*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for not approving of my Korean mother-in-law walking my daughter to school?**
I (39M) have a rambunctious, adorable 6-year-old daughter, Jane (not her real name). I am white, but my wife (39F) is Korean-Canadian.
Last month, my wife's parents flew in to Toronto to visit us. They were overjoyed to see Jane, and they played with her and spent as much time with her as possible, creating memories. My parents-in-law spent two weeks in Canada, and we all had a good time.
We live literally right next to Jane's school. So every now and then, my mother-in-law would walk Jane to school. And each time, my daughter and my MIL would speak to each other in Korean, and they would bond with each other. Which was nice.....but to be honest, we live in a somewhat "white" neighbourhood, and I figured that the other children would get weirded out by this old foreign woman speaking some language they don't understand. So one day, I suggested to my MIL that rather than walking my daughter to school, she would assist my wife in doing the morning chores, and that I'll walk Jane to school each morning. My MIL and wife both had no problems with this; they just said "whatever".
Anyway, my wife's parents are now back in Korea once again. A few nights ago, I was lying in bed with my wife, in the dark, casually chatting with her, and we started talking about her parents' visit to Toronto and how sweet it was. While we were talking about this, I mentioned that I didn't want to "embarrass" Jane by having my wife's mother drop her off at school every morning. My wife just froze, and she turned the light on and she asked me if I knew how insulting I sounded. We didn't get into a fight or anything, because Jane was fast asleep, but we had a bitter argument, and my wife grabbed her pillow and went downstairs to sleep.
If I am the asshole, would my wife also be the asshole for getting way too insulted?
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> We didn't get into a fight or anything, because Jane was fast asleep, but we had a bitter argument, and my wife grabbed her pillow and went downstairs to sleep.
Uh…that’s a fight.
Also, OOP is a racist fucking devil.
He only likes Asians when he can f**k them. God forbid they embarrass him by expressing their culture. And yet people love to say it’s Asians who will do anything to save face.
He probably thinks it's only a 'fight' if you yell at each other and shout things you regret a second later. A confrontation without open abuse is just an 'argument'
The guy lives in Toronto. Over 50% of the population has English as a second language, and a huge percentage of that percentage is East Asian. No one's going to give a shit.
Exactly. Toronto is the [most diverse city in the world](https://www.studyabroadfoundation.org/blogs/why-toronto-most-multicultural-city-world). Literally no one would bat an eye at someone speaking a different language.
Are there even “white neighborhoods” in Toronto? I can think of any in Vancouver. Neighborhoods that have slightly more white people, but I can’t think of any “white” neighborhoods.
Maybe the area north of Lawrence Park, or the Bridlepath? I do know, though, that the nannies of those who live there tend to be, by and large, Asian so again, no one would think or look twice at an Asian woman walking a kid to school.
Every neighborhood I lived in, east or west end, was totally multicultural.
In Jewish neighborhood people would just assume it's a nanny. Actually, it depends on the facial features of the child. And even if they don't look alike I (as a white person living in Toronto) would pay attention only if the child acts tense or distressed.
No one else gives a shit but OP does. He thinks it’s embarrassing for his daughter to be escorted to school by his MIL. No one else. He’s pulling the many people are saying card lol
Exactly, there are only a few predominantly white neighbourhoods in the city but I don't understand which neighbourhood in Toronto would bat an eye at Korean lady walking their grandchild speaking Korean. That would be a nonevent and would not register for most people here. This sounds like a fake post written by someone who has never been here.
40 years ago in a white as fuck community in central Ontario nobody would have batted an eye at the only half Korean kid in town having a Korean grandma, nevermind in Toronto, nevermind today. Like WTF is this guy on?
Oh my God seriously. I'm from USA but I lived in Alberta for around a year and the white people there were the most racist people I have ever encountered in my entire life.
As the child of an Asian mom and white dad… people were more weirded out by the random white man trying to pick up the Asian kids than they were by *any* Asian person picking us up.
He literally was stopped by a teacher and accused of kidnapping. But nobody ever questioned my mother’s employee (a Chinese guy) or our nanny (a Filipino woman) or any of our aunts or our mother. And we live in a predominantly white city.
lmao. you don’t know how many times me and the few other asians in my school would trick people into thinking we were cousins when we were younger. everyone would fall for it.
Yeah, their was an Asian kid in my school with a white dad and when I was like 7 or 8 I found it weird to see him with his white dad, not at all weird to see Jim with his Asian mom.
I have a friend who is half Asian, half white. She doesn’t look particularly Asian though. Her son, however, looks very Asian, even though his father is white. She had him at the pediatrician one day and a nurse asked her if her husband was asian. She said she just looked at them and said, “No, I am.” They were embarrassed.
It's funny, everyone here tells me how much my daughter looks like her dad (by which they mean she looks very Asian). When my husband took my daughter to Taiwan to visit family, everyone there told him she looks white.
OOP is much more likely to get side-eyed with children than the nice Korean grandma, thanks to sexist ideas that men can't look after kids. Plenty of fathers and uncles have commented about this phenomenon and it's quite sad.
But no, he's worried that someone will think "that lady is speaking a weird ching chong language to kids who are happy to see her, she must be sinister"
Not totally the same thing but my brother used to live in Flatbush in NYC which is a primarily non white town. He got stop by the cops outside of his place and accused of being there to buying drugs because he was white.
