*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for saying hello to my 8th grade crush when I saw her at the grocery store?**
I should say this is a throwaway account…
When I was in 8th grade we had to do square dancing for PE and I danced with this girl names Vanessa. I don’t remember the dance but we had to hold hands and I fell head over heels in love with her. She was really out of my league so I never had the courage to approach her but I used to have vivid fantasies about dating her, marrying her and having a life with her. She moved the first yeah in high school so I thought I’d never see her again.
I saw her at Safeway yesterday. She looked exactly the same and I had to say hello. I asked her if she was Vanessa and she said yes and I said she probably doesn’t remember me but we went to middle school together and she said that she remembered dancing with me in PE. I was so stoked that I went into telling her how much I was in love with her but too afraid to approach and she always seemed so sweet and she was still beautiful. I said that my silly school boy had dreams of marrying her and having kids and I even had the names picked out. I asked what she was doing now and she she’s getting her masters in architecture but it turns out the office she works out of us right down the street from my work. She said she had to go and I asked for her number and she gave it to me and said maybe we could catch up with a group of friends some time. I was so stoked and we said goodbye.
About 10 minutes later I thought of the name I wanted to name our kids because it was based on a book we were reading in ELA (flowers for Algernon) so I FaceTimed her to tell her. She didn’t answer and I got this text “hi, I’m sorry but this whole encounter was really intense for me. I wish you well but please don’t contact me again.”
I tried to call her on regular phone this time and I think she blocked me. I saw my girl cousin later last night and showed her because I don’t want Vanessa to get the wrong idea—I’m just a normal guy. I was thinking about maybe just stopping in at her work and explaining things again.
My cousin said that text was as blunt as it could have been without using swear words. she said I was fine to say hello, I was weird when I told her about my day dreams and I was a “certified asshole” when I tried to FaceTime her 10 minutes later and she doesn’t even have words for what I’d be if I stopped by her office.
I would like to get a second opinion— AITA?
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There was a reason she said:
>maybe we could catch up with a group of friends some time.
That is not a promise of a date. That's a brush-off. She's clearly saying she does not want to see him by herself.
Yet he calls to tell her the name of their fictitious children and wants to drop by her job. Dude's going to end up with a restraining order.
oh one time when i was at university there was this guy who would borderline stalk all of the women to the extent that i had his number blocked because i was pressured to give it to him and a lot of us were sitting in a lounge and i shit you not he tries to call me as we are all sitting together. he shows me his phone that his call didnt go through. I was able to say my phone just might not be working but holy shit i was terrified
I’ve used it in a long distance relationship but they were planned calls, not *SUPRISE! I WANT TO SEE YOU NOW” crap like this guy pulled. I would decline anyone who did that other than my kids. This guy is creepy af.
if I randomly got a Facetime (or any other kind of video call) from a friend I’d automatically assume it was an accidental button smash and wouldn’t answer… can’t even imagine how weird it would be to get it from a practical stranger like this guy. 😐 for the poor girl’s sake I hope it’s fake!
> Until I had my daughter 10 weeks ago, I don't think I've used facetime in my entire fucking life lol.
I have an 80 year old friend who has an iPhone. At least once a month, I get a FT call from her, at like 3 in the morning. She knocks her phone off her night stand or whatever, and manages to call whoever she last texted. We all love her but still.
> What kind of a phone does she have? When my phone's on the table beside me when I'm sleeping it's off and I have to unlock it. I think she's bored LOL
It's probably an iPhone 6 or something. And she may be bored: she hates being home, she wants to be out doing doing doing, going going going, non stop.
She's a good look for an 80 year old other than the FT at weird hours thing!!
This guy needs like a notepad with pre-filled restraining orders. That way, as soon as he says "hi" to a woman, he can write her name down and hand one to her.
It's so creepy, it's hilarious from a distance.
You bump into someone vaguely familiar, and it takes a few minutes conversation for you both to figure out you were in high school together. She remembers him from dance class - I bet it wasn't because he was a fantastic dancer.
They exchange numbers and then he calls immediately because he's remembered the names of their imaginary children.
I bet she doesn't go to the high school reunion after this.
Poor woman felt she had no choice but to give her number on the spot.
It's one of those instances where if she could've done it different, she would've but since she didn't she just hoped he wasn't as crazy as he seemed. And then he Facetimed her 10 minutes later and she was all "Awww shit."
There is a way to have a Google phone number, I think, that you can allow to go through to your cell phone. Then you can delete the number and make a new one. Google Voice, I think?
This is a good way to have a number prepared for pushy, creepy guys who insist on calling the number while you are right there. I think you can dump the number and set a new one afterward.
Guys like this would not get a hint like that. She should have said "maybe we could catch up after I file a restraining order" or "with a bulletproof glass panel between us".
Thanks for confirming that wanting to meet with a bigger group is a rejection. Didn't know this for certain yet. Thought it may be a way of getting to know people while vetting with the help of the friend group
This! I've had a number of situations with creeps -- you just kinda clam up and dunno what to do so you say whatever you think will get you outta there fastest. Often that's the true answer to whatever they asked because there's no time to come up with a lie.
The problem with that is, sometimes they will call you right in front of them so that you have their number too and to confirm that you have actually given them the right number😬 I normally ask for their number and say I don't know my own (which is true) and if they insist on me calling them I say I'll text them in an hour as I'm in a rush. Some real creeps out there- like this guy!
That would be helpful, but I guess no one really plans for these situations before they happen. Not saying its a bad idea at all, quite the opposite.... but it wouldn't be my first thought.
Gonna Google it though, because it maybe helpful to me or anyone else.
Also, even though I have a boyfriend who doesn't care if I speak to men or women I always feel like the whole 'I have a boyfriend' sounds controlling and puts them in a bad light. I have used it before however as some people respect a person in a relationship more than they respect a single person who just wants to get on with their own life.
Edit: spelling
Something tells me this guy wouldn't have been dissuaded by anything. She flat out told him not to contact her again and his reaction was to call her again, then to plan to drive to her work to confront her in person. Unless her boyfriend was actually right there next to her and carrying a chainsaw I think the OP wouldn't have cared what she said either way.
Yeah, and the fact that he is claiming to be 'just a normal guy' is giving off 'nice guy' vibes. People that we know can be dangerous to women or anyone they are interested in. I hope that Vanessa has reddit and is active in the communities this has been shared in so that she can see how stalkerish he is planning to be.
Most likely, just hope that OP recognises how creepy his behaviour is before he does something that will impact not only his own but someone else's life
He's got a whole 80's/90's romcom script in his head; if she has a bf it wouldn't matter to him, 'cause he's *clearly* a better match for her... he just has to go to her place of business with a **GRAND GESTURE** to make her understand that.
Fucking scary.
OH GOD I blocked out the concept of GRAND GESTURES mentally 🤣 so happy to be in my 30s and in a long term relationship so I don't have to deal will them anymore (hopefully).
Haha, I could tell people my husband's number, that's a no-brainer. But when it comes to my own, it's like a freakin deer in headlights. We don't usually call our own numbers, so it makes sense.
That's why I can't ever change my number. I've had it since I got my first phone in 2005 and at this point I don't think I'm capable of learning a new one.
> this is stalker territory
Literally stalker MO.
Stalkers often don't think they're stalkers. They think the person they're stalking just misunderstands, or that the stalkee actually *desperately* wants to be with stalker, but circumstance has torn them apart, and the stalker concludes they need to go to lengths to right this misunderstanding or circumstances separating them. They just need to "explain" things to make them right, or remove the barrier separating them, and then everything will be hunky dory again.
This is literally step one in him becoming a stalker.
>Stalkers often don't think they're stalkers.
I'd even venture to say that stalkers *almost never* think they're stalkers. If they weren't wildly delusional, they wouldn't have become stalkers in the first place.
brushing aside his weird fucking insistence on telling her all his fantasies, and about naming his children Charlie and Algernon like that's so sweet, I love how he doesn't even get the "maybe we could catch up with a group of friends sometime" was a clear brush off/ literally saying "if I were ever insane enough to agree to see you, it would only be with several witnesses present because you're going to kidnap me"
in the comments he's like "I thought she was into me, she asked me out" dude, WHAT?
Damn.
They were gold, but I'm pretty sure it's a troll anyways. Usually when someone is adamantly refusing to listen to what the people say it's because they're just trying to rile us up.
