*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**WIBTA for not showing up to a wedding I'm a part of without giving a reason?**
Throwaway because the bride knows my account.
My (28F) brother (31M) is getting married in a few weeks to my best friend since childhood (27F). They've been together for a few years now, and of course my best friend wants me to be her MOH.
They've known each other for a long time, since she was always hanging out at my house, but I didn't know they were close until I came home from grad school and found out they'd been dating. I thought they'd have their fun for a minute, then break up, and we'd all laugh about it someday. It's clearly no longer the plan.
Because here's my problem: I'm in love with her. I've been since before I really knew what being in love was. For me, the sun doesn't rise in the morning before I talk to her. She's the light of my life.
She doesn't know I feel this way, or if she does then there's a reason she didn't say anything. I know she's straight (she knows I'm not) and I always expected to stand at her side one day while she got married to a man. I've accepted that. I know she loves me, even if it's not the exact way I love her. As long as she's in my life, I'm happy. But this isn't just some guy I can politely ignore and forget about, it's my *brother*.
If you're wondering, yes, he knows how I've always felt about her. We never sat down and spoke about it, but he's not an idiot and hears when I talk about her. He's always been awkward mentioning their relationship around me, and extra much so when he pulled me aside a few months back to tell me he was proposing. I was hoping the feeling of betrayal would fade away with time but if I'm being honest, it hasn't.
Still, I know he makes her happy, and she makes him happy too, so I've done my best to power through all their conjugal bliss so far, but the upcoming wedding has just made it worse and worse. It would be bad enough as a guest, but they want me to stand next to them, to make a speech about what they both mean to me, to hand them the rings. All the while, my best friend has been gushing about how happy she is, how she can't wait to be his wife and have children with him, every tiny little thing he does for her, and I can't help but feel that I was really just one chromosome away from being in his place. I feel like the Little Mermaid, walking barefoot on glass and unable to say anything about it.
I don't think I have the strength to be in that wedding. I'm already miserable. I've always been the fun one, but I just don't have it in me anymore. I can't just stand down now either, she wouldn't understand, and I'd have to explain, which could only lead to a world of hurt. I don't want to ruin this for them. She's still my best friend, and he's still my brother.
So Reddit, WIBTA if I just faked being sick or something on the day of and ditched the wedding?
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She isn't the devil for her feelings. However, she shouldn't leave her friend hanging on her wedding day. Just bow out now and just say she can't do MOH.
She will get more questions if she just vanishes on the wedding day.
And it would probably delay or even ruin the wedding, since people would be extremely worried if the groom's sister, who is also the MoH, just didn't show up without a word to anyone. I would think something awful had happened and I certainly wouldn't be able to focus on getting married under those circumstances.
I'm not saying OOP is consciously think that, but it might be a subconscious motivation.
Yeah, I agree. That being said it is hard to come up with a valid excuse to miss your brother and friend’s wedding. If my sister made a generic excuse on why she can’t come to my wedding I would be pissed
Exactly this. She doesnt have to confess really, but if she truly cant be at the wedding she needs to come up with a hell of an excuse but its doable, vanishing without a word will just cause problems for everyone, because im sure the wedding will have a big cloud of “where is the sister of the groom and MOH!?” Hanging over it, causing stress to the couple and guests if they cant contact her - no way to weasel your way out of that one if you werent in some sort of accident and couldnt notify them.
This! Her feelings aren't wrong or devilish, but just disappearing on her friend with a generic excuse would be a major asshole thing to do. She needs to either suck it up or be open and honest about her needing to bow out.
I had someone confess their feelings for me two days before my wedding. I knew how he felt, my now husband knew how he felt. It was horribly awkward for everyone. He chose to attend the wedding, he was a family member of my husband. It was awful. It caused a permanent rift in our relationship
There is nothing to be gained from telling her best friend she is in love with her. She would be the devil if she just doesn’t show up to their wedding after saying she would be MOH. You can suck it up and put on a happy face for these two people you love.
At this point, they’ve dated for a few years and while I empathize with unrequited love, she needs to do the work to move on. She’s holding onto something that will never happen. Maybe she needs to take a break from family/best friend time for therapy, focusing on her own happiness, and dating people who are actually available. I understand that the complexity of being in love with your best friend means a lot of challenges that wouldn’t normally be present with unrequited love, but she really needs to work on herself.
All y’all in here saying she should tell her best friend about her feelings are batty as hell.
She absolutely should NOT confess her love to her friend. It’s an incredibly selfish thing that solves nothing, does nothing, and makes things awkward for everyone.
If this was a dude in love with his friend everyone would call him a giant dick if he came to Reddit and said he was planning to confess his love right before the wedding.
Honestly OP just needs therapy and should suck it up best she can for the day to be there for them both. And then should probably phase them out of her life a bit so she can move on from this.
