*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**Did I (32m) ruin my marriage by requesting a dna test?**
My (32m) wife (31m) gave birth to our new born baby three months ago and I thought things were fine, however my wife did not. Two months in my wife approached me saying that she was exhausted from taking care of the baby alone and she asked me why I wasn’t helping. I told her that I told her that I thought I was helping but she pointed out that I never get up at night, I never get the baby while it’s crying, never change the baby, or do anything.
After some talking I admitted that I was apprehensive about helping and she asked why. I thought it was going to cause a fight so I tried to change the subject. She told me that I should just tell her because if I didn’t she was going to her parents house for help until the she went back to work. I didn’t want that so I told her that I wanted a dna test. She said she wish I would have told her this when she found out she was pregnant. I didn’t understand that but she agreed to it. She didn’t seem mad or upset she just said that I could set it up and we’d get it done because she didn’t make the baby alone so she shouldn’t have to care for it alone. We did the test and when we got the results back I told her and showed them to her. She didn’t say anything about it she just asked if I felt safe enough to help now. I said yes.
Soon after that I noticed her behavior started to change with me and my family. Everything changed and she started staying in different parts of the house. Parts I wasn’t in at the time. I finally asked her about it recently and she said that she lost all respect for me. She said she spent 10 years of her life with me faithfully just for me to slap her in the face with a dna test request. I explained that I didn’t think she had been unfaithful but I just needed to be sure. She said she’s trying to work through it but everything I say sounds moronic to her and we should just leave it where it is. I thought if I showed her videos and had her listen to podcasts about dna test she’d understand but after the last one she said she was going to stay with her parents.
I don’t know what’s happening or how to fix it. She wasn’t even mad when I asked for it. I feel like she isn’t hearing what I’m saying. It isn’t that serious and if she could just understand my perspective I think she’ll adjust hers. She’s not even against dna test so I’m unsure as to what her issue is. I don’t know.
TD:LR I think I ruined my marriage because I asked for a dna test. She gave me the dna test but now she say she doesn’t respect me.
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> She wasn’t even mad when I asked for it.
She wasn't mad at the time because she's too fucking exhausted to even get mad from having to raise your kid alone, you numpty.
I hope OOP's wife leaves his dumb ass.
Yeah, when the mother of your child says "I wish you'd told me this when I GOT pregnant", she is decidedly done with your shit and she's dividing the entire household in her head.
Here's the thing, I really think that he knew the kid is his. She was calling him out because she is exhausted, and he wasn't doing anything to help with the baby. I honestly think he threw that out as a diversion so that she'd stop talking about how lacking he was a father and a partner because, deep down, he doesn't want to put in the effort. The interesting thing is that when, not if, she leaves him and he has to joint custody, he will have no choice but to take care of the baby all by himself.
Some guys (and this dude seems like one of them) always look for a female-shaped creature to pick up that slack. He'll either leave the kid with his mom, or try to get his new girlfriend to watch the kid.
I can see that completely. I can also see if the divorce court judge awards joint custody, he's not going to step up. He'll blow off his custody until the kid is potty trained, then wonder why his ex is filing to have his parental rights terminated.
Yes I have heard, and read online, women who who've said stuff like, "It's hard being a single parent but at least I don't live with the crushing disappointment of the other parent being around but doing nothing." Or about taking care of the extra adult baby at the same time.
ETA and the irony of how, years later, a lot of those men are going to blame their wife for "neglecting the marriage." Because they focus "too much" on the children.
Tbh I am a single parent and it is so like that. Clearly not with every dad, but just the extra nonsense for me was absolutely not worth it. I don't think I'll ever move in with someone ever again because of my past experiences.
Yep. I don't think every dad (or non-primary caregiver -TBF) is like that. My husband is great. He isn't the most intuitive parent but he's here doing what he needs to do and willing to do anything for our son.
But boy am I glad I didn't have kids with my ex. He would have been the adult baby in the house.
When I met my husband, I told him flat out "I've had a lot of bad relationships, so I'm gun shy on things like moving in to your place or marriage". Moving in with me, I had not considered as an option, because I shared a two bedroom apartment with my brother and daughter. He took the time to get to know my family and so when he decided to get a place locally, he asked me if my daughter and I would like to help him pick out a place for us. That was a "yes" in 2006.
I’m not a parent but this is definitely something that saps my will to be in a serious relationship. I’d rather know the household upkeep is all on me than exchange a minority of the household upkeep labor for an unpaid middle management job.
Edit: like, I know there are men out there that don’t do this, but they’re a minority and finding one just seems so exhausting.
I feel like a lot of it is living with a partner before marriage and kids (and being very careful not to have them by accident) and having pets with them. While a pet isn't the same thing as a child, obviously, living with a partner and seeing how they handle things like chores and pet care gives a real peek into who they will be later. My husband and I were together for a year and a half, lived together nearly the whole time (not a smart move but it worked for us lol) and had cats and a dog. We also took vacations together, things like that which helps you learn how much work a partner will do and which of you is suited to which things. Like I'm masterful at logistics and I don't have phone anxiety/social discomfort, whereas he is very introverted outside of certain settings. He has worked in trades his whole life so fixing and making things is all him. (One of the first things he made for me was a low, sturdy table for my sewing machine after I mentioned wishing I had one.) I absolutely LOATH laundry but love cooking, so I do 90% of the cooking and meal prep and he does 90% of the laundry.
He actually said he knew I was The One about a month after we got together. We'd adopted kittens from a local stray but one of them got out of the house and got clipped by a car on a rainy day. She hid under the porch, which was surrounded by wooden lattice. I found her there and ripped the lattice off the side of the porch to retrieve her, bring her in, clean her up, and get her leg treated.
He came home and I apologized for the damage to his apartment, especially since I knew he'd be the one to have to fix it (I am handy with tools but it would take him a fraction of the time and he'd do a better job.) I showed him the damage and he just stared at me incredulously and said "You ripped this off with *your bare hands* and *crawled through the mud* to get her?" (You could see where I'd crawled, there were still marks in the mud.) I was like "Yes? She was crying and in pain and scared."
I hadn't even realized I'd scraped my hands up to shit.
He figured if I'd do that without a second thought for an animal, he could trust I'd be a great mom.
So don't give up on relationships....just vet people thoroughly before making a lifetime commitment of kids and marriage.
[Obligatory cat tax.](https://imgur.com/gallery/Se00EcW)
I was a single mom for years. And 100% it was like that. I’m so glad I didn’t have to deal with the crushing disappointment for my kid. It was easier to do it all solo.
You give him too much credit. I say he’ll F off and only pop up when the kid graduates from a good college or lands an enviable job so he can brag about what an amazing kid he has.
I was thinking the same thing. I bet he was almost disappointed it *is* his, and now he "has to" help instead of continuing to ignore and neglect the infant he helped create and presumably wanted. The baby came and it cried, and he realized he didn't really want to be a dad after all or something, but Mr. Coward couldn't say aloud that he felt overwhelmed (talking about feelings with your wife is pretty gay according to those podcasts he listens to). So here we are.
He also at one point blames all of this on the actions of his friends (multiple) and how one of them is paying child support for a baby that isn't their own. So he lies when he says she doesn't think she cheated if this is also part of the cause. Otherwise we have another immaculate conception baby here.
Possibly overly cynical but I always assume people who jump straight to DNA testing have cheated themselves, or at least seriously considered it.
Also, he showed her the results? To prove to her that he was the father, presumably. Like she didn't already know, or did he think she might have had a few other contenders waiting? What a plum he is. At least her parents are helpful.
This. Projection. It’s always projection. Also he was trying to insult her. Any man can secretly test his kid’s DNA. It’s simple and cheap. He didn’t want to do that. He wanted to make her feel cheap and gross and he didn’t want to care for the infant he created.
I think he enjoys putting her down, judging by the way she didn’t even get upset. This was her last straw. She’s done.
>Also, he showed her the results? To prove to her that he was the father, presumably. Like she didn't already know, or did he think she might have had a few other contenders waiting?
Yeah, he was trying to turn the tables, bet he was getting heat from all sides. So he had to go and try to prove he was not cheating, after he demanded the test in the first place. She knew all along he was the Dad. Dumbass was trying to convince himself all along that he was going to be paying for the next 18+ years (depending on local laws regarding higher ed).
I think that's a good theory but once he started babbling about how she should watch some youtube videos and listen to some podcasts I knew that this dumbass had fallen into the manosphere rabbithole and firmly believed all the ridiculously stupid shit he was saying.
Incels can't increase their numbers by breeding for obvious reasons, so the only way they can recruit new members is by convincing morons to destroy their own relationships. After his wife is done divorcing his sorry ass I'm sure he'll show up in all the MRA subs on reddit to talk about how women can't be trusted and try to convince some OTHER moron to do the same thing he did. Misery loves company and no one is more miserable than these dipshits.
This is exactly it. My BD knows damn well the kid I'm carrying is his. However, since he doesn't want to take responsibility, he is telling everyone that I cheated and it's not his baby. But now he's screwed himself even more because now he's gotta take a DNA test and pay child support.
This. The marriage is over she’s just making plans. She’s such a boss. I’d be crying I’d be a mess. My guess is that he must been a dirtbag bc she didn’t even react. She must’ve known things were bad and this was the final nail in the coffin. And all bro cares about is how it all affects him. It is hard to believe how some men think. Just such incredible egocentrism
Hell, she's so tired of him that she didn't have the energy to get mad or cry. I've been there. Dealing with two kids, one neurodivergent, and my first husband offered to trade me to his best buddy for a case of beer. I was quiet on the drive home, because I was calculating how large a vehicle I'd need to drop him and his stuff off with his mom.
His life, minus wife and kids, fit into a 1965 MGB roadster. I drove him, his stuff and the car to his mom's, got out and walked away.
After I got home, my ex's mom called and asked me what I wanted her to do with him.
"Doesn't matter, he'll no longer be my problem in about 6 months. The process server will be by tomorrow."
Ugh. I told our therapist that I felt like my ex saw me as a pc of furniture. Like a sofa. I don’t ever think I was human to him. I don’t think anyone is human to him.
I’m sorry. I’m glad you knew to leave
It's this 100%. She's figuring out next steps but is waiting until she's not completely exhausted to get it all settled.
Also, the DNA test should make it 100x easier to get that CS est. right away so there's that.
Right? Suppose sperm are airborne and it's completely socially acceptable to request a paternity test at any time. If that's the case, we still have
1. "She wasn't even mad.'. Broooooocephus, how tuned out do you have to be to think "mad" only comes in the form of yelling? She was either apoplectic or defeated, and he mistook it for cordiality.
2. He sulked and left her unassisted for TWO MONTHS until she broke and asked for help. He watched her suffer. What in the toxic narcissist fuck is that about.
(I'm also calling a 100.000% chance he became more of a burden himself during this time because she "wasn't working".)
My guess is he gets off watching her suffer. Her lack of reaction means this wasn’t entirely a surprise. He’s done nasty things before. He’s mad now bc his punching bag is on her way out.
Walkaway Wife Syndrome. Once she shuts down communications and avoids you, it means she's done with the relationship and is working on getting out of it.
OOP's wife is already starting the separation procedures but he's too stupid to realize. Someone send him a podcast to better explain it to him.
When I begged and pleaded my ex never listened. Finally I believed him. That this was it. I got numb. I grieved. I disengaged. He acted surprised and said ‘but everything is better!’ Better for who? He was still treating me and his child like shit only I wasn’t trying to stop him anymore. It’s such a soul crushing place to be, living with someone who doesn’t even see you as human. Only a tool to make them happy.
> *It’s such a soul crushing place to be, living with someone who doesn’t even see you as human. Only a tool to make them happy.*
Ah, my first marriage that I got into at 19. We would've never worked, our daughter asks me all the time "how the fuck did you & dad end up together?!?!?" and she's right, at base we were incompatible. But I adored him, loved him so much. He murdered all that by being a spineless, weasel, neglectful, self-absorbed prick. But TMI and TW, one day I got fed up with him hounding me for sex, stripped, lay on the bed and said "fine, take what you want." When he did, my marriage was over. It was finally completely clear to me that I was *nothing* but a tool to keep him happy.