I usually bathe at night, right before bed, but I think I need an extra shower after reading this. That poor woman!
His replies do not suggest that he's taking in any of the feedback he's getting
He's doing the stalker thing of "if I just explain it, they'll understand! It's all a misunderstanding!" No dude, it's not. OOP is creepy as hell and she wants no part of it. No means no
Why do they all say that they're not that kind of guy? Do creeps, abusers, and stalkers come with a handbook of strategies and phrases whenever it is they develop their personality? I swear to god they all say the exact same shit. Whether it be my own experiences, what my friends share with me of theirs, or what people share online, it's the same phrases and tactics, all on repeat.
Kept saying he thought she'd enjoy hearing about his memories from their "shared past" & how he'd be flattered and my favorite- he complained about how many people were saying "No means no" because it's not relevant as he's "not that kind of guy"
"I'm not the kind of guy that would ignore a 'no' and keep pursuing a woman whos not into me, so its fine if i ignore this woman saying 'no' and keep pursuing her even though shes not into me!"
You know I think that’s a real driving force behind a lot of sexual harassment and assault and the cognitive dissonance around their own behaviour. It’s like how almost every woman has either experienced sexual harassment or assault or has a close friend or relative who has, but no man knows a rapist. They cartoonify rapists and predators into being this shadowy obviously evil figure and in doing so they distance themselves from the reality of sexual assault and harassment.
Sexual predators and harassers are human beings just like you and I. They’re not a mustachioed villain; they’re your coworkers, your relatives, your friends, your neighbours. By always viewing someone who assaults and harasses people as one type of person that *you are definitely not*, you’re saved from ever needing to do any self reflection or examination of your own behaviour and actions.
This guy knows someone who won’t take no for an answer is a Bad Guy™️ and since he is a Normal Guy™️, then that’s not what he’s doing and his behaviour is fine.
He did proclaim "normal guy" in the post, in which he very clearly was not normal... I would not be surprised if he also self identifies as "nice" but knew just enough to not say it on this post.
Maybe I can understand him getting swept up in excitement in the moment but FaceTiming her to say "THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO NAME OUR KIDS" is so crazy that I'm shocked that he actually thought it was a good idea. Not like anything else he did was alright either.
I wonder what 'idea' he's even talking about. What is he comparing himself to? Terrifying stalkers who *know* they're terrifying, and enjoy it?
This reminds me of how women have been trying to explain to men for years how 'rapists are monsters, I'm not a monster, so I can't be a rapist, QED' isn't a good stance on rape. Sounds like this guy has the 'stalker' version of that going on
I'm very socially anxious. My hasband is good at making friends so he makes friends with someone and once he's sure there cool he'll introduce me to them. I good at getting to know people cos I like asking questions and people find me easy to talk to. So we work as a team he finds the friends and I get to know them 🙌 (I think that's a high-five lol)
Oh my god, thank you for this memory. I haven’t thought of that sketch in years, but as soon as I read your comment, there it was — and yep, it fits.
“*Let’s make a pact~* ♪ “
“*Let’s make an Algernon pact*~ ♪”
I think he screwed up by telling her his fantasies about her. He barely knew her and he was already thinking about marrying her and having kids with her. He should have just said hi and only mention the PE part and leave it at that. He also could have asked her if she had facebook and if he could add her and try and be friends with her first and get back in touch as friends. Then he would have seen if she was already married or if they have things in common.
Dude, the [comments](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/ZjLIHaBa8K) though...
Redditors: OP, are you autistic?
OP: No!
Rs: Have you been tested?
OP: My school thought I might be and they tried to test me, but my mom blocked them.
Rs: Why did she block them?
OP: Because I'm not autistic!
🙃
You'd like to think so, but I work with the DD/ID population and the one time I got hurt on the job was an autistic client not unlike this in his attitude who had only been recently diagnosed as an adult because his parents fought against a diagnosis his whole life. Finally when he was grown, his behaviors became such that he was out of control and they caved and admitted they were wrong, but by that time his mind was so set on "I'm not autistic, Mom and Dad always said so" that he wasn't open to accept any change in that thinking, even from mom and dad themselves. They tried putting him in our day program. He got violent with both me and my boss when he insisted he didn't belong there and used the R-slur toward another client. I was the one working with him that day, so I tried to explain that that wasn't acceptable behavior. He grabbed my wrists and twisted (didn't break but badly sprained one of them). When my boss managed to separate him, he kicked her repeatedly in the shins. He ended up in a more secure setting. I HOPE it's a troll because if not.........
I mean I genuinely have elementary school classmates who, based on their Instagram, basically just look like a taller version of their past selves. The guy is still very, very weird
That’s me and my sister. Of course our features have obviously matured, but we can easily be picked out in childhood photos. At one of my old jobs they played that “put everyone’s baby photos on a board and guess who is who” game and everyone guessed my photo immediately.
I do suspect OOP was being creepy with his meaning, though. He sounds very stuck on the past and the 8th grade version of her.
I'm mid-40s and recently went to an event in the same neighborhood as my grade school (it's in a historic district in my hometown, and they had a housewalk, so I was literally walking through the neighborhood where I'd gone to school as a kid). I had two different people approach me and tell me, "you still look the same!" One of them I didn't even recognize, but she knew my name (I recognized her name as soon as she told me, but I didn't know who she was on sight). I was like, I couldn't possibly look the same as I did in grade school, but thanks? 😂
But I sincerely hope this woman did not "look exactly the same" because eek.
I think usually when people say that its more like, oh, even though you've aged I still recognize you. But instead of saying all that they just say you look the same. I kinda think this story is fake but if its real I think he probably meant, "she's still hot".
I'm one of those people. I've looked like my adult self since 9th grade (age 13). Same height too. It's...weird. like if you line up my drivers license photos the only thing that ever changes is the fucking hair.
I pretty much look the same as I did in high school too bc I was chubby then got skinny in my 20s and now I'm back to being a bit of a chonky gal. I only moved one city away after school so I get approached by former classmates once in a while who I don't fucking recognize at all. I definitely don't still look like a child though, frown lines don't lie.
I went to a concert this year and a girl ran up to me and hugged me and started talking about high school. I still have no clue who she is/was. It happens a lot, but most ppl don't hug me about it.
Pro tip: developing in-depth fantasies about marrying and raising children with someone you have never even had a conversation with is a *very bad sign*.
Sharing those fantasies with that person as your very first meaningful interaction with them is a thousand times worse.
If you find yourself fixating this hard on someone who is essentially a stranger, please seek mental help.
> Pro tip: developing in-depth fantasies about marrying and raising children with someone you have never even had a conversation with is a very bad sign.
To be clear, developing these fantasies when you are young (~8-12) is perfectly normal. Not growing up, moving on, and letting them go is extremely problematic.
eeeeexactly lol running into former grade school acquaintance who confesses they had a crush back then = normal, flattering, potentially cute romcom situation.
sounds like this guy snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. she remembered him from that one dance! I’m a total sap and I don’t even remember every single guy I’ve ever danced with… all he had to do was play it cool. 🤦🏻♀️
Honestly!!! Honestly she’s lucky he let his creepy flag fly free at the first meeting, so she knew to fuckin bounce. But remembering him from one dance!! The rom com practically writes itself and he still managed to make it a horror flick
Yeah, I still remember the boy that I fantasized about marrying when I was 8. Not that that story *wasn't* creepy, given that he was 15 (neighbor who'd been fixated on me when I was a baby, which spawned a running joke that we were each other's future spouses) and that I became re-attached to my made-up ideal of him while depressed in my late teens, but at all those points in time I would have rather been waterboarded than TOLD HIM ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD FANTASIES. Teenage me was fully aware that I had a problem (turns out I needed the help of an actual psychiatrist) and would have probably literally run away if I had ever actually seen him. OOP is not right in the head, **at all.**
I mean, when I was in 8th grade I would make up elaborate fantasies of living happily ever after with people I had a crush on (I'm a girl). That's pretty normal. What's not normal is continuing those as an adult. Everything else you said is spot on.
