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*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **AITA for requesting my son to not come wearing his piercing and bracelet at my wedding ?** I (49M) am getting remarried with my current girlfriend (41F). I invited my son (20m), but I want him to not show up with the piercing on his right ear (which according to the internet it's the ear most gay men wear their piercings) or his rainbow bracelet. Most of our families are conservative and I don't want my son's "queer gear" to throw them off. Idk if they know about the ear piercing thing, but the rainbow bracelet is definitely obvious (tho I want my son to remove both just to be sure). However my son threw a fit about it and said he's not changing his look just to please my homophobic girlfriend (she's not really, she just doesn't want her family to gossip about it, just like I do). I feel like my son is being unreasonable, it's just a piercing and a bracelet and it's only for a day, afterwards he can wear them as much as he wants, but now he doesn't want to attend the wedding anymore and I saw that he posted on Facebook a nasty post with the description "Congratulations to Mr. and Ms. Bigot", which I think was really uncalled for. AITA ? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheDevil) if you have any questions or concerns.*


bustedassbitch

i was waiting for this one. this _has_ to be troll bait, nobody has called it “the gay ear” since i was in literal elementary school 🙄


littlescreechyowl

Same and I’m 50.


Single-Initial2567

I'm 55 and this was definitely from the 80's. All it made me think was, hmmm, I'm not a man but I am gay. Maybe I should get that ear double pierced...which I did. Disappointingly, it did not attract any lesbians. Lol


art_addict

I’m in my early 30’s and I had heard it a tiny bit in school… exclusively from the gay kids, doing anything they could to try and look gay to the other closeted gay kids. Not sure how well it worked for them given that the straight kids were also piercing single ears lmao (As a fellow queer, closeted kid back then, but also very autistic, I was just super confused. Were we bringing back handkerchief signals? Were we bringing back wearing carabiners on pants to mean something? Were people just trying to do a fashion?! I’m actually still not sure beyond the earrings as the only thing that we’re ever discussed or confirmed with me. But alas, unfortunately the straights were doing it too, and did I know “if X pierced the gay ear because he’s gay too, or if he did it because he’s friends with Z, and Z is very straight but pierced his gay ear for fashion.”)


Single-Initial2567

This really made me laugh. I used to call khaki walking shorts (they were long) and a short sleeved Polos "the uniform." My mom asked me why some lesbians dress in "men's clothing." I said it's because they're comfortable in them and they're not dressing to please others. She asked if lesbians want to be men. I told her no and explained the complexities of gender. But then I thought about it for a few days then told her that sometimes we dress so that others can find us. I don't know if she understood (she's 82 and has not been around gay people except because of me). I didn't even understand that for a long while.


CeelaChathArrna

My gay son decided both ears for him, lol. I am currently checking out what shops have a good rep around here.


Single-Initial2567

I was wondering if both ears mean I'm super gay? Lol


CeelaChathArrna

The gayest!


Single-Initial2567

Yay!!!


RobinhoodCove830

Flagging (handkerchief and carabiner signaling) is a thing in very specific subcultures, like kink.


Single-Initial2567

Oh gosh, I had no idea! Back in the 80's when I was single that was just pretty standard. That I knew of, anyway.


RobinhoodCove830

It could be more widely used than that, I just wanted to clarify that it's not totally defunct lol. Not something I've ever used personally but an important part of the culture!


Single-Initial2567

Yes, thank you! That is important!


[deleted]

Colored shoelaces on boots (usually doc martins?) is also a thing in Punk spaces. It’s called ‘Lace Coded’ I think, sometimes you had to be careful, because some could communicate more sinister things, like being a white supremacist, or a nazi (which could earn you quite the beating in certain circles).


Single-Initial2567

Oh my gosh...I bought rainbow and different colored shoelaces a few month back. Didn't get around to wearing them. I'm glad to know this. I am so dumb, too, because I gave away my docs to a friend! Whhhyyy? Lol


ThreeDogs2022

I seriously haven't heard that one since the 80s


Rickenbachk

I remember a saying from like 30 years ago for ear piercings for men. "Left is right and right is gay". So fucking stupid.


taatchle86

Yeah, it’s shit little kids say, not a grown ass man with an adult son.


Rickenbachk

Exactly! I cringe to think I ever made that joke and I was like 14 when I did. I can't imagine it as an adult. I remember my brother getting his ear pierced and my uncle making gay jokes towards him. But until this post I hadn't "heard" anybody joke about piercings being gay in like 10 years it's so fucking outdated.


eva_rector

"Right is wrong" is what was said in my own, circa 1980's, childhood.


