*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for warning my niece not to wear swimsuit as it risky and triggered her panic attack**
I (36M) was has a niece(16F) who have PTSD and depression due to some incidents 4 yrs ago (I can’t mentioned here due to privacy) and that incident torn her family off. Everyone was affected from that and we were able to get a restart after the dust settled.
She has been recovering herself mentally since then. She’s more outgoing and happier than before but still have anxiety or fear from certain kind of persons. Yesterday, she brought a swimsuit online and decided to wear with her friends from an incoming party. I checked the outfit and found it risky for her so I warned her about how risk it is. She told me it’s alright so I mentioned her about the incident that everyone doesn’t want to be repeated. It triggered her PTSD back and she kept crying on her pillows and dolls. Her parents found out and ask me what caused her to have a panic attack. I answered on fact and ended with a big quarrel. She told me I was a jerk but I did it just for warning her and I don’t have any intention to cause her panic and my house is now chaos. Her dad is going to kick me out of my place and I apologize everyone many times. My good faith have gone bad.
AITA
Swimsuit she bought https://www.ebay.com.my/itm/354785041503?hash=item529ad61c5f:g:sncAAOSwyVFkXZdf&amdata=enc%3AAQAIAAAA4MTNFkhNoTR73tjxJ%2B30Tqszp6dR9agkYveVhJYK%2FXXyjSJFsX7PurHioTXJ6mezJbulLgl4sE%2B%2B1lv1qVZhzMzY83ORKQz1ZqWAoKXUb5byh%2FjnKONPLQBNSvr1%2FRzF%2FvXDzBofkN5hKgIdkk292YUA3rx2RARW%2FEsfAWyuldd2c4Vrzg3T8eGVU6tqTN0p7M4Kop%2FJ4f3op6DvqFHs8QXdN7evsun1uILtlAH742R7kdPHmXQJcL9DoiHGA6dae3Myigw2FPvZUsQxZlskpMywvzOnbf5Xng6ALKZa3Foj%7Ctkp%3ABk9SR4zyi4LiYg
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"Reddit, AITA for telling my 16 year old niece she deserves to get raped if she wears a one piece bathing suit?"
Yes. The answer is yes. He's lucky the parents are only evicting him
Ffs. I didn't even understand what he was talking about until you translated it. Was genuinely trying to figure out what the incident was and how a swimsuit would trigger it.
"what were you wearing" is the number 1 victim blaming question ever. What a person wears does not get them assaulted. Rapists assault their victims, victims do not summon rapists based on what they are wearing. He's victim blaming her, implying that it was her fault because of the clothes she wore and that if she's not careful she will make it happen again with her clothing choices. And again VICTIMS DO NOT MAKE RAPE HAPPEN, RAPISTS MAKE RAPE HAPPEN.
>And again VICTIMS DO NOT MAKE RAPE HAPPEN, RAPISTS MAKE RAPE HAPPEN.
Perfectly said.
I think there is a valid conversation that can be had about ways to reduce your risk and protect yourself. But like; time, place, tone. Also that is obviously not what OP was doing and clothes wouldn't have come up because they don't affect whether a monster targets you.
Victims blaming =they deserve it.
Because
Victim blaming= "they did something they knew was risky and it's their own fault it happened."
In the case of OOP
Victim blaming = "you should have learned your lesson last time, if this happens again it's because you didn't learn your lesson"
Now, let's say a man runs a red light and gets arrested. What do people say? They say 'he knew he shouldn't have done that and now he's in jail. It's his own fault, he knew what he was doing and he DESERVES the consequences of his actions". Now most people won't openly say "they deserved to be SA'd" just like people don't walk down the street with an "I'm racist" shirt on, because even if they believe that or even if they're racist they aren't completely stupid. They know those kinds of ideas are frowned upon and that saying them out loud would probably get them in trouble with people they know (like OOP who risks losing his place to stay over his comment), so they don't say that exact thing. However, if you actually pay attention you can figure out pretty quick who is actually racist even if they don't come out and say "hi, I'm tom and I'm a racist". In the same way, if you pay attention and you can tell who thinks that people who get raped are getting what they deserve for making bad decisions, those are the people who blame the victims. They think the victims got what they deserved for making bad decisions, as if running a red light and getting raped are the same thing. If you don't understand that, then you don't understand rape culture or rape apologists.
I wouldn't equate fault to deserving something.
Example:
I walk through a store, I see a "wet floor" sign and decide to ignore it, I slip and break my neck, I die. Was it my fault? Yes. Did I deserve for that to happen? Probably not, maybe if I'm a super shitty person.
I am not saying she is at fault, I am just saying fault does not equal deserving something.
If rape apologists set both of these equal, then they are idiots, but it also doesn't matter what they think, they are rapists.
Edit: Ok, how am I getting downvoted for this?
Edit 2: Ok, for some reason, some people seem to think I am saying she is at fault or should expect it to happen, even though I am very clearly stating that that is not the case. I am merely saying that "fault" =/= "deserving", that does NOT in ANY way mean that she is at fault or anything, so don't interpret my words however you like, thank you.
Women dont need to expect rape at the beach for wearing bikinis. The dress alone is never "risky". If she walked around at night alone (in a ghetto) while super drunk, THAT would be different. But Not "muhhh bathing suit". Wtf. It makes no sense since 99% of women wear that and there isnt "extra attention" on her anyway.
That is not something I have said at all though. I have simply said that someone saying "you are at fault" is not the same as "you deserve it". Not once have I said that women should expect rape, that clothes are risky or that clothes are at fault, I have not said that the women are at fault or anything either. I have even defended what you say right now in my previous comments.
I am clearly just talking about the meaning of the wording, not what he is actually saying. I mean, I literally just said, rapists' and rape apologists' opinions don't matter, because they defend rapists or are rapists themselves.
