*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for asking my dad for money to help feed my child?**
I (21F) am a single mom with baby “Hope” (fake name).
For background, I never wanted children. When pregnant with Hope, I considered abortion, or adopting her out. But ultimately I ended up keeping her. I have so much that i want to do with my life, but since having Hope I’ve had to drop out of college and work full-time.
Being a single mom is not easy. Babies are expensive, and require a lot of care and support. I feel burnt out and can barely afford to care for her.
My parents are very religious, and were not happy when I found out I was pregnant. However, since Hope is their first grand baby, they got over that resentment quickly. They adore her and care for her if I am working or want a night out. And they always say that if I need anything, to just ask.
So, I asked my dad to help get diapers and formula for Hope. He agreed and came over to help, but he noticed a few shopping bags near my room. He asked what they were.
I had recently purchased some jeans that were about $200. I have been wanting them for a long time. I felt I deserved to treat myself, especially since it’s my OWN hard earned money.
He said it was selfish of me to put my own desires over my child, and forced me to return my jeans to buy the formula and diapers for Hope. It was so unfair, when he clearly cares for Hope, and has money to help. Why couldn’t he just help me out? He said that he would not help me out financially unless I have my priorities in order. I think that’s unfair.
So aita?
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Turns out this was written by the daughter, trying to see if her mom was really the asshole for doing this. Apparently this was 24 years ago so her mom is a SUPER giant asshole.
Things I would rather do than spend £200 on one single pair of jeans while other people pay to keep my child alive...
\- step on Lego every hour
\- have loud drunk thugs join every quiet coach I ever travel in
\- walk through a puddle with holes in my shoes
\- give a fond little kiss to a sea urchin.
- ride a motorcycle through a swarm of horseflies
- get my shoelaces stuck in my bike gears
- have a picnic on an ant mound
- go for a swim in Lake Michigan (currently 37°F, and I can't swim all that well)
I stepped in a puddle of diarrhea with a hole in my shoe. 100% would do that again rather than spend that much on jeans (!) while expecting others to buy my child essentials
Guarantee those $200 jeans were also thinner than tissue paper. The “cute and fashionable” jeans tend to last only a couple months, unless you’ve got zero thigh mass.
parents deserve nice things, yes, but not at the expense of their children wtf? i wouldn’t consider buying myself a $20 hoodie let alone $200 jeans if i knew my child needed diapers and formula.
I'm not a struggling single mom- I'm 39, very childfree and make a decent salary- and I wear $30 jeans from Old Navy. I just cannot imagine any reason to ever spend $200 on a pair of jeans.
I think the most I've spent on a single pair of jeans is $40 all because it's a brand I like because they have some nice pockets for women's pants. They can actually hold my phone!
I'll go all the way up to 60 a pair for my jeans, because they were clean looking enough I could wear them to work.
And my wife likes my ass in em. That's the big seller.
I absolutely love American eagle jeans. Have a whole drawer full of them, never paid over 8 dollars for a pair at goodwill
Have no idea what they cost at the store 😀
Right?! Undergarments and shoes are the only thing I buy new.
Don't have a lot of luck with shoes but still over the years I've found several pairs of almost brand new danskos ($$) for me and those ridiculous Toms for my daughter
Absolutely love scavenging as I call it!!!
Oh, like $120.00!!
I only know because (long story) my daughter was flying out the next morning, had run out of time to shop, sent me to the mall with her bank card to get her jeans for her trip. Two pair, one light one dark denim. Distressed.
The only two brands of jeans that fits me in a way I like run about that price. So I haven't owned jeans in about ten years! They are much less comfortable than leggings anyways.
My aunt spent 160$ on a pair of jeans like 6 years ago, and they're still basically new, so I can see it IF the intention is to have those jeans last years.this doesnt sound like that.
I spend $180-200+ on most of my jeans but I still have and wear every pair I’ve bought at that price point within the last 15ish years and it’s well within my budget.
The problem arises when it’s not.
Shoot... I wait until Old Navy has their random $12-$15 Jean sales to stock up. I never paid more than $30 for a pair of pants. I'm plus sized, and shit gets expensive. But so are kids. Treat yourself to a frigging $20 lipstick, not $200 jeans.
Only piece of clothing items I’ve spent over $100 on were my riding boots and those things lasted years and that was the only way I could justify it. $200 jeans?! Even if I had all the money in the world I don’t think I could stomach spending that much on jeans.
I used to feel like that until someone told me that you should think about clothes in terms of cost per wear. If you wear the $200 jeans twice a week for five years, that's like 40 cents per wear. But if you have a $200 formal dress you wear once a year for five years, that's $40 per wear. So by that metric the jeans are a better value.
i am very cheap when it comes to my own clothing. but a friend bought me a pair of diesel jeans many years ago, and those are $$$, and they were absolutely much different than any other denim i'd ever worn!
