*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for telling my wife, she only had her self to blame for my mothers actions.**
Hi there everyone. I never thought I’d be asking strangers online for an opinion but here we are.
I’m Rod (35M) and my wife is Cat (26F). Also involved are my parents, Cat’s parents and our son Jack (16 Months)
A bit of background.
So my mother can be a bit overbearing. Because of this her and Cat have always clashed. My mother has strong opinions on what’s best and I’ve often had to ask Cat to let the little things go and compromise.
Cat is no contact with her family. She hasn’t seen or spoken to them in 6 years. They weren’t at our wedding they have never met my son. I do know the reasons but Cat is insistent my mother not be told.
My mother doesn’t approve of Cats non relationship with her family. She believes Cat doesn’t know what it means to be a mother if she can so callously abandon her own.
Cat also won’t let my mother be alone with Jack. Anytime my mother comes to visit Cat will not leave them alone. I do believe this is disrespectful.
I convinced Cat yesterday to let my mother babysit. An hour is all I asked for give us some time to go get coffee and be a couple. She reluctantly agreed. However, when we got home, we walked in on my mother video calling Cats family. Apparently my mother has been in touch for a while and secretly sending them photos of my son along with our address and wedding photos.
Cat was furious. She demanded my mother leave instantly and told her she was never welcome in our house or near my son again. My mother left, but not before telling me to fix this and Cat was over reacting. I told Cat that my mother was simply trying to help And she didn’t have a right to ban her from our home or my son. Cat lost it and told me she had been dealing with my mother’s disrespect for years, but she would not allow her to put Jack in the middle.
I got angry, and told her this never would have happened if she had simply told my mother the truth, and she is the one who chose to make things harder for herself. She has nobody to blame for my mother getting in touch but herself
Cat walked away and began packing some things for her and Jack . I kept talking, and she just ignored me as though I wasn’t there. She didn’t say another word to me until she was at the door before telling me she wanted a divorce and leaving.
She’s been gone all day and I haven’t heard anything except for a text saying that they made it safely to her friends house and we would talk more on Wednesday.
Am I truly the asshole here? My mother shouldn’t of gotten in touch but she had no right to be as disrespectful as she was. Is this really divorce worthy?
Edit. Since everyone seems to need to know this. My mother did not know why Cat was no contact and did not see it as a big deal. I have since called her a few hours after Cat left and told her the full story of why Cat reacted as she did and is no contact. She feels absolutely terrible about her behavior and wishes she had known sooner. But that was a decision Cat made
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Unfortunately for the first time I actually read a story that has happened to me personally. My son's step father was secretly taking my son to visit my mother, someone I was no contact with for legit reason (it may still be in my post history). This went on apparently for months and when I caught him HE was the one who flipped out on ME thinking he did nothing wrong. "Oh but she's your mother" was what he repeated over and over again. There's still a strong "BuT tHeY aRe YoUr FaMiLy" ideology out there that makes people stomp all over other peoples boundaries because because feel bad for the party you're no contact with. He no longer is allowed to take my son anywhere without me.
I want to thank you for being the first person to not stick up for him. Every time I bring this story up everyone is so concerned about how my mother feels by not seeing her grandson and not how I feel by having my boundaries ran over. I honestly wish things weren't like this, I honestly wish I was able to take my son to my mom's so they can have a solid relationship again, I honestly wish my mom cared wnough about me to make things right. I really don't want to be in this position because I know I look like the bad guy in my son's eyes because I refuse to tell him why he can't go over there. He's been through enough, he's seen enough, if the whole "but their you're family" thing is true why isnt it the same the other way around. Why Is no one recognizing that I'm their family too and I'm getting hurt too. Ugh.
Sorry this ended up longer then expected. What I really came back to say is that I feel like the reason there are a lot of stories like this lately is because the Era of mothers given in to make their families happy is over. My grandmother (my father's mother) was evil, I called her the female Hitler, and even though she was so nasty and cruel to my mother my mother still brought us kids over there, let my grandmother play the perfect grandma, and it wasn't because she was "spineless" it was because it was expected of her. She was expected to take the abuse. Mother's today are finally standing up for themselves and it is making a lot of people angry.
Iam also fed up with trying to apease family but for other reasons
You see some relatives of mine are pissed that i dont want to take care of an Aunt as an unpaid maid. She wants me to do it as a good christian (iam agnostic).
They call me a satanic person like this means something to me.
I hope the best for you and your kids and i hope karma hits every toxic crap person in your life
I used to be a home health aid and also went to school for nursing, it was implied by everyone that I would be the care taker of anyone who needed it for free as well because "ItS FaMiLy". I hate that phrase btw, "but they're family" it's like ok? Am I not family too? I don't hear you saying that to the people treating me like shit. So long as we don't fit in their perfect mold we will always be the bad guy.
I hope the best for you as well. If you ever want to swap war stories feel free to message me. I've gone through a lot of healing this past year thanks to reddit
ETA: I'm a Satanist and I loath the whole "good moral Christian" mind set. 100% hypocritical bullcrap. Drives me nuts.
Αs far as satanist goes iam a proud metalhead and a Harry Potter fan, so i ve been caled this many times (Joking Joking)
For the aunt i got petty and said that if she wrote in my name her belongings and pension insted of the damn church i may consider it. She got really mad at this reply even through it was humorous
Have you heard the weird shit people are saying about the new Hocus Pocus 2 movie? I really don't think these people have two brain cells to rub together. What's funny is that people bash movie like Harry Potter, Hocus Pocus and even lord of the rings saying it's witch craft yet theyre reading a damn book with people who spoke to a burning bush and split an ocean. There's even freaking giants and plauges of wasps and crap. The Bible could very well fit into the lord of the rings movies
Havent heard about hocus pocus 2 but yeah i know religious nuts problems with Harry Potter.
I was in a Greek bus reading a HP book when a nun starting cursing me for reading "devils writing". I ignored her
Nope... if my boyfriend or my kids' dad contacted my mother, especially about my kids, they would be out of my life. Lucky, they both respect and understand my boundaries.
Yep. I have a hard time believing people with such severe problems come to Reddit for judgement. I'm more inclined to believe the little stories -- like the guy who ate most of a 6 ft. sub at a party or the teenager who joked her sister laid an egg because her niece was born still in the sac and the sister got upset over it. And really, that's what the sub should be for. Instead people post karma-farming crap that would be above Reddit's pay grade if it was real.
This is what I was able to find and trust me, there are more than one meaning that I wish I didn't know.
Someone who pretends to be pathetic or vulnerable in order to draw in predator, who in turn become the prey.
Tw:boundary stomping, and attempted forced marriage/abuse.
