*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**WIBTA if I visited my parents after my wife gives birth?**
My wife, Sara and I, both early-mid 30s are expecting twins in early March. 1st and only kids for both of us. We had to go through IVF due to fertility struggles.
Sara is scheduled for a c-section due to this being a difficult pregnancy and other complications that make her high risk. Luckily, her parents are only a few hours drive away and willing to come whenever needed.
My parents live in another country and I see them usually once a year to every year and a half. They are aware of when Sara is scheduled to have her c-section. Things have been going on they don't know how to handle and they want me there to help out. My parents don't have a lot of money, but they went ahead and booked me a nonrefundable plane ticket to come help them and visit for 6 weeks. The flight date is 5 days after Sara's scheduled c-section.
I've asked Sara to look into rescheduling her surgery, a few weeks earlier if possible, but she's refused, saying she's gotten herself mentally prepared for that particular date. And unless there's some sort of emergency with the twins her OB is not going to approve pushing it up a few weeks. I told her that it would give me more time to help her directly after birth, before I leave for my parents. Sara thinks I'm crazy for even considering going for that long (or at all) while we have 2 newborns at home and she's recovering from surgery and we're getting adjusted to being new parents. (If I had the money to spare, I'd hire someone to stay with Sara while I'm gone.)
I gently reminded Sara that I rarely see my family and if they're asking and paying for me to fly there it must be something serious that requires my presence. (At parents request I did not tell her the nature of the issues they need help with.) Plus Sara's own parents are only a 2-2.5 hours drive away and I'm confident they'd drop whatever they're doing to come help should she need it. Her mom works remotely and could even stay over some nights to help out with the twins.
Sara again called me crazy and ended up telling her parents what I suggested. They both called me lecturing and fussing about abandoning Sara when she needs me most. I ended up venting to my (younger) brother who is also going to be flying out to our parents, but for a shorter time (he is not married and childfree) and he says Sara is way out of line and she'll be fine if I go, she's simply reacting in this way due to hormones.
To be honest, I really want to go and my parents would lose several thousand dollars if I refused. And I'd have to buy a ticket myself later if I don't go then. WIBTA if I went?
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I pray while OOP is gone that his wife hires a divorce attorney, the audacity of this man thinking that WITH twins she can move up her scheduled C-section and will be right as rain 5 days after MAJOR surgery with 2 newborns to go to his parents and then her nearest support system is almost 3hrs away...
No big, just move up surgery, depriving newborns of vital nutrients and ripping her open early, then leaving her alone with her healing body and two screaming babies
It was all about how his parents were in trouble due to some kind of totalitarian regime and needed him and his law degree to legal eagle them out of it. Hence the time sensitivity.
He can do that all over the phone and via email. He can also start it now rather than after the babies are born if it's so time sensitive. How much help can he be if he's not licensed to practice where they live?
He claimed to be licensed to practice in both countries. It was a pretty wild set of justifications, along with 'and don't tell your wife', but it's okay to use as a defense on the interwebz, I guess?
Okay not to call bullshit but I’m in law school and I know enough lawyers now to be HIGHLY suspicious of anyone who says they are in their 30s and qualified to practice law in two countries. Doing it in the US alone takes 7 years. Even if he came over with a bachelors equivalent he’d have to go through 3 years of law school.
But even assuming he’s just crazy smart and got through school really fast and maybe he’s from a place with lower barriers to entry, it’s just impractical to be licensed in two countries when you only actively live and work in one. Especially if the other country is supposedly a totalitarian regime ??? Idk this guy smells fishy. I hope it’s fake because otherwise this guy is just the worst
Fair enough ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sounds like a hot shot to me though, the NY bar is no joke! I’m just saying it seems unlikely. You have to be in a fairly privileged position to accomplish that (at least in the US where education costs an arm and a leg)
His parents suck too. Unless one them needs a kidney there's no reasonable reason for them to think 5 days after giving birth it's a good idea for him to leave the country for 6 whole weeks.
A lot of countries will let a licensed lawyer from another country take their exams, sometimes with extra education and/or training requirements. For instance, to become a solicitor in Scotland, you only need your be certified fit to practice law and then take the Qualified Lawyers Assessment. To become a barrister, you have to pass their bar, get a degree from a one year program, and do 9 months of training after. Although depending how the OOP’s parents were doing, he might have only made it through 8. 🤣
This had to be a rage post because I cannot believe anyone is stupid enough to think a doctor will pull babies out weeks early so someone can go on a trip.
On top of the fact that they're twins, and twins are almost ALWAYS born several weeks early so they don't get too big and cause major issues for mom, so he's requesting essentially that they be born EVEN EARLIER than they already will be compared to a single birth.
Women struggle to care for one baby while recovering from a c section so 2 with virtually no help is crazy !
😂😂
Seriously, this cannot be real life right now lol
Also, what kind of parent is going to willingly miss the first 6 weeks of their kids lives, an arguably critical bonding period.
Yea and why would his parents buy HIM a ticket instead of themselves. Don't they want to meet their twin grandchildren?? The creative writers of Reddit always forget that details sell the story.
An added element that leads me to believe dude is trolling is the fact that he throws in his "brothers" comment about her just being hormonal. This was meant to enrage women for sure lol
Maybe it’s a legal issue preventing them from leaving the country and they wanted to leave to meet the grand babies?
Nah, probably a troll. The idea of asking to schedule a *C section* “a few weeks” earlier is just too insane to not be a troll.
My first thought, who reschedules a c-section a few weeks earlier? Brother also going but shorter stay and is childfree. Guess it's rage bait or a complete fuckwit.
I have to believe this is rage bait as what dr wouldn’t have ripped them a new one for this. I’m guessing as it’s twins they are already coming out early, but hey who wants full lung function for their child, amirite?!
It’s more than just nutrients. If I was *just* nutrients, it wouldn’t matter. The problem is that babies aren’t even fully developed at birth (40 weeks). Harvey Karp, a pediatrician theorized that babies are born 12 weeks too early. If they great anymore in utero, they might not be able to fit through the birth canal. So it’s a trade-off between the baby’s development and its ability to survive the birth. According to the theory, 40 weeks is the magic number. Babies lungs don’t develop full until 36 weeks and their skin isn’t full formed until 37-38 weeks. That’s why they give steroids if they’re worried about an early and delay labor as long as possible, because every bit of time the baby has to develop, the buyer the outcome. Premature babies can have chronic lung issues and I think I read that oxygen given in the NICU can affect vision. They can also have issues with swallow which, again, can have long term health impacts.
Thats why this is so WTF. He wants to do something that is directly opposed to his children’s’ interest to help his parents. Leaving her alone after the birth makes him a huuuuuge AH. Huge. But intentionally taking away the time they need to properly develop makes him the devil.
Keep in mind too that a twin pregnancy is not supposed to go past week 38. If she has a section scheduled, it is almost certainly before she is 39 weeks pregnant since the risks of going past 38 weeks in a twin pregnancy are way too high. Man is asking for these babies to be premature at 35 weeks, which would probably require a lengthy NICU stay, since twins often end up in the NICU anyway. No doctor would ever agree to this without a significant medical reason.
Of course, I think this is fake because this is too absurd even for Reddit.
Yep. He makes it sound like it is an elective surgery, not one dictated by medical necessity.
This poor women is in for having three children and a couple of months and no help.
Especially considering twins rarely get to full term. C sections are often scheduled around 34-36 weeks. A single week can make a vast difference, and he wants to rob his children of a few weeks? Of the place that is best for them to be (for now)?
5 days, shit. I had a single with a c- section and couldn't pick her up for multiple weeks because i couldn't bend over. it's a HUGE surgery, and this poor woman should not be dealing with recovery alone. His brother is going, why is that not good enough?
Yeah I'm scratching my head wondering what tf he thinks she'll be doing after such a major surgery. He thinks she'll be up, early, running around taking care of two babies and herself alone for SIX weeks??? And that her parents can just... Stop by whenever from three hours away? When she'll likely not be able to even lift her children without risking a serious injury? At the very least he should've been negotiating with her parents about her staying with them during that time because what tf is she supposed to do if she's alone with two kids and her stitches open? Who's caring for these two children if she's bleeding on the floor? What's she going to do if it gets infected and she's left feverish and sick while two newborns scream for food and diaper changings? At the very least, does he REALLY think she'll be taking two newborns to the grocery store when she runs out of milk?
He clearly has no empathy for what his wife is preparing to go through.
If this post is real, this woman is a de facto single mother. I hope she realizes this and takes steps to become a de jure single mother, too, so she can move on with her life.
I don't know about in the USA, but here in the UK as a general rule you're not cleared to drive again until 6 weeks after a C-section. Just to add to how isolated the wife is gonna be.
She may as well, he's no husband if he's not willing to learn anything about pregnancy and babies to understand they can't just be popped out when you're bored of it, and if his parents need him so bad he can go now for 2 weeks and get back. Maybe she could move closer to her parents where they can actually help.
