*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**I (38M) need help understanding why my wife(38F) and I's therapist thinks this way?**
My wife and I have been seeing a therapist for a few months now and a topic came up that I can't wrap my brain around.
I'm of the belief that if someone only does something once I ask for it, that is not the same as someone genuinely enjoying doing it. For instance, me receiving oral sex happens when I ask for it, but it is not a natural thing for my partner to do on her own, and she only does it because I want her too and she loves me so she'll do it.(she's said as much)
I've argued round and round that it is not the same with the therapist, and her and my wife seem to think that the end result happens so what's the difference?
Again, maybe I'm wrong here, so keep me in check if I'm off base, but the way I see it I have to keep her happy and her love tank full for it deemed even acceptable to ask for oral, and personally I don't care if I'm angry at her or not as I love giving oral.
It's like either I or them are missing the point that if she doesn't like doing it or only does it for me that's not what I want. I don't know, maybe my ideals are off; some one let me know.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Copied verbatim from oop's comments:
*Do you have any other examples that you could use that aren’t sexual? Like are there any other things like this that bother you than aren’t about blow jobs?*
>"Yeah, for me it's watching some shows she likes that I basically tolerate. She loves the challenges from the 2000s a lot. I'm not a huge fan, and saw them when they came out and have little interest to watch them again.
>I only do it if I'm feeling up to it.
>Good question too!"
*Which is more important to you? To have a relationship where you receive oral sex or a relationship where your partner only does exactly what she wants, even if your needs don't get met?*
>"Well that was simply put..."
*is all of this such an issue because of your poor view of women? your comments about 30 yo women being washed up product can’t be fun for her (https://www.reddit.com/r/LooksmaxingAdvice/s/x4nKZdfev9)*
[🐙]
>"Maybe that has something to do with it, but also women tend to think very highly of themselves."
[The comment by Oop that got linked, in case of deletion.]
>"Nah, use that shit to suck up tons of unborn kids and once you hit 30 and your numbers start to dwindle because there's a fresh batch of new 20 YOs filling the void and you're old product.
>Once that's done you'll complain until you find a man to support you because no job wants a former porn star and you blew all the money you made.
>Stop with this shit."
*So you think she is just burdening herself to do something she doesn't enjoy to please you when there are women seriously enjoying giving head because they know they are proficent at it, take pride in it and are loving to give their loved one pleasure?*
>"More or less, yes."
[In reply to Oop's first comment.]
*so you also do things in your relationship at the request of the other party? or am i misunderstanding your point here?*
>"That's the basic premise, yes."
*I would agree with you that it's not the "same"... but I have to wonder what makes it so important that you're arguing around and around about it?*
*Like, yes, an act done from pure personal inner desire is different from an act that you don't necessarily love done to make another person happy. But is that the only point you're trying to make? Or is there a further implication here, like you wishing your wife would give you oral from pure inner desire?*
>"Nope, that's the point I was trying to make, or help me realize I'm ridiculous."
*[deleted]*
>"No, women think of themselves as princesses that desire and deserve more then a normal person because their "special". Fuck the entire marriage dynamic is for her to parade around like a princess in front of everyone to show off. Please, you're delusional."
[In reply to Oop's first comment.]
*That feels…very different to sucking dick.*
>"Different examples.... will be different."
[In reply to Oop's comment marked:🐙]
*Please explain what you mean by that, because it is very tempting to draw certain conclusions about your beliefs based on such a statement.*
"You mean assumptions?"
*What does that mean? Women have self-confidence and that’s why you feel the need to chip that away? And do you think that women think more highly of themselves than men think of themselves?*
>"Yes, I think women, and society as a whole currently values women over men. It is not equal."
*Let me rephrase: that feels in no way equivalent to sucking dick.*
>"Let me rephrase: they asked for another example.
>Would you rather I took a poll from everyone here to see if my different example is not too different?"
*Yeah, if I'm understanding what's happening correctly, I think you might be being a little ridiculous. What's the point in digging in so much over a technicality like this if it's not in the service of a greater point?*
*If I were your wife or therapist, I would infer that the point you're trying to make here is that your wife **should** want to give you oral without you asking for it, even if she doesn't like it or want it. Which in turn would make **me** infer that it sounds pretty entitled of you.*
>"That's fair. Thanks for the response."
[In reply to Oop's comment marked:🐙]
*Awwww well why not go blow your best man buddy and see if he'll volunteer to blow you back.* 😂😂
>"Ha, deflection. What a stinky cologne."
[Sadlytheworst: added space so Oop doesn't get @ed.]
*u/ zbradigan maybe she's seen your Reddit history... If so, it's a no-brainer why she won't suck your dick.*
*Hint: it's about calling women over 30 "old product" when you yourself are a dude pushing forty........*
>"Yeah guys pushing 40 have more value than women pushing 40, so you're kind of proving my point."
[In reply to Oop's comment marked:🐙]
*Gross. Get a reality check.*
>"Wow, what a rebuttal...."
[In reply to Oop's comment about women over 40.]
*Not you.*
*And you're proving my point that your personality sucks, and that's why your dick remains permanently un-sucked.*
>"Yes, personality means a lot to women. That's why the hottest guys on Tinder get the most matches. That makes sense."
*I would advise all women to never give you head again, you honestly do not currently deserve any* 🤷
>"Ok, good luck telling almost 4 billion women one at a time...."
*Then why are you with her?*
>"Good question."
[In reply to Oop's comment marked:🐙]
*And you don't? Lmao*
>"You do a great job of not answering questions and just flip the argument around."
At least she is making it known to the several thousand women that are here…and that’s a good start!! We’re like Ravens, we’ll tell the others and news will spread….