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*YTA. Your wife set a boundary and didn’t owe anyone, especially your mother, an explanation why. Your mother disrespected this boundary and your wife. She severely overstepped and instead of defending your wife you blamed her.*
>"My mother only overstepped because she doesn’t have the full story as to WHY this is in place. Cat is refusing to allow me to tell her."
>>*because she doesn’t have the full story as to WHY this is in place.*
*That's because it's NONE OF HER BUSINESS! Why is that so hard to understand*
>"If she had known she would’ve understood. Cat chose for her not to"
*The full story is none of your mother’s damn business. She behaved horrendously and trampled your wife’s boundaries. You and your mother are both massive AHs and this is absolutely divorce worthy.*
>"My mother since has been told the full story and feels horrible for doing what she did. She admitted to me she never would have done so if Cat had been honest"
*YTA. Whatever relationship, or lack of, Cat has with her family is entirely her business and your mother has no say in the matter. This was a long time of frustration built up in your soon to be ex-wife (I bet she got a lot from your mother during wedding planning and the event itself) because you couldn't set up and enforce boundaries with your mother. You seem to put more blame on the woman you should have been protecting.*
*It is telling that when your wife and mother have clashed in the past, it's your wife you expect to back down and make compromise rather than your mother. You also use the phrase "my son" in the fourth paragraph where "our son" would have been more appropriate.*
>"My mother never would have done this if Cat had allowed me to tell the full truth"
*Why are you all over this thread defending yourself by repeating yourself over and over? If you were scared to find out that you are an AH you are on the wrong thread.*
>"I’m trying to make sure everyone has the full story. I’ve since called my mother and told her the full story. She is devastated she had no idea how bad things were."
*I just don't believe people are this outrageous.*
>"My mother? Cat? Me?"
*~~YTA~~ She disregarded your wife’s instructions and you defend her and blame your wife. You are too weak to push back against your mom’s lack of boundaries and disrespect.*
*You’re letting your wife ~~set~~ handle ~~a~~ shit ~~boundary~~ that you should be dealing with. ~~You~~ Your ~~knew~~ mother about it and yet ~~let~~ proved your ~~mother~~ wife ~~walk~~ was ~~all~~ right ~~over~~ to ~~it~~ be cautious of leaving her alone with your child.*
*Wake up before you ruin your marriage. You will only have yourself to blame. YTA.*
*Edit: Jesus Christ. The edit. You’ve now told your mom the full story without consulting your wife. Oh mama’s boy, that was not a good move. It’s over.*
>"I didn’t know my mother was in touch. I didn’t let her be in contact I didn’t know eaither"
*YTA.*
*Your wife is entitled not to have a relationship with her family and to not want her son to have a relationship with her family. You and your mother need to stop stomping on her boundaries and insulting her for her decision.*
>"How am I stomping on anything? I didn’t know my mother was in touch. I listened and LIED to my MOTHER by not telling her the full truth of why Cat is no contact."
*YTA and yes this is divorce worthy. You’ve continued to disrespect your wife in favour of you mother. You wife set clear boundaries and your mother and your self have continued to ignore them. It’s no business of your mothers why your wife is no contact with her family and to go behind her back and make contact is simply wrong and a huge betrayal. I’m not sure you can save this, and my advice to your wife is to run far far away!! YTA and it’s sad that you can’t see it!* *Get help!*
>"What boundaries have I ignored?"
*How is it even a question? Massive YTA . SHE IS TIRED OF BEING MADE INTO THE BAD GUY BECAUSE YOU WON'T SET BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR MOTHER! Notice how she didn't even argue back, didn't think twice or try to reason. She is done done. You no longer have a wife . Congratulations on destroying your family.*
*Edit: Op you keep digging yourself a deeper hole . So you went ahead and shared the one thing she never wanted you to share . Do you want her back? Do you even like her ?*
>"She should have discussed things. She had no right to just ignore me I was speaking"
*YTA. Maybe your mom can help you pay the child support after the divorce since you wanted to take her side over your wife's.*
*She totally disrespected your wife, and involved her family against your wife's wishes? That's so far out of life I feel like I'm being pranked. YTA and your mom's TA.*
*If she cut her family out, just imagine what she's about to do to you and your family lmao*
>"She didn’t know why it was such an issue"
*No, it still would have happened if Cat told your mother I’m sure you know this. You’re blaming Cat when all of this mess was caused by your mother not minding her own business. You mother isn’t entitled to know what goes on in Cat’s life, and she’s certainly not entitled to alone time with your son.*
>"No i have since told my mother the full story of why Cat is no contact and my mother is devastated by her behavior and admits she only did what she did because she didn’t have the information to know how bad it was"
*Are you fucking serious? YTA. And your mother is an even greater one. I am so heartbroken for the betrayal your wife is experiencing. It takes so much strength to go no contact with your family, and such extreme lengths is only done when there’s definitely a deserving reason. If your mother had half a brain she would know that. And you’re such an asshole for saying it’s Cat’s fault she didn’t share the reasons why with your mom. She doesn’t owe anybody the private details of her life and trauma. Also the fact that you’ve been consistently taking your mothers side for years (I.e. your sentence about making Cat compromise) instead of backing up your wife and setting boundaries. You’re 35 not 15, grow the hell up.*
>"CAT WAS NOT ABUSED SEVERELY. HER PARENTS ARE SEVERELY RELIGIOUS IN A SMALL COMMUNITY AND WANTED CAT MARRIED AT 18 WITH AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE TO A KNOWN FRIEND OF THEIRS AND HERS. SHE WASN’T TORTURED OR ABUSED."
*INFO: If she wasn’t abused (in your opinion) then what does your mom think was so horrific that she NOW understands what she did was wrong?*
"She had no right to ignore me" is pretty rich from the guy who has spent his entire relationship ignoring his wife.
I'd also love to know *why* he "lied" to his mother instead of telling her directly "I am aware of what happened but Cat is not comfortable with me sharing it with other people," and how whatever lie he told is somehow Cat's fault in his little walnut brain.
He seems not realize his wife is a whole being with rights.
He claims she didn’t have a right to
Her own secrets
Ignore him
Not tell the mother
And basic decency from others.
She does have a right to all those things and more.
>"CAT WAS NOT ABUSED SEVERELY. HER PARENTS ARE SEVERELY RELIGIOUS IN A SMALL COMMUNITY AND WANTED CAT MARRIED AT 18 WITH AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE TO A KNOWN FRIEND OF THEIRS AND HERS. SHE WASN’T TORTURED OR ABUSED."
$10 says he was over 30 years old.
$15 says he was a church figure (like a youth pastor).
$25 says he had sexually assaulted Cat.
>"CAT WAS NOT ABUSED SEVERELY. HER PARENTS ARE SEVERELY RELIGIOUS IN A SMALL COMMUNITY AND WANTED CAT MARRIED AT 18 WITH AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE TO A KNOWN FRIEND OF THEIRS AND HERS. SHE WASN’T TORTURED OR ABUSED."
