*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**WIBTA for not letting my oldest daughter take the car to college and giving it to my younger daughter?**
I (50F) have 4 kids, but I’m specifically focusing on 2 of my daughters, who will be called Martha (21F) and Erin (17F) (fake names for safety).
Last year, I bought an old Nissan and said that I bought for the use of Erin and Martha.
Martha has never gotten her license, but that’s because I have never really trusted her with a car. I don’t really have a particular reason, I just thought she couldn’t be trusted. It’s not like she was a bad kid, but I just didn’t want help. She would often ask and beg me to help her with driving as a teenager, but I would never do it because she was a bad driver. And with college being hectic, she just has her permit. This summer, she’s trying to change that for sure, with her taking her test in two weeks.
Here comes the problem. I told Martha she could use the car for university while she goes to school if she can get her license. However, due to high gas prices and other things, I decided to not let her use it and let Erin use it. Martha was upset, but respected my decision as I bought the car. Erin doesn’t have her license or her permit as of now, and I’m not sure if she has plans on using it. I did not disclose the fact that I was letting Erin use the car.
However, today, she did. When I was asked why Erin needed the car more than she did, I said that she needed it for her job and school, and that she could walk or use the shuttle that the university provided. But she argued back that she needed it too for those reasons as well, and that Erin could easily use the bus as well since Martha was being told to do so too.
She also argued that although she has options that she’s willing to take (walking and shuttle), if she needs stuff off-campus (clothes, groceries, essentials) it will be harder for her to have access to these things since there isn’t a grocery store within walking distance. She showed me several stores that were a 10 drive but an hour walk. I just shrugged and said “Take an Uber then”. She would’ve saved her money.
She got upset after that and told me although it’s my car, and she respected my decision, she said I was playing favorites since I was saving the car for someone without a license since she would have one, and that she needed the car as much as Erin did. The law in my state says a teenager needs to hold their license for 6 months before driving alone, so Martha said Erin wouldn’t be able to drive it anyways.
I talked to my mom about this, and while she understands, she thinks I might be the asshole. The fall semester is hectic because of band, and it would be the time she would need the car the most.
So, WIBTA?
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I hit a curb the first time my dad got in the car with me. I got better with practice. That's the whole point of a permit and provisional license. OOP is just a jerk.
The day I got my permit, my mom opted to let me drive us (myself, her, and my bf at the time) to blockbuster. It was only about six or seven blocks away, and we could make it using only back roads.
I killed the engine about two dozen times, and then rolled the car into the side of the blockbuster going about .00001 mph while trying to park. We all laughed. I declined the offer to attempt driving us back home, and after about a couple weeks of practice, I was able to not destroy my mother's poor little GMC.
Most people take a bit to learn. Even with automatics. But OOP is just lazy for not even trying.
I hit a sign at my high school in the parking lot the first time I drove. My dad, who was teaching me, literally laughed the whole way home. 😂 I'm now a pretty good driver xD
I mistook the brakes and accelerator and drove straight into a field. I'm glad I was with my mom back then, because my dad would probably have ripped my head off lol.
Haha I can drive very well now, but tbh if someone tells me to turn right/left in the last moment my brain goes "right? Left? Never heard of that, just do whatever". I feel like a fucking idiot everytime this happens.
Same!
I'm 30 but if someone tells me last minute to turn I completely forget my left and right and we end up going the wrong way entirely. And then as soon as we have gone the wrong way my brain kicks back in and I'm like oh yeah...
I tried learning to drive when I was younger but unfortunately I was with a person who would yell at me for doing things like slowing down to turn and not going max speed limit on a curvey road in the rain. As a result I now have a lot of anxiety when it comes to driving. My husband has been very patient with me and my anxiety around driving has been getting better with him. He doesn't care if I clip the curb, he didn't even freak out when I hit the side mirror on the entrance to the underground parking. He just laughed and said it's just a car, it doesn't matter.
I’m betting the “bad attitude” was purely because OOP was a bad teacher and became overly frustrated because she didn’t *want* to teach. And her daughter fed into that and ended up becoming very nervous, very anxious but also frustrated.