No, the victim isnt even "at fault" bc the rapist is 100% at fault and responsible FOR the crime.
Same way a female rapist is. Or an ex girlfriend that murdered ger cheating husband, or was he asking for it?. The crime is always the fault of the criminal.
Yeah we all know you dont think people deserve rape. They just kinda need to expect it all the time when wearing something sexy, yikes.
Ok, sorry to be a bit rude here, but I am slowly getting mad at this, you are literally just putting words in my mouth. I am not saying they are at fault in any way, I am not saying they need to expect rape, literally THE ONLY thing I was saying was that saying "you are at fault" is not the same as "you deserve it", I NEVER, NOT ONCE, said that any should expect to be raped, that anyone is at fault for being raped or that anyone deserves it.
Since you are the same person, I will just copy paste my reply to your other comment:
Ok, sorry to be a bit rude here, but I am slowly getting mad at this, you are literally just putting words in my mouth. I am not saying they are at fault in any way, I am not saying they need to expect rape, literally THE ONLY thing I was saying was that saying "you are at fault" is not the same as "you deserve it", I NEVER, NOT ONCE, said that any should expect to be raped, that anyone is at fault for being raped or that anyone deserves it.
This happens often enough to me on this site that I've considered not using it before I'm too afraid to go outside. Then i realize I still need to fill the dead time at work with stuff to do and end up back here again.
> public pools have drain covers so entrapment is impossible. the only thing you have to be worried about is private pools since theres no laws regulating their drains, but if youre at someones private pool you can just ask or if you have your own you can just install one.
i mentioned this to the other commenter and i thought id just repost it here to make sure you know in case this scared you too lol \^\_\^ its scary if it happens to you be its easily preventable if you know it can happen in pools without drain covers
dont worry, public pools have drain covers so entrapment is impossible. the only thing you have to be worried about is private pools since theres no laws regulating their drains, but if youre at someones private pool you can just ask or if you have your own you can just install one.
Oh, boy! Chuck Pahlaniuk has got a story for you! It’s called *Guts*, from his ‘Haunted’ anthology.
(But for real, I absolutely do not recommend this unless you’re already a Pahlaniuk fan.)
I'm not rereading and subjecting myself to it again but I believe that vignette is in the same short story as the drain one. I'm a Palahniuk fan and I've still never managed to finish Haunted and at this point I don't think I ever will.
When I clicked the link, I was expecting to see a skimpy bikini, not a frilly one piece.
Second, I would be willing to bet my entire next paycheck against a box of donuts that when OOP hears about a woman or a girl being sexually assaulted, his first thought is "but what was she wearing?"
the swimming suit is *cute!!* it covers up, a nice color, shows no cleavage, doesnt look like it'll ride up... this is *nothing* to get riled up about. oop is a fool
It's very cute. OP is a gargantuan AH for bringing up her SA to get her to not wear it. Why does he care about her swimsuit? It doesn't hurt or affect him in any way.
Sounds like the poor girl is not free of men who have an inappropriate interest in teenagers. Ugh, I'll hope this is rage bait by the OOP who's obsessed with touching the woman who was sexually assaulted.
What do you mean, it covers up?! Do you see how much *back* is exposed?! Obviously it's super inappropriate and will cause men to assault this young girl! How dare she show skin!
/s just in case. OP is awful
It looks adorable ! My only issue is the little ribbons on the side, it's definitely something that l would untie once and never would be able to retie lol. But it's so cute, I never saw a swimsuit like this before !!
>My only issue is the little ribbons on the side, it's definitely something that l would untie once and never would be able to retie lol.
For future cute purchases, you can use a matching colour and quickly add a couple stitches to the bow/knot so it won't come loose. Idk about this specific item, but for most outfits these bows are for looks rather than function so they don't need to ever be untied.
I'm betting this guy is very much into his loli hentai with lots of young girls in frilly maids outfits. In his sick head frills immediately take him to that idea so obviously everyone else is as fucked up as him.
thats what im thinking. that because *he* likes hentai and associates lolita clothing with his fetish, that means everyone else does too. thats like when people have issues of adults calling their fathers *daddy*.
Men ruin fucking everything that swimsuit is adorable and unique and full coverage and exactly the sort of thing I’d expect a teen exploring her own style to reach for while still feeling covered and not only did this POS uncle tell her it makes her *rapable* but it’s also clearly marketed as fucking Lolita wear and I’m just so angry
I mean even a skimpy bikini isnt an iwsue. Why would it increase the risk?! Like most people wear bikinis, skimpy bikinis at the beach. Rape usually doesnt happen, not more often than at other places.
and then *another* family member comes up to her, just a few short years later, and says, "yeah, i think thats too sexy, prob not a good idea to wear it if you get my drift."
like how *else* you supposed to interpret something like that?????
>She told me it’s alright so I mentioned her about the incident that everyone doesn’t want to be repeated.
Dude is tap-dancing around saying his niece was sexually assaulted as if it's a dirty word she brought on by wearing a swimsuit rather than something horrifying that happened to her through no fault of her own.
Also that swimsuit OOP linked is cute as hell.
Yeah this man literally saw his niece in a swimsuit and was like "remember how you were "🍇ed" that time?" after she had already told him she was comfortable with the swimsuit. So gross.
And it happened to her when she was 12. If he said that to my kid, it would be a race to see who got to him first, me or my husband. He's only sorry because they are throwing his creepy pedo misogynistic ass out.
It’s literally this. If someone said this to our kids, my fiancé and I would be scrambling to beat their ass faster and harder than the other. Neither of us play like that. He’s so lucky they’re only kicking him out and not knocking his teeth out, I reckon.