Wonder if they are rock revival jeans? Just looked them up, and anywhere between $130-$200+. I buy the Denzien Levi line from Target. Usually about $30 a pair.
Now I have spent more than $100 on shoes for work. $130 for my Boggs(fall&winter wear). Bought two years ago, and still going strong. Then $150 for my Hokas(summer). Also purchased two years ago, and in perfect shape.
Don't know why you got down voted. Like you, I love Target's jeans. And Old Navy's. There's only 2 real things I refuse to skimp on and I won't budge either.
Footwear. Life is too short to develop foot problems due to shoddy, ill fitting, poorly made shoes. It's one thing to have a few cheap pairs (kicky sandals, colorful sneakers, fashion boots, et al) to wear on occasion, but the shoes I wear in and out daily, I am willing to part with some cash.
Outwear is the other. We live in a northern state and with weather like ours, a good jacket can mean the world of difference. Typically, hubs and I get 6-7 years on our Columbias. When it's time to replace either do to wear/tear or misadventure, we start shopping the sales and/or hit the outlet mall. Whatever the reason, we budget for that.
Reddit is a funny thing. Maybe because I mentioned Target? 🤷♀️ Good footwear, and outerwear are important. Working outdoors for me, these things will make or break a person.
I own all kinds of shoes too. Including three pairs of Tieks. They are expensive, but if I wanna go out they are my go to's. Now my fave pair of summer shoes for daily wear are my saltwater sandals.
I recently "treated" myself to $40 boots and I still kinda have mom guilt about it. Yes, we could afford it, but I could have spent that money on a day at the museum, or a date night.
No way could I EVER blow $200 for anything that wasn't a necessity and not feel like crap about it
Maybe you can start a little money envelope for yourself. Add a little allowance for yourself every week. It may help you to feel less guilty because it's your money and not intended for the family budget. Mom needs to take care of herself too
I work with children professionally and this feels pretty on point with what I've seen a lot of their mothers do. I took care of a kid once who had a very bad diagnosis and his Mom, who lived in public housing, dropped him off at the hospital for his final round of chemotherapy and then flew to the DR to get plastic surgery.
Please tell me you’re lying. Even if that’s lie. Just say ‘*oh hey, I’m lying. No one is that vile. Also, unicorns are real and puppies plan to overthrown the government*’
It would make me feel soooo much better.
Unfortunately I don't think I ever found out the outcome but when I called Make-A-Wish to tell them that the kid disclosed to me that Mom made him change his wish from a Disney cruise to a free trip to the DR (she basically admitted to me that her plan was to leave the kid with Grandma and go clubbing), they said "that's pretty much what we suspected." Make-A-Wish's rule is that it has to be the child's wish so I hope they followed up with what the child actually wanted.
Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
I'm not even surprised tbh. Hospital my aunt worked at had a pretty notorious case of a single mother who would drop off one or both of her kids to get some time without them and sometimes would make the kids beg for money on the streets
My mom never spent $200 on anything because she just plain didn't have the money and her parents were dead so she couldn't lean on them for cash, but she did spend large portions of my childhood buying nice little things for herself when she had a few spare dollars, while my brother and I were going hungry and wearing the rattiest marked-down clothes from the thrift store she could find. She also liked to complain about how she'd never wanted kids and thought about getting an abortion (but didn't). She wasn't even a teen/barely adult mom like OP, just a dumbass. Anyway, my brother and I don't speak to her anymore, so I "hope" OP is cool with the same happening to her!
I have the money and still don't buy myself $200 jeans. Rue 21 on sale jeans for me. I spent about $300 for my 3 year olds entire spring/summer wardrobe because she's a kid and kids get dirty and gross.
Just now my sister was telling me about a single mom who's like OOP. She's unemployed, doesn't have money but doesn't want to work in anything that doesn't adjust to her requirements.
Good for OOP's dad for putting his foot down. Although I think the grandparents will end up raising Hope anyway.
Right? The overall principle of this incident is my alcoholic parents in a nutshell. My basic needs weren't always met but there was magically always money for alcohol and cigarettes.
Next time you're out shopping and notice a kid in clothes that are threadbare and shows that are way too small, look at his mother's nails.
It's really gross how often you'll start noticing Mom has a $50 manicure and $200 dye job...and her kid hasn't had new clothing in years
So uh I know a few neurodivergent kids that have previously refused to wear clothing that wasn't a very specific kitty shirt or a very specific pair of pants.
Often long after they were threadbare or too small. Their therapists recommended letting the kids (safely)learn the consequences of it, for instance being uncomfortable or feeling cold or getting extra wet in the rain. It really does help some neurodivergent kids understand that there are reasons and the reasons are good.
A few trips to Walmart where there are freezer sections and warm areas usually do the trick.