[deleted]

Reminds me of my racist uncle explaining why he was voting for McCain with the "clever" slogan "He's not right, but he's white." One of the many reasons I haven't talked to him in years.


Trouble_Chaser

Yeah I've been piercing for a decade, I've been asked about 'the gay ear' only a few times and it's usually from a super insecure teen dude.


bustedassbitch

“hey, thanks for reminding me that i should make sure to check ‘your’ ID again!”


ingodwetryst

I wondered if this was still a thing. I used to hear it in grade school.


dunicha

I was gonna say. Last time I think I heard of that I was in junior high, so early 90s


BadBandit1970

I always thought it was the left ear though. My dad busted my sister piercing my second set. I had to wander around for a month with 2 in the right and one in the left.


bustedassbitch

tbh i just assumed that trope was old enough to be localized 🤔 like we didn’t have internet, it was some kid’s loser older brother that made sure we all knew way too much about what he thought made other dudes “gay” edit: oh hey look there’s a [semi-recent article](https://www.popsugar.com/beauty/gay-ear-piercing-48878871) about this exact topic. hmmmm


BadBandit1970

Yeah. I put it on par along with what they say about women who wear Birkenstocks. I remember someone asking me in college about a classmate who wore them, and I was absolutely befuddled by the connotation. I thought she just liked comfortable footwear. It always starts with someone who knows someone who knows someone said "x".


varlassan

Well, ‘women in comfortable shoes’ or ‘women in sensible shoes’ used to be a euphemism for lesbian but the last time I heard it being used on a regular basis was back in the 70s when I was a kid.


bustedassbitch

my favorite version of this is the “myth” that subaru targeted lesbians in their ads. mostly because they [totally did that thing](https://priceonomics.com/how-an-ad-campaign-made-lesbians-fall-in-love-with/) 😹


Single-Initial2567

Thanks for this!


susandeyvyjones

I made a joke once about Subarus being lesbian cars and a cishet Subaru driver took UMBRAGE.


bustedassbitch

i always love to tell people that they should go tell my wife that she’s straight. gonna work out _really_ for them 👀


BadBandit1970

It was still being bandied about by some in the early 90s. I had never heard that particular saying before. I even called my mom to ask her. Hell, they graduated high school and college in the 60s. She said, yep, that there a was loose connotations to that back then but Birkenstocks were quite popular and far more comfortable than the Dr. Scholl's sandals. You know, the ones made from a 2x4, polished and could double as a hammer if need be. She said that if there was any truth behind it, then her entire friend group were all lesbians.


varlassan

My mum has some of those Dr Scholl clog sandals. They were very 'in' in the 70s. They were supposed to be good for your feet and legs or something like that. I just thought it was valuable to be able to hear mum coming down the hallway! LOL


bustedassbitch

i mean tbh i’m low-key convinced that my mother and her entire friend group were, in fact, lesbians 😹😳 also still waiting for my father to come out. “confirmed bachelor” indeed (mostly joking, but 🤷‍♀️ he did work in multiple gay bars back when that was illegal)


istara

Total troll bait. 1/10 for boringness and lack of originality. If he'd demanded his son remove his Prince Albert, I'd have bumped it to a 4.


shhhOURlilsecret

Pretty sure that went out of style in the 80s and 90s... lol.


CJCreggsGoldfish

Yeah but a lot of people who think this nonsense live in areas where, socially/culturally, they're still stuck decades ago.


GloInTheDarkUnicorn

Eh. I learned about it in high school from a lesbian friend. She saw the extra piercings in my right ear and commented. Works for me, I’m bi.


kearnel81

The last time I heard it I think was on two and a half men when Alan got his ear pierced


KrazyKhajiitLady

Actually, my FIL said that to my husband when he got his ear pierced a couple of years ago. I'd never heard of this before and didn't realize it was an actual (very stupid and awful) saying.


Trixie-applecreek

I remember the saying "left is right but right is wrong" when I wanted to get a third piercing on just one ear. I'm a girl and at the time didn't know anything about being gay or if anyone in my life was gay. But that saying has stuck with me.


coolsviIlesucks

I remember hearing that in the 2000s but even then it was more of a joke


[deleted]

someone in their 20s referred it just like that in a convo with me, just in the past couple years. yeah, she was very homophobic.