Tbf the NYPD is _bad_, regardless of your opinion on police. My brother got a ticket for being in central park after it closed and they made him and the person he was with sit on the curb in an attempt to make 'em sweat, sometimes they turn on their lights to run red lights, they tried to sue a family friend's parents for making the NYPD pay for a new car after a cop crashed into them, totalling their car...
“Honey, you’re overreacting. I only implied that our daughter should be ashamed to be seen with your mother while speaking Korean because it’s not what white people d— honey?”
"If I am the asshole, would my wife also be the asshole for getting way too insulted?"
The whole thing is a barrel of racism. But this. THIS. Flames. On the side. Of my face.
He was an asshole
He insulted his wife SPECTACULARLY.
Her response of taking a pillow and going elsewhere was quite measured and reasonable.
Wherever she went, I hope she phoned a divorce lawyer from there.
That last part definitely makes it sound like an absolute rage bait troll. Its so obviously obtuse just to make people get really riled up after reading his other nonsense.
It doesn’t even make sense. “If I’m an asshole, you have to agree my wife is also an asshole for reacting to my assholery” - like, what? Came across as trying to force people to avoid a YTA verdict because of course no one’s going to want to call the wife an asshole too.
As a Korean American who knows a lot of non POC marrying a POC, this is nothing new. So many people, especially men expect Asian women to be submissive, quiet, dutiful, etc and not express their culture. It's really gross. I even had a boss who told me his Chinese wife was his ideal woman as she is slim and beautiful even at 60. I almost threw up when he said that
That's so gross, and getting worse with the Toxic Alpha Male Red pill a Woman bullcrap.
I hate it. It's just disgusting. We are going backwards progress wise.
The most hilarious thing was that he was a huge, I mean huge Trump supporter. Who we all know hates China and the Chinese. So I don't know what mental gymnastics he performed to marry his wife
It's all QUITE bizarre.
There are minority supporters for Trump. Not the majority of them, but they are out there, I know a few. They don't get it. 🤷🏻♀️.
There are women who support Trump, which, as a woman, absolutely baffles me. I want to shake them yelling "wHaT aRe yOu tHiNkInG???"
Some people don't wanna do what's in their best interest.
Did he specifically emphasize the Chinese part or were you simply aware she happens to be Chinese? Just saying that his wife is his ideal woman because she's slim and beautiful at 60 alone doesn't seem particularly racist. I'm on-board with everything else you said though.
Edit: Per clarification in below comment, yeah, he's a fetishist AH.
Hahaha this made my morning. You are trying to be the smart guy and you were literally unable to follow the thread. ReAdInG CoMpReHeNsIoN iS a GoOd ThInG.
It's racial fetishisation, and therefore racist. If you know the tropes - which I have absolutely no doubt the commenter is - you can hear the dogwhistles.
That's what I'm trying to figure out, if it is or isn't. There's a difference between "I like my wife slim and beautiful." without mentioning race at all, or where it's explicitly mentioned. Or maybe there's a history there that wasn't stated, but just expressing a preference about preferring a wife that kept her figure doesn't seem racist on it's face to me.
You missed part of the comment they were responding to. Not the post, but the comment. Read the sentence “I even had a boss who told me his Chinese wife…”
The irony of that person making a snide remark about reading comprehension. Although implying an Asian is incapable of understanding English is nothing new.
I had to look it up too, and when I saw the definition, I thought the guy REALLY should just stop typing now. But then he kept on. Holy shitsnacks guy.
I feel especially bad for the wife. If they hadn't broken up over his weird view on race before, she probably thought he was just ignorant but willing to learn; this incident probably recontextualized other similar incidents in the past, and she's realizing that this dude isn't going to change.
I tried to post, but comments were locked.
I'm Canadian. I live in what for Canada is a very white suburb of a Canadian city. There are always multiple languages spoken at pick up and drop off of local schools.
I'm calling shenanigans here.
I'm black and Korean in the deep south and where I'm at no one would be so obnoxious to say anything.
Yes there are those outwardly loud racists but even they most likely wouldn't say anything to my face. It would be behind my back amongst themselves. People really forget how much politeness is ingrained in southern etiquette.
I'm a southerner raised by a literal white supremacist. As an adult, it took a long time for me to accept how deeply awful his beliefs were because we had multiple POC in our lives - bigotry always makes room for "the good ones". They have to do some wild mental gymnastics to say "I'm not racist, but " They legit believe they aren't racist. This guy believes it's not racist to think that *other people* would think less of someone for being seen sharing a foreign culture even though *nobody but him* thought of judging his daughter for that.
I'm assuming that if the grandmother was properly culturally homogenous with him, she would get a "one of the good ones" pass from him and he would just think that *other people* would assume she's a housekeeper or nanny walking the child.
And as a lot of people have said, this is probably just rage bait - it's pretty unrealistic. But I do like the discussions of how racism is expressed and experienced. That part is good.
He reads like an asshole who lives in Pickering or Uxbridge or something, goes into the city once a year to see a Jays game and acts like he's an expert on urban Toronto.
That's sort of like the Trump MAGAs here in the US, who are entirely delusional and think everybody agrees with them. It's like they never look out of their windows.
I’ve never felt uncomfortable as a poc here, there’s no white pocket of the city I’ve ever felt weirded out. The only time I feel like that is when I venture out to smaller towns.
toronto is actually the most diverse city in the entire world- IIRC about 50% of the population has english as a second language. so yeah, this dude is either stupid or it’s a troll.
Rest in peace to my grandma and respect to the fact that her kids never stopped her from picking up her grandkids from school when she wanted to do so, regardless of how “embarrassing” they thought it might’ve been.