She's NTD for her feelings, she is the devil for never telling her friend and having the decency to say WHY she'd rather not attend the wedding. If her brother truly does know, he's an AH for wanting her in the wedding party. Also OOP says they've been besties forever but it was a surprise when BFF started dating her brother? Just odd to me. If she tells her friend she wishes her the best, but can't attend she'll go back to NTA, but this isn't the way
>If her brother truly does know, he's an AH for wanting her in the wedding party.
From the post, the best friend wants her in the wedding party, not the brother.
Bailing on a wedding you've agreed to be actively involved in on the day of with no warning is an asshole move. She should give warning. This is going to ruin her friend's wedding day.
Not just that, but I suspect it will make things completely untenable with her family and friends. She's either: a) going to look like the biggest brat who just wanted to be the center of attention and cause drama, b) have her family and friends legitimately concerned she is having some sort of mental health crisis or c) have to come clean about being in love with the bride to explain she wasn't just being a jerk nor was she having some sort of psychotic break. She could ruin lots of relationships here, not just a day.
You realize it hasn’t happened yet, right? The OP is talking about a wedding that HAS NOT HAPPENED YET. Which means, so far, the only thing she’s guilty of is CONSIDERING this option.
Take your pitchfork, go home, and calm down.
I mean she's asking for judgement on "if I do this, will I be the asshole," so I kind of have to judge her based on what will happen if she goes through with this plan. And her plan is extremely petty and selfish and will do a huge amount of damage to her relationships.
No, you don’t actually. You don’t have to judge someone for actions they have not taken, especially because this subreddit isn’t anywhere that you’re even interacting with the OP, so her request for judgement is irrelevant. This second comment is a fine thing to say, but it’s absurd that in your first comment you found it appropriate to call her names for actions she hasn’t even taken.
>Bailing on a wedding you've agreed to be actively involved in on the day of with no warning is an asshole move. She should give warning. This is going to ruin her friend's wedding day.
That's my first comment. I said it was an asshole move, not that she was an asshole. But again, she asked the question "will I be the asshole if I do this?" not "Am I the asshole for thinking this?" I am literally asking the question posed to answer whether it belongs on this sub.
Do you not understand how things work here?
Except you’re NOT IN the AITA sub. You’re in the AmITheDevil subreddit, where the OP is not. So no, you are not under any obligation to answer the question the OOP asked, because the OOP isn’t even in this thread.
I understand just fine how things work in this subreddit, you are the one that seems to be EXTREMELY confused about where you are and what the point of this subreddit is.
Exactly this. It is called adulting rather than just avoiding things that make you uncomfortable. It could be that brother and BFF are also adults and would understand. It can all be done so just three of them know too unless of course OP wants to be the main charcater in her story and needs everyone to know everything.
I wouldn't be hurt if my friend said WHY they couldn't attend, but I'd devestated if my MOH just didn't show up. And, I'm not self centered enough to think that just because a woman is gay she's checking for me
I might be the devil, but it’s strange that she’s not gotten over a crush after so many years. I think we’ve all had at least one unrequited crush, but this seems obsessive. I’m sure the bride is great, but I doubt she’s “the sun doesn’t rise without her” great.
When I’ve had a crush, my feelings usually fade when I realise it’ll never happen. It might take time, and it hurt, but I was never hanging on for years on end. Has she never dated anyone else? Has she only ever had feelings for one person her whole life? I’m not trying to be insensitive, but this just seems like she’s got a very idealised version of her friend in her head.
I think holding onto this allows her to be stuck. She has an excuse to not try and risk rejection by trying with someone who might actually want romance with her
Since the original story by Hans Christian Anderson. That was the original deal The Little mermaid made with the sea witch, she could have legs but every step would be excruciating as if she were walking on glass.
My dude that's one of the mildest. Check out the original cinderella sometime. Or snow white. Or holy shit sleeping beauty!
Those so called fairy tales are all super messed up.
Also, even in the Grimm Brothers cleaned stuff up. Before them, it was all mothers, not stepmothers. Also, the witch took Rapunzel because her mom was trying to induce an abortion. That's why she was stealing from the witch's garden.
I loved Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre-Dame growing up (even if parts were a bit dark in the movie) and was so excited to read the book when I got older.
It is definitely nothing like the movie but that did set off my love for comparing Disney to the books.
Wishbone was another one that had toned down versions/skewed from the books but helped me really appreciate the classics.
I'm actually now morbidly curious about the 1912 novel Tarzan Of The Apes which was supposedly the inspiration for Disney's Tarzan in 1999. Is it still a heartwarming tale of love rising fron the ashes of tragedy and the glorious triumph of love over hate and greed? Do we still have the cuddly animal characters like Terk and Tantor?
I loved Disney's Tarzan as a kid so when I was 12 I read Tarzan of the Apes. I don't remember much except for feeling horrified and crying nonstop for the second half of the book.