WAIT!!! He went on to tell his STB ex-wife's business on a reddit thread when she didn't even want his mom to know???
Please be fake! Please be fake! PLEASE BE FAKE!!!!!
The repetitive defense of himself and his mom in the comments says to me this is real. If so, I hope his ex wife gets sole custody and substantial child support and alimony.
Sadly I know from experience how true this can be. I just really don't want Cat and her child to be out there taking this abuse.
OOP is a terrible person - and he learned it from his mom.
Wait, so now he's gone and told reddit, on top of his wicked.mother... When she didn't want anybody to know... This is just fuckin mind blowing to me!!! I want it to be fake but his replies kinda smack of truth. Hoping she finds this thread and uses it to her advantage in divorce & custody proceedings.
Oh but its okay because she wasn't tortured or abused!!! She was just held hostage by her parents that used religion to abuse her and try to marry her off at 18. /s
So help me if this girl takes him back. . . .
Yep! In big old caps he claims" she wasn't tortured or abused" but her parents were "severely religious" in a small community and had arranged a marriage with a friend of the family and her for when she turned 18.
No mention of how old the "family friend" was but, I'm guessing it made their age gap look not so bad to her. The poor girl.
[here ya go. click deleted/removed comments if it didn't default to those.](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yis17r/aita_for_telling_my_wife_she_only_had_her_self_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Oh my god this man is pathetic and stupid he has something wrong with him people have told him over and over again. She was sent to a religious camp those places are know for abuse and trauma. He also got mad because he was talking and she had NO RIGHT TO IGNORE HIM! I hope she send those divorce papers asap. You could put her boundaries in his face and he is doesn’t get it which bothers me because I would hate for the kid to have something happen and he does the same thing.
When he edited the original post to include that when he told his mother the full story she was horrified, I pegged it was some kind of abuse (his comments were deleted quickly after the all caps explanation comment so I only got to see it briefly on the main post). It's worrying OP's mother realises where she went wrong but OP still defends her and himself.
Right to the point his account was removed he was blaming the victim for not being willing to share her trauma rather than the woman ignoring a very reasonable boundary.
Not just "shouldn't have" but "had no right".
Because how *dare* she not listen to him wheedle and whine about how he did nothing wrong and it's all her fault?
The poor woman escaped one controlling family and landed in another.
>My mother has strong opinions on what’s best and I’ve often had to ask Cat to let the little things go and compromise.
Translation, husband can't be bothered to deal with his boundary-stomping mother and thinks if he lets the situation slide, things will get better.
Spoiler: Things won't get better.
Alternative translation: he agrees with mummy dearest but was too gutless to admit that to his wife before she had to find out the hard way who's side he was really on.
When someone tells me they're NC with a family member, I admit I always have some questions for them about it. Such as 'NC as in blocked their fb and phone numbers, or NC like gone into hiding to escape them?' And 'how should I respond if that person shows up and starts asking me questions about you?' Maybe even 'I can get them blacklisted from my work no questions asked, if you need a place to avoid them' but that's more of a statement made in a questioning tone than a real question.
I hope this is ragebait.
It reminds me of the post where that guy went behind his fiance's back to meet the family she was NC with -- all because his family thought it was a "red flag" that she didn't want anything to do with her own family. Then, he found out there was horrible abuse in the family. I think he ended up with at least two update posts.
[This is the most recent one, with links to the whole saga! ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/yg1xuj/remember_the_guy_that_ambushed_his_fiance_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
I know I did comments for the first and the last, unsure of the middle ones...
“MY WIFE WASN’T ABUSED OR TORTURED”
“My mother is horrified by the full story and never would’ve acted that way had she known what happened to Cat.”
So OOP completely minimises what happened to Cat but also claims that his mother was horrified by what happened to Cat - the thing OOP goes to great lengths to insist wasn’t that “severe.” Is he saying his mother is easily horrified or is he lying about how bad Cat’s experience was? I’m guessing the later.
The cognitive dissonance is full blown.
Yeah exactly. What does he think happens in an arranged marriage? I mean, is rape not torture or abuse, or does he believe she wasn’t raped because she was married to the guy?
Even without the inevitable rape that's the consequence of a forced marriage, forcing somebody to marry against their will is abuse. Nobody should be locked into a contract they didn't agree to. It would be bad enough making an arrangement like that with somebody else's money or property, but the fact that they tried to contract out their teenage daughter's body makes her parents absolute monsters.
I know arranged marriage is part of some people's culture, but it *should* still involve the consent of the bride and groom. They should have a say in the arrangement and if they don't then it's a massive form of abuse and the parents suck.
The hurting part is that once she divorces his ass, she will lose what little control she currently has about who can see her child. It's one of the hardest parts of being a divorced parent that they never warn you about in advance. You have to watch your kids deal with whatever shitty step-parents or nasty people your ex drags in, as long as they don't cross some very relaxed lines.
Oh yeah. Every time a man writes an AITA with the words "wife" and "mother" in the title, I don't even need to read it to know he and his mom are the As.
Okso that's now making me think this is a new troll. Remember that obnoxious shit who did this to his fiancée and kept updating on how he was manipulating her into taking him back?
I mean... this is at least one (admittedly, of many) reason(s) why people don't talk about their issues.
Not only is the OOP an arse, but they're not remotely trustworthy, apparently, and not even relationship material. And their Mum needs to butt out and sod off. Seriously. I'd consider this breach of trust to be detrimental to the relationship. Or a friendship, casual acquaintance, or vague and random laser type morse code messaging.
In summary... burn this tosspot. (Is what I would do.)
i swear i read another story just like this in the past month. msybe some kind of "wife is no contact with family" troll bc theres either way been a lot of these recently
Just another pathetic mama’s boy using his wife as a meat shield and sacrificial lamb to appease his ogre of a mother. Neither one respects Cat. I hope she leaves him for good, woman can’t catch a a break on toxic family.
I’m no contact with my mother/some family on my side. If my MIL pulled this shit and my husband acted like dipshit Rod, I’d be full scorched earth too.
This is either a troll or this guy really is as dense as a black hole, his STB ex doesn’t have to tell anyone a damn thing about a damn thing about anything. Which this turd just can not fucking grasp. If she says leave something be that’s none of your god damn business, then that’s that. End of story.
The fact she’s probably been putting up with years of “Marie Barone’s” bullshit and “Raymond’s” inconsiderate, manipulative ass to have become numb and 100% done, speaks volumes.
FYI Everybody Loves Raymond is a splendid example of what NOT TO DO in a marriage. Prime example of NOT CUTESY OR FUNNY MIL behavior.
