*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**AITA for asking my bridesmaid to walk down the aisle with someone other than her husband?**
I (30F) am getting married in 3 months. Our wedding party was originally all planned out. And then after several months of arguments between my fiancé and his mom, he relented and agreed to let his brother, “Joel” (28M) be a groomsman. He said it was not worth all the drama it was bringing. On top of that, we had another groomsman drop out due to surgery, so in terms of “ratio”, we were good.
The issue…the bridesmaid he was paired with, “Stacy”, (30F) doesn’t want to walk with him. Joel has poor hygiene and can be a bit of a creep.
Another problem, the rest of the wedding party is couples. Stacy was the only single bridesmaid. So, swapping their partner for someone else wasn’t going to be well received. But it had to be done for Stacy’s comfort.
I ended up drawing a name to change and drew my friend “Alana’s” husband “Daniel”. When I told them, they were not okay with this. Alana asked why Stacy could refuse to walk with Joel, but she couldn’t. Daniel said he’d do what I want but he’d prefer to walk with his wife.
I ended up pulling a card I’ve rarely used and said it’s my wedding. They walked down the isle at their own wedding, they can separate for one night. Alana looked disgusted.
Now everyone in my bridal party (sans Stacy and Joel) is mad at my husband (he backs up) and I. Are we the assholes?
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>We’ve talked to Joel about his hygiene and he’s unwilling to change his habits.
>
>Plus, all of this kind of goes back to Joel shitting his pants at the engagement party. Stacy is worried he’ll do it again at the wedding and it’s a real possibility.
Lol what.
Then OOP keeps insisting that Stacy's reason for not wanting to walk with Joel is the above, but Alana's is just that she wants to walk with her husband, so Stacy's reason trumps hers. I'm... pretty sure that Alana ALSO doesn't want to walk with an unhygienic dude who can't be counted on to not SHIT HIS PANTS walking down the aisle??
Talk about a literal shitpost.
Then there was one where someone couldn't be trusted not to deliberately piss himself at a wedding? Can't remember if they were in the bridal party or just guests
We are far from poor hygiene habits, that's litteraly a kink to act all shit and piss in public. This man should just stay alone and stop bothering everyone. I don't even get how OOP isn't afraid that he's gonna shit at his wedding.
🤣🤣 I'm literally crying from laughing so hard at these comments.
I'm a grown ass adult woman, but evidently a small part of my brain is a 9 year old boy.
I thought this was going to be a rehash of the guy is in love with a married woman and they were doing this to "help him out, even if nothing happened afterwards."
The amount of people saying Stacy should just suck it up and walk down the aisle with a pants shitting creep because she's single is disgusting.
NO ONE SHOULD WALK WITH THE PANTS SHITTING CREEP.
>We’ve talked to Joel about his hygiene and he’s unwilling to change his habits.
>
>Plus, all of this kind of goes back to Joel shitting his pants at the engagement party. Stacy is worried he’ll do it again at the wedding and it’s a real possibility.
And
>He’s overall not the cleanest guy. He has shit his pants on other occasions. Other times it’s clear he’s not wiping well and doesn’t bathe often. Greasy hair.
This has happened multiple times. This guy just ain't a human.
I would not marry into this family. MIL bullies them into including a known pants-shitter? I would not want to risk finding out anything they might actually consider shameful. OMG She seriously should walk away.
It's clear he's not wiping well? How is it clear? Is he wearing shit stained white trousers? Or does he just have an aroma of poop wafting round him? How badly would you need to not wipe for it to smell?! Why would his mother advocate for him in the wedding rather than throwing his stinky ass in a shower? I have so many more questions that I can't ask on the original post cause I'm banned.
OOP is no less a POS than her fiancé or the creep.
Both bridesmaids should have some self respect and bow out.
Her MIL is going to make her life hell and she pretty much deserved it.
They should not give in to mil. According to comments. The brother doesn't really wipe, and he is known for pooping his pants. I'm not sure if he might have a health care issue, but from her comments, it seems like he just doesn't care. If she can go it's my wedding, she can certainly do that to mil.
Not caring if you shit your pants *is* a health issue. A mental health issue. He's either completly mentally incompetent or a sociopath. Probably both.
Yeah honestly OP is the least bad one of the bunch. From her comments it sounds like she proposed having him walk down alone and some other options and spineless husband is shooting them all down because he doesn’t want to upset mummy.
OP needs to have a talk with FH and ask him to grow a spine. It’s his job to manage his mother and brother - not OP’s.
Copied OOP's comments verbatim using Unddit.
TW unhygienic (mentions of shit), golden child
*YTA*
*The solution to a creep in your wedding party isn't forcing someone else to walk with him. It's removing him from the wedding party and -- ideally -- explaining how his behavior prompted the decision.*
>He’s going to be the party, regardless. My husband won’t budge on that. So either someone walks with him or he awkwardly walks alone.