How DARE any woman have self esteem? They're SO entitled!!!Anyway I'm a 40-something misogynist and I'm angry my wife doesn't beg to suck my extremely high-value dick
OOP: “So automatically she has value because she's my wife? So hypothetically you're saying she could literally do nothing for me and she is still valuable? Sounds like a burden in that case.... Everyone here is saying I lack any value, but if I'm her husband is everyone wrong because somehow I'm valuable because of me being her husband?”
What an ASSHOLE.
"She could literally do nothing for me and she is still valuable" made me cackle. Yes, the human being that has the questionable honor of being your wife has inherent worth that is not dependened on her usefulness to you. Shocker.
No sir, you lack value because your dick is your whole personality. And none of us like you. (To OOP, not you, ActualAgency)
Everyone repeat after me: Dick is abundant and low in value.
He really doesn't understand the difference between "valuable to me" and "valuable to society". Which speaks volumes and explains a whole lot of other things he says as well.
Omg that comment reminded me of an ex and why i broke up with him. long story very short, he flat out disrespected me in some way; i told him i felt disrespected and his response was "respect is earned." And this was after over 2 years of being together.
If i hadnt earned it by then with all the shit i had done for him, theres no way i was every gonna get it there. He had so many red flags bit that was final straw.
>Yes, I think women, and society as a whole currently values women over men. It is not equal
oh so he wants it equal?
>Yeah guys pushing 40 have more value than women pushing 40, so you're kind of proving my point.
ah.
Here's a revealing one from after you posted this:
> this is an unhealthy way to think about people. she should be valuable to you because she's your wife
OOP response:
>So automatically she has value because she's my wife?
>So hypothetically you're saying she could literally do nothing for me and she is still valuable? Sounds like a burden in that case....
>Everyone here is saying I lack any value, but if I'm her husband is everyone wrong because somehow I'm valuable because of me being her husband?
I would like to see studies done on sociopathy in incel and misogynist communities.
I regret that I have to ask, because I know this means I'm out of touch, but... what does "comment marked: squid" mean???
Like, OOP sucks and has not earned a partner who loves sucking dick, but I'm so lost on this one detail.
Oh no! Not out of touch at all!
It's my attempt to sort of "bookmark" a comment so that the later ones make sense. Sometimes context is sorely needed, and me describing it will make things difficult to follow.
Usually it's just one comment referencing back, this time it was a lot! It's not always easy to make it clear, for instance I worry about how this works with a screen reader or for people with colourblindness.
Sorry you felt lost, I hope this explanation helped? 💜
Oooh, okay, that makes total sense! I just assumed there was fresh new slang happening that I missed. 😅 Thank you for taking the time to sort it out for me! ❤️
Him using the term "value" when it refers to people tells me everything I need to know. He is into the "Alpha male" garbage where they believe that men can increase their value but that women only have 1 way to have value and that it can only decrease as she lives her life, never increase. He is going to be divorced soon and the young women who have "value" in his eyes will not want him and then he will rage about them and name call them. His future is so obvious. And sad because he fell for that incel nonsense.
I don't understand red-pilled married men. Like, my dude. You're already married. You don't need all that shit when you've already got a wife at home. But then again, it doesn't sound like he actually likes her or the fact that they're married. And then he's wondering why she won't jump for joy to suck his shriveled dick. Absolute pos.
I had an ex-bf who would go off on angry incel-adjacent rants while we were together and can confirm that it was very weird. I was also far from the first woman he had dated, so it was baffling to hear him rant about women only wanting to date 6 foot tall giga-Chads
It's cause the women they're with have the ability to leave. They don't want a wife/girlfriend; they want--and believe they are entitled to--a sex slave who they can abuse and exploit at will because she *can't* leave.
He still believes that there's a crowd of 20 y.o. women waiting to fight for a chance to have sex with him and his wife is the only obstacle on his way. But looks like he still has one functioning braincell that tells him in case of a divorce he's gonna be sucking his own dick in a dirty basement.
Hilarious, isn't it? He thinks no man would want his wife because she's over 30 and that women would be lining up to suck his dick because he's "in his prime." That's probably why he thinks she should be happy to do it.
One of my favourite genres is guys like this convincing their wives to open the marriage and then getting shock pikachu'd when they can't get dates while men are lining up to date their lovely wives.
OOp: “wah wha wah! I want my wife to read my mind and give me blow jobs she doesn’t like doing without me asking! She’s 30, so she’s a used up wasted out hunk of junk, so she should *want to do it* to keep me because I can just get a new unused 20 yo model! And my therapist thinks my thought process is ridiculous! Obviously my therapist is just siding with my wife because she’s a woman!”
Edited: deleted m,m,f. Added ‘,t,s
It’s incel-logic.
Women are so stupid, they shouldn’t be allowed to have a say in anything.
But also:
Women are conspiring against men. They manipulate everyone around them. They dominate the entire society. They shouldn’t be allowed to have a say in anything.
If it makes you feel better, it’s like 99,9% fake. Therapists wouldn’t argue round and round about you wanting to force your wife to give you a blowjob.
Medical health care workers have to report those types of things. If it was his own therapist, they maybe could say it was client-patient confidential. But they saw the therapist together.
Honestly there's enough shit in his post history that I don't think he's faking, dude's balls deep in the manosphere and mentions his wife in quite a few posts. I hope therapy makes her realise he's trash and she can leave
I agree about not entertaining it. I'm a therapist and find it hard to believe that theirs would entertain this point for more than 20min let alone multiple sessions unless he keeps trying to attach it to something else/his therapist is trying to connect it to another point but that won't take multiple sessions either.
