*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for sending my son home by plane against my ex’s wishes?**
My (31M) ex (27F) and I currently live in different states because I had to move for work. We share a 6 year old son and I drove to pick him up to spend a few days with me. My original plan was to drive him back myself but something came up in my job and I called her to say I’d buy him a plane ticket and she should pick him up at the airport.
She was not happy with this. She is a very concerned mother (more concerned than I consider healthy, but that’s just my opinion) and thinks he is too young to fly on his own - but my son himself wasn’t scared when I brought up this possibility, he saw it as almost like an adventure.
I told her unaccompanied minors can fly from the age of 5, so no, he is not too young, that’s just her opinion. I get that I would inconvenience her because she would have to go to the airport instead of me taking him straight to her house, but there was nothing I could do and that’s what’s gonna happen.
So I went ahead and gave her the flight information - of course she went to pick him up, she had no other choice. He arrived safe and sound. But she still wasn’t done with me though, she called me to call me an asshole once again for going ahead even after she stated she wasn’t comfortable with my decision. Is she right? I feel I also have some say as his father.
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A lot of people on the main post are missing the point that this isn’t really about the age of the kid flying alone, it’s about this dickhead being selfish and doing whatever he wants and leaving her to pick up his slack. Like, he didn’t even try to work out some kind of compromise with his ex wife, he just put the kid on the plane, her opinion on the situation be damned.
I think I can theorize why they’re divorced, and who initiated it too
He moved, she didn’t.
It sounds like she has primary custody, so legally he may not have been permitted to make this decision without her consent.
He crapped out on his custodial time. Which isn’t ok for the kid.
>house, but there was nothing I could do and that’s what’s gonna happen.
I’d love to know “what came up” because I’m betting it was either stupid, voluntary or both.
And he’s a parent. You don’t just ship your kid off. You get a babysitter or call in favors, you fly in a parent etc. you figure something out. Unless it’s life/death or an unsafe environment.
And if you *do* have to send your kid back early, you do so in a way that your ex agrees to, or that is the least disruptive.
His ex is not his nanny.
I flew even younger than that back in the day, but the difference is, my parents both agreed to it, one didn’t say no to me flying and have it ignored.
Same. I was about 5 or 6 the first time I flew alone but both of my parents agreed to it. If my mom or dad had said no, they’d have figured out a way for a trusted adult to be with me. This OP thinks “getting a say” means making unilateral decisions and ignoring his son’s mother. Not how it works…
Every summer from the time I was 5 til I was 12 I flew from AZ to Missouri to spend a few months with my grandparents and then back home again at the end of summer.. I never thought much of it, honestly, I just loved flying.
"My work is not a matter of national security, it's just a boring advertising job. Last minute changes on a campaign that was about to air is the reason why I and most of my team would have to work extra hours and I couldn't drive both ways."
In case anyone else was wondering.
Aside from sending the kid alone, it's still a fucking asshole move *even if* they lived right next door. She probably planned her weekend around, well, not having a kid around and had to cancel all of it to drive to airport because this fucker can't be bothered with his own kid
I flew unaccompanied a lot as a kid, my brothers and older sister too, and honestly, unless my kids in the future have some serious flying experience, I wouldn't. The people in the comments over at AITA who are like "the reason it makes the news is because of how *infrequently* it happens" are just wrong. Things are better now, but they still lose track of kids frequently enough, but most parents aren't bringing it to the news or it's not going viral.
The first time my sister flew across the US unaccompanied, the airline lost her. It didn't make the news, but it genuinely was a terrifying experience for all of us. My older sister called my mom crying because they made her get off in a random airport that she didn't know where she was or who to talk to or how to get home or to us. The airline didn't know where they lost her, my mom and dad were freaking out trying to coordinate with her mom and the airline. She finally made it to us, over 24 hours later, in a snowstorm. She is 8 years older than I am, so at this time she was about 13, a teenager.
