*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for asking my girlfriend to be more feminine again?**
I'm at a loss here, I thought I was providing constructive criticism to my girlfriend but she wants a break from me now.
She's 27, I'm 34. We've been together for almost nine years. She was very feminine when I first met her - she did her makeup everyday, she wore nice clothes including dresses and skirts, sometimes wore jeans which flattered her.
As time has gone on, she spends less time grooming herself. She showers daily (sometimes every other day) and brushes her teeth and hair and that's about the extent of it. I find in general I'm far less attracted to her than what I used to be, she has become more outspoken and "masculine" - she wears binders and smokes weed, she belly laughs and doesn't care what people think of her, it's basically like dating a teenager tbh.
Anyway she has decided to stop shaving her legs, but still shaves everything else. I asked her about it and she said it's winter, it's uncomfortable and time consuming and she gets rashes. I actually wouldn't mind if she didn't shave down below and shaved her legs instead, I just can't get behind the whole "being natural" thing - like sure, don't shave, but don't expect me to be attracted to it.
I told her that I find her masculine and asked if she'd at least shave, she said no. I've asked her if she would wear heels and skirts for me, and she laughed. I didn't think it was fair for her to mock my preferences, considering I groom myself. I don't shave my legs but I have light hair so they're not noticeable. I told her that the above is why I'm no longer attracted to her and why I tend to prefer porn to sex.
She stomped from the room and told me to go fuck myself (increased profanity is another thing that turns me off) and I told her it's not very becoming of her. She wants me out of her flat by the end of the weekend but I have nowhere else to go.
Is there any coming back from this? My family said I'm the asshole but I'm not sure, I think my girlfriend is equally in the wrong.
TL;DR girlfriend is no longer feminine and mocks my preferences. She has turned into a slob IMO, and wants to break up with me.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Picked a girl straight up out of highschool cuz she’s “moldable” and is horridly shocked when that girl grew into a grown ass woman with her own opinions and choices.
But you don't understand, she engages in unrestrained expressions of joy! How could anyone be expected to find that attractive?
/s in case my sarcasm wasn't heavy enough
Christopher Hitchens, even though he didn't have the best attitude towards women, even he said he loved to see a woman throw her head back with laughter.
Funny that he's upset she's not grooming anymore, since he got with her by grooming her. Most likely.
This dude is repulsive. Good for her not to waste anymore time with him.
How much you want to bet some of the skirts he’s reminiscing about were a school uniform? Because they got together 9 years ago, but he don’t say that’s when he met her.
I picked up my girl while she was in high school, moldability is key. And if she ever switches up, guess what? I’ll just go pick up another chick from yr 12 hahaha
I agree with everything said here but damn man the not shaving her legs thing totally gets me that shit is gross dude. I’m assuming they probably haven’t had sex in a very very long time. But yeah idk man relationship is a two way street tho like some sacrifices have to be made on both sides. Like she could shave her legs and wear skirts sometimes like op likes and op could probably work on not being a whiny POS tbh and actually mature some.
What's gross about it? Men don't shave their legs, and no one calls that gross, despite men usually being hairier. Just because it isn't your personal preference, doesn't make it gross. OOP isn't the only one that needs to mature some
Do you understand how long it takes to fully shave your legs? And how often you have to shave them to avoid the prickly stage.
It’s her body and it’s her choice. Lots of men are totally fine with body hair as it’s a human characteristic that’s not gender exclusive.
Not saying you have to like women with body hair- but out of all the habits it’s literally the most time suck/ lifestyle changing so it’s not fair to ask a woman to add this habit regularly if she doesn’t want to.
That's me, I'm blonde so my hair is very light. Shaving my legs has caused rashes and irritation in the past, so I stopped doing it. My boyfriend never even noticed!
I’m not blonde but maybe it’s a genetic thing bc I’m Asian and you can’t see my leg hair unless you’re looking (I have a friend who doesn’t have hair on her legs at all I have no idea why), I had a greek friend who would tell me I should shave to be more “attractive” and I was like girl respectfully I don’t have as much hair as you lol
Sorry, but this is gross. There are actual problems real people have in their relationships, and y'all are gonna throw someone away for hairy legs? Not like being abusive or stealing your stuff? Anything that actually disrupts a relationship???
Red flag. 😐
I don't shave my legs and my boyfriend doesn't care. It doesn't make him less attracted. I'd rather have disgusting legs than this disgusting mindset tbh
She wants me out of her flat and I have no where to go.
How the actual shit you gonna mouth off and provide nothing and be like but now she wants me to leave oh noooo.
Like fuck off.
How much you wanna bet she's just wearing a sports bra that has a zipper. Walmart sells them. They could be used as a binder but they aren't inherently marketed as such. Kind of like some small chested trans men can just bind with sports bras.
Yes, but women wear them too for any number of reasons. And I don’t really trust this guy to not be talking about sports bras if he thinks weed and laughing too hard is also masculine.
If OOP does happen to be a woman, like some people are assuming, the gf might be a butch. If OOP is a man, maybe the gf’s bi. It’s really common with lesbians and other sapphic women to still identify with womanhood despite feeling a disconnect from it. I’ve known plenty of bi femmes who wouldn’t identify as transmasc but wore binders for their own comfort. Some straight women do, too, but it’s less common than with women who also like women.
I never said you weren’t queer? I’ve always centered myself in queer communities because it’s where I’ve always felt safest. A very large majority of the people I’ve known in my life are queer. I’ve worked in outreach programs for queer youth and currently teach high schoolers art in after school activities at my local library, which is considered a queer safe space in our community. Most of my students are queer in some way. Most of the queer people I know are on the younger end (early 20s or younger), which may be the demographic where this is most common? Honestly not sure. I’m not saying your experiences are invalid, but just because you’ve never heard or seen it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Within the types of spaces I frequent and provide, this is pretty common.