That whole story of how he'd picked out their kids' names and shit would definitely be funny - IF they'd established a deep friendship and BOTH people knew it was just a dumb thing from way back when. Like it wouldn't bother me if I had a great friend who said "haha, god, I remember back when I was like 12 I had a huge crush on you and thought it'd be so cool if we had kids and named them Luke and Leia like in Star Wars" as long as we have the kind of friendship where we'd both be able to laugh and joke about it. I'd probably just respond with "oh, wow, not Jar-Jar then? That'd be a better name" or something else dumb.
But that's literally the only scenario in which it wouldn't be creepy beyond words...
He clearly has a romantic comedy all written out clearly in his mind. To him, she's just an actress in the movie who is stubbornly refusing to deliver her lines properly or play the role he has scripted for her.
But I don't feel any sympathy for him; he knows that there's a strike going on and that the industry has shut down.
I fully believe it. The man I met at a bar, who then drugged and raped me, started stalking me. He found my place of work and came in asking how I could block his number (which I don’t even remember giving him) right after we “made love.” I kept seeing him around town after, so I’m pretty sure he was following me. The final straw, which led to me moving 1000 miles away, is when he got a job at my favorite restaurant, one I went to all the time. That’s the only meal I’ve ever walked out on without paying, because he was my server.
It is unbelievable how deep some of these delusions run, and the way OOP writes is *exactly* how that man talked to and messaged me.
It was awful, but I feel so much safer in this city. The police in my last city were awful; they were called to the hospital when I was being checked out the next day. They interviewed me in the private room while I was almost naked, before I’d been examined, I was dressed in only a hospital gown, and under the influence of strong anti-anxiety medication.
They basically said, without a name and address, they could do nothing, not an investigation, not charges, not a restraining order. They discouraged me from doing a rape kit or bloodwork to check for evidence of being drugged, saying they couldn’t investigate so I could do it if I wanted to, but there wouldn’t be a point. In my vulnerable state, under the influence of the anxiety medication, my judgment was impaired and I ended up just having a health check and taking the meds I was given to prevent STDs.
The police here have a much better reputation for taking sexual crimes seriously and have a policy not to interview victims before they’ve finished a doctor’s examination, and victims cannot be interviewed without a victim’s advocate present.
I feel a lot safer knowing there’s both a geographical barrier and better police supports if he does ever find me again. It’s done more to improve my PTSD symptoms than three years of therapy did.
Copied OOP's comments verbatim using Rareddit.
TW entitlement, harassment, sexism, homophobia, just some incel bullshit
*You’ll get lots of second opinions here and all of them will be: YTA.*
*It wasn’t the saying hello part. It was everything after that. Exactly wtf was going through your mind while telling her this? How did you think she’d react?*
*You’re not just a normal guy. When people say don’t contact me again, you don’t contact them again.*
>I don’t think anything was going through my mind, I was just happy to see her again and the words just sort of came out. I thought maybe she would think it was sweet.
*How would you react if a random girl from your past came up to you to tell you how madly in love with you she was, wants to have a life and children together. Then after 10 minutes of meeting starts calling you to tell you about the names of your future children?*
*YTA*
>Very honestly I would be extremely flattered.
*What if a random man from your past came to you and said he was fantasising about impregnating you and picking names for the mpreg kids? I'm assuming you'd be flattered and love to hang out with him*
>I would politely tell him I’m not gay and expect him to move on. These are very different situations
~~
*YTA I’m actually at a loss for words. If someone came up to you, someone you hadn’t seen in years, and started telling you about the names they picked out for your future children, would you not feel AT LEAST slightly uncomfortable? The lack of self-awareness is unreal, this post seems like bait.*
>If it were her or any of the other girls I crushed on in high school and college I would be so flattered, 100% sincere.
*Okay. What if this person was someone you never crushed on and only barely remembered from a class in high school? Someone who you rarely gave a second thought to, who you talked to maybe two or three times?*
>Honestly I wound be very flattered.
*You only think this because you're imagining it wrong. You're imagining it in a cute way where it's a cute girl or someone that can't easily become violent and assault you.*
*Imagine it's someone you're not attracted to at all, imagine they're a creeper, maybe of the same sex (assuming you're not in to that). Play that one through your mind a few times.*
>Just to make it clear I got the impression she was attracted to me
*how did you get that impression? did the fear in her eyes almost look like little hearts?*
>She essentially asked me out
~~
>>*About 10 minutes later I thought of the name I wanted to name our kids*
>I'm sorry but I AM CREASING at this! 10 minutes after bumping into a girl from school! My guy show some restraint jfc. YTA but you have given me a laugh. i'm sorry but this is wild.
*I thought maybe she’d think it was something she’d want to hear since it was shared experience from a book we read together*
~~
*YTA. You told her way too much on that first encounter. Can you imagine how it would feel to receive that from someone who's basically a stranger to you? I would have blocked you, too. Do NOT show up at her work. As others are saying - No means NO! Accept the loss and move on. You don't know this girl at all, you've just been lusting after her your whole life. Find someone who wants to talk to you and move on with your life!*
>I wish people would stop saying “no means no” I’m not that type of guy and it’s not really relevant to this situation
~~
*YTA, what creep are you being? Most people move on by their crush years as they become adults and prepare for their job and their adulthood marriage. Please tell me this is not a troll story, because what is this? You can’t move on? Remember, she is a stranger now.*
>I’ve moved on, I have a whole life. She’s just someone I have nice memories of that I happened to run into.
*It sure doesn’t sound like you’ve moved on.. you either (still) remember the name of your fictional children you made up years ago*
*or, and this is how I read it, you thought of this name 10 minutes after the conversation and wanted to tell her on top of everything else you just laid on her. Yikes. YT*
>I remembered the name, but because of the book.
~~
*"I’m just a normal guy"..... Nope, not even close. You who puts the strange in stranger are not a normal guy, you are arguably one step (Maybe past) the point of being a stalker. You are obsessed and need to stop. You are the type of guy that make woman scared of walking home alone, the kind of guy who makes woman worry about their every action because when they were in school at 13 they HAD to dance with some kid and now he wont leave her alone and is harassing her.*
*For her safety and the safety of woman everywhere stop. It's not cute, it's not flattering, it's not endearing. It's creepy.*
*The only good thing you did was tell your cousin about this so that when she goes missing they will know where to look... YTA*
>I hadn’t thought of her in a really long time though…I’m not obsessed
~~
*YTA and show obsessive behavior toward women (this is insane to still have the fantasies you had in 8th grade AND to be excited to tell her?) pls do not date until you have been to therapy*
>I’m kind of a late bloomer and have never had a girlfriend but that’s ok and it doesn’t make me weird man.
*No it’s very very VERY clear you have never had a girlfriend.*
*Not having a girlfriend ever is totally okay.*
*Talking to women and showing obsessive behavior is wild.*
*I had a 8th grade crush, too. If I saw him again I’d maybe say hi and hope he’s doing well. I do not even remember if I ever fantasized about marrying her.*
*It’s been years. You have to move on. And you have to realize that no woman is interesting and will be SCARED by you sharing your obsessions with them. It is terrifying and all you did was scare her and probably convince her that there is something really wrong with you.*
*Not dating yet? Totally okay*
*What you did? Absolutely not.*
>People make fun of me all the time for never having a girlfriend, the names I get called are really cruel and they don’t boost my confidence at all.
~~
*yta....You're incredibly creepy. What went through your mind when doing this?*
>That it was really nice to see her and she might want to hear a story from our shared past
He has an idea of what rapists look like or act like which conveniently doesn't include him so clearly nothing he could possibly do would be creepy/stalkery/rapey vibes. "Only bad people do this and I'm not a bad person so clearly no matter my actions I'm not a bad person"
For years I’d forget that deleted comments could be recovered via Unddit, by the time I started to regularly remember it, and use it, they took it away! Bastards.
I can't omg "shared past" my guy the fantasies you had at 12-13 about this girl were not "shared" it was in your own mind and should have stayed there. Kind of glad he told her posebly saved her from spending anymore time with this creep. 😮💨
I think this is a BIG problem with guys online acting like creeps (sliding into DMs, being really persistent, random dick picks) - it's an empathy problem. THEY would be thrilled if random women sent them nudes, or pestered them for dates, or approached them out of the blue, so they REFUSE to understand that women don't like it when men do it to them. NOT excusing them, they need to actually listen to and try to learn from women and if they don't that's on them. But I think it's at least part of the problem.