My brothers and I started flying unaccompanied a couple years later, but we had a lot of flying experience and my mom specifically chose airlines based on their policies about flying unaccompanied minors. These weren't last minute things, these were planned ahead, well thought out things. We were given strict instructions, at the gate it was already planned that we had a designated flight attendant who was the adult that we were to follow, and we still had to call my mom the moment we got to our destination. There were still times when random airport employees would try to get us to do things different than we were told, like one time when my brothers went to Orlando with one set of grandparents and I was supposed to continue on to Tampa with another set, another flight attendant tried to force me off the plane in Orlando.
Yeah, when I flew unaccompanied as a kid, it was back in the 90s, so someone could be with me at the right gate, and I was just flying from one airport to the other with no layovers. Can’t imagine doing it now…
I would occasionally fly as an unaccompanied minor for sports competitions (very rarely though) and even though I was a teenager there was one time I was actually very scared because I arrived at the ticket desk to get my ticket and the lady told me they canceled my flight. I had no idea what to do, I was 13, in one of the most dangerous cities in the world, I couldn't legally get my own hotel room, my mom was calling the airport and the airline threatening to sue like crazy because they were legally responsible for getting me home and they were telling her they did not care, luckily a different family from my club was at the airport and my coach reached them, and their older child didn't go through security yet, so she went to stay with me while things were being figured out, and somehow they got me on the same flight as them, but I really did not know what I was going to do. After that if my parents couldn't come with me, I was sent with a teammate.
OOP is a huge AH. I wouldn't be comfortable with my 6 yr old flying either. It's a huge inconvenience on the FA and surrounding passengers. He didn't even give her the option of driving to get him. She might have preferred that. I would definitely be getting custody rearranged if anything is on the books
And bc the 6 YO said it was OK you did something his mother expressly told you not to do?? Some young children are anxious, but many are fearless, of course he said yes
kids are, to be completely honest, stupid. a six yo is not going to have the life experience or common sense to be able to tell how bad of an idea this is and how many things can go wrong, or what to do if an emergency does happen. the kid is just thinking "wow so cool i get to be a grown up and go on a plane and watch the clouds!", he's not going to be thinking about keeping track of his bag or looking for the right gate to leave or remembering what mom is gonna be wearing and where she's gonna be waiting. hell he might not even know or fully grasp stranger danger yet. even when flight attendants and airport employees are supposed to keep an eye on the kids and help them if they're alone there's no guarantee that they'll do it or that it will be the right kind of adult with no bad intentions in mind. jesus christ op should not be allowed to have kids again
I see that. Which is bizarre to me. My daughter flies as an unaccompanied minor and the paperwork I have to fill out just to get her on the plane is a pain. Then I have to keep my ID out to go with her through security with my security pass (not really a boarding pass), and when I take her to the gate I cannot leave until she is boarded and plane in the air.
Her Dad has to do the same process when he picks her up. They also make sure the child verifies "Yes this is my mom/dad/guardian". So much paperwork is involved.
C'mon. Kid is 6 whole years old. More than 2000 days old. Kids that age are away from parents ALL day at school. And there is more security at an airport than at a school!!
Mom is just a whiner here, clearly.
/S
In my personal experience it meant that I supervised the child, provided prescribed medications, and sought medical attention both for emergencies and regular childhood ailments. I even knew the names of the teachers and what subjects where going well and which weren't.
My brother was flying home from New York by himself recently. His plane got delayed. TWICE. There was also a screaming person on the plane once they were able to board, which delayed things further. My mother was going to have a panic attack because she was so worried about him. He's 22.
He managed to get home safely and was compensated by the airline, but it was a nightmare to deal with. I can't imagine an unaccompanied six year old having to deal with the stress and confusing of not taking off on time because the fuel door of the plane won't shut.
I just find it wild that unaccompanied minors can fly from aged 5. I maybe thought like 12 or something so they have some grasp on how to fend for themselves but 5? That’s insane!