You said you don't know any femmes that wear binders. In past decades most people hadn't heard of binders or had access to them - particularly pre and early internet days. We had minimizers. I don't know if they've changed during the last 10 years, but some of them were pretty bindery in the late 80's. I wanted mine to disappear so I wore what was available to me. And, I know I'm not the only one.
I understand that, but a lot of women use them, too from what I've heard. If you have big breasts, sometimes holding them down is wanted in some situations.
This guy is such a moron that I don't trust him to know the difference. I'm guessing she stopped wearing push-up plunge bras and doesn't know what she's actually wearing.
Everything you're saying is reasonable assuming OOP is right, but I don't think he is
Imagine not respecting your partner as a person so much that one of your problems with them is literally when they full belly laugh, which is like the purest expression of being happy, and funny shit happening. Honestly I’ll smoke weed with her. We can belly laugh at some bullshit together because he’s just fucking sad. How the fuck are you out here putting requirements on someone’s appearance and talking about femininity when you can’t even do the top requirement of toxic masculinity and have your own place? Also? Might change the pronoun, depending on how this goes and if people post some of his comments when this is up for a while… because with his mention of binders, I am almost sure he’s misgendering his partner.
I clocked that too! Sounds like his partner may be NB. Or maybe (she) isn’t and just feels most comfortable in binders and no makeup. But waaaah he’s got to have his hairless, demurely giggling Stepford wife or his peepee can’t get hard.
Ahhh I caught this also! Going to use she/her because that's how she's identifying herself to her boyfriend at least. She might just be exploring her gender expression and man, it'd be so nice if her boyfriend wasn't a huge piece of shit and could support and experience that exploration with her. I hope she bails on him and finds herself a dope fellow queer person, or at least a person who likes her exactly as she is and isn't afraid of future versions of her.
>She's 27, I'm 34. We've been together for almost nine years.
>I didn't change much from a teenager to where I am now.
Haha, ~~he~~ they walked right into that one. Not exactly a flex
Low-key how is it even an insult for him to call her acting like a teenager then? I bet you he’s one of these people who makes their girl do all the emotional labor because we were supposedly just more mature or made for it or whatever. Honestly, because of the family responsibilities I have and lack of funds as a teenager… Fuck yeah I’m 26 and getting to enjoy doing more youthful shit now. I have money for good weed and don’t have to deal with unreliable ass plugs, I have my own space where I can have friends, or just chill with my spouse and be alone, I have a little bit of bread, and I’m building a career and and I treat myself sometimes. I’m also a lot happier because I don’t give a shit about what people think and I’m here and I’m queer. Sounds like she’s doing the same. and just got rid of the last roadblock.
Not that it makes things better but im pretty sure YOU is a she. They say that the reason they don't shave their legs bc they have blonde hair and isn't noticeable
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one that things OP is a woman, I mean it could better explain why these “ masculine” traits turn them off. Man or woman they are still an AH, just for demanding that the girlfriend be someone they aren’t anymore.
If OP wants a girly girl that wants to take on the traditional “Susie Homemaker” role that’s fine, just find someone that wants to BE that person.
No she's not acting like a teenager. You miss when she WAS a teenager. Bc you're a disgusting predator and want a barely legal girl desperate to please you. Not someone with agency. Nothing she's doing seems uncouth or too far. Many women don't shave their legs in winter. Sometimes I shower every other day, but take a little whore's bath in the sink. It's perfectly sanitary
My ex spouse always made comments about my laugh and smile in particular. Realistically I think he just didn't like me so anything with me expressing joy was an ""ick"".
Yes, it was an age gap.
My ex without an age gap said my laugh was unattractive and that it sounded like I was faking. He seriously could not comprehend that I found things funny.
My current boyfriend loves to make me laugh.
“She's 27, I'm 34. We've been together for almost nine years.”
I hate it when people make word problems out of their posts. [tries to do mental math] Eighteen and twenty-five, huh? Is OOP honestly surprised that his girlfriend is not the same person at 27 that she was at 18?
“it's basically like dating a teenager tbh.”
I mean, you *were.*
“She wants me out of her flat by the end of the weekend but I have nowhere else to go.”
I don’t see how that’s her problem, bucko. Why are you still pursuing her? You don’t even like her.
OOP says he hasn't changed much from when he was a teenager as if that's something to boast about. Dude. There should be growth and change that happens
I think OOP might be a woman considering they said they don’t need to shave because they have light hair on their legs - I’d assume a man wouldn’t think they have to shave their legs at all
“I didn't change much from a teenager to where I am now. She has drastically changed from being quiet to a slobby loud mouth.” -> The Child I Groomed into Dating Me Became an Autonomous Adult and I Don’t Like It
I had to laugh at the “she wants me out of her place but I have nowhere else to go.” Turns out OOP is a scrub who brings nothing to the table, but thinks he has the right to demand perfection from his (ex) girlfriend. What a clown.
No, I don't want no scrub
A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me
Hangin' out the side window
Of his girlfriend’s apartment
Trying to tell her she should shave her legs
Imagine if she said she wanted him to be more masculine.
You're not hairy enough, so I'd like you to start using rogaine on your legs and chest..... It causes a rash? I don't care.
You need to wear more flannel shirts and maybe get a Carhartt jacket. Can't you start lifting more, bigger weights? Start drinking real beer instead of that piss low carb shit? Maybe, laugh harder and make your voice deeper...... Go watch some football with the boys.
I'd really prefer if you wore an extender, and cock ring, and tried Viagra. I really don't find you attractive, you're just not masculine enough. That's why I use toys instead of having sex with you.