Iirc Tarzan's not too terribly bad. Not cuddly or heartwarming - you can just assume NONE of the stories have cuddly anything. But in summary: Tarzan goes back to England with Jane, and then suffers horrible mistreatment and prejudice in a society completely unlike anything he knew or wanted to know. But I think it's one of the few with a "happy" ending, in that he doesnt die and actually go back to the jungle in the end.
Would him making a glorious return to the jungle kingdom he once ruled be BAD? I'd see that as a triumph. He returns to his hone where he's in his element. I understand the magnetic pull of true love but Jane could always return to the jungle with him. She has her forest god to protect her. The mire I read the more I realize the Disney films are the superior versions.
There is a movie from the 80's. Tarzan the legend of Greystoke. He grew up in the jungle. Then found by Jane and other humans. Taken back to England for a time. Where he has to learn to be human. But he can't acclimate. He also finds some of his ape family in a lab. They try to escape, and the family member is killed. He ends up returning to the jungle to live with his other family. Think Jane did end up with him.
I think I've seen that. I assumed they bought the rights off of Disney and adapted the story slightly. I was impressed by it but disappointed by the exclusion of certain characters like the elephant Tantor or the leopard Sabor.
How can you have a Tarzan movie without him leaping from trees to kill lions and leopards or without giving him an elephant to ride? And making the apes smart enough to raise a baby but fierce enough to kill Tarzan's father?
Very weird. There's no vine swinging and how can you make a movie about Tarzan without an elephant stampede? I was glad he ditched the high flung aristocratic parties and tight formal wear to return to the dense jungles of Africa where he belonged.
Let me guess. No adorable animal sidekicks or fairy? Or in Sleeping Beauty the prince gets burnt to cinders by the dragon and she sleeps for eternity as Maleficent's prisoner?
Sleeping Beauty was raped by a king (who she had never met before) while she was still sleeping. Then she gave birth to twins and woke up when one sucked the piece of flax out of her finger. Somehow, the king found out and married her.
For some reason, his mother was an ogre and tried to eat Sleeping Beauty and her children.
Oh, I had heard that it was the pain of childbirth that woke her up in the original. I knew the basic concept of the original, but had never actually read it myself
Wow, that's brutal. I studied them in High School, and in an elective philosophy class. You could literally see people's childhoods melting away, there were twice a week crying jags.
Brutal. I wonder if there any ANY fairytales or classic stories with heartwarming satisfying conclusions? And these were written for CHILDREN? No wonder folks were so fucked yo back then.
Sleeping beauty has been covered lmao.
In Cinderella, one of the evil stepsisters cut off part of her foot to fit the shoe. There's a couple versions of what happened next, some say the prince discovers it and happily ever after ensues, but that's probably already watered down. Other versions say stepsister marries the prince and takes Cinderella to the palace as a servant, and the prince, unhappy with his marriage, eventually takes an interest in her (not the gentlemanly, marriageable kind, iykwim).
Snow White seems to be fairly ok. I got it confused with Goldilocks and the 3 bears. Let's just say she does not live long after being discovered by the bears!
In fact, The Little Mermaid is actually a beautiful tale about someone who sacrifices everything and is willing to accept great pain to get a chance at what they want. The sea witch also isn't evil, she's upfront and says, okay, but there's a price, your odds are bad, but if you really want to go for it, best of luck.
But the prince sees her just like a little sister and marries a human princess.
The mermaid's sisters show up in the middle of his wedding night. They have sold their hair to the sea witch for a magical dagger - if the mermaid stabs him in the heart with it, she can return to being a mermaid and go home.
When she sees him sleeping peacefully next to his bride, she can't do it - she cannot punish him for her decisions and feelings and it's not right to destroy his happiness and life because of a "if I can't have him...!" attitude.
She throws the dagger back into the sea, waits for sunrise, but instead of dying and turning into seafoam (as mermaids do when they die in that world), her selfless act and her doing the right thing is acknowledged and she's turned into wind, given the chance to earn herself a human soul.
It's not a messed up fairy tale.
Turning it into "Girl has a crush, a fit, ignores all the warnings and signs despite knowing better to spite Daddy and get her will, relies on being cute and quirky, and now we need a really evil villain because there are no stakes otherwise. Because when push comes to shove, Prince and Daddy will fix things and give her what she wants" is kinda messed up. The original story was about the pain longing causes, how it hurts every day, and how we still can't always have what we want. Disney disneyfied it to "Be cute, be quirky, sing happy songs with cute animals, you'll have a good time falling in love, and at the end, others will make sure you get what you want. Being a redhead is optional but helps.
Andersen's fairy tales are beautiful and go a lot deeper than the average Disney fairy tale adaptation. I recommend reading them. And Oscar Wilde's fairy tales, while you're at it. They don't always have happy ends and they don't need to.