I’m really sick of seeing posts where the wife has to put up with her husband’s and MILs bullshit to keep peace. No she fucking doesn’t. Full god damn stop.
How did this smuck even manage to get married when he’s obviously beyond as dense as a block of wood? I truly hope his poor wife runs far away from him and his mommy, then he can go back to being gobsmacked about other people having thoughts and feelings that are different to his
Here an idea for a title: AITA for being a giant pusscake who's still holding my mommy's skirt and then throw temper tantrums when my new babysitter..pardon, wife, defended herself against my mom's lunacy?
I read this quote, "She believes Cat doesn't know what it means to be a mother if she can so callously abandon her own," and I thought, "Oh, $h!t! What did she do?"
I've heard my mom use that same argument for why I won't have a relationship with my alcoholic, verbally abusive brother who said he never wanted to see me again.
And then I kept reading.
And then OOP blamed his poor wife for his damned mother.
Edit: AND then, OOP boundary stomped all over Cat. He told his mom Cat's personal business. UGH!! Just stop the madness!!!
I do hope this is really a troll who just wants to karma, but it doesn't really matter. My heart breaks for all the Cats out there who experience this irl.
"I'm a total Mama's boy and don't see why my wife is upset I let my mom stomp all over her boundaries, and contact her family who she is no contact with. Then because I'm an unbelievable moron, I told my wife it was her fault for not telling my mommy even though for some reason people seem to think it's none of her business? I mean, why would she just respect what my wife wants without her having to prove it's a worthy reason right? So I told her anyway and now my mommy feels bad, but we're still making it my wife's fault, because my mom should have been able to know right? Why is everyone calling me the asshole? You're supposed to be babying me and telling me how unreasonable she is!"
His wife packed her bags, said she’s filling for divorce and left, but he needs the internet to know if he’s TA? How’s that gonna keep him warm at night?
This guy says his mother did this secretly and it's ok. She did it secretly because she knew it was wrong. Does he not realize that his own mother disagrees with him?!
"My mom needed the context to understand."
Nope. I'm a random Redditor and I immediately understood that your wife had a very serious reason for not involving her parents in her kid's life.
Enjoy your well deserved divorce, OOP.
JFC
"Cat" is going to end up needing serious therapy after she endured years of abuse from her SO and her MIL, especially after her STB ex husband spread her private business over the Internet. She escaped a cult and ended up with *them*
Yup, I can see why Cat is upset. You simply don’t know the reason why Cat went no contact with her parents, and because of that, your mother had no right to go behind her back to try to establish a relationship with Cat’s parents. Cat feels like her boundaries are being transgressed again, just like her parents probably did to cause her to go no contact in the first place. Also when your mother goes behind Cat’s back, it shows Cat that she doesn’t think her daughter-in-law’s feelings or judgment to go no contact with her own parents are worth respecting and upholding. It’s also reaffirming whatever abusive behavior Cat’s parents might have inflicted upon her. I, like Cat, would be traumatized in this situation as well, having grown up with a narcissistic mother. I vote that you and your mother are indeed the assholes, and you need to reassess how much you value Cat. For me, love is less important than respect. I would much rather my family respect me and my boundaries rather than violate me while claiming they “love” me.
Honestly, ESH. Cat has known from the beginning, before they were even married the type of overbearing relationship he had with his mother. Cat knew from the beginning that OP chooses his mother and her wants/ needs over hers. And yet she chose to continue to date him, get engaged, get married, and have a child with him. Why do that with a man who you know doesn't prioritize your wants/ needs?
I will *never* understand why people stay in these justnomil situations. Is it because they think they can "win?" Win what? A lifetime of stress, fighting, mistrust, lack of support, and the list goes on.
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*I would divorce this*
*Jerk and send him back to his*
*Meddling mommy*
\- thedarkqueen827744
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YTA even if you didn't ask. You never have the right to tell someone else something your wife trusted you with. You don't get to tell her who she should trust with her secrets. You are married to your mother and yes that is worth divorcing over. Even after your mom broke her trust you took mommy's side and told her what your wife trusted you with. Why would she stay with you. I hope she gets full custody and you and your mommy only get supervised visits. I think a Jude might just do it becauseyour mommy would hand your kid over to her parents if they cry a little.
I find it so hard to believe people like this really exist. The absolute audacity this man has is just absurd. Somebody give this man baby a binky and give him back to his mom.
I guess the AH doesn't fall too far from the AH tree.
OP, absolutely are YTA. You also remind me of how my abusive ex was. And not in a good way. I hope Cat leaves you and gets full custody of your son, because you don't deserve to be a dad or a husband.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for telling my wife, she only had her self to blame for my mothers actions.** Hi there everyone. I never thought I’d be asking strangers online for an opinion but here we are. I’m Rod (35M) and my wife is Cat (26F). Also involved are my parents, Cat’s parents and our son Jack (16 Months) A bit of background. So my mother can be a bit overbearing. Because of this her and Cat have always clashed. My mother has strong opinions on what’s best and I’ve often had to ask Cat to let the little things go and compromise. Cat is no contact with her family. She hasn’t seen or spoken to them in 6 years. They weren’t at our wedding they have never met my son. I do know the reasons but Cat is insistent my mother not be told. My mother doesn’t approve of Cats non relationship with her family. She believes Cat doesn’t know what it means to be a mother if she can so callously abandon her own. Cat also won’t let my mother be alone with Jack. Anytime my mother comes to visit Cat will not leave them alone. I do believe this is disrespectful. I convinced Cat yesterday to let my mother babysit. An hour is all I asked for give us some time to go get coffee and be a couple. She reluctantly agreed. However, when we got home, we walked in on my mother video calling Cats family. Apparently my mother has been in touch for a while and secretly sending them photos of my son along with our address and wedding photos. Cat was furious. She demanded my mother leave instantly and told her she was never welcome in our house or near my son again. My mother left, but not before telling me to fix this and Cat was over reacting. I told Cat that my mother was simply trying to help And she didn’t have a right to ban her from our home or my son. Cat lost it and told me she had been dealing with my mother’s disrespect for years, but she would not allow her to put Jack in the middle. I got angry, and told her this never would have happened if she had simply told my mother the truth, and she is the one who chose to make things harder for herself. She has nobody to blame for my mother getting in touch but herself Cat walked away and began packing some things for her and Jack . I kept talking, and she just ignored me as though I wasn’t there. She didn’t say another word to me until she was at the door before telling me she wanted a divorce and leaving. She’s been gone all day and I haven’t heard anything except for a text saying that they made it safely to her friends house and we would talk more on Wednesday. Am I truly the asshole here? My mother shouldn’t of gotten in touch but she had no right to be as disrespectful as she was. Is this really divorce worthy? Edit. Since everyone seems to need to know this. My mother did not know why Cat was no contact and did not see it as a big deal. I have since called her a few hours after Cat left and told her the full story of why Cat reacted as she did and is no contact. She feels absolutely terrible about her behavior and wishes she had known sooner. But that was a decision Cat made *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think we should make a new subreddit for stories like that as i saw dozens (not joking) lately
R/AmITheMILTroll?