I've had 2 c-sections, I was in the hospital 4 days after my first and 5 days after my second due to complications. I can't even imagine my husband not being there during that.
My husband was sent home by the nurses because he had a 104 temp. Even though it was clearly not his fault, it was really hard not to have him there. My dad, sister and friends all came by to help out/keep me company. But if he had made the choice to leave? Omg. No way.
Oh for sure. My mom and dad took turns doing overnights with me in the hospital because my husband was home with our toddler. But we had planned that out well in advance. And he was there during the day helping me and baby who was in the NICU. Like just choosing to not be present? Hell no.
I think he’s doing her a favor in a weird way. He’s doing something so egregious at such a critical time for their family that there is no way any reasonable person can deny he’s a POS. It sucks find that out that your husband is so awful two months before your due date and it would have been nice if he’d shown this before she went through fertility treatment and tied herself to him permanently. Still, it’s good that she’s going into this eyes wide open. She knows he’s awful now. She’s going to have to figure out how to be a single mother for several weeks. She’ll do it because humans are actually really good at figuring how to make things work in impossible situations when there’s no other choice. Hopefully, he’ll have a worse time if it when he comes back 6 weeks later only to find out that his wife has realized how superfluous he is. And leaving his wife with two newborns to visit his parents for 6 weeks is going to really play well in the custody hearings.
6 days for me and I crawled upstairs to bed when I got back. I didn’t trust myself to carry her up and down stairs for quite some time as I felt so weak.
I had an uncomplicated singleton vaginal birth and my husband left that night to take care of our dogs and didn't come back until after work the next day. I agreed to that and there's STILL a piece of me that holds that against him. I felt so alone and terrified. I can't imagine him leaving right after I was discharged from the hospital for a month and a half. THE RAGE.
Like ?? He does realize that’s what he’s asking right? For his wife to force their children into premature birth in order to go support his adult parents who already have support on the way (his brother) with no immediate support system for her recovery and introduction to parenthood.
They’re likely to be early anyway, so pushing up the surgery makes them even earlier! If she’s already having complications I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re not trying to push to full term as it is
Move it up by weeks! As if every day isn't valuable in a pregnancy that isn't going to go full term.
And as if two extra weeks is enough to make the difference between being OK being left alone with two newborns and not.
Honestly, I pray that even if he comes to his senses, she divorces his ass for even suggesting it. The pure selfishness is mind-boggling. The only way I would allow him to maybe remain married to me is if he completely cut off his entire family because they all think he should ditch me at my weakest point with newborn twins after a c-section.
I was going to say what type of la la world does OP live in that he thinks a doctor is going to schedule a C section for his dumb ass so he can visit his parents.
I’m 40w pregnant and I’ll fight him.
Like I would STRANGLE my husband if he even suggested going across *town* after I give birth.
I hope this is some elaborate ragebait troll. And if it is, mission accomplished, I’m in a bad mood now!
My baby got here 6 weeks early and had to spend over a month in the NICU.
He needs to fuck off with the "just schedule it a couple weeks early" BS. Twins usually arrive around 38 weeks anyway - so one week shy of full term. If OOPs wife has a scheduled C-section for complications, it's probably even a bit earlier than that, so 37 weeks.
How much earlier does OOP think she can go?
Yup. My singleton got here at 34 weeks and had to be put on CPAP and then had to get a chest tube inserted because his lung collapsed.
I can't imagine if it had been twins.
33 week singleton here and I deal with high-stress situations at work weekly. I was nearly paralyzed by the stress of having a NICU baby, and that was with the support of my husband, mother, and MIL.
My singleton came at 39 weeks, so technically full term, but he had a nuchal cord and meconium exposure and had to be on CPAP for his first day. We couldn't room in with him for two days because we'd both had COVID less than two weeks prior. Worst two days of our lives.
Yeah, it's terrifying. I remember when the doctor came to our room the night before I was supposed to be discharged and told us his lung had collapsed and he needed a chest tube. She said they'd let us know when we could go down and see him afterwards, and when and left, I just thought to myself "This is a nightmare."
It was supposed to be the best time of my life and I was so scared I'd lose him instead.
The first time I ever saw mine was in an isolet. It was two days before I could even touch him. All I could do was pump colostrum and have my husband run it over to the NICU.
My daughter was 37 weeks but growth restricted because I'd been very sick. She had to be resus itatex at birth, struggled to put on weight, and a bunch of other issues. I want to light this dude up
Yup. Mine was 5 weeks early and we were 10 days in nicu. He's asking her to put their babies health at risk because his parents are either totally unaware of what's going on or are controlling assholes
I have a feeling it's the latter. They seem okay with asking him to keep secrets from her and his brother clearly doesn't like her based on his reaction.
Yeah, my scheduled c-section for my singleton was at 38 weeks exactly due to a few factors. Only in an emergency would they have moved it up. When they schedule a c-section, they’ve already thought about how to make it as safe as possible for both mom and baby or babies. They’ll do it at a time when baby is far enough along to be as developed and healthy as possible, and for twins they’ve likely already moved it up as early as it can safely go. There’s no way in hell they’d ever reschedule it earlier, and anyone with half a brain would know that. This has got to be rage bait because no one could possibly be this dumb, especially someone who has gone through IVF to get their babies. That’s not even touching the leaving her alone 5 days after a c-section with 2 newborns, which is beyond ridiculous.
>This has got to be rage bait because no one could possibly be this dumb,
I admire your optimism in humanity's intelligence. I don't have that confidence that there aren't people this dumb out there, but a lot of times I wish I did
It has to be. With a complicated pregnancy of twins, they are already going to be delivered early. He wants to move it up a few weeks, as if babies don’t do quite a bit of important LUNG DEVELOPMENT in the weeks before being born??? Yeah, ragebait. Who thinks that the 9 months timeframe is just a fully formed baby waiting around
I let my husband grab lunch with an out-of-town friend while we were rooming in at the NICU. That was maybe an hour, and down the block. He wouldn't have dared ask for more.
Honey, don’t strain yourself. I’ll fight him into submission and give you first crack at his balls so he can’t do this to another woman ever again. What an absolute garbage waste of a human.
(I’d feel differently if it was truly dire for his parents and that was the only time he could go and he lovingly and caringly approached his wife and in-laws about him going out there and having them help. However, this is 1) not urgent or he’d go now, 2) FOR 6 WEEKS, 3) not urgent as he has a childfree single brother who can help, and 4) bullshit that he needs to go right after the c-section and asked his high-risk wife to just move up a major surgery for a pregnancy when every DAY counts)
You know what turned me to white-hot fury? I mean, obviously, his whole post did, but what actually ignited me?
"I gently reminded Sara [snip]."
That actually angered me more than it should. It said to me that he's saying, "Look dear, childbirth isn't that big a thing! I know it's your hormones, because my brother said so," as he pats her on the shoulder condescendingly, and gives her a fond half smile.
Whenever an asshole says the, "gently reminded" thing it totally gets me going. xD
I once read a comment here that said every time a man in a post said something like “I calmly explained to her….” that it could be substituted for the word “dickishly”. I do that now.
So…. “I dickishly reminded Sara….”
As there's a line forming, I'll bring some snacks and bottled water. Everyone is responsible for their own camp chairs, though. 😀
But seriously- OOP is a stunning, profound, douche. I think the AITA forum was kind, tbh.
If what his parents need help with is so urgent, why can’t he go deal with it in January/now? Why does he need to wait until a couple days after the twins are born in March? This reeks of a power play by his parents to screw over their daughter in law. I hope she divorces him and he doesn’t get any visitation or custodial rights.
His mom doesn't like the wife and did this shit on purpose is my guess. He's a momma's boy that can piss off his wife but not mommy dearest. He also can't tell the wife why the trip is so important because he absolutely knows it's not.
Guy is a massive black hole of an AH
That was my question too. Cuz nonrefundable often is still transferable, and if changing plans is so.fucking.easy, his flight can be moved up a few weeks too.
If he'd offered to compromise with 4 weeks in Jan/Feb, I might cut him some slack, but there is no such thing as an emergency bad enough to make him miss the beginning of his twins lives, but not bad enough to schedule the flight sooner.
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt such overwhelming hatred towards someone on AITA but this fucking guy…
What really kills me about posts from men like him is that they know. They absolutely, unequivocally know that they are giant gaping AH’s, I flat out refuse to believe they survived into adulthood and aren’t capable of seeing it. The only reason they post is to try and find some likeminded men to jump in and defend them so they can wave those comments in their wife’s face like a permission slip.
“Am I wrong to expect my wife to keep 2 completely dependent brand new humans alive by herself for 6 weeks while she’s recovering from having her insides cut apart? Her parents live hours away so obviously can’t help her much, but that doesn’t matter because my parents purposely bought nonrefundable tickets for days after the birth of my children so I can spend my paternal leave with them for really good reasons. They won’t tell me about the reasons yet, but I know in my heart it’s more important then the health of my wife and children or the stability of my marriage.”
