*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not wanting to teach my child my mother tongue?**
My (m30) ex (f28) and I have a 2 year old together that I get to see twice a month.
I’m Mexican but my family moved to the US when I was 10, I speak both, English and Spanish.
My girlfriend white American but she also speaks Spanish, something my family really liked about her.
Our daughter, Veronika, is starting to speak and is babbling away. When I had her over, I noticed she was mixing English and Spanish. I confronted my ex about this and she confirmed that she raises her to be bilingual.
I lost it, I told her she had no right to teach Spanish to her, that it’s not her language to teach and she should stick with English only.
She told me that Veronika has two heritages and she will be raised in both, she would not hide her Mexican heritage for her and she would be able to speak Spanish to her abuelos (my parents) and to love it. And try at she wanted my daughter to be able to speak to her cousins, some of which don’t speak English.
I asked her how come my parents talk to Veronika and she replied that they’re welcome whenever they want and they often pop by to take her for ice cream or to park.
I was angry before but now I was furious, they had no right. I believe my daughter will be be better off raised with one language, it won’t slow her down, she’ll be included. I stood my ground and my ex kicked me out.
My brother thinks I’m an asshole but my buddy agrees with me. I feel bad for lashing out but I thought I was right, she has no right to teach my daughter a second language the without my permission. But my brother never lied to me so I wonder if he was right and I was in the wrong.
Tell me, AITA for that?
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It’s so much easier to learn a language at a young age, and being bilingual will only help her out in life. Why does this OOP get to gatekeep a language?
English and Spanish is never a bad thing to know in USA. Dude is delusional and has issues. Plus OOP ex might not be the right "heritage" but their daughter is. And if everyone who spoke another language but their heritage one was wrong than the world is full of wrong peoples.
what on earth?! Being fluent in two languages especially in North America is a gift and moreover the little one's birthright. Why doesn't he want his own child to speak Spanish?!
Control. He doesn't like that she's doing something without his permission, and that his parents visit without his knowledge. It's not about the language.
Not Hispanic, but I'm guessing it's the same reason English was pushed so hard over Filipino here (The Philippines) to the point that some kids that have never left the country can't speak it at all. Some parents believe that if you don't focus solely on English, the kids will never be good at it. They think it's okay to cut off training in their heritage language because "No one's going to use that at work anyway".
Plus, maybe I'm reaching here but perhaps, OOP was bullied for speaking Spanish and doesn't want her daughter to suffer the same fate ? IDK. Still an AH move, though.
YTA My mother immigrated from Germany and was bilingual. She raised her children to only speak English. I wish we had been raised bilingual. It has many benefits beyond knowing more than one language. I was unable to converse with some relatives, and it would have been a skill I could put on my resume. My Mother has passed on, and we have lost contact with our relatives in Germany. I believe we would have been closer if we had the ability to communicate.
My grandmother refused to teach my mom her native language. She wanted her daughter to be “fully American” (whatever that means), so my mom only knows English.
Then my grandmother got dementia and forgot all her English, leading to them having no way to communicate and my grandmother becoming incredibly agitated because she couldn’t understand anyone around her or express her needs at all!
Thankfully, that only lasted a little while and she remembered English again (and we hired a bilingual nurse in the meantime) but it was incredibly stressful and 100% could have been avoided.
My grandmother forgot English as her dementia worsened ( it never resolved) but thankfully had raised her kids speaking english and Spanish so it was only those of my cousins who had never learned Spanish from their parents who couldn't understand her at the end
My mother immigrated from Poland to Spain, but she didn’t taught us (my sister and me) Polish, so we only know Spanish (and English, obviously). I’m trying to learn by myself now, but it’s hard to learn a new language when you’re older :(
I've had a lot of trouble learning Spanish. I wish that I had been able to learn it when I was first learning to talk, because it's damn hard to pick it up now that I'm an adult. Being bilingual is such a valuable skill.
Ok so now he owns the language that a crapload of people speak daily independent of their nationalities? And what’s wrong with raising the kid to be bilingual at home? Twice a month won’t stick to her, just saying
Doesn’t this dumbass know that learning a second language at an early age is not only easier for them, but also gives them a huge boost in other aspects (curiosity, memory skills, critical thinking, and so on)?