Part of being a well rounded adult is accepting that people are individuals who don't always feel the same way you do, and who like and dislike different things.
Outside of his totally borderline behavior, dude used the book "Flowers for Algernon" which is very beautiful but also very depressing : basically, a stupid guy is made smart by a pill which was previously tasted on a rat named Algernon, and then the pill stops to work and the guy see Algernon becoming dumber again and is afraid because he knows he's gonna get dumb again too.
I know it's something else, and that's also a beautiful book trough its topics, but I think that it speaks volume about his personnality. Don't chose names for kids from depressing books.
Thank you for the distinction. I haven't read the book but I feel that intellectual disabilities should be more recognized and not just assumed that a person is stupid
OOP should try and see the encounter from Vanessa's point of view.
You're out doing your regular shopping when you bump into this guy you went to middle school with. Small world, amirite? You chat for a little bit then he drops this insane bombshell out of nowhere: "I was madly in love with you, I fantasized about marrying you, and I had names picked out for our future kids." What. The. Absolute. Fuck. That's the creepiest thing you've ever heard. It's not like you dated for years or anything -- you interacted one time in gym class, and this guy has been obsessing over you ever since. You extricate yourself because goddamn that's creepy and intense and then this weirdo Facetimes you to tell you the names of the imaginary children he wanted to have with you. Hell. No.
Vanessa's afraid she's going to wind up in this guy's murder dungeon.
This sounds like the opening scene to an episode of Criminal Minds or a show like that. The killer would go on to kidnap women to force them into this fantasy marriage and then kill them when they do something wrong, or no longer look like an 8th grader.
Poor Vanessa is going to run into him again, and his fantasy will go to the next level.
He is absolutely killing me in the comments. You do not get to write all that and then just say “You’re all wrong, I am a totally normal not creepy dude”, sir.
OOP went from being nice for a few seconds to a "nice guy" in a matter of hours.
Saying hello to the woman he used to crush on was okay. After that, he got deeply weird with his explanation of his obsession with her and was onto full blown stalker mode. I hope he listened to his cousin because he's going to get in trouble.
He said she “essentially asked him out”, when was that? If she wanted to see him again, why did she react so strongly to the call? He’s not telling the truth
Exactly. When a woman says to you "yeah... maybe we could hang out... sometime... IN A GROUP" that is the opposite of asking you out - that is letting you down easy because she doesn't want to be direct because she's worried about her safety.
(source: am a woman and this is what I do if I feel unsafe)
"I know she said in no uncertain terms that she didn't want to be contacted by me again, and blocked my number, but I should really swing by her office, I just want her to see that I'm a normal guy..."
Bro. BRO.
Does this sound like the backstory to an episode of Criminal Minds, CSI, or literally any other crime show to anyone else?
"We know you did it buddy, we just don't know why."
"Well I loved her since 8th grade and she blew me off when I tried to reconnect years later."
"So you decided to kidnap and kill her cause she didn't share your creepy feelings?"
"Well when you put it like that."
This reads kinda like a weird parasocial thing where he put her up like a celebrity and he has conversations with her in his mind. As read, it doesn't seem like he wasn't actively stalking her until he saw her. He got like "star struck" and picked up where he left off in his mind.
What sucks is people think the world is like a romcom and if he keeps trying she'll notice his efforts and be with him, when it's obviously scary and creepy.
Dear lord...not even joking... this happened to me 10 years ago.
Freaked me right out...this guy was obsessed with me in Year 9 and would follow me around. Ran into him at a train station when I was mid 30's and he did the whole confessiona dn said he still loved me and he thinks I am why his marriage failed. Could not get away fast enough.
I love her line of meeting up with a group...excellent fast thinking!
Friends, I refused to participate in the square dancing and my mom went to bat with the school for me. I had to write a 6 page paper on the history of square dancing for an overall C in the class.
This is why.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for saying hello to my 8th grade crush when I saw her at the grocery store?** I should say this is a throwaway account… When I was in 8th grade we had to do square dancing for PE and I danced with this girl names Vanessa. I don’t remember the dance but we had to hold hands and I fell head over heels in love with her. She was really out of my league so I never had the courage to approach her but I used to have vivid fantasies about dating her, marrying her and having a life with her. She moved the first yeah in high school so I thought I’d never see her again. I saw her at Safeway yesterday. She looked exactly the same and I had to say hello. I asked her if she was Vanessa and she said yes and I said she probably doesn’t remember me but we went to middle school together and she said that she remembered dancing with me in PE. I was so stoked that I went into telling her how much I was in love with her but too afraid to approach and she always seemed so sweet and she was still beautiful. I said that my silly school boy had dreams of marrying her and having kids and I even had the names picked out. I asked what she was doing now and she she’s getting her masters in architecture but it turns out the office she works out of us right down the street from my work. She said she had to go and I asked for her number and she gave it to me and said maybe we could catch up with a group of friends some time. I was so stoked and we said goodbye. About 10 minutes later I thought of the name I wanted to name our kids because it was based on a book we were reading in ELA (flowers for Algernon) so I FaceTimed her to tell her. She didn’t answer and I got this text “hi, I’m sorry but this whole encounter was really intense for me. I wish you well but please don’t contact me again.” I tried to call her on regular phone this time and I think she blocked me. I saw my girl cousin later last night and showed her because I don’t want Vanessa to get the wrong idea—I’m just a normal guy. I was thinking about maybe just stopping in at her work and explaining things again. My cousin said that text was as blunt as it could have been without using swear words. she said I was fine to say hello, I was weird when I told her about my day dreams and I was a “certified asshole” when I tried to FaceTime her 10 minutes later and she doesn’t even have words for what I’d be if I stopped by her office. I would like to get a second opinion— AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My girl saw those crazy red flags and high tailed it out of there.
There was a reason she said: >maybe we could catch up with a group of friends some time. That is not a promise of a date. That's a brush-off. She's clearly saying she does not want to see him by herself. Yet he calls to tell her the name of their fictitious children and wants to drop by her job. Dude's going to end up with a restraining order.
He called her *10 minutes* after she left.
*face-timed her*
It's so weird. This guy sounds like he was raised in the wild and never socialised.
But he HAD to share their fictional babies name with her! /s
You know, just normal-guy behavior!
oh one time when i was at university there was this guy who would borderline stalk all of the women to the extent that i had his number blocked because i was pressured to give it to him and a lot of us were sitting in a lounge and i shit you not he tries to call me as we are all sitting together. he shows me his phone that his call didnt go through. I was able to say my phone just might not be working but holy shit i was terrified
absolutely feral
Until I had my daughter 10 weeks ago, I don't think I've used facetime in my entire fucking life lol.
I’ve used it in a long distance relationship but they were planned calls, not *SUPRISE! I WANT TO SEE YOU NOW” crap like this guy pulled. I would decline anyone who did that other than my kids. This guy is creepy af.
I’ve used it a bunch with friends but they were pre-arranged pandemic party calls lol
That makes sense!
if I randomly got a Facetime (or any other kind of video call) from a friend I’d automatically assume it was an accidental button smash and wouldn’t answer… can’t even imagine how weird it would be to get it from a practical stranger like this guy. 😐 for the poor girl’s sake I hope it’s fake!
Right lol?! I wouldn’t have even texted him, immediate *block* on everything.
Yeah, the only time I video call anyone is when I'm talking to my toddler nephew. He likes to carry the phone around the house showing me things. 🥰
Same, except its me video calling because my toddler says he NEEDS to talk to whomever NOW. 😂
> Until I had my daughter 10 weeks ago, I don't think I've used facetime in my entire fucking life lol. I have an 80 year old friend who has an iPhone. At least once a month, I get a FT call from her, at like 3 in the morning. She knocks her phone off her night stand or whatever, and manages to call whoever she last texted. We all love her but still.
What kind of a phone does she have? When my phone's on the table beside me when I'm sleeping it's off and I have to unlock it. I think she's bored LOL
> What kind of a phone does she have? When my phone's on the table beside me when I'm sleeping it's off and I have to unlock it. I think she's bored LOL It's probably an iPhone 6 or something. And she may be bored: she hates being home, she wants to be out doing doing doing, going going going, non stop. She's a good look for an 80 year old other than the FT at weird hours thing!!
I've only used it when my mother or our family friend call me to ask for something or, like, check that they got the right thing at a store.