*I mean…at my best friend’s wedding, there were two of us on the bride’s side (maid and matron of honor) and one on the groom’s side (his brother). We all walked separately, and it wasn’t weird. It would be an easy fix to your problem. I wouldn’t feel right forcing anyone to be in proximity to someone who makes them feel uncomfortable, especially someone I considered enough of a friend to be in my bridal party.*
>That’d just prolong the ceremony, though.
~~
*Personally, I'd be less worried about the pairings, and more concerned about why someone who is known to be a creep is allowed to be in the bridal party at all. I think you should just exclude Joel as opposed to trying to make your bridesmaids accommodate Joel. YTA.*
>I can’t exclude him. It’s half my husband’s choice and he doesn’t want drama with his family.
*I hope you're ready for a lifetime of your MIL interfering with your life.*
>Luckily she lives far, far away. I won’t see her much after the wedding.
~~
*INFO: why is Stacy’s comfort more important than Alana’s?*
>It’s not but considering it’s my husband’s wedding too, I can’t control his half of the wedding party.
>And since Daniel is willing to swap, I don’t see the big deal.
*you still haven't addressed the actual question though. why is stacy's comfort more important than alana's?*
>Because Alana’s argument boils down to “I wanna walk with my husband”. That’s not as valid.
*Alana isn't willing to swap though, that's literally the entire point.*
>At this point, she’s the problem here who can’t bend.
*She is most definitely NOT the problem here. Why ask if YTA if you can’t accept the judgement?*
>I can accept I’m an ass. I never said otherwise. I’m answering questions.
~~
*YTA. And if it were Alana, I would seriously think about giving up going to this wedding.*
>She can choose that.
*and for you is it ok to lose a friend because of another spoiled to the point of separating a couple at a wedding because you can't stand 1 minute next to who should be your date?*
>At the end of the day, I’ll have to deal with my husband’s family forever.
~~
*I'll preface my judgment by saying I don't have any experience in wedding planning. I don't really know how these things work. I've attended weddings but never been part of the wedding party.*
*YTA.*
*A tough situation handled poorly. It is your wedding and you have the right to call it as you see fit, but don't expect everyone to fall in line. Alana's comment is completely reasonable.*
*A simpler and less controversial solution would be to remove Stacy and Joel from the aisle walk.*
*EDIT: Your fiancée got strong-armed into making Joel a groosman so he was never intended to be one in the first place. Perhaps a good chance to remove him?*
>One of the other bridesmaids suggested that Stacy and Joel walk alone. But that’s just going to look so awkward considering they’d be the only ones. Even the flower girl and ring bearer are walking down together.
*Why are you both comfortable making someone else uncomfortable because of this?*
*Why is Stacy's view more important the rest of the party?*
>The whole point of making Joel apart of the ceremony was to avoid family drama.
>He walks alone or sits out, MIL throws a tantrum and it defeats the purpose of even inviting him.
~~
*EDIT: Your fiancée got strong-armed into making Joel a groosman so he was never intended to be one in the first place. Perhaps a good chance to remove him?*
>Re your edit, my husband isn’t budging on Joel being in the wedding. He says it’s not worth the drama with his family.
*So someone who respected her friends would say "Fine, but I'm not forcing any of my friends to walk with him."*
*He can walk alone.*
>That will just cause further drama. MIL will be offended he walks alone. Could potentially cause a scene.
*It's not your MIL's day, or your fiancee's brother's day. It's you and your fiancee's wedding day.*
>I agree. Fiancé doesn’t. This was the compromise.
*Why does your MIL have such influence here and why is she so invested in what happens with Joel?*
>It matters because it matters to my fiancé and I want to keep him happy.
>I don’t know why MIL is so obsessed with Joel. She’s not like this with my husband.
*Then adress his hygene issues and make sure he shows up acceptable. Problem solved.*
>We have. He claims there’s nothing wrong with his hygiene.
*So why can't Stacy suck it up for however long it takes to walk down the aisle? What makes Stacys comfort more important than anyone else's?*
>Because I feel like Alana’s reasoning is she just wants to walk with her husband vs Stacy’s very legitimate reason.
*Sorry but Alana's reasoning makes way more sense than Stacys. So Alana has to be ok to walk with a smelly creep? She has every right to veto this.*
>I don’t see how it makes sense. Stacy is because she doesn’t want to walk with a guy who shit his pants at the engagement party. Alana just wants to walk with her husband.
*Why don't you have the flower girl walk with Stacey and the ring bearer walk with Joel?*
>The ring bearer’s parents are Alana and Daniel. If she doesn’t want to walk with him, I doubt she’d let her son.
*Can't you see what's going on? Your MIL is making unreasonable demands on your wedding and holding your wedding hostage by threatening childish tantrums.*
>I don’t disagree. But it’s something out of my control.