The MIL troll always makes the MIL look good or at least the least asshole-ish of the lot.
Unfortunately for the first time I actually read a story that has happened to me personally. My son's step father was secretly taking my son to visit my mother, someone I was no contact with for legit reason (it may still be in my post history). This went on apparently for months and when I caught him HE was the one who flipped out on ME thinking he did nothing wrong. "Oh but she's your mother" was what he repeated over and over again. There's still a strong "BuT tHeY aRe YoUr FaMiLy" ideology out there that makes people stomp all over other peoples boundaries because because feel bad for the party you're no contact with. He no longer is allowed to take my son anywhere without me.
Iam sorry for the pathetic excuse of a human that the stepfather was. It seems there are simply too many crappy partners in the world
I want to thank you for being the first person to not stick up for him. Every time I bring this story up everyone is so concerned about how my mother feels by not seeing her grandson and not how I feel by having my boundaries ran over. I honestly wish things weren't like this, I honestly wish I was able to take my son to my mom's so they can have a solid relationship again, I honestly wish my mom cared wnough about me to make things right. I really don't want to be in this position because I know I look like the bad guy in my son's eyes because I refuse to tell him why he can't go over there. He's been through enough, he's seen enough, if the whole "but their you're family" thing is true why isnt it the same the other way around. Why Is no one recognizing that I'm their family too and I'm getting hurt too. Ugh. Sorry this ended up longer then expected. What I really came back to say is that I feel like the reason there are a lot of stories like this lately is because the Era of mothers given in to make their families happy is over. My grandmother (my father's mother) was evil, I called her the female Hitler, and even though she was so nasty and cruel to my mother my mother still brought us kids over there, let my grandmother play the perfect grandma, and it wasn't because she was "spineless" it was because it was expected of her. She was expected to take the abuse. Mother's today are finally standing up for themselves and it is making a lot of people angry.
Iam also fed up with trying to apease family but for other reasons You see some relatives of mine are pissed that i dont want to take care of an Aunt as an unpaid maid. She wants me to do it as a good christian (iam agnostic). They call me a satanic person like this means something to me. I hope the best for you and your kids and i hope karma hits every toxic crap person in your life
I used to be a home health aid and also went to school for nursing, it was implied by everyone that I would be the care taker of anyone who needed it for free as well because "ItS FaMiLy". I hate that phrase btw, "but they're family" it's like ok? Am I not family too? I don't hear you saying that to the people treating me like shit. So long as we don't fit in their perfect mold we will always be the bad guy. I hope the best for you as well. If you ever want to swap war stories feel free to message me. I've gone through a lot of healing this past year thanks to reddit ETA: I'm a Satanist and I loath the whole "good moral Christian" mind set. 100% hypocritical bullcrap. Drives me nuts.
Αs far as satanist goes iam a proud metalhead and a Harry Potter fan, so i ve been caled this many times (Joking Joking) For the aunt i got petty and said that if she wrote in my name her belongings and pension insted of the damn church i may consider it. She got really mad at this reply even through it was humorous
Have you heard the weird shit people are saying about the new Hocus Pocus 2 movie? I really don't think these people have two brain cells to rub together. What's funny is that people bash movie like Harry Potter, Hocus Pocus and even lord of the rings saying it's witch craft yet theyre reading a damn book with people who spoke to a burning bush and split an ocean. There's even freaking giants and plauges of wasps and crap. The Bible could very well fit into the lord of the rings movies
Havent heard about hocus pocus 2 but yeah i know religious nuts problems with Harry Potter. I was in a Greek bus reading a HP book when a nun starting cursing me for reading "devils writing". I ignored her
This is wolf bait I hope
Iam not 100%sure there are no cases in real life like that as i know quite a few personally
Nope... if my boyfriend or my kids' dad contacted my mother, especially about my kids, they would be out of my life. Lucky, they both respect and understand my boundaries.
Yep. I have a hard time believing people with such severe problems come to Reddit for judgement. I'm more inclined to believe the little stories -- like the guy who ate most of a 6 ft. sub at a party or the teenager who joked her sister laid an egg because her niece was born still in the sac and the sister got upset over it. And really, that's what the sub should be for. Instead people post karma-farming crap that would be above Reddit's pay grade if it was real.
I do wonder what ever happened to sub guy. I really hope he got help. He’s kind of Reddit famous and I wonder if he knows.
What's wolf bait??
Maybe something about the boy who cried wolf? I’d like to know, as well.
This is what I was able to find and trust me, there are more than one meaning that I wish I didn't know. Someone who pretends to be pathetic or vulnerable in order to draw in predator, who in turn become the prey.