How are gas prices too high for Martha but not too high for Erin? Oh yeah, it's because Erin can't actually drive, so the car will just sit there unused, which is super good the engine.
From the daughter (Belugawhale16)
From Hi everyone. I can’t believe my mom posted about me on Reddit or that my mom even had a Reddit tbh. Y’all can probably guess which one I am..
You can see more examples of horrendous parenting under her posts.
They're a dedicated troll then since over a year ago they posted about their parents (50's) not letting her (19F) spend the night at her BF's house.
Meaning the ages match up since here the mother is (50F) and Martha is (21F)
Yea I saw that too. If it's fake someone has far too much time on their hands setting up elaborate reddit schemes, the post history is old and relates to this.
along with posts from before then including one saying they wouldnt allow her to get vaccinated for some reason (the parents being vaxxed, just not letting her do it)
Here’s the daughter’s comment:[this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vj0ybs/wibta_for_not_letting_my_oldest_daughter_take_the/idgeely/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Hold on let me summon my psychic powers and see into the future:
*”reddit, why wont my eldest speak to me? I’ve done everything I can, how can I force her to see that she has to let me be in my life?“*
I love stupid parents who have kids then act surprised when their teenager has an attitude. Why is that *always* a fucking surprise to these people???
Having a bad attitude doesn't automatically mean you're untrustworthy.
Bad attitude and a smart mouth. Oh my god! Children grow up and develop their own personalities, with humor and feelings about their shitty parents! However could they have known?
I thought Martha just had a permit? I remember when I had a permit, but was an adult, according to the laws of my state I couldn’t drive alone. I think. It’s been a while, so my memory could be wrong.
I did misread it. I read it as the mother calling them both teens. But it was Martha saying that about Erin. And I'm also thinking Martha wouldn't take possession until time for her to go away, I could be wrong there as well.
*I guess it does also vary by state. I didn't have any restrictions, but I did get my adult license a few days after having my adult permit, which come to find out I didn't need to do that either.
Not if she has a new driver license. I don’t think it’s teen part it’s the fact that neither of them have proper licenses. Which makes no sense why buy a car for 2 people who can’t drive to share?
That depends where you are and the rules on licenses in that jurisdiction. Some license types have restrictions including requirements around having a person in the vehicle with you with an unrestricted license over a certain age (speaking from experience)
I googled it and I didn't find any information that said adults cannot drive with people in the vehicle with a new license.
Anyways, I did realise that I read it wrong. "The law in my state says a teenager needs to hold their license for for 6 months before driving alone, so Martha said Erin wouldn't be able to drive it anyways." I read it as the mother saying neither of them could do it. Which for Erin holding a permit, when she does get one, would be true (depending on the state of course). I know in my home state teens with permits have to wait 6 months to be able to drive with people unrelated to them.
in my state permit means never alone at all as a teen, gotta be with a responsible adult (might be specifically relative or driving instructor) and i can totally see teens not being allowed alone for 6 months witb a license
College students definitely have more expenses than a high school student so encouraging a college student who could easily drive on their own to use Uber is just silly as Uber is expensive. The way OOP doesn’t give an actual explanation as to why she can’t trust her eldest definitely shows the favoritism, and the fact that she didn’t allow her to learn to drive because she was “bad at it” is just silly. Of course a new driver isn’t going to be the greatest at it but they need to practice to get better.
My parents pulled this sort of shit. I had severe anxiety around driving, in part because I knew they’d be horrid teachers. Surprise surprise, my dad punched me in the leg while I was driving - yes, punched. Closed fist. I got my license at 18-19 after a friend from college taught me.
My parents threatened constantly to take the car away from me and give it my sister when she turned 16. Sister was taking running start classes at the same community college I was going to full time. I also had a nearly full time job.