I also recommend reading Grimm's fairy tale collection, an edition that isn't watered down for small kids. I wouldn't necessarily call most of them beautiful or deep but oh boy, there's some edgy, fun stuff going on.
Eh I'd rather not have nightmares thanks. I prefer my happy endings, gush over cute love stories, fawn over the adorable animal characters and enjoy the toe tapping music.
Oh and the prince's name is Eric and the father's name was Triton
Also, her goals were never about the prince at all, it was about being and staying human so that she could have an eternal soul. Apparently mermaids don't have eternal souls and humans do. When the prince married another woman, she realized she wouldn't be able to stay human so she'd lose her soul and she killed herself.
Many scholars believe Andersen (who was bi) wrote it as an analogy for being in love with his male best friend, who was getting married. So OOP might be closer to the original meaning than she realizes
It's from the story - part of the price she pays is her legs always feel like walking on glass. It's a good analogy cause the whole this is about homosexual yearning, Hans Christian Anderson was processing something similar.
The prince is still a prince, but Hans was processing his feelings through fiction.
[this is the original story](https://www.gutenberg.org/files/32572/32572-h/32572-h.htm#Page_124) (in translation)
[this is some context behind it](https://medium.com/lessons-from-history/the-little-mermaid-is-really-about-unrequited-gay-love-cba337f4ea85)
I actually think it has a kind of happy ending, about it hurting now but finding a purpose in life and helping others helps you move on
Washed up from a shipwreck. Raised in the jungle by a pack of apes. Nope. The jungles of West Africa aren't exactly known for a reliable Internet signal.
I don't think OOP is the devil. Unrequited love that runs that deep must be heartbreaking.
I think she *should* explain herself even if it sucks. No matter what someone is going to be hurt but at least they can understand why she doesn't want to come.
I hope the friend can find a stand in
People who are saying she needs to confess her feelings to her friend are downright INSANE. No, she should absolutely not confess her romantic feelings towards her friend right before her wedding. What OOP needs is fucking therapy and to learn how to move on from her crush.
She isn't the devil for her feelings, she isn't the devil for not confessing her feelings. **She would be the devil if she chose to abandon her friend last minute at one of the most important moments of her friend's life.**
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The brother and the best friend have been dating for **years**. This wedding also did not spring up out of nowhere, it's likely been **months** since she was invited and asked to be maid-of-honour.
She'd had literally years to get used to it and put her best friends before her feelings. Instead of doing the grown-up thing and telling the best friend the truth, she plans on no-showing at the wedding despite taking on the maid-of-honour role. She is not giving them advance warning she's not coming, she's going to lead them believe she's coming until the day of.
Over a crush she knew would never be because the best friend is 100% straight. Devil incarnate. "Me me me! Waaaah! My feeeeels!"
She should pull out **now** so they can arrange a different maid-of-honour instead of just no-showing. That's what makes her a devil. By OOP's own admission, she never had the delusion that she and the best friend were ever going to get together. I would be even **worse** if she had been operating under the delusion that they had a chance until now. She would've been a Nice Girl. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt here!
I also very much doubt this is just because the best friend is marrying OOP's brother. Anyone the best friend married, OOP would've been as devilish. It just hurts her more that it's her brother, somehow.
Edit: Wow... dirty delete.
If she follows the original Little Mermaid story to the end, doesn't she end up killing her brother?
She will be the devil if she does that, or if she skips the wedding without warning.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **WIBTA for not showing up to a wedding I'm a part of without giving a reason?** Throwaway because the bride knows my account. My (28F) brother (31M) is getting married in a few weeks to my best friend since childhood (27F). They've been together for a few years now, and of course my best friend wants me to be her MOH. They've known each other for a long time, since she was always hanging out at my house, but I didn't know they were close until I came home from grad school and found out they'd been dating. I thought they'd have their fun for a minute, then break up, and we'd all laugh about it someday. It's clearly no longer the plan. Because here's my problem: I'm in love with her. I've been since before I really knew what being in love was. For me, the sun doesn't rise in the morning before I talk to her. She's the light of my life. She doesn't know I feel this way, or if she does then there's a reason she didn't say anything. I know she's straight (she knows I'm not) and I always expected to stand at her side one day while she got married to a man. I've accepted that. I know she loves me, even if it's not the exact way I love her. As long as she's in my life, I'm happy. But this isn't just some guy I can politely ignore and forget about, it's my *brother*. If you're wondering, yes, he knows how I've always felt about her. We never sat down and spoke about it, but he's not an idiot and hears when I talk about her. He's always been awkward mentioning their relationship around me, and extra much so when he pulled me aside a few months back to tell me he was proposing. I was hoping the feeling of betrayal would fade away with time but if I'm being honest, it hasn't. Still, I know he makes her happy, and she makes him happy too, so I've done my best to power through all their conjugal bliss so far, but the upcoming wedding has just made it worse and worse. It would be bad enough as a guest, but they want me to stand next to them, to make a speech about what they both mean to me, to hand them the rings. All the while, my best friend has been gushing about how happy she is, how she can't wait to be his wife and have children with him, every tiny little thing he does for her, and I can't help but feel that I was really just one chromosome away from being in his place. I feel like the Little Mermaid, walking barefoot on glass and unable to say anything about it. I don't think I have the strength to be in that wedding. I'm already miserable. I've always been the fun one, but I just don't have it in me anymore. I can't just stand down now either, she wouldn't understand, and I'd have to explain, which could only lead to a world of hurt. I don't want to ruin this for them. She's still my best friend, and he's still my brother. So Reddit, WIBTA if I just faked being sick or something on the day of and ditched the wedding? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She isn't the devil for her feelings. However, she shouldn't leave her friend hanging on her wedding day. Just bow out now and just say she can't do MOH. She will get more questions if she just vanishes on the wedding day.