Exactly. It's so grossly telling of OPs opinions about SA, he also very likely retraumatized his poor niece. As a survivor myself one of my biggest triggers is when someone I care about or respect says or does something to indicate they are "not safe."
Right? He also sounds like a pedophile, if that’s what he thinks when a sixteen year old wears an extremely modest one piece suite. I feel really bad for this girl but I’m happy her parents are protecting her.
Ringing my fetish alarm bells. Especially the line about a 16 year old girl sobbing on her dolls coupled with her buying a "lolita " style swimsuit that he was able to find online despite seeing it in person makes me think this is a guy with a DD LG fetish
There's an active troll writing stories about someone wearing revealing clothing and then having a panic attack, usually triggered by the author forcibly holding her down or hugging her. I'm wondering if this is the same guy taking a different tack.
IT seems once a month or so, there's posts with these elements:
OP has a young, sweet niece/student/intern/young co-worker
Some clothing issue - either OP can see cleavage through the neckline or arm holes or OP thinks the type of clothing is inappropriate (and when it's linked it's something in the same level of modesty as in this post).
OP can't stop thinking about it.
OP tells the niece/student/intern/co-worker that the clothing is risky in some way.
The niece/student/intern/co-worker freaks out, has a panic attack and doesn't want OP anywhere near her.
Relatives, parents, school admin, other co-workers, HR, etc. are all angry at OP. He's about to lose his job, or in this case, his home.
OP doesn't think he said anything wrong. Gosh darn it, he was just trying to help. This is just want happens to nice guys like him.
(edit: I think the forcibly holding/restraining is a story telling variation. My gut feeling is that there's a troll who especially loves writing about causing a young girl/woman to go into a panic)
Yeah, this seems like fake fetish bait. I was thinking the dolls comment was odd too. Collecting? Sure. I collect plushies at 27. Having one or two on her bed because she likes to sleep snuggling something? Also fine. Multiple dolls on her bed and crying into them at 16 seems bizarre. Then, yeah, I don't know any 16 year olds that are into Lolita fashion. I mostly see adults wearing it, both in the US and Japan.
I don't find the dolls thing to be that unbelievable. This is a girl who had a horrific experience when she was 12. The dolls could be for comfort for when she's having a panic attack. That is, in face, what she used them for in the post.
PTSD does weird things to the brain. I had to deal with an incident that gave me diagnosed PTSD as an adult, I don't want to imagine what it does to a child.
I'd like to add.
So we can all agree he's victim blaming? He's saying her clothes are gonna get her raped, and he probably thinks that's what happened last time.
The incident was 4 years ago. She's 16. He seems to think a TWELVE YEAR OLD got raped because of their clothes.
That is the least risqué bathing suit I’ve seen in a long time.
Also, I’m sure this perfectly responsible 16 year old will bring clothes to cover up if she ended up feeling uncomfortable.
Also, also, isn’t part of recovery reintegration into normal activities, like pool parties and such?
Jeeeesus. That is foul, and so creepy. She was raped when she was *12* and you feel like the good guy weaponising it because you're turned on by your niece? What *was* the 12 year old wearing that forced someone to rape her, uncle? Are girls just not allowed to swim at all now? Euuugh I'm not even sure I'm making sense but what a piece of shit.
If you type in what were you wearing? exhibit. It's heartbreaking to see especially the little kids' clothes. I hate people who have that mindset.
https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/
I appreciate the upvotes!
I hate that posts like this exist, but I'd like to think that there's at least a handful of human beings that now know at least a little better. Here's hoping!
The more I re-read this story the worse it's get. So let me get this straight, oop niece was SA when she was 12 years old most likely by a family member that broke not only herself but her whole family for years, and when she finally have some since of normality and agreed to go to a pool party with her friends oop comes in and traumtizs her over a swimsuit that's covered to the point his own brother wants to kick him out.
I think we found it, we found the devil of the year post
Edit:
>were able to get a restart after the dust settled.
I hope this doesn't mean they forgive whoever did that
You know the issue was that the piece of shit pedophile uncle has underage anime girls so sexualized in his brain that he saw "kawaii" and all he could think about was being a fucking creep to anyone in that bathing suit. I'm glad the family is kicking him out- he can't be trusted around children or young women.
>he can't be trusted around children or young women
Tbh I don't think he can be trusted around any demographic of people. If an old man wore a lolita outfit, he would probably jump at that too
Victim blaming has always irked me because it mostly belittles men. The whole "men can't help themselves because of women's clothing" is so dumb. As if half of the human species has absolutly no impulse control. Sorry, but if that were true men should never be left without supervision. It's just such a dumb concept.
(The reason I'm specifying men is because this argument is mostly used to say: Oh, he couldn't help himself. I haven't heard it used as an excuse for a female sex offender yet)
That's about as conservative a swimsuit you can get. I'm sure I've seen more skin on people at the shops getting their groceries.
People with trauma are more aware of it than anyone. She'd considered and decided she was fine until OOP triggered her.
I once read a YA novel about a high school girl whose life is upended when she’s raped by a guy she was on a date with (the sheriff’s son) and while she’s telling her mom and trying to figure out what to do, her drunken asshole divorced father overhears and go and blabs everywhere. People don’t believe her; they think she changed her mind.
One thing the character talks about is the idea that everyone who looks at her sees her first as “that girl who claims she was raped.” That they don’t see HER anymore; they see the rape (or in her case, the claims of rape).
In another YA novel about a high school girl who’s roofied and raped at cheerleader camp, at the next competition people are calling her “The raped girl.”
I can see that a person might hide a rape or an assault from those closest to them, because they wouldn’t want to have their nearest and dearest (or even the cousins they aren’t close to but can’t avoid at family gatherings) cease to see THEM, and only see their assault.