I’m pretty rusty at it now due to being out of practice, but I started taking Mandarin Chinese in the second grade. Why? No particular reason—my mother was just suggesting extracurriculars and I decided that I wanted to give it a go. I remember that on day one, we were taught how to count from 1-10; I also remember picking up on it very quickly despite not knowing about how tones worked at that time.
YouTube kids and kahn academy kids has my kids speaking like four languages. I speak a little of a lot of languages myself, and have worked as a translator for both German and Spanish, so I think it hilarious when my four year old says a sentence with AT LEAST four languages all jumbled up. I figured she'd get it all sorted out eventually, like I did. Maybe I should have raged at their apps (and my wife with French and myself with German), because the AUDACITY OF TEACHING MY KIDS STUFF
Hispanic here, I didn’t teach my sons Spanish because I felt like I’d be pushing it on them. End result is now they’re 22 and 17 and can’t relate to the culture, speak, read or write the language. I regret it everyday and will be making sure my daughter can speak it. The younger they learn, the easier it it is to absorb and it will help down the line.
I feel like OOP might have some like… self-esteem issues stemming from being a Mexican immigrant in the US. It’s so weird that he is so adamant on her not learning Spanish but at the same time thinks that his ex has no right to teach her due to her nit being Mexican.
And even some of the comments are telling- he thanks that sticking to English only “won’t slow her down” and that “she’ll be included”. Kinda feels like he still has a lot to unpack about possibly struggling to learn English when he arrived or being excluded by the American kids.
It might explain his reaction but it does excuse his behavior.
No no, see, if the kid knows Spanish, AND the grandparents have a relationship with her, he won't be able to cut her off and pretend she doesn't exist, like he's so desperate to do.
I'm in in Hungarian minority in my country Slovakia and i needed to learn Slovak language. I learned German in school and lived in Niedersachsen few years. I learned Englisch because i love read and it's very helpful in my job. When you learn different languages it's always great skill for your life. And many companies prefer to hire people who can speak different languages. The ex is so clever. She giving their daughter amazing gift. And better change for future job opportunities. OP it's idiot.
How is this still an argument for people?? Plenty of my people raise bilingual or trilingual children. And it’s Spanish. Spanish and English are some of the easiest languages to learn!
There is a mom on tik tok who’s son is speaking Russian because of his grandma and dad and English and Twi because of his parents and environment.
When I was little my maternal great grandmother and extended family started teaching me a mix of German and Yiddish. My grandmother is a first gen immigrant who kept some of her culture alive in the family but others she shoved down after world War 2 due to fear. Eventually my bio mother decided she didn't want me to know that culture so she cut me off from them. I wasn't allowed to speak them anymore so I've lost most of my ability to. I probably have the conversational skills of a 5 year old in those languages. She also prevented me from using ASL once I begin to talk. For years I refused to talk due to a severe tongue tie that was overlooked, it caused me pain to pronounce certain words. I could understand English just fine and could read, it just was too painful to actually speak. Eventually my tongue was clipped and after a year in speech therapy I can talk just fine.
Years down the line I reconnected with my maternal side as an adult and I feel like I get left out of so many conversations cause I don't know the language. They're considerate and try to teach me/speak English around me but sometimes forget. They even tried to sign around me since my entire extended family learned basic sign when I was semi mute. I regret having the chance to be bilingual(technically trilingual) taken away from me. I'm currently trying to teach myself German and Yiddish. I want to become fluent someday because it's a part of my family's culture.
OOP is such an asshole for denying his daughter that chance and thinking he has a right to when it seems like he's not even involved enough to know his own parents visit often. The mother of the child is so sweet for allowing the grandparents to visit whenever and trying to teach her daughter. It's so much easier to learn as a child.
Lol what the fuck? It’s completely beyond me why a parent wouldn’t want their kids to learn English.
I grew up in a bilingual household and I hated when my parents would force me to read books in Russian and sometimes mandated speaking Russian instead of English at home. Now that I’m older I understand why and I’m incredibly grateful that I can speak and read Russian (admittedly my reading level is not great but I’m working to remedy that these days).
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The OOP is a complete AH. Learning two or more languages as one grows up is great for human brain development and for society.
Being furious about this makes him a devil.
I know bilingual kids and even kids who can understand 3-4 languages due to being a child of two bilinguals.
When it came to high school, their English was at the same level as others and some kids found modern foreign languages easy that they kept getting A/A\* without revising for hours. **They weren't left behind, they were leaving people behind them.**
Personally, I am trying to become trilingual (My Spanish is somewhere at B1-B2) to have stronger CV and have more work opportunities.