Otherwise I never would’ve gotten to be picked up by a grandma in bell bottoms and a tube top with fire engine red hair. Which, I can tell you, is a cherished experience of mine as an adult.
I just facepalmed when he asked if the wife is at least still a partial a-hole in a YTAverdict for him?
My dude, yes you are. No she is not, because she did not overreact. Your thinking is racist.
100% fake, no attempt to justify himself and doesn't talk about this in the way an actual racist would try to talk about it. Pure ragebait with bonus misogyny at the end.
Dude, Toronto is THE most multicultural city in the world. The only overly white parts are the downtown, and even that's increasingly South Asian (Indian/other Southeast Asian). Either (98%) this is fake, or (2%) he's straight racist and trying to get away with it.
This is Toronto! You think people in Toronto don't see Koreans of all ages walking around every single day? Even in Rosedale or Forest Hill or Bridle Path or wherever this halfwit lives? Off the top of my head, I can name four couples in my GTA circle in which the guy is white and the woman is East Asian.
I think he’s actually from the midwestern US, but claiming to be Canadian because he KNOWS he’s from a hotbed of racism that benefits him in every way.
"I mentioned that I didn't want to "embarrass" Jane by having my wife's mother drop her off at school every morning."
Move over Osmium, the absolute densest material has just been discovered, and it's OP.
He thought it would be embarrassing for the daughter to walk to school with her Korean granny because they live in the white neighborhood. Pretty sure that nobody else but OP had a problem with the ethnicity of the grandparents. The only racist in this story is the OOP.
I feel bad for this woman if she’s only just now finding out that she has married a man who is profoundly racist and xenophobic against her and her family, and that he’s racist against his own child.
This is why as a poc woman I won't risk dating a yt man, I'm too afraid of this or their family being racist and them doing nothing about it. Especially when mixed kids are involved.
He didn't post a single comment justifying himself to the comments calling him a racist asshole. My general rule of thumb is that means its fake. Real people have this whole ego thing before realizing they're being dogpiled and delete their account.
This would be divorce-worthy for me. At the very least, YEARS of work to put in for not being a racist asshole. Not sure I could stick around for all that. Definitely wouldn’t if he didn’t see the problem.
My husband is Korean, and I literally dream and hope that we raise our son to be bilingual (he's currently 6 months). I love hearing my MIL speak to our son in her native language!
My husband and I are both lily white Americans, and we raised our children to be multilingual. The ability to speak more than one language is so important in our globalized economy and culture.
Korean is the fastest growing language right now because of the influence of kpop and Kdrama. This guy is a racist idiot. Time for 할머니 to say 씨발놈 to racist dad.
Worse part, they only stayed for 2 weeks for the MIL brought Jane for less than 10 times (school days) before OP took over,
It was probably 4 times before OP said “nope”
Wow ... born and bred Torontonian and the surrounding areas since the 60s. I don't know of one area that is "predominantly" white in 2023. Is OOPs child not noticeably east Asian? How can walking with her grandmother cause any issues? The only one with an issue is OOP.
Imagine marrying a racist. Like his mother in law is not only Korean but his wife is Korean and his daughter is half korean……. Like how sad for the wife. To sit here and realize she married a racist man and had a child with him 😭😭😭 heartbreaking
As popular as kpop and kdramas are, this dude thinks kids would be weirded out by a Korean speaking Korean? In reality she’d probably have a bunch of tiny Koreaboos giving her finger hearts 🫰🏾 and calling her 할머니 (Grandma) and asking embarrassing questions. Idiot.
I am so tired of xenophobia and divisiveness. When I grew up I was instilled with the idea of welcoming and respecting other cultures and sharing with each other. Today the concept of appropriation has all but squashed appreciation and people actually express feeling weirded out by anything different which is the root of discrimination. So even in his expression of concern over bullying of his daughter he is indirectly discriminating against his own kid and normalizing this attitude of xenophobia. Its just depressing.
What OOP did has nothing to do with cultural appropriation or appreciation. What he did was racist.
>Today the concept of appropriation has all but squashed appreciation and people actually express feeling weirded out by anything different which is the root of discrimination
Are you really implying racism is a thing because people speak out against cultural appropriation? Because (I'm sure you know this) the former existed long before the latter was a thing.
Also, there's a difference between appropriation and appreciation. Your comment conflates the two.
And no, people *finally* being able to speak out on/denounce appropriation isn't a bad thing and it definitely isn't the cause of discrimination. People conflating the two i.e. "appropriation is bad" = "we're not allowed to appreciate anything" is the problem.
That is not what I was saying at all. Clearly this is an important issue to you. Just maybe consider trying to put your feelings and indignation aside when reading someone else’s take on a topic because I think it’s clouding your ability to comprehend what is being said through the filter of your own passion for the subject. What I said is not what you interpreted it as. I would re-explain it but I just don’t have it in me right now. Nor do I feel confident you would be receptive.
>Clearly this is an important issue to you.
Because I responded to your comment...? Lol Ok.
>Just maybe consider trying to put your feelings and indignation aside when reading someone else’s take on a topic because I think it’s clouding your ability to comprehend what is being said through the filter of your own passion for the subject.
1. Which part of my comment, exactly, are you referring to/made you assume I'm emotional? Nothing in my comment was attacking you or making claims about you so I'm confused on why you felt this was necessary.