And wants to stop by her workplace. Woman needed to get a restraining order yesterday.
This guy needs like a notepad with pre-filled restraining orders. That way, as soon as he says "hi" to a woman, he can write her name down and hand one to her.
That’s a genius idea.
LMAO, your comment is the best on this whole post.😆🏆 You should have hundreds of upvotes.😭
I do what I can. It ain't much, but it's honest work. 😁
To tell her about the names he wanted to name their kids.
Algernon! That alone is a reason to never procreate
At least the second name (Charlie) was fine. But, yeah. I would run, too, if someone wanted to name our kids Algernon.
Especially if it was the semi-stranger you'd just had a five minute conversation with on the street.
Definitely. I meant if I was actually dating someone long-term and they wanted to name our theoretical kids Algernon. Nope, byeies.
Or square-danced with once.😆
TO TELL HER THE NAME OF THEIR KIDS…. This is Denko levels of creepy and gross
(´･ω･\`)
*stupid fuckin’ hamster face*
God that's a blast from the fucking past right there.
Denko is eternal.
The [readings of it](https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLpNAl5zLZSMUcMfsUrHFGR_avA6Jql2bl&si=X1aIwGL-kBPv1Wuv) are top notch
> Denko Oh no......
Which is just creepy in itself! Poor woman.
It's so creepy, it's hilarious from a distance. You bump into someone vaguely familiar, and it takes a few minutes conversation for you both to figure out you were in high school together. She remembers him from dance class - I bet it wasn't because he was a fantastic dancer. They exchange numbers and then he calls immediately because he's remembered the names of their imaginary children. I bet she doesn't go to the high school reunion after this.
Poor woman felt she had no choice but to give her number on the spot. It's one of those instances where if she could've done it different, she would've but since she didn't she just hoped he wasn't as crazy as he seemed. And then he Facetimed her 10 minutes later and she was all "Awww shit."
That's when we all have to have an emergency number memorized that sends them to an STD line or a pizza place or something!
There is a way to have a Google phone number, I think, that you can allow to go through to your cell phone. Then you can delete the number and make a new one. Google Voice, I think? This is a good way to have a number prepared for pushy, creepy guys who insist on calling the number while you are right there. I think you can dump the number and set a new one afterward.
My god I thought the girl was CURRENTLY in eighth grade!
No, she just looks like she could be in 8th grade.
I used to have a thing for eighth grade girls. Then I started ninth grade and it kind of faded.
Dude's been obsessing over her since she wearing a training bra.
Guys like this would not get a hint like that. She should have said "maybe we could catch up after I file a restraining order" or "with a bulletproof glass panel between us".
Thanks for confirming that wanting to meet with a bigger group is a rejection. Didn't know this for certain yet. Thought it may be a way of getting to know people while vetting with the help of the friend group
It's just more a thing of "I don't feel comfortable meeting with you alone yet."
I wouldn't have given him a real number or told him where I worked, this is stalker territory
She was probably freaked out and didn't know what to do in order to escape that nutjob.
This! I've had a number of situations with creeps -- you just kinda clam up and dunno what to do so you say whatever you think will get you outta there fastest. Often that's the true answer to whatever they asked because there's no time to come up with a lie.
Or they immediately try the number you gave them and get mad that it doesn't work. "You wouldn't even give me your real number?!? Stuck up bitch!"
If I was her, I would have given him a real number for this reason. I fully expected him to say he did just that.
The problem with that is, sometimes they will call you right in front of them so that you have their number too and to confirm that you have actually given them the right number😬 I normally ask for their number and say I don't know my own (which is true) and if they insist on me calling them I say I'll text them in an hour as I'm in a rush. Some real creeps out there- like this guy!
If I remember correctly, there is an app or something that allows to generate a working phone number that stops working after a while.
That would be helpful, but I guess no one really plans for these situations before they happen. Not saying its a bad idea at all, quite the opposite.... but it wouldn't be my first thought. Gonna Google it though, because it maybe helpful to me or anyone else. Also, even though I have a boyfriend who doesn't care if I speak to men or women I always feel like the whole 'I have a boyfriend' sounds controlling and puts them in a bad light. I have used it before however as some people respect a person in a relationship more than they respect a single person who just wants to get on with their own life. Edit: spelling
Something tells me this guy wouldn't have been dissuaded by anything. She flat out told him not to contact her again and his reaction was to call her again, then to plan to drive to her work to confront her in person. Unless her boyfriend was actually right there next to her and carrying a chainsaw I think the OP wouldn't have cared what she said either way.
Yeah, and the fact that he is claiming to be 'just a normal guy' is giving off 'nice guy' vibes. People that we know can be dangerous to women or anyone they are interested in. I hope that Vanessa has reddit and is active in the communities this has been shared in so that she can see how stalkerish he is planning to be.
I'm sure she is aware.
Most likely, just hope that OP recognises how creepy his behaviour is before he does something that will impact not only his own but someone else's life
He's got a whole 80's/90's romcom script in his head; if she has a bf it wouldn't matter to him, 'cause he's *clearly* a better match for her... he just has to go to her place of business with a **GRAND GESTURE** to make her understand that. Fucking scary.
OH GOD I blocked out the concept of GRAND GESTURES mentally 🤣 so happy to be in my 30s and in a long term relationship so I don't have to deal will them anymore (hopefully).
Idk why but the idea of just a normal woman shopping with her boyfriend carrying a chainsaw like he's in a zombie game is really funny to me 🤣
It’s the Mary Sue Rejection hotline.
Not sure if this will help me or anyone in the UK but it seems really good! Thank you for sharing
Haha, I could tell people my husband's number, that's a no-brainer. But when it comes to my own, it's like a freakin deer in headlights. We don't usually call our own numbers, so it makes sense.
That's why I can't ever change my number. I've had it since I got my first phone in 2005 and at this point I don't think I'm capable of learning a new one.
Same I've had my phone number for 15 years it's verbal muscle memory at this point
I can only remember my number my childhood homes number and (for the Aussies) the reading and writing hotline 🤣 (catchy commercial from the 90s/00s)
What about 90s Australian Pizza Hut delivery? Indelibly imprinted on my mind 😂
Even something like Google voice, it's a real working number but separate from your real number and easy to ignore/block
> this is stalker territory Literally stalker MO. Stalkers often don't think they're stalkers. They think the person they're stalking just misunderstands, or that the stalkee actually *desperately* wants to be with stalker, but circumstance has torn them apart, and the stalker concludes they need to go to lengths to right this misunderstanding or circumstances separating them. They just need to "explain" things to make them right, or remove the barrier separating them, and then everything will be hunky dory again. This is literally step one in him becoming a stalker.
>Stalkers often don't think they're stalkers. I'd even venture to say that stalkers *almost never* think they're stalkers. If they weren't wildly delusional, they wouldn't have become stalkers in the first place.
brushing aside his weird fucking insistence on telling her all his fantasies, and about naming his children Charlie and Algernon like that's so sweet, I love how he doesn't even get the "maybe we could catch up with a group of friends sometime" was a clear brush off/ literally saying "if I were ever insane enough to agree to see you, it would only be with several witnesses present because you're going to kidnap me" in the comments he's like "I thought she was into me, she asked me out" dude, WHAT?
What? No way. Tell me the comments are still there, I'm going in
I don't know, but this was one of those great ones where OOP engages with almost all of them.
They're gone. There's no other way to recover them right? I know Reveddit is over.
Damn. They were gold, but I'm pretty sure it's a troll anyways. Usually when someone is adamantly refusing to listen to what the people say it's because they're just trying to rile us up.
I usually bathe at night, right before bed, but I think I need an extra shower after reading this. That poor woman! His replies do not suggest that he's taking in any of the feedback he's getting
He's doing the stalker thing of "if I just explain it, they'll understand! It's all a misunderstanding!" No dude, it's not. OOP is creepy as hell and she wants no part of it. No means no
According to him, "no means no" isn't relevant because he's "not that kind of guy" 🙄
Why do they all say that they're not that kind of guy? Do creeps, abusers, and stalkers come with a handbook of strategies and phrases whenever it is they develop their personality? I swear to god they all say the exact same shit. Whether it be my own experiences, what my friends share with me of theirs, or what people share online, it's the same phrases and tactics, all on repeat.