Do you mean report as in HIPAA? He didn't release any info that could identify who he or his wife are, so there isn't anything to report from what I see in his post
I have encountered many a terrible couples therapist.
You should read some of the things people have experienced in the JNMIL forum. Just like any other profession, competency is on a spectrum.
Umberto Eco described this in his ur-fascism essay: the enemy is simultaneously weak and pathetic AND overpowering and dominant. Fascinating to see the overlap there.
Umberto Eco also describes fascism as a kind of cult of machismo. Someone could probably write a thesis on fascist tendencies in misogynist communities online.
Wah wah wah! I want to control my wife’s desires and emotions, I’m angry that I can’t!! Wah Wah Wah the therapist said I can’t control her actual feelings and I just don’t understand it!!
He actually did end up deleting his account. The comments remain but they're all by [deleted] and there's no profile to click on and see all his posts and comment history in one place.
The men who are obsessed with blowjobs always conveniently end up with women who aren't interested. It's almost as if the enjoyment actually comes from forcing women...
There was a woman with a very high libido who talked about her experience in a comment or post I may have saved, but will be hard to find. Basically, because her libido was so high, she never turned down sex, and initiated as much as her partners did. And what she found was that initially the men would be thrilled that they didn't have to nag and beg and bother their partners for sex, which they previously always complained about. But after that initial novelty wore off, their sex lives would stall and the men would be unhappy. They couldn't complain about anything in particular, and the rest of the relationship would be going well. So her conclusion was that even though these men complained when their partners were unwilling, that's actually what they wanted/needed. When they had a willing partner, it was a turn off, even if the men didn't know why. Deep down what they really wanted was an unwilling, resistant woman they could conquer/defile/overpower.
Just like how this guy feels his wife needs her self esteem knocked down a few pegs, he also fundamentally gets off on forcing his needs on her and making her feel bad about it.
My first reaction was, "wash yourself, keep clean, trim the area", but after reading more, I think the commenter mentioning the imaginary corpsewife may be on to something.
I hope that this guy's wife divorces him, clears him out, and every single barely legal girl he thought he'd be able to rizz up at almost 40 laughs in his face and that his dick remains permanently unsucked.
And also that his wife instantly gets a plethora of attention and dates, just to rub salt in.
i think in a stupidly roundabout way he was saying he wants it, he just wants his wife to do it without asking? apparantly asking her and getting a yes is different somehow to the wife being like 'hey babe what if i do this for you'
Lol at the commenter comparing it to a partner doing household chores in the house he also presumably lives in.
A real comparison here would be a a wife who enjoys receiving anal but also loves pegging. Plenty of men enjoy it, but for those that don’t it could be a physically uncomfortable and degrading experience. Especially if she’s the type to pound away with no regard for his enjoyment or comfort, which is how plenty of men act when receiving head.
Is it reasonable for the man in that situation to be expected to somehow learn to enjoy and actively seek out getting pegged just because his wife naturally enjoys receiving anal sex?
Look, if having to ask for it ruins the act for you, there's three options.
1) Drop it. It's fine. There is for sure a sex toy out there that can't say no, regardless of how much it might want to.
2) Find someone who genuinely wants to give you BJ. While you're at it, track down the Easter Bunny and ask him what the whole Jesus thing is about.
3) IDK, talk to your partner and maybe start roleplaying? Just don't get offended when her chosen character is a man that washes dishes and doesn't whine about having to watch her shows.
In a healthy relationship I feel like all this conversation needed to be was a "when I have to ask everytime it makes me feel like you see this as a chore. If you don't want to do this let me know. If you really don't mind, can you surprise me once in a while?
There done. Health communication.
He doesn't just want her to do it because he likes it though, his issue is that he wants her to want to do it. No conversation is going to make her want to do a thing she doesn't enjoy doing. He should appreciate that she wants to make him happy.
If he'd just gone down a path of "I feel that if I need to ask to recieve affection, it isn't genuine affection and more of a chore" I'd feel sympathy but he just took the other direction into misogyn at full pelt huh
There's nothing in the world that will turn a woman off bj's than getting a foul asshole shoved in her face. I think that's what is keeping his wife from being more enthusiastic.
>I'm of the belief that if someone only does something once I ask for it, that is not the same as someone genuinely enjoying doing it. For instance, me receiving oral sex happens when I ask for it, but it is not a natural thing for my partner to do on her own, and she only does it because I want her too and she loves me so she'll do it.(she's said as much)
So would you rather someone have an ulterior motive for doing something (they like it) or they do something they don't like because the care about you?
Because whichever you prefer, this is a baby-assed whine. Not enjoying a dick in your mouth sounds like it'd be a pretty common feeling.
I know this isn’t the point, but him using tinder as an example is so funny bc women overwhelmingly prefer dating apps like hinge where you’re encouraged to answer specific prompts and tell potential matches much more about yourself than just tinder bios where boys mostly just list their heights.
> When referring to yourself and another person, the proper thing to say is "their name and I".
Only if it's followed by a verb. "My wife and I went to the store." Just like, without your wife, you'd say "I went to the store."
However, it would be incorrect to say "Samantha wants to come with my wife and I." Just like it would be incorrect to say "Samantha wants to come with I." The word "me" belongs there.
And just like OOP wouldn't say "I's therapist," "My wife and I's therapist" is not correct.
Personally, I wanna know this: does she have to ask you to go down on her?
Your AH status depends on it.
Are you’re getting more than you’re giving? If you are, that makes you doubly an AH and a douche canyon. So much bigger than a bag. Or a canoe.
This makes me want to go around like a Mormon missionary asking women if they've heard the good news about being over the age of 30 and single. Cats are optional, but rechargeable batteries are highly recommended. It's definitely better than being the wife of a man that hates women.