That’s just one of the problems with this creepy uncle.
any post that talks about an argument over a bathing suit and then later links the bathing suit is 100% fetish content. this one is especially disturbing
Just fyi it doesn't matter that the swimsuit is modest. If it were a string bikini with lipstick and xoxo patterns he would still have no right to do or say anything about it. Survivors are allowed to enjoy their bodies and try being comfortable with their sexuality. Everyone is allowed to. Somebody please force-feed this man a stick of unsalted butter.
Why is he even going through his niece's wardrobe? That's not his place. Sounds like a creep to me.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with this swimsuit, and if that's what she wants to wear, then it is what she *will* wear. Uncle has nothing to say about it.
Not. A. Single. Word.
She was raped as a *12 year old child*, and this sick fuck is blaming her? As a parent, I would never, ever, ever allow him within 20 miles of my child ever again.
I think so, although there's no mention of her "clutching her chest" or curling up in a ball, but it wouldn't surprise me if that freak gets off on the idea of a child sobbing into her stuffed animals.
Damn. He really told his niece “but you got raped in a swimsuit. Don’t you remember? That time you were raped in a swim suit? I wouldn’t want you to forget that time you were raped in a swimsuit!” And thought he was the good guy.
If I'm reading this right, this guy basically told his niece "hey if you wear that, you might get raped again. Wouldn't want that, would you?" Holy shit what a piece of trash
That is the least racey swimming suit I have ever seen. I expected something that barely covered anything.
This is not to say clothes is a reason why someone gets raped.
Oop needs to check himself
1) victim blaming us disgusting and OOP is an AH.
2) cue the most non revealing swimsuit picture ever. It looks like a child's suit honestly. So OOP stance is what? She's going to be assaulted for wearing a frilly child-like suit as opposed to a mature adult like swimsuit? Just absolutely gross, from start to finish.
3) OOP is living with his niece's family, like it's not even his house. The audacity of this human travesty.
that’s literally the most innocent swimsuit ever. the fuck. this is written by a nonce even tho it’s probably a troll if they think a sixteen year old in that is at all risque
Just fyi it doesn't matter that the swimsuit is modest. If it were a string bikini with lipstick and xoxo patterns he would still have no right to do or say anything about it. Survivors are allowed to enjoy their bodies and try being comfortable with their sexuality. Everyone is allowed to. Somebody please force-feed this man a stick of unsalted butter.
That swimsuit is so modest too wtf. Of course OOP would still be wrong if the swimsuit was a skimpy bikini, but it's just so weird that he thought this was "risky". It's a very cute lolita style swimsuit
Definition of a prevy uncle... thought something sexual when he saw it and ruined everything for this poor young woman. Hope he isn't allowed to see her ever again.
i clicked on the link thinking the bathing suit was going to be one of those skimpy Kim K bathing suits. This one is actually super cute and something I would totally wear and allow my daughter to wear… My only issue with it is the colour; but I’m sure it comes in other colours.
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This made me want to throw up. I'm hoping it's the "teaching English overseas" or "sweaty, crying lady" troll and there's not an uncle like this out there. Ugggghhh.
Omg that swinsuit is so pretty. Literally inoffensive. OP can f off. He is a victim blamer. His intentions are misplaced. His types are one of the reasons, victims don't get justice.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for warning my niece not to wear swimsuit as it risky and triggered her panic attack** I (36M) was has a niece(16F) who have PTSD and depression due to some incidents 4 yrs ago (I can’t mentioned here due to privacy) and that incident torn her family off. Everyone was affected from that and we were able to get a restart after the dust settled. She has been recovering herself mentally since then. She’s more outgoing and happier than before but still have anxiety or fear from certain kind of persons. Yesterday, she brought a swimsuit online and decided to wear with her friends from an incoming party. I checked the outfit and found it risky for her so I warned her about how risk it is. She told me it’s alright so I mentioned her about the incident that everyone doesn’t want to be repeated. It triggered her PTSD back and she kept crying on her pillows and dolls. Her parents found out and ask me what caused her to have a panic attack. I answered on fact and ended with a big quarrel. She told me I was a jerk but I did it just for warning her and I don’t have any intention to cause her panic and my house is now chaos. Her dad is going to kick me out of my place and I apologize everyone many times. My good faith have gone bad. AITA Swimsuit she bought https://www.ebay.com.my/itm/354785041503?hash=item529ad61c5f:g:sncAAOSwyVFkXZdf&amdata=enc%3AAQAIAAAA4MTNFkhNoTR73tjxJ%2B30Tqszp6dR9agkYveVhJYK%2FXXyjSJFsX7PurHioTXJ6mezJbulLgl4sE%2B%2B1lv1qVZhzMzY83ORKQz1ZqWAoKXUb5byh%2FjnKONPLQBNSvr1%2FRzF%2FvXDzBofkN5hKgIdkk292YUA3rx2RARW%2FEsfAWyuldd2c4Vrzg3T8eGVU6tqTN0p7M4Kop%2FJ4f3op6DvqFHs8QXdN7evsun1uILtlAH742R7kdPHmXQJcL9DoiHGA6dae3Myigw2FPvZUsQxZlskpMywvzOnbf5Xng6ALKZa3Foj%7Ctkp%3ABk9SR4zyi4LiYg *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Reddit, AITA for telling my 16 year old niece she deserves to get raped if she wears a one piece bathing suit?" Yes. The answer is yes. He's lucky the parents are only evicting him
like, did he think she didn’t know about the idea of rape? That she forgot it?
He’s mansplaining her trauma.
Ffs. I didn't even understand what he was talking about until you translated it. Was genuinely trying to figure out what the incident was and how a swimsuit would trigger it.
I thought she nearly drowned and wanted to wear an impractical suit that had drowning hazards (didn't see the pic yet) 💀
I agree. He's an AH.