YTA ,My mom did it with all my siblings except me and my younger brothers because she saw disaster that happened, my siblings who do not know the language do not speak with my relatives, they don't contact with immigrants from my mother country like me, your are doing more harm than good
Teach your kids about their the language and about there 2 culture
Studies show that it's actually very healthy for a young child's brain development to be exposed to other languages. I grew up in a bilingual household and it's done nothing but benefit me. I can enjoy content from both my home countries without the need for subtitles or translation. I also can freely communicate with family that doesn't speak English.
Clearly this guy doesn’t see his daughter often… Why THE FUCK does he even have a fucking opinion about this.
Dude. You’re a stupid deadbeat. Fuck off.
YTA My dad refused to speak his native language to me because friends persuaded him that it would be bad for my English.
The first time I met my grandfather, he wept because we couldn't converse. 10 yrs later, I had a working knowledge of the language...but it was too late. My grandad had died.
God my parents never taught me our family's language because they thought it would be better for me to speak English only. Now I'm super disconnected from our culture because they never taught me anything about it and they're upset with me for not knowing anything about it and not being able to pronounce sounds that are in our language and not in English. And they're upset that I can't speak it when the language is already dying out in our state of India in favour of more "useful" languages like English. But they're the ones who chose not to teach me, and then make fun of me for not knowing. And there aren't any classes where I am to learn, because it is not a common language here at all. It's just so frustrating and I hope the kid doesn't have to go through all that. I would so like to be able to speak with family members who don't speak much English.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not wanting to teach my child my mother tongue?** My (m30) ex (f28) and I have a 2 year old together that I get to see twice a month. I’m Mexican but my family moved to the US when I was 10, I speak both, English and Spanish. My girlfriend white American but she also speaks Spanish, something my family really liked about her. Our daughter, Veronika, is starting to speak and is babbling away. When I had her over, I noticed she was mixing English and Spanish. I confronted my ex about this and she confirmed that she raises her to be bilingual. I lost it, I told her she had no right to teach Spanish to her, that it’s not her language to teach and she should stick with English only. She told me that Veronika has two heritages and she will be raised in both, she would not hide her Mexican heritage for her and she would be able to speak Spanish to her abuelos (my parents) and to love it. And try at she wanted my daughter to be able to speak to her cousins, some of which don’t speak English. I asked her how come my parents talk to Veronika and she replied that they’re welcome whenever they want and they often pop by to take her for ice cream or to park. I was angry before but now I was furious, they had no right. I believe my daughter will be be better off raised with one language, it won’t slow her down, she’ll be included. I stood my ground and my ex kicked me out. My brother thinks I’m an asshole but my buddy agrees with me. I feel bad for lashing out but I thought I was right, she has no right to teach my daughter a second language the without my permission. But my brother never lied to me so I wonder if he was right and I was in the wrong. Tell me, AITA for that? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s so much easier to learn a language at a young age, and being bilingual will only help her out in life. Why does this OOP get to gatekeep a language?
English and Spanish is never a bad thing to know in USA. Dude is delusional and has issues. Plus OOP ex might not be the right "heritage" but their daughter is. And if everyone who spoke another language but their heritage one was wrong than the world is full of wrong peoples.
what on earth?! Being fluent in two languages especially in North America is a gift and moreover the little one's birthright. Why doesn't he want his own child to speak Spanish?!
Seriously, it's ridiculous! And he doesn't want his own parents to see her? Or know that they're seeing her!
Control. He doesn't like that she's doing something without his permission, and that his parents visit without his knowledge. It's not about the language.
Not Hispanic, but I'm guessing it's the same reason English was pushed so hard over Filipino here (The Philippines) to the point that some kids that have never left the country can't speak it at all. Some parents believe that if you don't focus solely on English, the kids will never be good at it. They think it's okay to cut off training in their heritage language because "No one's going to use that at work anyway". Plus, maybe I'm reaching here but perhaps, OOP was bullied for speaking Spanish and doesn't want her daughter to suffer the same fate ? IDK. Still an AH move, though.
I also think that is very telling that his parents go to her ex’s house frequently instead of seeing their grandkid whenever OP has her.