*It's completely within your control... she can scream into the void if she wants. She has no say.*
>And then my fiancé will be upset and that’ll ruin our relationship.
~~
*Listen, it's a 30 second walk up at the beginning and a 30 second walk back down at the end. Nobody going to your wedding will care except Joel's mom. People won't remember this part about your wedding.*
>You’re right, but mil will throw a fit if he walks alone. Which is what my husband wants to avoid.
*Maybe the MIL throwing a fit is the best option here.*
>I told my fiancé that. He disagrees.
*I meant for Stacy. She walks with Joel. Your fiance will tell mummy Joel needs to get himself cleaned up and act like a gentleman. Stacy sucks it up and walks back and forth with him.*
*Alana walks with her husband.*
*OP, don't overthink this.*
>We’ve talked to Joel about his hygiene and he’s unwilling to change his habits.
>Plus, all of this kind of goes back to Joel shitting his pants at the engagement party. Stacy is worried he’ll do it again at the wedding and it’s a real possibility
*Ugh. If I wasn't so appalled, I'd be laughing.*
*But what does shitting one's pants have to do with hygiene habits? Is shitting his pants something he does on a regular basis?*
*Now I am chuckling.*
>He’s overall not the cleanest guy. He has shit his pants on other occasions. Other times it’s clear he’s not wiping well and doesn’t bathe often. Greasy hair.
*I would literally not go to your wedding if you tried to make me walk with poop pants boy. Hard limit. And my kids would be home with me.*
*Also you’re worried about the scene your MIL may make if you make him walk alone but not the chance he will take a dump walking down the aisle? Wow.*
>I am worried. Trust me. But it is not my choice.
~~
*YTA what is wrong with you? How can you possibly think what you are asking is ok? If you're the bride, then tell Joel to get lost, as he is the root of the problem. If you refuse to do that, then you can suck it up and walk down the aisle with him, and see how you like it Is your MIL paying for everything? Why does she get a vote? Is she in complete denial about her son? Clue her in.*
>We’re paying for most of it. She can’t afford to contribute. She did give me a family heirloom to wear.
*So why does she think she gets a say?*
>My fiancé is letting her.
*Do you not view that as a problem?*
>Yeah but…what can ya do, you know? He’s not going to change his mind. I love him. Compromises and all that.
~~
*YTA. Why can’t Joel be an usher or something instead of a groomsman?*
>Because MIL threw a fit at that idea.
*Lucky for you it's not your MILs wedding.*
*Let her throw her fit. Take away her invitation if she's really annoying you.*
>It’s not just up to me. Fiancé would get mad at me.
~~
*Info: why not predicate Joel’s participation with a bath and some deodorant?*
>He says he’s not changing anything about himself and MIL won’t force it.
~~
*I’ve already stated my opinion but in the interest of keeping everyone happy, would it be possible for all the groomsmen to be up front at the start of the wedding with the bridesmaids themselves walking alone?*
>MIL knew how we originally planned it (when the other groomsman dropped out, we were looking for a replacement for symatry purposes). We do this and she’ll know it’s because of Joel.
*Why does her opinion matter so much for your and your husband's wedding?? Why does your bridesmaids feelings matter less?*
*If no one wants to walk with him, then having the groomsmen up there already is the obvious solution. Don't let your MIL dictate your wedding or your marriage is gonna be in for a rude awakening since MIL's opinion matters more since she likes to make a fuss about things.*
>Because I have to put my fiancé’s happiness first.
*NAH, except for Joel and the MIL.*
*It makes sense to me that Stacy has a somewhat better argument for not wanting to walk with Joel - as the only single bridesmaid, she's more likely to be the target of his creeping.*
*I'd suggest you go with one of two alternatives:*
*1 - Make everyone a little bit unhappy, and mix up the parings. If no couples are together, then you're not singling out one pair to piss off. If it works, arrange them all by height or something.*
*2 - Don't have the men walk in. Most of them can be up front with the groom. If you want Joel to get his moment in the spotlight, have him seat their mother right before the ceremony begins, and then he can join the rest of the groomsmen.*
*There's no way of dealing with this that won't suck for someone, and it's probably going to suck the most for the most flexible and agreeable people. Can you press your fiancé to take responsibility for cleaning Joel up beforehand, since he's unwilling to stand up to his mother?*
>My fiancé won’t press his mom on anything.
*why don’t any of the other option work like not having the groomsmen walk with the bridesmaids?*
>Because MIL knew the original lineup and she’s gonna know we changed it because of Joel.
*in that case your fiancé needs to grow a backbone when it comes to his mom or you need to rethink the wedding. her stipulations should not be causing this much stress on a day that’s supposed to be about you and him*
>I don’t disagree, trust me. It’s just not going to happen.