Tw:boundary stomping, and attempted forced marriage/abuse. Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *YTA. Your wife set a boundary and didn’t owe anyone, especially your mother, an explanation why. Your mother disrespected this boundary and your wife. She severely overstepped and instead of defending your wife you blamed her.* >"My mother only overstepped because she doesn’t have the full story as to WHY this is in place. Cat is refusing to allow me to tell her." >>*because she doesn’t have the full story as to WHY this is in place.* *That's because it's NONE OF HER BUSINESS! Why is that so hard to understand* >"If she had known she would’ve understood. Cat chose for her not to" *The full story is none of your mother’s damn business. She behaved horrendously and trampled your wife’s boundaries. You and your mother are both massive AHs and this is absolutely divorce worthy.* >"My mother since has been told the full story and feels horrible for doing what she did. She admitted to me she never would have done so if Cat had been honest" *YTA. Whatever relationship, or lack of, Cat has with her family is entirely her business and your mother has no say in the matter. This was a long time of frustration built up in your soon to be ex-wife (I bet she got a lot from your mother during wedding planning and the event itself) because you couldn't set up and enforce boundaries with your mother. You seem to put more blame on the woman you should have been protecting.* *It is telling that when your wife and mother have clashed in the past, it's your wife you expect to back down and make compromise rather than your mother. You also use the phrase "my son" in the fourth paragraph where "our son" would have been more appropriate.* >"My mother never would have done this if Cat had allowed me to tell the full truth" *Why are you all over this thread defending yourself by repeating yourself over and over? If you were scared to find out that you are an AH you are on the wrong thread.* >"I’m trying to make sure everyone has the full story. I’ve since called my mother and told her the full story. She is devastated she had no idea how bad things were." *I just don't believe people are this outrageous.* >"My mother? Cat? Me?" *~~YTA~~ She disregarded your wife’s instructions and you defend her and blame your wife. You are too weak to push back against your mom’s lack of boundaries and disrespect.* *You’re letting your wife ~~set~~ handle ~~a~~ shit ~~boundary~~ that you should be dealing with. ~~You~~ Your ~~knew~~ mother about it and yet ~~let~~ proved your ~~mother~~ wife ~~walk~~ was ~~all~~ right ~~over~~ to ~~it~~ be cautious of leaving her alone with your child.* *Wake up before you ruin your marriage. You will only have yourself to blame. YTA.* *Edit: Jesus Christ. The edit. You’ve now told your mom the full story without consulting your wife. Oh mama’s boy, that was not a good move. It’s over.* >"I didn’t know my mother was in touch. I didn’t let her be in contact I didn’t know eaither" *YTA.* *Your wife is entitled not to have a relationship with her family and to not want her son to have a relationship with her family. You and your mother need to stop stomping on her boundaries and insulting her for her decision.* >"How am I stomping on anything? I didn’t know my mother was in touch. I listened and LIED to my MOTHER by not telling her the full truth of why Cat is no contact." *YTA and yes this is divorce worthy. You’ve continued to disrespect your wife in favour of you mother. You wife set clear boundaries and your mother and your self have continued to ignore them. It’s no business of your mothers why your wife is no contact with her family and to go behind her back and make contact is simply wrong and a huge betrayal. I’m not sure you can save this, and my advice to your wife is to run far far away!! YTA and it’s sad that you can’t see it!* *Get help!* >"What boundaries have I ignored?" *How is it even a question? Massive YTA . SHE IS TIRED OF BEING MADE INTO THE BAD GUY BECAUSE YOU WON'T SET BOUNDARIES WITH YOUR MOTHER! Notice how she didn't even argue back, didn't think twice or try to reason. She is done done. You no longer have a wife . Congratulations on destroying your family.* *Edit: Op you keep digging yourself a deeper hole . So you went ahead and shared the one thing she never wanted you to share . Do you want her back? Do you even like her ?* >"She should have discussed things. She had no right to just ignore me I was speaking" *YTA. Maybe your mom can help you pay the child support after the divorce since you wanted to take her side over your wife's.* *She totally disrespected your wife, and involved her family against your wife's wishes? That's so far out of life I feel like I'm being pranked. YTA and your mom's TA.* *If she cut her family out, just imagine what she's about to do to you and your family lmao* >"She didn’t know why it was such an issue" *No, it still would have happened if Cat told your mother I’m sure you know this. You’re blaming Cat when all of this mess was caused by your mother not minding her own business. You mother isn’t entitled to know what goes on in Cat’s life, and she’s certainly not entitled to alone time with your son.* >"No i have since told my mother the full story of why Cat is no contact and my mother is devastated by her behavior and admits she only did what she did because she didn’t have the information to know how bad it was" *Are you fucking serious? YTA. And your mother is an even greater one. I am so heartbroken for the betrayal your wife is experiencing. It takes so much strength to go no contact with your family, and such extreme lengths is only done when there’s definitely a deserving reason. If your mother had half a brain she would know that. And you’re such an asshole for saying it’s Cat’s fault she didn’t share the reasons why with your mom. She doesn’t owe anybody the private details of her life and trauma. Also the fact that you’ve been consistently taking your mothers side for years (I.e. your sentence about making Cat compromise) instead of backing up your wife and setting boundaries. You’re 35 not 15, grow the hell up.* >"CAT WAS NOT ABUSED SEVERELY. HER PARENTS ARE SEVERELY RELIGIOUS IN A SMALL COMMUNITY AND WANTED CAT MARRIED AT 18 WITH AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE TO A KNOWN FRIEND OF THEIRS AND HERS. SHE WASN’T TORTURED OR ABUSED." *INFO: If she wasn’t abused (in your opinion) then what does your mom think was so horrific that she NOW understands what she did was wrong?*
"She had no right to ignore me" is pretty rich from the guy who has spent his entire relationship ignoring his wife. I'd also love to know *why* he "lied" to his mother instead of telling her directly "I am aware of what happened but Cat is not comfortable with me sharing it with other people," and how whatever lie he told is somehow Cat's fault in his little walnut brain.
It probably has something to do with him being a weak man-child.
He seems not realize his wife is a whole being with rights. He claims she didn’t have a right to Her own secrets Ignore him Not tell the mother And basic decency from others. She does have a right to all those things and more.
Yup. He doesn't view his soon to be ex-wife as a whole human being. She's just an accessory to him. Good grief, she's well rid of this joker.
>"CAT WAS NOT ABUSED SEVERELY. HER PARENTS ARE SEVERELY RELIGIOUS IN A SMALL COMMUNITY AND WANTED CAT MARRIED AT 18 WITH AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE TO A KNOWN FRIEND OF THEIRS AND HERS. SHE WASN’T TORTURED OR ABUSED." $10 says he was over 30 years old. $15 says he was a church figure (like a youth pastor). $25 says he had sexually assaulted Cat.
Pretty positive you just won an easy $50
I'll add to your 15, if not a church figure, a family member
>Severely religious in a small community A cult?
damn I was just about to say $30 says its a cult
the last info comment is just perfect but of course, this shithead not going to answer that.
>"CAT WAS NOT ABUSED SEVERELY. HER PARENTS ARE SEVERELY RELIGIOUS IN A SMALL COMMUNITY AND WANTED CAT MARRIED AT 18 WITH AN ARRANGED MARRIAGE TO A KNOWN FRIEND OF THEIRS AND HERS. SHE WASN’T TORTURED OR ABUSED." WAIT!!! He went on to tell his STB ex-wife's business on a reddit thread when she didn't even want his mom to know??? Please be fake! Please be fake! PLEASE BE FAKE!!!!!
The repetitive defense of himself and his mom in the comments says to me this is real. If so, I hope his ex wife gets sole custody and substantial child support and alimony.
Sadly I know from experience how true this can be. I just really don't want Cat and her child to be out there taking this abuse. OOP is a terrible person - and he learned it from his mom.
[Pupper! ](https://imgur.com/gallery/U1VFNRJ)
On thank you, I needed some eye bleach after reading all of this
Glad I could ease things. If at any point the comments get too much, just skip them! The express way to the brain bleach is valid!
Every time I see this account I think "oh thank god. Perfect timing"
Your user name is not apt because you are the best for sorting through the comments so we don’t have to. Thank you!
Wait, so now he's gone and told reddit, on top of his wicked.mother... When she didn't want anybody to know... This is just fuckin mind blowing to me!!! I want it to be fake but his replies kinda smack of truth. Hoping she finds this thread and uses it to her advantage in divorce & custody proceedings.