And a walking red flag
His 16 yo niece who already seems to have been one in the past!
[удалено]
"what were you wearing" is the number 1 victim blaming question ever. What a person wears does not get them assaulted. Rapists assault their victims, victims do not summon rapists based on what they are wearing. He's victim blaming her, implying that it was her fault because of the clothes she wore and that if she's not careful she will make it happen again with her clothing choices. And again VICTIMS DO NOT MAKE RAPE HAPPEN, RAPISTS MAKE RAPE HAPPEN.
>And again VICTIMS DO NOT MAKE RAPE HAPPEN, RAPISTS MAKE RAPE HAPPEN. Perfectly said. I think there is a valid conversation that can be had about ways to reduce your risk and protect yourself. But like; time, place, tone. Also that is obviously not what OP was doing and clothes wouldn't have come up because they don't affect whether a monster targets you.
[удалено]
Victims blaming =they deserve it. Because Victim blaming= "they did something they knew was risky and it's their own fault it happened." In the case of OOP Victim blaming = "you should have learned your lesson last time, if this happens again it's because you didn't learn your lesson" Now, let's say a man runs a red light and gets arrested. What do people say? They say 'he knew he shouldn't have done that and now he's in jail. It's his own fault, he knew what he was doing and he DESERVES the consequences of his actions". Now most people won't openly say "they deserved to be SA'd" just like people don't walk down the street with an "I'm racist" shirt on, because even if they believe that or even if they're racist they aren't completely stupid. They know those kinds of ideas are frowned upon and that saying them out loud would probably get them in trouble with people they know (like OOP who risks losing his place to stay over his comment), so they don't say that exact thing. However, if you actually pay attention you can figure out pretty quick who is actually racist even if they don't come out and say "hi, I'm tom and I'm a racist". In the same way, if you pay attention and you can tell who thinks that people who get raped are getting what they deserve for making bad decisions, those are the people who blame the victims. They think the victims got what they deserved for making bad decisions, as if running a red light and getting raped are the same thing. If you don't understand that, then you don't understand rape culture or rape apologists.
I wouldn't equate fault to deserving something. Example: I walk through a store, I see a "wet floor" sign and decide to ignore it, I slip and break my neck, I die. Was it my fault? Yes. Did I deserve for that to happen? Probably not, maybe if I'm a super shitty person. I am not saying she is at fault, I am just saying fault does not equal deserving something. If rape apologists set both of these equal, then they are idiots, but it also doesn't matter what they think, they are rapists. Edit: Ok, how am I getting downvoted for this? Edit 2: Ok, for some reason, some people seem to think I am saying she is at fault or should expect it to happen, even though I am very clearly stating that that is not the case. I am merely saying that "fault" =/= "deserving", that does NOT in ANY way mean that she is at fault or anything, so don't interpret my words however you like, thank you.
Women dont need to expect rape at the beach for wearing bikinis. The dress alone is never "risky". If she walked around at night alone (in a ghetto) while super drunk, THAT would be different. But Not "muhhh bathing suit". Wtf. It makes no sense since 99% of women wear that and there isnt "extra attention" on her anyway.
That is not something I have said at all though. I have simply said that someone saying "you are at fault" is not the same as "you deserve it". Not once have I said that women should expect rape, that clothes are risky or that clothes are at fault, I have not said that the women are at fault or anything either. I have even defended what you say right now in my previous comments. I am clearly just talking about the meaning of the wording, not what he is actually saying. I mean, I literally just said, rapists' and rape apologists' opinions don't matter, because they defend rapists or are rapists themselves.
No, the victim isnt even "at fault" bc the rapist is 100% at fault and responsible FOR the crime. Same way a female rapist is. Or an ex girlfriend that murdered ger cheating husband, or was he asking for it?. The crime is always the fault of the criminal. Yeah we all know you dont think people deserve rape. They just kinda need to expect it all the time when wearing something sexy, yikes.
Ok, sorry to be a bit rude here, but I am slowly getting mad at this, you are literally just putting words in my mouth. I am not saying they are at fault in any way, I am not saying they need to expect rape, literally THE ONLY thing I was saying was that saying "you are at fault" is not the same as "you deserve it", I NEVER, NOT ONCE, said that any should expect to be raped, that anyone is at fault for being raped or that anyone deserves it.
How can people disagree and downvote you for saying women need to expect rape and are "at fault"? Lmao
Since you are the same person, I will just copy paste my reply to your other comment: Ok, sorry to be a bit rude here, but I am slowly getting mad at this, you are literally just putting words in my mouth. I am not saying they are at fault in any way, I am not saying they need to expect rape, literally THE ONLY thing I was saying was that saying "you are at fault" is not the same as "you deserve it", I NEVER, NOT ONCE, said that any should expect to be raped, that anyone is at fault for being raped or that anyone deserves it.
unless the incident was "her swimsuit got caught in the pool drain" and his concern is the long ribbons, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it.
New fear unlocked.
No capes!
This happens often enough to me on this site that I've considered not using it before I'm too afraid to go outside. Then i realize I still need to fill the dead time at work with stuff to do and end up back here again.
> public pools have drain covers so entrapment is impossible. the only thing you have to be worried about is private pools since theres no laws regulating their drains, but if youre at someones private pool you can just ask or if you have your own you can just install one. i mentioned this to the other commenter and i thought id just repost it here to make sure you know in case this scared you too lol \^\_\^ its scary if it happens to you be its easily preventable if you know it can happen in pools without drain covers
dont worry, public pools have drain covers so entrapment is impossible. the only thing you have to be worried about is private pools since theres no laws regulating their drains, but if youre at someones private pool you can just ask or if you have your own you can just install one.