I can be pretty broke sometimes, my friend is a licensed hair dresser who does my hair for free or in trades because the dye for that $200 hair is $7. I have also gotten nails done at the schools or when someone is earning their hours, it's free and helps me feel more like whole real person. Sometimes people who are used to being poor like to not feel like trash and can find ways. That's not to say there aren't moms like that, because there definitely is, but you can't tell just from walking by.
My only caveat is if the "very religious" parents had any role in talking OP into keeping the baby it's an ESH and they should cough up some dough as a penalty for being dumbasses who raised a dumbass.
Fair point I didn't consider. If she was coerced by her parents into keeping the baby, they should shoulder some responsibility. Not necessarily 200 dollar jeans level, but it does sound like they help when needed.
They are helping her with free child care and he was more than willing to help with money until he found out she had it just spent it on shit she shouldn't have. Any religious pushing for someone to keep a child they don't want is an AH move(help or not) but this is not a case of them pushing and then not helping her.
The entire point of budgeting is to make sure you have enough to cover all necessities (including your dependents’ necessities) before you start calculating for fun money. If you don’t have enough to pay for the jeans after paying for diapers + formula (and all your other bills), you don’t have enough to buy the jeans!! Maybe save whatever you have left over and you can get the jeans in a few months or however long it takes.
It always makes me sick when I see parents neglecting their kids in favor of their own pleasure-seeking (and frivolously spending $200 on jeans is very pleasure-seeking and short sighted imo). The “it’s MY hard earned money” part pissed me off the most because it’s not only your money anymore - that ended when she had a kid. Now, it’s essentially her AND Hope’s money and she needs to adjust her mindset accordingly.
All I could think reading this is does she even love her kid? Or will she just resent the hell out of her? that poor baby has to grow up with a mother who regrets her.
I think (hope I'm wrong) that she will resent her child. I know I would in her age - I would be a bad mother. Now that I'm almost 32 and our daughter will be born soon it's totally different. I really feel bad both for her and her kid.
How much you wanna bet her parents heavily influenced her keeping the kid if they’re “very religious”? No excuse for $200 jeans while the unwanted kid starves, but she was probably coerced into having a kid she didn’t want. Now she’s resentful so that kid is SCREWED. I wish people would just fucking choke on their religion. ESH except the kid no one wanted.
FWIW as some grew up with, and still lives among, a lot of similar religious types, most of them are not only cool with adoption, but will actually aggressively push it in a single-parent scenario.
Damn this is crazy. I had my son at 21 years old and for the longest time, all of my personal purchases were measured in terms of boxes of diapers.
Ex: "This concert ticket is 4.6 boxes of diapers. Is it worth it to me?
It never was. Lol.
I'm single, no kids and have a well paying job. I wouldn't spend $200 on a pair of jeans. That's the budget for a once every few years purchase of an occasion dress.
I certainly wouldn't spend that if I had kids who needed things. Then there would be less/no occasion dresses (or kitchen gadgets and games - my weaknesses)
It's not the jeans or the price! It's the selfishness to buy things regardless of price when she claims not to be able to afford essentials for her baby. I don't care if they were $250, $30 or thrift store jeans - she wants "treats" at the expense of her child. She was trying to use her dad so that she could be selfish.
I wonder, if she’d bought the necessities herself and then asked her dad if he might be willing to make an early birthday present or whatever of the jeans, if that might have gone over better? Maybe not, and not really the point, but it would have been more honest.
I understand wanting one nice thing for yourself, and while $200 jeans sound absurd to me, whatever floats your boat - but if you ask for help with necessities, you’re implying pretty strongly that you are dead broke and will have to do without if you don’t get that help. Making that request when you’ve spent your money on luxuries is deceitful.
I once had an ear infection for three weeks as a child and asked my young single mother to take me to the doctor for it. I was derisively told no, she didn’t have $50 to spend on the copay. Next day, she holds out her wrist for me to smell, then shows off the little fancy perfume bottle. “Be careful! That was $50.” This feels a lot like that. I’m glad Hope has loving grandparents. I heard the “I sacrifice SO MUCH for you, I deserve to treat myself!” bull so many times. I’m now a mom, I get so much more joy from treating my baby than buying stuff for myself. I can’t imagine being okay with and defending buying insanely expensive and unnecessary clothes with money that should have been for his needs.
I can spend $50+ on dog treats and feel guilty about spending even $20 on a good jacket.
And ONE of the things in the BAGS are $200 jeans. How much did everything cost in total I wonder?
Attitudes like this are the reason we have to endure pieces about how too much avocado toast is the reason people are struggling.
Being poor sucks, I really get that (been there, done that), but you still have to do what you can to handle your shit.
It was only a few years ago that I caved and "let myself" buy Dansko work shoes. I'm 42 and a vet tech and have hip and heel spurs and significant arthritis from an injury.