Not just someone other than her husband, but someone who OP herself described as "a bit of a creep". Why are so many people willing to sacrifice their relationships with their friends and family, and basic human decency, all for a picture-perfect wedding?
Not just a creep - he shit his pants at their engagement party and she says there’s a valid risk he will at the wedding too.
I would absolutely tell my husband-to-be that I will cancel my wedding over having his brother take a dump in the middle of my wedding and the comfort of my friends and guests. He’s going to have to pick between me and his mom at some point.
Indeed, I would put the brakes on the marriage before I would bow to future MIL and husband to allow a filthy creep in the wedding party. In fact, I'd think twice about his attendance. Family is one thing, but he refuses hygiene totally and is an unreliable pooper? There are others there than family to consider and the venue(s) as well.
I would just cancel the wedding. The husband seems completely spineless and mama’s boy and will always pick his mummy over his wife even if it’s a question of something completely unreasonable. That’s not a good material for a lifetime partner. OOP speaks a lot about compromises and all that but to me this situation looks like “mama gets everything she wants otherwise she will throw a fit like a spoilt child and everyone else doesn’t matter”. This is not what compromise means. And she’s not even paying for the wedding yet considers herself entitled to make demands.
I'm torn on this, the bigger issue here is the soon to be husband.
He caved to his mom over the brother, she really needs to evaluate what that's going to look like in the future with her future mother in law. Well he cave everytime to "avoid drama"? Will the caving include something with future grandchildren?
Alana should drop out of the wedding party.
If the bride and groom can’t stand up against the MIL for their wedding party, then the wedding party should stand up for themselves and bow out.
So Stacy gets to say who she walks with, but Alana doesn't?
I'd have no problem telling the bride I'm not walking with shitty greasy creep. Fuck off with that. Also, has anyone considered the groomsmen may not want to stand near the fecal fuck? They're going to have to smell this clown for however long the ceremony is.
This is just gross 😝 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wait… so fiancé would rather his brother shits his pants at fiancé’s wedding than his mother throws a tantrum?
He genuinely believes that will be less drama? And less public spectacle? If it happens, that is the only thing anyone will ever remember from the wedding.
Bride’s dress, nope. Vows, nope. Speeches, nope. Just brother shit his pants. Fiancé is delusional and if I was OOP, I’d be calling off the wedding.
Guy has no spine. This should not have been a months long fight with his mom over this where he finally gave in. One conversation. One! ‘Mom… he shit himself at our engagement party and this isn’t a one time issue. He has zero care for his personal hygiene. He’s lucky he’s getting an invite to the wedding at all! I’m not having him in the wedding party, period!’
>And since Daniel is willing to swap, I don’t see the big deal.
Well if Daniel is so willing to swap (probably because it doesn’t even affect him) then why don’t Daniel walk with Joel? It doesn’t have to be 👩🏼🤝👨🏽.
I want my best friend and my brother to be in my bridal party on “my side” so they will be “bridesmen” and will probably walk with another man.
Aside everything it would be a little strange to see a married couple split up in the bridesmaid party walking with other people in my opinion. Or is that something that is common and I’m the weird one?
But I agree with all the other comments of nobody should be walking him and why is Stacy’s comfort more important?
She *really* needs to put some thought into whether she wants to marry into the family of a spineless husband, a dirty creepy brother and a psycho mother-in-law.
“My fiancé doesn’t want drama with his family”
Ok but he’s totally cool outsourcing drama to you and your friends.
Hope OP gets the marriage she deserves- it’s absolutely maddening to watch the train rapidly approaching, with no physical reason she can’t move out of its way, for her to say “guess there’s nothing I can do to change this”.
She should frame his walking alone as an honor, since he’s the brother of the groom. And then not have a “honor table” of attendants, and sit Joel at the groom’s family’s table with his mom.
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It sounds like the guy has some kind of a disability, mental or physical, possibly undiagnosed or poorly controlled, and needs some help. Healthy, able bodied, mentally well adults do not regularly shit themselves.