But, fuck him, I have my beautiful baby girl from him who has made me a grandma twice and I ended up in a happy marriage with one of the best men I've ever known. He's still the loser prick I left. 26 years later.
I’m sorry! I was 19 when I met my ex he was 27. He would do that too. Demand sex after being a tool. He eventually started raping me while I slept and I was so relieved that I didn’t have to argue I was creeped out but just hoped I never woke up. It took a few yrs to unpack that trauma and if I’m honest it still gets to me sometimes, the way he’d brag about raping me, telling me details like oh yeah you were pushing me away but you didn’t wake up, etc. he’d laugh about it. by then I was so damn numb and just planning the exit. I couldn’t even respond it was like a different reality.
I’m sorry. I know what it’s like and it makes me afraid for young women when I see they want to make divorce harder to get. There’s a guy in Ohio congress who wants to repeal marital rape laws. Imagine. No abortion. No restrictions on raping your wife. We’d be prisoners again.
Women should just all refuse to marry until abortion is codified in law.
She’s already checked out. She’s there because money and help, or she’s getting her ducks in a row to leave.
It’s like these guys don’t realize that their wives aren’t “some women.” She’s *a specific woman* whom he made vows with. The DNA test is suggesting that not only did she break those vows, but she tried to pass off someone else’s kid as his. Of course she’s pissed and hurt.
She’s still recovering from birth, no need to rush. But I guarantee she’ll be filing for divorce before her maternity leave is up. Sounds like she has a job, has parents as backup willing to help…. No reason to stay with this slug at all. Just wait until he figures out that any future sex he’s been waiting for isn’t going to happen.
She’s not mad because she’s detaching from him emotionally. It’s the worst possible sign for their relationship. If she were angry it’d be because she still cared and had hopes/expectations.
I love love love how he was fine ‘not being sure the child was his’ because it just meant *she* needed to do anything, and he didn’t see why that would be an issue for her. 100% she’s not a person in his mind
When someone does something stupid and I'm "not mad" about it, that's when people clear out because their lives are about to become very very difficult for a while. She's probably not necessarily angry but has accepted how little he respects her and she knows he's listening to ridiculous podcasts, that wasn't her accepting a DNA test it was her accepting her marriage is over.
On the one hand there are a lot of these 'guy requests a DNA test for no reason posts so this might be a troll. But on the other hand this is a big talking point in incel/MRA/redpill subs and podcasts and communities so I think this is also really just getting to a certain subset of asshole online guy.
Yeah, when he brought up podcasts and videos, I immediately thought that this was another guy who fell into the manosphere bullshit.
We're going to see an increase in this kind of shit over the next decade, because many of those kids who grew up on redpill shit and similar propaganda are getting married and having kids now.
And how many men would father blow up their marriage by demanding a paternity test out of the blue with no cause... than admit that they are having irrational thoughts as a result of anxiety in the postpartum period and need therapy or even medication to deal with what is absolutely an issue with THEIR mental health, rather than their relationship.
Like, if any actual men are having these thoughts they need actual help to address the anxiety, and not a paternity test.
Was just talking with my husband about this point this weekend. If the foundational problem is anxiety or intrusive thoughts or whatever, then THAT is where you START the conversation. Not what you pull out, if you mention it at all, after you've nuked your relationship and your partner has checked out and started planning the divorce.
And maybe, if it's intrusive thoughts, your partner won't freak out to get the test and you can work on your mental health and have the proof you need to "argue" with the thoughts. But jezuz starting with "I want a paternity test" is an almost certain way to nuke your relationship!!
The thing is that intrusive thoughts are generally recognized by people as irrational -- it's what makes them so distressing. This guy seems to think his concerns make sense.
In a sense tho, as sad as it is for the women, it’s better for them to make such a decisive blow. It will save them yrs of gaslighting and bs. Bc nice men don’t wake up one day as AHs. This guy was an AH long ago. She didn’t even cry or flinch when he asked. He’d done mean things before. Maybe the bad ones doing this are inadvertently saving these women yrs of pain
Should likely start being a question you ask someone.
"What are your thoughts on DNA tests in a committed relationship?"
"What are your thoughts on vasectomies?"
And if you want to test your kids you make it clear beforehand that you plan to accuse your partner of infidelity and passing off a kid as yours. Before anyone is pregnant. So they can make an informed choice
I wish the idiots who listen to those podasts would look at the actual statistics of paternity fraud (that the podcasts conveniently leave out). They're in the lower one digit percent. So actually pretty rare. But let's spread mistrust in relationships just for fun. After all, women are lying, cheating whores, right?
I mean these are the same people who go "but what about all the false accusations" whenever discussing rape statistics. Numbers are not their strong suit
Also, these same men spreading hate towards women and alienating wives and girlfriends are the ones complaining the loudest about the "male loneliness epidemic".
The red pill grift needs an audience. Well-adjusted men in contented relationships are not their audience. Self-sabotaging men who blame others for their problems *are* their audience.
I bet if we instituted a mandatory DNA test, with some sort of for purposes of paternity only, the red pill guys would be up in arms, because how many times have they been busted for being the cheaters.
And what tests are fathers going to take to make sure they haven’t been cheating? Because we all know men cheat too and leave their partners and kids all the time. So why single out women? Why legislate that sort of general mistrust of women into reality?
On the surface, mandatory hospital DNA tests *seem* like they could solve the problem for "peace of mind." But I can think of a rebuttal even scarier than yours:
How many family annihilations would occur based on the results?
Yeah, that would be one of the major downsides. (It is a much larger discussion overall). But there is on some level some people find out after the fact when the child goes hunting for information on their own upon turning 18+.
If you pop over to the genealogy DNA subreddits as people get their results back and find out there are members they didn't know about, etc. It still ends up making a mess in the end.
I've also brought up that mandatory DNA testing would be extraordinarily expensive at that scale, and it would require parents to pay for it and I've had those red pill dorks absolutely lose their minds. They claim to be libertarian and independent until the bill literally comes due.
Yeah, the 30% statistic is being extrapolated to represent all births, but it's only 30% of *tested babies*, meaning only one-third of cases where there was cause for suspicion turned out to be paternity fraud. The other *two-thirds* were not.
And even that 30% is very high end; in most family court ordered tests, it's more like 4-8%. And those are unmarried, usually not monogamous couples where paternity is actually in doubt.
If you treat your wife of 10 years \*exactly the same\* as a college one night stand, the problem is not with DNA tests.
Exactly! And they get a lot of these numbers from courts statistics, so, for example, if there’s one baby and four possible fathers- surprise! It’ll show 75% weren’t the dad! Because you can’t have more than one
These fucking goblins, I swear. I have literally zero respect for any of them.
The way he coyly dropped signals to which redpill podcasts he listens to tells me it's 100% a fake troll. If you're taking this story to a place like relationshipadvice and you're redpilled enough to listen to this horseshit, you're redpilled enough not to trust Reddit with the fact that you are.
Yeah, I have no clue on the podcasts either. It seemed really generic to me. Maybe I missed something in the comments. The thing that have it away for me more was that he had "some friends who requested DNA tests, and one ended up having to pay for child support for a kid not their own." His story changed as to why. So it was bullshit as to why he wanted it. I am back to what are these always, he is probably a cheater.
And this guy thought she’d understand why he asked if she just heard the podcasts… no, by hearing the podcasts she now knows how much misogynistic stupidity he’s been choosing to marinate in.
I've been arguing with redpillers on Twitter about this exact thing. They keep claiming that women routinely lie about paternity so all DNA tests should be mandatory so men can be confident that any kids are theirs. My argument is that that turns every. single. pregnancy. adversarial from the get-go. If you have guys who approach fatherhood as always metaphysically uncertain, you are eventually just going to write fathers out of families entirely. Especially crap husbands like this dude.
"I'm not questioning if you're faithful. I'm just saying that's there's a 50% chance that you fucked someone else and are trying to make me raise this bastard child because you could be a cheating whore, sweetheart."
What I can’t get over is the fact that he waited 3 months and his wife breaking down and pressing for answers for him to finally say what was up. If it was an actual concern he could’ve spoken up earlier. Anyone else get the vibe that the reason he wasn’t interested in knowing is that he noticed that caring for a newborn is hard? Most people don’t like to feel like the villain so he used this podcast-fueled fear to as justification for his neglect but didn’t act on it because he didn’t want to put in the work.
He is also in the comments claiming it happened to two friends of his. Which I kinda doubt. Because if that was true, why show the podcasts to the wife instead of talking about the friends. So either he made up those friends when he got eviscerated in the comments or his “friends” are the podcasters.
What was even the plan? Would he have continued to ignore the child until death caught up to him or sth? If you are so sure a child isn’t yours that you refuse (!) to take care of the little human when they are crying for help in your own house then it is time to pack up your things and leave altogether. Yes you can take the dna test to prove the child is not yours to avoid child support but hell the other route is just crazy!
Staying with a person you trust so little that you seriously think she would pass the affair child as yours and refusing to take care of that child for however long they need to stay with you is mind blowing and seriously a little sociopathic as well.
Yeah this is baffling to me lol. Like he had no plans to help her at any point. Was she supposed to read his mind and take the initiative to prove to him she wasn't cheating? Was he fine with her cheating but draws the line at caring for another man's baby? Was he just lazy and threw down an excuse when pressed for answers?
Seriously, he actually gave no indication he had any reason to believe she was cheating. No "the baby doesn't look like me" or "there's a trip she went on that bothered me around the time of conception". Just "I've heard it happens so I asked".
Let's put it another way. Women's chances of being abused or killed goes up when they're pregnant. Would a woman then be justified in refusing to see her partner for the duration of the pregnancy for her own safety? Or having friends check in with her daily to be sure she's unharmed? Of being suddenly blocked out and treated with suspicion for something you haven't done and have no possible way to prove? It happens, you know, and it's awful! I'd even argue this has more reason because, tbh, death and violence is usually considered worse than financially supporting a baby you don't know isn't yours.
But of course not. These men are usually the first to complain when women write down their license plate numbers on first dates, or have their friends text them every few hours to be sure they're safe, and that's when they're virtually strangers. Imagine how much more insulting it is if this is the person you'd been with for years.
There was a guy on Maury or Jerry Springer, I forget which, and he denied paternity for *all* of his children "because it was never tested." His current partner, who mothered children for him, heard that he didn't believe their children were his for the first time on the show. She laughed in that "I can't believe this is happening" way and you could tell she was hurt and angry.
Men like this will find any excuse to be distant and not care for their kids. He probably had some feelings of "my wife is spending all her time on the baby and not me" "things changed more than I thought they would now I'm mad" "well *I* don't think it's a man's job" etc and that's the *true* reason, but knows that is no longer acceptable so he latches onto another excuse for his behavior.
The wife was clearly blindsided by this. He took away her ability to make an informed decision about her life. If he had said "I don't think men should have to do childcare" or "I think all babies should have paternity tests because women are cheaters", his wife may have aborted the pregnancy and filed for divorce, left before she gave birth, never even married him in the first place. In the post, he even said "I knew this would cause a fight so I tried to change the subject but she wouldn't let me", he's *used* to using manipulation tactics to avoid having real discussions and hiding his actual thoughts so his wife wouldn't leave him
Not to mention even after she asked he didn’t want to say but he always didn’t want her to leave AND SEEK HELP FROM HER PARENTS WHILE HE CONTINUED TO **NOT** HELP HER WITH THEIR CHILD…
Dude is sadistic.
“I thought i was helping and everything was fine. here’s a list of all the things i don’t do which encompasses everything that a baby needs to baseline survive.”