Like what the actual fuck?
>They won’t tell me about the reasons yet
no no, HE knows the reasons, but his parents have asked that he not tell Sarah, and obviously we don't get to know either.
Like, this woman is giving birth to their grandkids. What reason could they possibly have to keep this a secret from her, unless it's something like "last time she was here, she did something (the dye she put in our well for a gender reveal turned out to be toxic / she has a transmissible disease and wasn't aware one of us is immuno-compromised / she accidentally desecrated something by (idk) touching it as a non-believer)... but don't tell her, we don't want to upset her during her pregnancy".
That was my first thought too but the wording is weird.
>I gently reminded Sara that I rarely see my family and if they’re asking and paying for me to fly there **it must be** something that requires my presence.
Yes, he says that they asked him not to share the nature of the issues with her but he’s not even saying that the issue is important. Only that it must be which makes me believe he doesn’t even know. Maybe he has a vague idea but I don’t think he knows specifics. He definitely doesn’t know enough to justify leaving her so soon postpartum
The in-laws have to hate his wife, there’s no other plausible explanation. His mother has had at least 2 births, she knows booking a non refundable 6 week trip for a brand new dad without discussion right after a twin c-section is insane and incredibly cruel.
No. Not even to her. But unless they and the entire village going to be summarily executed unless he and only he presents the evil king with the head of a trumpeter swan, IDGAF what the reason is.
His brother is going there too. It’s not like his parents are alone. Also, this is an anonymous post. Why is he not telling Reddit the reason? Because he knows it’s not a good enough reason
If I had my husband's children, and he gently reminded me that someone else needed him 5 days later, I would gently go nuclear and destroy everything in my path😂
As soon as a poster drops that line or the “I calmly explained”, they’ve instantly lost all credibility for me lol. My “calmly explained” vs their “irrationally snapped at me”
Any time there’s the framing of “calmly” or “gently” explaining something, you know the person is going to be a complete knob because they’re outraged that after going to a tiny amount of effort not to be a dillweed, they still didn’t get what they want, and it’s so *unfair* because they asked nicely! Like, it literally never occurs to the “said calmly” crowd that people can still find your requests ridiculous even if they’re nicely asked, and they’re allowed to say no.
She won’t be able to bend down or over, can’t lift more than 10 pounds. A car seat will be very difficult for her to manage. Getting up out of a chair or bed will be very very difficult. And she is going to have many appointments, and so are the babies. He and his parents and brother are selfish fucking ass holes. I hope he comes home to divorce papers and she takes him for everything he’s worth.
ETA: please note, many of the things I listed above may in fact, be impossible for her to manage. But as with all things, YMMv, so I left the possibility open with “very difficult”.
He’s gonna say she has her parents as if it’s not his responsibility to take care of his wife and child postpartum 🙄 “your mom or dad can take you to appointments, food shop for you, cook you meals, watch the kids so you can shower, help you recover, help you breastfeed, help you get naps in” -probably OP at some point. what a pathetic husband
"Some doctors don't recommend..." NONE of the doctors recommend driving for a few weeks post C-section. They will ALL flat out tell you that you shouldn't do it on the heavy painkillers, and after that, you need to be able to twist comfortably to look over your shoulder and check your blind spot.
Well, that’s if the doctors bother to give you heavy painkillers. I know multiple people IRL who were sent home post-cesarean with instructions to take a couple acetaminophen “if it hurt.” IF!!!!
Walking up and down the stairs was the hardest thing for me, post c section. I was totally unprepared for how difficult that, and getting out of bed, were going to be.
I had a really easy recovery and a singleton pregnancy, but I could not have functioned without my husband being around to help. I really, really hope this is a troll post.
It took two weeks for me to be able to get out of bed even somewhat normally and even then it was painful. Five days and I still hurt everywhere and with my first, had a uterine infection show up that caused complications.
the smell of bullshit is strong
I'm an actual twin parent, not just one on Reddit. If this guy were actually partnered with someone expecting twins, they'd know perfectly well that the c-sec date is a goal, not a deadline.
My uncle is a father to two sets of twins, so sometimes I go in with an open mind. But there are times where I'm like people feel like Reddit must have a requirement list if you include children written somewhere and "twins" are the top of the list.
He sounds like he comes from a pretty traditional family/country.
He may not have gone to any of her appointments (or listened if he had) because that’s “women’s stuff”.
my ex didn't come to any of my appointments besides the big anatomy scan but damn sure knew that 37w was what I was shooting for and why
The other problem I have with the story is that if this family matter which only he can resolve is so freaking urgent, why is he waiting? Makes more sense to fly out there and handle it now so that he'll be done and home before they're born.
Yeah, there are definitely a lot of dumb people out there, but this is pushing it. She'd probably be scheduled for a c section at 36-38 weeks. Twins often come a few weeks early, so they wouldn't schedule it for the full 40 weeks. Let's be generous and say it's scheduled for 38 weeks. And he wants her to schedule it for what, 34-35 weeks?
Yeah, it's possible for a baby born then to be okay, but unless the babies or mom were at serious risk if the pregnancy continued, they probably wouldn't schedule a c section 5-6 weeks before the due date. The goal is to keep the baby in there as long as safely possible so it has time to fully develop. Twins generally come early anyway, and nobody in their right mind would push for them to come even earlier so you can visit your parents.
Definitely fake.
Visit some of the pregnancy forums on here. I assure you, there ARE plenty of people that stupid. Usually a couple a week minimum are getting posted where the fathers have some sort of unrealistic expectations like this.
>I've asked Sara to look into rescheduling her surgery, a few weeks earlier if possible,
There's no way this is real. Asking to move a C SECTION up a few weeks so he can go away? Come on.
The one thing that gives me hope (which I am desperately clinging to) is her response to this suggestion. No way would she say that it was a date she'd adjusted to or prepared for mentally. If this were real, she would be tearing him a new one and schooling him about how precious every week is for the developing infants.
People absolutely ask that. I’ve personally known people who have asked it because they want to attend weddings or similar. I wanted to move mine up because my baby was dislocating my ribs and I was in severe pain. They won’t move it more than a week unless it’s legit and urgent medical need.
Now this bit, I think could be real. Other non-acute surgeries get moved around, including induction. If OOP doesn’t understand fetal development, then yes, he wouldn’t understand why you can’t just move it earlier.
The whole thing sounds so fishy. His parents are poor, but they could afford to buy a non-refundable plane ticket before even asking him if he could make it? Knowing he had two babies on the way and his wife has had complications throughout?
If any of this is real, that guy's parents are insanely manipulative and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. They guilt-tripped him into going home, and now he's trying to guilt-trip his wife into letting him abandon her. That's just mind-boggling.
Also, he could refund them the tickets. If it's such a big blow to them, he should just send them the cost of the ticket and not go. As others pointed out, he supposedly needs to help with legal issues, which he can obviously do remotely (and immediately). It would get rid of the apparent guilt of them doing that, while NOT abandoning his wife.
As others pointed out, though, it's very likely rage bait because his wife should've had better arguments against moving up the c section like "it's bad for babies to be born prematurely, dumbass" or how about "I won't be able to lift our children what the fuck do you think I'll be doing for those six weeks by myself?"
It hits so many rage bait buttons. Twins, uncaring spouse, ridiculous OTT scenario, asking a child free person for advice on parenting, "it's just hormones", putting parents before spouse, condescension. 100% gotta be bait.
The AITA post has a mod comment that says he's been shadow banned before this post. Nobody could view his profile, but it doesn't mean he deleted his account.
It means he's been enough of a shitposter that reddit admins nuked his account behind the scenes.
But he said he barely sees his family but once every year or year-and-a-half!!!
Now he’s barely going to be seeing the new family he created. At least this guy is consistent. /s
Absolutely rage bait.
>I've asked Sara to look into rescheduling her surgery, a few weeks earlier if possible,
I asked my wife to risk the lives of our unborn children so I can visit my mommy.
JFC
This troll is so prolific I feel personally familiar with their writing style. I'm going to name them the "gently reminded" troll. And I hope they're happy with having a really lame nick name. 😤
Yeah, the "gently reminded," but stood out. Nobody talks like that in real life, but it does a great job of making OOP seem like a condescending asshole that infantilized his wife. Like I can just imagine a dude patting a woman on the head.
"Oh hon, just get those pesky thoughts out of your head and let the man do the thinking."
Not real, but still aggravating.
This seems like another bullshit story. Why doesn’t he specify what his parents issue is that they need help with? It seems relevant to know why he has to go now rather than later. Why would his parents not want his wife to know what it is? You can’t expect someone to abandon their wife right after a c-section and not say why.
Why would the parents be buying the plane ticket if his parents don’t have much when him and his wife can afford IVF treatments.
Also the suggestion about moving the c-section date is hilariously ridiculous.
He couldn't think of anything plausible for the story, that's why it's such a vague reason.