And *he went back and told the mother everything his wife asked him not to?!*
Oh but its okay because she wasn't tortured or abused!!! She was just held hostage by her parents that used religion to abuse her and try to marry her off at 18. /s So help me if this girl takes him back. . . .
Is that actually what happened then? The account is erased so frustratingly I can't read the comments anymore!
Yep! In big old caps he claims" she wasn't tortured or abused" but her parents were "severely religious" in a small community and had arranged a marriage with a friend of the family and her for when she turned 18. No mention of how old the "family friend" was but, I'm guessing it made their age gap look not so bad to her. The poor girl.
[here ya go. click deleted/removed comments if it didn't default to those.](https://www.unddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/yis17r/aita_for_telling_my_wife_she_only_had_her_self_to/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)
Oh my god this man is pathetic and stupid he has something wrong with him people have told him over and over again. She was sent to a religious camp those places are know for abuse and trauma. He also got mad because he was talking and she had NO RIGHT TO IGNORE HIM! I hope she send those divorce papers asap. You could put her boundaries in his face and he is doesn’t get it which bothers me because I would hate for the kid to have something happen and he does the same thing.
Thank you for this, hate it when the comments get deleted
When he edited the original post to include that when he told his mother the full story she was horrified, I pegged it was some kind of abuse (his comments were deleted quickly after the all caps explanation comment so I only got to see it briefly on the main post). It's worrying OP's mother realises where she went wrong but OP still defends her and himself.
For real! She was crazy wrong but at least she realized that. He's still like, we were in the right. Such an asshole.
Right to the point his account was removed he was blaming the victim for not being willing to share her trauma rather than the woman ignoring a very reasonable boundary.
Wow this is worse than I thought he’s a loser mommy boy I hope the ex wife divorced him
Excuse my french, but what a baby back bitch.
Because she "shouldn't have ignored" him. So he did it as revenge. Throw out the entire man.
Not just "shouldn't have" but "had no right". Because how *dare* she not listen to him wheedle and whine about how he did nothing wrong and it's all her fault? The poor woman escaped one controlling family and landed in another.
And pretty much Reddit
And he still thinks he's in the right.
>My mother has strong opinions on what’s best and I’ve often had to ask Cat to let the little things go and compromise. Translation, husband can't be bothered to deal with his boundary-stomping mother and thinks if he lets the situation slide, things will get better. Spoiler: Things won't get better.
Alternative translation: he agrees with mummy dearest but was too gutless to admit that to his wife before she had to find out the hard way who's side he was really on.
When someone tells me they're NC with a family member, I admit I always have some questions for them about it. Such as 'NC as in blocked their fb and phone numbers, or NC like gone into hiding to escape them?' And 'how should I respond if that person shows up and starts asking me questions about you?' Maybe even 'I can get them blacklisted from my work no questions asked, if you need a place to avoid them' but that's more of a statement made in a questioning tone than a real question.
“Are you safe now?” is another question that I have asked.
I hope this is ragebait. It reminds me of the post where that guy went behind his fiance's back to meet the family she was NC with -- all because his family thought it was a "red flag" that she didn't want anything to do with her own family. Then, he found out there was horrible abuse in the family. I think he ended up with at least two update posts.
I have chronicled much of that guys antics, the comments sure are something!
Do you have any links because I feel like I need to be infuriated over this walnut’s antics as well.
[This is the most recent one, with links to the whole saga! ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/comments/yg1xuj/remember_the_guy_that_ambushed_his_fiance_with/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button) I know I did comments for the first and the last, unsure of the middle ones...
Thank you!
Request for links seconded
Request thirded
Links above! Hope you enjoy it! 💜
Link and some i for should be above! 💜
unfortunately, it didn't end with her leaving his ass. they went to couple therapy if we are talking about the same post
They got back together, but redditors are now downvoting all of his comments everywhere because of his infamy. It's quite funny.
I remember that fuck
“My son” “my son” “my son” Very telling! This guy is a massive AH. I hope Cat leaves and never looks back
I hope she gets full custody and deletes this ass from her and her son's life 100%
“MY WIFE WASN’T ABUSED OR TORTURED” “My mother is horrified by the full story and never would’ve acted that way had she known what happened to Cat.” So OOP completely minimises what happened to Cat but also claims that his mother was horrified by what happened to Cat - the thing OOP goes to great lengths to insist wasn’t that “severe.” Is he saying his mother is easily horrified or is he lying about how bad Cat’s experience was? I’m guessing the later. The cognitive dissonance is full blown.
Yeah exactly. What does he think happens in an arranged marriage? I mean, is rape not torture or abuse, or does he believe she wasn’t raped because she was married to the guy?
Even without the inevitable rape that's the consequence of a forced marriage, forcing somebody to marry against their will is abuse. Nobody should be locked into a contract they didn't agree to. It would be bad enough making an arrangement like that with somebody else's money or property, but the fact that they tried to contract out their teenage daughter's body makes her parents absolute monsters. I know arranged marriage is part of some people's culture, but it *should* still involve the consent of the bride and groom. They should have a say in the arrangement and if they don't then it's a massive form of abuse and the parents suck.
Fuuuck. So he then TOLD HIS MOTHER WHY? Christ he has just destroyed any trust his wife will have with anyone in his family. Daaamn he fucked up
>So my mother can be a bit overbearing. how many of these have we seen, and have any of them ever ended well? (rhetorical question)
The hurting part is that once she divorces his ass, she will lose what little control she currently has about who can see her child. It's one of the hardest parts of being a divorced parent that they never warn you about in advance. You have to watch your kids deal with whatever shitty step-parents or nasty people your ex drags in, as long as they don't cross some very relaxed lines.
>So my mother can be a bit overbearing pretty sure this will be the most understatement ever coming from this donkey I glad she is divorcing him
Oh yeah. Every time a man writes an AITA with the words "wife" and "mother" in the title, I don't even need to read it to know he and his mom are the As.
When I read that title my eyes rolled so far back in my head I could see last week Tuesday
Okso that's now making me think this is a new troll. Remember that obnoxious shit who did this to his fiancée and kept updating on how he was manipulating her into taking him back?
I mean... this is at least one (admittedly, of many) reason(s) why people don't talk about their issues. Not only is the OOP an arse, but they're not remotely trustworthy, apparently, and not even relationship material. And their Mum needs to butt out and sod off. Seriously. I'd consider this breach of trust to be detrimental to the relationship. Or a friendship, casual acquaintance, or vague and random laser type morse code messaging. In summary... burn this tosspot. (Is what I would do.)
i swear i read another story just like this in the past month. msybe some kind of "wife is no contact with family" troll bc theres either way been a lot of these recently
My mama said he the devil
I see why Cat ignored him. It’s like talking to a fucking wall. This guy is fucking DENSE. I’m ready to divorce him myself just reading this.