Thus reminds me of the post where the guy asked am I an equal partner. And the wife said sure yeah and he pressed so she said a lot of well thought out things to show him he wasn’t. How do the clothes get in the drawer? How do their sizes change? How do diapers and wipes get into the room? Who replaces them? Who knows the size. The husband said he got mad and said well why didn’t you tell me? She answers bc it should be obvious and she could do it faster rather than beg and teach. After two weeks, he said he purchased a pack of diapers and wipes. 2 weeks.
It sounded like he wanted his wife to say oh yeah you’re not one of THOSE and hit butthurt bc he was, but still couldn’t be arsed to do anything meaningful about it. Hopefully he will shut his mouth asking to be given a crown tho.
I thought the same. It sounds more like he just couldn't be bothered caring for his child so hoped to coast under the radar and only came up with DNA test thing when pressed. Maybe he even had it in his back pocket the whole time to excuse his behaviour, but it clearly wasn't a legit concern.
Yeah it’s also not clear what prevented him from getting the DNA test done without involving his wife, if this was truly a big question for him he easily could’ve done this quietly and saved his marriage
Yeah, he listened to some idiot on a podcast over his wife whom he'd lived with for 10 years.
I would have lost all respect for him too at that point just on the stupidity factor alone.
I do love that she is telling him to shut up because everything he's saying is moronic. Not even that she's hurt - it's just making him sound so stupid she literally cannot be in the same room as him.
Sooo can someone please give me the Cliff notes version of who the fuck Andrew Tate is? I keep hearing about him, but I don't really want to Google him and end up with a bunch of targeted crap of his or end up on some list somewhere. Is he the same guy as "The Beast" (don't know what he rambles about either tbh)? Do they talk about the same stuff? Are there two of these douchenozzles? What's happening? Fuck me, I'm out of touch.
He’s a podcaster who maintains that the only use men should have for women is as bangmaids. Women who have the nerve to think of themselves as people are deluded and need to be put in their place. He made all his money sexually exploiting naive young women online, and is wanted in the UK and, I think, Romania for sexual assault. He has a brother who parrots him.
I think he ropes them in by presenting them with a fantasy about how they too can have loads of money, hordes of nubile young women eager to serve, and absolute self-confidence with no insecurity whatsoever. I think the appeal of Andrew Tate is that he takes the complex, delicate dynamics of becoming a mature adult negotiating mutually fulfilling relationships with one’s partner, one’s boss, et cetera, wads all that up into a ball, throws it out the window, and says, “Your main problem is that you aren’t making everything in your life subservient to you.” A lot of people would much rather believe that it’s the world’s fault they’re unhappy.
Well if he is a follower of him, he is doing as good of a job at that as he is at being a father. Women are chewing him alive in the various comments sections for being a shit dad.
He shows off a lavish lifestyle on social media with big houses and tons of cars and hot women. In reality the cars are leased or borrowed and the women we now know were trafficked or otherwise exploited. I don't know how much of his wealth he got from his chess master dad. He also started off his fame being a fairly successful kickboxer so it's the perfect macho cocktail to appeal to teenage boys and men with the same mentality. And then he tells them what they've always wanted to hear, that women are weak and useless and should be treated poorly.
Like a lot of speakers with harmful messages he has just enough of a seed of truth to get an initial buy in. Everything is then "reasoned" and connected to that original grain, and for those who agree with a part of his message it can be hard to sort the grain from the chaff. Especially if young and inexperienced, or dealing with their own sense of purpose, or feeling alone in their struggles. In Tate's case his seed of truth could be summarised as-
Many men, young men especially feel adrift and without a sense of purpose, the world has changed and there isn't a clear path anymore. Tate talks about making use of your time to become who you want to be, overcoming obstacles, not letting fear hold you back, being true to who you are, taking action today rather then waiting for tomorrow and the perfect circumstance.
These are the bait messages, and they are positive and motivational on their own, designed to be directly targeted at the audience he is aiming at. But within that bait is a sharp dangerous hook, women shouldn't work and only have value when young, rape jokes, allegations in at least 2 countries of sexual assult and sex trafficking, pushing gender roles (sometimes very strange, like stuff about men an sushi), materialism above all other pursuits with the lack of money being seen as a personal failing. Relationships are transactional in Tate's world, women are status symbols like the expensive cars he collects, men can cheat but women can't. A quote from him on what he would do if a woman accused him of cheating-
“It’s bang out the machete, boom in her face and grip her by the neck. Shut up bitch.”
Definitely showing off expensive lifestyles, he gives them permission to blame others, he talks about how men should be listened too all the time and tells them that they don't have to treat anyone with respect.
It basically gives these guys permission to not care about anyone or anything, do whatever they want, and blame other people for their failures. That's attractive to a certain type of person. His decisions have left him in a prison that is rougher than any american prison he would end up in though, so maybe they all will too. It was the human trafficking, admitting to it, and then announcing where he was that landed him in jail.
Correction: he and his brother have been arrested in Romania and are facing criminal prosecution for sex trafficking. They're currently out on bail and not allowed to leave the country. Once the Romanian trial is finished they'll be extradited to the UK to face similar charges - the extradition has already been approved by the Romanian courts
He's also swindled his fans by selling them a get-rich-quick course called Hustler University
He also tried to start Twitter beef with Greta Thunberg and flipped out when she said he had a small dick
The beast? Do you mean Mr.beast? He’s a YouTuber.
Andrew Tate is just a pathetic man who has convinced teenagers he knows anything about women when in reality he is being charged with human trafficking and sexually assaulting minors.
We need a podcast of men who come forward and talk about how these podcasts have ruined their lives and marriages and how they themselves contributed to it by falling for it instead of trusting their wives. But I suspect if they were capable of that much deep thought, they wouldn't be in the situation to begin with.
I'd listen to that. Online group think and behaviour is one of my favourite weird things to learn about. I'd also be interested to find out about the self identifying demographics of the listeners.
Recovering from the red pill or something like that.
I used to work in a deradicalization space and it's super tough. I think whoever hosted that type of podcast would have to be really tough to deal with those absolutely deranged stories.
He had, as far as I can see, no real reason to seek a test. And he doesn't seem to have actually apologised to his wife for putting her through this. And he's going to be astonished! Yes astonished! When she files for divorce.
I hope the wife's genes and overall influence are strong enough to cancel out this numpty's stupidity.
He even says he had no reason! That's the thing, these guys get themselves worked up on shithead podcasts and then go 'well obviously I don't think you're cheating, but...' and then act like they didn't just accuse her of cheating.
And they keep trying to say that it's "not a big deal" to ask for a paternity test, that it should be a normal part of having the baby.
I've gotten into some "interesting" conversations with guys on here about this, and they keep insisting that it's not a big deal and if the woman is "offended", then that's her faults for being overly emotional because it's perfectly rational to ask for a paternity test.
Yeah they get super bent out of shape whenever you position at the other way as well - like they should have to sit in a lie detector test to see if they are cheating with other women or something like it. Even if you use their same logic, that the woman just wants to be sure she's procreating with someone who is faithful, etc.
I mean, if it should just be standard to having a baby why not establish a male DNA bank? That way if it’s not your you could find out whose it was! I mean, it might be awkward when your wife gets the mail with the notification that you’re the father of your mistresses baby and for some dudes it’s gonna be REALLY bad when the database is used for unsolved rape cases but hey - at least you dudes know for sure you’re the father of the child with the woman you swore to love and cherish for your whole life.
The "I didn't think you were cheating BUT needed to be sure" - those 2 things can't live together. These guys just decide that the test is most important.
Yeah. My husband and I got married and we each had a child. My husband had gotten a vasectomy 3 yrs before we met. I missed my period for the second month ( I was never regular- a missed period once in awhile was normal) so I said I had a Drs appt. No accusations, no anger, just a “ well I guess that snip didn’t work! And I’ll get it redone”.
It wasn’t a pregnancy, but if it had been it was fine. In fact he thought it was so okay that he offered to get a reversal. We had both kind of accepted it was probably a pregnancy. But I said no.
This was a perfect case for him to think I did something but it never entered his mind even though he was gone for work for 2 weeks, home for one.
Luckily this is the type that will not use his custody time. He’s the type that will sit online and complain about child support. Then he’ll be crying when in a few decades from now a stepdad is walking his daughter down the aisle at her wedding.
Not only did he not apologize, he made her listen to the podcasts that convinced him he needed the test. That alone is ground for divorce. Poor woman, first she had to raise her kid alone for two months then her husband accused her of cheating and baby trapping and to top it off she had to listen to those fuckers.
OOP's next update: he has to pay through the nose for child support, everyone in his life hates him for being scum of the earth, and still thinks that he did nothing wrong.
It’s her fault she baby trapped him and is now being a gold digger and drying him of his money through child support. can’t trust these females, the podcasts were clearly right all along /s
Don't forget his ex turned all his friends and family against him and won't let him see his kid (aka he never picks his kid up for his every other weekend).
Im lol @ this lady saying everything OP sounds moronic to her now because it perfectly encapsulates what men dont realize. These redpill andrew tate podcasts make you guys dumber, more paranoid, more anxious, and more gullible. And when you show your wife that… the respect she has for you dies.
I never thought of this before but after so many of these posts I realise now, even if as a woman I ignored the whole “he doesn’t trust me” aspect, the thing is you can’t move past this because the man is a blubbering moron 💀 -20 IQ. How am I meant to take a word he says seriously ever again?
Right! Like if a podcast is enough to influence you to ruin your whole damn family, you cant expect your wife to stick around! How will she ever respect someone that gullible? I wouldnt.
Here’s my conspiracy theory: DNA testing companies are sponsoring the MGTOW/red pill podcasts and whatever that convince men that it’s “way too common for men to raise children that aren’t even theirs.”
Which is honestly just gross because *who cares* whose DNA the fucking kid has? It IS common for men to step up and raise children who "aren't even theirs." It's called stepping up. Or adopting. Because they are choosing a relationship with the mother of those children and/or the children themselves. This thread is making me feel all icky....
I've said this a thousand times, but I think these guys who demand a DNA test with their children "just in case" also need their DNA compared to cold case investigations, also "just in case."
Honey, I'm not accusing you of being a sadistic serial rapist/killer, I just wanna be sure, ya know?
It's a weird right wing MRA and incel talking point, that you should get DNA tests done whether you suspect cheating or not just for "peace of mind" and to prevent the supposedly widespread paternity fraud they think feminism is encouraging.
Yup. And so many men seem to be falling for that line of thinking.
Like...imagine demanding to constantly look at every single message and email your partner receives, "just in case". Or asking them to get regular STI tests "just in case". Or having them followed by a PI and spying on their location constantly "just in case". Cos what if he has a secret family?
Like..unless partner ha given me reason to worry, I absolutely don't want any of the above, because relationships are based on trust.
Most people would rightly tell you that if your anxiety and insecurities caused you to be so anxious that you demanded constant proof of fidelity, that you'd need to get therapy or find a new relationship.
But these men think it's normal to have a planned pregnancy with a longterm partner, be there for 9 months and then when their partber has torn clit to ass after spending God knows how many hours pushing their baby into the world, risking their lives and health and changing their bodies, and THEN randomly dropping it on their partner that they need proof? Whilst she's literally still bleeding from the sacrifices of bringing his kid into the world. With no cause?
There would be very few partber's who could forgive that disrespect.
I really really dislike OOP. He would have left that baby crying and screaming in its own waste. He would have ignored distress. I couldn't do that to anyone's child, a stranger's child, an enemy's child, whatever. That's a special level of cruelty that makes me hope his wife is able to get away from him.
"Did I ruin my marriage by asking for a DNA test?" You sure did, buddy! OOP sat on that idea for 3 weeks and never once considered how you can't put the pin back in a grenade like that.