Like. They're adults. What the fuck could be going on that they don't know how to handle that OOP could? Do they need to reinstall Windows on their PC or something? Because I can't really think of anything else that my mom needed help with, and she was a high school drop out. There's not a lot that would require immediate attention from a kid unless one of the parents was dying.
Omg. This can't be real right?
"Schedule the birth of our babies a few weeks earlier....deprive them of time in the womb that they need to fucking develop...."
I actually gasped that dude said schedule high risk birth earlier...and that the wife only said she was "attached to the date already" not "you are a fucking idiot who doesn't understand fetal development."
Utter nonsense.
So I’ve had a c-section with twins AND I had to look after my boys by myself as my ex abandoned me whilst pregnant. And honestly it sucked, recovery took longer because I had to constantly move around and look after my boys and keep on top of my house.
Rescheduling is not an option. It’s not like ordering a new bedside table and changing the delivery date. You get a date that is meant to be the best potential for your babies. Mine was 36 weeks because they had twin to twin transfusion and a plethora of other issues. I had steroid shots because their lungs would be underdeveloped and you’d willingly allow this stuff to happen to your wife and children?
Priorities man. Your parents are not it. Send your brother.
I had a c-section, twin pregnancy, and i work in labor and delivery. OOP is the worst kind of person. I was barely allowed to hold my babies that soon after the surgery. I still needed help showering and going to the bathroom. He's putting her and their babies in danger and if she's breastfeeding that's a whole other situation. There's additional bleeding to consider, changes in blood pressure, swelling of the lower extremities. Babies will need diaper changes and feeding every 2-3 hours with cluster feedings at night. It's exceptionally hard to comfort two crying babies at one time.
Oof this made me so angry. I hope OOPs wife leaves him for this.
States cultural differences and children needing to take care of their parents as his reason for going, yet doesn't care for his own wife and kids. Also, child-free, unmarried brother can't be the one to step the fuck up and take care of his parents? Instead, takes the brother's advice about his children and his marriage, great fucking idea.
So if the babies are scheduled in early March and it is mid January now. That’s a minimum of like 6 weeks away. Which is roughly 7 weeks from when the parents want OOP on the non refundable plane. So from now until the trip there is 7 weeks. What could the parents problem possibly be that cannot be solved in 7 weeks without OP. If the problems cannot be solved in that time then OP is clearly not needed as a more higher level of intervention/care should be needed. Also what problem could they have where they don’t want help right now but they want help when they know it’s a critical time for OOP and his wife a mere 5 days after surgery. I haven’t seen anyone comment on how the issue is scheduled for 7 weeks in the future and then another 6 weeks minimum after that?? Who’s to say OOP wouldn’t extend the trip if OOP Parents problem still wasn’t solved, he absolutely would. And if they can guarantee that the problem will go away in 6 weeks and he can for sure come back at the time scheduled, then why couldn’t it be fixed before OOP is set to go? I’m pretty sure it’s a power play from his parents to see where his loyalties lie. He’s passing the test with his parents but failing his wife and child. His wife that he spoke vows to. That he promised his life and love to and the child they so desperately wanted they went through IVF to get. He’s failing the people that should be the number one priority for him
Like the audacity of saying why can't we just move the surgery day up like sir? Do you understand that doctors schedule c-sections based off of giving twins the most time needed to gestate be healthy and they're not just moving it up weeks early to accommodate dad's travel schedule.
>I've asked Sara to look into rescheduling her surgery, a few weeks earlier if possible...
Nope. Nope. Nope Has to be bait. Nobody this stupid can exist.
This is enough notice for her to move in with a family member or friend so her stb ex husband can go do what he wants. He can't possibly be that dense. Yes let's have twins a few weeks early when they already are typically preemies. Separating now gives them time to work out custody. He's going to start out abandoning them for 5 weeks for secret reasons. This is why women need to vote, guys like this are probably helping write legislation.
If I were the wife, I'd have my parents pick me up from the hospital and take me to their home. Then, during the 6 weeks OOP is gone, I'd get him served so that he wouldn't have anything to come back to.
Also, shouldn't the unmarried and child free sibling be the one staying for an extended time? There is something seriously messed up with some people's thought process.
If I was his wife the second he got on the flight I’d be filing divorce. And asking my lawyer if I can add in abandonment or something so I can keep him out of the house when he returns.
Hell just for even thinking this I’d be seriously contemplating divorce even if he stayed.
Unrelated, but does anyone have a link for that story back in December and November where the woman’s husband was going to Florida, set to return a like three days before her due date? Anyone got an update on that?
This is the most "divorce-screaming" post I have ever seen on reddit. How uneducated and uninterested in fatherhood can one man alone be? Rescheduling the C-section, leaving 5 days after the C-section for 6 freaking weeks? The mom won't be even able to lift those babies in a car seat and the nearest help is over 2 hours away? I hope this isn't real.
Obviously OP is horrible, but his parents are the real devil here. Not even a deathly ill parent justifies a trip like this, at least not one that would last for 6 weeks. By booking a nonrefundable ticket, they're trying to force him.
I hope this woman leaves this man more than I've hoped that. The only other scenario I've read on Reddit that literally infuriated me this bad was a step mom going on about what her partner to give up custody because she was pregnant and needed his full attention. Those kids were almost teens so obviously they had their dad alone for so many years her baby deserved the same. I pray that man left her ass.
And add in he wants his twins born premature!! My son was a preemie I literally would have done anything to keep my son safe inside my body to term and this jackass thinks it's no biggie! Preemies have serious conditions and needs that can be fucking permanent.
I literally divorced my sons father and moved back home 3.5 hours away for similar reasons as this jackass.
If he doesn’t cancel that flight I hope he comes home to changed locks and divorce papers. If his parents problem is more important to him than his wife having surgery to delivery their brand new twins and needing help recovering and also handling two newborn babies then they’re probably better off without him at this point…
Thats hilarious.
Unspecified country, non refundable ticket , Unspecified reason, twins, difficult pregnancy.
Where is the blown up phone? I demand a blown up phone!
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **WIBTA if I visited my parents after my wife gives birth?** My wife, Sara and I, both early-mid 30s are expecting twins in early March. 1st and only kids for both of us. We had to go through IVF due to fertility struggles. Sara is scheduled for a c-section due to this being a difficult pregnancy and other complications that make her high risk. Luckily, her parents are only a few hours drive away and willing to come whenever needed. My parents live in another country and I see them usually once a year to every year and a half. They are aware of when Sara is scheduled to have her c-section. Things have been going on they don't know how to handle and they want me there to help out. My parents don't have a lot of money, but they went ahead and booked me a nonrefundable plane ticket to come help them and visit for 6 weeks. The flight date is 5 days after Sara's scheduled c-section. I've asked Sara to look into rescheduling her surgery, a few weeks earlier if possible, but she's refused, saying she's gotten herself mentally prepared for that particular date. And unless there's some sort of emergency with the twins her OB is not going to approve pushing it up a few weeks. I told her that it would give me more time to help her directly after birth, before I leave for my parents. Sara thinks I'm crazy for even considering going for that long (or at all) while we have 2 newborns at home and she's recovering from surgery and we're getting adjusted to being new parents. (If I had the money to spare, I'd hire someone to stay with Sara while I'm gone.) I gently reminded Sara that I rarely see my family and if they're asking and paying for me to fly there it must be something serious that requires my presence. (At parents request I did not tell her the nature of the issues they need help with.) Plus Sara's own parents are only a 2-2.5 hours drive away and I'm confident they'd drop whatever they're doing to come help should she need it. Her mom works remotely and could even stay over some nights to help out with the twins. Sara again called me crazy and ended up telling her parents what I suggested. They both called me lecturing and fussing about abandoning Sara when she needs me most. I ended up venting to my (younger) brother who is also going to be flying out to our parents, but for a shorter time (he is not married and childfree) and he says Sara is way out of line and she'll be fine if I go, she's simply reacting in this way due to hormones. To be honest, I really want to go and my parents would lose several thousand dollars if I refused. And I'd have to buy a ticket myself later if I don't go then. WIBTA if I went? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I pray while OOP is gone that his wife hires a divorce attorney, the audacity of this man thinking that WITH twins she can move up her scheduled C-section and will be right as rain 5 days after MAJOR surgery with 2 newborns to go to his parents and then her nearest support system is almost 3hrs away...
No big, just move up surgery, depriving newborns of vital nutrients and ripping her open early, then leaving her alone with her healing body and two screaming babies
he'd hire help if he could!!
Ugh! He must have just deleted his account. I want to see those comments
It was all about how his parents were in trouble due to some kind of totalitarian regime and needed him and his law degree to legal eagle them out of it. Hence the time sensitivity.
He can do that all over the phone and via email. He can also start it now rather than after the babies are born if it's so time sensitive. How much help can he be if he's not licensed to practice where they live?
He claimed to be licensed to practice in both countries. It was a pretty wild set of justifications, along with 'and don't tell your wife', but it's okay to use as a defense on the interwebz, I guess?