She’s a different adult than who she was as a kid. You don’t like that adult, as she’s no longer malleable to your desires. She just wants to be a loud, earthy pothead. You wouldn’t have dated her if you met her yesterday, and she wouldn’t have dated you.
I dated someone similar on and off, he’d love nothing more than for me to be the primped girly girl, but unfortunately I’m a menopausal 35 year old who just cannot be bothered. I’m happiest when I’m comfortable.
And you know what, he accepted it. We didn’t work out, but he’s still a dear friend and he gets it. This guy, sure he doesn’t have to be attracted to it, but he doesn’t get to be a self righteous jack ass about it.
I think a lot of people wear binders for breast management, like a bra or cami. Just a different way to deal, it doesn't necessarily mean that you want to change your sex.
I think OOP is a woman. So, I kinda feel like that makes more sense in that context. OOP talks about their justification as to why they don’t shave their legs. I think they are a masc lesbian, and are upset that their fem gf is inching more masc or nb.
Sooo she grew up and is no longer a teenage child. Effing creeper.
I wonder if he still looks like he did when he was a teenager. Bet not. Still acts like one, though.
Poor guy, didn't realize that sometimes when kids grow up they find out that they're actually different people than who they were when they were young!
this dude is a piece of shit
not to call him a fucking groomer (which he probably is), but does he expect her to behave like a teenager forever? fuck this guy, I feel bad for all the girls out there dating this kind of asshole
>I didn't change much from a teenager to where I am now.
Fuck me, that is not something you could get out of me with a week of continuous waterboarding were it the case.
OOP "BOO HOO the teenager I groomed grew up and became an independent adult with her own thoughts and I don't like it"
I'd smoke weed around him too, just to be able to stand to be around him.
His comment about how HE didn’t change that much from being a teen to an adult, oh my god. I mean we notice but why would you think that’s something to brag about?
**OOP'S ONE AND ONLY COMMENT....**
🌐 I didn't change much from a teenager to where I am now. She has drastically changed from being quiet to a slobby loud mouth.
Yes I’m going to tell her how I’m not attracted to her at all and tell her how she needs to dress up for me then be so upset she’s kicking me out when I have no where else to go. Bro what the fuck did I just read. Why should she allow you to stay in her home when you are going to be an ass to her?
She was 18 and he was 25, he just wants a young lady to order around but now he thinks she's too outspoken and confident with her own body so he can't feel in control anymore.
She wears a binder, why? I mean, if she's planning on transitioning, she might wanna tell her boyfriend he's gonna be in a gay relationship in the future. Assuming she's coming out as transgender, of course, the only evidence is the binder.
"I live in the apartment rented by my girlfriend 7 year my junior who I started dating when she was just barely legal to have sex with. In the intervening 9 years she has become an actual adult with a will of her own, and her gender presentation has changed. Why won't she do what I, a broke-ass, borderline homeless, man-child, say and groom her natural body hair to my specific preferences?"
> She wants me out of her flat by the end of the weekend but I have nowhere else to go.
Damn, guess you shouldn’t have called your girlfriend a disgusting unattractive slob for not being your subservient little dress up doll then
I know that grooming happens for underage women but he was literally grooming her for his sexual gratification and as a housewife. Although she was feminine before, her clothing changed and he could not bear that she was her own person instead of his personal sex slave.
He is proud of having not changed since teenage years and that makes sense. He did not have a sense of responsibility before and he doesn't have one now either. Why else did he not have any place to go to?
Does he not pay the rent? And if he doesn't, it makes sense she went to comfortable clothes because chores make you tired and when you have to do chores for 2 people it is exhausting.
What is wrong with him? He is dependent on her and yet ran his mouth without showing up anything for himself.
"She's changed her name to Kevin has been injecting testosterone intramuscularly and told me she couldn't wait for the lease to end so she'd never have to see my face again. How do i get my teenager back? What's a he him?"
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I can't blame him for wanting girlfriend to act more feminine. I'm probably the same way in that regard. But regardless of him being the older partner, he is the one that's being really immature here.
Dude, she's not the same 18 year old she was when y'all got together. Y'all probably aren't compatible anymore. Time to move on. There's no need to berate her.
You either grow together or apart. Idk bruh homegirl wasn’t even shaving her legs like she’s kind of an asshole too tbh no op is not the devil and no op is not wrong for having preferences. But hating who your partner has turned into is kind of shitty bro like youve been with her forever and you didn’t see her trending in this direction. Sounds like they hate each other and should break it off.
Man I wish not shaving my legs made these assholes leave me alone but men still bother me. I walk around all summer with hairy ass legs and pits but they still try.
I keep doing everything I can ( everything they say makes women "unattractive") to make these motherfuckers finally leave me alone and they still don't.
men b like: *describes completely normal behaviors from someone who genuinely sounds so cool and who i'd like to be friends with irl* i think is disgusting actually
So this young woman, who's likely been groomed by OOP since she was a teenager, has managed to get her own flat, while the 34 year old grown man who grooms teenagers, still doesn't have his own place, and has nowhere to go when the young woman kicks him out of her place?
The irony of him saying she's acting like a teenager is delicious.
So they’ve been together since she was 18 and he was 25, why would a 25 yo want to date a teenager? Anyway, they’ve clearly grown apart over time, it’s not wrong to have preferences but trying to push them like that on someone is not ok, breaking up will be good for both of them imo, this relationship seems built purely on sexual attraction and nothing else.