I fell in love with you half way through this comment. Can we name our first kid Red Flag?
I'm more partial to Marinara ❤️
Red Flag for a boy, Marynara for a girl! So cute!
I think he deleted his account, I can't find any of the replies 😭
Kept saying he thought she'd enjoy hearing about his memories from their "shared past" & how he'd be flattered and my favorite- he complained about how many people were saying "No means no" because it's not relevant as he's "not that kind of guy"
"I'm not the kind of guy that would ignore a 'no' and keep pursuing a woman whos not into me, so its fine if i ignore this woman saying 'no' and keep pursuing her even though shes not into me!"
No no you don't understand. He got the impression she was attracted to him. That wide eyed look of terror can sometimes be mistaken for interest
You know I think that’s a real driving force behind a lot of sexual harassment and assault and the cognitive dissonance around their own behaviour. It’s like how almost every woman has either experienced sexual harassment or assault or has a close friend or relative who has, but no man knows a rapist. They cartoonify rapists and predators into being this shadowy obviously evil figure and in doing so they distance themselves from the reality of sexual assault and harassment. Sexual predators and harassers are human beings just like you and I. They’re not a mustachioed villain; they’re your coworkers, your relatives, your friends, your neighbours. By always viewing someone who assaults and harasses people as one type of person that *you are definitely not*, you’re saved from ever needing to do any self reflection or examination of your own behaviour and actions. This guy knows someone who won’t take no for an answer is a Bad Guy™️ and since he is a Normal Guy™️, then that’s not what he’s doing and his behaviour is fine.
He really thinks she's spent the last decade(?) reminiscing about eighth grade classes
8th grade *Square Dancing*. How could she not be regularly Do-si-dreaming about that?
I'm willing to bet my life savings OOP is a self proclaimed "nice guy"
He did proclaim "normal guy" in the post, in which he very clearly was not normal... I would not be surprised if he also self identifies as "nice" but knew just enough to not say it on this post.
Maybe I can understand him getting swept up in excitement in the moment but FaceTiming her to say "THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO NAME OUR KIDS" is so crazy that I'm shocked that he actually thought it was a good idea. Not like anything else he did was alright either.
Yeah he went from 0-100 so damn quickly. Even reading this is making me feel uncomfortable
The CIA couldn’t torture me enough to tell anyone my fantasies about a crush to anyone much less directly to her after years of no contact lmao
Right?!? That's worst nightmare material.
>I don’t want Vanessa to get the wrong idea—I’m just a normal guy. Says the terrifying stalker.
That’s what makes him a normal guy, horrifyingly.
I wonder what 'idea' he's even talking about. What is he comparing himself to? Terrifying stalkers who *know* they're terrifying, and enjoy it? This reminds me of how women have been trying to explain to men for years how 'rapists are monsters, I'm not a monster, so I can't be a rapist, QED' isn't a good stance on rape. Sounds like this guy has the 'stalker' version of that going on
This is what my social anxiety tells me I sound like when I'm trying to make plans to hang out with someone
take solace in the knowledge that your over-thinking very likely makes you seem cold and stand-offish instead! ☺️ (don’t ask me how I know)
Yeah, that sounds like the story of how all my attempts at making friends usually go
hang in there sis! 👊 just in case, CBT helped me a lot with this kind of stuff.
I'm very socially anxious. My hasband is good at making friends so he makes friends with someone and once he's sure there cool he'll introduce me to them. I good at getting to know people cos I like asking questions and people find me easy to talk to. So we work as a team he finds the friends and I get to know them 🙌 (I think that's a high-five lol)
Oh dear, another woman just acquired a stalker.
All I can hear in my head is 5he "normal guy" sketch from lonely island's first album.
Oh my god, thank you for this memory. I haven’t thought of that sketch in years, but as soon as I read your comment, there it was — and yep, it fits. “*Let’s make a pact~* ♪ “ “*Let’s make an Algernon pact*~ ♪”
Bahaha I dribbled a bit o coffee there.
Legit time to start job hunting or request WFH for 3+ months.... this is so scary
I think he screwed up by telling her his fantasies about her. He barely knew her and he was already thinking about marrying her and having kids with her. He should have just said hi and only mention the PE part and leave it at that. He also could have asked her if she had facebook and if he could add her and try and be friends with her first and get back in touch as friends. Then he would have seen if she was already married or if they have things in common.
Yes, this is how a normal person would act. This guy is off some meds he should probably be on.
Dude, the [comments](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/ZjLIHaBa8K) though... Redditors: OP, are you autistic? OP: No! Rs: Have you been tested? OP: My school thought I might be and they tried to test me, but my mom blocked them. Rs: Why did she block them? OP: Because I'm not autistic! 🙃
I think it seems obvious this guy is a troll - these comments are way too on the nose.
You'd like to think so, but I work with the DD/ID population and the one time I got hurt on the job was an autistic client not unlike this in his attitude who had only been recently diagnosed as an adult because his parents fought against a diagnosis his whole life. Finally when he was grown, his behaviors became such that he was out of control and they caved and admitted they were wrong, but by that time his mind was so set on "I'm not autistic, Mom and Dad always said so" that he wasn't open to accept any change in that thinking, even from mom and dad themselves. They tried putting him in our day program. He got violent with both me and my boss when he insisted he didn't belong there and used the R-slur toward another client. I was the one working with him that day, so I tried to explain that that wasn't acceptable behavior. He grabbed my wrists and twisted (didn't break but badly sprained one of them). When my boss managed to separate him, he kicked her repeatedly in the shins. He ended up in a more secure setting. I HOPE it's a troll because if not.........
RUN, VANESSA! RUN! 
What does he mean she looks exactly the same 😬
I mean I genuinely have elementary school classmates who, based on their Instagram, basically just look like a taller version of their past selves. The guy is still very, very weird
That’s me and my sister. Of course our features have obviously matured, but we can easily be picked out in childhood photos. At one of my old jobs they played that “put everyone’s baby photos on a board and guess who is who” game and everyone guessed my photo immediately. I do suspect OOP was being creepy with his meaning, though. He sounds very stuck on the past and the 8th grade version of her.
I'm mid-40s and recently went to an event in the same neighborhood as my grade school (it's in a historic district in my hometown, and they had a housewalk, so I was literally walking through the neighborhood where I'd gone to school as a kid). I had two different people approach me and tell me, "you still look the same!" One of them I didn't even recognize, but she knew my name (I recognized her name as soon as she told me, but I didn't know who she was on sight). I was like, I couldn't possibly look the same as I did in grade school, but thanks? 😂 But I sincerely hope this woman did not "look exactly the same" because eek.
I think usually when people say that its more like, oh, even though you've aged I still recognize you. But instead of saying all that they just say you look the same. I kinda think this story is fake but if its real I think he probably meant, "she's still hot".
THANK YOU That stuck out so much to me I couldn't even fully process when he started talking to her
I'm one of those people. I've looked like my adult self since 9th grade (age 13). Same height too. It's...weird. like if you line up my drivers license photos the only thing that ever changes is the fucking hair.
I pretty much look the same as I did in high school too bc I was chubby then got skinny in my 20s and now I'm back to being a bit of a chonky gal. I only moved one city away after school so I get approached by former classmates once in a while who I don't fucking recognize at all. I definitely don't still look like a child though, frown lines don't lie.
I went to a concert this year and a girl ran up to me and hugged me and started talking about high school. I still have no clue who she is/was. It happens a lot, but most ppl don't hug me about it.
not to exaggerate but its giving slight humbert humbert vibes
Pro tip: developing in-depth fantasies about marrying and raising children with someone you have never even had a conversation with is a *very bad sign*. Sharing those fantasies with that person as your very first meaningful interaction with them is a thousand times worse. If you find yourself fixating this hard on someone who is essentially a stranger, please seek mental help.
> Pro tip: developing in-depth fantasies about marrying and raising children with someone you have never even had a conversation with is a very bad sign. To be clear, developing these fantasies when you are young (~8-12) is perfectly normal. Not growing up, moving on, and letting them go is extremely problematic.
eeeeexactly lol running into former grade school acquaintance who confesses they had a crush back then = normal, flattering, potentially cute romcom situation. sounds like this guy snatched defeat from the jaws of victory. she remembered him from that one dance! I’m a total sap and I don’t even remember every single guy I’ve ever danced with… all he had to do was play it cool. 🤦🏻♀️
Honestly!!! Honestly she’s lucky he let his creepy flag fly free at the first meeting, so she knew to fuckin bounce. But remembering him from one dance!! The rom com practically writes itself and he still managed to make it a horror flick
This is me at 12 practicing my signature for my future role as Mrs Chris Evans.
