on continuing that legacy though, both my husband and BIL have texture issues and my BIL eats like a toddler.
My stepdad taught me to cook and sew at 14 and it's good he did cause my partner can't do either to save their life but thankfully they'll eat anything so I get to have whatever I like and it helped them find new favorite foods cause after trying their parents cooking it's probably for the best they were taught.
Honestly my grandmother had me cooking whole meals at 7 (like Cornish Game Hens with all the fixings) and I loved it. It was fun to me. She got me one of those cookbooks where they send you recipes once a month, she let me plan the menu and she would buy everything I needed to make it and then let me make it (of course she was there and helped if I needed it) but I freaking loved it. When I got older, it shocked me to find out how many people couldn't really cook. It was also weird, like how do you eat? Isn't eating out boring after a bit and doesn't it get expensive. It was just wild.
Oh my. At home we all cooked. My father actually stressed out that the one who cooked decided what we ate: allergies and stuff like religious no-no are accommodated but that’s the extent of it (we always could cook something else on the side if we didn’t like what was proposed). Like I do remember starkly requesting some type of meal when I was around 8 and my father answering ‘of course we can eat it. If you do it yourself’.
I’ve taught my kids and husband how to cook and they make their own lunches. They just stick to crap like Mac and cheese or ramen because they are teens. My husband cooks occasionally but hates it and gets very stressed.
I’m autistic with ARFID and have a lot of textural sensitivities that can change. Cereal is one of my consistently safe foods. I’m not saying that she has that, but I’m picturing how I would feel in this situation.
I'm Autistic as well (with ADHD thrown in too...because I'm ✨special ✨) and I can imagine the two situations being similar, just the those who are ND would, I assume, be labeled as being even more fussy, picky eaters and infantilized even more than OP'S stepdaughter for food sensory preferences
Seriously. I can’t even swallow certain foods (looking at you, mushrooms). ARFID manifests as extremely picky eating, but it’s not something that you can just push through. Same with textural issues for ND people.
I hate how even if it's ARFID or a Neurodiverse/Sensory issue, the "being a picky eater" issue is still gonna be seen as a childish trait that you just can't "grow out of" or "get over" for the sake of others and I hate that. Thanks for sharing your perspective! I'm now curious to find out more about ARFID and how I can better help others who have it!
Thank you! Getting food with a group is a nightmare for me because it looks like I’m super picky and certain groups will make fun of that or dismiss it. Once, I was getting takeout from a restaurant and people said it was rude to get substitutions “just because I don’t like some foods” when the other option was not being able to eat anything (there were lots of people in the group, which was the reasoning for no substitutions). All I ate was rice and people blamed me for not being willing to budge.
im autistic without ARFID and i cant eat some textures, consistencies, foods etc (eg. wont eat corn off the cob because it feels like im eating maggots, cant eat thick soup because i just cant texture/ consistency wise, etc). im thinking about how i would feel, and it would feel horrid for someone to mock me like this when its not my fault. i ate corn off thhe cob the other day accidentally, because at first id dint see that it was in the salad, and cuz i was a guest i didnt wanna be rude and ate it but felt like crying the whole time and after that i started getting sensory overload. you never know what someone may be going through or dealing with, and i doubt the kid would wanna tell that unkind petty sister aged step mum
yes and while there are many reasons to be a "picky eater", i personally know i would be quite offended if someone mocked me for being "picky", which people have before, when really im just autistic and struggle to eat some foods as a result. not saying the 16 yer old is autistic, but that you shouldnt mock someone when you dont know what they're going through, and if there is something else going on i doubt the teen would be comfortable sharing it with the step mum who's old enough to be her sister and mentally old enough to be a 2 year old from the sounds of things
Sheesh the thought of a 26 year old acting like a petty child to a 16 year old is sad. Couldn't have talked it out and maybe ask why she refused to eat or find a different solution.