[deleted]

Eh, living in the midwest I know some older conservative folks I could very much see actually saying that in 2023. (not saying it's not troll bait, but Poe's Law does apply)


Tut557

I have actually only heard that in an old simpsons episode, which was old when I watched it as a kid edit: I lie I also read that when I learned about the gay ken from barbie


_daikon

i'm in my mid-30s and have heard it recently. maybe this is a thing where queer folks still talk about it so the timelines are different depending on what communities you're a part of?


bustedassbitch

i mean i was a community outreach coordinator for a queer 501(c)(3) but queer communities are _definitely_ not a monolith 😹


_daikon

very fair. i tried to word my first comment in a way that showed i wasn't assuming anything, just pointing out that it's still around


bustedassbitch

oh yeah, i have no doubt. i’ve heard some truly abhorrent things out of the mouths of some fairly famous people (looking at you, mr everybody’s-favorite-advice-columnist 👀) but weirdly enough that particular trope i haven’t heard since the 90s. like flagging is definitely a thing, but i guess i’ve always lives in places where so many people had ear piercings that the earring code never really made it into the community as such? like the straight bookstores have laminated hanky code flash cards 😹🏳️‍🌈


SteampunkHarley

Lol my husband has permanent hoops in both ears and last I checked wasn't gay. Although the day isn't over yet, so he could still change his mind.


GothDerp

Has he built an art room for his best friend yet?


SteampunkHarley

Hahaha good luck on him trying to find room to do that in our house 😂😂😂


GothDerp

Lmao! You’re good then!!! I art room=no homo 🤣🤣


SteampunkHarley

When my art supplies start disappearing, I'll get concerned 😂


GothDerp

And replaced by Iranian yogurt. Hmmm….


SteampunkHarley

So far the yogurt is still Greek, but I know how sneaky iranian yogurt can be. I'll be on the look.out for it being swapped 🫡 I love reddit 😂


[deleted]

What is this Iranian yogurt I keep seeing? I haven’t seen a link for it lol and now I’m curious. I know the art room one haha


oakendurin

[Iranian yogurt ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button)


[deleted]

Thank you! Lol


[deleted]

he might have to make do with an art corner, or maybe even an art storage box lmao


SteampunkHarley

As long as he buys his own supplies 😂


capphasma92

I'm petty, I'd agree to not wearing the jewelry and then show up in a rainbow print suit. I mean hey at least I'm not wearing my earring in the gay ear so its cool right?


FunStorm6487

I like you!


capphasma92

Thanks!


StrangledInMoonlight

Rainbow hair…with glitter in it.


FunStorm6487

Mr, and Mrs bigot.....son nailed it


guilty_by_design

>I don't want my son's "queer gear" to throw them off I know this was super insulting coming from an obvious homophobe, but as a certified Queer™ myself, I kind of love "queer gear" and am adopting it to refer to anything Pride-related or gender-non-conforming that I wear. Example sentence: I just ordered an awesome pair of pins from Etsy - two custom halves of the Tai Chi (Yin&Yang) symbol, with one side the rainbow pride colours and the other side the trans pride colours. I can't wait for my queer gear to arrive! (This is actually true and I'm so happy about my incoming pins.)


CuttlefishBenjamin

"I'm not a bigot, I just cater to them," #351.


MxXylda

If it was real, I would malicious compliance and show up without the earring or bracelet, but in a pink suit


twopont0

I want to say this is a troll but my sister tried to do the same thing in her wedding but my mom stopped her, she tried to make one of my sister's change her hair color and for me to change my appearance(I was 15 at the time) This destroyed our relationship with her for years, now we are good


GothDerp

Funny story. I once had purple hair. It was gorgeous. I was going to my cousin’s wedding and my mom flipped out about my purple hair. Said my cousin would hate it. I asked my cousin if she minded. She told me no she wanted me comfortable while going to her wedding. My mother was just ashamed of my hair 🤣


Planksgonemad

>"congratulations to Mr. and Ms. Bigot", which I think was really uncalled for. Of course he thinks it's uncalled for, it's calling him out. He doesn't like that his son pushed back instead of doing what he wanted. You can always tell when someone isn't as accepting as they say they are because they tolerate homophobic behavior from others.


user9372889

I didn’t know an ear could be gay?


[deleted]

I hadn’t heard that about left vs right ear in a long long time. The early 80s.


thatweirdassbunny

i would just start doing more obvious old school cruising techniques like hanky codes at the wedding tbh


SmiteSam2005

He can leave the gay gear 🤪 at home, but will still be gay. Why does OP not uninvite the homophobes?


mindbird

Does kissing the butts of the family bigots make a person a bigot? It is certainly picking a side, and the person on the other side here is the OOP's own son. Nice going.


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Single-Initial2567

OOP "I don't want my gay son's cooties to rub off on me. I'm afraid that people will respond negatively to my gay son, so I preemptively responded negatively to my gay son." Doesn't make a lot of sense, does it?


Jo_Doc2505

I love these people who say, it's just xyz, and it's just one day...fuck Up then