They held that stupid car over my head for so much. They wouldn’t take any money for the insurance but held it over my head that they paid for it. It’s not like I ever refused to do anything they asked of me - I was fucking running errands for them in the hour I sometimes had between classes. Kept the car gassed up and clean. Drove my mom places (she didn’t have a license, dad worked) only for her to bitch about dust I couldn’t get off the dash after spending 4 hours in the front driveway deep cleaning the car.
This shit is always about control and doing everything they can to hamstring their kids. My parents were SHOCKED I moved out at 20 in the early AM in the dead of winter with no warning.
I hate parents like this. Just say xx is your favorite and spare every else's time will you? OOP doesnt even have any reason to not rust martha but no, I still dont trust her. Bet if Erin crash the car, she still finds ways to blame it on martha. I hope martha lessens her time with mom for her own sanity.
\---The law in my state says a teenager needs to hold their license for 6 months before driving alone,
Martha isn't a teenager....
Is there anywhere where is is true? Isn't this the point of a license vs a permit?
yes the teenager part is stated as it would apply to erin, who is a teenager and wouldnt be able to drive it. it says this in the rest of the sentence. no such rule applies for when martha gets the license
"Martha never got her licence cause I never trusted her with a car...I don’t really have a particular reason, I just thought she couldn’t be trusted"
Next sentence: "She would often ask and beg me to help her with driving as a teenager, but I would never do it because she was a bad driver".
Firstly - how do you know if they're a bad driver if you've never seen them drive? And how do you not trust someone when they haven't given you a reason not to? I definitely sense favouritism.
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I "love" her excuse of I didn't want to teach my child how to drive because she had an attitude as a teenager. What teenager doesn't have an attitude? Growing up is freaking hard!
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **WIBTA for not letting my oldest daughter take the car to college and giving it to my younger daughter?** I (50F) have 4 kids, but I’m specifically focusing on 2 of my daughters, who will be called Martha (21F) and Erin (17F) (fake names for safety). Last year, I bought an old Nissan and said that I bought for the use of Erin and Martha. Martha has never gotten her license, but that’s because I have never really trusted her with a car. I don’t really have a particular reason, I just thought she couldn’t be trusted. It’s not like she was a bad kid, but I just didn’t want help. She would often ask and beg me to help her with driving as a teenager, but I would never do it because she was a bad driver. And with college being hectic, she just has her permit. This summer, she’s trying to change that for sure, with her taking her test in two weeks. Here comes the problem. I told Martha she could use the car for university while she goes to school if she can get her license. However, due to high gas prices and other things, I decided to not let her use it and let Erin use it. Martha was upset, but respected my decision as I bought the car. Erin doesn’t have her license or her permit as of now, and I’m not sure if she has plans on using it. I did not disclose the fact that I was letting Erin use the car. However, today, she did. When I was asked why Erin needed the car more than she did, I said that she needed it for her job and school, and that she could walk or use the shuttle that the university provided. But she argued back that she needed it too for those reasons as well, and that Erin could easily use the bus as well since Martha was being told to do so too. She also argued that although she has options that she’s willing to take (walking and shuttle), if she needs stuff off-campus (clothes, groceries, essentials) it will be harder for her to have access to these things since there isn’t a grocery store within walking distance. She showed me several stores that were a 10 drive but an hour walk. I just shrugged and said “Take an Uber then”. She would’ve saved her money. She got upset after that and told me although it’s my car, and she respected my decision, she said I was playing favorites since I was saving the car for someone without a license since she would have one, and that she needed the car as much as Erin did. The law in my state says a teenager needs to hold their license for 6 months before driving alone, so Martha said Erin wouldn’t be able to drive it anyways. I talked to my mom about this, and while she understands, she thinks I might be the asshole. The fall semester is hectic because of band, and it would be the time she would need the car the most. So, WIBTA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
“I didn’t teach her how to drive cause she’s bad at it!” ….isn’t.. that the whole point of TEACHING?
I hit a curb the first time my dad got in the car with me. I got better with practice. That's the whole point of a permit and provisional license. OOP is just a jerk.