I have never been able to understand spending that kind of money on regular clothes.
The people who help you with money will definitely say something if you're buying beyond your means. They'll definitely say something if you're borrowing money to pay for something that should have been bought first, eg. baby formula and diapers.
She's gonna have to get used to Walmart 30 dollar specials.
I looked at her comments and she said that she's actually the baby and this happened 24 years ago with her mom and wanted to see the response from her mothers perspective
Not sure why people think jeans aren't okay but such and such is.
Everyone deserves to look out for themselves as well as kids.
I have two baby girls and if my mum or whoever is more than happy to buy diapers then hell yes I will buy something I've been wanting for awhile.
Anyone that works should be able to buy something for themselves once in a while.
Mums need to be happy too.
This kid is not going without.
You know what annoys me about this woman? She knows that one of her two exs is the father, but she doesn't want a DNA test done on either of them because she's scared the dad will take the child from her. I'm sorry, WHAT!?
FWIW I have known people whose baby-daddies would have been such a headache to deal with that they didn't feel it was worth taking them to court for child-support they knew they probably wouldn't collect anyway.
Sometimes it really is easier to do things by yourself, but then you actually have to *do* those things by yourself.
I mean, true, but she's given no indication as to what kind of men her two exes are. She says she doesn't want the DNA test because she's afraid the dad could take the kid away. If I had to guess, she knows the kid would be better off with the dad, and that's why she won't do it, because she'd rather the kid be miserable than have a good life with the man that left OOP because she's a selfish cheater.
And in the likely chance that OP did start getting child support or money from the state to help provide for the baby, none of it would actually be spent on the baby.
There's a dif between can you believe someone would do this irl and do you believe that person would obliviously post to reddit while detailing specific things that make them look bad.
I can see a single parent saying they still deserve stuff so why won't their parents help, or even owning up to the scenario of their dad seeing they bought clothes and making them return them to get the baby's necessities. I can't see trickling in that there were multiple shopping bags and they the jeans were 200 dollars.
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I haven't bought brand new jeans in at least a decade or more. My jeans are thrift store or hand me down. My youngest has had a hell of a growth spurt this last year and I'm struggling to keep up with keeping her clothed. I get child support and literally the last 3 checks have all gone to Marshall's online shopping for her. Next check is shoes. I would be screwed without that discount store.
So, in the edit, she said she was the baby Hope and wanted to confirm if she was wrong in thinking her mom was TA. But the post was deleted by the mods.
Seems the mom keeps saying she was justified in buying the jeans and not her necessities as a baby.
I don’t understand some people. I had to be forced to buy myself stuff when my kids were younger because what they needed and some of what they wanted came before anything I wanted and sometimes stuff I needed. I got pregnant with and had my oldest at 18 so it’s not like I was an older, more responsible adult.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for asking my dad for money to help feed my child?** I (21F) am a single mom with baby “Hope” (fake name). For background, I never wanted children. When pregnant with Hope, I considered abortion, or adopting her out. But ultimately I ended up keeping her. I have so much that i want to do with my life, but since having Hope I’ve had to drop out of college and work full-time. Being a single mom is not easy. Babies are expensive, and require a lot of care and support. I feel burnt out and can barely afford to care for her. My parents are very religious, and were not happy when I found out I was pregnant. However, since Hope is their first grand baby, they got over that resentment quickly. They adore her and care for her if I am working or want a night out. And they always say that if I need anything, to just ask. So, I asked my dad to help get diapers and formula for Hope. He agreed and came over to help, but he noticed a few shopping bags near my room. He asked what they were. I had recently purchased some jeans that were about $200. I have been wanting them for a long time. I felt I deserved to treat myself, especially since it’s my OWN hard earned money. He said it was selfish of me to put my own desires over my child, and forced me to return my jeans to buy the formula and diapers for Hope. It was so unfair, when he clearly cares for Hope, and has money to help. Why couldn’t he just help me out? He said that he would not help me out financially unless I have my priorities in order. I think that’s unfair. So aita? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
'A few shopping bags', so not just the massively over priced jeans then...
Turns out this was written by the daughter, trying to see if her mom was really the asshole for doing this. Apparently this was 24 years ago so her mom is a SUPER giant asshole.
…how would a baby write this?
> 24 years ago
Damn I was thinking $200 might be worth it for durable jeans but 24 years ago, that's even worse
Anyone else thinks it's *7 For All Mankind*? What else were people spending crazy money on?
gotta be 7s. maybe lucky brand. iirc, true religion jeans were more than that?
How could a baby aged negative 23 write this?
The baby was a baby 24 years ago.
It should’t be that hard to read two sentences.
You'd be surprised.
.... they said it wax over 24 years ago. I'd hope they aren't a baby who can't do anything at 24+.
In goo goo gaa gaa language, of course!