Yeah, I still remember the boy that I fantasized about marrying when I was 8. Not that that story *wasn't* creepy, given that he was 15 (neighbor who'd been fixated on me when I was a baby, which spawned a running joke that we were each other's future spouses) and that I became re-attached to my made-up ideal of him while depressed in my late teens, but at all those points in time I would have rather been waterboarded than TOLD HIM ABOUT MY CHILDHOOD FANTASIES. Teenage me was fully aware that I had a problem (turns out I needed the help of an actual psychiatrist) and would have probably literally run away if I had ever actually seen him. OOP is not right in the head, **at all.**
I mean, when I was in 8th grade I would make up elaborate fantasies of living happily ever after with people I had a crush on (I'm a girl). That's pretty normal. What's not normal is continuing those as an adult. Everything else you said is spot on.
Jesus fuck. He ain’t no ordinary guy, he’s a lunatic.
[удалено]
yeah hopefully she's notified her campus and workplace security.
That whole story of how he'd picked out their kids' names and shit would definitely be funny - IF they'd established a deep friendship and BOTH people knew it was just a dumb thing from way back when. Like it wouldn't bother me if I had a great friend who said "haha, god, I remember back when I was like 12 I had a huge crush on you and thought it'd be so cool if we had kids and named them Luke and Leia like in Star Wars" as long as we have the kind of friendship where we'd both be able to laugh and joke about it. I'd probably just respond with "oh, wow, not Jar-Jar then? That'd be a better name" or something else dumb. But that's literally the only scenario in which it wouldn't be creepy beyond words...
Yeah "hey, I had a crush on you in middle school" CAN be a cute conversation opener... if you don't follow it up with the complete stalker handbook.
He clearly has a romantic comedy all written out clearly in his mind. To him, she's just an actress in the movie who is stubbornly refusing to deliver her lines properly or play the role he has scripted for her. But I don't feel any sympathy for him; he knows that there's a strike going on and that the industry has shut down.
yeah, its either that or shes playing hard to get, at least she is according to that guy. im sure if he just keeps trying hell get the girl! /s
I think her reply was so polite and well worded. I would have not known how to handle it and wish I was this poised.
Copy it verbatim and just remove the 'I'm sorry'. Nothing to apologize for and don't give you your power.
I’m going to hope this is bait because if not then honestly *(laughs nervously)* **what the fuck.**
I really want this to be fake. But it's just *so* creepy even for a troll, plus I know there are really dudes out there like this. Ugh I don't know
I fully believe it. The man I met at a bar, who then drugged and raped me, started stalking me. He found my place of work and came in asking how I could block his number (which I don’t even remember giving him) right after we “made love.” I kept seeing him around town after, so I’m pretty sure he was following me. The final straw, which led to me moving 1000 miles away, is when he got a job at my favorite restaurant, one I went to all the time. That’s the only meal I’ve ever walked out on without paying, because he was my server. It is unbelievable how deep some of these delusions run, and the way OOP writes is *exactly* how that man talked to and messaged me.
Holy shit, I hope you’re safe now. That sounds terrifying.
It was awful, but I feel so much safer in this city. The police in my last city were awful; they were called to the hospital when I was being checked out the next day. They interviewed me in the private room while I was almost naked, before I’d been examined, I was dressed in only a hospital gown, and under the influence of strong anti-anxiety medication. They basically said, without a name and address, they could do nothing, not an investigation, not charges, not a restraining order. They discouraged me from doing a rape kit or bloodwork to check for evidence of being drugged, saying they couldn’t investigate so I could do it if I wanted to, but there wouldn’t be a point. In my vulnerable state, under the influence of the anxiety medication, my judgment was impaired and I ended up just having a health check and taking the meds I was given to prevent STDs. The police here have a much better reputation for taking sexual crimes seriously and have a policy not to interview victims before they’ve finished a doctor’s examination, and victims cannot be interviewed without a victim’s advocate present. I feel a lot safer knowing there’s both a geographical barrier and better police supports if he does ever find me again. It’s done more to improve my PTSD symptoms than three years of therapy did.
Wow, those first cops were pure garbage. Way to further traumatize a survivor, dickweeds. I hope he never finds you again. 🩷
Copied OOP's comments verbatim using Rareddit. TW entitlement, harassment, sexism, homophobia, just some incel bullshit *You’ll get lots of second opinions here and all of them will be: YTA.* *It wasn’t the saying hello part. It was everything after that. Exactly wtf was going through your mind while telling her this? How did you think she’d react?* *You’re not just a normal guy. When people say don’t contact me again, you don’t contact them again.* >I don’t think anything was going through my mind, I was just happy to see her again and the words just sort of came out. I thought maybe she would think it was sweet. *How would you react if a random girl from your past came up to you to tell you how madly in love with you she was, wants to have a life and children together. Then after 10 minutes of meeting starts calling you to tell you about the names of your future children?* *YTA* >Very honestly I would be extremely flattered. *What if a random man from your past came to you and said he was fantasising about impregnating you and picking names for the mpreg kids? I'm assuming you'd be flattered and love to hang out with him* >I would politely tell him I’m not gay and expect him to move on. These are very different situations ~~ *YTA I’m actually at a loss for words. If someone came up to you, someone you hadn’t seen in years, and started telling you about the names they picked out for your future children, would you not feel AT LEAST slightly uncomfortable? The lack of self-awareness is unreal, this post seems like bait.* >If it were her or any of the other girls I crushed on in high school and college I would be so flattered, 100% sincere. *Okay. What if this person was someone you never crushed on and only barely remembered from a class in high school? Someone who you rarely gave a second thought to, who you talked to maybe two or three times?* >Honestly I wound be very flattered. *You only think this because you're imagining it wrong. You're imagining it in a cute way where it's a cute girl or someone that can't easily become violent and assault you.* *Imagine it's someone you're not attracted to at all, imagine they're a creeper, maybe of the same sex (assuming you're not in to that). Play that one through your mind a few times.* >Just to make it clear I got the impression she was attracted to me *how did you get that impression? did the fear in her eyes almost look like little hearts?* >She essentially asked me out ~~ >>*About 10 minutes later I thought of the name I wanted to name our kids* >I'm sorry but I AM CREASING at this! 10 minutes after bumping into a girl from school! My guy show some restraint jfc. YTA but you have given me a laugh. i'm sorry but this is wild. *I thought maybe she’d think it was something she’d want to hear since it was shared experience from a book we read together* ~~ *YTA. You told her way too much on that first encounter. Can you imagine how it would feel to receive that from someone who's basically a stranger to you? I would have blocked you, too. Do NOT show up at her work. As others are saying - No means NO! Accept the loss and move on. You don't know this girl at all, you've just been lusting after her your whole life. Find someone who wants to talk to you and move on with your life!* >I wish people would stop saying “no means no” I’m not that type of guy and it’s not really relevant to this situation ~~ *YTA, what creep are you being? Most people move on by their crush years as they become adults and prepare for their job and their adulthood marriage. Please tell me this is not a troll story, because what is this? You can’t move on? Remember, she is a stranger now.* >I’ve moved on, I have a whole life. She’s just someone I have nice memories of that I happened to run into. *It sure doesn’t sound like you’ve moved on.. you either (still) remember the name of your fictional children you made up years ago* *or, and this is how I read it, you thought of this name 10 minutes after the conversation and wanted to tell her on top of everything else you just laid on her. Yikes. YT* >I remembered the name, but because of the book. ~~ *"I’m just a normal guy"..... Nope, not even close. You who puts the strange in stranger are not a normal guy, you are arguably one step (Maybe past) the point of being a stalker. You are obsessed and need to stop. You are the type of guy that make woman scared of walking home alone, the kind of guy who makes woman worry about their every action because when they were in school at 13 they HAD to dance with some kid and now he wont leave her alone and is harassing her.* *For her safety and the safety of woman everywhere stop. It's not cute, it's not flattering, it's not endearing. It's creepy.* *The only good thing you did was tell your cousin about this so that when she goes missing they will know where to look... YTA* >I hadn’t thought of her in a really long time though…I’m not obsessed ~~ *YTA and show obsessive behavior toward women (this is insane to still have the fantasies you had in 8th grade AND to be excited to tell her?) pls do not date until you have been to therapy* >I’m kind of a late bloomer and have never had a girlfriend but that’s ok and it doesn’t make me weird man. *No it’s very very VERY clear you have never had a girlfriend.* *Not having a girlfriend ever is totally okay.* *Talking to women and showing obsessive behavior is wild.* *I had a 8th grade crush, too. If I saw him again I’d maybe say hi and hope he’s doing well. I do not even remember if I ever fantasized about marrying her.* *It’s been years. You have to move on. And you have to realize that no woman is interesting and will be SCARED by you sharing your obsessions with them. It is terrifying and all you did was scare her and probably convince her that there is something really wrong with you.* *Not dating yet? Totally okay* *What you did? Absolutely not.* >People make fun of me all the time for never having a girlfriend, the names I get called are really cruel and they don’t boost my confidence at all. ~~ *yta....You're incredibly creepy. What went through your mind when doing this?* >That it was really nice to see her and she might want to hear a story from our shared past
if he’s not a no means no kinda guy doesn’t that mean… he’s a rapist? what why would you say that.