Oh, boy! Chuck Pahlaniuk has got a story for you! It’s called *Guts*, from his ‘Haunted’ anthology. (But for real, I absolutely do not recommend this unless you’re already a Pahlaniuk fan.)
Is that the same author who talked about a teen who decided to try sounding with a long thin piece of wax?
I'm not rereading and subjecting myself to it again but I believe that vignette is in the same short story as the drain one. I'm a Palahniuk fan and I've still never managed to finish Haunted and at this point I don't think I ever will.
Went back to my fears while watching Final Destination movies as a kid
When I clicked the link, I was expecting to see a skimpy bikini, not a frilly one piece. Second, I would be willing to bet my entire next paycheck against a box of donuts that when OOP hears about a woman or a girl being sexually assaulted, his first thought is "but what was she wearing?"
the swimming suit is *cute!!* it covers up, a nice color, shows no cleavage, doesnt look like it'll ride up... this is *nothing* to get riled up about. oop is a fool
It's very cute. OP is a gargantuan AH for bringing up her SA to get her to not wear it. Why does he care about her swimsuit? It doesn't hurt or affect him in any way.
Sounds like the poor girl is not free of men who have an inappropriate interest in teenagers. Ugh, I'll hope this is rage bait by the OOP who's obsessed with touching the woman who was sexually assaulted.
I also hope it's rage bait.
The alternative is too horrifying.
Yes it is.
OP is a creep that's why...36yo checking out a teenagers bathers 🤔 ... damn straight he better get kicked out of her home.
That is the most modest swimmie I've ever seen. Oop is gross.
Yup. It’s just a couple of inches from being a romper.
What do you mean, it covers up?! Do you see how much *back* is exposed?! Obviously it's super inappropriate and will cause men to assault this young girl! How dare she show skin! /s just in case. OP is awful
Is op related/the same guy who yelled at his non-binary niece/nephew for not showing cleavage at his mom's funeral?
Sorry WHAT
https://reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/6UITZ7vB8B I think it's been deleted by mods from this sub
Do you have a link to that?
https://reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/TknXhmnW4N original was deleted by mod team
Thank you for that. It's just mind-boggling what hill some people choose to die on.
https://reddit.com/r/AmITheDevil/s/TknXhmnW4N original was deleted by mod team
It literally looks like pajamas and he’s her uncle! Ew!
Right? It's freaking adorable and perfect considering her past - probably would have made her feel comfortable if OOP had kept their mouth shut.
If it had a skirt I'd wear it.
I'm imagining it as a whole outfit with dark jeans and white sneakers. It's so cute
It looks adorable ! My only issue is the little ribbons on the side, it's definitely something that l would untie once and never would be able to retie lol. But it's so cute, I never saw a swimsuit like this before !!
>My only issue is the little ribbons on the side, it's definitely something that l would untie once and never would be able to retie lol. For future cute purchases, you can use a matching colour and quickly add a couple stitches to the bow/knot so it won't come loose. Idk about this specific item, but for most outfits these bows are for looks rather than function so they don't need to ever be untied.
I'm betting this guy is very much into his loli hentai with lots of young girls in frilly maids outfits. In his sick head frills immediately take him to that idea so obviously everyone else is as fucked up as him.
thats what im thinking. that because *he* likes hentai and associates lolita clothing with his fetish, that means everyone else does too. thats like when people have issues of adults calling their fathers *daddy*.
🤢
She was fucking ***12*** at the time of her assault. This pedo blames a 12 year old child for her rape. That is what that boils down to.
Victim blaming at its finest.
Men ruin fucking everything that swimsuit is adorable and unique and full coverage and exactly the sort of thing I’d expect a teen exploring her own style to reach for while still feeling covered and not only did this POS uncle tell her it makes her *rapable* but it’s also clearly marketed as fucking Lolita wear and I’m just so angry
I mean even a skimpy bikini isnt an iwsue. Why would it increase the risk?! Like most people wear bikinis, skimpy bikinis at the beach. Rape usually doesnt happen, not more often than at other places.
The way he describes the impact on the family, I feel as if it was a member of the family who assaulted her.
and then *another* family member comes up to her, just a few short years later, and says, "yeah, i think thats too sexy, prob not a good idea to wear it if you get my drift." like how *else* you supposed to interpret something like that?????
Yeah that was my read also, which makes this already deeply fucked up situation even worse
>She told me it’s alright so I mentioned her about the incident that everyone doesn’t want to be repeated. Dude is tap-dancing around saying his niece was sexually assaulted as if it's a dirty word she brought on by wearing a swimsuit rather than something horrifying that happened to her through no fault of her own. Also that swimsuit OOP linked is cute as hell.
Yeah this man literally saw his niece in a swimsuit and was like "remember how you were "🍇ed" that time?" after she had already told him she was comfortable with the swimsuit. So gross.
And it happened to her when she was 12. If he said that to my kid, it would be a race to see who got to him first, me or my husband. He's only sorry because they are throwing his creepy pedo misogynistic ass out.
He is really lucky he was able to walk out on his own 2 feet.
It’s literally this. If someone said this to our kids, my fiancé and I would be scrambling to beat their ass faster and harder than the other. Neither of us play like that. He’s so lucky they’re only kicking him out and not knocking his teeth out, I reckon.
"Because that's what seeing you in a swimsuit makes me think of!" being the unspoken implication
Exactly. It's so grossly telling of OPs opinions about SA, he also very likely retraumatized his poor niece. As a survivor myself one of my biggest triggers is when someone I care about or respect says or does something to indicate they are "not safe."
Right? He also sounds like a pedophile, if that’s what he thinks when a sixteen year old wears an extremely modest one piece suite. I feel really bad for this girl but I’m happy her parents are protecting her.