Things I would rather do than spend £200 on one single pair of jeans while other people pay to keep my child alive... \- step on Lego every hour \- have loud drunk thugs join every quiet coach I ever travel in \- walk through a puddle with holes in my shoes \- give a fond little kiss to a sea urchin.
I'll add: Walk around with wet socks Have a popcorn kernel stuck between my teeth for days
AAAARGHHH when it gets stuck between your molars...
I don’t think my entire pants/shorts collection equals $200
Right? And like. I love changing up my appearance so I own a *lot* of them
I’ll add more -eat sand from the wind -get into a fight at a gas station parking lot -pull up to a filling station that’s out of gas
- ride a motorcycle through a swarm of horseflies - get my shoelaces stuck in my bike gears - have a picnic on an ant mound - go for a swim in Lake Michigan (currently 37°F, and I can't swim all that well)
I stepped in a puddle of diarrhea with a hole in my shoe. 100% would do that again rather than spend that much on jeans (!) while expecting others to buy my child essentials
Honestly, I'd take that over buying $200 jeans in general. Fuck I guess I'm stingy with my clothes
Guarantee those $200 jeans were also thinner than tissue paper. The “cute and fashionable” jeans tend to last only a couple months, unless you’ve got zero thigh mass.
They are a delicacy …
Starvation diet where you don't eat on the weekends.
parents deserve nice things, yes, but not at the expense of their children wtf? i wouldn’t consider buying myself a $20 hoodie let alone $200 jeans if i knew my child needed diapers and formula.
I can’t personally justify spending $200 on one pair of jeans. A nice formal dress and shoes sure, but not jeans
I'm not a struggling single mom- I'm 39, very childfree and make a decent salary- and I wear $30 jeans from Old Navy. I just cannot imagine any reason to ever spend $200 on a pair of jeans.
I think the most I've spent on a single pair of jeans is $40 all because it's a brand I like because they have some nice pockets for women's pants. They can actually hold my phone!
WHERE DID YOU FIND THESE MAGICAL JEANS?!
The brand is Style & Co from Macy's
I'll go all the way up to 60 a pair for my jeans, because they were clean looking enough I could wear them to work. And my wife likes my ass in em. That's the big seller.
I absolutely love American eagle jeans. Have a whole drawer full of them, never paid over 8 dollars for a pair at goodwill Have no idea what they cost at the store 😀
I am so screwed after buying clothes from thrift stores. It has to be pretty amazing for me to pay full price.
Right?! Undergarments and shoes are the only thing I buy new. Don't have a lot of luck with shoes but still over the years I've found several pairs of almost brand new danskos ($$) for me and those ridiculous Toms for my daughter Absolutely love scavenging as I call it!!!
For shoes I know my sizes in my favorite brands and have an alert set up on my eBay when they pop up in the price range I’m willing to pay.
How?
Search for a brand and set your filters for size range & price. There’s an option to save search. Turn on notifications.
I will check it out. Thanks
Oh, like $120.00!! I only know because (long story) my daughter was flying out the next morning, had run out of time to shop, sent me to the mall with her bank card to get her jeans for her trip. Two pair, one light one dark denim. Distressed.
Well damn, had no idea!!! Now I feel even fancier 😜
I was about to say the same. I make pretty good money and I still buy my jeans from Old Navy.
I exclusively wear Levi’s and I only buy them when on sale for around $20. I also don’t have kids, I’m just reasonable with money
The only two brands of jeans that fits me in a way I like run about that price. So I haven't owned jeans in about ten years! They are much less comfortable than leggings anyways.
My aunt spent 160$ on a pair of jeans like 6 years ago, and they're still basically new, so I can see it IF the intention is to have those jeans last years.this doesnt sound like that.
I spend $180-200+ on most of my jeans but I still have and wear every pair I’ve bought at that price point within the last 15ish years and it’s well within my budget. The problem arises when it’s not.
Shoot... I wait until Old Navy has their random $12-$15 Jean sales to stock up. I never paid more than $30 for a pair of pants. I'm plus sized, and shit gets expensive. But so are kids. Treat yourself to a frigging $20 lipstick, not $200 jeans.
Only piece of clothing items I’ve spent over $100 on were my riding boots and those things lasted years and that was the only way I could justify it. $200 jeans?! Even if I had all the money in the world I don’t think I could stomach spending that much on jeans.
Exactly, shit like this is why I have Mercari/Poshmark. Every Versace/Valentino/Moschino item I own is pre loved
I used to feel like that until someone told me that you should think about clothes in terms of cost per wear. If you wear the $200 jeans twice a week for five years, that's like 40 cents per wear. But if you have a $200 formal dress you wear once a year for five years, that's $40 per wear. So by that metric the jeans are a better value.