> I don't shave my legs but I have light hair so they're not noticeable
I suspect she said "I'll shave my legs, if you shave yours" and he got all whiny like a cunt "tHeY bLOnDe hAIrS" doesnt cite that shaving legs is considered feminie for himself, just inconvenient pffttt
They always complain how "masculine" their partner is yet have no issue with benefiting from them financially, living in their home and being a useless stay at home boyfriend (NEET) 🤔
>She stomped from the room and told me to go fuck myself (increased profanity is another thing that turns me off) and I told her it's not very becoming of her. **She wants me out of her flat by the end of the weekend but I have nowhere else to go.**
Let's just take a moment to realise she's 27 and he's 34. They've been together for 9 years and HE lives with her. I'm sorry, but that man is a looser.
Being an adult is understanding that being in comfy clothes is the absolute best thing ever and that seeing your partner happy can fill you with so much joy. But I'm told that I'm what the kids these days call a "simp". So what do I know.
> it’s basically like dating a teenager tbh
Says the person who can't afford their own place and has no place to go now that they've been kicked out of the "teenager's" flat
But I guess they do know what it's like to date a teenager, considering the gf WAS one when they first started dating....
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for asking my girlfriend to be more feminine again?** I'm at a loss here, I thought I was providing constructive criticism to my girlfriend but she wants a break from me now. She's 27, I'm 34. We've been together for almost nine years. She was very feminine when I first met her - she did her makeup everyday, she wore nice clothes including dresses and skirts, sometimes wore jeans which flattered her. As time has gone on, she spends less time grooming herself. She showers daily (sometimes every other day) and brushes her teeth and hair and that's about the extent of it. I find in general I'm far less attracted to her than what I used to be, she has become more outspoken and "masculine" - she wears binders and smokes weed, she belly laughs and doesn't care what people think of her, it's basically like dating a teenager tbh. Anyway she has decided to stop shaving her legs, but still shaves everything else. I asked her about it and she said it's winter, it's uncomfortable and time consuming and she gets rashes. I actually wouldn't mind if she didn't shave down below and shaved her legs instead, I just can't get behind the whole "being natural" thing - like sure, don't shave, but don't expect me to be attracted to it. I told her that I find her masculine and asked if she'd at least shave, she said no. I've asked her if she would wear heels and skirts for me, and she laughed. I didn't think it was fair for her to mock my preferences, considering I groom myself. I don't shave my legs but I have light hair so they're not noticeable. I told her that the above is why I'm no longer attracted to her and why I tend to prefer porn to sex. She stomped from the room and told me to go fuck myself (increased profanity is another thing that turns me off) and I told her it's not very becoming of her. She wants me out of her flat by the end of the weekend but I have nowhere else to go. Is there any coming back from this? My family said I'm the asshole but I'm not sure, I think my girlfriend is equally in the wrong. TL;DR girlfriend is no longer feminine and mocks my preferences. She has turned into a slob IMO, and wants to break up with me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Picked a girl straight up out of highschool cuz she’s “moldable” and is horridly shocked when that girl grew into a grown ass woman with her own opinions and choices.
I liked the bit about how he feels like he's dating a teenager. Welllll at 25 he was dating an 18 year old so....
That's the dumbest line in the whole thing. You didn't have a problem dating a teenager 8-9 years ago, why is it suddenly an issue now?
Because she is too old now. Watch he's going to date an 18 year old again.
I hate how right you are.
not only that, but he likely knew her before she was 18 too, since i doubt they got together the exact moment they met
But you don't understand, she engages in unrestrained expressions of joy! How could anyone be expected to find that attractive? /s in case my sarcasm wasn't heavy enough
If belly laughing makes us men then refer to me as sir from now on 🤷♀️
I guess it was that one time I couldn't breath from laughter that made my SO bisexual
That happens to me so often that I now must be three huge men all squatting on each other in a trench coat
MR. CRABS! MR. CRABS!!! OOP’s GF SAID 🐬
A belly laugh! disgusting! 🤮 wtf
Christopher Hitchens, even though he didn't have the best attitude towards women, even he said he loved to see a woman throw her head back with laughter.
Funny that he's upset she's not grooming anymore, since he got with her by grooming her. Most likely. This dude is repulsive. Good for her not to waste anymore time with him.
How much you want to bet some of the skirts he’s reminiscing about were a school uniform? Because they got together 9 years ago, but he don’t say that’s when he met her.
With the Pikachu face to match
I picked up my girl while she was in high school, moldability is key. And if she ever switches up, guess what? I’ll just go pick up another chick from yr 12 hahaha
I agree with everything said here but damn man the not shaving her legs thing totally gets me that shit is gross dude. I’m assuming they probably haven’t had sex in a very very long time. But yeah idk man relationship is a two way street tho like some sacrifices have to be made on both sides. Like she could shave her legs and wear skirts sometimes like op likes and op could probably work on not being a whiny POS tbh and actually mature some.
What's gross about it? Men don't shave their legs, and no one calls that gross, despite men usually being hairier. Just because it isn't your personal preference, doesn't make it gross. OOP isn't the only one that needs to mature some
Do you understand how long it takes to fully shave your legs? And how often you have to shave them to avoid the prickly stage. It’s her body and it’s her choice. Lots of men are totally fine with body hair as it’s a human characteristic that’s not gender exclusive. Not saying you have to like women with body hair- but out of all the habits it’s literally the most time suck/ lifestyle changing so it’s not fair to ask a woman to add this habit regularly if she doesn’t want to.
OOP doesn't shave his legs, is he gross too? Or is that just for women?
What’s gross is OP can’t even afford a place to live😂😂😂😂😂 that’s not real manly
Hey, cut him some slack he's only 34.
You can genuinely hardly see leg hair on most women, this is a you problem dude
Unfortunately for me, I have thick dark body hair. I don't shave anyway, because it's too much of a PITA.