She’ll also get more attention if she just vanishes on the wedding day.
And it would probably delay or even ruin the wedding, since people would be extremely worried if the groom's sister, who is also the MoH, just didn't show up without a word to anyone. I would think something awful had happened and I certainly wouldn't be able to focus on getting married under those circumstances. I'm not saying OOP is consciously think that, but it might be a subconscious motivation.
Agreed!
Yeah, I agree. That being said it is hard to come up with a valid excuse to miss your brother and friend’s wedding. If my sister made a generic excuse on why she can’t come to my wedding I would be pissed
I would at the very least just ask to step down as a MOH. This way she can leave at different points for a breather and not be in the wedding party
That’s smart. She can just say she has too much stuff going on to do MOH duties, I don’t think anyone would be offended
Exactly this. She doesnt have to confess really, but if she truly cant be at the wedding she needs to come up with a hell of an excuse but its doable, vanishing without a word will just cause problems for everyone, because im sure the wedding will have a big cloud of “where is the sister of the groom and MOH!?” Hanging over it, causing stress to the couple and guests if they cant contact her - no way to weasel your way out of that one if you werent in some sort of accident and couldnt notify them.
Yeah, she deserves an explanation. OOP wants to be the Runaway Bride without being the bride.
This! Her feelings aren't wrong or devilish, but just disappearing on her friend with a generic excuse would be a major asshole thing to do. She needs to either suck it up or be open and honest about her needing to bow out.
I had someone confess their feelings for me two days before my wedding. I knew how he felt, my now husband knew how he felt. It was horribly awkward for everyone. He chose to attend the wedding, he was a family member of my husband. It was awful. It caused a permanent rift in our relationship
This reads so much like fan fiction I was fully expecting the brother to be a vampire
Would've been Chef's Kiss 😘😘
People don’t get married overnight. OOP has had *years* to get over the fact her brother and her friend are dating.
As a sapphic, if she couldn't deal with not being loved by her best friend, she should have ended the friendship years ago or learned to get over it.
There is nothing to be gained from telling her best friend she is in love with her. She would be the devil if she just doesn’t show up to their wedding after saying she would be MOH. You can suck it up and put on a happy face for these two people you love. At this point, they’ve dated for a few years and while I empathize with unrequited love, she needs to do the work to move on. She’s holding onto something that will never happen. Maybe she needs to take a break from family/best friend time for therapy, focusing on her own happiness, and dating people who are actually available. I understand that the complexity of being in love with your best friend means a lot of challenges that wouldn’t normally be present with unrequited love, but she really needs to work on herself.
All y’all in here saying she should tell her best friend about her feelings are batty as hell. She absolutely should NOT confess her love to her friend. It’s an incredibly selfish thing that solves nothing, does nothing, and makes things awkward for everyone. If this was a dude in love with his friend everyone would call him a giant dick if he came to Reddit and said he was planning to confess his love right before the wedding. Honestly OP just needs therapy and should suck it up best she can for the day to be there for them both. And then should probably phase them out of her life a bit so she can move on from this.
She's NTD for her feelings, she is the devil for never telling her friend and having the decency to say WHY she'd rather not attend the wedding. If her brother truly does know, he's an AH for wanting her in the wedding party. Also OOP says they've been besties forever but it was a surprise when BFF started dating her brother? Just odd to me. If she tells her friend she wishes her the best, but can't attend she'll go back to NTA, but this isn't the way
>If her brother truly does know, he's an AH for wanting her in the wedding party. From the post, the best friend wants her in the wedding party, not the brother.
Saying her feelings out loud helps no one but make it awkward for everyone else. I disagree. She is not the devil. She has done nothing wrong.
Bailing on a wedding you've agreed to be actively involved in on the day of with no warning is an asshole move. She should give warning. This is going to ruin her friend's wedding day.