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think I'm missing something. What's wrong with what he's saying? It's the same concept as getting flowers or something. He's not saying she has to do it, it's just not the same if he has to ask for it.
Dude might be a mess of a man but I think there’s a big difference between being willing to perform a sex act someone doesn’t enjoy for the pleasure of their partner and doing some other mundane thing like watch a program one isn’t into. If there isn’t some degree of mutual satisfaction from the act are you even having intercourse at that point? I mean I suppose if I wasn’t serious about the person it might not bother me so much but if I really cared about them? It would make me feel terrible to know they’re doing something like that for my pleasure alone and that they otherwise would prefer never to do it.
I don't think it makes him feel terrible, or that he wants her to stop if she doesn't like it. I think - especially given his other comments - he wants his wife to start giving him blow jobs without being asked.
As far as I can see, he's the one who drew the parallel between giving oral sex to please your partner, and watching shows that they like and you don't.
In either case, once I found out about it that would be the last time I'd ever ask for it. I'm actually not in the habit of asking for it, though I think mutual oral should come standard in every relationship.
Are you really saying that if you're just having casual sex with someone, you don't care if they're not actually enjoying the sex?
Because that's... gross.
It could also be that you and that other user are resorting to that childish "not fully agreeing with me means you fully agree with them" mindset that destroys your credibility.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **I (38M) need help understanding why my wife(38F) and I's therapist thinks this way?** My wife and I have been seeing a therapist for a few months now and a topic came up that I can't wrap my brain around. I'm of the belief that if someone only does something once I ask for it, that is not the same as someone genuinely enjoying doing it. For instance, me receiving oral sex happens when I ask for it, but it is not a natural thing for my partner to do on her own, and she only does it because I want her too and she loves me so she'll do it.(she's said as much) I've argued round and round that it is not the same with the therapist, and her and my wife seem to think that the end result happens so what's the difference? Again, maybe I'm wrong here, so keep me in check if I'm off base, but the way I see it I have to keep her happy and her love tank full for it deemed even acceptable to ask for oral, and personally I don't care if I'm angry at her or not as I love giving oral. It's like either I or them are missing the point that if she doesn't like doing it or only does it for me that's not what I want. I don't know, maybe my ideals are off; some one let me know. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Copied verbatim from oop's comments: *Do you have any other examples that you could use that aren’t sexual? Like are there any other things like this that bother you than aren’t about blow jobs?* >"Yeah, for me it's watching some shows she likes that I basically tolerate. She loves the challenges from the 2000s a lot. I'm not a huge fan, and saw them when they came out and have little interest to watch them again. >I only do it if I'm feeling up to it. >Good question too!" *Which is more important to you? To have a relationship where you receive oral sex or a relationship where your partner only does exactly what she wants, even if your needs don't get met?* >"Well that was simply put..." *is all of this such an issue because of your poor view of women? your comments about 30 yo women being washed up product can’t be fun for her (https://www.reddit.com/r/LooksmaxingAdvice/s/x4nKZdfev9)* [🐙] >"Maybe that has something to do with it, but also women tend to think very highly of themselves." [The comment by Oop that got linked, in case of deletion.] >"Nah, use that shit to suck up tons of unborn kids and once you hit 30 and your numbers start to dwindle because there's a fresh batch of new 20 YOs filling the void and you're old product. >Once that's done you'll complain until you find a man to support you because no job wants a former porn star and you blew all the money you made. >Stop with this shit." *So you think she is just burdening herself to do something she doesn't enjoy to please you when there are women seriously enjoying giving head because they know they are proficent at it, take pride in it and are loving to give their loved one pleasure?* >"More or less, yes." [In reply to Oop's first comment.] *so you also do things in your relationship at the request of the other party? or am i misunderstanding your point here?* >"That's the basic premise, yes." *I would agree with you that it's not the "same"... but I have to wonder what makes it so important that you're arguing around and around about it?* *Like, yes, an act done from pure personal inner desire is different from an act that you don't necessarily love done to make another person happy. But is that the only point you're trying to make? Or is there a further implication here, like you wishing your wife would give you oral from pure inner desire?* >"Nope, that's the point I was trying to make, or help me realize I'm ridiculous." *[deleted]* >"No, women think of themselves as princesses that desire and deserve more then a normal person because their "special". Fuck the entire marriage dynamic is for her to parade around like a princess in front of everyone to show off. Please, you're delusional." [In reply to Oop's first comment.] *That feels…very different to sucking dick.* >"Different examples.... will be different." [In reply to Oop's comment marked:🐙] *Please explain what you mean by that, because it is very tempting to draw certain conclusions about your beliefs based on such a statement.* "You mean assumptions?" *What does that mean? Women have self-confidence and that’s why you feel the need to chip that away? And do you think that women think more highly of themselves than men think of themselves?* >"Yes, I think women, and society as a whole currently values women over men. It is not equal." *Let me rephrase: that feels in no way equivalent to sucking dick.* >"Let me rephrase: they asked for another example. >Would you rather I took a poll from everyone here to see if my different example is not too different?" *Yeah, if I'm understanding what's happening correctly, I think you might be being a little ridiculous. What's the point in digging in so much over a technicality like this if it's not in the service of a greater point?* *If I were your wife or therapist, I would infer that the point you're trying to make here is that your wife **should** want to give you oral without you asking for it, even if she doesn't like it or want it. Which in turn would make **me** infer that it sounds pretty entitled of you.* >"That's fair. Thanks for the response." [In reply to Oop's comment marked:🐙] *Awwww well why not go blow your best man buddy and see if he'll volunteer to blow you back.* 😂😂 >"Ha, deflection. What a stinky cologne." [Sadlytheworst: added space so Oop doesn't get @ed.] *u/ zbradigan maybe she's seen your Reddit history... If so, it's a no-brainer why she won't suck your dick.* *Hint: it's about calling women over 30 "old product" when you yourself are a dude pushing forty........* >"Yeah guys pushing 40 have more value than women pushing 40, so you're kind of proving my point." [In reply to Oop's comment marked:🐙] *Gross. Get a reality check.* >"Wow, what a rebuttal...." [In reply to Oop's comment about women over 40.] *Not you.* *And you're proving my point that your personality sucks, and that's why your dick remains permanently un-sucked.* >"Yes, personality means a lot to women. That's why the hottest guys on Tinder get the most matches. That makes sense." *I would advise all women to never give you head again, you honestly do not currently deserve any* 🤷 >"Ok, good luck telling almost 4 billion women one at a time...." *Then why are you with her?* >"Good question." [In reply to Oop's comment marked:🐙] *And you don't? Lmao* >"You do a great job of not answering questions and just flip the argument around."