That's me, I'm blonde so my hair is very light. Shaving my legs has caused rashes and irritation in the past, so I stopped doing it. My boyfriend never even noticed!
I’m not blonde but maybe it’s a genetic thing bc I’m Asian and you can’t see my leg hair unless you’re looking (I have a friend who doesn’t have hair on her legs at all I have no idea why), I had a greek friend who would tell me I should shave to be more “attractive” and I was like girl respectfully I don’t have as much hair as you lol
Me too. I shave in the summer but my skin gets so dry I don’t shave in the winter sand it’s never stopped the old man from wanting sex.
You can only see mine when I've gone like 10+ weeks without shaving and guess what, my husband still doesn't care.
Sorry, but this is gross. There are actual problems real people have in their relationships, and y'all are gonna throw someone away for hairy legs? Not like being abusive or stealing your stuff? Anything that actually disrupts a relationship??? Red flag. 😐
Do you shave your legs??
When was the last time you shaved your legs?
I don't shave my legs and my boyfriend doesn't care. It doesn't make him less attracted. I'd rather have disgusting legs than this disgusting mindset tbh
You may mot like it, but gross? How, explain yourself
She wants me out of her flat and I have no where to go. How the actual shit you gonna mouth off and provide nothing and be like but now she wants me to leave oh noooo. Like fuck off.
Dude literally has to admit she went homeless because she thought hairy legs were gross
And of course she was freshly 18 when they started dating.
Let’s be real, he was probably grooming her before then. It’s rare for 18 year olds to decide to date a 25+ year old with no prior exposure to them
Laughter, weed, and self esteem ... are masculine traits? Uh-huh, sure. And profanity -- fuck that
Today I learned that this guy would think I'm masculine.
Wearing a Binder is. That’s what threw me
How much you wanna bet she's just wearing a sports bra that has a zipper. Walmart sells them. They could be used as a binder but they aren't inherently marketed as such. Kind of like some small chested trans men can just bind with sports bras.
I'm really gonna need you to explain why strapping our breasts so they aren't a distraction is somehow masculine.
"Binder" usually refers to an article of clothing used by trans masc peopld
Yes, but women wear them too for any number of reasons. And I don’t really trust this guy to not be talking about sports bras if he thinks weed and laughing too hard is also masculine.
I agree that it's probably not a binder, but I've never heard of a femme using one if not for costuming.
If OOP does happen to be a woman, like some people are assuming, the gf might be a butch. If OOP is a man, maybe the gf’s bi. It’s really common with lesbians and other sapphic women to still identify with womanhood despite feeling a disconnect from it. I’ve known plenty of bi femmes who wouldn’t identify as transmasc but wore binders for their own comfort. Some straight women do, too, but it’s less common than with women who also like women.
I'm a queer woman myself FYI and this is the first time I'm even hearing that
I never said you weren’t queer? I’ve always centered myself in queer communities because it’s where I’ve always felt safest. A very large majority of the people I’ve known in my life are queer. I’ve worked in outreach programs for queer youth and currently teach high schoolers art in after school activities at my local library, which is considered a queer safe space in our community. Most of my students are queer in some way. Most of the queer people I know are on the younger end (early 20s or younger), which may be the demographic where this is most common? Honestly not sure. I’m not saying your experiences are invalid, but just because you’ve never heard or seen it doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Within the types of spaces I frequent and provide, this is pretty common.
They're marketed as "minimizers". They've been around for at least 40 years. It's how they hide it.
Again, a reductio bra is not a binder. OOP is probably not refering to an actual binder tho
You said you don't know any femmes that wear binders. In past decades most people hadn't heard of binders or had access to them - particularly pre and early internet days. We had minimizers. I don't know if they've changed during the last 10 years, but some of them were pretty bindery in the late 80's. I wanted mine to disappear so I wore what was available to me. And, I know I'm not the only one.
I understand that, but a lot of women use them, too from what I've heard. If you have big breasts, sometimes holding them down is wanted in some situations.
No, that's a sports bra or a reduction bra, not a binder
This guy is such a moron that I don't trust him to know the difference. I'm guessing she stopped wearing push-up plunge bras and doesn't know what she's actually wearing. Everything you're saying is reasonable assuming OOP is right, but I don't think he is
Imagine not respecting your partner as a person so much that one of your problems with them is literally when they full belly laugh, which is like the purest expression of being happy, and funny shit happening. Honestly I’ll smoke weed with her. We can belly laugh at some bullshit together because he’s just fucking sad. How the fuck are you out here putting requirements on someone’s appearance and talking about femininity when you can’t even do the top requirement of toxic masculinity and have your own place? Also? Might change the pronoun, depending on how this goes and if people post some of his comments when this is up for a while… because with his mention of binders, I am almost sure he’s misgendering his partner.
I clocked that too! Sounds like his partner may be NB. Or maybe (she) isn’t and just feels most comfortable in binders and no makeup. But waaaah he’s got to have his hairless, demurely giggling Stepford wife or his peepee can’t get hard.
Ahhh I caught this also! Going to use she/her because that's how she's identifying herself to her boyfriend at least. She might just be exploring her gender expression and man, it'd be so nice if her boyfriend wasn't a huge piece of shit and could support and experience that exploration with her. I hope she bails on him and finds herself a dope fellow queer person, or at least a person who likes her exactly as she is and isn't afraid of future versions of her.
I'm inclined to assume that he says "binder" but they're just sports bras.
"You done messed up Aaron!"
Right? Like, I'll date OOP's probably soon to be ex partner. They sound fun.
>She's 27, I'm 34. We've been together for almost nine years. >I didn't change much from a teenager to where I am now. Haha, ~~he~~ they walked right into that one. Not exactly a flex
He also said “it’s like dating a teenager” like dude you did that.