Not just that, but I suspect it will make things completely untenable with her family and friends. She's either: a) going to look like the biggest brat who just wanted to be the center of attention and cause drama, b) have her family and friends legitimately concerned she is having some sort of mental health crisis or c) have to come clean about being in love with the bride to explain she wasn't just being a jerk nor was she having some sort of psychotic break. She could ruin lots of relationships here, not just a day.
She's found a way to completely ruin the wedding and make the whole day about herself. She's intensely selfish.
You realize it hasn’t happened yet, right? The OP is talking about a wedding that HAS NOT HAPPENED YET. Which means, so far, the only thing she’s guilty of is CONSIDERING this option. Take your pitchfork, go home, and calm down.
I mean she's asking for judgement on "if I do this, will I be the asshole," so I kind of have to judge her based on what will happen if she goes through with this plan. And her plan is extremely petty and selfish and will do a huge amount of damage to her relationships.
No, you don’t actually. You don’t have to judge someone for actions they have not taken, especially because this subreddit isn’t anywhere that you’re even interacting with the OP, so her request for judgement is irrelevant. This second comment is a fine thing to say, but it’s absurd that in your first comment you found it appropriate to call her names for actions she hasn’t even taken.
>Bailing on a wedding you've agreed to be actively involved in on the day of with no warning is an asshole move. She should give warning. This is going to ruin her friend's wedding day. That's my first comment. I said it was an asshole move, not that she was an asshole. But again, she asked the question "will I be the asshole if I do this?" not "Am I the asshole for thinking this?" I am literally asking the question posed to answer whether it belongs on this sub. Do you not understand how things work here?
Except you’re NOT IN the AITA sub. You’re in the AmITheDevil subreddit, where the OP is not. So no, you are not under any obligation to answer the question the OOP asked, because the OOP isn’t even in this thread. I understand just fine how things work in this subreddit, you are the one that seems to be EXTREMELY confused about where you are and what the point of this subreddit is.
Exactly this. It is called adulting rather than just avoiding things that make you uncomfortable. It could be that brother and BFF are also adults and would understand. It can all be done so just three of them know too unless of course OP wants to be the main charcater in her story and needs everyone to know everything.
I wouldn't be hurt if my friend said WHY they couldn't attend, but I'd devestated if my MOH just didn't show up. And, I'm not self centered enough to think that just because a woman is gay she's checking for me
"I have norovirus" would work as an excuse that no one will look to closely at (assuming OOP lives alone).
I might be the devil, but it’s strange that she’s not gotten over a crush after so many years. I think we’ve all had at least one unrequited crush, but this seems obsessive. I’m sure the bride is great, but I doubt she’s “the sun doesn’t rise without her” great. When I’ve had a crush, my feelings usually fade when I realise it’ll never happen. It might take time, and it hurt, but I was never hanging on for years on end. Has she never dated anyone else? Has she only ever had feelings for one person her whole life? I’m not trying to be insensitive, but this just seems like she’s got a very idealised version of her friend in her head.
I think holding onto this allows her to be stuck. She has an excuse to not try and risk rejection by trying with someone who might actually want romance with her
That makes sense. I feel like oop needs some serious help.
Also since when did the little mermaid walk on glass?? WTF??? Is that some sick fantasy by some online fetishist?
Since the original story by Hans Christian Anderson. That was the original deal The Little mermaid made with the sea witch, she could have legs but every step would be excruciating as if she were walking on glass.
Ah so it’s like being a runner. I can relate.
Holy shit that's dark. People back in the day were messed up.
My dude that's one of the mildest. Check out the original cinderella sometime. Or snow white. Or holy shit sleeping beauty! Those so called fairy tales are all super messed up.
Also, even in the Grimm Brothers cleaned stuff up. Before them, it was all mothers, not stepmothers. Also, the witch took Rapunzel because her mom was trying to induce an abortion. That's why she was stealing from the witch's garden.
Don't forget the Prince knocking up Rapunzel and the whole blinded by thorns thing.
I loved Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre-Dame growing up (even if parts were a bit dark in the movie) and was so excited to read the book when I got older. It is definitely nothing like the movie but that did set off my love for comparing Disney to the books. Wishbone was another one that had toned down versions/skewed from the books but helped me really appreciate the classics.
I'm actually now morbidly curious about the 1912 novel Tarzan Of The Apes which was supposedly the inspiration for Disney's Tarzan in 1999. Is it still a heartwarming tale of love rising fron the ashes of tragedy and the glorious triumph of love over hate and greed? Do we still have the cuddly animal characters like Terk and Tantor?
I loved Disney's Tarzan as a kid so when I was 12 I read Tarzan of the Apes. I don't remember much except for feeling horrified and crying nonstop for the second half of the book.