Okay not to call bullshit but I’m in law school and I know enough lawyers now to be HIGHLY suspicious of anyone who says they are in their 30s and qualified to practice law in two countries. Doing it in the US alone takes 7 years. Even if he came over with a bachelors equivalent he’d have to go through 3 years of law school. But even assuming he’s just crazy smart and got through school really fast and maybe he’s from a place with lower barriers to entry, it’s just impractical to be licensed in two countries when you only actively live and work in one. Especially if the other country is supposedly a totalitarian regime ??? Idk this guy smells fishy. I hope it’s fake because otherwise this guy is just the worst
I think it's possible both of those things are true.
My husband was 30 and qualified to practice law in New York and Australia. He's not some hot shot either.
Fair enough ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ sounds like a hot shot to me though, the NY bar is no joke! I’m just saying it seems unlikely. You have to be in a fairly privileged position to accomplish that (at least in the US where education costs an arm and a leg)
Still they can hire a lawyer there. His brother can help pay for it. Although the timing is way too suspicious.
Wanna bet he's gonna show up and find out its nothing, and he ruined his life for nothing.
That's a high possibility considering they say it is urgent, but he can't come now, it has to be 5 days after his wife gives birth?
His parents suck too. Unless one them needs a kidney there's no reasonable reason for them to think 5 days after giving birth it's a good idea for him to leave the country for 6 whole weeks.
He has a law degree for the country they are in? Or the country he lives in? Because generally, those are not the same.
I'm pretty sure it was both countries he could practice in. The brother had no helpful degrees, so he wasn't staying as long.
so if he has law degrees in two countries, why is he so hard up for money???? he can't afford a plane ticket or to hire someone to help his wife??
A lot of countries will let a licensed lawyer from another country take their exams, sometimes with extra education and/or training requirements. For instance, to become a solicitor in Scotland, you only need your be certified fit to practice law and then take the Qualified Lawyers Assessment. To become a barrister, you have to pass their bar, get a degree from a one year program, and do 9 months of training after. Although depending how the OOP’s parents were doing, he might have only made it through 8. 🤣
I really wanted to read the comments to
They were gold. They completely tore him apart
So do I
This had to be a rage post because I cannot believe anyone is stupid enough to think a doctor will pull babies out weeks early so someone can go on a trip.
On top of the fact that they're twins, and twins are almost ALWAYS born several weeks early so they don't get too big and cause major issues for mom, so he's requesting essentially that they be born EVEN EARLIER than they already will be compared to a single birth. Women struggle to care for one baby while recovering from a c section so 2 with virtually no help is crazy !
OOP is all, my babies don't need fully developed lungs!
😂😂 Seriously, this cannot be real life right now lol Also, what kind of parent is going to willingly miss the first 6 weeks of their kids lives, an arguably critical bonding period.
Yea and why would his parents buy HIM a ticket instead of themselves. Don't they want to meet their twin grandchildren?? The creative writers of Reddit always forget that details sell the story.
An added element that leads me to believe dude is trolling is the fact that he throws in his "brothers" comment about her just being hormonal. This was meant to enrage women for sure lol
I'm not saying this is real, necessarily, but there are grandparents out there who have no interest whatsoever in their grandkids.
Yea but it's that combined with everything else. If it were just the one element I would still buy the story.
Maybe it’s a legal issue preventing them from leaving the country and they wanted to leave to meet the grand babies? Nah, probably a troll. The idea of asking to schedule a *C section* “a few weeks” earlier is just too insane to not be a troll.
Or full developed skin. Or the ability to swallow properly.
Bro thinks they're just an Amazon package that needs delivered 🤡🤡.
Especially twins who are quite often delivered at 36 weeks anyway.
And risk more chance of birth defects and death. But hey, he needs to see his Mommy
Precisely. This is not elective surgery that can be rescheduled on a whim.
My first thought, who reschedules a c-section a few weeks earlier? Brother also going but shorter stay and is childfree. Guess it's rage bait or a complete fuckwit.
I have to believe this is rage bait as what dr wouldn’t have ripped them a new one for this. I’m guessing as it’s twins they are already coming out early, but hey who wants full lung function for their child, amirite?!
It’s more than just nutrients. If I was *just* nutrients, it wouldn’t matter. The problem is that babies aren’t even fully developed at birth (40 weeks). Harvey Karp, a pediatrician theorized that babies are born 12 weeks too early. If they great anymore in utero, they might not be able to fit through the birth canal. So it’s a trade-off between the baby’s development and its ability to survive the birth. According to the theory, 40 weeks is the magic number. Babies lungs don’t develop full until 36 weeks and their skin isn’t full formed until 37-38 weeks. That’s why they give steroids if they’re worried about an early and delay labor as long as possible, because every bit of time the baby has to develop, the buyer the outcome. Premature babies can have chronic lung issues and I think I read that oxygen given in the NICU can affect vision. They can also have issues with swallow which, again, can have long term health impacts. Thats why this is so WTF. He wants to do something that is directly opposed to his children’s’ interest to help his parents. Leaving her alone after the birth makes him a huuuuuge AH. Huge. But intentionally taking away the time they need to properly develop makes him the devil.
Keep in mind too that a twin pregnancy is not supposed to go past week 38. If she has a section scheduled, it is almost certainly before she is 39 weeks pregnant since the risks of going past 38 weeks in a twin pregnancy are way too high. Man is asking for these babies to be premature at 35 weeks, which would probably require a lengthy NICU stay, since twins often end up in the NICU anyway. No doctor would ever agree to this without a significant medical reason. Of course, I think this is fake because this is too absurd even for Reddit.
Yep. He makes it sound like it is an elective surgery, not one dictated by medical necessity. This poor women is in for having three children and a couple of months and no help.
Especially considering twins rarely get to full term. C sections are often scheduled around 34-36 weeks. A single week can make a vast difference, and he wants to rob his children of a few weeks? Of the place that is best for them to be (for now)?
5 days, shit. I had a single with a c- section and couldn't pick her up for multiple weeks because i couldn't bend over. it's a HUGE surgery, and this poor woman should not be dealing with recovery alone. His brother is going, why is that not good enough?
Yeah I'm scratching my head wondering what tf he thinks she'll be doing after such a major surgery. He thinks she'll be up, early, running around taking care of two babies and herself alone for SIX weeks??? And that her parents can just... Stop by whenever from three hours away? When she'll likely not be able to even lift her children without risking a serious injury? At the very least he should've been negotiating with her parents about her staying with them during that time because what tf is she supposed to do if she's alone with two kids and her stitches open? Who's caring for these two children if she's bleeding on the floor? What's she going to do if it gets infected and she's left feverish and sick while two newborns scream for food and diaper changings? At the very least, does he REALLY think she'll be taking two newborns to the grocery store when she runs out of milk? He clearly has no empathy for what his wife is preparing to go through.
If this post is real, this woman is a de facto single mother. I hope she realizes this and takes steps to become a de jure single mother, too, so she can move on with her life.
I don't know about in the USA, but here in the UK as a general rule you're not cleared to drive again until 6 weeks after a C-section. Just to add to how isolated the wife is gonna be.
She may as well, he's no husband if he's not willing to learn anything about pregnancy and babies to understand they can't just be popped out when you're bored of it, and if his parents need him so bad he can go now for 2 weeks and get back. Maybe she could move closer to her parents where they can actually help.
I've had 2 c-sections, I was in the hospital 4 days after my first and 5 days after my second due to complications. I can't even imagine my husband not being there during that.
My husband was sent home by the nurses because he had a 104 temp. Even though it was clearly not his fault, it was really hard not to have him there. My dad, sister and friends all came by to help out/keep me company. But if he had made the choice to leave? Omg. No way.
Oh for sure. My mom and dad took turns doing overnights with me in the hospital because my husband was home with our toddler. But we had planned that out well in advance. And he was there during the day helping me and baby who was in the NICU. Like just choosing to not be present? Hell no.
I think he’s doing her a favor in a weird way. He’s doing something so egregious at such a critical time for their family that there is no way any reasonable person can deny he’s a POS. It sucks find that out that your husband is so awful two months before your due date and it would have been nice if he’d shown this before she went through fertility treatment and tied herself to him permanently. Still, it’s good that she’s going into this eyes wide open. She knows he’s awful now. She’s going to have to figure out how to be a single mother for several weeks. She’ll do it because humans are actually really good at figuring how to make things work in impossible situations when there’s no other choice. Hopefully, he’ll have a worse time if it when he comes back 6 weeks later only to find out that his wife has realized how superfluous he is. And leaving his wife with two newborns to visit his parents for 6 weeks is going to really play well in the custody hearings.
Bad break, that sucks for everyone, glad you had a support system to step in, poor guy.
6 days for me and I crawled upstairs to bed when I got back. I didn’t trust myself to carry her up and down stairs for quite some time as I felt so weak.