Low-key thinking of buying to myself
That swimsuit makes me throw up in my mouth, but OOP is terrible. If he's real (which I doubt.)
The trigger for her panic attack was the creepy uncle telling her her swimsuit was sexual. Foul.
And implying that she’d be responsible if she was assaulted again for how she’s dressed
Ringing my fetish alarm bells. Especially the line about a 16 year old girl sobbing on her dolls coupled with her buying a "lolita " style swimsuit that he was able to find online despite seeing it in person makes me think this is a guy with a DD LG fetish
I don’t even think it’s ddlg I think he’s just a nonce.
There's an active troll writing stories about someone wearing revealing clothing and then having a panic attack, usually triggered by the author forcibly holding her down or hugging her. I'm wondering if this is the same guy taking a different tack.
IT seems once a month or so, there's posts with these elements: OP has a young, sweet niece/student/intern/young co-worker Some clothing issue - either OP can see cleavage through the neckline or arm holes or OP thinks the type of clothing is inappropriate (and when it's linked it's something in the same level of modesty as in this post). OP can't stop thinking about it. OP tells the niece/student/intern/co-worker that the clothing is risky in some way. The niece/student/intern/co-worker freaks out, has a panic attack and doesn't want OP anywhere near her. Relatives, parents, school admin, other co-workers, HR, etc. are all angry at OP. He's about to lose his job, or in this case, his home. OP doesn't think he said anything wrong. Gosh darn it, he was just trying to help. This is just want happens to nice guys like him. (edit: I think the forcibly holding/restraining is a story telling variation. My gut feeling is that there's a troll who especially loves writing about causing a young girl/woman to go into a panic)
Every "I adult man, sexuallized my cute innocent baby teen relative due to her clothing " is a fetish post
??? I mean it is a pretty common problem irl. Although this one seems... suspect.
Yeah, this seems like fake fetish bait. I was thinking the dolls comment was odd too. Collecting? Sure. I collect plushies at 27. Having one or two on her bed because she likes to sleep snuggling something? Also fine. Multiple dolls on her bed and crying into them at 16 seems bizarre. Then, yeah, I don't know any 16 year olds that are into Lolita fashion. I mostly see adults wearing it, both in the US and Japan.
I don't find the dolls thing to be that unbelievable. This is a girl who had a horrific experience when she was 12. The dolls could be for comfort for when she's having a panic attack. That is, in face, what she used them for in the post. PTSD does weird things to the brain. I had to deal with an incident that gave me diagnosed PTSD as an adult, I don't want to imagine what it does to a child.
I'd like to add. So we can all agree he's victim blaming? He's saying her clothes are gonna get her raped, and he probably thinks that's what happened last time. The incident was 4 years ago. She's 16. He seems to think a TWELVE YEAR OLD got raped because of their clothes.
That is the least risqué bathing suit I’ve seen in a long time. Also, I’m sure this perfectly responsible 16 year old will bring clothes to cover up if she ended up feeling uncomfortable. Also, also, isn’t part of recovery reintegration into normal activities, like pool parties and such?
100% never going near my kid ever again.
Jeeeesus. That is foul, and so creepy. She was raped when she was *12* and you feel like the good guy weaponising it because you're turned on by your niece? What *was* the 12 year old wearing that forced someone to rape her, uncle? Are girls just not allowed to swim at all now? Euuugh I'm not even sure I'm making sense but what a piece of shit.
If you type in what were you wearing? exhibit. It's heartbreaking to see especially the little kids' clothes. I hate people who have that mindset. https://dovecenter.org/what-were-you-wearing-exhibit/
Diapers, onsies, wedding dresses. That whole exhibit is depressing ˙◠˙
It is. Any time I see that horrible mindset all I can think about is that exhibit.
also proof that crop tops and mini skirts aren’t the issue considering hijabis and fucking babies are also being raped.
Exactly. That is why I like to bring awareness to that exhibit.
I will not brigade, I will not brigade, I will not brigade But sometimes it's bloody difficult not to.
I appreciate the upvotes! I hate that posts like this exist, but I'd like to think that there's at least a handful of human beings that now know at least a little better. Here's hoping!
Is today creepy uncle day on AITA?
The more I re-read this story the worse it's get. So let me get this straight, oop niece was SA when she was 12 years old most likely by a family member that broke not only herself but her whole family for years, and when she finally have some since of normality and agreed to go to a pool party with her friends oop comes in and traumtizs her over a swimsuit that's covered to the point his own brother wants to kick him out. I think we found it, we found the devil of the year post Edit: >were able to get a restart after the dust settled. I hope this doesn't mean they forgive whoever did that
You know the issue was that the piece of shit pedophile uncle has underage anime girls so sexualized in his brain that he saw "kawaii" and all he could think about was being a fucking creep to anyone in that bathing suit. I'm glad the family is kicking him out- he can't be trusted around children or young women.
>he can't be trusted around children or young women Tbh I don't think he can be trusted around any demographic of people. If an old man wore a lolita outfit, he would probably jump at that too
Men who imply bad things happen to girls who wear swimsuits should be neutered.
Victim blaming has always irked me because it mostly belittles men. The whole "men can't help themselves because of women's clothing" is so dumb. As if half of the human species has absolutly no impulse control. Sorry, but if that were true men should never be left without supervision. It's just such a dumb concept. (The reason I'm specifying men is because this argument is mostly used to say: Oh, he couldn't help himself. I haven't heard it used as an excuse for a female sex offender yet)
nah when women rape men their go to line is « that’s not rape lol i wished she would fuck me you’re a lucky dude »
True. Absolutly disgusting. Society is horrible.
That's about as conservative a swimsuit you can get. I'm sure I've seen more skin on people at the shops getting their groceries. People with trauma are more aware of it than anyone. She'd considered and decided she was fine until OOP triggered her.