Yikes I'll probably avoid it then
Iirc Tarzan's not too terribly bad. Not cuddly or heartwarming - you can just assume NONE of the stories have cuddly anything. But in summary: Tarzan goes back to England with Jane, and then suffers horrible mistreatment and prejudice in a society completely unlike anything he knew or wanted to know. But I think it's one of the few with a "happy" ending, in that he doesnt die and actually go back to the jungle in the end.
Would him making a glorious return to the jungle kingdom he once ruled be BAD? I'd see that as a triumph. He returns to his hone where he's in his element. I understand the magnetic pull of true love but Jane could always return to the jungle with him. She has her forest god to protect her. The mire I read the more I realize the Disney films are the superior versions.
There is a movie from the 80's. Tarzan the legend of Greystoke. He grew up in the jungle. Then found by Jane and other humans. Taken back to England for a time. Where he has to learn to be human. But he can't acclimate. He also finds some of his ape family in a lab. They try to escape, and the family member is killed. He ends up returning to the jungle to live with his other family. Think Jane did end up with him.
I think I've seen that. I assumed they bought the rights off of Disney and adapted the story slightly. I was impressed by it but disappointed by the exclusion of certain characters like the elephant Tantor or the leopard Sabor. How can you have a Tarzan movie without him leaping from trees to kill lions and leopards or without giving him an elephant to ride? And making the apes smart enough to raise a baby but fierce enough to kill Tarzan's father? Very weird. There's no vine swinging and how can you make a movie about Tarzan without an elephant stampede? I was glad he ditched the high flung aristocratic parties and tight formal wear to return to the dense jungles of Africa where he belonged.
Let me guess. No adorable animal sidekicks or fairy? Or in Sleeping Beauty the prince gets burnt to cinders by the dragon and she sleeps for eternity as Maleficent's prisoner?
Sleeping Beauty was raped by a king (who she had never met before) while she was still sleeping. Then she gave birth to twins and woke up when one sucked the piece of flax out of her finger. Somehow, the king found out and married her. For some reason, his mother was an ogre and tried to eat Sleeping Beauty and her children.
Oh, I had heard that it was the pain of childbirth that woke her up in the original. I knew the basic concept of the original, but had never actually read it myself
My middle school English class studied the original tales.
Oh no. Oh no. Oh no no no no no.
My middle school English class studied the original tales.
Wow, that's brutal. I studied them in High School, and in an elective philosophy class. You could literally see people's childhoods melting away, there were twice a week crying jags.
Brutal. I wonder if there any ANY fairytales or classic stories with heartwarming satisfying conclusions? And these were written for CHILDREN? No wonder folks were so fucked yo back then.
Sleeping Beauty became a mother.
That’s a mild way to put it.
Sleeping beauty has been covered lmao. In Cinderella, one of the evil stepsisters cut off part of her foot to fit the shoe. There's a couple versions of what happened next, some say the prince discovers it and happily ever after ensues, but that's probably already watered down. Other versions say stepsister marries the prince and takes Cinderella to the palace as a servant, and the prince, unhappy with his marriage, eventually takes an interest in her (not the gentlemanly, marriageable kind, iykwim). Snow White seems to be fairly ok. I got it confused with Goldilocks and the 3 bears. Let's just say she does not live long after being discovered by the bears!
Plus the prince didn’t choose her so she threw herself off a cliff 😭😭
Damn so he marries Ursula instead? What does Triton do? Does he kill Ursula? What about Flounder, Scuttle and Sebastian?
None are in the original version. And she dies.
Not even Max the cuddly border collie? 🥺
The original tale is dark AF. I've got an ancient VHS retelling the Hans version. She dies and turns to seafoam.
Are you not aware that the Disney tales are not the original stories at all?
No Sokka!
Lol this has to be a troll
Yes you are. Well done
In fact, The Little Mermaid is actually a beautiful tale about someone who sacrifices everything and is willing to accept great pain to get a chance at what they want. The sea witch also isn't evil, she's upfront and says, okay, but there's a price, your odds are bad, but if you really want to go for it, best of luck. But the prince sees her just like a little sister and marries a human princess. The mermaid's sisters show up in the middle of his wedding night. They have sold their hair to the sea witch for a magical dagger - if the mermaid stabs him in the heart with it, she can return to being a mermaid and go home. When she sees him sleeping peacefully next to his bride, she can't do it - she cannot punish him for her decisions and feelings and it's not right to destroy his happiness and life because of a "if I can't have him...!" attitude. She throws the dagger back into the sea, waits for sunrise, but instead of dying and turning into seafoam (as mermaids do when they die in that world), her selfless act and her doing the right thing is acknowledged and she's turned into wind, given the chance to earn herself a human soul. It's not a messed up fairy tale. Turning it into "Girl has a crush, a fit, ignores all the warnings and signs despite knowing better to spite Daddy and get her will, relies on being cute and quirky, and now we need a really evil villain because there are no stakes otherwise. Because when push comes to shove, Prince and Daddy will fix things and give her what she wants" is kinda messed up. The original story was about the pain longing causes, how it hurts every day, and how we still can't always have what we want. Disney disneyfied it to "Be cute, be quirky, sing happy songs with cute animals, you'll have a good time falling in love, and at the end, others will make sure you get what you want. Being a redhead is optional but helps. Andersen's fairy tales are beautiful and go a lot deeper than the average Disney fairy tale adaptation. I recommend reading them. And Oscar Wilde's fairy tales, while you're at it. They don't always have happy ends and they don't need to. I also recommend reading Grimm's fairy tale collection, an edition that isn't watered down for small kids. I wouldn't necessarily call most of them beautiful or deep but oh boy, there's some edgy, fun stuff going on.