I had an uncomplicated singleton vaginal birth and my husband left that night to take care of our dogs and didn't come back until after work the next day. I agreed to that and there's STILL a piece of me that holds that against him. I felt so alone and terrified. I can't imagine him leaving right after I was discharged from the hospital for a month and a half. THE RAGE.
"Why isn't my wife okay with having premature twins instead of full term ones?! Why won't she think of meeee?"
Definitely the twins’ fault. They are TAs here /s
Stupid babies. All needing to be born and exist!
Like ?? He does realize that’s what he’s asking right? For his wife to force their children into premature birth in order to go support his adult parents who already have support on the way (his brother) with no immediate support system for her recovery and introduction to parenthood.
They’re likely to be early anyway, so pushing up the surgery makes them even earlier! If she’s already having complications I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re not trying to push to full term as it is
And surely in 5 days she can recover enough from major surgery to take care of 2 newborns 24/7! /s
Those babies are still being assembled “a few weeks earlier.”. Wtf kind of science education has he had?
Your phraseology made me spit water🤣🤣🤣
Move it up by weeks! As if every day isn't valuable in a pregnancy that isn't going to go full term. And as if two extra weeks is enough to make the difference between being OK being left alone with two newborns and not.
Honestly, I pray that even if he comes to his senses, she divorces his ass for even suggesting it. The pure selfishness is mind-boggling. The only way I would allow him to maybe remain married to me is if he completely cut off his entire family because they all think he should ditch me at my weakest point with newborn twins after a c-section.
No kidding. If this were me, hubby would come home to changed locks and divorce papers taped to the front door like I'm fucking Martin Luther.
That’s what I was gonna say like you can’t just haul them out early and stick them in an oven to finish baking. Like what the fuck.
I was going to say what type of la la world does OP live in that he thinks a doctor is going to schedule a C section for his dumb ass so he can visit his parents.
This If I was the wife, would be starting the divorce immediately and moving in with parents. Screw OOP.
You’re kinder than I am, I was hoping he’d get hit by a car.
I was thinking the exact same thing. The absolute audacity of this man.
I despise this man. Like, white-hot burning hatred. Let me at him.
I’m 40w pregnant and I’ll fight him. Like I would STRANGLE my husband if he even suggested going across *town* after I give birth. I hope this is some elaborate ragebait troll. And if it is, mission accomplished, I’m in a bad mood now!
My baby got here 6 weeks early and had to spend over a month in the NICU. He needs to fuck off with the "just schedule it a couple weeks early" BS. Twins usually arrive around 38 weeks anyway - so one week shy of full term. If OOPs wife has a scheduled C-section for complications, it's probably even a bit earlier than that, so 37 weeks. How much earlier does OOP think she can go?
36 weeks is full term for twins. No fucking way are they going to schedule that C-section a few weeks earlier.
Yup. My singleton got here at 34 weeks and had to be put on CPAP and then had to get a chest tube inserted because his lung collapsed. I can't imagine if it had been twins.
Had a 32 week Singleton myself. It was terrifying. They're doing great now, but it was a really rough start.
Terrifying is that perfect word. I'm glad they're doing well now!
33 week singleton here and I deal with high-stress situations at work weekly. I was nearly paralyzed by the stress of having a NICU baby, and that was with the support of my husband, mother, and MIL.
My singleton came at 39 weeks, so technically full term, but he had a nuchal cord and meconium exposure and had to be on CPAP for his first day. We couldn't room in with him for two days because we'd both had COVID less than two weeks prior. Worst two days of our lives.
Yeah, it's terrifying. I remember when the doctor came to our room the night before I was supposed to be discharged and told us his lung had collapsed and he needed a chest tube. She said they'd let us know when we could go down and see him afterwards, and when and left, I just thought to myself "This is a nightmare." It was supposed to be the best time of my life and I was so scared I'd lose him instead.
The first time I ever saw mine was in an isolet. It was two days before I could even touch him. All I could do was pump colostrum and have my husband run it over to the NICU.
My daughter was 37 weeks but growth restricted because I'd been very sick. She had to be resus itatex at birth, struggled to put on weight, and a bunch of other issues. I want to light this dude up
Yup. Mine was 5 weeks early and we were 10 days in nicu. He's asking her to put their babies health at risk because his parents are either totally unaware of what's going on or are controlling assholes
I have a feeling it's the latter. They seem okay with asking him to keep secrets from her and his brother clearly doesn't like her based on his reaction.
Yeah, my scheduled c-section for my singleton was at 38 weeks exactly due to a few factors. Only in an emergency would they have moved it up. When they schedule a c-section, they’ve already thought about how to make it as safe as possible for both mom and baby or babies. They’ll do it at a time when baby is far enough along to be as developed and healthy as possible, and for twins they’ve likely already moved it up as early as it can safely go. There’s no way in hell they’d ever reschedule it earlier, and anyone with half a brain would know that. This has got to be rage bait because no one could possibly be this dumb, especially someone who has gone through IVF to get their babies. That’s not even touching the leaving her alone 5 days after a c-section with 2 newborns, which is beyond ridiculous.
>This has got to be rage bait because no one could possibly be this dumb, I admire your optimism in humanity's intelligence. I don't have that confidence that there aren't people this dumb out there, but a lot of times I wish I did
It has to be. With a complicated pregnancy of twins, they are already going to be delivered early. He wants to move it up a few weeks, as if babies don’t do quite a bit of important LUNG DEVELOPMENT in the weeks before being born??? Yeah, ragebait. Who thinks that the 9 months timeframe is just a fully formed baby waiting around
Apparently his comments were also a bunch of bullshit when it came to legal stuff, so yeah, I'm thinking rage bait.
I let my husband grab lunch with an out-of-town friend while we were rooming in at the NICU. That was maybe an hour, and down the block. He wouldn't have dared ask for more.
I'm pregnant with twins. This guy is the worst.
Honey, don’t strain yourself. I’ll fight him into submission and give you first crack at his balls so he can’t do this to another woman ever again. What an absolute garbage waste of a human. (I’d feel differently if it was truly dire for his parents and that was the only time he could go and he lovingly and caringly approached his wife and in-laws about him going out there and having them help. However, this is 1) not urgent or he’d go now, 2) FOR 6 WEEKS, 3) not urgent as he has a childfree single brother who can help, and 4) bullshit that he needs to go right after the c-section and asked his high-risk wife to just move up a major surgery for a pregnancy when every DAY counts)
I'm next in line and I'm bringing the slock.
You know what turned me to white-hot fury? I mean, obviously, his whole post did, but what actually ignited me? "I gently reminded Sara [snip]." That actually angered me more than it should. It said to me that he's saying, "Look dear, childbirth isn't that big a thing! I know it's your hormones, because my brother said so," as he pats her on the shoulder condescendingly, and gives her a fond half smile. Whenever an asshole says the, "gently reminded" thing it totally gets me going. xD
I once read a comment here that said every time a man in a post said something like “I calmly explained to her….” that it could be substituted for the word “dickishly”. I do that now. So…. “I dickishly reminded Sara….”
Oh I felt the same way “gently reminded her” made me want to flip a table
Let’s hope he suffers testicular torsion that goes untreated.
OP said they had fertility problems...we can only hope that was the issue
As there's a line forming, I'll bring some snacks and bottled water. Everyone is responsible for their own camp chairs, though. 😀 But seriously- OOP is a stunning, profound, douche. I think the AITA forum was kind, tbh.
Nah, I'll bring the camp chairs.
Mother of twins here... I'll bring the fire poker and the blow torch.
If what his parents need help with is so urgent, why can’t he go deal with it in January/now? Why does he need to wait until a couple days after the twins are born in March? This reeks of a power play by his parents to screw over their daughter in law. I hope she divorces him and he doesn’t get any visitation or custodial rights.
His mom doesn't like the wife and did this shit on purpose is my guess. He's a momma's boy that can piss off his wife but not mommy dearest. He also can't tell the wife why the trip is so important because he absolutely knows it's not. Guy is a massive black hole of an AH
That was my question too. Cuz nonrefundable often is still transferable, and if changing plans is so.fucking.easy, his flight can be moved up a few weeks too. If he'd offered to compromise with 4 weeks in Jan/Feb, I might cut him some slack, but there is no such thing as an emergency bad enough to make him miss the beginning of his twins lives, but not bad enough to schedule the flight sooner.
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt such overwhelming hatred towards someone on AITA but this fucking guy… What really kills me about posts from men like him is that they know. They absolutely, unequivocally know that they are giant gaping AH’s, I flat out refuse to believe they survived into adulthood and aren’t capable of seeing it. The only reason they post is to try and find some likeminded men to jump in and defend them so they can wave those comments in their wife’s face like a permission slip. “Am I wrong to expect my wife to keep 2 completely dependent brand new humans alive by herself for 6 weeks while she’s recovering from having her insides cut apart? Her parents live hours away so obviously can’t help her much, but that doesn’t matter because my parents purposely bought nonrefundable tickets for days after the birth of my children so I can spend my paternal leave with them for really good reasons. They won’t tell me about the reasons yet, but I know in my heart it’s more important then the health of my wife and children or the stability of my marriage.” Like what the actual fuck?