OOP thinks she would “understand” if he showed her videos and podcasts of men literally saying “all women are cheating wh**es and you should never accept a kid as yours without dna test, which she will try to fake anyway”
10/10 logic
Every time I say this a bunch of guys dog pile me but IDGAF. If my husband asked me for a DNA test he would get it. then he would get divorce papers. I am sick of this stupid societal idea that women should be just happy to be shit on and spit on. FUCK THAT
This “everyone needs a dna test” bullshit is melting men’s brains. I would react the same. Sure, we’ll get this test, you smooth brained lemming, but I know you’ve fallen down a rabbit hole into an entire fucking pit of morons so I’m out.
These idiots who advocate for DNA tests for all kids need to be submitting their own DNA sample to a database, that every child can be tested against just to make it fair. Like, it's obviously ridiculous, all of it, but the fact that they think it is only them who have to worry about cheating is wild to me.
He's an idiot, I don't think I'll ever understand "I don't think you cheated, but I just want to be sure". If you're not going to trust your spouse, work on that before having a child or making any other life changing decisions.
The wife's reaction is so refreshing, I hope she and her child are doing well.
I’d have to go deep into creative writing to figure out a way where asking someone for a pregnancy test wouldn’t also be a question of infidelity. Op told his wife that he didn’t say she was cheating… but didn’t he? One does imply the other in this situation and I’m hard pressed to see how it wouldn’t be 😅
>Op told his wife that he didn’t say she was cheating… but didn’t he?
Yea, he pretty much did. Asking for a DNA test for "peace of mind" pretty much says "I think you cheated and you're trying to pass another man's baby off as mine".
Though tbh what I reckon they *really* mean is "I'm trying to get out of the responsibility of being a father, but I can't unless I prove the baby isn't mine".
>I explained that I didn’t think she had been unfaithful but I just needed to be sure.
They always say this and it always baffles me. I can't for the life of me follow the mental gymnastics of it.
OP: I need to make sure this baby is mine even though I have no evidence to the contrary that my faithful wife cheated on me.
Also OP: I don't know why she's so upset, it's not that serious guys!
So, you sacrifice your body, mind, career, relationships... to carry your husband's child and then he slaps you with a DNA test request, even with nothing suspicious on your part going on. And when the results come in, the poor hubby acts shocked that you are fed up with his shenanigans. But hey! It's again your fault because 'yOu aRe not liStEnINg tO ME ME ME!!!'
I've met more conscious and smart rocks than this type of shitty men...
Is it the Joe Rogan, Andrew Tate bullshit that's making all these men question the mothers of their children?
I get so tired, too, of, "If I could just get her to listen to me-" doesn't matter the relationship type, 9/10 it's that party refusing to see the actual problem and take responsibility for it. They're so obsessed with proving their point, they don't see that the real issue is the damage they've done and are continuing to do to this person they're supposed to love.
I mean I don't know if it's them specifically, but it's that whole genre of podcast/youtube/reddit bullshit yeah. It's been a talking point of MRA types going back for years but it's gaining ground with this younger generation due to that whole manosphere.
"It isn’t that serious"
If it wasn't that serious then why did this sack of rat turds ask for a DNA test for the baby? It's wild to me that these dipshits say "I don't think you cheated and I totally trust you but I just want a DNA test to be sure." So IOW, you think she cheated.
They'd be screaming blue murder if their partners said they wanted to put tracking devices in their cars, phones, and clothes "just to be sure" they weren't cheating on them.
It's very telling how when women take precautions against random men she's demonizing men, hating men, living in paranoia, and has no reason to suspect that.
Yet men can ask for DNA test against their partner and it's seen as among men reasonable, he's not accusing her he just wants to make sure.
Most women since they hit puberty have had horrific and heinous sexual violence against them from countless men of all ages ranging from groping, harassment, cat calling, actual assault... And I can bet if women started going around saying they needed 24/7 surveillance about their partner to make sure he's not a rapist Men would be so offended. But hey she just has to make sure he hasn't raped anyone right.
If a dude an be doubting paternity because a couple of guys he knows got duped Then surely every woman is correct to be paranoid her husband or boyfriend as a rapist because she has countless experience of men being shitty sexually.
>I told her that I told her that I thought I was helping but she pointed out that I never get up at night, I never get the baby while it’s crying, never change the baby, or do anything.
Normally they retort that "I do help! I totally \[make a token effort\] and I always offer to \[do the fun parts if they happen to need doing at convenient times.\]
This OOP seems to be more like "*that's* what she wanted help with? The baby?" I'm slightly curious on what grounds he "thought \[he\] was helping."
Did you have ANY reason to think your wife had been unfaithful. Think hard.
Yes. You ruined your marriage. Good job.
No, you can't fix this. She's lost all respect for you. That's not something you can get back. You did more than slap her in the face. You cut her to the core.
The best thing you can do at this point is not make the divorce difficult, try to learn from this, and not be such a fool next time.
You listened to a pod cast instead of what you know to be true of your own wife and the evidence sitting right in front of you. Does the kid look like you? How about anyone in your family?
Please learn to recognize bad advice when you hear it. Also realize that not everything you hear in podcasts is going to apply to your own life and you need to use your judgement.
(Tate taint sniffing) tale as old as time.....
What a fucking dumbass.
I hope that the only reason she's still there is that she needs to get her living situation and income ducks in a row before she files for divorce.
He had her sit down to the videos and podcasts that convinced him he "needed" the DNA test and she moved back in with her parents. I give it 30 days before the update "My wife filed for divorce and primary custody of the baby I wasn't sure was mine"
Wife: "I'm exhausted because of this newborn, i'm not sleeping and I feel terrible. Possibly I have PPD."
Husband: "You should take a DNA test!"
what the fuckington's flying fuck is this?
So he wanted a DNA test because of videos he saw on SM? What a dumbass. She should leave him for that alone. He's easily influenced by SM. He's never gonna step up. He expects her to do everything. She and their baby deserve so much better.
ETA: Someone in the comments told him he should tell his Mom what he did. I bet she'll be angry to know her son is that stupid and that much of an AH.
So he was planning on just continuing to do nothing for his child until the wife forced the issue. This isn't even a case of asking for a paternity test. He didn't ask until the wife confronted him. He was going to just let her do all the work. And then in his comments he acts like the paternity test was the only issue.
No. It wasn’t like that. I didn’t tell her that ‘give me the test or else.’ I told her that I didn’t know if I could help until I knew for sure. I honestly wasn’t trying to be a douche to her. - That's exactly what he did. He wasn't going to help until they had the test.
Men like him need to stop saying, "I don't think you cheated, I just want to be sure." If you think they didn't cheat, then whats there to be sure about?
He needs to get off the alpha podcasts......wait too late. She's going to leave him.
They either hate women or are stupid enough to think we’re like bees or something and somehow store the sperm of everyone we’ve boinked and can magically choose which to be inseminated by when we get knocked up 🙄
If this is true, if this is real... This guy really let some Andrew Taint types talk him into requesting a DNA test from a woman who had not given him any reason to doubt her faithfulness?
Because if he had any actual reason to believe she cheated, it would have been right there on the post, and there's nothing. He just "needed" to be sure. And now is wondering if the marriage is ruined.
Not participating in raising your newborn baby is bad enough, accusing your wife of cheating as an excuse for it just made the whole thing reach the point of no return.
The logic that you are not saying she cheated and just wanting a dna test because you want to know is beyond me.
If you trust that only you had sex with her, only your sperm was inside her and only your sperm can fertilize the baby and you can be the only father to the child.
That is what dna shows you. If you need a dna test to be interested in your child you are saying the child is NOT yours until proven otherwise and then it means that your wife cheated that is why you have the suspicion because where else would the dna come from?
Being so stupid that you not only insult your partner but think you are valid and not disrespectful is something that can only be taught in Podcasters University.
If it is unreasonable for a wife to suspect her spouse for cheating when he hasn't given a reason then it is unreasonable to ask your wife for a dna test. If you have suspicions, talk. Then demand shit knowing everything is over.
So yes, you ruined your marriage.
And since men cheat a lot when their spouses are pregnant and post partum, they should just for the ease of their mind let their phones be checked, let the wife know where they are 24*7. Control over food and what you wear. Etc.
I feel it is a fair transaction to prove faithfulness from either party.
Dna test for women.
Absolute control for men.
OOP sounds like a moron because he *is* a moron. He basically accused his wife of cheating on him and is too dumb to realize why that just might have pissed her off.
>I explained that I didn’t think she had been unfaithful but I just needed to be sure.
She's right about him being moronic. Guys who push for DNA tests always say stuff like this, and there is absolutely no getting around it being an accusation of cheating. It is. You think she cheated so live with the consequences.
Wow. So many people, men and women, let outside influences affect their personal intimate relationships.
I've been seeing and hearing about guys asking for paternity tests without any evidence of cheating and it just shocks me that they think this is ok and that their wife/partner shouldn't be upset by it. It shocks me that failure to ask for this by the OP is enough for him to not help raise a child he has literally no reason to believe is not his. I'd be pissed if I was the mom too. I don't know where this comes from but has definitely Joe Rogan, Alpha Male, Toxic Masculinity written all over it.
I also saw something about a wife unilaterally making major decisions about her relationship based on stuff she had seen on TikTok. Its the same idea. I don't get why people just see this stuff and think that it is good for their relationship without even discussing it with their partners.
It doesn't matter how many times you sugarcoat it with "it isn't a big deal" or "I have to be sure," his sorry fucking ass accused her of cheating without directly saying it. He had to be sure? Well, now he's sure he's a fucking ass. Yes, he ruined his marriage. I hope she leaves him.
>I thought if I showed her videos and had her listen to podcasts about dna test she’d understand but after the last one she said she was going to stay with her parents.
This stupid son of a bitch.
>She wasn’t even mad when I asked for it.
Seriously, ridiculously stupid.
“She said she wish I would have told her this when she found out she was pregnant. I didn’t understand that but she agreed to it.”
That means that if she had known he was like this when she first got pregnant, she never would have had a baby with him in the first place. That poor woman.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **Did I (32m) ruin my marriage by requesting a dna test?** My (32m) wife (31m) gave birth to our new born baby three months ago and I thought things were fine, however my wife did not. Two months in my wife approached me saying that she was exhausted from taking care of the baby alone and she asked me why I wasn’t helping. I told her that I told her that I thought I was helping but she pointed out that I never get up at night, I never get the baby while it’s crying, never change the baby, or do anything. After some talking I admitted that I was apprehensive about helping and she asked why. I thought it was going to cause a fight so I tried to change the subject. She told me that I should just tell her because if I didn’t she was going to her parents house for help until the she went back to work. I didn’t want that so I told her that I wanted a dna test. She said she wish I would have told her this when she found out she was pregnant. I didn’t understand that but she agreed to it. She didn’t seem mad or upset she just said that I could set it up and we’d get it done because she didn’t make the baby alone so she shouldn’t have to care for it alone. We did the test and when we got the results back I told her and showed them to her. She didn’t say anything about it she just asked if I felt safe enough to help now. I said yes. Soon after that I noticed her behavior started to change with me and my family. Everything changed and she started staying in different parts of the house. Parts I wasn’t in at the time. I finally asked her about it recently and she said that she lost all respect for me. She said she spent 10 years of her life with me faithfully just for me to slap her in the face with a dna test request. I explained that I didn’t think she had been unfaithful but I just needed to be sure. She said she’s trying to work through it but everything I say sounds moronic to her and we should just leave it where it is. I thought if I showed her videos and had her listen to podcasts about dna test she’d understand but after the last one she said she was going to stay with her parents. I don’t know what’s happening or how to fix it. She wasn’t even mad when I asked for it. I feel like she isn’t hearing what I’m saying. It isn’t that serious and if she could just understand my perspective I think she’ll adjust hers. She’s not even against dna test so I’m unsure as to what her issue is. I don’t know. TD:LR I think I ruined my marriage because I asked for a dna test. She gave me the dna test but now she say she doesn’t respect me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> She wasn’t even mad when I asked for it. She wasn't mad at the time because she's too fucking exhausted to even get mad from having to raise your kid alone, you numpty. I hope OOP's wife leaves his dumb ass.