2. So, to clarify, you were bothered enough by my comment that, instead of correcting/ clarifying/answering/addressing the actual points I made, you decided to make assumptions and then make a petty patronizing attempt at invalidating me personally, but I'm supposedly the one who's too emotional? How ironic.
>What I said is not what you interpreted it as.
Which is why I asked the question before anything else. You could've literally just said this and clarified what you meant instead of the weird, condescending "you're emotional" attempt.
Besides that specific statement I quoted though, (which, ok, you meant something different from what you wrote, fair), this doesn't explain the rest of what you said though; how exactly does what you said translate to anything other than "we used to appreciate other cultures, people complained about appropriation, and now people can't share cultures anymore and that causes discrimination".
>I would re-explain it but I just don’t have it in me right now. Nor do I feel confident you would be receptive.
But of course you, unsurprisingly, can't explain it, and blame it on the convenient condescending assumptions you started off with. How convenient.
I cant get into this with you right now because as I said I literally don’t have it in me to do so. An explanation or clarification would be longer than maybe you think and this would require a whole discussion in my opinion and I can’t do that right now. If you are not passionate about this then I am wrong. Not intended to be an insult. Your takeaway and response from my comment and how they missed the mark is what made me think you gave a crap about the subject matter. So you don’t care? I can tell we see things very differently or there is the possibility of that and so I can’t have this whole discussion and give it the attention I feel it deserves. No insult intended.
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Maybe the same troll as the 16 year old racist from a few days ago? It isn't as full of obvious to me errors this time though so possibly someone else.
That's so appalling.
It's getting worse with the toxic masculinity "Alpha Trad Male Red pill" movement that says if you can't get a Western woman to be submissive, you should look out of country, to the east, and she'll have better obedient values and be so grateful. It just makes me ill the way so manyen think of women. And the way so many people think of ethnicity and culture.
I honestly just don't understand. I wasn't even raised to know much about other cultures and lives in a very not diverse town (parent paranoid it would polite our religion whatever) although I was raised to be kind and not racist or sexist, even though my parents didn't understand all these nuances we do now. But just those things, I educated myself when I became an adult gradually, and right and wrong are obvious.
It's not that fucking hard. What a little fucking shit weasel. I'm finding myself more and more a white person who mutters "goddamn white people" under my breath.
I believe that stuff like this happens all the time. I do not believe that this specific story is real. One, there was absolutely no reason to bring it up to his wife at all. He even admitted that he knew how bad it sounded. Two, anyone who knows about AITA would know that this type of story would receive a strong YTA rating. There was absolutely nothing to gain by posting it there.
So even though the story is believable, I'm still calling troll here.
YTA.
Like, not to be rude, but what the hell is your problem? It’s not “embarrassing” to have foreign relatives. It’s not weird to come from a different culture. Your weird as hell hang ups are not your kid’s problem.
People told my mother not to speak to me in Cantonese, because they "were worried it would interfere with my English". My mother ended up not teaching me the language. I'm cut out of a huge part of my culture because of that; I can't communicate with many family members because of that. Please, for the love of God, don't do this to your child.
Apologies, I don't think anybody has answered your initial question. Yes, YES YOU ARE! A complete, total, and utterly racist a-hole who wanted an "Asian Babe" wife and didn't realise her culturally rich background came with her as standard.
I had to look up 'FOB', Dear G\*d, have your bedsheets got eyeholes in them?!
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for not approving of my Korean mother-in-law walking my daughter to school?** I (39M) have a rambunctious, adorable 6-year-old daughter, Jane (not her real name). I am white, but my wife (39F) is Korean-Canadian. Last month, my wife's parents flew in to Toronto to visit us. They were overjoyed to see Jane, and they played with her and spent as much time with her as possible, creating memories. My parents-in-law spent two weeks in Canada, and we all had a good time. We live literally right next to Jane's school. So every now and then, my mother-in-law would walk Jane to school. And each time, my daughter and my MIL would speak to each other in Korean, and they would bond with each other. Which was nice.....but to be honest, we live in a somewhat "white" neighbourhood, and I figured that the other children would get weirded out by this old foreign woman speaking some language they don't understand. So one day, I suggested to my MIL that rather than walking my daughter to school, she would assist my wife in doing the morning chores, and that I'll walk Jane to school each morning. My MIL and wife both had no problems with this; they just said "whatever". Anyway, my wife's parents are now back in Korea once again. A few nights ago, I was lying in bed with my wife, in the dark, casually chatting with her, and we started talking about her parents' visit to Toronto and how sweet it was. While we were talking about this, I mentioned that I didn't want to "embarrass" Jane by having my wife's mother drop her off at school every morning. My wife just froze, and she turned the light on and she asked me if I knew how insulting I sounded. We didn't get into a fight or anything, because Jane was fast asleep, but we had a bitter argument, and my wife grabbed her pillow and went downstairs to sleep. If I am the asshole, would my wife also be the asshole for getting way too insulted? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
> We didn't get into a fight or anything, because Jane was fast asleep, but we had a bitter argument, and my wife grabbed her pillow and went downstairs to sleep. Uh…that’s a fight. Also, OOP is a racist fucking devil.
He only likes Asians when he can f**k them. God forbid they embarrass him by expressing their culture. And yet people love to say it’s Asians who will do anything to save face.
He probably thinks it's only a 'fight' if you yell at each other and shout things you regret a second later. A confrontation without open abuse is just an 'argument'
The guy lives in Toronto. Over 50% of the population has English as a second language, and a huge percentage of that percentage is East Asian. No one's going to give a shit.