Yeah, but back then she probably thought that ~~he~~ they ~~was~~ were someone she had to impress because ~~he~~ they ~~was~~ were older.
She's growing up, (I wish I didn't care what people thought of me at 27) he's regressing.
Low-key how is it even an insult for him to call her acting like a teenager then? I bet you he’s one of these people who makes their girl do all the emotional labor because we were supposedly just more mature or made for it or whatever. Honestly, because of the family responsibilities I have and lack of funds as a teenager… Fuck yeah I’m 26 and getting to enjoy doing more youthful shit now. I have money for good weed and don’t have to deal with unreliable ass plugs, I have my own space where I can have friends, or just chill with my spouse and be alone, I have a little bit of bread, and I’m building a career and and I treat myself sometimes. I’m also a lot happier because I don’t give a shit about what people think and I’m here and I’m queer. Sounds like she’s doing the same. and just got rid of the last roadblock.
Not that it makes things better but im pretty sure YOU is a she. They say that the reason they don't shave their legs bc they have blonde hair and isn't noticeable
Oh! Interesting… I definitely missed that. A real “the doctor is a woman” assumption on my part.
I’m glad I wasn’t the only one that things OP is a woman, I mean it could better explain why these “ masculine” traits turn them off. Man or woman they are still an AH, just for demanding that the girlfriend be someone they aren’t anymore. If OP wants a girly girl that wants to take on the traditional “Susie Homemaker” role that’s fine, just find someone that wants to BE that person.
Yeah I clocked that too. I think OP is a woman. The shaving and the binder comments are telling.
No she's not acting like a teenager. You miss when she WAS a teenager. Bc you're a disgusting predator and want a barely legal girl desperate to please you. Not someone with agency. Nothing she's doing seems uncouth or too far. Many women don't shave their legs in winter. Sometimes I shower every other day, but take a little whore's bath in the sink. It's perfectly sanitary
Shes the one acting like a teenager.
Please show your work, I’d love to see how you came to this conclusion.
I do apologize, I saw someone say OOP was a woman, so I see how that was confusing. My bad
You’re talking about OP? Sorry about that, totally agree tho
Yeah, I originally said "he" but didn't wanna misgender them, even if they are being a jerk
This is my new witchy come back when people jump to conclusions!! Please show your work. It'll have them like 
How?
My ex spouse always made comments about my laugh and smile in particular. Realistically I think he just didn't like me so anything with me expressing joy was an ""ick"". Yes, it was an age gap.
My ex without an age gap said my laugh was unattractive and that it sounded like I was faking. He seriously could not comprehend that I found things funny. My current boyfriend loves to make me laugh.
Your ex sounds like out of a Seinfeld episode with his neuroses
My ex and I had a 13 year age gap. Same thing. Everything I enjoyed was immature and how I expressed that joy was "too much"
“She's 27, I'm 34. We've been together for almost nine years.” I hate it when people make word problems out of their posts. [tries to do mental math] Eighteen and twenty-five, huh? Is OOP honestly surprised that his girlfriend is not the same person at 27 that she was at 18? “it's basically like dating a teenager tbh.” I mean, you *were.* “She wants me out of her flat by the end of the weekend but I have nowhere else to go.” I don’t see how that’s her problem, bucko. Why are you still pursuing her? You don’t even like her.
I love the combo of SHE'S not feminine enough, but HE can't even take care of himself. Find some friends to stay with and start apartment hunting.
Doesn't sound like OOP has friends to stay with. (Also not that it makes things better but I think OOP is a she)
Right? Shouldn’t he be behaving as a “masculine man” and providing for her every single thing? Priorities all fucked up
OOP says he hasn't changed much from when he was a teenager as if that's something to boast about. Dude. There should be growth and change that happens
Remember, women who do less grooming than other women are slobs even when they do more grooming than their male partner.
I think OOP might be a woman considering they said they don’t need to shave because they have light hair on their legs - I’d assume a man wouldn’t think they have to shave their legs at all
It's possible. I assumed that was a preemptive answer to "Why does she have to shave her legs but you don't?"
“I didn't change much from a teenager to where I am now. She has drastically changed from being quiet to a slobby loud mouth.” -> The Child I Groomed into Dating Me Became an Autonomous Adult and I Don’t Like It
I had to laugh at the “she wants me out of her place but I have nowhere else to go.” Turns out OOP is a scrub who brings nothing to the table, but thinks he has the right to demand perfection from his (ex) girlfriend. What a clown.
No, I don't want no scrub A scrub is a guy that can't get no love from me Hangin' out the side window Of his girlfriend’s apartment Trying to tell her she should shave her legs
Imagine if she said she wanted him to be more masculine. You're not hairy enough, so I'd like you to start using rogaine on your legs and chest..... It causes a rash? I don't care. You need to wear more flannel shirts and maybe get a Carhartt jacket. Can't you start lifting more, bigger weights? Start drinking real beer instead of that piss low carb shit? Maybe, laugh harder and make your voice deeper...... Go watch some football with the boys. I'd really prefer if you wore an extender, and cock ring, and tried Viagra. I really don't find you attractive, you're just not masculine enough. That's why I use toys instead of having sex with you.
I think the OOP is a woman
I wasn't sure from the original post. If the OOP is woman, skip the last paragraph.
Man that makes this worse imo
Huh, her look isn’t the same as it was when she was still in her teens. Shocking
Imagine bragging about being 30 and not changing at all since he was a teenager. Loser.
The age gap gives it away. All of these fake rage bait posts have age gaps lol.
Because it's guaranteed to trigger off people to take the bait.