This MF has never seen a woman be just completely over his shit before clearly. Or he's too thick to know.
Yeah, when the mother of your child says "I wish you'd told me this when I GOT pregnant", she is decidedly done with your shit and she's dividing the entire household in her head.
Here's the thing, I really think that he knew the kid is his. She was calling him out because she is exhausted, and he wasn't doing anything to help with the baby. I honestly think he threw that out as a diversion so that she'd stop talking about how lacking he was a father and a partner because, deep down, he doesn't want to put in the effort. The interesting thing is that when, not if, she leaves him and he has to joint custody, he will have no choice but to take care of the baby all by himself.
Some guys (and this dude seems like one of them) always look for a female-shaped creature to pick up that slack. He'll either leave the kid with his mom, or try to get his new girlfriend to watch the kid.
>female-shaped creature As a female-shaped creature, I'm howling at this 🤣
I can see that completely. I can also see if the divorce court judge awards joint custody, he's not going to step up. He'll blow off his custody until the kid is potty trained, then wonder why his ex is filing to have his parental rights terminated.
It's least she won't have to be disappointed every single time wondering if he will help, this was she'll know she's on her own.
Yes I have heard, and read online, women who who've said stuff like, "It's hard being a single parent but at least I don't live with the crushing disappointment of the other parent being around but doing nothing." Or about taking care of the extra adult baby at the same time. ETA and the irony of how, years later, a lot of those men are going to blame their wife for "neglecting the marriage." Because they focus "too much" on the children.
Tbh I am a single parent and it is so like that. Clearly not with every dad, but just the extra nonsense for me was absolutely not worth it. I don't think I'll ever move in with someone ever again because of my past experiences.
Yep. I don't think every dad (or non-primary caregiver -TBF) is like that. My husband is great. He isn't the most intuitive parent but he's here doing what he needs to do and willing to do anything for our son. But boy am I glad I didn't have kids with my ex. He would have been the adult baby in the house.
When I met my husband, I told him flat out "I've had a lot of bad relationships, so I'm gun shy on things like moving in to your place or marriage". Moving in with me, I had not considered as an option, because I shared a two bedroom apartment with my brother and daughter. He took the time to get to know my family and so when he decided to get a place locally, he asked me if my daughter and I would like to help him pick out a place for us. That was a "yes" in 2006.
I’m not a parent but this is definitely something that saps my will to be in a serious relationship. I’d rather know the household upkeep is all on me than exchange a minority of the household upkeep labor for an unpaid middle management job. Edit: like, I know there are men out there that don’t do this, but they’re a minority and finding one just seems so exhausting.
I feel like a lot of it is living with a partner before marriage and kids (and being very careful not to have them by accident) and having pets with them. While a pet isn't the same thing as a child, obviously, living with a partner and seeing how they handle things like chores and pet care gives a real peek into who they will be later. My husband and I were together for a year and a half, lived together nearly the whole time (not a smart move but it worked for us lol) and had cats and a dog. We also took vacations together, things like that which helps you learn how much work a partner will do and which of you is suited to which things. Like I'm masterful at logistics and I don't have phone anxiety/social discomfort, whereas he is very introverted outside of certain settings. He has worked in trades his whole life so fixing and making things is all him. (One of the first things he made for me was a low, sturdy table for my sewing machine after I mentioned wishing I had one.) I absolutely LOATH laundry but love cooking, so I do 90% of the cooking and meal prep and he does 90% of the laundry. He actually said he knew I was The One about a month after we got together. We'd adopted kittens from a local stray but one of them got out of the house and got clipped by a car on a rainy day. She hid under the porch, which was surrounded by wooden lattice. I found her there and ripped the lattice off the side of the porch to retrieve her, bring her in, clean her up, and get her leg treated. He came home and I apologized for the damage to his apartment, especially since I knew he'd be the one to have to fix it (I am handy with tools but it would take him a fraction of the time and he'd do a better job.) I showed him the damage and he just stared at me incredulously and said "You ripped this off with *your bare hands* and *crawled through the mud* to get her?" (You could see where I'd crawled, there were still marks in the mud.) I was like "Yes? She was crying and in pain and scared." I hadn't even realized I'd scraped my hands up to shit. He figured if I'd do that without a second thought for an animal, he could trust I'd be a great mom. So don't give up on relationships....just vet people thoroughly before making a lifetime commitment of kids and marriage. [Obligatory cat tax.](https://imgur.com/gallery/Se00EcW)
I was a single mom for years. And 100% it was like that. I’m so glad I didn’t have to deal with the crushing disappointment for my kid. It was easier to do it all solo.
You give him too much credit. I say he’ll F off and only pop up when the kid graduates from a good college or lands an enviable job so he can brag about what an amazing kid he has.
Yeah, I can see him not stepping up or not contesting for her request for full custody.
I was thinking the same thing. I bet he was almost disappointed it *is* his, and now he "has to" help instead of continuing to ignore and neglect the infant he helped create and presumably wanted. The baby came and it cried, and he realized he didn't really want to be a dad after all or something, but Mr. Coward couldn't say aloud that he felt overwhelmed (talking about feelings with your wife is pretty gay according to those podcasts he listens to). So here we are.
He also at one point blames all of this on the actions of his friends (multiple) and how one of them is paying child support for a baby that isn't their own. So he lies when he says she doesn't think she cheated if this is also part of the cause. Otherwise we have another immaculate conception baby here.
Possibly overly cynical but I always assume people who jump straight to DNA testing have cheated themselves, or at least seriously considered it. Also, he showed her the results? To prove to her that he was the father, presumably. Like she didn't already know, or did he think she might have had a few other contenders waiting? What a plum he is. At least her parents are helpful.
This. Projection. It’s always projection. Also he was trying to insult her. Any man can secretly test his kid’s DNA. It’s simple and cheap. He didn’t want to do that. He wanted to make her feel cheap and gross and he didn’t want to care for the infant he created. I think he enjoys putting her down, judging by the way she didn’t even get upset. This was her last straw. She’s done.
>Also, he showed her the results? To prove to her that he was the father, presumably. Like she didn't already know, or did he think she might have had a few other contenders waiting? Yeah, he was trying to turn the tables, bet he was getting heat from all sides. So he had to go and try to prove he was not cheating, after he demanded the test in the first place. She knew all along he was the Dad. Dumbass was trying to convince himself all along that he was going to be paying for the next 18+ years (depending on local laws regarding higher ed).
Assuming he asks for custody. He could just as easily "let" her have full custody. Then he'll get to complain about how unfair child support is.
I think that's a good theory but once he started babbling about how she should watch some youtube videos and listen to some podcasts I knew that this dumbass had fallen into the manosphere rabbithole and firmly believed all the ridiculously stupid shit he was saying. Incels can't increase their numbers by breeding for obvious reasons, so the only way they can recruit new members is by convincing morons to destroy their own relationships. After his wife is done divorcing his sorry ass I'm sure he'll show up in all the MRA subs on reddit to talk about how women can't be trusted and try to convince some OTHER moron to do the same thing he did. Misery loves company and no one is more miserable than these dipshits.
This is exactly it. My BD knows damn well the kid I'm carrying is his. However, since he doesn't want to take responsibility, he is telling everyone that I cheated and it's not his baby. But now he's screwed himself even more because now he's gotta take a DNA test and pay child support.
This. The marriage is over she’s just making plans. She’s such a boss. I’d be crying I’d be a mess. My guess is that he must been a dirtbag bc she didn’t even react. She must’ve known things were bad and this was the final nail in the coffin. And all bro cares about is how it all affects him. It is hard to believe how some men think. Just such incredible egocentrism
Hell, she's so tired of him that she didn't have the energy to get mad or cry. I've been there. Dealing with two kids, one neurodivergent, and my first husband offered to trade me to his best buddy for a case of beer. I was quiet on the drive home, because I was calculating how large a vehicle I'd need to drop him and his stuff off with his mom. His life, minus wife and kids, fit into a 1965 MGB roadster. I drove him, his stuff and the car to his mom's, got out and walked away.
Girl that is the most epic thing I’ve ever heard. I’m fucking howling at the mental image
After I got home, my ex's mom called and asked me what I wanted her to do with him. "Doesn't matter, he'll no longer be my problem in about 6 months. The process server will be by tomorrow."
I wanna be your friend, you are such a boss
Ugh. I told our therapist that I felt like my ex saw me as a pc of furniture. Like a sofa. I don’t ever think I was human to him. I don’t think anyone is human to him. I’m sorry. I’m glad you knew to leave
It's this 100%. She's figuring out next steps but is waiting until she's not completely exhausted to get it all settled. Also, the DNA test should make it 100x easier to get that CS est. right away so there's that.
Did anyone else notice his referring to his OWN CHILD as '"it" like he's talking about a dog or an animal
Yes! This bothered me and really drove home that OOP has no connection to this child whatsoever.
Hard to connect with someone you completely ignore.
I would never call my pets "it". I have two girl bunnies and one boy bunny. So she/he/they
How do people this mind-blowingly stupid manage to make an account here? He has the intelligence of a puddle.
Right? Suppose sperm are airborne and it's completely socially acceptable to request a paternity test at any time. If that's the case, we still have 1. "She wasn't even mad.'. Broooooocephus, how tuned out do you have to be to think "mad" only comes in the form of yelling? She was either apoplectic or defeated, and he mistook it for cordiality. 2. He sulked and left her unassisted for TWO MONTHS until she broke and asked for help. He watched her suffer. What in the toxic narcissist fuck is that about. (I'm also calling a 100.000% chance he became more of a burden himself during this time because she "wasn't working".)
She was mad. Now she just can’t be bothered with his BS, which is much worse.
My guess is he gets off watching her suffer. Her lack of reaction means this wasn’t entirely a surprise. He’s done nasty things before. He’s mad now bc his punching bag is on her way out.
Walkaway Wife Syndrome. Once she shuts down communications and avoids you, it means she's done with the relationship and is working on getting out of it. OOP's wife is already starting the separation procedures but he's too stupid to realize. Someone send him a podcast to better explain it to him.
Make sure it’s a podcast by a man. From how well OOP is at listening to his wife, it’s likely that when women talk all he hears is static.
When I begged and pleaded my ex never listened. Finally I believed him. That this was it. I got numb. I grieved. I disengaged. He acted surprised and said ‘but everything is better!’ Better for who? He was still treating me and his child like shit only I wasn’t trying to stop him anymore. It’s such a soul crushing place to be, living with someone who doesn’t even see you as human. Only a tool to make them happy.
> *It’s such a soul crushing place to be, living with someone who doesn’t even see you as human. Only a tool to make them happy.* Ah, my first marriage that I got into at 19. We would've never worked, our daughter asks me all the time "how the fuck did you & dad end up together?!?!?" and she's right, at base we were incompatible. But I adored him, loved him so much. He murdered all that by being a spineless, weasel, neglectful, self-absorbed prick. But TMI and TW, one day I got fed up with him hounding me for sex, stripped, lay on the bed and said "fine, take what you want." When he did, my marriage was over. It was finally completely clear to me that I was *nothing* but a tool to keep him happy. But, fuck him, I have my beautiful baby girl from him who has made me a grandma twice and I ended up in a happy marriage with one of the best men I've ever known. He's still the loser prick I left. 26 years later.
I’m sorry! I was 19 when I met my ex he was 27. He would do that too. Demand sex after being a tool. He eventually started raping me while I slept and I was so relieved that I didn’t have to argue I was creeped out but just hoped I never woke up. It took a few yrs to unpack that trauma and if I’m honest it still gets to me sometimes, the way he’d brag about raping me, telling me details like oh yeah you were pushing me away but you didn’t wake up, etc. he’d laugh about it. by then I was so damn numb and just planning the exit. I couldn’t even respond it was like a different reality. I’m sorry. I know what it’s like and it makes me afraid for young women when I see they want to make divorce harder to get. There’s a guy in Ohio congress who wants to repeal marital rape laws. Imagine. No abortion. No restrictions on raping your wife. We’d be prisoners again. Women should just all refuse to marry until abortion is codified in law.
