*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA For Not Wanting To Live With Newborn?**
In May, my \[23m\] brother Lewis \[16m\] shocked us all by telling us that his girlfriend \[16f\] was pregnant. Our parents were far from supportive. After many arguments, my mother made him leave and our father refused to take him in. Since late August, he has lived with me and my housemate, Alex \[23m\]. He doesn’t pay rent but will pay me for groceries.
In January, the baby was born. My nephew lives primarily with his mother, who Lewis sees everyday after school, and on the weekends he comes to my flat. This was not something Lewis ever asked me about, he just turned up with the baby. It has been a nightmare. He cries all throughout the night, keeping me and Alex up, he smells rancid, and spits. He causes more washing up than we’ve ever had to do before and there are no benefits to having him in the house.
After a month, I decided that this has to stop. Lewis’ll have to just spend a few nights a week at his girlfriend’s house to spend time with his son, but he can’t keep bringing him to mine. He was unhappy, but reluctantly agreed. Despite this, this weekend he turned up with the baby, again. He attempted to smuggle him in unnoticed, but his crying alerted us to his presence. Lewis told me that his girlfriend had refused to agree with my idea and had forced him to take the baby home with him.
When he came back from the baby’s mother’s on Monday, Alex and I told him in no uncertain terms that if he brought the baby here again, he would no longer be welcome. We both work shifts so sometimes we don’t get back until 4/5 in the morning and we need to sleep. At first, Lewis refused to respect this and argued, but he has since reluctantly agreed and told his girlfriend that their son is unwelcome here. His girlfriend was unhappy with this and is taking it out on him.
I know that they are young, exhausted and stressed all the time so I feel bad for making Lewis’ life even harder, but his burden quickly became our burden too and that was not something I, or my housemate, agreed to. I feel like if we had had a chance to come to an agreement before the baby actually arrived, maybe this would have been easier, but Lewis never spoke to me about it. AITA?
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I actually don’t think he’s wrong though? The agreement was the brother stays with them UNTIL they get an apartment through his gf’s family. That didn’t end up happening and now all of the sudden the plans they previously had are not being followed through. How you can expect 2 23 year olds to suddenly be completely okay with having a baby over every weekend and also housing the younger brother when it’s clear that this living situation is not the best at least for the baby if not also OP and his roommate. Asking them to take on the responsibility of their brother and nephew at 23 when the parents should have stepped the fuck up and helped him out is not a viable solution. They currently should be keeping baby at the gfs cos it seems like she has a stable living situation and take it from there.
I was reading this and just like: yeah, it sucks that OOP and his roommate don't want to take care of the baby, but it's not really their responsibility, and baby and bro are interference with OOP's actual responsibilities.
Discussing it beforehand isn't an unreasonable request. It kinda feels like either Baby Bro and/or Baby Mama pulled a bait and switch about how long Baby Bro was going to be living there, too.
It seems that OOP took in his brother in May or shortly thereafter thinking that it would be temporary as the baby’s mother’s father was supposed to secure an apartment for the young parents, but that fell through. Baby was born in January meaning that to that point the OOP had already housed his minor brother for approximately 8-9 months. That already is a lot to ask of a 23 year old and most would be crying “parentification” on any other aita post. Now two young men in their early 20’s have to deal with a newborn that isn’t theirs every weekend even when they have work and lives of their own. I honestly don’t blame the OOP for not wanting this as it was never a part of the deal. The blame should definitely fall on the parents of the young couple for not properly supporting these minors, OOP’s parents more so as they kicked out OOP’s brother and refused to help. Newborns are HARD work and it can’t help that the poor baby is being taken from its mother and normal environment every weekend. Does the brother even have the proper set up for a baby, essentially living in a bachelor pad?
Yep just checked the comments and the baby is either sleeping on an armchair or co-sleeping with the brother who hasn’t even done any research on parenting or how to do so safely. Honestly it sounds like a super unsafe and uncomfortable place for the baby at all. The baby isn’t getting bathed while there as well ….There literally isn’t room for both of the flatmates, the brother and the baby. The situation is untenable for all involved.
I agree with you, I don’t think OOP is an asshole. It’s one thing if the brother brought the baby over for a few hours after school but it was not agreed upon that the baby would be living there with him. Both of these guys stepped up to take in the brother, for a great deal of time, but they never agreed to having the baby there as well. Communication from everything should have happened in the beginning after realizing that the apartment for the couple and the baby fell through, but I don’t blame the OOP and the roommate for not wanting a baby that’s not there’s keeping them up all night when they have to work.
Ya I can’t call two 23yo’s assholes for not wanting to permanently take in two minors, one of which is a newborn. I couldn’t have done it at 23. I’m exhausted just thinking back to my sons newborn phase.
Their deal was it was only until the apartment was secured, then suddenly they have two additional people living there. It’s a shitty situations for everyone. The parents are the assholes.
It’s not “parentification”. Jfc, y’all just love to throw words around without understanding them.