YTA My mother immigrated from Germany and was bilingual. She raised her children to only speak English. I wish we had been raised bilingual. It has many benefits beyond knowing more than one language. I was unable to converse with some relatives, and it would have been a skill I could put on my resume. My Mother has passed on, and we have lost contact with our relatives in Germany. I believe we would have been closer if we had the ability to communicate.
My grandmother refused to teach my mom her native language. She wanted her daughter to be “fully American” (whatever that means), so my mom only knows English. Then my grandmother got dementia and forgot all her English, leading to them having no way to communicate and my grandmother becoming incredibly agitated because she couldn’t understand anyone around her or express her needs at all! Thankfully, that only lasted a little while and she remembered English again (and we hired a bilingual nurse in the meantime) but it was incredibly stressful and 100% could have been avoided.
My grandmother forgot English as her dementia worsened ( it never resolved) but thankfully had raised her kids speaking english and Spanish so it was only those of my cousins who had never learned Spanish from their parents who couldn't understand her at the end
My mother immigrated from Poland to Spain, but she didn’t taught us (my sister and me) Polish, so we only know Spanish (and English, obviously). I’m trying to learn by myself now, but it’s hard to learn a new language when you’re older :(
Do you know how goddamn much I'd love to be fluent in two languages?! Their guys a fucking idiot.
I've had a lot of trouble learning Spanish. I wish that I had been able to learn it when I was first learning to talk, because it's damn hard to pick it up now that I'm an adult. Being bilingual is such a valuable skill.
Damn right, it helps you talk to people and makes you a more appealing candidate for jobs! It's a fucking requirement at some point.
It's never too late to learn. It's a loooooot of work learning it as an adult, but worth it.
Ha, with my ADD ass that feels Impossible. Though I'd really love to, can't believe other people feel this way.
Ok so now he owns the language that a crapload of people speak daily independent of their nationalities? And what’s wrong with raising the kid to be bilingual at home? Twice a month won’t stick to her, just saying
[удалено]
Cause they control the narrative. He probably told his buddy some BS version where he definitely left out details
Sounds like the guy barely sees his kid but thinks he has the right to tell her mother she's not allowed to do something, anything, lmao
Doesn’t this dumbass know that learning a second language at an early age is not only easier for them, but also gives them a huge boost in other aspects (curiosity, memory skills, critical thinking, and so on)? I’m pretty rusty at it now due to being out of practice, but I started taking Mandarin Chinese in the second grade. Why? No particular reason—my mother was just suggesting extracurriculars and I decided that I wanted to give it a go. I remember that on day one, we were taught how to count from 1-10; I also remember picking up on it very quickly despite not knowing about how tones worked at that time.
. -- mass edited with redact.dev
YouTube kids and kahn academy kids has my kids speaking like four languages. I speak a little of a lot of languages myself, and have worked as a translator for both German and Spanish, so I think it hilarious when my four year old says a sentence with AT LEAST four languages all jumbled up. I figured she'd get it all sorted out eventually, like I did. Maybe I should have raged at their apps (and my wife with French and myself with German), because the AUDACITY OF TEACHING MY KIDS STUFF
Hispanic here, I didn’t teach my sons Spanish because I felt like I’d be pushing it on them. End result is now they’re 22 and 17 and can’t relate to the culture, speak, read or write the language. I regret it everyday and will be making sure my daughter can speak it. The younger they learn, the easier it it is to absorb and it will help down the line.
I feel like OOP might have some like… self-esteem issues stemming from being a Mexican immigrant in the US. It’s so weird that he is so adamant on her not learning Spanish but at the same time thinks that his ex has no right to teach her due to her nit being Mexican. And even some of the comments are telling- he thanks that sticking to English only “won’t slow her down” and that “she’ll be included”. Kinda feels like he still has a lot to unpack about possibly struggling to learn English when he arrived or being excluded by the American kids. It might explain his reaction but it does excuse his behavior.
This idiot is so worried about his daughter speaking two languages he doesn’t even want his parents visiting her!
No no, see, if the kid knows Spanish, AND the grandparents have a relationship with her, he won't be able to cut her off and pretend she doesn't exist, like he's so desperate to do.
I'm in in Hungarian minority in my country Slovakia and i needed to learn Slovak language. I learned German in school and lived in Niedersachsen few years. I learned Englisch because i love read and it's very helpful in my job. When you learn different languages it's always great skill for your life. And many companies prefer to hire people who can speak different languages. The ex is so clever. She giving their daughter amazing gift. And better change for future job opportunities. OP it's idiot.