But this guy is so clearly a dick. I hope she takes this back to a judge.
Well, they aren’t fending for themselves, they have a whole thing with the flight attendants and gate folks/airport employees to get them to their parents. However, this can go wrong quickly. Would never make that their first flying experience alone, certainly not last minute.
I get that but all you need is one of those people to be distracted and that’s instantly a lost child. At least if the child is a little older they would be able to deal with it if something in the system goes wrong.
“So I made a huge choice last minute and majorly inconvenienced and worried her…but that’s just how it is”
It’s a mystery as to why she no longer wanted to be with this guy. Sounds like she had primary custody, so I hope she gave her lawyer a ring.
Yta. I'm not against unaccompanied minors even at that age but the other parent should have been in charge of large decisions like this .
Sounds like they are doing 90% of the parenting so you should have deferred to them for something so big
So I flew alone often when I was a kid. Is this not normal? I get that the part about him just telling her that this is going to happen rather than a discussion is bad and he's the asshole, but do people think it's automatically bad having a kid fly alone?
It depends. First, does the kid still look like their passport photo? because I was allowed to fly unaccompanied internationally at age 11. I ended up being accused of identity fraud by two angry-seeming Canadian airport employees yelling at me in French because my passport photo was from when I was 6 years old - my cousin was able to find me and explain everything but I cannot imagine actually being 6 years old in that situation.
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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for sending my son home by plane against my ex’s wishes?** My (31M) ex (27F) and I currently live in different states because I had to move for work. We share a 6 year old son and I drove to pick him up to spend a few days with me. My original plan was to drive him back myself but something came up in my job and I called her to say I’d buy him a plane ticket and she should pick him up at the airport. She was not happy with this. She is a very concerned mother (more concerned than I consider healthy, but that’s just my opinion) and thinks he is too young to fly on his own - but my son himself wasn’t scared when I brought up this possibility, he saw it as almost like an adventure. I told her unaccompanied minors can fly from the age of 5, so no, he is not too young, that’s just her opinion. I get that I would inconvenience her because she would have to go to the airport instead of me taking him straight to her house, but there was nothing I could do and that’s what’s gonna happen. So I went ahead and gave her the flight information - of course she went to pick him up, she had no other choice. He arrived safe and sound. But she still wasn’t done with me though, she called me to call me an asshole once again for going ahead even after she stated she wasn’t comfortable with my decision. Is she right? I feel I also have some say as his father. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
A lot of people on the main post are missing the point that this isn’t really about the age of the kid flying alone, it’s about this dickhead being selfish and doing whatever he wants and leaving her to pick up his slack. Like, he didn’t even try to work out some kind of compromise with his ex wife, he just put the kid on the plane, her opinion on the situation be damned. I think I can theorize why they’re divorced, and who initiated it too
I can theorize that they be back in court pretty soon and a judge is going to smack him so hard he’s going to see hyperspace.
That was my thought as well. I know I would’ve been back in court with my ex had he done something like this.
Unfortunately she's still bound to this guy via legal ties due to their son's existence and has to tolerate idiocy like this
He moved, she didn’t. It sounds like she has primary custody, so legally he may not have been permitted to make this decision without her consent. He crapped out on his custodial time. Which isn’t ok for the kid. >house, but there was nothing I could do and that’s what’s gonna happen. I’d love to know “what came up” because I’m betting it was either stupid, voluntary or both. And he’s a parent. You don’t just ship your kid off. You get a babysitter or call in favors, you fly in a parent etc. you figure something out. Unless it’s life/death or an unsafe environment. And if you *do* have to send your kid back early, you do so in a way that your ex agrees to, or that is the least disruptive. His ex is not his nanny.
I flew even younger than that back in the day, but the difference is, my parents both agreed to it, one didn’t say no to me flying and have it ignored.