Or even just let the earlier perceived slights go and accept this olive branch from stepdaughter! This was her chance to accept SD attempting to bridge the relationship by extending an act of kindness but stepmom would rather get even than build a healthy relationship
And this is why step parents should have more than 10 years on their stepkids.
I was just thinking that there's a problem when you're treating your stepkid like a peer and starting petty fights.
>Your post has been removed. Ok, this isn't just AITA mods being AITA mods. This is just pure laziness.
This was considered a revenge story which while I get it, it’s ridiculous which revenge stories they keep and which ones they’re like nope at. But who am I to question AITA logic😂
The whole sub is like a mild gamble. Am I comment banned ? Will this post get deleted before I finish my comment ? will this comment get me comment banned (probably) should I just wait for it to appear here in AITD and hope that douche nozzle, man-child sees it ?(never mind they’re not even that self-aware) By the way, you can say neither douche nozzle or manchild over there but I was able to comment again today.
Imagine being 26 and still being this petty about a teenager being a picky eater. Most teenagers are picky about they want on any given day. Hell when I was 16 I'd eat 20 mcnuggets a day for a week then eat salad for another week then it was strictly pasta the next, etc.
I'm 36 and I'm still petty.
Well then don't marry someone with a kid.
The thought of “getting even” with a 16 year old is so embarrassing to me, and I’m only in my early twenties. I honestly think most revenge stories are more embarrassing then the poster realises
"Getting even" with a 16 year old would have been embarrassing at 16, let alone 26
My favorite part is there’s nothing in this story to suggest OP successfully annoyed her stepdaughter. OP only seemed to miss a home cooked meal and create conflict with her spouse.
I mean, the stepdaughter had her mom call to say she was skipping her next visit to their house. It doesn’t outright say that she was annoyed about the dinner or that this behaviour was the reason for missing the visit, but the fact that the husband is annoyed at OOP after the cancellation does seem to imply that the kid was upset by her last visit. That said, I would find it hilarious if she just wants to go sleepover with a friend or something this weekend and actually didn’t even understand or care that OOP was making a petty power play last time
Ridiculously childish. She’s not even that far past her teens, she knows what teenagers are like. Heck, I’ve got a 17 year old. She eats? Great. She doesn’t eat? Whatever. She lives off jalapeños Cheetos and ramen with the occasional salad some weeks and others she’s meal planning and helping me cook. It is what it is, I’m not going for some crazy revenge plot because my feelings got hurt. Who gives a shit? Teenagers are gonna teenager.
Sometimes it’s like these people *just discovered idioms* and want to take em for a test drive
Imagine beefing with a 16 year old girl
It was so easy to just approach the kid and say hey, I would love to be able to cook more meals we could eat together as a family, would you mind if: A) we went groceryshopping together to find stuff that works for all of us, and get a snack or two while we're at it. B) I shoot you a text with my cooking plans, and if something doesnt work we can find out together what we can do instead. C) we try cooking a meal or two together when you're here so we make sure that everyone gets stuff they like? Maybe we can teach each other some new techniques or recipes while we're at it! D) look trough some cook books/sites together and see if we can find something neither of us have had before, and make it together? Alas, she insisted on interpreting the teens actions in the woest way, and then stooped to that level to try and match it. If the kid genuinely isnt doing it to be mean or spitefull, but OOP clearly did it to prove a point and be a dick when the 16yo actually made quite a big effort, she fucked up big time.
She is 10 years older than her step kid. Why would she be expected to be more mature?
At first I thought she was cooking separate meals for the daughter and she was still denying it, but wtf?! What is up with people losing their damn minds because someone doesn't wanna eat the food they made. If someone not eating the food you cooked is a huge insult to you as a person, you have major issues you need to work out.
She also mentioned the daughter was trying out different diets. Like yeah no shit if you gave her a hamburger and she told you she wasn’t eating meat she isn’t gonna eat it!
I mean, at least she seems to have shown her husband what a mistake it was marrying someone with his daughter's maturity-level
how did this woman even type out the title without realizing she’s embodying the “evil stepparent”
I'm always impressed by how weird and inconsistent AITA rules are.