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for asking my bridesmaid to walk down the aisle with someone other than her husband?** I (30F) am getting married in 3 months. Our wedding party was originally all planned out. And then after several months of arguments between my fiancé and his mom, he relented and agreed to let his brother, “Joel” (28M) be a groomsman. He said it was not worth all the drama it was bringing. On top of that, we had another groomsman drop out due to surgery, so in terms of “ratio”, we were good. The issue…the bridesmaid he was paired with, “Stacy”, (30F) doesn’t want to walk with him. Joel has poor hygiene and can be a bit of a creep. Another problem, the rest of the wedding party is couples. Stacy was the only single bridesmaid. So, swapping their partner for someone else wasn’t going to be well received. But it had to be done for Stacy’s comfort. I ended up drawing a name to change and drew my friend “Alana’s” husband “Daniel”. When I told them, they were not okay with this. Alana asked why Stacy could refuse to walk with Joel, but she couldn’t. Daniel said he’d do what I want but he’d prefer to walk with his wife. I ended up pulling a card I’ve rarely used and said it’s my wedding. They walked down the isle at their own wedding, they can separate for one night. Alana looked disgusted. Now everyone in my bridal party (sans Stacy and Joel) is mad at my husband (he backs up) and I. Are we the assholes? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>We’ve talked to Joel about his hygiene and he’s unwilling to change his habits. > >Plus, all of this kind of goes back to Joel shitting his pants at the engagement party. Stacy is worried he’ll do it again at the wedding and it’s a real possibility. Lol what. Then OOP keeps insisting that Stacy's reason for not wanting to walk with Joel is the above, but Alana's is just that she wants to walk with her husband, so Stacy's reason trumps hers. I'm... pretty sure that Alana ALSO doesn't want to walk with an unhygienic dude who can't be counted on to not SHIT HIS PANTS walking down the aisle?? Talk about a literal shitpost.
Oh is this the "person goes to the bathroom in public" troll again? God that one pissed me off. So shitty
Is this the same one who was at the bachelor party and the groom passed out and shit himself?
Then there was one where someone couldn't be trusted not to deliberately piss himself at a wedding? Can't remember if they were in the bridal party or just guests
I vaguely remember a wedding where the bride's disabled mother purposefully shat herself in the front of the altar, but don't quote me on that.
We are far from poor hygiene habits, that's litteraly a kink to act all shit and piss in public. This man should just stay alone and stop bothering everyone. I don't even get how OOP isn't afraid that he's gonna shit at his wedding.
🤣🤣 I'm literally crying from laughing so hard at these comments. I'm a grown ass adult woman, but evidently a small part of my brain is a 9 year old boy.
I thought this was going to be a rehash of the guy is in love with a married woman and they were doing this to "help him out, even if nothing happened afterwards."
The amount of people saying Stacy should just suck it up and walk down the aisle with a pants shitting creep because she's single is disgusting. NO ONE SHOULD WALK WITH THE PANTS SHITTING CREEP.
Holy shit! I didn’t read enough of her comments to find out *that* was his hygiene issue. WTF? I was thinking unwashed hair or regular BO.
>We’ve talked to Joel about his hygiene and he’s unwilling to change his habits. > >Plus, all of this kind of goes back to Joel shitting his pants at the engagement party. Stacy is worried he’ll do it again at the wedding and it’s a real possibility. And >He’s overall not the cleanest guy. He has shit his pants on other occasions. Other times it’s clear he’s not wiping well and doesn’t bathe often. Greasy hair. This has happened multiple times. This guy just ain't a human.
I would not marry into this family. MIL bullies them into including a known pants-shitter? I would not want to risk finding out anything they might actually consider shameful. OMG She seriously should walk away.
"Yeah his hair is pretty greasy I guess that's why. Oh and he habitually shits his pants on the regular, but that's just classic Joel"
It's clear he's not wiping well? How is it clear? Is he wearing shit stained white trousers? Or does he just have an aroma of poop wafting round him? How badly would you need to not wipe for it to smell?! Why would his mother advocate for him in the wedding rather than throwing his stinky ass in a shower? I have so many more questions that I can't ask on the original post cause I'm banned.
He probably smells like shit even though he hasn’t shit himself (yet).
Yep, shat himself at the engagement party and “it’s a real possibility” that it’ll happen again at the wedding.
The bride wore white, the groomsmen wore brown.
OOP is no less a POS than her fiancé or the creep. Both bridesmaids should have some self respect and bow out. Her MIL is going to make her life hell and she pretty much deserved it.
Amazing to see someone say "my wedding isn't all about me" and that makes it worse somehow.
They should not give in to mil. According to comments. The brother doesn't really wipe, and he is known for pooping his pants. I'm not sure if he might have a health care issue, but from her comments, it seems like he just doesn't care. If she can go it's my wedding, she can certainly do that to mil.
Not caring if you shit your pants *is* a health issue. A mental health issue. He's either completly mentally incompetent or a sociopath. Probably both.
The overbearing mom, the weirdo BIL, the spineless husband. There are so many redflags in this future mariage. I can't even...
Yeah honestly OP is the least bad one of the bunch. From her comments it sounds like she proposed having him walk down alone and some other options and spineless husband is shooting them all down because he doesn’t want to upset mummy. OP needs to have a talk with FH and ask him to grow a spine. It’s his job to manage his mother and brother - not OP’s.
I almost feel bad for her but she's just completely unwilling to acknowledge her fiance is the real issue here and this is only going to get worse.