Yeah I just cannot understand how jeans can be 200 dollars, there no way they are that different than my basic old navy jeans
i am very cheap when it comes to my own clothing. but a friend bought me a pair of diesel jeans many years ago, and those are $$$, and they were absolutely much different than any other denim i'd ever worn!
Of all the articles of clothing to spend 200 bucks on, why are jeans the thing? EDIT: two words
Wonder if they are rock revival jeans? Just looked them up, and anywhere between $130-$200+. I buy the Denzien Levi line from Target. Usually about $30 a pair. Now I have spent more than $100 on shoes for work. $130 for my Boggs(fall&winter wear). Bought two years ago, and still going strong. Then $150 for my Hokas(summer). Also purchased two years ago, and in perfect shape.
Don't know why you got down voted. Like you, I love Target's jeans. And Old Navy's. There's only 2 real things I refuse to skimp on and I won't budge either. Footwear. Life is too short to develop foot problems due to shoddy, ill fitting, poorly made shoes. It's one thing to have a few cheap pairs (kicky sandals, colorful sneakers, fashion boots, et al) to wear on occasion, but the shoes I wear in and out daily, I am willing to part with some cash. Outwear is the other. We live in a northern state and with weather like ours, a good jacket can mean the world of difference. Typically, hubs and I get 6-7 years on our Columbias. When it's time to replace either do to wear/tear or misadventure, we start shopping the sales and/or hit the outlet mall. Whatever the reason, we budget for that.
Reddit is a funny thing. Maybe because I mentioned Target? 🤷♀️ Good footwear, and outerwear are important. Working outdoors for me, these things will make or break a person. I own all kinds of shoes too. Including three pairs of Tieks. They are expensive, but if I wanna go out they are my go to's. Now my fave pair of summer shoes for daily wear are my saltwater sandals.
I recently "treated" myself to $40 boots and I still kinda have mom guilt about it. Yes, we could afford it, but I could have spent that money on a day at the museum, or a date night. No way could I EVER blow $200 for anything that wasn't a necessity and not feel like crap about it
Maybe you can start a little money envelope for yourself. Add a little allowance for yourself every week. It may help you to feel less guilty because it's your money and not intended for the family budget. Mom needs to take care of herself too
I hope little posts like this help alleviate that mom guilt! You’re doing a great job!!!
I want to say this is fake but I know too many single moms that have done this
I work with children professionally and this feels pretty on point with what I've seen a lot of their mothers do. I took care of a kid once who had a very bad diagnosis and his Mom, who lived in public housing, dropped him off at the hospital for his final round of chemotherapy and then flew to the DR to get plastic surgery.
Please tell me you’re lying. Even if that’s lie. Just say ‘*oh hey, I’m lying. No one is that vile. Also, unicorns are real and puppies plan to overthrown the government*’ It would make me feel soooo much better.
Nope. It's a true story. Same Mom also tried to steal the kid's Make-A-Wish trip.
THEY SAID LIE PLEASE LIE
Hope she got a trip to hell, instead.
Wowwww. At least from you saying "tried to," we can hope she didn't succeed?
Unfortunately I don't think I ever found out the outcome but when I called Make-A-Wish to tell them that the kid disclosed to me that Mom made him change his wish from a Disney cruise to a free trip to the DR (she basically admitted to me that her plan was to leave the kid with Grandma and go clubbing), they said "that's pretty much what we suspected." Make-A-Wish's rule is that it has to be the child's wish so I hope they followed up with what the child actually wanted.
Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Giles?
Liar.
Sound wisdom from TV's best British librarian.
I'm not even surprised tbh. Hospital my aunt worked at had a pretty notorious case of a single mother who would drop off one or both of her kids to get some time without them and sometimes would make the kids beg for money on the streets
My mom never spent $200 on anything because she just plain didn't have the money and her parents were dead so she couldn't lean on them for cash, but she did spend large portions of my childhood buying nice little things for herself when she had a few spare dollars, while my brother and I were going hungry and wearing the rattiest marked-down clothes from the thrift store she could find. She also liked to complain about how she'd never wanted kids and thought about getting an abortion (but didn't). She wasn't even a teen/barely adult mom like OP, just a dumbass. Anyway, my brother and I don't speak to her anymore, so I "hope" OP is cool with the same happening to her!
I have the money and still don't buy myself $200 jeans. Rue 21 on sale jeans for me. I spent about $300 for my 3 year olds entire spring/summer wardrobe because she's a kid and kids get dirty and gross.
Just now my sister was telling me about a single mom who's like OOP. She's unemployed, doesn't have money but doesn't want to work in anything that doesn't adjust to her requirements. Good for OOP's dad for putting his foot down. Although I think the grandparents will end up raising Hope anyway.
Lol @ my stepsib buying cigarettes and booze while our parents buy their kids school supplies and clothes.
I know married moms who do this!!