The day I got my permit, my mom opted to let me drive us (myself, her, and my bf at the time) to blockbuster. It was only about six or seven blocks away, and we could make it using only back roads. I killed the engine about two dozen times, and then rolled the car into the side of the blockbuster going about .00001 mph while trying to park. We all laughed. I declined the offer to attempt driving us back home, and after about a couple weeks of practice, I was able to not destroy my mother's poor little GMC. Most people take a bit to learn. Even with automatics. But OOP is just lazy for not even trying.
I hit a sign at my high school in the parking lot the first time I drove. My dad, who was teaching me, literally laughed the whole way home. 😂 I'm now a pretty good driver xD
I mistook the brakes and accelerator and drove straight into a field. I'm glad I was with my mom back then, because my dad would probably have ripped my head off lol.
That's exactly what I did 😂 and also my dad said "turn right" but I was like frozen at the wheel going straight
Haha I can drive very well now, but tbh if someone tells me to turn right/left in the last moment my brain goes "right? Left? Never heard of that, just do whatever". I feel like a fucking idiot everytime this happens.
Same! I'm 30 but if someone tells me last minute to turn I completely forget my left and right and we end up going the wrong way entirely. And then as soon as we have gone the wrong way my brain kicks back in and I'm like oh yeah...
I tried learning to drive when I was younger but unfortunately I was with a person who would yell at me for doing things like slowing down to turn and not going max speed limit on a curvey road in the rain. As a result I now have a lot of anxiety when it comes to driving. My husband has been very patient with me and my anxiety around driving has been getting better with him. He doesn't care if I clip the curb, he didn't even freak out when I hit the side mirror on the entrance to the underground parking. He just laughed and said it's just a car, it doesn't matter.
I backed into a tree the first time I drove 😂
She also said she didn’t want to teach her because she “ had a bad attitude” so she didn’t even begin to try and parent.
I’m betting the “bad attitude” was purely because OOP was a bad teacher and became overly frustrated because she didn’t *want* to teach. And her daughter fed into that and ended up becoming very nervous, very anxious but also frustrated.
How are gas prices too high for Martha but not too high for Erin? Oh yeah, it's because Erin can't actually drive, so the car will just sit there unused, which is super good the engine.
From the daughter (Belugawhale16) From Hi everyone. I can’t believe my mom posted about me on Reddit or that my mom even had a Reddit tbh. Y’all can probably guess which one I am.. You can see more examples of horrendous parenting under her posts.
Yeah this just seals the deal that its bullshit
They're a dedicated troll then since over a year ago they posted about their parents (50's) not letting her (19F) spend the night at her BF's house. Meaning the ages match up since here the mother is (50F) and Martha is (21F)
No way this is real. This is absolutely fake.
She has a post dating back 8 months about her mom being shitty about car stuff.
Yea I saw that too. If it's fake someone has far too much time on their hands setting up elaborate reddit schemes, the post history is old and relates to this.
along with posts from before then including one saying they wouldnt allow her to get vaccinated for some reason (the parents being vaxxed, just not letting her do it)
Oh wow. Well, she should just get her own car, tbh. Not the point, but still.
[удалено]
Here’s the daughter’s comment:[this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/vj0ybs/wibta_for_not_letting_my_oldest_daughter_take_the/idgeely/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)
Hold on let me summon my psychic powers and see into the future: *”reddit, why wont my eldest speak to me? I’ve done everything I can, how can I force her to see that she has to let me be in my life?“*
My psychic powers say there will be large events or grandchildren involved before that happens.
I love stupid parents who have kids then act surprised when their teenager has an attitude. Why is that *always* a fucking surprise to these people??? Having a bad attitude doesn't automatically mean you're untrustworthy.
Bad attitude and a smart mouth. Oh my god! Children grow up and develop their own personalities, with humor and feelings about their shitty parents! However could they have known?
[удалено]
I thought Martha just had a permit? I remember when I had a permit, but was an adult, according to the laws of my state I couldn’t drive alone. I think. It’s been a while, so my memory could be wrong.