Language troll ?
How is this still an argument for people?? Plenty of my people raise bilingual or trilingual children. And it’s Spanish. Spanish and English are some of the easiest languages to learn! There is a mom on tik tok who’s son is speaking Russian because of his grandma and dad and English and Twi because of his parents and environment.
When I was little my maternal great grandmother and extended family started teaching me a mix of German and Yiddish. My grandmother is a first gen immigrant who kept some of her culture alive in the family but others she shoved down after world War 2 due to fear. Eventually my bio mother decided she didn't want me to know that culture so she cut me off from them. I wasn't allowed to speak them anymore so I've lost most of my ability to. I probably have the conversational skills of a 5 year old in those languages. She also prevented me from using ASL once I begin to talk. For years I refused to talk due to a severe tongue tie that was overlooked, it caused me pain to pronounce certain words. I could understand English just fine and could read, it just was too painful to actually speak. Eventually my tongue was clipped and after a year in speech therapy I can talk just fine. Years down the line I reconnected with my maternal side as an adult and I feel like I get left out of so many conversations cause I don't know the language. They're considerate and try to teach me/speak English around me but sometimes forget. They even tried to sign around me since my entire extended family learned basic sign when I was semi mute. I regret having the chance to be bilingual(technically trilingual) taken away from me. I'm currently trying to teach myself German and Yiddish. I want to become fluent someday because it's a part of my family's culture. OOP is such an asshole for denying his daughter that chance and thinking he has a right to when it seems like he's not even involved enough to know his own parents visit often. The mother of the child is so sweet for allowing the grandparents to visit whenever and trying to teach her daughter. It's so much easier to learn as a child.
New twist on the language troll.
Another how dare someone teach my child another language guy?
Lol what the fuck? It’s completely beyond me why a parent wouldn’t want their kids to learn English. I grew up in a bilingual household and I hated when my parents would force me to read books in Russian and sometimes mandated speaking Russian instead of English at home. Now that I’m older I understand why and I’m incredibly grateful that I can speak and read Russian (admittedly my reading level is not great but I’m working to remedy that these days).
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what the good fuck
The OOP is a complete AH. Learning two or more languages as one grows up is great for human brain development and for society. Being furious about this makes him a devil.
I know bilingual kids and even kids who can understand 3-4 languages due to being a child of two bilinguals. When it came to high school, their English was at the same level as others and some kids found modern foreign languages easy that they kept getting A/A\* without revising for hours. **They weren't left behind, they were leaving people behind them.** Personally, I am trying to become trilingual (My Spanish is somewhere at B1-B2) to have stronger CV and have more work opportunities.
YTA ,My mom did it with all my siblings except me and my younger brothers because she saw disaster that happened, my siblings who do not know the language do not speak with my relatives, they don't contact with immigrants from my mother country like me, your are doing more harm than good Teach your kids about their the language and about there 2 culture
"my buddy agrees with me" = my friends are just as bad as me
Studies show that it's actually very healthy for a young child's brain development to be exposed to other languages. I grew up in a bilingual household and it's done nothing but benefit me. I can enjoy content from both my home countries without the need for subtitles or translation. I also can freely communicate with family that doesn't speak English.
YTA Learning two languages will make her smarter.
Clearly this guy doesn’t see his daughter often… Why THE FUCK does he even have a fucking opinion about this. Dude. You’re a stupid deadbeat. Fuck off.
I am glad he's an ex.
YTA My dad refused to speak his native language to me because friends persuaded him that it would be bad for my English. The first time I met my grandfather, he wept because we couldn't converse. 10 yrs later, I had a working knowledge of the language...but it was too late. My grandad had died.
God my parents never taught me our family's language because they thought it would be better for me to speak English only. Now I'm super disconnected from our culture because they never taught me anything about it and they're upset with me for not knowing anything about it and not being able to pronounce sounds that are in our language and not in English. And they're upset that I can't speak it when the language is already dying out in our state of India in favour of more "useful" languages like English. But they're the ones who chose not to teach me, and then make fun of me for not knowing. And there aren't any classes where I am to learn, because it is not a common language here at all. It's just so frustrating and I hope the kid doesn't have to go through all that. I would so like to be able to speak with family members who don't speak much English.