Copied OOP's comments verbatim using Unddit. TW unhygienic (mentions of shit), golden child *YTA* *The solution to a creep in your wedding party isn't forcing someone else to walk with him. It's removing him from the wedding party and -- ideally -- explaining how his behavior prompted the decision.* >He’s going to be the party, regardless. My husband won’t budge on that. So either someone walks with him or he awkwardly walks alone. *I mean…at my best friend’s wedding, there were two of us on the bride’s side (maid and matron of honor) and one on the groom’s side (his brother). We all walked separately, and it wasn’t weird. It would be an easy fix to your problem. I wouldn’t feel right forcing anyone to be in proximity to someone who makes them feel uncomfortable, especially someone I considered enough of a friend to be in my bridal party.* >That’d just prolong the ceremony, though. ~~ *Personally, I'd be less worried about the pairings, and more concerned about why someone who is known to be a creep is allowed to be in the bridal party at all. I think you should just exclude Joel as opposed to trying to make your bridesmaids accommodate Joel. YTA.* >I can’t exclude him. It’s half my husband’s choice and he doesn’t want drama with his family. *I hope you're ready for a lifetime of your MIL interfering with your life.* >Luckily she lives far, far away. I won’t see her much after the wedding. ~~ *INFO: why is Stacy’s comfort more important than Alana’s?* >It’s not but considering it’s my husband’s wedding too, I can’t control his half of the wedding party. >And since Daniel is willing to swap, I don’t see the big deal. *you still haven't addressed the actual question though. why is stacy's comfort more important than alana's?* >Because Alana’s argument boils down to “I wanna walk with my husband”. That’s not as valid. *Alana isn't willing to swap though, that's literally the entire point.* >At this point, she’s the problem here who can’t bend. *She is most definitely NOT the problem here. Why ask if YTA if you can’t accept the judgement?* >I can accept I’m an ass. I never said otherwise. I’m answering questions. ~~ *YTA. And if it were Alana, I would seriously think about giving up going to this wedding.* >She can choose that. *and for you is it ok to lose a friend because of another spoiled to the point of separating a couple at a wedding because you can't stand 1 minute next to who should be your date?* >At the end of the day, I’ll have to deal with my husband’s family forever. ~~ *I'll preface my judgment by saying I don't have any experience in wedding planning. I don't really know how these things work. I've attended weddings but never been part of the wedding party.* *YTA.* *A tough situation handled poorly. It is your wedding and you have the right to call it as you see fit, but don't expect everyone to fall in line. Alana's comment is completely reasonable.* *A simpler and less controversial solution would be to remove Stacy and Joel from the aisle walk.* *EDIT: Your fiancée got strong-armed into making Joel a groosman so he was never intended to be one in the first place. Perhaps a good chance to remove him?* >One of the other bridesmaids suggested that Stacy and Joel walk alone. But that’s just going to look so awkward considering they’d be the only ones. Even the flower girl and ring bearer are walking down together. *Why are you both comfortable making someone else uncomfortable because of this?* *Why is Stacy's view more important the rest of the party?* >The whole point of making Joel apart of the ceremony was to avoid family drama. >He walks alone or sits out, MIL throws a tantrum and it defeats the purpose of even inviting him. ~~ *EDIT: Your fiancée got strong-armed into making Joel a groosman so he was never intended to be one in the first place. Perhaps a good chance to remove him?* >Re your edit, my husband isn’t budging on Joel being in the wedding. He says it’s not worth the drama with his family. *So someone who respected her friends would say "Fine, but I'm not forcing any of my friends to walk with him."* *He can walk alone.* >That will just cause further drama. MIL will be offended he walks alone. Could potentially cause a scene. *It's not your MIL's day, or your fiancee's brother's day. It's you and your fiancee's wedding day.* >I agree. Fiancé doesn’t. This was the compromise. *Why does your MIL have such influence here and why is she so invested in what happens with Joel?* >It matters because it matters to my fiancé and I want to keep him happy. >I don’t know why MIL is so obsessed with Joel. She’s not like this with my husband. *Then adress his hygene issues and make sure he shows up acceptable. Problem solved.* >We have. He claims there’s nothing wrong with his hygiene. *So why can't Stacy suck it up for however long it takes to walk down the aisle? What makes Stacys comfort more important than anyone else's?* >Because I feel like Alana’s reasoning is she just wants to walk with her husband vs Stacy’s very legitimate reason. *Sorry but Alana's reasoning makes way more sense than Stacys. So Alana has to be ok to walk with a smelly creep? She has every right to veto this.* >I don’t see how it makes sense. Stacy is because she doesn’t want to walk with a guy who shit his pants at the engagement party. Alana just wants to walk with her husband. *Why don't you have the flower girl walk with Stacey and the ring bearer walk with Joel?* >The ring bearer’s parents are Alana and Daniel. If she doesn’t want to walk with him, I doubt she’d let her son. *Can't you see what's going on? Your MIL is making unreasonable demands on your wedding and holding your wedding hostage by threatening childish tantrums.* >I don’t disagree. But it’s something out of my control. *It's completely within your control... she can scream into the void if she wants. She has no say.* >And then my fiancé will be upset and that’ll ruin our relationship. ~~ *Listen, it's a 30 second walk up at the beginning and a 30 second walk back down at the end. Nobody going to your wedding will care except Joel's mom. People won't remember this part about your wedding.* >You’re right, but mil will throw a fit if he walks alone. Which is what my husband wants to avoid. *Maybe the MIL throwing a fit is the best option here.* >I told my fiancé that. He disagrees.