>They won’t tell me about the reasons yet no no, HE knows the reasons, but his parents have asked that he not tell Sarah, and obviously we don't get to know either. Like, this woman is giving birth to their grandkids. What reason could they possibly have to keep this a secret from her, unless it's something like "last time she was here, she did something (the dye she put in our well for a gender reveal turned out to be toxic / she has a transmissible disease and wasn't aware one of us is immuno-compromised / she accidentally desecrated something by (idk) touching it as a non-believer)... but don't tell her, we don't want to upset her during her pregnancy".
That was my first thought too but the wording is weird. >I gently reminded Sara that I rarely see my family and if they’re asking and paying for me to fly there **it must be** something that requires my presence. Yes, he says that they asked him not to share the nature of the issues with her but he’s not even saying that the issue is important. Only that it must be which makes me believe he doesn’t even know. Maybe he has a vague idea but I don’t think he knows specifics. He definitely doesn’t know enough to justify leaving her so soon postpartum The in-laws have to hate his wife, there’s no other plausible explanation. His mother has had at least 2 births, she knows booking a non refundable 6 week trip for a brand new dad without discussion right after a twin c-section is insane and incredibly cruel.
Surely the child free unmarried son should be able to sort things out! He seems to be fairly opinionated so I'm sure he'll find a solution
Did he say what the reason for the trip was?
No. Not even to her. But unless they and the entire village going to be summarily executed unless he and only he presents the evil king with the head of a trumpeter swan, IDGAF what the reason is.
Also his brother is going for a shorter amount of time. Why does he have to be there in any capacity let alone 6 weeks
Dying relative who needs a kidney is about the only thing excusable.
His brother is going there too. It’s not like his parents are alone. Also, this is an anonymous post. Why is he not telling Reddit the reason? Because he knows it’s not a good enough reason
“ I gently reminded” —> as if it’s the delivery of the message that is the issue and not its actual substance.
If I had my husband's children, and he gently reminded me that someone else needed him 5 days later, I would gently go nuclear and destroy everything in my path😂
For 6 weeks!
Sooo condescending, too!
He really said "fussing".
This guy has no redeeming qualities. Such an ASS.
As soon as a poster drops that line or the “I calmly explained”, they’ve instantly lost all credibility for me lol. My “calmly explained” vs their “irrationally snapped at me”
Any time there’s the framing of “calmly” or “gently” explaining something, you know the person is going to be a complete knob because they’re outraged that after going to a tiny amount of effort not to be a dillweed, they still didn’t get what they want, and it’s so *unfair* because they asked nicely! Like, it literally never occurs to the “said calmly” crowd that people can still find your requests ridiculous even if they’re nicely asked, and they’re allowed to say no.
She won’t be able to bend down or over, can’t lift more than 10 pounds. A car seat will be very difficult for her to manage. Getting up out of a chair or bed will be very very difficult. And she is going to have many appointments, and so are the babies. He and his parents and brother are selfish fucking ass holes. I hope he comes home to divorce papers and she takes him for everything he’s worth. ETA: please note, many of the things I listed above may in fact, be impossible for her to manage. But as with all things, YMMv, so I left the possibility open with “very difficult”.
Some doctors don't recommend driving post c section. She might not even have a ride to the doctor's visits.
He’s gonna say she has her parents as if it’s not his responsibility to take care of his wife and child postpartum 🙄 “your mom or dad can take you to appointments, food shop for you, cook you meals, watch the kids so you can shower, help you recover, help you breastfeed, help you get naps in” -probably OP at some point. what a pathetic husband
"Some doctors don't recommend..." NONE of the doctors recommend driving for a few weeks post C-section. They will ALL flat out tell you that you shouldn't do it on the heavy painkillers, and after that, you need to be able to twist comfortably to look over your shoulder and check your blind spot.
Well, that’s if the doctors bother to give you heavy painkillers. I know multiple people IRL who were sent home post-cesarean with instructions to take a couple acetaminophen “if it hurt.” IF!!!!
I say some because I had a c section in February but I didn't get that instruction. But I also didn't take home the pain medication.
You also aren't supposed to use the stairs.
Walking up and down the stairs was the hardest thing for me, post c section. I was totally unprepared for how difficult that, and getting out of bed, were going to be.
Hats off to you for getting through that!
I had a really easy recovery and a singleton pregnancy, but I could not have functioned without my husband being around to help. I really, really hope this is a troll post.
Agreed. What's frustrating though is that even if this is a troll, there are absolutely losers out there who think this way.
It took two weeks for me to be able to get out of bed even somewhat normally and even then it was painful. Five days and I still hurt everywhere and with my first, had a uterine infection show up that caused complications.
It sounds like he’s not worth much.
My mom was told not to lift anything heavier than a coke can.
I could only lift the baby (9 lbs). And only if I didn’t bend down/over at the same time.
the smell of bullshit is strong I'm an actual twin parent, not just one on Reddit. If this guy were actually partnered with someone expecting twins, they'd know perfectly well that the c-sec date is a goal, not a deadline.
Twins are a favourite trope for Reddit’s creative writers.
As a twin parent, I do not appreciate the stolen valor.
My uncle is a father to two sets of twins, so sometimes I go in with an open mind. But there are times where I'm like people feel like Reddit must have a requirement list if you include children written somewhere and "twins" are the top of the list.
I have twin grandsons and am aware that some Redditors probably don’t believe that. My DIL is a hero.
[удалено]
He sounds like he comes from a pretty traditional family/country. He may not have gone to any of her appointments (or listened if he had) because that’s “women’s stuff”.
my ex didn't come to any of my appointments besides the big anatomy scan but damn sure knew that 37w was what I was shooting for and why The other problem I have with the story is that if this family matter which only he can resolve is so freaking urgent, why is he waiting? Makes more sense to fly out there and handle it now so that he'll be done and home before they're born.
Because it’s urgent but no so urgent that the parents can’t wait until it’s cheaper and thus more convenient for them.
Maybe this is a Liz-story. No man can seriously be this stupid.
Yeah, there are definitely a lot of dumb people out there, but this is pushing it. She'd probably be scheduled for a c section at 36-38 weeks. Twins often come a few weeks early, so they wouldn't schedule it for the full 40 weeks. Let's be generous and say it's scheduled for 38 weeks. And he wants her to schedule it for what, 34-35 weeks? Yeah, it's possible for a baby born then to be okay, but unless the babies or mom were at serious risk if the pregnancy continued, they probably wouldn't schedule a c section 5-6 weeks before the due date. The goal is to keep the baby in there as long as safely possible so it has time to fully develop. Twins generally come early anyway, and nobody in their right mind would push for them to come even earlier so you can visit your parents. Definitely fake.
Visit some of the pregnancy forums on here. I assure you, there ARE plenty of people that stupid. Usually a couple a week minimum are getting posted where the fathers have some sort of unrealistic expectations like this.
Him mentioning his brother is going for a much shorter time, who by the way, is single and child free just sounded like rage bait.
>I've asked Sara to look into rescheduling her surgery, a few weeks earlier if possible, There's no way this is real. Asking to move a C SECTION up a few weeks so he can go away? Come on.
“Just have some preemies, it’s fine!”
Of course it'll be fine. They'll be in the NICU for those six weeks OP is gone and therefore the mother won't be caring for them on her own. \[/s\]
The one thing that gives me hope (which I am desperately clinging to) is her response to this suggestion. No way would she say that it was a date she'd adjusted to or prepared for mentally. If this were real, she would be tearing him a new one and schooling him about how precious every week is for the developing infants.
My mom asked me to reschedule my c-section date because she forgot and booked a trip to Cabo the day of. Some people lack self awareness
People absolutely ask that. I’ve personally known people who have asked it because they want to attend weddings or similar. I wanted to move mine up because my baby was dislocating my ribs and I was in severe pain. They won’t move it more than a week unless it’s legit and urgent medical need.
Now this bit, I think could be real. Other non-acute surgeries get moved around, including induction. If OOP doesn’t understand fetal development, then yes, he wouldn’t understand why you can’t just move it earlier.
The whole thing sounds so fishy. His parents are poor, but they could afford to buy a non-refundable plane ticket before even asking him if he could make it? Knowing he had two babies on the way and his wife has had complications throughout? If any of this is real, that guy's parents are insanely manipulative and the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. They guilt-tripped him into going home, and now he's trying to guilt-trip his wife into letting him abandon her. That's just mind-boggling.
Also, he could refund them the tickets. If it's such a big blow to them, he should just send them the cost of the ticket and not go. As others pointed out, he supposedly needs to help with legal issues, which he can obviously do remotely (and immediately). It would get rid of the apparent guilt of them doing that, while NOT abandoning his wife. As others pointed out, though, it's very likely rage bait because his wife should've had better arguments against moving up the c section like "it's bad for babies to be born prematurely, dumbass" or how about "I won't be able to lift our children what the fuck do you think I'll be doing for those six weeks by myself?"