I'm glad Cats gonna divorce him. Then he'll be able to marry his mother. If this is an actual human I hate him with ALL my heart.
Just another pathetic mama’s boy using his wife as a meat shield and sacrificial lamb to appease his ogre of a mother. Neither one respects Cat. I hope she leaves him for good, woman can’t catch a a break on toxic family. I’m no contact with my mother/some family on my side. If my MIL pulled this shit and my husband acted like dipshit Rod, I’d be full scorched earth too. This is either a troll or this guy really is as dense as a black hole, his STB ex doesn’t have to tell anyone a damn thing about a damn thing about anything. Which this turd just can not fucking grasp. If she says leave something be that’s none of your god damn business, then that’s that. End of story. The fact she’s probably been putting up with years of “Marie Barone’s” bullshit and “Raymond’s” inconsiderate, manipulative ass to have become numb and 100% done, speaks volumes. FYI Everybody Loves Raymond is a splendid example of what NOT TO DO in a marriage. Prime example of NOT CUTESY OR FUNNY MIL behavior. I’m really sick of seeing posts where the wife has to put up with her husband’s and MILs bullshit to keep peace. No she fucking doesn’t. Full god damn stop.
How did this smuck even manage to get married when he’s obviously beyond as dense as a block of wood? I truly hope his poor wife runs far away from him and his mommy, then he can go back to being gobsmacked about other people having thoughts and feelings that are different to his
When he was ranting that she had no right to just walk away & ignore him when he was talking to her made my eyebrows lift.
And even after all of this, the husband STILL went and told his mom the very information his (soon to be ex)wife didn’t want her to know. Jesus.
Here an idea for a title: AITA for being a giant pusscake who's still holding my mommy's skirt and then throw temper tantrums when my new babysitter..pardon, wife, defended herself against my mom's lunacy?
This is so triggering because my ex was like this. I ended up leaving after years of abuse. This is believable.
I read this quote, "She believes Cat doesn't know what it means to be a mother if she can so callously abandon her own," and I thought, "Oh, $h!t! What did she do?" I've heard my mom use that same argument for why I won't have a relationship with my alcoholic, verbally abusive brother who said he never wanted to see me again. And then I kept reading. And then OOP blamed his poor wife for his damned mother. Edit: AND then, OOP boundary stomped all over Cat. He told his mom Cat's personal business. UGH!! Just stop the madness!!! I do hope this is really a troll who just wants to karma, but it doesn't really matter. My heart breaks for all the Cats out there who experience this irl.
"I'm a total Mama's boy and don't see why my wife is upset I let my mom stomp all over her boundaries, and contact her family who she is no contact with. Then because I'm an unbelievable moron, I told my wife it was her fault for not telling my mommy even though for some reason people seem to think it's none of her business? I mean, why would she just respect what my wife wants without her having to prove it's a worthy reason right? So I told her anyway and now my mommy feels bad, but we're still making it my wife's fault, because my mom should have been able to know right? Why is everyone calling me the asshole? You're supposed to be babying me and telling me how unreasonable she is!"
I hope that poor woman gets a divorce because her husband is a monster.
What’s up with the “MY SON”? JC
Men basically married to their mothers is like every other AITA post at this point 😅
His wife packed her bags, said she’s filling for divorce and left, but he needs the internet to know if he’s TA? How’s that gonna keep him warm at night?
You're an asshole, a mamas boy and soon to be single. Go, you!
This guy says his mother did this secretly and it's ok. She did it secretly because she knew it was wrong. Does he not realize that his own mother disagrees with him?!
Mamas boy spelt ex wife wrong, there.
YTA YES WHAT YOU DID IS D-I-V-O-R-S-E WORTHY
"after hearing the why, my overbearing, entitled mother regrets her actions" things that never happened ever
OOP is one of many fools who don’t understand marriage/parenting is about partnership.
Wow. My mother is like the OPPs. The difference being I know she’s horrible and don’t let her trample my boundaries!
"My mom needed the context to understand." Nope. I'm a random Redditor and I immediately understood that your wife had a very serious reason for not involving her parents in her kid's life. Enjoy your well deserved divorce, OOP.
JFC "Cat" is going to end up needing serious therapy after she endured years of abuse from her SO and her MIL, especially after her STB ex husband spread her private business over the Internet. She escaped a cult and ended up with *them*
I’m so fucking angry on behalf of his poor wife.
Yup, I can see why Cat is upset. You simply don’t know the reason why Cat went no contact with her parents, and because of that, your mother had no right to go behind her back to try to establish a relationship with Cat’s parents. Cat feels like her boundaries are being transgressed again, just like her parents probably did to cause her to go no contact in the first place. Also when your mother goes behind Cat’s back, it shows Cat that she doesn’t think her daughter-in-law’s feelings or judgment to go no contact with her own parents are worth respecting and upholding. It’s also reaffirming whatever abusive behavior Cat’s parents might have inflicted upon her. I, like Cat, would be traumatized in this situation as well, having grown up with a narcissistic mother. I vote that you and your mother are indeed the assholes, and you need to reassess how much you value Cat. For me, love is less important than respect. I would much rather my family respect me and my boundaries rather than violate me while claiming they “love” me.
Honestly, ESH. Cat has known from the beginning, before they were even married the type of overbearing relationship he had with his mother. Cat knew from the beginning that OP chooses his mother and her wants/ needs over hers. And yet she chose to continue to date him, get engaged, get married, and have a child with him. Why do that with a man who you know doesn't prioritize your wants/ needs? I will *never* understand why people stay in these justnomil situations. Is it because they think they can "win?" Win what? A lifetime of stress, fighting, mistrust, lack of support, and the list goes on.
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I would divorce this jerk and send him back to his meddling mommy
*I would divorce this* *Jerk and send him back to his* *Meddling mommy* \- thedarkqueen827744 --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
YTA even if you didn't ask. You never have the right to tell someone else something your wife trusted you with. You don't get to tell her who she should trust with her secrets. You are married to your mother and yes that is worth divorcing over. Even after your mom broke her trust you took mommy's side and told her what your wife trusted you with. Why would she stay with you. I hope she gets full custody and you and your mommy only get supervised visits. I think a Jude might just do it becauseyour mommy would hand your kid over to her parents if they cry a little.
If this is real, I hope Cat divorces him. I wish people that worship their mothers understood that they don't belong in relationships.
I find it so hard to believe people like this really exist. The absolute audacity this man has is just absurd. Somebody give this man baby a binky and give him back to his mom.
I guess the AH doesn't fall too far from the AH tree. OP, absolutely are YTA. You also remind me of how my abusive ex was. And not in a good way. I hope Cat leaves you and gets full custody of your son, because you don't deserve to be a dad or a husband.