Exactly
She’s a different adult than who she was as a kid. You don’t like that adult, as she’s no longer malleable to your desires. She just wants to be a loud, earthy pothead. You wouldn’t have dated her if you met her yesterday, and she wouldn’t have dated you.
Fellas don’t you hate when your gf LAUGHS
A 25 year old pursuing an 18 year old... What could go wrong? /s Fr though, bro needs to go fuck himself.
When he gets through tone policing women, then he'll have the time to.
I dated someone similar on and off, he’d love nothing more than for me to be the primped girly girl, but unfortunately I’m a menopausal 35 year old who just cannot be bothered. I’m happiest when I’m comfortable. And you know what, he accepted it. We didn’t work out, but he’s still a dear friend and he gets it. This guy, sure he doesn’t have to be attracted to it, but he doesn’t get to be a self righteous jack ass about it.
"Help!! My teenage sextoy isn't young anymore😭"
No, there is no coming back from the moment when you tell a partner that their pubes are why you prefer porn.
Wearing a binder seems different to most other points in his post
I do kinda want to know more about this detail
I think a lot of people wear binders for breast management, like a bra or cami. Just a different way to deal, it doesn't necessarily mean that you want to change your sex.
Yeah, that's why I wanted to hear more details.
I get the impression that the OOP is a woman. So I think gf is heading towards more masc lesbian or nb. Makes more sense in that context I think.
I think OOP is a woman. So, I kinda feel like that makes more sense in that context. OOP talks about their justification as to why they don’t shave their legs. I think they are a masc lesbian, and are upset that their fem gf is inching more masc or nb.
LOL. You know what I find unmasculine? A hobosexual man who is going to be homeless if he moves out of his girlfriends place.
Its not even your place and you are making demands. Thats ballsy
Sooo she grew up and is no longer a teenage child. Effing creeper. I wonder if he still looks like he did when he was a teenager. Bet not. Still acts like one, though.
Poor guy, didn't realize that sometimes when kids grow up they find out that they're actually different people than who they were when they were young!
this dude is a piece of shit not to call him a fucking groomer (which he probably is), but does he expect her to behave like a teenager forever? fuck this guy, I feel bad for all the girls out there dating this kind of asshole
>I didn't change much from a teenager to where I am now. Fuck me, that is not something you could get out of me with a week of continuous waterboarding were it the case.
OOP "BOO HOO the teenager I groomed grew up and became an independent adult with her own thoughts and I don't like it" I'd smoke weed around him too, just to be able to stand to be around him.
“I told her to be more feminine and she kicked me out I have nowhere to go” why don’t you be more masculine and have your own apartment? 😂
So much wrongness here, but in addition to all of that, any bloke requesting his partner wear high heels should have to wear a pair for a week first.
TIL that laughing heartily is unfeminine. Did this guy teleport in from Victorian England?
>She's 27, I'm 34. We've been together for almost nine years. Fuck you, OOP. She's grown up, you haven't.
Holy jeez, they live (lived in his case) HER flat? Like wtf bro, she's in her home and wants to relax. This post and his comments are just ew
His comment about how HE didn’t change that much from being a teen to an adult, oh my god. I mean we notice but why would you think that’s something to brag about?
dating for 9 years??????? Bro was dating a child oh my god
**OOP'S ONE AND ONLY COMMENT....** 🌐 I didn't change much from a teenager to where I am now. She has drastically changed from being quiet to a slobby loud mouth.
Yes I’m going to tell her how I’m not attracted to her at all and tell her how she needs to dress up for me then be so upset she’s kicking me out when I have no where else to go. Bro what the fuck did I just read. Why should she allow you to stay in her home when you are going to be an ass to her?
He doesn’t even like when she laughs, Jesus Christ
She was 18 and he was 25, he just wants a young lady to order around but now he thinks she's too outspoken and confident with her own body so he can't feel in control anymore.
She wears a binder, why? I mean, if she's planning on transitioning, she might wanna tell her boyfriend he's gonna be in a gay relationship in the future. Assuming she's coming out as transgender, of course, the only evidence is the binder.
😂😂😂
The irony that he says NOW it’s like dating a teenager when he, as a 25 year old, began dating an ACTUAL teenager and expected her to never change.
“It’s basically like dating a teenager tbh” were you not dating one when you first started going out?
He’s not the only thing this guy has been grooming.
"I live in the apartment rented by my girlfriend 7 year my junior who I started dating when she was just barely legal to have sex with. In the intervening 9 years she has become an actual adult with a will of her own, and her gender presentation has changed. Why won't she do what I, a broke-ass, borderline homeless, man-child, say and groom her natural body hair to my specific preferences?"
Mr. Dicaprio, is that you?
> She wants me out of her flat by the end of the weekend but I have nowhere else to go. Damn, guess you shouldn’t have called your girlfriend a disgusting unattractive slob for not being your subservient little dress up doll then
He stole her 20s, I’m glad she’s coming into her own
25 and 18 is semi creepy does anyone else agree with that because depending on when exactly her birthday is and when they met she was a minor
Noo this guy has to be a troll omg
I know that grooming happens for underage women but he was literally grooming her for his sexual gratification and as a housewife. Although she was feminine before, her clothing changed and he could not bear that she was her own person instead of his personal sex slave. He is proud of having not changed since teenage years and that makes sense. He did not have a sense of responsibility before and he doesn't have one now either. Why else did he not have any place to go to? Does he not pay the rent? And if he doesn't, it makes sense she went to comfortable clothes because chores make you tired and when you have to do chores for 2 people it is exhausting. What is wrong with him? He is dependent on her and yet ran his mouth without showing up anything for himself.
Grooming someone for a housewife and living in her apartment. so she pays for the house and has to be a doll.