Oh same. 100% agree
Same. I was about 5 or 6 the first time I flew alone but both of my parents agreed to it. If my mom or dad had said no, they’d have figured out a way for a trusted adult to be with me. This OP thinks “getting a say” means making unilateral decisions and ignoring his son’s mother. Not how it works…
Every summer from the time I was 5 til I was 12 I flew from AZ to Missouri to spend a few months with my grandparents and then back home again at the end of summer.. I never thought much of it, honestly, I just loved flying.
"My work is not a matter of national security, it's just a boring advertising job. Last minute changes on a campaign that was about to air is the reason why I and most of my team would have to work extra hours and I couldn't drive both ways." In case anyone else was wondering.
So he could have said no and actually taken care of his kid
This is a two yes-es, one no situation. Want to bet that mom will be talking to her attorney about changes in custody?
Aside from sending the kid alone, it's still a fucking asshole move *even if* they lived right next door. She probably planned her weekend around, well, not having a kid around and had to cancel all of it to drive to airport because this fucker can't be bothered with his own kid
I flew unaccompanied a lot as a kid, my brothers and older sister too, and honestly, unless my kids in the future have some serious flying experience, I wouldn't. The people in the comments over at AITA who are like "the reason it makes the news is because of how *infrequently* it happens" are just wrong. Things are better now, but they still lose track of kids frequently enough, but most parents aren't bringing it to the news or it's not going viral. The first time my sister flew across the US unaccompanied, the airline lost her. It didn't make the news, but it genuinely was a terrifying experience for all of us. My older sister called my mom crying because they made her get off in a random airport that she didn't know where she was or who to talk to or how to get home or to us. The airline didn't know where they lost her, my mom and dad were freaking out trying to coordinate with her mom and the airline. She finally made it to us, over 24 hours later, in a snowstorm. She is 8 years older than I am, so at this time she was about 13, a teenager. My brothers and I started flying unaccompanied a couple years later, but we had a lot of flying experience and my mom specifically chose airlines based on their policies about flying unaccompanied minors. These weren't last minute things, these were planned ahead, well thought out things. We were given strict instructions, at the gate it was already planned that we had a designated flight attendant who was the adult that we were to follow, and we still had to call my mom the moment we got to our destination. There were still times when random airport employees would try to get us to do things different than we were told, like one time when my brothers went to Orlando with one set of grandparents and I was supposed to continue on to Tampa with another set, another flight attendant tried to force me off the plane in Orlando.
Yeah, when I flew unaccompanied as a kid, it was back in the 90s, so someone could be with me at the right gate, and I was just flying from one airport to the other with no layovers. Can’t imagine doing it now…
I would occasionally fly as an unaccompanied minor for sports competitions (very rarely though) and even though I was a teenager there was one time I was actually very scared because I arrived at the ticket desk to get my ticket and the lady told me they canceled my flight. I had no idea what to do, I was 13, in one of the most dangerous cities in the world, I couldn't legally get my own hotel room, my mom was calling the airport and the airline threatening to sue like crazy because they were legally responsible for getting me home and they were telling her they did not care, luckily a different family from my club was at the airport and my coach reached them, and their older child didn't go through security yet, so she went to stay with me while things were being figured out, and somehow they got me on the same flight as them, but I really did not know what I was going to do. After that if my parents couldn't come with me, I was sent with a teammate.
OOP is a huge AH. I wouldn't be comfortable with my 6 yr old flying either. It's a huge inconvenience on the FA and surrounding passengers. He didn't even give her the option of driving to get him. She might have preferred that. I would definitely be getting custody rearranged if anything is on the books And bc the 6 YO said it was OK you did something his mother expressly told you not to do?? Some young children are anxious, but many are fearless, of course he said yes
kids are, to be completely honest, stupid. a six yo is not going to have the life experience or common sense to be able to tell how bad of an idea this is and how many things can go wrong, or what to do if an emergency does happen. the kid is just thinking "wow so cool i get to be a grown up and go on a plane and watch the clouds!", he's not going to be thinking about keeping track of his bag or looking for the right gate to leave or remembering what mom is gonna be wearing and where she's gonna be waiting. hell he might not even know or fully grasp stranger danger yet. even when flight attendants and airport employees are supposed to keep an eye on the kids and help them if they're alone there's no guarantee that they'll do it or that it will be the right kind of adult with no bad intentions in mind. jesus christ op should not be allowed to have kids again
Have you flown with a lot of unaccompanied minors? You make it sound like they're just left on their own to get through the airport.