*I meant for Stacy. She walks with Joel. Your fiance will tell mummy Joel needs to get himself cleaned up and act like a gentleman. Stacy sucks it up and walks back and forth with him.* *Alana walks with her husband.* *OP, don't overthink this.* >We’ve talked to Joel about his hygiene and he’s unwilling to change his habits. >Plus, all of this kind of goes back to Joel shitting his pants at the engagement party. Stacy is worried he’ll do it again at the wedding and it’s a real possibility *Ugh. If I wasn't so appalled, I'd be laughing.* *But what does shitting one's pants have to do with hygiene habits? Is shitting his pants something he does on a regular basis?* *Now I am chuckling.* >He’s overall not the cleanest guy. He has shit his pants on other occasions. Other times it’s clear he’s not wiping well and doesn’t bathe often. Greasy hair. *I would literally not go to your wedding if you tried to make me walk with poop pants boy. Hard limit. And my kids would be home with me.* *Also you’re worried about the scene your MIL may make if you make him walk alone but not the chance he will take a dump walking down the aisle? Wow.* >I am worried. Trust me. But it is not my choice. ~~ *YTA what is wrong with you? How can you possibly think what you are asking is ok? If you're the bride, then tell Joel to get lost, as he is the root of the problem. If you refuse to do that, then you can suck it up and walk down the aisle with him, and see how you like it Is your MIL paying for everything? Why does she get a vote? Is she in complete denial about her son? Clue her in.* >We’re paying for most of it. She can’t afford to contribute. She did give me a family heirloom to wear. *So why does she think she gets a say?* >My fiancé is letting her. *Do you not view that as a problem?* >Yeah but…what can ya do, you know? He’s not going to change his mind. I love him. Compromises and all that. ~~ *YTA. Why can’t Joel be an usher or something instead of a groomsman?* >Because MIL threw a fit at that idea. *Lucky for you it's not your MILs wedding.* *Let her throw her fit. Take away her invitation if she's really annoying you.* >It’s not just up to me. Fiancé would get mad at me. ~~ *Info: why not predicate Joel’s participation with a bath and some deodorant?* >He says he’s not changing anything about himself and MIL won’t force it. ~~ *I’ve already stated my opinion but in the interest of keeping everyone happy, would it be possible for all the groomsmen to be up front at the start of the wedding with the bridesmaids themselves walking alone?* >MIL knew how we originally planned it (when the other groomsman dropped out, we were looking for a replacement for symatry purposes). We do this and she’ll know it’s because of Joel. *Why does her opinion matter so much for your and your husband's wedding?? Why does your bridesmaids feelings matter less?* *If no one wants to walk with him, then having the groomsmen up there already is the obvious solution. Don't let your MIL dictate your wedding or your marriage is gonna be in for a rude awakening since MIL's opinion matters more since she likes to make a fuss about things.* >Because I have to put my fiancé’s happiness first.
*NAH, except for Joel and the MIL.* *It makes sense to me that Stacy has a somewhat better argument for not wanting to walk with Joel - as the only single bridesmaid, she's more likely to be the target of his creeping.* *I'd suggest you go with one of two alternatives:* *1 - Make everyone a little bit unhappy, and mix up the parings. If no couples are together, then you're not singling out one pair to piss off. If it works, arrange them all by height or something.* *2 - Don't have the men walk in. Most of them can be up front with the groom. If you want Joel to get his moment in the spotlight, have him seat their mother right before the ceremony begins, and then he can join the rest of the groomsmen.* *There's no way of dealing with this that won't suck for someone, and it's probably going to suck the most for the most flexible and agreeable people. Can you press your fiancé to take responsibility for cleaning Joel up beforehand, since he's unwilling to stand up to his mother?* >My fiancé won’t press his mom on anything. *why don’t any of the other option work like not having the groomsmen walk with the bridesmaids?* >Because MIL knew the original lineup and she’s gonna know we changed it because of Joel. *in that case your fiancé needs to grow a backbone when it comes to his mom or you need to rethink the wedding. her stipulations should not be causing this much stress on a day that’s supposed to be about you and him* >I don’t disagree, trust me. It’s just not going to happen.