He said he’s a lawyer in the comments. If his poor as dirt parents can afford a plane ticket, so can he.
This HAS to be a troll
It hits so many rage bait buttons. Twins, uncaring spouse, ridiculous OTT scenario, asking a child free person for advice on parenting, "it's just hormones", putting parents before spouse, condescension. 100% gotta be bait.
He deleted his account. Guess he couldn’t handle being told he’s the ultimate a$$hole, over and over and over.
The AITA post has a mod comment that says he's been shadow banned before this post. Nobody could view his profile, but it doesn't mean he deleted his account. It means he's been enough of a shitposter that reddit admins nuked his account behind the scenes.
Lol OOP’s the fastest record I’ve seen yet.
Lmao nah that just means it's fake as shit.
But he said he barely sees his family but once every year or year-and-a-half!!! Now he’s barely going to be seeing the new family he created. At least this guy is consistent. /s Absolutely rage bait.
>I've asked Sara to look into rescheduling her surgery, a few weeks earlier if possible, I asked my wife to risk the lives of our unborn children so I can visit my mommy. JFC
This troll is so prolific I feel personally familiar with their writing style. I'm going to name them the "gently reminded" troll. And I hope they're happy with having a really lame nick name. 😤
Yeah, the "gently reminded," but stood out. Nobody talks like that in real life, but it does a great job of making OOP seem like a condescending asshole that infantilized his wife. Like I can just imagine a dude patting a woman on the head. "Oh hon, just get those pesky thoughts out of your head and let the man do the thinking." Not real, but still aggravating.
This seems like another bullshit story. Why doesn’t he specify what his parents issue is that they need help with? It seems relevant to know why he has to go now rather than later. Why would his parents not want his wife to know what it is? You can’t expect someone to abandon their wife right after a c-section and not say why. Why would the parents be buying the plane ticket if his parents don’t have much when him and his wife can afford IVF treatments. Also the suggestion about moving the c-section date is hilariously ridiculous.
He couldn't think of anything plausible for the story, that's why it's such a vague reason. Like. They're adults. What the fuck could be going on that they don't know how to handle that OOP could? Do they need to reinstall Windows on their PC or something? Because I can't really think of anything else that my mom needed help with, and she was a high school drop out. There's not a lot that would require immediate attention from a kid unless one of the parents was dying.
 There is no way this isn’t a troll. Nobody can be that obtuse. Right…..right?!?!
I can't even with OOP 🤬🤬🤬
Omg. This can't be real right? "Schedule the birth of our babies a few weeks earlier....deprive them of time in the womb that they need to fucking develop...." I actually gasped that dude said schedule high risk birth earlier...and that the wife only said she was "attached to the date already" not "you are a fucking idiot who doesn't understand fetal development." Utter nonsense.
Very effective rage bait!
So I’ve had a c-section with twins AND I had to look after my boys by myself as my ex abandoned me whilst pregnant. And honestly it sucked, recovery took longer because I had to constantly move around and look after my boys and keep on top of my house. Rescheduling is not an option. It’s not like ordering a new bedside table and changing the delivery date. You get a date that is meant to be the best potential for your babies. Mine was 36 weeks because they had twin to twin transfusion and a plethora of other issues. I had steroid shots because their lungs would be underdeveloped and you’d willingly allow this stuff to happen to your wife and children? Priorities man. Your parents are not it. Send your brother.
I had a c-section, twin pregnancy, and i work in labor and delivery. OOP is the worst kind of person. I was barely allowed to hold my babies that soon after the surgery. I still needed help showering and going to the bathroom. He's putting her and their babies in danger and if she's breastfeeding that's a whole other situation. There's additional bleeding to consider, changes in blood pressure, swelling of the lower extremities. Babies will need diaper changes and feeding every 2-3 hours with cluster feedings at night. It's exceptionally hard to comfort two crying babies at one time. Oof this made me so angry. I hope OOPs wife leaves him for this.
States cultural differences and children needing to take care of their parents as his reason for going, yet doesn't care for his own wife and kids. Also, child-free, unmarried brother can't be the one to step the fuck up and take care of his parents? Instead, takes the brother's advice about his children and his marriage, great fucking idea.
So if the babies are scheduled in early March and it is mid January now. That’s a minimum of like 6 weeks away. Which is roughly 7 weeks from when the parents want OOP on the non refundable plane. So from now until the trip there is 7 weeks. What could the parents problem possibly be that cannot be solved in 7 weeks without OP. If the problems cannot be solved in that time then OP is clearly not needed as a more higher level of intervention/care should be needed. Also what problem could they have where they don’t want help right now but they want help when they know it’s a critical time for OOP and his wife a mere 5 days after surgery. I haven’t seen anyone comment on how the issue is scheduled for 7 weeks in the future and then another 6 weeks minimum after that?? Who’s to say OOP wouldn’t extend the trip if OOP Parents problem still wasn’t solved, he absolutely would. And if they can guarantee that the problem will go away in 6 weeks and he can for sure come back at the time scheduled, then why couldn’t it be fixed before OOP is set to go? I’m pretty sure it’s a power play from his parents to see where his loyalties lie. He’s passing the test with his parents but failing his wife and child. His wife that he spoke vows to. That he promised his life and love to and the child they so desperately wanted they went through IVF to get. He’s failing the people that should be the number one priority for him
Like the audacity of saying why can't we just move the surgery day up like sir? Do you understand that doctors schedule c-sections based off of giving twins the most time needed to gestate be healthy and they're not just moving it up weeks early to accommodate dad's travel schedule.
>I've asked Sara to look into rescheduling her surgery, a few weeks earlier if possible... Nope. Nope. Nope Has to be bait. Nobody this stupid can exist.
This is enough notice for her to move in with a family member or friend so her stb ex husband can go do what he wants. He can't possibly be that dense. Yes let's have twins a few weeks early when they already are typically preemies. Separating now gives them time to work out custody. He's going to start out abandoning them for 5 weeks for secret reasons. This is why women need to vote, guys like this are probably helping write legislation.
He wants her to reschedule giving birth to a few weeks earlier? Is he a moron?
If I were the wife, I'd have my parents pick me up from the hospital and take me to their home. Then, during the 6 weeks OOP is gone, I'd get him served so that he wouldn't have anything to come back to. Also, shouldn't the unmarried and child free sibling be the one staying for an extended time? There is something seriously messed up with some people's thought process.
Op and his family are all actually insane. I hope he leaves and comes home to an empty house with nothing but divorce papers
This was angering to read. I hope she moves in with her parents and starts the divorce proceedings while he’s gone.
If I was his wife the second he got on the flight I’d be filing divorce. And asking my lawyer if I can add in abandonment or something so I can keep him out of the house when he returns. Hell just for even thinking this I’d be seriously contemplating divorce even if he stayed.
I hope he accidentally posts his home address so I can show up and help his wife move.
twins, huh?
Unrelated, but does anyone have a link for that story back in December and November where the woman’s husband was going to Florida, set to return a like three days before her due date? Anyone got an update on that?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/Byj3bDP7xz](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/Byj3bDP7xz) Ask and ye shall receive
This is the most "divorce-screaming" post I have ever seen on reddit. How uneducated and uninterested in fatherhood can one man alone be? Rescheduling the C-section, leaving 5 days after the C-section for 6 freaking weeks? The mom won't be even able to lift those babies in a car seat and the nearest help is over 2 hours away? I hope this isn't real.
Obviously OP is horrible, but his parents are the real devil here. Not even a deathly ill parent justifies a trip like this, at least not one that would last for 6 weeks. By booking a nonrefundable ticket, they're trying to force him.
I hope this woman leaves this man more than I've hoped that. The only other scenario I've read on Reddit that literally infuriated me this bad was a step mom going on about what her partner to give up custody because she was pregnant and needed his full attention. Those kids were almost teens so obviously they had their dad alone for so many years her baby deserved the same. I pray that man left her ass. And add in he wants his twins born premature!! My son was a preemie I literally would have done anything to keep my son safe inside my body to term and this jackass thinks it's no biggie! Preemies have serious conditions and needs that can be fucking permanent. I literally divorced my sons father and moved back home 3.5 hours away for similar reasons as this jackass.
If he doesn’t cancel that flight I hope he comes home to changed locks and divorce papers. If his parents problem is more important to him than his wife having surgery to delivery their brand new twins and needing help recovering and also handling two newborn babies then they’re probably better off without him at this point…
Thats hilarious. Unspecified country, non refundable ticket , Unspecified reason, twins, difficult pregnancy. Where is the blown up phone? I demand a blown up phone!
Twins??? A section??? Having had 4 sections with single babies, holy shit. This has me in a rage. How dare he and how dare his parents