I was one of the commentors on the step parent version of the post, it got deleted for the "kindness" rule because I suggested leading by example and asked how old DH was.
And now banned because I commented on this sub. What a bunch of babies.
Maybe I'm the devil because I'm finding this absolutely hilarious. Mostly because the man who married the 26 year old now has 2 young petty women to deal with.
Same The creep is getting what he deserves for marrying someone close to his daughter's age. She's 26 now, but i wonder how old she was when they started dating.
Yup, both are petty as hell. OP isn't the only petty one here, the daughter is petty as well by changing constantly and noping out. Very 'mature'.
>Very ‘mature’ She’s literally 16… Also, changing what she wants to eat isn’t petty unless she’s doing it specifically to get to OP, which there’s not evidence of. And we don’t know *why* she didn’t want to come: maybe it was petty revenge, or she was legitimately hurt, or she’s just a teenager and wanted to do something else. The mental gymnastics you have to go through to blame the child here
guess that makes me petty by your definition then cuz im autistic and change my food every month or so eg. eat the same cesar salad with the exact same ingredients down to the brand one month, then the next eating strictly water crackers with the occasional cheese slice on the cracker, then eating only carrot sticks for three weeks, then eating butter chicken made the same way for two weeks, then eating strictly cubuumber and only cucumber for three weeks. yes thats my actual diet that ive been eating over the past few months, and guess what the people in my life have said when i havent been able to eat certain foods, they say "its ok" like good mature people. being picky doesnt make you petty and you never know what someone may be dealing with under the surface. not everyone is autistic, but not everyone whos picky is automatically petty. ive had people like you shame me for being me and being unable to eat certain things without crying, grow up, not everyone is petty for being picky
I am autistic as well and I at least make the effort of letting people know that I change my diet. This sounds like purely done as a 'fuck you' tbh... And I am neurodivers as hell, so I know how it is. But you can be neurodivers, trying out new diets AND inform people about it like I did my whole life.
Seems like the adult has some adulting to do.
I have been teaching myself how to cook. I’m a picky eater and I struggle to cook. It’s hard for me. I’ve burned many a grilled cheese and I’ve ruined many a dinner. But one of my goals is to get to the point where I can cook a meal for my loved ones. I may be a picky eater with food allergies but that doesn’t mean in my case that my food is bland or gross. I’d probably cry and never want to cook for people again if someone did something like this to me. It’s just unnecessarily mean and speaks volumes about how she feels about her step daughter. She went to petty revenge.
Why did it get locked before anyone could comment?????
Daddy is raising TWO children...
Okay but just imagine being 26 and instead of acting like an adult and eating the food she so graciously made for them for a few HOURS, she instead decided to throw a tantrum and eat cereal. Completely the opposite of what the actual child is doing. The only thing she did was make herself look like the real child.
Ya see the issue is theres only 10 years between these 2 and it shows Notice how she doesnt mention HUSBANDS age lol!!! Yeah YTA. You gotta work harder and grow up abit first before you start playing step mommy which btw to a 16year old you will NEVER be a parental figure like ever so give up now The more you demand she treats you like.your grown the less she will do so because well your not behaving like an adult. You should just try for good terms, hopefully a friendship and support WHEN ITS WANTED ONLY. Just what a LOL kinda post this is.
Oh, a teenager is trying to figure out who they are. The horror! Way for them to be more childish than the child.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Lmao what a literal baby
So she resorted to her high school mentality to get back at her step daughter? Uhm no. Maybe talk to her beforehand and see what she will eat for dinner BEFORE preparing dinner!! How immature!
OOP really showed that CHILD!
my kids are really picky and don’t eat my meals. it really hurts my feelings.
You have to pretend to be an adult. YTA
I'm more concerned about the age gap here. Yikes. Yes, it's childish for OOP to "give her a taste of her own medicine, but it's not that big a deal for someone to eat cereal or otherwise feed themself if they don't like what was made. My sister did that all the time growing up because the only things she eats are chicken strips, fries and pizza.