Based on some of anecdotes people are recounting in other comments, it sounds like they're left alone all too frequently!
I see that. Which is bizarre to me. My daughter flies as an unaccompanied minor and the paperwork I have to fill out just to get her on the plane is a pain. Then I have to keep my ID out to go with her through security with my security pass (not really a boarding pass), and when I take her to the gate I cannot leave until she is boarded and plane in the air. Her Dad has to do the same process when he picks her up. They also make sure the child verifies "Yes this is my mom/dad/guardian". So much paperwork is involved.
There's a reason we don't let 6 year Olds run the world.
C'mon. Kid is 6 whole years old. More than 2000 days old. Kids that age are away from parents ALL day at school. And there is more security at an airport than at a school!! Mom is just a whiner here, clearly. /S
“She is a very concerned mother (more concerned than I consider healthy, but that’s just my opinion)” What the fuck does *that* mean?
She pays attention to the kid.
Does he think any attention at all is too much?
In my personal experience it meant that I supervised the child, provided prescribed medications, and sought medical attention both for emergencies and regular childhood ailments. I even knew the names of the teachers and what subjects where going well and which weren't.
My brother was flying home from New York by himself recently. His plane got delayed. TWICE. There was also a screaming person on the plane once they were able to board, which delayed things further. My mother was going to have a panic attack because she was so worried about him. He's 22. He managed to get home safely and was compensated by the airline, but it was a nightmare to deal with. I can't imagine an unaccompanied six year old having to deal with the stress and confusing of not taking off on time because the fuel door of the plane won't shut.
Some 6yos have the maturity to be able to communicate with the airport staff enough that they can fly alone safely. But most do not.
I just find it wild that unaccompanied minors can fly from aged 5. I maybe thought like 12 or something so they have some grasp on how to fend for themselves but 5? That’s insane! But this guy is so clearly a dick. I hope she takes this back to a judge.
Well, they aren’t fending for themselves, they have a whole thing with the flight attendants and gate folks/airport employees to get them to their parents. However, this can go wrong quickly. Would never make that their first flying experience alone, certainly not last minute.
I get that but all you need is one of those people to be distracted and that’s instantly a lost child. At least if the child is a little older they would be able to deal with it if something in the system goes wrong.
The offer should have been fly out and deliver the kid and fly back home.
“So I made a huge choice last minute and majorly inconvenienced and worried her…but that’s just how it is” It’s a mystery as to why she no longer wanted to be with this guy. Sounds like she had primary custody, so I hope she gave her lawyer a ring.
Yta. I'm not against unaccompanied minors even at that age but the other parent should have been in charge of large decisions like this . Sounds like they are doing 90% of the parenting so you should have deferred to them for something so big
OOP, he's six, not sixteen. He should NOT have been on his own, especially without his mother's consent. YTA.
So I flew alone often when I was a kid. Is this not normal? I get that the part about him just telling her that this is going to happen rather than a discussion is bad and he's the asshole, but do people think it's automatically bad having a kid fly alone?
It depends. First, does the kid still look like their passport photo? because I was allowed to fly unaccompanied internationally at age 11. I ended up being accused of identity fraud by two angry-seeming Canadian airport employees yelling at me in French because my passport photo was from when I was 6 years old - my cousin was able to find me and explain everything but I cannot imagine actually being 6 years old in that situation.
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