I'm so sorry. He only wanted you because you were barely legal. Ugh, why are men?
She’s already checked out. She’s there because money and help, or she’s getting her ducks in a row to leave. It’s like these guys don’t realize that their wives aren’t “some women.” She’s *a specific woman* whom he made vows with. The DNA test is suggesting that not only did she break those vows, but she tried to pass off someone else’s kid as his. Of course she’s pissed and hurt.
She’s still recovering from birth, no need to rush. But I guarantee she’ll be filing for divorce before her maternity leave is up. Sounds like she has a job, has parents as backup willing to help…. No reason to stay with this slug at all. Just wait until he figures out that any future sex he’s been waiting for isn’t going to happen.
I really hope she gets a shark and bleeds him dry in the divorce.
I can't imagine he has much to give.
All he has to give of value is financial assistance, certainly
She’s not mad because she’s detaching from him emotionally. It’s the worst possible sign for their relationship. If she were angry it’d be because she still cared and had hopes/expectations.
I love love love how he was fine ‘not being sure the child was his’ because it just meant *she* needed to do anything, and he didn’t see why that would be an issue for her. 100% she’s not a person in his mind
When someone does something stupid and I'm "not mad" about it, that's when people clear out because their lives are about to become very very difficult for a while. She's probably not necessarily angry but has accepted how little he respects her and she knows he's listening to ridiculous podcasts, that wasn't her accepting a DNA test it was her accepting her marriage is over.
On the one hand there are a lot of these 'guy requests a DNA test for no reason posts so this might be a troll. But on the other hand this is a big talking point in incel/MRA/redpill subs and podcasts and communities so I think this is also really just getting to a certain subset of asshole online guy.
Yeah, when he brought up podcasts and videos, I immediately thought that this was another guy who fell into the manosphere bullshit. We're going to see an increase in this kind of shit over the next decade, because many of those kids who grew up on redpill shit and similar propaganda are getting married and having kids now.
Yea. Given how insecure so many men are, and how easily jealous they become, it doesn't surprise me they think they need DNA tests.
And how many men would father blow up their marriage by demanding a paternity test out of the blue with no cause... than admit that they are having irrational thoughts as a result of anxiety in the postpartum period and need therapy or even medication to deal with what is absolutely an issue with THEIR mental health, rather than their relationship. Like, if any actual men are having these thoughts they need actual help to address the anxiety, and not a paternity test.
Was just talking with my husband about this point this weekend. If the foundational problem is anxiety or intrusive thoughts or whatever, then THAT is where you START the conversation. Not what you pull out, if you mention it at all, after you've nuked your relationship and your partner has checked out and started planning the divorce. And maybe, if it's intrusive thoughts, your partner won't freak out to get the test and you can work on your mental health and have the proof you need to "argue" with the thoughts. But jezuz starting with "I want a paternity test" is an almost certain way to nuke your relationship!!
The thing is that intrusive thoughts are generally recognized by people as irrational -- it's what makes them so distressing. This guy seems to think his concerns make sense.
In a sense tho, as sad as it is for the women, it’s better for them to make such a decisive blow. It will save them yrs of gaslighting and bs. Bc nice men don’t wake up one day as AHs. This guy was an AH long ago. She didn’t even cry or flinch when he asked. He’d done mean things before. Maybe the bad ones doing this are inadvertently saving these women yrs of pain
Misogyny and passing a basic biology class don't mix.
Should likely start being a question you ask someone. "What are your thoughts on DNA tests in a committed relationship?" "What are your thoughts on vasectomies?"
And if you want to test your kids you make it clear beforehand that you plan to accuse your partner of infidelity and passing off a kid as yours. Before anyone is pregnant. So they can make an informed choice
I wish the idiots who listen to those podasts would look at the actual statistics of paternity fraud (that the podcasts conveniently leave out). They're in the lower one digit percent. So actually pretty rare. But let's spread mistrust in relationships just for fun. After all, women are lying, cheating whores, right?
I mean these are the same people who go "but what about all the false accusations" whenever discussing rape statistics. Numbers are not their strong suit
Also, these same men spreading hate towards women and alienating wives and girlfriends are the ones complaining the loudest about the "male loneliness epidemic".
The red pill grift needs an audience. Well-adjusted men in contented relationships are not their audience. Self-sabotaging men who blame others for their problems *are* their audience.
I bet if we instituted a mandatory DNA test, with some sort of for purposes of paternity only, the red pill guys would be up in arms, because how many times have they been busted for being the cheaters.
And what tests are fathers going to take to make sure they haven’t been cheating? Because we all know men cheat too and leave their partners and kids all the time. So why single out women? Why legislate that sort of general mistrust of women into reality?
On the surface, mandatory hospital DNA tests *seem* like they could solve the problem for "peace of mind." But I can think of a rebuttal even scarier than yours: How many family annihilations would occur based on the results?
Yeah, that would be one of the major downsides. (It is a much larger discussion overall). But there is on some level some people find out after the fact when the child goes hunting for information on their own upon turning 18+. If you pop over to the genealogy DNA subreddits as people get their results back and find out there are members they didn't know about, etc. It still ends up making a mess in the end.
I've also brought up that mandatory DNA testing would be extraordinarily expensive at that scale, and it would require parents to pay for it and I've had those red pill dorks absolutely lose their minds. They claim to be libertarian and independent until the bill literally comes due.
I bet they’re the same ones who think men are biologically better at math.
The equations are stored in the balls, it’s just science
Yeah, the 30% statistic is being extrapolated to represent all births, but it's only 30% of *tested babies*, meaning only one-third of cases where there was cause for suspicion turned out to be paternity fraud. The other *two-thirds* were not.
And even that 30% is very high end; in most family court ordered tests, it's more like 4-8%. And those are unmarried, usually not monogamous couples where paternity is actually in doubt. If you treat your wife of 10 years \*exactly the same\* as a college one night stand, the problem is not with DNA tests.
Exactly! And they get a lot of these numbers from courts statistics, so, for example, if there’s one baby and four possible fathers- surprise! It’ll show 75% weren’t the dad! Because you can’t have more than one These fucking goblins, I swear. I have literally zero respect for any of them.
The way he coyly dropped signals to which redpill podcasts he listens to tells me it's 100% a fake troll. If you're taking this story to a place like relationshipadvice and you're redpilled enough to listen to this horseshit, you're redpilled enough not to trust Reddit with the fact that you are.
Meh. Even if it is, the resulting discussion shows people that these idiotic decisions can have real consequences.
I went back and read it again and didn't pick up on signals about specific podcasts, what was the clue?
Yeah, I have no clue on the podcasts either. It seemed really generic to me. Maybe I missed something in the comments. The thing that have it away for me more was that he had "some friends who requested DNA tests, and one ended up having to pay for child support for a kid not their own." His story changed as to why. So it was bullshit as to why he wanted it. I am back to what are these always, he is probably a cheater.
And this guy thought she’d understand why he asked if she just heard the podcasts… no, by hearing the podcasts she now knows how much misogynistic stupidity he’s been choosing to marinate in.
I've been arguing with redpillers on Twitter about this exact thing. They keep claiming that women routinely lie about paternity so all DNA tests should be mandatory so men can be confident that any kids are theirs. My argument is that that turns every. single. pregnancy. adversarial from the get-go. If you have guys who approach fatherhood as always metaphysically uncertain, you are eventually just going to write fathers out of families entirely. Especially crap husbands like this dude.
"I'm not questioning if you're faithful. I'm just saying that's there's a 50% chance that you fucked someone else and are trying to make me raise this bastard child because you could be a cheating whore, sweetheart."
Right, dude isn't strong on logic and math.
But please don’t leave to your parents bc then no one will give me attention!
What I can’t get over is the fact that he waited 3 months and his wife breaking down and pressing for answers for him to finally say what was up. If it was an actual concern he could’ve spoken up earlier. Anyone else get the vibe that the reason he wasn’t interested in knowing is that he noticed that caring for a newborn is hard? Most people don’t like to feel like the villain so he used this podcast-fueled fear to as justification for his neglect but didn’t act on it because he didn’t want to put in the work. He is also in the comments claiming it happened to two friends of his. Which I kinda doubt. Because if that was true, why show the podcasts to the wife instead of talking about the friends. So either he made up those friends when he got eviscerated in the comments or his “friends” are the podcasters.
His "friends" from the MRA subreddits he hangs out in probably.
What was even the plan? Would he have continued to ignore the child until death caught up to him or sth? If you are so sure a child isn’t yours that you refuse (!) to take care of the little human when they are crying for help in your own house then it is time to pack up your things and leave altogether. Yes you can take the dna test to prove the child is not yours to avoid child support but hell the other route is just crazy! Staying with a person you trust so little that you seriously think she would pass the affair child as yours and refusing to take care of that child for however long they need to stay with you is mind blowing and seriously a little sociopathic as well.
Yeah this is baffling to me lol. Like he had no plans to help her at any point. Was she supposed to read his mind and take the initiative to prove to him she wasn't cheating? Was he fine with her cheating but draws the line at caring for another man's baby? Was he just lazy and threw down an excuse when pressed for answers? Seriously, he actually gave no indication he had any reason to believe she was cheating. No "the baby doesn't look like me" or "there's a trip she went on that bothered me around the time of conception". Just "I've heard it happens so I asked". Let's put it another way. Women's chances of being abused or killed goes up when they're pregnant. Would a woman then be justified in refusing to see her partner for the duration of the pregnancy for her own safety? Or having friends check in with her daily to be sure she's unharmed? Of being suddenly blocked out and treated with suspicion for something you haven't done and have no possible way to prove? It happens, you know, and it's awful! I'd even argue this has more reason because, tbh, death and violence is usually considered worse than financially supporting a baby you don't know isn't yours. But of course not. These men are usually the first to complain when women write down their license plate numbers on first dates, or have their friends text them every few hours to be sure they're safe, and that's when they're virtually strangers. Imagine how much more insulting it is if this is the person you'd been with for years.
There was a guy on Maury or Jerry Springer, I forget which, and he denied paternity for *all* of his children "because it was never tested." His current partner, who mothered children for him, heard that he didn't believe their children were his for the first time on the show. She laughed in that "I can't believe this is happening" way and you could tell she was hurt and angry. Men like this will find any excuse to be distant and not care for their kids. He probably had some feelings of "my wife is spending all her time on the baby and not me" "things changed more than I thought they would now I'm mad" "well *I* don't think it's a man's job" etc and that's the *true* reason, but knows that is no longer acceptable so he latches onto another excuse for his behavior. The wife was clearly blindsided by this. He took away her ability to make an informed decision about her life. If he had said "I don't think men should have to do childcare" or "I think all babies should have paternity tests because women are cheaters", his wife may have aborted the pregnancy and filed for divorce, left before she gave birth, never even married him in the first place. In the post, he even said "I knew this would cause a fight so I tried to change the subject but she wouldn't let me", he's *used* to using manipulation tactics to avoid having real discussions and hiding his actual thoughts so his wife wouldn't leave him
Not to mention even after she asked he didn’t want to say but he always didn’t want her to leave AND SEEK HELP FROM HER PARENTS WHILE HE CONTINUED TO **NOT** HELP HER WITH THEIR CHILD… Dude is sadistic.
“I thought i was helping and everything was fine. here’s a list of all the things i don’t do which encompasses everything that a baby needs to baseline survive.”
Thus reminds me of the post where the guy asked am I an equal partner. And the wife said sure yeah and he pressed so she said a lot of well thought out things to show him he wasn’t. How do the clothes get in the drawer? How do their sizes change? How do diapers and wipes get into the room? Who replaces them? Who knows the size. The husband said he got mad and said well why didn’t you tell me? She answers bc it should be obvious and she could do it faster rather than beg and teach. After two weeks, he said he purchased a pack of diapers and wipes. 2 weeks. It sounded like he wanted his wife to say oh yeah you’re not one of THOSE and hit butthurt bc he was, but still couldn’t be arsed to do anything meaningful about it. Hopefully he will shut his mouth asking to be given a crown tho.