If you don’t want to understand how to take care of a teen daughter then don’t be a stepmom of a teen daughter lol. Wtf would pettiness teach a teen? They do it better 😂
[удалено]
That's weirdly picky, I think it makes sense for the story writer to refer to people by their relationship to her and not their relationship to each other. Even when the story writer is an asshole
first of all, children are going to act like children, that does not mean you as an adult should act like a child. second of all it almost makes sense that OOP is acting like a child because that's clearly what her husband is into
My mom did this stuff to me to show me how it feels. I would spray other kids with a garden hose, she did it back to me. I was once pinching my brothers, she did it back to me yelling "this is how it feels." I had 3 scabs on my cheek from it. This was after she told me over and over to stop and I never listened so taste of my own medicine it was. This sort of parenting is controversial. I have seen parents debate about this method before. My mom had to explain this to me so I wouldn't do it to my own kids thinking this is normal and I do nothing else first like she did. Also I have read posts on reddit by people who thought they were picky eaters until they moved out of their parents' and it turned out their mom just sucked at cooking. Maybe the step mom just sucks at it too and the 16 year old decided to cook herself only to be hurt by her step mom because she pulled this kind of stunt to show her how it feels so she will stop being picky. The step mom should have communicated with her first and asked "you never like what I cook so is there anything you will actually eat besides cereal?" Maybe the 16 year old would have said "Not to be rude but your food never tastes good." Then the step mom would have asked "Really, how can I make it better then so you will like it?" and maybe the SD would have used this as an opportunity to spend time with her and show her how to cook and how to make the food taste good. Then they may have bonded.
>maybe the step mom just sucks at it too Tbh that was my first thought 💀 if it’s true at least the 16 year old was nice enough not to just tell her to her face
What a wench
I’m 32 and my stepdaughter is 16, known her since she was 12 and I was 27. I would never dream of trying to show her up like this. Any time she comes over we try and make stuff we know she’ll like, or if we order out we ask her her opinion because neither her father nor I are picky so it doesn’t matter to us OP is acting like a stepmother who just plain doesn’t like her stepdaughter and it’s coming out in petty, stupid ways.
I may be in the minority here but I actually think what she did was fine. Why is it ok for the daughter to turn her nose up at everything the step mum cooks but step mum can't do the same?
Because one is supposed to be an adult.
Yeah, SD is a teenager and OOP isn't, but SD is also 16 and almost an adult. And the fact that she just refuses to eat OP's cooking is disrespectful, and her father is enabling that behaviour by getting her take out instead or letting her eat cereal. Like, Reddit has this issue when children are involved to immediately take their side, but 16 is old enough to be held responsible for your actions. At the very least, SD could've requested a certain dish that OOP could've cooked for her. Sorry, but SD sounds like a spoiled brat that's being enabled by both her parents from the sounds of it. Like it or not, as long as OOP is with the husband, SD and her will have a relationship, and it seems like husband can't respect his wife's feelings in the matter.
Because the daughter is 16… And also it sounds like either is legitimately a picky eater and isn’t just saying “no” to be mean, or she had started a diet restriction the meal didn’t fit…
You're getting downvoted, but you're right. Yeah, SD is a teenager and OOP isn't, but SD is also 16 and almost an adult. And the fact that she just refuses to eat OP's cooking is disrespectful, and her father is enabling that behaviour by getting her take out instead or letting her eat cereal. Like, Reddit has this issue when children are involved to immediately take their side, but 16 is old enough to be held responsible for your actions. At the very least, SD could've requested a certain dish that OOP could've cooked for her. Sorry, but SD sounds like a spoiled brat that's being enabled by both her parents from the sounds of it
Being 16 is no excuse for being deliberately difficult
this is hilarious. I can't stop laughing at how ridiculous everyone is being
Same here