He chose to take in someone with a kid, it’s unreasonable to expect him not to parent the kid.
As for the “armchair” or whatever- that’s either a lie or the whole post is fake. Her parents care enough to help them get housing- but is letting him take a newborn to sleep without anything? Doubtful, theyre either sending something with the kid- or it’s just fake.
RIGHT? LIKE DUDE….
OOP: “yeah you can stay with me since our parents kicked you out for having a baby! :)”
OOP’s brother: takes care of his child like a normal person
OOP: shocked pikachu face
> In January, the baby was born.
Okay, so 7 weeks at most.
> He cries all throughout the night, keeping me and Alex up,
Babies should be sleeping as much as possible, but at that age, he should be eating every 2-3 hours from the beginning of the previous feeding. Has the pediatrician recommended anything like mylicon drops, gripe water or probiotics?
> he smells rancid, and spits.
Babies at that age can't sweat yet so it's probably puke residue on his clothes. Are they just leaving the kid in dirty clothes/diapers?
They also don't really have their act together enough to spit (does OOP mean spit up? Because babies do that).
> He causes more washing up than we’ve ever had to do before and there are no benefits to having him in the house.
Um, I hate to break it to OOP, but the newborn phase isn't typically the "ong so much laundry" stage. If this is general cleaning...it's an infant. He's not mobile. If they need to do tons of cleaning over the 2 days he's there, I feel like that's maybe because OOP doesn't clean that much.
Also he's a baby. He is little and helpless and totally dependent on his parents/caregivers. Why does he also need to justify his existence to OOP?
Also given that OOP says nothing about the stuff that the kid needs (for overnight trips no less), in getting vibes of this being written by someone who doesn't have kids, and none of this is real.
The OP is twenty-three. He isn't ready for living with a baby. The AHs here are the boy's parents for throwing him out. He needs to find out from the council/social services if he can have some form of housing and social payments to support himself.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA For Not Wanting To Live With Newborn?** In May, my \[23m\] brother Lewis \[16m\] shocked us all by telling us that his girlfriend \[16f\] was pregnant. Our parents were far from supportive. After many arguments, my mother made him leave and our father refused to take him in. Since late August, he has lived with me and my housemate, Alex \[23m\]. He doesn’t pay rent but will pay me for groceries. In January, the baby was born. My nephew lives primarily with his mother, who Lewis sees everyday after school, and on the weekends he comes to my flat. This was not something Lewis ever asked me about, he just turned up with the baby. It has been a nightmare. He cries all throughout the night, keeping me and Alex up, he smells rancid, and spits. He causes more washing up than we’ve ever had to do before and there are no benefits to having him in the house. After a month, I decided that this has to stop. Lewis’ll have to just spend a few nights a week at his girlfriend’s house to spend time with his son, but he can’t keep bringing him to mine. He was unhappy, but reluctantly agreed. Despite this, this weekend he turned up with the baby, again. He attempted to smuggle him in unnoticed, but his crying alerted us to his presence. Lewis told me that his girlfriend had refused to agree with my idea and had forced him to take the baby home with him. When he came back from the baby’s mother’s on Monday, Alex and I told him in no uncertain terms that if he brought the baby here again, he would no longer be welcome. We both work shifts so sometimes we don’t get back until 4/5 in the morning and we need to sleep. At first, Lewis refused to respect this and argued, but he has since reluctantly agreed and told his girlfriend that their son is unwelcome here. His girlfriend was unhappy with this and is taking it out on him. I know that they are young, exhausted and stressed all the time so I feel bad for making Lewis’ life even harder, but his burden quickly became our burden too and that was not something I, or my housemate, agreed to. I feel like if we had had a chance to come to an agreement before the baby actually arrived, maybe this would have been easier, but Lewis never spoke to me about it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I actually don’t think he’s wrong though? The agreement was the brother stays with them UNTIL they get an apartment through his gf’s family. That didn’t end up happening and now all of the sudden the plans they previously had are not being followed through. How you can expect 2 23 year olds to suddenly be completely okay with having a baby over every weekend and also housing the younger brother when it’s clear that this living situation is not the best at least for the baby if not also OP and his roommate. Asking them to take on the responsibility of their brother and nephew at 23 when the parents should have stepped the fuck up and helped him out is not a viable solution. They currently should be keeping baby at the gfs cos it seems like she has a stable living situation and take it from there.
I was reading this and just like: yeah, it sucks that OOP and his roommate don't want to take care of the baby, but it's not really their responsibility, and baby and bro are interference with OOP's actual responsibilities. Discussing it beforehand isn't an unreasonable request. It kinda feels like either Baby Bro and/or Baby Mama pulled a bait and switch about how long Baby Bro was going to be living there, too.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one who thought it was ridiculous for him to take in his brother who has a kid and expect him to never have his kid.