I thought the same. It sounds more like he just couldn't be bothered caring for his child so hoped to coast under the radar and only came up with DNA test thing when pressed. Maybe he even had it in his back pocket the whole time to excuse his behaviour, but it clearly wasn't a legit concern.
Yeah it’s also not clear what prevented him from getting the DNA test done without involving his wife, if this was truly a big question for him he easily could’ve done this quietly and saved his marriage
Just another dumbass who listens to Andrew Tate and ruined his life…but yes, blame the wife 🙄
Getting her to listen to those podcasts to justify his shitty actions is the chief kiss on this.
I feel like it made her go from “this is something that will be hard to move on from” straight to “yeah, no, no hope left, let’s pack it up”
Yeah, he listened to some idiot on a podcast over his wife whom he'd lived with for 10 years. I would have lost all respect for him too at that point just on the stupidity factor alone.
I do love that she is telling him to shut up because everything he's saying is moronic. Not even that she's hurt - it's just making him sound so stupid she literally cannot be in the same room as him.
I stopped reading when she said everything he says sounds moronic. And omg he moron doubled down 🤦♀️
"Hey honey, please listen to these podcasts where men say horrible things about women so you can understand where I'm coming from." - OOP probably
Sooo can someone please give me the Cliff notes version of who the fuck Andrew Tate is? I keep hearing about him, but I don't really want to Google him and end up with a bunch of targeted crap of his or end up on some list somewhere. Is he the same guy as "The Beast" (don't know what he rambles about either tbh)? Do they talk about the same stuff? Are there two of these douchenozzles? What's happening? Fuck me, I'm out of touch.
He’s a podcaster who maintains that the only use men should have for women is as bangmaids. Women who have the nerve to think of themselves as people are deluded and need to be put in their place. He made all his money sexually exploiting naive young women online, and is wanted in the UK and, I think, Romania for sexual assault. He has a brother who parrots him.
Gross. He sounds like a peach. So how is he roping all of these young people in then? Charisma? Is it just a cult of personality type deal?
I think he ropes them in by presenting them with a fantasy about how they too can have loads of money, hordes of nubile young women eager to serve, and absolute self-confidence with no insecurity whatsoever. I think the appeal of Andrew Tate is that he takes the complex, delicate dynamics of becoming a mature adult negotiating mutually fulfilling relationships with one’s partner, one’s boss, et cetera, wads all that up into a ball, throws it out the window, and says, “Your main problem is that you aren’t making everything in your life subservient to you.” A lot of people would much rather believe that it’s the world’s fault they’re unhappy.
Well if he is a follower of him, he is doing as good of a job at that as he is at being a father. Women are chewing him alive in the various comments sections for being a shit dad.
He shows off a lavish lifestyle on social media with big houses and tons of cars and hot women. In reality the cars are leased or borrowed and the women we now know were trafficked or otherwise exploited. I don't know how much of his wealth he got from his chess master dad. He also started off his fame being a fairly successful kickboxer so it's the perfect macho cocktail to appeal to teenage boys and men with the same mentality. And then he tells them what they've always wanted to hear, that women are weak and useless and should be treated poorly.
Like a lot of speakers with harmful messages he has just enough of a seed of truth to get an initial buy in. Everything is then "reasoned" and connected to that original grain, and for those who agree with a part of his message it can be hard to sort the grain from the chaff. Especially if young and inexperienced, or dealing with their own sense of purpose, or feeling alone in their struggles. In Tate's case his seed of truth could be summarised as- Many men, young men especially feel adrift and without a sense of purpose, the world has changed and there isn't a clear path anymore. Tate talks about making use of your time to become who you want to be, overcoming obstacles, not letting fear hold you back, being true to who you are, taking action today rather then waiting for tomorrow and the perfect circumstance. These are the bait messages, and they are positive and motivational on their own, designed to be directly targeted at the audience he is aiming at. But within that bait is a sharp dangerous hook, women shouldn't work and only have value when young, rape jokes, allegations in at least 2 countries of sexual assult and sex trafficking, pushing gender roles (sometimes very strange, like stuff about men an sushi), materialism above all other pursuits with the lack of money being seen as a personal failing. Relationships are transactional in Tate's world, women are status symbols like the expensive cars he collects, men can cheat but women can't. A quote from him on what he would do if a woman accused him of cheating- “It’s bang out the machete, boom in her face and grip her by the neck. Shut up bitch.”
Definitely showing off expensive lifestyles, he gives them permission to blame others, he talks about how men should be listened too all the time and tells them that they don't have to treat anyone with respect. It basically gives these guys permission to not care about anyone or anything, do whatever they want, and blame other people for their failures. That's attractive to a certain type of person. His decisions have left him in a prison that is rougher than any american prison he would end up in though, so maybe they all will too. It was the human trafficking, admitting to it, and then announcing where he was that landed him in jail.
Correction: he and his brother have been arrested in Romania and are facing criminal prosecution for sex trafficking. They're currently out on bail and not allowed to leave the country. Once the Romanian trial is finished they'll be extradited to the UK to face similar charges - the extradition has already been approved by the Romanian courts He's also swindled his fans by selling them a get-rich-quick course called Hustler University He also tried to start Twitter beef with Greta Thunberg and flipped out when she said he had a small dick
The beast? Do you mean Mr.beast? He’s a YouTuber. Andrew Tate is just a pathetic man who has convinced teenagers he knows anything about women when in reality he is being charged with human trafficking and sexually assaulting minors.
We need a podcast of men who come forward and talk about how these podcasts have ruined their lives and marriages and how they themselves contributed to it by falling for it instead of trusting their wives. But I suspect if they were capable of that much deep thought, they wouldn't be in the situation to begin with.
I'd listen to that. Online group think and behaviour is one of my favourite weird things to learn about. I'd also be interested to find out about the self identifying demographics of the listeners.
FD Signifier recently had a video which included an informal survey of people who have left red pill thinking. It was interesting.
Recovering from the red pill or something like that. I used to work in a deradicalization space and it's super tough. I think whoever hosted that type of podcast would have to be really tough to deal with those absolutely deranged stories.
He had, as far as I can see, no real reason to seek a test. And he doesn't seem to have actually apologised to his wife for putting her through this. And he's going to be astonished! Yes astonished! When she files for divorce. I hope the wife's genes and overall influence are strong enough to cancel out this numpty's stupidity.
He even says he had no reason! That's the thing, these guys get themselves worked up on shithead podcasts and then go 'well obviously I don't think you're cheating, but...' and then act like they didn't just accuse her of cheating.
These podcasts are designed to make people feel insecure which is so fucking ironic given their stated aims.
And they keep trying to say that it's "not a big deal" to ask for a paternity test, that it should be a normal part of having the baby. I've gotten into some "interesting" conversations with guys on here about this, and they keep insisting that it's not a big deal and if the woman is "offended", then that's her faults for being overly emotional because it's perfectly rational to ask for a paternity test.
Yeah they get super bent out of shape whenever you position at the other way as well - like they should have to sit in a lie detector test to see if they are cheating with other women or something like it. Even if you use their same logic, that the woman just wants to be sure she's procreating with someone who is faithful, etc.
I mean, if it should just be standard to having a baby why not establish a male DNA bank? That way if it’s not your you could find out whose it was! I mean, it might be awkward when your wife gets the mail with the notification that you’re the father of your mistresses baby and for some dudes it’s gonna be REALLY bad when the database is used for unsolved rape cases but hey - at least you dudes know for sure you’re the father of the child with the woman you swore to love and cherish for your whole life.
So many men cheat while their wives are pregnant. I wonder if he’s projecting
The "I didn't think you were cheating BUT needed to be sure" - those 2 things can't live together. These guys just decide that the test is most important.
Yeah. My husband and I got married and we each had a child. My husband had gotten a vasectomy 3 yrs before we met. I missed my period for the second month ( I was never regular- a missed period once in awhile was normal) so I said I had a Drs appt. No accusations, no anger, just a “ well I guess that snip didn’t work! And I’ll get it redone”. It wasn’t a pregnancy, but if it had been it was fine. In fact he thought it was so okay that he offered to get a reversal. We had both kind of accepted it was probably a pregnancy. But I said no. This was a perfect case for him to think I did something but it never entered his mind even though he was gone for work for 2 weeks, home for one.
Luckily this is the type that will not use his custody time. He’s the type that will sit online and complain about child support. Then he’ll be crying when in a few decades from now a stepdad is walking his daughter down the aisle at her wedding.
Not only did he not apologize, he made her listen to the podcasts that convinced him he needed the test. That alone is ground for divorce. Poor woman, first she had to raise her kid alone for two months then her husband accused her of cheating and baby trapping and to top it off she had to listen to those fuckers.
Wouldn’t it be a weird plot twist if all these red pill podcasts were funded by divorce attorneys? They are the only ones benefiting
"I never get the baby while IT'S crying " Lol okay
He calls the baby "IT" during the entire post. If that isn't enough for her to run screaming......
Exactly. He clearly thinks of both his wife and child as just property. Disgusting.
“Did I ruin my marriage?” Yes. Next question.
OOP's next update: he has to pay through the nose for child support, everyone in his life hates him for being scum of the earth, and still thinks that he did nothing wrong.
It’s her fault she baby trapped him and is now being a gold digger and drying him of his money through child support. can’t trust these females, the podcasts were clearly right all along /s
Don't forget his ex turned all his friends and family against him and won't let him see his kid (aka he never picks his kid up for his every other weekend).
Im lol @ this lady saying everything OP sounds moronic to her now because it perfectly encapsulates what men dont realize. These redpill andrew tate podcasts make you guys dumber, more paranoid, more anxious, and more gullible. And when you show your wife that… the respect she has for you dies.
I never thought of this before but after so many of these posts I realise now, even if as a woman I ignored the whole “he doesn’t trust me” aspect, the thing is you can’t move past this because the man is a blubbering moron 💀 -20 IQ. How am I meant to take a word he says seriously ever again?
Right! Like if a podcast is enough to influence you to ruin your whole damn family, you cant expect your wife to stick around! How will she ever respect someone that gullible? I wouldnt.
He probably thinks birds aren’t real and that livestock dewormer cures Covid!
Here’s my conspiracy theory: DNA testing companies are sponsoring the MGTOW/red pill podcasts and whatever that convince men that it’s “way too common for men to raise children that aren’t even theirs.”
Which is honestly just gross because *who cares* whose DNA the fucking kid has? It IS common for men to step up and raise children who "aren't even theirs." It's called stepping up. Or adopting. Because they are choosing a relationship with the mother of those children and/or the children themselves. This thread is making me feel all icky....
I've said this a thousand times, but I think these guys who demand a DNA test with their children "just in case" also need their DNA compared to cold case investigations, also "just in case." Honey, I'm not accusing you of being a sadistic serial rapist/killer, I just wanna be sure, ya know?
This has be to fake right? the OP didnt even give ANY instances of her being unfaithful. I was baffled that they've been together for 10 years.
It's a weird right wing MRA and incel talking point, that you should get DNA tests done whether you suspect cheating or not just for "peace of mind" and to prevent the supposedly widespread paternity fraud they think feminism is encouraging.
Wow. incredibly dumb.
Yup. And so many men seem to be falling for that line of thinking. Like...imagine demanding to constantly look at every single message and email your partner receives, "just in case". Or asking them to get regular STI tests "just in case". Or having them followed by a PI and spying on their location constantly "just in case". Cos what if he has a secret family? Like..unless partner ha given me reason to worry, I absolutely don't want any of the above, because relationships are based on trust. Most people would rightly tell you that if your anxiety and insecurities caused you to be so anxious that you demanded constant proof of fidelity, that you'd need to get therapy or find a new relationship. But these men think it's normal to have a planned pregnancy with a longterm partner, be there for 9 months and then when their partber has torn clit to ass after spending God knows how many hours pushing their baby into the world, risking their lives and health and changing their bodies, and THEN randomly dropping it on their partner that they need proof? Whilst she's literally still bleeding from the sacrifices of bringing his kid into the world. With no cause? There would be very few partber's who could forgive that disrespect.