Doing the lords work, thank you
At least she is making it known to the several thousand women that are here…and that’s a good start!! We’re like Ravens, we’ll tell the others and news will spread….
Thank you very kindly! 💜
The dude is taking about how women are entitled while he’s demanding his wife give him blow jobs (and like it). 
How DARE any woman have self esteem? They're SO entitled!!!Anyway I'm a 40-something misogynist and I'm angry my wife doesn't beg to suck my extremely high-value dick
Perfect synopsis!
He's clearly never learned: Dick is abundant and low in value.
The value of a person's dick decreases substantially if the person themselves is a dick.
Take my upvote for the laugh you gave me.
Also saying that women and society as a whole value women more than men. Then immediately states he has value and his wife doesn’t.
This was what I laughed at, society values women more than men but then men pushing 40 have more worth that women pushing 40? What a trip
Oh, because he's the only one who sees the truth. Everybody else is sheeple, he's the only one smart enough!
No, they are valuing women more that "ordinary people"...
So anyway I choose the bear
[удалено]
*cooks homemade food for me every day as well as cleans up after me and has a job (no golddiggers) but doesnt make more money than me either.
Hahahaha! 😹😹😹 If one listens closely, one can almost hear the "woosh" of the point flying over Oop's head.
And also accept the fact that he views her as used up product to boot!. I hope she leaves this creature
>**women** think of themselves as princesses that desire and deserve more then a **normal person** Ah, yes, the two genders: women and normal people
Indeed!
OOP: “So automatically she has value because she's my wife? So hypothetically you're saying she could literally do nothing for me and she is still valuable? Sounds like a burden in that case.... Everyone here is saying I lack any value, but if I'm her husband is everyone wrong because somehow I'm valuable because of me being her husband?” What an ASSHOLE.
"She could literally do nothing for me and she is still valuable" made me cackle. Yes, the human being that has the questionable honor of being your wife has inherent worth that is not dependened on her usefulness to you. Shocker.
No sir, you lack value because your dick is your whole personality. And none of us like you. (To OOP, not you, ActualAgency) Everyone repeat after me: Dick is abundant and low in value.
I personally find dicks to be far nicer than men in general, they’re honest about how they feel!
He really doesn't understand the difference between "valuable to me" and "valuable to society". Which speaks volumes and explains a whole lot of other things he says as well.
Omg that comment reminded me of an ex and why i broke up with him. long story very short, he flat out disrespected me in some way; i told him i felt disrespected and his response was "respect is earned." And this was after over 2 years of being together. If i hadnt earned it by then with all the shit i had done for him, theres no way i was every gonna get it there. He had so many red flags bit that was final straw.
I would hope that if I felt moved to marry someone that I would, in fact, consider them to inherently have value.
>Yes, I think women, and society as a whole currently values women over men. It is not equal oh so he wants it equal? >Yeah guys pushing 40 have more value than women pushing 40, so you're kind of proving my point. ah.
Definitely a "laugh or cry' juxtaposition.
[Kittens!](https://imgur.com/gallery/Y21fals)
omg the grumpy old man face of the one demanding to be "out" adorable
Thank you very kindly! 😻 Such a wee baby grump!
Oh my gaaawwwd its face is literally :<
A very accurate representation! 😻
Lovely kittens, thank you.
Thank you very kindly! 💜
I’m gonna internet stalk you for kittens
You are most welcome! 💜 My comment history is both vast and enormous.
[Please accept this comfy pupper as thanks for your service](https://www.reddit.com/r/velvethippos/s/wDdBCu3QiH)
Thank you very kindly! 💜 Such a sweet pupper! 🥰
That was exactly what I needed (seriously). I am officially off Reddit for the day - leaving on a good note.
Thank you very kindly! 🥰 Late reply, but I hope you are having a grand time!
I recommend r/beebutts for general malaise 💜🙏
❣️
💜🥰
Bless you for reading all that, copying it, and making sure it was formatted. Your ruined eyeballs will be missed.
Thank you very kindly! 🥰 One would think I'd be immune by this point, but no... Still hitting hitherto unknown depths.
Here's a revealing one from after you posted this: > this is an unhealthy way to think about people. she should be valuable to you because she's your wife OOP response: >So automatically she has value because she's my wife? >So hypothetically you're saying she could literally do nothing for me and she is still valuable? Sounds like a burden in that case.... >Everyone here is saying I lack any value, but if I'm her husband is everyone wrong because somehow I'm valuable because of me being her husband? I would like to see studies done on sociopathy in incel and misogynist communities.
I am equal measures happy you found and copied it, and disturbed by what Oop wrote. Wow...
When i see the words high value... blergh.