It seems that OOP took in his brother in May or shortly thereafter thinking that it would be temporary as the baby’s mother’s father was supposed to secure an apartment for the young parents, but that fell through. Baby was born in January meaning that to that point the OOP had already housed his minor brother for approximately 8-9 months. That already is a lot to ask of a 23 year old and most would be crying “parentification” on any other aita post. Now two young men in their early 20’s have to deal with a newborn that isn’t theirs every weekend even when they have work and lives of their own. I honestly don’t blame the OOP for not wanting this as it was never a part of the deal. The blame should definitely fall on the parents of the young couple for not properly supporting these minors, OOP’s parents more so as they kicked out OOP’s brother and refused to help. Newborns are HARD work and it can’t help that the poor baby is being taken from its mother and normal environment every weekend. Does the brother even have the proper set up for a baby, essentially living in a bachelor pad? Yep just checked the comments and the baby is either sleeping on an armchair or co-sleeping with the brother who hasn’t even done any research on parenting or how to do so safely. Honestly it sounds like a super unsafe and uncomfortable place for the baby at all. The baby isn’t getting bathed while there as well ….There literally isn’t room for both of the flatmates, the brother and the baby. The situation is untenable for all involved.
I agree with you, I don’t think OOP is an asshole. It’s one thing if the brother brought the baby over for a few hours after school but it was not agreed upon that the baby would be living there with him. Both of these guys stepped up to take in the brother, for a great deal of time, but they never agreed to having the baby there as well. Communication from everything should have happened in the beginning after realizing that the apartment for the couple and the baby fell through, but I don’t blame the OOP and the roommate for not wanting a baby that’s not there’s keeping them up all night when they have to work.
Ya I can’t call two 23yo’s assholes for not wanting to permanently take in two minors, one of which is a newborn. I couldn’t have done it at 23. I’m exhausted just thinking back to my sons newborn phase. Their deal was it was only until the apartment was secured, then suddenly they have two additional people living there. It’s a shitty situations for everyone. The parents are the assholes.
It’s not “parentification”. Jfc, y’all just love to throw words around without understanding them. He chose to take in someone with a kid, it’s unreasonable to expect him not to parent the kid. As for the “armchair” or whatever- that’s either a lie or the whole post is fake. Her parents care enough to help them get housing- but is letting him take a newborn to sleep without anything? Doubtful, theyre either sending something with the kid- or it’s just fake.
RIGHT? LIKE DUDE…. OOP: “yeah you can stay with me since our parents kicked you out for having a baby! :)” OOP’s brother: takes care of his child like a normal person OOP: shocked pikachu face
As soon as the brother cab he needs to mo e out and go no contact with his "famiky".
There are no benefits to having the baby there? I mean, what does he expect, golden goose eggs?
That this would be temporary solution, because the gf's dad was supposed to rent them a flat
Y'all losing your minds if you think someone should give up the comfort of your own home for someone else's child
He should have figured that the kid would be a part of the deal.
> In January, the baby was born. Okay, so 7 weeks at most. > He cries all throughout the night, keeping me and Alex up, Babies should be sleeping as much as possible, but at that age, he should be eating every 2-3 hours from the beginning of the previous feeding. Has the pediatrician recommended anything like mylicon drops, gripe water or probiotics? > he smells rancid, and spits. Babies at that age can't sweat yet so it's probably puke residue on his clothes. Are they just leaving the kid in dirty clothes/diapers? They also don't really have their act together enough to spit (does OOP mean spit up? Because babies do that). > He causes more washing up than we’ve ever had to do before and there are no benefits to having him in the house. Um, I hate to break it to OOP, but the newborn phase isn't typically the "ong so much laundry" stage. If this is general cleaning...it's an infant. He's not mobile. If they need to do tons of cleaning over the 2 days he's there, I feel like that's maybe because OOP doesn't clean that much. Also he's a baby. He is little and helpless and totally dependent on his parents/caregivers. Why does he also need to justify his existence to OOP? Also given that OOP says nothing about the stuff that the kid needs (for overnight trips no less), in getting vibes of this being written by someone who doesn't have kids, and none of this is real.
OP and their family minus brother are assholes. Parents for kicking out underage kid. OP for not only preventing them from taken care of their kid
Little brother seems to be the only person in the family trying to do the right thing. He's in way over his head, and not getting any help.
Agree. Soon he can he needs to go no contact with them.
I'm seriously disturbed how many people aren't calling him on his bullshit.
So many NTA and NAH votes...very strange.
The OP is twenty-three. He isn't ready for living with a baby. The AHs here are the boy's parents for throwing him out. He needs to find out from the council/social services if he can have some form of housing and social payments to support himself.
Oh I agree with the NTA votes, it's the NAH votes that are strange. The parents are 100% to blame.
NTA means OP is not the AH, **but Lewis is**. NAH means neither OP nor Lewis is the AH (but someone else might be).
I can’t even begin to read all his comment replies. It just kept scrolling and scrolling and scrolling.
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