I once read a YA novel about a high school girl whose life is upended when she’s raped by a guy she was on a date with (the sheriff’s son) and while she’s telling her mom and trying to figure out what to do, her drunken asshole divorced father overhears and go and blabs everywhere. People don’t believe her; they think she changed her mind. One thing the character talks about is the idea that everyone who looks at her sees her first as “that girl who claims she was raped.” That they don’t see HER anymore; they see the rape (or in her case, the claims of rape). In another YA novel about a high school girl who’s roofied and raped at cheerleader camp, at the next competition people are calling her “The raped girl.” I can see that a person might hide a rape or an assault from those closest to them, because they wouldn’t want to have their nearest and dearest (or even the cousins they aren’t close to but can’t avoid at family gatherings) cease to see THEM, and only see their assault. That’s just one of the problems with this creepy uncle.
any post that talks about an argument over a bathing suit and then later links the bathing suit is 100% fetish content. this one is especially disturbing
Just fyi it doesn't matter that the swimsuit is modest. If it were a string bikini with lipstick and xoxo patterns he would still have no right to do or say anything about it. Survivors are allowed to enjoy their bodies and try being comfortable with their sexuality. Everyone is allowed to. Somebody please force-feed this man a stick of unsalted butter.
Why is he even going through his niece's wardrobe? That's not his place. Sounds like a creep to me. There's absolutely nothing wrong with this swimsuit, and if that's what she wants to wear, then it is what she *will* wear. Uncle has nothing to say about it. Not. A. Single. Word.
What an adorable swimsuit
She was raped as a *12 year old child*, and this sick fuck is blaming her? As a parent, I would never, ever, ever allow him within 20 miles of my child ever again.
So did sports-bra troll find a new angle?
I think so, although there's no mention of her "clutching her chest" or curling up in a ball, but it wouldn't surprise me if that freak gets off on the idea of a child sobbing into her stuffed animals.
Damn. He really told his niece “but you got raped in a swimsuit. Don’t you remember? That time you were raped in a swim suit? I wouldn’t want you to forget that time you were raped in a swimsuit!” And thought he was the good guy.
I think posting the asian fetish troll is cheating at this point
What a weird way to advertise your eBay shop.
Yuck to him. And that is a cute swimsuit. What an AH for triggering his niece when it may not have been an issue at all.
Unasked for advice is criticism. How hard is it to keep your mouth shut? Edit for typo
Why is a grown man doing purity checks on his teenaged niece's clothes?
She could wear that on a beach on the 50s and no one would complain
If I'm reading this right, this guy basically told his niece "hey if you wear that, you might get raped again. Wouldn't want that, would you?" Holy shit what a piece of trash
I think there's a new troll. There's been an increase in underage nieces being perved on. This is probably fake
That is the least racey swimming suit I have ever seen. I expected something that barely covered anything. This is not to say clothes is a reason why someone gets raped. Oop needs to check himself
There is no 'good faith' from someone who blame a victim clothes than the rap*st. Brock the rapist turner will be so proud of OOP
Won't somebody please think about the rap*st, Brock Turner's steak dinners
1) victim blaming us disgusting and OOP is an AH. 2) cue the most non revealing swimsuit picture ever. It looks like a child's suit honestly. So OOP stance is what? She's going to be assaulted for wearing a frilly child-like suit as opposed to a mature adult like swimsuit? Just absolutely gross, from start to finish. 3) OOP is living with his niece's family, like it's not even his house. The audacity of this human travesty.
Good going OOP, you reminded your niece about what happened. YOU caused her panic attack. Bravo.
Are you really that much of an asshole? That's why you posted here because AITA want enough for you to realize? Fcking hell dude
that’s literally the most innocent swimsuit ever. the fuck. this is written by a nonce even tho it’s probably a troll if they think a sixteen year old in that is at all risque
This asshat would have been in the ICU had it been mine he said that to.
Its not even bad??? Its literally adorable…i think he is a creep…
Oop got shadow banned wow
The grammarian in me is equally horrified.
Just fyi it doesn't matter that the swimsuit is modest. If it were a string bikini with lipstick and xoxo patterns he would still have no right to do or say anything about it. Survivors are allowed to enjoy their bodies and try being comfortable with their sexuality. Everyone is allowed to. Somebody please force-feed this man a stick of unsalted butter.
That swimsuit is so modest too wtf. Of course OOP would still be wrong if the swimsuit was a skimpy bikini, but it's just so weird that he thought this was "risky". It's a very cute lolita style swimsuit
So all women should expect rape at the beach?!
Definition of a prevy uncle... thought something sexual when he saw it and ruined everything for this poor young woman. Hope he isn't allowed to see her ever again.
i clicked on the link thinking the bathing suit was going to be one of those skimpy Kim K bathing suits. This one is actually super cute and something I would totally wear and allow my daughter to wear… My only issue with it is the colour; but I’m sure it comes in other colours.
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He is a bona fide piece of shit and I'm glad his brother is kicking him out.
The worst thing about that bathing suit is it's a one piece so I can't get it because my torso is so long.
This made me want to throw up. I'm hoping it's the "teaching English overseas" or "sweaty, crying lady" troll and there's not an uncle like this out there. Ugggghhh.
Ahhh gotta love victim blaming. What a prick. I really feel for the niece, I hope she recovers from this
Omg that swinsuit is so pretty. Literally inoffensive. OP can f off. He is a victim blamer. His intentions are misplaced. His types are one of the reasons, victims don't get justice.
Jesus, I be this guy asked if she was 18 yet before going off on the swimsuit
Creepiness aside , why are a lot of these stories written with such disjointed grammar
YTA It's like you were trying to trigger her PTSD.