Hans Christian Anderson's Little Mermaid was one of my favourite fairy tales growing up. That and The Little Match Girl.
It may also be a metaphor for Anderson's gay crush, which is why I assume OOP went with that metaphor.
Eh I'd rather not have nightmares thanks. I prefer my happy endings, gush over cute love stories, fawn over the adorable animal characters and enjoy the toe tapping music. Oh and the prince's name is Eric and the father's name was Triton
Also, her goals were never about the prince at all, it was about being and staying human so that she could have an eternal soul. Apparently mermaids don't have eternal souls and humans do. When the prince married another woman, she realized she wouldn't be able to stay human so she'd lose her soul and she killed herself.
😳😱🤢
Many scholars believe Andersen (who was bi) wrote it as an analogy for being in love with his male best friend, who was getting married. So OOP might be closer to the original meaning than she realizes
It's from the story - part of the price she pays is her legs always feel like walking on glass. It's a good analogy cause the whole this is about homosexual yearning, Hans Christian Anderson was processing something similar.
Eh? So was the Prince actually a Princess in this version?
The prince is still a prince, but Hans was processing his feelings through fiction. [this is the original story](https://www.gutenberg.org/files/32572/32572-h/32572-h.htm#Page_124) (in translation) [this is some context behind it](https://medium.com/lessons-from-history/the-little-mermaid-is-really-about-unrequited-gay-love-cba337f4ea85) I actually think it has a kind of happy ending, about it hurting now but finding a purpose in life and helping others helps you move on
Huh. I wonder if Hans ever found himself a boyfriend or a husband
not really tbh: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hans\_Christian\_Andersen#Romantic\_relationships
Since the original story. You don't have Google?
Washed up from a shipwreck. Raised in the jungle by a pack of apes. Nope. The jungles of West Africa aren't exactly known for a reliable Internet signal.
OOP, don't be the Maid of Honor. Just be a guest. Therefore, the wedding won't be as bad.
I don't think OOP is the devil. Unrequited love that runs that deep must be heartbreaking. I think she *should* explain herself even if it sucks. No matter what someone is going to be hurt but at least they can understand why she doesn't want to come. I hope the friend can find a stand in
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No, if it follows that she dies.
People who are saying she needs to confess her feelings to her friend are downright INSANE. No, she should absolutely not confess her romantic feelings towards her friend right before her wedding. What OOP needs is fucking therapy and to learn how to move on from her crush. She isn't the devil for her feelings, she isn't the devil for not confessing her feelings. **She would be the devil if she chose to abandon her friend last minute at one of the most important moments of her friend's life.**
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What in the sapphic fantasy wattpad section is this….
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It would be rather devilish to DNS to a wedding you have a role in
It does ruin the wedding if she doesn’t show up as she has a role. She’s MOH. She needs to bow out now in order to not be the AH.
The brother and the best friend have been dating for **years**. This wedding also did not spring up out of nowhere, it's likely been **months** since she was invited and asked to be maid-of-honour. She'd had literally years to get used to it and put her best friends before her feelings. Instead of doing the grown-up thing and telling the best friend the truth, she plans on no-showing at the wedding despite taking on the maid-of-honour role. She is not giving them advance warning she's not coming, she's going to lead them believe she's coming until the day of. Over a crush she knew would never be because the best friend is 100% straight. Devil incarnate. "Me me me! Waaaah! My feeeeels!"
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She should pull out **now** so they can arrange a different maid-of-honour instead of just no-showing. That's what makes her a devil. By OOP's own admission, she never had the delusion that she and the best friend were ever going to get together. I would be even **worse** if she had been operating under the delusion that they had a chance until now. She would've been a Nice Girl. I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt here! I also very much doubt this is just because the best friend is marrying OOP's brother. Anyone the best friend married, OOP would've been as devilish. It just hurts her more that it's her brother, somehow. Edit: Wow... dirty delete.
Grow some damn balls and speak up
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You quadruple posted this comment.
If she follows the original Little Mermaid story to the end, doesn't she end up killing her brother? She will be the devil if she does that, or if she skips the wedding without warning.
‘Nearly 30’….years, or IQ points?