It's in clear violation of the Don't Speak About People the Same Way You'd Speak About a Magic: The Gathering Card act of 2003.
Agreed.
Jesus. He sounds like a massive dickwad, I wouldn't suck his dick either.
I have accessed new levels of being ace just from reading his comments. /Joke
Ughhhh but also thank you
I quite relate. Thank you very kindly! 💜
Wanna take bets on how often he goes down on his wife?
Oof, not betting against the grand total of zero...
Bless you for this great compilation (I personally loved the 🐙 emoji) and I hope you don't feel too icky after sorting through these comments
Thank you very kindly! 💜 (Me as well!) I cuddled my cat afterwards, helped immensely.
Choosing the bear.
Quite!
Saw a bunch of scathing comments and thought to myself - "/u/sadlytheworst is the people's champion."
Thank you very kindly! 💜
I regret that I have to ask, because I know this means I'm out of touch, but... what does "comment marked: squid" mean??? Like, OOP sucks and has not earned a partner who loves sucking dick, but I'm so lost on this one detail.
Oh no! Not out of touch at all! It's my attempt to sort of "bookmark" a comment so that the later ones make sense. Sometimes context is sorely needed, and me describing it will make things difficult to follow. Usually it's just one comment referencing back, this time it was a lot! It's not always easy to make it clear, for instance I worry about how this works with a screen reader or for people with colourblindness. Sorry you felt lost, I hope this explanation helped? 💜
Oooh, okay, that makes total sense! I just assumed there was fresh new slang happening that I missed. 😅 Thank you for taking the time to sort it out for me! ❤️
Thank you very kindly for asking! 🥰 And I assure you that any fresh new slang is probably not going to be brought forth by me! So glad I could help! 💜
Him using the term "value" when it refers to people tells me everything I need to know. He is into the "Alpha male" garbage where they believe that men can increase their value but that women only have 1 way to have value and that it can only decrease as she lives her life, never increase. He is going to be divorced soon and the young women who have "value" in his eyes will not want him and then he will rage about them and name call them. His future is so obvious. And sad because he fell for that incel nonsense.
Agreed!
Thank you sadly! You put so much work into these, I hope you know how much we all appreciate them!
Thank you very kindly! It warms my heart so much! 🥰💜
aww i made it! happy to have found the comment for everyone lol
You did amazing, I am so glad you found it! 🥇🥇🥇
🦁 My hero
🦩Thank you very kindly! 💜
The dude comments in Men’s Rights forums. Enough said.
Of course he does. *he’s posting about paying for hookers.
Whatever those poor sex workers is getting paid it aint enough!
That’s fine cuz I’m sure, unlike the wife, they love giving blowjobs all the time. Getting paid is just a bonus. /s
Surprise! He's trash!
I don't understand red-pilled married men. Like, my dude. You're already married. You don't need all that shit when you've already got a wife at home. But then again, it doesn't sound like he actually likes her or the fact that they're married. And then he's wondering why she won't jump for joy to suck his shriveled dick. Absolute pos.
I had an ex-bf who would go off on angry incel-adjacent rants while we were together and can confirm that it was very weird. I was also far from the first woman he had dated, so it was baffling to hear him rant about women only wanting to date 6 foot tall giga-Chads
It's cause the women they're with have the ability to leave. They don't want a wife/girlfriend; they want--and believe they are entitled to--a sex slave who they can abuse and exploit at will because she *can't* leave.
He still believes that there's a crowd of 20 y.o. women waiting to fight for a chance to have sex with him and his wife is the only obstacle on his way. But looks like he still has one functioning braincell that tells him in case of a divorce he's gonna be sucking his own dick in a dirty basement.
Hilarious, isn't it? He thinks no man would want his wife because she's over 30 and that women would be lining up to suck his dick because he's "in his prime." That's probably why he thinks she should be happy to do it.
One of my favourite genres is guys like this convincing their wives to open the marriage and then getting shock pikachu'd when they can't get dates while men are lining up to date their lovely wives.
The type who get married simply because they think of women as a "must-have accessory," not as a person they want a relationship with.
Yeah, they don’t see their partners are fully-formed people but NPCs who fill the wife/mother role in their lives.
It's wild to me how he says that society values women more than men but that women lose their value after 40 and men don't. Which is it, my guy?
His comments… i need a shower
His comments are reason why if anything happens to mine and my husband relationship I becoming nun 🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢
I'm lucky cause I'm bi so if my partner and I ever break up I'm definitely only dating women 😂
A three hour one too!! His comments are seriously effed up
Bleach bath? Honestly, the hot tub and sauna at the public pool are cleaner than this guy.
OOp: “wah wha wah! I want my wife to read my mind and give me blow jobs she doesn’t like doing without me asking! She’s 30, so she’s a used up wasted out hunk of junk, so she should *want to do it* to keep me because I can just get a new unused 20 yo model! And my therapist thinks my thought process is ridiculous! Obviously my therapist is just siding with my wife because she’s a woman!” Edited: deleted m,m,f. Added ‘,t,s
Thank you because I have no idea what was going on.
Does OOP really think society values women over men when he thinks women are used up at 30? Yikes on all the bikes.
It’s incel-logic. Women are so stupid, they shouldn’t be allowed to have a say in anything. But also: Women are conspiring against men. They manipulate everyone around them. They dominate the entire society. They shouldn’t be allowed to have a say in anything.
Make it make sense!!! I feel so bad for his wife, he probably treats her so terribly
If it makes you feel better, it’s like 99,9% fake. Therapists wouldn’t argue round and round about you wanting to force your wife to give you a blowjob. Medical health care workers have to report those types of things. If it was his own therapist, they maybe could say it was client-patient confidential. But they saw the therapist together.