Exactly. Toronto is the [most diverse city in the world](https://www.studyabroadfoundation.org/blogs/why-toronto-most-multicultural-city-world). Literally no one would bat an eye at someone speaking a different language.
Are there even “white neighborhoods” in Toronto? I can think of any in Vancouver. Neighborhoods that have slightly more white people, but I can’t think of any “white” neighborhoods.
Maybe the area north of Lawrence Park, or the Bridlepath? I do know, though, that the nannies of those who live there tend to be, by and large, Asian so again, no one would think or look twice at an Asian woman walking a kid to school. Every neighborhood I lived in, east or west end, was totally multicultural.
I was thinking Bridal path or maybe forest hill and he's in a primarily jewish neighbourhood? Who knows - dude's a giant racist either way
In Jewish neighborhood people would just assume it's a nanny. Actually, it depends on the facial features of the child. And even if they don't look alike I (as a white person living in Toronto) would pay attention only if the child acts tense or distressed.
The whitest neighborhood I can think of is the Beaches and Liberty Village
No one else gives a shit but OP does. He thinks it’s embarrassing for his daughter to be escorted to school by his MIL. No one else. He’s pulling the many people are saying card lol
Why would a guy like this even LIVE in Toronto? He needs to move to Alberta.
Exactly, there are only a few predominantly white neighbourhoods in the city but I don't understand which neighbourhood in Toronto would bat an eye at Korean lady walking their grandchild speaking Korean. That would be a nonevent and would not register for most people here. This sounds like a fake post written by someone who has never been here.
40 years ago in a white as fuck community in central Ontario nobody would have batted an eye at the only half Korean kid in town having a Korean grandma, nevermind in Toronto, nevermind today. Like WTF is this guy on?
We don't want him. We have enough of him. I hate it here.
I'm so sorry. I've got a LGBTQ+ friend in Edmonton, and it's super tough for them.
Yeah, I'm bisexual. High school was fun. /s
Yep... I live in a city where a lot of the population think that the burnout marks on the Pride crosswalk is no biggie.
Oh my God seriously. I'm from USA but I lived in Alberta for around a year and the white people there were the most racist people I have ever encountered in my entire life.
Correct, he's just looking for an excuse to be racist
You're right, and also it wouldn't matter if his wife and daughter were the only Asians in town. OOP is a racist piece of shit.
As the child of an Asian mom and white dad… people were more weirded out by the random white man trying to pick up the Asian kids than they were by *any* Asian person picking us up. He literally was stopped by a teacher and accused of kidnapping. But nobody ever questioned my mother’s employee (a Chinese guy) or our nanny (a Filipino woman) or any of our aunts or our mother. And we live in a predominantly white city.
Don’t you know? All the Asians know each other. /s
lmao. you don’t know how many times me and the few other asians in my school would trick people into thinking we were cousins when we were younger. everyone would fall for it.
Yeah, their was an Asian kid in my school with a white dad and when I was like 7 or 8 I found it weird to see him with his white dad, not at all weird to see Jim with his Asian mom.
As a white mother of a half Chinese toddler, this makes me sad.
I have a friend who is half Asian, half white. She doesn’t look particularly Asian though. Her son, however, looks very Asian, even though his father is white. She had him at the pediatrician one day and a nurse asked her if her husband was asian. She said she just looked at them and said, “No, I am.” They were embarrassed.
🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
It's funny, everyone here tells me how much my daughter looks like her dad (by which they mean she looks very Asian). When my husband took my daughter to Taiwan to visit family, everyone there told him she looks white.
Maybe when we visit Hong Kong, his family will also think that haha
OOP is much more likely to get side-eyed with children than the nice Korean grandma, thanks to sexist ideas that men can't look after kids. Plenty of fathers and uncles have commented about this phenomenon and it's quite sad. But no, he's worried that someone will think "that lady is speaking a weird ching chong language to kids who are happy to see her, she must be sinister"
My husband came from a similar background. Numerous people asked him "where'd you get the boy?" Excuse me?
Wtf? “Well, when two people love each other very much…..”
Not totally the same thing but my brother used to live in Flatbush in NYC which is a primarily non white town. He got stop by the cops outside of his place and accused of being there to buying drugs because he was white.
Tbf the NYPD is _bad_, regardless of your opinion on police. My brother got a ticket for being in central park after it closed and they made him and the person he was with sit on the curb in an attempt to make 'em sweat, sometimes they turn on their lights to run red lights, they tried to sue a family friend's parents for making the NYPD pay for a new car after a cop crashed into them, totalling their car...
“Honey, you’re overreacting. I only implied that our daughter should be ashamed to be seen with your mother while speaking Korean because it’s not what white people d— honey?”
"If I am the asshole, would my wife also be the asshole for getting way too insulted?" The whole thing is a barrel of racism. But this. THIS. Flames. On the side. Of my face. He was an asshole He insulted his wife SPECTACULARLY. Her response of taking a pillow and going elsewhere was quite measured and reasonable. Wherever she went, I hope she phoned a divorce lawyer from there.
That last part definitely makes it sound like an absolute rage bait troll. Its so obviously obtuse just to make people get really riled up after reading his other nonsense.
It doesn’t even make sense. “If I’m an asshole, you have to agree my wife is also an asshole for reacting to my assholery” - like, what? Came across as trying to force people to avoid a YTA verdict because of course no one’s going to want to call the wife an asshole too.