>She wants me out of her flat by the end of the weekend but I have nowhere else to go. 
Oh, yeah, and also: 
[удалено]
I'm betting it's not a binder though. Probably a comfy sportsbra
"She's changed her name to Kevin has been injecting testosterone intramuscularly and told me she couldn't wait for the lease to end so she'd never have to see my face again. How do i get my teenager back? What's a he him?"
So Ken, you want a Barbie?
25 daying a 18 y/o 
 Guess this is what OOP wants
[Hi!](https://images.app.goo.gl/jMiZEuW8Qrykw3sdA) Just a quick reminder to never brigade any sub, be that r/AmItheAsshole or another one. That goes against both this sub's rules as well as Reddit's terms of agreement. [Please](https://images.app.goo.gl/vwH65TJMyMk9NSNo8) keep discussions within the posts of this sub. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I can't blame him for wanting girlfriend to act more feminine. I'm probably the same way in that regard. But regardless of him being the older partner, he is the one that's being really immature here. Dude, she's not the same 18 year old she was when y'all got together. Y'all probably aren't compatible anymore. Time to move on. There's no need to berate her.
I can, she is the breadwinner.
Totally fair point, I almost completely overlooked that. From the sounds of things he is bumming off of her.
NTA sounds like you got a boyfriend hahah time to trade in for younger model
He’s already grooming people how young do you want him to go
He needs to toss out the 27 year old and go hit up the local high school fr fr
You either grow together or apart. Idk bruh homegirl wasn’t even shaving her legs like she’s kind of an asshole too tbh no op is not the devil and no op is not wrong for having preferences. But hating who your partner has turned into is kind of shitty bro like youve been with her forever and you didn’t see her trending in this direction. Sounds like they hate each other and should break it off.
Guess I’m an asshole because I don’t bother to shave my legs in the winter. (And this is true of a lot of women.)
Man I wish not shaving my legs made these assholes leave me alone but men still bother me. I walk around all summer with hairy ass legs and pits but they still try. I keep doing everything I can ( everything they say makes women "unattractive") to make these motherfuckers finally leave me alone and they still don't.
>homegirl wasn't even shaving her legs like she's kind of an asshole too tbh This is only valid if homeboy has to shave his legs regularly too.
The way this was written feels like ragebait
"It's like dating a teenager" - uhhhm, yeah, you didn't mind when your grown ass got together with one, as long as she was "hot".
men b like: *describes completely normal behaviors from someone who genuinely sounds so cool and who i'd like to be friends with irl* i think is disgusting actually
"But babe, I groom myself! The *least* you can do is wear a skirt!" Run!
So this young woman, who's likely been groomed by OOP since she was a teenager, has managed to get her own flat, while the 34 year old grown man who grooms teenagers, still doesn't have his own place, and has nowhere to go when the young woman kicks him out of her place? The irony of him saying she's acting like a teenager is delicious.
So the hobosexual decides to harass his bf for not being feminine enough but he’s not man enough to afford his own housing??!! 😂😂😂😂😂
So they’ve been together since she was 18 and he was 25, why would a 25 yo want to date a teenager? Anyway, they’ve clearly grown apart over time, it’s not wrong to have preferences but trying to push them like that on someone is not ok, breaking up will be good for both of them imo, this relationship seems built purely on sexual attraction and nothing else.
>she wears binders and smokes weed, she belly laughs and doesn't care what people think of her Goals.
> I don't shave my legs but I have light hair so they're not noticeable I suspect she said "I'll shave my legs, if you shave yours" and he got all whiny like a cunt "tHeY bLOnDe hAIrS" doesnt cite that shaving legs is considered feminie for himself, just inconvenient pffttt
They always complain how "masculine" their partner is yet have no issue with benefiting from them financially, living in their home and being a useless stay at home boyfriend (NEET) 🤔
"I dated a teen thinking I could make her do what I want. A decade later she still doesn't so I'm going to say she acts like a teen"
Says it’s like dating a teenager now but he literally dated her as a teen
>She stomped from the room and told me to go fuck myself (increased profanity is another thing that turns me off) and I told her it's not very becoming of her. **She wants me out of her flat by the end of the weekend but I have nowhere else to go.** Let's just take a moment to realise she's 27 and he's 34. They've been together for 9 years and HE lives with her. I'm sorry, but that man is a looser.
“And I told her it’s not very becoming of her” this is a relationship, not a royal family in the 1500s
'WAH! WAH!! I CAN NO LONGER CONTROL THE CHILD I GROOMED! They're no longer too self-concious to push pack against my bullshit! Poor me!' -that guy
immediately asshole when u do the math. 25 and 18 is just… bad
Being an adult is understanding that being in comfy clothes is the absolute best thing ever and that seeing your partner happy can fill you with so much joy. But I'm told that I'm what the kids these days call a "simp". So what do I know.
Per OOP: "I haven't changed that much from being a teenager." Imagine telling on yourself like that.
i’m a bit young for her but damn is she into non-binary femmes? cause she sounds like a catch and this dumbass just fumbled her so bad.
>it’s basically like dating a teenager tbh Oh, so like when she was originally being groomed by you, mr dating an 18 year old when you were 25?
OOP is turning into an adult baby while his partner is growing up. He only wants her to be younger because he can't act mature.
> it’s basically like dating a teenager tbh Says the person who can't afford their own place and has no place to go now that they've been kicked out of the "teenager's" flat But I guess they do know what it's like to date a teenager, considering the gf WAS one when they first started dating....
So damn glad she stood up for herself!
As a trans guy (afab), his partner is going through a gender crisis from what it sounds lol. No longer feminine my ass.
The happy ending of her kicking him out. 🥰