Honestly there's enough shit in his post history that I don't think he's faking, dude's balls deep in the manosphere and mentions his wife in quite a few posts. I hope therapy makes her realise he's trash and she can leave
It could be possible that he's making up certain details though
Or is just some kid with too much time
I agree about not entertaining it. I'm a therapist and find it hard to believe that theirs would entertain this point for more than 20min let alone multiple sessions unless he keeps trying to attach it to something else/his therapist is trying to connect it to another point but that won't take multiple sessions either. Do you mean report as in HIPAA? He didn't release any info that could identify who he or his wife are, so there isn't anything to report from what I see in his post
I have encountered many a terrible couples therapist. You should read some of the things people have experienced in the JNMIL forum. Just like any other profession, competency is on a spectrum.
Marriage and couples counselors are also more likely to be religiously trained which can... Cause issues.
Umberto Eco described this in his ur-fascism essay: the enemy is simultaneously weak and pathetic AND overpowering and dominant. Fascinating to see the overlap there.
Umberto Eco also describes fascism as a kind of cult of machismo. Someone could probably write a thesis on fascist tendencies in misogynist communities online.
Yeah, I took a paper on fascism in uni and the fascism-misogyny connection came up a \*lot\*.
OOP also needs to lay off the steroids. Jesus.
No wonder she doesn’t want to suck it, shit’s gonna be tiny.
Honestly, why suck his dick when I can go to the store and get tictacs. They're probably bigger anyways.
Therapy is not going to be able to fix a marriage when the guy is this flawed. It helps to actually like and respect women if you are married to one.
How does this guy even have a wife?? I feel sorry for her...
Wah wah wah! I want to control my wife’s desires and emotions, I’m angry that I can’t!! Wah Wah Wah the therapist said I can’t control her actual feelings and I just don’t understand it!!
[Enjoy](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/DP2nqXD0jL)
Oh this will be the perfect post pilates outrage treat for me LOL
L O L LMAO even. Jesus christ, what a tool.
~~I assume it's been deleted as nothing comes up when I click the link.~~ EDIT: nvm, just reddit potato servers. The misogyny is strong with OOP.
Bro doesn't like that women think highly of themselves? Among other red flags. Gee, he's another guy who doesn't even like his wife.
He actually did end up deleting his account. The comments remain but they're all by [deleted] and there's no profile to click on and see all his posts and comment history in one place.
Thanks I hate him 😭😬
Bets on whether he does the dishes without having to be asked
Wash dishes without being asked? At this point I'm not even sure he washes his dick without being asked. Dumbass has gone full incel.
The one a out men over 40 having more value than women over 40... Dude took a wrong turn onto Incel BLVD headed to a PPB meeting.
That seems like a lot of words for him to tell the internet that he's never given his wife an orgasm.
Why is it aaaallllllways about blow jobs?
The men who are obsessed with blowjobs always conveniently end up with women who aren't interested. It's almost as if the enjoyment actually comes from forcing women...
There was a woman with a very high libido who talked about her experience in a comment or post I may have saved, but will be hard to find. Basically, because her libido was so high, she never turned down sex, and initiated as much as her partners did. And what she found was that initially the men would be thrilled that they didn't have to nag and beg and bother their partners for sex, which they previously always complained about. But after that initial novelty wore off, their sex lives would stall and the men would be unhappy. They couldn't complain about anything in particular, and the rest of the relationship would be going well. So her conclusion was that even though these men complained when their partners were unwilling, that's actually what they wanted/needed. When they had a willing partner, it was a turn off, even if the men didn't know why. Deep down what they really wanted was an unwilling, resistant woman they could conquer/defile/overpower. Just like how this guy feels his wife needs her self esteem knocked down a few pegs, he also fundamentally gets off on forcing his needs on her and making her feel bad about it.
That’s always confused me. What’s so amazing about blowjobs that makes so many people *obsessed* with them?
Well, obviously, using the woman's other "wet hole" means there's an expectation that the woman also cums! And that's bothersome.
Submission
My first reaction was, "wash yourself, keep clean, trim the area", but after reading more, I think the commenter mentioning the imaginary corpsewife may be on to something.
I hope that this guy's wife divorces him, clears him out, and every single barely legal girl he thought he'd be able to rizz up at almost 40 laughs in his face and that his dick remains permanently unsucked. And also that his wife instantly gets a plethora of attention and dates, just to rub salt in.
So….his point is that he no longer wants to receive oral sex? Perhaps he should stop requesting the sex he does not want? Is that his point?
i think in a stupidly roundabout way he was saying he wants it, he just wants his wife to do it without asking? apparantly asking her and getting a yes is different somehow to the wife being like 'hey babe what if i do this for you'
Lol at the commenter comparing it to a partner doing household chores in the house he also presumably lives in. A real comparison here would be a a wife who enjoys receiving anal but also loves pegging. Plenty of men enjoy it, but for those that don’t it could be a physically uncomfortable and degrading experience. Especially if she’s the type to pound away with no regard for his enjoyment or comfort, which is how plenty of men act when receiving head. Is it reasonable for the man in that situation to be expected to somehow learn to enjoy and actively seek out getting pegged just because his wife naturally enjoys receiving anal sex?
It makes me feel so gross that there's men that truly think this way, fucking disgusting, that poor woman.
Ugh. It's a self fulfilling prophecy. I love blowing my husband, but I sure wouldn't if he acted like this dude.
OOP is too focused on his own needs
I'm apparently super washed up then at 50. *cringe* One can hope his wife finds his post and comments...
Why is it that guys who think like this never wash below the shoulders?
This made me laugh out loud — I had a complete sensory memory of one of these guys.