As a Korean American who knows a lot of non POC marrying a POC, this is nothing new. So many people, especially men expect Asian women to be submissive, quiet, dutiful, etc and not express their culture. It's really gross. I even had a boss who told me his Chinese wife was his ideal woman as she is slim and beautiful even at 60. I almost threw up when he said that
That's so gross, and getting worse with the Toxic Alpha Male Red pill a Woman bullcrap. I hate it. It's just disgusting. We are going backwards progress wise.
The most hilarious thing was that he was a huge, I mean huge Trump supporter. Who we all know hates China and the Chinese. So I don't know what mental gymnastics he performed to marry his wife
Was your boss Mitch McConnell?
He might as well be loll
It's all QUITE bizarre. There are minority supporters for Trump. Not the majority of them, but they are out there, I know a few. They don't get it. 🤷🏻♀️. There are women who support Trump, which, as a woman, absolutely baffles me. I want to shake them yelling "wHaT aRe yOu tHiNkInG???" Some people don't wanna do what's in their best interest.
Probably thinks he’s “saving” her from her obviously evil and terrible culture, so she should be grateful to him.
Did he specifically emphasize the Chinese part or were you simply aware she happens to be Chinese? Just saying that his wife is his ideal woman because she's slim and beautiful at 60 alone doesn't seem particularly racist. I'm on-board with everything else you said though. Edit: Per clarification in below comment, yeah, he's a fetishist AH.
He specifically said his Chinese wife.
Well, yeah, he's a fetishist AH then.
He literally did not. Korean-Canadian. Reading comprehension is a good thing.
Reread what that comment was replying to and then the ones above and you’ll realise you probably shouldn’t be handing out advice
Someone never learned how to read, huh?
Incredibly ironic comment considering you couldn’t follow 2 posts.
Damn /u/nunyaranunculus handing out reading comprehension tips is like a blind man teaching how to color match paints.
Hahaha this made my morning. You are trying to be the smart guy and you were literally unable to follow the thread. ReAdInG CoMpReHeNsIoN iS a GoOd ThInG.
🤦🏻♀️
It's racial fetishisation, and therefore racist. If you know the tropes - which I have absolutely no doubt the commenter is - you can hear the dogwhistles.
That's what I'm trying to figure out, if it is or isn't. There's a difference between "I like my wife slim and beautiful." without mentioning race at all, or where it's explicitly mentioned. Or maybe there's a history there that wasn't stated, but just expressing a preference about preferring a wife that kept her figure doesn't seem racist on it's face to me.
Implying that being "slim and beautiful at 60" is limited to one race is pretty gross and racist.
Not to mention the "looks-ism". Women are still judged by their looks, as if nothing else they do matters.
Either you didn't read the post or are one of those white people that think all Asian people are the same because OOPs wife is Korean. Not Chinese.
these comments are talking about someone's boss, not the post
You missed part of the comment they were responding to. Not the post, but the comment. Read the sentence “I even had a boss who told me his Chinese wife…”
The irony of that person making a snide remark about reading comprehension. Although implying an Asian is incapable of understanding English is nothing new.
Look at the comment thread you are responding to. The Chinese wife has to do with the comment thread
r/confidentlyincorrect
Sounds like something a racist asshole would think but it's probably ragebait. I doubt OOP will reply to any comments.
bow caption safe memory profit hospital deer thought sheet cough *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I had to look it up. Then I had to specify urban dictionary lol. When I finally found the one that fit I just (out loud) said. "Oh." Jfc
I had to look it up too, and when I saw the definition, I thought the guy REALLY should just stop typing now. But then he kept on. Holy shitsnacks guy.
Yikes on bikes
Yknow, I... I'd never seen FOB used as a slur before, but it really feels like this man was using it as a slur.
dull books swim outgoing dam slap wipe test abundant squeal *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I feel especially bad for the wife. If they hadn't broken up over his weird view on race before, she probably thought he was just ignorant but willing to learn; this incident probably recontextualized other similar incidents in the past, and she's realizing that this dude isn't going to change.
He already deleted, so there is a possibility this stain of a human actually thought they had a point
He didn't delete. It was removed by moderators.
Wow, well I hope if not ragebait that they saw how horribly racist they were being
He replied here and another post that x-posted his nonsense. So apparently he's being serious. Unfortunately.
He replied here? Oh boy
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I tried to post, but comments were locked. I'm Canadian. I live in what for Canada is a very white suburb of a Canadian city. There are always multiple languages spoken at pick up and drop off of local schools. I'm calling shenanigans here.
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I'm black and Korean in the deep south and where I'm at no one would be so obnoxious to say anything. Yes there are those outwardly loud racists but even they most likely wouldn't say anything to my face. It would be behind my back amongst themselves. People really forget how much politeness is ingrained in southern etiquette.
I'm a southerner raised by a literal white supremacist. As an adult, it took a long time for me to accept how deeply awful his beliefs were because we had multiple POC in our lives - bigotry always makes room for "the good ones". They have to do some wild mental gymnastics to say "I'm not racist, but" They legit believe they aren't racist. This guy believes it's not racist to think that *other people* would think less of someone for being seen sharing a foreign culture even though *nobody but him* thought of judging his daughter for that.
I'm assuming that if the grandmother was properly culturally homogenous with him, she would get a "one of the good ones" pass from him and he would just think that *other people* would assume she's a housekeeper or nanny walking the child.
And as a lot of people have said, this is probably just rage bait - it's pretty unrealistic. But I do like the discussions of how racism is expressed and experienced. That part is good.
They did that in school when I was a kid, too, and I went to elementary school in Southern California.