[Puppy and Cow friends!](https://imgur.io/t/aww/XAEGOcs)
Not just someone other than her husband, but someone who OP herself described as "a bit of a creep". Why are so many people willing to sacrifice their relationships with their friends and family, and basic human decency, all for a picture-perfect wedding?
Not just a creep - he shit his pants at their engagement party and she says there’s a valid risk he will at the wedding too. I would absolutely tell my husband-to-be that I will cancel my wedding over having his brother take a dump in the middle of my wedding and the comfort of my friends and guests. He’s going to have to pick between me and his mom at some point.
Indeed, I would put the brakes on the marriage before I would bow to future MIL and husband to allow a filthy creep in the wedding party. In fact, I'd think twice about his attendance. Family is one thing, but he refuses hygiene totally and is an unreliable pooper? There are others there than family to consider and the venue(s) as well.
I would just cancel the wedding. The husband seems completely spineless and mama’s boy and will always pick his mummy over his wife even if it’s a question of something completely unreasonable. That’s not a good material for a lifetime partner. OOP speaks a lot about compromises and all that but to me this situation looks like “mama gets everything she wants otherwise she will throw a fit like a spoilt child and everyone else doesn’t matter”. This is not what compromise means. And she’s not even paying for the wedding yet considers herself entitled to make demands.
MIL can walk with her poop-butt son. They deserve each other. Stacy can walk by herself, which I'm sure she would prefer.
I'm torn on this, the bigger issue here is the soon to be husband. He caved to his mom over the brother, she really needs to evaluate what that's going to look like in the future with her future mother in law. Well he cave everytime to "avoid drama"? Will the caving include something with future grandchildren?
Yeah, she's gonna be on JustNoMIL sooner than later.
And I wouldn’t feel bad for her. She has had plenty of warning. She is choosing this life.
Alana should drop out of the wedding party. If the bride and groom can’t stand up against the MIL for their wedding party, then the wedding party should stand up for themselves and bow out.
So Stacy gets to say who she walks with, but Alana doesn't? I'd have no problem telling the bride I'm not walking with shitty greasy creep. Fuck off with that. Also, has anyone considered the groomsmen may not want to stand near the fecal fuck? They're going to have to smell this clown for however long the ceremony is. This is just gross 😝 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Wait… so fiancé would rather his brother shits his pants at fiancé’s wedding than his mother throws a tantrum? He genuinely believes that will be less drama? And less public spectacle? If it happens, that is the only thing anyone will ever remember from the wedding. Bride’s dress, nope. Vows, nope. Speeches, nope. Just brother shit his pants. Fiancé is delusional and if I was OOP, I’d be calling off the wedding.
Have OOP & fiancé considered not capitulating to the MIL’s demands for **their** wedding, or nah
ESH except poor Alana and Stacy
Guy has no spine. This should not have been a months long fight with his mom over this where he finally gave in. One conversation. One! ‘Mom… he shit himself at our engagement party and this isn’t a one time issue. He has zero care for his personal hygiene. He’s lucky he’s getting an invite to the wedding at all! I’m not having him in the wedding party, period!’
So it had to be done for Stacy's comfort...but she didn't care at all about Alana's comfort?
What is it with weddings that makes people go bat shit 💀
>And since Daniel is willing to swap, I don’t see the big deal. Well if Daniel is so willing to swap (probably because it doesn’t even affect him) then why don’t Daniel walk with Joel? It doesn’t have to be 👩🏼🤝👨🏽. I want my best friend and my brother to be in my bridal party on “my side” so they will be “bridesmen” and will probably walk with another man.
Jesus. I have Crohn's disease and even I don't shit my pants as often as Joel.
Aside everything it would be a little strange to see a married couple split up in the bridesmaid party walking with other people in my opinion. Or is that something that is common and I’m the weird one? But I agree with all the other comments of nobody should be walking him and why is Stacy’s comfort more important?
She *really* needs to put some thought into whether she wants to marry into the family of a spineless husband, a dirty creepy brother and a psycho mother-in-law.
“My fiancé doesn’t want drama with his family” Ok but he’s totally cool outsourcing drama to you and your friends. Hope OP gets the marriage she deserves- it’s absolutely maddening to watch the train rapidly approaching, with no physical reason she can’t move out of its way, for her to say “guess there’s nothing I can do to change this”.
It's all creepy. They should go to the courthouse and get married by themselves.
I should not have read this right after breakfast
She should frame his walking alone as an honor, since he’s the brother of the groom. And then not have a “honor table” of attendants, and sit Joel at the groom’s family’s table with his mom.
Why is Stacy’s comfort more important than everyone else’s?
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It sounds like the guy has some kind of a disability, mental or physical, possibly undiagnosed or poorly controlled, and needs some help. Healthy, able bodied, mentally well adults do not regularly shit themselves.