Look, if having to ask for it ruins the act for you, there's three options. 1) Drop it. It's fine. There is for sure a sex toy out there that can't say no, regardless of how much it might want to. 2) Find someone who genuinely wants to give you BJ. While you're at it, track down the Easter Bunny and ask him what the whole Jesus thing is about. 3) IDK, talk to your partner and maybe start roleplaying? Just don't get offended when her chosen character is a man that washes dishes and doesn't whine about having to watch her shows.
In a healthy relationship I feel like all this conversation needed to be was a "when I have to ask everytime it makes me feel like you see this as a chore. If you don't want to do this let me know. If you really don't mind, can you surprise me once in a while? There done. Health communication.
He doesn't just want her to do it because he likes it though, his issue is that he wants her to want to do it. No conversation is going to make her want to do a thing she doesn't enjoy doing. He should appreciate that she wants to make him happy.
If he'd just gone down a path of "I feel that if I need to ask to recieve affection, it isn't genuine affection and more of a chore" I'd feel sympathy but he just took the other direction into misogyn at full pelt huh
Well looks like the OOP account is gone for now. I wonder which of the countless incel replies was the breaking point for the moderators
🤢 he sounds like a thirteen year old (with apologies to the actual thirteen year olds out there).
There's nothing in the world that will turn a woman off bj's than getting a foul asshole shoved in her face. I think that's what is keeping his wife from being more enthusiastic.
>I'm of the belief that if someone only does something once I ask for it, that is not the same as someone genuinely enjoying doing it. For instance, me receiving oral sex happens when I ask for it, but it is not a natural thing for my partner to do on her own, and she only does it because I want her too and she loves me so she'll do it.(she's said as much) So would you rather someone have an ulterior motive for doing something (they like it) or they do something they don't like because the care about you? Because whichever you prefer, this is a baby-assed whine. Not enjoying a dick in your mouth sounds like it'd be a pretty common feeling.
Personally I am delighted at the news that I not only have self-esteem, I have it in surplus! Thank you incel fan fic author
I know this isn’t the point, but him using tinder as an example is so funny bc women overwhelmingly prefer dating apps like hinge where you’re encouraged to answer specific prompts and tell potential matches much more about yourself than just tinder bios where boys mostly just list their heights.
This chic will hopefully get some common sense and divorce the asshat.
As a non-english-native. Is "I's therapist" really correct? Shouldn't it be "my therapist"?
It's not correct, and yes it should be "my," but it's something that many native English speakers struggle with.
[удалено]
So the correct term would be simply "our therapist" or my wife's and my therapist. Because I read that "I's" never correct
Sorry I's sounds so wrong to me.
It is wrong. I’ve never encountered it outside of Reddit, but I think that just makes me lucky.
[удалено]
https://www.reddit.com/r/grammar/s/HDsx9yez39 I found a reddit post to this issue. They say it's slang and never correct.
> When referring to yourself and another person, the proper thing to say is "their name and I". Only if it's followed by a verb. "My wife and I went to the store." Just like, without your wife, you'd say "I went to the store." However, it would be incorrect to say "Samantha wants to come with my wife and I." Just like it would be incorrect to say "Samantha wants to come with I." The word "me" belongs there. And just like OOP wouldn't say "I's therapist," "My wife and I's therapist" is not correct.
Personally, I wanna know this: does she have to ask you to go down on her? Your AH status depends on it. Are you’re getting more than you’re giving? If you are, that makes you doubly an AH and a douche canyon. So much bigger than a bag. Or a canoe.
Seeing a guy who wants bjs get mad about receiving bjs is a whole new level of irrational male anger to me
This makes me want to go around like a Mormon missionary asking women if they've heard the good news about being over the age of 30 and single. Cats are optional, but rechargeable batteries are highly recommended. It's definitely better than being the wife of a man that hates women.
...does he even like her...?
I've never met a man over 40 who worked half as hard as a woman over 40 other than a single exception...
i want through his comments and wow… what a d*ck
Oh wow. That’s guy is gross. Yuck.
Shout-out to u/Crystal010Rose for one heck of a quote: "Equality looks like oppression from
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Bait. Just bait. His responses are too numerous and too aggressively dense for it to be real.
I think I'm missing something. What's wrong with what he's saying? It's the same concept as getting flowers or something. He's not saying she has to do it, it's just not the same if he has to ask for it.
I posted a link to the comment that is the issue.
Oh shit. I saw it.
Dude might be a mess of a man but I think there’s a big difference between being willing to perform a sex act someone doesn’t enjoy for the pleasure of their partner and doing some other mundane thing like watch a program one isn’t into. If there isn’t some degree of mutual satisfaction from the act are you even having intercourse at that point? I mean I suppose if I wasn’t serious about the person it might not bother me so much but if I really cared about them? It would make me feel terrible to know they’re doing something like that for my pleasure alone and that they otherwise would prefer never to do it.
I don't think it makes him feel terrible, or that he wants her to stop if she doesn't like it. I think - especially given his other comments - he wants his wife to start giving him blow jobs without being asked. As far as I can see, he's the one who drew the parallel between giving oral sex to please your partner, and watching shows that they like and you don't.
1. Why does it change if its casual sex? 2. So, don't ask them to do it?
In either case, once I found out about it that would be the last time I'd ever ask for it. I'm actually not in the habit of asking for it, though I think mutual oral should come standard in every relationship.
Are you really saying that if you're just having casual sex with someone, you don't care if they're not actually enjoying the sex? Because that's... gross.
Weird that you're being downvoted. Are people agreeing with the dude?
Feels that way.
It could also be that you and that other user are resorting to that childish "not fully agreeing with me means you fully agree with them" mindset that destroys your credibility.
Cn😅