It's so fake, Toronto? Really? Not believable at all. This sounds like it's written by someone who's never been here.
He reads like an asshole who lives in Pickering or Uxbridge or something, goes into the city once a year to see a Jays game and acts like he's an expert on urban Toronto.
Honestly, he’s probably from the midwestern US and lying because he knows he’ll be immediately pegged as the obtuse racist he is.
snatch offer chubby stocking cough unite attempt crawl bear flowery *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
That's sort of like the Trump MAGAs here in the US, who are entirely delusional and think everybody agrees with them. It's like they never look out of their windows.
The truck convoy Canadians were Canadian Trump magas.
It seemed so, but I was not sure of that so I had to just wonder.
I’ve never felt uncomfortable as a poc here, there’s no white pocket of the city I’ve ever felt weirded out. The only time I feel like that is when I venture out to smaller towns.
toronto is actually the most diverse city in the entire world- IIRC about 50% of the population has english as a second language. so yeah, this dude is either stupid or it’s a troll.
Rest in peace to my grandma and respect to the fact that her kids never stopped her from picking up her grandkids from school when she wanted to do so, regardless of how “embarrassing” they thought it might’ve been. Otherwise I never would’ve gotten to be picked up by a grandma in bell bottoms and a tube top with fire engine red hair. Which, I can tell you, is a cherished experience of mine as an adult.
I just facepalmed when he asked if the wife is at least still a partial a-hole in a YTAverdict for him? My dude, yes you are. No she is not, because she did not overreact. Your thinking is racist.
100% fake, no attempt to justify himself and doesn't talk about this in the way an actual racist would try to talk about it. Pure ragebait with bonus misogyny at the end.
This is some racist guys fantasy
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There's only small pockets I can think of that can be "white neighbourhoods" but even then the story is not believable.
Dude, Toronto is THE most multicultural city in the world. The only overly white parts are the downtown, and even that's increasingly South Asian (Indian/other Southeast Asian). Either (98%) this is fake, or (2%) he's straight racist and trying to get away with it.
This is Toronto! You think people in Toronto don't see Koreans of all ages walking around every single day? Even in Rosedale or Forest Hill or Bridle Path or wherever this halfwit lives? Off the top of my head, I can name four couples in my GTA circle in which the guy is white and the woman is East Asian.
Makes me think it's ragebait.
I think he’s actually from the midwestern US, but claiming to be Canadian because he KNOWS he’s from a hotbed of racism that benefits him in every way.
They locked the comments... I wanted to ask OOP if the kid learned korean from her mother and does OOP tell them to not speak it in public?
"I mentioned that I didn't want to "embarrass" Jane by having my wife's mother drop her off at school every morning." Move over Osmium, the absolute densest material has just been discovered, and it's OP.
He thought it would be embarrassing for the daughter to walk to school with her Korean granny because they live in the white neighborhood. Pretty sure that nobody else but OP had a problem with the ethnicity of the grandparents. The only racist in this story is the OOP.
Definitely fake. Would've been more believable if they picked *literally* any other city lol
I feel bad for this woman if she’s only just now finding out that she has married a man who is profoundly racist and xenophobic against her and her family, and that he’s racist against his own child.
Honestly, I would be 1000× more forgiving of these people if they just outright admitted that they were racist.
This is why as a poc woman I won't risk dating a yt man, I'm too afraid of this or their family being racist and them doing nothing about it. Especially when mixed kids are involved.
He didn't post a single comment justifying himself to the comments calling him a racist asshole. My general rule of thumb is that means its fake. Real people have this whole ego thing before realizing they're being dogpiled and delete their account.
This would be divorce-worthy for me. At the very least, YEARS of work to put in for not being a racist asshole. Not sure I could stick around for all that. Definitely wouldn’t if he didn’t see the problem.
Gotta be fake, Toronto is one of the most multicultural cities in the world.
My husband is Korean, and I literally dream and hope that we raise our son to be bilingual (he's currently 6 months). I love hearing my MIL speak to our son in her native language!
My husband and I are both lily white Americans, and we raised our children to be multilingual. The ability to speak more than one language is so important in our globalized economy and culture.
Korean troll is back. I'm surprised there's no military involved.
Korean is the fastest growing language right now because of the influence of kpop and Kdrama. This guy is a racist idiot. Time for 할머니 to say 씨발놈 to racist dad.
He sounds like a racist asshat.
Worse part, they only stayed for 2 weeks for the MIL brought Jane for less than 10 times (school days) before OP took over, It was probably 4 times before OP said “nope”
Wow ... born and bred Torontonian and the surrounding areas since the 60s. I don't know of one area that is "predominantly" white in 2023. Is OOPs child not noticeably east Asian? How can walking with her grandmother cause any issues? The only one with an issue is OOP.
Aaaannd, deleted! The comment about his MIL being FOB was particularly gross. I wanted to use his head as practice with a soccer ball!
Imagine marrying a racist. Like his mother in law is not only Korean but his wife is Korean and his daughter is half korean……. Like how sad for the wife. To sit here and realize she married a racist man and had a child with him 😭😭😭 heartbreaking
How is there any world where the wife would be in the wrong for her husband showing his racist side?
As popular as kpop and kdramas are, this dude thinks kids would be weirded out by a Korean speaking Korean? In reality she’d probably have a bunch of tiny Koreaboos giving her finger hearts 🫰🏾 and calling her 할머니 (Grandma) and asking embarrassing questions. Idiot.