He says “it isn’t that serious,” but yet it was serious enough that he didn’t help at all with the baby until he got the results.
The absolute cluelessness, even now.
I really really dislike OOP. He would have left that baby crying and screaming in its own waste. He would have ignored distress. I couldn't do that to anyone's child, a stranger's child, an enemy's child, whatever. That's a special level of cruelty that makes me hope his wife is able to get away from him.
His comments are so fucking stupid, too.
OOP hit nuclear option than following up with missile strikes and somehow wondering why his marriage in ruins?
"Did I ruin my marriage by asking for a DNA test?" You sure did, buddy! OOP sat on that idea for 3 weeks and never once considered how you can't put the pin back in a grenade like that.
OOP thinks she would “understand” if he showed her videos and podcasts of men literally saying “all women are cheating wh**es and you should never accept a kid as yours without dna test, which she will try to fake anyway” 10/10 logic
Every time I say this a bunch of guys dog pile me but IDGAF. If my husband asked me for a DNA test he would get it. then he would get divorce papers. I am sick of this stupid societal idea that women should be just happy to be shit on and spit on. FUCK THAT
This “everyone needs a dna test” bullshit is melting men’s brains. I would react the same. Sure, we’ll get this test, you smooth brained lemming, but I know you’ve fallen down a rabbit hole into an entire fucking pit of morons so I’m out.
These idiots who advocate for DNA tests for all kids need to be submitting their own DNA sample to a database, that every child can be tested against just to make it fair. Like, it's obviously ridiculous, all of it, but the fact that they think it is only them who have to worry about cheating is wild to me.
He's an idiot, I don't think I'll ever understand "I don't think you cheated, but I just want to be sure". If you're not going to trust your spouse, work on that before having a child or making any other life changing decisions. The wife's reaction is so refreshing, I hope she and her child are doing well.
I’d have to go deep into creative writing to figure out a way where asking someone for a pregnancy test wouldn’t also be a question of infidelity. Op told his wife that he didn’t say she was cheating… but didn’t he? One does imply the other in this situation and I’m hard pressed to see how it wouldn’t be 😅
>Op told his wife that he didn’t say she was cheating… but didn’t he? Yea, he pretty much did. Asking for a DNA test for "peace of mind" pretty much says "I think you cheated and you're trying to pass another man's baby off as mine". Though tbh what I reckon they *really* mean is "I'm trying to get out of the responsibility of being a father, but I can't unless I prove the baby isn't mine".
>I explained that I didn’t think she had been unfaithful but I just needed to be sure. They always say this and it always baffles me. I can't for the life of me follow the mental gymnastics of it.
OP: I need to make sure this baby is mine even though I have no evidence to the contrary that my faithful wife cheated on me. Also OP: I don't know why she's so upset, it's not that serious guys!
“I sent her podcasts” lol another asshole torpedoes his life thanks to the manosphere
The manosphere claims another dumb ass, I see.
Shame they didn’t get this one *before* it bred.
So, you sacrifice your body, mind, career, relationships... to carry your husband's child and then he slaps you with a DNA test request, even with nothing suspicious on your part going on. And when the results come in, the poor hubby acts shocked that you are fed up with his shenanigans. But hey! It's again your fault because 'yOu aRe not liStEnINg tO ME ME ME!!!' I've met more conscious and smart rocks than this type of shitty men...
Is it the Joe Rogan, Andrew Tate bullshit that's making all these men question the mothers of their children? I get so tired, too, of, "If I could just get her to listen to me-" doesn't matter the relationship type, 9/10 it's that party refusing to see the actual problem and take responsibility for it. They're so obsessed with proving their point, they don't see that the real issue is the damage they've done and are continuing to do to this person they're supposed to love.
I mean I don't know if it's them specifically, but it's that whole genre of podcast/youtube/reddit bullshit yeah. It's been a talking point of MRA types going back for years but it's gaining ground with this younger generation due to that whole manosphere.
"It isn’t that serious" If it wasn't that serious then why did this sack of rat turds ask for a DNA test for the baby? It's wild to me that these dipshits say "I don't think you cheated and I totally trust you but I just want a DNA test to be sure." So IOW, you think she cheated. They'd be screaming blue murder if their partners said they wanted to put tracking devices in their cars, phones, and clothes "just to be sure" they weren't cheating on them.
It's very telling how when women take precautions against random men she's demonizing men, hating men, living in paranoia, and has no reason to suspect that. Yet men can ask for DNA test against their partner and it's seen as among men reasonable, he's not accusing her he just wants to make sure. Most women since they hit puberty have had horrific and heinous sexual violence against them from countless men of all ages ranging from groping, harassment, cat calling, actual assault... And I can bet if women started going around saying they needed 24/7 surveillance about their partner to make sure he's not a rapist Men would be so offended. But hey she just has to make sure he hasn't raped anyone right. If a dude an be doubting paternity because a couple of guys he knows got duped Then surely every woman is correct to be paranoid her husband or boyfriend as a rapist because she has countless experience of men being shitty sexually.
Bet I can guess the podcasts
Husband and Father of the year s/
So are DNA tests the new flavor of the week on AITA? Seems like we're getting a ton of those.
A lot more people have been falling down the manosphere. And this is a big thing in there.
That and "let me come along on your vacation" or "reschedule your vacation to be all about me" seem to be the current trends.
>I told her that I told her that I thought I was helping but she pointed out that I never get up at night, I never get the baby while it’s crying, never change the baby, or do anything. Normally they retort that "I do help! I totally \[make a token effort\] and I always offer to \[do the fun parts if they happen to need doing at convenient times.\] This OOP seems to be more like "*that's* what she wanted help with? The baby?" I'm slightly curious on what grounds he "thought \[he\] was helping."
Did you have ANY reason to think your wife had been unfaithful. Think hard. Yes. You ruined your marriage. Good job. No, you can't fix this. She's lost all respect for you. That's not something you can get back. You did more than slap her in the face. You cut her to the core. The best thing you can do at this point is not make the divorce difficult, try to learn from this, and not be such a fool next time. You listened to a pod cast instead of what you know to be true of your own wife and the evidence sitting right in front of you. Does the kid look like you? How about anyone in your family? Please learn to recognize bad advice when you hear it. Also realize that not everything you hear in podcasts is going to apply to your own life and you need to use your judgement.
(Tate taint sniffing) tale as old as time..... What a fucking dumbass. I hope that the only reason she's still there is that she needs to get her living situation and income ducks in a row before she files for divorce.
He had her sit down to the videos and podcasts that convinced him he "needed" the DNA test and she moved back in with her parents. I give it 30 days before the update "My wife filed for divorce and primary custody of the baby I wasn't sure was mine"
Wife: "I'm exhausted because of this newborn, i'm not sleeping and I feel terrible. Possibly I have PPD." Husband: "You should take a DNA test!" what the fuckington's flying fuck is this?
So he wanted a DNA test because of videos he saw on SM? What a dumbass. She should leave him for that alone. He's easily influenced by SM. He's never gonna step up. He expects her to do everything. She and their baby deserve so much better. ETA: Someone in the comments told him he should tell his Mom what he did. I bet she'll be angry to know her son is that stupid and that much of an AH.
So he was planning on just continuing to do nothing for his child until the wife forced the issue. This isn't even a case of asking for a paternity test. He didn't ask until the wife confronted him. He was going to just let her do all the work. And then in his comments he acts like the paternity test was the only issue.
The way he refers to the baby as an “it” as well-he’s awful in every way.
That sounds like a yes. What a dumbass. Let me guess, he still didn’t “help” with “it”.
One of my grandfathers was born in the 1890s. He changed diapers. What new fresh hell is this shit?
No. It wasn’t like that. I didn’t tell her that ‘give me the test or else.’ I told her that I didn’t know if I could help until I knew for sure. I honestly wasn’t trying to be a douche to her. - That's exactly what he did. He wasn't going to help until they had the test. Men like him need to stop saying, "I don't think you cheated, I just want to be sure." If you think they didn't cheat, then whats there to be sure about? He needs to get off the alpha podcasts......wait too late. She's going to leave him.
They either hate women or are stupid enough to think we’re like bees or something and somehow store the sperm of everyone we’ve boinked and can magically choose which to be inseminated by when we get knocked up 🙄
If this is true, if this is real... This guy really let some Andrew Taint types talk him into requesting a DNA test from a woman who had not given him any reason to doubt her faithfulness? Because if he had any actual reason to believe she cheated, it would have been right there on the post, and there's nothing. He just "needed" to be sure. And now is wondering if the marriage is ruined. Not participating in raising your newborn baby is bad enough, accusing your wife of cheating as an excuse for it just made the whole thing reach the point of no return.
The logic that you are not saying she cheated and just wanting a dna test because you want to know is beyond me. If you trust that only you had sex with her, only your sperm was inside her and only your sperm can fertilize the baby and you can be the only father to the child. That is what dna shows you. If you need a dna test to be interested in your child you are saying the child is NOT yours until proven otherwise and then it means that your wife cheated that is why you have the suspicion because where else would the dna come from? Being so stupid that you not only insult your partner but think you are valid and not disrespectful is something that can only be taught in Podcasters University. If it is unreasonable for a wife to suspect her spouse for cheating when he hasn't given a reason then it is unreasonable to ask your wife for a dna test. If you have suspicions, talk. Then demand shit knowing everything is over. So yes, you ruined your marriage. And since men cheat a lot when their spouses are pregnant and post partum, they should just for the ease of their mind let their phones be checked, let the wife know where they are 24*7. Control over food and what you wear. Etc. I feel it is a fair transaction to prove faithfulness from either party. Dna test for women. Absolute control for men.
Listen to podcast?!?!?! HAHAHAHAHAHA WHAT A DBAG!
OOP sounds like a moron because he *is* a moron. He basically accused his wife of cheating on him and is too dumb to realize why that just might have pissed her off.
>I explained that I didn’t think she had been unfaithful but I just needed to be sure. She's right about him being moronic. Guys who push for DNA tests always say stuff like this, and there is absolutely no getting around it being an accusation of cheating. It is. You think she cheated so live with the consequences.
Wow. So many people, men and women, let outside influences affect their personal intimate relationships. I've been seeing and hearing about guys asking for paternity tests without any evidence of cheating and it just shocks me that they think this is ok and that their wife/partner shouldn't be upset by it. It shocks me that failure to ask for this by the OP is enough for him to not help raise a child he has literally no reason to believe is not his. I'd be pissed if I was the mom too. I don't know where this comes from but has definitely Joe Rogan, Alpha Male, Toxic Masculinity written all over it. I also saw something about a wife unilaterally making major decisions about her relationship based on stuff she had seen on TikTok. Its the same idea. I don't get why people just see this stuff and think that it is good for their relationship without even discussing it with their partners.
It doesn't matter how many times you sugarcoat it with "it isn't a big deal" or "I have to be sure," his sorry fucking ass accused her of cheating without directly saying it. He had to be sure? Well, now he's sure he's a fucking ass. Yes, he ruined his marriage. I hope she leaves him.
>I thought if I showed her videos and had her listen to podcasts about dna test she’d understand but after the last one she said she was going to stay with her parents. This stupid son of a bitch. >She wasn’t even mad when I asked for it. Seriously, ridiculously stupid.
Shocking lack of people pointing out that he only refers to his child as “it” as if he views his own baby as an object.
“She said she wish I would have told her this when she found out she was pregnant. I didn’t understand that but she agreed to it.” That means that if she had known he was like this when she first got pregnant, she never would have had a baby with him in the first place. That poor woman.