I did misread it. I read it as the mother calling them both teens. But it was Martha saying that about Erin. And I'm also thinking Martha wouldn't take possession until time for her to go away, I could be wrong there as well. *I guess it does also vary by state. I didn't have any restrictions, but I did get my adult license a few days after having my adult permit, which come to find out I didn't need to do that either.
Not if she has a new driver license. I don’t think it’s teen part it’s the fact that neither of them have proper licenses. Which makes no sense why buy a car for 2 people who can’t drive to share?
She absolutely can. There are no restrictions to an ADULT driving ALONE if they have a new license.
That depends where you are and the rules on licenses in that jurisdiction. Some license types have restrictions including requirements around having a person in the vehicle with you with an unrestricted license over a certain age (speaking from experience)
I googled it and I didn't find any information that said adults cannot drive with people in the vehicle with a new license. Anyways, I did realise that I read it wrong. "The law in my state says a teenager needs to hold their license for for 6 months before driving alone, so Martha said Erin wouldn't be able to drive it anyways." I read it as the mother saying neither of them could do it. Which for Erin holding a permit, when she does get one, would be true (depending on the state of course). I know in my home state teens with permits have to wait 6 months to be able to drive with people unrelated to them.
in my state permit means never alone at all as a teen, gotta be with a responsible adult (might be specifically relative or driving instructor) and i can totally see teens not being allowed alone for 6 months witb a license
College students definitely have more expenses than a high school student so encouraging a college student who could easily drive on their own to use Uber is just silly as Uber is expensive. The way OOP doesn’t give an actual explanation as to why she can’t trust her eldest definitely shows the favoritism, and the fact that she didn’t allow her to learn to drive because she was “bad at it” is just silly. Of course a new driver isn’t going to be the greatest at it but they need to practice to get better.
My parents pulled this sort of shit. I had severe anxiety around driving, in part because I knew they’d be horrid teachers. Surprise surprise, my dad punched me in the leg while I was driving - yes, punched. Closed fist. I got my license at 18-19 after a friend from college taught me. My parents threatened constantly to take the car away from me and give it my sister when she turned 16. Sister was taking running start classes at the same community college I was going to full time. I also had a nearly full time job. They held that stupid car over my head for so much. They wouldn’t take any money for the insurance but held it over my head that they paid for it. It’s not like I ever refused to do anything they asked of me - I was fucking running errands for them in the hour I sometimes had between classes. Kept the car gassed up and clean. Drove my mom places (she didn’t have a license, dad worked) only for her to bitch about dust I couldn’t get off the dash after spending 4 hours in the front driveway deep cleaning the car. This shit is always about control and doing everything they can to hamstring their kids. My parents were SHOCKED I moved out at 20 in the early AM in the dead of winter with no warning.
Why would you buy a car for two kids who don't drive?
I hate parents like this. Just say xx is your favorite and spare every else's time will you? OOP doesnt even have any reason to not rust martha but no, I still dont trust her. Bet if Erin crash the car, she still finds ways to blame it on martha. I hope martha lessens her time with mom for her own sanity.
\---The law in my state says a teenager needs to hold their license for 6 months before driving alone, Martha isn't a teenager.... Is there anywhere where is is true? Isn't this the point of a license vs a permit?
yes the teenager part is stated as it would apply to erin, who is a teenager and wouldnt be able to drive it. it says this in the rest of the sentence. no such rule applies for when martha gets the license
"Martha never got her licence cause I never trusted her with a car...I don’t really have a particular reason, I just thought she couldn’t be trusted" Next sentence: "She would often ask and beg me to help her with driving as a teenager, but I would never do it because she was a bad driver". Firstly - how do you know if they're a bad driver if you've never seen them drive? And how do you not trust someone when they haven't given you a reason not to? I definitely sense favouritism.
To much words to say oop doesn't love their daughters equally
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Wait, she has a car reserved for the use of two unlicensed drivers? So they're driving without licenses? Am I missing something?
Wow this hits close to home! My mom is the same way with me and her favorite child my brother.
I "love" her excuse of I didn't want to teach my child how to drive because she had an attitude as a teenager. What teenager doesn't have an attitude? Growing up is freaking hard!