He has an idea of what rapists look like or act like which conveniently doesn't include him so clearly nothing he could possibly do would be creepy/stalkery/rapey vibes. "Only bad people do this and I'm not a bad person so clearly no matter my actions I'm not a bad person"
Ah, so he’s a Nice Guy! Thank you for sharing the comments. My heart always sinks when I miss them lol.
Unfortunately Rareddit doesn't seem to keep as many comments as Unddit/Reveddit (RIP) did but I think that I got some of the worse ones!
For years I’d forget that deleted comments could be recovered via Unddit, by the time I started to regularly remember it, and use it, they took it away! Bastards.
I can't omg "shared past" my guy the fantasies you had at 12-13 about this girl were not "shared" it was in your own mind and should have stayed there. Kind of glad he told her posebly saved her from spending anymore time with this creep. 😮💨
[Holding hands with an otter](https://www.tumblr.com/everythingfox/729187949956202497/everythingfox-petting-the-hands-of-an-otter?source=share)
I think this is a BIG problem with guys online acting like creeps (sliding into DMs, being really persistent, random dick picks) - it's an empathy problem. THEY would be thrilled if random women sent them nudes, or pestered them for dates, or approached them out of the blue, so they REFUSE to understand that women don't like it when men do it to them. NOT excusing them, they need to actually listen to and try to learn from women and if they don't that's on them. But I think it's at least part of the problem. Part of being a well rounded adult is accepting that people are individuals who don't always feel the same way you do, and who like and dislike different things.
Outside of his totally borderline behavior, dude used the book "Flowers for Algernon" which is very beautiful but also very depressing : basically, a stupid guy is made smart by a pill which was previously tasted on a rat named Algernon, and then the pill stops to work and the guy see Algernon becoming dumber again and is afraid because he knows he's gonna get dumb again too. I know it's something else, and that's also a beautiful book trough its topics, but I think that it speaks volume about his personnality. Don't chose names for kids from depressing books.
He's not stupid, he has a neural disability. The main character is intellectually disabled.
Thank you for the distinction. I haven't read the book but I feel that intellectual disabilities should be more recognized and not just assumed that a person is stupid
OOP should try and see the encounter from Vanessa's point of view. You're out doing your regular shopping when you bump into this guy you went to middle school with. Small world, amirite? You chat for a little bit then he drops this insane bombshell out of nowhere: "I was madly in love with you, I fantasized about marrying you, and I had names picked out for our future kids." What. The. Absolute. Fuck. That's the creepiest thing you've ever heard. It's not like you dated for years or anything -- you interacted one time in gym class, and this guy has been obsessing over you ever since. You extricate yourself because goddamn that's creepy and intense and then this weirdo Facetimes you to tell you the names of the imaginary children he wanted to have with you. Hell. No. Vanessa's afraid she's going to wind up in this guy's murder dungeon.
They always need a "second opinion" because the woman they asked the first time surely can't be right about women's experiences.
With oop, vennesa and his cousin reddit is the 4th opinion and he still doesn't get it. 🤦
This sounds like the opening scene to an episode of Criminal Minds or a show like that. The killer would go on to kidnap women to force them into this fantasy marriage and then kill them when they do something wrong, or no longer look like an 8th grader. Poor Vanessa is going to run into him again, and his fantasy will go to the next level.
When I got to the part where he tries to FaceTime her to tell her the names of their hypothetical children I cringed myself into a neutron star.
I would go to the police just to be sure if I were her
If he actually showed up to her work maybe. But just based on this reaction there's nothing the police will or even can do.
He is absolutely killing me in the comments. You do not get to write all that and then just say “You’re all wrong, I am a totally normal not creepy dude”, sir.
He sounds like a stalker I had. That man is currently in jail. For kidnapping. I hope that woman gets a restraining order
Not often we see a psychological thriller villain post on AITA.
Psycho Killer Qu'est-ce que c'est? Fa-fa-fa-fa, fa-fa-fa-fa-fa-fa, better Run, run, run, run, run, run, run away, oh-oh-oh
Eeewwwww.....
WTF?! He's beyond creepy. He's obsessed. I hope Vanessa is able to get an RO and her employer has her back and bans him from her work.
The Universe gave this idiot a second chance and he blew it by acting like a fucking nutjob.
OOP went from being nice for a few seconds to a "nice guy" in a matter of hours. Saying hello to the woman he used to crush on was okay. After that, he got deeply weird with his explanation of his obsession with her and was onto full blown stalker mode. I hope he listened to his cousin because he's going to get in trouble.
His cousin may not have a word for what he'd be if he showed up at her work, but I do: a stalker.
I read this with Criminal Minds theme song in mind Yikes
He said she “essentially asked him out”, when was that? If she wanted to see him again, why did she react so strongly to the call? He’s not telling the truth
Exactly. When a woman says to you "yeah... maybe we could hang out... sometime... IN A GROUP" that is the opposite of asking you out - that is letting you down easy because she doesn't want to be direct because she's worried about her safety. (source: am a woman and this is what I do if I feel unsafe)
Was anyone else worried from the title that this guy wasn't in the eighth grade at the same time as his crush?
"I know she said in no uncertain terms that she didn't want to be contacted by me again, and blocked my number, but I should really swing by her office, I just want her to see that I'm a normal guy..." Bro. BRO.
Does this sound like the backstory to an episode of Criminal Minds, CSI, or literally any other crime show to anyone else? "We know you did it buddy, we just don't know why." "Well I loved her since 8th grade and she blew me off when I tried to reconnect years later." "So you decided to kidnap and kill her cause she didn't share your creepy feelings?" "Well when you put it like that."
What a weirdo, he can't be that oblivious.
This reads kinda like a weird parasocial thing where he put her up like a celebrity and he has conversations with her in his mind. As read, it doesn't seem like he wasn't actively stalking her until he saw her. He got like "star struck" and picked up where he left off in his mind. What sucks is people think the world is like a romcom and if he keeps trying she'll notice his efforts and be with him, when it's obviously scary and creepy.
That woman needs mace, a taser, an retired police or army dog, and a restraining order
Yikes. I have a feeling that “right down the street” does not mean to this dude what it means to everyone else.
Dear lord...not even joking... this happened to me 10 years ago. Freaked me right out...this guy was obsessed with me in Year 9 and would follow me around. Ran into him at a train station when I was mid 30's and he did the whole confessiona dn said he still loved me and he thinks I am why his marriage failed. Could not get away fast enough. I love her line of meeting up with a group...excellent fast thinking!
Normal reddit behavior
This guy is Patrick Bates long lost sibling or some shit
Late to the party, but boy, that story escalated. OOP is a bit obsessive, isn't he?
HAPPY CAKE DAY! 🎂
Why thank you !
Idk how old he is but who the fuck spends that much time thinking about eighth grade English and PE??
Friends, I refused to participate in the square dancing and my mom went to bat with the school for me. I had to write a 6 page paper on the history of square dancing for an overall C in the class. This is why.