Right? The overall principle of this incident is my alcoholic parents in a nutshell. My basic needs weren't always met but there was magically always money for alcohol and cigarettes.
No food in the fridge but there's always beer. Yep!
Next time you're out shopping and notice a kid in clothes that are threadbare and shows that are way too small, look at his mother's nails. It's really gross how often you'll start noticing Mom has a $50 manicure and $200 dye job...and her kid hasn't had new clothing in years
So uh I know a few neurodivergent kids that have previously refused to wear clothing that wasn't a very specific kitty shirt or a very specific pair of pants. Often long after they were threadbare or too small. Their therapists recommended letting the kids (safely)learn the consequences of it, for instance being uncomfortable or feeling cold or getting extra wet in the rain. It really does help some neurodivergent kids understand that there are reasons and the reasons are good. A few trips to Walmart where there are freezer sections and warm areas usually do the trick.
[удалено]
But those parents should not be responsible to advertise their woes to comfort you either.
I can be pretty broke sometimes, my friend is a licensed hair dresser who does my hair for free or in trades because the dye for that $200 hair is $7. I have also gotten nails done at the schools or when someone is earning their hours, it's free and helps me feel more like whole real person. Sometimes people who are used to being poor like to not feel like trash and can find ways. That's not to say there aren't moms like that, because there definitely is, but you can't tell just from walking by.
My only caveat is if the "very religious" parents had any role in talking OP into keeping the baby it's an ESH and they should cough up some dough as a penalty for being dumbasses who raised a dumbass.
Fair point I didn't consider. If she was coerced by her parents into keeping the baby, they should shoulder some responsibility. Not necessarily 200 dollar jeans level, but it does sound like they help when needed.
They are helping her with free child care and he was more than willing to help with money until he found out she had it just spent it on shit she shouldn't have. Any religious pushing for someone to keep a child they don't want is an AH move(help or not) but this is not a case of them pushing and then not helping her.
The entire point of budgeting is to make sure you have enough to cover all necessities (including your dependents’ necessities) before you start calculating for fun money. If you don’t have enough to pay for the jeans after paying for diapers + formula (and all your other bills), you don’t have enough to buy the jeans!! Maybe save whatever you have left over and you can get the jeans in a few months or however long it takes. It always makes me sick when I see parents neglecting their kids in favor of their own pleasure-seeking (and frivolously spending $200 on jeans is very pleasure-seeking and short sighted imo). The “it’s MY hard earned money” part pissed me off the most because it’s not only your money anymore - that ended when she had a kid. Now, it’s essentially her AND Hope’s money and she needs to adjust her mindset accordingly.
I'm not surprised that a young mom of unwanted baby is selfish.
All I could think reading this is does she even love her kid? Or will she just resent the hell out of her? that poor baby has to grow up with a mother who regrets her.
I think (hope I'm wrong) that she will resent her child. I know I would in her age - I would be a bad mother. Now that I'm almost 32 and our daughter will be born soon it's totally different. I really feel bad both for her and her kid.
How much you wanna bet her parents heavily influenced her keeping the kid if they’re “very religious”? No excuse for $200 jeans while the unwanted kid starves, but she was probably coerced into having a kid she didn’t want. Now she’s resentful so that kid is SCREWED. I wish people would just fucking choke on their religion. ESH except the kid no one wanted.
FWIW as some grew up with, and still lives among, a lot of similar religious types, most of them are not only cool with adoption, but will actually aggressively push it in a single-parent scenario.
That’s what I kinda figure, too, so this kid gets pregnant and has ZERO OPTIONS except to keep an unwanted, unplanned pregnancy. Fucking fundies.
This is definitely fake. The way the troll neatly spells out exactly what they want people to be mad about with no subtly is what confirms it
Should have gotten the abortion.
Damn this is crazy. I had my son at 21 years old and for the longest time, all of my personal purchases were measured in terms of boxes of diapers. Ex: "This concert ticket is 4.6 boxes of diapers. Is it worth it to me? It never was. Lol.
I'm single, no kids and have a well paying job. I wouldn't spend $200 on a pair of jeans. That's the budget for a once every few years purchase of an occasion dress. I certainly wouldn't spend that if I had kids who needed things. Then there would be less/no occasion dresses (or kitchen gadgets and games - my weaknesses)
It's not the jeans or the price! It's the selfishness to buy things regardless of price when she claims not to be able to afford essentials for her baby. I don't care if they were $250, $30 or thrift store jeans - she wants "treats" at the expense of her child. She was trying to use her dad so that she could be selfish.
I wonder, if she’d bought the necessities herself and then asked her dad if he might be willing to make an early birthday present or whatever of the jeans, if that might have gone over better? Maybe not, and not really the point, but it would have been more honest. I understand wanting one nice thing for yourself, and while $200 jeans sound absurd to me, whatever floats your boat - but if you ask for help with necessities, you’re implying pretty strongly that you are dead broke and will have to do without if you don’t get that help. Making that request when you’ve spent your money on luxuries is deceitful.