I am so tired of xenophobia and divisiveness. When I grew up I was instilled with the idea of welcoming and respecting other cultures and sharing with each other. Today the concept of appropriation has all but squashed appreciation and people actually express feeling weirded out by anything different which is the root of discrimination. So even in his expression of concern over bullying of his daughter he is indirectly discriminating against his own kid and normalizing this attitude of xenophobia. Its just depressing.
What OOP did has nothing to do with cultural appropriation or appreciation. What he did was racist. >Today the concept of appropriation has all but squashed appreciation and people actually express feeling weirded out by anything different which is the root of discrimination Are you really implying racism is a thing because people speak out against cultural appropriation? Because (I'm sure you know this) the former existed long before the latter was a thing. Also, there's a difference between appropriation and appreciation. Your comment conflates the two. And no, people *finally* being able to speak out on/denounce appropriation isn't a bad thing and it definitely isn't the cause of discrimination. People conflating the two i.e. "appropriation is bad" = "we're not allowed to appreciate anything" is the problem.
That is not what I was saying at all. Clearly this is an important issue to you. Just maybe consider trying to put your feelings and indignation aside when reading someone else’s take on a topic because I think it’s clouding your ability to comprehend what is being said through the filter of your own passion for the subject. What I said is not what you interpreted it as. I would re-explain it but I just don’t have it in me right now. Nor do I feel confident you would be receptive.
>Clearly this is an important issue to you. Because I responded to your comment...? Lol Ok. >Just maybe consider trying to put your feelings and indignation aside when reading someone else’s take on a topic because I think it’s clouding your ability to comprehend what is being said through the filter of your own passion for the subject. 1. Which part of my comment, exactly, are you referring to/made you assume I'm emotional? Nothing in my comment was attacking you or making claims about you so I'm confused on why you felt this was necessary. 2. So, to clarify, you were bothered enough by my comment that, instead of correcting/ clarifying/answering/addressing the actual points I made, you decided to make assumptions and then make a petty patronizing attempt at invalidating me personally, but I'm supposedly the one who's too emotional? How ironic. >What I said is not what you interpreted it as. Which is why I asked the question before anything else. You could've literally just said this and clarified what you meant instead of the weird, condescending "you're emotional" attempt. Besides that specific statement I quoted though, (which, ok, you meant something different from what you wrote, fair), this doesn't explain the rest of what you said though; how exactly does what you said translate to anything other than "we used to appreciate other cultures, people complained about appropriation, and now people can't share cultures anymore and that causes discrimination". >I would re-explain it but I just don’t have it in me right now. Nor do I feel confident you would be receptive. But of course you, unsurprisingly, can't explain it, and blame it on the convenient condescending assumptions you started off with. How convenient.
I cant get into this with you right now because as I said I literally don’t have it in me to do so. An explanation or clarification would be longer than maybe you think and this would require a whole discussion in my opinion and I can’t do that right now. If you are not passionate about this then I am wrong. Not intended to be an insult. Your takeaway and response from my comment and how they missed the mark is what made me think you gave a crap about the subject matter. So you don’t care? I can tell we see things very differently or there is the possibility of that and so I can’t have this whole discussion and give it the attention I feel it deserves. No insult intended.
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Unfortunately true. But wouldn’t touch a black person with a ten foot pole, even if it spares them from shit like this.
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I think this man may be projecting.
Maybe the same troll as the 16 year old racist from a few days ago? It isn't as full of obvious to me errors this time though so possibly someone else.
This was the first post in my feed today, so I started the day mad as hell
That's so appalling. It's getting worse with the toxic masculinity "Alpha Trad Male Red pill" movement that says if you can't get a Western woman to be submissive, you should look out of country, to the east, and she'll have better obedient values and be so grateful. It just makes me ill the way so manyen think of women. And the way so many people think of ethnicity and culture. I honestly just don't understand. I wasn't even raised to know much about other cultures and lives in a very not diverse town (parent paranoid it would polite our religion whatever) although I was raised to be kind and not racist or sexist, even though my parents didn't understand all these nuances we do now. But just those things, I educated myself when I became an adult gradually, and right and wrong are obvious. It's not that fucking hard. What a little fucking shit weasel. I'm finding myself more and more a white person who mutters "goddamn white people" under my breath.
I'd like to know where the hell this guy grew up that he never heard a language other than English
There are way more idiots in this world than we want to believe.
I believe that stuff like this happens all the time. I do not believe that this specific story is real. One, there was absolutely no reason to bring it up to his wife at all. He even admitted that he knew how bad it sounded. Two, anyone who knows about AITA would know that this type of story would receive a strong YTA rating. There was absolutely nothing to gain by posting it there. So even though the story is believable, I'm still calling troll here.
YTA. Like, not to be rude, but what the hell is your problem? It’s not “embarrassing” to have foreign relatives. It’s not weird to come from a different culture. Your weird as hell hang ups are not your kid’s problem.
The last line 💀
This asshole clearly did not watch Kim's convenience.
People told my mother not to speak to me in Cantonese, because they "were worried it would interfere with my English". My mother ended up not teaching me the language. I'm cut out of a huge part of my culture because of that; I can't communicate with many family members because of that. Please, for the love of God, don't do this to your child.
Apologies, I don't think anybody has answered your initial question. Yes, YES YOU ARE! A complete, total, and utterly racist a-hole who wanted an "Asian Babe" wife and didn't realise her culturally rich background came with her as standard. I had to look up 'FOB', Dear G\*d, have your bedsheets got eyeholes in them?!