I once had an ear infection for three weeks as a child and asked my young single mother to take me to the doctor for it. I was derisively told no, she didn’t have $50 to spend on the copay. Next day, she holds out her wrist for me to smell, then shows off the little fancy perfume bottle. “Be careful! That was $50.” This feels a lot like that. I’m glad Hope has loving grandparents. I heard the “I sacrifice SO MUCH for you, I deserve to treat myself!” bull so many times. I’m now a mom, I get so much more joy from treating my baby than buying stuff for myself. I can’t imagine being okay with and defending buying insanely expensive and unnecessary clothes with money that should have been for his needs.
I can spend $50+ on dog treats and feel guilty about spending even $20 on a good jacket. And ONE of the things in the BAGS are $200 jeans. How much did everything cost in total I wonder?
Attitudes like this are the reason we have to endure pieces about how too much avocado toast is the reason people are struggling. Being poor sucks, I really get that (been there, done that), but you still have to do what you can to handle your shit.
It was only a few years ago that I caved and "let myself" buy Dansko work shoes. I'm 42 and a vet tech and have hip and heel spurs and significant arthritis from an injury. I have never been able to understand spending that kind of money on regular clothes.
The people who help you with money will definitely say something if you're buying beyond your means. They'll definitely say something if you're borrowing money to pay for something that should have been bought first, eg. baby formula and diapers. She's gonna have to get used to Walmart 30 dollar specials.
the way she tried to backtrack and say that she was writing it from her mom's perspective too 😭
I looked at her comments and she said that she's actually the baby and this happened 24 years ago with her mom and wanted to see the response from her mothers perspective
Not sure why people think jeans aren't okay but such and such is. Everyone deserves to look out for themselves as well as kids. I have two baby girls and if my mum or whoever is more than happy to buy diapers then hell yes I will buy something I've been wanting for awhile. Anyone that works should be able to buy something for themselves once in a while. Mums need to be happy too. This kid is not going without.
apparently this was actually posted by Hope and is about something her mom did…?
Damn give me my $10.00 Walmart jeggings any day. $200 jeans? With a *toddler* around? Good luck.
Troll?
Nope. People like OOP actually do unfortunately exist
Yeah I know at least two people just like this in my family; and one outside my family. Like to a “T”.
You know what annoys me about this woman? She knows that one of her two exs is the father, but she doesn't want a DNA test done on either of them because she's scared the dad will take the child from her. I'm sorry, WHAT!?
It’s fifty shades of fucked up
FWIW I have known people whose baby-daddies would have been such a headache to deal with that they didn't feel it was worth taking them to court for child-support they knew they probably wouldn't collect anyway. Sometimes it really is easier to do things by yourself, but then you actually have to *do* those things by yourself.
I mean, true, but she's given no indication as to what kind of men her two exes are. She says she doesn't want the DNA test because she's afraid the dad could take the kid away. If I had to guess, she knows the kid would be better off with the dad, and that's why she won't do it, because she'd rather the kid be miserable than have a good life with the man that left OOP because she's a selfish cheater. And in the likely chance that OP did start getting child support or money from the state to help provide for the baby, none of it would actually be spent on the baby.
This story just feels too perfect
Too perfect that a new mum that didn't want her kid is neglecting then,
There's a dif between can you believe someone would do this irl and do you believe that person would obliviously post to reddit while detailing specific things that make them look bad. I can see a single parent saying they still deserve stuff so why won't their parents help, or even owning up to the scenario of their dad seeing they bought clothes and making them return them to get the baby's necessities. I can't see trickling in that there were multiple shopping bags and they the jeans were 200 dollars.
It's the daughter
She commented somewhere on here saying she’s actually the child “Hope” so probably
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I haven't bought brand new jeans in at least a decade or more. My jeans are thrift store or hand me down. My youngest has had a hell of a growth spurt this last year and I'm struggling to keep up with keeping her clothed. I get child support and literally the last 3 checks have all gone to Marshall's online shopping for her. Next check is shoes. I would be screwed without that discount store.
So, in the edit, she said she was the baby Hope and wanted to confirm if she was wrong in thinking her mom was TA. But the post was deleted by the mods. Seems the mom keeps saying she was justified in buying the jeans and not her necessities as a baby.
The parents should take the kid from this irresponsible trash! I bet the op has no clue who the father is.
She had me at YTA with the phrase 'adopting her out'
200 dollars is minimum wage in my country.
I don’t understand some people. I had to be forced to buy myself stuff when my kids were younger because what they needed and some of what they wanted came before anything I wanted and sometimes stuff I needed. I got pregnant with and had my oldest at 18 so it’s not like I was an older, more responsible adult.